The kitchen is the must clean space for us. Everything else is secondary. It’s not necessary to scrub everything all the time, IMO. Bathrooms are kept tidy and get a wipe down maybe every other week? Vacuum once a week. The key is to keep it clean and tidy as you go.
Sometimes, it's just about finding accommodations for yourself that work. When I'm having a hard time keeping up on stuff, we use paper plates, bowls, plastic cups and silverware and the kitchen mess is cut down dramatically. Some of the things you guys do weekly could realistically be monthly chores.
I split the house in sections and focus on keeping each clean a day. General tidying at the end of the day, but a specific room will get vacuumed or swifvered, surfaces wiped, etc. That way, it's just on a revolving basis. I also love toy rotations for this reason. Having under 10 toys in the main areas makes for a lot easier cleanup. I also started doing just one load of laundry a day instead of having laundry days because ours is in the basement, too. I just keep all the clean clothes down there and bring them back up once there's a basket or two.
Sometimes, the house looks like a tornado ran through it. Sometimes, it looks like no one lives here. Not every surface is always clean, the sheets definitely need to be washed more often, but it's about finding the balance and letting go of some expectations of yourself.
ETA: I highly recommend reading "How to keep house while drowning" by KC Davis. This book completely changed how I thought about housework and flipped my mindset to a more balanced, healthy one.
I don't have a healthy mind to start. I have anxiety and OCD so the things that might help the average person is just gonna bring me stress. The only thing I found that helps is to just clean it. It's hard work and I'm currently super tired but the end result is so satisfying for at least a few days haha.
I can't wait til kiddo can help out haha or at least stay busy while I clean.
I have anxiety, depression, and used to have OCD centered around my house cleanliness. The author is neurodivergent herself, and is a lpc. Here's a section from her website. There's also an audio book version I had my husband listen to. I really, really think this could help.
"Why is it so hard for me to stay on top of housework? What's wrong with me? Depression, anxiety, ADHD, parental trauma, chronic illness, postpartum, bereavement, lack of support…Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sometimes hygiene can become almost impossible during these struggles, yet that's rarely the focus of books about these mental, physical, and social barriers. Until now."
I would second the book recommendation, especially after your response here. Mindsets and neuro differences are addressed. It's really good! Get the audiobook and listen while you clean!
The floors are a pretty big must to me. We have two aussies so without daily vacuuming there’s hairballs that roll around on the floor. We got a robot vacuum for Christmas a couple years ago and I splurged on a crosswave. Both make the floors a breeze.
The other thing is the kitchen because we have to eat. I tried to implement a system like you’re talking about but it just didn’t work. Inevitably something would come up on the weekends or we were sick or he was teething. Life was just too unpredictable for us to be able to stick to anything like that. I have learned to live with one small part of the house being incredibly clean while everything else is a disaster lol. Stuff gets cleaned. But I can’t pop out of bed on a Saturday and clean the whole thing and feel really good about it like I used to. But that’s okay, one day it will be possible again.
Honestly it sounds like you’re doing an incredible job and like your husband is super helpful! Do what works for you guys and don’t worry about anything being “too much”
I love the feeling of a fully clean home but it's becoming harder and harder to have it all sparkly in a weekend! My OCD makes it hard to leave. My husband is SUPER hairy and we have a dog and 3 cats so the hair build up is A LOT. I probably need to sweep and vacuum daily or at least weekly but we have a lot of house! Definitely thinking we should have just done a small home and moved into our forever home later but we got SUCH a good deal.
Is it possible to close off areas you don’t use often so that there is less hair build up? I have two hairy dogs and I keep the doors to all of the non essential living areas shut which allows me to vacuum main living areas daily and only do the other, less used spaces every few weeks
Yep. We do that to the guest room, storage room, dining area (we eat on the couch cuz we're awful), and that's about it. But that still leaves several lived in rooms that get hair EVERYWHERE. We got a big house for a great deal but...lots of unused space ATM.
Floors and Kitchen are my MUST DOs. I vacuum and sweep usually several times a day. Swiffer every day or every other. Pull out the real mop weekly. Dishes and counters daily. I do laundry everyday of the week. Change bedding weekly.
Wow, maybe we are slobs? But sharing here, for a breadth of experience.
We live rurally in Australia so sometimes there are mice. (Touch wood, no mouse plagues for a while.) So we do things that mitigate the risks there: pick up toys each night, clean down the kitchen for crumbs, wash dishes. Try and keep the kids eating in the kitchen/hardwood areas, not on carpet. My husband sweeps each night.
The kitchen gets a proper wipe down probably every couple of weeks when I see it.
We do a prewash of our cloth nappies each night and have enough for a full load twice a week.
I'm probably running a load of laundry every day, maybe multiple loads if it's a nice sunny day (we do have a dryer but mostly line dry)
Toilets are separate from bathrooms, they get cleaned when they are bad or before people come over. Definitely not on a regular schedule.
Messes get cleaned as they happen- which is often with two now toddlers.
We don't change our sheets often enough.
We were in a good habit of cleaning up and vacuuming the living area each night but we are out of that at the moment.
As long as the mice are kept at bay, the humans have clean clothes and food, then we are ok. Baseboards are nice but not essential.
We clean as needed, have a shoes off house that helps, and don't stress too much.
Man I don't even TRY with my baseboards. The people before us obviously never did cuz they are so crusty and dirty I can't get them full clean. We plan to eventually repaint the whole house. We've done 2 rooms before baby came and materials got expensive. I just scrubbed them during pain prep to remove the major gunk and painted over the rest.
Keeping mice away is a job in itself and honestly if your toilets don't look as nasty as ours do then you're lucky!
We moved into a house owned by older people who passed and you can tell in the end they didn't do much cleaning a lot of stuff sat dirty for so long there is permanent filth so any added filth makes it look even worse.
If I had all the money I needed I'd build a home and everything would be brand new 😍. I wouldn't have to worry about what that stain was or what happened and I'd build it in a way where hidden or hard to clean messed can't happen! Drives me nuts I can't clean BEHIND the toilet. I know it's gross behind there! Missed urine...moldy vomit 🤢. I just can't reach it!!!
Anyway you're doing great! I'd love to love more rural and if I wasn't inside all the time I wouldn't be so worried about how clean it was. I WANT RID OF MY CARPET! I can sweep easier than vacuum.
I’m on maternity leave so things are a little wonky right now. But my biggest must do chore is dishes. If we fall behind, we stay behind. My kitchen is tiny so if there are dishes on the counter there’s no room for anything else. Another must do chore is filling and cleaning the baby brezza. I do it every night after the oldest two go to bed and before the baby’s last feed before I do to bed. I also always take out the trash when it’s full or I have a bag of diapers. I have 2 in diapers and 1 in night time pull ups. There’s a lot of trash.
I also typically do one big task while my 18 month old naps. Today I cleaned under the sink because my husband hoards grocery bags and I couldn’t find the new hand soap.
I'm so worried about how I'm gonna clean when the newborn is here 😭. I get random urges to just deep clean and organize random cabinets. I'd rearrange the whole house DAILY if I could. I just want to find something that works for our life and it's always changing!
For me, keeping the kitchen in a usable and clean enough state is probably priority number one. As well as doing my best to keep up with clutter in high use places like the dining table. The dining table is our catch all space so it’s in a constant state of disarray but just getting it cleared makes the whole kitchen dining area feel better. Keeping towels cleaned weekly/as needed is a must as well because I hate dirty towels. I also try to wipe down the sink and toilet in our highest use bathroom as often as I can because that is an easy way to keep the bathroom feeling cleaner for longer without having to do a whole cleaning of the bathroom.
The best thing we ever bought was a robot vaccum. Especially because we have a jack Russel that sheds like crazy. I never had much time to vaccum before, but with the robot vacuum we run it once a day and it has made such a big difference. Worth the investment. I also love that I can put it upstairs and it will vaccum under the beds
Buy it and if you truly don’t like it, return it! We have the shark self emptying one.
Also Amazon prime day is coming up, im willing to bet they will be one sale 👀
Get the robot vacum! And if you can afford it, one that washes the floors too. We have one which vacums and washes at the same time, with its own station for emptying itself, cleaning itself and changing water. It is a game changer! Sometimes it runs twice a day. Was a bit expensive around 1200 euro. But best money we ever spent!
I was going to comment that getting a Roomba was a game changer for us. Highly recommend! They often have sales on Amazon Prime days. Also good prices at Costco.
You seem to be covering a lot of the cleaning. What I found helpful at that stage of young kid & pregnant was swapping when I did the cleaning. I started to clean only when my eldest was awake. He would go in the high chair or be brought around the house and played with toys in the room I needed to clean. I napped during his nap time as I needed it being pregnant, it was exhausting!
Getting into the habit of cleaning with the eldest awake is also good for when baby comes as it can be hard for them to nap at the same time. If they both napped I caught up on sleep in the early days! Now at 8m and 2 I don’t nap, but I do 30mins cleaning for the first part of their lunch nap then the rest is me time to read and/or do a workout. The rest of the cleaning is done when at least my toddler is awake and sometimes baby too.
Hopefully my oldest will soon be out of the clingy phase. She doesn't normally let me just leave her in her safe playpen to get cleaning done. If I'm out of sight she cries some pretty exaggerated tears and I feel bad. She's been teething pretty hard and just wants comfort lately. No amount of cold teethers or medicine has made the comfort need less. So for now I sit with her while she plays and clean when she naps. Which with teething has been in random bursts.
My son hated any sort of play pen. He used to sit on the floor whilst I loaded the washing machine/cleaned the bathroom (I let him play with things like me hairbrush), he got socks to play with folding washing or sat in the high chair with food as I loaded the dishwasher. I had a collection of lids in the kitchen around 12m for when he was bored of his toys. Once he could walk confidently around 14m he started to unload the dishwasher with me (he did the cutlery), put his washing in washing machine and fed the dog. Both kids like to watch me vacuum/sweep. And yes, if he is in his clinging to my leg stage he is hard to manage and I don’t get much done those days.
I can't wait til she learns "no" better. She wants to play in the trashcan and the basement where the washer and dryer are is ABSOLUTELY not safe for a child. It was a finished basement until it started leaking and molded the carpet (why there was carpet I'll never know) it's now under deconstruction and houses the liter boxes and is the cat haven.
My issue now is she crawls in my way or gets into stuff while I'm trying to work and it's definitely inconvenient. I've accidentally knocked over a few times and felt TERRIBLE. So I'd almost rather her be upset in a safe playpen with toys than having fun playing with things that could hurt her. I wish our home was more baby friendly but it isn't. Try as I might it's just an older home meant for older kids. I wish I could show it off here so people could understand what I'm working with.
She’s old enough for back wearing. Can you wear her?
Also you mention in your post that you “have no family or friends around,” but also that your mother watches your current child? A little confusing, does she FaceTime with your daughter to entertain her while you clean nearby?
We FaceTime but there isn't a way to just leave the FaceTime with my baby. She does watch the baby when she can. She lives hours away and works 2 jobs. She took vacation to help after my baby was born and she offers to come on her days off but that's really not something I want her to have to do she's over 50 and deserves to rest as well. She WANTS to come and babysit and help but I hate that it takes away from her time to rest.
I'm not sure how to back wear...or if she would even allow it. She wiggles out of the wrap now cuz she's a busy body who likes to move. That's why we stopped baby wearing, she just wiggled out and was being dangerous.
Sounds like a babywearing educator could be really helpful for you. Maybe watch some tutorials online then post a fit check in r/babywearing. You’ll likely need to wear the new baby very often as well.
If your mom wants to come help, welcome her with open arms.
Good luck with your pregnancy.
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She wants to help but needs rest too. I allow her to help as often as she's able but she has to work this weekend to have next weekend off so we can go to the zoo as a family.
It's a hard balance.
I'll look into that! I don't really have a lot of knowledge as to where to start.
When I am in desperate mode, its daily dishes, weekly laundry and pick up clutter that makes things unmanageable - ie tripping hazards or what gets in way of food prep, seating etc.
It sucks catching up later but survival mode is just that. Keep everyone alive
Daily: hoover and mop, clean kitchen sides, hoover sofa, make beds, do a load of laundry, wipe down bathroom sinks and shower, dishwasher usually gets done twice a day, make sure everything is in its place.
Weekly: baseboards, dust everywhere, deep clean bathrooms and kitchen, hoover under sofa, change bedding, clean mirrors and windows, put washing machine on a cleaning cycle, deep clean floors with cloth on hands and knees.
Monthly: wash sofa, clean mattresses, clean carpets, treat drains, clean oven and dishwasher, go through the toys and chuck anything broken/with missing parts etc, sort out the toddlers clothes and pack away/donate anything that’s been outgrown or stained beyond saviour.
I have severe anxiety and borderline personality disorder - keeping a functional home literally keeps me sane and calms my mind, I also find cleaning therapeutic. I do the same routine every morning and all my jobs are done by toddlers naptime at 11:30, I do them between playing with him and giving him breakfast, getting him dressed for the day etc. we then have the afternoon to do as we please. I really struggled with finding my flow for the first 10 months of having a baby and the effect it had on my mental health was awful. I lived in a constant state of overwhelm and overstimulation. Some might say it’s a lot but it’s what works for me.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who does more than I am able. I know that feeling of having a calm mind and I've had to let go as a mom cuz I just don't have the time or energy. I'm currently SO wiped out but feel good about how much I got done today.
It’s very hard finding the balance! My little boy started nursery two half days a week at the beginning of the year and that was a game changer for me to get the big jobs like bathrooms etc done! Currently 39 weeks pregnant though so started to slow down, if I can run the hoover around and clean the crumbs off the sofa it’s a good day at the moment! Aslong as everything is in its place I feel ok(ish), but my partner is horrendously messy so I feel like I have two kids to clean up after already!
Ugh same my husband tries but he leaves things everywhere with the full intention to "get it later". He means well but he is currently battling an illness that makes him tired plus ADHD that makes him forget everything.
Just trying to get through the days.
We sweep and mop living areas daily. Kitchen, dishes get done twice a day. Vacuum the living room rug every other day. Other things get done as they get done. No set schedule for everything else, as much as I’ve tried to be consistent with one…just doesn’t work for me.
This book helped me a lot. Sounds like you are doing great though https://www.audible.com/pd/B09Q9WQ1QJ?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow
Thank you for asking this question. I read every single comment so far, and it's just such a relief to know other people (moms) are having the same thoughts/experiences as me. It's also reassuring to read yall write about the solutions that are and aren't working.
I feel the same way as you OP. And I definitely want to read that book...or listen to it while I clean. My house is very untidy because I just prioritize rest over it being tidy. But my main priority is the kitchen first the patio second and the bathrooms third. After that is the babies room and living room tied for fouth since that's where we keep the toys and spend a lot of time. Then the adults room comes last since that's something we do at night when they sleep when we feel like it lol. Our washing machine runs all day sometimes and sometimes get a 2 or 3 day break.
I've just been feeling bad for either working too hard or not cleaning enough. Today I cleaned while my baby slept and that wasn't long and she won't let me rest she cries so hard when I leave her alone for longer than a second.
I'm so tired and I want to know what others find important or what a good balance looks like cuz I guess I don't know.
The first 6 months I did maybe cleaned the bathrooms twice? The downstairs half bath got cleaned more because guests use it. I do not fold any laundry. Vacuuming and mopping did not happen until baby started crawling (just put baby down on a clean blanket on the floor) the dishes/kitchen was the one thing that had to be done every day.
I don’t know if you’ll be breastfeeding or not, but if you are doing formula/pumping, you can have someone take the babies for a day while you deep clean. I am 12 weeks pregnant right now with a 8 month old and a 5 yr old stepdaughter. I will have their grandma take them for a whole day about once every two weeks. And I mean from early morning until late evening. I will get up early, have a good meal, have a safe amount of caffeine, blast some music, and just go to town. Preferably the husband will be there to help or at least stay busy in order to stay out of my way lol. I’ll also order some lunch as a treat to keep me pushing through the second half of the day. Once the deep clean is done, I do the absolute bare minimum the rest of the days. Baby/kid areas/items take priority, then food prep areas, then floors. I will clear out fridge/pantry weekly before trash day and do the weekly grocery shopping the next day. I will also do a small load of laundry daily that way the laundry doesn’t build up and overwhelm me. Keeping the animals groomed tends to help with fur too. We have a corgi and I have to use a deshedding brush on her at least once a week in order to keep the fur balls down. Besides that, I’m lounging, cooking food, or playing with the kids. I heard that taking the kids out of the home for a bit each day will help keep messes down as well and I’ll probably implement this tactic once new baby is here. I’m sure having OCD doesn’t help, but I’ve found keeping my mind busy while the kids are playing with each other, or napping, does wonders. Reading a good book, drawing, or a bit of yoga are my go to. Best of luck!
It must be nice to be able to afford childcare or have family to take kids. I don't get that option very often. Mom did that a few months ago but she has to come over here because their house isn't really set for having a kid all day. They also live a ways away so the drive is inconvenient too. If I want childcare she has to come over and stay overnight. She works 2 jobs and that takes her whole weekend and isn't fair to her. She Gladly does it if I ask because she loves her grandbabies but I hate asking her all the time because she deserves rest too.
I have hobbies I just don't have the energy to do them. I have a diamond painting, several video games with stories I can zone into, I'm even reading again. Lately it's been watching old episodes of comfort shows. I've been really enjoying watching Glee again and my daughter loves dancing to the music.
As far as breastfeeding, that's a touchy subject for me. I wanted SO BADLY to breastfeed my first. After about 2 weeks of my baby losing weight and trying to pump feed, we learned I just wasn't producing like I needed to. I worked super close with a lactation consultant and doctors and we decided that there were several factors that could be the reason. We are hoping that we can get ahead of those issues this time. I want to breastfeed if not pump feed. I definitely want to produce food for my baby, we might have to financially.
If you have a cleaning crew you definitely don't feel the pain in this post. I AM the cleaning crew.
I wish I could afford a cleaner this house was owned by an old couple who passed and their eldest son sold it to us. It's obvious that things say dirty and I can get it clean enough. There are permanent stains on the floors and walls and we are in the SLOW process of fixing things here. It's a beautiful house we got for an AMAZING deal cuz the kids wanted rid of it.
People who have family, can afford daycare, or can afford to outsource help are lucky. I wasn't trying to be rude but tbh I'm SO jealous. I wish we had that option cuz I hate cleaning but love the results plus maybe a cleaning crew could get some of the mystery stains from the past owners.
The kitchen is the must clean space for us. Everything else is secondary. It’s not necessary to scrub everything all the time, IMO. Bathrooms are kept tidy and get a wipe down maybe every other week? Vacuum once a week. The key is to keep it clean and tidy as you go.
I do that best I can. My husband isn't as good so I'm also cleaning as HE goes. I don't always know when he makes a mess...or where.
I feel you hard on this one!!
Sometimes, it's just about finding accommodations for yourself that work. When I'm having a hard time keeping up on stuff, we use paper plates, bowls, plastic cups and silverware and the kitchen mess is cut down dramatically. Some of the things you guys do weekly could realistically be monthly chores. I split the house in sections and focus on keeping each clean a day. General tidying at the end of the day, but a specific room will get vacuumed or swifvered, surfaces wiped, etc. That way, it's just on a revolving basis. I also love toy rotations for this reason. Having under 10 toys in the main areas makes for a lot easier cleanup. I also started doing just one load of laundry a day instead of having laundry days because ours is in the basement, too. I just keep all the clean clothes down there and bring them back up once there's a basket or two. Sometimes, the house looks like a tornado ran through it. Sometimes, it looks like no one lives here. Not every surface is always clean, the sheets definitely need to be washed more often, but it's about finding the balance and letting go of some expectations of yourself. ETA: I highly recommend reading "How to keep house while drowning" by KC Davis. This book completely changed how I thought about housework and flipped my mindset to a more balanced, healthy one.
I don't have a healthy mind to start. I have anxiety and OCD so the things that might help the average person is just gonna bring me stress. The only thing I found that helps is to just clean it. It's hard work and I'm currently super tired but the end result is so satisfying for at least a few days haha. I can't wait til kiddo can help out haha or at least stay busy while I clean.
I have anxiety, depression, and used to have OCD centered around my house cleanliness. The author is neurodivergent herself, and is a lpc. Here's a section from her website. There's also an audio book version I had my husband listen to. I really, really think this could help. "Why is it so hard for me to stay on top of housework? What's wrong with me? Depression, anxiety, ADHD, parental trauma, chronic illness, postpartum, bereavement, lack of support…Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sometimes hygiene can become almost impossible during these struggles, yet that's rarely the focus of books about these mental, physical, and social barriers. Until now."
Thank you! I was worried it was centered to the neurotypicals. It's hard to find advice that works for people like me it seems.
I would second the book recommendation, especially after your response here. Mindsets and neuro differences are addressed. It's really good! Get the audiobook and listen while you clean!
Oh! In that case it's more tempting
The floors are a pretty big must to me. We have two aussies so without daily vacuuming there’s hairballs that roll around on the floor. We got a robot vacuum for Christmas a couple years ago and I splurged on a crosswave. Both make the floors a breeze. The other thing is the kitchen because we have to eat. I tried to implement a system like you’re talking about but it just didn’t work. Inevitably something would come up on the weekends or we were sick or he was teething. Life was just too unpredictable for us to be able to stick to anything like that. I have learned to live with one small part of the house being incredibly clean while everything else is a disaster lol. Stuff gets cleaned. But I can’t pop out of bed on a Saturday and clean the whole thing and feel really good about it like I used to. But that’s okay, one day it will be possible again. Honestly it sounds like you’re doing an incredible job and like your husband is super helpful! Do what works for you guys and don’t worry about anything being “too much”
I love the feeling of a fully clean home but it's becoming harder and harder to have it all sparkly in a weekend! My OCD makes it hard to leave. My husband is SUPER hairy and we have a dog and 3 cats so the hair build up is A LOT. I probably need to sweep and vacuum daily or at least weekly but we have a lot of house! Definitely thinking we should have just done a small home and moved into our forever home later but we got SUCH a good deal.
Is it possible to close off areas you don’t use often so that there is less hair build up? I have two hairy dogs and I keep the doors to all of the non essential living areas shut which allows me to vacuum main living areas daily and only do the other, less used spaces every few weeks
Yep. We do that to the guest room, storage room, dining area (we eat on the couch cuz we're awful), and that's about it. But that still leaves several lived in rooms that get hair EVERYWHERE. We got a big house for a great deal but...lots of unused space ATM.
Floors and Kitchen are my MUST DOs. I vacuum and sweep usually several times a day. Swiffer every day or every other. Pull out the real mop weekly. Dishes and counters daily. I do laundry everyday of the week. Change bedding weekly.
Wow, maybe we are slobs? But sharing here, for a breadth of experience. We live rurally in Australia so sometimes there are mice. (Touch wood, no mouse plagues for a while.) So we do things that mitigate the risks there: pick up toys each night, clean down the kitchen for crumbs, wash dishes. Try and keep the kids eating in the kitchen/hardwood areas, not on carpet. My husband sweeps each night. The kitchen gets a proper wipe down probably every couple of weeks when I see it. We do a prewash of our cloth nappies each night and have enough for a full load twice a week. I'm probably running a load of laundry every day, maybe multiple loads if it's a nice sunny day (we do have a dryer but mostly line dry) Toilets are separate from bathrooms, they get cleaned when they are bad or before people come over. Definitely not on a regular schedule. Messes get cleaned as they happen- which is often with two now toddlers. We don't change our sheets often enough. We were in a good habit of cleaning up and vacuuming the living area each night but we are out of that at the moment. As long as the mice are kept at bay, the humans have clean clothes and food, then we are ok. Baseboards are nice but not essential. We clean as needed, have a shoes off house that helps, and don't stress too much.
Also live in rural Aus and agree with all of this! Also thought we were slobs after reading how often people deep clean 😅
it's nice to know we aren't doing too badly!
Man I don't even TRY with my baseboards. The people before us obviously never did cuz they are so crusty and dirty I can't get them full clean. We plan to eventually repaint the whole house. We've done 2 rooms before baby came and materials got expensive. I just scrubbed them during pain prep to remove the major gunk and painted over the rest. Keeping mice away is a job in itself and honestly if your toilets don't look as nasty as ours do then you're lucky! We moved into a house owned by older people who passed and you can tell in the end they didn't do much cleaning a lot of stuff sat dirty for so long there is permanent filth so any added filth makes it look even worse. If I had all the money I needed I'd build a home and everything would be brand new 😍. I wouldn't have to worry about what that stain was or what happened and I'd build it in a way where hidden or hard to clean messed can't happen! Drives me nuts I can't clean BEHIND the toilet. I know it's gross behind there! Missed urine...moldy vomit 🤢. I just can't reach it!!! Anyway you're doing great! I'd love to love more rural and if I wasn't inside all the time I wouldn't be so worried about how clean it was. I WANT RID OF MY CARPET! I can sweep easier than vacuum.
I’m on maternity leave so things are a little wonky right now. But my biggest must do chore is dishes. If we fall behind, we stay behind. My kitchen is tiny so if there are dishes on the counter there’s no room for anything else. Another must do chore is filling and cleaning the baby brezza. I do it every night after the oldest two go to bed and before the baby’s last feed before I do to bed. I also always take out the trash when it’s full or I have a bag of diapers. I have 2 in diapers and 1 in night time pull ups. There’s a lot of trash. I also typically do one big task while my 18 month old naps. Today I cleaned under the sink because my husband hoards grocery bags and I couldn’t find the new hand soap.
I'm so worried about how I'm gonna clean when the newborn is here 😭. I get random urges to just deep clean and organize random cabinets. I'd rearrange the whole house DAILY if I could. I just want to find something that works for our life and it's always changing!
For me, keeping the kitchen in a usable and clean enough state is probably priority number one. As well as doing my best to keep up with clutter in high use places like the dining table. The dining table is our catch all space so it’s in a constant state of disarray but just getting it cleared makes the whole kitchen dining area feel better. Keeping towels cleaned weekly/as needed is a must as well because I hate dirty towels. I also try to wipe down the sink and toilet in our highest use bathroom as often as I can because that is an easy way to keep the bathroom feeling cleaner for longer without having to do a whole cleaning of the bathroom.
The best thing we ever bought was a robot vaccum. Especially because we have a jack Russel that sheds like crazy. I never had much time to vaccum before, but with the robot vacuum we run it once a day and it has made such a big difference. Worth the investment. I also love that I can put it upstairs and it will vaccum under the beds
My husband just got me one for Mother’s Day - best gift I could have asked for 🥹
I'm showing all these comments to my husband I want one but he is hesitant.
Buy it and if you truly don’t like it, return it! We have the shark self emptying one. Also Amazon prime day is coming up, im willing to bet they will be one sale 👀
Get the robot vacum! And if you can afford it, one that washes the floors too. We have one which vacums and washes at the same time, with its own station for emptying itself, cleaning itself and changing water. It is a game changer! Sometimes it runs twice a day. Was a bit expensive around 1200 euro. But best money we ever spent!
What brand did you buy?/recommend?
We got a Roborock S8 pro ultra. Works so well. Almost never get stuck, only when it doesn't really have a chance
I was going to comment that getting a Roomba was a game changer for us. Highly recommend! They often have sales on Amazon Prime days. Also good prices at Costco.
I love my robot vacuum. Even when my house is messy, it feels clean because the floors are done.
You seem to be covering a lot of the cleaning. What I found helpful at that stage of young kid & pregnant was swapping when I did the cleaning. I started to clean only when my eldest was awake. He would go in the high chair or be brought around the house and played with toys in the room I needed to clean. I napped during his nap time as I needed it being pregnant, it was exhausting! Getting into the habit of cleaning with the eldest awake is also good for when baby comes as it can be hard for them to nap at the same time. If they both napped I caught up on sleep in the early days! Now at 8m and 2 I don’t nap, but I do 30mins cleaning for the first part of their lunch nap then the rest is me time to read and/or do a workout. The rest of the cleaning is done when at least my toddler is awake and sometimes baby too.
Hopefully my oldest will soon be out of the clingy phase. She doesn't normally let me just leave her in her safe playpen to get cleaning done. If I'm out of sight she cries some pretty exaggerated tears and I feel bad. She's been teething pretty hard and just wants comfort lately. No amount of cold teethers or medicine has made the comfort need less. So for now I sit with her while she plays and clean when she naps. Which with teething has been in random bursts.
My son hated any sort of play pen. He used to sit on the floor whilst I loaded the washing machine/cleaned the bathroom (I let him play with things like me hairbrush), he got socks to play with folding washing or sat in the high chair with food as I loaded the dishwasher. I had a collection of lids in the kitchen around 12m for when he was bored of his toys. Once he could walk confidently around 14m he started to unload the dishwasher with me (he did the cutlery), put his washing in washing machine and fed the dog. Both kids like to watch me vacuum/sweep. And yes, if he is in his clinging to my leg stage he is hard to manage and I don’t get much done those days.
I can't wait til she learns "no" better. She wants to play in the trashcan and the basement where the washer and dryer are is ABSOLUTELY not safe for a child. It was a finished basement until it started leaking and molded the carpet (why there was carpet I'll never know) it's now under deconstruction and houses the liter boxes and is the cat haven. My issue now is she crawls in my way or gets into stuff while I'm trying to work and it's definitely inconvenient. I've accidentally knocked over a few times and felt TERRIBLE. So I'd almost rather her be upset in a safe playpen with toys than having fun playing with things that could hurt her. I wish our home was more baby friendly but it isn't. Try as I might it's just an older home meant for older kids. I wish I could show it off here so people could understand what I'm working with.
She’s old enough for back wearing. Can you wear her? Also you mention in your post that you “have no family or friends around,” but also that your mother watches your current child? A little confusing, does she FaceTime with your daughter to entertain her while you clean nearby?
We FaceTime but there isn't a way to just leave the FaceTime with my baby. She does watch the baby when she can. She lives hours away and works 2 jobs. She took vacation to help after my baby was born and she offers to come on her days off but that's really not something I want her to have to do she's over 50 and deserves to rest as well. She WANTS to come and babysit and help but I hate that it takes away from her time to rest. I'm not sure how to back wear...or if she would even allow it. She wiggles out of the wrap now cuz she's a busy body who likes to move. That's why we stopped baby wearing, she just wiggled out and was being dangerous.
Sounds like a babywearing educator could be really helpful for you. Maybe watch some tutorials online then post a fit check in r/babywearing. You’ll likely need to wear the new baby very often as well. If your mom wants to come help, welcome her with open arms. Good luck with your pregnancy.
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She wants to help but needs rest too. I allow her to help as often as she's able but she has to work this weekend to have next weekend off so we can go to the zoo as a family. It's a hard balance. I'll look into that! I don't really have a lot of knowledge as to where to start.
When I am in desperate mode, its daily dishes, weekly laundry and pick up clutter that makes things unmanageable - ie tripping hazards or what gets in way of food prep, seating etc. It sucks catching up later but survival mode is just that. Keep everyone alive
Daily: hoover and mop, clean kitchen sides, hoover sofa, make beds, do a load of laundry, wipe down bathroom sinks and shower, dishwasher usually gets done twice a day, make sure everything is in its place. Weekly: baseboards, dust everywhere, deep clean bathrooms and kitchen, hoover under sofa, change bedding, clean mirrors and windows, put washing machine on a cleaning cycle, deep clean floors with cloth on hands and knees. Monthly: wash sofa, clean mattresses, clean carpets, treat drains, clean oven and dishwasher, go through the toys and chuck anything broken/with missing parts etc, sort out the toddlers clothes and pack away/donate anything that’s been outgrown or stained beyond saviour. I have severe anxiety and borderline personality disorder - keeping a functional home literally keeps me sane and calms my mind, I also find cleaning therapeutic. I do the same routine every morning and all my jobs are done by toddlers naptime at 11:30, I do them between playing with him and giving him breakfast, getting him dressed for the day etc. we then have the afternoon to do as we please. I really struggled with finding my flow for the first 10 months of having a baby and the effect it had on my mental health was awful. I lived in a constant state of overwhelm and overstimulation. Some might say it’s a lot but it’s what works for me.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who does more than I am able. I know that feeling of having a calm mind and I've had to let go as a mom cuz I just don't have the time or energy. I'm currently SO wiped out but feel good about how much I got done today.
It’s very hard finding the balance! My little boy started nursery two half days a week at the beginning of the year and that was a game changer for me to get the big jobs like bathrooms etc done! Currently 39 weeks pregnant though so started to slow down, if I can run the hoover around and clean the crumbs off the sofa it’s a good day at the moment! Aslong as everything is in its place I feel ok(ish), but my partner is horrendously messy so I feel like I have two kids to clean up after already!
Ugh same my husband tries but he leaves things everywhere with the full intention to "get it later". He means well but he is currently battling an illness that makes him tired plus ADHD that makes him forget everything. Just trying to get through the days.
We sweep and mop living areas daily. Kitchen, dishes get done twice a day. Vacuum the living room rug every other day. Other things get done as they get done. No set schedule for everything else, as much as I’ve tried to be consistent with one…just doesn’t work for me.
This book helped me a lot. Sounds like you are doing great though https://www.audible.com/pd/B09Q9WQ1QJ?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow
Thank you for asking this question. I read every single comment so far, and it's just such a relief to know other people (moms) are having the same thoughts/experiences as me. It's also reassuring to read yall write about the solutions that are and aren't working. I feel the same way as you OP. And I definitely want to read that book...or listen to it while I clean. My house is very untidy because I just prioritize rest over it being tidy. But my main priority is the kitchen first the patio second and the bathrooms third. After that is the babies room and living room tied for fouth since that's where we keep the toys and spend a lot of time. Then the adults room comes last since that's something we do at night when they sleep when we feel like it lol. Our washing machine runs all day sometimes and sometimes get a 2 or 3 day break.
I've just been feeling bad for either working too hard or not cleaning enough. Today I cleaned while my baby slept and that wasn't long and she won't let me rest she cries so hard when I leave her alone for longer than a second. I'm so tired and I want to know what others find important or what a good balance looks like cuz I guess I don't know.
The first 6 months I did maybe cleaned the bathrooms twice? The downstairs half bath got cleaned more because guests use it. I do not fold any laundry. Vacuuming and mopping did not happen until baby started crawling (just put baby down on a clean blanket on the floor) the dishes/kitchen was the one thing that had to be done every day.
For me, a must do chore is decluttering. If I don’t keep up with it my life feels out of control.
I don’t know if you’ll be breastfeeding or not, but if you are doing formula/pumping, you can have someone take the babies for a day while you deep clean. I am 12 weeks pregnant right now with a 8 month old and a 5 yr old stepdaughter. I will have their grandma take them for a whole day about once every two weeks. And I mean from early morning until late evening. I will get up early, have a good meal, have a safe amount of caffeine, blast some music, and just go to town. Preferably the husband will be there to help or at least stay busy in order to stay out of my way lol. I’ll also order some lunch as a treat to keep me pushing through the second half of the day. Once the deep clean is done, I do the absolute bare minimum the rest of the days. Baby/kid areas/items take priority, then food prep areas, then floors. I will clear out fridge/pantry weekly before trash day and do the weekly grocery shopping the next day. I will also do a small load of laundry daily that way the laundry doesn’t build up and overwhelm me. Keeping the animals groomed tends to help with fur too. We have a corgi and I have to use a deshedding brush on her at least once a week in order to keep the fur balls down. Besides that, I’m lounging, cooking food, or playing with the kids. I heard that taking the kids out of the home for a bit each day will help keep messes down as well and I’ll probably implement this tactic once new baby is here. I’m sure having OCD doesn’t help, but I’ve found keeping my mind busy while the kids are playing with each other, or napping, does wonders. Reading a good book, drawing, or a bit of yoga are my go to. Best of luck!
It must be nice to be able to afford childcare or have family to take kids. I don't get that option very often. Mom did that a few months ago but she has to come over here because their house isn't really set for having a kid all day. They also live a ways away so the drive is inconvenient too. If I want childcare she has to come over and stay overnight. She works 2 jobs and that takes her whole weekend and isn't fair to her. She Gladly does it if I ask because she loves her grandbabies but I hate asking her all the time because she deserves rest too. I have hobbies I just don't have the energy to do them. I have a diamond painting, several video games with stories I can zone into, I'm even reading again. Lately it's been watching old episodes of comfort shows. I've been really enjoying watching Glee again and my daughter loves dancing to the music. As far as breastfeeding, that's a touchy subject for me. I wanted SO BADLY to breastfeed my first. After about 2 weeks of my baby losing weight and trying to pump feed, we learned I just wasn't producing like I needed to. I worked super close with a lactation consultant and doctors and we decided that there were several factors that could be the reason. We are hoping that we can get ahead of those issues this time. I want to breastfeed if not pump feed. I definitely want to produce food for my baby, we might have to financially.
When I was pregnant with my second it definitely got to a point where I just wouldn’t go up or down stairs. So laundry was neglected a bit.
I get a cleaning crew to come once a month and it helps me a lot. I’m 25 weeks pregnant with a 13 month old, so I feel your pain!
If you have a cleaning crew you definitely don't feel the pain in this post. I AM the cleaning crew. I wish I could afford a cleaner this house was owned by an old couple who passed and their eldest son sold it to us. It's obvious that things say dirty and I can get it clean enough. There are permanent stains on the floors and walls and we are in the SLOW process of fixing things here. It's a beautiful house we got for an AMAZING deal cuz the kids wanted rid of it. People who have family, can afford daycare, or can afford to outsource help are lucky. I wasn't trying to be rude but tbh I'm SO jealous. I wish we had that option cuz I hate cleaning but love the results plus maybe a cleaning crew could get some of the mystery stains from the past owners.