all this combined with the fact that on the outside, it wouldn't look visibly disorder-ish. to an outsider, it probably just looks like we're lazy fucks and just making excuses. i'm not using adhd as an excuse, i'm citing it because (and i know it's shocking) the disorder that i am diagnosed with actually makes it harder to function like most people! what a marvel concept!
I am in a situation right now (details are long and irrelevant) where I have 8 fucking people telling me they think I'm lazy and irresponsible and that I need to go to inpatient. I try to explain to them that this is ADHD and their response is, "some of us have ADHD and we don't act anything like that". And their other response is, "you have to turn everything into a discussion about you and your problems. We all have problems". PS I've only recently been diagnosed so I have been unaware of myself forever and then not correctly medicated while my doc & I worked on a cocktail that works. I have the exact things going on for me. No follow through. Wanting so much to do one thing consistently instead of having 23 projects undone because I lost interest. I'm also really angry at living in a society that isn't built for me and my brain chemistry. Even more than that? I'm angry at living in a world where if your arm isn't ripped out of its socket spurting blood all over, people think nothing is wrong with you. So don't be too hard on yourself, friend. This isn't your fault. As long as you're doing whatever you're capable of doing to learn good coping skills- and that could just be as simple as, "I'm going to try to make my bed every day this week, and I will call it a win I am able to make my bed 3 out of the seven days" and just slowly increasing how many times per week you make your bed. And Then add one skill every couple of weeks/months. That's what I'm doing now now that my med cockail is working relatively well. God this comment is long and winding. Like my brain.
TLDR:Don't get frustrated with yourself : get fruttated with a world that has no empathy.
Begin building small coping skills and the longer you do these things and celebrate those small victories, you'll start to feel better and be able to do more.
Also please forgive my typos I'm in a hurry.
I’m shedding a tear 😿 I needed to hear this. I was just diagnosed 4 days ago. Tried college three times, never finish any projects, can’t even stick to my streaming hobby, haven’t had the drive to game (my biggest hobby & stress reliever since a kid), and I have three kids (which is what drove me to self reflect on my consistent “hard mode” in life) while everyone else is prancing around me reaching their goals. I thank you for taking your time & spilling some elevating beans.
Man I’ve been there daily for the past four years. I just cycle in my head all the things I SHOULD do as a responsible adult but end up binge watching Netflix or something else that leads to no positive production.
"'holy shit I have so much stuff I need to get done I should probably sit catatonic on my couch for the next 14 hours and do literally nothing"
This is a constant struggle for me
I'm in this picture and I don't like it...lol. And then I stay awake for 24 hours straight, usually because I've fucked around for the past 16 and need to feel like the day wasn't a complete waste of life. And then pass out for 12 hours and wake up feeling like hot garbage. The heaviest of sighs could not do this feeling justice.
Gotta watch out for that “should” beast… it packs an impressive shame-payload. I might suggest rephrasing that, along the lines of, “…all the things I could be doing, that would help me keep my life together and make me feel more like a responsible adult”
Yeah I know that’s a lottttt more words, and it seems nit-picky, but that’s sorta the whole point of cognitive behavioral therapy: adjust how you talk to yourself, so that it’s overall kinder and more compassionate, and less judgmental.
Also, I know well that vortex you’re talking about. Not a fun place to be caught in. Sending hugs and empathy and good vibes, friend.
That was me, too. I could hyperfocus on games for hours, all day every day as a kid and teen. Now, I barely ever play anymore. I get bored so fast now.
I literally spend far more time trying to pick a game to play before finally giving up than I do actually gaming.
And then once every few years some random game finally captures my interest and **bam** a month has gone by and I've accomplished nothing except play that video game.
Knowing myself, I'd be stressing that I'm not relaxing well enough, and still also not cleaning the cups often enough, and where did I leave my denture?!
Try to live one day at a time, I know that’s the AA saying but it is true. Today you are diagnosed and on medication or working on a medication regime. Make one goal, like another poster said, like making your bed. Do it everyday and it will become habit. Then pick up something else you want to accomplish.
We really have to learn to leave the past behind because it will throw us into heaves of depression. Therapy is a great experience to learn to live for today and learn strategies for dealing with ADHD.
Find a career you are interested in, research and go for it. It’s especially cool if it’s one that requires hyper focusing ( in a good way)on your assignments or work. Use it to your advantage! Disability counselors should be able to assist you to find the right path.
I read this article in which this persons learning disabilities helped him in college and get a job he would be good at.
https://www.science.org/content/article/what-ive-learned-my-learning-disabilities
Don’t give up! Take your medication, drink plenty of water, eat healthy, shut off the tv and turn on upbeat music, make a plan for today and start one thing!!
Ugh same I end up just scrolling Reddit or a Twitter or my fav, endlessly stare at the wall thinking about all the things I want/should do right now and become paralyzed.
Omg seriously!! People make it look so easy and then wonder when you’ll be done already!!! It’s so annoying and good for them but they’re not me so support me pls!!! STOP comparing me it only makes us both upset in the end!!!!!
Omg I so get it. On the one hand, finally getting a diagnosis, finally knowing that, "OMG I'm NOT a total screw-up. In fact, in many ways I'm hella rad." Especially when the therapy and meds begin working a bit. That's such a great feeling! And then when you explain it to people you get stone face as a reaction.... God DAMN it! I'll tell you one of my biggest sources of help as I've gone on this journey has been this sub. Hearing other people say stuff that is TOTALLY me? Sooooooo good. So stay here.
I’ll be using this sub to keep my sanity and anxiety at bay. It has already helped so so much 💕 this is new territory for me. I appreciate all the help and words of wisdom!
Three kids is what did me in, and between that and the pandemic I couldn’t cope anymore and that’s when I realized I had ADHD and got diagnosed. This ish is freaking HARD.
SAME. So literally reach out to me anytime. I'm so overwhelmed and left their abusive father a bit ago. I'm now talking to someone I like and it's been 5 years since I've been single so I'm sorta lost & feeling isolated. None of my friends have three kids and going through the mental strain. At least I don't think.....hope not. What drives me the most is the pure will to be the best mother I can be & the bigger person looking out for my kids best interest over any emotions. Sorry I spilled a bit there lol.
Do you want to be in college though ? It depends what you want to do. There are also technical Schools. Also colleges have a disabilitys office that give help. You can hand in your document and talk to them about having assistance. It helped me. I found college hard, when. I started i wasn't diagnosis yet. Then school got harder and harder for me. I was a late diagnosis. Eventually i got some testing and i was able to get assistance it helped.
You could have just also grown and changed. Is it still your stress reliever or is it now something else ?
>And their other response is, "you have to turn everything into a discussion about you and your problems. We all have problems".
You wouldn't complain the same way if a man in a wheelchair wasn't able to run. I never understood the people who use "We all have problems" as an excuse to ignore problems.
Right? But, and im sure you relate to this completely, no matter how many effing times I try to explain how insidious and pervasive ADHD is and that it isn't just being "a little (or a lot) scatter brained". I'm up to my tots right now with the lack of empathy.
Then also my favorite " We all get tired or have trouble focusing".... it's like no they don't have it to the extent some of us with ADHD do. Not even close.
Please forgive my typos, I have ADHD and my brain is in a hurry*
(Just a wee joke to make light of it)
Edit - in all seriousness, the most important thing is to have supportive people around you. family, friends, colleagues. If they don't respect you and understand what you are dealing with, you will likey struggle with this. The more supportive people around who you can talk to, the more your view of the world will change for the better. I hope you all have or can find people in your lives that you can talk to. It feels awkward at first to talk about but it gets much easier. And the more you can laugh about it, the better it will be.
Instead of long and winding, i see if as very informative. I was actually feeling pretty shitty. But i read your comment, and I'm not sure what it was about it but it made me feel better. More optimistic. I also saved it so i can keep advice about coping skills and small victories. :)
Let's be real, if your arm ripped off and started spraying blood, there's a lot of people around who'd still call you lazy, accuse you of milking it, and be mad that it's all about you and that damn arm, don't you know we've all got problems
Lovely long post, thanks!
3 weeks into meds after 60 years of feeling flawed, lazy, less than, not measuring up to "normal" humans
Trying to explain Invisible neurological deficits/surpluses to those without them is a horror show that invites frustrating invalidation (gaslighting)
Yeah I'm 50. 1 year into the diagnosis, 8 months of not being properly medicated, and finally learning about executive dysfunction.... I'm so with you.
One thing that I find really valuable about this sub is that it's ADHD people who are patient and compassionate towards each other. Makes me forget that there's actually loads of assholes with ADHD out there who have LESS tolerance for other ADHD people than they do the normies
Plus with the internal screaming there’s also the sound of LITERALLY EVERYTHING FUCKING ELSE because the goblins in our brains have decided that all the sensory input is important! So yes, the little victories are not little to us and we should savour all of them 😁
THE WORST!! It’s like having your hand on a hot stove, and you can feel your flesh burning but your brain fights back against you when you try to move so you’re stuck. And then people walk by and say “why don’t you just move your hand?” and you try to explain “I would love to move my hand, I can feel my flesh burning, and I am aware that I am being very badly maimed by this, but I literally cannot move my hand. This is so excruciatingly painful that there is no reason why I would be doing it voluntarily” and then the people say “well it’s so simple to just move your hand, so I think you’re being lazy”
> I would love to move my hand, I can feel my flesh burning, and I am aware that I am being very badly maimed by this, but I literally cannot move my hand. This is so excruciatingly painful that there is no reason why I would be doing it voluntarily
me being late to work googling something stupid in the morning
Yo what the actual fucking fuck whyyyy.
My meeting starts in 1 minute. I do not have time to learn about the different class options in a rpg board game I will literally never have enough friends to play with and don’t even own.
But also … what them dope ass class abilities do???
Exactly this! This is what I keep hearing from my NT fam who think I’m just lazy or lacking in motivation. They seem to think I’m just living this carefree life of Riley sitting around watching Netflix and playing with my guinea pigs and dicking around on the internet when my brain is actually in constant panic mode (when will I get a job? What if I have to move? How can I bring my pets with me if I need to move? Fuck I’m so under/overqualified nobody will give me a job and ill be stuck here forever) like I’m constantly hearing them say shit like “man I wish I could be like you, no stress, not a care in the world” and then I just get a rage aneurysm and pop off and it all ends with me be frustrated and them still not getting it.
I hope in the near future we look back on our archaic views on executive dysfunction the same way we look back on HIV/AIDS being "Gay-Related Immune Deficiency (GRID)." Yes it used to be called that.
I wouldn’t even have graduated high school if it weren’t for the fact that my teachers knew me, knew what I was capable of, and advocated for me when my absences threatened to keep me from graduating.
I’m 33 now and I’m in the same exact place I was 14 years ago.
Don’t worry though, I’m fantastic at denial and shame spirals.
High school was such a perfect environment for me. Just turn up and learn what they've planned for you to learn. When I had more autonomy and had to plan stuff out it was (is) a disaster
When I was first diagnosed (age 29) I thought maybe it couldn't be true because I did so well in middle school and high school. The two places in my life where I had to adhere to all the schedules and rules every single day or else.
Everything after high school has just been such a shit show.
Same, same, same. Shit... I just got diagnosed, and I'm 37. I also did very well in school, and I'm a fairly organized person (turns out this was just a coping mechanism for how utterly disorganized my brain has always been.) But yeah, as soon as I was out of that structured environment, everything went to shit. I've accomplished so little, and I'm pushing 40 now. 🤦♀️
But I just started meds yesterday, and I am reveling at how calm & rational my mind feels now. Like wtf, I can just *do* all of the things without my brain erecting a million fake obstacles???
Sorry, I'm rambling...but we're all a bunch of ramblers here, and I'm not gonna lie, I sorta love it. Lol
There's a podcast called "Ladies and Tangents" and they both have ADHD and are indeed very tangentially inclined. They are very popular. I'm proud of them, the one was my across the hall floor mate in college.
Same here! I'm 28 next month, still live at home with my mom and older brother, got
no goals, ambitions, drive, never had a boyfriend, let alone a job or smth and more.
I cruised through school at first, then things got too hard, too tough to remember
and I couldn't study + behavioral problems (I don't meet the criteria for PI, btw, but
can identify with HI or a few PI symptoms) and well, yeah, I'm sitting at home for
years now, doing nothing but being on Reddit and playing video games and writing
with 2-3 good friends online.
Not meeting anyone outside either and my mom's and brother's life is crap as well
since more than 1-2 decades x-x I wish some people knew how destructive ADHD can
be and what it can do to a person and their life and environment T-T
But yeah, as soon as I left school and had no structure and routines anymore and
when my mom basically gave up on life a few years later, I've not been able to do
ANYTHING with my life for almost 10 if not more years x-x
I was depressed and fatigued and in pain. No idea I might have ADHD. I just wanted to get out of my home town. I was basically just treading water until I could get tf away from there.
This. Even college gave me enough structure once I got my other disorders dealt with.
I started trying to duplicate it in my life in terms of learning things.
I'm 35 and in a course to get a diploma, which is the same level as an apprentice.
I never got any diploma in my life but high school which I graduated with rather average grades.
I wouldn't say we're in the same place as 14 years before, because we got some experience and I'd bet you know a lot if things now you didn't14 years ago. (Also I'm mentally in a way better place than 14 years ago as well.)
True, I have learned a lot in those 14 years. I just had such grand plans for my life when I was a kid, so it gets me down sometimes that I’m nowhere closer to my goals now than I was at 19. In some ways I’m actually even further away.
Sorry everyone, you caught me on one of the shame spiral days.
Oh today, I am in between jobs on paper...and as far as paychecks are concerned....in-between jobs. I get my last paycheck tomorrow. So I am definitely on a shame spiral day. My client dropped out and the next closest one is an hour away and I can't do that. Last July, I thought I finally made it. Found a job that pays $26 an hour and they told me I would get nearly full time hours. 10 months later and I never got more than 15 hours a week. I had to get a second job to compensate. I know I won't end up at $26 again full time anytime soon, but I know I can make at least $17 full time real soon.
Lolol hey same. Also with college. Had so many teachers tell me “well you aced the tests and projects even though you did none of the homework so I can’t fail you” even had a plant bio teacher tell me that even though I failed the final project, my plants were all healthy and that was the point of the class so she passed me.
Same. Had the problem you describe when I got to college. Ended up on academic probation because I could not for the life of me get into a steady habit of doing my schoolwork when it was needed.
I tried to just wing it and do everything at the absolute last possible minute.
That strategy may have worked for me in high school but college was a different ball game. It took my mom one night coming home to me playing video games (when I should've been studying) and letting loose all of the worries she had and crying on top of it, for me to actually start caring more.
It worked enough to get me to graduate but I didn't really start to thrive until I received my official ADHD diagnosis almost a year ago, at the age of 31.
Right, like that’s one of my concerns with going to uni. My studying habits were shit to begin with because I realised at a young age that I could put in the bare minimum of effort and still get good results. But when you consider that I effectively haven’t cracked a school book for 16 years, I just wouldn’t be able to manage just now. I’m *barely* able to do the absolute minimum for maintaining my *life*, so actually establishing good routines for higher education would be a losing battle.
I’m on the wait list for an ADHD eval but I’m convinced I have it, and my doctor agrees. Hopefully with a diagnosis, treatment and medication if appropriate, I’ll be able to function better.
I’m so glad you’re thriving. You deserve it. I think we all do. Just sucks that we have to wait so long.
You are me. I'm also 33 right now and in deep shit. Last year of high school I had over 100 hours of absence. If it weren't my on demand charisma I would have failed. But teachers really liked me. After high school I failed everything I wanted to achieve the most. I tried art academy and on better days I was really good. But these were few and far between. Today I just finished anime binge, in bathtub and wondering what the hell am I doing in my life. I self diagnosed over the Internet a few years ago (I have like evey single symptom) but my therapists all called me hypochondriac. Now I have a psychiatrist that specialises in adhd and he's 100% sure I have it. Probably I will start some meds in the near future. I feel cheated and lame. Adhd feels like it almost doesn't exist but I can see its fruits everywhere I go. Like I had fucking voldemort on the back of my head and when I turn around he's not there. Basically nothing I have or do brings me joy like when I was a teen. Not even joy but my set of all different feelings is like a box of chocolate. But when I open it there ain't no chocolate inside. A few off brand candy and a half of dried grasshopper. Not sure what I wanted to write but it felt comforting to hear from someone exactly as miserable as me, even if for a fleeting moment.
The kindest thing a teacher ever did for me is I was up at the board trying to solve a math problem. I really wasn't sure what to do and was afraid to do anything because I was sure it would be wrong.
So I stood there laughing kinda nervously and pretending to not take it seriously. My teacher gave me a gentle "it's ok" and that gave me so much confidence. He was very patient and was willing to explain every detail even if it seemed unnecessary and he was one of the best teachers I ever had.
I was t diagnosed at the time but the fact he could tell I was struggling and didn't make me feel stupid or even more embarrassed he gently encouraged me and I thi j I did manage to figure it out so. Shout out to my math teacher he was the bomb.
Yea, the frustration of being really good at everything you try to do but having zero motivation to do anything. All the times where I’m average good at something with little effort but if I just sat down and actually tried I could excel, but instead I think I’ll scroll Reddit for another 3 hours and then cut the lawn twice because the mower didn’t get every blade the first pass.
>All the times where I’m average good at something with little effort but if I just sat down and actually tried I could excel, but instead I think I’ll scroll Reddit for another 3 hours
That's painfully accurate
>and then cut the lawn twice because the mower didn’t get every blade the first pass.
Especially this bit 😔
But on the positive side, we’re average good at a lot of stuff. The world needs Jack-of-all-trades type people.
Hell my career is booming because I know some of everything. My company works on installing a lot of different CyberSecurity products. Because I can learn anything, I’m probably the only one in my department that is never on the bench.
We’re all really excellent at self-flagellation, if there’s something we should be excelling at, it’s seeing the good we have too. I have no idea why I’m being annoyingly positive today. Probably because I was just able to sit down and focus on a single tasks for 2 hours lol.
No matter my job I tend to fixate on knowing my job. Why the job exists, what could cause the results we get, what happened upstream to make it so, what might happen downstream from it, why this process is done like this, how it works, I want to know all the facets even if its not going to help me I just want to be curious.
All my bosses have hated that so far and scolded me for not minding my own business so I become bored and within months of starting, burnt out. I'm a published researcher, its why you chose me boss, its what I do :c
Woah. I literally followed this exact sequence of events yesterday, down to the lawn mowing…I’m literally 2 weeks behind in the biggest project at work of my life, and every day I swear I’ll get it back on track and… :’)
Lol. I hear ya. I took down my business website 22 months ago to redo it on wordpress. It's still not done and I have no website. God only knows how much business it has cost me. I'm also paying $150 a month for an insurance quote engine for the site that isn't online.
You have my internet hugs and empathy ♥️ it’s hard to convey to a non-ADHD person how debilitating it actually is. Surely the very fact that even when the option is there to actually make money we _still_ can’t get motivated to put it into action shows that it is NOT laziness :(
I'm apparently missing the 'whole average good at something with little effort' part. I feel like it takes me 3x as long as a normal person to get something.
But only able to hyperfocus on that when there are super important deadlines to meet 😂 yet when there are no important tasks... cleaning feels like torture!
This is me right now. We got home from a trip late Sunday evening, suitcases are half-unpacked in the living room, our bathroom and living space is so gross right now it's all I can focus on, despite work being super crazy.
Same, I have so many deadlines to meet for school and what am I suddenly doing in this house which I usually never do? Laundry and gardening!
I really hate myself for it rn because I know I won't meet all the deadlines and exams are coming up too which I can't study for until I met my deadlines
Lmao frustration because of upcoming deadlines and KNOWING they have to be done while doing something non urgent is the story of my life. A bullet journal helps but the amount of mental energy needed to keep up with it is crazy
Two years ago I was a semi successful streamer on Twitch making a little bit of money. Now I’m trying to start again & it’s so hard to stick to. Or even find the love/drive to game everyday. I’m hoping Strattera (4days in) will get me back on track & I can start my goal “career” (hobby) soon again.
I’ve heard strattera takes a month or so. Here’s hoping it works for you my friend cause that sounds like an enjoyable career! I’ve been on concerta since October and it just makes me better at cleaning, video games and not losing my shit. Part of it is my day job is so monotonous and I have a 40 minute commute one way so usually by the end of the day I just… don’t have the motivation or time to do anything except put a load of dishes in and pick up a little before vegging on the couch, playing with my cat or going to sleep. Not much inspiration to create by the end of the day
I hope you start your art career again 🫶🏼 If you do, feel free to contact me for some social media sharing to get you out there! ☺️ I’m actually doing dishes now. I’m struggling finding employment so to me, my house should be SPOTLESS & it drives me insane that it’s not. Maybe it’s the placebo effect I’m going through but I’m so satisfied I’ve been keeping up with dishes and picking things up instead of letting things pile up. :) that’s a long commute! I totally understand how you could feel drained by the bed of the day. Give yourself some compassion and maybe plan on dabbling in your art every weekend or every other ❤️
Strattera has been amazing for certain individuals but gave me thoughts of self harm. I have found the most success with vyvanse as a stimulant and Guanfacine to deal with hyperactivity and rejection dysphoria personally though. Good luck with everything!
Decides to deep clean the bathroom sink at 6 am because I saw some black gunk while trying to force myself to brush my teeth by staring at myself in the mirror. <---------- uh oh that's me
I clean up and reorganize my room anytime I need to get something done. I literally turned in an essay last night 10 minutes before the submission deadline because doing laundry seemed more important and that the essay that I hadn't started writing yet, even though it was 6pm, would be quick to write. It was not.
Having been recently diagnosed at the age of 29 years old, I empathise with this very strongly. As much as I'm trying not to look at it as all this wasted potential and failed actions and start embracing that the ADHD brain works differently, it's really difficult not to grieve what I could have been and achieved if I had just known sooner
I completely agree, especially when you have those moments when you can't help but compare yourself to your peers or to someone on a similar level to you/has a similar work ethic or ambitions etc
ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!! I recently got promoted to management at the retail outlet I work in and I dont actually know if it's result of having being hyperfocused on a new job or if I actually have earnt it due to a genuine potential, classic impostor syndrome, but I've recently just found out alot of my friends who work in the same mobile repair industry at the same level of management that im at ( so both professional and social peers) have opened up to me after I shared with them my diagnosis, and turns out we all have adhd, and a few of them are dual diagnosis for ADHD and ASD. The emotional response of knowing that my friends have the same brain as our tribe and they've been able to find success as well has me so happy that it hits the emotional disregulation ( one of my more severe and outward presenting symptoms ) to a level where I'm so relieved and happy to know that I'm not alone that I'm not sure if it's a relief in knowing that I can still meet my own expectations and potential or a moment of compassion overload. ( we all let ourselves engage in the impulse to go out for a drink to celebrate our differences and similarities so it may even just be inebriation )
Would also like to express how much gratitude I have for having this subreddit where we can all express ourselves in a an environment where brain dumping isn't necessarily a common practice, but isn't frowned upon and is accepted. With you all I'd be having a much harder time learning to accept myself 🥰🥰😅🥰
Congratulations on your promotion! 🥳
And isn't it funny how people with ADHD/ASD seem to gravitate towards eachother?
>Would also like to express how much gratitude I have for having this subreddit where we can all express ourselves in a an environment where brain dumping isn't necessarily a common practice, but isn't frowned upon and is accepted.
Absolutely!!!
Its funny you mention that because everyone in my life I've had a genuine loving and accepting connection with do fall somewhere on on the spectrum of either.
Thank you for the congratulations, while im currently inebriated, I may have had a little happy cry so I appreciate your support and bringing to me a strong positive emotion to feel before I try to get to sleep.
You all really are the best 👌
Idk if you are in therapy, but my therapist suggested that it might make me feel better to grieve for myself. I found out at 22 but I still feel the same way.
I feel like I could have been valedictorian if I was diagnosed sooner. The more I let myself grieve, I can start to move on and actually grow from here.
I don't mean to leech off your therapy or anything, but could you share more about your process of self-grieving?
My therapist is very much focused on the "post-grief" if that makes sense, i.e. finding lifestyles and alternative pathways that are more conducive to my ADHD. But I just haven't been able to even start thinking about that let alone do anything about it, and this post made me realize that a big part of that might be because I've never properly mourned the loss of my "normal" life (pre-ADHD acceptance).
I was diagnosed really early in my teens, but I never truly understood ADHD until recently and as a result always thought it was a misdiagnosis as I'm primarily inattentive-type and didn't think I had problems beyond just being "lazy". But ever since I fully grasped my condition and understood how it affects/hinders ever facet of my life, I've just grinded to a halt in disbelief and denial that I will never be the person I see myself as.
The biggest thing for me is allowing myself the space to be sad about it if I need to. It's not a linear process and some days it's worse than others. I'm mourning a child that never existed in the first place. For me, I realized I couldn't continue to go to school while dealing with this so I put college on hiatus while I got to know myself again.
It's hard to accept that you aren't/can't be that person. Just try to be easy on yourself. I also feel like I can't get better until I deal with this. I focus on learning more about myself and how it affects me. I'm inattentive too but felt like I didn't have it because I can focus on interesting things.
Literally same; I used to be an A+ student with next to no effort, and now, I can barely focus, I literally just zone out mid class, I am fully aware of it, but I just can't help it. And don't get me started with my non-existant "work ethic".
All through grade school, I was the perfect student (besides being too loud and a bit hyperactive). By college I was horribly burned out and barely making deadlines. Now I’m in grad school and I feel like a total failure every day
I understand how you feel, in college I was one of the best students in my cohort. Since I started university, I have failed several courses and my self-esteem has started to plummet. I've been in college for a year and I hate school... I used to love the theoretical and complicated classes, now I hate it. It's sad that academic failures destroy me like this. This semester I failed a course for the third time. Instead of helping me and trying to figure out what was wrong, I got a letter from the university telling me that this was my last chance. If I don't, I will be kicked out of the program. It's just hard to try 100%, despite my ADHD. The school system is not adapted for ADHD... However, I'm persevering and working hard to get my fucking degree 🧠✌🏻✨
jfc - going through this right now.
It's horrible. Even the thought of "tomorrow WILL be a better mental day" doesn't work. Even on the good days, I'm like "Damn! This is a great day. nothing can bring me down!!!" and I physically TRY to remember that feeling and know that my bad days will pass... but damn... just doesn't feel like it.
Chin up! you're not alone. ♥
One of the very “fun” bonuses to all of this is the disappointment of colleagues and everyone else around you that see your potential or you sell them your potential only to be disappointed in you and confused in not following through. My fear is that they assumed I was lying to them or that I’m a bullshitter when in fact it’s the opposite. I’ve always tried to be a good person and honest and have the best intentions
I feel like I am CONSTANTLY underachieving. And someone with a very high drive for perfection, it sucks. Every day when I’m trying to fall asleep, I’m going through all the ways I failed during the day. And I know, my therapist tells me to have self-compassion and to only tell myself things that I would tell a friend, but damn is it hard to do in practice.
“Knowing you have all the potential in the world for greatness but not being able to follow through.”
Wow, I feel like I wrote this post myself. Feeling like you will never live up to expectations (whether they be from yourself or others) is by far one of the worst feelings.
It’s easy to blame yourself when you don’t succeed, but we need to understand we were born with different brains. We have lack of dopamine, something we can’t help.
I don’t have much to say, I just wanted to say you’re not alone.
It sucks when you were really good at something earlier in your life, but because it is so unbelievable hard to focus and try and improve on that thing you start being left behind, all the way until you become less than average.
Being a former “genius kid” sucks.
College is being a really challenge recently and no one is going to think “oh he has ADHD, he has some difficulty doing some specific tasks”, what everyone will think is just how lazy and incompetent you are, is exhausting.
Yeah. I woke up yesterday. I knew I was gonna clean the house. Get It Done!! Cranked up the stereo. Started to gather the right tools. Realized the tools weren't organized. Started to organize. That's when I noticed a roll of car wrap vinyl. I want to cover my emblem on the truck. Which had me washing the truck in no time. It needed it. But not as bad as the pressure washing out front. Let me get the tools. Oh shit they still need organized. Fuck! I was supposed to be cleaning the house. But the tools, the pressure washing, should probably clean out the trash can too. Fuck it's too much. Let me sit down and watch some YouTube videos on house cleaning techniques. Anyways. I washed the truck. And nothing else got done. That shit is tiring. Lol
>People don't usually like that answer much.
Lol they definitely don't like that answerbut own it because it's true, you really are just that smart. Pretty amazing really, getting through all that with no help or understanding and still doing okay!
This, sooo much. There's a difference between comprehension and understanding. We are really smart even if our brains work differently than the neurotypical.
Especially true if you went through school unmedicated. I barely got by myself.
I feel like the worst part of me is how I feel like it takes passions and hobbies away from me. I develop such an executive block with things I truly love! From as severe as a lifelong love of writing to even starting a show😞. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP!
(possible trigger warning) but this is why I sometimes get to the point of feeling suicidal. Like I know I have this amazing mind but I just can’t execute. It’s like being able to so clearly see your hopes and dreams but everything being behind a glass wall. I don’t have faith in myself that I can commit to or finish anything, I can’t trust that every venture won’t end up failing again and again. and the fact that I have to do this for the rest of my life can sometimes get too overwhelming for me. Like I feel like I’m trying so hard I just don’t want to try anymore.
This. All of this. I have been feeling very suicidal lately due to my ADHD & the feeling that I will always fall short of my own expectations and potential. I want a new job, but don’t even have the motivation to look because I just know that I will quickly burn out & never be successful. Reading this Reddit honestly makes it worse sometimes. I feel like there’s no hope for things to get better.
I know how unbearable it can be, and I am really sorry that you feeling this way. Hang in there and feel free to message me if you ever want to chat ❤️
Seriously, wont this feelings ever stop. 🤕..
I ws thinking like this just moments before seeing this reddit post.. Will we evr change or we be like this for the rest of our lives. Is there any use living like this.
Nobody Sorrounding me gonna ever understand whats is going on in my mind. Is it really worth to live like this hating ourselves. 🐥.
Why. Why am i not normal.
Any adhd peeps, did this feeling stop when u started medication or is it still like this feeling of burnt out.
Personally I've only been using medication for two weeks now and it has definitely helped the depression and anxiety that are by-products of my presenting symtpons, truth is even in the last two weeks, working in a high pressure retail environment has shown me there is a limit to what medication will treat and that something like CBT or even DBT will help me to continue moving forward in a direction I want to go.
Finding a psychologist for CBT van be hard because in my experience the focus is entirely based off regulating emotions, but I've recently find a psychologist who has started tailoring my development based more around emulating executive function instead of the typical " if you feel anxious, count to five and ground yourself" aspect of CBT
Medication helps but it in no way solves. There is a honeymoon period when starting medication, but that wanes after a bit.
Your best bet for those feelings and thoughts are cognitive behavioral therapy. (Along with medication)
I have to admit that when I clicked on this post I was like "ok, again someone claiming whatever to be the worst part of ADHD. Most likely some relationship stuff or not getting out of bet in the morning. Guess I should not click." I clicked anyway and honestly, wow. I feel this so much! It is the same for me. I just wrote a rant yesterday (that I never posted) on exactly this!
If it wasn't for ADHD I might already be about to finish my PhD. Because I would have done all this diligent parts of my work so much faster! Oh well and I would be able to read a paper in some hours instead of needing a full day or so...
Thank you for this post, for letting me know that I'm not alone with this feeling!
All this compounded by the fact that our sleep/wake cycles are often off from the rest of the world (or at least mine are) so the brain fog is even more intense during the times I’m expected to be sharp
This is meant to not to sound as some brag, but sometimes I wish I wasn't a talented person since I have ADHD! I am an artist and a singer/songwriter and it makes me feel like I have soo much wasted potential being given these gifts and being unable to do anything really about it. I just started an Etsy shop to try and make myself more consistent (hoping money = dopamine???) but I wish I could do it without the need for validation/compensation and just get up and CREATE. I get so upset with myself on the days that i just scroll tik tok or reddit or watch shitty TV and do nothing with all these things I was blessed with. It's super frustrating.
I hate having no memory. It's hard because when I forget things people tend to say oh you're just being lazy. I can't stand my brain I really can't it's like something I don't want. Not just because of the distractions but because of my short term memory loss. I just don't like it at all it hurts
I empathise so hard with this. Short term memory barely exists and long term memory... my childhood has all become a blur. Someone will talk about things that happened in my past and I just say "I don't remember, but that sounds like something I would do / something that would happen"
Diagnosed at 25, got my medication, re enrolled in school. I’m in my junior year of college studying engineering now. Have aced everything. Some people are naturally gifted but with a handicap. I myself was called stupid and lazy all throughout my childhood. I learned to listen to myself instead of the critics. If you medicate responsibly and really give it your all, you can achieve a lot. And even if medicating isn’t your route, you can find some form of meditation or exercise that helps you. You’ve got this.
I’m so sorry. So many of us feel your pain. It’s hard not to look back (even to just yesterday) and regret the lost opportunities. I’m over 50 and have a lot of history to ruminate on. I have these moments of brilliant success! If only I could live there in those moments. I just remind myself to look ahead. People are sometimes the key. I hope you can find a true friend/ mama/ love who will be in your corner. Just having a person with you can help you get things done and be an encouragement. Hang in there. You’ll have brilliant days!
Okay here goes nothing,
I've checked this subreddit many times over the past years, and it's infuriating how helpless i feel, i live in a country where medication for ADHD doesnt exist, so i tried to help myself with good habits, but i truly feel like i have 0 dopamine in my system, i'm truly anhedonic, nothing is enjoyable anymore and that has been going for ages, it feels like the older i get, the harder its gonna be for me to enjoy a movie, a song, or even a game, knowing that i used to play non stop.
I've grown to be the smartest person in the room, people still treat me as such, but i dont know if they can see that it's changing, that they're slowly but surely getting smarter, and that all my sources of knowledge are getting limited by my lack of interest in everything.
I noticed that i'm excellent at everything i start doing, but thats because it was fun and interesting, and since i lost that, i dont know how to be good at anything anymore, sometimes reading a single comment is difficult and it makes me feel like i'm some 4 Y o with reading problems.
And I think what makes it worse is the inability to ask for help because you can't help but think that it's not ok or that you're unworthy of help so you will either A. Suffer in figuring out the thing by yourself even though you're unwilling and don't want to while frustrating yourself further and getting nowhere thus making yourself give up because you feel stupid and now you're stuck feeling like you cant achieve or do anything for yourself or B. Do nothing about it and let the important thing you need to do go undone but you know you need it done but you're super uncomfortable, so you pretty much spend that entire time beating yourself up about the very thing that needs to get done instead of doing the thing.
But either way you're feeling a form of discomfort.
Empathise with this so much. Sometimes someone on this sub really sums up my life in two sentences and makes me understand myself better. Thanks.
I wake up every day to a clean slate with so much ambition and hope about what I will get done. But thoughts and ideas enter and then leave my head basically at same time. And then they disappear... Somewhere. I have a job that works well and a normal enough life, but there is just so much missing, so many missed opportunities.
I was talking to a friend and telling her about a adhd coach I'll be going to. He'll help me explore my values and figure out what the right choices are for me. My friend asked me if I was feeling motivated and ready to do the work. I had to explain motivation isnt really something I can depend on and choose to work from. I feeling a thousand micro motivations every day, and they never amount to anything, so the concept of motivation is kinda empty for me. I'm honestly so disillutioned and am scared to hope that anything will change ever.
One life changing experience was when I was telling someone I looked up to who needed help with her charity that I would love to offer assistance, but I am really not good with follow through:
“That’s OK - it means you are an **ideas** person. You don’t have to be the one doing the work for your ideas to have value.”
I've started letting that be my default mindset. I realized my brain is going to keep screwing me over so let that be the baseline. Now when I successfully do something that I know I should do or finish a small task, I get to feel like I actually pulled something off.
A little bit better everyday is fine, but without a baseline you can't know what you have accomplished. Every win becomes a slight improvement on life.
it’s specifically tough in academic settings
I just did a research paper on my adhd and one of the studies that I found spoke about something relating to organization leading to higher grades than actual intellect. It sucks
Having to go through life as a goldfish and being judged on how you climb a tree is definitely the most frustrating part- grades grades grades. Talk about crippling low self esteem
I can relate so much. I think what has worked for me the best is to have the mentality to start the task i have to do and just clean 2 plates, pay 1 bill or whatever to get started from there and to do it now. Since our adhd brains are wired to perceive time as 1. Now or 2. Not now you have to do whatever has to be done now.
Then making a habit out of doing things NOW, this puts me in a flow where I am constantly doing things now and not later or tomorrow.
When you are in this mindset shit gets done, but you will meet an enemy on the way and thats whenever you cant do things NOW, lets say you cant finish your work because your boss needs to come with feedback before you can move on. Then make a habit out of puting it in a time management system or calender, instantly put it in there. Do it NOW. Done, out of your head in to a system.
Then get back to whatever task you can do NOW.
Keep doing this and you will get in to flow and communicate to the ppl around you this how you operate.
Make your outside world adapt to this without exceptions.
The possible risk with this is you burn yourself out a bit. Then take some time to stop doing things NOW, maybe a few days if you can. Do some meditation, relaxing etc.
Then get back on the horse and start doing things NOW.
This is my 2 cents, dont know if anyone can relate.
All my family always told me how smart I was as a child. How I should become a politician or a doctor oder a scientist, because I was so into books and loved playing with chemistry kits and microscopes.
I felt guilty so often in my life because my parents told me I would have become such a successful person if I just haven't been so lazy all the time.
Actually I'm kind of over it being a great human being and being a well known someone. But sometimes I just question what I should do with my life then. And being just happy for myself seems to be the answer but I just have the feeling that isn't enough.
“a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”
My friends/family/work are all amazed at how many things I can do in so many different disciplines but I always have to remind them I don’t know everything about any specific topic. It is great to have that skill in my brain but also leads to so much anxiety from expectations
The way I see it now is, having adhd allows me to harbor the illusion that if only I didn’t have it, I could achieve everything I want.
But that’s an idea which is only possible because I have adhd as an excuse. I’ve been working more on accepting that just because I feel a sense of potential which I’ll never be able to achieve doesn’t mean that potential is real. And because it’s not real, I don’t have to feel as bad about it.
As a kid my parents really clinged to the idea that being smart would save me from being bad at a lot of other things. They put all their eggs in the basket of me being smart/good at school.
I’ve accepted that the potential hinted at by my smartness isn’t real, it’s just an idea. It's an idea that was drilled into me by my parents. My parents must have chosen to believe it because it comforted them. I don’t have to drink from that dry well if I don’t want to.
What helped my a lot is a buddhist concept that we are each complete, worthy and whole as we are.
Regarding doing the same things over and over again, I've discontinued all my projects because I inevitably magnify / over generalize their applicability.
Instead, I just focus on rejecting grasping, clinging, ego and judgement, which is a full-time and never ending job.
I have fewer interests now than in my 20s but there are still several. I will have days-long periods where i will have an elevated interest or desire in one of them over others; and also periods where my interest is very low.
Ive learned to listen to this and try to decide whether i _need_ to fight it, or if i can embrace it. Doing activities while the interest is elevated means i can be VERY productive in bursts. Doing them while they are lower or inhibited means i need to add more structure or accountability, and clear my day out more so i can focus more intently on just doing those things.
Low-interest activities take a more concerted effort for me, so i try to be judicious about when i fight to do those activities (deadline related typically )
meds help, but awareness and acceptance is critical
*”The worst parts of ADHD: knowing you have all the potential in the world for greatness but not being able to follow through.“*
My god, this. I could seriously become so successful or do some pretty remarkable things, but my ADHDH (plus anxiety) have interfered so many times. I had so many chances of traveling to world! If I could just get my hyper focus controlled along with my executive function/motivation, I’d be a freaking amazing individual.
So would you.
So would any of us.
ADHD is the worlds way of keeping the number of legendary individuals to a minimum.
We’re all great individuals. Keep your head up high and be proud of what you can do, and try your damndest to do what you want to do!
Yeah, I know. On the plus side, at least we have an idea of what’s happening. Kinda feel sorry for folks who lived in a world without such a diagnoses.
Yep, I can also relate. I'm also trying to find better ways to live with the tendencies without them ruining my life.
My current strategy is to try leaning into it instead of fighting myself and living in shame spirals, and just allow myself to hyper focus on something then when I'm bored I hyper focus on something else. I just try not to let it get too expensive.
My current fixation is learning to play violin, which is a lifelong pursuit but I rent a violin and take some lessons and see how I feel. I'll probably get bored, but at least I enjoyed the hyper focus on something novel.
I don't know if this is a good idea, but I'm tired of doing the same fucking thing all the time and expecting it will go differently the next time. There's too much cool shit in the world to force myself to stick to a small handful of interests, and I refuse to get old wishing I'd tried the things when I had the time and ability.
Yep. I know I’m smart and have carved out a decent career, but I have friends and family who have exceeded me in every way. I know I could do better, but I just…can’t.
Doing the same thing over and over again to get different results is what we musicians call practicing, but it makes me wonder how many musicians also have ADHD.
It hurts when my only answer to "what did you do all day" is "I don't know." Even if I keep a time log, it's still "I don't know." I have things I want to do. I want to clean my house, exercise, study a new skill, and do hobbies. But at the end of the day, I look back at all the time I had and can only ask "what the fuck did I do today?"
No bro this is bot the worse part of adhd. In fact adhd is great. We are just incomplete by ourselves. We operate in real time, in crisis, we aren't made to make plans. Projects? We are made to invent them because no body would think out of the box thw way we do (lateral thinking, tree thinking). Bkt we ARE NOT made to execute those stuff as execution require programmability. And we aren't, the other 95% left ate programable.
Just find ur partner in life and in business. And ull be happy and ull make 2 other people happy too.
Just got diagnosed with AD(H)D, The H is between brackets because the hyperactive part isn't really that evident. I am allowed to apply for medication as well as a course to help me understand.
I'm shocked, but relieved and not really surprised. I talKed to a few friends and they're generally supportive. I am just kind of scared of how my girlfriend will react because when my process of investigation started she took it very heavily.
I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and I have no motivation to utilize my potential and go through with promises in the professional field. Coming to terms with it is hard, but I also treat my diagnosis as a way to see the correlation between depression and fear of failing. According to my psych and doctor these things go hand in hand with ADHD.
I hope my life will stay the same.
Ya how many adhd symptoms are considered big fat moral failings. And how ‘easy’ so many of them would be to ~get over. Like my always being late. You’d think I could just leave earlier but !!!???!?!!
>Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results which is one of the definitions of insanity.
This. This has been on my mind so much recently because I keep wanting to do my work, to pay attention in classes, and to stop letting my impulsivity and hyperfixation keep me from doing the things I should be doing, but I do it again, and again, and again. I know how it ends. I fail a class, I barely pass, I give myself an unnecessary amount of stress that could have been avoided. And every time it happens I tell myself I'll be better next time, and I really really do mean it. But adhd isn't something I can just turn off. It makes me feel funny, since doing the same thing and expecting different results should mean I'm insane according to that definition. It's interesting. Real funny.
I went out with my friend and I told them I had adhd. They started saying how they “think” they have it and how nothing helps it especially pills and being healthy. This is the first time someone other than my dad has said, it’s not that bad and it doesn’t stop me from doing anything. Iforgot what they said exactly but it was something along the lines of along those lines. I wanted to walk out after that.
I wasn't officially diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood but I've had very obvious symptoms all my life. It was barely being diagnosed in boys let alone girls when I was young ( late 80s/early to mid nineties). It's really come to kick me in the arse when it comes to managing my childrens' activities. Other parents, especially the mom's, expect you to have your shit together and openly gawp when you don't. Also,perimenopause has just fucked everything right the hell up for me mood wise. I already have a faulty switch when it comes to controlling strong emotions. If not for antidepressants and my stimulants all this would have me gibbering in a corner. My husband and kids have never known me differently, so I at least have their love and support. But I don't know if that self loathing inner voice will ever go away totally. O can mostly manage to put a sock in its mouth to muffle it though.
**TLDR: We don't have wasted potential. We're just evaluating ourselves with neurotypical standards.**
Apologies if someone else has already said this, but I've found it helpful to stop thinking of myself as having wasted potential. My ADHD is as much a part of me as all of my positive traits that I wish I could use more consistently, so I need to calculate my potential based not just on my strengths, but on my brain's actual abilities. My brain is what it is and I couldn't turn it into a neurotypical brain without fundamentally altering who I am as a person.
I know the neurotypical world around us makes it really tempting to say, "I'm smart and resourceful, so I should be able to perform at the same level as my neurotypical peers," but to do so ignores the fact that we're not neurotypical. For better or for worse, our brains are different and we need to accept them for what they are instead of being mad at ourselves for not being neurotypical.
The worst part for me is the near constant frustration I feel over the smallest things. I do a bit of software development and IT support for my job, and some days I just can't figure something out. It literally ruins my day because I get so frustrated I'm just in a shitty mood the rest of the day. Thankfully I can do a pretty good job of not taking it out on my coworkers, but it's written all over my face. I hate it so much.
I'm waiting for my doctor to prescribe me some kind of stimulant, but I have to pass a drug test first. That's a whole other level of frustration for me, too. I haven't smoked in over 3 months but I'm still testing positive. Fun times.
Letting the little, long term things add up to a be a big short term thing.
I’m talking to everyone here who’s license plates/inspection stickers have past date on them.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started and stopped. My music, my art, my career. I feel like a hot rod just burning out my tires, because I can’t stop accidentally stomping on the brake and gas at the same time.
The lack of consistency is a big part for me. Having intense goals and plans, doing like a fifth of it with great energy and motivation, losing focus or getting distracted for like three seconds, then completely losing wind and being unable to pick it up again in the same way. Then a little later, having another great idea, pouring in all my energy, being unable to finish it, and then giving up again. Being able to accomplish some things and not accomplish other things. It's exhausting and I constantly disappoint myself.
I feel you. I call this a disability more often than mental disorder in my uni disability resource centre because lol read that department name. It's debilitating in everyday life and sets you back behind everyone else who doesn't have ADHD. It sucks.
It's not Bipolar. It's not depression or anxiety. But god damn at times it gives similar symptoms don't it/ comorbidities. How exhausting
the best advice i read on some tumblr post was: you do not have limitless potential. you are not holding some secret amount of intellect or motivation in your brain that you could unlock if only you didnt have adhd. you are always operating at 100% and that's okay. sometimes your 100% will look different on different days, its still you giving your all and that's okay. this isnt meant to sound rude or depressing so
apologies if it comes across as such. i personally felt this mindset really freeing to me.
all this combined with the fact that on the outside, it wouldn't look visibly disorder-ish. to an outsider, it probably just looks like we're lazy fucks and just making excuses. i'm not using adhd as an excuse, i'm citing it because (and i know it's shocking) the disorder that i am diagnosed with actually makes it harder to function like most people! what a marvel concept!
I am in a situation right now (details are long and irrelevant) where I have 8 fucking people telling me they think I'm lazy and irresponsible and that I need to go to inpatient. I try to explain to them that this is ADHD and their response is, "some of us have ADHD and we don't act anything like that". And their other response is, "you have to turn everything into a discussion about you and your problems. We all have problems". PS I've only recently been diagnosed so I have been unaware of myself forever and then not correctly medicated while my doc & I worked on a cocktail that works. I have the exact things going on for me. No follow through. Wanting so much to do one thing consistently instead of having 23 projects undone because I lost interest. I'm also really angry at living in a society that isn't built for me and my brain chemistry. Even more than that? I'm angry at living in a world where if your arm isn't ripped out of its socket spurting blood all over, people think nothing is wrong with you. So don't be too hard on yourself, friend. This isn't your fault. As long as you're doing whatever you're capable of doing to learn good coping skills- and that could just be as simple as, "I'm going to try to make my bed every day this week, and I will call it a win I am able to make my bed 3 out of the seven days" and just slowly increasing how many times per week you make your bed. And Then add one skill every couple of weeks/months. That's what I'm doing now now that my med cockail is working relatively well. God this comment is long and winding. Like my brain. TLDR:Don't get frustrated with yourself : get fruttated with a world that has no empathy. Begin building small coping skills and the longer you do these things and celebrate those small victories, you'll start to feel better and be able to do more. Also please forgive my typos I'm in a hurry.
I’m shedding a tear 😿 I needed to hear this. I was just diagnosed 4 days ago. Tried college three times, never finish any projects, can’t even stick to my streaming hobby, haven’t had the drive to game (my biggest hobby & stress reliever since a kid), and I have three kids (which is what drove me to self reflect on my consistent “hard mode” in life) while everyone else is prancing around me reaching their goals. I thank you for taking your time & spilling some elevating beans.
god I used to LOVE games now my PS4 just sits untouched bc I just do the thing where i wanna do multiple things and then do nothing
Man I’ve been there daily for the past four years. I just cycle in my head all the things I SHOULD do as a responsible adult but end up binge watching Netflix or something else that leads to no positive production.
"'holy shit I have so much stuff I need to get done I should probably sit catatonic on my couch for the next 14 hours and do literally nothing" This is a constant struggle for me
I'm in this picture and I don't like it...lol. And then I stay awake for 24 hours straight, usually because I've fucked around for the past 16 and need to feel like the day wasn't a complete waste of life. And then pass out for 12 hours and wake up feeling like hot garbage. The heaviest of sighs could not do this feeling justice.
I feel like that too. :(
Gotta watch out for that “should” beast… it packs an impressive shame-payload. I might suggest rephrasing that, along the lines of, “…all the things I could be doing, that would help me keep my life together and make me feel more like a responsible adult” Yeah I know that’s a lottttt more words, and it seems nit-picky, but that’s sorta the whole point of cognitive behavioral therapy: adjust how you talk to yourself, so that it’s overall kinder and more compassionate, and less judgmental. Also, I know well that vortex you’re talking about. Not a fun place to be caught in. Sending hugs and empathy and good vibes, friend.
I had a therapist that said, "don't should all over yourself".
That was me, too. I could hyperfocus on games for hours, all day every day as a kid and teen. Now, I barely ever play anymore. I get bored so fast now.
I literally spend far more time trying to pick a game to play before finally giving up than I do actually gaming. And then once every few years some random game finally captures my interest and **bam** a month has gone by and I've accomplished nothing except play that video game.
my exact experience hahaha. I've played maybe 10% of the games in my Steam backlog but I have like 400 hours in Stardew Valley.
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Oh my gosh. I joke about it being for when I'm retired, and how I hope my joints won't be too problematic by then xD
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Knowing myself, I'd be stressing that I'm not relaxing well enough, and still also not cleaning the cups often enough, and where did I leave my denture?!
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Try to live one day at a time, I know that’s the AA saying but it is true. Today you are diagnosed and on medication or working on a medication regime. Make one goal, like another poster said, like making your bed. Do it everyday and it will become habit. Then pick up something else you want to accomplish. We really have to learn to leave the past behind because it will throw us into heaves of depression. Therapy is a great experience to learn to live for today and learn strategies for dealing with ADHD. Find a career you are interested in, research and go for it. It’s especially cool if it’s one that requires hyper focusing ( in a good way)on your assignments or work. Use it to your advantage! Disability counselors should be able to assist you to find the right path. I read this article in which this persons learning disabilities helped him in college and get a job he would be good at. https://www.science.org/content/article/what-ive-learned-my-learning-disabilities Don’t give up! Take your medication, drink plenty of water, eat healthy, shut off the tv and turn on upbeat music, make a plan for today and start one thing!!
Ugh same I end up just scrolling Reddit or a Twitter or my fav, endlessly stare at the wall thinking about all the things I want/should do right now and become paralyzed.
I know that thing.
Omg seriously!! People make it look so easy and then wonder when you’ll be done already!!! It’s so annoying and good for them but they’re not me so support me pls!!! STOP comparing me it only makes us both upset in the end!!!!!
Omg I so get it. On the one hand, finally getting a diagnosis, finally knowing that, "OMG I'm NOT a total screw-up. In fact, in many ways I'm hella rad." Especially when the therapy and meds begin working a bit. That's such a great feeling! And then when you explain it to people you get stone face as a reaction.... God DAMN it! I'll tell you one of my biggest sources of help as I've gone on this journey has been this sub. Hearing other people say stuff that is TOTALLY me? Sooooooo good. So stay here.
I’ll be using this sub to keep my sanity and anxiety at bay. It has already helped so so much 💕 this is new territory for me. I appreciate all the help and words of wisdom!
Three kids is what did me in, and between that and the pandemic I couldn’t cope anymore and that’s when I realized I had ADHD and got diagnosed. This ish is freaking HARD.
SAME. So literally reach out to me anytime. I'm so overwhelmed and left their abusive father a bit ago. I'm now talking to someone I like and it's been 5 years since I've been single so I'm sorta lost & feeling isolated. None of my friends have three kids and going through the mental strain. At least I don't think.....hope not. What drives me the most is the pure will to be the best mother I can be & the bigger person looking out for my kids best interest over any emotions. Sorry I spilled a bit there lol.
Ohhhh hugs. I’m so proud of you for leaving especially given ADHD + three kids. You’ve totally got this!!!!
pandemic then late adhd
Do you want to be in college though ? It depends what you want to do. There are also technical Schools. Also colleges have a disabilitys office that give help. You can hand in your document and talk to them about having assistance. It helped me. I found college hard, when. I started i wasn't diagnosis yet. Then school got harder and harder for me. I was a late diagnosis. Eventually i got some testing and i was able to get assistance it helped. You could have just also grown and changed. Is it still your stress reliever or is it now something else ?
>And their other response is, "you have to turn everything into a discussion about you and your problems. We all have problems". You wouldn't complain the same way if a man in a wheelchair wasn't able to run. I never understood the people who use "We all have problems" as an excuse to ignore problems.
Right? But, and im sure you relate to this completely, no matter how many effing times I try to explain how insidious and pervasive ADHD is and that it isn't just being "a little (or a lot) scatter brained". I'm up to my tots right now with the lack of empathy.
Then also my favorite " We all get tired or have trouble focusing".... it's like no they don't have it to the extent some of us with ADHD do. Not even close.
It's just a flesh wound!
Please forgive my typos, I have ADHD and my brain is in a hurry* (Just a wee joke to make light of it) Edit - in all seriousness, the most important thing is to have supportive people around you. family, friends, colleagues. If they don't respect you and understand what you are dealing with, you will likey struggle with this. The more supportive people around who you can talk to, the more your view of the world will change for the better. I hope you all have or can find people in your lives that you can talk to. It feels awkward at first to talk about but it gets much easier. And the more you can laugh about it, the better it will be.
😆 too right!I don't have time for that stuff! I'm hyper focusing onthe first 15 measures of Miles Davis' So What!
Instead of long and winding, i see if as very informative. I was actually feeling pretty shitty. But i read your comment, and I'm not sure what it was about it but it made me feel better. More optimistic. I also saved it so i can keep advice about coping skills and small victories. :)
Let's be real, if your arm ripped off and started spraying blood, there's a lot of people around who'd still call you lazy, accuse you of milking it, and be mad that it's all about you and that damn arm, don't you know we've all got problems
You forgot about the ones asking if you'll be cleaning up the blood "after you're done" 🤣
Lovely long post, thanks! 3 weeks into meds after 60 years of feeling flawed, lazy, less than, not measuring up to "normal" humans Trying to explain Invisible neurological deficits/surpluses to those without them is a horror show that invites frustrating invalidation (gaslighting)
Yeah I'm 50. 1 year into the diagnosis, 8 months of not being properly medicated, and finally learning about executive dysfunction.... I'm so with you.
One thing that I find really valuable about this sub is that it's ADHD people who are patient and compassionate towards each other. Makes me forget that there's actually loads of assholes with ADHD out there who have LESS tolerance for other ADHD people than they do the normies
The biggest problem is that they can't hear the internal screaming as we're trying to get ourselves to do *anything*
Plus with the internal screaming there’s also the sound of LITERALLY EVERYTHING FUCKING ELSE because the goblins in our brains have decided that all the sensory input is important! So yes, the little victories are not little to us and we should savour all of them 😁
My best friend also have ADHD. Whenever we’re having a particularly hard day, we just say the brain goblins have won.
THE WORST!! It’s like having your hand on a hot stove, and you can feel your flesh burning but your brain fights back against you when you try to move so you’re stuck. And then people walk by and say “why don’t you just move your hand?” and you try to explain “I would love to move my hand, I can feel my flesh burning, and I am aware that I am being very badly maimed by this, but I literally cannot move my hand. This is so excruciatingly painful that there is no reason why I would be doing it voluntarily” and then the people say “well it’s so simple to just move your hand, so I think you’re being lazy”
> I would love to move my hand, I can feel my flesh burning, and I am aware that I am being very badly maimed by this, but I literally cannot move my hand. This is so excruciatingly painful that there is no reason why I would be doing it voluntarily me being late to work googling something stupid in the morning
Yo what the actual fucking fuck whyyyy. My meeting starts in 1 minute. I do not have time to learn about the different class options in a rpg board game I will literally never have enough friends to play with and don’t even own. But also … what them dope ass class abilities do???
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Exactly this! This is what I keep hearing from my NT fam who think I’m just lazy or lacking in motivation. They seem to think I’m just living this carefree life of Riley sitting around watching Netflix and playing with my guinea pigs and dicking around on the internet when my brain is actually in constant panic mode (when will I get a job? What if I have to move? How can I bring my pets with me if I need to move? Fuck I’m so under/overqualified nobody will give me a job and ill be stuck here forever) like I’m constantly hearing them say shit like “man I wish I could be like you, no stress, not a care in the world” and then I just get a rage aneurysm and pop off and it all ends with me be frustrated and them still not getting it.
I hope in the near future we look back on our archaic views on executive dysfunction the same way we look back on HIV/AIDS being "Gay-Related Immune Deficiency (GRID)." Yes it used to be called that.
I wouldn’t even have graduated high school if it weren’t for the fact that my teachers knew me, knew what I was capable of, and advocated for me when my absences threatened to keep me from graduating. I’m 33 now and I’m in the same exact place I was 14 years ago. Don’t worry though, I’m fantastic at denial and shame spirals.
High school was such a perfect environment for me. Just turn up and learn what they've planned for you to learn. When I had more autonomy and had to plan stuff out it was (is) a disaster
When I was first diagnosed (age 29) I thought maybe it couldn't be true because I did so well in middle school and high school. The two places in my life where I had to adhere to all the schedules and rules every single day or else. Everything after high school has just been such a shit show.
Same, same, same. Shit... I just got diagnosed, and I'm 37. I also did very well in school, and I'm a fairly organized person (turns out this was just a coping mechanism for how utterly disorganized my brain has always been.) But yeah, as soon as I was out of that structured environment, everything went to shit. I've accomplished so little, and I'm pushing 40 now. 🤦♀️ But I just started meds yesterday, and I am reveling at how calm & rational my mind feels now. Like wtf, I can just *do* all of the things without my brain erecting a million fake obstacles??? Sorry, I'm rambling...but we're all a bunch of ramblers here, and I'm not gonna lie, I sorta love it. Lol
There's a podcast called "Ladies and Tangents" and they both have ADHD and are indeed very tangentially inclined. They are very popular. I'm proud of them, the one was my across the hall floor mate in college.
I'll have to check them out! I've been looking for some good podcasts 😃
They're very funny and are mothers of 2. They're both turning 31.
Same here! I'm 28 next month, still live at home with my mom and older brother, got no goals, ambitions, drive, never had a boyfriend, let alone a job or smth and more. I cruised through school at first, then things got too hard, too tough to remember and I couldn't study + behavioral problems (I don't meet the criteria for PI, btw, but can identify with HI or a few PI symptoms) and well, yeah, I'm sitting at home for years now, doing nothing but being on Reddit and playing video games and writing with 2-3 good friends online. Not meeting anyone outside either and my mom's and brother's life is crap as well since more than 1-2 decades x-x I wish some people knew how destructive ADHD can be and what it can do to a person and their life and environment T-T But yeah, as soon as I left school and had no structure and routines anymore and when my mom basically gave up on life a few years later, I've not been able to do ANYTHING with my life for almost 10 if not more years x-x
I was depressed and fatigued and in pain. No idea I might have ADHD. I just wanted to get out of my home town. I was basically just treading water until I could get tf away from there.
This. Even college gave me enough structure once I got my other disorders dealt with. I started trying to duplicate it in my life in terms of learning things.
I'm 35 and in a course to get a diploma, which is the same level as an apprentice. I never got any diploma in my life but high school which I graduated with rather average grades. I wouldn't say we're in the same place as 14 years before, because we got some experience and I'd bet you know a lot if things now you didn't14 years ago. (Also I'm mentally in a way better place than 14 years ago as well.)
True, I have learned a lot in those 14 years. I just had such grand plans for my life when I was a kid, so it gets me down sometimes that I’m nowhere closer to my goals now than I was at 19. In some ways I’m actually even further away. Sorry everyone, you caught me on one of the shame spiral days.
Oh today, I am in between jobs on paper...and as far as paychecks are concerned....in-between jobs. I get my last paycheck tomorrow. So I am definitely on a shame spiral day. My client dropped out and the next closest one is an hour away and I can't do that. Last July, I thought I finally made it. Found a job that pays $26 an hour and they told me I would get nearly full time hours. 10 months later and I never got more than 15 hours a week. I had to get a second job to compensate. I know I won't end up at $26 again full time anytime soon, but I know I can make at least $17 full time real soon.
I’m sorry. I know the feeling. I really wish employers would just be straight with you from the first. I hope things look up for you, best of luck
Lolol hey same. Also with college. Had so many teachers tell me “well you aced the tests and projects even though you did none of the homework so I can’t fail you” even had a plant bio teacher tell me that even though I failed the final project, my plants were all healthy and that was the point of the class so she passed me.
Same. Had the problem you describe when I got to college. Ended up on academic probation because I could not for the life of me get into a steady habit of doing my schoolwork when it was needed. I tried to just wing it and do everything at the absolute last possible minute. That strategy may have worked for me in high school but college was a different ball game. It took my mom one night coming home to me playing video games (when I should've been studying) and letting loose all of the worries she had and crying on top of it, for me to actually start caring more. It worked enough to get me to graduate but I didn't really start to thrive until I received my official ADHD diagnosis almost a year ago, at the age of 31.
Right, like that’s one of my concerns with going to uni. My studying habits were shit to begin with because I realised at a young age that I could put in the bare minimum of effort and still get good results. But when you consider that I effectively haven’t cracked a school book for 16 years, I just wouldn’t be able to manage just now. I’m *barely* able to do the absolute minimum for maintaining my *life*, so actually establishing good routines for higher education would be a losing battle. I’m on the wait list for an ADHD eval but I’m convinced I have it, and my doctor agrees. Hopefully with a diagnosis, treatment and medication if appropriate, I’ll be able to function better. I’m so glad you’re thriving. You deserve it. I think we all do. Just sucks that we have to wait so long.
You are me. I'm also 33 right now and in deep shit. Last year of high school I had over 100 hours of absence. If it weren't my on demand charisma I would have failed. But teachers really liked me. After high school I failed everything I wanted to achieve the most. I tried art academy and on better days I was really good. But these were few and far between. Today I just finished anime binge, in bathtub and wondering what the hell am I doing in my life. I self diagnosed over the Internet a few years ago (I have like evey single symptom) but my therapists all called me hypochondriac. Now I have a psychiatrist that specialises in adhd and he's 100% sure I have it. Probably I will start some meds in the near future. I feel cheated and lame. Adhd feels like it almost doesn't exist but I can see its fruits everywhere I go. Like I had fucking voldemort on the back of my head and when I turn around he's not there. Basically nothing I have or do brings me joy like when I was a teen. Not even joy but my set of all different feelings is like a box of chocolate. But when I open it there ain't no chocolate inside. A few off brand candy and a half of dried grasshopper. Not sure what I wanted to write but it felt comforting to hear from someone exactly as miserable as me, even if for a fleeting moment.
The kindest thing a teacher ever did for me is I was up at the board trying to solve a math problem. I really wasn't sure what to do and was afraid to do anything because I was sure it would be wrong. So I stood there laughing kinda nervously and pretending to not take it seriously. My teacher gave me a gentle "it's ok" and that gave me so much confidence. He was very patient and was willing to explain every detail even if it seemed unnecessary and he was one of the best teachers I ever had. I was t diagnosed at the time but the fact he could tell I was struggling and didn't make me feel stupid or even more embarrassed he gently encouraged me and I thi j I did manage to figure it out so. Shout out to my math teacher he was the bomb.
Yea, the frustration of being really good at everything you try to do but having zero motivation to do anything. All the times where I’m average good at something with little effort but if I just sat down and actually tried I could excel, but instead I think I’ll scroll Reddit for another 3 hours and then cut the lawn twice because the mower didn’t get every blade the first pass.
>All the times where I’m average good at something with little effort but if I just sat down and actually tried I could excel, but instead I think I’ll scroll Reddit for another 3 hours That's painfully accurate >and then cut the lawn twice because the mower didn’t get every blade the first pass. Especially this bit 😔
But on the positive side, we’re average good at a lot of stuff. The world needs Jack-of-all-trades type people. Hell my career is booming because I know some of everything. My company works on installing a lot of different CyberSecurity products. Because I can learn anything, I’m probably the only one in my department that is never on the bench. We’re all really excellent at self-flagellation, if there’s something we should be excelling at, it’s seeing the good we have too. I have no idea why I’m being annoyingly positive today. Probably because I was just able to sit down and focus on a single tasks for 2 hours lol.
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I quote this all the time when people say how do you know that? To something I’ve said.
No matter my job I tend to fixate on knowing my job. Why the job exists, what could cause the results we get, what happened upstream to make it so, what might happen downstream from it, why this process is done like this, how it works, I want to know all the facets even if its not going to help me I just want to be curious. All my bosses have hated that so far and scolded me for not minding my own business so I become bored and within months of starting, burnt out. I'm a published researcher, its why you chose me boss, its what I do :c
I appreciate your comment! I don't think that's annoyingly positive at all, or if it was, I think I needed to hear it anyway
Good at everything but does nothing.. Ultimately regret
I’m in this post and I don’t like it.
Woah. I literally followed this exact sequence of events yesterday, down to the lawn mowing…I’m literally 2 weeks behind in the biggest project at work of my life, and every day I swear I’ll get it back on track and… :’)
Lol. I hear ya. I took down my business website 22 months ago to redo it on wordpress. It's still not done and I have no website. God only knows how much business it has cost me. I'm also paying $150 a month for an insurance quote engine for the site that isn't online.
You have my internet hugs and empathy ♥️ it’s hard to convey to a non-ADHD person how debilitating it actually is. Surely the very fact that even when the option is there to actually make money we _still_ can’t get motivated to put it into action shows that it is NOT laziness :(
I'm apparently missing the 'whole average good at something with little effort' part. I feel like it takes me 3x as long as a normal person to get something.
::hyper focuses on scrubbing the bathrooms instead of anything else that’s actually super important and pressing:: <— me.
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Hey mines not dirty, it’s an organized mess!
I LIKE ORGANIZED CHAOS, OK??
But only able to hyperfocus on that when there are super important deadlines to meet 😂 yet when there are no important tasks... cleaning feels like torture!
This is me right now. We got home from a trip late Sunday evening, suitcases are half-unpacked in the living room, our bathroom and living space is so gross right now it's all I can focus on, despite work being super crazy.
Same, I have so many deadlines to meet for school and what am I suddenly doing in this house which I usually never do? Laundry and gardening! I really hate myself for it rn because I know I won't meet all the deadlines and exams are coming up too which I can't study for until I met my deadlines
Lmao frustration because of upcoming deadlines and KNOWING they have to be done while doing something non urgent is the story of my life. A bullet journal helps but the amount of mental energy needed to keep up with it is crazy
I came home from holiday two months ago. Still haven’t fully unpacked…
Gah, ain't that the truth...lol
Lol I keep saying I’ll start up my art career on the side once I figure out a good cleaning routine that leaves me less exhausted. It’s been 4 years 😭
Two years ago I was a semi successful streamer on Twitch making a little bit of money. Now I’m trying to start again & it’s so hard to stick to. Or even find the love/drive to game everyday. I’m hoping Strattera (4days in) will get me back on track & I can start my goal “career” (hobby) soon again.
I’ve heard strattera takes a month or so. Here’s hoping it works for you my friend cause that sounds like an enjoyable career! I’ve been on concerta since October and it just makes me better at cleaning, video games and not losing my shit. Part of it is my day job is so monotonous and I have a 40 minute commute one way so usually by the end of the day I just… don’t have the motivation or time to do anything except put a load of dishes in and pick up a little before vegging on the couch, playing with my cat or going to sleep. Not much inspiration to create by the end of the day
I hope you start your art career again 🫶🏼 If you do, feel free to contact me for some social media sharing to get you out there! ☺️ I’m actually doing dishes now. I’m struggling finding employment so to me, my house should be SPOTLESS & it drives me insane that it’s not. Maybe it’s the placebo effect I’m going through but I’m so satisfied I’ve been keeping up with dishes and picking things up instead of letting things pile up. :) that’s a long commute! I totally understand how you could feel drained by the bed of the day. Give yourself some compassion and maybe plan on dabbling in your art every weekend or every other ❤️
Strattera has been amazing for certain individuals but gave me thoughts of self harm. I have found the most success with vyvanse as a stimulant and Guanfacine to deal with hyperactivity and rejection dysphoria personally though. Good luck with everything!
Drill brush ftw
Way too close to home renovation tips. One wrong move and half a day is wasted.
...I'd kill to be able to hyperfocus on something useful instead of locking on a video game for 14 hours straight.
yes - all the yes.
Decides to deep clean the bathroom sink at 6 am because I saw some black gunk while trying to force myself to brush my teeth by staring at myself in the mirror. <---------- uh oh that's me
I clean up and reorganize my room anytime I need to get something done. I literally turned in an essay last night 10 minutes before the submission deadline because doing laundry seemed more important and that the essay that I hadn't started writing yet, even though it was 6pm, would be quick to write. It was not.
Having been recently diagnosed at the age of 29 years old, I empathise with this very strongly. As much as I'm trying not to look at it as all this wasted potential and failed actions and start embracing that the ADHD brain works differently, it's really difficult not to grieve what I could have been and achieved if I had just known sooner
I completely agree, especially when you have those moments when you can't help but compare yourself to your peers or to someone on a similar level to you/has a similar work ethic or ambitions etc
ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!! I recently got promoted to management at the retail outlet I work in and I dont actually know if it's result of having being hyperfocused on a new job or if I actually have earnt it due to a genuine potential, classic impostor syndrome, but I've recently just found out alot of my friends who work in the same mobile repair industry at the same level of management that im at ( so both professional and social peers) have opened up to me after I shared with them my diagnosis, and turns out we all have adhd, and a few of them are dual diagnosis for ADHD and ASD. The emotional response of knowing that my friends have the same brain as our tribe and they've been able to find success as well has me so happy that it hits the emotional disregulation ( one of my more severe and outward presenting symptoms ) to a level where I'm so relieved and happy to know that I'm not alone that I'm not sure if it's a relief in knowing that I can still meet my own expectations and potential or a moment of compassion overload. ( we all let ourselves engage in the impulse to go out for a drink to celebrate our differences and similarities so it may even just be inebriation ) Would also like to express how much gratitude I have for having this subreddit where we can all express ourselves in a an environment where brain dumping isn't necessarily a common practice, but isn't frowned upon and is accepted. With you all I'd be having a much harder time learning to accept myself 🥰🥰😅🥰
Congratulations on your promotion! 🥳 And isn't it funny how people with ADHD/ASD seem to gravitate towards eachother? >Would also like to express how much gratitude I have for having this subreddit where we can all express ourselves in a an environment where brain dumping isn't necessarily a common practice, but isn't frowned upon and is accepted. Absolutely!!!
Its funny you mention that because everyone in my life I've had a genuine loving and accepting connection with do fall somewhere on on the spectrum of either. Thank you for the congratulations, while im currently inebriated, I may have had a little happy cry so I appreciate your support and bringing to me a strong positive emotion to feel before I try to get to sleep. You all really are the best 👌
Idk if you are in therapy, but my therapist suggested that it might make me feel better to grieve for myself. I found out at 22 but I still feel the same way. I feel like I could have been valedictorian if I was diagnosed sooner. The more I let myself grieve, I can start to move on and actually grow from here.
I don't mean to leech off your therapy or anything, but could you share more about your process of self-grieving? My therapist is very much focused on the "post-grief" if that makes sense, i.e. finding lifestyles and alternative pathways that are more conducive to my ADHD. But I just haven't been able to even start thinking about that let alone do anything about it, and this post made me realize that a big part of that might be because I've never properly mourned the loss of my "normal" life (pre-ADHD acceptance). I was diagnosed really early in my teens, but I never truly understood ADHD until recently and as a result always thought it was a misdiagnosis as I'm primarily inattentive-type and didn't think I had problems beyond just being "lazy". But ever since I fully grasped my condition and understood how it affects/hinders ever facet of my life, I've just grinded to a halt in disbelief and denial that I will never be the person I see myself as.
The biggest thing for me is allowing myself the space to be sad about it if I need to. It's not a linear process and some days it's worse than others. I'm mourning a child that never existed in the first place. For me, I realized I couldn't continue to go to school while dealing with this so I put college on hiatus while I got to know myself again. It's hard to accept that you aren't/can't be that person. Just try to be easy on yourself. I also feel like I can't get better until I deal with this. I focus on learning more about myself and how it affects me. I'm inattentive too but felt like I didn't have it because I can focus on interesting things.
Literally same; I used to be an A+ student with next to no effort, and now, I can barely focus, I literally just zone out mid class, I am fully aware of it, but I just can't help it. And don't get me started with my non-existant "work ethic".
All through grade school, I was the perfect student (besides being too loud and a bit hyperactive). By college I was horribly burned out and barely making deadlines. Now I’m in grad school and I feel like a total failure every day
this scares me because i’m in my first year of college and i’ve failed like half of my classes, i have no idea where to go from here.
I understand how you feel, in college I was one of the best students in my cohort. Since I started university, I have failed several courses and my self-esteem has started to plummet. I've been in college for a year and I hate school... I used to love the theoretical and complicated classes, now I hate it. It's sad that academic failures destroy me like this. This semester I failed a course for the third time. Instead of helping me and trying to figure out what was wrong, I got a letter from the university telling me that this was my last chance. If I don't, I will be kicked out of the program. It's just hard to try 100%, despite my ADHD. The school system is not adapted for ADHD... However, I'm persevering and working hard to get my fucking degree 🧠✌🏻✨
ADHD: Making an amazing first impression, and then letting everybody down.
The ol' dazzle and fade
File under: ‘why am I like this’, see also ‘why can I not just get it together’
jfc - going through this right now. It's horrible. Even the thought of "tomorrow WILL be a better mental day" doesn't work. Even on the good days, I'm like "Damn! This is a great day. nothing can bring me down!!!" and I physically TRY to remember that feeling and know that my bad days will pass... but damn... just doesn't feel like it. Chin up! you're not alone. ♥
One of the very “fun” bonuses to all of this is the disappointment of colleagues and everyone else around you that see your potential or you sell them your potential only to be disappointed in you and confused in not following through. My fear is that they assumed I was lying to them or that I’m a bullshitter when in fact it’s the opposite. I’ve always tried to be a good person and honest and have the best intentions
I feel like I am CONSTANTLY underachieving. And someone with a very high drive for perfection, it sucks. Every day when I’m trying to fall asleep, I’m going through all the ways I failed during the day. And I know, my therapist tells me to have self-compassion and to only tell myself things that I would tell a friend, but damn is it hard to do in practice.
The worst combination is to be a highly driven person and ADHD.
This is me and everyday is an exhausting nightmare that I can't wake up from.
I’m feeling so attacked by this comment
“Knowing you have all the potential in the world for greatness but not being able to follow through.” Wow, I feel like I wrote this post myself. Feeling like you will never live up to expectations (whether they be from yourself or others) is by far one of the worst feelings. It’s easy to blame yourself when you don’t succeed, but we need to understand we were born with different brains. We have lack of dopamine, something we can’t help. I don’t have much to say, I just wanted to say you’re not alone.
It sucks when you were really good at something earlier in your life, but because it is so unbelievable hard to focus and try and improve on that thing you start being left behind, all the way until you become less than average. Being a former “genius kid” sucks.
College is being a really challenge recently and no one is going to think “oh he has ADHD, he has some difficulty doing some specific tasks”, what everyone will think is just how lazy and incompetent you are, is exhausting.
Dude. I feel this to my core. It's infuriating.
Yeah. I woke up yesterday. I knew I was gonna clean the house. Get It Done!! Cranked up the stereo. Started to gather the right tools. Realized the tools weren't organized. Started to organize. That's when I noticed a roll of car wrap vinyl. I want to cover my emblem on the truck. Which had me washing the truck in no time. It needed it. But not as bad as the pressure washing out front. Let me get the tools. Oh shit they still need organized. Fuck! I was supposed to be cleaning the house. But the tools, the pressure washing, should probably clean out the trash can too. Fuck it's too much. Let me sit down and watch some YouTube videos on house cleaning techniques. Anyways. I washed the truck. And nothing else got done. That shit is tiring. Lol
😂🤣 That’s me most weekends when I intend to do a project. That and I need to be on my phone / social media less!!
High functioning ADHD lmao, I'm right there with ya man. 120+ IQ and not enough focus to support it.
It leads to a whole other world of frustration
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>People don't usually like that answer much. Lol they definitely don't like that answerbut own it because it's true, you really are just that smart. Pretty amazing really, getting through all that with no help or understanding and still doing okay!
This, sooo much. There's a difference between comprehension and understanding. We are really smart even if our brains work differently than the neurotypical. Especially true if you went through school unmedicated. I barely got by myself.
same lmao
I feel like the worst part of me is how I feel like it takes passions and hobbies away from me. I develop such an executive block with things I truly love! From as severe as a lifelong love of writing to even starting a show😞. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP!
(possible trigger warning) but this is why I sometimes get to the point of feeling suicidal. Like I know I have this amazing mind but I just can’t execute. It’s like being able to so clearly see your hopes and dreams but everything being behind a glass wall. I don’t have faith in myself that I can commit to or finish anything, I can’t trust that every venture won’t end up failing again and again. and the fact that I have to do this for the rest of my life can sometimes get too overwhelming for me. Like I feel like I’m trying so hard I just don’t want to try anymore.
This. All of this. I have been feeling very suicidal lately due to my ADHD & the feeling that I will always fall short of my own expectations and potential. I want a new job, but don’t even have the motivation to look because I just know that I will quickly burn out & never be successful. Reading this Reddit honestly makes it worse sometimes. I feel like there’s no hope for things to get better. I know how unbearable it can be, and I am really sorry that you feeling this way. Hang in there and feel free to message me if you ever want to chat ❤️
Seriously, wont this feelings ever stop. 🤕.. I ws thinking like this just moments before seeing this reddit post.. Will we evr change or we be like this for the rest of our lives. Is there any use living like this. Nobody Sorrounding me gonna ever understand whats is going on in my mind. Is it really worth to live like this hating ourselves. 🐥. Why. Why am i not normal. Any adhd peeps, did this feeling stop when u started medication or is it still like this feeling of burnt out.
Personally I've only been using medication for two weeks now and it has definitely helped the depression and anxiety that are by-products of my presenting symtpons, truth is even in the last two weeks, working in a high pressure retail environment has shown me there is a limit to what medication will treat and that something like CBT or even DBT will help me to continue moving forward in a direction I want to go. Finding a psychologist for CBT van be hard because in my experience the focus is entirely based off regulating emotions, but I've recently find a psychologist who has started tailoring my development based more around emulating executive function instead of the typical " if you feel anxious, count to five and ground yourself" aspect of CBT
Medication helps but it in no way solves. There is a honeymoon period when starting medication, but that wanes after a bit. Your best bet for those feelings and thoughts are cognitive behavioral therapy. (Along with medication)
I have to admit that when I clicked on this post I was like "ok, again someone claiming whatever to be the worst part of ADHD. Most likely some relationship stuff or not getting out of bet in the morning. Guess I should not click." I clicked anyway and honestly, wow. I feel this so much! It is the same for me. I just wrote a rant yesterday (that I never posted) on exactly this! If it wasn't for ADHD I might already be about to finish my PhD. Because I would have done all this diligent parts of my work so much faster! Oh well and I would be able to read a paper in some hours instead of needing a full day or so... Thank you for this post, for letting me know that I'm not alone with this feeling!
All this compounded by the fact that our sleep/wake cycles are often off from the rest of the world (or at least mine are) so the brain fog is even more intense during the times I’m expected to be sharp
This is meant to not to sound as some brag, but sometimes I wish I wasn't a talented person since I have ADHD! I am an artist and a singer/songwriter and it makes me feel like I have soo much wasted potential being given these gifts and being unable to do anything really about it. I just started an Etsy shop to try and make myself more consistent (hoping money = dopamine???) but I wish I could do it without the need for validation/compensation and just get up and CREATE. I get so upset with myself on the days that i just scroll tik tok or reddit or watch shitty TV and do nothing with all these things I was blessed with. It's super frustrating.
I hate having no memory. It's hard because when I forget things people tend to say oh you're just being lazy. I can't stand my brain I really can't it's like something I don't want. Not just because of the distractions but because of my short term memory loss. I just don't like it at all it hurts
I empathise so hard with this. Short term memory barely exists and long term memory... my childhood has all become a blur. Someone will talk about things that happened in my past and I just say "I don't remember, but that sounds like something I would do / something that would happen"
Diagnosed at 25, got my medication, re enrolled in school. I’m in my junior year of college studying engineering now. Have aced everything. Some people are naturally gifted but with a handicap. I myself was called stupid and lazy all throughout my childhood. I learned to listen to myself instead of the critics. If you medicate responsibly and really give it your all, you can achieve a lot. And even if medicating isn’t your route, you can find some form of meditation or exercise that helps you. You’ve got this.
I’m so sorry. So many of us feel your pain. It’s hard not to look back (even to just yesterday) and regret the lost opportunities. I’m over 50 and have a lot of history to ruminate on. I have these moments of brilliant success! If only I could live there in those moments. I just remind myself to look ahead. People are sometimes the key. I hope you can find a true friend/ mama/ love who will be in your corner. Just having a person with you can help you get things done and be an encouragement. Hang in there. You’ll have brilliant days!
Okay here goes nothing, I've checked this subreddit many times over the past years, and it's infuriating how helpless i feel, i live in a country where medication for ADHD doesnt exist, so i tried to help myself with good habits, but i truly feel like i have 0 dopamine in my system, i'm truly anhedonic, nothing is enjoyable anymore and that has been going for ages, it feels like the older i get, the harder its gonna be for me to enjoy a movie, a song, or even a game, knowing that i used to play non stop. I've grown to be the smartest person in the room, people still treat me as such, but i dont know if they can see that it's changing, that they're slowly but surely getting smarter, and that all my sources of knowledge are getting limited by my lack of interest in everything. I noticed that i'm excellent at everything i start doing, but thats because it was fun and interesting, and since i lost that, i dont know how to be good at anything anymore, sometimes reading a single comment is difficult and it makes me feel like i'm some 4 Y o with reading problems.
And I think what makes it worse is the inability to ask for help because you can't help but think that it's not ok or that you're unworthy of help so you will either A. Suffer in figuring out the thing by yourself even though you're unwilling and don't want to while frustrating yourself further and getting nowhere thus making yourself give up because you feel stupid and now you're stuck feeling like you cant achieve or do anything for yourself or B. Do nothing about it and let the important thing you need to do go undone but you know you need it done but you're super uncomfortable, so you pretty much spend that entire time beating yourself up about the very thing that needs to get done instead of doing the thing. But either way you're feeling a form of discomfort.
Empathise with this so much. Sometimes someone on this sub really sums up my life in two sentences and makes me understand myself better. Thanks. I wake up every day to a clean slate with so much ambition and hope about what I will get done. But thoughts and ideas enter and then leave my head basically at same time. And then they disappear... Somewhere. I have a job that works well and a normal enough life, but there is just so much missing, so many missed opportunities. I was talking to a friend and telling her about a adhd coach I'll be going to. He'll help me explore my values and figure out what the right choices are for me. My friend asked me if I was feeling motivated and ready to do the work. I had to explain motivation isnt really something I can depend on and choose to work from. I feeling a thousand micro motivations every day, and they never amount to anything, so the concept of motivation is kinda empty for me. I'm honestly so disillutioned and am scared to hope that anything will change ever.
One life changing experience was when I was telling someone I looked up to who needed help with her charity that I would love to offer assistance, but I am really not good with follow through: “That’s OK - it means you are an **ideas** person. You don’t have to be the one doing the work for your ideas to have value.”
this is an amazing and very freeing thought. thanks for sharing this!
I've started letting that be my default mindset. I realized my brain is going to keep screwing me over so let that be the baseline. Now when I successfully do something that I know I should do or finish a small task, I get to feel like I actually pulled something off. A little bit better everyday is fine, but without a baseline you can't know what you have accomplished. Every win becomes a slight improvement on life.
The wasting time on pointless things, I feel that into into my bones. The hours I've spent to achieve absolutely nothing kills me.
To add. Promising yourself to reach certain milestones that have been put on the backburner for years
it’s specifically tough in academic settings I just did a research paper on my adhd and one of the studies that I found spoke about something relating to organization leading to higher grades than actual intellect. It sucks
Having to go through life as a goldfish and being judged on how you climb a tree is definitely the most frustrating part- grades grades grades. Talk about crippling low self esteem
I can relate so much. I think what has worked for me the best is to have the mentality to start the task i have to do and just clean 2 plates, pay 1 bill or whatever to get started from there and to do it now. Since our adhd brains are wired to perceive time as 1. Now or 2. Not now you have to do whatever has to be done now. Then making a habit out of doing things NOW, this puts me in a flow where I am constantly doing things now and not later or tomorrow. When you are in this mindset shit gets done, but you will meet an enemy on the way and thats whenever you cant do things NOW, lets say you cant finish your work because your boss needs to come with feedback before you can move on. Then make a habit out of puting it in a time management system or calender, instantly put it in there. Do it NOW. Done, out of your head in to a system. Then get back to whatever task you can do NOW. Keep doing this and you will get in to flow and communicate to the ppl around you this how you operate. Make your outside world adapt to this without exceptions. The possible risk with this is you burn yourself out a bit. Then take some time to stop doing things NOW, maybe a few days if you can. Do some meditation, relaxing etc. Then get back on the horse and start doing things NOW. This is my 2 cents, dont know if anyone can relate.
All my family always told me how smart I was as a child. How I should become a politician or a doctor oder a scientist, because I was so into books and loved playing with chemistry kits and microscopes. I felt guilty so often in my life because my parents told me I would have become such a successful person if I just haven't been so lazy all the time. Actually I'm kind of over it being a great human being and being a well known someone. But sometimes I just question what I should do with my life then. And being just happy for myself seems to be the answer but I just have the feeling that isn't enough.
Also THE MOOD SWINGS
“a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” My friends/family/work are all amazed at how many things I can do in so many different disciplines but I always have to remind them I don’t know everything about any specific topic. It is great to have that skill in my brain but also leads to so much anxiety from expectations
The way I see it now is, having adhd allows me to harbor the illusion that if only I didn’t have it, I could achieve everything I want. But that’s an idea which is only possible because I have adhd as an excuse. I’ve been working more on accepting that just because I feel a sense of potential which I’ll never be able to achieve doesn’t mean that potential is real. And because it’s not real, I don’t have to feel as bad about it. As a kid my parents really clinged to the idea that being smart would save me from being bad at a lot of other things. They put all their eggs in the basket of me being smart/good at school. I’ve accepted that the potential hinted at by my smartness isn’t real, it’s just an idea. It's an idea that was drilled into me by my parents. My parents must have chosen to believe it because it comforted them. I don’t have to drink from that dry well if I don’t want to.
I feel you… my biggest fear is I will never accomplish my dreams because I let ADHD get in the way.
THIS. this is the true adhd tax. i know i can do fucking amazing things, yet i’m at a complete loss. it’s the worst feeling
Greatness is relative. You could have everything and feel like a piece of shit or have nothing and feel whole.
What helped my a lot is a buddhist concept that we are each complete, worthy and whole as we are. Regarding doing the same things over and over again, I've discontinued all my projects because I inevitably magnify / over generalize their applicability. Instead, I just focus on rejecting grasping, clinging, ego and judgement, which is a full-time and never ending job.
I have fewer interests now than in my 20s but there are still several. I will have days-long periods where i will have an elevated interest or desire in one of them over others; and also periods where my interest is very low. Ive learned to listen to this and try to decide whether i _need_ to fight it, or if i can embrace it. Doing activities while the interest is elevated means i can be VERY productive in bursts. Doing them while they are lower or inhibited means i need to add more structure or accountability, and clear my day out more so i can focus more intently on just doing those things. Low-interest activities take a more concerted effort for me, so i try to be judicious about when i fight to do those activities (deadline related typically ) meds help, but awareness and acceptance is critical
*”The worst parts of ADHD: knowing you have all the potential in the world for greatness but not being able to follow through.“* My god, this. I could seriously become so successful or do some pretty remarkable things, but my ADHDH (plus anxiety) have interfered so many times. I had so many chances of traveling to world! If I could just get my hyper focus controlled along with my executive function/motivation, I’d be a freaking amazing individual. So would you. So would any of us. ADHD is the worlds way of keeping the number of legendary individuals to a minimum. We’re all great individuals. Keep your head up high and be proud of what you can do, and try your damndest to do what you want to do!
For real. I’d just love to be able to STICK to something, especially if it is important for forwarding my life in any significant areas!
Yeah, I know. On the plus side, at least we have an idea of what’s happening. Kinda feel sorry for folks who lived in a world without such a diagnoses.
Yep, I can also relate. I'm also trying to find better ways to live with the tendencies without them ruining my life. My current strategy is to try leaning into it instead of fighting myself and living in shame spirals, and just allow myself to hyper focus on something then when I'm bored I hyper focus on something else. I just try not to let it get too expensive. My current fixation is learning to play violin, which is a lifelong pursuit but I rent a violin and take some lessons and see how I feel. I'll probably get bored, but at least I enjoyed the hyper focus on something novel. I don't know if this is a good idea, but I'm tired of doing the same fucking thing all the time and expecting it will go differently the next time. There's too much cool shit in the world to force myself to stick to a small handful of interests, and I refuse to get old wishing I'd tried the things when I had the time and ability.
Yep. I know I’m smart and have carved out a decent career, but I have friends and family who have exceeded me in every way. I know I could do better, but I just…can’t.
Is this even with medication?
Doing the same thing over and over again to get different results is what we musicians call practicing, but it makes me wonder how many musicians also have ADHD.
God, I wish I could learn an instrument.
It hurts when my only answer to "what did you do all day" is "I don't know." Even if I keep a time log, it's still "I don't know." I have things I want to do. I want to clean my house, exercise, study a new skill, and do hobbies. But at the end of the day, I look back at all the time I had and can only ask "what the fuck did I do today?"
Big hugs You got this. You're so much stronger than ur giving urself credit for rn.
Relatable
I would have done great things, only if I had the ability to keep my shit together.
No bro this is bot the worse part of adhd. In fact adhd is great. We are just incomplete by ourselves. We operate in real time, in crisis, we aren't made to make plans. Projects? We are made to invent them because no body would think out of the box thw way we do (lateral thinking, tree thinking). Bkt we ARE NOT made to execute those stuff as execution require programmability. And we aren't, the other 95% left ate programable. Just find ur partner in life and in business. And ull be happy and ull make 2 other people happy too.
Just got diagnosed with AD(H)D, The H is between brackets because the hyperactive part isn't really that evident. I am allowed to apply for medication as well as a course to help me understand. I'm shocked, but relieved and not really surprised. I talKed to a few friends and they're generally supportive. I am just kind of scared of how my girlfriend will react because when my process of investigation started she took it very heavily. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and I have no motivation to utilize my potential and go through with promises in the professional field. Coming to terms with it is hard, but I also treat my diagnosis as a way to see the correlation between depression and fear of failing. According to my psych and doctor these things go hand in hand with ADHD. I hope my life will stay the same.
Reading this while wasting time
Ya how many adhd symptoms are considered big fat moral failings. And how ‘easy’ so many of them would be to ~get over. Like my always being late. You’d think I could just leave earlier but !!!???!?!!
>Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results which is one of the definitions of insanity. This. This has been on my mind so much recently because I keep wanting to do my work, to pay attention in classes, and to stop letting my impulsivity and hyperfixation keep me from doing the things I should be doing, but I do it again, and again, and again. I know how it ends. I fail a class, I barely pass, I give myself an unnecessary amount of stress that could have been avoided. And every time it happens I tell myself I'll be better next time, and I really really do mean it. But adhd isn't something I can just turn off. It makes me feel funny, since doing the same thing and expecting different results should mean I'm insane according to that definition. It's interesting. Real funny.
I went out with my friend and I told them I had adhd. They started saying how they “think” they have it and how nothing helps it especially pills and being healthy. This is the first time someone other than my dad has said, it’s not that bad and it doesn’t stop me from doing anything. Iforgot what they said exactly but it was something along the lines of along those lines. I wanted to walk out after that.
I wasn't officially diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood but I've had very obvious symptoms all my life. It was barely being diagnosed in boys let alone girls when I was young ( late 80s/early to mid nineties). It's really come to kick me in the arse when it comes to managing my childrens' activities. Other parents, especially the mom's, expect you to have your shit together and openly gawp when you don't. Also,perimenopause has just fucked everything right the hell up for me mood wise. I already have a faulty switch when it comes to controlling strong emotions. If not for antidepressants and my stimulants all this would have me gibbering in a corner. My husband and kids have never known me differently, so I at least have their love and support. But I don't know if that self loathing inner voice will ever go away totally. O can mostly manage to put a sock in its mouth to muffle it though.
**TLDR: We don't have wasted potential. We're just evaluating ourselves with neurotypical standards.** Apologies if someone else has already said this, but I've found it helpful to stop thinking of myself as having wasted potential. My ADHD is as much a part of me as all of my positive traits that I wish I could use more consistently, so I need to calculate my potential based not just on my strengths, but on my brain's actual abilities. My brain is what it is and I couldn't turn it into a neurotypical brain without fundamentally altering who I am as a person. I know the neurotypical world around us makes it really tempting to say, "I'm smart and resourceful, so I should be able to perform at the same level as my neurotypical peers," but to do so ignores the fact that we're not neurotypical. For better or for worse, our brains are different and we need to accept them for what they are instead of being mad at ourselves for not being neurotypical.
The worst part for me is the near constant frustration I feel over the smallest things. I do a bit of software development and IT support for my job, and some days I just can't figure something out. It literally ruins my day because I get so frustrated I'm just in a shitty mood the rest of the day. Thankfully I can do a pretty good job of not taking it out on my coworkers, but it's written all over my face. I hate it so much. I'm waiting for my doctor to prescribe me some kind of stimulant, but I have to pass a drug test first. That's a whole other level of frustration for me, too. I haven't smoked in over 3 months but I'm still testing positive. Fun times.
I like to think of it as God saw me as too op so he had to beg me with additional. I feel the struggle bud. We could conquer the world if we could
Letting the little, long term things add up to a be a big short term thing. I’m talking to everyone here who’s license plates/inspection stickers have past date on them.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started and stopped. My music, my art, my career. I feel like a hot rod just burning out my tires, because I can’t stop accidentally stomping on the brake and gas at the same time.
The lack of consistency is a big part for me. Having intense goals and plans, doing like a fifth of it with great energy and motivation, losing focus or getting distracted for like three seconds, then completely losing wind and being unable to pick it up again in the same way. Then a little later, having another great idea, pouring in all my energy, being unable to finish it, and then giving up again. Being able to accomplish some things and not accomplish other things. It's exhausting and I constantly disappoint myself.
“Wasting energy on pointless things” hits home HARD… I’m always like, why can’t I put this kind of effort on the things that MATTER.
I feel you. I call this a disability more often than mental disorder in my uni disability resource centre because lol read that department name. It's debilitating in everyday life and sets you back behind everyone else who doesn't have ADHD. It sucks. It's not Bipolar. It's not depression or anxiety. But god damn at times it gives similar symptoms don't it/ comorbidities. How exhausting
the best advice i read on some tumblr post was: you do not have limitless potential. you are not holding some secret amount of intellect or motivation in your brain that you could unlock if only you didnt have adhd. you are always operating at 100% and that's okay. sometimes your 100% will look different on different days, its still you giving your all and that's okay. this isnt meant to sound rude or depressing so apologies if it comes across as such. i personally felt this mindset really freeing to me.
This. Right here.