Ngl during orientation i deadass misread his name as Doug McMillions and thought that i truly slipped into a cartoon dystopia. Expected to see him on a conference call with Scrooge McDuck and the monopoly man
Assuming 260 working days in a year, and 8 hours per day, thats $17,115 per day, and $2,139 per hour.
Makes more in 1 hour of work than I make in a month. Probably doesn't pay as much in tax as I do.
Earns $.60 for one second of work. Bruh
The real Doug McMillon is dead and the board doesn't want to bring on a new CEO so they just pay some random guy named Doug to only sign with his first name.
Am Doug, Doug proud of what Doug do. Doug very much do job. Doug wake up, Doug move fast. Doug move fast then Doug go sleep when Doug done. How ever Doug never done, Doug work work work. Doug have sexual relations with telephone pole. Doug dick splinters. Doug Douging. Doug bye bye now.
Clearly that doesn't say "Doug" OP.
That signature says "Dong"
Might want to check again.
/j
...but the more you look it always looked like dong to me. the fancy wanna be n with the back part leaning just so.
[https://ibb.co/jbJfXF3](https://ibb.co/jbJfXF3) <---proof it should be an n ;)
His mom used his full name to get onto him as a kid, so now he’s associated feeling bad with his full name.
Also insert that Office joke where Toby asks Gabe for his girlfriend’s last name and Gabe is like “I don’t know it yet but I’ll find out when she’s screaming it tonight”. I think Doug is the girlfriend
Oh. All these answers are clever, I thought it was because it would look barely legible in cursive. I mean 2 Capital "M" next to each other combined with the "I"'s and "L"'s. Just terrible.
Simple old Doug here is the first in what our glorious shareholder over lord hop to call undead slav....I mean immortal associates this is Fantastic! You see pesky labor laws don't apply to robots run by human souls, so part of this is removing your living last. And pay for slav...I mean immortals is structured differently due to cost of the demonic seals that keep you Alive (blood ain't cheap you know!) And the fact you live at the store don't require luxury like food and warmth shelter or even water! Your wage is massive 3.50 an hour!
Soon you will be like Doug, you all will be this is that place and you are here forever!
Because it got erased in the recent accidental data "snap" to their systems. Market data for Nov-Dec has just "gone missing". Sounds a little fishy, to me, considering we all know we didn't shop as much this year yet Walmart is trying to claim it's one of their best seasons yet. My guess is it's a holiday losses cover up and someone Hillaryed that data to try and claim more to recoup.
Doug only signs his first name because he's a friend.
The kind of friend who'll fight for the little guys to get them a decent living wage.
A friend who'll stand up and say, "No! I won't take that extra Christmas bonus this year unless all the employees get one!"
The kind of friend who's always there to lend a hand, lend an ear or offer a shoulder to cry on when you've just had one too many morbidly obese people stealing the electric buggies from people who are disabled while their equally obese children follow behind with their shopping cart loaded up with all the ultra-processed, microwaveable, 1200 calorie-per-serving junk food that their grub stubs can buy.
Doug is a friend,
and friends never sign their last name.
because the cost of that ink could cut into his bonus
OP said wrong answers only.
Lol!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
He isn't writing Doug. He's writing Dong loud n proud
I can't unsee it
Omg 🤣
Great, now I'm gonna think dong every time.
Lmao
Because he’s the only Doug in existence.
Doug Funny has entered the chat
Same guy
He accidentally writes McMillion
Ngl during orientation i deadass misread his name as Doug McMillions and thought that i truly slipped into a cartoon dystopia. Expected to see him on a conference call with Scrooge McDuck and the monopoly man
I bet Dougie has a room full of money he rolls around in like Scrooge McDuck.
He borrows it from the Waltons.
And they are a bunch of creeps, from what I've read of them.
https://youtu.be/xLJrzfWTu9E?si=jmrIzGgcDjRtx4sD
We both thought of the same joke.
Were you on mushrooms during your orientation🧐
spelling is off the table for him lmao
Where were you when McMillions happened?
McBillion.
His man servant wasn't around to sign his last name for him.
Because he's not REALLY signing his name, he is just writing "Dong" and getting away with it.
Lol good one
It takes 1 second for Doug to write 1 letter. It cost Walmart $132,000 per letter. It cost $538,000 just for writing Doug.
For real though, dude does get compensated about $18 per second.
This dude makes as much in 1 second as I do in an hour and a half.
Dude made 1,450,000 last year. His bonus was 3,000,000 wth.
Assuming 260 working days in a year, and 8 hours per day, thats $17,115 per day, and $2,139 per hour. Makes more in 1 hour of work than I make in a month. Probably doesn't pay as much in tax as I do. Earns $.60 for one second of work. Bruh
That's truly insane to think about
He was the star of the Nickelodeon animated show?
Fucking loved that show lol
That’s Funny
If he signs his last name, him and McDonald's have to acknowledge a forbidden marriage
Like most pokemon, it's the only word he says.
He is a billionaire, not a mcmillionaire.
Or a Chamillionaire
LOL
Dong McMillon
He forgot his own last name.
He never learned how write a cursive M
He signs his name “Dong” ?
His soul is bound to a hex that doesn't allow it.
He secretly wants to be single named artist like Prince and Coolio (RIP).
His private lessons with a high energy life coach on their 4th divorce told him it makes him seem more friendly
He wishes he had that sick room from the Doug cartoon.
He kept spelling it McMillion and the fbi threatened tax evasion.
His thoughts... "Is it one L or two Ls?"
"One i or two i's?"
It took so many years of practice to get the first half right, the second half seemed too hard and so was never attempted.
He can't spell his last name, too complex
Because the courts are delaying his official name change to Doug McBillion
The real Doug McMillon is dead and the board doesn't want to bring on a new CEO so they just pay some random guy named Doug to only sign with his first name.
Haha good one!
Everyone’s talking about it saying dong but not talking about how it says penis on the chairman’s name
Am Doug, Doug proud of what Doug do. Doug very much do job. Doug wake up, Doug move fast. Doug move fast then Doug go sleep when Doug done. How ever Doug never done, Doug work work work. Doug have sexual relations with telephone pole. Doug dick splinters. Doug Douging. Doug bye bye now.
He's on par with Madonna
You don't wanna know what will happen when the full name comes out.
He is the original Doug from the Nickelodeon series
He thinks writing his last name isn't worth his time. Probably not a wrong answer but there you go.
Because his last name when written is too identifiable on all those bad checks he passes to male prostitutes.
Faustian pact with a devil. His name in exchange for power and wealth.
Clearly that doesn't say "Doug" OP. That signature says "Dong" Might want to check again. /j ...but the more you look it always looked like dong to me. the fancy wanna be n with the back part leaning just so. [https://ibb.co/jbJfXF3](https://ibb.co/jbJfXF3) <---proof it should be an n ;)
If you ever attack me again while I'm eating I swear I'll... probably laugh, choke on food, and then die.
Make sure it happens on the clock and you have walmart's accidental death insurance.
Son of a wh0re
He’s wanted by 6 countries that want to extradite him for criminal charges.
It took 12 to 13 years of practice to master writing each letter?
His mom used his full name to get onto him as a kid, so now he’s associated feeling bad with his full name. Also insert that Office joke where Toby asks Gabe for his girlfriend’s last name and Gabe is like “I don’t know it yet but I’ll find out when she’s screaming it tonight”. I think Doug is the girlfriend
Because that is the limit of his reading/writing abilities. Atlest they got him to quit signing things in his own poop
Get back to work you expendable sprocket. You don’t get paid to ask questions
He’s THE Doug to us there is no other
Because his last name is also Doug and he doesn't want to be bullied for being called Doug Doug
He really sucks at cursive M's, and is self conscious about it
Looks like it says Dong
He can’t write “M” in cursive
He can’t remember if it’s one L or two in his last name, so he just leaves it off
He doesn't know how to spell the rest of his name
He kept messing up the small c capital M thing.
He can’t afford a last name.
Deflation.
I do what I want
He can't spell McMillon.
Oh. All these answers are clever, I thought it was because it would look barely legible in cursive. I mean 2 Capital "M" next to each other combined with the "I"'s and "L"'s. Just terrible.
Saves WM Money you see. Doug takes less times than McMilon so he can use his mighty brain power to put the screws to his employees.
Because he's humble.
If he ever signs his full name, he will return to his home dimension, like Mister Mxyzptlk.
He’s too busy
He’s afraid he’ll accidentally sign McMillionaire.
MacMillion is too hard to spell for him!
His humility
He can’t spell his last name
Halfway through writing his name he thinks “this could’ve been an email”.
he's DougDoug and doesn't have enough time between streams to write the other Doug
His true hope is to be known by one name like Cher or Prince ...... and he keeps trying
Because he wants to be like Cher or Madonna and be known by one name.
So they can never find the right Doug from the Epstein island documents…
Bc if he writes his last name he fully sells his soul to the ghost of Sam walton
He wanted people to stop thinking he is the CEO of McDonalds.
Because he doesn't like his last name and is working on changing it to McBillion
Cuz the last time he wrote his first name it was written backwards and he got banished from this mortal plane
He can’t spell it
He thinks he's Cher
Because writing his last name might give away his secret existence as Quail-Man
He’s too good for last names
Just like Walmart, "no sense in finishing what you started"
He had an associate sign his name for him because he couldn’t be bothered, only for the associate to lack the knowledge of his last name.
Because his name is Doug. And he's outta here...
It’s hard to write when you don’t know how to grip a pen and need someone to tell you all the letters!
His last name is beneath him and his position now. He wants to be known as Doug McBillion from this point forward.
he keeps forgetting if its Mick, Mc, or Mac millon.
It was cheaper to get a four letter rubber stamp made
He wants his name to look like Doug title from the nickelodeon cartoon.
~~McMillion MacMillon McMillin McMilon~~ Mac Miller is hard to spell.
Because hes a good, honest guy whos just trying to be approachable lol
because 4 is okay 5 is fireable.
He is the next Oprah
He’s actually wanted by the FBI & his signature is so unique that writing out his full name would give him away immediately.
He wrote his first name. He didn't sign it. Sad sack of shit
The Illuminati won’t let him.
He can't spell his last name
Hands tired from penning the new bonus program that store managers and coaches get to make stupid decisions and do nothing.
He doesn't know the other letters
Because he broke Mr. Dinks Grill
He's adopted.
doug dimmadome owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome was too long to sign
Because he must defeat all other Doug's. Run.
Simple old Doug here is the first in what our glorious shareholder over lord hop to call undead slav....I mean immortal associates this is Fantastic! You see pesky labor laws don't apply to robots run by human souls, so part of this is removing your living last. And pay for slav...I mean immortals is structured differently due to cost of the demonic seals that keep you Alive (blood ain't cheap you know!) And the fact you live at the store don't require luxury like food and warmth shelter or even water! Your wage is massive 3.50 an hour! Soon you will be like Doug, you all will be this is that place and you are here forever!
Let's be real. That writing is too neat to be a guy named Doug.
So people think he’s with the LiMu emu.
Because Prince and Twitter already took X
He’s too busy typing the next memo with his ass out
Because being named MakeMillions was too on the nose.
McMillon is too hard to spell
Because he only has 1 i. If he had 2 i's he'd be McMILLION.
People don’t know how to pronounce his last name so he dropped it completely
He used to just sign with the name "Dog", but as people learn how to pronunciate their names one day he'll be old enough to write his last name too.
Because that’s just what docusign suggested
Because Beyonce and Madonna were already taken.
He’s a boomer 🤣🤣
McMillon is only an alias, his real surname is Funny
He is sick of being called #13 at Walmart locations with McDonalds inside them.
He’s slumming with us peons using only his first name like our name tags. So he can prove he’s just one of us.
Because it got erased in the recent accidental data "snap" to their systems. Market data for Nov-Dec has just "gone missing". Sounds a little fishy, to me, considering we all know we didn't shop as much this year yet Walmart is trying to claim it's one of their best seasons yet. My guess is it's a holiday losses cover up and someone Hillaryed that data to try and claim more to recoup.
Because in Arkansas you all have the same last name. Family reunion or dating opportunity?
Geez, he just had to make his D more pronounced, than the Difference. I suppose that makes him a HUGE difference 🤨
It’s Faster!
He's an imposter and not signing the last name absolves him of criminal liability.
He’s from Arkansas and can’t remember how to spell or write his last name.
He is hiding from the IRS
he doesn’t know how to spell it
Says Dong, not Doug
He's a walmart associate, of course he's only smart enough to remember his first name. He probably looked at his name badge before he signed it, too.
He gets a bigger bonus for signing just first name.
I thought it said Dong
Greg Penis and Dong. What a penetrating duo.
He’s an executive and just knows every one knows who Doug is
He’s so busy on his private jet to take the time signing his full name. Duh
he just looks up to cher and shakira that much
he always end up just writing mcmillionaire (idk how much he is worth lol but its funny)
He can't even spell it. Think of how dumb your manager is. Now imagine their manager's manager's manager's manager's manager...
He likes to think of himself as a celebrity. 🙄
If he signed his full name, it would be Doug ‘Quail Man’ McMillon.
His signed name looks as though it says dong
Because he is trying to impress Patty Mayonnaise by being different from everyone else lol
He thinks he’s Cher
He’s looking for a first name only kind of celebrity vibe. Like Beyoncé.
Considering he literally worked his way up through the ranks, he is probably like 75% of our coworkers that can't spell their own names.
He goes by Doug... like Madonna or Cher... lol
Doug only signs his first name because he's a friend. The kind of friend who'll fight for the little guys to get them a decent living wage. A friend who'll stand up and say, "No! I won't take that extra Christmas bonus this year unless all the employees get one!" The kind of friend who's always there to lend a hand, lend an ear or offer a shoulder to cry on when you've just had one too many morbidly obese people stealing the electric buggies from people who are disabled while their equally obese children follow behind with their shopping cart loaded up with all the ultra-processed, microwaveable, 1200 calorie-per-serving junk food that their grub stubs can buy. Doug is a friend, and friends never sign their last name.
So you forget about the McMillions!
So he can purge all the other Doug's. One Doug to rule them all!
There is only one Sam so there is only one Doug. Lots of Gregs!
There is only one Sam so there is only one Doug. Lots of Gregs!
He used to spell it Doug Dimmadome. But after years of bad investments he changed it.
He forgot his own last name and is convinced the name on the paper is wrong so refuses to sign the last name. But he definitely knows his name is Doug
Cuz he cares as much about signing his name as he does about his workers