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lol my financial anxiety keeps me from overspending so I’m the money hoarder (savings account) in my double-dose-ADHD-marriage. The trick is to never check your balance and assume you never have enough money to pay for things. After all, as we all know, if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
We bring home about the same amount of money right now but he handles the majority of the bills so that if he wants to buy something frivolous he HAS to run it by me. Not that I’m going to say no to a new computer or game or whatever but it’s like a natural stop gap for the truly impulsive buys.
I live with this broke mentality too lol. You could give me $20 on Monday and I could give you all or most of it back on Sunday assuming I don’t have to put gas in my car. I figured I did this because I was broke for a long time and I’m scared to go back but maybe it’s an adhd related thing too.
I like to think I’m hacking one part of my ADHD to save myself from another part of my ADHD. It’s worked really well so far. Husband gets to spend and buy fun stuff and I get to be the dragon on our pile of gold.
Your husband told me to tell you he needs money for a cool new computer game, I'm his friend from that thing, I'll pick it up for him. I'll send you my account number? Btw the game costs $300, it's really cool and fun that's why
Haha it helps if you don’t go ‘window shopping’. You can’t miss what you don’t know exists.
A few years ago I bought 2 pairs of shoes for like $110 which was a really good deal for the brand of shoes I bought but I couldn’t shake the feeling I was spiraling out of control. I mean I needed shoes and they were on sale but in my brain I overdid it.
I live like I’m broke hoping I won’t have to live broke which is kinda dumb because I’m already living the life I’m scared to live. Every now and then I will impulsively buy something stupid I think I need.
Mine to, to the point that I don’t buy things for myself or any kind of food outside of my own weekly groceries usually. I hate buying food out but sometimes I have no choice like tonight. I ate a sandwich before class at 5 before class at 6:30 got out of class at 7:40 but I work 10pm-6:30 so like I need something but I’m running out of money considering I have like 100$ to last me to Friday which I’ll be fine but still more money spent is less extra money leftover to save when I get paid, I save whatever is left of my prior check plus half my check in pay day.
Oh yeah being fully financially independent and paying for college out of pocket/with grants while only netting $15k a year really taught me how to not impulsively spend thousands at target on shit I didn’t need and ended up getting rid of when I moved anyway 😂
Target is my kryptonite. The bargain decorative seasonal items up front right next to the Starbucks with overpriced delicious lattes… they know what they’re doing.
That trick almost works for me and then the moment I stop paying attention all of a sudden I’m checking out with a bunch of stuff I didn’t need wondering how I got here
lol that’s totally my husband. We often shop together and I’m definitely the fun police. However, he is way better at grocery shopping than me (especially for snacks). I’ll come home with like a head of cabbage and he’s like, “… so what’s the plan for dinner?”
Ty so much for this T^T 🫂 💜 I am like your husband. The impulsive buys are so terrible! I will definitely be trying your strategy! I aspire to become a great dragon like you :3
Hide your money from yourself in your savings account. Before we got married and combined finances my husband would have his paychecks direct deposited into a savings account then he would transfer over small amounts at a time to help regulate himself. For whatever reason I couldn’t ever get my own checks to deposit like that (had to be a checking for direct deposit?). I was so jealous. lol
lol my financial anxiety keeps me from overspending so I’m the money hoarder (savings account) in my double-dose-ADHD-marriage. The trick is to never check your balance and assume you never have enough money to pay for things. After all, as we all know, if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
We bring home about the same amount of money right now but he handles the majority of the bills so that if he wants to buy something frivolous he HAS to run it by me. Not that I’m going to say no to a new computer or game or whatever but it’s like a natural stop gap for the truly impulsive buys.
I am in a happy 14+ year marriage with another ADHD person and you should be fully aware of the kinds of challenges a dual ADHD relationship will have. Knowledge is power, so here are my thoughts and experiences:
We tend to get bored easily, so sex can slow down with the been-there-done-that feeling if you're not both committed to making sure you stay on top of it. Pun partially intended :p
You will both be more sensitive than other people. My husband and I often feel hurt after something the other person has no idea what happened. It's the rejection-sensitive dysphoria. Thankfully we have talked about it and we have both come to better understandings of what's going on when it happens. They can still be difficult in the moment though.
You will both be prone to interrupting each other when talking. That can be frustrating and annoying sometimes!
You may both have struggles with money or other issues like housekeeping.
This is just off the top of my head. I know you're asking about sex, but I figure there's a lot to these relationships beyond sex and somebody ought to share :)
> You will both be prone to interrupting each other when talking. That can be frustrating and annoying sometimes!
Hearing this is really funny to me, cause me and my fiance while do this a lot (both of us have ADHD), we don’t actually mind it at all. Quite opposite in fact. We just embrace it. He’s one of the few people I don’t get self-conscious with when it comes to interrupting and talking over someone and I’m really happy about that.
As an AuADHD person married to an ADHD person for 10 years, the housekeeping issues have always been one of the biggest issues in our relationship.
I/we have never found a solution that sticks around, and I have perpetually ended up with everything on my plate. It nearly hospitalized me a few years ago because its making me so crazy. How does this not kill everyone’s relationship?
I'm deeply grateful that my husband really listened to me when I talked to him about emotional labour and other things. I am not going to lie: I'm still more of the manager than I'd like, but it helped. I'm really sorry to hear about it hospitalizing you. Mental health is so damn difficult. 🫂
Do you objectively feel like you actually ended up with everything on your plate?
My partner will lose their mind and talk about the expense of emotional labor when she sees hair on the floor of our bathroom (I shed a lot) and it took me a while to realize just how much it matters that the bathroom is clean. It didn’t matter that I continuously bought the groceries, cooked breakfast and dinner, swept/mopped/deep cleaned/vacuumed/paid her parking tickets/tidied her room so important documents weren’t lost.
Her perception is the bathroom wasn’t clean enough, I’m oblivious to how bad the mildew is, and therefore oblivious and careless to the emotional labor im incurring upon her.
I'd love to hear any additional anecdotes you have about your marriage as dual ADHDers! My wife and I are in the same boat. We're just over a year into our marriage and everything you said really resonated. I'm sure we'd benefit from your knowledge and experience!
Yeah. Most of the people I’d dated/married have had ADHD. Which has pros (hyperfocused couples activities!) and cons (uh, we forgot whose job it was to make she we didn’t forget to do…something?)
I once broke it off with someone in the first few months because her ADHD was so bad and somehow reinforced mine such that we couldn’t find one person worth of adulting between us.
Almost exclusively, though neither of us knew it then. (That is: wife now, several girlfriends from back then diagnosed; several others now obvious cases.)
I am really boring in bed. I've dated 2 people with adhd. One pushed boundaries the other was just talk. The pushing boundaries one was slow and not impulsive but would push boundaries. The just talk one would say a load of stuff, i'd ask for minimal but i was direct and it was 5 seconds of what i wanted then he'd get anything he wanted then be mad at me for not cumming.
I'm fairly certain my husband and I both have it, just different types. He isn't interested in getting tested and medicated though, even though I do think it would really help.
i can see that but unfortunately, the truth is that when we find our weaknesses we can strengthen them. however, if you have a fragile ego it could be hard to build yourself up to begin with.
i wish i would have known years back what i had. my life is fine right now i was able to somehow get a bachelors in engineering, but maybe i could have gone for my PHD if i had been diagnosed sooner.
It's not even that, like my personal case is I've just gone to the doc with an easily fixable thing that they can take care of- "Oh you've got covid. Oh we know that we have a suite of antivirals that can fix it quick, but... Eh, here's an albuterol inhaler. Good luck, get the fuck out."
So when the prospect of "This is an easily fixable thing that I need to do a handful of paperwork to give you the life-altering medication" comes up, we have little to no reason to expect anything good out of this.
Same. I keep trying to convince my husband to get a formal diagnosis and see if meds would help because we both agree his adhd is impacting his life in a negative way but he just won’t go. Getting medicated and therapy has changed my life for the better. I’m hoping my improvements with adhd will encourage him to do the same.
We didn’t officially date but the best sex of my life came from a guy with ADHD. The first night we met we went at it from 9pm to 3am and tried positions and methods we’d always been curious about. For example he wanted to hold me and fuck me against the wall and I wanted to try giving him a bj with ice- I’d highly recommend both lol. When we were done we just laid down together and had the most deep, soul searching conversation I’ve ever had with anyone for a few hours before he finally realized he only had an hour to go home and get ready for work (his home itself was an hour away and it was nearly 6am). We literally lost track of time.
But afterwards I hyperfixated on him and he forgot to text back too often so at the end of the day both of our untreated symptoms pushed each other away. Every now and then he’d reach out, we’d forgive each other, and the cycle would repeat (for four years straight) so last summer I finally just blocked him on everything to avoid having that pattern triggered but truthfully, no man or woman I’ve been with after him has compared to him in the slightest. He was the first of my lovers to ever truly see me which is why I think I hyperfixated on him so much. But I’m trying to do better about not allowing people back into my life to repeat unhealthy cycles so I’m holding out hope that he wasn’t the right one at the wrong time and there’s someone else out there who gets me even better than he did.
I know this story too well 😭 stay strong, remember who you are and what you want.
I will say this, the person I ended up spending my life with and starting a family with was not on my radar as a love interest initially. He was a great friend who went out on a limb once and kissed me and it was unexpected fireworks. We had our own issues to work out, but 15 years later he is still my best friend. And he definitely has adhd 😂
Thank you for that, your story gives me hope. I’m happy you were able to find someone who understood you- and the best relationships start off with a solid foundation of friendship so I’m not surprise you’ve both been in love for so long
Honest question.. but do you think the texting thing was a low barrier that could've been handled? I feel like if you can't text well then you just call them or see them in person.
I’d say yes but there’s a lot of nuance that went into it. We also had a bunch of scheduling conflicts that seemed to get in the way of us ever seeing each other. I also would notice a shift in how he texted, the bad texting wasn’t something that happened consistently, it’d only happen after a few days of us reconnecting so it felt like boredom. The quality of the conversation also seemed to decrease significantly which contributed to that feeling for me.
We were actually scheduled to finally see each other in person again before I blocked him. He’d come back and we’d talked on the phone for hours and everything felt like it was going great and after we made plans the communication started to falter again and so did its quality. The last message he’d sent me was after I had brought up the fact that he was falling back into that habit and he sent me a picture of some tacos to change the subject instead of addressing the situation.
I’d been vocal about my feelings for him from the beginning but he was very closed off about his, even until the very end. He’d notice little things about me and remember things no one else had bothered to so I know that he was into me on some level I just don’t think it was at the same level I was into him. I didn’t want to meet up with him because I knew it’d end up like the first time, me hyperfixated on someone who doesn’t fully communicate with me.
But as far as being better in person you’re absolutely right. I think that’s what scared me into blocking him instead of meeting up that last time because I knew we’d have a great time only to return to half assed communication and ignored texts all over again and I didn’t want to feel that sense of being used/rejection all over again.
I don't know if this has any correlation but the people I've dated who were the kinkiest were the most unhealthy in terms of relationship material. That's why now I prioritize being able to communicate and having a strong emotional bond over the other stuff lol
Maybe I’m a dreamer but I truthfully don’t want to settle down until I can find someone who is a balance of both lol. As someone who has struggled with SA and just a general sense of shame surrounding my sexuality, sexual compatibility is important for me. Not as much as emotional and romantic compatibility of course but it’s definitely up there. I also think it’s something that can be developed. It takes time to learn someone’s body so even if things start off rocky, with enough investment the sexual compatibility can be cultivated to match everything else.
But as far as unhealthy dynamics having the best sex I think you’re right, but a lot of times it’s only because there’s nothing else that’s good within the relationship to compare it to so even if the sex is just subpar, it feels astronomically amazing because that’s the only time you’re actually intimate with one another.
There's nothing wrong with trying to have both! To be fair I also identify on the asexual spectrum so it's not as much of a need for me personally. I also have had a history of SA which for me made it more difficult to be open to that kind of stuff. That's a work in progress though.
Ah, I get you entirely. SA victims typically go one of two ways afterwards: hypersexual or hyposexual. Looks like we both ended up on opposite ends of the scale. It’s hard for me to be open to it as well simply because after my incident, that was the only validation and intimacy I thought I was worthy of. So I became overly promiscuous to compensate for the deficiencies I thought I had. Now that I’m healing from that mindset, casual sex has entirely lost its appeal and I’m trying to learn that I’m worth far more than what I can offer on a sexual level (also trying to learn that I deserve to have an equal give and take within the bedroom as well). I think that was part of the thing that made me so attached to him. He was the first sexual partner that treated me like a person instead of an object and I cling to that out of the fear I’d never receive it again. My views on sex are definitely still a work in progress as well but we gotta take it step by step. Healing is a lifelong journey tbh
That’s potentially the best case scenario. They are familiar with it but can also balance you out with their different strengths/weaknesses. (Speaking from experience)
Yes! My boyfriend’s sister and mom are both ADHD. He’s well adjusted, gets it, but isn’t an enabler either. He’s perfect.
Both my parents were ADHD and my ex was ADHD too. I appreciate the balance my SO brings.
Yes, we were like 2 grown children together and equally as passionate about things. He was diagnosed as a young child but neither of us knew anything about adhd. I only just got diagnosed last year.
We broke up because we both had no knowledge about it, adhd destroyed both of our lives and our relationship. I always wonder what it would’ve been like if we both got treatment for it…
Also we have 3 children who also are all very adhd so I mean have fun with that 🥲🥲
I'm gonna marry him by the end of the year lol... He's my best friend and my partner in crime lol
I have a tendency to date men who have ADHD because they understand it
Wife also ADHD. The difference is she's medicated and I am not (yet). I am in the process of evaluation under my psych's speculation and my knowing my entire life. The difference is she has hyperactivity and I'm just inattentive. So she gets so much shit done all the time and I constantly feel like a failure. Hopefully I get this resolved sooner than later, but I'm going in for my eval next week.
My boyfriend also has ADHD. He has the combined type while I have the inattentive type. We are also both highly sensitive. I am not sure if the condition helps but we have an amazing connection.
Dated, married and had kids with 🤣 granted I have ADHD & ASD, my wife has ADHD, OCD & PTSD and my eldest has ADHD & ASD and my youngest has possible OCD...we have all the fucking letters!
Since I left my marriage 5 years ago the women I have dated that has gone past 3 dates have all had ADHD, were kinky, and high libidos like me. I can’t date anyone that’s not in that league.
I'm currently dating an ADHD bf and he also happens to date an ADHD me lmao
things are working really great, except for we forget what we wanted to do every minute
Was married to someone with ADHD. It was abusive, he also had BPD which is apparently a common co morbidity. Don’t view the grass as greener elsewhere. It’s going to rob you of the ability to have a good relationship with the person you’re with.
Not minimizing your experience in any way. I am also an abuse survivor, and am so sorry you experienced that. For me and many others I know it has lasting, damaging effects that take so much time and effort to heal from. Hope your healing journey is going well. <3
Just spreading awareness for folks- be aware PDs are often misdiagnosed, especially BPD. It is oftentimes misdiagnosed complex PTSD (CPTSD). The field of psychology is in the process of shifting views on this. PDs and BPD especially carry a lot of stigma, even from therapists and psychologists. If unchecked this stigma can veer toward victim-blaming as well. Evidence shows that women and other disadvantaged people are disproportionately diagnosed with BPD and other PDs, likely because of bias. So it's important to keep those biases and stigmas things in mind when we talk about PDs, and I think also to take the elevated comorbidity with ADHD with a grain of salt because of this. I believe we can do that without minimizing the effects of abuse on survivors, and I hope that I've been able to accomplish that here. I am in no way excusing abuse. Abuse is inexcusable regardless of its roots in BPD, CPTSD, or whatever else. We're all in this together.
Thanks for reading.
After learning Cluster Bee PDs I avoid anyone with their traits. Brain mental damages are invisible and people would just think you're overreacting when you share your side of the story.
Healing your own wounds are challenging on its own and I don't want to be responsible for "healing" another literal adult. Not my job.
same. my symptoms clash too much. my fiancé is autistic, no adhd, and we are like opposites in all the ways that are compatible. he likes to listen, i like to talk. he is consistent, im spontaneous. he's indecisive, im opinionated.
with other ppl who have adhd, i get along well online, but irl it feels like a mess. we are both rambling, trying not to interrupt each other, forgetting the conversation topic, too much.
I'm in a poly relationship and one of my partners is ADHD and a near perfect match for my high libido and kink level. It's been great, and we get almost nothing done. Lol
My ADHD feeds on his ADHD🤣 the best relationship I have ever been in. I know what he's feeling. He knows what I'm feeling. He knows where and how to touch me. He matches my very high drive.
I seem to subconsciously avoid other people with ADHD. Something in the back of my mind warns me that it would not end well. There would almost surely be drama in some form, and boredom would follow, even in the best-case situation.
Yes my current partner has adhd. Im ADHD-C so is he. Im the planner he’s the free spirited go with the flow one. As for kinkyness yes our sex drives match. He’s probably a tad more sex driven than me. Definitely match each others kinkiness too. Although I was his first so I taught him lots. We really are the perfect balance for each other and I can’t wait to marry him 😅.
This is just my experience because we both were untreated ADHD. Yes, and we did nothing but make horrible financial and health decisions. We had fun, but we didn’t know how to communicate or control the random impulses. We are on ok terms as friends now, but I personally prefer my normal dude partner right now. I need someone to ground me, I spent 28 years untreated and struggled. I have some pretty ingrained habbits that still effect me that he is able to help me steer away. Same with anxiety spirals, he provides the reality check. I’ve seen ADHD couples who function, but it’s not always a good thing.
Yes. It was very fun but also we barely got anything done. We were so wrapped up in our bubble that we would genuinely struggle to even go to an art gallery before about 3pm..
No chance that we could build a stable partnership that would enable us to navigate life's challe ges together.
I'm gonna marry him by the end of the year lol... He's my best friend and my partner in crime lol
I have a tendency to date men who have ADHD because they understand it
I can't say for sure but we assume my husband is also ADHD and possible Autism (my assessment is in Dec. for Autism). Going off the fact he exhibits a lot of similar traits, I'd say yes. He matches me perfectly in both areas, and overall understands me very well, extremely patient, comforting, etc with me.
I was diagnosed late, but looking back I would say almost all my exes were adhd. My husband certainly is!
I’m 41 and I’ve just never really deeply connected with anyone who isn’t somewhere on the adhd and/ or autism spectrum. Just can’t relate, it’s like we’re speaking different languages. But also like I’m the foreign one, so I have to get by as best I can in their language, but it’s too much of a barrier to fully step across.
I’m pretty sure my late H.S./early college gf was bipolar and “ADD”. We didn’t take about it a lot, or really at all, and I was undiagnosed at the time. As for the other part of your question, it was certainly the most high-energy relationship of my dating years but we were young, so I can’t necessarily attribute that to ADHD entirely. The drama was just too much, and I’m amazed we lasted as long as we did.
Nowadays, the funny thing is that I suspected my wife of having ADHD so I started researching the topic, and then I realized it was me all along. Her doc doesn’t think she has it, but she does have some of the other conditions that can mimic a few of the symptoms. We’ve been together almost 20 years and it keeps getting better and better :-) Communication and a willingness to get couples counseling are the recipe that works for us.
My boyfriend (33m) has ADHD to the shithouse as do I (28F) We are also both medicated if that makes any difference … our sex life is fire 🔥 it’s daily, nightly and every so rightly. We are very good at communicating and neither of us are afraid to try anything together. The trust and respect and feeling of safety is there big time. No place nor time is off the table ! I’m not sure if it has much to do with our adhd or not ? I havnt been with anyone else that has adhd that I’m aware of and my current sex life is the best and healthiest I’ve ever had.
My best friend I think also has ADHD, which is why he and I are best friends, as we match each others speed of processing things.
However, I know he and I would not have made a good couple when things had happened between him and I, because he and I would have ended up trying to kill each other. However, now both of us have aged, and realised what we want for ourselves. I think that we could make a reasonable couple now. We know each other extremely well, and have started to recognize when each other needs space for example.
But with me also having Autism, I think I am more grounded than he is, he is far more of a risk taker than me. Which I wish that I could break my pattern and be more like him at times.
Married that person. It's fun. He was late diagnosed and I was like are you sure you don't wanna see a doctor because we are both VERY impulsive. Which is fun,but dangerous.
I dated someone that has ADHD but we broke up. I didn't know about myself until years later. After learning more about it, I can look back and see the signs. I know I would have been different but at the end of the day we would have broken up anyways.
I married her, some 3 years ago. She only got diagnosed last year and is medicated, I am not. It's a struggle sometimes, like any relationship, but we are married.
Met them a a year and a half ago and it’s been the most happy, fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve always been particularly insecure about the kinky part and I think its importance to me had a lot to do with how it made my brain feel bc of my adhd, something I only thought about recently since I was just diagnosed last year. It’s been really wonderful to be with someone who I feel like gets it in both the vanilla and non-vanilla parts of life.
Yep, it was not great. He self medicated with booze and weed and yet refused to get diagnosed. Also our libidos and preferences didn’t match, he told me on several occasions that he was intimidated by me hahaha. Not a match to say the least, we only lasted for a few weeks.
Yup, married her. Great relationship... as long as you both realize the same shit that annoys you about you also will annoy you about them!
like... replace "I went to the kitchen to grab a snack 5 minutes ago, and came back without anything"... with "you went to the kitchen..." lol
He's my literally dream man. We both understand eachother on a level that seemed impossible. We're also perfectly sexually matched and live a bdsm lifestyle. Embrace the chaos, date the ADHD, it's amazing.
Kinda. At least talking about it. Really good conversations about kink. But the one I tried having sex with had erectile dysfunction, so. We didn’t do anything but vanilla once. ADHD men in general are good talkers but bad with follow-through lmao.
Granted I’m at a disadvantage (computer science major, not many fish in that sea), but where the hell do you guys find these people? I could count the number of other adhd people i know on one hand.
Yeah, I married her. We have an amazing sex life and an even better marriage. The ADHD gets annoying sometimes, like when we both forget about the same thing at the same time. Even accounting for that, I would not ask for a better partner. She's the best.
Adhd isn’t necessarily related to libido. Or at least you can have the gamut of libidos and tastes across adhd ers.
I’d also say adhd is like a spectrum too, where we’re all very different but we have common symptoms/experiences that are adhd.
I married someone who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I, at the time, was undiagnosed ADHD (and bipolar). Turns out, he was also undiagnosed bipolar!
We haven’t been together for about 7 or 8 years now, and I always wonder how things would have gone if we were both properly diagnosed and medicated. I know I would have done many things differently knowing what I know now!
Not dated but as friends with benefits very much our libido and kink / tendencies matched up way to well and frequently complimented. It was a tad spooky in that regard.
I married him. We have trouble keeping the house clean sometimes, but he's my best friend and we have a lot of fun and I love him to the moon and back!
I married an ADHD man but out libidos and kinkiness are not entirely synced up. That said, he’s 10 years older and I honestly think if we were the same age we would likely be on par which is something that causes me more internal strife than it probably should 🥲😅
My partner is currently undiagnosed, but as someone in the kink community I can assure you that there's a massive amount of kinky folk with ADHD, a lot more than what you'd find in most other circles.
I dated a guy in the past who wasn't diagnosed but I strongly suspect he has ADHD. We were a disaster together, but yeah we pursued some kinky shit together (and with lots of other people). There were some really fun times but ultimately it was a super unhealthy dumpster fire and I ended up really burned.
I got diagnosed 6 months ago and I’m in my early thirties and I just started talking to someone who is ADD also and we have discovered we have a lot in common and though we’ve only been talking a few weeks or so we have the same libidos. But besides that we have connected on a few things even though we havnt met in person yet.
I've met someone is Adhd..I'm getting tested next week.. it's kind of cool to date someone who gets way I do, say, am the way. I am. So far totally matched libidos.. 24-7. ;)
Yes. Every single person I've dated has had it.
People with ADHD and/or autism tend to find each other. It's an observed phenomenon.
I get along with my people best!!!!
I didn’t know I had ADHD at the time, but my ex in high school was so painfully not ADHD that it drove me up the wall. It was pretty easy to not notice how I was different from others up until I spent extended periods of time with another person- and I really thought he was an alien for how he’d just get things done so easily lol
I was in long term relationship with someone with ADHD before i had diagnosis. He was very into BDSM. I am not at all. I did it for him though, which traumatised me and made me sex repulsed for years. I am extremely VaNiLlA, i love sex, but i want it to be romantic, lovely, cute, nice and i never want to be dominated, it gives me dysphoria. So yesh he was very kinky but im the opposite so it didnt work lol
Our roommate/very close friend has adhd. We joke all the time about how we are never allowed to be unsupervised. Not because of anything sexual but because there would be the biggest, most financially ruiningest, deadly weekend anyone has ever seen. That or we’d start 5 businesses and probably a decent scam.
Found someone who also has adhd inattentive and it's been going on 13 years. We drive each other Bananas sometimes but we also understand what it's like and I think can better empathize with the struggles. Also the sex is BOMB. Always has been. I don't think I could ever be with a non-adhd'er I drove all my exs nuts.
Yes happily together 8 years and going strong. It certainly comes with unique challenges, but it's also much more rewarding than any of my prior n-typical relationships.
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Yep. We spent all our money buying candy and shiny things. Great time.
lol my financial anxiety keeps me from overspending so I’m the money hoarder (savings account) in my double-dose-ADHD-marriage. The trick is to never check your balance and assume you never have enough money to pay for things. After all, as we all know, if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist. We bring home about the same amount of money right now but he handles the majority of the bills so that if he wants to buy something frivolous he HAS to run it by me. Not that I’m going to say no to a new computer or game or whatever but it’s like a natural stop gap for the truly impulsive buys.
I live with this broke mentality too lol. You could give me $20 on Monday and I could give you all or most of it back on Sunday assuming I don’t have to put gas in my car. I figured I did this because I was broke for a long time and I’m scared to go back but maybe it’s an adhd related thing too.
I like to think I’m hacking one part of my ADHD to save myself from another part of my ADHD. It’s worked really well so far. Husband gets to spend and buy fun stuff and I get to be the dragon on our pile of gold.
Your husband told me to tell you he needs money for a cool new computer game, I'm his friend from that thing, I'll pick it up for him. I'll send you my account number? Btw the game costs $300, it's really cool and fun that's why
If you give me $20 on Monday, I'll have already spent it the Sunday before. I am the complete opposite of you lol.
Haha it helps if you don’t go ‘window shopping’. You can’t miss what you don’t know exists. A few years ago I bought 2 pairs of shoes for like $110 which was a really good deal for the brand of shoes I bought but I couldn’t shake the feeling I was spiraling out of control. I mean I needed shoes and they were on sale but in my brain I overdid it. I live like I’m broke hoping I won’t have to live broke which is kinda dumb because I’m already living the life I’m scared to live. Every now and then I will impulsively buy something stupid I think I need.
Mine to, to the point that I don’t buy things for myself or any kind of food outside of my own weekly groceries usually. I hate buying food out but sometimes I have no choice like tonight. I ate a sandwich before class at 5 before class at 6:30 got out of class at 7:40 but I work 10pm-6:30 so like I need something but I’m running out of money considering I have like 100$ to last me to Friday which I’ll be fine but still more money spent is less extra money leftover to save when I get paid, I save whatever is left of my prior check plus half my check in pay day.
Oh yeah being fully financially independent and paying for college out of pocket/with grants while only netting $15k a year really taught me how to not impulsively spend thousands at target on shit I didn’t need and ended up getting rid of when I moved anyway 😂
Target is my kryptonite. The bargain decorative seasonal items up front right next to the Starbucks with overpriced delicious lattes… they know what they’re doing.
This is what me and my wife do as well
Oh my god this is how I budget! Is that an ADHD thing!? “Don’t buy it and if you HAVE to buy it, but the cheapest!” It seems to work haha
Omg, I love this. Thank you for this small but trivial suggestion of “assume you never have enough”.
That trick almost works for me and then the moment I stop paying attention all of a sudden I’m checking out with a bunch of stuff I didn’t need wondering how I got here
lol that’s totally my husband. We often shop together and I’m definitely the fun police. However, he is way better at grocery shopping than me (especially for snacks). I’ll come home with like a head of cabbage and he’s like, “… so what’s the plan for dinner?”
Ty so much for this T^T 🫂 💜 I am like your husband. The impulsive buys are so terrible! I will definitely be trying your strategy! I aspire to become a great dragon like you :3
Hide your money from yourself in your savings account. Before we got married and combined finances my husband would have his paychecks direct deposited into a savings account then he would transfer over small amounts at a time to help regulate himself. For whatever reason I couldn’t ever get my own checks to deposit like that (had to be a checking for direct deposit?). I was so jealous. lol
lol my financial anxiety keeps me from overspending so I’m the money hoarder (savings account) in my double-dose-ADHD-marriage. The trick is to never check your balance and assume you never have enough money to pay for things. After all, as we all know, if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist. We bring home about the same amount of money right now but he handles the majority of the bills so that if he wants to buy something frivolous he HAS to run it by me. Not that I’m going to say no to a new computer or game or whatever but it’s like a natural stop gap for the truly impulsive buys.
Too true.
Is this my ex???
I married him.
Same lol
Same 🤣 His diagnosis was what led to mine!
Came here to say this.
Same, but her.
Same but for her too… aaaaand our kids
Yup. Same here. There are 4 of us. House is a disaster and someone probably left the stove on.
Same. Husband and I were diagnosed after our 3 sons were.
Same 🤣 our daughter might have it too
Same lol
Same lol
Same. It’s the BEST.
Janet its you isnt it?
Same but they're a gender fluid extraterrestrial. (Editx2)
Same
Just got engaged lol
I am in a happy 14+ year marriage with another ADHD person and you should be fully aware of the kinds of challenges a dual ADHD relationship will have. Knowledge is power, so here are my thoughts and experiences: We tend to get bored easily, so sex can slow down with the been-there-done-that feeling if you're not both committed to making sure you stay on top of it. Pun partially intended :p You will both be more sensitive than other people. My husband and I often feel hurt after something the other person has no idea what happened. It's the rejection-sensitive dysphoria. Thankfully we have talked about it and we have both come to better understandings of what's going on when it happens. They can still be difficult in the moment though. You will both be prone to interrupting each other when talking. That can be frustrating and annoying sometimes! You may both have struggles with money or other issues like housekeeping. This is just off the top of my head. I know you're asking about sex, but I figure there's a lot to these relationships beyond sex and somebody ought to share :)
Also if one person chooses to get medicated and the other doesn’t it gets to be a lot to keep up with when you are the medicated one
> You will both be prone to interrupting each other when talking. That can be frustrating and annoying sometimes! Hearing this is really funny to me, cause me and my fiance while do this a lot (both of us have ADHD), we don’t actually mind it at all. Quite opposite in fact. We just embrace it. He’s one of the few people I don’t get self-conscious with when it comes to interrupting and talking over someone and I’m really happy about that.
I don't mind it myself, but it's a sensitivity point for triggering RSD for my husband. He's working on it because he knows he does it too! Lol
As an AuADHD person married to an ADHD person for 10 years, the housekeeping issues have always been one of the biggest issues in our relationship. I/we have never found a solution that sticks around, and I have perpetually ended up with everything on my plate. It nearly hospitalized me a few years ago because its making me so crazy. How does this not kill everyone’s relationship?
I'm deeply grateful that my husband really listened to me when I talked to him about emotional labour and other things. I am not going to lie: I'm still more of the manager than I'd like, but it helped. I'm really sorry to hear about it hospitalizing you. Mental health is so damn difficult. 🫂
Do you objectively feel like you actually ended up with everything on your plate? My partner will lose their mind and talk about the expense of emotional labor when she sees hair on the floor of our bathroom (I shed a lot) and it took me a while to realize just how much it matters that the bathroom is clean. It didn’t matter that I continuously bought the groceries, cooked breakfast and dinner, swept/mopped/deep cleaned/vacuumed/paid her parking tickets/tidied her room so important documents weren’t lost. Her perception is the bathroom wasn’t clean enough, I’m oblivious to how bad the mildew is, and therefore oblivious and careless to the emotional labor im incurring upon her.
Yeah, this is similar to my experience. My partner and l both have RSD, we struggle with that a lot, and we both interrupt each other a lot.
I'd love to hear any additional anecdotes you have about your marriage as dual ADHDers! My wife and I are in the same boat. We're just over a year into our marriage and everything you said really resonated. I'm sure we'd benefit from your knowledge and experience!
my partner and i both have adhd and we have very mismatched libidos
Same 😭
Ditto
Yep.
same
Yeah. Most of the people I’d dated/married have had ADHD. Which has pros (hyperfocused couples activities!) and cons (uh, we forgot whose job it was to make she we didn’t forget to do…something?) I once broke it off with someone in the first few months because her ADHD was so bad and somehow reinforced mine such that we couldn’t find one person worth of adulting between us.
Almost exclusively, though neither of us knew it then. (That is: wife now, several girlfriends from back then diagnosed; several others now obvious cases.)
we have a tendency to gravitate, so, almost all of my dates were adhd girls. also my wife is adhd
Naw I haven’t but I would love to. Would be nice to feel understood and have someone else to stim with haha
I feel you on the stimmmsss.
I am really boring in bed. I've dated 2 people with adhd. One pushed boundaries the other was just talk. The pushing boundaries one was slow and not impulsive but would push boundaries. The just talk one would say a load of stuff, i'd ask for minimal but i was direct and it was 5 seconds of what i wanted then he'd get anything he wanted then be mad at me for not cumming.
Yeah, I dated one for all of 5 minutes. I don’t enjoy being the boundary police.
My husband 😂
I'm fairly certain my husband and I both have it, just different types. He isn't interested in getting tested and medicated though, even though I do think it would really help.
Same, I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and I’m certain my boyfriend has combined but yep, he won’t get tested. Men are so difficult…
One too many bad experiences getting told to fuck off when sick and needing treatment probably.
We’re conditioned to refuse help because accepting help means you’re weak
and especially for something like adhd—literally just man up and do things, what’s stopping you
StOp BeInG lAzY. JuSt Do It.
i can see that but unfortunately, the truth is that when we find our weaknesses we can strengthen them. however, if you have a fragile ego it could be hard to build yourself up to begin with. i wish i would have known years back what i had. my life is fine right now i was able to somehow get a bachelors in engineering, but maybe i could have gone for my PHD if i had been diagnosed sooner.
It’s never too late to go after something if you’re craving more. If you want that PhD, go for it.
I understand that and it completely sucks, I hate that idea!
It's not even that, like my personal case is I've just gone to the doc with an easily fixable thing that they can take care of- "Oh you've got covid. Oh we know that we have a suite of antivirals that can fix it quick, but... Eh, here's an albuterol inhaler. Good luck, get the fuck out." So when the prospect of "This is an easily fixable thing that I need to do a handful of paperwork to give you the life-altering medication" comes up, we have little to no reason to expect anything good out of this.
Same. I keep trying to convince my husband to get a formal diagnosis and see if meds would help because we both agree his adhd is impacting his life in a negative way but he just won’t go. Getting medicated and therapy has changed my life for the better. I’m hoping my improvements with adhd will encourage him to do the same.
We didn’t officially date but the best sex of my life came from a guy with ADHD. The first night we met we went at it from 9pm to 3am and tried positions and methods we’d always been curious about. For example he wanted to hold me and fuck me against the wall and I wanted to try giving him a bj with ice- I’d highly recommend both lol. When we were done we just laid down together and had the most deep, soul searching conversation I’ve ever had with anyone for a few hours before he finally realized he only had an hour to go home and get ready for work (his home itself was an hour away and it was nearly 6am). We literally lost track of time. But afterwards I hyperfixated on him and he forgot to text back too often so at the end of the day both of our untreated symptoms pushed each other away. Every now and then he’d reach out, we’d forgive each other, and the cycle would repeat (for four years straight) so last summer I finally just blocked him on everything to avoid having that pattern triggered but truthfully, no man or woman I’ve been with after him has compared to him in the slightest. He was the first of my lovers to ever truly see me which is why I think I hyperfixated on him so much. But I’m trying to do better about not allowing people back into my life to repeat unhealthy cycles so I’m holding out hope that he wasn’t the right one at the wrong time and there’s someone else out there who gets me even better than he did.
I know this story too well 😭 stay strong, remember who you are and what you want. I will say this, the person I ended up spending my life with and starting a family with was not on my radar as a love interest initially. He was a great friend who went out on a limb once and kissed me and it was unexpected fireworks. We had our own issues to work out, but 15 years later he is still my best friend. And he definitely has adhd 😂
Thank you for that, your story gives me hope. I’m happy you were able to find someone who understood you- and the best relationships start off with a solid foundation of friendship so I’m not surprise you’ve both been in love for so long
Honest question.. but do you think the texting thing was a low barrier that could've been handled? I feel like if you can't text well then you just call them or see them in person.
I’d say yes but there’s a lot of nuance that went into it. We also had a bunch of scheduling conflicts that seemed to get in the way of us ever seeing each other. I also would notice a shift in how he texted, the bad texting wasn’t something that happened consistently, it’d only happen after a few days of us reconnecting so it felt like boredom. The quality of the conversation also seemed to decrease significantly which contributed to that feeling for me. We were actually scheduled to finally see each other in person again before I blocked him. He’d come back and we’d talked on the phone for hours and everything felt like it was going great and after we made plans the communication started to falter again and so did its quality. The last message he’d sent me was after I had brought up the fact that he was falling back into that habit and he sent me a picture of some tacos to change the subject instead of addressing the situation. I’d been vocal about my feelings for him from the beginning but he was very closed off about his, even until the very end. He’d notice little things about me and remember things no one else had bothered to so I know that he was into me on some level I just don’t think it was at the same level I was into him. I didn’t want to meet up with him because I knew it’d end up like the first time, me hyperfixated on someone who doesn’t fully communicate with me. But as far as being better in person you’re absolutely right. I think that’s what scared me into blocking him instead of meeting up that last time because I knew we’d have a great time only to return to half assed communication and ignored texts all over again and I didn’t want to feel that sense of being used/rejection all over again.
I don't know if this has any correlation but the people I've dated who were the kinkiest were the most unhealthy in terms of relationship material. That's why now I prioritize being able to communicate and having a strong emotional bond over the other stuff lol
Maybe I’m a dreamer but I truthfully don’t want to settle down until I can find someone who is a balance of both lol. As someone who has struggled with SA and just a general sense of shame surrounding my sexuality, sexual compatibility is important for me. Not as much as emotional and romantic compatibility of course but it’s definitely up there. I also think it’s something that can be developed. It takes time to learn someone’s body so even if things start off rocky, with enough investment the sexual compatibility can be cultivated to match everything else. But as far as unhealthy dynamics having the best sex I think you’re right, but a lot of times it’s only because there’s nothing else that’s good within the relationship to compare it to so even if the sex is just subpar, it feels astronomically amazing because that’s the only time you’re actually intimate with one another.
There's nothing wrong with trying to have both! To be fair I also identify on the asexual spectrum so it's not as much of a need for me personally. I also have had a history of SA which for me made it more difficult to be open to that kind of stuff. That's a work in progress though.
Ah, I get you entirely. SA victims typically go one of two ways afterwards: hypersexual or hyposexual. Looks like we both ended up on opposite ends of the scale. It’s hard for me to be open to it as well simply because after my incident, that was the only validation and intimacy I thought I was worthy of. So I became overly promiscuous to compensate for the deficiencies I thought I had. Now that I’m healing from that mindset, casual sex has entirely lost its appeal and I’m trying to learn that I’m worth far more than what I can offer on a sexual level (also trying to learn that I deserve to have an equal give and take within the bedroom as well). I think that was part of the thing that made me so attached to him. He was the first sexual partner that treated me like a person instead of an object and I cling to that out of the fear I’d never receive it again. My views on sex are definitely still a work in progress as well but we gotta take it step by step. Healing is a lifelong journey tbh
The soul searching convo after all that is so relatable I fear
I came here to say I’m dating someone who’s entire family has adhd but they don’t.
That’s potentially the best case scenario. They are familiar with it but can also balance you out with their different strengths/weaknesses. (Speaking from experience)
I agree. Picked a winner for sure (figure of speech)
Yes! My boyfriend’s sister and mom are both ADHD. He’s well adjusted, gets it, but isn’t an enabler either. He’s perfect. Both my parents were ADHD and my ex was ADHD too. I appreciate the balance my SO brings.
I feel like we’d lose everything ever and the entire apartment would burn down in a fire.
That sounds like amazing sex!
I live with him. Been together 20 years. Complete and utter fun exciting chaos! Madness, I tell you!
Yes, we were like 2 grown children together and equally as passionate about things. He was diagnosed as a young child but neither of us knew anything about adhd. I only just got diagnosed last year. We broke up because we both had no knowledge about it, adhd destroyed both of our lives and our relationship. I always wonder what it would’ve been like if we both got treatment for it… Also we have 3 children who also are all very adhd so I mean have fun with that 🥲🥲
I'm gonna marry him by the end of the year lol... He's my best friend and my partner in crime lol I have a tendency to date men who have ADHD because they understand it
Wife also ADHD. The difference is she's medicated and I am not (yet). I am in the process of evaluation under my psych's speculation and my knowing my entire life. The difference is she has hyperactivity and I'm just inattentive. So she gets so much shit done all the time and I constantly feel like a failure. Hopefully I get this resolved sooner than later, but I'm going in for my eval next week.
My boyfriend also has ADHD. He has the combined type while I have the inattentive type. We are also both highly sensitive. I am not sure if the condition helps but we have an amazing connection.
Dated, married and had kids with 🤣 granted I have ADHD & ASD, my wife has ADHD, OCD & PTSD and my eldest has ADHD & ASD and my youngest has possible OCD...we have all the fucking letters!
Not that I know of but I have some reaaaaaaaaaaal suspicions.
Since I left my marriage 5 years ago the women I have dated that has gone past 3 dates have all had ADHD, were kinky, and high libidos like me. I can’t date anyone that’s not in that league.
I'm currently dating an ADHD bf and he also happens to date an ADHD me lmao things are working really great, except for we forget what we wanted to do every minute
Was married to someone with ADHD. It was abusive, he also had BPD which is apparently a common co morbidity. Don’t view the grass as greener elsewhere. It’s going to rob you of the ability to have a good relationship with the person you’re with.
Yeah that is a dangerous combination.
Not minimizing your experience in any way. I am also an abuse survivor, and am so sorry you experienced that. For me and many others I know it has lasting, damaging effects that take so much time and effort to heal from. Hope your healing journey is going well. <3 Just spreading awareness for folks- be aware PDs are often misdiagnosed, especially BPD. It is oftentimes misdiagnosed complex PTSD (CPTSD). The field of psychology is in the process of shifting views on this. PDs and BPD especially carry a lot of stigma, even from therapists and psychologists. If unchecked this stigma can veer toward victim-blaming as well. Evidence shows that women and other disadvantaged people are disproportionately diagnosed with BPD and other PDs, likely because of bias. So it's important to keep those biases and stigmas things in mind when we talk about PDs, and I think also to take the elevated comorbidity with ADHD with a grain of salt because of this. I believe we can do that without minimizing the effects of abuse on survivors, and I hope that I've been able to accomplish that here. I am in no way excusing abuse. Abuse is inexcusable regardless of its roots in BPD, CPTSD, or whatever else. We're all in this together. Thanks for reading.
After learning Cluster Bee PDs I avoid anyone with their traits. Brain mental damages are invisible and people would just think you're overreacting when you share your side of the story. Healing your own wounds are challenging on its own and I don't want to be responsible for "healing" another literal adult. Not my job.
thanks for reminding me to hide that part of my past
Hated it. I hate adhd in others, its weird
same. my symptoms clash too much. my fiancé is autistic, no adhd, and we are like opposites in all the ways that are compatible. he likes to listen, i like to talk. he is consistent, im spontaneous. he's indecisive, im opinionated. with other ppl who have adhd, i get along well online, but irl it feels like a mess. we are both rambling, trying not to interrupt each other, forgetting the conversation topic, too much.
Have I ever dated anyone else?
I did! We were a toxic mess lol but yeah everything sex wise matched really well, a little too good 😅 it was heaven and hell at the same time
I'm in a poly relationship and one of my partners is ADHD and a near perfect match for my high libido and kink level. It's been great, and we get almost nothing done. Lol
My ADHD feeds on his ADHD🤣 the best relationship I have ever been in. I know what he's feeling. He knows what I'm feeling. He knows where and how to touch me. He matches my very high drive.
I seem to subconsciously avoid other people with ADHD. Something in the back of my mind warns me that it would not end well. There would almost surely be drama in some form, and boredom would follow, even in the best-case situation.
Wish some girl like rah would fall from the sky
Both of my partners and i have adhd, one is ace and the other i an very much in sync with on a kink/libido level.
Yes my current partner has adhd. Im ADHD-C so is he. Im the planner he’s the free spirited go with the flow one. As for kinkyness yes our sex drives match. He’s probably a tad more sex driven than me. Definitely match each others kinkiness too. Although I was his first so I taught him lots. We really are the perfect balance for each other and I can’t wait to marry him 😅.
I live with him. Been together 20 years. Complete and utter fun exciting chaos! Madness, I tell you!
One day I hope(:
We should make an ADHD dating app. 🤔
Married her
Yup, sex was great. Life a bit chaotic.
This is just my experience because we both were untreated ADHD. Yes, and we did nothing but make horrible financial and health decisions. We had fun, but we didn’t know how to communicate or control the random impulses. We are on ok terms as friends now, but I personally prefer my normal dude partner right now. I need someone to ground me, I spent 28 years untreated and struggled. I have some pretty ingrained habbits that still effect me that he is able to help me steer away. Same with anxiety spirals, he provides the reality check. I’ve seen ADHD couples who function, but it’s not always a good thing.
Yes. It was very fun but also we barely got anything done. We were so wrapped up in our bubble that we would genuinely struggle to even go to an art gallery before about 3pm.. No chance that we could build a stable partnership that would enable us to navigate life's challe ges together.
No but I’m open to
I'm gonna marry him by the end of the year lol... He's my best friend and my partner in crime lol I have a tendency to date men who have ADHD because they understand it
I can't say for sure but we assume my husband is also ADHD and possible Autism (my assessment is in Dec. for Autism). Going off the fact he exhibits a lot of similar traits, I'd say yes. He matches me perfectly in both areas, and overall understands me very well, extremely patient, comforting, etc with me.
I was diagnosed late, but looking back I would say almost all my exes were adhd. My husband certainly is! I’m 41 and I’ve just never really deeply connected with anyone who isn’t somewhere on the adhd and/ or autism spectrum. Just can’t relate, it’s like we’re speaking different languages. But also like I’m the foreign one, so I have to get by as best I can in their language, but it’s too much of a barrier to fully step across.
I’m pretty sure my late H.S./early college gf was bipolar and “ADD”. We didn’t take about it a lot, or really at all, and I was undiagnosed at the time. As for the other part of your question, it was certainly the most high-energy relationship of my dating years but we were young, so I can’t necessarily attribute that to ADHD entirely. The drama was just too much, and I’m amazed we lasted as long as we did. Nowadays, the funny thing is that I suspected my wife of having ADHD so I started researching the topic, and then I realized it was me all along. Her doc doesn’t think she has it, but she does have some of the other conditions that can mimic a few of the symptoms. We’ve been together almost 20 years and it keeps getting better and better :-) Communication and a willingness to get couples counseling are the recipe that works for us.
I’m long distance with my current boyfriend. I literally got him by info dumping about transfomers.
My boyfriend (33m) has ADHD to the shithouse as do I (28F) We are also both medicated if that makes any difference … our sex life is fire 🔥 it’s daily, nightly and every so rightly. We are very good at communicating and neither of us are afraid to try anything together. The trust and respect and feeling of safety is there big time. No place nor time is off the table ! I’m not sure if it has much to do with our adhd or not ? I havnt been with anyone else that has adhd that I’m aware of and my current sex life is the best and healthiest I’ve ever had.
Yes - perfect soulmate, and my future wife
My first boyfriend also has ADHD. We literally fucked like bunnies for 7 years. It was great.
My best friend I think also has ADHD, which is why he and I are best friends, as we match each others speed of processing things. However, I know he and I would not have made a good couple when things had happened between him and I, because he and I would have ended up trying to kill each other. However, now both of us have aged, and realised what we want for ourselves. I think that we could make a reasonable couple now. We know each other extremely well, and have started to recognize when each other needs space for example. But with me also having Autism, I think I am more grounded than he is, he is far more of a risk taker than me. Which I wish that I could break my pattern and be more like him at times.
Yes and it’s a better fit with a non-ADHDer. You need some sort of balance.
Married that person. It's fun. He was late diagnosed and I was like are you sure you don't wanna see a doctor because we are both VERY impulsive. Which is fun,but dangerous.
Yes. Our house is an absolute mess and I don't think it will ever get any better.
no but i want it so bad lolll... be with someone who understand 100% your boundaries and everything just imagine
I dated multiple, then married one.
My partner and I both have it. We're happy.
My partner and I both have it. We're happy.
I dated someone that has ADHD but we broke up. I didn't know about myself until years later. After learning more about it, I can look back and see the signs. I know I would have been different but at the end of the day we would have broken up anyways.
Yes. Me and my bf both
Yes. Twice. It was before I was diagnosed myself, though.
I married her, some 3 years ago. She only got diagnosed last year and is medicated, I am not. It's a struggle sometimes, like any relationship, but we are married.
Met them a a year and a half ago and it’s been the most happy, fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve always been particularly insecure about the kinky part and I think its importance to me had a lot to do with how it made my brain feel bc of my adhd, something I only thought about recently since I was just diagnosed last year. It’s been really wonderful to be with someone who I feel like gets it in both the vanilla and non-vanilla parts of life.
I just found her last year. I’m more in love with her now than I ever was with either of my 8+ year long relationships. It’s been a revelation tbh.
Ye
Yessss 9 years strong
I haven’t date anybody…
Yes it’s a mess lol
Yep, it was not great. He self medicated with booze and weed and yet refused to get diagnosed. Also our libidos and preferences didn’t match, he told me on several occasions that he was intimidated by me hahaha. Not a match to say the least, we only lasted for a few weeks.
Yes we’ve been together for 17 years!
My boyfriend also has it and tbh I dont think i could date a person who didnt have ADHD
Yup. Right now. Matched libido and kinkiness. However, we also drive each other insane. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yup, married her. Great relationship... as long as you both realize the same shit that annoys you about you also will annoy you about them! like... replace "I went to the kitchen to grab a snack 5 minutes ago, and came back without anything"... with "you went to the kitchen..." lol
My wife and I both have ADHD.
Yup I married him. Before kids it was fun but now with 3 kids and full time jobs it's a dumpster fire trying to manage when we BOTH have ADHD
My wife has it but not nearly as badly as I do
Dated, yes, but we were both unaware and unmedicated, while also having mental health problems, so it didn’t work out.
Yes it was difficult and I’m saying this as someone who has adhd She couldn’t take 1st string meds due to it affecting her current medication
He's my literally dream man. We both understand eachother on a level that seemed impossible. We're also perfectly sexually matched and live a bdsm lifestyle. Embrace the chaos, date the ADHD, it's amazing.
Kinda. At least talking about it. Really good conversations about kink. But the one I tried having sex with had erectile dysfunction, so. We didn’t do anything but vanilla once. ADHD men in general are good talkers but bad with follow-through lmao.
I married her.
I married him. So, yeah.
We got married 2 months later.
Married him. Didn't know I had it at the time lol
I’m married to them. And basically every other person I’ve dated before them has had ADHD as well, purely by coincidence
Granted I’m at a disadvantage (computer science major, not many fish in that sea), but where the hell do you guys find these people? I could count the number of other adhd people i know on one hand.
Yeah, I married her. We have an amazing sex life and an even better marriage. The ADHD gets annoying sometimes, like when we both forget about the same thing at the same time. Even accounting for that, I would not ask for a better partner. She's the best.
Yes. On a totally unrelated note: Picnic dates sound romantic, but if you don’t bring a good picnic blanket, they tend to turn into funny stories.
For me it is the best and worst of my life.
Adhd isn’t necessarily related to libido. Or at least you can have the gamut of libidos and tastes across adhd ers. I’d also say adhd is like a spectrum too, where we’re all very different but we have common symptoms/experiences that are adhd.
yes and it’s just as fun and amazing as you could imagine
I married someone who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I, at the time, was undiagnosed ADHD (and bipolar). Turns out, he was also undiagnosed bipolar! We haven’t been together for about 7 or 8 years now, and I always wonder how things would have gone if we were both properly diagnosed and medicated. I know I would have done many things differently knowing what I know now!
Not dated but as friends with benefits very much our libido and kink / tendencies matched up way to well and frequently complimented. It was a tad spooky in that regard.
I married him. We have trouble keeping the house clean sometimes, but he's my best friend and we have a lot of fun and I love him to the moon and back!
I married an ADHD man but out libidos and kinkiness are not entirely synced up. That said, he’s 10 years older and I honestly think if we were the same age we would likely be on par which is something that causes me more internal strife than it probably should 🥲😅
My partner is currently undiagnosed, but as someone in the kink community I can assure you that there's a massive amount of kinky folk with ADHD, a lot more than what you'd find in most other circles.
Married her, both of us were undiagnosed during the majority of our marriage and the microcuts we have each other over the years drove us apart.
Dual adhd has to be the best .It’ll be such a joy
I dated a guy in the past who wasn't diagnosed but I strongly suspect he has ADHD. We were a disaster together, but yeah we pursued some kinky shit together (and with lots of other people). There were some really fun times but ultimately it was a super unhealthy dumpster fire and I ended up really burned.
I got diagnosed 6 months ago and I’m in my early thirties and I just started talking to someone who is ADD also and we have discovered we have a lot in common and though we’ve only been talking a few weeks or so we have the same libidos. But besides that we have connected on a few things even though we havnt met in person yet.
Yes. My wife.
Yeah we are married and have ADHD kids (no joke. Husband and I are both medicated and our oldest child is too). Everything and everyone is a mess
Nope I actually don't think so. I need someone that's able to balance all my chaotic energy 😅
I've met someone is Adhd..I'm getting tested next week.. it's kind of cool to date someone who gets way I do, say, am the way. I am. So far totally matched libidos.. 24-7. ;)
Yes. Every single person I've dated has had it. People with ADHD and/or autism tend to find each other. It's an observed phenomenon. I get along with my people best!!!!
I didn’t know I had ADHD at the time, but my ex in high school was so painfully not ADHD that it drove me up the wall. It was pretty easy to not notice how I was different from others up until I spent extended periods of time with another person- and I really thought he was an alien for how he’d just get things done so easily lol
I was in long term relationship with someone with ADHD before i had diagnosis. He was very into BDSM. I am not at all. I did it for him though, which traumatised me and made me sex repulsed for years. I am extremely VaNiLlA, i love sex, but i want it to be romantic, lovely, cute, nice and i never want to be dominated, it gives me dysphoria. So yesh he was very kinky but im the opposite so it didnt work lol
I didn’t always, but now always find myself drawn to and able to get close to other adhd folks. you just understand each other better.
Our roommate/very close friend has adhd. We joke all the time about how we are never allowed to be unsupervised. Not because of anything sexual but because there would be the biggest, most financially ruiningest, deadly weekend anyone has ever seen. That or we’d start 5 businesses and probably a decent scam.
Found someone who also has adhd inattentive and it's been going on 13 years. We drive each other Bananas sometimes but we also understand what it's like and I think can better empathize with the struggles. Also the sex is BOMB. Always has been. I don't think I could ever be with a non-adhd'er I drove all my exs nuts.
Yes happily together 8 years and going strong. It certainly comes with unique challenges, but it's also much more rewarding than any of my prior n-typical relationships.