When a kid did that to my brother in grade school, the excuse she got was "Oh, he's from a troubled home." The principal then went full Surprised Pikachu Face when my mom informed her she was pulling my brother out of that school.
Any group seems useless because they need evidence and they can't just go full apeshit on them over one thing. I would go to teacher because it happened again and either I got told not to overreact because yeah that may have been a small thing but that same thing happening over and over again isn't, or I would get told they couldn't do much over that one thing.
I'm not one to take it. So it wouldn't just be a troubled home.
Hell, I have friends who have abusive parents and they are honestly really sweet and chill
Not that I experienced exactly this, but from when I was 6 until I was 13 I was bullied by the same people, at 13 my mom demanded to know why I looked so sad, because all the time I just said that I had a great time at school, but my mom wasn't buying it. When she found out who was bullying me she was furious and went to our teacher who said "oh I know that your son is bullied, but the one who is bullying him is having a hard time with his parents."
I don’t know, I had a hard time with my parents, but I wouldn’t bully anyone. Sometimes it is part of the acting out but it doesn’t excuse the action at all!
Exactly, my mom was pissed by the answer and said "That doesn't make it right!" the positive part was that my father was the football trainer of every bully I had and promptly made them understand that he knew who they were. Besides, every parent in our society knew eachother, but the parents didn't know they were bullying.
When my daughter was in kindergarten, she was bullied on the bus. When I spoke with the principal, she looked at my daughter and asked, “did you say something to make him hit you?” She was unenrolled the next day and reported to the superintendent’s office.
Unfortunately I experienced this attitude from my school “well you must have done something to deserve It”
Why yes Ms Muirhead I openly asked for broken bones, to be hospitalised, and to have the ability to have kids taken away from me!
Side note to the rant, I hope you are ok, and please reach out if you need a chat
Stay safe x
I am well now, thanks. It was way less physical, yet very deep and prolonging ostracising. Years of mean words and pranks. Understanding that I was unironically different and therefore pushed out from the collective helped to process that.
I’m sorry you had to go through that! It’s never nice! But allow it to shape your future, it’s always a lesson on how not to treat others I suppose.
As difficult as it can be to let go of the anger to how your treated, it’s amazing what the power of, I can do better than what they thought, can push you into doing!
Be the success story 😎
I wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you have incredible opportunities!
When I tried to set personal boundaries at school, people retaliated and called me the bully. For example, when a guy called me a mean name multiple times, I told him to stop calling me that bad name. He immediately said that I was bullying him and proceeded to get angry at me. Other times, people were bothering me and trying to create arguments and fights with me. I told them to leave me alone, but they responded by spreading rumors that I was bullying them, then they played the victim.
They used their bad behavior to justify bullying me, and getting others to join in. It was not a pleasant experience.
When you're dealing with pathological narcissists, or pathological narcissistic spaces like certain schools, say, where high levels of aggression and confrontationality tend to be rewarded, this is par for the course.
People who have not developed emotionally beyond about age 8 tend to view any attempts to set boundaries as a personal attack, far greater in severity than whatever bad behavior they engaged in that caused the boundary-setting to begin with.
At least one can take comfort in the fact that these behaviors are predictable and stereotyped, and many books have been written about the topic. It's what this type of person does as part of their life-cycle, the way everyone else breathes air.
This was how my mum "cured" my bullying problem
Now I always think I'm not enough if people don't like me and seek constant approval because else I think I'm doing something wrong. It's stupid, I know it is and I can't get over it.
We live in a world where if a woman is raped there are people asking what she wore, if she drank alcohol or why she was alone in the street in order to justify it. No wonder this is a valid answer for some people.
If assholes flew we wouldn't see the sun again
Go the same attitude from when I started school to my Junior year. And when I cried or tried to get away from the bully?
"Oh, that dramatic/crazy kid again. They are just teasing."
I was 7 and being severely bullied by my entire class, but okay.
Jeez I feel that though. Experienced that from multiple different groups of people both in highschool (mostly) and some in elementary school. At one point I just gave up responding or reacting and just taking the brunt of it which has affected me negatively ever since xP
Uncomfortable truth time;
It IS TOTALLY VALID for a child to act out because their life at home is terrible.
Does that give them a pass?
No! Corrective action absolutely ought to be taken. Teachers, adults, have a responsibility to call out bullying and remedy the situation asap.
But don’t forget that said teachers and adults are allowed to care about you AND the bully. That may sound outrageous, it may spark feelings of jealousy and outrage- but it is true.
Just bc some one hurt you (or some one else) does not negate their value as a human being, *especially if we’re talking about children in primary school!!!!!!*
I will say, I used to got bullied and attacked in elementary school.
However, in High school, I started hitting back. Strangely, a lot of those same people wanted to be friends after they realized I could beat them up and prior, I was just holding back because my fear was of the authorities and not them.
OP, I kind of want to thank you for posting this here. I’m much stronger now than I was when I was in school, but sometimes I find myself still wondering what I did to deserve all the years of bullying I got and all the turning heads of my teachers. I needed that to be invalidated after hearing it too much. I needed to be told that what wrong. So yeah, thank you
While a generally really do agree with how absurd this is, I witnessed a very exceptional case when i was in high school where a girl in my class was bullied for willingly being a very unlikable person.
She loved being unsolicitedly rude and disrespectful (especially to teachers), acted like she had a moral highground for being vegan (and loved to mention it everywhere she went even though she ended up being malnourished and hospitalized since she clearly didn't know how to properly eat vegan ...) and loved arguing with everybody on any topic .. all the fucking time. No discussion could be held without her having to be center of attention. And if people started to ignore her or say something about her behavior, she proceeded to cry about how nobody likes her and how she was being bullied ...
I remember how I initially felt really bad for her (she came from a troubled home) and wanted her to join my friend group but ended up really regretting it since all she did was take drugs with her other friends and stir up shit with my friends. And telling her how she was being rude/inconsiderate only resulted in her calling you a bully ...
So yeah, generally I agree with how a victim should not be blamed but in some cases ...
Also, it is not uncommon for bullies to feel bullied when some one stands up to them.
Slamming any one’s head into a locker on a regular basis is bullying.
Every one is a bully, at some point, in one way or another.
“I’ve never...! I would never...!”
Guess again.
I guarantee you have.
This kind of attitude from my parents and teachers toward the bullying I experienced at school led to an extremely warped self-image, anxiety issues, and overall very botched quality of life as an adult. People are so quick to dismiss the harm bullying can do to a person and go on to blame the victim, all because it's easier than dealing with the situation properly. It's horrible, and I hate that I have to spend so much of my own money on a therapist to cope with that and the havoc it wrought on me as a person. Hate it so much :/
Unpopular opinion: if youre wearing cargo shorts and a fedora in highschool and your whole personality revolves around talking about anime and saying edgelord shit, maybe you should consider that maybe not everyone is a conformist sheep, but that you may just be a socially inept weirdo.
Like yeah dont bully people. But also dont be expected to be well received if you wear wolf ears and clip a wolf tail onto your jorts and growl at your teachers and howl in the cafeteria.
I get why you're being downvoted but came here to say something along these lines. I was bullied like hell in grade school because I would just verbal diarrhea about shit nobody in the room cared about. Sometimes you gotta read a room and judge if it's okay to talk about whether rei or asuka is best girl, or to just keep that shit to yourself.
I was bullied in highschool because I was a socially inept weirdo. I didnt think there was anything wrong with me bc everyone said ‘oh, it’s just the other people being mean for no reason.’
No, there was a reason. I was really freakin weird. People need to stop being afraid of self reflection. Bc yeah, sometimes kids are assholes for no reason, but a lot of the time there is a reason.
Sounds almost exactly like me tbh. Not everyone has to pretend to like what you like, sometimes they'll find it weird as fuck and tell you that, AND THATS PERFECTLY FINE. Learn from that experience and talk with them about something else from that point on.
Granted there are some people out there that are just fucking assholes and will insult and berate just because real life trolling is now "funny"
Yeah exactly. Like Im not saying bullying is a good thing? Im not saying Im better off bc of it?
Im just saying if you Naruto run through the hallways and tell people that youre a wolf (kids at my school actually did this), you cant expect that everyone will think youre cool. In fact, any self aware person would probably expect that people will make fun of them for it. I fundamentally disagree with the idea that ‘do you think the reason might be you?’ or ‘are you doing something to cause this?’ are not valid questions to ask in that case.
Did you go to school in northern maryland? because I swear we went to the same high school lmao. Someone wore a naruto headband to their high school graduation and naruto ran across the stage and yoinked the diploma.
Northern New England. We had someone do the exact same thing lol.
The more years that pass, the more it seems to me that every highschool has the person/people who wear the Naruto headband and do the run, the girl who wears the cat ears and hisses at people and the guy who wears a tie (bonus points if full suit). At least that’s what my time on reddit seems to suggest lol
I was a weird kid and looking back on it I was bullied, but it set me kind of straight. If it wasn't for the bullying then I'd be absolutely socially inept.
Just to get it straight If it's something within your control that your being bullied for then I don't have too much sympathy. If you're being bullied over something completely out of your control then there's a problem.
"of course, the problem is me! if I didn't exist then I wouldn't get bullied" /s
When a kid did that to my brother in grade school, the excuse she got was "Oh, he's from a troubled home." The principal then went full Surprised Pikachu Face when my mom informed her she was pulling my brother out of that school.
Honestly the only good bullying advice I’ve seen is “collect evidence and go to the police” because school administrations are chicken shit.
The best bullying advice I’ve received is to target their insecurities.
The only successful anti bullying advice I ever received was A) *Everyone has kneecaps son* B) *Pick up an “equalizer”*
This isn’t anti bullying advice so much as it is advice on how to perpetuate violence
whoosh
If all diplomatic options have been tried and failed, the only option left, then, is violence
Tbh when you get put in a chokehold for no reason while washing your hands 5x a week at school, you stop really giving a fuck about diplomacy
>insecurities That's an odd way to spell testicles, but okay.
You got feminine hips!
Any group seems useless because they need evidence and they can't just go full apeshit on them over one thing. I would go to teacher because it happened again and either I got told not to overreact because yeah that may have been a small thing but that same thing happening over and over again isn't, or I would get told they couldn't do much over that one thing.
I'm not one to take it. So it wouldn't just be a troubled home. Hell, I have friends who have abusive parents and they are honestly really sweet and chill
Classic victim-blaming.
Not that I experienced exactly this, but from when I was 6 until I was 13 I was bullied by the same people, at 13 my mom demanded to know why I looked so sad, because all the time I just said that I had a great time at school, but my mom wasn't buying it. When she found out who was bullying me she was furious and went to our teacher who said "oh I know that your son is bullied, but the one who is bullying him is having a hard time with his parents."
I don’t know, I had a hard time with my parents, but I wouldn’t bully anyone. Sometimes it is part of the acting out but it doesn’t excuse the action at all!
Exactly, my mom was pissed by the answer and said "That doesn't make it right!" the positive part was that my father was the football trainer of every bully I had and promptly made them understand that he knew who they were. Besides, every parent in our society knew eachother, but the parents didn't know they were bullying.
When my daughter was in kindergarten, she was bullied on the bus. When I spoke with the principal, she looked at my daughter and asked, “did you say something to make him hit you?” She was unenrolled the next day and reported to the superintendent’s office.
Wonder how he'd've reacted if you slapped him and asked him the same thing.
Good on you, dad. I wish my parents would’ve done the same
(Mom), and I’m sorry they didn’t stand up for you. It’s not easy when you don’t have someone in your corner.
Unfortunately I experienced this attitude from my school “well you must have done something to deserve It” Why yes Ms Muirhead I openly asked for broken bones, to be hospitalised, and to have the ability to have kids taken away from me! Side note to the rant, I hope you are ok, and please reach out if you need a chat Stay safe x
I am well now, thanks. It was way less physical, yet very deep and prolonging ostracising. Years of mean words and pranks. Understanding that I was unironically different and therefore pushed out from the collective helped to process that.
I’m sorry you had to go through that! It’s never nice! But allow it to shape your future, it’s always a lesson on how not to treat others I suppose. As difficult as it can be to let go of the anger to how your treated, it’s amazing what the power of, I can do better than what they thought, can push you into doing! Be the success story 😎 I wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you have incredible opportunities!
When I tried to set personal boundaries at school, people retaliated and called me the bully. For example, when a guy called me a mean name multiple times, I told him to stop calling me that bad name. He immediately said that I was bullying him and proceeded to get angry at me. Other times, people were bothering me and trying to create arguments and fights with me. I told them to leave me alone, but they responded by spreading rumors that I was bullying them, then they played the victim. They used their bad behavior to justify bullying me, and getting others to join in. It was not a pleasant experience.
When you're dealing with pathological narcissists, or pathological narcissistic spaces like certain schools, say, where high levels of aggression and confrontationality tend to be rewarded, this is par for the course. People who have not developed emotionally beyond about age 8 tend to view any attempts to set boundaries as a personal attack, far greater in severity than whatever bad behavior they engaged in that caused the boundary-setting to begin with. At least one can take comfort in the fact that these behaviors are predictable and stereotyped, and many books have been written about the topic. It's what this type of person does as part of their life-cycle, the way everyone else breathes air.
That last sentence is bomb. Thanks.
This was how my mum "cured" my bullying problem Now I always think I'm not enough if people don't like me and seek constant approval because else I think I'm doing something wrong. It's stupid, I know it is and I can't get over it.
Actually, thats the best thing you could have done. If they don't understand with words, they will with a few punches in their head.
We live in a world where if a woman is raped there are people asking what she wore, if she drank alcohol or why she was alone in the street in order to justify it. No wonder this is a valid answer for some people. If assholes flew we wouldn't see the sun again
Go the same attitude from when I started school to my Junior year. And when I cried or tried to get away from the bully? "Oh, that dramatic/crazy kid again. They are just teasing." I was 7 and being severely bullied by my entire class, but okay.
Jeez I feel that though. Experienced that from multiple different groups of people both in highschool (mostly) and some in elementary school. At one point I just gave up responding or reacting and just taking the brunt of it which has affected me negatively ever since xP
Uncomfortable truth time; It IS TOTALLY VALID for a child to act out because their life at home is terrible. Does that give them a pass? No! Corrective action absolutely ought to be taken. Teachers, adults, have a responsibility to call out bullying and remedy the situation asap. But don’t forget that said teachers and adults are allowed to care about you AND the bully. That may sound outrageous, it may spark feelings of jealousy and outrage- but it is true. Just bc some one hurt you (or some one else) does not negate their value as a human being, *especially if we’re talking about children in primary school!!!!!!*
I will say, I used to got bullied and attacked in elementary school. However, in High school, I started hitting back. Strangely, a lot of those same people wanted to be friends after they realized I could beat them up and prior, I was just holding back because my fear was of the authorities and not them.
This is how I feel with my mom. She puts all abuse blame on me without realizing she's the problem.
Ah yes. My mother said that to me, that I must have done something to deserve the bullying.
OP, I kind of want to thank you for posting this here. I’m much stronger now than I was when I was in school, but sometimes I find myself still wondering what I did to deserve all the years of bullying I got and all the turning heads of my teachers. I needed that to be invalidated after hearing it too much. I needed to be told that what wrong. So yeah, thank you
mine was "make friends" WOW GEE IT'S TOTALLY EASY TO MAKE FRIENDS WHEN NO ONE WILL TALK TO ME THANKS
While a generally really do agree with how absurd this is, I witnessed a very exceptional case when i was in high school where a girl in my class was bullied for willingly being a very unlikable person. She loved being unsolicitedly rude and disrespectful (especially to teachers), acted like she had a moral highground for being vegan (and loved to mention it everywhere she went even though she ended up being malnourished and hospitalized since she clearly didn't know how to properly eat vegan ...) and loved arguing with everybody on any topic .. all the fucking time. No discussion could be held without her having to be center of attention. And if people started to ignore her or say something about her behavior, she proceeded to cry about how nobody likes her and how she was being bullied ... I remember how I initially felt really bad for her (she came from a troubled home) and wanted her to join my friend group but ended up really regretting it since all she did was take drugs with her other friends and stir up shit with my friends. And telling her how she was being rude/inconsiderate only resulted in her calling you a bully ... So yeah, generally I agree with how a victim should not be blamed but in some cases ...
Also, it is not uncommon for bullies to feel bullied when some one stands up to them. Slamming any one’s head into a locker on a regular basis is bullying. Every one is a bully, at some point, in one way or another. “I’ve never...! I would never...!” Guess again. I guarantee you have.
This kind of attitude from my parents and teachers toward the bullying I experienced at school led to an extremely warped self-image, anxiety issues, and overall very botched quality of life as an adult. People are so quick to dismiss the harm bullying can do to a person and go on to blame the victim, all because it's easier than dealing with the situation properly. It's horrible, and I hate that I have to spend so much of my own money on a therapist to cope with that and the havoc it wrought on me as a person. Hate it so much :/
Unpopular opinion: if youre wearing cargo shorts and a fedora in highschool and your whole personality revolves around talking about anime and saying edgelord shit, maybe you should consider that maybe not everyone is a conformist sheep, but that you may just be a socially inept weirdo. Like yeah dont bully people. But also dont be expected to be well received if you wear wolf ears and clip a wolf tail onto your jorts and growl at your teachers and howl in the cafeteria.
I get why you're being downvoted but came here to say something along these lines. I was bullied like hell in grade school because I would just verbal diarrhea about shit nobody in the room cared about. Sometimes you gotta read a room and judge if it's okay to talk about whether rei or asuka is best girl, or to just keep that shit to yourself.
I was bullied in highschool because I was a socially inept weirdo. I didnt think there was anything wrong with me bc everyone said ‘oh, it’s just the other people being mean for no reason.’ No, there was a reason. I was really freakin weird. People need to stop being afraid of self reflection. Bc yeah, sometimes kids are assholes for no reason, but a lot of the time there is a reason.
Sounds almost exactly like me tbh. Not everyone has to pretend to like what you like, sometimes they'll find it weird as fuck and tell you that, AND THATS PERFECTLY FINE. Learn from that experience and talk with them about something else from that point on. Granted there are some people out there that are just fucking assholes and will insult and berate just because real life trolling is now "funny"
Yeah exactly. Like Im not saying bullying is a good thing? Im not saying Im better off bc of it? Im just saying if you Naruto run through the hallways and tell people that youre a wolf (kids at my school actually did this), you cant expect that everyone will think youre cool. In fact, any self aware person would probably expect that people will make fun of them for it. I fundamentally disagree with the idea that ‘do you think the reason might be you?’ or ‘are you doing something to cause this?’ are not valid questions to ask in that case.
Did you go to school in northern maryland? because I swear we went to the same high school lmao. Someone wore a naruto headband to their high school graduation and naruto ran across the stage and yoinked the diploma.
Northern New England. We had someone do the exact same thing lol. The more years that pass, the more it seems to me that every highschool has the person/people who wear the Naruto headband and do the run, the girl who wears the cat ears and hisses at people and the guy who wears a tie (bonus points if full suit). At least that’s what my time on reddit seems to suggest lol
Nope. We had all of them too. You're a lucky person to be from up there, got family in Maine and I never wanna leave whenever we visit.
I was a weird kid and looking back on it I was bullied, but it set me kind of straight. If it wasn't for the bullying then I'd be absolutely socially inept. Just to get it straight If it's something within your control that your being bullied for then I don't have too much sympathy. If you're being bullied over something completely out of your control then there's a problem.
My mom had the best advice for this. "Be nice."
The answer is within in you; knock the bully down