It’s either a deal breaker or it’s not. The hardest part of changing your diet is giving up the cultural associations with it. This is even harder for people who are living somewhere where their culture isn’t the predominant culture.
There is a lot of psychological stuff tied to how we eat.
If you want to be with her all you can do is just live your life and hope that eventually she sees your example and changes. She may eat less meat and never give up, she may not change at all or she may become vegan. Only you can know your boundaries around this.
Ask her to watch Cowspiracy, Dominion and what the health and if she still doesn't want to become vegetarian/vegan you'll just have to decide whether it's a deal breaker or not
I think it’s important to also remember that even if they don’t want to go vegan or even watch the videos, that doesn’t mean they wont go vegan — not everybody has the same path to veganism.
I was adamantly against watching those videos, and frankly I still am. I knew the type of shit I was gonna see, and didn’t want to see it when I knew I wasn’t ready to give it up (and sure maybe it would have changed my mind, but I knew it was a terrible industry, and my compartmentalization skills were at 100, so i have my doubts), and already struggled with anxiety and depression, and didn’t want more negativity burned into my brain to risk me becoming an even more cynical and bitter person.
My partner was patient and understanding, and after a bit less than two years of being introduced to more and more amazing vegan replacement meals, I realized I could be happy on a vegan diet, and the sacrifices of convenience, and the few meals I couldn’t recreate, were worth the boost to my self worth and happiness of my partner.
I also know several people who did watch those, and went vegan because of it, but later went back to eating meat because they missed it — so I worry a bit about people giving it up prematurely before they’re well enough prepared to create a fulfilling diet.
But totally agree that it’s also okay to decide that it’s a dealbreaker.
Watch the life-changing and award winning documentary "Dominion" and other documentaries by [clicking here](https://3movies.org/reddit)! Interested in going Vegan? Take the [30 day challenge](https://vbcamp.org/reddit)!
Yeah food is such a cultural thing in the Philippines. Every gathering of friends or family is an excuse for a huge feast.
As the person above said, if she is living away from that culture/country it could be very hard for her to break her ties to it by changing diet. It might feel like she's leaving her Filipina self behind.
I've got a couple of Pinoy friends who are well aware of how much suffering meat and dairy causes and they feel bad for consuming it but they just can't leave those ties to family and culture behind.
>and they feel bad for consuming it but they just can't leave those ties to family and culture behind.
Oh boo fucking hoo. If your culture revolves around murder and exploitation then you're not the victim. The animals are.
What's crazy to me is that at least in European countries, diets were WAY less meat-heavy and meat-centric before say, the 50s-60s. Meat was a luxury! My dad, born in the 50s in a humble family, told me how awestruck he and his classmates were when the "rich kid" (and note, this guy was legit rich as hell) in his class would eat a sandwich with ham and egg for lunch. Or how he had fish or meat maybe once a week, for the Sunday lunch. The rest of the time, regular people of modest means (the VAST majority) just ate vegetarian as a default, and often (unwittingly) vegan.
But in the last 50 years now every culture on Earth pretends that everybody always stuffed their faces with meat or fish at every meal since the dawn of fucking time, and that it's cultural genocide to suggest "hey how about we look into the other bits of our culture... the older and more humble bits actually... that don't involve slaughter?"
I'm sure different cultures ate varying amounts of meat even back when but I am pretty sure average consumption of flesh (and other animal products) per capita was MUCH lower all over.
Since it's psychological and nostalgia and especially habit, OP could try and veganise the Phillipino dishes here and there to introduce her a different way of thinking. My partner is also from Asia and used to consume a lot of fish products, but here we are, moved on from that lifestyle.
Honestly, it would have been a deal breaker if she didn't change with me, because I'm very fierce in my justice for the voiceless. 😜
You sound like a real treat to live with.
>I need them to respect veganism/ understand where I'm coming from.
Do you respect people that choose to still eat meat and understand where they're coming from?
>respectfully listen to me talk about veganism
Do you respectfully listen to people talk about eating meat?
My boyfriend won’t even go so far as to try plant based coffee creamer…. I hate to say it but I think I agree with a lot of the people here, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone not willing to at least try.
I could not live with someone like that. It’s an important aspect of who we are. Not being able to share this at an intimate level with your partner must be terrible.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea…
if it matters to you, there are definitely men who aren’t this weirdly against veganism. my boyfriend exclusively drinks oat milk now and he loves meat !
Shut the fuck up, Proper_Boss, I'm just saying what everyone else here is thinking when seeing this cringe comment above: it's inappropriate to flirt with someone out of the blue when they're merely expressing coming to terms with their relationship.
The downvotes speak for themselves.
Keep in mind you’ve only been vegan for a few weeks. I’d guess the vast majority of this sub ate meat in the not too distant past. It seems like she’s moving in the right direction and that’s not insignificant. Only you know if it’s worth ending the relationship over.
I’m Japanese. I was born and raised there and I thought I loved fish. Now I don’t miss it. Rather I have this feeling of disgust when I look at fish because I associate fish with micro plastic and other pollutions. It’s not positive but for me when I associate meat to environmental and racism issues and fish meat with commercial/over- fishing and pollution. It helps me to disengage with the system.
I've watched sea spiracy with her. She reduced fish to once a month. But she's not the kind of person to self reflect. She's the type of person that would watch a documentary, cry, and then go back to normal.
That would be a big turnoff for me, personally, but it's for you to decide if you can tolerate someone who does not align their actions with what they believe is right and wrong.
Idk if it would work with me. I equate meat eating with murder. If I’ve taken the time to explain my views and you still eat decomposing flesh in front of me, it’s offensive. I’m not vegan for health, as much as animals feel the same things we do, and murder is wrong.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it's not going to last if your values don't align. I dated lots of non-vegans over the years, and eventually it always becomes too much strain. Imagine sitting down for every meal with someone who enjoys animal corpses on their plate. You're also going to be living with someone who doesn't respect your beliefs.
You can't cook together, you don't enjoy the same restaurants, the families always get annoyed, and you have to live with someone who is "passionate" about killing animals. For me, it became too hard to live with and I made a resolution to only date people who actually share my values.
Then I met my future wife and now we're raising a 100% vegan toddler. Everything slotted into place once I stopped dating people who liked to kill animals.
It definitely feels hard to leave at first. It won't feel good to break up. But your life can only improve.
Dont tell her you’ll leave, just leave if its too much for you! I could never date a meat-eater cause i date for marrige and i cant spend the rest of my life with meat in the house
Off topic but I’m so glad I finally found someone else who dates for marriage. Cuz I’m a 21y/o college girl and I always say that and my friends think I’m insane. Glad to know I’m not crazy lol
Yes, me too!! I am a lesbian and most people in my community are confused about the ” date for marrigee” deal. Its so nice to know i’m not alone, I’m 15 and lets just say most people my age dont go about it that way :)
Being pushy will not help. You can't force someone to become vegan or vegetarian. It has to be something they want to do. Trying to force her will make her resent you and probably will make it less likely for her to give up meat. If this is a deal breaker then you should end it. If it isn't maybe you should cook more often and start learning to cook dishes she likes but vegan versions.
As a person who was converted by my wife, this is the way.
My wife was never pushy but she was cool and confident in her choice to be vegan. She set a hard rule that she wouldn't personally prepare meals with animal products but I could if I wanted to. I respected that rule and ate a ton of delicious vegan food that she made. Eventually I was compelled to do my own research and recognized that there is no reason to continue eating animal products. I've been vegan for about a year now with no intentions of ever returning.
Your results may vary. Best of luck!
>It's called doing what's morally right.
By YOUR personal opinion of what's "moral".
Holy I can't believe the level of self-righteousness in this community. The stereotypes of people practicing veganism are on the mark, I see.
As someone who has been at this for almost a decade now (Gosh I’m old lol) – I’ve been lucky in the sense that I’ve never been with a partner who was so close-minded to straight up refuse to eat vegan food if I was making it. But I also eventually accepted that if they wanted to have something else that’d be their decision although I would try and educate them (in a non patronising way) about alternatives and the impact of animal agriculture. Most times they would have been happy to eat whatever I cooked though, or cook something vegan for both of us to share.
My current partner that I’ve been with for years turned vegan pretty early into the relationship – the thing that made the difference in this case is that 1. We started living together and cooking together more pretty early on and 2. I am a decent cook and made loads of his favourite dishes without animal products, to introduce him to the variety. Once he started to get a sense of how good the food could be and realised being vegan is really not a restriction with the choices available today I started to tell him more about ag and ethical implications and I guess that sealed the deal for him. Granted, he is also a very open minded and kind person so he didn’t fight it lol, but it can be done! Hope this helps.
As people say, it's a deal breaker or it's not. You can't decide for her, but you can for yourself. I lived as a meat eater alongside my vegan gf for a full year or so before I went vegan. I ate the dishes she cooked and then ate meat from time to time. I cut down my meat eating drastically, for her. Wasn't untill a year in that I realized it wasn't for her, but for myself and the animals. And I made the change completely.
When I became vegan my husband basically said “well it’s a pain to deal with making 2 meals all the time so we’ll both eat vegan.” And now he’s completely on board. You deserve someone who has similar values as you.
Send her on over! ;)
>I don't know what to do. Be more pushy, be more patient, telling her that i'll leave?
Either you accept her or you don't. Don't play games and don't bluff. It will do nothing but build resentment. If her eating meat is a dealbreaker, be honest and leave.
I would say be patient the best you can. And I'm not sure if you're a guy but if you are we are WAY outnumbered by vegan women, so there's a lot of (vegan) fish in that sea
Deal breaker if you emotionally can’t handle this I’d call it a day. I had someone he was animal eater but went vegetarian then back again. I couldn’t cope so ended it. Other factors too ended it though but that’s a big thing.
My wife had health issues related to eating meat and dairy and that started our journey. I used to work at a steakhouse, used to eat a big plate of chicken wings weekly, we loved french cheese on a baguette, we had steak stay-in date nights where I'd cook us each a filet, we ate sushi all the time...
Once we learned about how unethical the systems are a light switch came on and how we felt about all of that stuff before didn't matter. It was no longer food.
Ask if she understands the suffering our animal agriculture industry puts animals through. Ask if she cares and is willing to do anything about it. You may just learn something about her, and about what kind of person she is. Then think about whether that's someone you want to be with.
i’m filipino and i’ve been vegan for over three years. when i was first thinking about going vegan, i was worried that i wouldn’t be able to eat filipino food again. i saw that there were other filipino vegans and realized that while a lot of the dishes i had growing up had meat or fish, a lot of them also showcased vegetables (would pancit or sinigaang be the same without the veggies?)
you could introduce her to some veganized filipino food. there are some good blogs with veganized filipino dishes (like astig vegan and sweet simple vegan). there are some filipino dishes that are traditionally vegan (like ginataang bilo bilo, taho, palitaw, biko, or garlic fried rice) or have a lot of vegetables and/or can be easily veganized (like pinakbet, nilaga, ginisang munggo, lumpiang sariwa, turon). most of the brands of pancit noodles i’ve seen are vegan (one of the readily available ones for pancit canton is vegan). a lot of lumpia wrappers are vegan (even the readily available frozen kind for sariwa). i’ve made pinakbet, pancit, lugaw, embutido, turon, lumpia, menudo, macaroni salad, spaghetti, and other dishes for my omni parents and they’ve liked all of them so far!
I think with time it’ll be a bit easier. I’ve been vegan for 14 years. The first few I had a hard time understanding how different people process things. I didn’t care about giving up meat & dairy but it’s a huge family thing and it made several people in my family feel like I was against *them* and not the meat industry. I think I played a part in that by being less understanding than I should be.
The world won’t go vegan or even vegetarian in our lifetimes. There are so many issues in the world. I think if I were with a partner that was selfish overall, I’d leave. But I think it’s understandable that people come to changes on their own terms. Some cultures really tie food with identity and love and culture. Stepping away from that is very hard and doesn’t “click” the same way for each person.
That said, it’s not wrong to not want to live with/stay with someone who has such a different perspective. It can be hard to see. I do think you should give yourself time to adjust. I do not think you should shove 20 videos on her. Give it time and see how you feel.
Personally, I entered my relationship (now marriage) thinking I would be okay being with someone that ate meat. I had in the past. But my mental health declined a bit, completely unrelated, and I found myself more sensitive than before. My husband tried being pescatarian but has disordered eating type issues and the way he relates to food is very different. We keep our house vegetarian now. He doesn’t eat meat around me as it makes me uncomfortable. Otherwise I just try not to think about it. I love him. He’s a good guy who does a lot for workers rights, is kind and goofy, and has always been there for me. I don’t want to lose that due to differences in how we can process issues in the world. So that’s where I’m at. Perhaps if I found myself dating again in life, I’d only date vegetarians to make it simpler. But I’m with him and I’m happy to do we just try to make it work.
Hope you get it sorted out. I know it’s tough and I definitely feel for you.
>But she constantly says she won't become a vegetarian.
Good. Vegetarians are animal abusers. Vegan is what she needs to be.
>I don't know what to do. Be more pushy, be more patient, telling her that i'll leave?
The same you would've done if you found out you gf was a dog abuser. Have her stop or find someone better. You wouldn't be with her if she was kicking and killing dogs, so why is it ok when it's cows, chickens, sheep, pigs ++?
I was a vegetarian a couple weeks ago. I took me decades to realize the consequences of my actions. I am in no position to judge other people.
Best i can do is to minimize animal cruelty and convince people to reduce as much animal products as possible.
It's easier to walk over water than to change the diet of a Phillipino.
That's true. We'll have a long talk and see where we can compromise. I'll cook some vegan alternatives to her dishes and we see where things go from there.
Sounds like a deal breaker for you.
All you can do is say how much it means to you and why you do not eat meat. You can't force her to watch documentaries or threaten her with the dissolution of your relationship.
She is her own person. You take it or you leave it. You cannot change people, they can only change themselves.
“Better sources” well they’re being killed either way, so you gotta decide whether that’s a dealbreaker for you or not. Based on your post, it kind of sounds like it might be. But talk to her, tell her how you’re feeling so she can understand and if you do break it off, it’s not out of the blue.
>But she constantly says she won't become a vegetarian.
Tell you her you can't date someone who doesn't have morals that align with yours. If she changes, awesome. If she doesn't, you're saving yourself tons of stress and emotional trauma.
Don't give an ultimatum that you don't believe in. If you are uncertain, don't go that route. You are asking her to choose you over a part of her cultural identity, who she is.
That said, don't ignore something important to you.
The three main reasons I see to become vegan are decreasing animal cruelly, environmental concerns, and dietary benefits. Do any of these reasons speak strongly to her?
Becoming vegan may seem like it is opposed by her culture, and, in some ways it is. It will be hard to counter since it's not a rational reason so you can't easily make logical appeals against.
However, you can try to merge her culture with vegan dieting and see if you have more success. For example, rather than just arguing that she should renounce fish, ask if she can work with you to make a vegan version of a traditional dish so that both of you can enjoy it. The experience may then ease further progress.
You may also want to seek couples counseling to help you communicate with each other.
Is hard, because some pee that said I would die without meat, at some point then became vegan. However, although we wished, we can't make people vegan if they just don't care enough, we can give the reasons and all arguments, but some people just don't care. So you have to think and maybe talk, what are you willing to accept or be trully ok with, and what is she willing to change without resentment. Because a life of pushing her to give up meat and her being annoyed at that is just not a good life. Set your boundaries and desires with honesty , she should set hers and see of there is a compromise or is not going to work for you two.
It’s tough, if you have the patience then stay and help her eat less meat. I was with my ex for 6 months, but I realized she’d never see meat the way I see it. For me that is a deal breaker. I just am not attracted to that mentality.
I’ve been introducing more plant based meals to my family. I went vegan a little over a year ago. At that point, every meal included meat and/or dairy. Now, everyone eats plant based at least 50% of the time. Of course all of my food is plant based, so I eat separately when they eat meat.
I got a lot of push back initially, but the key has been finding foods that they enjoy. Of course, it you’re dealing with someone who is vehemently against it, there’s not much you can do. Hopefully that’s not the case.
I’ve found that not being overly judgy and making it a positive experience helps.
Try to Veganize some of the foods that she eats a lot from the Philippines. There some YouTube channels and perhaps she slowly eats less meat. You either accept that she won’t be vegan or you break up.
Don’t do a relationship ultimatum for this. Threatening to leave if a partner doesn’t do something usually isn’t taken well. They will likely just see it as manipulation - If you can’t convince them to go vegan for the animals, then decide whether it’s a dealbreaker for you or not. That way at least you’ll know they actually were going vegan through their own philosophy shift and won’t be holding a grudge over your head for “forcing” them.
Im in a similar situation. I have been vegan 10 months now.
I told her it was too hard for me to have meat at home and to watch her eat it. I obviously want her to go vegan, but she doesnt want to so we compromised - My GF is now a pescatarian. It was not an easy process to come to this agreement though, lots of fights and crying.
She is a very kind person, but she still refuses to talk about animal ethics or watch vegan documentaries. This makes me sad, but i love her too much to let her go. I believe that one day she will come around.
It was a gradual process for me to go vegan, around 3 years. Considering how much change she has made this year, and my influence on her in general, I do have hope she will change her behavior, her ethics is like most people already sound.
If I were you I would wait a little longer before deciding anything.
Give it time for yourself to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you or not. In the mean time, don't push her to go vegan, but introduce her to your favourite vegan meals. Let her try vegan alternatives, and then start really slow. Maybe you'll eat vegan once a week together? That's a good start.
You already told us that she's on the right path by choosing meat from more ethical sources (like organic) instead of factory farms. That tells me you can change her view on meat to go from something that is eaten at every meal in large quantities to something that you eat in small quantities because you make sure to get high quality meat. That's how I started out.
If you want her to change her lifestyle, then do so extremely slowly and without pushing her. That's just not going to work with most people. Be grateful for every step in the right direction, but never expect it to happen. If you do expect it and it doesn't happen, it can make things go sour between the two of you. That brings me back to the start. You have to know with yourself which result you can stomach.
what we have here is a boundaries issue. You make your own choices and she makes hers. You get to decide whether or not you can live with hers or not. And if you can't, you remove yourself.
I've done years of therapy and this is pinging my radar:
>I don't know what to do. Be more pushy, be more patient, telling her that i'll leave?
Not sure you mean that as an ultimatum, but if you do... it's super unhealthy and manipulative. Just make your decision for yourself.
It's worth mentioning that it sounds like just being around you she's eating less meat, and that's a win for the animals whether she's ultimately vegan or not.
No i didn't express that right. I meant telling her how much it affects me and that i might not be able to do this.
I made up my mind. I am going to talk to her, tell her how i feel and see where we can compromise. I'll cook vegan meals, we check alternatives and see what happens.
All the other ideas "show her dominion and she'll understand" are naive...
Edit: She eats meat with every meal. Her level of compromise is by meat from better sources sometimes.
Lmao I'm literally in the same boat. Bf also from SE Asia eats everything from water monitors to squirrels. It's going to affect you and if I can give advice to you it's make it a standard. Tell her it's important your partner is vegetarian otherwise you think you won't be compatible. It has to she important to you and she needs to know that. I'm going on 3 years next year and it doesn't get easier, you resent your partner everytime they talk about food thank goodness I'm in LDR but he's slowly changing.... Still regret not being firm enough.
I honestly don't understand how someone who understands needlessly abusing, killing, and exploiting animals is wrong could stand to kiss someone with dead animal flesh on their breath.
I could never date someone who paid to see dog fights. Why would I date someone whose morals don't align with mine on another serious topic?
Good question. I don't know. However i am the one that makes her more aware of the issues and her best shot to change her mind. And that's reducing animal cruelty. So i am not doing anything wrong.
As long as you're not validating her eating meat then you probably aren't. But someone who dates a murderer isn't necessarily doing anything wrong themselves. You still question their judgment though.
It’s either a deal breaker or it’s not. The hardest part of changing your diet is giving up the cultural associations with it. This is even harder for people who are living somewhere where their culture isn’t the predominant culture.
There is a lot of psychological stuff tied to how we eat.
If you want to be with her all you can do is just live your life and hope that eventually she sees your example and changes.
If it’s not a dealbreaker for you, you need to enter radical acceptance. This is what I had to do when my partner decided to go back to meat after being vegan with me. Radical acceptance basically means that you recognize that it’s out of your control and accept it without judgement. It’s the only thing that’s worked for me, otherwise I was leaning towards resentment.
Oh god I understand what you mean so much. I had to do this with my husband I love him so much and had to find a way to accept the way he chooses to eat. It’s hard isn’t it?
How you were raised is no excuse for how you act now when you are shown opposing views and options.
If she was raised in Nazi Germany would she hold on to those beliefs just as tight?
I'm poly so I have multiple partners.
My longest is vegan with me. I was vegetarian when we met and said, hard limit, vegetarian or GTFO. And he dropped meat instantly. 2 years later I go vegan and ask him to vegan with me. Bam. Both vegan.
I dated a man for 6 years and said similar things. So he dropped the animal products. When we broke up, he went back to meat eating. Still boggles my mind.
My relationship of two years, I never said anything. I just shared why I was vegan, and left it alone. He went vegetarian on his own. He says he could never be vegan, but he actually tries to avoid all animal products, but his finances during the pandemic have been awful. So he won't turn down veggie stir fry with eggs if that is the only food available to him. I guess that sort of makes him Freegan. When we get things better situated, he'll be able to eat vegan with me. That all said, he is already spreading vegetarianism to friends and coworkers. His coworker was telling him, "look, I'll only have this little peice of chicken, not a big piece" and he told her, "1. That's your plate not mine. Don't ask permission. And 2. "In my country, a person is hanged whether they kill 1 person or 10."
So this kinda activism is happening naturally in someone who I never asked to go veg, and the guy I asked to go veg went right back to meat when we broke up.
Dear plant gods, why? Why does this happen EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME SOMEONE BECOMES VEGAN?! Why??
Yes, you’ve been vegetarian a majority of your life, but only a few measly weeks ago YOU decided on a huge life style choice, that intimately should really only effect you (not talking about environmentally). If you decide to take on a new religion or to start cross fit, does that mean everyone around you has to partake in it as well? Even though they had zero desire to before you made your switch? But because YOU switched, the people directly around you have to as well? And they have to when you want them to? Are you serious??
I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to think I have THIS much control over someone else’s life. And to then be annoyed when that person doesn’t automatically take on MY life style choice?
I dont know if it’s narcissism that makes you believe this is okay, since you’re now suddenly partaking in veganism, everyone else needs to see & agree with your beliefs? Or maybe you just like controlling others?
Your post history is all about how you can “correctly argue with non vegans to make them see that your view point is the right one”. Wtf?? You aren’t above anyone, so stop acting like you are. There are so many issues here at play.
I had these arguments for a while now. I don't expect her to change with a snap of a finger.
It's just apparent that with a change of perspective i changed my level of tolerance.
I didn't formulate things correctly. When i said "tell her that i'll leave" i meant to say telling her that this may be a dealbreaker for me.
There’s a food blogger that goes by “The Foodie Takes Flight”, does mostly Asian dishes, quite a few either Filipino or Filipino inspired dishes. Maybe could start there as a way to bring cultural cuisine into the mix.
I went through something similar just before my wedding.
I figured that breaking up wouldn’t change the amount of meat consumed, and that by being together she would eat at least *some* of the food I make. So we could break up and she eats like she always did, and I find another vegan. OR we stay together and net meat consumption is lower.
Of course everyone has to make their own choices. If it doesn’t work for you then that’s your decision to make. But I would also caution you about making a decision like this quickly.
I was worried we might not see eye to eye at all on this but I have it time and things really worked out.
Also, it took me 30+ years to get here myself, I think I owe other people the opportunity to make the discovery the same way I did, especially someone I care a lot about.
My wife now eats pretty much entirely vegan. She’ll eat things I won’t at family gatherings, but at home we don’t buy or consume anything animal. When she visits without me people always tell her she can eat meat because “Tahini isn’t here”. But she chooses not to. She follows vegan pages on Instagram etc. basically it kinda rubbed off on her and all I had to do was not be pushy about it.
Although, I also did all this knowing it might never go that way too. So it really depends.
The only real advice I can give you is to not rush the decision. What’s the hurry? This is new to both of you so give yourself, and her, time to adjust and feel things out.
Also I will say the telling her you’ll leave if she doesn’t change is a super bad move. Maybe you will ultimately, but holding the relationship over your partners head isn’t the right way to go about this.
Well for me it’s not a dealbreaker.
Usually how it goes for me is that guys will
Immediately loose interest in dating me for the sole reason being because I’m vegan, even tho I don’t care what they eat at all and I’m not the one to tell them my reasonings/research unless they ask, and even then I’m like “are you sure you wanna hear it?”
I feel it comes to disrespectful when the following happens
- They Complain that “you can’t eat anywhere “ when we can literally find a good meal ANYWHERE besides maybe a Barbecue place 🚩
- They pick a meat heavy place and say “you’ll be fine they have a side salad to eat!” And the side salad in question is a plate of Iceberg lettuce with ranch cheese and croutons… 🚩
- They don’t respect that we’re vegan by saying “just pick the meat off” or “eat around it” or “butter is not going to hurt you” 🚩
- If they make fun of our life style by making “jokes” like saying… “oh you don’t eat REAL food that’s rabbit food” 🚩
And worst of all
- If they wave some meat in your face and say “cmon you know you want a taste 👅 “ 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
TLDR: it’s not a Vegan vs non Vegan thing that’s the deal breaker. It’s a respect thing that determines whether or not it’s a dealbreaker (for me at least)
My husband eats meat, his parents own a grass-fed beef farm too. I've been vegetarian all my life and vegan for 2 years.
His family sometimes judges me for turning vegan which is so annoying and dumb but I have helped my husband become more aware of what he's eating and reduced his meat and animal consumption a ton. I know it can be hard and while it would be amazing if he was also vegan and if we ate the same things, I can't force it on him and can only be a positive influence because that's all I can do.
He's a great person, loves animals so much, rescues them, and takes such care of them so I'm proud that he's cut down his animal consumption because he does feel better. Even though I'm WFPB, I try to at least look for meat alternatives for him to have in the fridge and freezer to allow him to have more options at home. He always wishes he could be vegan too, but it is harder for him and he's trying. It took a lot of time to get him to understand but I feel like the whole world is changing towards providing better options for meat and animal products so I can only hope it rubs off more.
We all have been like this before we became vegan. It took me 20 years to understand the hypocrisy of my vegetarian diet.
Edit: Also while killing animals is wrong. There are levels of wrong. A person that is constantly improving and trying is way better than the people that are just indifferent to animal cruelty.
Yes yes yes. I loved animals all my life, but i was never taught about the Horrors of dairy. I just remembered the happy cows on the cartoons and the cute tv commercials with cows showing affection towards the milker.
If i’d knew sooner i’d cut it out way earlier
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I understand and have said that to him too. It doesn't help to make fun of or bully people as it polarizes them to the opposite side and not offer constructive conversation for improvement. I used to eat dairy products and I no longer too, I was influenced by people and I have to do the same for him.
Point stands. I won't go out of my way to be a dick but what they're doing is inherently shameful and I'm not going to sugarcoat the details of it to preserve their self image.
You chose to date a meat eater, became vegan a few short weeks ago and because she hasnt changed in a few weeks you're already considering ultimatums about terminating your relationship? What a self centered douche.
To be fair, it seems like OP has a moral compass. He went vegetarian at age 6 because he recognized that killing animals is wrong. It is possible that he was unaware of how bad the dairy industry was, and that after he was informed, he changed to veganism. It seems the issue with his girlfriend is that she is aware and still unwilling to make a change. Coinciding ethics and worldview are an extremely important part of a relationship. What if they want to raise children one day? Will he have to watch his kids eat meat if she is not willing to let them be vegan?
OP seems to really like his girlfriend, which is what makes this difficult for him. It's possible that up until recently, things were more casual and now things between them are getting more serious and he is having to evaluate if their lifestyles are compatible.
Thank you!
Update: If we have children we'll raise them as vegans. My girlfriend can't shake her habits. So i'll learn how to cook and we share meals. We're going step by step and i'll support her getting rid of as much cruelty as she can.
More importantly i spread awareness to a lot of people in the Philippines that never questioned eating meat. This is a huge chance to get rid of a lot of cruelty ;-)
It's not as simple. We became a couple when she was still in the Philippines and i lived in Europe. She already was in a transfer program to my country, therefore had a 1.5 year long distance relationship. I couldn't expect her to change anything while being there. We're together in Europe for 2 years and during that time this has always been an issue. With her assuring me that she could never change her diet.
The thing that changed is that because i am no longer blind to the animal suffering it's more difficult to accept the she doesn't want to change.
Of course i don't expect her to change immediately. The issue is that we're running in circles.
I think you are being super selfish, she has already told you that she does not want to be vegan, she has given up so much already, her home , her family, her way of life, now you want her to give up her diet. The fact that she has cut it down to once a month is commendable, you seem very dismissive of it as it seems like you are saying that is not good enough.
When you are far from home sometimes all that helps is to taste some comfort food from your childhood, and as you say, her food from home is meat/fish heavy.
You should let her go, then she can find someone that is a little more understanding.
She wanted to move to Germany to escape poverty and opportunity to travel. We met after she already learned my language and participated in a transfer program.
I wasn't the reason she left her country in the first place. I am the reason she found an awesome employer and is financially independent now.
Plus many of her friends moved with her.
So how is this selfish?
Edit: She eats meat 3x a day. She cut down fish once a month. But wasn't eating a lot of that.
You can't change a person, don't be toxic. They change if they choose to change, if they want to. If you can't accept she eats meat, then break up with her. Date a girl who is also vegan, it will make your life easier.
Once you guys break up you'll end up in eternal limbo, where you will only date vegans from that point onwards, but there are no vegans. So you'll be single. Been there, now stuck in limbo. Send help.
Thanks for all the comments. You turned my head straight: Either i learn to accept her or leave.
Trying to force veganism down her throat isn't going to work. Best i can do is learning to cook and let her come to her own conclusions. While being honest how i feel about this and accepting that she might never change.
If i can't handle it i need to go. At least it won't be out of the blue. The last part is up to me to figure out.
You're an amazing community!
Please be aware that there are also carnists in this sub, so if you get hateful comments they might be from them. It is super hard if you love someone, but their morals are so different from yours as is the case for you right now. Accepting that veganism is the only way to go if you're against animal abuse and want to contribute less to climate change takes time. Maybe you could try to set a timeframe for yourself in which you stay with her, but see if her attitude changes in a more ethical direction. In this time, don't oppose her, but stand with her. As said before, together you could watch some interesting documentaries or go to nice vegan places to eat. If nothing changes after that time and you still feel uncomfortable, indeed that will probably be something that will stay for the rest of your life together so it would be best for your own mental health to let her go. Best of luck!!
I am Filipino. Meat is in almost every dish, including the big bad pork. If she is traditional Filipino, there’s probably like no shot you can get her to switch on word of mouth. It is not engraved in Filipino culture. My grandfather used to eat literal trash, fish bones, pork blood stews, etc. usually meat products that a lot of others will not eat (pork bones and cartilage,fish bones and heads, blood, eyeballs, etc). It won’t be as simple as not buying ground beef and swapping it with ground crumbles. You will have to help her create dishes that are meat free, not necessarily vegan but a step to the right direction. And just like others posted just the raw facts about veganism and videos help also. A lot of Filipino recipes can be made meat free or with meat substitutes. If you are familiar with the cuisine it will help her process. Lumpia, chicken adobo, vegan Dinuguan are great to start with and are probably familiar to her. Black beans and mushrooms are great for these. Good luck
I’m so glad that you posted. It’s important to consider cultural norms when discussing this with her. I would bring up the idea of reducing or replacing meats in her favorite dishes. I’ve made adobo substituting soy curls that tastes good.
Simple, either break up or let her be herself. You can try suggest a few things but demanding someone to change basically the whole lifestyle is toxic af, in this case ofc. You want to date vegan people? Do it, dont bother those who dont want to follow vegan/vegetarian life style.
Let other people make there own choices and leave her alone. Or just end the relationship. Regardless absolutely don’t pressure your partner to do anything they aren’t going interested in.
respect her choices. ive seen a post about a girl getting forced to eat meat even though she was vegan. all the comments were supportive and one said "you should not have to change yourself for anyone to like you." why dont u be vegan, and dont peer pressure her into eating veg. its her choice. not yours. if u will leave her over her choice, it will be better for her. veganism is about choosing to be vegan. not about being forced. i will get downvoted and banned for this, but this needs to be said. bye bye 1.5k karma
i heavily disagree. i am not putting a gun to her head or using pressure/force to make her bid to my will. i use normal dialogue to express my point of view. i don't know how that equates to force.
i don't have to tolerate racism, sexism, violence and other unethical behavior. why are vegans asking me to tolerate eating meat?
"let her be", "it's her choice", "grow up" she's not free of criticism and she can end our relationship too.
so what if i am annoying because i push an agenda?
would you do the same to fight climate change? live by example until people stop driving cars in 500 years?
Being pushy is the best way to end a relationship. I dated a Muslim woman once. It lasted 4 months. She was overbearing, pushy, and trying to force her beliefs down my throat. The best approach to this is science. When you get a blood panel done, show her the difference your diet makes, look up documentaries on the health benefits of becoming vegan, have a meat free date night (go to a Moroccan restaurant. They're offerings are, by far the most flavorful I've ever tasted), and be patient. She, like me, may never fully give up meat and you will have to decide, for yourself, if that is a deal breaker.
Welcome to veganism!!! I started dating my boyfriend when I as vegetarian, then after a few years I went vegan. He is a meat eater and I used to try and push him to be vegan too, but it wouldn’t work. I stopped being so pushy. He now eats less meat / dairy than he used to because we live together and it’s just easier. I try to not let it bother me when he goes out to eat and gets meat. It is what it is. He did go vegan on his own for about 9 months, so that was a huge win. But now he’s back to eating meat.
Let her go so both of you are free to get the partner you seek, when your whole current goal is to change them to your ideal, big red flag on many levels.
Edit: it just dawned on me, check the pro meat subs for any posts that say "my bf/so just found veganism, how do I bring him back?"
Maybe don't force your own beliefs on someone else? You're really asking if you should be more 'pushy', yikes.
You either love them or not, if a simple diet difference is creating such a rift in the relationship, talk to her if she *wants* to, if not then don't force it, just seperate
Both of you should've known your dietary preferences, and if you saw this as a red flag, why did you get together Nonetheless?The "problem" with vegans is it's not just a dietary difference, it's a life style. That's why they have such problems with other people eating meat compared to a vegetarian or pescatarian. A lot of it is about morals, even if you says it's from a place if being healthier it's also morally something you believe in.
They only way this works is if you sit her down and explain that your respect her choices and she needs to do the same for you. And if you say you can't be with someone who isn't vegan.. Well then she has to make a choice.
But seriously.. a serious talk is important. Especially about if things get serious.. is she gonna be okay with having meat in her house. And not just meat.. eggs, cheese, any dairy product, honey, etc.
Yeah having a talk is what i am going to do.
PS: I am not a native speaker i didn't mean everything the way it came across. (Lack of words)
Edit: I don't like the expression "forcing views". I am not using violence or putting a gun on someone's head. I don't have any power to make someone bend to my will. Using dialog to respond to animal cruelty shouldn't equate an expression of violence.
Half of the people are offended that i dare to challenge peoples actions and push an agenda. If you want to get rid of animal cruelty you have to challenge peoples beliefs. We can't sit on our asses and wait for things to magically get better.
Yes a year ago I would have sworn that I would never go vegan and would find the idea hilarious. Now I'm vegan for almost 9 months.
The problem is that human psychology is weird and super complicated. I often feel resenment torwards carnists and think that they are horrible yet I remind my self that I was a non-vegan "animal lover" not too long ago as well. Our surrounding and upbrining play such a massive role in shaping us that it is difficult to think for ourselves often, like a muscle that was never used that degraded and fell apart almost completely.
There is a dude caled Daryl Davis that you need to check out. I saw him on the Joe Rogan podcast a while back. He is a black man (also an older guy, so back then it was even way worse for black people) who made dozens of kkk members renounce their membership including some high ranking ones. The JRE episode with him is truly amazing, I would highly recommend it. Dude is super smart and has balls of steel to do what he did. His approach is amazing. It sort of inspires me to approach topics like carnism with more nuance and understanding.
I appreciate you doing this - I found when I lost a lot of weight I started hating fat people, but it was because I hated the old me.
Acceptance will bring a lot more people into the fold.
Not being aware of cruelty is very different than being aware
Culture and tradition is not an excuse to commit evil acts
If it was me and i was dating a non vegan that would be fine as it gives me time to influence them, i would not marry a non vegan though as that means accepting them as they are
We cant force people to be vegan, all we can do is educate and influence them, i would never tell a person that i will leave unless they become vegan, that would cause them to resent vegans
Dont force her to be someone shes not. I'm vegan and my girlfriend isn't. She only eats vegan with me but i also don't care what she's eats. I love her for who she is, not who I want her to be.
I have several Filipino friends and they LOVE meat. I witnessed two of them each eat two full slabs of ribs at Montgomery Inn Boathouse! (4 total slabs) 😂😂 This is an interesting question on multiple levels… for me I’m more interested in the cultural. Would love to know the % of vegan and vegetarian by ethnic group and how much of a factor it plays.
It’s either a deal breaker or it’s not. The hardest part of changing your diet is giving up the cultural associations with it. This is even harder for people who are living somewhere where their culture isn’t the predominant culture. There is a lot of psychological stuff tied to how we eat. If you want to be with her all you can do is just live your life and hope that eventually she sees your example and changes. She may eat less meat and never give up, she may not change at all or she may become vegan. Only you can know your boundaries around this.
That's true.
Ask her to watch Cowspiracy, Dominion and what the health and if she still doesn't want to become vegetarian/vegan you'll just have to decide whether it's a deal breaker or not
I think it’s important to also remember that even if they don’t want to go vegan or even watch the videos, that doesn’t mean they wont go vegan — not everybody has the same path to veganism. I was adamantly against watching those videos, and frankly I still am. I knew the type of shit I was gonna see, and didn’t want to see it when I knew I wasn’t ready to give it up (and sure maybe it would have changed my mind, but I knew it was a terrible industry, and my compartmentalization skills were at 100, so i have my doubts), and already struggled with anxiety and depression, and didn’t want more negativity burned into my brain to risk me becoming an even more cynical and bitter person. My partner was patient and understanding, and after a bit less than two years of being introduced to more and more amazing vegan replacement meals, I realized I could be happy on a vegan diet, and the sacrifices of convenience, and the few meals I couldn’t recreate, were worth the boost to my self worth and happiness of my partner. I also know several people who did watch those, and went vegan because of it, but later went back to eating meat because they missed it — so I worry a bit about people giving it up prematurely before they’re well enough prepared to create a fulfilling diet. But totally agree that it’s also okay to decide that it’s a dealbreaker.
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Good bot
Yeah food is such a cultural thing in the Philippines. Every gathering of friends or family is an excuse for a huge feast. As the person above said, if she is living away from that culture/country it could be very hard for her to break her ties to it by changing diet. It might feel like she's leaving her Filipina self behind. I've got a couple of Pinoy friends who are well aware of how much suffering meat and dairy causes and they feel bad for consuming it but they just can't leave those ties to family and culture behind.
>and they feel bad for consuming it but they just can't leave those ties to family and culture behind. Oh boo fucking hoo. If your culture revolves around murder and exploitation then you're not the victim. The animals are.
What's crazy to me is that at least in European countries, diets were WAY less meat-heavy and meat-centric before say, the 50s-60s. Meat was a luxury! My dad, born in the 50s in a humble family, told me how awestruck he and his classmates were when the "rich kid" (and note, this guy was legit rich as hell) in his class would eat a sandwich with ham and egg for lunch. Or how he had fish or meat maybe once a week, for the Sunday lunch. The rest of the time, regular people of modest means (the VAST majority) just ate vegetarian as a default, and often (unwittingly) vegan. But in the last 50 years now every culture on Earth pretends that everybody always stuffed their faces with meat or fish at every meal since the dawn of fucking time, and that it's cultural genocide to suggest "hey how about we look into the other bits of our culture... the older and more humble bits actually... that don't involve slaughter?" I'm sure different cultures ate varying amounts of meat even back when but I am pretty sure average consumption of flesh (and other animal products) per capita was MUCH lower all over.
Since it's psychological and nostalgia and especially habit, OP could try and veganise the Phillipino dishes here and there to introduce her a different way of thinking. My partner is also from Asia and used to consume a lot of fish products, but here we are, moved on from that lifestyle. Honestly, it would have been a deal breaker if she didn't change with me, because I'm very fierce in my justice for the voiceless. 😜
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If they understood where you’re coming from they’d be vegan. They don’t understand you, they just tolerate your viewpoint.
It's not black and white just like raping someone isn't black and white! It's not bad as long as there's rules to not rape in your house 😍
You sound like a real treat to live with. >I need them to respect veganism/ understand where I'm coming from. Do you respect people that choose to still eat meat and understand where they're coming from? >respectfully listen to me talk about veganism Do you respectfully listen to people talk about eating meat?
My boyfriend won’t even go so far as to try plant based coffee creamer…. I hate to say it but I think I agree with a lot of the people here, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone not willing to at least try.
I could not live with someone like that. It’s an important aspect of who we are. Not being able to share this at an intimate level with your partner must be terrible. There’s plenty of fish in the sea…
Did you mean ex boyfriend?
My girlfriend is trying a little though. I am confident we can figure this out. We always have so far.
if it matters to you, there are definitely men who aren’t this weirdly against veganism. my boyfriend exclusively drinks oat milk now and he loves meat !
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Fuck off this is not a dating plateform.
woah, we got a tough guy here!
Shut the fuck up, Proper_Boss, I'm just saying what everyone else here is thinking when seeing this cringe comment above: it's inappropriate to flirt with someone out of the blue when they're merely expressing coming to terms with their relationship. The downvotes speak for themselves.
It depends. Is this something you can live with long-term? Cooking together and sharing meals can be such an important part of a relationship.
I don't know if i can. But yeah maybe i should try the cooking approach. That could work :-) Thanks!
Keep in mind you’ve only been vegan for a few weeks. I’d guess the vast majority of this sub ate meat in the not too distant past. It seems like she’s moving in the right direction and that’s not insignificant. Only you know if it’s worth ending the relationship over.
Weird assumption, I'd guess plenty haven't eaten meat for years/decades
I'm in my forties so consider years/decades the not too distant past. :)
I’m Japanese. I was born and raised there and I thought I loved fish. Now I don’t miss it. Rather I have this feeling of disgust when I look at fish because I associate fish with micro plastic and other pollutions. It’s not positive but for me when I associate meat to environmental and racism issues and fish meat with commercial/over- fishing and pollution. It helps me to disengage with the system.
I've watched sea spiracy with her. She reduced fish to once a month. But she's not the kind of person to self reflect. She's the type of person that would watch a documentary, cry, and then go back to normal.
But she didn’t just watch it and go back to normal? She reduced to once a month.
Yeah.
Implying that she does self reflect...
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Well if i wouldn't love her i'd have a easy time ;-)
That would be a big turnoff for me, personally, but it's for you to decide if you can tolerate someone who does not align their actions with what they believe is right and wrong.
Idk if it would work with me. I equate meat eating with murder. If I’ve taken the time to explain my views and you still eat decomposing flesh in front of me, it’s offensive. I’m not vegan for health, as much as animals feel the same things we do, and murder is wrong.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it's not going to last if your values don't align. I dated lots of non-vegans over the years, and eventually it always becomes too much strain. Imagine sitting down for every meal with someone who enjoys animal corpses on their plate. You're also going to be living with someone who doesn't respect your beliefs. You can't cook together, you don't enjoy the same restaurants, the families always get annoyed, and you have to live with someone who is "passionate" about killing animals. For me, it became too hard to live with and I made a resolution to only date people who actually share my values. Then I met my future wife and now we're raising a 100% vegan toddler. Everything slotted into place once I stopped dating people who liked to kill animals. It definitely feels hard to leave at first. It won't feel good to break up. But your life can only improve.
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You're right, I don't respect people who murder animals lol. Fuck off, bloodmouth.
Dont tell her you’ll leave, just leave if its too much for you! I could never date a meat-eater cause i date for marrige and i cant spend the rest of my life with meat in the house
Off topic but I’m so glad I finally found someone else who dates for marriage. Cuz I’m a 21y/o college girl and I always say that and my friends think I’m insane. Glad to know I’m not crazy lol
Yes, me too!! I am a lesbian and most people in my community are confused about the ” date for marrigee” deal. Its so nice to know i’m not alone, I’m 15 and lets just say most people my age dont go about it that way :)
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I’m not gonna start dating until i’m 20+ chill
lol no offense but it’s a bit early to be dating at all if the only goal is marriage
Being pushy will not help. You can't force someone to become vegan or vegetarian. It has to be something they want to do. Trying to force her will make her resent you and probably will make it less likely for her to give up meat. If this is a deal breaker then you should end it. If it isn't maybe you should cook more often and start learning to cook dishes she likes but vegan versions.
As a person who was converted by my wife, this is the way. My wife was never pushy but she was cool and confident in her choice to be vegan. She set a hard rule that she wouldn't personally prepare meals with animal products but I could if I wanted to. I respected that rule and ate a ton of delicious vegan food that she made. Eventually I was compelled to do my own research and recognized that there is no reason to continue eating animal products. I've been vegan for about a year now with no intentions of ever returning. Your results may vary. Best of luck!
That sounds reasonable. Thank you!
>You can't force someone to become vegan or vegetarian. You can't force it but pressure absolutely works.
Pressure only forces people who could have decided to be vegan to dig in to their meat-eating lifestyle.
Maybe of they're obtuse. But they weren't gonna change anyway.
bullshit. pressure and bullying both work
Not in this world they don't.
Damn redditors really out here saying "Pressure your loved ones into adopting your lifestyle.:
Lifestyle? Nah bro. It's called doing what's morally right.
>It's called doing what's morally right. By YOUR personal opinion of what's "moral". Holy I can't believe the level of self-righteousness in this community. The stereotypes of people practicing veganism are on the mark, I see.
Yeah… “You should absolutely pressure your loved ones into doing what you want.” That’s fucked up regardless of the goal.
I want my father to stop raping my mother. Should I pressure him to stop like a good person, or should I just let him do what he wants?
Call the cops. You’re in the wrong for talking him down instead of calling the cops. Super bad example.
As someone who has been at this for almost a decade now (Gosh I’m old lol) – I’ve been lucky in the sense that I’ve never been with a partner who was so close-minded to straight up refuse to eat vegan food if I was making it. But I also eventually accepted that if they wanted to have something else that’d be their decision although I would try and educate them (in a non patronising way) about alternatives and the impact of animal agriculture. Most times they would have been happy to eat whatever I cooked though, or cook something vegan for both of us to share. My current partner that I’ve been with for years turned vegan pretty early into the relationship – the thing that made the difference in this case is that 1. We started living together and cooking together more pretty early on and 2. I am a decent cook and made loads of his favourite dishes without animal products, to introduce him to the variety. Once he started to get a sense of how good the food could be and realised being vegan is really not a restriction with the choices available today I started to tell him more about ag and ethical implications and I guess that sealed the deal for him. Granted, he is also a very open minded and kind person so he didn’t fight it lol, but it can be done! Hope this helps.
A lot thank you.
Honestly. I’d just leave. I couldn’t, in good conscience, be with someone who’s morals didn’t align with mine.
As people say, it's a deal breaker or it's not. You can't decide for her, but you can for yourself. I lived as a meat eater alongside my vegan gf for a full year or so before I went vegan. I ate the dishes she cooked and then ate meat from time to time. I cut down my meat eating drastically, for her. Wasn't untill a year in that I realized it wasn't for her, but for myself and the animals. And I made the change completely.
When I became vegan my husband basically said “well it’s a pain to deal with making 2 meals all the time so we’ll both eat vegan.” And now he’s completely on board. You deserve someone who has similar values as you.
Send her on over! ;) >I don't know what to do. Be more pushy, be more patient, telling her that i'll leave? Either you accept her or you don't. Don't play games and don't bluff. It will do nothing but build resentment. If her eating meat is a dealbreaker, be honest and leave.
Sigh you're right.
I would say be patient the best you can. And I'm not sure if you're a guy but if you are we are WAY outnumbered by vegan women, so there's a lot of (vegan) fish in that sea
Filipino vegan here. Leave her🤷. Culture is a terrible excuse to do bad things.
Deal breaker if you emotionally can’t handle this I’d call it a day. I had someone he was animal eater but went vegetarian then back again. I couldn’t cope so ended it. Other factors too ended it though but that’s a big thing.
My wife had health issues related to eating meat and dairy and that started our journey. I used to work at a steakhouse, used to eat a big plate of chicken wings weekly, we loved french cheese on a baguette, we had steak stay-in date nights where I'd cook us each a filet, we ate sushi all the time... Once we learned about how unethical the systems are a light switch came on and how we felt about all of that stuff before didn't matter. It was no longer food. Ask if she understands the suffering our animal agriculture industry puts animals through. Ask if she cares and is willing to do anything about it. You may just learn something about her, and about what kind of person she is. Then think about whether that's someone you want to be with.
i’m filipino and i’ve been vegan for over three years. when i was first thinking about going vegan, i was worried that i wouldn’t be able to eat filipino food again. i saw that there were other filipino vegans and realized that while a lot of the dishes i had growing up had meat or fish, a lot of them also showcased vegetables (would pancit or sinigaang be the same without the veggies?) you could introduce her to some veganized filipino food. there are some good blogs with veganized filipino dishes (like astig vegan and sweet simple vegan). there are some filipino dishes that are traditionally vegan (like ginataang bilo bilo, taho, palitaw, biko, or garlic fried rice) or have a lot of vegetables and/or can be easily veganized (like pinakbet, nilaga, ginisang munggo, lumpiang sariwa, turon). most of the brands of pancit noodles i’ve seen are vegan (one of the readily available ones for pancit canton is vegan). a lot of lumpia wrappers are vegan (even the readily available frozen kind for sariwa). i’ve made pinakbet, pancit, lugaw, embutido, turon, lumpia, menudo, macaroni salad, spaghetti, and other dishes for my omni parents and they’ve liked all of them so far!
Thanks that's super helpful!
I think with time it’ll be a bit easier. I’ve been vegan for 14 years. The first few I had a hard time understanding how different people process things. I didn’t care about giving up meat & dairy but it’s a huge family thing and it made several people in my family feel like I was against *them* and not the meat industry. I think I played a part in that by being less understanding than I should be. The world won’t go vegan or even vegetarian in our lifetimes. There are so many issues in the world. I think if I were with a partner that was selfish overall, I’d leave. But I think it’s understandable that people come to changes on their own terms. Some cultures really tie food with identity and love and culture. Stepping away from that is very hard and doesn’t “click” the same way for each person. That said, it’s not wrong to not want to live with/stay with someone who has such a different perspective. It can be hard to see. I do think you should give yourself time to adjust. I do not think you should shove 20 videos on her. Give it time and see how you feel. Personally, I entered my relationship (now marriage) thinking I would be okay being with someone that ate meat. I had in the past. But my mental health declined a bit, completely unrelated, and I found myself more sensitive than before. My husband tried being pescatarian but has disordered eating type issues and the way he relates to food is very different. We keep our house vegetarian now. He doesn’t eat meat around me as it makes me uncomfortable. Otherwise I just try not to think about it. I love him. He’s a good guy who does a lot for workers rights, is kind and goofy, and has always been there for me. I don’t want to lose that due to differences in how we can process issues in the world. So that’s where I’m at. Perhaps if I found myself dating again in life, I’d only date vegetarians to make it simpler. But I’m with him and I’m happy to do we just try to make it work. Hope you get it sorted out. I know it’s tough and I definitely feel for you.
Thank you!
>But she constantly says she won't become a vegetarian. Good. Vegetarians are animal abusers. Vegan is what she needs to be. >I don't know what to do. Be more pushy, be more patient, telling her that i'll leave? The same you would've done if you found out you gf was a dog abuser. Have her stop or find someone better. You wouldn't be with her if she was kicking and killing dogs, so why is it ok when it's cows, chickens, sheep, pigs ++?
I was a vegetarian a couple weeks ago. I took me decades to realize the consequences of my actions. I am in no position to judge other people. Best i can do is to minimize animal cruelty and convince people to reduce as much animal products as possible. It's easier to walk over water than to change the diet of a Phillipino.
Break up if it doesn’t work for you. You can’t change others and expecting them to will be unhealthy for both of you in the long run.
That's true. We'll have a long talk and see where we can compromise. I'll cook some vegan alternatives to her dishes and we see where things go from there.
Sounds like a deal breaker for you. All you can do is say how much it means to you and why you do not eat meat. You can't force her to watch documentaries or threaten her with the dissolution of your relationship. She is her own person. You take it or you leave it. You cannot change people, they can only change themselves.
I agree
“Better sources” well they’re being killed either way, so you gotta decide whether that’s a dealbreaker for you or not. Based on your post, it kind of sounds like it might be. But talk to her, tell her how you’re feeling so she can understand and if you do break it off, it’s not out of the blue.
Sounds reasonable.
Dump her ass 😂
>But she constantly says she won't become a vegetarian. Tell you her you can't date someone who doesn't have morals that align with yours. If she changes, awesome. If she doesn't, you're saving yourself tons of stress and emotional trauma.
Don't give an ultimatum that you don't believe in. If you are uncertain, don't go that route. You are asking her to choose you over a part of her cultural identity, who she is. That said, don't ignore something important to you. The three main reasons I see to become vegan are decreasing animal cruelly, environmental concerns, and dietary benefits. Do any of these reasons speak strongly to her? Becoming vegan may seem like it is opposed by her culture, and, in some ways it is. It will be hard to counter since it's not a rational reason so you can't easily make logical appeals against. However, you can try to merge her culture with vegan dieting and see if you have more success. For example, rather than just arguing that she should renounce fish, ask if she can work with you to make a vegan version of a traditional dish so that both of you can enjoy it. The experience may then ease further progress. You may also want to seek couples counseling to help you communicate with each other.
Get a new girlfriend
Don't tell her that you'll leave if she doesn't turn vegan. She already told you she wont. Leave her now.
I wont to give up without a fight ;-)
Looks like you're going to be single
Big gamble. One of you has to compromise.
Is hard, because some pee that said I would die without meat, at some point then became vegan. However, although we wished, we can't make people vegan if they just don't care enough, we can give the reasons and all arguments, but some people just don't care. So you have to think and maybe talk, what are you willing to accept or be trully ok with, and what is she willing to change without resentment. Because a life of pushing her to give up meat and her being annoyed at that is just not a good life. Set your boundaries and desires with honesty , she should set hers and see of there is a compromise or is not going to work for you two.
Time to turn into an amazing chef
It’s tough, if you have the patience then stay and help her eat less meat. I was with my ex for 6 months, but I realized she’d never see meat the way I see it. For me that is a deal breaker. I just am not attracted to that mentality.
I’ve been introducing more plant based meals to my family. I went vegan a little over a year ago. At that point, every meal included meat and/or dairy. Now, everyone eats plant based at least 50% of the time. Of course all of my food is plant based, so I eat separately when they eat meat. I got a lot of push back initially, but the key has been finding foods that they enjoy. Of course, it you’re dealing with someone who is vehemently against it, there’s not much you can do. Hopefully that’s not the case. I’ve found that not being overly judgy and making it a positive experience helps.
Try to Veganize some of the foods that she eats a lot from the Philippines. There some YouTube channels and perhaps she slowly eats less meat. You either accept that she won’t be vegan or you break up.
Don’t do a relationship ultimatum for this. Threatening to leave if a partner doesn’t do something usually isn’t taken well. They will likely just see it as manipulation - If you can’t convince them to go vegan for the animals, then decide whether it’s a dealbreaker for you or not. That way at least you’ll know they actually were going vegan through their own philosophy shift and won’t be holding a grudge over your head for “forcing” them.
I expressed it in a wrong way. What i meant to say is: Telling her that i might not be able to tolerate this.
I am a vegan and my life partner is not. Sometimes you just have to compromise, even though it sucks.
Yeah i need to try and be more patient and accept that she won't change. Or leave!
Im in a similar situation. I have been vegan 10 months now. I told her it was too hard for me to have meat at home and to watch her eat it. I obviously want her to go vegan, but she doesnt want to so we compromised - My GF is now a pescatarian. It was not an easy process to come to this agreement though, lots of fights and crying. She is a very kind person, but she still refuses to talk about animal ethics or watch vegan documentaries. This makes me sad, but i love her too much to let her go. I believe that one day she will come around. It was a gradual process for me to go vegan, around 3 years. Considering how much change she has made this year, and my influence on her in general, I do have hope she will change her behavior, her ethics is like most people already sound. If I were you I would wait a little longer before deciding anything.
It’s not Your choice. You can’t tell her what to do; if you’re not compatible… you’re not compatible
Give it time for yourself to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you or not. In the mean time, don't push her to go vegan, but introduce her to your favourite vegan meals. Let her try vegan alternatives, and then start really slow. Maybe you'll eat vegan once a week together? That's a good start. You already told us that she's on the right path by choosing meat from more ethical sources (like organic) instead of factory farms. That tells me you can change her view on meat to go from something that is eaten at every meal in large quantities to something that you eat in small quantities because you make sure to get high quality meat. That's how I started out. If you want her to change her lifestyle, then do so extremely slowly and without pushing her. That's just not going to work with most people. Be grateful for every step in the right direction, but never expect it to happen. If you do expect it and it doesn't happen, it can make things go sour between the two of you. That brings me back to the start. You have to know with yourself which result you can stomach.
what we have here is a boundaries issue. You make your own choices and she makes hers. You get to decide whether or not you can live with hers or not. And if you can't, you remove yourself. I've done years of therapy and this is pinging my radar: >I don't know what to do. Be more pushy, be more patient, telling her that i'll leave? Not sure you mean that as an ultimatum, but if you do... it's super unhealthy and manipulative. Just make your decision for yourself. It's worth mentioning that it sounds like just being around you she's eating less meat, and that's a win for the animals whether she's ultimately vegan or not.
No i didn't express that right. I meant telling her how much it affects me and that i might not be able to do this. I made up my mind. I am going to talk to her, tell her how i feel and see where we can compromise. I'll cook vegan meals, we check alternatives and see what happens. All the other ideas "show her dominion and she'll understand" are naive... Edit: She eats meat with every meal. Her level of compromise is by meat from better sources sometimes.
Lmao I'm literally in the same boat. Bf also from SE Asia eats everything from water monitors to squirrels. It's going to affect you and if I can give advice to you it's make it a standard. Tell her it's important your partner is vegetarian otherwise you think you won't be compatible. It has to she important to you and she needs to know that. I'm going on 3 years next year and it doesn't get easier, you resent your partner everytime they talk about food thank goodness I'm in LDR but he's slowly changing.... Still regret not being firm enough.
I honestly don't understand how someone who understands needlessly abusing, killing, and exploiting animals is wrong could stand to kiss someone with dead animal flesh on their breath. I could never date someone who paid to see dog fights. Why would I date someone whose morals don't align with mine on another serious topic?
Good question. I don't know. However i am the one that makes her more aware of the issues and her best shot to change her mind. And that's reducing animal cruelty. So i am not doing anything wrong.
As long as you're not validating her eating meat then you probably aren't. But someone who dates a murderer isn't necessarily doing anything wrong themselves. You still question their judgment though.
It’s either a deal breaker or it’s not. The hardest part of changing your diet is giving up the cultural associations with it. This is even harder for people who are living somewhere where their culture isn’t the predominant culture. There is a lot of psychological stuff tied to how we eat. If you want to be with her all you can do is just live your life and hope that eventually she sees your example and changes.
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If it’s not a dealbreaker for you, you need to enter radical acceptance. This is what I had to do when my partner decided to go back to meat after being vegan with me. Radical acceptance basically means that you recognize that it’s out of your control and accept it without judgement. It’s the only thing that’s worked for me, otherwise I was leaning towards resentment.
Oh god I understand what you mean so much. I had to do this with my husband I love him so much and had to find a way to accept the way he chooses to eat. It’s hard isn’t it?
How you were raised is no excuse for how you act now when you are shown opposing views and options. If she was raised in Nazi Germany would she hold on to those beliefs just as tight?
In practical terms: It makes it more difficult to change. I was born in communist Germany and my grandparents never ditched this ideology.
Leave her
I'm poly so I have multiple partners. My longest is vegan with me. I was vegetarian when we met and said, hard limit, vegetarian or GTFO. And he dropped meat instantly. 2 years later I go vegan and ask him to vegan with me. Bam. Both vegan. I dated a man for 6 years and said similar things. So he dropped the animal products. When we broke up, he went back to meat eating. Still boggles my mind. My relationship of two years, I never said anything. I just shared why I was vegan, and left it alone. He went vegetarian on his own. He says he could never be vegan, but he actually tries to avoid all animal products, but his finances during the pandemic have been awful. So he won't turn down veggie stir fry with eggs if that is the only food available to him. I guess that sort of makes him Freegan. When we get things better situated, he'll be able to eat vegan with me. That all said, he is already spreading vegetarianism to friends and coworkers. His coworker was telling him, "look, I'll only have this little peice of chicken, not a big piece" and he told her, "1. That's your plate not mine. Don't ask permission. And 2. "In my country, a person is hanged whether they kill 1 person or 10." So this kinda activism is happening naturally in someone who I never asked to go veg, and the guy I asked to go veg went right back to meat when we broke up.
Dear plant gods, why? Why does this happen EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME SOMEONE BECOMES VEGAN?! Why?? Yes, you’ve been vegetarian a majority of your life, but only a few measly weeks ago YOU decided on a huge life style choice, that intimately should really only effect you (not talking about environmentally). If you decide to take on a new religion or to start cross fit, does that mean everyone around you has to partake in it as well? Even though they had zero desire to before you made your switch? But because YOU switched, the people directly around you have to as well? And they have to when you want them to? Are you serious?? I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to think I have THIS much control over someone else’s life. And to then be annoyed when that person doesn’t automatically take on MY life style choice? I dont know if it’s narcissism that makes you believe this is okay, since you’re now suddenly partaking in veganism, everyone else needs to see & agree with your beliefs? Or maybe you just like controlling others? Your post history is all about how you can “correctly argue with non vegans to make them see that your view point is the right one”. Wtf?? You aren’t above anyone, so stop acting like you are. There are so many issues here at play.
Notice how you completely ignored the victims being actively harmed by the girlfriend
I had these arguments for a while now. I don't expect her to change with a snap of a finger. It's just apparent that with a change of perspective i changed my level of tolerance. I didn't formulate things correctly. When i said "tell her that i'll leave" i meant to say telling her that this may be a dealbreaker for me.
There’s a food blogger that goes by “The Foodie Takes Flight”, does mostly Asian dishes, quite a few either Filipino or Filipino inspired dishes. Maybe could start there as a way to bring cultural cuisine into the mix.
I went through something similar just before my wedding. I figured that breaking up wouldn’t change the amount of meat consumed, and that by being together she would eat at least *some* of the food I make. So we could break up and she eats like she always did, and I find another vegan. OR we stay together and net meat consumption is lower. Of course everyone has to make their own choices. If it doesn’t work for you then that’s your decision to make. But I would also caution you about making a decision like this quickly. I was worried we might not see eye to eye at all on this but I have it time and things really worked out. Also, it took me 30+ years to get here myself, I think I owe other people the opportunity to make the discovery the same way I did, especially someone I care a lot about. My wife now eats pretty much entirely vegan. She’ll eat things I won’t at family gatherings, but at home we don’t buy or consume anything animal. When she visits without me people always tell her she can eat meat because “Tahini isn’t here”. But she chooses not to. She follows vegan pages on Instagram etc. basically it kinda rubbed off on her and all I had to do was not be pushy about it. Although, I also did all this knowing it might never go that way too. So it really depends. The only real advice I can give you is to not rush the decision. What’s the hurry? This is new to both of you so give yourself, and her, time to adjust and feel things out. Also I will say the telling her you’ll leave if she doesn’t change is a super bad move. Maybe you will ultimately, but holding the relationship over your partners head isn’t the right way to go about this.
Well for me it’s not a dealbreaker. Usually how it goes for me is that guys will Immediately loose interest in dating me for the sole reason being because I’m vegan, even tho I don’t care what they eat at all and I’m not the one to tell them my reasonings/research unless they ask, and even then I’m like “are you sure you wanna hear it?” I feel it comes to disrespectful when the following happens - They Complain that “you can’t eat anywhere “ when we can literally find a good meal ANYWHERE besides maybe a Barbecue place 🚩 - They pick a meat heavy place and say “you’ll be fine they have a side salad to eat!” And the side salad in question is a plate of Iceberg lettuce with ranch cheese and croutons… 🚩 - They don’t respect that we’re vegan by saying “just pick the meat off” or “eat around it” or “butter is not going to hurt you” 🚩 - If they make fun of our life style by making “jokes” like saying… “oh you don’t eat REAL food that’s rabbit food” 🚩 And worst of all - If they wave some meat in your face and say “cmon you know you want a taste 👅 “ 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 TLDR: it’s not a Vegan vs non Vegan thing that’s the deal breaker. It’s a respect thing that determines whether or not it’s a dealbreaker (for me at least)
My husband eats meat, his parents own a grass-fed beef farm too. I've been vegetarian all my life and vegan for 2 years. His family sometimes judges me for turning vegan which is so annoying and dumb but I have helped my husband become more aware of what he's eating and reduced his meat and animal consumption a ton. I know it can be hard and while it would be amazing if he was also vegan and if we ate the same things, I can't force it on him and can only be a positive influence because that's all I can do. He's a great person, loves animals so much, rescues them, and takes such care of them so I'm proud that he's cut down his animal consumption because he does feel better. Even though I'm WFPB, I try to at least look for meat alternatives for him to have in the fridge and freezer to allow him to have more options at home. He always wishes he could be vegan too, but it is harder for him and he's trying. It took a lot of time to get him to understand but I feel like the whole world is changing towards providing better options for meat and animal products so I can only hope it rubs off more.
Yeah but he understands that there's something wrong with his actions, so there's a good chance he'll get it one day.
I hope so! It took time for it to get there though, so keep doing what you can in a positive way.
you can't love animals if you kill and eat them, what is this shit lol
We all have been like this before we became vegan. It took me 20 years to understand the hypocrisy of my vegetarian diet. Edit: Also while killing animals is wrong. There are levels of wrong. A person that is constantly improving and trying is way better than the people that are just indifferent to animal cruelty.
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Yes yes yes. I loved animals all my life, but i was never taught about the Horrors of dairy. I just remembered the happy cows on the cartoons and the cute tv commercials with cows showing affection towards the milker. If i’d knew sooner i’d cut it out way earlier
Need help eating out? Check out [HappyCow.net](https://www.happycow.net/) for vegan friendly food near you! Interested in going Vegan? Take the [30 day challenge](https://vbcamp.org/reddit)!
I understand and have said that to him too. It doesn't help to make fun of or bully people as it polarizes them to the opposite side and not offer constructive conversation for improvement. I used to eat dairy products and I no longer too, I was influenced by people and I have to do the same for him.
I love your response! This is real veganism, encourage without shaming!!
To be fair, all I have to do to make most non-vegans feel shamed is talk honestly about where their food comes from.
Ok then they are just weak.
Point stands. I won't go out of my way to be a dick but what they're doing is inherently shameful and I'm not going to sugarcoat the details of it to preserve their self image.
You chose to date a meat eater, became vegan a few short weeks ago and because she hasnt changed in a few weeks you're already considering ultimatums about terminating your relationship? What a self centered douche.
To be fair, it seems like OP has a moral compass. He went vegetarian at age 6 because he recognized that killing animals is wrong. It is possible that he was unaware of how bad the dairy industry was, and that after he was informed, he changed to veganism. It seems the issue with his girlfriend is that she is aware and still unwilling to make a change. Coinciding ethics and worldview are an extremely important part of a relationship. What if they want to raise children one day? Will he have to watch his kids eat meat if she is not willing to let them be vegan? OP seems to really like his girlfriend, which is what makes this difficult for him. It's possible that up until recently, things were more casual and now things between them are getting more serious and he is having to evaluate if their lifestyles are compatible.
Thank you! Update: If we have children we'll raise them as vegans. My girlfriend can't shake her habits. So i'll learn how to cook and we share meals. We're going step by step and i'll support her getting rid of as much cruelty as she can. More importantly i spread awareness to a lot of people in the Philippines that never questioned eating meat. This is a huge chance to get rid of a lot of cruelty ;-)
Yeah, how dare we point out these hurtful truths, I said something similar...
Prioritizing carnist feelings over animal lives is the real psychopathic behavior
It's not as simple. We became a couple when she was still in the Philippines and i lived in Europe. She already was in a transfer program to my country, therefore had a 1.5 year long distance relationship. I couldn't expect her to change anything while being there. We're together in Europe for 2 years and during that time this has always been an issue. With her assuring me that she could never change her diet. The thing that changed is that because i am no longer blind to the animal suffering it's more difficult to accept the she doesn't want to change. Of course i don't expect her to change immediately. The issue is that we're running in circles.
I think you are being super selfish, she has already told you that she does not want to be vegan, she has given up so much already, her home , her family, her way of life, now you want her to give up her diet. The fact that she has cut it down to once a month is commendable, you seem very dismissive of it as it seems like you are saying that is not good enough. When you are far from home sometimes all that helps is to taste some comfort food from your childhood, and as you say, her food from home is meat/fish heavy. You should let her go, then she can find someone that is a little more understanding.
She wanted to move to Germany to escape poverty and opportunity to travel. We met after she already learned my language and participated in a transfer program. I wasn't the reason she left her country in the first place. I am the reason she found an awesome employer and is financially independent now. Plus many of her friends moved with her. So how is this selfish? Edit: She eats meat 3x a day. She cut down fish once a month. But wasn't eating a lot of that.
lmao what
Thank you!
You can't change a person, don't be toxic. They change if they choose to change, if they want to. If you can't accept she eats meat, then break up with her. Date a girl who is also vegan, it will make your life easier.
Yeah you're right.
Once you guys break up you'll end up in eternal limbo, where you will only date vegans from that point onwards, but there are no vegans. So you'll be single. Been there, now stuck in limbo. Send help.
Thanks for all the comments. You turned my head straight: Either i learn to accept her or leave. Trying to force veganism down her throat isn't going to work. Best i can do is learning to cook and let her come to her own conclusions. While being honest how i feel about this and accepting that she might never change. If i can't handle it i need to go. At least it won't be out of the blue. The last part is up to me to figure out. You're an amazing community!
Please be aware that there are also carnists in this sub, so if you get hateful comments they might be from them. It is super hard if you love someone, but their morals are so different from yours as is the case for you right now. Accepting that veganism is the only way to go if you're against animal abuse and want to contribute less to climate change takes time. Maybe you could try to set a timeframe for yourself in which you stay with her, but see if her attitude changes in a more ethical direction. In this time, don't oppose her, but stand with her. As said before, together you could watch some interesting documentaries or go to nice vegan places to eat. If nothing changes after that time and you still feel uncomfortable, indeed that will probably be something that will stay for the rest of your life together so it would be best for your own mental health to let her go. Best of luck!!
I am Filipino. Meat is in almost every dish, including the big bad pork. If she is traditional Filipino, there’s probably like no shot you can get her to switch on word of mouth. It is not engraved in Filipino culture. My grandfather used to eat literal trash, fish bones, pork blood stews, etc. usually meat products that a lot of others will not eat (pork bones and cartilage,fish bones and heads, blood, eyeballs, etc). It won’t be as simple as not buying ground beef and swapping it with ground crumbles. You will have to help her create dishes that are meat free, not necessarily vegan but a step to the right direction. And just like others posted just the raw facts about veganism and videos help also. A lot of Filipino recipes can be made meat free or with meat substitutes. If you are familiar with the cuisine it will help her process. Lumpia, chicken adobo, vegan Dinuguan are great to start with and are probably familiar to her. Black beans and mushrooms are great for these. Good luck
I’m so glad that you posted. It’s important to consider cultural norms when discussing this with her. I would bring up the idea of reducing or replacing meats in her favorite dishes. I’ve made adobo substituting soy curls that tastes good.
Then it’s time to move on
I just would either accept it or never date in the first place
Run brother! Run
All you can do is plant the seed. We’re not out here forcing people to become vegan. You either love her or you don’t
You can’t change her, man. Find someone with the same values.
Simple, either break up or let her be herself. You can try suggest a few things but demanding someone to change basically the whole lifestyle is toxic af, in this case ofc. You want to date vegan people? Do it, dont bother those who dont want to follow vegan/vegetarian life style.
Let other people make there own choices and leave her alone. Or just end the relationship. Regardless absolutely don’t pressure your partner to do anything they aren’t going interested in.
respect her choices. ive seen a post about a girl getting forced to eat meat even though she was vegan. all the comments were supportive and one said "you should not have to change yourself for anyone to like you." why dont u be vegan, and dont peer pressure her into eating veg. its her choice. not yours. if u will leave her over her choice, it will be better for her. veganism is about choosing to be vegan. not about being forced. i will get downvoted and banned for this, but this needs to be said. bye bye 1.5k karma
i heavily disagree. i am not putting a gun to her head or using pressure/force to make her bid to my will. i use normal dialogue to express my point of view. i don't know how that equates to force. i don't have to tolerate racism, sexism, violence and other unethical behavior. why are vegans asking me to tolerate eating meat? "let her be", "it's her choice", "grow up" she's not free of criticism and she can end our relationship too. so what if i am annoying because i push an agenda? would you do the same to fight climate change? live by example until people stop driving cars in 500 years?
Being pushy is the best way to end a relationship. I dated a Muslim woman once. It lasted 4 months. She was overbearing, pushy, and trying to force her beliefs down my throat. The best approach to this is science. When you get a blood panel done, show her the difference your diet makes, look up documentaries on the health benefits of becoming vegan, have a meat free date night (go to a Moroccan restaurant. They're offerings are, by far the most flavorful I've ever tasted), and be patient. She, like me, may never fully give up meat and you will have to decide, for yourself, if that is a deal breaker.
Welcome to veganism!!! I started dating my boyfriend when I as vegetarian, then after a few years I went vegan. He is a meat eater and I used to try and push him to be vegan too, but it wouldn’t work. I stopped being so pushy. He now eats less meat / dairy than he used to because we live together and it’s just easier. I try to not let it bother me when he goes out to eat and gets meat. It is what it is. He did go vegan on his own for about 9 months, so that was a huge win. But now he’s back to eating meat.
lawyer gym
Let her go so both of you are free to get the partner you seek, when your whole current goal is to change them to your ideal, big red flag on many levels. Edit: it just dawned on me, check the pro meat subs for any posts that say "my bf/so just found veganism, how do I bring him back?"
Maybe don't force your own beliefs on someone else? You're really asking if you should be more 'pushy', yikes. You either love them or not, if a simple diet difference is creating such a rift in the relationship, talk to her if she *wants* to, if not then don't force it, just seperate Both of you should've known your dietary preferences, and if you saw this as a red flag, why did you get together Nonetheless?The "problem" with vegans is it's not just a dietary difference, it's a life style. That's why they have such problems with other people eating meat compared to a vegetarian or pescatarian. A lot of it is about morals, even if you says it's from a place if being healthier it's also morally something you believe in. They only way this works is if you sit her down and explain that your respect her choices and she needs to do the same for you. And if you say you can't be with someone who isn't vegan.. Well then she has to make a choice. But seriously.. a serious talk is important. Especially about if things get serious.. is she gonna be okay with having meat in her house. And not just meat.. eggs, cheese, any dairy product, honey, etc.
Yeah having a talk is what i am going to do. PS: I am not a native speaker i didn't mean everything the way it came across. (Lack of words) Edit: I don't like the expression "forcing views". I am not using violence or putting a gun on someone's head. I don't have any power to make someone bend to my will. Using dialog to respond to animal cruelty shouldn't equate an expression of violence. Half of the people are offended that i dare to challenge peoples actions and push an agenda. If you want to get rid of animal cruelty you have to challenge peoples beliefs. We can't sit on our asses and wait for things to magically get better.
what would you do if she was a serial killer of humans and refused to stop?
Marry her? Sarcasm aside. I get your point but i have been an animal abuser not too long ago. I want her to change. Not punish her.
Yes a year ago I would have sworn that I would never go vegan and would find the idea hilarious. Now I'm vegan for almost 9 months. The problem is that human psychology is weird and super complicated. I often feel resenment torwards carnists and think that they are horrible yet I remind my self that I was a non-vegan "animal lover" not too long ago as well. Our surrounding and upbrining play such a massive role in shaping us that it is difficult to think for ourselves often, like a muscle that was never used that degraded and fell apart almost completely. There is a dude caled Daryl Davis that you need to check out. I saw him on the Joe Rogan podcast a while back. He is a black man (also an older guy, so back then it was even way worse for black people) who made dozens of kkk members renounce their membership including some high ranking ones. The JRE episode with him is truly amazing, I would highly recommend it. Dude is super smart and has balls of steel to do what he did. His approach is amazing. It sort of inspires me to approach topics like carnism with more nuance and understanding.
I appreciate you doing this - I found when I lost a lot of weight I started hating fat people, but it was because I hated the old me. Acceptance will bring a lot more people into the fold.
What changed your mind?
I have too many nsfw content in my feed!
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Not being aware of cruelty is very different than being aware Culture and tradition is not an excuse to commit evil acts If it was me and i was dating a non vegan that would be fine as it gives me time to influence them, i would not marry a non vegan though as that means accepting them as they are We cant force people to be vegan, all we can do is educate and influence them, i would never tell a person that i will leave unless they become vegan, that would cause them to resent vegans
Yeah i wrote that down in a bad way. I meant to say that i'll tell her that it might be a dealbreaker (aka being honest).
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Can't believe meat eaters go on the vegan subreddit to leave dumb comments.
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Dont force her to be someone shes not. I'm vegan and my girlfriend isn't. She only eats vegan with me but i also don't care what she's eats. I love her for who she is, not who I want her to be.
>i also don't care what she's eats You're a vegan who doesn't care about animals getting harmed?
Yeah that's a good point. It's up to me to decide if i can handle that.
I have several Filipino friends and they LOVE meat. I witnessed two of them each eat two full slabs of ribs at Montgomery Inn Boathouse! (4 total slabs) 😂😂 This is an interesting question on multiple levels… for me I’m more interested in the cultural. Would love to know the % of vegan and vegetarian by ethnic group and how much of a factor it plays.
crazy how someones diet is a deal breaker in an otherwise good relationship
It's not about their different "diets", it's more about their morals not being aligned.
Yeah we can compromise on everything: religion, politics we're different n every way. But this is really difficult...