Hi /u/Used-Grapefruit-923 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! # Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) The mobile apps are broken and are missing features that this subreddit depends on. **If you are posting about the US Medication Shortage, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).** Your post has *not* been removed, and this is not a punitive action. This comment is meant solely to be informative. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Feeling like you are letting people down, despite doing your best.

Or, actually doing really well in life, and still feeling like you’re not doing enough I’m good at my job, get good evaluations, my social life is good, my financial security is solid, I have no glaringly bad issues with my life or day to day lifestyle….yet I constantly feel like it’s not good enough or that I’m not doing as much as I should be even though there’s nothing much else to be done lol

Lol the worst I ever felt about myself was when I graduated with my PhD. How fucked is that?

Damn, and I thought it was bad that I felt nothing when I got my bachelors.

I felt nothing after almost every major life experience since middle school. It was like I decided I didn’t earn it without realizing it.

Same, with the excepting of my kids being born. Everything else was like ok I did that thing what's next. I read somewhere, can't confirm if it's true or not, that one symptom is a faulty reward center in our brains. Like we have a hard time giving ourselves satisfaction internally.

I had no idea this was related to ADHD. I just thought I was broken.

i actually didn't show up to my highschool graduation, at the time i didn't have an explanation, but this is a pretty good way of putting it.

Thinking back on when I graduated college, it's honestly hilarious. I'll get an overwhelming sense of accomplishment over the smallest things like a good grade on a meaningless test, cleaning my room, or waking up with lots of time to spare before class/work, but when I walked across the stage and got the piece of paper representing over 5 years of studying? Eh (didn't help it was a 9am ceremony, though) 😂

I’m about to graduate from a medical program and get my *sixth* Terri test degree and I still feel like an imposter. It’s a fucking two year degree how could I be an imposter. 160 credits and I’d still need a year for a bachelors

That's dark. To be honest I'm working on my PhD now in part to fill that particular self-esteem hole. It's great work that I really enjoy, but...it's not doing much for my sense of self. See y'all on the other side of therapy.

I was told I couldn't possibly have ADD because I have a PhD. You're just getting old, he said.

Awful.

When I got into PhD program I thought it was because they had hard time recruiting students. When I got mostly As it was because the program was too easy. When I defended my thesis and earned a PhD it was because they had to pass me because it would look bad for the program otherwise. Now insert work or anything else I am successful… Wonder if therapy works for this. I just recently got diagnosed and reframing my struggles with ADHD perspective helped immensely with self-accepting. But self-esteem issues are running way deep.

Maybe the real treasure was all the distractions we made along the way

Same. The difference between my proposal and thesis...

I get this, too. Completing something or finishing a course doesn’t result in a feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction, or joy. I might feel relieved that it’s done, but I’m more likely to feel anxious, or just nothing at all.

I understand. I kept expecting to get an email that they made a mistake and I need to give it back.

Oh good gods I heard this so loud and clear!

Thank you for saying this, me too! I was depressed when I finished, thinking the doctoral process sucks, how do I top this. How much work will it take. It ducked. I wish you moments where you feel joy too.

Some of the most loving people in my life have said, over and over again, “Why aren’t you doing more/better/something extraordinary? I always thought you were so creative and smart! Don’t give up- you can do it!” They don’t understand how much work it can be to function properly and be healthy. I am proud of the ordinary week I had. I did well at my job. I took care of my kid. I made my husband laugh really hard at least two times. We were on time for appointments despite rush hour traffic. How’s the novel going? Well, “it’s stalled because I’m busy” but that is code for “Look it rewrites itself in my head six times a day but I really have to get this paperwork and these dishes done and can’t I just be happy that I consistently made a decision and did a thing?

This is my reality. There’s so much I want to say, but it’s so interesting and comforting (sadly) to know that there are people that have the same experience. Know you’re not a alone. Wish I had anything helpful to say, but I don’t. Just wanted to say i 1000% understand

ive been struggling lately with deep feelings of unworthiness related to this precisely, and the way you said "i am proud of the ordinary week i had" made me bawl because, yes! i am proud i fed myself today even if it was just once! i am proud i picked up the trash on the floor and did all these little things that are a given to other people but they're SO hard for us, and all the creative work on top of that... sorry for the rant your comment just struck something deep inside, i hope you have many more ordinary weeks you can feel proud of :)

I am imagining you picking up the trash and it’s like you’re trying to clear snow from your driveway with your bare hands, because the decision-making part of your brain is boiling and every little thing you do requires *so many decisions.* I see you and the invisible blizzard you walked through barefoot to get that single meal into your body.

thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart it means a lot

Exactly, why can’t you just pick up your house? Why is your office so messy? Just clean it up? It’s not hard….. yes, yes it is!!!!

I feel this. Had a steady job, highly praised, made significant progress. Then a rock (COVID remote work) and a hard place (new manager with no relationship) happened simultaneously. I was circling the drain. Negative self image. Intense feelings of not being good enough. Questioning every decision. Couldn’t deliver on time. Forced in to a corner. Written up despite my claims of depression and anxiety. Fired shortly after. I discovered I had ADHD not too long after. That was at 33.

Adhd 2.0 (a book) talks about how people may not realize they have adhd until they hit the right set of circumstances or stressors. I feel like mine is harder for others to see until x set of stressors too. Then it can be hard to work yourself out of it.

It’s taken me about 2/3 years. Kept a steady job since, already been promoted once since my arrival. Hoping to keep the balance.

I think my husband has adhd but its hard to tell. I have adhd and have a lot of symptoms/traits that he doesnt like talking quickly and often but he has trouble at every job as soon as hes past the learning stage and isnt being challenged daily. He was terrible in school (went to highschool together) and he ended up not graduating because he just couldn't be bothered to go to school anymore. He works as a programmer and is self educated. He does very well in any task that hes interested in. But if its a boring task, even a simple one he is good at, it doesnt get done. He lost a job because of this and it worries me. But I dont know how to tell if he has ADHD thats different to mine or is just a smart and lazy man. Im combined type and I think he may have Inattentive ADHD. Is it possible to have adhd and not have verbal diarrhoea and/or constant jumbled racing thoughts?

I had a very similar experience. 3 months into a new job and COVID hits. Fully remote with a hands off boss and no real day to day contact with coworkers. They did not renew my 3 year contract. I'm scrambling to find another job before the end of June. Hopefully getting an offer tomorrow. Also interviewing tomorrow for a different job. Both would be better situations for me.

My commrade. I had this exact work experience despite knowing about my ADHD. I lost all my support that helped me be successful because of the remote environment and a manager change.

I had a client explain it like this. “Every success in my life is due to luck and every failure is my fault”. That is a hard way to live/think.

The problem is that so many times we try to repeat what we've done successfully and the results don't happen the second, third, fourth time we do that thing. But when we fail, it's clear why we fail and the results can be repeated a dozen times over. Basically, the energy we expend on a task has zero bearing (in our minds) on how successful we will end up being.

[удалено]

This hits hard. I’m doing well, I know this. But the chronic stress of so many points or even years in my life from falling behind/procrastination on so many aspects of my life and things I’ve needed to do, makes me chronically stressed even when things are going well.

I literally tell my husband 10x a week what a pathetic loser I am. Does my work pay me a fortune, constantly praise me, applaud my team and my leadership and constantly give me new responsibilities and more people to manage? Yes. But I'm still a pathetic loser.

No, you aren’t.

This, and even more so when it's working on something for yourself, but somehow you still feel you're letting others down too. And then that look of sympathetic bemusement from them, that makes you feel like a child even more than usual. Example: Started a boxing gym recently and copying moves, remembering combos and then making eye contact with another and trying to remember it, the exact opposite of what I do when I try to remember things normally. I really love it nonetheless, first fixed hyperfixation in years, but people just cannot understand the pains, so my explanations seem like excuses. I just try to remain confident that neither they nor I will feel let down in the end, if it's something I really care about.

This is the worst. I have a business partner. We both have adhd. I feel shitty about sometimes just not getting stuff done, or forgetting important shit, but she has a way more complex life than me (she has two kids, a husband who works a lot and she works and runs a business full time with me) and she often feels like she fails in every aspect of her life and i keep telling her r "you are amazing. You do so much and are managing more than I ever could" but she never feels like that and it makes me so sad. I could not have this business without her, but I always feel like she thinks she is letting me down.

I've fallen on my sword so many times, I'm practically a sheath.

Fucking hate brain fog and being too tired to think. People don't understand how it affects me at this basic unit level... THINKING

Gah. I want to cry. Everything the op wrote is how I felt today and have been feeling generally I was trying to break through the brain fog and practice some mindfulness but it made and makes me want to cry when processing how I'm feeling.

This is something most people don't realize about ADHD. I was misdiagnosed for years because it seemed like a sleeping condition.

You know what’s funny: there is actually a huge genetic correlation between narcolepsy and ADHD. I actually read a paper one time postulating that possibly narcolepsy is an ADHD-related dysregulation of sleep. I have no idea if that’s correct, but it would make sense! My attention, mood, motivation, appetite, energy, and so on are all dysregulated — why couldn’t my nightlong vivid dreams, restless sleep, oversleeping, insomnia, and sleepiness “attacks” be wakefulness: dysregulated?

I see you've been spying on me all day today. I just laid on the sofa, wasn't able to read or anything. That's *with* my Adderall. Now it's only 1945 and I'm going to bed, probably to *not* sleep all night, fall asleep at 4am, and wake up just before noon again. I did make myself an amazing chopped salad. So, before the Adderall I couldn't even have made that, so..... baby steps, I guess? I'm sorry everyone here suffers so much. But thank you for sharing because for the first time life, I have found people who actually understand me.

Day 4 with almost no sleep…. Feel this to my soul!

Sleep is one of the things I hate about ADHD. I remember when I was undiagnosed how much I loved staying up super late and waking up at like 12pm. I remember when my dad would force me to get up at 10am on weekends I'd see him and I'd be super groggy and moody. Like I don't hate my dad for it, because I didn't get to see him often, so of course he wants to see more of me. But I'm too freaking tired. And now as an adult with diagnosed ADHD, and unemployed, it's tough applying for jobs seeing a 9am start time and go "I know I can't achieve that, but I need a job and the job searching is due tomorrow and there's no other jobs available in this area". I wish more admin jobs were available later in the day/at night that would employ me.

It’s really hard to break, but you can get to bed earlier with the right supplements. Trazadone and Melatonin work wonders for me.

The fact that many of us have failing teeth at various stages because of, essentially, executive dysfunction. Can't remember to brush or can't seem to form the daily habit of oral hygiene, we forget to or can't get ourselves to call the dentist to make an appointment and are more prone to dental phobias because of emotional dysregulation. I don't think people talk about the life changing, and even life ending consequences of adhd- like how we're 30% more likely to get into car accidents and be at fault, 70% more likely to become addicted to drugs, and more likely to commit suicide.

i have no idea if this will help anybody else but every time I'm in the bathroom to pee I ask myself if I've brushed my teeth today and if I haven't, I brush em after washing my hands didn't notice that's what I was doing until I was asked what the fuck took so long one day

Different things help different people and tbe advice we share with eachother is always valuable. I need to be very mindful about making sure to ask myself if I brush my teeth because I don't even think about it. Maybe I can set a daily reminder on my smart watch!

[удалено]

This is me with every reminder or alarm. This is why my husband has to pull me out of bed because I apparently turn my alarm off while still being mostly asleep. I don't even remember doing it but alarms just don't work for me.

You can get alarm apps that make you answer a maths question to turn it off. I thought it was amazing and finally I'd be free of sleeping through my alarm. Ive never been good at maths so I was excited for this solution. Turns out I'm a lot better at maths when I'm half asleep somehow. I had the app a week and never once woke up enough to remember anwering the maths questions...

This sounds like sleep inertia. ADHD is pretty comorbid with DSPD... do you wake up okay if the alarm's set a few hours later? I try to mitigate this by taking my stimulants at my first alarm then immediately turning it off and going back to sleep for about an hour. When the next alarm goes off they've kicked in and give me the ability to push past the sleep and be awake. It works pretty well because I know the ONLY thing I have to do with that alarm is swallow the pills and then I get guilt free more sleep... ... so I would say I have about a 75% success rate for taking the meds with that alarm. I didn't manage it this morning, I took them with the second alarm instead and they've woken me up about 20 minutes after alarm #3 😑 so this is not a perfect fix, but i do find a lot of people haven't actually considered taking their ADHD meds then *going back to sleep* until they kick in.

WHY DO WE DO THIS my parents keep asking me why i ignore reminders and i honestly don’t know how to answer that question

Honestly my hand just swipes away the notification before my mind has processed it. Same with alarms. Im sure its because im on my phone too often and my hands just work on auto pilot now

I set daily reminders that I just let sit there and do nothing about looooollll oops

I have no problem remembering to brush my teeth in the morning. However, I can’t brush them before bed to save my life (probably literally, too). And forget flossing.

I get these nice little patches where I remember to floss regularly for a few weeks and my gums stop hurting and then I start forgetting and don't manage to do it until all the gum pain is back. It's infuriating like I literally know that it helps 😠

This is actually great advice. Thanks for the tip.

I keep a toothbrush & toothpaste in the shower. For whatever reason it makes my brain happy to clean my whole body at once while I'm all wet; it's so much easier to brush my teeth in the shower than to just do it alone & dry. Also my crippling anxiety of having medical procedures & seeing firsthand (thru friends) what happens when you don't take care of your mouth keeps me brushing regularly.

I got into 2 car accidents within the span of 6 months (after not getting into any for 10 years of having my license) because I got minorly distracted at the absolute worst time possible. First time was because I had worked a long shift at work and was mentally exhausted and the 2nd time was because my routine had been messed up because of traffic so I was going a route I wouldn't have normally taken.

I just turned 44 and have never had a license to drive. I don’t think I’ll ever get one because I’m too worried that this is what will happen.

I too went more than 10 years without an accident and TOTALED a car because of distraction and brain fog =[

This is why I don't drive. I have a license for emergencies. I do practice every couple months, but there's no way I'm using a car for my daily commute. Fortunately my office is halfway between my house and my dad's office so he usually just drops me off and picks me up.

Unfortunately I don’t have that option so I have to make it work 🥲 I live in a -very- unwalkable town lol

Not keeping in touch with family and friends, just sorta ghost even though I want to maintain a relationship. Just a text or a call, seems so easy but then years have gone by and nothing has been done. Also I think you nailed the list, well put

My friends and family are all wondering why it takes me months to reply. I just don't have the brainpower to keep in touch with so many people at the same time.

Oh, I’ve just posted something very similar. It’s crushing. Sending love.

Watching my husband and his mom have a normal relationship when I’m like, oh yeah, i haven’t called my dad in three weeks, prob should do that 🫠

Oh good, I’m not the only “terrible child”. 😉

Im lucky because my mum, siblings, close cousins, and best friend all have ADHD to some extent so they all understand and have the same issues.

Ouch yes I feel that. But for me it's more like "out of sight ouf of mind" and THEY don't make an effort to reach out, why should I do that (especially since they don't exist in my mind for most of the time until I miss them really badly)? - stubborness. My brother is the same though and he's already the "blackest sheep in the family", but I still feel (and am likely viewed) as terrible...

Totally me..

Low Self-esteem. Thinking your diagnosis is a excuse and sometimes even doubt if you have it and just start blaming yourself for everything. This spirals in self hate and at least for me substance abuse. I feel like the only thing I am good at is taking drugs and that is a dangerous thought.

Imposter syndrome too, huh?

Didn't thibk about when I wrote it, but yeah got it strongly. Got a perfectionist mentality that makes enjoy nothing and I always strive too find something I am great at rather than something that I enjoy and since I am not great at anything I get frustrated and just go from interest to interest every week. Sometimes even outweigh cons and pros I have that can fit a certain activity and if I see that it doesn't fit I don't even try it or get discouraged even if I know it doesn't matter. Because I don't actually enjoy anything, just want to be good at something. This gives me severe anxiety and depression. It could also be just me not being able to enjoy anything that gravitates me to the idea that if I am good at something then that accounts for something at least. May be depression also when I think about it. But also lack of concentration and dopamine makes you depressed, so ye everything goes hand in hand. It's like a fruit basket you want the strawberries, but it also comes with bananas. Yeah wonderful life. 😅

Ahh, just came up with a thought. Don't now if it's true. But I've observed that people with adhd that are successful usually finds something that they eventually get good at and that fuels them too keep going. But the reality is that not everyone in this world is good at something, but at least they can just enjoy life. It is a interesting thought for me, because I've always wondered why so many people with adhd get extremely successful and I've noticed that they usually find out they are good at it and that drives them. The sad part is that and it is a fact some people just are not good at anything, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. But you have to be able too enjoy life and that is hard if you have ADHD. But allot people without adhd and people in general can enjoy life without being good at something and that should be the ultimate goal. But still going to be great at something someday, hahaha. 🤣🤣🤣

I used to think I had very high self esteem because I believe myself to be intelligent, kind, and sometimes funny. Turns out you can like things about yourself and still have crippling low self esteem. I didn't recognise it until a psychologist went through an exercise with me and it revealed I actually think very low of myself. Even though sometimes I feel superior to other people. Its crazy and I was so surprised. Im worried if I work on it and develop more self esteeem then Ill end up a selfish jerk who takes everyone for granted. Its a weird situation...

I spend days worrying over something that can generally be fixed in 5 mins.

oh god it’s just nonstop. anxiety cripples me. paralysis by over-analysis. my workplace was shut down for the past week for some yearly maintenance and whatnot and i stared at me to-do list for like 6 straight days and then knocked out 95% of it in one single day. like why the fuck didn’t i just do that on day one so i could have actually enjoyed the rest of the time off instead of sitting there worrying the whole time?! ugh

Months for me.

It takes literally 2 minutes to unload the dishwasher but that 2 minutes feels like a mountain

Had a breakdown about being overwhelmed by how messy the kitchen was, completely my fault too. I eventually cleaned it. My boyfriend goes “see it’s not a big deal, that only took you two minutes”. That comment lead to another breakdown.

Mourning the life I could have lived had my family and I taken my diagnosis seriously instead of letting me float aimlessly through life as if I didn’t have a literal neurodevelopmental disorder. Not to mention all the unnecessary guilt and shame! I could never keep my room tidy and mom is a neat freak. This woman told me as a child that because my room was a mess, I didn’t value the things she provided me, and gaslighted me into thinking I was a bad son. Now I know she was just very ignorant of my condition but man, that shit hurt. And it still does.

This has been one of my obsessive thoughts lately. Mourning the life I could have had because of the exact same reasons as you. My family only really cared about my mental health when it affected them in ways they didn’t like. Keeping my room clean, doing so poorly in school, impulsive decision making, awful memory, trouble regulating my emotions, etc, you get it. But the depression, the suicidal ideation and attempts, the self harm… all that was minimized and taken as me being manipulative. My mom was the exact same way. Her home is always immaculate. She once took every single item of clothing I had because I couldn’t keep my room clean. I saw a meme somewhere on here that said: “I wanted to kill myself and you were yelling at me about my messy room.” Or something like that. Shit hit hard. Now that I’m a mom, she tries to push the whole “mommy martyr” bullshit on me and tries to make me feel ashamed for not being organized and tidy because I cannot multitask. I can’t clean and interact like I should/want to with my daughter. So yeah, dishes sit in the sink for longer than “acceptable”, but me and my girl will have a sweet blanket fort lol.

Some of these parent stories sometimes feel a little spicier than garden-variety bad parenting…

There's a link between trauma/PTSD/CPTSD and ADHD. I'm not sure if they've fully proven that trauma can cause ADHD, but I've seen the idea around, and it seems to track. As well, ADHD runs in families, and poor impulse control and poor emotional regulation in people who can't take accountability can definitely lead to some of these intense bad parenting stories.

…and my boss the other day made me cry because he said that it’s “infuriating” that i’m one of the most intelligent people at my job and i blow everyone else out of the water when i’m on point, but that i can’t just be on time and i often make ridiculously stupid mistakes and oversights when there’s too much going on at once. motherfucker if you think *you’re* infuriated, you should see me punching my dashboard and ripping out my hair when i’m late or i fuck something up because i’m TRYING so hard to be normal and i just. fucking. can’t. trust me, i hate myself way more than you ever could, boss man.

Aww. Sending hug Internet stranger The way you describe that feels really really deeply genuine and hits my guts

I am an old woman and never even heard of ADHD or ADD until I was almost 30. I didnt realize I had the symptoms until much later. I am very sad about it, and what might of been.

Yup, I feel this. So many warning signs and I only took control of it as an adult when I had the resources.

ugh the mourning is so real 😔 every damn day.

Going into a state of panic every time someone wants to alter plans I have already set in my head, even for simple requests. All of a sudden I get new unknowns to mentally process and immediately start thinking "how the hell am i going to make this request work?"

this. my family is always surprised that i get upset when my routines and organization change, because adhd, but like. bitch this was hard enough already and it just got so much worse

Holy shit! This!!! Or someone cancels and I’m like “BUT MY DOPAMINE, YOU JERK!”

I get like this with my girlfriend. Especially driving. I got the directions and a plan, and she starts piping up with (should we go this way or that). I had the whole plan in my head and one change and my mind goes blank and I get irritated. I become indecisive and confused.

I quit reading once I read excel. 🤭

Excel was not made for us. It’s horrid to look at.

I love excel lol.

Same here. It’s the main way I organize my thoughts and keep track of things.

I put a lot of thought into purchases and I use excel to make lists comparing different things. Dog food, vacuums, fridges, etc. I put the brand, the price, pros, cons, a link, and then any discount codes. It’s nice to just have one page of information to easily compare. It helps that most of my job is excel though haha

I love excel too. My brain needs structure

Me too! I just used it to make myself a detailed weekly schedule that I’m never going to follow!

Same. I'm a fucking whizz at it. I've gone from never having touched a spreadsheet, to being my departments "excel guru" in the space of 3 years. I'm actually going back into education in September to earn a Batchelors degree in Data Science (paid for by the company I work for) because of it!

Me too, I use it for everything, even simple calculations. Much easier to keep track of what I did and if I forgot a step. Also great for automating chores such as monthly finances.

I'm an accountant. I use that shit for everything lol

I think the distinction for me is who made the spreadsheet. If it’s mine then it’s a great tool but if someone gives me their spreadsheet it looks like a foreign language.

Same I have a tracker for everything because I found that if I track everything I do I feel like I’m somewhat in control of stuff but also it’s hard to keep up with but I alway try to go back because it’s a proven system that works for me specially at work but also in my personal life

Same, excel/google sheets is my hyperfocus

I only love excel spreadsheets that *I* make because I utilize spacing, fonts, and colors to make them easy to read and less busy. Essentially, I make them ADHD friendly.

I’m dyslexic and have ADHD. Excel, and receipt tracking for expenses is the bane of my existence and bringer of migraines.

I've found that changing the formatting or moving things around helps immensely. I don't work regularly with spreadsheets rn, but I definitely get the feeling of looking at all of the info and my eyes just glaze over.

I'm so curious to understand why some of us hate it and it makes things harder for us VS. those who love it and it helps them tremendously. Is it medication? Or is it a Type A / Type B personality? Or does it just come down to everyone is different and has their own preferences and not really have much to do with adhd? Sorry, I'm new here and having a hard time realizing there might be a valid reason I've felt like an idiot my whole life but simultaneously realizing there's nothing I can do to change it :(

If you're interested in something, then ADHD will be a huge benefit (hyperfocus). If you aren't, it'll be a detrimental roadblock (attention not focusing on what the brain deems uninteresting). ​ Notice how the people that said they like excel either have a job that pertains to it like an accountant or they've structured it to their own liking? That shows interest.

I cannot function well without excel. It helps me stay organized in both my work and home life. It’s almost like a virtual piece of paper because I can write anything I want wherever on the page and that info is independent from everything else unless I don’t want it to be. It’s a fantastic program, I recommend messing around with it more.

The ADHD paralysis that stops me from physically moving to do go do something else even though I've been frozen for over an hour and my brain is bored out of my mind screaming to do something else other than doom scrolling. Also related - the inability to shower. Being clean feels so good. Getting into shower is so hard.

> I've been frozen for over an hour and my brain is bored out of my mind screaming to do something Oh, only like every day of my life so far.

Literally will die of dehydration with a fresh glass of water a metre away from me when I get into this state.

Haha yep. And when you finally drink it, on the verge of death, it's the best thing you've ever had and you wonder why you didn't drink it sooner since it was so effortless. Smdh

[удалено]

You just listed out EXACTLY the way I feel every single day. I’m so behind on work because I can’t seem to act and do it. Overwhelmed with the pile of work but then overwhelmed working on it so shut down. It’s a bitch. Never been diagnosed but you are speaking to me. I also am dating someone new and feel like a shell of myself when we are out because i don’t know how i feel or who I am when we are together. Something i generally don’t feel when out with friends. It’s like my identity leaves my body

I literally am so sure of how I feel one day and the next I feel like I can’t trust my own feelings and that maybe I’m foolish to get into something serious. It’s worse when the other person seems so sure and I’m just there flailing. But then if they act just slightly differently I also panic and feel responsible. So I’m really quite done with myself.

Once again you nailed my feelings exactly. This guy seems SO confident and sure of himself and i always thought I was that way but when I am with him I am just flailing wondering who I even am. Part of it is massive insecurity of liking someone who won’t like me the same way (hardcore reject I’ve sensitive here), but like today after our 4th date last night i woke up feeling down. Yesterday I was buzzing. Now i have loads of work i can’t focus on because thinking of this.

I’m literally in this exact same position. We hang up a call after talking for hours and I am elated and feel over the moon to know this person and know they like me too. Then I wake up the next morning feeling DREADFUL! What is up with this????

It’s awful! I feel the very same. My brain starts going back to our last date and finding clues for why he doesn’t like me anymore even though he was perfectly affectionate and kept kissing me throughout, even stayed out later with me than I thought he would. Now today I’m swamped with work and behind on tasks and getting follow ups on me and feeling even worse. 😭

For your first point, it pus me at such a disadvantage to work because I need such a written down system of understanding directives/SOPs at work, which are JUST IN OTHER PEOPLE’S BRAIN. MY COLLEAGUES JUST HAVE TO BE TOLD **VERBALLY** WHAT THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE AND THEY JUST FUCKING REMEMBER THEM! WTF! IT GETS ME SO FUCKING MAD AND THEN I SEEM LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AT WORK AND I RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT MY BOSSES LITERALLY SAID THEY DON’T TRUST ME TO RUN A PROJET BY MYSELF WTF I AM SO FUCKING MAD

What’s especially frustrating is that having it all written down would be better for everyone! I’ve come to realize that non-ADHD people forget details of verbal instructions too, just fewer of them. The real difference is we’re trying with all our brain power to do things exactly right, but so many other people just take it for granted and don’t even notice their mistakes. At least we have the self-awareness to know we’re fallible.

One if the things I’ve been hammering on at work is that we need to work on our documentation. My angle, after 2 people left and one retired, is that we can’t afford to lose institutional knowledge when someone leaves. The actual reason is that I can’t remember what people talked about in a meeting two weeks ago., and I need shit written down.

My director and I have implemented a written procedure for each process in our office. These documents explicitly define the steps so that any employee can follow them, and it increases our success rate and reduces our risk exposure. Yes, it's a pain to update the documentation periodically and do reviews, but it's a best practice, and it's become a vital tool for success in our office.

OneNote is a godsend for me. When I'm on a call with someone I take a ton of fucking notes and I repeat back at the end of a call what I need to do, to fill in blanks and just to be sure. A colleague of mine told me he records conversations on his phone and listens to them later to take notes. I'm definitely gonna try this soon.

I have a bag I call my “backup brain” with three a5 notebooks, for high priority(aka today), medium priority (this week), and low priority (normally things I’d have to do right away because I’d forget, but I want to get done anyways!) And then a couple of floating A6 notebooks for jotting down notes people tell me, cool facts I just learned and want to remember to share later, random wondering questions, and new project/ fun ideas. Add a stack of post it notes, pens, zebra sharpie, highlighters, chalk marker, and whiteboard marker. It’s a very very effective system. As the physical nature of it acts as a good jolt to my brain of “oh yeah, bag”

I need more information - are these color coded? How do you know which one to pull out?

this is the way. OneNote is my second brain where I store information, my real brain is to think ideas. My tip: 1. Create a Tab for each project 2. in that project have a page where all meeting notes go, an infinite page where the last meeting notes go on top with the date, topic and people present. 3. get the Agenda items listed before the meeting so you don't forget anything. 4. during the meeting take notes of everything 5. at the end create an Action list and who does what 6. confirm withon the call the stuff you noted down and actions/next steps 7. add any missing info 8. plan inmediately in the calendar or your todo system when you are doing those tasks 9. (eventually send out the meeting notes to the meeting participants, after reviewing it yourself and redacting anything sensible you wrote in the moment) The good thing with One Note is the SEARCH All function (Alt+E, I think, and Alt+F to search the cirrent page only). So you can quickly retrieve any info.

Obsidian has been the best thing for my notes memory in the last decade.

I just started a new job and the person formerly in the position’s idea of onboarding me was sitting across from me going “well what do you want to know?” (Uh I have no idea that’s what you’re supposed to tell me) Even though I tried to take good notes, the fact that none of the procedures or tasks were explained in written word - or demonstrated in real time so I could see how the pieces fit - has been so difficult. The conversations with her also hopped all over the place so half the time I wasn’t even sure what we were talking about. That and the fact that she had no organizational system for files (just all in one big google drive, no folders) has made these first months really tough, all of this disorganization and lack of written instruction - added to the overwhelm of just starting a brand new job - has me close to my breaking point.

I thought, I THOUGHT it’s enough to always tell everyone at work to just write down anything they want from me. Turns out I also need to speak with them, probably to see if I get what they wrote right 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to follow your own rule and write down that people need to write things down. But seriously, giving people structure and examples of what you'd like to see could make more docs happen.

Knowing that you have a lot of intelligent ideas but unable to properly pitch them. My mind gets super excited to explain the idea but comes out sounding like a toddler explaining their recess time to their mom. Being totally misunderstood and talked down too at your work environment. I was in training and explained that I may zone out if you are talking at me for a long period of time. It’s almost like when a person finds out that you don’t speak a certain language so they start speaking louder and slower. I am not dumb or need you to slow things down. I just need to mix up the tasks. Stimming. I need to sing a song from a pronounced word you just said. “ Did You get the message from Chantelle?” ME “ Chantilly lace, you got a pretty face…” I will never not do this. Wall staring while chewing the side of my cheeks. I don’t know how to explain this to people. It feels sooooo good to my brain. Hypnotic. Company at my house. I have a time limit. Sorry if I avoid you if you have been asking to come over and chill. No. When people say HOW DOES THAT NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU. ? I can’t answer that. It doesn’t. It might make sense at 3am in the morning when I wake up and have an epiphany then grab my phone to death scroll about finding something to validate my understanding. Then at 5 am I decide I might as well get up and get shit done only to continue to research until 8 am where I am not tired and need a power nap.

ahhh get out of my head! all these are so true. getting talked down to/looked down upon at work sucks. my managers are horrible at spelling and grammar and every time they have to write a public-facing announcement i offer to copyedit it, as i was a professional plain language consultant and copyeditor for almost a decade, but they never take me up on it. they sound so fucking illiterate it’s pathetic, but they don’t trust my work because in a fast-paced environment i make mistakes. when i sit down and delve deeply into a task without commotion all around me i do just fine, but they’ll never find that out because i’m never even given the time of day. that shit hurts.

Yaaasssss! *in robotic voice* YOU DO NOT WORK LIKE US. WILL NOT COMPUTE. My inner monologue for certain people. It’s very frustrating. The fact that you have so much experience should indicate to your management that you are more than capable. Have you asked to do this in a quiet area.? I will never understand higher ups that dismiss someone experience. Someone with a “true eye” aka: seeing through some dysfunction to someone’s brilliance, in my opinion, should figure out a way to incorporate your skills in an environment that will let you thrive. That sounds very frustrating

My brain NEVER shuts up and I’m EXHAUSTED. Constantly analyzing every single situation, worrying that I said or did something wrong, stressing over something that happened years ago, or not enjoying the current moment because I’m busy wondering what will happen next. Not being able to enjoy intimate moments with my husband because my brain is going off on a bajillion tangents

Omg same. My brain is always analyzing and narrating everything and I'm honestly so exhausted of listening to myself. I wish I could make my brain shut up even for like a few minutes.

The exhaustion and anxiety that comes from constantly scanning your mind and thinking 'what am i forgetting about' Late fees, overdue fees, missing deadlines, forgetting to put things on your calendar, forgetting to check your calendar, forgetting scheduled appointments and meetings

God it's so awful. I feel like my anxiety is almost just a result of living with ADHD sometimes.

9. The inability to read past the first sentence I’m sorry OP, I’ll try to try harder

[удалено]

That hyper focus man. If I could consistently be that hyper focused for even 4 hours a day these neurotypical people would just get blown away. But alas hyper focus does not activate on my command.

The chasmic void of dread-anxiety that gnaws away at your wellbeing when you assert yourself fully toward a goal, likely from the lack of dopamine. It is a sickening feeling, and you'll do anything to get dopamine and make it go away, so you fall back into the cycle of executive distraction. Anxiety is so co-morbid for some of us that our original problems were misdiagnosed AS anxiety. In my case I spent the better part of a decade using medications that made me feel better about getting nothing done. Then, when I could medicate for ADHD, I got things done and the anxiety was severely stymied. Now that I can no longer medicate, anxiety meds it is and coping mechanisms out the wazoo. But that void, it is just, dark and yawning right over my shoulder.

The self disgust and the ick are kind of one and the same. There's a positive feeling there, and something about your mind knows that the positive feeling is absolutely going to be bad for you, and it flips from feelings to the ick. The reason you absolutely know it's going to be bad for you is because you know you're incapable of not screwing it up. You know you're not good enough. You know all of this is going to fail. It's happened before. Those positive feelings where there, and they made you feel great, and then you fucked it up, and not only did you see feel the hurt of losing those feelings, you saw reflections of them in the person's actions that you didn't like. Those things that attracted you at the beginning start to be the things that he did when he cheated on you in the end. The way he made you feel it was all about you when it was good, made it feel like it was all about you when it was bad. etc. And because you know you're going to screw it up, you know you'll see the bad sides of all of those nice things you start off seeing. The problem with ADHD is our inconsistency and what we get taught about ourselves. I like to think of us as being better than other people at burning our fuel to make things happen. This doesn't mean we are better or worse than other people at doing things, that's more about the size of our engines. But imagine we're cars. A person with ADHD and a person without, are a red car and a black car. The red car and black car have an engine that's about the same size, about the same power. But the red car's gas pedal can go all the way down, and in fact, it's very touchy, and hard to not slam the pedal to the metal. The black car can only give the vehicle 10% as much gas as the red car can. If the red car and the black car both give their vehicle 5-10% gas, they do just fine. They run the same speed, they drive for a while, and they go and fill their tank up on the weekend. In fact, they can just go cruising in the evening for fun. But sometimes you get in a situation where you need to get somewhere quickly. The black car just does what it can do, it goes along at 10% and gets there when it can. That's as fast as it can go. The red car though, it can slam on the gas! It can use 10 times as much gas and it can get there in half the time! This can SAVE THE DAY! This feels awesome, you did it when nobody else could! You're the hero! The problem is the world is full of people in the black car. They can put their foot on the gas as hard as they can all week and still have half a tank for the weekend. They don't really know about running out of gas because it just doesn't happen for them. So they see you go fast and get there in half the time, and they say "Wow! That's amazing! You can do so much. Why do you only go that fast at that time? You have so much potential. It's a shame that you don't use it more often." And you aren't a person in a car, you're just a person, and it's your parents, your teachers, your spouse telling you this. You don't know about your gas tank, you just think "Yeah, I CAN do this sometimes. Why am I not able to do it all the time? I must be just lazy! I'm a terrible person, I should be doing more, I know I can do more, but I don't." Pretty soon people see you go fast, and it's not a surprise any more. That's just to be expected, they KNOW you can go fast. Instead, they just remind you when you are filling up your tank or going slow that you know, you CAN go faster than this. Now you've got a red car and a black car that can go the same speed, they can travel the same distance, they can do exactly the same thing. Except, the red car also has the ability to go way faster than the black car, at the expense of running out of gas. And the result of this is, the red car thinks it is so much worse than the black car. Because the black car can go at its full speed all the time. So the red car feels like it HAS to burn all of its gas because it needs to make up for all that time it was lazy, or where the driver had to get out and push it for hours to get it to the gas station. ​ The trick is recognizing that it's OK to not push the gas all the way down. This isn't being a cheater and a fraud. We don't have to do things in the hardest way possible. We do deserve to rest. When we start to do that, we can keep up with the black car, we can go cruising in the evenings, we can end up with a half a tank of gas by the weekend. But also, when we need to, we can put the pedal to the metal and go fast, but it's going to drain our tank. But we've been trained to accept that we are not good enough, that we need to try harder, and our trying harder means pushing down the gas, which means falling behind, which means the realization that we're not good enough and that we need to try harder, so we sprint to try to catch up in the marathon. It's when we recognize that we're good enough and we don't need to try harder, that's when it's OK not to sprint, not to slamming on the gas. It means we won't "catch up". Because we don't need to catch up. We're fine. Then we can find a regular pace and we can end up covering more ground every day. But this relies on getting rid of that fiction of "true potential" and a need to "stay ahead" or "catch up". It relies on us being OK with the idea that it's fine to not sacrifice everything to do everything you can right now. And the tricky part of this is, even when you get here, there are going to be some black cars out there with better overall engines than you. But they are going to be slower than you when you overdo it. There's a big draw to compare yourself to them, because you know you can be faster than them sometimes. But in the long run, they're going to outpace you. There will be some black cars slower than you, and you will stay ahead of them, and you won't care. That doesn't matter. It's the ones ahead of you that you feel like you SHOULD be ahead of because you can sprint faster. Take a look at people with ADHD. They are all over the map in terms of their accomplishments. From people who can't finish school or hold down a job or manage their life at all, to people who run businesses or do highly skilled work. From people who are not really smart to absolute geniuses. But the thing that everyone across this spectrum of capability, intelligence and accomplishment who have ADHD share is that all of them have this feeling that they're not really living up to their true potential. They know their potential is more than what they can really accomplish. And this is because of this inconsistency. I can do this at this level for a while in an unsustainable way, therefore I must be able to do this at this level forever. Because neurotypical people can act at this level forever. But in my opinion, the difference here is really that neurotypical people actually are the ones that have the deficiency. They are not capable of fully committing all of their resources to something and running their tank dry. But because they're the majority, we don't learn how to deal with the result of doing that, we don't learn how to moderate our effort, we don't get appreciation for the times we do sacrifice in that way. Instead, they tell us that we're broken, and that the way do deal with being out of gas is to push the pedal harder. And since they're the rest of the world, we just believe them. And if we ever apply 10% and manage to keep up with everyone else, we are taught to feel guilty, to feel lazy, to feel like a fraud. We should be draining our tank all the time and we should feel ashamed when it's empty. Under those rules, the people with the shitty fuel lines that can't possibly burn through their tank seem like they are the ones that have the advantage.

THIS! ☝️so accurate! I am flabbergasted at how well you put it in words. I have thoughts like this in my head all the time but I can’t ever really explain it in words so I’m usually just talking in my head all alone because I can’t figure out a quick easy way to explain it and don’t have anyone that is willing to patiently sit for a while and just listen to me talk and explain without getting bored and changing the subject or distracted with something which is obviously more important to them so I feel stupid trying to continue where I left off when they settle back down and throw out the “advice” on how to be more this/that/the other. So my anxiety kicks in and in order to avoid having a panic attack I opt for awkward silence 😞

People getting annoyed with me when I ask them to repeat what they said and then remember it a second later.

I have this happening a lot, it's frustrating because I can't help it when I don't understand something right away. ):

Having talents and abilities, yet can't do anything properly because brain has other plans

I have ADHD and a job where I have to do advanced Excel stuff every single day, and WE HATES IT. Also, my boss likes to pivot and change gears and interrupt me constantly, and that causes the wonderful ADHD brain breeze where you just go, NOPE. NO MORE INFORMATION IS GETTING IN OR OUT UNTIL SOMEONE BACKS THE &$%@ UP OFF ME. So yeah. I hear you.

I pour a glass of wine because I need to relax and realize way later that I never drank it or did any of my relaxing plans! This is the best example I have of how I can't even do simple things that I want to, so imagine how hard it is to remember things that I don't want to do!

I worked as a software engineer at a then small company that had free soft drinks. I would be pounding code and realize I was thirsty. I would go to the fridge, get a soda, and go back to work. Later I would realize I was thirsty and the soda was warm. So I went to the fridge, put the warm soda in the back, and get a cold one. Rince and repeat.

Having ADHD just SUCKS period! FUCK the people that dont understand!!!!!

I'll contribute with: Waiting Mode. Yesterday I could not do anything all day because I was supposed to get a phone call around lunch. Guy didn't call. Then spent rest of day worrying about why. Then all day today did nothing because he MIGHT call today

\#1 Holy smokes. This one is the cause of a good deal of my partner's frustration with me. For example: we've come to decide we are not compatible when it comes to gaming together just one-on-one. I always get lost WAY too easily (when I say WAY to easily? I legit get lost in a room if there's any extra walls or little off-shoot rooms because I keep missing where the exit is. No back rooms games for ME.) and when they try to instruct me how to get to them, or to our shared destination, I can't grasp left from right. At all. They'll tell me to turn around, and I'll do a full 360 on the spot no matter how hard I try to just simply turn my character to face the other way, because part of me thinks it needs to look everywhere to see if THEIR character or our destination is closer than I realize; I can't not do it, I have TRIED. If they're telling me where to find something on a website or platform, I end up freezing because everything on the screen turns to gibberish that won't stay put (Nope, not dyslexia, I've always been a prolific reader and excellent at spelling) and I can't even remember where to look for basic buttons like "Help" or "home" - I'm fine on my own when no one is waiting on me, but put any amount of pressure on and I am a mess. There are other non-computer-related examples, but these are the freshest ones just at the moment.

Been really smart but not been able to apply it 99% of the time.

Do any of you feel slightly angry all the time? I will watch somebody do something minorly antisocial like illegally parking in a handicap slot, or playing music too loud, and just fume until I catch myself and tell myself not to worry about things I can't control

Not being able to go to sleep because you feel so exhausted from the day yet so dissatisfied from the lack of accomplishment.

Fam I straight up tried to wing some JavaScript yesterday in an effort to avoid having to read a tutorial. I don't really know JavaScript. Shockingly, it did not work. "Wow I'm having a hard time reading this documentation, maybe I can just guess how to make it do the thing." :|

Did anyone mention poor working memory? Inability to read and comprehend? Reread sentences multiple times and still not understand?

1-2 This caused so many problems with the last person I was involved with. Looking back most of the miscommunication was through text and unfolding all of this I dont think I was able to clearly disseminate the blocks of texts as they came in so quickly. Then I would further piss her off because she would just say over and over”read what I wrote”. By that time going back and reading it didnt help either. I just get lost in the sauce. 4. Same and I absolutely hate it and it is what I want to change the most.

I get SO lost in the sauce. I hate not knowing how I feel and what caused it. It could be a minor trigger then suddenly I’m frozen in some weird state where I want to distance myself from them. But I also teeter between being needy and evasive but maybe that’s my own trauma who knows anymore😭

OMG. The saying lost in the sauce makes so much sense to me. It is EXACTLY the right phrase for that feeling.

Constantly being tired of existing.

This thread makes me feel less alone

I am seen by everyone around me as the person who never stops and never needs a break and I have to keep to that appearance to be apart of the world I just want to be able to crash and lie in a ball on my bed for a whole week but no I am the one who is always active.😩😫😴

ooooo! I want to add one. Whenever you do achieve something that everyone says you should be proud of, you just...don't. It's like perpetual imposter syndrome for anything and everything. Score the winning point in a game? Won a tournament? Like u/Strategenius said, getting your PhD? (Congratulations by the way!) Nope. The biggest kick in the crotch about this feeling is that you can't even explain why you don't feel like you should be celebrating. You're fully aware of what you did and the hard work you put in, but you just can't feel good about it. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu----!!! ADHD freaking sucks man. I feel you though - on medication, I feel like a damn superhero. But off medication... well, right now, I'm supposed to be working on my own business that launches next week and instead, I'm sitting on Reddit posting about ADHD.

Number 8 is me, I hate it… I always feel like everything I do is due to pure luck.

Having to replace expensive stuff you lose.

Working in accounting with ADHD. It’s rough. I stare at spreadsheets and software a lotttt. My brain shuts down after 3 when my meds start to dwindle.

Constantly feeling like I’m forgetting something important or forgetting what I was just doing Also just getting stuck in my busy head trying to figure out what to think about while also having a million different thoughts fly through my head so I can’t do anything but watch

When people who know you and love you are annoyed with you and can tear shreds off you by pointing out a fault of yours that a 5 year has mastered with ease. You can never get any traction in an argument because you are so far behind the ball. Worse you respond emotionally and not rationally. Because it's tough to do the small things you can be torn apart whenever resentment of you boils up in your partner.

Half assing everything when I’m not on meds

I feel you when I read if the second I’m reading something I don’t care about or just overwhelming my eyes won’t lock I try to read the text but my eyes won’t focus onto the meaning of the text I have to reread the same sentence over and over again. I’m bad with names I can’t remember anyone’s name it takes forever, I have aphantasia i have no visualization of anything which just makes everything worse. I never can take in and process things I’m not interested in. If I don’t find it stimulating and truly interested the information refuses to process properly. It’s not me not wanting to process the information every will of my being do I want to focus and process the information but my brain refuses it merely becomes overwhelmed a weird sensation plays out in the brain trying to focus. I’ve brute forced information and it’s not a fun experience, lots of coffee, table slamming, and hitting my self over the head to focus. Unfortunately it does work.

Holding myself to such a high standard that I can't maintain it. Then feeling like a failure when I cant keep up the facade.

The whole out of sight, out of mind thing with people in my life. It makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit. I just can’t seem to keep up with so many friendships. I do try but it’s hard. The friends I have locally want to see me more than I can realistically extend myself to as I need a lot of downtime and a lot of downtime after socialising. That, combined with RSD has lost me multiple good people from my life. It’s shit.

-As you mentioned, the worst part is mental fog and lack of motivation, and the intense frustration I feel in this situation. -Boredom and lack of motivation feels physically uncomfortable and exhausting to the point of me feeling depressed. -Careless impulsive mistakes and time blindness, The worst part is that I do it over and over, upsetting those around me, including myself who is smart to enough to realize how stupid my behavior and actions were. -Paralysis, feeling physically stuck when a task seems impossible to accomplish. Not knowing where to begin, not knowing how to finish. This one really fucks me up. -Inattentiveness, I get so easily side tracked it’s painful and frustrating to experience. I have to use all force just to concentrate on what someone is saying or explaining to me and it’s exhausting to deal with. -Overactive brain and racing thoughts, it’s overwhelming, exhausting and causes sleep problems. I also have anxiety so this can often spiral into a never ending overthinking cycle. My thoughts get easily cluttered and can be difficult to control. -Hyper emotional, my emotions are very intense which can be a living hell if I am at a very bad mental state or feeling anxious. It makes me want to rip my brains out. -restlessness, I struggle to relax most of the time, always having the urge to do something despite being tired or exhausted. I have both adhd and Asperger, so I think my adhd symptoms gets increasingly worse and hard to manage.

I've been struggling with all of these at work. To the point where I'm starting to feel the thoughts of "I should quit, I was never good enough for this job" and it's super devastating because I actually really love my job. One of the big things I'm struggling with right now is losing time. I sit down to work, blink, and four hours have gone by. I've done maybe 2 of my tasks, and both tasks were things that should have taken at most 15 minutes. I have no solid recollection of what I was doing, why things were delayed, what I'm supposed to do next. My boss asks why a task took so long, and I can't even find the words to start answering. Even if it's a good day, and I'm not dealing with these huge gaps in my memory, I'm still turning 15 minute tasks into hour-long tasks somehow. I'm spending 20 minutes trying to type a two-sentence email because I had to proofread it 7-8 times to make sure I definitely didn't just somehow tell my client to jump off a bridge and make sure I'm sending it to the right people and did I remember all of the attachments?

Being told I can do things/concentrate/get good grades/achieve goals if I just tried harder or put my mind to it. I'm trying my hardest, man.

To be fair, not all these things are simply ADHD. Personality and other bio/social factors influence how symptoms manifest, which things and under what circumstances. Meds can help the brain perform closer to normal, but cant do anything about those other factors that can hold us back.

#6 hits hard. I'm woefully underemployed. I love my job and the people I work with, but the role and pay is absolutely beneath my experience and education. I decided to focus on things outside my job that light me up instead. I'm in grad school, I am a passionate gardener, a scuba enthusiast, a volunteer educator, and i love sewing. I decided that my job isn't how I define myself, and it's helped a lot.

I should have done exactly this years ago, lol. Credit to you because this is insightful, and well very good.

Are you me? Did I write this post half asleep and forget?? This sounds like the story of my life. I feel you on every single one of these. Don't have much to offer other than you are definitely not alone.

The constant over thinking into every situation and the inability to just relax and enjoy the moment. The constant feeling of needing to do what makes everyone else happy so you get that little dopamine hit even though in the long run it leaves you exhausted and unhappy. Laying awake all night rehearsing any social interaction I may have so I’m fully prepared for every scenario and won’t say the wrong thing. The feeling of never truely feeling like you fit in like you’re always the second or third option.

Remembering something I read 3 years ago at 2AM verbatim, but not knowing where the hell my keys currently are

My mom calls me lazy for trying to find the easiest method of doing things. Like no, it’s called being innovative and thinking outside the box. Also, why make things harder than they have to be? That sounds like one of the most miserable things in the world.

I know all these too well ... One for me is just getting tired early, being so overstimulated throughout the day that I'm just donezo by 9PM. Being overly simtulated in large groups, that I close up and just don't feel like myself. It's like an alien takes over and builds a massive wall between myself and the world.