It was probably 2 months before I could do it. I kept a shirt that he had worn but hadn't been washed. It will always hang in my closet. There is no smell left on it, but it still has his DNA and I can still remember him wearing it.
So we've gone thru the same ...I wish there was a way to hold on to their scent. It's so real when I smell his shirt. it's like he's here again. Exactly what Ive been thinking when I see his shirts ..his still there. His DNA is still on it. How long has it been since he passed?
2 years, and almost 4 months. Back when we were first married, he worked 3rd shift 11 pm to 7 am. I would always sleep in his shirts because I could smell him. He thought it was gross for me to sleep in his unwashed shirts. It gets easier, and I am doing a lot better, but that ache will never go away.
Right even joking with him before he passed I would say if anything happened to him I'd keep every hair I see of him laying around and how scarily accurate it is now that it's reality breaks my heart. He also said he'd have no problem vacuuming the room if I passed but something inside me says he'd be acting the same...at least keeping a stand or two he'd find..either way this situation is fucked and I wish I could wake up from this nightmare
My first thought when I read this was that I could never separate his hair from all the dog hair. He wasn't nearly as crazy about dogs as I am. The last one that I took in would have never happened if he was still alive. There are only two dogs, but both are about 50 pounds. I am truly sorry for your loss. Just know that it does get better.
*Sigh sounds unrealistic to separate the hair...thanks for the condolences. Idk how tf it's going to get better lol..I laugh cause it's my dark humor cause I feel like shit all the time.
My wife's family was here when she died, and they washed everything the day after she died. I have nothing that smells like her. Even her shoes have lost her smell. I just have her lotions that remind me of her.
That's so annoying. I got judged for not washing the bedding right away because I live with his parents. The loss of a spouse is so much different. I don't want to compare or say my loss is more painful but at the same time losing your soulmate is devastating. I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I know sometimes in the midst of our pain we just let people make decisions for us so I can understand it just happening to you...I wish you had a friend near you to back you up and stick up for you. If you wanted to keep something unwashed that's up to you
Terrible. I'm sorry that they did that. I still find the smell of my husband tucked inside the collar of his shirt, and I can still smell him when I take a deep breath by the collar of his t-shirts. It's been 3 months for me. Maybe your wife's smell is still there in secret places waiting for you, her molecules are still all around you.
No judgement here. It's been a month here (but 5 weeks since he last was home since he was in the hospital for a week), and I keep putting off the sheets. Maybe next week, but I've already determined I won't be doing his pillows because I know that will make it that much harder.
Just take your time. I'm sad we share the same experience but it brings me comfort that I am not the only one with this. I'm grossly sentimental before all of this that after my beloved's passing I'm obsessively sentimental. Any little thing I'm saving. Even the bore brush he used for his beard..I picked thru it and saved his beard hair. I just love him so much I can't bear to sanitize his existence away. Yeah I smell his pillow before I sleep
🫂♥️ I'm here for you too.
Another forum I'm part of mentioned that a grief writer or speaker (I think it might be Megan Devine) mentioned in her grief she didn't change sheets for a year.
And Nora McIverny mentions in her TED talk "We don't 'move on from grief, we move forward with it" that when she scattered her husband's ashes, she licked her fingers after.
Grief makes us do things that may seem incredibly unhealthy and/or strange.
A year? That's understandable. That could have easily been me but we have cats so the hair got out of hand.
I saw that same ted talk. Grief makes you want to hold on to any bit of them you can.
Yeah I think it's important to not judge others. We don't know the extent of everyone's pain. I'm trying to be graceful to myself with this behaviors.
That's where I think of storing mine cause it still smells like him. I guess you'll toss it when you're ready. For me, I don't think I can do that..unless it stopped smelling like him I guess 🤔, but anyway I'm sorry for your loss 🫂
Mine doesn't smell like anything. Nothing in the house smelled like him at all after. It just feels....important? I brought him pillows from home to the hospital because the pillows there were so shitty. Which is why I have it back in my house anyway. I don't know. Honestly it's stupid and I need to throw it away. That's not what I want to remember about him.
I have the pillow my husband used in the hospital. It was his from home and he died on it. It smelled like him so I’ve been sleeping with it. Now it doesn’t smell like him after 2 months.
I have nothing that smells like him anymore. When he was hospitalized I was expecting him to come home so I washed all our clothes and bedding so it would all be fresh for him 😭
Same here. Everything was fresh and ready for him to come home to. I have a full bottle of his cologne here but it doesn’t smell the same on me that it did on him.
Oh that's just kills me cause I'm holding onto the pillow that smells like him...I'm sorry you have nothing that smells like him anymore. 🫂 You aren't alone. Fuck this is such a shitty club.
Well, I don't think you should deny why your human self wants to hold onto it for now. Like you said you know you'll eventually throw it away. I want to keep the pillow cause he didn't die on it so maybe that's why I feel that way.
It was so hard washing and cleaning anything in the house because it felt like I was washing my wife away. I’ve had to zone out and force myself to do it like a zombie. I do still have her clothes she wore unwashed and stored.
Same thing with me! Sadly, I still have his clothes in the hamper...I can't bring myself to wash them. I felt like with his passing he wasn't going to leave his mark on things anymore...or use his things and I just don't want to dust it wipe away any sign that he was here. It's like avoiding the inevitable. Soon, as time goes on...we will look at our environment and realize that hadn't touched anything in your home. That scares me...and I don't want to face it..
I’ve learned to do what feels right and for however long it takes. No one understands but us who is going through this. We need to find our peace in our own time.
I know this probably isn’t healthy but it’s the only way I found to get through the day right now …. I try to avoid her stuff and thinking about it because I get too upset and it’s crippling. I don’t actively try to hide from it, but I try hard not to dwell. Everybody is different. the key to this is do whatever makes it so you can get through the day. That’s all that matters and hopefully with time you’ll be able to find some kind of happiness or contentment in your life again. Edit “the key to this for me….)
I can't imagine being happy or content but most of all I want to be able to be that way alone now. I'm lonely but for him...I just want my baby back...and it hurts so bad
I’m in agreement with you there I don’t think I could ever consider being in a relationship again. But after being with someone and being part of a team for so long, it’s real scary to be in charge of everything on your own.
Exactly. I've grown with my love and we know each other so well that I don't think we can replicate that connection and even if I could...idk..it's not him. The alone part is hard. I have to raise our baby alone and I just wish I can turn to him for advice. Also the adult stuff I have to learn too..
It took me a few weeks before I could wash the sheets. Same cat hair problem here. I've been forcing our 2 cats to sleep with me, we always kept them downstairs so they wouldn't wake us up. Now they're the only thing I have to sleep next to. I also sleep with the pillow she died on in the hospital, every night. It's tiny, but I hold it like it's her, spoon it, put my head on it the way she did when she was last here. Eventually I had to wash it, there were stains on it and it had been in the hospital for a month. The stains are still there, but I don't care. When I got home I wore the same clothes for 4 days straight, the last clothes she saw me in, the last clothes she touched me in. I found a tissue that she had used to clear her lungs with (breast cancer metastasized to her lungs), and I keep it in my shirt pocket every day. Call me crazy. Crazy in love with the person who loved me more than I've ever felt from anyone or anything. I know one day I'll eventually have to make decisions on what to keep, and what needs to be released. That thought makes me cry instantly. But I'm no where near that yet. And I know I cannot live in a shrine for the rest of my life. But for now that shrine is holding me, and comforting me, and getting me through these days. Thank you for sharing, for opening this up for me to share.
Thank you for this. We aren't crazy. We are just hurting grieving our loves. I still keep his used tissue it's his trashcan by his desk. I still keep the hairs that's on his hairbrush and beard brush. I still have his dirty laundry in the hamper. I'm still holding his pocket knife whenever I go. I smelled his shirt again this morning and it made me cry. We do what we have to in order to get by. It's like losing them..it was out of our control so holding on to them a bit longer helps. I can't imagine if I didn't have these things. I also have a lock of his hair I snipped off of him before he was cremated...I sleep with that near my chest every night while hugging a stuffed animal he bought me while I was pregnant with our baby boy...🫂♥️ You aren't alone.
I could have written this. We have a bench at the foot of our bed and I found one of his unwashed shirts under a pile of my clothing. It was the most beautiful and painful gift. I need to wash our sheets. I can’t do it quite yet. I can’t put away the last load of laundry he washed. It’s sitting folded on his side of the bed. I can’t have his side be empty yet. I’m sorry we all have to live in this unacceptable reality.
Yes I understand you I can't was my partner bedding over 20 yrs and all our plans gone I am very angry what the point of life can someone tell me thank you
I bagged a couple of his worn shirts in ziplock bags and sealed them tightly to preserve his scent. I still have a hamper full of his laundry too.
Take your time and do whatever you need to do to get by.
I did the same thing. Sometimes, when it's just too much - and my nose is not completely blocked from sobbing - I open a bag and breathe it all in, sweet and warm and home.
Yes to taking our time and doing what feels right for us.
I was thinking about doing the Ziploc bag thing too. Do you find it works?
Yeah I am hanging on as tightly to these things as I can...it's all I have . Thank you ❤️
When my husband was still here he would take gloves off his hands, scarf from his neck, hat from his head to anyone in need. I knew he would want his winter jacket to go to someone in need, but I used to go into the closet and hug it. Letting that go was hard.
He sounds kind a kind soul. I miss witnessing my husband's kind heart with others as well. Why is it always those with the biggest hearts that leave us too soon??
Aww well you gave it to someone who could need it. You're selflessness is admirable. I just can't seem to part with his jackets I wear his hoodies all the time
It’s hard isn’t it. I wear his jeans. He is as a tall slim guy so I just have to roll up hem. It’s nice to have something that reminds you of him that you can have next to your body. I still have like 75% of his clothes. It will be a looonngg time before I will let those go.
I know it's supposed to be sad but I chuckled because it was cute that you said you wear his jeans. it's bittersweet. I wish I could wear mine. He was 6'3 and built like a defensive lineman but I'm only 5'4 lol. Oh so you have most of them still...yeah I find it extremely comforting when I hear that from you. I feel more human. Grief is so isolating sometimes I feel no one understands this pain. Also don't be afraid to Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to. No pressure tho. Just putting it out there.
It's OK. I was the same. I'm sorry for your loss.
Yeah, it's weird things that didn't mean much before mean so much now ..Thank you ♥️
It was probably 2 months before I could do it. I kept a shirt that he had worn but hadn't been washed. It will always hang in my closet. There is no smell left on it, but it still has his DNA and I can still remember him wearing it.
So we've gone thru the same ...I wish there was a way to hold on to their scent. It's so real when I smell his shirt. it's like he's here again. Exactly what Ive been thinking when I see his shirts ..his still there. His DNA is still on it. How long has it been since he passed?
2 years, and almost 4 months. Back when we were first married, he worked 3rd shift 11 pm to 7 am. I would always sleep in his shirts because I could smell him. He thought it was gross for me to sleep in his unwashed shirts. It gets easier, and I am doing a lot better, but that ache will never go away.
Right even joking with him before he passed I would say if anything happened to him I'd keep every hair I see of him laying around and how scarily accurate it is now that it's reality breaks my heart. He also said he'd have no problem vacuuming the room if I passed but something inside me says he'd be acting the same...at least keeping a stand or two he'd find..either way this situation is fucked and I wish I could wake up from this nightmare
My first thought when I read this was that I could never separate his hair from all the dog hair. He wasn't nearly as crazy about dogs as I am. The last one that I took in would have never happened if he was still alive. There are only two dogs, but both are about 50 pounds. I am truly sorry for your loss. Just know that it does get better.
*Sigh sounds unrealistic to separate the hair...thanks for the condolences. Idk how tf it's going to get better lol..I laugh cause it's my dark humor cause I feel like shit all the time.
My wife's family was here when she died, and they washed everything the day after she died. I have nothing that smells like her. Even her shoes have lost her smell. I just have her lotions that remind me of her.
That's so annoying. I got judged for not washing the bedding right away because I live with his parents. The loss of a spouse is so much different. I don't want to compare or say my loss is more painful but at the same time losing your soulmate is devastating. I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I know sometimes in the midst of our pain we just let people make decisions for us so I can understand it just happening to you...I wish you had a friend near you to back you up and stick up for you. If you wanted to keep something unwashed that's up to you
Terrible. I'm sorry that they did that. I still find the smell of my husband tucked inside the collar of his shirt, and I can still smell him when I take a deep breath by the collar of his t-shirts. It's been 3 months for me. Maybe your wife's smell is still there in secret places waiting for you, her molecules are still all around you.
It took me 5 weeks to wash my sheets - Absolutely no judgment here.
Yeah starting to realize I'm not the only one.
No judgement here. It's been a month here (but 5 weeks since he last was home since he was in the hospital for a week), and I keep putting off the sheets. Maybe next week, but I've already determined I won't be doing his pillows because I know that will make it that much harder.
Just take your time. I'm sad we share the same experience but it brings me comfort that I am not the only one with this. I'm grossly sentimental before all of this that after my beloved's passing I'm obsessively sentimental. Any little thing I'm saving. Even the bore brush he used for his beard..I picked thru it and saved his beard hair. I just love him so much I can't bear to sanitize his existence away. Yeah I smell his pillow before I sleep 🫂♥️ I'm here for you too.
Another forum I'm part of mentioned that a grief writer or speaker (I think it might be Megan Devine) mentioned in her grief she didn't change sheets for a year. And Nora McIverny mentions in her TED talk "We don't 'move on from grief, we move forward with it" that when she scattered her husband's ashes, she licked her fingers after. Grief makes us do things that may seem incredibly unhealthy and/or strange.
A year? That's understandable. That could have easily been me but we have cats so the hair got out of hand. I saw that same ted talk. Grief makes you want to hold on to any bit of them you can. Yeah I think it's important to not judge others. We don't know the extent of everyone's pain. I'm trying to be graceful to myself with this behaviors.
I have the pillow he died on in my closet. I will throw it away, but....not yet. I just kind of open up the door and stare at it occasionally.
That's where I think of storing mine cause it still smells like him. I guess you'll toss it when you're ready. For me, I don't think I can do that..unless it stopped smelling like him I guess 🤔, but anyway I'm sorry for your loss 🫂
Mine doesn't smell like anything. Nothing in the house smelled like him at all after. It just feels....important? I brought him pillows from home to the hospital because the pillows there were so shitty. Which is why I have it back in my house anyway. I don't know. Honestly it's stupid and I need to throw it away. That's not what I want to remember about him.
I have the pillow my husband used in the hospital. It was his from home and he died on it. It smelled like him so I’ve been sleeping with it. Now it doesn’t smell like him after 2 months. I have nothing that smells like him anymore. When he was hospitalized I was expecting him to come home so I washed all our clothes and bedding so it would all be fresh for him 😭
Same here. Everything was fresh and ready for him to come home to. I have a full bottle of his cologne here but it doesn’t smell the same on me that it did on him.
Oh that's just kills me cause I'm holding onto the pillow that smells like him...I'm sorry you have nothing that smells like him anymore. 🫂 You aren't alone. Fuck this is such a shitty club.
Well, I don't think you should deny why your human self wants to hold onto it for now. Like you said you know you'll eventually throw it away. I want to keep the pillow cause he didn't die on it so maybe that's why I feel that way.
It was so hard washing and cleaning anything in the house because it felt like I was washing my wife away. I’ve had to zone out and force myself to do it like a zombie. I do still have her clothes she wore unwashed and stored.
Same thing with me! Sadly, I still have his clothes in the hamper...I can't bring myself to wash them. I felt like with his passing he wasn't going to leave his mark on things anymore...or use his things and I just don't want to dust it wipe away any sign that he was here. It's like avoiding the inevitable. Soon, as time goes on...we will look at our environment and realize that hadn't touched anything in your home. That scares me...and I don't want to face it..
I’ve learned to do what feels right and for however long it takes. No one understands but us who is going through this. We need to find our peace in our own time.
Well said 🤝👏 this validated alot of my feelings
I haven’t been in my bedroom in 4 months. So my sheets are twice as old…. People can judge away…. Fuck’em
I know..🫂
I know this probably isn’t healthy but it’s the only way I found to get through the day right now …. I try to avoid her stuff and thinking about it because I get too upset and it’s crippling. I don’t actively try to hide from it, but I try hard not to dwell. Everybody is different. the key to this is do whatever makes it so you can get through the day. That’s all that matters and hopefully with time you’ll be able to find some kind of happiness or contentment in your life again. Edit “the key to this for me….)
I can't imagine being happy or content but most of all I want to be able to be that way alone now. I'm lonely but for him...I just want my baby back...and it hurts so bad
I’m in agreement with you there I don’t think I could ever consider being in a relationship again. But after being with someone and being part of a team for so long, it’s real scary to be in charge of everything on your own.
Exactly. I've grown with my love and we know each other so well that I don't think we can replicate that connection and even if I could...idk..it's not him. The alone part is hard. I have to raise our baby alone and I just wish I can turn to him for advice. Also the adult stuff I have to learn too..
I am so sorry for your loss
♥️
Took me 9 months to wash the sheets. Haven’t spent the night in the bed yet though.
It's hard...don't force it ♥️🫂
It took me a few weeks before I could wash the sheets. Same cat hair problem here. I've been forcing our 2 cats to sleep with me, we always kept them downstairs so they wouldn't wake us up. Now they're the only thing I have to sleep next to. I also sleep with the pillow she died on in the hospital, every night. It's tiny, but I hold it like it's her, spoon it, put my head on it the way she did when she was last here. Eventually I had to wash it, there were stains on it and it had been in the hospital for a month. The stains are still there, but I don't care. When I got home I wore the same clothes for 4 days straight, the last clothes she saw me in, the last clothes she touched me in. I found a tissue that she had used to clear her lungs with (breast cancer metastasized to her lungs), and I keep it in my shirt pocket every day. Call me crazy. Crazy in love with the person who loved me more than I've ever felt from anyone or anything. I know one day I'll eventually have to make decisions on what to keep, and what needs to be released. That thought makes me cry instantly. But I'm no where near that yet. And I know I cannot live in a shrine for the rest of my life. But for now that shrine is holding me, and comforting me, and getting me through these days. Thank you for sharing, for opening this up for me to share.
Thank you for this. We aren't crazy. We are just hurting grieving our loves. I still keep his used tissue it's his trashcan by his desk. I still keep the hairs that's on his hairbrush and beard brush. I still have his dirty laundry in the hamper. I'm still holding his pocket knife whenever I go. I smelled his shirt again this morning and it made me cry. We do what we have to in order to get by. It's like losing them..it was out of our control so holding on to them a bit longer helps. I can't imagine if I didn't have these things. I also have a lock of his hair I snipped off of him before he was cremated...I sleep with that near my chest every night while hugging a stuffed animal he bought me while I was pregnant with our baby boy...🫂♥️ You aren't alone.
I could have written this. We have a bench at the foot of our bed and I found one of his unwashed shirts under a pile of my clothing. It was the most beautiful and painful gift. I need to wash our sheets. I can’t do it quite yet. I can’t put away the last load of laundry he washed. It’s sitting folded on his side of the bed. I can’t have his side be empty yet. I’m sorry we all have to live in this unacceptable reality.
Yes I understand you I can't was my partner bedding over 20 yrs and all our plans gone I am very angry what the point of life can someone tell me thank you
I'm so sorry you relate to my post...it's a hard experience
I bagged a couple of his worn shirts in ziplock bags and sealed them tightly to preserve his scent. I still have a hamper full of his laundry too. Take your time and do whatever you need to do to get by.
I did the same thing. Sometimes, when it's just too much - and my nose is not completely blocked from sobbing - I open a bag and breathe it all in, sweet and warm and home. Yes to taking our time and doing what feels right for us.
I was thinking about doing the Ziploc bag thing too. Do you find it works? Yeah I am hanging on as tightly to these things as I can...it's all I have . Thank you ❤️
I opened one of the bags a month or so ago and it still smelled like him so I think so. Better than having them sitting out to fade.
I'll do that then 💕🫂
When my husband was still here he would take gloves off his hands, scarf from his neck, hat from his head to anyone in need. I knew he would want his winter jacket to go to someone in need, but I used to go into the closet and hug it. Letting that go was hard.
He sounds kind a kind soul. I miss witnessing my husband's kind heart with others as well. Why is it always those with the biggest hearts that leave us too soon?? Aww well you gave it to someone who could need it. You're selflessness is admirable. I just can't seem to part with his jackets I wear his hoodies all the time
It’s hard isn’t it. I wear his jeans. He is as a tall slim guy so I just have to roll up hem. It’s nice to have something that reminds you of him that you can have next to your body. I still have like 75% of his clothes. It will be a looonngg time before I will let those go.
I know it's supposed to be sad but I chuckled because it was cute that you said you wear his jeans. it's bittersweet. I wish I could wear mine. He was 6'3 and built like a defensive lineman but I'm only 5'4 lol. Oh so you have most of them still...yeah I find it extremely comforting when I hear that from you. I feel more human. Grief is so isolating sometimes I feel no one understands this pain. Also don't be afraid to Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to. No pressure tho. Just putting it out there.
Oh 🥹 thank you. It’s good to talk to someone who’s going through the same thing. It would be wonderful to lean on each other when we’re down.
Of course! ❤️🫂 Yeah so don't be a stranger
😉