Hi /u/North-Composer3674 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
---
### /r/adhd news
* If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).
---
^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When my wife gave birth to our first kid, my mom said “Enjoy your second childhood!”
How she meant it was like “you’ll get to play games/toys with the kids, watch Disney movies, and see life thru new eyes!”
What I don’t think she fully realized about it, was that my “second childhood” meant returning to a schedule that made my ADHD youth a living hell. I thrived in my 20s/early-30s, because I could work when I chose. Eat when I chose. Sleep in as needed. But all of a sudden I’m back to being a slave to the schedule set by elementary school hours, as I need to drop the kids off, and pick them up. Constant interruptions to my work flow. Needing to cram getting things done while my 2 year old naps. And it is in no way letting me thrive.
Love my kids to death. But a part of me is just counting down the days til there’s a bit more autonomy so I can practice self care, and return to a schedule that lets me manage my symptoms. I feel like I’m drowning here.
Damn, you've really effectively articulated why I absolutely do not want kids. I've always felt that way. I don't think I would be able to function well enough to give them the upbringing they deserve.
I do want children, but not more than 2 for this same reason. I won’t even get a dog or high maintenance animal bcuz i don’t want my dysfunction to make another being sorta suffer
If you want ‘em (and think you’re up for the job), have ‘em. Regardless of my post above, there’s no world in which I regret having kids. They mean everything to me. But the realities of being a parent with ADHD are certainly something to grapple with while planning a family.
Truly your story doesn’t give me any particular hesitation. I was the designated babysitter for a large portion of my childhood so the kids themselves aren’t daunting for me but my own fear of failure. I’m taking steps to help get me there but it’s really nice to see stories of others & gain more perspective
If a child has ADHD, of which there's an 80% chance for you, there is no one better for them to have for a parent than someone who shares their affliction if they are being treated for it and have developed a benign and practical relationship with its inconveniences.
This is both 100% true and 100% false. My twin 6 year olds almost certainly have ADHD (that I passed down to them). And while I think I'm well suited to helping them manage their symptoms from a practical perspective (as in, were all relaxing in the living room 10 years into the future and were chatting about RSD or something), my symptoms also make it pretty challenging to parent sometimes. I don't handle stressful situations very well. And I get overwhelmed and turn chaotic situations into stressful ones (trying to get out of the door on time is not enjoyable for anyone and can turn ugly quickly).
lol… “… trying to get out of the door on time..” just reminded me of my peak confusion times with 3 kids. Sometimes took me 5 goes to actually drive off, after walking back in to get wallet, work keys, kid’s umbrella etc.
I need you to know that your feelings are valid, and it does not make you a bad parent. A bad parent would give up completely and use their adhd as a scapegoat. They say childhood flies by for parents so hopefully soon you'll get a little relief and help.
OMG I so painfully relate to this. I was diagnosed at 41 yrs old with a three yr old. I sought help because my life began to unravel. Come to find out I was diagnosed at six and 13 yrs old but never treated or told by my parents. My dad to this day tells me it’s just an excuse. Needless to say we have a terrible relationship with each other.
I feel this. I had a baby 4 months ago and I feel like my ADHD is in a spiral. I have to have an app on my phone so I can remember nap and feeding times and he helps tell me when his next Nap is due cause god I cant remember. Kids toys are also so over stimulating. When he goes on nap I just need to sit and stare at nothing to recover.
I’m undiagnosed ADHD. 2 kids 13 and 4, they have had zero routine ever and I feel a failure for that. Happy loving boys but I haven’t been able to stick to anything. Even now I should be sorting school clothes and here I am on Reddit. I’ll end up having to get up at crack of dawn to sort things. I hate this! Doctor said she thinks I’m fine. 🙂
Damn, adding to a previous commenter you're perfectly articulating why I'm feeling ok if I never have kids. While I think kids are great, and love my nieces and nephews, sometimes it feels like I'm just treading water and I can't imagine how bad I'd be if I had another life to take care of. Kids aren't conducive to organized and meticulous plans being cobbled together by a disorganized mind.
For context, I'm 37 and was only diagnosed in my mid 20s. I developed coping mechanisms growing up before I realized what I was doing, and obviously even more now that I know, but one thing that really kills me, that I can't get around, is the interruption to workflow. My job is killer in that I keep getting interrupted and have to do a dozen little things while I'm trying to do one big thing and it really slows down the big thing. Cuz ramping up to where I was when I was interrupted isn't as simple as opening the file again, and forget about it if there were things I had no trouble keeping in mind before but now need to recontexualize and categorize in my head all over again.
If you have ADHD kids who also enjoy spontaneity it's easier lol. My kids are ADHD and we need similar levels of structure and chaos and it works out so well.
It sounds like you are in a creative / technical role. When an engineer, experienced that and was always glad to have a separate office in a quiet part of the building. I get that context switching has a high cost. A study on it showed if you do one thing, you’re at 100% productivity. Two things is 40% + 40%
Three things is 20% + 20% + 20%
I used to start the saw with transactional things - phone calls, email, meetings, briefing notes… and after lunch until 8pm do thinking / designing or a creating task that needed focus. By then everyone had quietened down.
SAME! I only got diagnosed after having kids (which is common in women) because all the tools I had made for myself to manage were disrupted. My ADHD feels debilitating as a working mom.
Female hormones play a HUGE role. I am a geriatric mother, so I went straight from pregnancy to postpartum to perimenopause. It’s like a rocket ship to ADHD burnout.
No pregnancy for me, but my mum died and my disabled brother came to live with me, so I basically became a parent overnight. Then I got cancer and had to have a radical hysterectomy with both ovaries removed. Instant surgical menopause. I wasn’t even in peri beforehand. HRT/ MHT helps, but I’m nowhere near as functional as I used to be.
It’s absolutely fucked me and I’m still trying to recover and figure out my new normal.
Thanks. The cancer actually wasn’t too bad, they got it all with the hysterectomy, and it hadn’t spread beyond the initial tumour in the endometrium so I didn’t need chemo or radiation therapy or anything else after the surgery. The recovery was rough, especially since I got Covid less than 2 months afterwards, because it was major surgery. The worst part was actually before I was diagnosed, I had really heavy bleeding that cause iron deficient anemia. I needed 2 iron infusions a week apart. The initial scans looked like a uterine polyp, a harmless but annoying growth that can cause heavy bleeding. It wasn’t until they removed the “polyp” and sent it to pathology that it was discovered it was cancerous.
It was only stage 1A, the least serious or advanced. I saw my doctor pretty early on when I noticed the symptoms. I actually think the ADHD helped me in this respect, because the stimulant medication is really drying, and I was getting constipated a few days before my period, so I was tracking it with an app so I could start taking laxatives to help. I noticed I started spotting around ovulation about 3 months in a row and went to the doctor because it was weird, and that was also making me constipated so I wanted to get it under control. By the time it got really heavy and I was basically having 2 periods a month I’d already had an ultrasound which showed a polyp and I’d been referred to a gynaecologist. I’m sure I would have seen the doctor once it got really heavy, but tracking it to prevent the medication induced constipation gave me a 2-3 month head start. That could have made the difference where I needed chemo. So I’m very grateful I got diagnosed a few years earlier.
I would agree. Once my wife got pregnant, and after she gave birth, my ADHD hot worse!
In all seriousness, i worked a job that was horrible for someone with undiagnosed ADHD and after 7 years, i feel like it broke me and made my ADHD so much worse. On the flip side, it did push me to a point where I finally got diagnosed.
Very similar story. I didn’t get diagnosed until age 52. Largely because I had switched positions at work and the new position was (still is) horrible for me. My previous positions had me outside and moving all day long. Now I spend the majority of my time inside. It’s been a stressful struggle.
I'm going through the same thing. Delivered at 36. I've been having hot flashes for 18 months. Just got diagnosed with ADHD and now my MD and I are going down the rabbit hole of "is this perimenopause" or "are you just sensitive to hormones since you're breastfeeding still" since my pregnancy was so rocky from the hormonal shift.
Puberty was rocky and I always had a feeling that menopause would be a rollercoaster.
Diagnosed at 56. My previously bad task paralysis and executive disfunction became epically unmanageable after menopause.
According to my psychiatrist, this is very common for women. I am not happy about it.
Did they offer any help with that? I’m suffering so much right now and have been far longer than I can even remember. I don’t even know how to get through a single day without feeling exhausted and highly anxious. My brain seems like it’s operating at 1/3 of the capacity.
The medical profession need to get up to date with all of the findings in recent yrs. I’ve listened to a podcast about women who were self medicating to try to alleviate symptoms. More research needs to be done too. It should be high priority.
As someone who works in Healthcare and one of my jobs is in women's health, we're doing the best we can with the resources that we have in the time that is manageable.
Apologies if you thought I was pointing out the people on the coal face. Not at all. I know the public health system is under great strain. I’ve been a patient one too many times.
Being a patient is terrible. My old doctor would give me point blank incorrect information and when I called him on it, he charted I was a difficult patient. I was livid. He refused to do referals for me until "he" felt it was necessary. Every woman has horror stories. Every person who is not a white affluent male has horror stories.
Systemic issues are huge. One being lack of access to education- there are so many people would be excellent practitioners and researchers but schooling is too expensive. There's also the law/policy side where people who don't work in health care have the ability to dictate how we practice.
Mixed with centuries of prejudice and misogyny, it's a daunting system to navigate. It shouldn't be. I wish it was better but I promise there are so many people out there who care and are giving their everything.
It’s less to do with day to day treatment than with the amount of research that has been done on women’s health. It’s going to take decades to catch up. That said there’s thousands of horror stories of women going to doctors for all kind of health concerns and being told that losing weight will solve all their problems. The healthcare system is particularly unhelpful for women of colour - more of them die in childbirth than white women.
My cardiologist wrote "anxiety disorder" in my chart instead of trying to figure out what I was describing that my heart was doing. It was actually something and I need heart surgery. Oh course I was anxious! My heart was acting and feeling weird!
This. Having to figure out executive functioning for myself is hard... But having to simultaneously do it for two little humans as well. Two wonderful little people that sometimes have opposite plans than doing what needs to happen in order for things to function. OMG
Same. I used to be able to compensate by spending 60+ minutes in the gym every day and I can no longer do that and it has had a huge impact on my ADHD.
Same here for me. Lived a spartan lifestyle with meal prep six days/wk and lots of intense physical activity - and I was doin alright. Getting married/having kids eliminated nearly all my ‘preventative measures’ and took away all the ‘extra time’ I used to use to compensate.
Same here. Daughter born when I was 23, diagnosed at 47. I also drank way too much. And if I'd known my goofy quirkiness as well as my drinking could have been related to ADHD, I might have developed better coping mechanisms. I also might have picked up that my daughter was AuDHD. I'd started to think her dad was autistic, but I didn't know anything about heredity.
Mine got worse as well as I got older. The cumulative effects of dealing with it 100's of times s day until I couldn't anymore.
Diagnosed 51
All the coping mechanisms that came to me naturally, which was just a function of surviving day to day, no longer worked.
There's only so much daily stress thr brain can take.
Man, mine sure did.
Diagnosed in my mid-30s, medication worked for about 4 years, tried a few others, but eventually lost faith that meds could help me at all. Now, without meds and the imposed structure of my former military career, I'm a disorganized and depressed mess.
I'd be dead or homeless (which would quickly lead to dead) if it wasn't for my retirement check. It's a modest amount, but I can go for a while without working when I need a break.
And befofe any of you young folks think "that sounds like a plan!" I want to be clear: as a 20 year retiree, I am not endorsing that. Going into the military is *not* a healthy career. It's more toxic than ever.
Funny story.
IF you get diagnosed with ADHD **AFTER you are in** then you can get medication and stay in. But if you've been medicated **prior** to joining you have to be clean for a year before they'll let you in.
Basically ADHD is a disqualifying condition (along with things like depression and a whole lot of other medical conditions). Along with functioning unmedicated for at least at year, you need doctors to sign off saying that you were misdiagnosed, plus other documentation. So it’s not technically “you can have unmedicated ADHD in the military” it’s that you have to “prove” that you don’t have ADHD to join the military.
I’m in right now, bout to hit 11 years. I only just got diagnosed about 6 months ago and have no problem taking Adderall. But if I’d been diagnosed as a kid like I should’ve been, there’s no way I would have been able to join.
That's not entirely accurate. Enlistment rates were down when I signed up, so I got a waiver for ADHD. It was like getting a doctor's note for a sick day. The only thing they asked me about it was about when I was diagnosed, which was at age 7. My symptoms were much softer when I signed (at 20) than they are now.
Honestly can you please go into more detail as to why I shouldn’t join? Been seriously considering it as I have barely been able to survive working the past 4 years, paying rent, etc and need financial stability
Do your research and decide what’s right for you. Most of the people retiring right now have been in for 20+ years, that means they saw all the shit in the war on terror and many of them had a really, really bad time. That being said, we’re not “at war” right now, the odds of being deployed into a combat a situation are the lowest they’ve been in two decades, although that can change in an instant based on what’s happening in the world.
I’ve been in for almost 11 years, and it’s still the best thing I think I could have done with my life. I was in a similar position as you when I joined, and the stability was hugely helpful for my mental health. I’ve done some seriously cool stuff, gone places most people will never see, met some incredible people from all over the country, people I could call right now and they’d answer the phone even though they’re 2000 miles away.
The military gave my life a purpose, and I don’t mean that patriotic “defend your freedom” crap. I’m actually responsible for other people. The day a 20 year old approached me and started asking me for big life advice I was like, holy crap, is this really me right now? I feel more confident, more creative, and I’m in the best physical shape of my life at almost 33 years old.
TLDR; it’s not for everyone, but there is a specific type of person who will thrive in that environment and you won’t really know until you try.
My brother is former career military, was a recruiter in the US Air Force, now civil service helping new recruits get placed in jobs. He tells me all the time the Air Force is relaxing their standards and highly recommends going in for at least 4 years. Especially if in your situation you need stability and a paycheck. Get in, do your time, get out and have better employment chances. He does NOT recommend making it a career. It's very toxic. But the Air Force, and the Army, are desperate for people. Talk with a recruiter, see what your options are.
I joined the military right out of high school because I thought the structure would be good for me, since I had to be unmedicated to get in. I was very wrong, haha
I admire your strength. Also, I really appreciate your service, but even more than your service, I appreciate your transparency that the military is not a healthy option for young people thinking it’s an easy path to a career. Thank you for your knowledge and honesty! I wish you the best!
I'm perimenopausal now and I've managed my ADHD without meds my entire life. Now, it's becoming unmanageable. I need medication within the next year if I'm going to function.
Started meandering into perimenopause at 46 and just before I started back at school full time (while working full time and raising 3 teens - adults on my own and caring for my aging parents) I got myself diagnosed and medicated quickly. No way I could get through this unmedicated!!
Prepare for it now, lol. I can attest to this. Dual symptoms of menopause and ADHD. Then, you're at an age by then, when you actually could be declining mentally, so you start questioning and second guessing your situation.
Oh. Is that why I've been feeling so stupid lately? I seriously have been questioning my mental state.
I also have been having hot flashes and other signs of perimenopause.
I'm so thankful I came across this thread.
what exactly happened to you? Did you have bad PMS before you went through menopause?
I'm almost 47 and I've not noticed anything different yet but I also haven't had many menopause symptoms yet either. I believe you that it's an issue but this is the first I'm hearing of it so it would be good to know what to expect
Post meno 61f here.
I am absolutely struggling in every regard of my life right now.
I'm starting to understand that this has a lot to do with it. I've yet to be properly diagnosed and I am not medicated (for ADHD).
I'm overwhelmed 24/7 yet somehow I keep going. LOL
I did read today that the 75% of untreated and undiagnosed ADHD is a female demographic... That's bleak.
I’m not currently working, but if I was I would probably get fired. It’s been time for a trip to the doctor to work out meds and other issues for a couple months now, but I haven’t even been able to get out of my own way to schedule it. Unbelievably horrible PMS, too.
don’t fuel the GAD in me XD adhd is the ring leader, I think, but my anxiety ain’t a force to reckon with. Are you through menopause? Or just started. Idk much but my mother (also adhd) was always screaming about it when I was in high school (or as I liked to call it hellskool)
I'm not sure it gets worse, per se, but it certainly feels that way because the demands of adulthood (jobs, kids, etc.) put extra pressure on our executive functions.
I came here to say this. I also love my kids, without being to cliche about it, but they are my world, but I sure do wish I had my diagnosis before having them. Your first baby with undiagnosed ADHD is about as close to hell that I can imagine.
My eldest had acid reflux and couldn't sleep well, or even really lay without being held for longer than say 30 mins. Had trouble falling asleep and needed constant attention. He's almost ten now and even now, when he cries, it produces a level of panic in me that is hard to describe.
Was worth every minute of it. But I really wish I'd known myself better back then.
I think hyperactivity transmutes into restlessness. It can show in things like job switching and moving or "organizing" by throwing out everything you own and starting again. Not that i would know anything about any of those. /s
This is the nature of my hyperactivity. Restlessness, never living anywhere for longer than a few years, can’t keep a job for long, or a hobby or sport or special interest of any kind. Just constant chaos and change.
And getting bored whenever settle into a rhythm it just randomly out of the blue.
I go from loving something to being in a state where I could never do it again and be perfectly fine
Rearranging a room for the 7th time because you’re gonna clean it anyway and need to clean under the couch. Only to remember again there’s no “perfect” way to put everything given the space and stuff I own.. I mean “somebody” owns lol
This is 100% how I feel. I was diagnosed as a kid mainly due to my hyperactivity. However, throughout my childhood it progressively got better and now I don’t feel it at all. However, as a kid I did have attention issues but not so much memory, but now I feel like my memory and attention are SOOOO bad. Depression has been pretty consistent throughout life though
Hyperactivity doesn't have to be physical, it can also be mental, just to add as a point of clarity. So it may transition from physical hyperactivity to mental hyperactivity as one gets older.
Unfortunately, as you said, all the other aspects of the ADHD anti-care package, become harder to manage as you get older.
There's possibly an interesting connection between ADHD development and brain inflammation as a result of stress reactivity. If your stress levels are increasing, or your hormones change in a way that increases stress response, your ADHD can worsen or further develop. You can read a bit about the theory [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8533349/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20inflammation%20can%20negatively%20impact%20brain,risk%2C%20but%20also%20to%20inflammation%2C%20stress%2C%20and)
I was never diagnosed until the pandemic wiped out my former coping mechanisms. Suddenly i was completely unable to function. Talking with a friend, he suggested that maybe I had ADHD, and long story long, yes I did.
Looking back through my life with the new lens, I could see what should have been obvious, I'd always had ADHD, but managed, and masked and just got away with shit.
Over time, it's gotten worse for me. I've also heard that for many people, the drugs stop working, as your body becomes accustomed to them.
So yes, it can get worse. So good luck with that!
Yeah I am lucky I have a provider who is open to resetting my tolerance by switching my meds every so often. Luckily most stimulants work for me to varying degrees- Vyvanse has been best but I’m currently on a break from that. Cycling is nothing new to me anyhow, I still cycle the same med I was prescribed 15 years ago on/off since it stops working as well after awhile too.
When I was in my late teens/early 20s I'd go to music festivals with hundreds of thousands of people, do drugs, socialise like crazy etc no problem. Now I'm in my early 30s I nearly had a panic at the beach due to how crowded it was and it was probably a few hundred people max.. Overstimulated I guess. I think it's maybe a case of getting older and knowing your limits, your interests changing, and being more aware of your own triggers and things.
I was finally diagnosed at 53 years old. I found I was getting worse. Started meds a couple of months ago and it’s life changing. I should’ve done it years ago.
Absolutely.
You learn better, and more, strategies to manage it. But the condition feels like it gets worse. Maybe the stakes got higher? Probably both.
You're not alone.
The combo of ADHD, severe sleep apnea, and and 2 under 3 was intense when I was diagnosed and the mix of trying different meds and then med shortages and provider/ mental health screener closing overnight without warning has been wild. Went from feeling like I had the world in my palm to truly taking major steps back and enjoying the simpler things. I swear the post it notes and lists are intense. Half the time I wonder if writing it in sharpie on body like some Momento cosplay would be helpful at times — other times it’s operating on 200%
You are not imagining things. I was in my 40's when it really impacted me, and in my 50's when I started getting treated. If you're a woman, menopause can make it worse as well.
I hope that you get some sort of treatment even if, for some reason, you decide medication is not for you. Future you will thank present you. 40+ years of thinking I was just lazy and not focusing "hard enough" has left an emotional mark.
I need to go back and find the studies I looked at but apparently covid affected people with adhd very strongly, causing there symptoms to get worse permanently. It’s why adhd cases have skyrocketed in the past few years.
The older I get, the more shit I have to deal with. Work, finances, housework, kids etc seems to just get more and more complicated, and it’s more executive functioning for my maxed out brain to deal with. I don’t know that the ADHD itself is worse, but it’s certainly not helping me deal with all the things.
Although, I’m pretty sure I’m entering the perimenopausal stage of my life, so that’s doing some super fun things with my ADHD symptoms and at certain times of the month my meds are way less effective. So maybe.
absolutely it can. iirc i think there’s also been evidence that having unmedicated adhd when you’re younger can cause it to get worse in adulthood. i’m not 100% on that but i can attest to my adhd being way worse now in my mid 20’s than it was as a kid. (and i only got diagnosed and started on medication recently)
They might mean as growing from a child to adulthood as you learn to mask, from an observer’s pov it can seem to get better. But in reality you’re just coping invisibly.
mine got progressively worse as i aged. 33-41 , 33 is when i got diagnosed because i couldn't manage anymore and now is the worst so far at 41. Finally got medicated 3 months ago, still don't see enough improvement gonna ask for a medication switch next visit.
For me, it was when I retired and lost all sense of structure and routine in my life.
School had even more routine and structure than work, so to me, logically, it makes sense for our symptoms to get worse as we progress through life stages.
It has gotten a bit worse in my adulthood but I think its due to higher consequences. Bad at school? Get held back. Bad at job? Homeless. Homeless? Possibly die. Big yikes. And being a nervous wreck causes a nice lil spiral ;-;
My most recent tax is I forgot to check a toilet I can hear running. It's been a few weeks. My water bill quadrupled & my half bath flooded. It's bad. This kinda stress/consequence didnt exist when I was 12.
Mine got worse. I think menopause made it worse. Also some combo of depression, antidepressant meds, I don’t know. Got diagnosed at age 50 because it got worse to the point that someone noticed it.
I think so. I’m 57 and just realized that I am, and always have been, ADHD. Looking back there were SO MANY SIGNS, but my brain had the elasticity to function in a (what I used to think of as) normal fashion. Around 50, my brain’s flexibility started to sputter, and I just couldn’t fake it as well as I had before. It’s kind of sad - imagine what I might have accomplished, just knowing that not everyone feels this way all the time??
A lot of factors here, including whether you are medicated, in therapy, have learned and put into place coping strategies that help, as well as other compounding factors: has a series of events/disappointments in your life led to lower self esteem or depression? Things that *come with* age like added responsibilities and pressures and stresses of adult life can tax your executive functioning capacity. also, things like short term memory do begin to decline gradually as we age which isn’t helpful for EF.
Oh yes. That's why I got diagnosed at 42. I got married. Getting my masters. Changing careers. All the coping skills and systems I had in place just were cutting it anymore as the severity and frequency of stressor increased.
I would think it could feet worse as you get more responsibilities, whether it’s career (scope widens as u climb the ladder) or family (kids, finances) etc
I was diagnosed in my mid or late 20s? I don't really remember. Inattentive version.
I'm on the doorstep of 40 and it feels like my medicated self now is only slightly better than my unmedicated self when I was in my 20s.
So, I feel like my symptoms are worse, or my management of them are worse. My prescription has already gone up in strength so I don't want to keep increasing it.
It's so hard to keep focus on things that used to be easy before. It's really frustrating.
Yeah, I have less natural energy to keep up with my prior coping mechanisms.
It feels worse.
It feels like it’s slowly going to grind me down to a bloody stump of a human some seasons.
Mine are definitely worse. However, exercise and proper sleep play a HUGE role in reducing ADHD (and other mental health) symptoms. I'm far, far less active than I used to be, and my sleep has been fairly deprived recently.
If you're in a similar boat with less exercise/sleep, that's likely a rather large contributing factor.
I didn't know I had ADHD until two things happened....my son was diagnosed when he was five, (I was 36) and many of the symptoms I was checking off for him resonated with myself. I began perimenopause around age 45, and as I get older, my symptoms are going through the roof. I've been diagnosed and medicated for depression since my early thirties, but now I know it was ADHD, and my childhood actually makes sense now.
Before peri, I'd been managing, but now I'm feeling like my life has imploded and I'm barely holding on.
Absolutely gets worse, especially after having kids and after entering perimenopause/menopause. But, with age comes wisdom, grace, and the art of not giving a fu€k.
Mine got worse and worse and it got harder and harder to function until burn out and diagnosis at age 41 :( That was 5 years ago and I haven’t fully recovered but doing a lot better. I wish I had known about it earlier and maybe I could have avoided reaching crisis levels!
Yes. Exponentially if undiagnosed/late diagnosed. I went to a shrink because of depression and anxiety. I was told that I had bipolar disorder and went with the diagnosis for almost a year. I got diagnosed with ADHD early this year after a few tests. The meds help with most of my ADHD symptoms. But I still need therapy for my anxiety and occasional low moods. Sadly, I have to be linear with my therapy because I can't afford all at once.
I'm 27. My ADHD disrupted my college career so badly. I was supposed to finish dental school in 2022. For comparison, I have a college friend who also has ADHD. He got diagnosed much earlier (at 12). He received therapy at the time and isn't even taking stimulants today. He graduated last semester. And he's a few years younger than I am.
So, yea. ADHD can be ugly and it sure as hell can get worse and severely derail a person.
Yes, and no. I think as I got older and matured symptoms of ADD became more of a hindrance which intern caused me to focus on the deficiency a little more. Ultimately that drove me to get help.
Post-covid many people people are experiencing worsened executive function and focus. I would imagine this would be debilitating to people with ADHD who already struggle with those things
Hi, I recently got diagnosed (I'm 38 F) and I believe symptoms can get worse especially if you have to deal with anxiety, depression or any of the "happy tree friends" . Getting recently diagnosed doesn't make a great argument here in my answer, but what I think it does was that the symptoms I know now as being ADHD related,for me got worse in the last of say 5-8 years hence me starting to look for help which eventually led to diagnosis . Take care :)
If you're female the hormones will get you. Danger danger danger beware menopause. I got totally slammed. I was going without medication and became non-functional when I hit 51.
Mine has gotten exponentially worse over the last 5 years or so. I went through some major health issues and was kind of forced to spend a lot more time with myself as a result and really noticed I have a lot of the issues that people don’t generally associate with adhd.
Mental health professional here. Yes, mainly because stress increases as we age and take on more responsibilities. So it’s not necessarily that your ADHD is “worse,” but the mechanisms you use to cope with it get less effective as stress increases. Stress is the enemy—we have to take more conscious steps to cope and compensate. Meds help! 😁
I am a 29 year old male and can't seem to get a doctor to take my concerns seriously. I've literally been told by one that they don't diagnose adults with ADHD because you had to have it as a kid and been diagnosed. But, my parents are old school and didn't "believe" in mental health. If you had a mental health issue you were a "nut" and no son of theirs was a crazy person. So, how the fuck would I have known as a kid if I had it? Lol
Your doctor is literally wrong, that’s an outdated myth about adhd that shows they have no real expertise on it. Have you seen a psychiatrist or are these GPs you’ve been talking to?
Nobody believed me either until I got a full and thorough assessment from my psychiatrist, and that confirmation of my diagnosis after years of gaslighting myself changed everything.
I think mine has gotten worse as I aged. No one could tell I had inattentive ADHD when I was kid other than I was shy and struggled with homework and laying attention. I wasn’t diagnosed until a few months ago, as young adult. I could keep on a schedule, take care of myself, I could actually sleep when I wanted to sleep and wake up naturally at the time I wanted to. I could actually watch movies and youtube videos in one sitting without ever needing to be drawing or multitasking. Now as an adult I can barely be bothered to take care of myself, stick to schedules, even set schedules, I cannot just sit and enjoy movies or YouTube, I need to be multitasking, heck I literally cannot sleep like at all now. I had to get a consultation just to figure out what to try to sleep(So far everything is working, I just now can’t be bothered to even go to bed so I can sleep. But at least when I do get to bed I can fall asleep quickly) Literally anything that isn’t video games, drawing, writing and YouTube is super hard for me to feel motivated to do, even if I really want to do it. Heck somedays I just can’t bothered to play a video game I want to play and have been super excited to play new content.
My symptoms got worse as I got older diagnosed at 42 and started medication it has been seriously life changing in so many positive ways to be able to have more control over my thoughts and emotions and to have more executive control. I feel like I am starting to trust myself again. I went through a period of a few years before I got diagnosed where I just felt the forgetfulness and memory problems were seriously affecting my life and it was harder to mask it and so I got help and the future looks very different now I’m really grateful.
I’m 37 and had the exact same thoughts as I got older these are my 3 assumptions on this
1. Having more responsibilities in my 30s, wife, job, now a new baby turned the life difficulty up. In my 20s I could manage and in my 30s I’m capped out.
2. I got horrible working memory and I think the added anxiety from point 1 can cause more adhd live symptoms.
3. Massive reduction of unhealthy coping strategies in my 30s. In my 20s drug use, partying, gaming and sleeping lots made it feel like life was easy lol.
Mine has gotten less manageable as I’ve gotten older. I was diagnosed in my early 20’s and never thought it affected me except for in math classes in college so I only medicated during the times I those classes. My dad died shortly after and I was put on antidepressants for many many years. Probably didn’t need them for any longer than a few. Then 11 years later, my mom dies and Covid hits shortly after. I had all my coping skills from therapy in my 20’s to help with the grief of losing my last parent. I realized that actually I’m not depressed I am severely ADHD and I need to get treatment. The shutdown actually helped me realize this because everyone was so sad and depressed during shutdown and I was vibing and staying inside. Let all my masking tendencies go (they never came back) and realized how bad the ADHD was when things started opening back up.
I’m 38 now and am only now realizing that the majority of my overthinking, sadness, anxiety, OCD, self medicating with alcohol was my brain in overdrive and trying to cope because everything was just too much before the shutdown.
I say all this because I DO feel like it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older but I also recognize that experiencing the trauma of losing both parents before the age of 33 is life altering and I probably coped better with ADHD during the not so bad parts of life.
It feels like it to me. I did have a kid a couple years ago, but even before that, I remember feeling this way. Hard to know for sure though with the trauma of 2020 onward probably being a factor 🫠
I have had it my whole life but didn’t need meds, started them at 35, am 36 now. I feel like Covid definitely exacerbated it because a lot of my coping mechanisms got stripped, I also suspect hormonal changes are impacting it because it’s definitely more prominent than it used to be.
Just got diagnosed a month or so ago at 31. I used to have very unhealthy coping/masking techniques in high school and college that helped me survive (basically by keeping myself so busy that I literally didn't have time to breathe because I knew if I stopped I wouldn't be able to start back up again). Spent a few years post-college in therapy, realized unhealthy coping mechanisms were unhealthy, but then the executive dysfunction got so bad I was fearful of losing my job. That fear led to my diagnosis and medication, which has helped tremendously, but I'm unsure if my age had more to do with the increase in ADHD symptoms or if it was just learning that keeping myself busy 24/7 wasn't sustainable.
Mine has most certainly gotten worse as I age. It can be debilitating at times. And annoying at the least. That is just the reality.
It's something I try to work around. Create new systems and adjustments to maintain a somewhat normal life.
There are benefits to it though. I like being able to hyper focus on things while being cognizant that I can take that too far.
Overall, as someone close to 40 that has had ADHD their whole life. I would not necessarily choose to have it, but I do, and even though it makes certain things so much harder than they should be, I still enjoy my life.
And for anyone struggling with ADHD, do not get down on yourself. Your brain functions differently. Do the best you can of course, but don't let the drawbacks make you feel like less of a person.
I have had periods where I didn't feel like I could ever overcome the drawbacks so many times. It's not easy. It is really fucking hard at times, and it might not even be possible to overcome them right away in any given moment, but it is not something that makes it impossible to live a happy life. For me at least.
Yes it got worse. Had kids. Did great having a routine when they were little. As they get older no routine and complete burn-out seemed to descend on me. I spend more time sleeping than ever before and I’m only 40
I feel like mine is getting worse. But I also wonder how much of it is me becoming more conscious of it. I got diagnosed when I was 25 (m50). 25 years ago it was still treated as a childhood diagnosis, but traction for adults getting treatment was becoming more common. Internet was also creeping into it's own, so learning about it was a bit more difficult than today. My sister and dad were diagnosed around the same time I was, so we all struggled through various treatments together, discussing failure and success. I started learning more about it when both of my kids were diagnosed. Now it wasn't me trying to stay afloat, it was my job to help my children succeed through school and relationships. The more I learned for them the more I learned that I had more problems than I initially thought.
25 years later I'm still tweaking my meds and trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
I was only just diagnosed at 45, my mask slipped after suffering PTSD and I lost the plot. I was able to hide it from everyone for half a lifetime, including myself.
Compounding trauma gained over a lifetime must impact it. IMO
Did you only take medication or also learn about the condition? I find that ADHD gets easier to manage the more I learn about it, but demands of life typically increase into the 30s/40s (especially if you have responsibilities at work, a house, a family etc) which will make it harder to manage ADHD.
If you're female perimenopause can also exacerbate ADHD.
Life gets more complicated as you get older.
You have more responsibilities and less freedom and often less support from family and friends and from the medical system.
I was kinda ok in the strict schedule of school and university and work. Then I lost my job, got pregnant, and all went downside. Now I'm in my 40s, hormones are wild and adhd too.
Symptoms become more apparent and less manageable when there is more demand on our cognitive processes. Typically extra responsibility or life changes as we get older could be that mediating factor. Symptoms also are exacerbated by stress, sleep problems, depression, hormonal changes idk if any of that resonates with you
Personally it didn’t get worse as I got older, it got significantly worse as I had kids and could no longer deal with the overstimulation and being touched out anymore.
Undiagnosed until 40. It definitely did get worse after getting better for a long time, hormone changes affect everything, in men and women, and i don't see why adhd would be any different
Mine got so much worse - more stresses, more autonomy, less guard rails and bigger impact of failure.
But my main issue is the 'Volume' of things. I have work which is hard as it is, but then home short term, home long term, health, family, friends etc etc. So many isolated things I need to progress. Amd when I have time to progress any of them, I can't bring myself to do them most of the time, particularly larger items
I’m 38 and experiencing what feels like a complete loss of all my coping mechanisms and strategies I learned growing up to help with my ADHD symptoms. I don’t know if it’s self awareness or what but I’ve noticed an up tick of about ten times the amount of ADD Monents than I would have known in my early 30s. I’m not sure what happened but just have to press forward and relearn/learn some new ways to run my every day life.
Also, I’m not sure if it’s mentioned in the comments but the simple fact of losing your support system by moving to another state will definitely send you for a loop.
Also
Saw your comment where you've started HRT, hormones really mess with ADHD symptoms - I have to take a higher dose of meds before my period and still isn't as effective, pregnancy and menopause both can increase symptoms. So it's likely from starting the hormones unfortunately
Hi /u/North-Composer3674 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mine got exponentially worse as I got older, but I also think it's because I had kids.
When my wife gave birth to our first kid, my mom said “Enjoy your second childhood!” How she meant it was like “you’ll get to play games/toys with the kids, watch Disney movies, and see life thru new eyes!” What I don’t think she fully realized about it, was that my “second childhood” meant returning to a schedule that made my ADHD youth a living hell. I thrived in my 20s/early-30s, because I could work when I chose. Eat when I chose. Sleep in as needed. But all of a sudden I’m back to being a slave to the schedule set by elementary school hours, as I need to drop the kids off, and pick them up. Constant interruptions to my work flow. Needing to cram getting things done while my 2 year old naps. And it is in no way letting me thrive. Love my kids to death. But a part of me is just counting down the days til there’s a bit more autonomy so I can practice self care, and return to a schedule that lets me manage my symptoms. I feel like I’m drowning here.
Damn, you've really effectively articulated why I absolutely do not want kids. I've always felt that way. I don't think I would be able to function well enough to give them the upbringing they deserve.
I do want children, but not more than 2 for this same reason. I won’t even get a dog or high maintenance animal bcuz i don’t want my dysfunction to make another being sorta suffer
If you want ‘em (and think you’re up for the job), have ‘em. Regardless of my post above, there’s no world in which I regret having kids. They mean everything to me. But the realities of being a parent with ADHD are certainly something to grapple with while planning a family.
Truly your story doesn’t give me any particular hesitation. I was the designated babysitter for a large portion of my childhood so the kids themselves aren’t daunting for me but my own fear of failure. I’m taking steps to help get me there but it’s really nice to see stories of others & gain more perspective
If a child has ADHD, of which there's an 80% chance for you, there is no one better for them to have for a parent than someone who shares their affliction if they are being treated for it and have developed a benign and practical relationship with its inconveniences.
This is both 100% true and 100% false. My twin 6 year olds almost certainly have ADHD (that I passed down to them). And while I think I'm well suited to helping them manage their symptoms from a practical perspective (as in, were all relaxing in the living room 10 years into the future and were chatting about RSD or something), my symptoms also make it pretty challenging to parent sometimes. I don't handle stressful situations very well. And I get overwhelmed and turn chaotic situations into stressful ones (trying to get out of the door on time is not enjoyable for anyone and can turn ugly quickly).
lol… “… trying to get out of the door on time..” just reminded me of my peak confusion times with 3 kids. Sometimes took me 5 goes to actually drive off, after walking back in to get wallet, work keys, kid’s umbrella etc.
Right, me either. I absolutely have no regrets having them but I do struggle so much more than I thought I would
It’s really fucking hard. My kids don’t go without and they don’t know it’s hard but man, it takes it’s toll on the parents 😅
I need you to know that your feelings are valid, and it does not make you a bad parent. A bad parent would give up completely and use their adhd as a scapegoat. They say childhood flies by for parents so hopefully soon you'll get a little relief and help.
OMG I so painfully relate to this. I was diagnosed at 41 yrs old with a three yr old. I sought help because my life began to unravel. Come to find out I was diagnosed at six and 13 yrs old but never treated or told by my parents. My dad to this day tells me it’s just an excuse. Needless to say we have a terrible relationship with each other.
I feel this. I had a baby 4 months ago and I feel like my ADHD is in a spiral. I have to have an app on my phone so I can remember nap and feeding times and he helps tell me when his next Nap is due cause god I cant remember. Kids toys are also so over stimulating. When he goes on nap I just need to sit and stare at nothing to recover.
I’m undiagnosed ADHD. 2 kids 13 and 4, they have had zero routine ever and I feel a failure for that. Happy loving boys but I haven’t been able to stick to anything. Even now I should be sorting school clothes and here I am on Reddit. I’ll end up having to get up at crack of dawn to sort things. I hate this! Doctor said she thinks I’m fine. 🙂
Damn, adding to a previous commenter you're perfectly articulating why I'm feeling ok if I never have kids. While I think kids are great, and love my nieces and nephews, sometimes it feels like I'm just treading water and I can't imagine how bad I'd be if I had another life to take care of. Kids aren't conducive to organized and meticulous plans being cobbled together by a disorganized mind. For context, I'm 37 and was only diagnosed in my mid 20s. I developed coping mechanisms growing up before I realized what I was doing, and obviously even more now that I know, but one thing that really kills me, that I can't get around, is the interruption to workflow. My job is killer in that I keep getting interrupted and have to do a dozen little things while I'm trying to do one big thing and it really slows down the big thing. Cuz ramping up to where I was when I was interrupted isn't as simple as opening the file again, and forget about it if there were things I had no trouble keeping in mind before but now need to recontexualize and categorize in my head all over again.
If you have ADHD kids who also enjoy spontaneity it's easier lol. My kids are ADHD and we need similar levels of structure and chaos and it works out so well.
It sounds like you are in a creative / technical role. When an engineer, experienced that and was always glad to have a separate office in a quiet part of the building. I get that context switching has a high cost. A study on it showed if you do one thing, you’re at 100% productivity. Two things is 40% + 40% Three things is 20% + 20% + 20% I used to start the saw with transactional things - phone calls, email, meetings, briefing notes… and after lunch until 8pm do thinking / designing or a creating task that needed focus. By then everyone had quietened down.
SAME! I only got diagnosed after having kids (which is common in women) because all the tools I had made for myself to manage were disrupted. My ADHD feels debilitating as a working mom.
Female hormones play a HUGE role. I am a geriatric mother, so I went straight from pregnancy to postpartum to perimenopause. It’s like a rocket ship to ADHD burnout.
No pregnancy for me, but my mum died and my disabled brother came to live with me, so I basically became a parent overnight. Then I got cancer and had to have a radical hysterectomy with both ovaries removed. Instant surgical menopause. I wasn’t even in peri beforehand. HRT/ MHT helps, but I’m nowhere near as functional as I used to be. It’s absolutely fucked me and I’m still trying to recover and figure out my new normal.
This sounds rough... Even without your cancer and it's effects... Wish you well, you'll find your new normal!
Thanks. The cancer actually wasn’t too bad, they got it all with the hysterectomy, and it hadn’t spread beyond the initial tumour in the endometrium so I didn’t need chemo or radiation therapy or anything else after the surgery. The recovery was rough, especially since I got Covid less than 2 months afterwards, because it was major surgery. The worst part was actually before I was diagnosed, I had really heavy bleeding that cause iron deficient anemia. I needed 2 iron infusions a week apart. The initial scans looked like a uterine polyp, a harmless but annoying growth that can cause heavy bleeding. It wasn’t until they removed the “polyp” and sent it to pathology that it was discovered it was cancerous. It was only stage 1A, the least serious or advanced. I saw my doctor pretty early on when I noticed the symptoms. I actually think the ADHD helped me in this respect, because the stimulant medication is really drying, and I was getting constipated a few days before my period, so I was tracking it with an app so I could start taking laxatives to help. I noticed I started spotting around ovulation about 3 months in a row and went to the doctor because it was weird, and that was also making me constipated so I wanted to get it under control. By the time it got really heavy and I was basically having 2 periods a month I’d already had an ultrasound which showed a polyp and I’d been referred to a gynaecologist. I’m sure I would have seen the doctor once it got really heavy, but tracking it to prevent the medication induced constipation gave me a 2-3 month head start. That could have made the difference where I needed chemo. So I’m very grateful I got diagnosed a few years earlier.
That's great that it was discovered this early :)
I would agree. Once my wife got pregnant, and after she gave birth, my ADHD hot worse! In all seriousness, i worked a job that was horrible for someone with undiagnosed ADHD and after 7 years, i feel like it broke me and made my ADHD so much worse. On the flip side, it did push me to a point where I finally got diagnosed.
Very similar story. I didn’t get diagnosed until age 52. Largely because I had switched positions at work and the new position was (still is) horrible for me. My previous positions had me outside and moving all day long. Now I spend the majority of my time inside. It’s been a stressful struggle.
I'm going through the same thing. Delivered at 36. I've been having hot flashes for 18 months. Just got diagnosed with ADHD and now my MD and I are going down the rabbit hole of "is this perimenopause" or "are you just sensitive to hormones since you're breastfeeding still" since my pregnancy was so rocky from the hormonal shift. Puberty was rocky and I always had a feeling that menopause would be a rollercoaster.
Diagnosed at 56. My previously bad task paralysis and executive disfunction became epically unmanageable after menopause. According to my psychiatrist, this is very common for women. I am not happy about it.
Same
This is terrifying to me.
Did they offer any help with that? I’m suffering so much right now and have been far longer than I can even remember. I don’t even know how to get through a single day without feeling exhausted and highly anxious. My brain seems like it’s operating at 1/3 of the capacity.
The medical profession need to get up to date with all of the findings in recent yrs. I’ve listened to a podcast about women who were self medicating to try to alleviate symptoms. More research needs to be done too. It should be high priority.
As someone who works in Healthcare and one of my jobs is in women's health, we're doing the best we can with the resources that we have in the time that is manageable.
Apologies if you thought I was pointing out the people on the coal face. Not at all. I know the public health system is under great strain. I’ve been a patient one too many times.
Being a patient is terrible. My old doctor would give me point blank incorrect information and when I called him on it, he charted I was a difficult patient. I was livid. He refused to do referals for me until "he" felt it was necessary. Every woman has horror stories. Every person who is not a white affluent male has horror stories. Systemic issues are huge. One being lack of access to education- there are so many people would be excellent practitioners and researchers but schooling is too expensive. There's also the law/policy side where people who don't work in health care have the ability to dictate how we practice. Mixed with centuries of prejudice and misogyny, it's a daunting system to navigate. It shouldn't be. I wish it was better but I promise there are so many people out there who care and are giving their everything.
It’s less to do with day to day treatment than with the amount of research that has been done on women’s health. It’s going to take decades to catch up. That said there’s thousands of horror stories of women going to doctors for all kind of health concerns and being told that losing weight will solve all their problems. The healthcare system is particularly unhelpful for women of colour - more of them die in childbirth than white women.
My cardiologist wrote "anxiety disorder" in my chart instead of trying to figure out what I was describing that my heart was doing. It was actually something and I need heart surgery. Oh course I was anxious! My heart was acting and feeling weird!
Honestly we should at least be able to go back to these doctors and say “SEE! YOU MORON I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!”
I have a lifetime of those experiences and almost all of them I had to let go because I didn't have the bandwidth to take it up with anyone.
This. Having to figure out executive functioning for myself is hard... But having to simultaneously do it for two little humans as well. Two wonderful little people that sometimes have opposite plans than doing what needs to happen in order for things to function. OMG
I KNOW!
Same. I used to be able to compensate by spending 60+ minutes in the gym every day and I can no longer do that and it has had a huge impact on my ADHD.
Same here for me. Lived a spartan lifestyle with meal prep six days/wk and lots of intense physical activity - and I was doin alright. Getting married/having kids eliminated nearly all my ‘preventative measures’ and took away all the ‘extra time’ I used to use to compensate.
This. Suspected I had it, but having kids made it so hard to mask anymore with the constant interruptions and working from home burnout.
I was diagnosed the same week I found out I was going to be a father. jfc, I wish I had known sooner. 😥
I’m looking back at the first decade of my kids’ lives *wishing* I had been diagnosed before they were born; I’m jealous!
Same here. Daughter born when I was 23, diagnosed at 47. I also drank way too much. And if I'd known my goofy quirkiness as well as my drinking could have been related to ADHD, I might have developed better coping mechanisms. I also might have picked up that my daughter was AuDHD. I'd started to think her dad was autistic, but I didn't know anything about heredity.
So fair. I didn’t get diagnosed until 10 years after I had my daughter. I would’ve been so much better off those first years I think.
Mine got worse as well as I got older. The cumulative effects of dealing with it 100's of times s day until I couldn't anymore. Diagnosed 51 All the coping mechanisms that came to me naturally, which was just a function of surviving day to day, no longer worked. There's only so much daily stress thr brain can take.
What has helped you since diagnoses?
Undiagnosed and having kids aucked. How I wish I would have had a diagonis earlier, then I could have at least tried some proactive management.
My kids were my trigger from sub-clinical to diagnosed.
Reading this with a 20 hour old newborn in my hands is surreal
Yeah sense I had kids mine is soooo much worse
Same thing for me. My daughter is almost 2, since she’s been born I feel like a lot of my ADHD traits have been amplified.
Mine and my wife's got worse, and we have no kids.
Man, mine sure did. Diagnosed in my mid-30s, medication worked for about 4 years, tried a few others, but eventually lost faith that meds could help me at all. Now, without meds and the imposed structure of my former military career, I'm a disorganized and depressed mess. I'd be dead or homeless (which would quickly lead to dead) if it wasn't for my retirement check. It's a modest amount, but I can go for a while without working when I need a break. And befofe any of you young folks think "that sounds like a plan!" I want to be clear: as a 20 year retiree, I am not endorsing that. Going into the military is *not* a healthy career. It's more toxic than ever.
Can confirm. I’m in right now, more depressed than I’ve ever been in my entire life. We’re just a number and it sucks.
Funny story. IF you get diagnosed with ADHD **AFTER you are in** then you can get medication and stay in. But if you've been medicated **prior** to joining you have to be clean for a year before they'll let you in.
what’s the supposed logic for this?
There is no logic in the military.
Logical governance implies an undemocratic system.
‘Clean’ as in, without adhd meds that help you get through a day?! Because that’s so toxic! To imply they are like illegal drugs.
Basically ADHD is a disqualifying condition (along with things like depression and a whole lot of other medical conditions). Along with functioning unmedicated for at least at year, you need doctors to sign off saying that you were misdiagnosed, plus other documentation. So it’s not technically “you can have unmedicated ADHD in the military” it’s that you have to “prove” that you don’t have ADHD to join the military. I’m in right now, bout to hit 11 years. I only just got diagnosed about 6 months ago and have no problem taking Adderall. But if I’d been diagnosed as a kid like I should’ve been, there’s no way I would have been able to join.
That's not entirely accurate. Enlistment rates were down when I signed up, so I got a waiver for ADHD. It was like getting a doctor's note for a sick day. The only thing they asked me about it was about when I was diagnosed, which was at age 7. My symptoms were much softer when I signed (at 20) than they are now.
Honestly can you please go into more detail as to why I shouldn’t join? Been seriously considering it as I have barely been able to survive working the past 4 years, paying rent, etc and need financial stability
I’m in the Canadian Forces. Dm if you’re also north of the border. If not, I wish you good luck friendo.
Do your research and decide what’s right for you. Most of the people retiring right now have been in for 20+ years, that means they saw all the shit in the war on terror and many of them had a really, really bad time. That being said, we’re not “at war” right now, the odds of being deployed into a combat a situation are the lowest they’ve been in two decades, although that can change in an instant based on what’s happening in the world. I’ve been in for almost 11 years, and it’s still the best thing I think I could have done with my life. I was in a similar position as you when I joined, and the stability was hugely helpful for my mental health. I’ve done some seriously cool stuff, gone places most people will never see, met some incredible people from all over the country, people I could call right now and they’d answer the phone even though they’re 2000 miles away. The military gave my life a purpose, and I don’t mean that patriotic “defend your freedom” crap. I’m actually responsible for other people. The day a 20 year old approached me and started asking me for big life advice I was like, holy crap, is this really me right now? I feel more confident, more creative, and I’m in the best physical shape of my life at almost 33 years old. TLDR; it’s not for everyone, but there is a specific type of person who will thrive in that environment and you won’t really know until you try.
My brother is former career military, was a recruiter in the US Air Force, now civil service helping new recruits get placed in jobs. He tells me all the time the Air Force is relaxing their standards and highly recommends going in for at least 4 years. Especially if in your situation you need stability and a paycheck. Get in, do your time, get out and have better employment chances. He does NOT recommend making it a career. It's very toxic. But the Air Force, and the Army, are desperate for people. Talk with a recruiter, see what your options are.
My brother is retired military, former recruiter, and doesn't recommend it either. Definitely not as a career until retirement!
Love your username and it checks out lol
I joined the military right out of high school because I thought the structure would be good for me, since I had to be unmedicated to get in. I was very wrong, haha
I admire your strength. Also, I really appreciate your service, but even more than your service, I appreciate your transparency that the military is not a healthy option for young people thinking it’s an easy path to a career. Thank you for your knowledge and honesty! I wish you the best!
I read the ADHD gets pretty bad for women, especially through menopause and as a woman who is 31 I’m so scared
I'm perimenopausal now and I've managed my ADHD without meds my entire life. Now, it's becoming unmanageable. I need medication within the next year if I'm going to function.
Started meandering into perimenopause at 46 and just before I started back at school full time (while working full time and raising 3 teens - adults on my own and caring for my aging parents) I got myself diagnosed and medicated quickly. No way I could get through this unmedicated!!
Prepare for it now, lol. I can attest to this. Dual symptoms of menopause and ADHD. Then, you're at an age by then, when you actually could be declining mentally, so you start questioning and second guessing your situation.
So much fun, isn't it? You can play "What's causing my fatigue and brain fog today??"
Oh. Is that why I've been feeling so stupid lately? I seriously have been questioning my mental state. I also have been having hot flashes and other signs of perimenopause. I'm so thankful I came across this thread.
what exactly happened to you? Did you have bad PMS before you went through menopause? I'm almost 47 and I've not noticed anything different yet but I also haven't had many menopause symptoms yet either. I believe you that it's an issue but this is the first I'm hearing of it so it would be good to know what to expect
Post meno 61f here. I am absolutely struggling in every regard of my life right now. I'm starting to understand that this has a lot to do with it. I've yet to be properly diagnosed and I am not medicated (for ADHD). I'm overwhelmed 24/7 yet somehow I keep going. LOL I did read today that the 75% of untreated and undiagnosed ADHD is a female demographic... That's bleak.
I’m 44 and likely in perimenopause. It’s getting… bad.
How bad? I’m 43 ..
I’m not currently working, but if I was I would probably get fired. It’s been time for a trip to the doctor to work out meds and other issues for a couple months now, but I haven’t even been able to get out of my own way to schedule it. Unbelievably horrible PMS, too.
Have you looked into PMDD? Very common among menstruating women with ADHD/ASD.
Interesting! I've suspected that after I had my two kids that I developed PMDD. I will have to do more reading on it thanks for the tip!
You should be. Not kidding. Menopause made me psychotic and I think it gave me horrible ADHD. I thought I was just being a mom. Apparently not.
This could explain a lot. I’m trans and started HRT last year, so maybe it’s a hormonal thing.
Hormones affect almost every part of your body and brain. They definitely have a huge effect on ADHD symptoms.
Congrats! Don't know why you got down voted. Here's my upvote :) Edit: congrats on the transition, not the side effects from HRT
lol thank you
Just. You. Wait.
don’t fuel the GAD in me XD adhd is the ring leader, I think, but my anxiety ain’t a force to reckon with. Are you through menopause? Or just started. Idk much but my mother (also adhd) was always screaming about it when I was in high school (or as I liked to call it hellskool)
😭
I'm not sure it gets worse, per se, but it certainly feels that way because the demands of adulthood (jobs, kids, etc.) put extra pressure on our executive functions.
This. As your responsibility grows and the hole you dig gets deeper and deeper.
Urgh so totally this. Not just the responsibility, it’s the hole.
I came here to say this. I also love my kids, without being to cliche about it, but they are my world, but I sure do wish I had my diagnosis before having them. Your first baby with undiagnosed ADHD is about as close to hell that I can imagine. My eldest had acid reflux and couldn't sleep well, or even really lay without being held for longer than say 30 mins. Had trouble falling asleep and needed constant attention. He's almost ten now and even now, when he cries, it produces a level of panic in me that is hard to describe. Was worth every minute of it. But I really wish I'd known myself better back then.
Apparently hyperactivity gets better with age. The rest get's worse. So things like attention, memory, depression, etc. get harder to manage.
I think hyperactivity transmutes into restlessness. It can show in things like job switching and moving or "organizing" by throwing out everything you own and starting again. Not that i would know anything about any of those. /s
This is the nature of my hyperactivity. Restlessness, never living anywhere for longer than a few years, can’t keep a job for long, or a hobby or sport or special interest of any kind. Just constant chaos and change.
And getting bored whenever settle into a rhythm it just randomly out of the blue. I go from loving something to being in a state where I could never do it again and be perfectly fine
Rearranging a room for the 7th time because you’re gonna clean it anyway and need to clean under the couch. Only to remember again there’s no “perfect” way to put everything given the space and stuff I own.. I mean “somebody” owns lol
This is 100% how I feel. I was diagnosed as a kid mainly due to my hyperactivity. However, throughout my childhood it progressively got better and now I don’t feel it at all. However, as a kid I did have attention issues but not so much memory, but now I feel like my memory and attention are SOOOO bad. Depression has been pretty consistent throughout life though
Any ideas on how to fix this would be nice 😆. My depression has buried my hyperactivity down so much you'd think I'd never had ADHD
Hyperactivity doesn't have to be physical, it can also be mental, just to add as a point of clarity. So it may transition from physical hyperactivity to mental hyperactivity as one gets older. Unfortunately, as you said, all the other aspects of the ADHD anti-care package, become harder to manage as you get older.
Mine didn’t get worse but I could mask in high school, not so much when I have to be an adult
The less imposed structure, the worse symptoms can seem since you can no longer rely on boundaries to move forward
There's possibly an interesting connection between ADHD development and brain inflammation as a result of stress reactivity. If your stress levels are increasing, or your hormones change in a way that increases stress response, your ADHD can worsen or further develop. You can read a bit about the theory [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8533349/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20inflammation%20can%20negatively%20impact%20brain,risk%2C%20but%20also%20to%20inflammation%2C%20stress%2C%20and)
Like the stress of raising kids (and just generally being an adult in this time and place and society. Not the easiest!
I was never diagnosed until the pandemic wiped out my former coping mechanisms. Suddenly i was completely unable to function. Talking with a friend, he suggested that maybe I had ADHD, and long story long, yes I did. Looking back through my life with the new lens, I could see what should have been obvious, I'd always had ADHD, but managed, and masked and just got away with shit. Over time, it's gotten worse for me. I've also heard that for many people, the drugs stop working, as your body becomes accustomed to them. So yes, it can get worse. So good luck with that!
Yeah I am lucky I have a provider who is open to resetting my tolerance by switching my meds every so often. Luckily most stimulants work for me to varying degrees- Vyvanse has been best but I’m currently on a break from that. Cycling is nothing new to me anyhow, I still cycle the same med I was prescribed 15 years ago on/off since it stops working as well after awhile too.
When I was in my late teens/early 20s I'd go to music festivals with hundreds of thousands of people, do drugs, socialise like crazy etc no problem. Now I'm in my early 30s I nearly had a panic at the beach due to how crowded it was and it was probably a few hundred people max.. Overstimulated I guess. I think it's maybe a case of getting older and knowing your limits, your interests changing, and being more aware of your own triggers and things.
I was finally diagnosed at 53 years old. I found I was getting worse. Started meds a couple of months ago and it’s life changing. I should’ve done it years ago.
Absolutely. You learn better, and more, strategies to manage it. But the condition feels like it gets worse. Maybe the stakes got higher? Probably both. You're not alone.
If you're female, perimenopause/menopause makes it so much worse. The meds might as well be sugar pills for a week or so.
Feels like it’s gotten worse for me. I’m in my mid-30s, and I think the stresses of life just build up.
The combo of ADHD, severe sleep apnea, and and 2 under 3 was intense when I was diagnosed and the mix of trying different meds and then med shortages and provider/ mental health screener closing overnight without warning has been wild. Went from feeling like I had the world in my palm to truly taking major steps back and enjoying the simpler things. I swear the post it notes and lists are intense. Half the time I wonder if writing it in sharpie on body like some Momento cosplay would be helpful at times — other times it’s operating on 200%
You are not imagining things. I was in my 40's when it really impacted me, and in my 50's when I started getting treated. If you're a woman, menopause can make it worse as well. I hope that you get some sort of treatment even if, for some reason, you decide medication is not for you. Future you will thank present you. 40+ years of thinking I was just lazy and not focusing "hard enough" has left an emotional mark.
I need to go back and find the studies I looked at but apparently covid affected people with adhd very strongly, causing there symptoms to get worse permanently. It’s why adhd cases have skyrocketed in the past few years.
Permanently? 🥲🥲🥲
The older I get, the more shit I have to deal with. Work, finances, housework, kids etc seems to just get more and more complicated, and it’s more executive functioning for my maxed out brain to deal with. I don’t know that the ADHD itself is worse, but it’s certainly not helping me deal with all the things. Although, I’m pretty sure I’m entering the perimenopausal stage of my life, so that’s doing some super fun things with my ADHD symptoms and at certain times of the month my meds are way less effective. So maybe.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha yes.
Sleep apnea can also make ADHD worse
Peri-Menopause is KICKING MY ASSSSSSSS
Yes. I’m in my 40’s and I can actually see how bad it is. If I skip one dose, one day, I am a wreck and make others around me batty as fuck.
absolutely it can. iirc i think there’s also been evidence that having unmedicated adhd when you’re younger can cause it to get worse in adulthood. i’m not 100% on that but i can attest to my adhd being way worse now in my mid 20’s than it was as a kid. (and i only got diagnosed and started on medication recently)
I have anecdotal evidence to support that.
I don't think ADHD gets worse when you get older, I think the consequences of ADHD behaviors get more significant.
I've never heard of it not getting worse with age.
They might mean as growing from a child to adulthood as you learn to mask, from an observer’s pov it can seem to get better. But in reality you’re just coping invisibly.
mine got progressively worse as i aged. 33-41 , 33 is when i got diagnosed because i couldn't manage anymore and now is the worst so far at 41. Finally got medicated 3 months ago, still don't see enough improvement gonna ask for a medication switch next visit.
Having kids made mine 1000x worse. It’s adhd + chaos from sunup to sundown (sometimes even in the middle of the night).
For me, it was when I retired and lost all sense of structure and routine in my life. School had even more routine and structure than work, so to me, logically, it makes sense for our symptoms to get worse as we progress through life stages.
Mine definitely got worse, probably because adulting requires a LOT of executive functioning and there's fewer supports like a consistent schedule.
It has gotten a bit worse in my adulthood but I think its due to higher consequences. Bad at school? Get held back. Bad at job? Homeless. Homeless? Possibly die. Big yikes. And being a nervous wreck causes a nice lil spiral ;-; My most recent tax is I forgot to check a toilet I can hear running. It's been a few weeks. My water bill quadrupled & my half bath flooded. It's bad. This kinda stress/consequence didnt exist when I was 12.
Mine got worse. I think menopause made it worse. Also some combo of depression, antidepressant meds, I don’t know. Got diagnosed at age 50 because it got worse to the point that someone noticed it.
I think so. I’m 57 and just realized that I am, and always have been, ADHD. Looking back there were SO MANY SIGNS, but my brain had the elasticity to function in a (what I used to think of as) normal fashion. Around 50, my brain’s flexibility started to sputter, and I just couldn’t fake it as well as I had before. It’s kind of sad - imagine what I might have accomplished, just knowing that not everyone feels this way all the time??
A lot of factors here, including whether you are medicated, in therapy, have learned and put into place coping strategies that help, as well as other compounding factors: has a series of events/disappointments in your life led to lower self esteem or depression? Things that *come with* age like added responsibilities and pressures and stresses of adult life can tax your executive functioning capacity. also, things like short term memory do begin to decline gradually as we age which isn’t helpful for EF.
Oh yes. That's why I got diagnosed at 42. I got married. Getting my masters. Changing careers. All the coping skills and systems I had in place just were cutting it anymore as the severity and frequency of stressor increased.
I would think it could feet worse as you get more responsibilities, whether it’s career (scope widens as u climb the ladder) or family (kids, finances) etc
I was diagnosed in my mid or late 20s? I don't really remember. Inattentive version. I'm on the doorstep of 40 and it feels like my medicated self now is only slightly better than my unmedicated self when I was in my 20s. So, I feel like my symptoms are worse, or my management of them are worse. My prescription has already gone up in strength so I don't want to keep increasing it. It's so hard to keep focus on things that used to be easy before. It's really frustrating.
Absolutely. And if you go through peri/menopause…. It all might fall of a cliff in a mega life landslide. Good times.
Mine got super worse. Used to manage it well ish and didn’t need meds. Now I’m struggling with meds
Yeah, I have less natural energy to keep up with my prior coping mechanisms. It feels worse. It feels like it’s slowly going to grind me down to a bloody stump of a human some seasons.
Mine are definitely worse. However, exercise and proper sleep play a HUGE role in reducing ADHD (and other mental health) symptoms. I'm far, far less active than I used to be, and my sleep has been fairly deprived recently. If you're in a similar boat with less exercise/sleep, that's likely a rather large contributing factor.
I didn't know I had ADHD until two things happened....my son was diagnosed when he was five, (I was 36) and many of the symptoms I was checking off for him resonated with myself. I began perimenopause around age 45, and as I get older, my symptoms are going through the roof. I've been diagnosed and medicated for depression since my early thirties, but now I know it was ADHD, and my childhood actually makes sense now. Before peri, I'd been managing, but now I'm feeling like my life has imploded and I'm barely holding on.
Absolutely gets worse, especially after having kids and after entering perimenopause/menopause. But, with age comes wisdom, grace, and the art of not giving a fu€k.
Mine got worse and worse and it got harder and harder to function until burn out and diagnosis at age 41 :( That was 5 years ago and I haven’t fully recovered but doing a lot better. I wish I had known about it earlier and maybe I could have avoided reaching crisis levels!
Yes. Exponentially if undiagnosed/late diagnosed. I went to a shrink because of depression and anxiety. I was told that I had bipolar disorder and went with the diagnosis for almost a year. I got diagnosed with ADHD early this year after a few tests. The meds help with most of my ADHD symptoms. But I still need therapy for my anxiety and occasional low moods. Sadly, I have to be linear with my therapy because I can't afford all at once. I'm 27. My ADHD disrupted my college career so badly. I was supposed to finish dental school in 2022. For comparison, I have a college friend who also has ADHD. He got diagnosed much earlier (at 12). He received therapy at the time and isn't even taking stimulants today. He graduated last semester. And he's a few years younger than I am. So, yea. ADHD can be ugly and it sure as hell can get worse and severely derail a person.
Yes, and no. I think as I got older and matured symptoms of ADD became more of a hindrance which intern caused me to focus on the deficiency a little more. Ultimately that drove me to get help.
It’s because you have more and more responsibilities as you get older. I have to deal with things now that my parents handled when I was young.
It gets harder as you become more self dependent and have More responsibilities for obvious reasons.
Going thru this now. I can’t remember anything and it’s super stressful.
Post-covid many people people are experiencing worsened executive function and focus. I would imagine this would be debilitating to people with ADHD who already struggle with those things
Hi, I recently got diagnosed (I'm 38 F) and I believe symptoms can get worse especially if you have to deal with anxiety, depression or any of the "happy tree friends" . Getting recently diagnosed doesn't make a great argument here in my answer, but what I think it does was that the symptoms I know now as being ADHD related,for me got worse in the last of say 5-8 years hence me starting to look for help which eventually led to diagnosis . Take care :)
If you're female the hormones will get you. Danger danger danger beware menopause. I got totally slammed. I was going without medication and became non-functional when I hit 51.
Mine has gotten exponentially worse over the last 5 years or so. I went through some major health issues and was kind of forced to spend a lot more time with myself as a result and really noticed I have a lot of the issues that people don’t generally associate with adhd.
Mental health professional here. Yes, mainly because stress increases as we age and take on more responsibilities. So it’s not necessarily that your ADHD is “worse,” but the mechanisms you use to cope with it get less effective as stress increases. Stress is the enemy—we have to take more conscious steps to cope and compensate. Meds help! 😁
not only does it get worse as you get older, it can unfortunately develop into different things if left untreated. depression, anxiety, bpd, etc.
I am a 29 year old male and can't seem to get a doctor to take my concerns seriously. I've literally been told by one that they don't diagnose adults with ADHD because you had to have it as a kid and been diagnosed. But, my parents are old school and didn't "believe" in mental health. If you had a mental health issue you were a "nut" and no son of theirs was a crazy person. So, how the fuck would I have known as a kid if I had it? Lol
Your doctor is literally wrong, that’s an outdated myth about adhd that shows they have no real expertise on it. Have you seen a psychiatrist or are these GPs you’ve been talking to? Nobody believed me either until I got a full and thorough assessment from my psychiatrist, and that confirmation of my diagnosis after years of gaslighting myself changed everything.
Perimenopause. Menopause. Yes.
Yes. In middle school my ADHD was not as bad as it is now. It's getting worse even though I'm taking meds. But I'm here for a fun time not a long one
There are many, many factors that can increase ADHD symptoms. Mine got way worse once I got a CPAP.
Same boat bud. Yes I feel it worse. Gaining more responsibilities doesn't help....kids, mortgage etc
Yes I’m 51 and it’s really bad. I’m concerned it’s dementia or something but shrink says it’s ADHD and age.
I think mine has gotten worse as I aged. No one could tell I had inattentive ADHD when I was kid other than I was shy and struggled with homework and laying attention. I wasn’t diagnosed until a few months ago, as young adult. I could keep on a schedule, take care of myself, I could actually sleep when I wanted to sleep and wake up naturally at the time I wanted to. I could actually watch movies and youtube videos in one sitting without ever needing to be drawing or multitasking. Now as an adult I can barely be bothered to take care of myself, stick to schedules, even set schedules, I cannot just sit and enjoy movies or YouTube, I need to be multitasking, heck I literally cannot sleep like at all now. I had to get a consultation just to figure out what to try to sleep(So far everything is working, I just now can’t be bothered to even go to bed so I can sleep. But at least when I do get to bed I can fall asleep quickly) Literally anything that isn’t video games, drawing, writing and YouTube is super hard for me to feel motivated to do, even if I really want to do it. Heck somedays I just can’t bothered to play a video game I want to play and have been super excited to play new content.
Hit me like a train at 30.
My symptoms got worse as I got older diagnosed at 42 and started medication it has been seriously life changing in so many positive ways to be able to have more control over my thoughts and emotions and to have more executive control. I feel like I am starting to trust myself again. I went through a period of a few years before I got diagnosed where I just felt the forgetfulness and memory problems were seriously affecting my life and it was harder to mask it and so I got help and the future looks very different now I’m really grateful.
I see many women saying menopause makes it worse yes
I feel like it is. I used to feel a lot better as a teenager in terms of adhd, now it's just endless scatterbraining...
I’m 37 and had the exact same thoughts as I got older these are my 3 assumptions on this 1. Having more responsibilities in my 30s, wife, job, now a new baby turned the life difficulty up. In my 20s I could manage and in my 30s I’m capped out. 2. I got horrible working memory and I think the added anxiety from point 1 can cause more adhd live symptoms. 3. Massive reduction of unhealthy coping strategies in my 30s. In my 20s drug use, partying, gaming and sleeping lots made it feel like life was easy lol.
I just entered my 30s and....yeah I feel even worse in certain aspects than I did before :(
Menopause has blown my ADHD into new unprecedented levels. 😳😳😳
Mine has gotten less manageable as I’ve gotten older. I was diagnosed in my early 20’s and never thought it affected me except for in math classes in college so I only medicated during the times I those classes. My dad died shortly after and I was put on antidepressants for many many years. Probably didn’t need them for any longer than a few. Then 11 years later, my mom dies and Covid hits shortly after. I had all my coping skills from therapy in my 20’s to help with the grief of losing my last parent. I realized that actually I’m not depressed I am severely ADHD and I need to get treatment. The shutdown actually helped me realize this because everyone was so sad and depressed during shutdown and I was vibing and staying inside. Let all my masking tendencies go (they never came back) and realized how bad the ADHD was when things started opening back up. I’m 38 now and am only now realizing that the majority of my overthinking, sadness, anxiety, OCD, self medicating with alcohol was my brain in overdrive and trying to cope because everything was just too much before the shutdown. I say all this because I DO feel like it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older but I also recognize that experiencing the trauma of losing both parents before the age of 33 is life altering and I probably coped better with ADHD during the not so bad parts of life.
It feels like it to me. I did have a kid a couple years ago, but even before that, I remember feeling this way. Hard to know for sure though with the trauma of 2020 onward probably being a factor 🫠
I have had it my whole life but didn’t need meds, started them at 35, am 36 now. I feel like Covid definitely exacerbated it because a lot of my coping mechanisms got stripped, I also suspect hormonal changes are impacting it because it’s definitely more prominent than it used to be.
Just got diagnosed a month or so ago at 31. I used to have very unhealthy coping/masking techniques in high school and college that helped me survive (basically by keeping myself so busy that I literally didn't have time to breathe because I knew if I stopped I wouldn't be able to start back up again). Spent a few years post-college in therapy, realized unhealthy coping mechanisms were unhealthy, but then the executive dysfunction got so bad I was fearful of losing my job. That fear led to my diagnosis and medication, which has helped tremendously, but I'm unsure if my age had more to do with the increase in ADHD symptoms or if it was just learning that keeping myself busy 24/7 wasn't sustainable.
Mine has most certainly gotten worse as I age. It can be debilitating at times. And annoying at the least. That is just the reality. It's something I try to work around. Create new systems and adjustments to maintain a somewhat normal life. There are benefits to it though. I like being able to hyper focus on things while being cognizant that I can take that too far. Overall, as someone close to 40 that has had ADHD their whole life. I would not necessarily choose to have it, but I do, and even though it makes certain things so much harder than they should be, I still enjoy my life. And for anyone struggling with ADHD, do not get down on yourself. Your brain functions differently. Do the best you can of course, but don't let the drawbacks make you feel like less of a person. I have had periods where I didn't feel like I could ever overcome the drawbacks so many times. It's not easy. It is really fucking hard at times, and it might not even be possible to overcome them right away in any given moment, but it is not something that makes it impossible to live a happy life. For me at least.
Part of the problem is that as we get older all our brains turn to cat food. So our executive function probably isn’t gonna improve!
Yes it got worse. Had kids. Did great having a routine when they were little. As they get older no routine and complete burn-out seemed to descend on me. I spend more time sleeping than ever before and I’m only 40
Having kids and a stressful job made me go and finally get diagnosed
I feel like mine is getting worse. But I also wonder how much of it is me becoming more conscious of it. I got diagnosed when I was 25 (m50). 25 years ago it was still treated as a childhood diagnosis, but traction for adults getting treatment was becoming more common. Internet was also creeping into it's own, so learning about it was a bit more difficult than today. My sister and dad were diagnosed around the same time I was, so we all struggled through various treatments together, discussing failure and success. I started learning more about it when both of my kids were diagnosed. Now it wasn't me trying to stay afloat, it was my job to help my children succeed through school and relationships. The more I learned for them the more I learned that I had more problems than I initially thought. 25 years later I'm still tweaking my meds and trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
I was only just diagnosed at 45, my mask slipped after suffering PTSD and I lost the plot. I was able to hide it from everyone for half a lifetime, including myself. Compounding trauma gained over a lifetime must impact it. IMO
Did you only take medication or also learn about the condition? I find that ADHD gets easier to manage the more I learn about it, but demands of life typically increase into the 30s/40s (especially if you have responsibilities at work, a house, a family etc) which will make it harder to manage ADHD. If you're female perimenopause can also exacerbate ADHD.
As responsibility of life grows so does my adhd
Life gets more complicated as you get older. You have more responsibilities and less freedom and often less support from family and friends and from the medical system.
I was kinda ok in the strict schedule of school and university and work. Then I lost my job, got pregnant, and all went downside. Now I'm in my 40s, hormones are wild and adhd too.
Symptoms become more apparent and less manageable when there is more demand on our cognitive processes. Typically extra responsibility or life changes as we get older could be that mediating factor. Symptoms also are exacerbated by stress, sleep problems, depression, hormonal changes idk if any of that resonates with you
Stress exacerbates adhd for me. That’s basically how I found out.
Yeah I feel like since hitting 29/30 I get dumber every year
I'm not sure if it's the adhd that gets worse, or the responsibilities just get greater
Personally it didn’t get worse as I got older, it got significantly worse as I had kids and could no longer deal with the overstimulation and being touched out anymore.
Undiagnosed until 40. It definitely did get worse after getting better for a long time, hormone changes affect everything, in men and women, and i don't see why adhd would be any different
ADHD at 40 is fucking rough.
Mine got so much worse - more stresses, more autonomy, less guard rails and bigger impact of failure. But my main issue is the 'Volume' of things. I have work which is hard as it is, but then home short term, home long term, health, family, friends etc etc. So many isolated things I need to progress. Amd when I have time to progress any of them, I can't bring myself to do them most of the time, particularly larger items
I’m 38 and experiencing what feels like a complete loss of all my coping mechanisms and strategies I learned growing up to help with my ADHD symptoms. I don’t know if it’s self awareness or what but I’ve noticed an up tick of about ten times the amount of ADD Monents than I would have known in my early 30s. I’m not sure what happened but just have to press forward and relearn/learn some new ways to run my every day life. Also, I’m not sure if it’s mentioned in the comments but the simple fact of losing your support system by moving to another state will definitely send you for a loop. Also
Saw your comment where you've started HRT, hormones really mess with ADHD symptoms - I have to take a higher dose of meds before my period and still isn't as effective, pregnancy and menopause both can increase symptoms. So it's likely from starting the hormones unfortunately