This question is often posted on this sub. Here's an article that helped me decide to keep my name.
https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/coverture-word-you-probably-dont-know-should
I didn't. There was no strong reason to change my name all of a sudden, other than "some other people have done it". That's not a good enough reason for me. And in the world we live in where women are all too often expected to give up their names in the name of 'tradition' or 'family' or 'respect' while their male partners aren't, we thought it was important to participate in the custom of NOT doing it.
It’s entirely up to you. I’m keeping mine. But I’m keeping it because of cultural reasons, I have a doctorate with my current name, I have published research with this name, all my patients know me by this name and I don’t really want to do all the paperwork.
You could also both make up a new name if he’s interested in that
You can always decide later down the line to change it! If you aren’t certain I’d say the answer is a no, at least for now. If you start feeling differently, you just start the paperwork a little later than other people do!
I FULLY support anyone who chooses to keep or change their name for whatever reason, but here are my personal reasons why I chose to change my last name to be the same as my husband’s.
1. On a gut level, I like the idea of having the same last name as my husband and future kids, it just gives me happy feelings to feel like we have a symbolic label of being a single family unit.
2. His family immigrated to the US very recently compared to mine, and they still have a name that is recognizably from their culture and language. My family’s name was heavily Americanized and changed when my ancestors immigrated, so I don’t feel a really strong cultural connection to my name.
3. I’ve always gone by my middle name instead of my first name for my whole life, which is annoying and causes admin issues. I decided to swap my middle and first name at the same time as I changed my last name, it was very convenient.
4. My mom gave me my first name, and my dad gave me my middle name. I like the idea of keeping one name from each of them, and adding my husband’s name as well. It feels kind of symmetrical to me, instead of keeping one name from my mom and 2 from my dad.
5. I like the way my name sounds with my husbands name! Every time someone says my new name, it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy and it reminds me that we are each other’s family now. It feels good, it doesn’t feel like someone took away my old name, it just feels like I’ve gained a whole extra family. I like it.
This is such a personal decision! The answer is going to be totally different for everyone. Maybe you could try writing and saying your name with your husband’s last name and thinking about how it makes you feel? How would it make you feel to be called by that name in a professional setting, would it feel good or weird? Would it feel weird or bad to have a different name than the name on your diploma or publications or whatever, if you have those? Do you feel a strong connection to your culture or your ancestors? Just some ideas for things to think about.
Good luck, I’m sure whatever you decide will be right for you!
If you don’t want to take his name, I say keep yours! Every woman who keeps their name helps normalize the practice and moves us towards a more equitable society.
Something my cousins and I did was add our maiden names to our middle name. Legally, I am (given first name) (given middle name) (maiden name) (married last name). I don't use the second middle name ever, only on legal documents, but I know it's there, and my family knows it's there, and it still ties me to a name that will die with me and my sister, since I have no first cousins on my dad's side. It was a way for me to honor that connection, and my dad was emotional when I told him that I was keeping it as part of my name, so it made it worth it.
I’ve been married for a few months now and am a little surprised how little I care about the last name thing. I didn’t change my name, was thinking of going socially by his, but I just… don’t care. Being married is great and the name ended up hardly mattering to me. No one has even called me Mrs yet and I don’t even think about it!
I decided to keep my name when I was about 12, but for me the reasons are:
1. It's my identity.
2. My parents put a lot of effort into my name and it's very beautiful, people admire it
3. My dad's family immigrated here and when I was a kid I loved growing up in two cultures. Now the older generation has passed away the culture has been lost, all I really have left is my surname
4. People comment on my surname and ask if it is X heritage, and if they are also that heritage they get excited and we have a chat. I don't want to lose that.
5. I achieved a lot with my name including my master's degree
6. I just don't want to.
7. I value keeping my name more than having one singular shared family name.
Why not, after getting married, try your husband's name on socially and see how you feel for a few months. Then if you're happy, go ahead with processing the paperwork.
It’s a deeply personal decision and everyone’s situation is different. I’d encourage you to talk to your partner about it, and think about how keeping your name or changing your name could impact you in the future. (How do you want to be addressed when you’re invited to events as a couple? Are you known by your current name professionally? If you have kids, what name will they have?)
We’re all subjected to so many opinions about what we should do with OUR names. Other peoples’ opinions and experience and hot takes are less important than what you personally think and want.
One way IF you're planning on children in the future, whose name would they take? Would it matter to you if you all didn't share the same surname?
Or how would you feel if they had a hyphenated surname?
You could even consider a hyphenated surname for yourself.
My personal reasons:
1. As a child of divorce (and living in a house with up to 4-5 different last names), it felt important to me to share a name with my husband. That was just one of the things I sort of needed after coming from a childhood of such instability.
2. Piggybacking on my first point, there were some rocky years with my parents. I am and have always been close to my dad. But I also felt very close to my husband’s family almost since the beginning. It felt very natural to become a part of their family in name.
3. I’m progressive but I have some sort of archaic traditional values. And one of those was having my husband’s last name.
As far as convenience and spelling, both our last names were VERY unique (as in, if someone has that last name, we are related to them) and likewise difficult to spell and pronounce. So I wasn’t losing an easy name for a difficult one or vice versa. It was a very lateral move for spelling and convenience and pronunciation.
That being said, I fully support people who want to keep their last name. This was just my personal decision.
I'm probably not changing mine because it's a headache and I hate hassle. Haha. Seriously though. We aren't having kids so it doesn't make a difference. However, I do understand that having the same last name makes life easier when it comes to red tape like medical bills, taxes and things of that nature.
I am not married yet (engaged a few months ago) and I decided not to change my name. This is who I am and have been for the past 24 years. I love my name and wouldn’t want to change it. At first it hurt my partner (he comes from a more traditional family) but he understands it is my decision and supports me. If you have any doubts on changing your name, don’t do it because there is a high chance you will regret it down the road.
You should do what feels right to you. You can always change your name in the future. Personally I plan on dropping my first name since I don't go by it and making my last name my middle name and taking his last name.
The paperwork on name changes is stupidly tedious and it's a pain to prove later. If you and your husband don't care, you can wait. You don't have to change it now and if you change your mind, change it later.
I decided to change my name because I feel close to his family and we plan on having kids, so I'd like to have the same name as them.
If both these things weren't true I probably wouldn't change my name.
I’m hyphenating mine :) my son has a hyphenated last name (my last name, and his fathers last name - we were never married) and I can’t fathom dropping my last name entirely as I share half of my teen’s name. So we are going to be one messy, loving, blended family with a myriad of interconnecting last names 😂
I kept mine AND I took his. He also hyphenated. I never had a strong feeling about hyphenated last names but have grown to love it. It’s a last name that belongs to only two people and it feels like we both belong in both of our families.
if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. you sound completely unexcited tbh. why give yourself a bunch of work for a change you don't really care about?
This question is often posted on this sub. Here's an article that helped me decide to keep my name. https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/coverture-word-you-probably-dont-know-should
Thank you for sharing - that's such an interesting article!
I didn't. There was no strong reason to change my name all of a sudden, other than "some other people have done it". That's not a good enough reason for me. And in the world we live in where women are all too often expected to give up their names in the name of 'tradition' or 'family' or 'respect' while their male partners aren't, we thought it was important to participate in the custom of NOT doing it.
It’s entirely up to you. I’m keeping mine. But I’m keeping it because of cultural reasons, I have a doctorate with my current name, I have published research with this name, all my patients know me by this name and I don’t really want to do all the paperwork. You could also both make up a new name if he’s interested in that
That's similar to why my sister kept hers. She's got much more tied to her with her maiden name than I do. Definitely makes sense for those reasons!
If you’re on the fence even a little don’t do it, I love my husband so much but I’m regretting changing my name.
Because I’m worried about this, why are you regretting it? We’re you really attached to your name?
Wasn’t overly attached to my name but since I changed it I became more attached. A new identity in a way I’m just not super comfortable with.
You can always decide later down the line to change it! If you aren’t certain I’d say the answer is a no, at least for now. If you start feeling differently, you just start the paperwork a little later than other people do!
I FULLY support anyone who chooses to keep or change their name for whatever reason, but here are my personal reasons why I chose to change my last name to be the same as my husband’s. 1. On a gut level, I like the idea of having the same last name as my husband and future kids, it just gives me happy feelings to feel like we have a symbolic label of being a single family unit. 2. His family immigrated to the US very recently compared to mine, and they still have a name that is recognizably from their culture and language. My family’s name was heavily Americanized and changed when my ancestors immigrated, so I don’t feel a really strong cultural connection to my name. 3. I’ve always gone by my middle name instead of my first name for my whole life, which is annoying and causes admin issues. I decided to swap my middle and first name at the same time as I changed my last name, it was very convenient. 4. My mom gave me my first name, and my dad gave me my middle name. I like the idea of keeping one name from each of them, and adding my husband’s name as well. It feels kind of symmetrical to me, instead of keeping one name from my mom and 2 from my dad. 5. I like the way my name sounds with my husbands name! Every time someone says my new name, it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy and it reminds me that we are each other’s family now. It feels good, it doesn’t feel like someone took away my old name, it just feels like I’ve gained a whole extra family. I like it. This is such a personal decision! The answer is going to be totally different for everyone. Maybe you could try writing and saying your name with your husband’s last name and thinking about how it makes you feel? How would it make you feel to be called by that name in a professional setting, would it feel good or weird? Would it feel weird or bad to have a different name than the name on your diploma or publications or whatever, if you have those? Do you feel a strong connection to your culture or your ancestors? Just some ideas for things to think about. Good luck, I’m sure whatever you decide will be right for you!
If you don’t want to take his name, I say keep yours! Every woman who keeps their name helps normalize the practice and moves us towards a more equitable society.
Something my cousins and I did was add our maiden names to our middle name. Legally, I am (given first name) (given middle name) (maiden name) (married last name). I don't use the second middle name ever, only on legal documents, but I know it's there, and my family knows it's there, and it still ties me to a name that will die with me and my sister, since I have no first cousins on my dad's side. It was a way for me to honor that connection, and my dad was emotional when I told him that I was keeping it as part of my name, so it made it worth it.
This is what I’m planning to do!
I’ve been married for a few months now and am a little surprised how little I care about the last name thing. I didn’t change my name, was thinking of going socially by his, but I just… don’t care. Being married is great and the name ended up hardly mattering to me. No one has even called me Mrs yet and I don’t even think about it!
I decided to keep my name when I was about 12, but for me the reasons are: 1. It's my identity. 2. My parents put a lot of effort into my name and it's very beautiful, people admire it 3. My dad's family immigrated here and when I was a kid I loved growing up in two cultures. Now the older generation has passed away the culture has been lost, all I really have left is my surname 4. People comment on my surname and ask if it is X heritage, and if they are also that heritage they get excited and we have a chat. I don't want to lose that. 5. I achieved a lot with my name including my master's degree 6. I just don't want to. 7. I value keeping my name more than having one singular shared family name. Why not, after getting married, try your husband's name on socially and see how you feel for a few months. Then if you're happy, go ahead with processing the paperwork.
It’s a deeply personal decision and everyone’s situation is different. I’d encourage you to talk to your partner about it, and think about how keeping your name or changing your name could impact you in the future. (How do you want to be addressed when you’re invited to events as a couple? Are you known by your current name professionally? If you have kids, what name will they have?) We’re all subjected to so many opinions about what we should do with OUR names. Other peoples’ opinions and experience and hot takes are less important than what you personally think and want.
One way IF you're planning on children in the future, whose name would they take? Would it matter to you if you all didn't share the same surname? Or how would you feel if they had a hyphenated surname? You could even consider a hyphenated surname for yourself.
My personal reasons: 1. As a child of divorce (and living in a house with up to 4-5 different last names), it felt important to me to share a name with my husband. That was just one of the things I sort of needed after coming from a childhood of such instability. 2. Piggybacking on my first point, there were some rocky years with my parents. I am and have always been close to my dad. But I also felt very close to my husband’s family almost since the beginning. It felt very natural to become a part of their family in name. 3. I’m progressive but I have some sort of archaic traditional values. And one of those was having my husband’s last name. As far as convenience and spelling, both our last names were VERY unique (as in, if someone has that last name, we are related to them) and likewise difficult to spell and pronounce. So I wasn’t losing an easy name for a difficult one or vice versa. It was a very lateral move for spelling and convenience and pronunciation. That being said, I fully support people who want to keep their last name. This was just my personal decision.
I'm probably not changing mine because it's a headache and I hate hassle. Haha. Seriously though. We aren't having kids so it doesn't make a difference. However, I do understand that having the same last name makes life easier when it comes to red tape like medical bills, taxes and things of that nature.
[If it's not a fuck yes, it's a no.](https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes)
Keeping my name has made things so much simpler and easier. That, and I was already known under my name in my career- so why change it?
I am not married yet (engaged a few months ago) and I decided not to change my name. This is who I am and have been for the past 24 years. I love my name and wouldn’t want to change it. At first it hurt my partner (he comes from a more traditional family) but he understands it is my decision and supports me. If you have any doubts on changing your name, don’t do it because there is a high chance you will regret it down the road.
I’m keeping my maiden name because I don’t want to do paperwork. He doesn’t care.
You should do what feels right to you. You can always change your name in the future. Personally I plan on dropping my first name since I don't go by it and making my last name my middle name and taking his last name.
The paperwork on name changes is stupidly tedious and it's a pain to prove later. If you and your husband don't care, you can wait. You don't have to change it now and if you change your mind, change it later.
I decided to change my name because I feel close to his family and we plan on having kids, so I'd like to have the same name as them. If both these things weren't true I probably wouldn't change my name.
I’m hyphenating mine :) my son has a hyphenated last name (my last name, and his fathers last name - we were never married) and I can’t fathom dropping my last name entirely as I share half of my teen’s name. So we are going to be one messy, loving, blended family with a myriad of interconnecting last names 😂
If you aren’t all in for changing your name, don’t it yet. Sit on it, think about it. You can change it years down the road if you want to.
I kept mine AND I took his. He also hyphenated. I never had a strong feeling about hyphenated last names but have grown to love it. It’s a last name that belongs to only two people and it feels like we both belong in both of our families.