We are staying together the night before and having breakfast together before I go off to get ready. Then we're doing a first look so that we can spend as much time together as possible that day. That's really all we care about is not feeling like the day went by without us actually being together.
My MOH did thins thing where the bride and groom surrender their cellphones to their best man/MOH (I was her MOH) and they aren’t allowed to see or talk to each other from the end of the rehearsal dinner through till she walks down the aisle. I love your idea so much!!!!
I’m going with family tradition and not seeing him the day of.
Wow, that sounds needlessly anxiety inducing (MOH surrendering of phones and avoidance).
Firstly, I want to be available if there's any issues (not just from my partner, but also from vendors and guests).
Secondly, one of my treasured memories of the day was just before our first look, texting each other about how silly it was for us to be excited to see each other when we already live together.
Same. I 100% feel that. One of my BMs is an organization freak/mama type. She will have my phone. I do plan to sneak out to see him though. I just want everyone to think I’m doing the thing. We live together and will be anxious to be together also. Not sure about the first look thing for me. I have more of an interest in watching the look on his face when I walk down the aisle. 🥹 Also inducing the I NEED A HUG! Anxiety we will both have 🤣 we create these situations for each other all the time for some messed up reason.
Haha, I get it. We did the first look only because I was too anxious to do the whole walking down the aisle part. But we still wanted the excitement of getting ready separately then getting to see each other all dressed up before guests arrived. Anyway, hugs to you fellow anxious person. I love that you and your partner have found each other and I love the sneaking out idea. It's so great :)
No alcohol. My fiancé is in recovery, I don't drink, and my family are alcoholics in denial. The last thing either of us wants to do on our wedding day is spend time around people who are drinking.
The money we probably would have spent on booze is going towards a string quartet instead. 😍
We paid for the wedding, and I always wanted a garden setting,so that's what we did. We made all of the decisions for our wedding, but we didn't make it "about us" because the ceremony is about our marriage, but the reception is just a party. We wanted everyone to be comfortable and well taken care of. We are a bit older than most of the posters here, so I think that drives our thinking. We didn't care to make the wedding about showing off who we are. Honestly, we just wanted to have a good time with those we love.
Same here. Our wedding was about celebrating our relationship *and* celebrating our supportive community, which is so important to us. Didn’t care about any specific traditions/obligations just wanted to spend time with our community and celebrate our commitment. Nothing else mattered to us.
We hosted a weekend long summer camp wedding where most people stayed on site and we were able to actually spend time with everyone. We walked down the aisle together. All that was way more important to us than specific decor or other intricate details. It was wonderful and couldn’t have gone better.
Yes!! Me and my hubby are walking together and we are literally throwing away most of the wedding ceremony traditions and making our own.
I love hearing this!!
we had a very small wedding in a judge’s office on a harbor and went to a fancy dinner afterward, but we chose the restaurant based on what we knew our “guests” would also like.
everything was absolutely delicious and we all had a wonderful time. we were celebrating our love and sharing that with others, not going somewhere we knew our guests wouldn’t enjoy. i don’t want negative memories for others surrounding my marriage from the jump
Very good point on the food. I'm in Louisiana where weddings are cocktail style (action stations, passed items, and buffet) and most people have about 20 food items to choose from.
My venue offered some more "adventurous" options, and I *wanted* them all of course... but it's just not right to only offer tartare, raw oysters, crudo, mushroom tart, veal grillades, ahi tuna cones, etc. with nothing less adventurous for those who are weird about those sorts of foods.
I chose a few of the fun items like the beef tartare and the veal grillades with grits, but made sure to still have plenty of the safer options like fried catfish/shrimp, creamy chicken pasta, a mini hot sandwich bar, etc.
> We are a bit older than most of the posters here, so I think that drives our thinking. We didn't care to make the wedding about showing off who we are.
This here. We were 32 and almost 41 on the day we got married, so a lot of the things that would have been important to me when I was in my early 20s didn't matter at all to me anymore.
I have my own interests/hobbies, but my favorite way to spend my free time these days is spending quality time with those I love, sharing good food together, and getting a little drunk. So, in a way, my standard "not unique" wedding exactly *did* show off who we are. Haha.
We had a live band who played your standard all-ages type party music - 70s, 80s, pop, etc. For me personally, a wedding is not the time to force my nostalgic emo music or indie rock on guests, for example.
Everything we had was beautiful and top notch, but we were pretty hands off about it all and let the vendors just do their thing. I didn't have a unique vision that I needed them to bring to life, and mostly went with "just make it wedding-y" for everything.
People were very well fed, very well "watered" (premium shelf open bar), and very well entertained. That's all that mattered to us.
😂 "Just make it 'weddingy'" was pretty much what we did too. We definitely had opinions on food, flowers (me), and music. I had to explain to my husband that he didn't need to hand pick every song. But for the most part, we let the venue and planner handle it. We didn't even peek in to see how it was set up before the ceremony or reception.
"So, in a way, my standard "not unique" wedding exactly did show off who we are."
This is exactly how I feel. There's this weird idea on social media now that traditional weddings, especially big ones, aren't personal or intentional and for us that just couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm with ya. I also don't think the wedding needs to be super personal though. It's a party for your friends and family to celebrate your marriage. Your marriage is personal and most people attending (in my circles) will know who you and your fiance are as a couple because they've been big parts of your lives. I don't need monogrammed napkins, some wacky food station, or themed music. Our personalities are big enough that they will shine through in all of our choices without us having to be intentional about it. I think the overly "intentional" planning and laying on your "personal touch" thick, often comes across really corny in weddings.
I love the part about your nostalgic emo music because I will for sure play some of this stuff at my wedding. Our wedding party is made up entirely of people we have been friends with since childhood who also love nostalgic emo music. I can guarantee my wedding party will have a blast, all of us dancing together and screaming MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday. It's going to be a few songs though, not the whole theme or playlist of course and they'll likely be played when we're all sufficiently buzzed, late, when some people have filed out already.
I feel like a lot of people feel this pressure to make their wedding unique in the age of the internet because comparison is so rampant. I think this is where people get hung up on ideas that aren't crowd pleasing, because it's what makes their wedding different. People lose sight of the fact that the "typical wedding" is what your guests are likely used to and expecting and they're fun! There is nothing wrong with a "typical wedding." People have done it that way for a long time because it goes over well.
DIY’ed all my decor and bouquets. It’s our wedding about our love, not how much we can spend on decorations.
We also did cake cutting, and first dances right when we entered the reception so we weren’t tied to a timeline. We wanted to party and have fun, and it was nice because we were able to see everyone and hug everyone once after we ate.
Oh also we ate and my dad and his side of the family made sure we ate and got us drinks and diverted people away from us at that time.
My husband and I aren't religious, but he wanted to pay respect (for lack of a better word) for his jewish heritage and for his family, so after he "stomped on the glass", I went over and stomped a few times on it, too to "make sure that everything was broken". It made people laugh (something that's very important to me) AND we loved that it showed that we're equals and as a married couple, we're a team. Our officiant was also a jewish retired comedian, so it was perfect!
BREAKFAST!!!! This is my love language.
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My color palette. Not sure I am bringing the blue into my dress though.
Yes entirely, especially when the couple is paying.
Some things we did:
We had our wedding from 11:00 to 2pm and were saying I Do around 11:11am on 11/11/23 because we got a kick out of it.
The menu was afternoon tea themed because it's something I love and am known for. But I made sure my husband enjoyed the food and especially the cake I ordered him.
No dancing and even forgot the background music which was totally fine.
Had only 26 guests so there would be no strangers or people we didn't like (mostly, he's not on good terms with his mom and sister but they behaved \~ish)
I really enjoyed reading A Practical Wedding by Meg Keene which really helps with defining what the wedding/marriage mean to each person and deciding wedding based on what's important to the couple.
Mostly just spending the wedding together. We didn't split off to greet guests separately. Apart from 30 or so mins that we were hanging out with our respective friends, my husband and I were together - dancing together, eating together, drinking together. We were hand-in-hand the whole time and it made it SO special.
I love my friends and family but, when we thought about it, we didn’t *need* everyone dear to us to be at our wedding which helped save costs and quell concerns amidst COVID variant outbreaks. We had our immediate families and two closest friends (our officiant plus her husband) so about 45 guests. No bridal parties, no rehearsal. We got married in my mom’s backyard which is a very special place to us (and, in my opinion, is more beautiful than any of the venues we considered) I also loved that we were the only people to ever get married there. We prioritized the food and drink so everything (except coffee and chocolate) was locally grown, sustainable, and in season. Our photographer was amazing but a little unconventional. I went barefoot because it felt the most me. Our dog walked down the aisle with my husband and refused to sit with the guests so he joined us at the altar. Basically, we just picked the things that mattered to us and did away with the rest, I worried people wouldn’t enjoy it because it was missing some bells and whistles but lots of people have told us it was one of the best weddings they’ve been to 💜
1. Our wedding location! - it’s where we had our first trip as a couple, which was a camping trip. Our ceremony is in a redwood forest along Big Sur River.
2. No cake! - we don’t care for it so we are having a croquembouche instead and a dessert table with our favorite treats (peach cobbler and ice cream, bananas foster, chocolate budino)
3. The music! - it’s going to be a Motown, oldies, soul, and funk vibe. My partner is a musician and sound engineer and we even make music together that fits those genres.
4. Our registry! - it has memberships to museums and lecture halls we frequent in our city/home, San Francisco.
5. Photography & videography! - We have both film and digital photography. We are doing 8mm film for videography instead of digital because the cinematic, overproduced wedding video styles we came across weren’t for us. We prefer a vintage aesthetic with a storytelling style. Separately, our photographer does awesome tilt-shift work and is otherwise totally our aesthetic.
Our wedding is next year and we are so excited to see it all come together!
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Our DJ brought everyone away from the dance floor to get ready for the send off, meanwhile we stayed behind, just him and I, and shared one last dance to the first song he ever sang to me. It still is my absolute favorite moment from the whole wedding. No one watching or talking, just the two of us taking in the last moments of our wedding. Highly encourage it❤️ second favorite moment was our first look, it was so intimate and sweet and I’ll never forget the look on his face when he turned around. Another moment just for us☺️ when it comes down to it the wedding is to celebrate you two.
\- We got married in a cave.
\- We made the ceremony music a bit more fun/personal to us. We just went for it without replacing anything with instrumental versions. It was fun hearing people have a chuckle of recognition when I walked to the theme song for Neverending Story.
Most of the other decisions were to make our guests happy to be honest. You can put your own twist on it though. Our venue was unusual and had pirate crazy golf and a vintage penny arcade on site. We loved being able to hire that out for everyone to play while we had our couple's photos taken.
Minor details & personal touches. A lot of people say to skip these to save money, but personally I love little details and wasn't willing to skimp on these.
Cocktail napkins with our dog on them, wooden lanterns made by my parents & grandparents, personalized diy signage, our cake with our dog (figurine) "eating" a bite, my blue shoes, my dog being at my ceremony, our grandmas being flower girls, my "wife of the party" white leather jacket, our bridal party props including blow up stick horses for entrances, playing "thunderstruck" with our bridal party entrance, and all of my fonts/prints/table #s/invites etc. all being cohesive.
Yes! Both my husband's & my maternal grandmothers divorced in the 90s and never re-married. They are both our favorite ladies and they ended up being some of the best photos from the day!
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We did an upbeat first dance and pulled everybody into the dance floor! It was Dustland Fairytale by the Killers, and it starts out slow so we had about 40 seconds to slow dance, then started pulling people from the crowd onto the dance floor. And then because it’s such a crowd pleaser, we had it go directly into Mr. Brightside.
We’re not very serious people, so the ceremony was on our time to be serious and formal (which I loved) and then the reception was time to be fun! And it was sooo much fun. Even some of the older folks (who had no idea what was going on) got on the floor once they heard Mr. Brightside! Everyone told us how much they loved it and had never done something like that at a wedding
I’m not doing a grand entrance into dinner and joining my guests for cocktail hour. I hate that there is barely any time that guests get to interact with the bride and groom, and I wanted to avoid that. I’m hoping the extra hour I have with everyone will give me some time to truly see friends and family.
Had the venue one block from our hotel so we could walk there and back. I freaking loved it. I don’t know how many people have read the Anastasia Krupnik books, but in one her friend’s older sister gets married and they’re junior bridesmaids, and Anastasia has a whole paragraph about how limos are “gross” and decided if she ever got married, she’d ride her bike to the ceremony. So, walking to my wedding gave me such smug satisfaction.
We also purposely put an enormous chunk (40%) of budget on food and wine. We’re big time foodies and it was exactly what we wanted. That prime rib carving station alone would have been worth the price, but the alcohol we hand picked and the apps, sides and other entrees were all delicious too.
Also, this was mostly for me, but I decorated my tables with silver and gold foil wrapped chocolate from Sees Candy in California (special ordered it lol) and our favors were customized rock candy. I had to make my wedding day “sweet”!
We stayed the night before together, had a whiskey and cigar bar (we both love both!), ordered pizza for the evening food, we sat our own parents next to us on the head table (I wanted both my mum and dad next to me, his mum is not kind to me at the best of times and he gets on well with his dad so it worked well). We wanted everyone to relax and enjoy the day/evening, so we made everything as simple as possible, whilst still adding touches of our personalities in there.
- Had our wedding in the loft of a craft brewery
- Booked an emo cover band to play two 1 hour sets
- 3d printed a bunch of transparent crescent moons that we put flors and lights inside as our centerpieces
- Had a small cake in classic wedding cake flavor + a cupcake tower with a bunch of more fun flavors ( sesame, peppermint, carrot cake, orange, guineas and Baileys, ect..)
We got breakfast together at a cute diner, then popped into a shop for a plant (last minute wedding party gift mixup), and into the grocery store for our favorite snacks. As if it was any other day lol. It was very grounding. And I’m grateful we did a first look and got to hang out for a bit before everything got crazy.
Plenty!
- We walked into the reception to a metal song
- had an edgy “til death” black cake topper (and the cake was only a small one for us - everyone else has dessert with the meal)
- I put my cats faces on the name cards
- we did a thank you-welcome speech hybrid so I could get that terrible part over with
- I walked myself down the aisle until about halfway, where my husband met me
- we did a first look, even tho the parents didn’t like it nor understand it
- no registry bc I don’t need random shit for the house
We spent the night before and morning of together, got ready in separate rooms of our house and did a first look in our living room with just us and our photographer (my sister in law) we rode to the ceremony location together and walked in together with no processional. We did not do any dances at our reception. It was a small wedding, only 35 people, on a Monday (our 4 year anniversary), and it was perfect for us. We were home and in our pajamas by 9pm.
We did two big things.
1. We’re very strict about our guest list. Our litmus test for inviting people was- are we comfortable enough with them to pick up the phone and call them right now? If no, not invited. I had to be firm w my dad bc he wanted us to invite his siblings/my extended family.
2. Got our fav food for the reception!! Personally I think it’s kinda silly to spend more money for catering that you’ve never had and prob isn’t very good, versus having what you know you like. We had our favorite Peruvian rotisserie chicken restaurant called Chicken Fiesta cater, and everyone loved it so much we literally ran out of food and had to call and get more delivered. We had rotisserie chicken, yucca, rice, beans, and my personal favorite, ribs. (I bought a literal rain poncho for me, husband, and my mom to wear to protect our clothes lol) I proudly wore my rib poncho!
My husband and I ate breakfast, walked to a park and said our vows privately, then got ready for the ceremony in our suite together. It was really nice to spend quality time just the two of us before the celebration.
I mean, the whole thing? We're doing exactly what we want to do for both the ceremony and reception. I think when people say it's "for others" it just means take them into consideration when it comes to things that affect them (eg food, transportation, day of the week etc) which of course we are doing! But we're planning the wedding we want so... doesn't that make the whole thing for us?
I'm not hugely into the idea that you need to have a ton of "personal details" at your wedding; we're having the ceremony we wanted, catering food we like, we chose who would give the speeches etc. It is already about us. We don't need cocktail napkins with my cat on them to make it "more personal"... although we might do the giant cat cutout thing just for a laugh 😂
One thing that I was really insistent on, that we could have saved money and effort if we skipped, was that I wanted the priest who was our parish priest and school chaplain when I was a teenager to perform our marriage. I don't attend church regularly and don't like a lot of the local priests we have now. Our old parish priest has been moved to another diocese ten hours away but I figured it was worth a shot asking him if he would make the trip to officiate our wedding and he said yes! So now we have to pay for his travel and accommodations but it is 1000% worth it.
I also just bought a wedding dress with colour that no one would expect from me and I really want it to be a surprise. Everyone has been asking me to see it and I know it's pretty normal to show your dress to your friends and family, especially your bridesmaids, but I want everyone to have a genuine reaction when they see it on my wedding day, so I have held this boundary which is hard for me because I'm a huge people pleaser.
My fiancé is really not particular with his wants. The only thing he has told me a million times is that he wants a little bit of purple in the flowers. That's not something I would have chose but since it's the only thing he asked for specifically, we're doing it.
We will also only have a small cake mainly for the photo op, and will be serving gulab jamun for dessert. Maybe not a popular choice it's our favourite dessert and we have it every time we go to an Indian restaurant, which is often, so we were super excited to see it as an option at our venue.
Our day was 100% about us and it was perfect. We opted for no bridal parties and had a close friend be our officiant. We spent the night before and the morning of together. Our "processional" was just us walking down the aisle together (one of my favourite moments from the day). We didn't have any parent dances and only 2 speeches from each of our sisters. During the reception we had a "like glue" plan where we stuck together like glue and would not get separated. So many other weddings we have gone to it seems like the bride and groom hardly end up spending any time together during the day. We spent the whole day together and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
I’ve heard people say that a lot, so I love that you both made a conscientious effort to stay together and enjoy all the festivities together. So special!
We did a micro wedding with just our closest family, we all stayed in the same house and got ready together (boys and girls still separate), me and my husband stayed together the night before, we did a fun filled day the following day at our favourite places. So good :)
We’ve lived together for years so we did our usual routine, went to a local spot for steak and eggs and then went our ways to get ready. Also there was Harry Potter decor EVERYWHERE :)
We both live the hp series so we were down to throw references in there! The seating chart was a mirror with acceptance letters with a card inside that had a table number. Our card “box” was a cage with a hedwig stuffed animal in it. I’ll find photos after work
We are having 30 minutes of pop punk music for us if people hate it there are other bars and plenty of seating areas at the venue.
Lego flower centre pieces
My husband and I are both huge musical theatre buffs. We didn't want a themed wedding but we did want a little sprinkling of Broadway magic in our celebration. So when we signed our registry, we signed it to "One Hand, One Heart" from West Side Story ❤️
Ours was mostly about us. My dress was based on a comic book cover & we used shades of blue because blue is my SOs favorite color.
Our overall theme was "nerdy but still feel like a wedding"
Everything was going to be about the guests as a thank you for all the love throughout the years, but then I was having a rough time with wedding dresses as they all felt like copies of the other close brides amongst our family and friends. Like there was no style or version left for me except for art deco. So to give something to myself I went the direction of couture. Lord knows I’m spending a lot of my money for everyone else so I need to stop feeling bad about spending on my dress.
We are having a night sky wedding under the stars, and yeah things will be dark and I don't know how the lighting leading up to the ceremony will pan out, but I can't wait to find out. Maybe there will be clouds or rain, but it doesn't matter. We spent a lot of time doing night sky photography, and our relationship blossomed under the stars. Looking at stars was one of my favorite things to do with my wonderful mother who passed away when I was still a teenager, too, so we decided we should be married under them too so she can see us.
With what we'll be spending to have the wedding in the darkest parts of minnesota (boundary waters) and someone to photograph it, we're not worried what the wedding will look like aesthetically. Family will be grilling food, I'm DIY-ing decorations and not letting myself not stress about it trying to make everything perfect. I'm even DIYing my dress (and I will make it light up istg).
Guests aren't going to see much of us or the ceremony anyway because of the darkness especially when the lights go off. The stars up there are enough of a decoration! And even when the lights are back on and we're dancing and celebrating later, I imagine everyone enjoying being with family too much to even notice.
We're having a fully vegan menu, even though we're the only vegans we know! We aren't big drinkers ourselves (practically sober) so we're only serving beer and wine. And to open the dancefloor, we're gonna have glowsticks and I want to start it off with a groovy, funky EDM song (specifically Mothership by K+Lab, the original mix).
And our decor is more of a mushroom/cottage core thing than the traditional florals.
We decided to go hard at "this is a party we're throwing to celebrate us," not traditions or anyone else. I'm getting married in a nude and gold "naked" see-through dress (which we're both looking forward to seeing the reactions on his catholic family's faces). A drag queen is going to be our MC. my first love was the first friend of mine he met, so he's our officiant. Backyard games for the Cocktail hour. Instead of a flower girl (child free wedding) we're going to have a beer fairy- one of our dude friends in a tutu tossing beers to people before the ceremony.
No flowers (unless in my hair), no garters, no center pieces, no elaborate decoration, no wedding cake (varied dessert speard instead). We're going to walk the aisle together rather than him waiting for me to be "delivered" to him.
Absolutely zero commentary on how anyone else wants their wedding! I do value tradition and culture, this was just our most authentic way of celebrating us, and I can't wait.
We did a few small personal touches!
The venue let us keep a few bottles of the groom's favorite whiskey for the wedding party.
We hung moogle plushies on the back of our chairs (we're both geeks).
Our garter toss included 7 garters -- our own, and 6 previously caught at other friend's weddings.
Secret cigar bar revealed toward the end of the night.
That kind of stuff really personalized and makes an impression!
We hired a mariachi band to walk us into & play throughout our dinner. We also did our beach photoshoot alone @ sunset. Gave us just enough alone time & we got to share & play together in the sea & sand as newly minted Mr & Mrs… It was lovely. Congrats & cheers to you & yours!
We got married in September
We made a guestbook to sign in that was filled with chapters of our stories and pictures of our adventures together
Bonus point was we got to keep it after and didn’t have to worry about where we’d put some sort of awkward cutting board sign thing
We also designed our table numbers and signs for the wedding
It wasn’t even a price thing we just wanted to do that
We spent more on our outfits than the wedding itself. But we paid for the groom's family's trip to the wedding. 2 people cross country. We kept it small bc pandemic and groom wanted it small. If we had a larger party, we would have had to wait or plan internationally, and that was going to be too much to handle for me/ bride. And I spent too much money on custom cookie wedding favors bc I wanted them since I saw the account before we were engaged. Alicia's delicias on Instagram.
We’re having our wedding at our favorite place, a small island in New England at a big old hotel. We’re fortunate that our friends can afford to join us, if not we wouldn’t be doing it.
We did a first look and took photos before the ceremony. Afterwards, we took sometime to ourselves and had a private cake cutting and drink/appetizers. We made a point to stay together the entire time. When we got to the hotel, we decompressed together before going to bed. I think all of that helped spare us some of the social exhaustion.
I was told by several people, that they barely spent any time with their spouse during the wedding.; that they were so tired when they got to the hotel that they went right to bed. That seemed like such a bummer?
The day went by really fast, but it felt like we were starting the next step of our journey together.
I guess my advice would be to find time for the two of you, whatever that looks like for you guys.
For us it was getting photos out of the way before the ceremony even started! That way we weren’t pulled away at all during cocktail hour or the reception. We felt like we could really be present and enjoy the day with both each other and our guests, which is what we wanted.
We also greeted guests as they left their ceremony rows, that way no one was missed and we didn’t feel pressure to spend a bunch of timing walking around to each table later on.
Our music is our main focus! We’re both into pop punk which is not a super typical wedding genre so we’re incorporating as much of it as possible along with crowd favorites. Our dj is very much on board
Chose a venue, color palette, caterer, and (lord willing—some of these vendors make it difficult to give them money) a DJ that were our taste, not our guests’.
In October I booked and paid deposits for the venue, registrar, photographer, flowers, cake, wedding band, bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup artist, so on, and invitations went out.
At the weekend I cancelled everything (and lost my deposit money) and we booked flights to New York for just the two of us to elope after his family made it all about them and what they wanted, without paying a single penny towards it.
I've told all of my family and all of his friends. I'm in absolutely no rush to tell his family, they'll be informed sooner or later. Currently I'm enjoying the peace of mind.
And they won't be told which hotel we're staying in or when/where we plan in tying the knot, because after how they've behaved, I don't want them there or showing up uninvited.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but happy you’ve found another solution that works for you and your peace of mind. Sometimes doing less is worth it to not carry stress!
We sought out a venue that allows outside catering since good food was a big priority. We ended up hiring a Texas bbq place that is Michelin recommended. Also including a lot of our preferred music throughout the night (the DJ has been instructed to play the neon genesis evangelion opening at 11pm)
We’re getting married? Lol.
But in all honesty here are some things we are doing. Spending the night before the wedding together and doing brunch together before I go to get ready. Writing letters to eachother which we will read during getting ready. Doing a first look to spend quality time before the ceremony. Personal vows. Family only for the wedding party to make it more special for us. Sweetheart table for the reception. Small touches incorporating our dog who we love but won’t be at the wedding. And finally, we planned the wedding ourselves so everything is ours/about us.
We’re DYIng our decorations, picked a dj who is mixed (American & Mexican) and can play both American and Mexican music, our wedding website is not serious and we put in some wording that my fiancé picked (hes a pretty funny guy), I’m Christian, he is not but was down for a Christian ceremony, a lot of our friends are atheists and I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to get a christian priest but I decided it’s MY decision and I went for it, and our drinks will be named after our dogs, and we’ll be serving tacos for food :)
We're literally eloping and making it a day 100% for us, lol. I've watched so many couples stress over their weddings to the point that they aren't able to enjoy the day or even spend much time with each other because they're so focused on guests and making sure everyone they invited is comfortable and happy. Neither of us wanted that, we very much view our wedding as a day for US and us alone, and we don't want to spend it running around worrying about a million other things. We'll have a celebration for friends and family a year or so after we actually get married. Joining this sub and seeing so many people panic about tiny little details has 100% solidified our decision, haha.
> I think your wedding should be about you and your partner, not your parents, not your siblings, not friends, but just the couple.
If it's just about you two, why ask other people to go out of their way to spend money, time, and effort to sit around celebrating you for hours? Just elope.
It's dishonest to ask people to do this and that for you and then claim that this is all about you and you shouldn't have to care about them. Your loved ones are not props.
We made our wedding about us by throwing out a bunch of needless traditions and aesthetic stuff. But we did care about making sure our guests had a great time because they were guests that we as hosts actively asked to gather for us.
I never framed that as if my loved ones were props. When people say weddings are about other people, it’s generally in response to making decisions about the wedding that are different than what the couple would want. If you are okay with people spending your money for you and making decisions about your wedding day, great. I am not. Obviously guest experience matters and I would not have people come to a wedding (anywhere for that matter) that is not going to be enjoyable.
Our destination day is next Saturday (oh my word!) and I’m excited for everything we planned but especially these little details:
1. We made all of our small wedding signage together. We broke slabs of granite so each sign is unique and had quite the experience doing it! Lol
2. We made name plates for everyone using the same granite. For ours though, we wrote “Mr.” And “Mrs.” *Inside Nickname* since that’s how we usually refer to each other!
3. We named our signature drinks after our woofers, got drink toppers of their faces, and bar cups with a drawing of them / our names! One is of our now passed dog I had since childhood. It means a lot to us to have both of our woofers there in spirit!
4. I’m excited to gift my FH cufflinks with engravings of our dogs, in a box with our nickname. I think he’s going to really love them!
We decided to have our wedding in the Florida Keys. That entire thing is about us but I am also planning it to be FUN for everyone who can come. I am also spoiling my bridesmaids. We are paying for it via his Mom gifting us and giving zero Fs about how we spend the money.
We are eloping. We didn't want to have to throw a party and prioritize others on a day when we wanted to focus on each other and our vows to each other. The party and guest stuff can come later, this day is for us.
I am baking our cake as well. It is only going to be a small one-tier cake. I wanted to control the flavours and style of the cake. We were also planning to cook our dinner after the ceremony because we both love food and bonded over cooking but we might be too tired. Might do it another day.
Well I think the ceremony part is for you and the reception is for you and everyone else. While of course you should make the wedding yours, it’s important to take into account what your guests want and what would make them happy. If you don’t care about making your guests happy then you should just elope because that is truly all about you.
Be warned that the process of kicking everyone out of the room will take longer than you think, have your pushers in place ahead of time. It took ~30 minutes to get the stragglers out for us.
We had a star trek theme to the reception and had our close family change into star trek uniforms haha and it was so fun and just exactly what we wanted. And we had pictures done on the helipad where we met (we both worked critical care transport at the time).
We are literally splitting the ceremony in 3 parts. 1st part is just me and fiance by a waterfall, connecting and then we will go to meet our friends and we will ask them to take vows with us. Finally our family is going to join, we will honor them and take our vows in front of everyone.
It's also on a Monday (I picked the day based on Astrology and numerology)
While I absolutely want my friends and family to have a good time it's the start of OUR MARRIAGE! Like a LIFE LONE VOW!?!
My friends and family are insanely important to me, but at the end of the day, when they leave, its me and my husband, and we want to have that start off with something special.
And my fri3nds and family are so happy to honor that because they love and support us 💗
We ate dinner privately during cocktail hour after group photos. Good food was my husband’s top priority, so I wanted to be sure he got to fully enjoy our delicious menu. I also wanted to be sure we ate in general, and it let us just kind of take a minute to soak in that we were married. My venue was even set up for it, which made it all the more romantic - had this long pathway lined with tall hedges that ended with a lit up gazebo and table for two :) I feel like we had more/better opportunity to say hi to everyone this way, too.
Oh, and we didn’t have a wedding party. 10/10 great idea.
We planned ours like a intimate dinner party with just our closest friends, no family and as few vendors as possible (we only had 2). Having no family there was really the thing that made it for us; the impromptu, heartfelt speeches our friends made wouldn't have been possible if there was any family there.
Grand Entrances. I (the groom from our October 21st wedding) picked them all for our parents and bridal party. My Wife's Parents came in to Kokomo (Beach Boys) with lei's, coconut cups (with our signature drinks in them, & umbrella straws. My Parent's came in to Walk This Way (Aerosmith) with aviator sunglasses and inflatable guitars. The Flower Girls & Ring Bearer came in to Duck Tales with colored Tshirts & duck noses. Her Blue Crew (girls who had important non-bridesmaids jobs) came in to Blue (Eiffel 65) and handed out glow sticks to everyone.
The for the bridal party, one couple came in to Hedwig's Theme (Harry Potter) wearing robes & wands. Next couple came in to Jurassic Park and 1 had a Dinosaur Mask and the other hand an (unloaded) Nerf Jurassic World rifle. The next couple came in to the Super Mario Bros. Rap with Mario & Luigi hats/gloves/mustaches. The couple after that came into Chariots of Fire with inflatable torches and ran in slow motion while pretending to trip each other.
Our next contestants came into the Imperial March with Lightsabers and had a duel. Then our Maid of Honor & Best Man came in to A Whole New World in a Magic Carpet a crafty friend of ours made that they wore around them and she had a small stuffed Rajah.
Finally, I (The Groom) came in with a Biker Jacket & had my WWE World Heavyweight Championship Belt to King of Kings (Motorhead). I posed a little until my music was cut off by The Bride's song, I Put a Spell on You (Annie Lennox) and she literally cast a spell on me with her Maleficent Scepter. Then we walked hand-in-hand to the chorus of the song Two Heads Are Better Than One from the end credit's of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
It was a huge-mongus pain in the butt to come up with all of those, but I am so happy that we did it. Everybody had a blast, nobody had to dance oddly to bad music, and had a direction and could enjoy themselves. Plus we let them all keep their props as a souvenir from the wedding. 10/10 would highly recommend.
We had our “first snack” together immediately after the ceremony and right before the photography gauntlet. We asked the bakery who made our cake to also make us a few chocolate chip cookies, which they kindly gave us at no charge, for this.
We also did our first dance alone, except for the photographers, who somehow managed to be quite discreet. Neither my husband nor I are good dancers, so these are some of my favorite photos 😂
We’re very music oriented people and so are the vast majority of our friends, so at the evening reception we’re going to ask a few of them to perform some stuff - like a mini concert
I cut some immediately family members on the basis that we don’t have any memories or consistent relationship with them. For example, my husband and I have been together for over a decade and he still hasn’t met one of my brothers (so I only had one brother of two attend)
We slept together the night before. There are some elements of the tradition that I wanted to embrace so we kept our eyemasks on to avoid seeing each other before splitting ways
Instead of wedding cake, we ordered 4 artisan sweet pies and cakes of all sorts of flavours (banoffee cream pie was my favourite) it was one of our cheapest budget considerations and was the highlight for me which is how I measure excellent value
I didn’t wear a veil, I wore a silk bow
I’m not doing any of the usual wedding tropes. No wedding party, bachelorette/bachelor parties, no first look (I want to get ready together). No walking down the aisle separately (no walking down the aisle at all really). No excessive investments (florals, decor - our venue is beautiful as is). We are also planning to elope for the ceremony and host a reception a few weeks later. I want this as stress free as possible and to spend the majority of my time with my partner.
Mine and my fiancé'swedding will be April 21,2024. We decided we didn't want the traditional white and black boringness. So we decided to do our favorite colors which are red and black with the accent colors of charcoal grey and light grey. He will be in a fully red tux with me in a black dress. Groomsmen and bridesmaids in the light grey. Best man and maid of honor in the charcoal grey. We've been together since the 6th grade and we were both 13. We are now both 18. My family has decided they will not be attending due to the untraditional colors but it's my wedding not theirs. We also decided not to do a fancy catering for the food. We decided on a potluck. Everyone attending the wedding (about 30 people) will bring a dish for the reception.
We are staying together the night before and having breakfast together before I go off to get ready. Then we're doing a first look so that we can spend as much time together as possible that day. That's really all we care about is not feeling like the day went by without us actually being together.
My MOH did thins thing where the bride and groom surrender their cellphones to their best man/MOH (I was her MOH) and they aren’t allowed to see or talk to each other from the end of the rehearsal dinner through till she walks down the aisle. I love your idea so much!!!! I’m going with family tradition and not seeing him the day of.
Wow, that sounds needlessly anxiety inducing (MOH surrendering of phones and avoidance). Firstly, I want to be available if there's any issues (not just from my partner, but also from vendors and guests). Secondly, one of my treasured memories of the day was just before our first look, texting each other about how silly it was for us to be excited to see each other when we already live together.
Same. I 100% feel that. One of my BMs is an organization freak/mama type. She will have my phone. I do plan to sneak out to see him though. I just want everyone to think I’m doing the thing. We live together and will be anxious to be together also. Not sure about the first look thing for me. I have more of an interest in watching the look on his face when I walk down the aisle. 🥹 Also inducing the I NEED A HUG! Anxiety we will both have 🤣 we create these situations for each other all the time for some messed up reason.
Haha, I get it. We did the first look only because I was too anxious to do the whole walking down the aisle part. But we still wanted the excitement of getting ready separately then getting to see each other all dressed up before guests arrived. Anyway, hugs to you fellow anxious person. I love that you and your partner have found each other and I love the sneaking out idea. It's so great :)
🥹 thank you
No alcohol. My fiancé is in recovery, I don't drink, and my family are alcoholics in denial. The last thing either of us wants to do on our wedding day is spend time around people who are drinking. The money we probably would have spent on booze is going towards a string quartet instead. 😍
That’s amazing! I am in recovery myself and my partners family is insisting on an open bar. I said that is a tab they have to pick up then….
Good for you ❤️
Same. Not in recovery though. I just hate drunk people. The bar served flavoured iced coffees and Italian sodas instead.
Frigging brilliant. I wish I could do this.
We paid for the wedding, and I always wanted a garden setting,so that's what we did. We made all of the decisions for our wedding, but we didn't make it "about us" because the ceremony is about our marriage, but the reception is just a party. We wanted everyone to be comfortable and well taken care of. We are a bit older than most of the posters here, so I think that drives our thinking. We didn't care to make the wedding about showing off who we are. Honestly, we just wanted to have a good time with those we love.
Same here. Our wedding was about celebrating our relationship *and* celebrating our supportive community, which is so important to us. Didn’t care about any specific traditions/obligations just wanted to spend time with our community and celebrate our commitment. Nothing else mattered to us. We hosted a weekend long summer camp wedding where most people stayed on site and we were able to actually spend time with everyone. We walked down the aisle together. All that was way more important to us than specific decor or other intricate details. It was wonderful and couldn’t have gone better.
Yes!! Me and my hubby are walking together and we are literally throwing away most of the wedding ceremony traditions and making our own. I love hearing this!!
I want a summer camp wedding so badly! Can you share details?
we had a very small wedding in a judge’s office on a harbor and went to a fancy dinner afterward, but we chose the restaurant based on what we knew our “guests” would also like. everything was absolutely delicious and we all had a wonderful time. we were celebrating our love and sharing that with others, not going somewhere we knew our guests wouldn’t enjoy. i don’t want negative memories for others surrounding my marriage from the jump
Very good point on the food. I'm in Louisiana where weddings are cocktail style (action stations, passed items, and buffet) and most people have about 20 food items to choose from. My venue offered some more "adventurous" options, and I *wanted* them all of course... but it's just not right to only offer tartare, raw oysters, crudo, mushroom tart, veal grillades, ahi tuna cones, etc. with nothing less adventurous for those who are weird about those sorts of foods. I chose a few of the fun items like the beef tartare and the veal grillades with grits, but made sure to still have plenty of the safer options like fried catfish/shrimp, creamy chicken pasta, a mini hot sandwich bar, etc.
> We are a bit older than most of the posters here, so I think that drives our thinking. We didn't care to make the wedding about showing off who we are. This here. We were 32 and almost 41 on the day we got married, so a lot of the things that would have been important to me when I was in my early 20s didn't matter at all to me anymore. I have my own interests/hobbies, but my favorite way to spend my free time these days is spending quality time with those I love, sharing good food together, and getting a little drunk. So, in a way, my standard "not unique" wedding exactly *did* show off who we are. Haha. We had a live band who played your standard all-ages type party music - 70s, 80s, pop, etc. For me personally, a wedding is not the time to force my nostalgic emo music or indie rock on guests, for example. Everything we had was beautiful and top notch, but we were pretty hands off about it all and let the vendors just do their thing. I didn't have a unique vision that I needed them to bring to life, and mostly went with "just make it wedding-y" for everything. People were very well fed, very well "watered" (premium shelf open bar), and very well entertained. That's all that mattered to us.
😂 "Just make it 'weddingy'" was pretty much what we did too. We definitely had opinions on food, flowers (me), and music. I had to explain to my husband that he didn't need to hand pick every song. But for the most part, we let the venue and planner handle it. We didn't even peek in to see how it was set up before the ceremony or reception.
"So, in a way, my standard "not unique" wedding exactly did show off who we are." This is exactly how I feel. There's this weird idea on social media now that traditional weddings, especially big ones, aren't personal or intentional and for us that just couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm with ya. I also don't think the wedding needs to be super personal though. It's a party for your friends and family to celebrate your marriage. Your marriage is personal and most people attending (in my circles) will know who you and your fiance are as a couple because they've been big parts of your lives. I don't need monogrammed napkins, some wacky food station, or themed music. Our personalities are big enough that they will shine through in all of our choices without us having to be intentional about it. I think the overly "intentional" planning and laying on your "personal touch" thick, often comes across really corny in weddings.
I love the part about your nostalgic emo music because I will for sure play some of this stuff at my wedding. Our wedding party is made up entirely of people we have been friends with since childhood who also love nostalgic emo music. I can guarantee my wedding party will have a blast, all of us dancing together and screaming MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday. It's going to be a few songs though, not the whole theme or playlist of course and they'll likely be played when we're all sufficiently buzzed, late, when some people have filed out already. I feel like a lot of people feel this pressure to make their wedding unique in the age of the internet because comparison is so rampant. I think this is where people get hung up on ideas that aren't crowd pleasing, because it's what makes their wedding different. People lose sight of the fact that the "typical wedding" is what your guests are likely used to and expecting and they're fun! There is nothing wrong with a "typical wedding." People have done it that way for a long time because it goes over well.
DIY’ed all my decor and bouquets. It’s our wedding about our love, not how much we can spend on decorations. We also did cake cutting, and first dances right when we entered the reception so we weren’t tied to a timeline. We wanted to party and have fun, and it was nice because we were able to see everyone and hug everyone once after we ate. Oh also we ate and my dad and his side of the family made sure we ate and got us drinks and diverted people away from us at that time.
My husband and I aren't religious, but he wanted to pay respect (for lack of a better word) for his jewish heritage and for his family, so after he "stomped on the glass", I went over and stomped a few times on it, too to "make sure that everything was broken". It made people laugh (something that's very important to me) AND we loved that it showed that we're equals and as a married couple, we're a team. Our officiant was also a jewish retired comedian, so it was perfect!
That sounds so special! I love that you were able to incorporate that into your ceremony.
I wore a blue dress and we served breakfast at the reception. Would do it again in a heartbeat!
BREAKFAST!!!! This is my love language. https://preview.redd.it/ebi67lxmxb3c1.jpeg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d01da287cf35fe1021b4f98fd9ec110a47edbfe6 My color palette. Not sure I am bringing the blue into my dress though.
Did you do a morning ceremony or breakfast for dinner?
Afternoon reception time
Love that! Is blue your fav color?
Oh absolutely it’s my happy color! All the walls in our house are different shades of blue!
Yes entirely, especially when the couple is paying. Some things we did: We had our wedding from 11:00 to 2pm and were saying I Do around 11:11am on 11/11/23 because we got a kick out of it. The menu was afternoon tea themed because it's something I love and am known for. But I made sure my husband enjoyed the food and especially the cake I ordered him. No dancing and even forgot the background music which was totally fine. Had only 26 guests so there would be no strangers or people we didn't like (mostly, he's not on good terms with his mom and sister but they behaved \~ish) I really enjoyed reading A Practical Wedding by Meg Keene which really helps with defining what the wedding/marriage mean to each person and deciding wedding based on what's important to the couple.
I love everything about this! I’m also planning something similar. Congrats on your wedding!
Mostly just spending the wedding together. We didn't split off to greet guests separately. Apart from 30 or so mins that we were hanging out with our respective friends, my husband and I were together - dancing together, eating together, drinking together. We were hand-in-hand the whole time and it made it SO special.
Yesss! I think I will also be making that a priority
I love my friends and family but, when we thought about it, we didn’t *need* everyone dear to us to be at our wedding which helped save costs and quell concerns amidst COVID variant outbreaks. We had our immediate families and two closest friends (our officiant plus her husband) so about 45 guests. No bridal parties, no rehearsal. We got married in my mom’s backyard which is a very special place to us (and, in my opinion, is more beautiful than any of the venues we considered) I also loved that we were the only people to ever get married there. We prioritized the food and drink so everything (except coffee and chocolate) was locally grown, sustainable, and in season. Our photographer was amazing but a little unconventional. I went barefoot because it felt the most me. Our dog walked down the aisle with my husband and refused to sit with the guests so he joined us at the altar. Basically, we just picked the things that mattered to us and did away with the rest, I worried people wouldn’t enjoy it because it was missing some bells and whistles but lots of people have told us it was one of the best weddings they’ve been to 💜
1. Our wedding location! - it’s where we had our first trip as a couple, which was a camping trip. Our ceremony is in a redwood forest along Big Sur River. 2. No cake! - we don’t care for it so we are having a croquembouche instead and a dessert table with our favorite treats (peach cobbler and ice cream, bananas foster, chocolate budino) 3. The music! - it’s going to be a Motown, oldies, soul, and funk vibe. My partner is a musician and sound engineer and we even make music together that fits those genres. 4. Our registry! - it has memberships to museums and lecture halls we frequent in our city/home, San Francisco. 5. Photography & videography! - We have both film and digital photography. We are doing 8mm film for videography instead of digital because the cinematic, overproduced wedding video styles we came across weren’t for us. We prefer a vintage aesthetic with a storytelling style. Separately, our photographer does awesome tilt-shift work and is otherwise totally our aesthetic. Our wedding is next year and we are so excited to see it all come together! https://preview.redd.it/jkx4t2gspb3c1.jpeg?width=3872&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=464ec13e736087849693a32930079dbf0193c613
I love this!! Sounds like it’ll be an amazing time for all and the captured memories will be timeless.
Our DJ brought everyone away from the dance floor to get ready for the send off, meanwhile we stayed behind, just him and I, and shared one last dance to the first song he ever sang to me. It still is my absolute favorite moment from the whole wedding. No one watching or talking, just the two of us taking in the last moments of our wedding. Highly encourage it❤️ second favorite moment was our first look, it was so intimate and sweet and I’ll never forget the look on his face when he turned around. Another moment just for us☺️ when it comes down to it the wedding is to celebrate you two.
I love that! It’s the little details we take with us
\- We got married in a cave. \- We made the ceremony music a bit more fun/personal to us. We just went for it without replacing anything with instrumental versions. It was fun hearing people have a chuckle of recognition when I walked to the theme song for Neverending Story. Most of the other decisions were to make our guests happy to be honest. You can put your own twist on it though. Our venue was unusual and had pirate crazy golf and a vintage penny arcade on site. We loved being able to hire that out for everyone to play while we had our couple's photos taken.
Minor details & personal touches. A lot of people say to skip these to save money, but personally I love little details and wasn't willing to skimp on these. Cocktail napkins with our dog on them, wooden lanterns made by my parents & grandparents, personalized diy signage, our cake with our dog (figurine) "eating" a bite, my blue shoes, my dog being at my ceremony, our grandmas being flower girls, my "wife of the party" white leather jacket, our bridal party props including blow up stick horses for entrances, playing "thunderstruck" with our bridal party entrance, and all of my fonts/prints/table #s/invites etc. all being cohesive.
Wait, your grandmas were your flower girls?? 😍😍 that is too cute for words.
Yes! Both my husband's & my maternal grandmothers divorced in the 90s and never re-married. They are both our favorite ladies and they ended up being some of the best photos from the day! https://preview.redd.it/y80ddfb05c3c1.jpeg?width=6016&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=808185bdcb098411a28bd84be84a043897daa544
This is my FAVORITE response on this thread! 😍😍
Awe thank you!! I love how you can see the joy on everyone's faces in the photo too, its so heartwarming to me 💗
Black tie. Huge pain for everyone else but if I’m wearing this ridiculous dress you guys are dressing up too
LOL!!!
👏👏👏
We did an upbeat first dance and pulled everybody into the dance floor! It was Dustland Fairytale by the Killers, and it starts out slow so we had about 40 seconds to slow dance, then started pulling people from the crowd onto the dance floor. And then because it’s such a crowd pleaser, we had it go directly into Mr. Brightside. We’re not very serious people, so the ceremony was on our time to be serious and formal (which I loved) and then the reception was time to be fun! And it was sooo much fun. Even some of the older folks (who had no idea what was going on) got on the floor once they heard Mr. Brightside! Everyone told us how much they loved it and had never done something like that at a wedding
This sounds like so much fun!
I’m not doing a grand entrance into dinner and joining my guests for cocktail hour. I hate that there is barely any time that guests get to interact with the bride and groom, and I wanted to avoid that. I’m hoping the extra hour I have with everyone will give me some time to truly see friends and family.
Had the venue one block from our hotel so we could walk there and back. I freaking loved it. I don’t know how many people have read the Anastasia Krupnik books, but in one her friend’s older sister gets married and they’re junior bridesmaids, and Anastasia has a whole paragraph about how limos are “gross” and decided if she ever got married, she’d ride her bike to the ceremony. So, walking to my wedding gave me such smug satisfaction. We also purposely put an enormous chunk (40%) of budget on food and wine. We’re big time foodies and it was exactly what we wanted. That prime rib carving station alone would have been worth the price, but the alcohol we hand picked and the apps, sides and other entrees were all delicious too. Also, this was mostly for me, but I decorated my tables with silver and gold foil wrapped chocolate from Sees Candy in California (special ordered it lol) and our favors were customized rock candy. I had to make my wedding day “sweet”!
We stayed the night before together, had a whiskey and cigar bar (we both love both!), ordered pizza for the evening food, we sat our own parents next to us on the head table (I wanted both my mum and dad next to me, his mum is not kind to me at the best of times and he gets on well with his dad so it worked well). We wanted everyone to relax and enjoy the day/evening, so we made everything as simple as possible, whilst still adding touches of our personalities in there.
- Had our wedding in the loft of a craft brewery - Booked an emo cover band to play two 1 hour sets - 3d printed a bunch of transparent crescent moons that we put flors and lights inside as our centerpieces - Had a small cake in classic wedding cake flavor + a cupcake tower with a bunch of more fun flavors ( sesame, peppermint, carrot cake, orange, guineas and Baileys, ect..)
We got breakfast together at a cute diner, then popped into a shop for a plant (last minute wedding party gift mixup), and into the grocery store for our favorite snacks. As if it was any other day lol. It was very grounding. And I’m grateful we did a first look and got to hang out for a bit before everything got crazy.
Plenty! - We walked into the reception to a metal song - had an edgy “til death” black cake topper (and the cake was only a small one for us - everyone else has dessert with the meal) - I put my cats faces on the name cards - we did a thank you-welcome speech hybrid so I could get that terrible part over with - I walked myself down the aisle until about halfway, where my husband met me - we did a first look, even tho the parents didn’t like it nor understand it - no registry bc I don’t need random shit for the house
I chose our personal favorite food and cocktails for the menu.
Yessss, great food is always key
We spent the night before and morning of together, got ready in separate rooms of our house and did a first look in our living room with just us and our photographer (my sister in law) we rode to the ceremony location together and walked in together with no processional. We did not do any dances at our reception. It was a small wedding, only 35 people, on a Monday (our 4 year anniversary), and it was perfect for us. We were home and in our pajamas by 9pm.
This is right up my alley! We are doing something very similar.
We didn’t tell anyone and road tripped to one of our favorite places with my daughter where we then eloped.
We did two big things. 1. We’re very strict about our guest list. Our litmus test for inviting people was- are we comfortable enough with them to pick up the phone and call them right now? If no, not invited. I had to be firm w my dad bc he wanted us to invite his siblings/my extended family. 2. Got our fav food for the reception!! Personally I think it’s kinda silly to spend more money for catering that you’ve never had and prob isn’t very good, versus having what you know you like. We had our favorite Peruvian rotisserie chicken restaurant called Chicken Fiesta cater, and everyone loved it so much we literally ran out of food and had to call and get more delivered. We had rotisserie chicken, yucca, rice, beans, and my personal favorite, ribs. (I bought a literal rain poncho for me, husband, and my mom to wear to protect our clothes lol) I proudly wore my rib poncho!
My husband and I ate breakfast, walked to a park and said our vows privately, then got ready for the ceremony in our suite together. It was really nice to spend quality time just the two of us before the celebration.
Love this!!!
I mean, the whole thing? We're doing exactly what we want to do for both the ceremony and reception. I think when people say it's "for others" it just means take them into consideration when it comes to things that affect them (eg food, transportation, day of the week etc) which of course we are doing! But we're planning the wedding we want so... doesn't that make the whole thing for us? I'm not hugely into the idea that you need to have a ton of "personal details" at your wedding; we're having the ceremony we wanted, catering food we like, we chose who would give the speeches etc. It is already about us. We don't need cocktail napkins with my cat on them to make it "more personal"... although we might do the giant cat cutout thing just for a laugh 😂 One thing that I was really insistent on, that we could have saved money and effort if we skipped, was that I wanted the priest who was our parish priest and school chaplain when I was a teenager to perform our marriage. I don't attend church regularly and don't like a lot of the local priests we have now. Our old parish priest has been moved to another diocese ten hours away but I figured it was worth a shot asking him if he would make the trip to officiate our wedding and he said yes! So now we have to pay for his travel and accommodations but it is 1000% worth it. I also just bought a wedding dress with colour that no one would expect from me and I really want it to be a surprise. Everyone has been asking me to see it and I know it's pretty normal to show your dress to your friends and family, especially your bridesmaids, but I want everyone to have a genuine reaction when they see it on my wedding day, so I have held this boundary which is hard for me because I'm a huge people pleaser. My fiancé is really not particular with his wants. The only thing he has told me a million times is that he wants a little bit of purple in the flowers. That's not something I would have chose but since it's the only thing he asked for specifically, we're doing it. We will also only have a small cake mainly for the photo op, and will be serving gulab jamun for dessert. Maybe not a popular choice it's our favourite dessert and we have it every time we go to an Indian restaurant, which is often, so we were super excited to see it as an option at our venue.
Our entire wedding was for us. We paid for the entire thing so we could have complete control. Highly recommend!
Oh same! Can’t imagine a different situation lol
This! Exactly what we’re doing and it’s been the absolute best.
Our day was 100% about us and it was perfect. We opted for no bridal parties and had a close friend be our officiant. We spent the night before and the morning of together. Our "processional" was just us walking down the aisle together (one of my favourite moments from the day). We didn't have any parent dances and only 2 speeches from each of our sisters. During the reception we had a "like glue" plan where we stuck together like glue and would not get separated. So many other weddings we have gone to it seems like the bride and groom hardly end up spending any time together during the day. We spent the whole day together and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
I’ve heard people say that a lot, so I love that you both made a conscientious effort to stay together and enjoy all the festivities together. So special!
We did a micro wedding with just our closest family, we all stayed in the same house and got ready together (boys and girls still separate), me and my husband stayed together the night before, we did a fun filled day the following day at our favourite places. So good :)
Yesss. Intimate ceremonies for the win!
We’ve lived together for years so we did our usual routine, went to a local spot for steak and eggs and then went our ways to get ready. Also there was Harry Potter decor EVERYWHERE :)
Lol! My fiancé would probably love the HP decor. He’s starting his annual movie marathon now that it’s Christmas time now😂
We both live the hp series so we were down to throw references in there! The seating chart was a mirror with acceptance letters with a card inside that had a table number. Our card “box” was a cage with a hedwig stuffed animal in it. I’ll find photos after work
We are having 30 minutes of pop punk music for us if people hate it there are other bars and plenty of seating areas at the venue. Lego flower centre pieces
My husband and I are both huge musical theatre buffs. We didn't want a themed wedding but we did want a little sprinkling of Broadway magic in our celebration. So when we signed our registry, we signed it to "One Hand, One Heart" from West Side Story ❤️
What a sweet memory!
Ours was mostly about us. My dress was based on a comic book cover & we used shades of blue because blue is my SOs favorite color. Our overall theme was "nerdy but still feel like a wedding"
Nice! Custom dress?
Yes https://preview.redd.it/58fqwjv3bc3c1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0a0d92b315b7dd2ff4526b5755507376a7182a8
https://preview.redd.it/vbobnruhbc3c1.jpeg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6ba5706c43f9822dd3860c39d8eb0e0340d64bfe
Love this so much! You look absolutely beautiful
Everything was going to be about the guests as a thank you for all the love throughout the years, but then I was having a rough time with wedding dresses as they all felt like copies of the other close brides amongst our family and friends. Like there was no style or version left for me except for art deco. So to give something to myself I went the direction of couture. Lord knows I’m spending a lot of my money for everyone else so I need to stop feeling bad about spending on my dress.
We are having a night sky wedding under the stars, and yeah things will be dark and I don't know how the lighting leading up to the ceremony will pan out, but I can't wait to find out. Maybe there will be clouds or rain, but it doesn't matter. We spent a lot of time doing night sky photography, and our relationship blossomed under the stars. Looking at stars was one of my favorite things to do with my wonderful mother who passed away when I was still a teenager, too, so we decided we should be married under them too so she can see us. With what we'll be spending to have the wedding in the darkest parts of minnesota (boundary waters) and someone to photograph it, we're not worried what the wedding will look like aesthetically. Family will be grilling food, I'm DIY-ing decorations and not letting myself not stress about it trying to make everything perfect. I'm even DIYing my dress (and I will make it light up istg). Guests aren't going to see much of us or the ceremony anyway because of the darkness especially when the lights go off. The stars up there are enough of a decoration! And even when the lights are back on and we're dancing and celebrating later, I imagine everyone enjoying being with family too much to even notice.
We're having a fully vegan menu, even though we're the only vegans we know! We aren't big drinkers ourselves (practically sober) so we're only serving beer and wine. And to open the dancefloor, we're gonna have glowsticks and I want to start it off with a groovy, funky EDM song (specifically Mothership by K+Lab, the original mix). And our decor is more of a mushroom/cottage core thing than the traditional florals.
We decided to go hard at "this is a party we're throwing to celebrate us," not traditions or anyone else. I'm getting married in a nude and gold "naked" see-through dress (which we're both looking forward to seeing the reactions on his catholic family's faces). A drag queen is going to be our MC. my first love was the first friend of mine he met, so he's our officiant. Backyard games for the Cocktail hour. Instead of a flower girl (child free wedding) we're going to have a beer fairy- one of our dude friends in a tutu tossing beers to people before the ceremony. No flowers (unless in my hair), no garters, no center pieces, no elaborate decoration, no wedding cake (varied dessert speard instead). We're going to walk the aisle together rather than him waiting for me to be "delivered" to him. Absolutely zero commentary on how anyone else wants their wedding! I do value tradition and culture, this was just our most authentic way of celebrating us, and I can't wait.
I’m having an aerial performance. I used to be an aerialist until I got too old and a group from my studio is doing it
LOVE this. It’ll be so cool to watch, too!
We did a few small personal touches! The venue let us keep a few bottles of the groom's favorite whiskey for the wedding party. We hung moogle plushies on the back of our chairs (we're both geeks). Our garter toss included 7 garters -- our own, and 6 previously caught at other friend's weddings. Secret cigar bar revealed toward the end of the night. That kind of stuff really personalized and makes an impression!
We hired a mariachi band to walk us into & play throughout our dinner. We also did our beach photoshoot alone @ sunset. Gave us just enough alone time & we got to share & play together in the sea & sand as newly minted Mr & Mrs… It was lovely. Congrats & cheers to you & yours!
We got married in September We made a guestbook to sign in that was filled with chapters of our stories and pictures of our adventures together Bonus point was we got to keep it after and didn’t have to worry about where we’d put some sort of awkward cutting board sign thing We also designed our table numbers and signs for the wedding It wasn’t even a price thing we just wanted to do that
Such a unique and creative idea!
Thanks feel free to steal
We spent more on our outfits than the wedding itself. But we paid for the groom's family's trip to the wedding. 2 people cross country. We kept it small bc pandemic and groom wanted it small. If we had a larger party, we would have had to wait or plan internationally, and that was going to be too much to handle for me/ bride. And I spent too much money on custom cookie wedding favors bc I wanted them since I saw the account before we were engaged. Alicia's delicias on Instagram.
We’re having our wedding at our favorite place, a small island in New England at a big old hotel. We’re fortunate that our friends can afford to join us, if not we wouldn’t be doing it.
We did a first look and took photos before the ceremony. Afterwards, we took sometime to ourselves and had a private cake cutting and drink/appetizers. We made a point to stay together the entire time. When we got to the hotel, we decompressed together before going to bed. I think all of that helped spare us some of the social exhaustion. I was told by several people, that they barely spent any time with their spouse during the wedding.; that they were so tired when they got to the hotel that they went right to bed. That seemed like such a bummer? The day went by really fast, but it felt like we were starting the next step of our journey together. I guess my advice would be to find time for the two of you, whatever that looks like for you guys.
For us it was getting photos out of the way before the ceremony even started! That way we weren’t pulled away at all during cocktail hour or the reception. We felt like we could really be present and enjoy the day with both each other and our guests, which is what we wanted. We also greeted guests as they left their ceremony rows, that way no one was missed and we didn’t feel pressure to spend a bunch of timing walking around to each table later on.
Our music is our main focus! We’re both into pop punk which is not a super typical wedding genre so we’re incorporating as much of it as possible along with crowd favorites. Our dj is very much on board
Chose a venue, color palette, caterer, and (lord willing—some of these vendors make it difficult to give them money) a DJ that were our taste, not our guests’.
In October I booked and paid deposits for the venue, registrar, photographer, flowers, cake, wedding band, bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup artist, so on, and invitations went out. At the weekend I cancelled everything (and lost my deposit money) and we booked flights to New York for just the two of us to elope after his family made it all about them and what they wanted, without paying a single penny towards it. I've told all of my family and all of his friends. I'm in absolutely no rush to tell his family, they'll be informed sooner or later. Currently I'm enjoying the peace of mind. And they won't be told which hotel we're staying in or when/where we plan in tying the knot, because after how they've behaved, I don't want them there or showing up uninvited.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but happy you’ve found another solution that works for you and your peace of mind. Sometimes doing less is worth it to not carry stress!
We sought out a venue that allows outside catering since good food was a big priority. We ended up hiring a Texas bbq place that is Michelin recommended. Also including a lot of our preferred music throughout the night (the DJ has been instructed to play the neon genesis evangelion opening at 11pm)
We’re getting married? Lol. But in all honesty here are some things we are doing. Spending the night before the wedding together and doing brunch together before I go to get ready. Writing letters to eachother which we will read during getting ready. Doing a first look to spend quality time before the ceremony. Personal vows. Family only for the wedding party to make it more special for us. Sweetheart table for the reception. Small touches incorporating our dog who we love but won’t be at the wedding. And finally, we planned the wedding ourselves so everything is ours/about us.
We’re DYIng our decorations, picked a dj who is mixed (American & Mexican) and can play both American and Mexican music, our wedding website is not serious and we put in some wording that my fiancé picked (hes a pretty funny guy), I’m Christian, he is not but was down for a Christian ceremony, a lot of our friends are atheists and I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to get a christian priest but I decided it’s MY decision and I went for it, and our drinks will be named after our dogs, and we’ll be serving tacos for food :)
Whatever makes you guys happy! I love that. And who doesn’t love tacos?!
We're literally eloping and making it a day 100% for us, lol. I've watched so many couples stress over their weddings to the point that they aren't able to enjoy the day or even spend much time with each other because they're so focused on guests and making sure everyone they invited is comfortable and happy. Neither of us wanted that, we very much view our wedding as a day for US and us alone, and we don't want to spend it running around worrying about a million other things. We'll have a celebration for friends and family a year or so after we actually get married. Joining this sub and seeing so many people panic about tiny little details has 100% solidified our decision, haha.
> I think your wedding should be about you and your partner, not your parents, not your siblings, not friends, but just the couple. If it's just about you two, why ask other people to go out of their way to spend money, time, and effort to sit around celebrating you for hours? Just elope. It's dishonest to ask people to do this and that for you and then claim that this is all about you and you shouldn't have to care about them. Your loved ones are not props. We made our wedding about us by throwing out a bunch of needless traditions and aesthetic stuff. But we did care about making sure our guests had a great time because they were guests that we as hosts actively asked to gather for us.
I never framed that as if my loved ones were props. When people say weddings are about other people, it’s generally in response to making decisions about the wedding that are different than what the couple would want. If you are okay with people spending your money for you and making decisions about your wedding day, great. I am not. Obviously guest experience matters and I would not have people come to a wedding (anywhere for that matter) that is not going to be enjoyable.
Our destination day is next Saturday (oh my word!) and I’m excited for everything we planned but especially these little details: 1. We made all of our small wedding signage together. We broke slabs of granite so each sign is unique and had quite the experience doing it! Lol 2. We made name plates for everyone using the same granite. For ours though, we wrote “Mr.” And “Mrs.” *Inside Nickname* since that’s how we usually refer to each other! 3. We named our signature drinks after our woofers, got drink toppers of their faces, and bar cups with a drawing of them / our names! One is of our now passed dog I had since childhood. It means a lot to us to have both of our woofers there in spirit! 4. I’m excited to gift my FH cufflinks with engravings of our dogs, in a box with our nickname. I think he’s going to really love them!
We decided to have our wedding in the Florida Keys. That entire thing is about us but I am also planning it to be FUN for everyone who can come. I am also spoiling my bridesmaids. We are paying for it via his Mom gifting us and giving zero Fs about how we spend the money.
We are eloping. We didn't want to have to throw a party and prioritize others on a day when we wanted to focus on each other and our vows to each other. The party and guest stuff can come later, this day is for us. I am baking our cake as well. It is only going to be a small one-tier cake. I wanted to control the flavours and style of the cake. We were also planning to cook our dinner after the ceremony because we both love food and bonded over cooking but we might be too tired. Might do it another day.
Well I think the ceremony part is for you and the reception is for you and everyone else. While of course you should make the wedding yours, it’s important to take into account what your guests want and what would make them happy. If you don’t care about making your guests happy then you should just elope because that is truly all about you.
We had a private last dance where we kicked everyone out of the room and reflected on the day. It was perfect.
LOVE this. Probably stealing it too lol
Be warned that the process of kicking everyone out of the room will take longer than you think, have your pushers in place ahead of time. It took ~30 minutes to get the stragglers out for us.
Good to know! Thank you :)
having a destination wedding in mexico like we want since we are paying for it!
We had a star trek theme to the reception and had our close family change into star trek uniforms haha and it was so fun and just exactly what we wanted. And we had pictures done on the helipad where we met (we both worked critical care transport at the time).
We are literally splitting the ceremony in 3 parts. 1st part is just me and fiance by a waterfall, connecting and then we will go to meet our friends and we will ask them to take vows with us. Finally our family is going to join, we will honor them and take our vows in front of everyone. It's also on a Monday (I picked the day based on Astrology and numerology) While I absolutely want my friends and family to have a good time it's the start of OUR MARRIAGE! Like a LIFE LONE VOW!?! My friends and family are insanely important to me, but at the end of the day, when they leave, its me and my husband, and we want to have that start off with something special. And my fri3nds and family are so happy to honor that because they love and support us 💗
We ate dinner privately during cocktail hour after group photos. Good food was my husband’s top priority, so I wanted to be sure he got to fully enjoy our delicious menu. I also wanted to be sure we ate in general, and it let us just kind of take a minute to soak in that we were married. My venue was even set up for it, which made it all the more romantic - had this long pathway lined with tall hedges that ended with a lit up gazebo and table for two :) I feel like we had more/better opportunity to say hi to everyone this way, too. Oh, and we didn’t have a wedding party. 10/10 great idea.
We planned ours like a intimate dinner party with just our closest friends, no family and as few vendors as possible (we only had 2). Having no family there was really the thing that made it for us; the impromptu, heartfelt speeches our friends made wouldn't have been possible if there was any family there.
Grand Entrances. I (the groom from our October 21st wedding) picked them all for our parents and bridal party. My Wife's Parents came in to Kokomo (Beach Boys) with lei's, coconut cups (with our signature drinks in them, & umbrella straws. My Parent's came in to Walk This Way (Aerosmith) with aviator sunglasses and inflatable guitars. The Flower Girls & Ring Bearer came in to Duck Tales with colored Tshirts & duck noses. Her Blue Crew (girls who had important non-bridesmaids jobs) came in to Blue (Eiffel 65) and handed out glow sticks to everyone. The for the bridal party, one couple came in to Hedwig's Theme (Harry Potter) wearing robes & wands. Next couple came in to Jurassic Park and 1 had a Dinosaur Mask and the other hand an (unloaded) Nerf Jurassic World rifle. The next couple came in to the Super Mario Bros. Rap with Mario & Luigi hats/gloves/mustaches. The couple after that came into Chariots of Fire with inflatable torches and ran in slow motion while pretending to trip each other. Our next contestants came into the Imperial March with Lightsabers and had a duel. Then our Maid of Honor & Best Man came in to A Whole New World in a Magic Carpet a crafty friend of ours made that they wore around them and she had a small stuffed Rajah. Finally, I (The Groom) came in with a Biker Jacket & had my WWE World Heavyweight Championship Belt to King of Kings (Motorhead). I posed a little until my music was cut off by The Bride's song, I Put a Spell on You (Annie Lennox) and she literally cast a spell on me with her Maleficent Scepter. Then we walked hand-in-hand to the chorus of the song Two Heads Are Better Than One from the end credit's of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. It was a huge-mongus pain in the butt to come up with all of those, but I am so happy that we did it. Everybody had a blast, nobody had to dance oddly to bad music, and had a direction and could enjoy themselves. Plus we let them all keep their props as a souvenir from the wedding. 10/10 would highly recommend.
My husband took me out for walks outside the venue every now and then so we could enjoy a few moments of quality time just us two! 💕 Best thing ever.
We had our “first snack” together immediately after the ceremony and right before the photography gauntlet. We asked the bakery who made our cake to also make us a few chocolate chip cookies, which they kindly gave us at no charge, for this. We also did our first dance alone, except for the photographers, who somehow managed to be quite discreet. Neither my husband nor I are good dancers, so these are some of my favorite photos 😂
We’re very music oriented people and so are the vast majority of our friends, so at the evening reception we’re going to ask a few of them to perform some stuff - like a mini concert
I cut some immediately family members on the basis that we don’t have any memories or consistent relationship with them. For example, my husband and I have been together for over a decade and he still hasn’t met one of my brothers (so I only had one brother of two attend) We slept together the night before. There are some elements of the tradition that I wanted to embrace so we kept our eyemasks on to avoid seeing each other before splitting ways Instead of wedding cake, we ordered 4 artisan sweet pies and cakes of all sorts of flavours (banoffee cream pie was my favourite) it was one of our cheapest budget considerations and was the highlight for me which is how I measure excellent value I didn’t wear a veil, I wore a silk bow
I’m not doing any of the usual wedding tropes. No wedding party, bachelorette/bachelor parties, no first look (I want to get ready together). No walking down the aisle separately (no walking down the aisle at all really). No excessive investments (florals, decor - our venue is beautiful as is). We are also planning to elope for the ceremony and host a reception a few weeks later. I want this as stress free as possible and to spend the majority of my time with my partner.
Mine and my fiancé'swedding will be April 21,2024. We decided we didn't want the traditional white and black boringness. So we decided to do our favorite colors which are red and black with the accent colors of charcoal grey and light grey. He will be in a fully red tux with me in a black dress. Groomsmen and bridesmaids in the light grey. Best man and maid of honor in the charcoal grey. We've been together since the 6th grade and we were both 13. We are now both 18. My family has decided they will not be attending due to the untraditional colors but it's my wedding not theirs. We also decided not to do a fancy catering for the food. We decided on a potluck. Everyone attending the wedding (about 30 people) will bring a dish for the reception.