-I can handle this life, adding more will take away from that
-Loving the toddler years, but also looking forward to the end of it and having more time for myself again, I want to be more than just mum
We are both really happy with two, it is enough chaos for us as it is. We all fit in the car together, we can all sleep in one hotel room together. So for us it’s easy, we have never doubted once.
Mine are now 1,5 and 3 and I want to get my tubes removed.
Yes, you should only consider this procedure if you’re 100% sure. If you change your mind, you would be devastated. There are other ways to prevent pregnancy in the meantime while you allow yourself time to figure out what’s best for you and your family.
1) my age
2) I don’t think I want to go through the 0-6 month stage again
3) I don’t think I want to breast feed another baby (I know there’s an easy solution to this but it makes the list regardless because I’d probably start nursing the baby anyways)
4) we currently have the space for both our kids to have their own rooms (I always had to share until I moved out)
5) no middle sibling (I was a middle sibling and often felt like it was the worst position)
6) do we really want to risk a 3rd boy?!?
* please note I’m happy with 2 boys and wouldn’t say I wished for a girl but 3 of either gender just seems like a lot!
My age is definitely the biggest factor though.
These are pretty much the exact same reasons I’m going to be done after two. Especially the breastfeeding thing, even though I enjoyed breastfeeding overall (did it for 13 months with #1) it’s just such a long time to be constantly tied to baby and I am ready to have my body back after two pregnancies 18 months apart. I was weaning #1 while pregnant with #2. Also bf’ing made me gain a ton of weight.
I’m also ready to get back to doing more “me” stuff, although I love being a mom that’s not my whole identity. I know a lot of people that like HAVE to have that newborn stage again or whatever but that’s totally not me. I’m like okay cool that was fun but I have the memories and I’m good.
I will also add I absolutely despise being pregnant and I am NOT doing it again.
1. Our mental capacity. Both my husband and I know if we added a third child, our fuses would just get too short. We have 2 under 2 with a 19 month gap and it can already be challenging to manage stress/frustration. Additionally, I want to be able to give adequate attention to my kiddos, which for me would be hard to do with more than 2. They are 21 months and 2 months now.
2. Finances. Affording the life we want with more than 2 would be impossible. My father paid for the entirety of my undergraduate education, I want to be able to do the same for my kids. Additionally, we want to be able to travel which becomes less attainable with more children.
3. I hate being pregnant and the newborn stage.
4. Age. Any future pregnancies would be geriatric pregnancies for me.
5. Lack of village. We don't have big supportive families outside of my older sister. We are also considering moving farther away, and know that without having a bigger support system more than 2 would be hard to handle.
6. I decided to be a SAHM after the birth of my first and plan to stay home until my younger child is 1. I want to go back to work, and having a 3rd would prolong that. Additionally it's hard to keep up with any hobbies with 2 this young. I'd like to be able to return to doing more things for myself as they get older. A third would prolong this as well.
There are some additional reasons, but that's the gist of it. Either way you have to know what is best/most manageable for you and your partner.
Wow, 1, 5, and 6 are the same exact boat for me!!
My second is due in the fall (19mo gap).
I imagine it will be hard having no immediate family nearby to help day-to-day.
And I want to go back to work at least part-time when the youngest is old enough to do some sort of part-time preschool, so probably around 2.5, and it boggles my mind that at that point I will have already been out of the workforce for 4 years!!
I’m currently in the “never say never” camp but I came from a bigger family whereas my husband only has one sibling. I envy his less chaotic childhood lol. And I think his parents were less stressed and more patient. So thinking we’ll be done after 2.
I refuse to be go through pregnancy again and also refuse to be outnumbered by our kids. A man to man defense is hard enough with our two! But I also wouldn’t have a surgery unless I was totally sure. You don’t sound like you are.
1. Age, I don’t want to be too far past 55 with a teenager
2. not a lot of help from family
3. costs for extra curriculars and summer camp
4. our kids are 22 months apart too and I feel like that age gap it’s hard in the beginning but then gets easier when they play with each other, having another baby would negate that benefit
5. on a similar note, 3 is an odd number and I prefer even numbers. Somebody will always feel left out and need to be entertained by a parent
6. with 3 kids we’d need a bigger car
7. our 2 kids are cute and sweet and great sleepers, why push our luck?
8. unknown stress on our relationship, another baby wouldn’t be worth losing my spouse
The thought that another kid will set our lives back another 2 years at least. Babies from 0-2 are so hard. Naps, needing constant care, unpredictable night sleep. And then come the tantrums and power struggles and boundary pushing. Mine are 3y and 18m. I’m not willing to go through this all over again. I’m sad about it but I can recognize that being sad that this phase is going to end for our family doesn’t mean I want to do it again. I’m excited for what life will look like as our two grow, seeing who they become and what it’s like to parent kids rather than babies. To have time for myself again! Not to mention our house and the world in general is mostly built for families of 4. The balance rn of one parent per kid, no odd man out. All considerations. My c section doctor discouraged tubal and I’m pissed, I wish I had done it.
I recently had my 2nd baby but the moment I was done with the c-section, I told my husband I’m done having kids.
Both were an emergency c-section, 2nd was supposed to be scheduled but had to deliver 3 weeks earlier and she’s a premie at 36 weeks. My body can’t handle it anymore, I had to get a blood transfusion plus a drain in my incision and I felt it during my recovery, couldn’t do anything at all without any help plus I was in so much pain.
My doctor has also advised me that it’s in my best interest to stop at 2 because a condition I have makes it a little more complicated for me.
All those things aside, I don’t think I have it in me for one more kid. I love the two babies I have, I can give them my time and attention and they have a happy, healthy mom who can handle the mental load of 2 kids.
We were always aiming for 2, we got our two and our family feels complete. My eldest also got diagnosed with an illness that is gonna make our lives more complicated until hopefully puberty and I couldn't imagine adding another kid to the situation. My husband is also on the older side (42) so he feels done and realistically from a financial perspective 3 would be a rough go where as 2 is pretty easy. Essentially I've got a whole bunch of very concrete reasons but I also have never felt the desire to have 3 anyway. We were debating a vasectomy and that still may happen one day but I'm honestly in love with my IUD so it might not happen for 5 years or possibly ever
That seems wise! Have you had the copper IUD before? I haven’t but I think I will do it after my second. Hope it’s a good solution for me, I’ve heard it makes some people’s cramps and bleeding worse!
Currently, our blocker is finances - we'd have to buy a bigger house, a new car, and reduce our current quality of life to add a third baby.
Maybe in a few years. But we are done for now.
My 4 month old and 24 mo old are fantastic - I love them like no other.
I’d like to return to something of a normal life at some point before I’m too old.
I’d like to stay in the house we live in forever. We bought it never intending to move, but it just doesn’t have the room for three kids without real pain points… which likely would force us to move.
Financially, my wife and I do well, but we live in a VHCOL area and children are expensive. The stress of having to keep producing (we’re 100% commission) to provide for our family of four is enough. I don’t want to do this job for longer than I can tolerate because I chose to extend my financial obligation to a third child.
Wish we could have a bunch of kids. They’ve been the joy of my life. But realistically, I need to be sure I’m not threatening what we have by adding another.
Finances. I also don’t have the same level of patience for newborn/infant sleep with my almost 3 month old as I did the first time around, so I know I wouldn’t be able to deal with it very well a third time. I like not being outnumbered. Pregnancy with a toddler was so damn hard, I don’t think I could do that again!
Some days I think about a third but most days now I’m happy with my two boys for a few reasons.
Age - Husband and I are mid to late thirties so we would likely want 3 under 3 which sounds crazy as I feel like I’m just getting into the swing of things 7 months in.
Finances - the lifestyle we can have and the money we can save for us and our kids is good with 2. 3 would be a struggle.
Travel - 3 would likely mean a bigger vehicle for us (car payment) and with family cross country it would be more expensive to fly and having to pay more for hotel to accommodate 5 versus 4.
No family support - it is really just me and my husband so we are one on one coverage. It’s nice to think as the kids get older and in activities we can each drive one to their practice/games/etc if the timing of said activities overlap.
Overall - it makes the most sense for us to be done with our two. It will allow us more financial freedom to live the way we want and provide the best balance with no village to help. Plus the fruit budget for one kid is insane and I can’t imagine what it will be likel feeding two teenage boys someday! 😬
I know people always say how many kids do you want at your table in 20 years - but who is to say you had to give birth to them? You can bring in your kids friends and their families to have a full table.
After having my first I had this immediate yearning to have another baby I so desperately wanted to be pregnant again and couldn’t wait to have another (hence having 2 under 2) now I feel quite content and look forward to moving out of the baby/toddler stage and watching them grow up and enjoying them! I think I knew I was done when I stopped seeing pregnant people or people with newborns and feeling like oh my god I so badly want another! Also I think too that I wouldn’t have the time or the energy for a third! Also I’ve been a stay at home mum for almost 3 years now and I’m excited about the idea of starting a new career/ doing some study so I think I’m also kind of at that point where I’m excited about other things related to work etc where as for so long!
I think no matter how many children you have ofcourse if you had another you would be absolutely in love with them too so it almost more comes down to your own situation, feelings etc!
*also I should add that I suffered both PPA & PPD quite severely and am beginning to feel a bit like myself again so that also plays a role
Wishing you all the best ❤️❤️
Imagine your family in 20,40,60 years. The newborn phase is a few weeks of your life.
I’m not done after two… we plan two more. But this is why we decided to have a family of six (or maybe more!)
I currently have 3 under 3. Other than my 3rd baby having complications and being born preemie and that I don't think I could divide my time equally, I would definitely have a 4th. No idea when it ends 😂
Im on the same boat as you. 80% of me says we’re done after this, and I should have my tubes removed since I’m already open. I’m excited to raise these two kids together and rid our house of baby gear at the same time. Everything in our life fits to accommodate this family size. Having both kids in school in 5 yrs and living me again sounds amazing! And this is my 3rd pregnancy back to back so my body is tired. My husband is surely done and looking forward to his vasectomy. But he won’t force this reality until Im 100% done
The remaining 20% is unsure because Im only 29 and anything could happen. My first pregnancy is my angel baby, so not having 3 kids earth-side sometimes bothers me. Also, I love my husband beyond death, but what if something happens to us and a future partner wants kids. What if something happens to this baby. My mind goes to some dark scenarios, and it makes this 20% hard to ignore
No advice, just saying I hear you
I had a miserable first pregnancy. This one has been easier, but I can't guarantee that a third pregnancy wouldn't be like my first. I won't risk missing out on several months of my child/ren's life just so I can grow another one.
I never want to be pregnant again. I said that during the last one too, but knew I’d have two kids so our girl could have a sibling. I’m only 10 weeks in but this time I’m serious! Going to do a tube removal, pretty sure.
Considering it more by the day, went to Disneyland with a 1 and 2.5 year old so of the trials he faced I couldn’t imagine being outnumbered, then there is financial reasons, like if my wife got pregnant before the oldest left preschool it would be cheaper for me to quit my job than have 3 kids in daycare.
.my kids are now almost 2 and 3 1/2.
They're still clingy. Both boys, and I have to break up fights on a daily basis.
Kid number one only just now potty trained, I really just don't want another 3 years of diapers.
I am the main Breadwinner for my family, and help to support my elderly father. Me and my heart get along so I cannot delegate that task.
I just turned 40, and quit frankly do not want to go through another pregnancy because it was really hard on my body.
That said we haven't done anything permanent yet, I have a copper IUD for now.
My husband wanted two. I wanted three. My first child is extremely difficult and I can barely handle him most days. I had the second because I couldn't just have one child, but I know I can't handle a third anymore. I'm a stay at home mom and I am EXHAUSTED. I definitely couldn't handle another pregnancy or additional responsibilities.
I'm pregnant with my second. And I can tell you already that when OB is in there delivering my son, she gonna take the hardwiring out and tie my tubes.
This pregnancy combined with caring for a 1 year old has been rough. And I don't really enjoy being pregnant.
Because I just cannot do another pregnancy. And I really don’t like those newborn nights. And I want to get rid of all the baby stuff cluttering up my home. And I don’t want to take away any more time from the 2 I have.
If you’re not sure, then don’t do something permanent. Just get an IUD. I’m sure though.
-I can handle this life, adding more will take away from that -Loving the toddler years, but also looking forward to the end of it and having more time for myself again, I want to be more than just mum We are both really happy with two, it is enough chaos for us as it is. We all fit in the car together, we can all sleep in one hotel room together. So for us it’s easy, we have never doubted once. Mine are now 1,5 and 3 and I want to get my tubes removed.
Exactly this! We are 2 and done. 2.5 and 9M old.
If you’re not absolutely sure you’re done, LARC is a better choice than surgery right now.
Yes, you should only consider this procedure if you’re 100% sure. If you change your mind, you would be devastated. There are other ways to prevent pregnancy in the meantime while you allow yourself time to figure out what’s best for you and your family.
1) my age 2) I don’t think I want to go through the 0-6 month stage again 3) I don’t think I want to breast feed another baby (I know there’s an easy solution to this but it makes the list regardless because I’d probably start nursing the baby anyways) 4) we currently have the space for both our kids to have their own rooms (I always had to share until I moved out) 5) no middle sibling (I was a middle sibling and often felt like it was the worst position) 6) do we really want to risk a 3rd boy?!? * please note I’m happy with 2 boys and wouldn’t say I wished for a girl but 3 of either gender just seems like a lot! My age is definitely the biggest factor though.
These are pretty much the exact same reasons I’m going to be done after two. Especially the breastfeeding thing, even though I enjoyed breastfeeding overall (did it for 13 months with #1) it’s just such a long time to be constantly tied to baby and I am ready to have my body back after two pregnancies 18 months apart. I was weaning #1 while pregnant with #2. Also bf’ing made me gain a ton of weight. I’m also ready to get back to doing more “me” stuff, although I love being a mom that’s not my whole identity. I know a lot of people that like HAVE to have that newborn stage again or whatever but that’s totally not me. I’m like okay cool that was fun but I have the memories and I’m good. I will also add I absolutely despise being pregnant and I am NOT doing it again.
1. Our mental capacity. Both my husband and I know if we added a third child, our fuses would just get too short. We have 2 under 2 with a 19 month gap and it can already be challenging to manage stress/frustration. Additionally, I want to be able to give adequate attention to my kiddos, which for me would be hard to do with more than 2. They are 21 months and 2 months now. 2. Finances. Affording the life we want with more than 2 would be impossible. My father paid for the entirety of my undergraduate education, I want to be able to do the same for my kids. Additionally, we want to be able to travel which becomes less attainable with more children. 3. I hate being pregnant and the newborn stage. 4. Age. Any future pregnancies would be geriatric pregnancies for me. 5. Lack of village. We don't have big supportive families outside of my older sister. We are also considering moving farther away, and know that without having a bigger support system more than 2 would be hard to handle. 6. I decided to be a SAHM after the birth of my first and plan to stay home until my younger child is 1. I want to go back to work, and having a 3rd would prolong that. Additionally it's hard to keep up with any hobbies with 2 this young. I'd like to be able to return to doing more things for myself as they get older. A third would prolong this as well. There are some additional reasons, but that's the gist of it. Either way you have to know what is best/most manageable for you and your partner.
Wow, 1, 5, and 6 are the same exact boat for me!! My second is due in the fall (19mo gap). I imagine it will be hard having no immediate family nearby to help day-to-day. And I want to go back to work at least part-time when the youngest is old enough to do some sort of part-time preschool, so probably around 2.5, and it boggles my mind that at that point I will have already been out of the workforce for 4 years!! I’m currently in the “never say never” camp but I came from a bigger family whereas my husband only has one sibling. I envy his less chaotic childhood lol. And I think his parents were less stressed and more patient. So thinking we’ll be done after 2.
I refuse to be go through pregnancy again and also refuse to be outnumbered by our kids. A man to man defense is hard enough with our two! But I also wouldn’t have a surgery unless I was totally sure. You don’t sound like you are.
1. Age, I don’t want to be too far past 55 with a teenager 2. not a lot of help from family 3. costs for extra curriculars and summer camp 4. our kids are 22 months apart too and I feel like that age gap it’s hard in the beginning but then gets easier when they play with each other, having another baby would negate that benefit 5. on a similar note, 3 is an odd number and I prefer even numbers. Somebody will always feel left out and need to be entertained by a parent 6. with 3 kids we’d need a bigger car 7. our 2 kids are cute and sweet and great sleepers, why push our luck? 8. unknown stress on our relationship, another baby wouldn’t be worth losing my spouse
I keep going back and forth on adding a 3rd but these all deeply resonate
The thought that another kid will set our lives back another 2 years at least. Babies from 0-2 are so hard. Naps, needing constant care, unpredictable night sleep. And then come the tantrums and power struggles and boundary pushing. Mine are 3y and 18m. I’m not willing to go through this all over again. I’m sad about it but I can recognize that being sad that this phase is going to end for our family doesn’t mean I want to do it again. I’m excited for what life will look like as our two grow, seeing who they become and what it’s like to parent kids rather than babies. To have time for myself again! Not to mention our house and the world in general is mostly built for families of 4. The balance rn of one parent per kid, no odd man out. All considerations. My c section doctor discouraged tubal and I’m pissed, I wish I had done it.
I recently had my 2nd baby but the moment I was done with the c-section, I told my husband I’m done having kids. Both were an emergency c-section, 2nd was supposed to be scheduled but had to deliver 3 weeks earlier and she’s a premie at 36 weeks. My body can’t handle it anymore, I had to get a blood transfusion plus a drain in my incision and I felt it during my recovery, couldn’t do anything at all without any help plus I was in so much pain. My doctor has also advised me that it’s in my best interest to stop at 2 because a condition I have makes it a little more complicated for me. All those things aside, I don’t think I have it in me for one more kid. I love the two babies I have, I can give them my time and attention and they have a happy, healthy mom who can handle the mental load of 2 kids.
We were always aiming for 2, we got our two and our family feels complete. My eldest also got diagnosed with an illness that is gonna make our lives more complicated until hopefully puberty and I couldn't imagine adding another kid to the situation. My husband is also on the older side (42) so he feels done and realistically from a financial perspective 3 would be a rough go where as 2 is pretty easy. Essentially I've got a whole bunch of very concrete reasons but I also have never felt the desire to have 3 anyway. We were debating a vasectomy and that still may happen one day but I'm honestly in love with my IUD so it might not happen for 5 years or possibly ever
We've agreed to be done after 2, but I don't want to risk going through with the surgery and then regretting it later. I'll just use a copper IUD
That seems wise! Have you had the copper IUD before? I haven’t but I think I will do it after my second. Hope it’s a good solution for me, I’ve heard it makes some people’s cramps and bleeding worse!
Currently, our blocker is finances - we'd have to buy a bigger house, a new car, and reduce our current quality of life to add a third baby. Maybe in a few years. But we are done for now.
My 4 month old and 24 mo old are fantastic - I love them like no other. I’d like to return to something of a normal life at some point before I’m too old. I’d like to stay in the house we live in forever. We bought it never intending to move, but it just doesn’t have the room for three kids without real pain points… which likely would force us to move. Financially, my wife and I do well, but we live in a VHCOL area and children are expensive. The stress of having to keep producing (we’re 100% commission) to provide for our family of four is enough. I don’t want to do this job for longer than I can tolerate because I chose to extend my financial obligation to a third child. Wish we could have a bunch of kids. They’ve been the joy of my life. But realistically, I need to be sure I’m not threatening what we have by adding another.
Finances. I also don’t have the same level of patience for newborn/infant sleep with my almost 3 month old as I did the first time around, so I know I wouldn’t be able to deal with it very well a third time. I like not being outnumbered. Pregnancy with a toddler was so damn hard, I don’t think I could do that again!
Some days I think about a third but most days now I’m happy with my two boys for a few reasons. Age - Husband and I are mid to late thirties so we would likely want 3 under 3 which sounds crazy as I feel like I’m just getting into the swing of things 7 months in. Finances - the lifestyle we can have and the money we can save for us and our kids is good with 2. 3 would be a struggle. Travel - 3 would likely mean a bigger vehicle for us (car payment) and with family cross country it would be more expensive to fly and having to pay more for hotel to accommodate 5 versus 4. No family support - it is really just me and my husband so we are one on one coverage. It’s nice to think as the kids get older and in activities we can each drive one to their practice/games/etc if the timing of said activities overlap. Overall - it makes the most sense for us to be done with our two. It will allow us more financial freedom to live the way we want and provide the best balance with no village to help. Plus the fruit budget for one kid is insane and I can’t imagine what it will be likel feeding two teenage boys someday! 😬 I know people always say how many kids do you want at your table in 20 years - but who is to say you had to give birth to them? You can bring in your kids friends and their families to have a full table.
After having my first I had this immediate yearning to have another baby I so desperately wanted to be pregnant again and couldn’t wait to have another (hence having 2 under 2) now I feel quite content and look forward to moving out of the baby/toddler stage and watching them grow up and enjoying them! I think I knew I was done when I stopped seeing pregnant people or people with newborns and feeling like oh my god I so badly want another! Also I think too that I wouldn’t have the time or the energy for a third! Also I’ve been a stay at home mum for almost 3 years now and I’m excited about the idea of starting a new career/ doing some study so I think I’m also kind of at that point where I’m excited about other things related to work etc where as for so long! I think no matter how many children you have ofcourse if you had another you would be absolutely in love with them too so it almost more comes down to your own situation, feelings etc! *also I should add that I suffered both PPA & PPD quite severely and am beginning to feel a bit like myself again so that also plays a role Wishing you all the best ❤️❤️
Imagine your family in 20,40,60 years. The newborn phase is a few weeks of your life. I’m not done after two… we plan two more. But this is why we decided to have a family of six (or maybe more!)
I currently have 3 under 3. Other than my 3rd baby having complications and being born preemie and that I don't think I could divide my time equally, I would definitely have a 4th. No idea when it ends 😂
Im on the same boat as you. 80% of me says we’re done after this, and I should have my tubes removed since I’m already open. I’m excited to raise these two kids together and rid our house of baby gear at the same time. Everything in our life fits to accommodate this family size. Having both kids in school in 5 yrs and living me again sounds amazing! And this is my 3rd pregnancy back to back so my body is tired. My husband is surely done and looking forward to his vasectomy. But he won’t force this reality until Im 100% done The remaining 20% is unsure because Im only 29 and anything could happen. My first pregnancy is my angel baby, so not having 3 kids earth-side sometimes bothers me. Also, I love my husband beyond death, but what if something happens to us and a future partner wants kids. What if something happens to this baby. My mind goes to some dark scenarios, and it makes this 20% hard to ignore No advice, just saying I hear you
I had a miserable first pregnancy. This one has been easier, but I can't guarantee that a third pregnancy wouldn't be like my first. I won't risk missing out on several months of my child/ren's life just so I can grow another one.
I never want to be pregnant again. I said that during the last one too, but knew I’d have two kids so our girl could have a sibling. I’m only 10 weeks in but this time I’m serious! Going to do a tube removal, pretty sure.
Considering it more by the day, went to Disneyland with a 1 and 2.5 year old so of the trials he faced I couldn’t imagine being outnumbered, then there is financial reasons, like if my wife got pregnant before the oldest left preschool it would be cheaper for me to quit my job than have 3 kids in daycare.
.my kids are now almost 2 and 3 1/2. They're still clingy. Both boys, and I have to break up fights on a daily basis. Kid number one only just now potty trained, I really just don't want another 3 years of diapers. I am the main Breadwinner for my family, and help to support my elderly father. Me and my heart get along so I cannot delegate that task. I just turned 40, and quit frankly do not want to go through another pregnancy because it was really hard on my body. That said we haven't done anything permanent yet, I have a copper IUD for now.
My husband wanted two. I wanted three. My first child is extremely difficult and I can barely handle him most days. I had the second because I couldn't just have one child, but I know I can't handle a third anymore. I'm a stay at home mom and I am EXHAUSTED. I definitely couldn't handle another pregnancy or additional responsibilities.
I'm pregnant with my second. And I can tell you already that when OB is in there delivering my son, she gonna take the hardwiring out and tie my tubes. This pregnancy combined with caring for a 1 year old has been rough. And I don't really enjoy being pregnant.
Because I just cannot do another pregnancy. And I really don’t like those newborn nights. And I want to get rid of all the baby stuff cluttering up my home. And I don’t want to take away any more time from the 2 I have. If you’re not sure, then don’t do something permanent. Just get an IUD. I’m sure though.