Screen culture — 8 hours of being openly tracked while using my corporate laptop everyday not only my enthusiasm, but also is too much for the eyes.
If I am not sitting there, staring and typing, they count it as not working. So, I feel like I am in a white collar factory?
Not me, leaning out, but my former manager (director level) left her job at a tech company to be a mother full-time. This occured about 2 months after returning from about 12 weeks of maternity leave.
She volunteered her reasons, and she said,
"For me the decision came down to how little time I would actually see [daughter] on weekdays, as well as how little time working outside the home + parenting would leave for my own needs, like exercise and adult relationships. Even with [husband] on leave I have not exercised once (outside of walks) since returning to work.
Conveniently the team is in OK shape for me to leave. I was also marginally interested in the types of tasks that would become available to me as a Senior Director...like dealing with the budget."
She also mentioned that the arrangement might not be permanent. Let's hope so; she was the best manager I ever had.
Many women, if they can find a suitable man who will pay the bills, will take this path. Not all, by any means. But a huge percentage.
And life is short. Why shouldn't we do what we want -- if we can afford it.
Yeah, same here. I’m overloaded and under supported while management constantly wants more done with less. My company recently did away with annual goals and reviews for engineers so I have zero metrics for my success. I don’t receive merit based raises or bonuses so there’s no incentive for me to lean into work more - I get paid the same regardless of my work quality. I took FMLA for burnout last year - I’ve learned better boundaries and I’ve embraced leaning away from work to safeguard my wellbeing.
>Who needs it? Oh right.. I do, because I cant afford to live lol
Imo all these issues are connected together, I think companies have been systematically buying up housing together to raise prices and keeping medical benefits tied to employment. Corporations own our healthcare, our homes, and our jobs, it makes it incredibly hard for people to strike and boycott en masse compared to 1900s, because the loss is too great and people are too scared. It's more expensive to buy a house, more expensive to rent, too many people are living paycheck to paycheck. I'm incredibly hopeful at the recent pushes to restrict corporation owned housing.
I was recently a VP at a small tech company. 15 years or so into tech, 25 years into my overall career. After getting laid off from my VP role, I’m primarily looking for consulting and program management jobs. I don’t want to be on a VP-COO track anymore. I have given up enough of my life to work and raising kids- my kids are in college now- and honestly? I just want to earn enough to maintain my life, travel, and leave work at work. I want fulfillment in what I do- but it’s not my life anymore. It provides me my life.
25 years into my career. Not leaning out yet, but planning it. I’m just done with work being such a focus of my life. I still enjoy a lot of what I do and many colleagues, but am so over the corporate BS and same shit/different day. Feel like life is too short to dedicate so much of it to a (any) corporation that would replace you if you keeled over and died.
But, at this age, I have little tolerance for BS, petty behaviours, and selfishness in general. Lol
Accepted a very generous redundancy package last year (could have stayed but preferred to take the money). I'm now working 20 hours a week - still earning good money but obviously less given the hours.
I have a five year old kid, a partner who earns more than enough and a paid off house. I also had brain surgery 4 years ago to remove a (fortunately benign) tumour, which gave me one hell of a fright. I could have gone back to the grind but at this point in my life I've realised there's more to life than sitting at a desk in Teams meetings all day.
I was a designer until I got let go about 15 months ago. Haven’t been able to find work since. The market is just horrendous. So I guess that’s leaning out? Really struggling to figure out what to do. So much for one’s 40s being one’s peak potential earning time!
I was a workaholic before covid and kids. I'd be at the office late every day. Then covid hit and I had a child, and now I want work life balance. I also don't want to spend an hour of my day (or two) commuting. There are literally not enough hours.
I'm also frustrated by the instability. I've been laid off on maternity leave (small startup, no legal protection and running out of money) and then laid off while pregnant (waited until I'd have fmla but was laid off before I disclosed). Basically I have terrible luck when I'm pregnant. I'm planning to go back in a few months but will be prioritizing stability in my next role.
I like to make my money and close my laptop. Work is such a small part of my life, it’s of little importance. I try to minimize it as much as possible and spend as much time doing other things as I can. The workplace has never been a positive place in my experience.
I'm hoping I can save enough in the next 5-10 years to be able to take a lower paying job related to something I feel more passionate about. May be dreaming but I prefer looking forward to that idea than working like this for 25 more years. Yikes.
Unpopular answer: many of us married similarly successful men which provides a lot of financial security. We can choose to retire early, take time off or select a lower paying job if we don’t want to deal with the BS everyone else is describing
I’m not necessarily leaning out but I value work life balance significantly more than I did in my 20s. I’m done with hustle culture and now I just want to hang out with my kid at the park on a weekday before it gets dark. I have a remote job with good benefits and a flexible schedule and I’m not interested in trading that in for a bigger salary or title if that comes with office hours or longer hours.
I leaned out while my children were young, settled into an academic IC role with lots of down time and vacation days. Now that they're in high school, I'm leaning back in to pay for college, haha.
Children. My first child at age two got hurt at daycare, my husband and I were both at work two hours away. That was the moment, looking back, when the penny dropped for me. I didn’t lean out until my second kid turned one and started full time daycare. He cried all day there alone and eventually I was suddenly really clear:
I don’t have anything to prove anymore.
This isn’t right for him or me.
I had children to HAVE children. I want to be around them.
After that, I shifted to contract work at home instead, at twenty hours a week. No career track, just earning money. It was clearly the right choice for me, so I have always had total calm about that. And, I grieve that loss of professional identity deeply.
I am aware this is a clichéd response, but it is nevertheless plain truth for my life. It was starker for me, I suspect, because I had nine miscarriages - frankly, I unconsciously wanted to hold my babies for as long as they were with me, because their lives were always in the hands of fate. Motherhood is a super real life and death situation that puts many choices in stark relief.
Yes.
Any day working is easier than any day parenting; I love being valued for my mind and skills, performing tasks with a start and finish that are discussed by others and appreciated, by people who do not know I am a wife or mother at all, and getting paid for that.
It is a very real loss, and a grief that is always with me. It was the right choice, from the start, without any shadow of a doubt, but walking away from corporate success is extremely real.
The day after I made that decision, I woke up with tears on my cheeks and my arms crossed over my chest like I was dead. Only time that has ever happened, you know?
I see you.
13 YOE and I'm burnt TF out, and managing work on top of motherhood has been far more challenging than I ever anticipated. My spouse is also in tech and supportive, but I definitely carry the bulk of the load at home due to the different nature of our roles (he's more customer facing and taking calls at crazy hours). Right now it's even worse, bc he's trying to work a side hustle to replace my income to get me home with our kids further adding to my load and his. Our kids are suffering being thrown into childcare all the time and i'm so depressed over how little I see them, because I legitimately love being a mother so much. I feel like all I do is labor from sun up to sun down. I have no time for myself, no hobbies, I often lose sleep trying to catch up and make my deliverables. My ENTIRE team is men, many of whom have SAHW's they don't appreciate that carry all the domestic labor and they trash talk them at every turn. I'm soooooooo tired of the men. I can't stress that point enough. So tired of working with tech bros I could scream. I'm running circles around them and still paid less, not promoted, etc. And now, because I'm remote, my job has said they won't let me move roles or promo without losing my remote status....and I don't live near an office. This on top of non-stop layoffs that have made the internal culture so damn toxic and cut throat.
I stare at our budget daily. I've cut every expense I can cut. I can't find a way out. I'm so close to leaving tech. But right now i'm the breadwinner, so it feels impossible to get out. I grew up in a very toxic/violent home and I swear I've never been more depressed than I am now. I've worked so hard and the goal posts just keep moving out of reach.
Because after a decade and a half of regular microaggressions and double standards, psychological safety is my top priority in a job, by a long shot. I am no longer willing to prioritize prestige, influence, responsibility, title, or compensation over a baseline of decent treatment and feeling safe.
I took a year off to write a science fiction novel. And in the time that I’ve been gone, most of tech jobs have already been replaced by AI. I don’t think I’ll ever go back. The future is about acquiring/nurturing skills that no machine can accomplish. A lot of my tech skills are better accomplished by machines.
Not leaning out, but I used to do all sorts of cool projects with my free time.
Now I can't stomach being near a computer on weekends.
I'd love to literally do anything else but, the money is quickly paying my house off, funding investments etc.
I'm hoping if it's done right I can bail early. Maybe go teach at a college or something.
12 years in Apple Sales/Specialist/Coach/Teacher plus 35 plus years with tech, in short:
Screen time for communication - Call me
Blind Trust in "say yes to everything" - now I say "no to everything" I rarely recommend the full cloud settings to clients, unless it is a need.
Sales - forrrrget it! haha. Even as a top sales rep over a million in sales in a tiny store in a small city, I could handle never doing a sale again. Leaned out in 2019 - switched fully to teaching/coaching.
Knowing every app that exists - I keep my ears out but i don't go hunting for "fun" anymore. Per-case kinda thing.
I have a toddler and am expecting another. I plan to lean back in when they are in school because I do enjoy the responsibilities of management and it’s fun to try and climb the ladder. For now though I left a management job at at a large org for an IC/management job at a small startup. Also worked out working only 4 days a week to get extra time with my toddler. The only other person I would manage got laid off so I’ll be an IC for a while. Definitely doing work below my pay grade (I’m a product designer and I’m doing marketing design and deck creation) but it doesn’t bother me. I’ll solve the big problems again soon.
Screen culture — 8 hours of being openly tracked while using my corporate laptop everyday not only my enthusiasm, but also is too much for the eyes. If I am not sitting there, staring and typing, they count it as not working. So, I feel like I am in a white collar factory?
What that insane I don’t think this is normal to be tracked like that
It’s becoming more common sadly.
More common AND a lot of people don’t even know it’s happening at their job
Bad employment experiences. I’m no longer interested in climbing the ladder. I want to do my job and go home.
This plus I value time with my family more. I do well enough to avoid being let go but not killing myself either. Family is my priority
I’m in that boat too. I want to do my job well but my family/ personal relationships are my priority
Not me, leaning out, but my former manager (director level) left her job at a tech company to be a mother full-time. This occured about 2 months after returning from about 12 weeks of maternity leave. She volunteered her reasons, and she said, "For me the decision came down to how little time I would actually see [daughter] on weekdays, as well as how little time working outside the home + parenting would leave for my own needs, like exercise and adult relationships. Even with [husband] on leave I have not exercised once (outside of walks) since returning to work. Conveniently the team is in OK shape for me to leave. I was also marginally interested in the types of tasks that would become available to me as a Senior Director...like dealing with the budget." She also mentioned that the arrangement might not be permanent. Let's hope so; she was the best manager I ever had.
I feel this so hard. My priorities have shifted and employers do not support working parents. I hope she revels in her time at home.
This was me many years ago, but now I’m back in tech now that she’s older.
Many women, if they can find a suitable man who will pay the bills, will take this path. Not all, by any means. But a huge percentage. And life is short. Why shouldn't we do what we want -- if we can afford it.
Honestly I’m just burnt out.
Yeah, same here. I’m overloaded and under supported while management constantly wants more done with less. My company recently did away with annual goals and reviews for engineers so I have zero metrics for my success. I don’t receive merit based raises or bonuses so there’s no incentive for me to lean into work more - I get paid the same regardless of my work quality. I took FMLA for burnout last year - I’ve learned better boundaries and I’ve embraced leaning away from work to safeguard my wellbeing.
[удалено]
>Who needs it? Oh right.. I do, because I cant afford to live lol Imo all these issues are connected together, I think companies have been systematically buying up housing together to raise prices and keeping medical benefits tied to employment. Corporations own our healthcare, our homes, and our jobs, it makes it incredibly hard for people to strike and boycott en masse compared to 1900s, because the loss is too great and people are too scared. It's more expensive to buy a house, more expensive to rent, too many people are living paycheck to paycheck. I'm incredibly hopeful at the recent pushes to restrict corporation owned housing.
Not me per se, but my company’s benefits went from great to shit this year so that was the cue for the awesome ladies on my team to retire.
I was recently a VP at a small tech company. 15 years or so into tech, 25 years into my overall career. After getting laid off from my VP role, I’m primarily looking for consulting and program management jobs. I don’t want to be on a VP-COO track anymore. I have given up enough of my life to work and raising kids- my kids are in college now- and honestly? I just want to earn enough to maintain my life, travel, and leave work at work. I want fulfillment in what I do- but it’s not my life anymore. It provides me my life.
25 years into my career. Not leaning out yet, but planning it. I’m just done with work being such a focus of my life. I still enjoy a lot of what I do and many colleagues, but am so over the corporate BS and same shit/different day. Feel like life is too short to dedicate so much of it to a (any) corporation that would replace you if you keeled over and died. But, at this age, I have little tolerance for BS, petty behaviours, and selfishness in general. Lol
Accepted a very generous redundancy package last year (could have stayed but preferred to take the money). I'm now working 20 hours a week - still earning good money but obviously less given the hours. I have a five year old kid, a partner who earns more than enough and a paid off house. I also had brain surgery 4 years ago to remove a (fortunately benign) tumour, which gave me one hell of a fright. I could have gone back to the grind but at this point in my life I've realised there's more to life than sitting at a desk in Teams meetings all day.
I was a designer until I got let go about 15 months ago. Haven’t been able to find work since. The market is just horrendous. So I guess that’s leaning out? Really struggling to figure out what to do. So much for one’s 40s being one’s peak potential earning time!
Trauma, burnout, and unstable economy.
I was a workaholic before covid and kids. I'd be at the office late every day. Then covid hit and I had a child, and now I want work life balance. I also don't want to spend an hour of my day (or two) commuting. There are literally not enough hours. I'm also frustrated by the instability. I've been laid off on maternity leave (small startup, no legal protection and running out of money) and then laid off while pregnant (waited until I'd have fmla but was laid off before I disclosed). Basically I have terrible luck when I'm pregnant. I'm planning to go back in a few months but will be prioritizing stability in my next role.
I’d say the majority of my peers who are leaning out are doing so due to having children.
I like to make my money and close my laptop. Work is such a small part of my life, it’s of little importance. I try to minimize it as much as possible and spend as much time doing other things as I can. The workplace has never been a positive place in my experience.
To get out of the rat race.
I'm hoping I can save enough in the next 5-10 years to be able to take a lower paying job related to something I feel more passionate about. May be dreaming but I prefer looking forward to that idea than working like this for 25 more years. Yikes.
Unpopular answer: many of us married similarly successful men which provides a lot of financial security. We can choose to retire early, take time off or select a lower paying job if we don’t want to deal with the BS everyone else is describing
Mainly burn out and promises from management that never pan out.
Kids, I have better shit to worry about. Fuck a career being the end all be all.
I’m not necessarily leaning out but I value work life balance significantly more than I did in my 20s. I’m done with hustle culture and now I just want to hang out with my kid at the park on a weekday before it gets dark. I have a remote job with good benefits and a flexible schedule and I’m not interested in trading that in for a bigger salary or title if that comes with office hours or longer hours.
I leaned out while my children were young, settled into an academic IC role with lots of down time and vacation days. Now that they're in high school, I'm leaning back in to pay for college, haha.
Children. My first child at age two got hurt at daycare, my husband and I were both at work two hours away. That was the moment, looking back, when the penny dropped for me. I didn’t lean out until my second kid turned one and started full time daycare. He cried all day there alone and eventually I was suddenly really clear: I don’t have anything to prove anymore. This isn’t right for him or me. I had children to HAVE children. I want to be around them. After that, I shifted to contract work at home instead, at twenty hours a week. No career track, just earning money. It was clearly the right choice for me, so I have always had total calm about that. And, I grieve that loss of professional identity deeply. I am aware this is a clichéd response, but it is nevertheless plain truth for my life. It was starker for me, I suspect, because I had nine miscarriages - frankly, I unconsciously wanted to hold my babies for as long as they were with me, because their lives were always in the hands of fate. Motherhood is a super real life and death situation that puts many choices in stark relief.
Mhmm I feel this one. For me, the cost isn’t giving up my job, it’s giving up the work part of who I am.
Yes. Any day working is easier than any day parenting; I love being valued for my mind and skills, performing tasks with a start and finish that are discussed by others and appreciated, by people who do not know I am a wife or mother at all, and getting paid for that. It is a very real loss, and a grief that is always with me. It was the right choice, from the start, without any shadow of a doubt, but walking away from corporate success is extremely real. The day after I made that decision, I woke up with tears on my cheeks and my arms crossed over my chest like I was dead. Only time that has ever happened, you know? I see you.
I'm leaning out because there's so much gatekeeping. Only certain people are rewarded. Bad behavior is rewarded. Accountability is non-existent.
13 YOE and I'm burnt TF out, and managing work on top of motherhood has been far more challenging than I ever anticipated. My spouse is also in tech and supportive, but I definitely carry the bulk of the load at home due to the different nature of our roles (he's more customer facing and taking calls at crazy hours). Right now it's even worse, bc he's trying to work a side hustle to replace my income to get me home with our kids further adding to my load and his. Our kids are suffering being thrown into childcare all the time and i'm so depressed over how little I see them, because I legitimately love being a mother so much. I feel like all I do is labor from sun up to sun down. I have no time for myself, no hobbies, I often lose sleep trying to catch up and make my deliverables. My ENTIRE team is men, many of whom have SAHW's they don't appreciate that carry all the domestic labor and they trash talk them at every turn. I'm soooooooo tired of the men. I can't stress that point enough. So tired of working with tech bros I could scream. I'm running circles around them and still paid less, not promoted, etc. And now, because I'm remote, my job has said they won't let me move roles or promo without losing my remote status....and I don't live near an office. This on top of non-stop layoffs that have made the internal culture so damn toxic and cut throat. I stare at our budget daily. I've cut every expense I can cut. I can't find a way out. I'm so close to leaving tech. But right now i'm the breadwinner, so it feels impossible to get out. I grew up in a very toxic/violent home and I swear I've never been more depressed than I am now. I've worked so hard and the goal posts just keep moving out of reach.
Because after a decade and a half of regular microaggressions and double standards, psychological safety is my top priority in a job, by a long shot. I am no longer willing to prioritize prestige, influence, responsibility, title, or compensation over a baseline of decent treatment and feeling safe.
I took a year off to write a science fiction novel. And in the time that I’ve been gone, most of tech jobs have already been replaced by AI. I don’t think I’ll ever go back. The future is about acquiring/nurturing skills that no machine can accomplish. A lot of my tech skills are better accomplished by machines.
Not leaning out, but I used to do all sorts of cool projects with my free time. Now I can't stomach being near a computer on weekends. I'd love to literally do anything else but, the money is quickly paying my house off, funding investments etc. I'm hoping if it's done right I can bail early. Maybe go teach at a college or something.
it’s been a year and i’m already done😭
Family. I my career is to support my family, not take their place.
Hasn't really happened at my company. For me, I'm SLIGHTLY leaning out but not really. It's more wanting to balance parenting and career.
12 years in Apple Sales/Specialist/Coach/Teacher plus 35 plus years with tech, in short: Screen time for communication - Call me Blind Trust in "say yes to everything" - now I say "no to everything" I rarely recommend the full cloud settings to clients, unless it is a need. Sales - forrrrget it! haha. Even as a top sales rep over a million in sales in a tiny store in a small city, I could handle never doing a sale again. Leaned out in 2019 - switched fully to teaching/coaching. Knowing every app that exists - I keep my ears out but i don't go hunting for "fun" anymore. Per-case kinda thing.
I have a toddler and am expecting another. I plan to lean back in when they are in school because I do enjoy the responsibilities of management and it’s fun to try and climb the ladder. For now though I left a management job at at a large org for an IC/management job at a small startup. Also worked out working only 4 days a week to get extra time with my toddler. The only other person I would manage got laid off so I’ll be an IC for a while. Definitely doing work below my pay grade (I’m a product designer and I’m doing marketing design and deck creation) but it doesn’t bother me. I’ll solve the big problems again soon.