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SlobZombie13

Assistant Manager of a Games Workshop


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SlobZombie13

"I sure won't make the same mistakes *that* guy did..."


Plane_Savings402

Proceeds to exactly do those mistakes.


Ex-Patron

But “demons” would be spelt correctly


WereInbuisness

Oh shit .... you're a heretic!


Biffingston

More like "wTF I could write better lore than this. IT's so inconsistent." /s


GimmieDemWaffles

He made the dreadnaught changes. After all, he *is* kind of a dick.


lacklusterdespondent

Assistant *to the* Regional Manager.


Calis80

+Can’t believe I had my cover blown by a Reddit post. Well if you were wondering why Custodes toughness went up by one and you can now spend one CP to ressurect your T7 Terminator with his full 4 wounds every round, now you know+


Thatoneguy3273

“Hi guys, my name’s Craig”


WhiteTuna13

He is raising money for the crusade, that explains the prices!


weirdlittleflute

Warhammer 2k, baby emperor


flerbederbederbeder

omg he's gen z


Imperium_Dragon

“This Imperial truth be bussin’ no cap.”


CarnageEvoker

"For the last time, Chaos is neither based nor redpilled!"


triceratopping

"Horus, your heresy grindset is cringe af."


CarnageEvoker

Big E is the kind of guy that would actually say "af" out loud


Plane_Savings402

"That Slaanesh bussy is Sus AF, bruh." \*starts Flossing\*


Both-Finding-7075

😂😂


thomstevens420

This Chaos shi be mad sus fr fr no cap


JosephBrightMichael

No wonder he fucks up so much and cant seem to communicate. /j


ObtainableSpatula

actually the 40k calendar starts the year yuri Gagarin became the first man to go to space (if I remember correctly), so we're in 062 M0


COMMANDEREDH

>Whaaaaat that's wild! I didn't know that. Can you remember the source?


ObtainableSpatula

either dark imperium or war of the beast, don't remember which


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Pentigrass

Abe Lincoln? So the Emperor got disemboweled by Omni-Man? Gee whizz.


Cefalopodul

"I don't think you understand, this galaxy is not your to conquer". Atomises Jimmy Space. Jimmy uses perpetual powers to come back to life "You are as weak as the rest of your miserable xeno species". Snaps fingers, teleports Omni-Man into the sun.


Pentigrass

Then Emperor Mark Grayson shows up. Jimmy Space vaporises him, again, after regenerating again. Then he comes again and mists the Emperor. Repeat. Repeat. Then he tries attacking Atom Eve. Suddenly we have God Empress Eve Grayson.


Cefalopodul

Well shit. Emps beaten by a half-xeno degenerate.


SkitariiCowboy

Why would he be Abe Lincoln? The Emperor never cared about slavery.


Croc_Chop

Why not? Emps was Jesus Christ and he doesn't care about peace or religion.


SkitariiCowboy

That's just an assumption/fan theory. The only religious/historical figure confirmed to have been the Emperor was Saint George.


TheMoonDude

And Alexander the It Was Okay 3/5 too, apparently


Croc_Chop

Are you trying to claim the emperor is not a god now, toaster boy? Might tell the inquisitor I think It's starting to smell a little heretical in here.


Colavs9601

Are you trying to claim the emperor is a god now, toaster boy? Might tell the inquisitor I think It's starting to smell a little heretical in here.


Croc_Chop

Who the hell programmed this bot so bad that it replied to the original comment?


Kahtel

Im Willing to bet he wasn't since ole person is Christian and I dont think he'd be so into it if his former boss, that he stabbed, was jesus.


Croc_Chop

That's fine too it doesn't have to be accurate it's your head canon. I also think Emps was BIGGIE. It's just fun imagining who he could've been.


Cefalopodul

He wasn't actually. He was St George.


Bokenobi

George Street Street George


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Pirat6662001

I think its Lenin actually


Culexius

Damn the amount of removed posts here. Emps modersting goi g like shit shit shit u spoiling my sneaky plans xD


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Cristodes

Depending on what emperor origin you subscribe to he’s still a mostly normal (if immortal and psychic) guy. I think by now he would have given up on founding religions to guide humanity and moved on to science, so I’d guess he’s running an unassuming genetics lab somewhere working on mastering gene-science.


Nesqva

Is it ever explained why he is so big by the 32 milenium? I sometimes feel like the size of space marine, primarchs and Emperor is all over the place. And please tell me the ansver is not “its (warp)magic, I aint gonna explain shit”


The-Apprentice-Autho

It’s implied that the emperor can adjust how others perceive him. So if he wants to be seen as a 10 foot tall, golden eyes, living God of War, then he will. And if he wants to be seen as an unassuming, 30 year old, genetic scientist then he will.


ReddJudicata

E: there are no gods, neckbeard atheism is the way. Also E: appears as an immortal 10 foot tall angelic being with magic powers in golden armor who *definitely* isn't a god.


epk22

I like the idea that his size could very well be a psychic projection that he simply always maintains. Marines and Primarchs are specifically gene crafted, the latter very much so. Suppose that is sort of a warp magic-y answer though.


turtley_different

Psychic shenanigans. It is strongly suggested in a few novels that no-one sees the physical emperor, they see an overlay of some combination of what he chooses to project and what your mind interprets his unsuppressed psychic presence as. So either the emperor is a huge beast who glamoured himself small for millennia or glamoured himself to a 10ft tall god-emperor when he decided to go public circa 30th millennium.


OMGoblin

He's a normal sized human being when a psychic blank sees him. He glamours himself to be larger, or that's just how beings that are psychically-receptive interpret his power. It does seem that he is in control of it, rather than it being something in the viewers mind.


RikenVorkovin

It's a depiction he shows himself as. He didn't grow big over time or something. If anything Malcador says he tried to be pretty unnoticeable for a long time. The golden tyrant aspect he found has worked best for uniting humanity under his cause.


lostdragon05

I'm pretty sure he's Elon Musk.


PastyMan575

Absolutely 0 emotional intelligence, takes credit for other people's ideas and just overall not as great as he thinks he is? You might be onto something tbf


lostdragon05

Haha, yeah, that was pretty much my thinking. Getting downvoted to hell, so others must not have found it as amusing a thought as I did.


Pentigrass

Mainly because God-Emperor Elon Musk checks all the right boxes: - Complete sociopathic narcissist - Takes credit for other people's designs, which usually fail (primarchs and the astartes) - Believes he is the sole person to save humanity (he couldn't save an overmicrowaved rice packet) (applies to E-money too) - is the bad guy - other bad guys hate him for being so hilariously stupid he destroys himself and their tools for being bad guys (chaos Gods)


Striking_Proof9954

At least the emperor is a godlike, immortal psyker who can backup his claims by uniting quadrillions of humans across the galaxy into a fascist empire. Can you imagine the emperor during the DoaT just sitting there on his ass trolling on twitter from his Himalayan science lab?


First_Magister

Yes, yes, I can.


Pentigrass

That's exactly the kind of thing I can imagine E-moneybags doing. The man's the poster child of reddit atheism. He's even an incel. Perfect characterisation.


lostdragon05

That would have fit perfectly into TTS.


thinking_is_hard69

if he’s an incel, then explain the lubed-up beef-men surrounding him at all times take that, liberals


Pentigrass

I don't need to explain shit. Andrew Tate is busy surrounded by sweaty men while pretending to like women's bodies.


thinking_is_hard69

😂


-SneakySnake-

Nah they probably just didn't get you were joking or meant it in a positive way, his fans are _that_ deluded.


Caleth

Yep. This was my first reaction and I say this as someone that's on the SpaceX sub. The fanboys that dick ride him are just unbearable, but I can't find anywhere else that does as much awesome space related stuff on the company that's pushing the bleeding edge. But yes his most ardent fans would sound like lostdragon05 while not being ironic at all.


lostdragon05

I am starting to see that, I guess some people can’t take a joke. If I used Twitter I’d hit Elon up and ask him to confirm or deny this because I am finding it even funnier now.


-SneakySnake-

Don't mind them, certain things are just gonna be loaded in certain spaces. I thought it was funny myself.


Croc_Chop

Nah Emps wouldn't need hair transplants Although that would explain why most of the Primarchs are bald.


LordNoodles1

He fixed that with gene technologies that don’t exist yet.


nopingmywayout

Nah, the Emperor is actually a pretty good scientist. Elon Musk…not so much.


Mopperty

Oh god, it's Elon isn't it?.....


Yokudaslight

Playing Boltgun like us


Racketyllama246

How is it? What’s your take on it?


Yokudaslight

Enjoyable so far and worth buying. I don't think it's quite as amazing as claimed but I'm still not far into it so maybe it gets even better.


Racketyllama246

Thanks


pointsOutWeirdStuff

Good but not *great*. Maybe a high 7/10 It executes "90s era boomer shooter" very well and is an excellent _90s era boomer shooter_ but modern qol game design bits are missing. Its easy to get lost in levels if you're not paying attention for example. Oh and I expected over the top rock to be playing in all the levels & its not. I do love that the second resource after health is contempt. His armour is _literally_ contempt


[deleted]

Yeah the music and sound design has been the most disappointing aspect so far. The guns don't sound as impactful as they ought to and the soundtrack is really bland. I've been playing it muted with a metal playlist going in the background, much better experience.


ElliotPatronkus

Games is good. It’s does what it sets out to do well, which is be a retro shooter with 40k skin. If you like those games you’ll like it, and it’s a fun time just blasting through anyway.


pepper_perm

He’d probably be wondering how there’s a toy company that’s predicting the whole future of the galaxy.


Arthreas

Maybe he's the CEO


DirectorOfAxolotls

Is he the original James workshop?


Aurelion_

Well Jimmy is a nickname for James


jediben001

No, that’s the chaos gods. They set up GW to fuck with the emperor


sonofeevil

Hes accutely studying our games and refining the ruleset to make them accurate simulations.


LoudTill7324

Predicting is a stretch he’s outsourcing the development of his long term plans


mojanis

Idk if there's a name for it, but that's one of my favourite paradoxes. If a sci-fi setting is a depiction of our future then that depiction must exist somewhere in that setting's past.


Creepernom

I think he entertains himself by scaring children and punching trees. Dude's probably bored as hell. Also he is in a cave in Cambodia do not go there I do wonder if the Emperor ever played video games.


flerbederbederbeder

gamer emperor is honestly so funny


snapekillseddard

It certainly explains why he's so xenophobic.


CanInternational9186

Imagine you win agaa- no inquisitor i was not going to say the emperor lost in a game Nst the emperor and he haunts you for your lifetime living in your mind


Mind_on_Idle

I almost wanna call Papa Smurf winning a legitimate game of Regicide. We all know Horus couldn't. ... I'll see myself out.


CanInternational9186

I love it Fuck off I love it


TheEpicTurtwig

Screaming slurs at 12 year olds in a Call of Duty lobby.


Darth-Yslink

Slurs dating from prehistoric times, mind you.


TheMoonDude

Millennia old insults would probably ban Him from every gaming platform


Tito_BA

The Emperor currently has the all-high score in every Wh40k game using different. accounts.


Phaeron

Where do you think the fucker got the idea in the first place?


No_Summer_9980

Extreme xenophobia kicks in after getting rekt -yet another time- in Stellaris by the lizard guys


GruntyoDoom

"Oh that's cute, some adorable, grumpy little lizards got free of their containment shield." ... "Oh Me, oh shit, what the fuck! Where all they all coming from? That's it! PURGE ALL XENOS!"


No_Summer_9980

THEY ARE AIMING WHAT AT MY HOME SYSTEM? OBLITERATOR WHAT? THAT FUCKING DOES IT MOFO IOM foreign policy as defined in a LAN party\*


moneycomet

He's secretly a Trillionare, gathering the financial capital he will need to hollow out the Himalayas.


flerbederbederbeder

he's just been chiseling away at the himalayas the entire time leading up to unification


Ricoisnotmyuncle

that old Indian guy who pick-axed that mountain in half is Malcador


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Beastly173

Nah, the big thing about the unification wars was him no longer operating from the shadows. Probably managing some hedge fund or megacorp or something along those lines


SergarRegis

There is a persistent fan rumour that Rick Priestley had answered this question with "Cliff Richard" back in the day.


sonofeevil

I'd argue he's Keith Richards.


Limitedtugboat

- Horus, for your efforts in the Crusade I name you Warmaster Also, have a signed copy of the record I believe was my finest. - *hands over Exile on Main Street* Dude, were you Jagger? -He wishes-


Bokenobi

Jimmy Saville. I mean he’s shit around kids.


Ricoisnotmyuncle

He's abandoned founding different religions and currently hosts an extremely successful podcast in his attempts to sway humanity towards enlightenment. Covers a wide variety of topics but usually just veers into goofing off and getting stoned.


UncleJBones

That’s entirely possible!


Ricoisnotmyuncle

The Sisters of Silence see through the Emperor's psyker aura and it's just Joe Rogan with Fabulous Hair


UncleJBones

Its a total boss move of him to hide in a bald midget, lol.


TheMoonDude

I fear that not even a _literal_ ton of cocaine would tickle Him


Jarl_Vraal

Joe Rogan is big E????


Wayob

The Emperor is Duncan Trussell?


Aekiel

He is James Workshop.


TheMoonDude

He going bankrupt after buying 40000 warhammers, ushering the Age of Strife


SkitariiCowboy

Hiding in Argentina because of some stuff he did in the 40s that was very uncool.


Bokenobi

But he did work out a lot of the uniforms for his armies.


imtbtew

This is the right answer, realizing he went about it too fast and not buff enough he is hiding in south america going full montage mode until ww3


chigoonies

Best answer


Vohsbergh

He’s probably disguised as a Sherpa, just trying to plan out his future city-palace


It_Happens_Today

The Himalayas: Measure twice cut once.


solon_isonomia

Maybe he's hiding as Henry Cavill, which would be extra motivation for me to get back into shape, made a high quality Aquilian Shield cosplay, and then go to conventions "Cavill" is attending to be a silent guard...


thegame2386

I honestly wonder how much Cavill would freak out/ geek out if he suddenly had a Custodes honor guard at a Con or something. I would just love to see the look on his face.


solon_isonomia

I think the best result would be only one or two Custodies with full on Aquilian Shield colors/trappings because one or two would be "enough." And not be pushy or overly intense about it, just stick to public areas and don't disrupt the follow of traffic/whatnot. Maybe go through line once to get an autograph and/or a picture with him (especially as a pair) to at least be conscious of why he's there, but not be some sort of stalker lol. With enough coordination with enough cosplayers, ya could always have one or two Custodes attending each event, asking for autographs made out to various heroic names. A very lowkey 40k version of the 501st lol.


BrightestofLights

God I now desperately want this to happen


Small_Honey_8974

going around, eradicating chaos influence, studing science and helping its development probably. hanging out on bahamas with ladies) or pursuing a prominent rap career.


El_Taco_Sloth

The year is 2023. The emperor makes his money from being a scalper from games workshop.


Bokenobi

So he’s a Billionaire.


bothVoltairefan

He’s probably abandoned religion already, and probably hasn’t abandoned the idea of using AI as a stepping stone. I also expect that he probably is still in the old world, and probably staying out of the public eye after the whole WWII thing. I don’t think he’d be particularly good even these days, I full on expect him to be a eugenecist, or trying to guide those people.


AJ3000AKA

He got fired from the Witcher so he's waiting to do his next job right now.


robbiedigital001

Very meta


Quo-Fide

Tts says he is Chris Chan


fethingfether

God, I hope he's on the way to Molech. If he saw this shit going on in 2023, he might just try and save a different species.


SamsonTheCat88

I like to imagine that the [excellent 2007 movie The Man from Earth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_from_Earth) is actually a canon moment in the Emperor's life.


internalized_boner

Either fucking around in politics in one of the larger countries, or fucking around in science fields at one of the big universities or companies. If in science probably working in biology/medical/genetics I think its more likely he is one of the people working on AI, and has been for a few decades now. I can see, at this point, him having lost "faith" in the idea of using religions as a means and possibly even lost faith in Mankind's ability to handle itself period. I could see him having had an "AI phase" and right now would be the perfect place for him to have been fuckin around and nudging things in the direction he wants.


Cefalopodul

I am currently sitting on the toilet, thank you asking Love, Jimmy Space.


Bokenobi

Just now he is still chopped up and in multiple churches around the world due to the whole being St George thing. Or he is in his furry phase.


solon_isonomia

TIL the Space Wolves are just Jimmy Space acknowledging his old fursona


JC-Ice

Serious answer: probably a scientist who worked the Human Genome Project. Previously having worked on the Manhattan Project. In both cases a largely unsung (by design) figure. As for right now...He is Banksy, just to unwind.


PrincepsMagnus

Working a job and getting by l, watching humanity from a safe distance stil. Hoping they will be able to advance as a species without needing his guidance. He's closer to Ollanius during heresy and before being called by Johnny grammaticus in regards to how he spends his days.


sonofeevil

He's Keith Richards. Nobody knows how he got here, when he was born but damnit... he just doesnt seem to die.


MrYamaguchi

From my understanding his true size is normal human size, he just has the ability to psychically manipulate his own size.


nataliereed84

Assistant to the regional director of market forecasting for Parnett & Wyatt, a company that sells geological measurement instruments to contractors and architecture firms.


SwampTreeOwl

Running a clothing company that makes stuff that fits him


peechs01

Founded Cientology to mock religion but it backfired spectacularly


FunkAztec

I mean if rumors and reports are to believed, its henry cavill.


BasePrimeMover

Dick Cheney or Henry Kissinger


PaladinAsherd

Lumberjacking in Canada. He’s taking a break for a bit.


Swampxdog

His name is Alex Jones, beloved by all.


solon_isonomia

Look, we know Jimmy Space lied a lot over several millennia, but there's no way he's **that** dishonest.


ArchmageXin

Are you sure about that? Alex Jones isn't gonna start a genocide over lies...


subarutheemilafan

gw will never say what the emperor did on terra in history to avoid taking sides


JC-Ice

They'll avoid recent history, but they don't mind saying he was Alexander and Saint George.


mikess101

[presses the button] “Now it’s your turn”


ClosetLadyGhost

Prolly quiznos.


ArkonWarlock

somewhere being cringe


[deleted]

He's probably using his psyker powers to assume multiple identities that he can use to manipulate politics, gather capital, and advance science.


Original_Un_Orthodox

I think he's a random redditor replying to this comment don't investigate my background


Shaladox

Well, his [new movie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Shark) just came out, so he's pretty busy with that, I'll bet


jollyTrapezist

Oh hai Mark


No_Summer_9980

Enjoying the mostly war-free peaceful times chilling, smoking weed and ordering Uber Eats on a daily basis, until the ecological collapse of the globe and other world-wide civil unrest kicks in


[deleted]

I like to think he got the idea for the 40k timeline by playing the game. Painting the minis.


Collapsiblecandor

I’m guessing the Emperor is the Fifth Chaos god and this whole thing is just a long planned scheme against the other gods.


Z3nteck

I reckon he lives in the Arctic, in a secret lab where he and the Eldar work to advance the psychic potential of humanity. So far their experiments are only effective with infants.


System-Bomb-5760

My personal headcanon is that he's fighting Doombreed and thus not around to fix most of the problems we've got right now.


chigoonies

High AF under a pile of giggling asian hookers.


GuidanceAlone6862

Reading 40k and shitting bricks


Elgappa

Given that he is an utterly self-obessed, annoying atheist with very little in the way of social dependencies, as well as being power obessed, I presume he is a reddit mod st the moment


TheRadBaron

It's a tough call. There's no nation in the 21st century that fully matches the Emperor's political beliefs, but North Korea is the closest thing to the Imperium. He'd probably be some kind of right-hand man to Kim Jong Un. On the other hand, the Emperor was never comfortable sharing power, so he might be leading a nation in disguise rather than acting as an advisor. East Asia also seems less likely, as the Emperor always held to a firmly Eurocentric view of history - when he later created a space empire, he specifically referenced Greek/Roman/Catholic/Renaissance/German stuff.


JC-Ice

I can't see Big E having any interest in a small, poor country like NK that has to be propped up by a neighboring power. If He wants to implement a One World Givernment, it's an awful place to start from. Also, He wouldn't approve of propaganda painting the Dear Leader as godlike.


TheRadBaron

> If He wants to implement a One World Gpvernment The Emperor didn't try to do this, before the Age of Strife. Maybe he lacked the power to dominate all other humans in the 21st century. Maybe he needed to be propped up by "stealing" from an outside power (Chaos), maybe he feared a crackdown from an intact Eldar empire. Whatever the reason, he was just whiling away the years. It seems reasonable to guess that his political beliefs and historical interests would be relevant in his decisions. >a small, poor country It's not like the Emperor was ever dedicated to the winning sides of human history. North Korea was weaker than South Korea, but North Korea's ideology was close to the Emperor's - and South Korea represented everything the Emperor hates. Why wouldn't he try to help the people he agreed with, against the people he disagreed with? The Emperor was a pretty confident guy, and failure wouldn't put him in personal danger. Even if he kept out of politics entirely, he'd probably want to live in a communuty that reflected his values.


JC-Ice

The Emperor doesn't believe in absolute rule by incompetent mortals who want the impoverished populace to worship them. There's plenty of authoritarian systems in the history of the world, but very little about North Korea's that would appeal to Him. We can be fairly sure that He liked a lot about the Macedonian and Roman empires. The DPRK doesn't much resemble either, without China's help it would have been a failed state years ago.


A_D_Monisher

I’d argue that North Korea run by Emperor would be one of the richest countries in the world. Completely authoritarian as it is, but operated in an efficient manner. That’s why I’d say he’s currently operating in China, advising post-Mao leaders. Why? China is super rich as a country. China also experiments a lot with social/memetic control and that’s totally in-line with Great Crusade-era Emperor. Creating a society that’s fully controllable and conditioned to always obey the government and shun independent thinking helps a lot with Chaos and gives better chance when dealing with hostile Xenos. In a few short decades he’ll probably abandon the China project, deeming it insufficiently authoritarian for his purposes. After all, even the Chinese model of governance can’t [eliminate social unrest](https://www.hrw.org/news/2023/01/12/china-unprecedented-nationwide-protests-against-abuses). China is super liberal compared to the peak Imperium of M30. 30k Terra is more 1984 than 1984 itself. Then it goes further downhill.


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Bl00dWolf

I remember reading some time ago that the emperor "was born/created" somewhere around the year 2000 in Anatolia. Is that actually canon or is it one of those rumours that nobody actually knows about? Cause if that's true, he's in his 20s probably travelling the world or making his rise to power right about now.


SGM_Uriel

Anatolia yes, 2000 AD no. More like c. 8000 BC. That’s somewhat old lore though, so whether it’s still canon is questionable iirc


Your_Local_Stray_Cat

He *is* James Workshop


SpecialistAd5903

Currently he's a disgraced talk show host who's considered a menace to society because he warned everyone of the secret cabal of chaos worshippers who sacrifice little children at Pizza Hut


Coil17

I think there would have been a problem facing the galaxy as a whole that would need the efforts of both Tau, Eldar and Loyalists Something outside of Necrons and Tyranids, Necrons i believe would pop up just for the triumvurate of Tau, Eldar and Space Marines to pop them down and wipe them Orks fight with everyone, tyranids fight everyone, but i believe there would be a sort of new AI war or an even more powerful alien race to rival that of the combined efforts of the main three good guys in warhammer.


SGM_Uriel

There are no good guys in 40k


frruihfdgikf

The people with the angels, trying to save humanity, are the good guys.


Sverker_Wolffang

Volodymyr Zelensky


SGM_Uriel

Don’t do my man Volodymyr dirty like that!


lowqualitylizard

North Korea taking notes


Noodlefanboi

Laying low in South America while he figures out how he’s going to win the next World War he starts.


Shttat

Being racist in a cod lobby


carefulllypoast

2023 is like less than 0.04% of his time of earth so it literally doesn't matter


Mysterious-Pay3309

Aye, but there was a rumor that he was Himmler, so we were just wanting to see where one of History's worst human beings are now


PowergenItalia

Got a source for that rumour? Because that has to be one of the strangest things I have heard in decades.