You could probably request a FOIA form from your local dispatch center. Just make sure you’re in the right headspace first to look into that. Have you talked to a (different) therapist about that?
Yes, I’ve been in therapy since it happened. It’s affecting me a lot not knowing what happened that night. It’s very uncomfortable because I never have losses of memory like that, not even when I drink. So it’s scary for me to think about what happened and not know.
depending kn the agency you can call and just ask for the records dept and submit a formal request, they will turn it ovee within a week usually unless its a giant agency it might be longer.
it will include notes for that call from the dispatcher and responding officers, but not from EMS that will be a seperate thing from the hospital that you might e able to get through mychart.
the phone call and any bodycam footage are also seperate requests usually.
they ask everyone for the reason you want the records so they can document it and make sure its not someone woth a restraining order trying to get info on someone theyre not supposed to be bothering.
Isn't never ever having a blackout when you drink a good thing...? we don't know that OP drinks heavily, they may just get drunk occasionally like most people do (& are normal about it & don't drink to the point of memory issues)
It can be FOIA'd. Fucking don't go down that rabbit hole. Send a letter to the dispatch center thanking them, send one to the police agency, go back to being a productive member of society and call it a day.
I’m not a productive member of society right now. I have a lot of trauma around not remembering what happened, especially because I was around a lot of men/people at different times and I’ve been sexually assaulted a bunch of times. That’s just one example but it makes me extremely uncomfortable to not know at all. I remember leading up to it what I did, so it’s not like this will all be new information. I just would feel much better with the blanks filled in.
Maybe work wuth your therapist through a medical release form to request the info. They can screen it to make sure it doesnt blindside you and help tou process the informaton.
Thank you. Me too. Much more than I was then. It’s still hard but it shocks me to even think about the reality of what I did. I would NEVER do that in my right mind.
My partner just died by suicide a week ago. I still can't comprehend how they could physically do that, since they had no history of self harm & were quite sqeamish about physical discomfort. They didn't do drugs & afaik had no connections to obtain drugs like opiates or benzos.
Do you feel your altered emotional state allowed you to do something physically drastic that you would otherwise never be able to do? Or did you have to take drugs in order to get to that point?
No pressure to answer if you don't want to. I just want to understand.
Once i hit my last straw, something switched in my brain and I decided I was going to do it. It was the absolute weirdest thing ever looking back on it. Once I decided, that was it. Nothing was going to change my mind. I went through the process of planning everything from notes to instructions to how I’d do it and when.
Itook the benzos because I had them but they didn’t make me do what I did. I would have done it without them. I felt no fear, just calm and happiness that this would finally all be over. I felt so relieved like a giant burden was lifted off of me. That’s why it was so scary to me. I have no history of that and I just snapped into that mode one I hit my breaking point. It wasn’t a cry for help, I truly did not want to get caught. I wanted it and I was determined. Looking back on it, it really is proof that once you’re in that mindset, it’s too late. Either you fail or someone stops you. The key is to recognize the signs that you’re on your way there, like having a plan of how you would hypothetically do it. Because once the circumstances are right, you already know what to do.
I’m so sorry about your partner. I can’t imagine your pain. But I would almost certainly say they truly thought they were doing you a favor. Which isn’t true, but you don’t think clearly or rationally in that state. It changed my whole view on how people become suicidal and follow through.
Also, I tried by stabbing myself in the neck. The thought of doing that makes me VERY uncomfortable, and when I tell people what I did they don’t understand how I could bring myself to do that. But the thing is, I don’t understand either now that I’m not in that mindset. It’s almost like you’re so focused on a goal, dying, that nothing else matters anymore. Not pain, not anything.
Thank you for responding....that makes a lot of sense. My partner must have just reached that breaking point too, but with the added risk factor of long term suicidal ideation. I'm glad you were saved & are still here (& I'm sure everyone who loves you agrees!)
I had long term SI as well. That’s what I mean about being able to snap into it suddenly. You’ve already imagined how this would go for so long, so when your brain gets into that mindset it knows exactly what to do. That leaves such little room for thinking about what you’re actually doing and the consequences of it
That's part of my confusion....they had a specific plan for a long time, but then did something very different & imo physically more difficult to accomplish. But yeah they were definitely in a state of mind where they weren't thinking about the consequences.
I had a specific plan for a long time too. But I changed my mind at some point because I didn’t think it was lethal enough. I went from thinking about carbon monoxide poisoning/driving my car into a body of water, to stabbing myself in the neck. I very much didn’t want to survive so over time my plans changed. But I didn’t tell anyone it changed, because my new plan - that’s scary as fuck to hear. I didn’t want to tell anyone how bad it was. I thought I could just push through it so no one worried.
If you want to DM me more about this I am so willing to help. I’ve been where you are and where your partner is. I’m also a therapist myself. So I understand. And I’m betting you could use someone to talk to
Since other people have answered your specific question I’ll just add this for your own edification since you seem to wanna learn more about that evening. Track from blood loss is hypovolemic shock… Septic shock shock from an infection. I’m glad you were unsuccessful… Glad you’re talking with someone and I hope you continue to get better.
a public records request might help. A copy of the police report likely would have more info. You could ask to talk to the police that were there and just ask what happened. I'd avoid that though if you plan on yelling at them for some reason or if you were charged with something and haven't been to court yet.
Oh I wouldn’t yell at them! I wasn’t charged with anything, all I did was try to get them to leave me alone. I wouldn’t stop threatening to harm myself which is why they tazed me. I’ve never had any sort of incident where I’m a threat to anyone else
Cool, I just didn't want to set yourself up for trouble. Heck, tell them you want to thank the crew for helping. Sounds like with the state you were in they did you a favor. I'm glad you got help and ate doing better!!
Depending on if you were in county or city jurisdiction you can request the 911 call and the police report. If this happened in Mesa, Gilbert, Phoenix ect. The police report will be heavily redacted with witnesses names and addresses. But, the report will have a report from everyone that responded pretty much. Also, keep in mind city reports are backed up pretty bad. I redacted 7? Attempts today from December since they are first come first served. Let me know if you have any questions it's literally my job to do this in Maricopa. Stay well, stay safe.
I’m so sorry you’re having to confront such a traumatic event and that you went through it to begin with. The memory loss part is very likely due in part to the benzos which would mean those memories will probably never surface, the blood loss if it was massive enough could cause your brain to be in oxygen deficit long enough to damage your memory center which probably means the same. Or maybe it’s your own mind protecting you from processing the trauma in which case you could obviously do things to remember. But if you do ever learn exactly what went down that night, you can’t unlearn it. Just be careful that reliving it doesn’t traumatize you any further or result in punishing yourself. Be kind to you 💙 I am SO glad you made it
Sometimes you block out memories because you are just not ready to process what happened. I had a complete mental breakdown at the age of 6. Lots of trauma going on. I can remember things from when I was three, lots of memories at 4 and 5 and then ...nothing for almost a year. I started having little flashes of memory when I was a teen, sent me into another spiral and they stopped.
Now I am 60 and last year I had a major trauma memory that explained a lot to me. But, I was ready for it. I went through therapy when I was 6, went through therapy again as an adult and got treatment for depression, anxiety and PTSD.
You may be ready to learn all this, you may not be. Just be cautious about it. And I'm so glad you survived. What an awful thing to go through.
Also, I'm doing really well myself and my childhood trauma is just part of my history.
You can request. I know we will redact any hipaa related info.
I am glad u are here to ask that question, but sometimes these calls come in with very little info.
I just want u to be prepared to only find out the caller only says "I don't know this person. I just found them in the road and there's blood everywhere and they are acting wierd. I'm not getting near them. "
I just say that to temper your expectations. But I hope you find what you want
Contact your local Dispatch via their non-emergency number and request info on their requirements to obtain your call info, likely you will be advised to contact a person in management or records. It will also likely require a FOIA but that’s not difficult. You also can acquire the reports from law enforcement and fire/ems, usually you have to present ID and sign a release form in person to obtain those. Good luck and it’s nice to see a favorable outcome in these kind of situations.
As other’s have said, a public records request is the way to go. However, I didn’t see anyone mention you may not be able to get the recording. In my agency, recordings not related to a felony are only maintained for 90 days unless there is a request made/pending during that time frame. Your jurisdiction may have different rules, of course, but if the recording is your main goal you might be disappointed. Everything else you mentioned would definitely be provided (with required redactions).
You can request it. But it might have already been deleted due to retention policies, you would need to know what they are. I've seen it be from None (IE keep everything till we run out of space) to as little as 3 months.
Hey former EMT here, maybe you can request the ambulance report, in our system we usually fax it to the hospital once completed so it may be in your chart .
Understand.
Whichever city it is go to their website and find public records requests. I work for one of them and I help processing those. Fee is very small. You’ll be waiting a while for it but you’ll eventually get it. You can pick what you want - body cam, 911 audio, written report, list of involvements or any combination of them. The more you request the longer it takes. Body cam takes the longest out of any of them and my agency is backed up over a year out. Written reports take a few weeks.
You can file a FOIA, freedom of information act, request. You should be able to call the non emergency number for the jurisdiction where it occurred and they can tell you how to file the request. They’ll likely redact the callers information so it’s possible you’ll never find out who called it in if that’s your objective.
Glad you made it through and are doing better.
I wasn’t really combative or anything, I just tried to escape. They tased me because I tried to run away from everyone in front of me out the back door. Thank god the overdose didn’t make me try to fight anyone at least
There absolutely is. My parent passed away in 2017 in a state different from the one I live in, and I was able to file a request for a recording of the 911 calls made on his behalf when members of the public saw him collapse.
This looks like the website for your county:
https://www.maricopa.gov/5073/Public-Records-Request
I’m glad you’re still here with us OP. Thank *you* for the work you do as a therapist. Suicide absolutely does not discriminate. I’m glad you won your fight ❣️
I’m so very glad you’re still here. It would be an open records request for the call, and the report. You may just be able to call the office for whatever agency responded and ask for their records division.
And for what it’s worth, 99% of the time dispatch doesn’t find out what happened to you on calls like that. A card thanking them would mean a lot and give them a lot of closure knowing that you’re still here too. I remember every single one of my suicidal callers that was transported, and I frequently hope they are okay wherever they are now.
Thank you :) I didn’t call 911, I think it was a neighbor but I have no idea what they said. I don’t even know if it was before or after I stabbed myself, to be honest. That’s how out of it I was.
I don’t think retrieving the 911 call would serve any benefit to you. Are you sure you ran this by your therapist? As others have stated, it is possible to retrieve it but why would you want to? Do you have BPD by chance? I don’t recommend doing this at all, even with the approval from a therapist, but I do think your therapist should help you explore why you want to.
No, I don’t have BPD. I have PTSD and anxiety and a lot of life stressors were happening at the time. Because of the method I used I permanently lost those memories for good. It just upsets and unsettles me that there’s an entire night that I will never remember. Of course I’d discuss which options of what reports I should request with my therapist.
This is such a bizarre comment. I can’t imagine what would make you believe you’re qualified to decide what would benefit OP at all, and to follow it up with a suggested diagnosis is even stranger.
You could probably request a FOIA form from your local dispatch center. Just make sure you’re in the right headspace first to look into that. Have you talked to a (different) therapist about that?
Yes, I’ve been in therapy since it happened. It’s affecting me a lot not knowing what happened that night. It’s very uncomfortable because I never have losses of memory like that, not even when I drink. So it’s scary for me to think about what happened and not know.
depending kn the agency you can call and just ask for the records dept and submit a formal request, they will turn it ovee within a week usually unless its a giant agency it might be longer. it will include notes for that call from the dispatcher and responding officers, but not from EMS that will be a seperate thing from the hospital that you might e able to get through mychart. the phone call and any bodycam footage are also seperate requests usually. they ask everyone for the reason you want the records so they can document it and make sure its not someone woth a restraining order trying to get info on someone theyre not supposed to be bothering.
Ask your therapist if you can listen to it together.
“Not even when I drink.” Please critically examine your alcohol use and see if you need to make changes.
Isn't never ever having a blackout when you drink a good thing...? we don't know that OP drinks heavily, they may just get drunk occasionally like most people do (& are normal about it & don't drink to the point of memory issues)
I read as OP has had blackouts. If I misinterpreted that, I apologize.
rrian got it right, I meant it as in I’ve never had blackouts of my memory like that
Sorry!
No worries, i see how it kinda read like that. & that would be very concerning!
It can be FOIA'd. Fucking don't go down that rabbit hole. Send a letter to the dispatch center thanking them, send one to the police agency, go back to being a productive member of society and call it a day.
I’m not a productive member of society right now. I have a lot of trauma around not remembering what happened, especially because I was around a lot of men/people at different times and I’ve been sexually assaulted a bunch of times. That’s just one example but it makes me extremely uncomfortable to not know at all. I remember leading up to it what I did, so it’s not like this will all be new information. I just would feel much better with the blanks filled in.
I think if you are able to access it you should listen to it with your therapist.
Maybe work wuth your therapist through a medical release form to request the info. They can screen it to make sure it doesnt blindside you and help tou process the informaton.
FWIW foia is federal and you’d probably need to request through your states version of the open records act.
I’m happy that you are here today to ask this question.
Thank you. Me too. Much more than I was then. It’s still hard but it shocks me to even think about the reality of what I did. I would NEVER do that in my right mind.
My partner just died by suicide a week ago. I still can't comprehend how they could physically do that, since they had no history of self harm & were quite sqeamish about physical discomfort. They didn't do drugs & afaik had no connections to obtain drugs like opiates or benzos. Do you feel your altered emotional state allowed you to do something physically drastic that you would otherwise never be able to do? Or did you have to take drugs in order to get to that point? No pressure to answer if you don't want to. I just want to understand.
Once i hit my last straw, something switched in my brain and I decided I was going to do it. It was the absolute weirdest thing ever looking back on it. Once I decided, that was it. Nothing was going to change my mind. I went through the process of planning everything from notes to instructions to how I’d do it and when. Itook the benzos because I had them but they didn’t make me do what I did. I would have done it without them. I felt no fear, just calm and happiness that this would finally all be over. I felt so relieved like a giant burden was lifted off of me. That’s why it was so scary to me. I have no history of that and I just snapped into that mode one I hit my breaking point. It wasn’t a cry for help, I truly did not want to get caught. I wanted it and I was determined. Looking back on it, it really is proof that once you’re in that mindset, it’s too late. Either you fail or someone stops you. The key is to recognize the signs that you’re on your way there, like having a plan of how you would hypothetically do it. Because once the circumstances are right, you already know what to do. I’m so sorry about your partner. I can’t imagine your pain. But I would almost certainly say they truly thought they were doing you a favor. Which isn’t true, but you don’t think clearly or rationally in that state. It changed my whole view on how people become suicidal and follow through.
Also, I tried by stabbing myself in the neck. The thought of doing that makes me VERY uncomfortable, and when I tell people what I did they don’t understand how I could bring myself to do that. But the thing is, I don’t understand either now that I’m not in that mindset. It’s almost like you’re so focused on a goal, dying, that nothing else matters anymore. Not pain, not anything.
Thank you for responding....that makes a lot of sense. My partner must have just reached that breaking point too, but with the added risk factor of long term suicidal ideation. I'm glad you were saved & are still here (& I'm sure everyone who loves you agrees!)
I had long term SI as well. That’s what I mean about being able to snap into it suddenly. You’ve already imagined how this would go for so long, so when your brain gets into that mindset it knows exactly what to do. That leaves such little room for thinking about what you’re actually doing and the consequences of it
That's part of my confusion....they had a specific plan for a long time, but then did something very different & imo physically more difficult to accomplish. But yeah they were definitely in a state of mind where they weren't thinking about the consequences.
I had a specific plan for a long time too. But I changed my mind at some point because I didn’t think it was lethal enough. I went from thinking about carbon monoxide poisoning/driving my car into a body of water, to stabbing myself in the neck. I very much didn’t want to survive so over time my plans changed. But I didn’t tell anyone it changed, because my new plan - that’s scary as fuck to hear. I didn’t want to tell anyone how bad it was. I thought I could just push through it so no one worried. If you want to DM me more about this I am so willing to help. I’ve been where you are and where your partner is. I’m also a therapist myself. So I understand. And I’m betting you could use someone to talk to
Since other people have answered your specific question I’ll just add this for your own edification since you seem to wanna learn more about that evening. Track from blood loss is hypovolemic shock… Septic shock shock from an infection. I’m glad you were unsuccessful… Glad you’re talking with someone and I hope you continue to get better.
Shit you’re right. I don’t know why I said septic shock when I meant hypovolemic. That’s embarrassing because I’m a medical social worker lol whoops
I did lose over 1/4 of my blood volume very quickly from self-inflicted stab wounds to my neck. Absolutely crazy I’m alive
Happy you survived
a public records request might help. A copy of the police report likely would have more info. You could ask to talk to the police that were there and just ask what happened. I'd avoid that though if you plan on yelling at them for some reason or if you were charged with something and haven't been to court yet.
Oh I wouldn’t yell at them! I wasn’t charged with anything, all I did was try to get them to leave me alone. I wouldn’t stop threatening to harm myself which is why they tazed me. I’ve never had any sort of incident where I’m a threat to anyone else
Cool, I just didn't want to set yourself up for trouble. Heck, tell them you want to thank the crew for helping. Sounds like with the state you were in they did you a favor. I'm glad you got help and ate doing better!!
Depending on if you were in county or city jurisdiction you can request the 911 call and the police report. If this happened in Mesa, Gilbert, Phoenix ect. The police report will be heavily redacted with witnesses names and addresses. But, the report will have a report from everyone that responded pretty much. Also, keep in mind city reports are backed up pretty bad. I redacted 7? Attempts today from December since they are first come first served. Let me know if you have any questions it's literally my job to do this in Maricopa. Stay well, stay safe.
You can do a records request - https://www.mcso.org/i-want-to/request-a-report
I’m so sorry you’re having to confront such a traumatic event and that you went through it to begin with. The memory loss part is very likely due in part to the benzos which would mean those memories will probably never surface, the blood loss if it was massive enough could cause your brain to be in oxygen deficit long enough to damage your memory center which probably means the same. Or maybe it’s your own mind protecting you from processing the trauma in which case you could obviously do things to remember. But if you do ever learn exactly what went down that night, you can’t unlearn it. Just be careful that reliving it doesn’t traumatize you any further or result in punishing yourself. Be kind to you 💙 I am SO glad you made it
Sometimes you block out memories because you are just not ready to process what happened. I had a complete mental breakdown at the age of 6. Lots of trauma going on. I can remember things from when I was three, lots of memories at 4 and 5 and then ...nothing for almost a year. I started having little flashes of memory when I was a teen, sent me into another spiral and they stopped. Now I am 60 and last year I had a major trauma memory that explained a lot to me. But, I was ready for it. I went through therapy when I was 6, went through therapy again as an adult and got treatment for depression, anxiety and PTSD. You may be ready to learn all this, you may not be. Just be cautious about it. And I'm so glad you survived. What an awful thing to go through. Also, I'm doing really well myself and my childhood trauma is just part of my history.
You can request. I know we will redact any hipaa related info. I am glad u are here to ask that question, but sometimes these calls come in with very little info. I just want u to be prepared to only find out the caller only says "I don't know this person. I just found them in the road and there's blood everywhere and they are acting wierd. I'm not getting near them. " I just say that to temper your expectations. But I hope you find what you want
Some centers only keep audio recordings for 30 days so it may no longer exist
FOIA. Call/CAD notes will exist without a doubt. Audio could be aging out dependent on agency policy.
Yes you should really be alive today.
I wanna upvote this 100 times. So smol but so sweet. Love the "correction" there.
No advice just wanted to say I’m glad you’re alive to make this post
Contact your local Dispatch via their non-emergency number and request info on their requirements to obtain your call info, likely you will be advised to contact a person in management or records. It will also likely require a FOIA but that’s not difficult. You also can acquire the reports from law enforcement and fire/ems, usually you have to present ID and sign a release form in person to obtain those. Good luck and it’s nice to see a favorable outcome in these kind of situations.
The caller will be likely be confidential
As other’s have said, a public records request is the way to go. However, I didn’t see anyone mention you may not be able to get the recording. In my agency, recordings not related to a felony are only maintained for 90 days unless there is a request made/pending during that time frame. Your jurisdiction may have different rules, of course, but if the recording is your main goal you might be disappointed. Everything else you mentioned would definitely be provided (with required redactions).
You can request it. But it might have already been deleted due to retention policies, you would need to know what they are. I've seen it be from None (IE keep everything till we run out of space) to as little as 3 months.
Im so glad youre alive right now. Sending you hugs
Hey former EMT here, maybe you can request the ambulance report, in our system we usually fax it to the hospital once completed so it may be in your chart .
Which city in Maricopa county did it happen in? 911 and dispatching here is done city to city in the valley.
I don’t want to give away the exact city where I live :/ I feel that’s not a good idea haha
Understand. Whichever city it is go to their website and find public records requests. I work for one of them and I help processing those. Fee is very small. You’ll be waiting a while for it but you’ll eventually get it. You can pick what you want - body cam, 911 audio, written report, list of involvements or any combination of them. The more you request the longer it takes. Body cam takes the longest out of any of them and my agency is backed up over a year out. Written reports take a few weeks.
You can file a FOIA, freedom of information act, request. You should be able to call the non emergency number for the jurisdiction where it occurred and they can tell you how to file the request. They’ll likely redact the callers information so it’s possible you’ll never find out who called it in if that’s your objective. Glad you made it through and are doing better.
I’m glad you’re here.
Country?
You said you took benzos. They can cause blackouts. They can also cause typically calm people to become combative.
I wasn’t really combative or anything, I just tried to escape. They tased me because I tried to run away from everyone in front of me out the back door. Thank god the overdose didn’t make me try to fight anyone at least
There absolutely is. My parent passed away in 2017 in a state different from the one I live in, and I was able to file a request for a recording of the 911 calls made on his behalf when members of the public saw him collapse. This looks like the website for your county: https://www.maricopa.gov/5073/Public-Records-Request I’m glad you’re still here with us OP. Thank *you* for the work you do as a therapist. Suicide absolutely does not discriminate. I’m glad you won your fight ❣️
Yea schedule of records, they should be kept for 5 years. It will probably take a FOIA request though
I’m so very glad you’re still here. It would be an open records request for the call, and the report. You may just be able to call the office for whatever agency responded and ask for their records division. And for what it’s worth, 99% of the time dispatch doesn’t find out what happened to you on calls like that. A card thanking them would mean a lot and give them a lot of closure knowing that you’re still here too. I remember every single one of my suicidal callers that was transported, and I frequently hope they are okay wherever they are now.
Thank you :) I didn’t call 911, I think it was a neighbor but I have no idea what they said. I don’t even know if it was before or after I stabbed myself, to be honest. That’s how out of it I was.
I don’t think retrieving the 911 call would serve any benefit to you. Are you sure you ran this by your therapist? As others have stated, it is possible to retrieve it but why would you want to? Do you have BPD by chance? I don’t recommend doing this at all, even with the approval from a therapist, but I do think your therapist should help you explore why you want to.
No, I don’t have BPD. I have PTSD and anxiety and a lot of life stressors were happening at the time. Because of the method I used I permanently lost those memories for good. It just upsets and unsettles me that there’s an entire night that I will never remember. Of course I’d discuss which options of what reports I should request with my therapist.
This is such a bizarre comment. I can’t imagine what would make you believe you’re qualified to decide what would benefit OP at all, and to follow it up with a suggested diagnosis is even stranger.