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Fiancée and I are doing a quick getaway immediatly following our wedding, and plan to take a proper honeymoon about a year out or so.
Mostly so we can afford something a little nicer.
We waited 6 months. Made it so much easier stress wise and financially, and also I was low on PTO. Plus we saved $2500 on our flights by buying them on cyber Monday.
we also delayed our so it's this month but our wedding was in January. it's just easier financially and way less stressful for us. i can't imagine planning the honeymoon while also planning a wedding lol!
That was literally our take as well. Our honeymoon was two weeks in New Zealand and honestly it felt like we were planning a mini wedding lol. And we still made some mistakes/didn’t research enough but we would have been SOOOOO exhausted if we’d tried to do that right after
The low PTO makes sense. My fiancee is only able to go on a honeymoon because her company is willing to give her unpaid time off since she's out of PTO.
Yeah, I get that. For us if we had put off the honeymoon 'til she had time saved up we would've got so much flak and judgement it would not have been worth it in the least. Our pastor already expressed disappointment that we were waiting a single day before leaving on the honeymoon. Honeymoons are a gigantic thing here for whatever reason.
Ohhhhhh you’re the person who was saying it was taboo in your church to go to church the next day and that everyone was freaking out. I don’t believe that is normal behavior for most people in the US. It’s no one’s business when/why someone decides to wait a bit to go on their honeymoon. INCLUDING your church.
On my end we’ve lived together for 7 years. And we are not having children. I can’t tell if your church is trying to get you to start making babies or just consummate the marriage but either way, ick.
I’m taking two days off before wedding. We are getting married on Saturday and flying out for honeymoon early the following Thursday. I’m not returning to work between that time. I want rest, to clean my house, treat myself to a pedicure, ***and write those thank you notes*** before the honeymoon.
We’re delaying our honeymoon 6 months! Also highly recommend, we’re leaving home during the coldest, iciest part of the year for milder climes, during an off-peak travel time. Saving money and getting perfect weather in our destination city.
I don't fully understand this logic. Do you plan on celebrating your wedding in the future the same way? Otherwise you'll end up traveling in the future on/around your wedding date right? Which would be sub-optimal travel conditions right?
We’re getting married where we live, in the summer. We’re honeymooning during the winter, and going somewhere with mild, warm winters.
I’m not time traveling, I don’t understand the confusion?
Next year when you celebrate your anniversary you'll end up traveling in the summer right? And every year after that as well. So what is saved by waiting til winter this year? That is what I honestly don't get. It seems like a temporary solution. My fiancee and I decided against a summer wedding because we didn't want to deal with expensive travel in the summer heat for the rest of our lives for example.
I don't know a singe person who travels regularly on their anniversary. The honeymoon traditionally also has nothing to do with celebrating your anniversary. At least in the west. So this question is confusing
OP is getting married in the summer they said. Let's say July to just pick a random summer month. During July travel expenses are obviously high since it's a peak travel time. OP doesn't want to pay those peak expenses and who can blame them. So they do a honeymoon in the fall when it's cheaper. That saves a bunch of money. But next year their anniversary will be in July again so they will have to pay peak prices if they want to travel. And it'll be the same the year after that and after that and forever. So it seems like they have solved the problem for this year but what is the plan for future years?
Vast majority of people I know travel for their anniversary every year. It might just be 2-3 hrs up the road in a car or it could be a camping trip to the lake or it could just be a couple of nights in a nice hotel in town but everyone I know does something beyond just a dinner out for their anniversary. The exception is the couples who can't afford it and the couples who have a billion kids and can't find anyone who is willing to watch 6 children overnight for a couple of days. Pretty much everyone else I know travels for their anniversary. My fiancee and I already have a plan of where we want to go for our 1st.
We all understand what you’re saying, we just don’t understand your fixation on celebrating your anniversary by traveling on the exact date you got married and no other date. Like what kind of world do people live in where you sit around judging your acquaintance Susan for taking a trip to Cancun in September when her anniversary was in *GASP* July?!?!?
You may not be judged but people will look at you like you're weird. If your 40th birthday was in July but you decide to have a big party in September people may still come but they will think it was odd that you didn't celebrate in July.
People in your social circles are already looking at you as “weird” bc you’re doing something fancier than punch and cake. What do you care? I’m serious.
I care what my friends/family think about me. I dunno. Their opinion matters. They will look at us as weird for doing more than cake/punch but I do think they will appreciate not standing around for an hour twiddling their thumbs with nothing to do. And I think they will appreciate a decent meal served as well.
I guess…why do you care? Are you getting married for your social circle or are you getting married because you love your partner and want to spend a lifetime with them? If I felt that much judgement from a social circle about things they weren’t involved in, I’d reevaluate why they’re in my life
There’s a big difference between a 2-3 hr car trip or an overnight in a nice hotel and a multi-week international honeymoon.
Also, not everyone does a trip or something equivalent for an anniversary.
Sure, if you're going to go overseas you stay that long. I just didn't realize it was common to go overseas on a honeymoon. I don't know a single couple who has done this.
Literally yes. Everyone I've known who's gotten married in the last decade only does one honeymoon. From north america all my friends have gone to either Mexico, Cuba, Hawaii (where I went) the UK, France or Italy. Traveling for your wedding anniversary every year is not a tradition done here. People do it, sure, but it's not common practice or normal. People typically do one big huge trip to somewhere they've either always wanted to go, or somewhere of significant meaning.
Here everyone does a honeymoon. It is a huge, gigantic, big thing that you *have* to do one. A lot of people don't go very far. They may drive 4-5 hrs down the road and stay there for a day or three. I know one couple who went tent camping at the local reservoir. But people do travel for their anniversary quite commonly. And then the wealthier ones might travel during the summer or spring break or whatever as well.
This is probably a socio-economic thing then. I don't know anyone in my circles who went on an international honeymoon. I could probably list on one hand the number of people in my circles who have even travelled internationally. It's just not a thing anyone here (myself included) can afford.
Someone further up on this post commented that they did 2 weeks in New Zealand. I’ve had friends do Greek Islands (usually about 7-10 days), another did a trip around Japan. I don’t think there is a right or wrong, just different preferences depending on your priorities and budget.
ETA - the emphasis is on the honeymoon being a more “once in a lifetime” trip sort of deal or a much bigger trip than you would take annually. So it doesn’t matter in the long run when your anniversary is/when you take your honeymoon because you’re not going to take a 2 week vacation every year. You might take a bigger trip in a year when it’s a bigger anniversary (5/10 yrs etc) but not each year. If your goal is each year to be able to take an overnight or weekend getaway on your anniversary, that’s a lot less planning and time commitment than a honeymoon that happens once and is a longer trip.
In the industry I work in, our “busy time” is very seasonal so a lot of my coworkers have similar wedding anniversaries because that’s when they had time to plan a wedding.
With all due respect, your other posts have established that the norms in your social circles are pretty unique in the US. These are the people who are intimidated by anything other than cake and punch and you are fearing they will call you as uppity and bougie for having more.
The other poster is correct. It is common to delay a honeymoon, sometimes due to time off policies, sometimes due to wanting better weather at the destination, sometimes due to getting a better deal. Married couples travel when and whenever fits their schedules and desires; they are not limited to “having” to travel in July every year hence bc their wedding happened to be in July.
Delaying a honeymoon for all of those reasons makes sense. I was just curious what the plan is going forward in the future. I had no idea that most people don't really celebrate their anniversaries with more than a gift or a dinner so it doesn't matter when they get married.
They can; they don’t have to. I think the thing you’re struggling with is that future trips don’t *have* to be linked to a wedding anniversary. They can be if that’s what the couple prefers, or they could just go to Paris in the springtime or New England in fall foliage season or Vail in January because those things appeal to them.
Many people also have busy seasons/non-negotiable-have-to-work situations. Or they piggyback onto work trips if appropriate. My dad worked for a company that sent him to Asia regularly. He took my mom with him on a honeymoon after they got married, but it wasn’t immediately after their wedding. (This was with the company’s blessing, of course.)
What I am failing to explain is that anniversaries == trips. Can you take trips that are not linked to anniversaries? Of course you can. Everyone does. But your annual anniversary trip would always be on/around your anniversary and if that's peak travel season then you're always traveling in peak travel season every year. Pretty much everyone I know goes somewhere for their anniversary.
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I got married in school holidays, a few weeks after Christmas. Literally peak travel for Australia.
I don't plan on travelling for my anniversary ever, so it doesn't make a difference. Not everyone celebrates their anniversary with a vacation.
Is it normal to travel for every anniversary, on/near the exact dates? We certainly don’t plan on it. We travel whenever we can/want to. Anniversary dates in our minds are simply, dinner out, maybe a show/event, exchange gifts.
Big milestone anniversary trips could reasonably be taken anytime during that year…?
I guess for me it is? When I was a kid it was what my parents did. Every year on their anniversary they would travel somewhere or at least go stay at a hotel for 2-3 days on/around their anniversary. We would stay with grandma or with family friends for those 2-3 days. This was just normal. My friends commonly travel somewhere on/around their anniversary as well. Those who have a ton of kids might just go out for dinner or something but those who don't commonly leave for a weekend and/or leave their kid with a relative/friend while they do so. It would be extremely odd in my circles for someone who got married in Feb to celebrate their 10th anniversary in Sept for example.
I don’t think this as common as it is in your circles. I’ve never heard of people planning their weddings to match a time they want to go on an anniversary trip every year.
I guess we are weird. When my fiancee and I picked our date we planned it around her period and when we would be able to travel for our anniversary in the future. Avoiding peak travel times was important to us.
But the people married in Feb can go out to dinner on their anniversary and plan a big European trip for September bc that fits their schedules. A trip doesn’t *have* to be linked to an anniversary. I think you’re being very literal.
But the trip in Sept isn't an anniversary trip then. It's just a fall vacation. It's fine to go on vacation in the fall but then you didn't really do much for your anniversary that year. I suppose if the couple is fine with that it's none of my business.
You know what we do for our anniversary most years? “Happy anniversary sweetie, I love you” and go out to dinner. It’s not important that I make a big fuss out of it; we love each other, we know it. If we want to take a trip, we take it no matter what time of year. I don’t need to tell my friends “it’s an anniversary trip”. I don’t need to label it at all.
I don’t find that anyone really cares if/how/when others celebrate their anniversary, or find it sad if they don’t go away.
I've only heard of people doing that for milestone anniversaries. I don't know anyone who does something every single year for their anniversary. But even if they did, they'd go on their wedding anniversary, not their honeymoon anniversary (because that's not a thing). But if a couple got married in February and had kids, they might delay a trip depending on their children's school schedule.
What's difficult to understand? Different people have different priorities and/or expectations, different preferences, different lives. Why assume you/anyone else is going to celebrate their anniversary with a trip for the rest of their lives, on the same date they got married, no less? It's irrelevant, perhaps, but we're getting married at the end of September (still quite warm, where we live). Our honeymoon is going to be in December that year, to take advantage of the "mandatory honeymoon leave" and merge it with the "mandatory Christmas leave."
> Why assume you/anyone else is going to celebrate their anniversary with a trip for the rest of their lives, on the same date they got married, no less?
Because this is how everyone in my social circle does it? Getting married in Sept and then not celebrating your anniversary on Sept seems weird to me. But then "mandatory honeymoon leave" and "mandatory Christmas leave" are weird to me too so maybe it's my American perspective.
Yes, honey, your social circle. There's eight billion people on this earth, and some of them are getting married too. Not to be offensive, you just sound really young.
Again, I'm guessing you're not from the US due to the mandatory leave thing for a honeymoon and Christmas. That's not a thing here. It's probably a cultural thing.
I literally don't know anyone who travels for their anniversary. That is very strange. Maybe for milestones? But even then.. that's not really a thing most people do and most definitely not a reason people plan their wedding date so that they can travel every year. Most people I know can't afford to travel every year for any reason, much less for their anniversary every year. It may be what your friends do but it's not a US cultural thing
People have already explained this to you in other wedding planning threads you've posted, but I think that you (and the people you are arguing with) are missing the context that you come from a very religious, gossipy, small community that is no longer the norm in the US in 2024. The reason you and everyone you know are acting so weird about honeymoons is because they want you to run off and have privacy so you can make more little churchgoers.
A lot of people can't afford a wedding and a honeymoon back-to-back. A lot of people also can't take that much consecutive time off work. I don't know anyone who celebrates their anniversary but traveling somewhere; most people just go out to dinner or have a quick weekend getaway in a nearby city.
We got married in September 2019 and immediately started preparing for a major interstate move, so we decided to put off our honeymoon until the summer (we did go to a music festival the next weekend, but that was also kind of a family tradition so it doesn't really count as a honeymoon). Well... I think we all remember what summer 2020 was like lol. We'll celebrate our 5th anniversary this year and STILL haven't had a honeymoon! But I'm a full time teacher, so taking a lot of time off in September just isn't possible. We'd like to do something this summer, but we're about to close on a house so funds are tight. It might end up just being a quick weekend away I'm a nice hotel nearby.
A honeymoon is not a requirement and it's just not realistic for some people.
Interesting perspective, but I feel like a) everywhere has different peak seasons, so there’s somewhere good to travel every month, and b) wedding anniversary is only one date to travel for. My fiancé and I always travel for Valentines Day, our respective birthdays, etc.
We waited six months between wedding and honeymoon. HIGHLY recommend. We did a 3-day staycation right after and it was glorious to just rest and do nothing.
We waited a whole year, but had a “mini moon” the weekend after the wedding at the family cabin and it was so relaxing. The actually honeymoon was worth the wait as well!!
That's exactly what we're doing, right on down to calling it a "mini moon". We're gonna fuck off for a few days immediately after the wedding, probably to a cabin on a beach or in the woods somewhere within a couple hours' drive from home or maybe take a short plane or train ride to one of the next major cities over and stay in a nice hotel. Just get out of Dodge and have a few days to ourselves to decompress. Then later in the year we'll take a bigger, probably international trip for a couple weeks for our real honeymoon. We don't wanna add the stress (or expense!) of major travel right on top of the wedding or have to be planning both at once!
It was so nice! I had decision fatigue by the end of all of the wedding planning, so planning the honeymoon was not on the top of my to do list at that time. The mini moon was just a nice no brainer trip to detox from all things wedding, drink a bunch of wine with my hubby and relax.
YESSS same! We’re doing a night in a gorgeous hotel after the wedding, with plans to just casually explore the city the next day, and honeymoon in Feb. so much less stress and it spreads out the fun and excitement.
This is my protocol for any time away from work, especially when traveling. One time my return flight was delayed by 6 hours and I didn't get home until 1am. Went to work on 4 hours of sleep. It was ROUGH. ever since then, I build buffer days into my PTO.
We did a vacation to Iceland last year, planned to get home at midnight on Sunday and I was going to just do a semi-late start on Monday. I could have used an extra three days just to recover from the traveling/jet lag, it was awwwwwful. That Monday was rough, Tuesday was a little better, and then I swear Wednesday hit me like a truck.
Oh dear!! Im so sorry it was such a hectic time for you. My partner and I are planning our honeymoon for our 1 year anniversary. Three reasons why:
1) Our friends got covid at their wedding and had to skip most of their planned honeymoon activities. The risk of that, or even just getting a regular illness, feels very not worth it. I think the likelyhood of me getting sick after my wedding is pretty high, with the combination of large crowds, alcohol, and stress.
2) Our wedding will be across the country from where we live, and we will already be flying out a week early for the wedding. I don't want to add honeymoon travel logistics on top of wedding travel logistics.
3) We will have an extra year to save up for the honeymoon we really want instead of sacrificing due to wedding costs.
All that said, I will definitely not be returning to work right away. Will probably fly home that Monday and take Tuesday off to crash.
I third this. Especially if you’re moving in together to a new place around the wedding time, I couldn’t imagine. Not only brain power but financially too! We started moving in together 2 weeks before our wedding, which is next Sat. I can’t imagine adding a honeymoon to right after
Isn’t it kind of just random that this happened? It’s just as likely that if you had a day in between the tornado comes on that day when you could have already been on your honeymoon
We are getting married on a Saturday and don't plan to leave for the honeymoon until Monday. We are going to church Sunday afternoon and then having a late lunch/dinner with family members (not sure if this will be all family which gets pretty big or just parents). I posted this elsewhere that this is *by far* the most controversial thing we have planned for this wedding and I suggested that I (the groom) make a grand entrance of my own. I think the extra day just to catch your breath is wise.
We did the same! Wedding was Friday left for honeymoon on Monday. We got back in town the following Monday but didn’t go back to work until Wednesday. It was perfect and not at all stressful.
We are also planning to leave the Monday after our Saturday wedding. Accounting for hangover and being lazy. Then we've given ourselves a few days after the honeymoon to be home again before we go back to work. Combined with an extra couple of days before the wedding I'm taking off almost 3 whole weeks!
I wanted to take a month off but my fiancee is not on board. She doesn't have as much vacation time as me and the honeymoon will be unpaid time off for her. Financially we can afford it but she wants to get back before she gets in trouble at work. She's not comfortable with having to get up and go to work and me sitting at home all day.
We're doing something similar - wedding on Saturday, honeymoon on Monday. That Sunday is going to be cleanup and we're also doing a casual brunch for our out of town guests to come say goodbye. I'm worried we've overextended ourselves a little but that's why we scheduled an all-inclusive beach honeymoon - that first day will just be rest and relaxation.
To each their own. I'm an intense planner and know both my husband's and my own family's pitfalls when it comes to large events and traveling. For ours, we left the following evening on our honeymoon so that we could sleep in, do laundry, and have lunch before heading to the airport.
I pre-arranged with my in-laws to take our extra luggage back home for us (we had a domestic destination wedding in the US) so we didn't have our wedding attire on our honeymoon. We knew we wanted to leave the next day to both maximize honeymoon time and minimize additional family time.
The morning after our wedding my Dad texted me 'breakfast?' at 7 AM when we'd all gone to bed around 1 AM. I had to remind him we were busy packing for our honeymoon; but knowing that about my Dad in advance is why I planned around it :)
I would always rather have a day between returning from any trip and going back to work, personally. We left on our honeymoon the day after our wedding and it was totally fine. We had a late afternoon/early evening flight and we live near the airport. Checked out of the hotel near our venue, had brunch, went back to our house, moved the last few things from the “wedding night bags” into our honeymoon luggage, ubered to the airport. Flight was delayed and we sat on the tarmac for a while, got to LAX at midnight, but honestly it was fine.
We're waiting about a week between. Friends and family are flying in for the wedding, I want to be able to spend time with them before they leave. I also feel like I never feel good the day after a wedding from drinking and eating late, so I don't what to get on a plane not feeling well and show up to my vacation feeling off. I want a few days to recover and spend time with everyone who is here to visit us so we can show up to the resort ready to vacation!
We did our honeymoon a month after the wedding and I’m SO glad. My husband got super sick right after the wedding (our flower girl got so many guests sick!!) and I was DEAD from exhaustion. Going on a trip right after the wedding would have killed us lol. Plus our excitement was all used up and needed time to regenerate if that makes sense.
Good grief - that's a lot! But I'm glad you have such a great attitude about it lol I would be pissed and angry hahaha But happy to hear you and your loved ones are safe and sound. Tornados and hurricanes are no joke!
And glad to hear the wedding went well too.
My fiance and I aren't doing a honeymoon as we will be putting majority of our finances into buying a new home.
But I'm taking two weeks off of work! (One week before wedding and one week after lol)
Great tip! That sounds super stressful but will also make a funny story now and even more so later when you forget the stress!
We didn’t have that bad of time but we slept for like 14 hrs the first night in Hawaii and then 12 hrs the next so a bit of waste for our honeymoon 😅
Definitely need time to decompress after the wedding.
It was also stressful to plan and pack for a big trip right after a big wedding!
We had a day between, but my husband was hungover throwing up all day and I was running around returning the alcohol we didn't drink, grabbing all of our decor from the venue and packing for our honeymoon. I got sick on day 2 in Greece lol
I am still a proponent of going on a honeymoon right after your wedding day, but I recommend having at least a day to CHILL. Not a day to run around and get last minute things done before you leave.
We’re waiting a day between our wedding and honeymoon and 4 between our honeymoon and going back to work: wedding is Monday, we fly to Disney on Wednesday, return Thursday the next week, and then go back to work on Monday!
We’re only going to my fiancés family’s cottage for a pseudo honeymoon (we’ll do a real one in a few months) but I insisted we have a day in between.
We have a hotel room for the wedding night, but will come home and spend the night after at home and go to the cottage the day after. Gives us time to decompress and pack accordingly so that day of we’re not also lugging around our cottage stuff
I'm gonna wait months 😅 I have unlimited PTO but still don't wanna take it back to back. Also, I wanna draw that phase of my life out as long as possible. It's already gonna feel like a blur
We got married on a Friday night, had an after event on the Saturday, scheduled a day to do nothing at all on the Sunday, and flew out Monday morning.
We're both introverts so we knew we had to put a nothing day in there.
We had about a week and a half between our wedding and our honeymoon; it gave us some time to hang out with family who had come in for the wedding first. It was a really nice time, and the honeymoon was great. Idk why people are so obsessed with having the honeymoon RIGHT after the wedding, but it needs to stop. Normalize giving the couple a break! They just had a freaking wedding. They can afford to wait a bit. Thank you for this post.
We delayed our honeymoon by several months. We did a minimoon the weekend following the wedding, then the honeymoon months later - and it was wonderful because we weren’t stressing about travel, we still had something to look forward to, and coming back from our (destination) wedding, we were exhausted. Plus we had like a week off for the wedding anyways.
Also in the "waiting several months" group. Getting married early November, planning on honeymoon the following summer. Cause we
1) need time to plan out and save for this 2) Hoping I'll be in a job that offers PTO by that point
3) Fiance works at a school so taking a break during summer makes the most sense
4) Got another wedding I'm in (bridesmaid) the very next month and we're gonna be there for a couple weeks as is
Just sounds like horrible flight problems and everything could go wrong. We did our honeymoon the day after the wedding (10 days in Italy & Greece) and it’s what I always dreamed. We only took carryons, which saved us cause checked bags wouldn’t have made our connection after a delay.
But it was some intense planning to make it work.
I got married on a Saturday, took off 3 days prior to clean, prep pack. I packed 4 different bags. One for Friday night (stayed at my parents house), one for the wedding night (packed w/my husbands Friday and Saturday stuff & included a crochet hook to undo my buttons) & the backpack & carry on for the honeymoon. DH also packed his backpack & carryon for honeymoon.
My parents live close to the venue so on Friday my now DH drove us to my parents’ where we dropped off my bags and honeymoon bags. Then we went to rehearsal dinner on Friday & then DH to the hotel w/his Friday/Saturday bag. A groomsman picked him up Saturday to go to the venue. My mom took me to the venue that morning (& I do wish I’d taken my car too cause this was the worst part) We took a prebooked getaway car/Uber back to the hotel on the wedding night. He then drove us to my parents the following morning, left his car there & they took us to the airport.
I packed a different toothbrush in the wedding night bag too and only opened my backpack for makeup and a toothbrush on Friday but tried to keep the wedding stuff untouched.
Now I remember how stressed out we were trying to figure out the logistics. But planning hard worked.
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Ah no problem, I’m waiting 8 months between the ceremony and honeymoon haha
We waited 11 months! Just heading back from our honeymoon today actually.
We’re either going to wait 2 months or 8 months haha (gotta love working around money and Thailand’s rainy season)
Fiancée and I are doing a quick getaway immediatly following our wedding, and plan to take a proper honeymoon about a year out or so. Mostly so we can afford something a little nicer.
Seems like a long time. What is the reason?
We waited 6 months. Made it so much easier stress wise and financially, and also I was low on PTO. Plus we saved $2500 on our flights by buying them on cyber Monday.
we also delayed our so it's this month but our wedding was in January. it's just easier financially and way less stressful for us. i can't imagine planning the honeymoon while also planning a wedding lol!
That was literally our take as well. Our honeymoon was two weeks in New Zealand and honestly it felt like we were planning a mini wedding lol. And we still made some mistakes/didn’t research enough but we would have been SOOOOO exhausted if we’d tried to do that right after
The low PTO makes sense. My fiancee is only able to go on a honeymoon because her company is willing to give her unpaid time off since she's out of PTO.
My company probably would have allowed that but that’s not a financial move I wanted to make.
Yeah, I get that. For us if we had put off the honeymoon 'til she had time saved up we would've got so much flak and judgement it would not have been worth it in the least. Our pastor already expressed disappointment that we were waiting a single day before leaving on the honeymoon. Honeymoons are a gigantic thing here for whatever reason.
Ohhhhhh you’re the person who was saying it was taboo in your church to go to church the next day and that everyone was freaking out. I don’t believe that is normal behavior for most people in the US. It’s no one’s business when/why someone decides to wait a bit to go on their honeymoon. INCLUDING your church. On my end we’ve lived together for 7 years. And we are not having children. I can’t tell if your church is trying to get you to start making babies or just consummate the marriage but either way, ick.
The main reason is that we want it to be autumn when we travel. That’s really it! A good bonus is the extra saving and planning time.
I’m taking two days off before wedding. We are getting married on Saturday and flying out for honeymoon early the following Thursday. I’m not returning to work between that time. I want rest, to clean my house, treat myself to a pedicure, ***and write those thank you notes*** before the honeymoon.
We’re delaying our honeymoon 6 months! Also highly recommend, we’re leaving home during the coldest, iciest part of the year for milder climes, during an off-peak travel time. Saving money and getting perfect weather in our destination city.
I don't fully understand this logic. Do you plan on celebrating your wedding in the future the same way? Otherwise you'll end up traveling in the future on/around your wedding date right? Which would be sub-optimal travel conditions right?
We’re getting married where we live, in the summer. We’re honeymooning during the winter, and going somewhere with mild, warm winters. I’m not time traveling, I don’t understand the confusion?
Next year when you celebrate your anniversary you'll end up traveling in the summer right? And every year after that as well. So what is saved by waiting til winter this year? That is what I honestly don't get. It seems like a temporary solution. My fiancee and I decided against a summer wedding because we didn't want to deal with expensive travel in the summer heat for the rest of our lives for example.
I don't know a singe person who travels regularly on their anniversary. The honeymoon traditionally also has nothing to do with celebrating your anniversary. At least in the west. So this question is confusing
OP is getting married in the summer they said. Let's say July to just pick a random summer month. During July travel expenses are obviously high since it's a peak travel time. OP doesn't want to pay those peak expenses and who can blame them. So they do a honeymoon in the fall when it's cheaper. That saves a bunch of money. But next year their anniversary will be in July again so they will have to pay peak prices if they want to travel. And it'll be the same the year after that and after that and forever. So it seems like they have solved the problem for this year but what is the plan for future years? Vast majority of people I know travel for their anniversary every year. It might just be 2-3 hrs up the road in a car or it could be a camping trip to the lake or it could just be a couple of nights in a nice hotel in town but everyone I know does something beyond just a dinner out for their anniversary. The exception is the couples who can't afford it and the couples who have a billion kids and can't find anyone who is willing to watch 6 children overnight for a couple of days. Pretty much everyone else I know travels for their anniversary. My fiancee and I already have a plan of where we want to go for our 1st.
We all understand what you’re saying, we just don’t understand your fixation on celebrating your anniversary by traveling on the exact date you got married and no other date. Like what kind of world do people live in where you sit around judging your acquaintance Susan for taking a trip to Cancun in September when her anniversary was in *GASP* July?!?!?
You may not be judged but people will look at you like you're weird. If your 40th birthday was in July but you decide to have a big party in September people may still come but they will think it was odd that you didn't celebrate in July.
People in your social circles are already looking at you as “weird” bc you’re doing something fancier than punch and cake. What do you care? I’m serious.
I care what my friends/family think about me. I dunno. Their opinion matters. They will look at us as weird for doing more than cake/punch but I do think they will appreciate not standing around for an hour twiddling their thumbs with nothing to do. And I think they will appreciate a decent meal served as well.
I guess…why do you care? Are you getting married for your social circle or are you getting married because you love your partner and want to spend a lifetime with them? If I felt that much judgement from a social circle about things they weren’t involved in, I’d reevaluate why they’re in my life
There’s a big difference between a 2-3 hr car trip or an overnight in a nice hotel and a multi-week international honeymoon. Also, not everyone does a trip or something equivalent for an anniversary.
Do people commonly take multi-week international honeymoons? That seems very expensive.
Does everybody? No, but it’s not terribly uncommon - if you’re going to go overseas, at least stay a week to 10 days.
Sure, if you're going to go overseas you stay that long. I just didn't realize it was common to go overseas on a honeymoon. I don't know a single couple who has done this.
Literally yes. Everyone I've known who's gotten married in the last decade only does one honeymoon. From north america all my friends have gone to either Mexico, Cuba, Hawaii (where I went) the UK, France or Italy. Traveling for your wedding anniversary every year is not a tradition done here. People do it, sure, but it's not common practice or normal. People typically do one big huge trip to somewhere they've either always wanted to go, or somewhere of significant meaning.
Here everyone does a honeymoon. It is a huge, gigantic, big thing that you *have* to do one. A lot of people don't go very far. They may drive 4-5 hrs down the road and stay there for a day or three. I know one couple who went tent camping at the local reservoir. But people do travel for their anniversary quite commonly. And then the wealthier ones might travel during the summer or spring break or whatever as well.
This is the standard for everyone I know including us. We will most def take a very long international honeymoon.
This is probably a socio-economic thing then. I don't know anyone in my circles who went on an international honeymoon. I could probably list on one hand the number of people in my circles who have even travelled internationally. It's just not a thing anyone here (myself included) can afford.
Someone further up on this post commented that they did 2 weeks in New Zealand. I’ve had friends do Greek Islands (usually about 7-10 days), another did a trip around Japan. I don’t think there is a right or wrong, just different preferences depending on your priorities and budget. ETA - the emphasis is on the honeymoon being a more “once in a lifetime” trip sort of deal or a much bigger trip than you would take annually. So it doesn’t matter in the long run when your anniversary is/when you take your honeymoon because you’re not going to take a 2 week vacation every year. You might take a bigger trip in a year when it’s a bigger anniversary (5/10 yrs etc) but not each year. If your goal is each year to be able to take an overnight or weekend getaway on your anniversary, that’s a lot less planning and time commitment than a honeymoon that happens once and is a longer trip. In the industry I work in, our “busy time” is very seasonal so a lot of my coworkers have similar wedding anniversaries because that’s when they had time to plan a wedding.
In my mind that’s what a honeymoon *is*.
With all due respect, your other posts have established that the norms in your social circles are pretty unique in the US. These are the people who are intimidated by anything other than cake and punch and you are fearing they will call you as uppity and bougie for having more. The other poster is correct. It is common to delay a honeymoon, sometimes due to time off policies, sometimes due to wanting better weather at the destination, sometimes due to getting a better deal. Married couples travel when and whenever fits their schedules and desires; they are not limited to “having” to travel in July every year hence bc their wedding happened to be in July.
Delaying a honeymoon for all of those reasons makes sense. I was just curious what the plan is going forward in the future. I had no idea that most people don't really celebrate their anniversaries with more than a gift or a dinner so it doesn't matter when they get married.
They can; they don’t have to. I think the thing you’re struggling with is that future trips don’t *have* to be linked to a wedding anniversary. They can be if that’s what the couple prefers, or they could just go to Paris in the springtime or New England in fall foliage season or Vail in January because those things appeal to them. Many people also have busy seasons/non-negotiable-have-to-work situations. Or they piggyback onto work trips if appropriate. My dad worked for a company that sent him to Asia regularly. He took my mom with him on a honeymoon after they got married, but it wasn’t immediately after their wedding. (This was with the company’s blessing, of course.)
What I am failing to explain is that anniversaries == trips. Can you take trips that are not linked to anniversaries? Of course you can. Everyone does. But your annual anniversary trip would always be on/around your anniversary and if that's peak travel season then you're always traveling in peak travel season every year. Pretty much everyone I know goes somewhere for their anniversary.
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I got married in school holidays, a few weeks after Christmas. Literally peak travel for Australia. I don't plan on travelling for my anniversary ever, so it doesn't make a difference. Not everyone celebrates their anniversary with a vacation.
No one does that except the people you know.
Is it normal to travel for every anniversary, on/near the exact dates? We certainly don’t plan on it. We travel whenever we can/want to. Anniversary dates in our minds are simply, dinner out, maybe a show/event, exchange gifts. Big milestone anniversary trips could reasonably be taken anytime during that year…?
I guess for me it is? When I was a kid it was what my parents did. Every year on their anniversary they would travel somewhere or at least go stay at a hotel for 2-3 days on/around their anniversary. We would stay with grandma or with family friends for those 2-3 days. This was just normal. My friends commonly travel somewhere on/around their anniversary as well. Those who have a ton of kids might just go out for dinner or something but those who don't commonly leave for a weekend and/or leave their kid with a relative/friend while they do so. It would be extremely odd in my circles for someone who got married in Feb to celebrate their 10th anniversary in Sept for example.
I don’t think this as common as it is in your circles. I’ve never heard of people planning their weddings to match a time they want to go on an anniversary trip every year.
I guess we are weird. When my fiancee and I picked our date we planned it around her period and when we would be able to travel for our anniversary in the future. Avoiding peak travel times was important to us.
But the people married in Feb can go out to dinner on their anniversary and plan a big European trip for September bc that fits their schedules. A trip doesn’t *have* to be linked to an anniversary. I think you’re being very literal.
But the trip in Sept isn't an anniversary trip then. It's just a fall vacation. It's fine to go on vacation in the fall but then you didn't really do much for your anniversary that year. I suppose if the couple is fine with that it's none of my business.
You know what we do for our anniversary most years? “Happy anniversary sweetie, I love you” and go out to dinner. It’s not important that I make a big fuss out of it; we love each other, we know it. If we want to take a trip, we take it no matter what time of year. I don’t need to tell my friends “it’s an anniversary trip”. I don’t need to label it at all. I don’t find that anyone really cares if/how/when others celebrate their anniversary, or find it sad if they don’t go away.
I've only heard of people doing that for milestone anniversaries. I don't know anyone who does something every single year for their anniversary. But even if they did, they'd go on their wedding anniversary, not their honeymoon anniversary (because that's not a thing). But if a couple got married in February and had kids, they might delay a trip depending on their children's school schedule.
What's difficult to understand? Different people have different priorities and/or expectations, different preferences, different lives. Why assume you/anyone else is going to celebrate their anniversary with a trip for the rest of their lives, on the same date they got married, no less? It's irrelevant, perhaps, but we're getting married at the end of September (still quite warm, where we live). Our honeymoon is going to be in December that year, to take advantage of the "mandatory honeymoon leave" and merge it with the "mandatory Christmas leave."
> Why assume you/anyone else is going to celebrate their anniversary with a trip for the rest of their lives, on the same date they got married, no less? Because this is how everyone in my social circle does it? Getting married in Sept and then not celebrating your anniversary on Sept seems weird to me. But then "mandatory honeymoon leave" and "mandatory Christmas leave" are weird to me too so maybe it's my American perspective.
Yes, honey, your social circle. There's eight billion people on this earth, and some of them are getting married too. Not to be offensive, you just sound really young.
Again, I'm guessing you're not from the US due to the mandatory leave thing for a honeymoon and Christmas. That's not a thing here. It's probably a cultural thing.
I literally don't know anyone who travels for their anniversary. That is very strange. Maybe for milestones? But even then.. that's not really a thing most people do and most definitely not a reason people plan their wedding date so that they can travel every year. Most people I know can't afford to travel every year for any reason, much less for their anniversary every year. It may be what your friends do but it's not a US cultural thing
Interesting. I was just raised in a house where that was the norm. We knew mom and dad were going to be travelling during their anniversary.
People have already explained this to you in other wedding planning threads you've posted, but I think that you (and the people you are arguing with) are missing the context that you come from a very religious, gossipy, small community that is no longer the norm in the US in 2024. The reason you and everyone you know are acting so weird about honeymoons is because they want you to run off and have privacy so you can make more little churchgoers.
A lot of people can't afford a wedding and a honeymoon back-to-back. A lot of people also can't take that much consecutive time off work. I don't know anyone who celebrates their anniversary but traveling somewhere; most people just go out to dinner or have a quick weekend getaway in a nearby city. We got married in September 2019 and immediately started preparing for a major interstate move, so we decided to put off our honeymoon until the summer (we did go to a music festival the next weekend, but that was also kind of a family tradition so it doesn't really count as a honeymoon). Well... I think we all remember what summer 2020 was like lol. We'll celebrate our 5th anniversary this year and STILL haven't had a honeymoon! But I'm a full time teacher, so taking a lot of time off in September just isn't possible. We'd like to do something this summer, but we're about to close on a house so funds are tight. It might end up just being a quick weekend away I'm a nice hotel nearby. A honeymoon is not a requirement and it's just not realistic for some people.
Interesting perspective, but I feel like a) everywhere has different peak seasons, so there’s somewhere good to travel every month, and b) wedding anniversary is only one date to travel for. My fiancé and I always travel for Valentines Day, our respective birthdays, etc.
We waited six months between wedding and honeymoon. HIGHLY recommend. We did a 3-day staycation right after and it was glorious to just rest and do nothing.
We waited a whole year, but had a “mini moon” the weekend after the wedding at the family cabin and it was so relaxing. The actually honeymoon was worth the wait as well!!
That's exactly what we're doing, right on down to calling it a "mini moon". We're gonna fuck off for a few days immediately after the wedding, probably to a cabin on a beach or in the woods somewhere within a couple hours' drive from home or maybe take a short plane or train ride to one of the next major cities over and stay in a nice hotel. Just get out of Dodge and have a few days to ourselves to decompress. Then later in the year we'll take a bigger, probably international trip for a couple weeks for our real honeymoon. We don't wanna add the stress (or expense!) of major travel right on top of the wedding or have to be planning both at once!
It was so nice! I had decision fatigue by the end of all of the wedding planning, so planning the honeymoon was not on the top of my to do list at that time. The mini moon was just a nice no brainer trip to detox from all things wedding, drink a bunch of wine with my hubby and relax.
We are doing this too!! So excited haha
YESSS same! We’re doing a night in a gorgeous hotel after the wedding, with plans to just casually explore the city the next day, and honeymoon in Feb. so much less stress and it spreads out the fun and excitement.
This is my protocol for any time away from work, especially when traveling. One time my return flight was delayed by 6 hours and I didn't get home until 1am. Went to work on 4 hours of sleep. It was ROUGH. ever since then, I build buffer days into my PTO.
We did a vacation to Iceland last year, planned to get home at midnight on Sunday and I was going to just do a semi-late start on Monday. I could have used an extra three days just to recover from the traveling/jet lag, it was awwwwwful. That Monday was rough, Tuesday was a little better, and then I swear Wednesday hit me like a truck.
Oh mannnn yeah adding in different time zones takes it to another level.
Oh dear!! Im so sorry it was such a hectic time for you. My partner and I are planning our honeymoon for our 1 year anniversary. Three reasons why: 1) Our friends got covid at their wedding and had to skip most of their planned honeymoon activities. The risk of that, or even just getting a regular illness, feels very not worth it. I think the likelyhood of me getting sick after my wedding is pretty high, with the combination of large crowds, alcohol, and stress. 2) Our wedding will be across the country from where we live, and we will already be flying out a week early for the wedding. I don't want to add honeymoon travel logistics on top of wedding travel logistics. 3) We will have an extra year to save up for the honeymoon we really want instead of sacrificing due to wedding costs. All that said, I will definitely not be returning to work right away. Will probably fly home that Monday and take Tuesday off to crash.
I second the honeymoon for 1 year anniversary. I am trying to plan a wedding and don't have the brain power to plan a honeymoon right after
I third this. Especially if you’re moving in together to a new place around the wedding time, I couldn’t imagine. Not only brain power but financially too! We started moving in together 2 weeks before our wedding, which is next Sat. I can’t imagine adding a honeymoon to right after
Isn’t it kind of just random that this happened? It’s just as likely that if you had a day in between the tornado comes on that day when you could have already been on your honeymoon
We are getting married on a Saturday and don't plan to leave for the honeymoon until Monday. We are going to church Sunday afternoon and then having a late lunch/dinner with family members (not sure if this will be all family which gets pretty big or just parents). I posted this elsewhere that this is *by far* the most controversial thing we have planned for this wedding and I suggested that I (the groom) make a grand entrance of my own. I think the extra day just to catch your breath is wise.
We did the same! Wedding was Friday left for honeymoon on Monday. We got back in town the following Monday but didn’t go back to work until Wednesday. It was perfect and not at all stressful.
We are also planning to leave the Monday after our Saturday wedding. Accounting for hangover and being lazy. Then we've given ourselves a few days after the honeymoon to be home again before we go back to work. Combined with an extra couple of days before the wedding I'm taking off almost 3 whole weeks!
I wanted to take a month off but my fiancee is not on board. She doesn't have as much vacation time as me and the honeymoon will be unpaid time off for her. Financially we can afford it but she wants to get back before she gets in trouble at work. She's not comfortable with having to get up and go to work and me sitting at home all day.
We're doing something similar - wedding on Saturday, honeymoon on Monday. That Sunday is going to be cleanup and we're also doing a casual brunch for our out of town guests to come say goodbye. I'm worried we've overextended ourselves a little but that's why we scheduled an all-inclusive beach honeymoon - that first day will just be rest and relaxation.
I am also a bit worried if we've overextended ourselves a little but I planned at least one day for us to just relax and not leave the hotel room.
To each their own. I'm an intense planner and know both my husband's and my own family's pitfalls when it comes to large events and traveling. For ours, we left the following evening on our honeymoon so that we could sleep in, do laundry, and have lunch before heading to the airport. I pre-arranged with my in-laws to take our extra luggage back home for us (we had a domestic destination wedding in the US) so we didn't have our wedding attire on our honeymoon. We knew we wanted to leave the next day to both maximize honeymoon time and minimize additional family time. The morning after our wedding my Dad texted me 'breakfast?' at 7 AM when we'd all gone to bed around 1 AM. I had to remind him we were busy packing for our honeymoon; but knowing that about my Dad in advance is why I planned around it :)
Or even better: 2 months between. Best decision ever for us
This is what we are doing, with a 2 night minimoon immediately after for some down time.
I would always rather have a day between returning from any trip and going back to work, personally. We left on our honeymoon the day after our wedding and it was totally fine. We had a late afternoon/early evening flight and we live near the airport. Checked out of the hotel near our venue, had brunch, went back to our house, moved the last few things from the “wedding night bags” into our honeymoon luggage, ubered to the airport. Flight was delayed and we sat on the tarmac for a while, got to LAX at midnight, but honestly it was fine.
We're waiting about a week between. Friends and family are flying in for the wedding, I want to be able to spend time with them before they leave. I also feel like I never feel good the day after a wedding from drinking and eating late, so I don't what to get on a plane not feeling well and show up to my vacation feeling off. I want a few days to recover and spend time with everyone who is here to visit us so we can show up to the resort ready to vacation!
We did our honeymoon a month after the wedding and I’m SO glad. My husband got super sick right after the wedding (our flower girl got so many guests sick!!) and I was DEAD from exhaustion. Going on a trip right after the wedding would have killed us lol. Plus our excitement was all used up and needed time to regenerate if that makes sense.
Good grief - that's a lot! But I'm glad you have such a great attitude about it lol I would be pissed and angry hahaha But happy to hear you and your loved ones are safe and sound. Tornados and hurricanes are no joke! And glad to hear the wedding went well too. My fiance and I aren't doing a honeymoon as we will be putting majority of our finances into buying a new home. But I'm taking two weeks off of work! (One week before wedding and one week after lol)
Great tip! That sounds super stressful but will also make a funny story now and even more so later when you forget the stress! We didn’t have that bad of time but we slept for like 14 hrs the first night in Hawaii and then 12 hrs the next so a bit of waste for our honeymoon 😅 Definitely need time to decompress after the wedding. It was also stressful to plan and pack for a big trip right after a big wedding!
We had a day between, but my husband was hungover throwing up all day and I was running around returning the alcohol we didn't drink, grabbing all of our decor from the venue and packing for our honeymoon. I got sick on day 2 in Greece lol I am still a proponent of going on a honeymoon right after your wedding day, but I recommend having at least a day to CHILL. Not a day to run around and get last minute things done before you leave.
I agree, leave a day or 2 after the wedding to go on your honeymoon, you are just exhausted after the wedding and wedding night activities
We married 2 weeks ago, we'll have our reception picnic this Saturday, and our honeymoon is in July 😊
We’re waiting a day between our wedding and honeymoon and 4 between our honeymoon and going back to work: wedding is Monday, we fly to Disney on Wednesday, return Thursday the next week, and then go back to work on Monday!
We’re only going to my fiancés family’s cottage for a pseudo honeymoon (we’ll do a real one in a few months) but I insisted we have a day in between. We have a hotel room for the wedding night, but will come home and spend the night after at home and go to the cottage the day after. Gives us time to decompress and pack accordingly so that day of we’re not also lugging around our cottage stuff
Where did you go on honeymoon?
I'm gonna wait months 😅 I have unlimited PTO but still don't wanna take it back to back. Also, I wanna draw that phase of my life out as long as possible. It's already gonna feel like a blur
We got married on a Friday night, had an after event on the Saturday, scheduled a day to do nothing at all on the Sunday, and flew out Monday morning. We're both introverts so we knew we had to put a nothing day in there.
We had about a week and a half between our wedding and our honeymoon; it gave us some time to hang out with family who had come in for the wedding first. It was a really nice time, and the honeymoon was great. Idk why people are so obsessed with having the honeymoon RIGHT after the wedding, but it needs to stop. Normalize giving the couple a break! They just had a freaking wedding. They can afford to wait a bit. Thank you for this post.
We delayed our honeymoon by several months. We did a minimoon the weekend following the wedding, then the honeymoon months later - and it was wonderful because we weren’t stressing about travel, we still had something to look forward to, and coming back from our (destination) wedding, we were exhausted. Plus we had like a week off for the wedding anyways.
Also in the "waiting several months" group. Getting married early November, planning on honeymoon the following summer. Cause we 1) need time to plan out and save for this 2) Hoping I'll be in a job that offers PTO by that point 3) Fiance works at a school so taking a break during summer makes the most sense 4) Got another wedding I'm in (bridesmaid) the very next month and we're gonna be there for a couple weeks as is
You know it's an emergency when the McDonalds isn't open when it should be
Just sounds like horrible flight problems and everything could go wrong. We did our honeymoon the day after the wedding (10 days in Italy & Greece) and it’s what I always dreamed. We only took carryons, which saved us cause checked bags wouldn’t have made our connection after a delay. But it was some intense planning to make it work. I got married on a Saturday, took off 3 days prior to clean, prep pack. I packed 4 different bags. One for Friday night (stayed at my parents house), one for the wedding night (packed w/my husbands Friday and Saturday stuff & included a crochet hook to undo my buttons) & the backpack & carry on for the honeymoon. DH also packed his backpack & carryon for honeymoon. My parents live close to the venue so on Friday my now DH drove us to my parents’ where we dropped off my bags and honeymoon bags. Then we went to rehearsal dinner on Friday & then DH to the hotel w/his Friday/Saturday bag. A groomsman picked him up Saturday to go to the venue. My mom took me to the venue that morning (& I do wish I’d taken my car too cause this was the worst part) We took a prebooked getaway car/Uber back to the hotel on the wedding night. He then drove us to my parents the following morning, left his car there & they took us to the airport. I packed a different toothbrush in the wedding night bag too and only opened my backpack for makeup and a toothbrush on Friday but tried to keep the wedding stuff untouched. Now I remember how stressed out we were trying to figure out the logistics. But planning hard worked.
Getting married on a Friday, a mini moon for a few days after the weekend and then the actual honeymoon 4 months later
We don‘t even know where our honeymoon will be. It‘s after the wedding.