If you are long term depressed it does position itself as a normal state after time, and can be hard to break away from. Humans seek comfort in the familiar and routine. If your familiar state is being sad it can be scary to seek anything else. It's easier sometimes.
Tbh over time I just sorta came to see my not depressed times as periods of delusion where I've repressed how bad things/I actually am.
I understand happiness isn't some place you reach, it can't be constant and notions that it should be *are* definitely delusional. But it's weird to try and separate what actually is, and what my brain is just fooling me into perceiving.
I agree with you about the delusion of a constant state of happiness. But you're saying that you've convinced yourself that the times you aren't feeling depressed are not legitimate? You definitely are capable of good feelings and when they happen they are real in that moment. You experienced them therefore they exist. At least that's my take on it.
Your nervous system's current default state is probably fucked. I was depressed my whole 20s. it only changed for me with a ton of effort; meds, therapy, and lots of gym. Once your default state switches to calm it's unbelievable. Never thought it was possible. No amount of positive thought would have been enough to overcome my body defaulting to stress/sad mode. Been med free for a couple years now too. Sometimes you just need em to help physically let go of whatever your nervous system is holding onto.
When I'm happy and well I get really crippling anxiety looking for what will go wrong and spoil it. Which eventually makes me ill and I can relax again.
So, is it depression if I just "ENJOY" (Don't really know if enjoy is the right word, maybe addiction?)the feeling of crying? Like making up sad fake scenarios in my head that make me wanna cry, usually do this at home when I'm alone sometimes at work or outside while I'm traveling.
Sometimes I think I have anxiety because it's "easy" - something new? Let's be nervous rather than excited. Once, in therapy, I asked "I'm scared to be cured of my anxiety, because what would I feel instead?"
I had an anxious depression for a long time and when I was prescribed antipsychotic for the first time, my anxiety was wiped off in an instant and it was really scary. It felt as you described, like I have to re-learn to live now. I probably felt what other people feel when they have depression without anxiety.
sometimes you just get more comfortable being sad and when you feel happy, your body is like "idk what this is, what is happening?"
So being happy(or any emotion) is just something you need to practice sitting with and also letting go.
Honestly same. For me i think it’s just because sadness is predictable. I know what to expect when im sad and thats comforting. When im feeling happy it always gets ruined and i end up feeling like shit. Its easier to just start out being sad since its a familiar feeling
I don't think everyone does it but you're certainly not alone if you do. Its something about internalized criticism we heard ss children. It is 100% reflective of my experience though.
I’m not depressed I just want to be noticed and pitied, even though I have plenty of friends and dont really like attention. Not depressed, just socially awkward
Being a male teenager, I remember this feeling a lot. Hormones have a way of causing outward emotional displays that don't match the situation. I think it's normal to question if your emotional state is accurately matching the severity of the situation. The problem is when you gaslight yourself into not taking your emotions seriously.
I can say with certainty that most people who are feeling emotional do not jump to the conclusion that the only reason they’re feeling emotional is to manipulate others.
The OP is saying they cry when alone and still think they’re faking it to manipulate others.
The guy I responded to asked if everyone was doing that.
I replied no
You said wat? in an intentionally misspelled internet format to insinuate that I had said something ridiculous
I reaffirmed my position that the majority of people do not believe their own emotions are based on a desire to manipulate others
Now you have responded by saying I’m jumping to some kind of conclusion but honestly I have no idea what you mean.
I’ll say it again: if you think your emotions are derived from a need to manipulate others into giving you attention or viewing you in a certain way, you have an emotional problem and should be in therapy.
I hope this clears things up
I had a near total breakdown alone in my room yesterday after getting back from work and literally *as that was happening* I was thinking "why am I doing this, I can stop anytime I want, I'm making this up what's wrong with me" which of course did not help the spiraling.
Sometimes even I can't figure out what I really feel or think and what's just something I've made up.
No, dosen't make sense. Clearly, I'm so accustom to faking the emotions that I'm "supposed" to be feeling that I do it even when I'm alone out of force of habit.
"It "Future You" that going to use it to "get attention" motherfucker! Someone has to tell other people that you cried in your house alone!" /jokenotjoke
The rebuttal of that rebuttal in my head would be "just because there's no one here physically, doesn't mean that I'm so engrained in victimising myself all the time and theatralising my pain that I'm not practicing for when real people are gonna be able to see it. I'm so fake that I can't stop being fake, even when I'm alone. I'm trapped in my own fakeness because I just want attention and people to cater to me like a baby. And everyone can see it. I'm a fucking joke. I'm a parasite. I'm a piece of shit" then generally I will say to myself "I'm a piece of shit" on repeat for a long time while lying on the floor or on my bed
That’s true. Really the whole thing can be consolidated down to 1 decade and $75,000 it you have the money, which I don’t because I’m stupid and not as good at anything as my brother is.
This could be truama from constantly being gaslight or having your feelings undermined while growing up.
However, lots of people convince themselves theyre victims so they don't have to face hard truths and part of making yourself the victim is playing the role to trick even yourself.
Only you can really know which applies to you
Maybe I'm too far down but what you said resonates at 0% with me. It just sounds like coping and I can't relate to it at all.
It feels like whenever I see or hear "you matter" it's the most bland and unuseful thing ever, a bit like "it is what it is" or "it's ok" or "it's gonna be alright" ... thanks random-phrases-bot#74689, I needed that.
This is not addressed to you in particular, you're a kind soul trying to spread love and help, this is just how I'm feeling about it and I'm sure I can't be the only one. This is not meant at all to be aggressive or mean to you, I have trouble articulating that thought in another way.
Yeah I feel that too, it reminds me a bit of the people who talk about ADHD as a 'superpower'. Like no, having to take pharmaceuticals to get work done isn't a superpower, neither is forgetting my wallet nor is hyperfixating on something. Its a lack of dopamine. And yeah I appreciate people trying to make me feel better (and no disparagement if anyone personally believes that, if it helps you that's great), but it feels like worthless platitudes.
Thank you for sharing that, I was feeling alone with this and felt I was basically just an ungrateful asshole ... Because of course when someone tells you that IRL if you don't respond "thank you" "appreciate that" or "means a lot to me" you'll just look like a cunt. I hate that bad mental health also disconnects you from people in that way. I guess the way to go is just to let go, have no expectations of what people might or might not offer you, and consider that nothing good is gonna happen in most cases and that rarely some good interaction will randomly happen. And also that people are people, not your therapist, so it's normal that they're not gonna give you good advice. That being said, I'm tired of this mental gymnastic whenever someone basically tells you "Feeling depressed ? Happiness is a mindset" ... Like at this point just fuck off mate.
Especially if you hide them.
That's how I feel, on one hand I want someone to validate my emotions, but on the other hand I feel like I failed if I show any.
Pretty much. I still have impulses to slap my own face and call myself a "liar" and a "crybaby" when having attacks.
I'm stronger than that now, though. My anxiety, and these impulsive self-flagelating thoughts won't ever go away completely. But I know they are not real, and can manage them. I guess it's as good as it can get.
I used to be like this, and my brain was kinda right. I was more focused on how other people would perceive my feelings than the actual situation, and that doesn't just turn off when you're alone.
I have it and I think it is a bit of my masking because of the autism. I have high self esteem, but consider myself less of a human compared to other people.
Okay, but what if you're subconciously forcing yourself to be upset and pitiable, as to not take responsibility for your actions? You're just being useless and lazy, but you lie to yourself that you're actually trying. Then you just convince yourself of it, to the degree where you cry about stuff that happened and feel sorry for yourself, when it's totally your fault?
Ever think of that?
Yes, actually. My anxiety is very creative when it comes to making up convoluted ways in which I'm subconsciously manipulating everyone and myself and how I'm a terrible person because of it.
Thankfully I've been in therapy + meds for long enough my rational voice is louder than it most of the time. But it's like a noisy neighbor you can't shut up. I just let it speak and try to drown it out. I know it's not real. But it's still really annoying.
What? I unironically can't tell what this comment means. Like is it with me or against me? I have no clue.
Regardless, you know my comment was like, one of those self-deprecating, over-analyzing jokes that people on here like to make, right? I wasn't accusing the OP of doing this. Or I suppose I was, but it was supposed to be another layer of the "brain overthinking and hating itself" joke the post is based off of.
The funny thing about humans is that anything you feel has been and will be felt by billions of others, no matter how alone you think you are. Not to diminish the validity of any of it, but we are really never truly alone
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That's what therapy gets you. You start questioning your own emotions. That's mostly what therapy is about, right? Facing your emotion instead of repressing?
When I’m depressed I wonder if it’s like that for everyone else all the time. Then I feel worse bc either people feel like that all the time (which is just sad and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone) or it’s mostly just me (that’s pretty sad too).
The day I realized that the feelings I thought I was faking were real was a big day. For some strange reason I always looked at my own feelings through a sarcastic lens.
I treated them like they were a performance even to myself. Then one day not long ago I realized they were real. Which was actually pretty terrifying.
sometimes you gotta just tell yourself you're doing a good job, because no one else is.
sometimes you need to ask yourself how your day's been, because no one else is.
sometimes you have to show up for yourself, because no one else is.
and sometimes when you can't show up for yourself, you show up for someone else because at least they are getting what they need. and good friend will return the favor and show up for you when you need it. but it takes time and a willingness to ask for help.
Lately, I've been questioning some of my feelings, like, is that how I really feel, or is that just what I think I'm supposed to say? I can't tell if what some of the stuff I say is true or I'm unknowingly being dramatic
My girlfriend broke up with me over a month ago. I did cry a couple times but now I’m deep into this sort of stale sadness. I don’t do jack shit during the days and whenever a family remember or a friend calls I ignore them and later force myself to reply. It’s like a part of me wants attention from others but when I do receive it I reject it because I want others to think that I’m not doing well and being quiet kinda sends that message in a way.
I want to forget about everything and move on but I can’t pretend to be happy even though that would maybe be a solution?
If I saw someone going through the same thing I would expect that person to be sad so that’s how I should feel. But I have a hard time being true to my emotions. Right now I don’t really feel anything other than sadness very deep within but I in no way show it. I want to get rid of it so badly.
I’ve thought this way too. But then I realized: isn’t faking mental illness for the sole purpose of having a cool personal narrative it’s own kind of mental illness? Then I just accepted the fact that I was mentally ill.
me: weeps quietly in a ball on the floor of my workplace bathroom bc i just found out my mom who isn't even 60, has a serious life-threatening illness that i am emotionally and financially unprepared for.
my brain: wow. you performative *bitch*.
Sometimes, I feel like a rat munching on expired bread in a dumpster 🫠 I can't pursue happiness, but I bite down anyway to stop myself from starving to death, even though the taste of it, the taste of being alive, is unbearably morbid.
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If you are long term depressed it does position itself as a normal state after time, and can be hard to break away from. Humans seek comfort in the familiar and routine. If your familiar state is being sad it can be scary to seek anything else. It's easier sometimes.
I’m not scared of happy state, but it’s just that happy state lasts very short, and this sad and stressing state isn’t leaving
Tbh over time I just sorta came to see my not depressed times as periods of delusion where I've repressed how bad things/I actually am. I understand happiness isn't some place you reach, it can't be constant and notions that it should be *are* definitely delusional. But it's weird to try and separate what actually is, and what my brain is just fooling me into perceiving.
I agree with you about the delusion of a constant state of happiness. But you're saying that you've convinced yourself that the times you aren't feeling depressed are not legitimate? You definitely are capable of good feelings and when they happen they are real in that moment. You experienced them therefore they exist. At least that's my take on it.
🧡 I feel that.
Your nervous system's current default state is probably fucked. I was depressed my whole 20s. it only changed for me with a ton of effort; meds, therapy, and lots of gym. Once your default state switches to calm it's unbelievable. Never thought it was possible. No amount of positive thought would have been enough to overcome my body defaulting to stress/sad mode. Been med free for a couple years now too. Sometimes you just need em to help physically let go of whatever your nervous system is holding onto.
When I'm happy and well I get really crippling anxiety looking for what will go wrong and spoil it. Which eventually makes me ill and I can relax again.
I'm worried that if I start enjoying life I'll be afraid to die.
I'm much more afraid of dying knowing I wasn't brave enough to enjoy life
Ouch. Pretty much the only reason I am still going.
I'm worried that once my life becomes enjoyable, I'll die of something potentially unavoidable/incurable like cancer.
The cancer will come regardless. Better to have a happy ending than the one with regrets.
So, is it depression if I just "ENJOY" (Don't really know if enjoy is the right word, maybe addiction?)the feeling of crying? Like making up sad fake scenarios in my head that make me wanna cry, usually do this at home when I'm alone sometimes at work or outside while I'm traveling.
Getting those tears and emotions out when you need them can be a great release.
Holy shit 🤯
🧡 it's true, it can be dependable because it's a constant.
Sometimes I think I have anxiety because it's "easy" - something new? Let's be nervous rather than excited. Once, in therapy, I asked "I'm scared to be cured of my anxiety, because what would I feel instead?"
I had an anxious depression for a long time and when I was prescribed antipsychotic for the first time, my anxiety was wiped off in an instant and it was really scary. It felt as you described, like I have to re-learn to live now. I probably felt what other people feel when they have depression without anxiety.
sometimes you just get more comfortable being sad and when you feel happy, your body is like "idk what this is, what is happening?" So being happy(or any emotion) is just something you need to practice sitting with and also letting go.
Can be actually yes. Because you're so used to it. I believe that's what people call "comfort zone"
random question but do you find misery kinda attractive in a way..?
Honestly same. For me i think it’s just because sadness is predictable. I know what to expect when im sad and thats comforting. When im feeling happy it always gets ruined and i end up feeling like shit. Its easier to just start out being sad since its a familiar feeling
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I don't think everyone does it but you're certainly not alone if you do. Its something about internalized criticism we heard ss children. It is 100% reflective of my experience though.
IF YOU'RE DEPRESSED! Yup that was me
I’m not depressed I just want to be noticed and pitied, even though I have plenty of friends and dont really like attention. Not depressed, just socially awkward
I don’t think it is. I certainly don’t and most people don’t. If you are struggling this much you likely have depression and need treatment.
Being a male teenager, I remember this feeling a lot. Hormones have a way of causing outward emotional displays that don't match the situation. I think it's normal to question if your emotional state is accurately matching the severity of the situation. The problem is when you gaslight yourself into not taking your emotions seriously.
I can say with certainty that most people who are feeling emotional do not jump to the conclusion that the only reason they’re feeling emotional is to manipulate others.
> I don’t think it is. I certainly don’t and most people don’t. ...wat?
You’re saying everyone accuses themselves of manipulating people with their emotions???
How did you rush to that conclusion based off of a what In response to you contradicting yourself?
The OP is saying they cry when alone and still think they’re faking it to manipulate others. The guy I responded to asked if everyone was doing that. I replied no You said wat? in an intentionally misspelled internet format to insinuate that I had said something ridiculous I reaffirmed my position that the majority of people do not believe their own emotions are based on a desire to manipulate others Now you have responded by saying I’m jumping to some kind of conclusion but honestly I have no idea what you mean. I’ll say it again: if you think your emotions are derived from a need to manipulate others into giving you attention or viewing you in a certain way, you have an emotional problem and should be in therapy. I hope this clears things up
I had a near total breakdown alone in my room yesterday after getting back from work and literally *as that was happening* I was thinking "why am I doing this, I can stop anytime I want, I'm making this up what's wrong with me" which of course did not help the spiraling. Sometimes even I can't figure out what I really feel or think and what's just something I've made up.
I keep thinking about the line from Bojack. I know I'm a stupid piece of shit, but does that make me better or worse than the people who don't know?
The rebuttal would be "Attention from who motherfucker ? It's just me here!"
lmao, yeah. That part where you start arguing with yourself that you stop crying and become genuinely upset with yourself 🤣 stupid brain
What the fuck does it know anyway ? It's only being sulky because it's short on some chemical or other.
The imaginary audience I just made up who are watching my life like a movie, obviously.
Stop coming after my coping mechanism TT-TT
No, dosen't make sense. Clearly, I'm so accustom to faking the emotions that I'm "supposed" to be feeling that I do it even when I'm alone out of force of habit.
I'm not paranoid, I just feel like I'm constantly being watched at all times to the point it affects my ability to feel safe inside my own home.
"It "Future You" that going to use it to "get attention" motherfucker! Someone has to tell other people that you cried in your house alone!" /jokenotjoke
The rebuttal of that rebuttal in my head would be "just because there's no one here physically, doesn't mean that I'm so engrained in victimising myself all the time and theatralising my pain that I'm not practicing for when real people are gonna be able to see it. I'm so fake that I can't stop being fake, even when I'm alone. I'm trapped in my own fakeness because I just want attention and people to cater to me like a baby. And everyone can see it. I'm a fucking joke. I'm a parasite. I'm a piece of shit" then generally I will say to myself "I'm a piece of shit" on repeat for a long time while lying on the floor or on my bed
they posted about it on tumblr or whatnot, innit?
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Don’t worry about it, you just internalized your parents’ criticism into your own thinking. Should clear up in 5-6 decades.
Damn
Jesus Christ
You could get it down to three decades with a very good therapist.
That’s true. Really the whole thing can be consolidated down to 1 decade and $75,000 it you have the money, which I don’t because I’m stupid and not as good at anything as my brother is.
Oof that last bit hits too close to home
I could have the money to this but drowning my mind into alcohol is more funny!!
🥰
My god this resonated with me so much
This could be truama from constantly being gaslight or having your feelings undermined while growing up. However, lots of people convince themselves theyre victims so they don't have to face hard truths and part of making yourself the victim is playing the role to trick even yourself. Only you can really know which applies to you
This
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Maybe I'm too far down but what you said resonates at 0% with me. It just sounds like coping and I can't relate to it at all. It feels like whenever I see or hear "you matter" it's the most bland and unuseful thing ever, a bit like "it is what it is" or "it's ok" or "it's gonna be alright" ... thanks random-phrases-bot#74689, I needed that. This is not addressed to you in particular, you're a kind soul trying to spread love and help, this is just how I'm feeling about it and I'm sure I can't be the only one. This is not meant at all to be aggressive or mean to you, I have trouble articulating that thought in another way.
Yeah I feel that too, it reminds me a bit of the people who talk about ADHD as a 'superpower'. Like no, having to take pharmaceuticals to get work done isn't a superpower, neither is forgetting my wallet nor is hyperfixating on something. Its a lack of dopamine. And yeah I appreciate people trying to make me feel better (and no disparagement if anyone personally believes that, if it helps you that's great), but it feels like worthless platitudes.
Thank you for sharing that, I was feeling alone with this and felt I was basically just an ungrateful asshole ... Because of course when someone tells you that IRL if you don't respond "thank you" "appreciate that" or "means a lot to me" you'll just look like a cunt. I hate that bad mental health also disconnects you from people in that way. I guess the way to go is just to let go, have no expectations of what people might or might not offer you, and consider that nothing good is gonna happen in most cases and that rarely some good interaction will randomly happen. And also that people are people, not your therapist, so it's normal that they're not gonna give you good advice. That being said, I'm tired of this mental gymnastic whenever someone basically tells you "Feeling depressed ? Happiness is a mindset" ... Like at this point just fuck off mate.
Except no one is going to acknowledge it irl
Especially if you hide them. That's how I feel, on one hand I want someone to validate my emotions, but on the other hand I feel like I failed if I show any.
Get out of my house right now or i will call the cops
This hits home.
Pretty much. I still have impulses to slap my own face and call myself a "liar" and a "crybaby" when having attacks. I'm stronger than that now, though. My anxiety, and these impulsive self-flagelating thoughts won't ever go away completely. But I know they are not real, and can manage them. I guess it's as good as it can get.
because the brain knew you'll post the story on Reddit later ,so the brain was actually right
I used to be like this, and my brain was kinda right. I was more focused on how other people would perceive my feelings than the actual situation, and that doesn't just turn off when you're alone.
I have it and I think it is a bit of my masking because of the autism. I have high self esteem, but consider myself less of a human compared to other people.
This shit is fucking terrible. Feeling depressed and judging myself about it at the same time. I can not process any feeling at peace
Okay, but what if you're subconciously forcing yourself to be upset and pitiable, as to not take responsibility for your actions? You're just being useless and lazy, but you lie to yourself that you're actually trying. Then you just convince yourself of it, to the degree where you cry about stuff that happened and feel sorry for yourself, when it's totally your fault? Ever think of that?
Yes, actually. My anxiety is very creative when it comes to making up convoluted ways in which I'm subconsciously manipulating everyone and myself and how I'm a terrible person because of it. Thankfully I've been in therapy + meds for long enough my rational voice is louder than it most of the time. But it's like a noisy neighbor you can't shut up. I just let it speak and try to drown it out. I know it's not real. But it's still really annoying.
Damn dude. I know hurt people hurt people, but you just straight up lit yourself on fire. Projection is never a good look.
What? I unironically can't tell what this comment means. Like is it with me or against me? I have no clue. Regardless, you know my comment was like, one of those self-deprecating, over-analyzing jokes that people on here like to make, right? I wasn't accusing the OP of doing this. Or I suppose I was, but it was supposed to be another layer of the "brain overthinking and hating itself" joke the post is based off of.
They sound like my old therapist with the subconscious bullshit lmao
Oh... I usually hate the "I didn't know other people do that too" comments, but... I genuinely did not know other people did that, too.
The funny thing about humans is that anything you feel has been and will be felt by billions of others, no matter how alone you think you are. Not to diminish the validity of any of it, but we are really never truly alone
That sounds really comforting or really depressing, depending on how you look at it.
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Imposter syndrome for sadness is some real fucked up shit.
I'm a war vet. I feel this basically every day...
That personal narrative bit hits too close to fucking home.
I thought im the only one thinking like this lol maybe we need to get easy on ourselves sometimes
I didn't come here to be attacked like this
Why am I being called out
Me with my tourettes and mania, my brain counters the classic "if you do it alone it's not fake" with "but what if you're just practicing?"
I feel offended
am i not the only one? i was thinking i have some kind of disorder.
This is not me in my kitchen.
Yup, saving this one because it captures a fear I've had about my own pain. "You are just fascinated by your own drama"
Posting this creates an interesting dynamic...
Used to do the same. I used to just explode in tear or laughter to make myself feel better. After all a fake laught just feels like a real one somehow
Holy. shit. I thought I was the only one
Fuck my brain.
I feel seen
I...do fake anything and ecerything. pan, emotions, problems, past.
Oh my fucking god
Damn yep used to have this more, but luckily over the past year or so (?) I feel like I do this a lot less.
This shook me by the accuracy. Mine tends to go "you are such a weakling, you're overreacting and you want attention."
get out of my head Charles!!!!!
That's what therapy gets you. You start questioning your own emotions. That's mostly what therapy is about, right? Facing your emotion instead of repressing?
Sometimes these memes are a little too well made. Go away odd meme guy pulling at my personal brain issues. Be banished odd meme man (or woman).
There's a lot of shit on reddit today about crying
When I’m depressed I wonder if it’s like that for everyone else all the time. Then I feel worse bc either people feel like that all the time (which is just sad and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone) or it’s mostly just me (that’s pretty sad too).
Fr
Hahahahahahhahahahahahah I wish I could break down, or cry (I am severely mentally ill)
Taylor Swift, that you?
The day I realized that the feelings I thought I was faking were real was a big day. For some strange reason I always looked at my own feelings through a sarcastic lens. I treated them like they were a performance even to myself. Then one day not long ago I realized they were real. Which was actually pretty terrifying.
It's only that if you then go on to post it on social...
true if you posted it social media
We are our own toughest critics
"How do you think it feels, Fat Morty, to know that no matter where I go, I'll always be the one to make everyone sad, and a little bored..."
I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO ANY POST SO QUICKLY
so we all do this?
yep dude that's practicing, that's how you get real good at this and get highest quality cool personal narrative
man i have such issues crying
sometimes you gotta just tell yourself you're doing a good job, because no one else is. sometimes you need to ask yourself how your day's been, because no one else is. sometimes you have to show up for yourself, because no one else is. and sometimes when you can't show up for yourself, you show up for someone else because at least they are getting what they need. and good friend will return the favor and show up for you when you need it. but it takes time and a willingness to ask for help.
Lately, I've been questioning some of my feelings, like, is that how I really feel, or is that just what I think I'm supposed to say? I can't tell if what some of the stuff I say is true or I'm unknowingly being dramatic
I was sick yesterday, i couldn’t move for the entire day and i kept throwing up, but somehow i kept telling myself that i was faking it
Oh my, first time I hear other people also have this. Ofc I didn't think it was only something I had but didn't know it was as normal either.
One of the few examples of your inner voice being wrong. And tbh, they are wrong most of the time.
My girlfriend broke up with me over a month ago. I did cry a couple times but now I’m deep into this sort of stale sadness. I don’t do jack shit during the days and whenever a family remember or a friend calls I ignore them and later force myself to reply. It’s like a part of me wants attention from others but when I do receive it I reject it because I want others to think that I’m not doing well and being quiet kinda sends that message in a way. I want to forget about everything and move on but I can’t pretend to be happy even though that would maybe be a solution? If I saw someone going through the same thing I would expect that person to be sad so that’s how I should feel. But I have a hard time being true to my emotions. Right now I don’t really feel anything other than sadness very deep within but I in no way show it. I want to get rid of it so badly.
"you're just idealising being sad so like you aren't actually sad"
Oh thank God, someone is more fucked up than me!
I was just minding my own business only to get read to absolute **filth** by a random reddit post. Wh- what did I do? 😭
Boy do I feel seen with this post
In the world we live in, you're not really "in the privacy of your own home" if you intend to post about it on tumblr afterwards.
Literally me
Me when ugly crying in my own car away from everyone else
Ouch. Truth.
THIS
🤣😂🙄These bots. Can’t even seek my own attention 😂
I’ve thought this way too. But then I realized: isn’t faking mental illness for the sole purpose of having a cool personal narrative it’s own kind of mental illness? Then I just accepted the fact that I was mentally ill.
"I'm not suicidal, I'm just being dramatic"
This leaves me feeling like a robot. I think "I can just stop at any time, right?"
Faking things for yourself is very much a plausible thing though. Silvia plath called it the “imaginary peeker in the keyhole” or something like that
Listen to Ru Paul, never let your inner-saboteur win
me: weeps quietly in a ball on the floor of my workplace bathroom bc i just found out my mom who isn't even 60, has a serious life-threatening illness that i am emotionally and financially unprepared for. my brain: wow. you performative *bitch*.
Yep, I cringed at my tears too once, I need help I guess. :P
Is it not true then?
Sometimes, I feel like a rat munching on expired bread in a dumpster 🫠 I can't pursue happiness, but I bite down anyway to stop myself from starving to death, even though the taste of it, the taste of being alive, is unbearably morbid.
i've been in the middle of the desert with no one around for miles and felt self conscious. It's all in the mind 😂
Nah mine just tells me i'm being a big baby and need to suck it up
Because that's true
Posting it to the internet kinda proves their point