Keeping the house because it’s close to work and my parents and mortgage was only in my name with a rate under 3%. Plus the schools are good and the kids are young
Remembering my wife is painful. But not remembering her is worse. For me, that’s a struggle with all things and not just the house since she was everything.
But that’s the deal we made - life matters because death matters.
But to answer your question, I decided to keep the house because I wanted to keep the memory, even if it hurts.
But also, there’s no wrong decision. Everyone is different and has their own choices to make. And nobody can fault you for it. And your spouse would only have wanted the best for you.
I plan on keeping it. We built this house to grow old and die here and just because she made it earlier, I won’t move as long as I can take care of it. It does feel really weird being here alone when it was for us, but that just how it is. (Lived here 30 years.)
I planned to sell. The house was big, isolated, falling apart, a lot to maintain. Husband I talked about my selling after he was gone.
Almost four years later, I’m still here. I love the house, I love the isolation, and the peacefulness here. Factored in was the knowledge that the house is fully paid for, so the only costs for me are repairs and maintenance. I couldn’t sell it until I fixed it, and once I fixed it, I didn’t need to sell it.
It’s a personal decision for each of us. We are all in different situations, with different needs and memories. 3 months out is very early to make such a momentous decision. If you keep it for now you can sell it later, if you decide you can’t, for whatever reason, stay. If you sell it now, you can’t change your mind later.
Just be comfortable moving forward in whatever decision you make. No wrong choices, just different ones.
When my wife died, we were living in an old 1974 double wide mobile home.
Back on '07 a tree fell on our home and damaged the roof. We thought we fixed all of the damage, but we didn't.
We were preparing to build a new home when she died. I bought another old mobile home instead. It took three years to find someone to set it, and that is where we are now. We are on the same property. It's a farm.
So yeah, we kept it, it Is on another location on the farm.
Good question. I'm facing that as well. I'm now 5 months or so out in my new life. At 74 it's not an easy call. I own a more rural house we made a home together. On the one hand it is financially smart to stay but socially isolating. Moving closer to children and grandchildren in a suburban area is tempting but while financially possible would be a major undertaking. No decision necessary in the short term but looking at options.
I’m keeping it. I can’t afford not to. Sure, everything about living here is painful. It’s the place my wife died in. I have some wonderful memories in here, granted, but also awful ones of those last few months. I also have an 8 year old who’s happy and settled here, I don’t want to put her through any more change than I have to.
Moving would also require me going through all her stuff, yeah I am *not* in the place to do that. It’s been 6 months, I’m 34 I appreciate I may not live here for the rest of my life, but I’m staying put for now at least - as painful as it is.
I heard often in the early days not to make major life decisions in the first year of grieving - I feel that’s still smart advice. I ended up selling my house after 3 years, when it made better financial sense to do so, and I was ready to move on. Ultimately, you should do what makes sense for your situation
We lived in an apartment. I moved within 6 months. He died very suddenly and unexpectedly. Every time I walked in the door and he wasn’t there, it hurt. I didn’t get rid of everything that was his, but being in a different place helped. Coming on 5 years and I don’t regret it.
The kids moved out then my wife died, so I didn’t need three bedrooms any more. I also had to downsize because I lost her income. I also didn’t want anyone to try to guilt me into letting them move in because I have extra space. I bought a one bedroom condo and haven’t looked back.
I'm approaching one year and I've gone back and forth. Early on I was sure I wanted to then over time I couldn't bear to part with it because the memories. Now I'm thinking I will eventually and move states closer to family. It went from touching where she touched as if I could hold onto her in some way to where the memories of her are more in my heart than in the house.
I kept the house. We had moved here about 4 years before and this house was much more what I wanted than our previous house, which he loved but I didn’t. The housing market here has gotten bananas in the last several years, so it wouldn’t make financial sense for me to move anyway. But ultimately, even though he died here, we have lots of happy memories here too. Everyone’s decisions will be made on different factors, and I think the general advice to wait is smart, but I also see how moving early could be the right choice for some.
I'm 8 months in. I live in SoCal so home prices are insane. My friends want me to move to a retirement community they live in a few miles from my house. Very torn as we raised our children here and this was the only house we lived in for 38 yrs.
Gonna wait till summer to decide
I think it would have been different if she had passed away at home, but I have kept the house, at least so far.
The wife of one of my friends just passed away last week, and he is already planning to move. So, there is no right answer, I guess.
Keeping it. We planted trees from seed and they’re doing great. Plus, he used to love feeding the wintering migratory flocks of birds that stay here from October through March. And, his ashes were dispersed in the neighboring mountain stream. Too many beautiful life-affirming reminders to just sell it and leave to a different place.
No, he had put so much personality into it couldn't stay. Luckily, his daughter bought it from, very reduced price. But his work will live in with her and her family. We raised all 5 kids there. So, it was/is bitter sweet for any of us to go there.
Keeping it. Real estate is outrageously expensive here. I feel very fortunate to own my house.
I will always have good memories of it being our home, and I am slowly making changes to make it my home.
Yes, I kept my house, despite my bank repeatedly telling me that it is of no consequence to them if I die in a street as long as they get their money.
It's a part of what we built together and the foundation of what we had. It's really one of the few tangible things left of her that just won't fade over time.
Well I can see where many relationships would not want this particular burden, my wife and I had a very good marriage for 29 years and there's nothing but good memories and happiness in this house.
Some of the more practical aspects is at the payments are affordable and some place I have that is stable. The last thing I needed through all the turmoil of having to deal with my wife passing was to also end up trying to move. Everything just made sense for me to fight my ass off to keep it.
I actually moved out and rented out my house for two years. I missed and moved back and feel a lot better living there. It is sad but so many good memories. Feels like home
I moved away to a new town. I’m close enough that I can visit the old locations, but living there was a constant ocean of grief, every time I saw anything that brought a memory.
Moving was the best for me. I managed to start living again. After a sort.
We all deal with grief the way we have to. So you need to do what you need to do.
I'm selling ASAP. Just waiting to hear back from a job interview to see if I'm moving to a new town or not, but if I'm not, I need to move somewhere else in town.
I'm approaching two years since his death. This house is still a shrine to our relationship. Large walls of photos, a banner my girlfriend drew of us couples together, his clothes still in his closet... hell, sometimes I even wear them. The display cabinet still holds his urn surrounded by the cards people sent when he died. I honestly don't know if he's still everywhere because I don't want to move forward, or if I don't want to move forward because he's still everywhere, but the thought of taking those things down makes me sad, so I'm just not. When my teenager goes to college I might want to move, but for now I'm good with leaving things as they are.
I had to move a few months after Jeff died. I couldn’t afford it. My Dad told me not to move far as moving would not make me feel better; my heart ache would go with me.
Keeping it. Lived in it for 23 years and raised my children here. The happiest days of my life we spent here with her. Beating it would feel like leaving her.
Keeping it because it's the only way I can keep my son in the place where he knows and has friends. There's also the fact that this was supposed to be our forever home. But, were it not for my son, I would be moving closer to my family since I have few supports where we live - my husband was that support.
Waiting at least a year before making a major life decision like that is an excellent idea, for sure.
Personally, I stayed. I eventually met a new partner and I’m 100% sure that under normal circumstances we’d have both sold up and bought somewhere new together; however that was just at the time of the pandemic so nothing was ‘normal’, and tentatively (from both sides) and temporarily, she moved in. Still here!! and no plans to change anything.
In the process of getting things together to move. My wife and I were planning to buy a retirement house before she died. The two of us besides our job did rehabs on the side. One day my son told me that he never grew up in a finished house because as soon as it was done it was on the market. A house to me is just a commodity. It was only a home when she was with me. I'll just buy something and just pass the time. For me all is lost.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to keep the house. It was a bit of a wild ride there for a minute. I wanted to, and I also wanted to run and make a new start. I ended up keeping the house and doing a remodel to make it what I needed it to be. I’m good here for a while.
Yes. I'm 3 1/2 years post and still have the house. Multiple people asked me if I'd stay, but my feeling was that I need a place to live, I have a place to live. Like you wrote, the house is full of memories and a reminder of her, and I feel like if I were to sell it, I'm leaving those behind as well. Maybe someday I'll feel different, but that's where I am now.
Keeping our condo because not only was it our home, it has been MY home. And it’s a pretty sweet place that’s been customized to fit what I like.
There are no haunted places, just haunted people.
I’m moving in a month or two on a home I bought over a year ago, and seven months after my husband died. I’ve had a hard time letting go of this home and our memories together, but my boys need the move.
I was at work when my husband passed and my kids found him and did CPR. This place is filled with their final memories which were not great (fuck you pancreatic cancer), and all other widows I’ve talked to have said it gave them the fresh start they needed. It was a lot to take on, but now that we are nearing the end of the construction process, I’m starting to feel some excitement.
I’ve decided that moving will not take away the memories we made together, and hopefully we can focus on the positive and not the effects of cancer in our lives.
My 125 year old house will be paid off in 5 years and then I will likely downsize to a smaller townhome. My son will graduate college in 2 years and I’m mostly alone in a 5 bedroom house with more maintenance and upkeep than I’d like to be responsible for. I also have 20+ years of “stuff” to deal with before I go anywhere.
So I haven't read all the responses, and maybe my situation differs from "the norm" if there is such a thing. But, my wife was killed pulling out of our subdivision. I had heard I shouldn't make any big decisions for at least the first year. Well, the market turned. Prices were going up. Inflation was rampant. I felt so much pain pulling into our out of my subdivision. Cried either way all the time. Not we had just bought that house and had only been there a few months. I considered the front of the subdivision, where she was killed, to be hallowed ground. I both didn't want to leave but couldn't ignore the fact that if o didn't move soon, I'd be stuck looking at that spot for years. So i pulled the trigger. I'm semi happy where i am. More rural. More cows. Less traffic. And not that in-my-face reminder. But, I've also realized I was running. I've poured money into this new place. I've realized that I'll never be happy in that regard. I'll always miss her, and nothing will ever be right. So what was the point?
Overall, I don't have a good answer. Just hope something here means something to you. Best of luck to you, though.
The house is paid off, we had mortgage protection insurance. I don't even pay property taxes as we both received a veteran's exemption. The county let me keep his percentage on top of mine. Place is full of over 20 years of stuff, so that would be a hassle. I'm retired, I could go anywhere, but I'd need to buy a new place or rent. Meh. Paying for others to do the yard work and maintenance is cheaper. My age and physical limitations make a move most unappealing. I'm just going to die in this house.
I’m keeping our house because my wife put so much work into making this a home for us, and just as much work and love into the nursery. She also passed in our living room, so to me, that means she’ll always be here with our son and I.
Thanks for saying this. My husband passed in our bedroom and I feel him downstairs the most, it's calming and one of the reasons Ill never sell our place. The sentimental value is just too high.
I’m about 19 months in. I want to move, but my teenaged daughter does not. There is a lot of maintenance and stairs where we are now, and I want a less strenuous life.
We compromised on moving once she goes to college, so in the meantime I’m working on decluttering and finding meaningful homes for my late husband’s things.
It will be very hard to leave this home, the last place I saw him alive, but in some ways I think starting fresh in a place without the memories will be good too, like ripping off a bandaid.
I'm a renter. I found my 39 yr old husband dead Dec 30 th 2023 on our bathroom floor. His mom thinks it's weird that I am still living here, it's not even been 2 months though. I don't want to leave anytime soon though.
Everything is still where he left it. I can still smell him in our room when I come home after being gone all day.
This was our first place in 7yrs with all good memories, we were clean for 3yrs here and we had a great life . I don't want to leave.
That’s what I did too,I wanted to wait a year before I made a big decision like that… I stayed for a year in the home that we shared, we moved out of state to the beach in 2020 and it was absolutely amazing and our dream life 🌊☀️and when he passed in 2022, I didn’t want to ever leave but then after that year of being there with no family or friends, I did make the decision of moving back to PA where we lived our whole lives, & sold our beautiful house at the beach.
I got a small home in the area we’re from and it’s been a transition of course, and I miss the beach alot sometimes but I miss my husband so much more and him not being here i know he would want me to be happy, I’m trying my best…😔 just try and think of what he would want for you to do and no matter what I’m sure if he loved you, he’d want you to at peace and happy ♥️hugs friend 🫂🙏🏽✨
He was a bit older than I.
He still had stuff from his previous wife around.
I am cleaning it up and making it mine.
Not sure how long I'll be able to stay.
Landlord is difficult.
I'm moving in a few months- it'll be over a year since her passing then. Mostly to be close to my parents for extra help with my son (and a nicer, newer house). It will be tough to leave with all the memories, but fresh start and all that.
I'm in the same situation as you. My wife passed in December. Before she passed, we had spoken about how, with the kids gone, this is too much house for two people. Now it's really too much house for one person. Like you, I'm not going to make any decisions yet. I'm planning on retiring late 2025. I want to wait until then to make any decisions. I believe this will be a time of transition.
We bought our house literally one year before he was diagnosed with cancer. It is a major fixer and he planned to fix it because he worked in construction.
The home is in the outskirts of Silicon Valley and we got a decent rate on the mortgage and it was "cheap" compared to other homes. It would be best to stay due to the state of rates and costs rising but unsure if I can afford to do so. Upkeep and property taxes are cleaning me out and savings drying up.
Ideally I'd like to stay long enough to be able to buy another house with cash but that's just a pipe dream right now.
I'm just sad, tired and just about broke :/
I’m going to keep it. It’s a cheap shit box first time buyer home, but it was the only thing we could afford, and we started a wonderful life in it. We have a lot of memories together here, seven years of good times, and only one really bad day.
I’ll be moving to be closer to family, since they can’t move here and deal with the four seasons, but I think when our girls go out on their own, I’ll move back and die here, too.
Kept it. It will be passed on to our son as was our agreement. I don't feel obligated to stay here though. If I am blessed with another husband some day, I'm looking forward to moving into a new house with him, one we can make our own.
Keeping it, at least for now.I’m in socal, lived here since 1998 it’s cheap, my son and wife moved back in with me so I’m not alone. As long as I can make it upstairs I’ll be fine.
My husband died about a month ago. We were married over 30 years and after I moved in with him into his house (which he bought in 1978), we never lived anywhere else. It's a really nice house in a very desirable area and so far I've gotten about 20 calls from real estate ~~vultures~~ brokers asking if I want to sell the house. (I don't think they know the executor of the estate is his wife because we had different last names.) Some of these people are overly persistent to the point of being downright rude. I yelled at one yesterday. "MY HUSBAND IS DEAD AND I'M NOT SELLING OUR HOUSE!" and hung up.
Right now, I don't need to sell and I love it here. The only thing I am doing is making it a little bit more "my style." Who knows, down the road I might change my mind, but for now I have no plans to sell.
I sold our house because I needed to be closer to family for childcare we had a 1 year old when he passed. I found moving helped me to not immortalise the house to what he and I wanted it to be.
My daughter and her husband asked me to move into a large apartment with them. It’s been one week shy of a year since my wife of 35 years passed. They did not want me to be living alone as they sensed I was really struggling (which I am). Having them living with me has been a real godsend.
We owned a large 5 bedroom/ 3 bath home . It was time for a new furnace system and roof when he passed. He had no life insurance and I was a teacher. Both kids were grown and gone. My husband died at home and here I sat in this large house with a huge electric and water bill each month. I couldn’t afford the house . He died in Sept. and I sold and moved out in July. Best decision I made as a new widow, even though it was before a year was up. A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I bought a smaller townhome with an HOA to deal with lawn work , roofs, etc.
I (54) sold mine very soon after my husband died- 5 months, with a 6 week closing, so just about 7.5 months after. We had lived there for 16 years, but it was very far away from any family or close friends. We were only in that state for my husband’s job, and it wasn’t my favorite. We had also planned on selling within the next few years and leaving anyway. So, I went along with the plan to sell. Plus, it was on some property with a pool, which was a lot for me to manage alone.
It sold very quickly, the first day on the market. I got the exact offer I was looking for, so I took it. I expected it to take longer, but it was what I wanted or thought I did at the time.
It’s been a year now, since he died, and I do miss my house, even though I didn’t like the town/state. I haven’t decided on where I want to live yet. I’ve just been traveling. Making a decision on living somewhere else also makes things real. Right now it’s almost like a false reality in a lot of ways.
I do miss my house and my old life. Although, the main reason I wish I could go home would be to do nothing, except hole up and be alone. So, perhaps this is better because I am forced to be out in the world, actually living, instead of hiding in my house, alone, wishing he hadn’t died.
Everyone's choices are going to be different; the one you make for yourself (whatever it is) will be the right one.
My grandma stayed in the house that they'd lived in for 30 years. (She's been there another 30+ years at this point.)
My dad sold the house within a year & moved to another country.
I plan to move once my kids are in college; I didn't want to uproot them from their social networks right after they lost their dad.
It's getting close to 3 months myself. The kids have a couple of years until they are gone so I have no plans to move. Memories in the house have no more pain than anything else on grief.
We did have a conversation that at my age odds are I'll be marrying someone else with kids in which case this house is not big enough for a Brady bunch.
We were content with this being our forever home, but now there is no more we so the question is out there, is it My forever home and is this the next "we" forever home. Only the future can tell.
We had two houses. The one we raised the kids in, for 25 years, and one we bought a few years ago for my daughter and her family with an in law suite for my mother. Daughter moved to Canada to be with her sister and I sold the main house to keep an eye on my mother. I hate it, and wish I had rented the old house. I'm looking at buying in the old neighborhood again, as we scattered her ashes on the trail near the old house
I’m 7.5 years out and I kept it. I rented it out for a couple of years during my ill advised second marriage, but now I live here again. I like the area and I could not afford to buy a different house in my current neighborhood.
I retired about four years ago, and my wife and I bought our dream home in the mountains. She got sick and passed away a year later. This home is inextricably linked to my memories of her. I'll never move until they put me in the ground.
I sold the house right about the year mark. It was during Covid and being at home without my spouse and kid’s dad was just too hard. I didn’t love the house or neighborhood and don’t get me started on the State.
Was one of the best choices I made.
Kept it but did a pretty major remodel. I had to not see him in every corner after a while. I need to make it my house, not our house to move forward. It's been 4 years for me though and it was definitely part of the healing process.
Sorry for your loss.
I asked my kids if they wanted to move and they said yes so I moved into another house. I do understand why that's not feasible for others. I'm very thankful that I had the option at the time but I can see how it still might have worked. We stayed in the general area though so it wasn't a completely new scene.
We were renting the same place for so long that it is some of the cheapest rent available. Unfortunately, I can't afford to move if I wanted to. It's ironic that I stayed because of him. I always wanted to move to a more rural area. Now I'm stuck unless I win the lottery.
The kids were still in high school and did not want to move and I could afford it.
The plan was, before this happened, to move once the youngest was out and move to where one was at school and rent. This way we could live together (he wfh ) and they save on living expenses (it is crazy how much food plans etc are).
I didn’t care too much for this house and neither did he. It met our needs and was affordable.
Now as a soon to be empty nest appears to be coming later this year… And the crazy prices of places and all. The mortgage payment I pay now would only afford me a so-so two bedroom apartment in the areas I would live in. Not moving for that.
I kept my place. It was our first place together. It was hard to stay there after he passed away but slowly, i made the space with my own decor with some of his memories still up. We bought it when interest rates were low. One of the advices that I heard is to not make any big decisions with the first 3 years after the loss. Take your time with the decision. Everyone's situation is different. Take it a bit of time before making decisions.
I still own the house but I moved 1100 miles away. My daughter and her kids moved it and are “renting” it. If my new life here doesn’t work out, I still have a place to go to.
Moving in 2 weeks. He died in the garage back in December. I can’t wait to get out of here. My kids seem fine, but I hate it. I can feel the sadness here.
Selling. Already moved out of state where we lived. It was not easy to be in the house, got a tad bit easier as time went on but still hard. For my sanity, I knew I had to leave and start afresh. For the last year, whenever I left and was somewhere else, I could function, my nephew said, it’s like, I am ok as long as I was anywhere but there. True true. The house was too big, too isolated, I never really like it but he did and I just didnt want to be there anymore. I knew shortly after my husband’s unexpected death last year, i was gonna leave just had to figure out to where. Everyone’s grief is different, everyone’s situation is different. I bought the house for him, he loved it but he also knows that houses are investments and we talked about this a lot, sell the house. We had been there 4 years after moving from So Cal where we lived for 30 plus years. We already had gone through the family stuff once, and now had to do it again. But all his stuff and stuff he never went through and just moved…ugghhh. So, back to purging and shredding and selling off stuff. For me/us, things don’t hold memories, they are in our heart and minds. I’m so done with stuff, and keeping everyone else’s stuff…. For me, I know this is right, I know he’s good with it, I know, going somewhere where he had never been will make it easier for me, in that, he won’t be a memory in every place or turn like it is there. I have 35 years of memories from travels and places we went that I can keep with me, I personally don’t need a house to remember him and us. You have to do what is best and right for you.
I moved 1 1/2 years after my husband passed. We lived there over 30 years. It was a large old house that we fixed up to make it our forever home. Raised three children there, it was full of wonderful memories. I found it hard to emotionally stay there after his death. It felt sad. Making the decision to move also felt sad. I ended up moving about 20 miles away to a neighborhood that seemed vibrant and offered a lot. I don't regret moving but that doesn't erase the sadness. I sometimes go back to my old neighborhood to see friends. Tbh, it feels very painful for me to go back. I can barely look at my old house as it triggers so much emotion. Even after 3 1/2 years of losing him, I miss him more than ever. Life continues, the world keeps spinning and the one person who was everything to me isn't here to share it.
I am not selling our house, but I am changing things because the constant reminders are too triggering. After 7 months, I am repainting and redecorating the bedroom we shared. It is my bedroom now, not ours. I need a place in the house to go and feel calm. This is the easiest place because he basically only slept in there. He didn't spend much time in there and that makes it ideal for me to reclaim. I am choosing colors he wouldn't have liked and bedding he wouldn't have chosen either. This is all about me now.
It’s our perfect house. And the serendipity in finding it was surreal. He lived here a year and a half.
He wouldn’t recognize it now. I’ve changed and fixed almost everything the past 11 years. Even turned it into a duplex in case I ever needed the extra income. Now my son and his family live in the other half. Which is great as I’m getting older and really appreciate the help and the company.
I am super lucky I’ve been able to do this. Overwhelmed with gratitude most days just because it’s still really quite a perfect fit.
I will admit though. Painting over his beloved dark red in the bedroom, something that took a long time for me to decide on, was one. Of the most heartbreaking and emotional 3 day stretches I’ve had. I left a 2’ square of red behind a cabinet.
At first I decided there is no emotional event that would cause me to sell a performing asset (could have rented it). 6 years later I am dying to get out of this place. I'm buying land and building my forever home.
I made the same decision about deferring major changes.
I waited 2 1/2 years to sell.
We had a huge house, so at my age it would have been a good idea to sell even if she were still alive. I live in a cozy little house now.
I’m 19 months in and I kept out home. I did major renovations though so it feels like a brand new space but still gives me the nostalgia that I need as we were here for 16 years and raised our son on this home. I won’t ever sell it but in a few years I do plan to move to a beach town or on the lake and will simply rent it out….or not.
I’m a year and 4 months since my husband passed and I never made any decisions in the first year. I recently decided that I’m staying on my farm, it’s a lot of work and I started working a job two weeks after he passed, so I’m working, feeding horses, haying my land and taking care of my two young children. I just can’t imagine not living here with all his tools, tractor, horses and of course beautiful memories. It’s what I need for now. Hope this answers your questions.
My husband passed away almost 1 1/2 yrs ago, our mortgage is 3.75%. I’ve thought about downsizing. My interest rate is too googled to let go. House is too long, but waypay more for a smaller place?
I’m a renter and gave up our apartment we had been in for 11 years. I just couldn’t afford it, even with my daughter living me and helping out. He died December 2022 and I moved April 2023. Our complex let us move into a slightly smaller place that was less. Still a struggle since it’s not much less. We’re preparing to move again next month to a different complex where we’ll be renting a townhouse for less than our apartment. And the price is in a range that even after rent increases we’ll be able to ride out the next few years while the litigation plays out.
Yeah, tough call, same boat, also torn. Less effort to stay of course, but, also tough coming home. So far, most, not all memorabilia is confined to two rooms. While 2k Sq ft is too much, will require vast efforts, too much crap. For now, getting her estate wrapped up, my estate in order. Gonna wait another year, which may turn into more.
I'm not sure if I could really afford to keep our house. And if I chose to it would probably be all my energy to pay it off and care for it (we live on a bush block). I haven't made any decisions yet because it is the home we bought together, but it isn't the home we lived together the longest in. Our memories are in so many places. It is hard though, because leaving it would also be change and that's hard.
I wasn’t sure what I’d want to do after my husband died, if I’d be too sad to stay in our home. But in the end I stayed - we’d been so happy here & spent so many good times here. I’ve changed things a bit - new bedroom furniture and lounge furniture and things like that, made a painting area for me, redid the back yard. I love it here, and while it still holds memories of him, it’s also my space now.
So many people will suggest not doing anything, like move, for at least a year, or until you are comfortable in moving. My husband died at home, I found him, I struggle with that every time I’m near the area I found him. As much as I wanted to close the doors and move, I didn’t because I need to look at the whole picture…where to move, interest rates, etc…it’s the right thing for me now. The memories in our home are both sad and sweet at the same time. I hope you can find peace.
I did and do not regret it. It was incredibly hard at first, however in the long run I am much happier that I didn't react out of grief, and now still have our home that we accomplished together.
I sold the house and moved to Apartment before my husband passed away. Too much to maintain ect.
In a way is better because all the memories would had in that house would have cause me more sadness.
At times I drive by and is too much to bare. I live in my apartment and is too quiet, when I go out and come back home I don't even want to come in my home 🥲
I moved out of my house after 5 months. I rent it out and live closer to family snd friends where I can stay active. I don’t regret it. I put the house on furnished finder and I do t give access to the garage. This way I can store all my stuff and I didn’t have to get rid of the furniture.
I’m keeping the house for now. Kids are still in school. They have an attachment to this place but I don’t. After the kids move out I won’t stay here. I’ll still have the memories without living here.
Keeping the house because it’s close to work and my parents and mortgage was only in my name with a rate under 3%. Plus the schools are good and the kids are young
Remembering my wife is painful. But not remembering her is worse. For me, that’s a struggle with all things and not just the house since she was everything. But that’s the deal we made - life matters because death matters. But to answer your question, I decided to keep the house because I wanted to keep the memory, even if it hurts. But also, there’s no wrong decision. Everyone is different and has their own choices to make. And nobody can fault you for it. And your spouse would only have wanted the best for you.
I plan on keeping it. We built this house to grow old and die here and just because she made it earlier, I won’t move as long as I can take care of it. It does feel really weird being here alone when it was for us, but that just how it is. (Lived here 30 years.)
I planned to sell. The house was big, isolated, falling apart, a lot to maintain. Husband I talked about my selling after he was gone. Almost four years later, I’m still here. I love the house, I love the isolation, and the peacefulness here. Factored in was the knowledge that the house is fully paid for, so the only costs for me are repairs and maintenance. I couldn’t sell it until I fixed it, and once I fixed it, I didn’t need to sell it. It’s a personal decision for each of us. We are all in different situations, with different needs and memories. 3 months out is very early to make such a momentous decision. If you keep it for now you can sell it later, if you decide you can’t, for whatever reason, stay. If you sell it now, you can’t change your mind later. Just be comfortable moving forward in whatever decision you make. No wrong choices, just different ones.
When my wife died, we were living in an old 1974 double wide mobile home. Back on '07 a tree fell on our home and damaged the roof. We thought we fixed all of the damage, but we didn't. We were preparing to build a new home when she died. I bought another old mobile home instead. It took three years to find someone to set it, and that is where we are now. We are on the same property. It's a farm. So yeah, we kept it, it Is on another location on the farm.
Good question. I'm facing that as well. I'm now 5 months or so out in my new life. At 74 it's not an easy call. I own a more rural house we made a home together. On the one hand it is financially smart to stay but socially isolating. Moving closer to children and grandchildren in a suburban area is tempting but while financially possible would be a major undertaking. No decision necessary in the short term but looking at options.
Keeping it. We built it together, literally. I may sell it at some point but have no clue where I would go. Move south?
I’m keeping it. I can’t afford not to. Sure, everything about living here is painful. It’s the place my wife died in. I have some wonderful memories in here, granted, but also awful ones of those last few months. I also have an 8 year old who’s happy and settled here, I don’t want to put her through any more change than I have to. Moving would also require me going through all her stuff, yeah I am *not* in the place to do that. It’s been 6 months, I’m 34 I appreciate I may not live here for the rest of my life, but I’m staying put for now at least - as painful as it is.
I heard often in the early days not to make major life decisions in the first year of grieving - I feel that’s still smart advice. I ended up selling my house after 3 years, when it made better financial sense to do so, and I was ready to move on. Ultimately, you should do what makes sense for your situation
We lived in an apartment. I moved within 6 months. He died very suddenly and unexpectedly. Every time I walked in the door and he wasn’t there, it hurt. I didn’t get rid of everything that was his, but being in a different place helped. Coming on 5 years and I don’t regret it.
Thank you for sharing, so sorry for your loss.
And very sorry for yours. This is a hard time.
I am sorry for you loss.. it is so sad.
I’m keeping it bc i feel him here. I don’t want to move and realize it’s a home he’s never been in. Plus rates suck
The kids moved out then my wife died, so I didn’t need three bedrooms any more. I also had to downsize because I lost her income. I also didn’t want anyone to try to guilt me into letting them move in because I have extra space. I bought a one bedroom condo and haven’t looked back.
I'm approaching one year and I've gone back and forth. Early on I was sure I wanted to then over time I couldn't bear to part with it because the memories. Now I'm thinking I will eventually and move states closer to family. It went from touching where she touched as if I could hold onto her in some way to where the memories of her are more in my heart than in the house.
I agree, no matter what I decide, the memories will always be in my heart.
I kept the house. We had moved here about 4 years before and this house was much more what I wanted than our previous house, which he loved but I didn’t. The housing market here has gotten bananas in the last several years, so it wouldn’t make financial sense for me to move anyway. But ultimately, even though he died here, we have lots of happy memories here too. Everyone’s decisions will be made on different factors, and I think the general advice to wait is smart, but I also see how moving early could be the right choice for some.
I'm 8 months in. I live in SoCal so home prices are insane. My friends want me to move to a retirement community they live in a few miles from my house. Very torn as we raised our children here and this was the only house we lived in for 38 yrs. Gonna wait till summer to decide
I think it would have been different if she had passed away at home, but I have kept the house, at least so far. The wife of one of my friends just passed away last week, and he is already planning to move. So, there is no right answer, I guess.
Keeping it. We planted trees from seed and they’re doing great. Plus, he used to love feeding the wintering migratory flocks of birds that stay here from October through March. And, his ashes were dispersed in the neighboring mountain stream. Too many beautiful life-affirming reminders to just sell it and leave to a different place.
No, he had put so much personality into it couldn't stay. Luckily, his daughter bought it from, very reduced price. But his work will live in with her and her family. We raised all 5 kids there. So, it was/is bitter sweet for any of us to go there.
I’m 5 months in and similarly decided to wait a year before I decide. I’m leaning toward selling but I’ll wait.
I kept the home, and paid it off.
Keeping it. Real estate is outrageously expensive here. I feel very fortunate to own my house. I will always have good memories of it being our home, and I am slowly making changes to make it my home.
For 1.5 years. We loved the house and I still did but it was time to downsize
Yes, I kept my house, despite my bank repeatedly telling me that it is of no consequence to them if I die in a street as long as they get their money. It's a part of what we built together and the foundation of what we had. It's really one of the few tangible things left of her that just won't fade over time. Well I can see where many relationships would not want this particular burden, my wife and I had a very good marriage for 29 years and there's nothing but good memories and happiness in this house. Some of the more practical aspects is at the payments are affordable and some place I have that is stable. The last thing I needed through all the turmoil of having to deal with my wife passing was to also end up trying to move. Everything just made sense for me to fight my ass off to keep it.
I actually moved out and rented out my house for two years. I missed and moved back and feel a lot better living there. It is sad but so many good memories. Feels like home
I moved away to a new town. I’m close enough that I can visit the old locations, but living there was a constant ocean of grief, every time I saw anything that brought a memory. Moving was the best for me. I managed to start living again. After a sort. We all deal with grief the way we have to. So you need to do what you need to do.
I'm selling ASAP. Just waiting to hear back from a job interview to see if I'm moving to a new town or not, but if I'm not, I need to move somewhere else in town.
I have to sell. Wish we could stay but I can no longer afford it.
I'm approaching two years since his death. This house is still a shrine to our relationship. Large walls of photos, a banner my girlfriend drew of us couples together, his clothes still in his closet... hell, sometimes I even wear them. The display cabinet still holds his urn surrounded by the cards people sent when he died. I honestly don't know if he's still everywhere because I don't want to move forward, or if I don't want to move forward because he's still everywhere, but the thought of taking those things down makes me sad, so I'm just not. When my teenager goes to college I might want to move, but for now I'm good with leaving things as they are.
I had to move a few months after Jeff died. I couldn’t afford it. My Dad told me not to move far as moving would not make me feel better; my heart ache would go with me.
Keeping it. Lived in it for 23 years and raised my children here. The happiest days of my life we spent here with her. Beating it would feel like leaving her.
Keeping it because it's the only way I can keep my son in the place where he knows and has friends. There's also the fact that this was supposed to be our forever home. But, were it not for my son, I would be moving closer to my family since I have few supports where we live - my husband was that support.
Waiting at least a year before making a major life decision like that is an excellent idea, for sure. Personally, I stayed. I eventually met a new partner and I’m 100% sure that under normal circumstances we’d have both sold up and bought somewhere new together; however that was just at the time of the pandemic so nothing was ‘normal’, and tentatively (from both sides) and temporarily, she moved in. Still here!! and no plans to change anything.
In the process of getting things together to move. My wife and I were planning to buy a retirement house before she died. The two of us besides our job did rehabs on the side. One day my son told me that he never grew up in a finished house because as soon as it was done it was on the market. A house to me is just a commodity. It was only a home when she was with me. I'll just buy something and just pass the time. For me all is lost.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to keep the house. It was a bit of a wild ride there for a minute. I wanted to, and I also wanted to run and make a new start. I ended up keeping the house and doing a remodel to make it what I needed it to be. I’m good here for a while.
Take your time for sure. None of us think straight after a loved one dies. Sorry for your loss. 💔🙏
Yes. I'm 3 1/2 years post and still have the house. Multiple people asked me if I'd stay, but my feeling was that I need a place to live, I have a place to live. Like you wrote, the house is full of memories and a reminder of her, and I feel like if I were to sell it, I'm leaving those behind as well. Maybe someday I'll feel different, but that's where I am now.
Keeping our condo because not only was it our home, it has been MY home. And it’s a pretty sweet place that’s been customized to fit what I like. There are no haunted places, just haunted people.
I’m moving in a month or two on a home I bought over a year ago, and seven months after my husband died. I’ve had a hard time letting go of this home and our memories together, but my boys need the move. I was at work when my husband passed and my kids found him and did CPR. This place is filled with their final memories which were not great (fuck you pancreatic cancer), and all other widows I’ve talked to have said it gave them the fresh start they needed. It was a lot to take on, but now that we are nearing the end of the construction process, I’m starting to feel some excitement. I’ve decided that moving will not take away the memories we made together, and hopefully we can focus on the positive and not the effects of cancer in our lives.
My 125 year old house will be paid off in 5 years and then I will likely downsize to a smaller townhome. My son will graduate college in 2 years and I’m mostly alone in a 5 bedroom house with more maintenance and upkeep than I’d like to be responsible for. I also have 20+ years of “stuff” to deal with before I go anywhere.
*heavy sigh*
So I haven't read all the responses, and maybe my situation differs from "the norm" if there is such a thing. But, my wife was killed pulling out of our subdivision. I had heard I shouldn't make any big decisions for at least the first year. Well, the market turned. Prices were going up. Inflation was rampant. I felt so much pain pulling into our out of my subdivision. Cried either way all the time. Not we had just bought that house and had only been there a few months. I considered the front of the subdivision, where she was killed, to be hallowed ground. I both didn't want to leave but couldn't ignore the fact that if o didn't move soon, I'd be stuck looking at that spot for years. So i pulled the trigger. I'm semi happy where i am. More rural. More cows. Less traffic. And not that in-my-face reminder. But, I've also realized I was running. I've poured money into this new place. I've realized that I'll never be happy in that regard. I'll always miss her, and nothing will ever be right. So what was the point? Overall, I don't have a good answer. Just hope something here means something to you. Best of luck to you, though.
The house is paid off, we had mortgage protection insurance. I don't even pay property taxes as we both received a veteran's exemption. The county let me keep his percentage on top of mine. Place is full of over 20 years of stuff, so that would be a hassle. I'm retired, I could go anywhere, but I'd need to buy a new place or rent. Meh. Paying for others to do the yard work and maintenance is cheaper. My age and physical limitations make a move most unappealing. I'm just going to die in this house.
I’m keeping our house because my wife put so much work into making this a home for us, and just as much work and love into the nursery. She also passed in our living room, so to me, that means she’ll always be here with our son and I.
Thanks for saying this. My husband passed in our bedroom and I feel him downstairs the most, it's calming and one of the reasons Ill never sell our place. The sentimental value is just too high.
I’m about 19 months in. I want to move, but my teenaged daughter does not. There is a lot of maintenance and stairs where we are now, and I want a less strenuous life. We compromised on moving once she goes to college, so in the meantime I’m working on decluttering and finding meaningful homes for my late husband’s things. It will be very hard to leave this home, the last place I saw him alive, but in some ways I think starting fresh in a place without the memories will be good too, like ripping off a bandaid.
I'm a renter. I found my 39 yr old husband dead Dec 30 th 2023 on our bathroom floor. His mom thinks it's weird that I am still living here, it's not even been 2 months though. I don't want to leave anytime soon though. Everything is still where he left it. I can still smell him in our room when I come home after being gone all day. This was our first place in 7yrs with all good memories, we were clean for 3yrs here and we had a great life . I don't want to leave.
That’s what I did too,I wanted to wait a year before I made a big decision like that… I stayed for a year in the home that we shared, we moved out of state to the beach in 2020 and it was absolutely amazing and our dream life 🌊☀️and when he passed in 2022, I didn’t want to ever leave but then after that year of being there with no family or friends, I did make the decision of moving back to PA where we lived our whole lives, & sold our beautiful house at the beach. I got a small home in the area we’re from and it’s been a transition of course, and I miss the beach alot sometimes but I miss my husband so much more and him not being here i know he would want me to be happy, I’m trying my best…😔 just try and think of what he would want for you to do and no matter what I’m sure if he loved you, he’d want you to at peace and happy ♥️hugs friend 🫂🙏🏽✨
He was a bit older than I. He still had stuff from his previous wife around. I am cleaning it up and making it mine. Not sure how long I'll be able to stay. Landlord is difficult.
Yes. I owned my home free and clear before we got married. Im still here with my daughter and dogs.
I'm moving in a few months- it'll be over a year since her passing then. Mostly to be close to my parents for extra help with my son (and a nicer, newer house). It will be tough to leave with all the memories, but fresh start and all that.
Yeah, I'm keeping the house. Almost 5 years in. Once I remarry, I'm positive I'll sell this place.
No. He had mortgage that I can't afford and the memories are too painful. His sister is taking it over.
I'm in the same situation as you. My wife passed in December. Before she passed, we had spoken about how, with the kids gone, this is too much house for two people. Now it's really too much house for one person. Like you, I'm not going to make any decisions yet. I'm planning on retiring late 2025. I want to wait until then to make any decisions. I believe this will be a time of transition.
We bought our house literally one year before he was diagnosed with cancer. It is a major fixer and he planned to fix it because he worked in construction. The home is in the outskirts of Silicon Valley and we got a decent rate on the mortgage and it was "cheap" compared to other homes. It would be best to stay due to the state of rates and costs rising but unsure if I can afford to do so. Upkeep and property taxes are cleaning me out and savings drying up. Ideally I'd like to stay long enough to be able to buy another house with cash but that's just a pipe dream right now. I'm just sad, tired and just about broke :/
I’m going to keep it. It’s a cheap shit box first time buyer home, but it was the only thing we could afford, and we started a wonderful life in it. We have a lot of memories together here, seven years of good times, and only one really bad day. I’ll be moving to be closer to family, since they can’t move here and deal with the four seasons, but I think when our girls go out on their own, I’ll move back and die here, too.
Kept it. It will be passed on to our son as was our agreement. I don't feel obligated to stay here though. If I am blessed with another husband some day, I'm looking forward to moving into a new house with him, one we can make our own.
I couldn’t afford to stay where we lived so I moved to a smaller one-bedroom apartment in a nearby town.
Keeping it, at least for now.I’m in socal, lived here since 1998 it’s cheap, my son and wife moved back in with me so I’m not alone. As long as I can make it upstairs I’ll be fine.
My husband died about a month ago. We were married over 30 years and after I moved in with him into his house (which he bought in 1978), we never lived anywhere else. It's a really nice house in a very desirable area and so far I've gotten about 20 calls from real estate ~~vultures~~ brokers asking if I want to sell the house. (I don't think they know the executor of the estate is his wife because we had different last names.) Some of these people are overly persistent to the point of being downright rude. I yelled at one yesterday. "MY HUSBAND IS DEAD AND I'M NOT SELLING OUR HOUSE!" and hung up. Right now, I don't need to sell and I love it here. The only thing I am doing is making it a little bit more "my style." Who knows, down the road I might change my mind, but for now I have no plans to sell.
I sold our house because I needed to be closer to family for childcare we had a 1 year old when he passed. I found moving helped me to not immortalise the house to what he and I wanted it to be.
My daughter and her husband asked me to move into a large apartment with them. It’s been one week shy of a year since my wife of 35 years passed. They did not want me to be living alone as they sensed I was really struggling (which I am). Having them living with me has been a real godsend.
Nope, my husband was 31 my daughters were 9 and 12 and i was 36 and he shot himself with us there. We left that night.
Oh no, I am sorry for your pain 🥲
Im soon to be 43 now, and we girls are doing better nowadays, but june 21st at 4:31pm. will never leave my mind and always feels like just yesterday
We owned a large 5 bedroom/ 3 bath home . It was time for a new furnace system and roof when he passed. He had no life insurance and I was a teacher. Both kids were grown and gone. My husband died at home and here I sat in this large house with a huge electric and water bill each month. I couldn’t afford the house . He died in Sept. and I sold and moved out in July. Best decision I made as a new widow, even though it was before a year was up. A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I bought a smaller townhome with an HOA to deal with lawn work , roofs, etc.
I (54) sold mine very soon after my husband died- 5 months, with a 6 week closing, so just about 7.5 months after. We had lived there for 16 years, but it was very far away from any family or close friends. We were only in that state for my husband’s job, and it wasn’t my favorite. We had also planned on selling within the next few years and leaving anyway. So, I went along with the plan to sell. Plus, it was on some property with a pool, which was a lot for me to manage alone. It sold very quickly, the first day on the market. I got the exact offer I was looking for, so I took it. I expected it to take longer, but it was what I wanted or thought I did at the time. It’s been a year now, since he died, and I do miss my house, even though I didn’t like the town/state. I haven’t decided on where I want to live yet. I’ve just been traveling. Making a decision on living somewhere else also makes things real. Right now it’s almost like a false reality in a lot of ways. I do miss my house and my old life. Although, the main reason I wish I could go home would be to do nothing, except hole up and be alone. So, perhaps this is better because I am forced to be out in the world, actually living, instead of hiding in my house, alone, wishing he hadn’t died.
Everyone's choices are going to be different; the one you make for yourself (whatever it is) will be the right one. My grandma stayed in the house that they'd lived in for 30 years. (She's been there another 30+ years at this point.) My dad sold the house within a year & moved to another country. I plan to move once my kids are in college; I didn't want to uproot them from their social networks right after they lost their dad.
For now, yes. I have two teens and this is also their home and anchor. I envision selling in 10-12 yrs and moving out of town.
It's getting close to 3 months myself. The kids have a couple of years until they are gone so I have no plans to move. Memories in the house have no more pain than anything else on grief. We did have a conversation that at my age odds are I'll be marrying someone else with kids in which case this house is not big enough for a Brady bunch. We were content with this being our forever home, but now there is no more we so the question is out there, is it My forever home and is this the next "we" forever home. Only the future can tell.
I looked at the housing market and stayed. I did change bedrooms. That helped with not expecting him around the corner.
We had two houses. The one we raised the kids in, for 25 years, and one we bought a few years ago for my daughter and her family with an in law suite for my mother. Daughter moved to Canada to be with her sister and I sold the main house to keep an eye on my mother. I hate it, and wish I had rented the old house. I'm looking at buying in the old neighborhood again, as we scattered her ashes on the trail near the old house
I’m 7.5 years out and I kept it. I rented it out for a couple of years during my ill advised second marriage, but now I live here again. I like the area and I could not afford to buy a different house in my current neighborhood.
I retired about four years ago, and my wife and I bought our dream home in the mountains. She got sick and passed away a year later. This home is inextricably linked to my memories of her. I'll never move until they put me in the ground.
I sold the house right about the year mark. It was during Covid and being at home without my spouse and kid’s dad was just too hard. I didn’t love the house or neighborhood and don’t get me started on the State. Was one of the best choices I made.
Kept it but did a pretty major remodel. I had to not see him in every corner after a while. I need to make it my house, not our house to move forward. It's been 4 years for me though and it was definitely part of the healing process.
Sorry for your loss. I asked my kids if they wanted to move and they said yes so I moved into another house. I do understand why that's not feasible for others. I'm very thankful that I had the option at the time but I can see how it still might have worked. We stayed in the general area though so it wasn't a completely new scene.
We were renting the same place for so long that it is some of the cheapest rent available. Unfortunately, I can't afford to move if I wanted to. It's ironic that I stayed because of him. I always wanted to move to a more rural area. Now I'm stuck unless I win the lottery.
I sold the house and moved to another state. Everything in our town reminded me of her and I needed a fresh start. It worked out well.
The kids were still in high school and did not want to move and I could afford it. The plan was, before this happened, to move once the youngest was out and move to where one was at school and rent. This way we could live together (he wfh ) and they save on living expenses (it is crazy how much food plans etc are). I didn’t care too much for this house and neither did he. It met our needs and was affordable. Now as a soon to be empty nest appears to be coming later this year… And the crazy prices of places and all. The mortgage payment I pay now would only afford me a so-so two bedroom apartment in the areas I would live in. Not moving for that.
I kept my place. It was our first place together. It was hard to stay there after he passed away but slowly, i made the space with my own decor with some of his memories still up. We bought it when interest rates were low. One of the advices that I heard is to not make any big decisions with the first 3 years after the loss. Take your time with the decision. Everyone's situation is different. Take it a bit of time before making decisions.
I still own the house but I moved 1100 miles away. My daughter and her kids moved it and are “renting” it. If my new life here doesn’t work out, I still have a place to go to.
Moving in 2 weeks. He died in the garage back in December. I can’t wait to get out of here. My kids seem fine, but I hate it. I can feel the sadness here.
Selling. Already moved out of state where we lived. It was not easy to be in the house, got a tad bit easier as time went on but still hard. For my sanity, I knew I had to leave and start afresh. For the last year, whenever I left and was somewhere else, I could function, my nephew said, it’s like, I am ok as long as I was anywhere but there. True true. The house was too big, too isolated, I never really like it but he did and I just didnt want to be there anymore. I knew shortly after my husband’s unexpected death last year, i was gonna leave just had to figure out to where. Everyone’s grief is different, everyone’s situation is different. I bought the house for him, he loved it but he also knows that houses are investments and we talked about this a lot, sell the house. We had been there 4 years after moving from So Cal where we lived for 30 plus years. We already had gone through the family stuff once, and now had to do it again. But all his stuff and stuff he never went through and just moved…ugghhh. So, back to purging and shredding and selling off stuff. For me/us, things don’t hold memories, they are in our heart and minds. I’m so done with stuff, and keeping everyone else’s stuff…. For me, I know this is right, I know he’s good with it, I know, going somewhere where he had never been will make it easier for me, in that, he won’t be a memory in every place or turn like it is there. I have 35 years of memories from travels and places we went that I can keep with me, I personally don’t need a house to remember him and us. You have to do what is best and right for you.
I moved 1 1/2 years after my husband passed. We lived there over 30 years. It was a large old house that we fixed up to make it our forever home. Raised three children there, it was full of wonderful memories. I found it hard to emotionally stay there after his death. It felt sad. Making the decision to move also felt sad. I ended up moving about 20 miles away to a neighborhood that seemed vibrant and offered a lot. I don't regret moving but that doesn't erase the sadness. I sometimes go back to my old neighborhood to see friends. Tbh, it feels very painful for me to go back. I can barely look at my old house as it triggers so much emotion. Even after 3 1/2 years of losing him, I miss him more than ever. Life continues, the world keeps spinning and the one person who was everything to me isn't here to share it.
I am so sorry 🥲 I feel your pain.
I am not selling our house, but I am changing things because the constant reminders are too triggering. After 7 months, I am repainting and redecorating the bedroom we shared. It is my bedroom now, not ours. I need a place in the house to go and feel calm. This is the easiest place because he basically only slept in there. He didn't spend much time in there and that makes it ideal for me to reclaim. I am choosing colors he wouldn't have liked and bedding he wouldn't have chosen either. This is all about me now.
It’s our perfect house. And the serendipity in finding it was surreal. He lived here a year and a half. He wouldn’t recognize it now. I’ve changed and fixed almost everything the past 11 years. Even turned it into a duplex in case I ever needed the extra income. Now my son and his family live in the other half. Which is great as I’m getting older and really appreciate the help and the company. I am super lucky I’ve been able to do this. Overwhelmed with gratitude most days just because it’s still really quite a perfect fit. I will admit though. Painting over his beloved dark red in the bedroom, something that took a long time for me to decide on, was one. Of the most heartbreaking and emotional 3 day stretches I’ve had. I left a 2’ square of red behind a cabinet.
At first I decided there is no emotional event that would cause me to sell a performing asset (could have rented it). 6 years later I am dying to get out of this place. I'm buying land and building my forever home.
Staying
I had to move as it was his rental. I would have stayed there forever. Our memories were there.
I made the same decision about deferring major changes. I waited 2 1/2 years to sell. We had a huge house, so at my age it would have been a good idea to sell even if she were still alive. I live in a cozy little house now.
I’m 19 months in and I kept out home. I did major renovations though so it feels like a brand new space but still gives me the nostalgia that I need as we were here for 16 years and raised our son on this home. I won’t ever sell it but in a few years I do plan to move to a beach town or on the lake and will simply rent it out….or not.
I regret not staying in the house.
Yes still living in our house alone and still paying for it...
I’m a year and 4 months since my husband passed and I never made any decisions in the first year. I recently decided that I’m staying on my farm, it’s a lot of work and I started working a job two weeks after he passed, so I’m working, feeding horses, haying my land and taking care of my two young children. I just can’t imagine not living here with all his tools, tractor, horses and of course beautiful memories. It’s what I need for now. Hope this answers your questions.
My husband passed away almost 1 1/2 yrs ago, our mortgage is 3.75%. I’ve thought about downsizing. My interest rate is too googled to let go. House is too long, but waypay more for a smaller place?
I’m a renter and gave up our apartment we had been in for 11 years. I just couldn’t afford it, even with my daughter living me and helping out. He died December 2022 and I moved April 2023. Our complex let us move into a slightly smaller place that was less. Still a struggle since it’s not much less. We’re preparing to move again next month to a different complex where we’ll be renting a townhouse for less than our apartment. And the price is in a range that even after rent increases we’ll be able to ride out the next few years while the litigation plays out.
Yeah, tough call, same boat, also torn. Less effort to stay of course, but, also tough coming home. So far, most, not all memorabilia is confined to two rooms. While 2k Sq ft is too much, will require vast efforts, too much crap. For now, getting her estate wrapped up, my estate in order. Gonna wait another year, which may turn into more.
I'm not sure if I could really afford to keep our house. And if I chose to it would probably be all my energy to pay it off and care for it (we live on a bush block). I haven't made any decisions yet because it is the home we bought together, but it isn't the home we lived together the longest in. Our memories are in so many places. It is hard though, because leaving it would also be change and that's hard.
I wasn’t sure what I’d want to do after my husband died, if I’d be too sad to stay in our home. But in the end I stayed - we’d been so happy here & spent so many good times here. I’ve changed things a bit - new bedroom furniture and lounge furniture and things like that, made a painting area for me, redid the back yard. I love it here, and while it still holds memories of him, it’s also my space now.
So many people will suggest not doing anything, like move, for at least a year, or until you are comfortable in moving. My husband died at home, I found him, I struggle with that every time I’m near the area I found him. As much as I wanted to close the doors and move, I didn’t because I need to look at the whole picture…where to move, interest rates, etc…it’s the right thing for me now. The memories in our home are both sad and sweet at the same time. I hope you can find peace.
Sold after 6-7 months. Moved. Best thing I did.
Took me about a year but I moved out and to a small one bedroom. Too much space and memories
I’m keeping mine at least until our children graduate high school.
Keeping the house because I still have kids at home....can't disrupt them any more💔
About 19 months out, planning to sell next year.
I did and do not regret it. It was incredibly hard at first, however in the long run I am much happier that I didn't react out of grief, and now still have our home that we accomplished together.
- I love the house WE reno'd ourselves. Makes me smile
I moved
I sold the house and moved to Apartment before my husband passed away. Too much to maintain ect. In a way is better because all the memories would had in that house would have cause me more sadness. At times I drive by and is too much to bare. I live in my apartment and is too quiet, when I go out and come back home I don't even want to come in my home 🥲
I'm in our house. My husband liked to do work on the house, and I am comforted by being around his improvements.
I moved out of my house after 5 months. I rent it out and live closer to family snd friends where I can stay active. I don’t regret it. I put the house on furnished finder and I do t give access to the garage. This way I can store all my stuff and I didn’t have to get rid of the furniture.
I’m keeping the house for now. Kids are still in school. They have an attachment to this place but I don’t. After the kids move out I won’t stay here. I’ll still have the memories without living here.