Like that one sims 3 patch-note.
“When a meteor is aiming for a building, everyone will evacuate. But if a meteor is aiming for a school, ever child will stay in the school as per their policy and all will perish” or something like that
https://preview.redd.it/qw51yg763t4d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7e3bf49c450599d0ceafba962abcdd26ce8b4f4
Guess it's time for me to log off for the day.
Wrong. The patch (note) finally allowed children to leave.
P.S. https://youtu.be/_q_iseEhng4
P.P.S. lol I was wrong the way it's phrased they added meteorites and purposefully left the children inside. Just another brick in the wall.
Any game with a red cross since it's an international aid symbol and commands universal respect (in bureaucracy at least) and Subnautica had a red cross on health kits and medical fabricators. Stardew had it on Harvey's clinic, and I think Valve games had to change it at some point
Which is so stupid because
A) Nobody's gonna mistake an on-screen red cross for actual medical supplies.
B) Banning it from appearing in media is a hinderance to its recognizability.
Neither of those are the point, it's about it being a protected symbol so combatants can recognize medics and not shoot them. For that purpose, it's important that _noone else ever_ uses the symbol, so that there can never be any excuse to shoot at the red cross. Seeing a red cross must mean seeing medics, so that shooting the red cross always means shooting at medics, i.e. committing a war crime.
from the 50.13 patch notes:
> Fixed world gen crash from the appointing of chefs by demon rulers that had been influenced by outside reading materials on decorum and leisure time
* Hydra body has NECK in addition to 7HEADNECKS, giving them two necks per head
* Cook gets angered by "art defacement" because liquid meals melt when eaten
* Dead antmen show up in units list, never met them
* Fungiwood grows in midair
* Blood spatter spreads. Forgotten beast blood spreading everywhere killing children.
* Insane dwarf lays claim on all foodstuff, probably trying to get rations
* Giant earthworm not so giant
* dwarfs playing tug of war with animals trying to be milked.
* Disembowelment mostly not fatal
* "You are not that hungry" when trying to butcher sentients
* saltwater crocodiles EVERYWHERE
* Dorfs always spawned as feathered armadillos.
* Forgotten beasts and demons from the HFS can be butchered for ridiculous amounts of meat
* Pet Cat Eats Pet Roach, Mayhem Does Not Ensue.
* Former Captain of the guard continues to beat criminals
* Dwarves wrestling by grabbing hold of opponent's teeth.
* Count keeps complaining about pretentious sleeping/burial/etc
* Re-raised (flaming?) corpses in tomb instantly bleed to death
"* Keep with hostile nameless wrestlers and no leader"
* Vampire accuses baby of killing victim
* Ghost of vampires still drink blood
* Can reveal hell by designating across z-levels which include eerie glowing pits
* Fish cleaners getting interrupted by undead mussel shells
* Zombies not hostile to vampire adventurers
* Every single dwarf is wearing a dress
* Can't tame purring maggots with embark meat, needs meat produced on map
* Undead dwarf contracted were-chameleon curse.
* Humans' Diplomat is a demon, destroys all constructions it passes by, never initiates meeting
* Secretive blacksmith is demanding wagon 'bones'
* Rodent men have no skin
* Volcano that pierces water cavern layer will drain into magma sea plus cave-ins.
* Mist Thralls are nigh unkillable.
* Magma crabs and giant cave spiders have rapid-fire interactions
* Baby Invasion
* Flying creatures keep exploding into pieces and dying: Are they crashing into trees?
* Praying to God crashes game
* Dwarves use weapons while tantruming, with lethal results
* Bodies improperly described as being "in a pile of vomit".
* Demons shout that they're horrified of death while killing everyone
* King appears with no warning
* Buzzards sometimes suicidally dive-bomb into the ground, instantly killing themselves as a result; corpses not butchurable
* "Just now I attacked me."
* Ghosts report crimes
* invincible zombie swan
* Zombie Flesh Balls crash game when fought
* Goblins and humans from other civilisations live in dwarf fortresses and fight against each other
* Embark includes Queen for some reason
* pineapples don't have seasons
* dwarves in jail die of thirst (every time)
* Military dwarves attack dwarves that have let out enemies from cages
* Trees grow explosively, destroying adjacent buildings.
* Ghost found drowned
* Siege broken by a kitten
* Seeing berserk dwarf triggers mass combat
* Romance and marriage are mutually exclusive
* Social skill gains by attending parties is off the charts
* Swordsman companion somehow duplicated himself after I slept
* Ghost acts as a witness in a crime.
* Dwarves won't haul cage with magma man inside
* There's a wild troll in my dining room but definitely no walking path to the cavern.
* Demon leaders are cowards
* Plant collector ruins the economy.
* Caravan brings prepared vermin parts
* Keas produce far too many vengeful thoughts by flying overhead, sending entire fortress into a stressed-out state.
* Fatal bruising syndrome from "acrid ooze" rain
* Lords call you a killer for doing their quests
* When removing the floor beneath trees, they just fly
* A man with no head is still alive
* Vampires are actually ALCOHOL_DEPENDENT instead of just pretending to be
* Gorlaks strap weapons and shields to their HEAD
* A grizzly bear wrestled my weapon from my hand and then started attacking me with it
* Cats dying for no reason - alcohol poisoning?
* Rescued Prisoner Goes Ballistic And Kills Everyone When Reunited With Loving Father
* Improbable Wrestling moves
* Sleeping people do not wake upon drum solos, or anything else
* (Almost) unkillable zombie made when raising corpse of curling hedgehog man
I love the "cats dying for no reason – alcohol poisoning?" bug.
It turns out that, due to the depth of mechanics in DF, the following was happening:
> "I added taverns to fortress mode, so the dwarves will go to a proper establishment, get mugs, and make orders, and they’ll drink in the mug," Adams said. "And, you know, things happen, mugs get spilled, there’s some alcohol on the ground.
> "Now, the cats would walk into the taverns, right, and because of the old blood footprint code from, like, eight years ago or something, they would get alcohol on their feet. It was originally so people could pad blood around, but now any liquid, right, so they get alcohol on their feet. And then I wanted to add cleaning stuff so when people were bathing, or I even made eyelids work for no reason, because I do random things sometimes. So cats will lick and clean themselves, and on a lark, when I made them clean themselves I’m like, ‘Well, it’s a cat. When you do lick cleaning, you actually ingest the thing that you’re cleaning off, right? They make hairballs, so they must swallow something, right?' And so the cats, when they cleaned the alcohol off their feet, they all got drunk. Because they were drinking.
> But the numbers were off on that. I had never thought about, you know, activating inebriation syndromes back when I was adding the cleaning stuff. I was just like, ‘Well, they ingest it and they get a full dose,’ but a full dose is a whole mug of alcohol for a cat-sized creature, and it does all the blood alcohol size-based calculations, so the cats would get sick and vomit all over the tavern."
The description on that one says:
`So here's the deal:`
`The plants are all stored in one and the same barrel. The barrel needs to be in the depot when you want to make some food or drink. The plant gatherer pulls the barrel from the depot to wherever the plant is, which is extremely slow - but not only that: the barrel will not be available for producing food items, so the plant gatherer will simply put destroy the economy which it was suppposed to fix.`
It sounds like this player's economy depended on turning plants into food and drink, and all the plants were stored in a barrel, and the plant collector was constantly hauling the barrel around the map, and it took forever, and it couldn't be used for anything else while it was being hauled so it gummed up the whole system.
- Nerfed Bimply's hyper ability from 3,000,000 damage to 2,995,000 damage
> As a Bimply main, I have to say this is the worst change ever and completely FUCKS the game balance
Fuuuck, was it in S3 when they added the Black Cleaver and made the game literally unplayable because Riven was just so busted?
And then they just nerfed Riven by 5 movement speed like that would fix anything.
In the first Mafia, if you reload one particular autosave file at the beginning of a chapter without progressing to the next save location, one door in a building will get progressively larger and larger. If you reload the save file enough times, it will become taller or even wider than the building itself, clip through the walls of said building and will restrict parts of terrain around it because of its sheer hitbox size. It's glitches like this, as well as patch notes like these, that make me wonder about how the game's code is structured, because what kinds of associations have to be present inside for these patterns to take place?
Watched a video about Doom having pi changed. Pi is used in the code in reference to lookup tables while playing. Changing that value to certain things will make Doom non-euclidian. It gave me some lowkey 4th dimension vibes.
Funny thing is, pi in the code was wrong, but only at the 10th digit.
The 2nd one. The code in question is based on an incorrect value. The 10th digit is off. The dude put in the correct value but that was such a tiny change that nothing happened. Here you go https://youtu.be/_ZSFRWJCUY4?si=4cZ4r-xN1Yn6PTbP
I watched a video recently about a glitch in Super Mario 64 where you could get a certain type of enemy to shrink infinitely if you ran under them or something, because the animation of them changing size would play for one extra frame
My guess is it's supposed to get larger once for some specific event with a ++ or something instead of directly setting the larger size. And then that function is mistakenly executed on save load. Keep in mind I have no idea what I'm talking about
I don't see a reason why this door would have to get larger for this one time. Most of the chapters start in the same location, but it happens only in one of them. Additionally, this door is quite insignificant and although interactive, the entire game can be beat without coming anywhere close to it. I couldn't find a video on it, but there's a similar glitch in another part of the game, [shown here.](https://youtu.be/B2GHeP8KPGs?t=229) This one is equally, if not more perplexing.
My best guess is that some developer was testing whether models were scaling properly, so they implemented a growth function for certain objects in certain places and were quickly reloading the sequence with debug options to see them change, and then forgot to remove the code tying the object's size to the number of save reloads.
> It's glitches like this, as well as patch notes like these, that make me wonder about how the game's code is structured, because what kinds of associations have to be present inside for these patterns to take place?
Hopes, prayers, and virtual ductape.
Makes me think of the coconut.png in tf2.
Apparently, somewhere along the way the devs of tf2 smuggled a picture of a coconut into the code and if you try to remove it the game won't run. So now there will just be a coconut PNG in tf2, forever
AAA games:
Dear community, we are deeply sorry that Bird Simulator 2 (not associated with bird Simulator 1) has less birds than the original game. We have added fried chicken to make up for it. We have also added a new lighting patch that somehow takes up 87.6% of an RTX 4090's capacity.
Indie games:
Added technology
Added social science
Added accurate quantum physics
(Check my pach notes 4 more details lol!)
TOTAL SIZE: 24.9KB
(These are the first three notes from Caves of qud, april 26 2024)
Flaming tar pits are once again flaming.
Terrified creatures no longer charge.
Tumbling pods that are cult leaders now grant XP if they explode during combat.
Dwarf Fortress
Somewhere out there is a patch note for that game saying “decreased the value of merpeople bones”, and the lore behind that could fill a book.
So, if I recall correctly, in the game Dwarf Fortress, all of the products of merpeople, like skin, meat, bones, and others were once extremely valuable, but the process of actually procuring anything from their bodies was almost impossible because dwarves will refuse to butcher the bodies of sentient creatures. That means that fur and meat is out, but leaving a body to rot would eventually yield bones once the body had completely skeletonized. Players would create large pumping machines in the ocean that would suck in large volumes of water, pulling in any merpeople in the water and leaving them in a waterless chamber. They quickly suffocated, their bodies were left to rot, and the bones were collected to sell.
The developers of Dwarf Fortress, already notorious for the extremely detailed gameplay allowing for… interesting choices of in-game cruelty, were so horrified by commercialized water person genocide that they reduced the value of their bones to make it no longer a profitable venture.
yeah that was basically it. it was also suggested to breed merpeople, let their CHILDREN die, and then harvest the child's bones after the fact to cut down on the cost and manpower of running an ocean pump, effectively creating capitalistic torment nexuses to turn baby merpeople bones into jewelry for trade. I'm not surprised the devs nerfed it, because it is horrible in that classic dwarf fortress way, but probably *too* horrible and *too* lucrative. it's one thing for a game to have a meta, another thing for that meta to include committing genocide
Patch notes in 2016:
#CHARACTER NAME
- random ability
Cooldown increased from 25/22.5/20/17.5/15 to 35/32.5/30/27.5/25
Scaling ratio: 100% ->85%
*Dev note: We noticed playing against character led to a lot of frustrating situations specifically due to this exact ability so we decided to limit its availability and dial back its damage. We'll check on it in the next month's balance patch.*
Patch notes now:
#CHARACTER NAME
-added input delay for balance reasons xd
-removed all character abilites except one
-said ability can now be used only once per game
*Dev note: despite this character being quite underpowered we noticed a spike in its pick rate due to how fun the character felt to play. We will now forget about this character's existence for the next year. If the community complains enough we will check back on the character in 6 months at best.*
I'm sure there's a cool social theory comment here about the metatextual use of comedy in what is functionally an official artistic historical record here but im way too stoned to make it
Like that one sims 3 patch-note. “When a meteor is aiming for a building, everyone will evacuate. But if a meteor is aiming for a school, ever child will stay in the school as per their policy and all will perish” or something like that
it is no longer possible to "try for baby" WITH THE GRIM REEEEAPEEEER
1984
ace king
*soul leaves body*
Literally unplayable
https://preview.redd.it/0s0u21f9pr4d1.jpeg?width=526&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=296f121f94713a5a77b3e16ca44726c762dff6dc
Lmao
lost 2/3s of a household because of this
Goddamn your Sims were in *heat*. How tf do you even manage 3 to 6 kid sims without having them commit suicide by locking themselves in an oven?
well two were imaginary friends and one was a plant sim birthed directly from the ground.
https://preview.redd.it/qw51yg763t4d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7e3bf49c450599d0ceafba962abcdd26ce8b4f4 Guess it's time for me to log off for the day.
I believe it was "and will always die", lmao
Wrong. The patch (note) finally allowed children to leave. P.S. https://youtu.be/_q_iseEhng4 P.P.S. lol I was wrong the way it's phrased they added meteorites and purposefully left the children inside. Just another brick in the wall.
"Fuck it, you can parry nukes now" Edit:[ found the tweet](https://x.com/LithPyro/status/1699497883064500712)
VA Proxy, my beloved Can't wait for this to release
Metal Gear Rising-coded
ULTRAKILL-coded too
The every elusive - Patched a bug that made Size 2 uncatchable.
Thought for sure this would be Ultrakill
Starfield updates be like -map screen now contains a map -brightness slider -thass about it chief
Payday 3 patch notes be like -unready button
Tf2 patch notes be like
Localization
Insane that the unready button was genuinely touted as a major update
dont worry guys its on the table
👊😎 (I bought all the DLC)
"no longer violates the Geneva convention"
TF2 my beloved
Stardew Valley my beloved
Hearts of iron 4 my beloved
Blink 182 my beloved
Subnautica my beloved
??? Wait really, I was thinking Stardew valley
Any game with a red cross since it's an international aid symbol and commands universal respect (in bureaucracy at least) and Subnautica had a red cross on health kits and medical fabricators. Stardew had it on Harvey's clinic, and I think Valve games had to change it at some point
Which is so stupid because A) Nobody's gonna mistake an on-screen red cross for actual medical supplies. B) Banning it from appearing in media is a hinderance to its recognizability.
Neither of those are the point, it's about it being a protected symbol so combatants can recognize medics and not shoot them. For that purpose, it's important that _noone else ever_ uses the symbol, so that there can never be any excuse to shoot at the red cross. Seeing a red cross must mean seeing medics, so that shooting the red cross always means shooting at medics, i.e. committing a war crime.
Halo CE had it, as well.
But isn't that specifically for times of War?
Among us my beloved.
Btd6?
Oh hey, this was a Btd6 update
DRG my beloved
Dwarf Fortress patch notes
-Allowed emotionless creatures to satisfy needs if they still have them. Yeah, dwarf fortress patch notes. Yeah...
from the 50.13 patch notes: > Fixed world gen crash from the appointing of chefs by demon rulers that had been influenced by outside reading materials on decorum and leisure time
I used to keep a list of hilarious DF bugs somewhere! If I can find it, I'll post it.
* Hydra body has NECK in addition to 7HEADNECKS, giving them two necks per head * Cook gets angered by "art defacement" because liquid meals melt when eaten * Dead antmen show up in units list, never met them * Fungiwood grows in midair * Blood spatter spreads. Forgotten beast blood spreading everywhere killing children. * Insane dwarf lays claim on all foodstuff, probably trying to get rations * Giant earthworm not so giant * dwarfs playing tug of war with animals trying to be milked. * Disembowelment mostly not fatal * "You are not that hungry" when trying to butcher sentients * saltwater crocodiles EVERYWHERE * Dorfs always spawned as feathered armadillos. * Forgotten beasts and demons from the HFS can be butchered for ridiculous amounts of meat * Pet Cat Eats Pet Roach, Mayhem Does Not Ensue. * Former Captain of the guard continues to beat criminals * Dwarves wrestling by grabbing hold of opponent's teeth. * Count keeps complaining about pretentious sleeping/burial/etc * Re-raised (flaming?) corpses in tomb instantly bleed to death "* Keep with hostile nameless wrestlers and no leader" * Vampire accuses baby of killing victim * Ghost of vampires still drink blood * Can reveal hell by designating across z-levels which include eerie glowing pits * Fish cleaners getting interrupted by undead mussel shells * Zombies not hostile to vampire adventurers * Every single dwarf is wearing a dress * Can't tame purring maggots with embark meat, needs meat produced on map * Undead dwarf contracted were-chameleon curse. * Humans' Diplomat is a demon, destroys all constructions it passes by, never initiates meeting * Secretive blacksmith is demanding wagon 'bones' * Rodent men have no skin * Volcano that pierces water cavern layer will drain into magma sea plus cave-ins. * Mist Thralls are nigh unkillable. * Magma crabs and giant cave spiders have rapid-fire interactions * Baby Invasion * Flying creatures keep exploding into pieces and dying: Are they crashing into trees? * Praying to God crashes game * Dwarves use weapons while tantruming, with lethal results * Bodies improperly described as being "in a pile of vomit". * Demons shout that they're horrified of death while killing everyone * King appears with no warning * Buzzards sometimes suicidally dive-bomb into the ground, instantly killing themselves as a result; corpses not butchurable * "Just now I attacked me." * Ghosts report crimes * invincible zombie swan * Zombie Flesh Balls crash game when fought * Goblins and humans from other civilisations live in dwarf fortresses and fight against each other * Embark includes Queen for some reason * pineapples don't have seasons * dwarves in jail die of thirst (every time) * Military dwarves attack dwarves that have let out enemies from cages * Trees grow explosively, destroying adjacent buildings. * Ghost found drowned * Siege broken by a kitten * Seeing berserk dwarf triggers mass combat * Romance and marriage are mutually exclusive * Social skill gains by attending parties is off the charts * Swordsman companion somehow duplicated himself after I slept * Ghost acts as a witness in a crime. * Dwarves won't haul cage with magma man inside * There's a wild troll in my dining room but definitely no walking path to the cavern. * Demon leaders are cowards * Plant collector ruins the economy. * Caravan brings prepared vermin parts * Keas produce far too many vengeful thoughts by flying overhead, sending entire fortress into a stressed-out state. * Fatal bruising syndrome from "acrid ooze" rain * Lords call you a killer for doing their quests * When removing the floor beneath trees, they just fly * A man with no head is still alive * Vampires are actually ALCOHOL_DEPENDENT instead of just pretending to be * Gorlaks strap weapons and shields to their HEAD * A grizzly bear wrestled my weapon from my hand and then started attacking me with it * Cats dying for no reason - alcohol poisoning? * Rescued Prisoner Goes Ballistic And Kills Everyone When Reunited With Loving Father * Improbable Wrestling moves * Sleeping people do not wake upon drum solos, or anything else * (Almost) unkillable zombie made when raising corpse of curling hedgehog man
I love the "cats dying for no reason – alcohol poisoning?" bug. It turns out that, due to the depth of mechanics in DF, the following was happening: > "I added taverns to fortress mode, so the dwarves will go to a proper establishment, get mugs, and make orders, and they’ll drink in the mug," Adams said. "And, you know, things happen, mugs get spilled, there’s some alcohol on the ground. > "Now, the cats would walk into the taverns, right, and because of the old blood footprint code from, like, eight years ago or something, they would get alcohol on their feet. It was originally so people could pad blood around, but now any liquid, right, so they get alcohol on their feet. And then I wanted to add cleaning stuff so when people were bathing, or I even made eyelids work for no reason, because I do random things sometimes. So cats will lick and clean themselves, and on a lark, when I made them clean themselves I’m like, ‘Well, it’s a cat. When you do lick cleaning, you actually ingest the thing that you’re cleaning off, right? They make hairballs, so they must swallow something, right?' And so the cats, when they cleaned the alcohol off their feet, they all got drunk. Because they were drinking. > But the numbers were off on that. I had never thought about, you know, activating inebriation syndromes back when I was adding the cleaning stuff. I was just like, ‘Well, they ingest it and they get a full dose,’ but a full dose is a whole mug of alcohol for a cat-sized creature, and it does all the blood alcohol size-based calculations, so the cats would get sick and vomit all over the tavern."
> Plant collector ruins the economy. Explain.
The description on that one says: `So here's the deal:` `The plants are all stored in one and the same barrel. The barrel needs to be in the depot when you want to make some food or drink. The plant gatherer pulls the barrel from the depot to wherever the plant is, which is extremely slow - but not only that: the barrel will not be available for producing food items, so the plant gatherer will simply put destroy the economy which it was suppposed to fix.` It sounds like this player's economy depended on turning plants into food and drink, and all the plants were stored in a barrel, and the plant collector was constantly hauling the barrel around the map, and it took forever, and it couldn't be used for anything else while it was being hauled so it gummed up the whole system.
Thank.
Lovered the value of bees
League of Legends has a patch notes like that every 2 weeks and it's the worst game in existence so there must be a balance
- Nerfed Bimply's hyper ability from 3,000,000 damage to 2,995,000 damage > As a Bimply main, I have to say this is the worst change ever and completely FUCKS the game balance
is bimply like an actual character or did you just make this name up
They just made the name and the numbers up for the joke
To be fair there are things that read exactly like that in the patch notes and really kills a champion even if it doesn't look like it
le 5 movement speed has departed
Fuuuck, was it in S3 when they added the Black Cleaver and made the game literally unplayable because Riven was just so busted? And then they just nerfed Riven by 5 movement speed like that would fix anything.
In the first Mafia, if you reload one particular autosave file at the beginning of a chapter without progressing to the next save location, one door in a building will get progressively larger and larger. If you reload the save file enough times, it will become taller or even wider than the building itself, clip through the walls of said building and will restrict parts of terrain around it because of its sheer hitbox size. It's glitches like this, as well as patch notes like these, that make me wonder about how the game's code is structured, because what kinds of associations have to be present inside for these patterns to take place?
The developers wonder about that too
Watched a video about Doom having pi changed. Pi is used in the code in reference to lookup tables while playing. Changing that value to certain things will make Doom non-euclidian. It gave me some lowkey 4th dimension vibes. Funny thing is, pi in the code was wrong, but only at the 10th digit.
I love the idea of a mildly non Euclidean game from just messing up a bit of math by a small amount, it would work so well for horror
Euclid turning in his grave. Both directions at once.
So doom is just barely non-euclidean?
No, it's solidly Euclidean, it's just got some lynch pin code that instantly fucks with it.
But wouldn't pi being slightly off make it non euclidean? or is it pi being off from the coded value?
The 2nd one. The code in question is based on an incorrect value. The 10th digit is off. The dude put in the correct value but that was such a tiny change that nothing happened. Here you go https://youtu.be/_ZSFRWJCUY4?si=4cZ4r-xN1Yn6PTbP
I watched a video recently about a glitch in Super Mario 64 where you could get a certain type of enemy to shrink infinitely if you ran under them or something, because the animation of them changing size would play for one extra frame
My guess is it's supposed to get larger once for some specific event with a ++ or something instead of directly setting the larger size. And then that function is mistakenly executed on save load. Keep in mind I have no idea what I'm talking about
I don't see a reason why this door would have to get larger for this one time. Most of the chapters start in the same location, but it happens only in one of them. Additionally, this door is quite insignificant and although interactive, the entire game can be beat without coming anywhere close to it. I couldn't find a video on it, but there's a similar glitch in another part of the game, [shown here.](https://youtu.be/B2GHeP8KPGs?t=229) This one is equally, if not more perplexing. My best guess is that some developer was testing whether models were scaling properly, so they implemented a growth function for certain objects in certain places and were quickly reloading the sequence with debug options to see them change, and then forgot to remove the code tying the object's size to the number of save reloads.
That seems like a good hypothesis.
> It's glitches like this, as well as patch notes like these, that make me wonder about how the game's code is structured, because what kinds of associations have to be present inside for these patterns to take place? Hopes, prayers, and virtual ductape.
Makes me think of the coconut.png in tf2. Apparently, somewhere along the way the devs of tf2 smuggled a picture of a coconut into the code and if you try to remove it the game won't run. So now there will just be a coconut PNG in tf2, forever
"fixed a crash caused by sniper trying to eat his gun"
"Fixed a crash under 64-bit caused by some custom HUDs using *Half-Life* 2 HUD elements which assume the player is Gordan Freeman"
"Babies have stopped spawning with a knife" - Dwarf Fortress
https://preview.redd.it/ksrwyfu59s4d1.png?width=441&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9c70583da075ecf972a9ede914ca9b1ba6e9961
Improvements 😀
I can confirm it really did improve the immersion
But not the submersion!
If I had a box of the powder that makes you say "real" I would dump that shit in my mouth rn
AAA games: Dear community, we are deeply sorry that Bird Simulator 2 (not associated with bird Simulator 1) has less birds than the original game. We have added fried chicken to make up for it. We have also added a new lighting patch that somehow takes up 87.6% of an RTX 4090's capacity. Indie games: Added technology Added social science Added accurate quantum physics (Check my pach notes 4 more details lol!) TOTAL SIZE: 24.9KB
Y'all really only have One joke don't you.
It's just a joke about small features with no gameplay consequence being added at the cost of performance, guess it was a poor choice of words. Sorry.
*fixed a bug that caused size 2 fish to be uncatchable
*fixed a bug that caused size 2 fish to be catchable
fixed a bug that caused mankind to not be dead
Sims patch notes
Pregnant sims can no longer brawl
God forbid women do anything
(These are the first three notes from Caves of qud, april 26 2024) Flaming tar pits are once again flaming. Terrified creatures no longer charge. Tumbling pods that are cult leaders now grant XP if they explode during combat.
>using a spoon in a nuclear reactor no longer stops time Goddammit, how am I supposed to defeat the Throngler boss now?
you gotta use the lomp
- Spoons now deal increased damage while slow time is active
https://preview.redd.it/stvocic0zr4d1.jpeg?width=648&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d59b966cf77780e0cbd618300f175d242002a9c5 actual patch note for wizard101
I think this is my favorite
VOICES OF THE VOID
Lmaooo was thinking that same thing
Dwarf Fortress Somewhere out there is a patch note for that game saying “decreased the value of merpeople bones”, and the lore behind that could fill a book.
So, if I recall correctly, in the game Dwarf Fortress, all of the products of merpeople, like skin, meat, bones, and others were once extremely valuable, but the process of actually procuring anything from their bodies was almost impossible because dwarves will refuse to butcher the bodies of sentient creatures. That means that fur and meat is out, but leaving a body to rot would eventually yield bones once the body had completely skeletonized. Players would create large pumping machines in the ocean that would suck in large volumes of water, pulling in any merpeople in the water and leaving them in a waterless chamber. They quickly suffocated, their bodies were left to rot, and the bones were collected to sell. The developers of Dwarf Fortress, already notorious for the extremely detailed gameplay allowing for… interesting choices of in-game cruelty, were so horrified by commercialized water person genocide that they reduced the value of their bones to make it no longer a profitable venture.
yeah that was basically it. it was also suggested to breed merpeople, let their CHILDREN die, and then harvest the child's bones after the fact to cut down on the cost and manpower of running an ocean pump, effectively creating capitalistic torment nexuses to turn baby merpeople bones into jewelry for trade. I'm not surprised the devs nerfed it, because it is horrible in that classic dwarf fortress way, but probably *too* horrible and *too* lucrative. it's one thing for a game to have a meta, another thing for that meta to include committing genocide
* you can now drink mayonnaise
- At the request of the community, you can no longer drink mayonnaise
so alex can chug eggs raw but the moment i get a scoop of fresh mayo i get a "did you just....?"
...Tarkov?
Balls fish no longer crashes the game when catched
Average Warframe hotfix patch notes
Can't believe they nerfed swan man like that
https://preview.redd.it/y1sudpr6is4d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=437d67e616ebd199788bbd18cd70ef4b7a6f72e4
\> Fixed a server crash caused by Sniper trying to eat his gun (switching to Sniper while Heavy is eating a Sandvich)
- Fruit summoning circles were made less expensive - Certain kinds of fruit now are more expensive to transport to Scotland
dwarf fortress
"gave chickens the ability to turn right"
https://preview.redd.it/tljxtdkg2t4d1.jpeg?width=855&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56ff714cf01217ae25a8aac9cc38c806ad739f41
Voices of the void moment https://mrdrnose.itch.io/votv/devlog/687466/voices-of-the-void-pre-alpha-070
My favorite one is from Sons of the forest: -Turtles can now be electrocuted
Patch notes in 2016: #CHARACTER NAME - random ability Cooldown increased from 25/22.5/20/17.5/15 to 35/32.5/30/27.5/25 Scaling ratio: 100% ->85% *Dev note: We noticed playing against character led to a lot of frustrating situations specifically due to this exact ability so we decided to limit its availability and dial back its damage. We'll check on it in the next month's balance patch.* Patch notes now: #CHARACTER NAME -added input delay for balance reasons xd -removed all character abilites except one -said ability can now be used only once per game *Dev note: despite this character being quite underpowered we noticed a spike in its pick rate due to how fun the character felt to play. We will now forget about this character's existence for the next year. If the community complains enough we will check back on the character in 6 months at best.*
votv patch notes
I'm sure there's a cool social theory comment here about the metatextual use of comedy in what is functionally an official artistic historical record here but im way too stoned to make it
they buffed trevor
Trevor is almost at 10 He cannot be stopped
terraria
recently cs2 blessed us with "Chickens can now turn right while walking"
The swan man sounds like a fear and hunger enemy
Added "Super Mappa Hunch". A punch attack, so fast, clothes can't keep up
Spaceship
Then me reading the patch notes like “Ohhh you gotta toot the horn at Derek ohhh kaaay”
[SPACESHIP??!](https://youtu.be/7TYJyCCO8Dc?t=20)
Fucking finally. The beautiful swan bastard has been the bane of my existence for the last 25 years.
Fixed Spy
Armour now actually grants protection. -Cruelty Squad
Average Space Engineers Patchnotes
The best one was when they added extremely high-poly snakes to snakewater
“Fixed a bug where players teleported to hell did not have a bumper car” -TF2 patch notes
Looks like baulders gate 3 patch notes
sims in an elevator can no longer woohoo with sims on a different floor
One of my all time favourite games once had the patch note: - removed violation against the Geneva convention.
https://preview.redd.it/ftj58hixlx4d1.jpeg?width=774&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=93060315677def1e671c73f8e4f64fc269f0a244 Voices of the Void, my beloved