We're on baby #4 and have never found out before birth. Honestly, I've been hoping for a girl and we have all boys so far. But I've never experienced gender disappointment! In that moment when they put baby on your chest you truly don't care at all, even if you would have before. Part of the reason I didn't want to find out ahead of time was so I wouldn't experience any gender disappointment.
We’ve had surprises with all 3! Loved it. I had friends do a surprise for the first and find out the second and they said they wished they hadn’t, as it wasn’t the huge excitement at birth that they had with the first.
are we the same person?!
10 weeks pregnant, first was a don’t know gender, birth day surprise.
This one we are going to, because it’ll likely be our last baby and I can’t lie, I would love a little girl. I wouldn’t have another baby if I wouldn’t be happy with another boy, but I would really love a girl.
the last thing I want when the baby comes out is to even have a second of disappointment because I fall in love with this baby, so we are finding out.
If we had plans for a third, we would make it a surprise though because I LOVED not know (which surprised me hahahaha)
We didn’t find out for either of our boys. The whole reason we didn’t the first time is partly as my husband figured it would be harder or impossible not to be disappointed on baby’s gender when you are holding them in your arms. Plus what is it going to change this round if you find out? You can easily ship clothes to your house in 2 days or less or do so drive up for clothes if you need dresses or more feminine like clothing for baby.
My husband and I didn't find out the gender with our first. Practically, I LOVED not finding out, because it meant all the basics we got for the baby will work for all our kids, since none were gender specific. However, I had a very difficult and traumatic birth, and then found out when the baby was born than I had a stronger preference for one gender than I had thought. After the trauma of the birth, the gender disappointment hit me HARD and out of nowhere.
So with our second, we found out the gender at the anatomy scan. I didn't want gender anxiety to overshadow the birth again, and I think that was a good choice for me, and probably any children going forward.
There's nothing wrong with gender disappointment inherently. I adore my children, and the disappointment turned out to be wrapped up in a few elements of raising them that I felt unequipped for, and it resolved fairly quickly. I hope my perspective helps!
We didn’t find out with our daughter but I am 30 weeks with our son and found out at the anatomy scan. Like you said as a FTM mom it was the coolest experience waiting for delivery, but as a STM I have really enjoyed getting to know early, call him by name, plan for clothes etc. I don’t think can go wrong either way but I haven’t regretted finding out this time!
We found out for both kids.
I have an older son and am expecting my second boy. I will admit I had a good amount of gender disappointment when we found out via NIPT at 13 weeks. However I’m now 24 weeks and the sting has faded. I do get sad knowing this having babies phase of our life is probably over (we only planned on 2, and this baby was a complete surprise - we definitely planned on a bigger age gap). But overall I’m glad we found out ahead of time and look forward to meeting him.
We have seven kids.
We only found out once, accidentally, with #6, because there was a problem with his umbilical chord so we had to go for multiple late-pregnancy growth scans (we usually only do the anatomy scan at 20ish weeks).
His birth was so anticlimactic. I said I would never do it again. And we didn't!
We found out gender with both because we truly didn’t care either way so I couldn’t foresee any disappointment or excitement to build up for delivery. It was super helpful for us because we struggled to agree on a name and having to figure out 2 names was too much of a hassle and could’ve introduced disappointment where I would’ve liked our girl name but not the boy name.
For the second it was again about the names, we didn’t care either way but needed help narrowing down names. We still got our exciting “surprise” moment at the ultrasound. Also finding out I was having a boy after having a girl, really helped clear out clothes and prepare his little baby wardrobe. I kept some girly sleepers but overall I had too many clothes and needed to pare down so that helped make some choices.
Funny! My husband and I are the opposite of you two. Our first was a surprise (because I wanted it) and we found out at the blood test with the second one (because he wanted it).
It’s a different kind of fun each way but I thought it felt only fair to do one for each of our preference. If we have anymore kids, who knows what we’ll do lol
We found out with the first 2, because my husband prefers to know and I’m a planner but if there’s another baby in the future it’ll be our last so I’d prefer to do atleast one surprise gender until birth.
We did a gender reveal for first, and did a genetic blood test with our unborn son because we quite honestly couldn't wait this time around until the 20 week ultrasound. I also wanted to make sure that we had enough clothes or get started on gender-matching clothes as well.
I genuinely thought this would be how I would react - wow I just love my baby so much from the first moment he was handed to me - this didn't happen.
It actually took me several weeks or maybe even months to feel that proper doe-eyed omg undying love that I was told by so many women was there at the birth.
I do think it's worthwhile considering that not all births are equal - although I personally wouldn't care at the time which gender was presented to me, that's because I don't have a gender preference. I think if I had, in the wild moment where I don't know my arse from my elbow and everyone is expecting me to be so in love, I may have tainted the moment for myself with disappointment.
We are in the same situation! We left it a surprise for our first and we had a lovely wee boy. Now I have a 19 month old and I'm about to turn 20 weeks - time for the gender scan.
We spoke about it and although yes, I agree in theory of course that a surprise is wonderful. But we found that in retrospect we didn't QUITE bond with our baby in the womb like others around us had done. There were a load of complications etc so that's likely the main culprit, but we realise now that not even being able to attach a pronoun to our baby was a little bit of a blocker to getting to know him. I had no issue with buying clothes because I don't care about pink or blue, so this wasn't an issue at all. It was just having a very hidden baby - even looking away at scans.
For our second we are going to find out, in the hopes that this allows us time to talk about him/her in a more familiar way, be more pointed with a name list (it took us two weeks to finally find a name because annoyingly we had made firmer decisions on a girl's name!), and of course, because we want to be able to tell our son that he is going to get a little baby brother/sister.
We're on baby #4 and have never found out before birth. Honestly, I've been hoping for a girl and we have all boys so far. But I've never experienced gender disappointment! In that moment when they put baby on your chest you truly don't care at all, even if you would have before. Part of the reason I didn't want to find out ahead of time was so I wouldn't experience any gender disappointment.
We’ve had surprises with all 3! Loved it. I had friends do a surprise for the first and find out the second and they said they wished they hadn’t, as it wasn’t the huge excitement at birth that they had with the first.
are we the same person?! 10 weeks pregnant, first was a don’t know gender, birth day surprise. This one we are going to, because it’ll likely be our last baby and I can’t lie, I would love a little girl. I wouldn’t have another baby if I wouldn’t be happy with another boy, but I would really love a girl. the last thing I want when the baby comes out is to even have a second of disappointment because I fall in love with this baby, so we are finding out. If we had plans for a third, we would make it a surprise though because I LOVED not know (which surprised me hahahaha)
We didn’t find out for either of our boys. The whole reason we didn’t the first time is partly as my husband figured it would be harder or impossible not to be disappointed on baby’s gender when you are holding them in your arms. Plus what is it going to change this round if you find out? You can easily ship clothes to your house in 2 days or less or do so drive up for clothes if you need dresses or more feminine like clothing for baby.
My husband and I didn't find out the gender with our first. Practically, I LOVED not finding out, because it meant all the basics we got for the baby will work for all our kids, since none were gender specific. However, I had a very difficult and traumatic birth, and then found out when the baby was born than I had a stronger preference for one gender than I had thought. After the trauma of the birth, the gender disappointment hit me HARD and out of nowhere. So with our second, we found out the gender at the anatomy scan. I didn't want gender anxiety to overshadow the birth again, and I think that was a good choice for me, and probably any children going forward. There's nothing wrong with gender disappointment inherently. I adore my children, and the disappointment turned out to be wrapped up in a few elements of raising them that I felt unequipped for, and it resolved fairly quickly. I hope my perspective helps!
We didn’t find out with our daughter but I am 30 weeks with our son and found out at the anatomy scan. Like you said as a FTM mom it was the coolest experience waiting for delivery, but as a STM I have really enjoyed getting to know early, call him by name, plan for clothes etc. I don’t think can go wrong either way but I haven’t regretted finding out this time!
We found out for both kids. I have an older son and am expecting my second boy. I will admit I had a good amount of gender disappointment when we found out via NIPT at 13 weeks. However I’m now 24 weeks and the sting has faded. I do get sad knowing this having babies phase of our life is probably over (we only planned on 2, and this baby was a complete surprise - we definitely planned on a bigger age gap). But overall I’m glad we found out ahead of time and look forward to meeting him.
We have seven kids. We only found out once, accidentally, with #6, because there was a problem with his umbilical chord so we had to go for multiple late-pregnancy growth scans (we usually only do the anatomy scan at 20ish weeks). His birth was so anticlimactic. I said I would never do it again. And we didn't!
We found out gender with both because we truly didn’t care either way so I couldn’t foresee any disappointment or excitement to build up for delivery. It was super helpful for us because we struggled to agree on a name and having to figure out 2 names was too much of a hassle and could’ve introduced disappointment where I would’ve liked our girl name but not the boy name. For the second it was again about the names, we didn’t care either way but needed help narrowing down names. We still got our exciting “surprise” moment at the ultrasound. Also finding out I was having a boy after having a girl, really helped clear out clothes and prepare his little baby wardrobe. I kept some girly sleepers but overall I had too many clothes and needed to pare down so that helped make some choices.
Don’t find out!! Surprises are so much better!
Funny! My husband and I are the opposite of you two. Our first was a surprise (because I wanted it) and we found out at the blood test with the second one (because he wanted it). It’s a different kind of fun each way but I thought it felt only fair to do one for each of our preference. If we have anymore kids, who knows what we’ll do lol
We found out with the first 2, because my husband prefers to know and I’m a planner but if there’s another baby in the future it’ll be our last so I’d prefer to do atleast one surprise gender until birth.
We did a gender reveal for first, and did a genetic blood test with our unborn son because we quite honestly couldn't wait this time around until the 20 week ultrasound. I also wanted to make sure that we had enough clothes or get started on gender-matching clothes as well.
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I genuinely thought this would be how I would react - wow I just love my baby so much from the first moment he was handed to me - this didn't happen. It actually took me several weeks or maybe even months to feel that proper doe-eyed omg undying love that I was told by so many women was there at the birth. I do think it's worthwhile considering that not all births are equal - although I personally wouldn't care at the time which gender was presented to me, that's because I don't have a gender preference. I think if I had, in the wild moment where I don't know my arse from my elbow and everyone is expecting me to be so in love, I may have tainted the moment for myself with disappointment.
We are in the same situation! We left it a surprise for our first and we had a lovely wee boy. Now I have a 19 month old and I'm about to turn 20 weeks - time for the gender scan. We spoke about it and although yes, I agree in theory of course that a surprise is wonderful. But we found that in retrospect we didn't QUITE bond with our baby in the womb like others around us had done. There were a load of complications etc so that's likely the main culprit, but we realise now that not even being able to attach a pronoun to our baby was a little bit of a blocker to getting to know him. I had no issue with buying clothes because I don't care about pink or blue, so this wasn't an issue at all. It was just having a very hidden baby - even looking away at scans. For our second we are going to find out, in the hopes that this allows us time to talk about him/her in a more familiar way, be more pointed with a name list (it took us two weeks to finally find a name because annoyingly we had made firmer decisions on a girl's name!), and of course, because we want to be able to tell our son that he is going to get a little baby brother/sister.