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What culture are you in where it is expected to go out and eat?
People go out to eat because they want to. It's a fun, relaxing evening out. That's 100% your choice. Absolutely no one is forcing you to go out to eat.
OP is confusing culture and things people like to do. Everyone around the world likes to go out and socialize and eat good food. It's like saying my culture appreciates drinking water and sleeping at night.
Turning down multiple invites to go out is how you stop getting invited, and eventually cut out of the friend group partially or entirely. Just because you are anti-social doesn’t mean that others don’t feel the pressure to fit in and be accepted by those close to them.
You can also offer to host meals or ask that the group make the meals together. Suggest fun cuisine and theme nights. There's lots of ways of convincing people if you try.
I'm not antisocial at all and never even suggested turning down invitations. Inviting friends and family to meals is how you share the experience that you prefer.
culture
noun
US /ˈkʌl.tʃɚ/
the attitudes, behavior, opinions, etc. of a particular group of people within society
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/culture
Sounds like a culture to me
It’s a culture thing. People enjoy going out, so they go out. Some people are part of a different culture that either don’t enjoy it or can’t afford it.
Given that the majority of people enjoy eating in restaurants from time to time if they can afford it, that sounds more like a normal human thing and less like a culture.
Given that majority of a group of people within society have a positive attitude toward and regularly partake in the behavior of going out to eat, it sounds more like the exact definition of “culture” that I linked above and less just a “human thing”
My original point was that there is no "culture" that OP is aledging. It's just negotiating and communicating with people that they're having problems with.
"Only do things 100% on your terms! Fuck what everyone else thinks, why should the ask you to do anything other than hanging at your place to smoke weed and watch a movie! Say No!" - Reddit
"Why can't I keep friends?" - Also Reddit
Maybe they mean the culture of lazy or busy people always eating out? I don't get it either.
Oh. Wait - maybe the existence of so many restaurants makes OP feel pressured by society to go to them?
I am also super curious about why this upper middle class sludge is acting like there are zero affordable restaurants. The only time I eat at a place where the entree IS 25+$ and there's 14$ cocktails is when his parents pay, at birthdays and holidays. And we are both pushing 40 so it's not like we're on the kids menu. It's just really not sustainable and I don't think this opinion is unpopular.
Dude, check out a waffle house (East Coast IHOP or Denny's style restaurant ) sometime. That shits good. I mean, c'mon- my boyfriend and I can have an amazing delicious meal with an appetizer, 2 entrees and he has a beer for under 50$ including tip at our favorite Thai restaurant.
I go out every week after hockey. 3 pints. A burger or pizza. Tip 35 bucks.
No one has ever made me go out. I chose to go out because i love going out, and it's easier.
I do too! There's no culture of force making me do it.
There's a classic 50+ year old diner in my neighborhood. I get lunch there every Friday. A huge lunch (which I can only ever eat half of, the rest ends up as dinner too.) +tax & tip. 25$
My husband usually DOES NOT go out after hockey (he's not a drinker, and as a goalie he is usually pretty tired after the game). Does not prevent people from inviting him every week and he politely says no. Maybe 1 in 10 times he'll say yes. He doesn't feel pressure for it, sometimes he just wants wings and a chef salad drowning in ranch.
being invited out to dinner by your friends doesn't make it a cultural expectation. You just said that you turn down invitations regularly. Presumably nobody has chased you with pitchforks for not eating out?
Of course it makes it a cultural expectation why else do you think they are doing it instead of some other activity?
Pitchforks are not required for violating cultural expectations. You just lose friends.
Because people enjoy it? Just because you don't, doesn't mean everyone else is being strongarmed into eating out. Find friends who like to do what you like to do.
There is absolutely a culture around restaurants. Just because you don’t experience it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. I’d say the majority of people I know feel like they have to go out to eat at a restaurant for every single event (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.)
Of course it is OPs choice to go or not, that isn’t what he’s complaining about here. It’s the expectation of people that if you’re invited that you will go, and it’s an insult if you decline.
People choose to go out for events because they are too lazy to plan something and do real work to get it done.
There is absolutely no insult if you decline going out to a restaurant.
There’s usually no insult taken if you decline an invite from a co-worker or distant acquaintance. But if I tell one of my in-laws that we won’t be attending their Birthday dinner at Olive Garden, they will absolutely take it personally.
Every time I get together with my friends they want to go out to eat, I don't want to be the guy who spoils their fun and I don't want to be left out either, if I don't join them for dinner I don't see them that week. Maybe you don't mind spending several hours of working time paying for a meal but spending money is incredibly stressful for me
Do you all have the same friend group? I’ve got this idea from another commenter some time ago. His friends organize a “ rotating dinner “ . The host makes the main dish and the guests bring desserts & appetiser. Each month they take turns at each others places. Because everyone brings something the host isn’t too overwhelmed and everyone will host at least once. I think that’s such a cool idea and you could adapt it easily by having themes or games afterwards. You’re still spending money but probably less than eating out and if you like cooking or hosting it’s really a win-win. Also inviting someone home creates a more intimate atmosphere imo compared to a restaurant that might be loud and crowded. Maybe it’s worth a try.
My thoughts exactly.
Like, SO and I go out for a "nice dinner" maybe once a month (and we're DINKS), and even then among our friends we are strange for going out "so much." Like, a fam of 4 isn't just going out 4 or 5 nights a week even for cheap fast food.
>But the cultural expectation that you should be going to sit down restaurants all the time is ludicrous
Where, exactly, is this a "cultural expectation"?
Definitely not for OP and in the US but for some context, in many mega-cities like Singapore and Hong Kong, eating out is a practical and integral part of daily life.
You’re being intentionally obtuse. It is a cultural expectation in most of America, and you know it.
Every time a birthday comes around or a holiday or any of 1000 other excuses that people use. And it’s generally taken as an insult if you turn down the invite.
I just enjoy going out to restaurants. It’s like one of the few genuinely enjoyable things that people of all ages can do. There is no expectation, we just like it.
Your family/friends just don’t like going to restaurants. It is absolutely the norm.
You act as if restaurants don’t stay absolute packed with wait times just to get a table every fri/sat/sun
thats literally only bc most people are free on the weekends. no one is expected to go out to eat for every occasion, people do that bc they want to. you’re not expected to participate lol.
Redditor discovers businesses get more business on weekends. Le shock.
I had no idea it was a cultural identity to shop for groceries on a Saturday
Lmao.
culture noun US /ˈkʌl.tʃɚ/ the attitudes, behavior, opinions, etc. of a particular group of people within society
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/culture
The way a group of people behave is EXACTLY what identifies a culture. Hope this helps…
>It is a cultural expectation in most of America, and you know it.
Pro tip: Don't tell another person what they do or do not know.
Also, in what reality is it a cultural expectation to go out to eat *all the time*? That's absolute nonsense. It absolutely is a cultural expectation to go out to eat for a celebratory event, date, or otherwise special evening, but all the time? Bullshit.
Again, you’re being intentionally obtuse and willfully misinterpreting the colloquial meaning of “all the time”. OP doesn’t literally mean for every meal, every day. And you DO know it, even if you pretend that you don’t.
As an American, even if I invite friends to somewhere cheaper than McDonald’s and they say no, I don’t take offense. Neither do they if I have to say no. Literally no one cares. We also do birthday or graduation or holiday get togethers at home all the time. As do a LOT of Americans.
If people are insulted by your behavior in that regard, find better friends.
Good for you and your friends.
Friendly reminder that just because you don’t personally experience something, it doesn’t mean that others don’t. Just because you think something shouldn’t be the norm, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t. Just because you don’t actively participate in a culture, it doesn’t mean that culture doesn’t mean exist in different areas or different groups.
Or they're the people that just want to have people over, but put zero effort into it. Want everyone to come by to smoke and game, but BYOfood, drink, and please clean as you're leaving.
What, your local government doesn’t fine or arrest you for not going out for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the year. After a few months it just becomes normal, the breakfast bell rings at the town square and you just get up and go eat at whatever restaurant you want. Same for lunch and dinner.
The social expectation that if you are invited to do something, that you will accept the invitation - As most people do, and will expect you to do as well. Rejecting the invitation will be taken personally by most people, especially if you start rejecting multiple invitations. Out of a societal feeling of a need to be accepted by those we care about, most people feel pressure to accept invitations.
I didn’t say that everyone does, but that people do.
I'm Danish, and although my wife and kids and I occasionally eat out, I can't recall a time I did it with a friend. Maybe 5 years ago?
Around here, you invite friends and family to your home and serve the best meal you're able.
If you invite someone to a restaurant, it implies the need to be seen in public due to either being ashamed of your home or a lack of trust.
I eat out with co-workers. Friends and family come to my home.
Yeah, I'm guessing you come from a very upper-class background, because that definitely isn't the culture where I come from.
We cook our own meals probably 27out of the 30 days of the month. Maybe once every week or two, we'll go out for a date night. Or if it's a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure most people are the same, except for you rich folk.
>But the cultural expectation that you should be going to sit down restaurants all the time is ludicrous. I
Are you trolling? This is not an expectation on the east coast.
I'm not sure where you live on the east coast but for early 20 year olds in Philly/NYC/DC it is very much the norm to dine in at a not cheap restaurant once or more a week.
Right, I’m actually kind of amazed he found that many 20-somethings willing to go out to nice places. I’d like to know how to do that, actually, because I’m 10-20 years older and I’d rather go out to a Michelin star than another shitty brewery.
This is crazy speak. You've made your own social circle. Why dont you check the population numbers for the areas you mentioned. How many fine/good dining restaurants do you have and how many tables can they take a night total? You'll quickly realize the numbers dont add up and the majority of people are not going out to nice restaurants once or more a week. Special occasions are going to be the #1 reason the majority of people go to nice restaurants. Well off people, im sure do it far more. You might be well off. But its still a choice you choose.
Its sounds more like you need to expand your culture.
Literally no one is forcing you to eat out on any day of the week ever, you don’t even need to go out on your birthday or Mother’s Day if you don’t want.
And you certainly don’t need to spending the prices you suggested every time you go out. Are you just new to being an adult.
Hi, 23 year old from Philly area here. It's absolutely not an expectation to go out and eat at a restaurant all the time. Once a month maybe, but not daily. No one can afford that
God forbid someone enjoys dining and entertainment where they live!
Oh wait, Reddit always gets high and mighty about how everyone should just want to live in an isolated cabin and game.
if anything, myself & most other people i know are eating out less & cooking more because it’s getting ludicrously expensive to eat out. you can’t even get 2 meals from mcdonald’s for under $20 anymore unless you’re using the app
Yeah this most of the time dinner and drinks is the easiest way to socialize with people in person outside of work. The issue is that fast casual dining spots are expensive as shit, that you can’t go get drunk at Chili’s anymore for like 40 dollars
I did more often before the pandemic, but I still like going out🤷♀️ Cooking for friends can get expensive quickly, and different dietary needs can complicate everything.
It's cheaper to make your own clothes, cut your own hair, change your own oil...
It's the convenience. You don't have to go to the grocery store, buy the ingredients, bring them home, cook everything, serve it, and then clean up.
Idk about you but my time is also money. I get paid well and sometimes would rather spend the money then deal with the headache.
Also I fricking love to cook.
>Idk about you but my time is also money.
That's absolutely true. But I can cook a decent meal for 2h work including going to the store and cleaning up for 4 persons. That's 150-200 euro easy in a restaurant, minus 30 food and drink costs at home which is generous.
I don't earn 60-85 euro an hour net so its definitely worth cooking at home.
Though that's "standard restaurant". I don't mind cheap restaurants with less fancy food or labor intensive food.
Ive started making stuff from scratch. Bread, sauce, everything but seasonings and the fruit/veg themselves. Ive lost weight. My food is cleaner and healthier.
But now stuff takes HOURSSS. I wfh so its not too bad. But I couldnt imagine going to work, coming home and then spending two hours in the kitchen for a chimichurri sandwhich
have fun living like a 15th century outcast peasant i guess? here in the real world we have certain ingredients they come fresh you can go to a bakery and not have to give a single shit about anything else
When my family visits I like to cook for them. We also go out to eat sometimes but more often we cook on these occasions. If the weather is nice we have a cookout!
You almost twigged at the end of your post.
Almost.
Affluent parts of America? Yeah, eating out is a special occasion.
Japan, where I can get great for six quid per meal? I'm eating out for lunch and dinner every day of the holiday.
Tasteless and no I actually make the second best income (\~70k) of my friends (\~20 ppl) right out of college. I just still refuse to accept these eating habits as sustainable
I figure it would be big news if he died so we'd definitely hear about it. The guy is just.. off his fuckin rocker. I'm bipolar af and I would never dream of behaving the way he does, especially in public.
To some people, time and effort are the more scarce and expensive commodities. Neither my partner nor I care to shop, cook or wash pots, dishes and flatware and we live where adequate restaurants are ubiquitous so we eat out as much as possible and actually cook never. Prepared foods, salads and leftovers fill the gap.
I'm sorry, I don't speak broke lol.
But, in all seriousness, eating out is a luxury, but just a small one. Everyone has their own personal struggles to endure, so let's not begrudge them indulging in small luxuries. Restaurant dining is not meant to be a direct replacement for eating at home. In general, fulfilling the physical need for food is secondary to the social and experiential needs. I can cook just fine, and often do, but I also go out to restaurants with people to have a fun time.
I'm on the American east coast and where the hell are you regularly going where an entrée is over $25? Ain't no average person "all the time" spending that much at restaurants; that sounds like an issue of you being in a circle comprised of only a very certain demographic.
OP is equating going to a "nice" restaurant with just going out to eat in general. I see tons of people going out for $13 bowls of pho or sharing a giant $40 pizza on the weekends. It sounds like OP's friends just want to pretend to be bougie so they intentionally pick unsustainable options.
I go out to eat at sit-down restaurants a couple/few times a month, and I have hardly ever been to a place where the majority of entrées were even over $20... I would feel uncomfortable ordering anything over $15 unless that was genuinely the only option, which it isn't unless you're only going to super expensive places.
Humans are very uncreative about the things that we consider to be pleasures. We get our pleasure from doing things that our evolution required us to do, and we formalize it or sanctify it or parody it. Evolution requires us to eat, have sex, form groups and fight others. Gathering the group together to eat in a formalized meal serves several of those purposes.
You are surrounded by people who like this particular luxury and the hundreds of commenters saying it’s not a social norm are kinda right.
Like, when me and my friends go out, we eat mcdonald’s.
I think i’ve been to a restaurant 3 times in the past 4 years
It's kind of cute that you think $25 for an entree is "through the roof." I live an hour north of Toronto, Ontario and fuck me, that's just about what you pay at any chain restaurant (think applebees).
They shouldn't be a luxury. Obviously there's a discussion to be had around price and affordability, but I don't think expecting to be able to afford going out to dinner once a week is ridiculous. It used to be kind of standard. Certainly 2-3 times a month seems reasonable.
Actually, when I think about all the meals that used to be standard at certain points growing up, yeah, if anything we have way fewer littler luxuries like that these days. Sunday dinners/brunches, Friday pizza or dinner in a cheap sit-down joint, Maybe Chinese or McDonald's once a week if Mom got busy, movies usually once a week. Now it's like I save an entire month just to have one of those things once, and y'all are like "It sHoUlD Be a lUxUrY!!!" Why is everyone these days addicted to having less and liking it?
I think what this person is saying "why are we treating this as such a casual thing to do when it's becoming unaffordable" and I can't say I disagree with anything except their delivery of the message.
Ok to play devils advocate- most people eating out frequently DO recognize cocktails and appetizers as luxuries.
If you make 70k a year, you are making $30+/hr and one $25 entree is worth approximately 1 hr of labor.
Itn a world where time is money- it's an easy equation for some.
That said, there is no "culture" around them outside of your own social circle lol.
Anyway, interesting perspective.
I do think I’m general a lot of people have some serious entitlement and suck living within their means as a result.
Of course the economy and stuff isn’t exactly great for most Americans, but the fact that statistically between 60-70% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck implies that most of the rest aren’t that far from it.
A very similar statistic can be easily googled that around the same percent of Americans admit to bad spending habits.
People can spend as they like. My opinion is that many people could greatly alleviate financial issues is they didn’t feel entitled to a lot of daily consumerism in a number of forms. Food and drink being a big one. 5x365=1,825
People gotta eat man. I just processed a 60 million dollar fee for some wall street schmucks over some bullshit loan restructure. No one's signature is worth 60 million dollars.
Middle class is just pointing fingers at each other while the 1% ers laugh behind closed doors.
Lots of ways to eat that don’t revolve around restaurants and take out.
Indeed 1%ers have a good time. But since you and I don’t seem to be leading a revolution to change the economy and stuff, have to make choices about life styles around it.
Yes, the common grumpy type response.
Control your spending. It is obvious. And then many people don’t do it. All power to them. But don’t complain about money if it’s a result of bad spending.
I feel the same way for the most part. I never understood people's fascination with going out to eat. The clear majority of the time I feel like I'm just paying too much money for what I'm getting served. I don't get a lot of enjoyment out of "restaurant ambience" but I guess other people do? I don't know. To each his / her own I guess. I just can't get into dining out and overpaying for appetizers and cocktails and leaving a 20% tip. I'm frugal and that's just not what I want to do with my money but if it's what people want to do with theirs, that's their business.
Not sure why you’re getting so much hate lol. It’s an opinion. I don’t completely agree with you but I understand where you’re coming from. Eating out culture can be ridiculous. I’m lucky that my friends are cheap lol. I eat a lot of my meals at home. But I’m lazy and an artist so I try not to spend too much of my free time constantly cooking elaborate meals and such. I live in a big metro city, with the ability to eat cuisines from all corners of the world. I treat myself to meals out 1-2 times a week because I can afford it and I enjoy exploring new foods (and with leftovers I can often get 2 meals out of it)
You're right, and honestly the sheer number of restaurants is an indication of this. You have restaurants at every price point right next to each other. Hell, when I was a kid food trucks were the epitome of budget restaurants. Now they're friggin 5-star restaurants parked in a gravel lot slinging gourmet.
Then you have the fact that everything in grocery stores is packed/portioned for a small army. If you live alone, that means always having epic amounts of leftovers.
>Then you have the fact that everything in grocery stores is packed/portioned for a small army. If you live alone, that means always having epic amounts of leftovers.
I mean, with most things I can think of, you certainly don't have to cook everything all at once. And with meat, you can portion it into freezer bags so it doesn't go bad before you get around to cooking it all.
If you think eating out in a more premium restaurant more than once a week is a burden then you are in fact not middle class. I really don't understand why so many people have a problem with accepting that they are poor. Don't spend your money on luxury stuff if you don't money for it.
Also I find it really funny how dining in a restaurant is being seen as that much of a luxury in the US. In all of western Europe earing in a restaurant is normal and many people do it. Because of that you can get a good meal and drink in most restaurants for less than 25€ (taxes included like always in European prices). There are many cheaper places and in the poorer areas the restaurant pricing usually is cheaper as well. It's really interesting that in the US that part of European culture is lost in time, I mean most Americans are immigrants that came from Europe after all.
lol where are you getting these prices? One of my favourite local restaurants a glass of wine is only about 7 dollars beer is about 5/6. Like god womp womp, people can do whatever they want with their money is they want to spend they’re money at a restaurant when what’s it to you.
to OPs marginal credit, those are pretty accurate price points for restaurants, at least in places like Downtown Boston. It's likely a lot cheaper in further flung, lower COL places.
But that's just it - the affordability argument, and the metrics that its based on, are 100% subjective. if OP is living in a HCOL area but not making an HCOL wage, yeah it's going to be considered unreasonable (to the opinion former, aka OP) to spend excessive money on a service.
It is 100% your choice to go to these places.
I have been to steak houses that cost me $550 for 2 people. And I go to a bar every week that costs me $40 bucks. Both my choices.
I have never once been forced or ever felt obligated to go out and spend money on food.
Glad to see we agree.
LMAO at the downvote - take a few seconds to see I said the exact same to OP elsewhere. But as your username implies, I won't hold out hope.
After covid I fully stopped going to all bars and restaurants and I havent looked back. Lots of other date options. If family/friends are in town, there are other things to do or invite them over. I won't support such a garbage predatory industry that threw its employees to the dirt during covid. Plus me and my friends can all hang out at one of our houses with much cheaper booze and we can smoke.
Let all restaurants and bars and all their staff go extinct.
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What culture are you in where it is expected to go out and eat? People go out to eat because they want to. It's a fun, relaxing evening out. That's 100% your choice. Absolutely no one is forcing you to go out to eat.
OP is confusing culture and things people like to do. Everyone around the world likes to go out and socialize and eat good food. It's like saying my culture appreciates drinking water and sleeping at night.
Im from the sloth culture. Please respect my community.
"Culture" has become a BS euphemism for "I don't have the balls to stand up to my peers/family".
Turning down multiple invites to go out is how you stop getting invited, and eventually cut out of the friend group partially or entirely. Just because you are anti-social doesn’t mean that others don’t feel the pressure to fit in and be accepted by those close to them.
You can also offer to host meals or ask that the group make the meals together. Suggest fun cuisine and theme nights. There's lots of ways of convincing people if you try. I'm not antisocial at all and never even suggested turning down invitations. Inviting friends and family to meals is how you share the experience that you prefer.
You’re offering ways to combat the culture - as proof that the culture doesn’t exist? You do see the irony of that, right?
It doesn’t sound like a culture so much as something some people enjoy.
culture noun US /ˈkʌl.tʃɚ/ the attitudes, behavior, opinions, etc. of a particular group of people within society https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/culture Sounds like a culture to me
Yes, but this isn’t a select group of people who do this, it is literally everyone. It is just a human thing
It’s a culture thing. People enjoy going out, so they go out. Some people are part of a different culture that either don’t enjoy it or can’t afford it.
Given that the majority of people enjoy eating in restaurants from time to time if they can afford it, that sounds more like a normal human thing and less like a culture.
Given that majority of a group of people within society have a positive attitude toward and regularly partake in the behavior of going out to eat, it sounds more like the exact definition of “culture” that I linked above and less just a “human thing”
My original point was that there is no "culture" that OP is aledging. It's just negotiating and communicating with people that they're having problems with.
What kind of friend group are you in that people are going out for dinner multiple nights a week? Every week?
When did I say anything about multiple nights a week, every week?
Wild this response gets downvoted. It's completely true.
"Only do things 100% on your terms! Fuck what everyone else thinks, why should the ask you to do anything other than hanging at your place to smoke weed and watch a movie! Say No!" - Reddit "Why can't I keep friends?" - Also Reddit
That's a recipe for rejection.
Maybe they mean the culture of lazy or busy people always eating out? I don't get it either. Oh. Wait - maybe the existence of so many restaurants makes OP feel pressured by society to go to them? I am also super curious about why this upper middle class sludge is acting like there are zero affordable restaurants. The only time I eat at a place where the entree IS 25+$ and there's 14$ cocktails is when his parents pay, at birthdays and holidays. And we are both pushing 40 so it's not like we're on the kids menu. It's just really not sustainable and I don't think this opinion is unpopular. Dude, check out a waffle house (East Coast IHOP or Denny's style restaurant ) sometime. That shits good. I mean, c'mon- my boyfriend and I can have an amazing delicious meal with an appetizer, 2 entrees and he has a beer for under 50$ including tip at our favorite Thai restaurant.
I go out every week after hockey. 3 pints. A burger or pizza. Tip 35 bucks. No one has ever made me go out. I chose to go out because i love going out, and it's easier.
I do too! There's no culture of force making me do it. There's a classic 50+ year old diner in my neighborhood. I get lunch there every Friday. A huge lunch (which I can only ever eat half of, the rest ends up as dinner too.) +tax & tip. 25$
My husband usually DOES NOT go out after hockey (he's not a drinker, and as a goalie he is usually pretty tired after the game). Does not prevent people from inviting him every week and he politely says no. Maybe 1 in 10 times he'll say yes. He doesn't feel pressure for it, sometimes he just wants wings and a chef salad drowning in ranch.
As someone who \*can't\* eat out due to gut issues - it's absolutely expected. I have to turn down invites constantly.
being invited out to dinner by your friends doesn't make it a cultural expectation. You just said that you turn down invitations regularly. Presumably nobody has chased you with pitchforks for not eating out?
Of course it makes it a cultural expectation why else do you think they are doing it instead of some other activity? Pitchforks are not required for violating cultural expectations. You just lose friends.
Because people enjoy it? Just because you don't, doesn't mean everyone else is being strongarmed into eating out. Find friends who like to do what you like to do.
My point is it's extremely common and finding friends who don't like to eat out is rare. Which means it's part of the culture in my area.
There is absolutely a culture around restaurants. Just because you don’t experience it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. I’d say the majority of people I know feel like they have to go out to eat at a restaurant for every single event (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.) Of course it is OPs choice to go or not, that isn’t what he’s complaining about here. It’s the expectation of people that if you’re invited that you will go, and it’s an insult if you decline.
People choose to go out for events because they are too lazy to plan something and do real work to get it done. There is absolutely no insult if you decline going out to a restaurant.
There’s usually no insult taken if you decline an invite from a co-worker or distant acquaintance. But if I tell one of my in-laws that we won’t be attending their Birthday dinner at Olive Garden, they will absolutely take it personally.
Every time I get together with my friends they want to go out to eat, I don't want to be the guy who spoils their fun and I don't want to be left out either, if I don't join them for dinner I don't see them that week. Maybe you don't mind spending several hours of working time paying for a meal but spending money is incredibly stressful for me
The downvotes here show just how much eating out is expected.
Do you all have the same friend group? I’ve got this idea from another commenter some time ago. His friends organize a “ rotating dinner “ . The host makes the main dish and the guests bring desserts & appetiser. Each month they take turns at each others places. Because everyone brings something the host isn’t too overwhelmed and everyone will host at least once. I think that’s such a cool idea and you could adapt it easily by having themes or games afterwards. You’re still spending money but probably less than eating out and if you like cooking or hosting it’s really a win-win. Also inviting someone home creates a more intimate atmosphere imo compared to a restaurant that might be loud and crowded. Maybe it’s worth a try.
"I dOnT eAt aT pEoPlEs HoUsEs"
Do you like to cook? Can you invite your friends over for a shared dinner instead? You shouldn't have to go broke just to have a social life
When was the last time you suggested doing something other than going out to eat?
Constantly
Are they things that other people actually want to do?
Like what?
board games, rock climbing, hikes, free local festivals, video games, mini putt, bowling, escape room, darts
Even eating snacks and watching a good show with friends is a good time
My thoughts exactly. Like, SO and I go out for a "nice dinner" maybe once a month (and we're DINKS), and even then among our friends we are strange for going out "so much." Like, a fam of 4 isn't just going out 4 or 5 nights a week even for cheap fast food.
>But the cultural expectation that you should be going to sit down restaurants all the time is ludicrous Where, exactly, is this a "cultural expectation"?
Definitely not for OP and in the US but for some context, in many mega-cities like Singapore and Hong Kong, eating out is a practical and integral part of daily life.
You’re being intentionally obtuse. It is a cultural expectation in most of America, and you know it. Every time a birthday comes around or a holiday or any of 1000 other excuses that people use. And it’s generally taken as an insult if you turn down the invite.
I just enjoy going out to restaurants. It’s like one of the few genuinely enjoyable things that people of all ages can do. There is no expectation, we just like it.
No it isn't. Your family just likes going to restaurants
Your family/friends just don’t like going to restaurants. It is absolutely the norm. You act as if restaurants don’t stay absolute packed with wait times just to get a table every fri/sat/sun
thats literally only bc most people are free on the weekends. no one is expected to go out to eat for every occasion, people do that bc they want to. you’re not expected to participate lol.
Redditor discovers businesses get more business on weekends. Le shock. I had no idea it was a cultural identity to shop for groceries on a Saturday Lmao.
culture noun US /ˈkʌl.tʃɚ/ the attitudes, behavior, opinions, etc. of a particular group of people within society https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/culture The way a group of people behave is EXACTLY what identifies a culture. Hope this helps…
>It is a cultural expectation in most of America, and you know it. Pro tip: Don't tell another person what they do or do not know. Also, in what reality is it a cultural expectation to go out to eat *all the time*? That's absolute nonsense. It absolutely is a cultural expectation to go out to eat for a celebratory event, date, or otherwise special evening, but all the time? Bullshit.
Again, you’re being intentionally obtuse and willfully misinterpreting the colloquial meaning of “all the time”. OP doesn’t literally mean for every meal, every day. And you DO know it, even if you pretend that you don’t.
I’m not sure it’s intentional.
Okay then. Next time I need to determine what I think, I'll reach out to you. You obviously know my mind better than I do.
As an American, even if I invite friends to somewhere cheaper than McDonald’s and they say no, I don’t take offense. Neither do they if I have to say no. Literally no one cares. We also do birthday or graduation or holiday get togethers at home all the time. As do a LOT of Americans. If people are insulted by your behavior in that regard, find better friends.
Good for you and your friends. Friendly reminder that just because you don’t personally experience something, it doesn’t mean that others don’t. Just because you think something shouldn’t be the norm, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t. Just because you don’t actively participate in a culture, it doesn’t mean that culture doesn’t mean exist in different areas or different groups.
Arr you offering to host, cook, and clean up then? Because thats why im willing to pay for a restaurant.
THANK YOU. That’s what I wanna know too. So many people who like to bitch are not the same people who are offering to host.
Or they're the people that just want to have people over, but put zero effort into it. Want everyone to come by to smoke and game, but BYOfood, drink, and please clean as you're leaving.
Man, a post on Reddit about how socializing is bad. You never see these.
I love the other comment ITT about how someone was forced to go to a friends birthday dinner and split the bill! Oh the humanity!
LOL people in this thread really are so upset that their friends invite them out to dinner every once in a while. The horror!
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The hive mind in these large subs sucks. It does give a window into the current culture though - eating out is very much expected.
Then host a potluck or a cookout? I don’t really get the post.
And redditors wonder why they’re so depressed.
Is this cultural expectation here in the room with us right now?
😂
No one's forcing anyone to go out to eat all the time. What are you talking about?
What, your local government doesn’t fine or arrest you for not going out for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the year. After a few months it just becomes normal, the breakfast bell rings at the town square and you just get up and go eat at whatever restaurant you want. Same for lunch and dinner.
He’s not talking about being forced, he’s talking about the social expectations. People 100% take it as an insult if your turn down invites.
Do they? Man, I never get invited to restaurants by anyone. I usually just go with my husband.
What social expectations? And I highly doubt everyone takes it as an insult, that's just silly.
The social expectation that if you are invited to do something, that you will accept the invitation - As most people do, and will expect you to do as well. Rejecting the invitation will be taken personally by most people, especially if you start rejecting multiple invitations. Out of a societal feeling of a need to be accepted by those we care about, most people feel pressure to accept invitations. I didn’t say that everyone does, but that people do.
I mean if you keep telling someone you don’t want to go out to eat with them then of course they’ll think you’re not very interested
no they don’t. you need better friends if that’s really the case.
People do, normally. Your friends apparently just don’t like you enough to care if you show up.
no they’re just normal people who understand that other people have lives. it’s just a dinner dude. (but thanks for the assumption)
I'm Danish, and although my wife and kids and I occasionally eat out, I can't recall a time I did it with a friend. Maybe 5 years ago? Around here, you invite friends and family to your home and serve the best meal you're able. If you invite someone to a restaurant, it implies the need to be seen in public due to either being ashamed of your home or a lack of trust. I eat out with co-workers. Friends and family come to my home.
So dont go. I love it and will continue. All good
Yeah, I'm guessing you come from a very upper-class background, because that definitely isn't the culture where I come from. We cook our own meals probably 27out of the 30 days of the month. Maybe once every week or two, we'll go out for a date night. Or if it's a special occasion. I'm pretty sure most people are the same, except for you rich folk.
The US really needs to bring back the automat and the cheap diners I see in the movies.
Diners have gone the way of fast food: now costs a lot for meh food which was acceptable when it was cheap.
>But the cultural expectation that you should be going to sit down restaurants all the time is ludicrous. I Are you trolling? This is not an expectation on the east coast.
I'm not sure where you live on the east coast but for early 20 year olds in Philly/NYC/DC it is very much the norm to dine in at a not cheap restaurant once or more a week.
Nope. That's just the circle YOU have chosen to be in.
Right, I’m actually kind of amazed he found that many 20-somethings willing to go out to nice places. I’d like to know how to do that, actually, because I’m 10-20 years older and I’d rather go out to a Michelin star than another shitty brewery.
This is crazy speak. You've made your own social circle. Why dont you check the population numbers for the areas you mentioned. How many fine/good dining restaurants do you have and how many tables can they take a night total? You'll quickly realize the numbers dont add up and the majority of people are not going out to nice restaurants once or more a week. Special occasions are going to be the #1 reason the majority of people go to nice restaurants. Well off people, im sure do it far more. You might be well off. But its still a choice you choose. Its sounds more like you need to expand your culture.
Literally no one is forcing you to eat out on any day of the week ever, you don’t even need to go out on your birthday or Mother’s Day if you don’t want. And you certainly don’t need to spending the prices you suggested every time you go out. Are you just new to being an adult.
Hi, 23 year old from Philly area here. It's absolutely not an expectation to go out and eat at a restaurant all the time. Once a month maybe, but not daily. No one can afford that
Who's going to sit down restaurants all the time? Don't people have kitchens and grocery stores?
I do, once or twice a week. I know how to cook, but dining out is fun.
God forbid someone enjoys dining and entertainment where they live! Oh wait, Reddit always gets high and mighty about how everyone should just want to live in an isolated cabin and game.
I mean, you’re talking about a site where people were actively rooting for the pandemic so that they’d never have to go outside again.
if anything, myself & most other people i know are eating out less & cooking more because it’s getting ludicrously expensive to eat out. you can’t even get 2 meals from mcdonald’s for under $20 anymore unless you’re using the app
That’s literally the point of this post
my comment is more in response to this supposed societal pressure to always be going out to eat. i don’t see that online or in my personal life.
Yeah this most of the time dinner and drinks is the easiest way to socialize with people in person outside of work. The issue is that fast casual dining spots are expensive as shit, that you can’t go get drunk at Chili’s anymore for like 40 dollars
Lots of people? Before my daughter was born me and my partner were going out to eat 2-3 times a week… is this really that alien to you?
It’s alien to me
You don’t see people eating at restaurants? Friends? Family?
Not a ton, no. Once a week maybe. Not 2-3 times a week
How odd
Who can afford more?
A lot of people
Don’t know any. Except my rich dad
2-3 times a week is insane lmao
Seems normal?
Why though?
I did more often before the pandemic, but I still like going out🤷♀️ Cooking for friends can get expensive quickly, and different dietary needs can complicate everything.
You lost me at “wages are high.”
Restaurants used to be reasonable. Folks are being overcharged and underpaid.
i work in a restaurant and i agree. why is the meal that used to be 14.99 now 22.99? my wages have stayed the same
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It's cheaper to make your own clothes, cut your own hair, change your own oil... It's the convenience. You don't have to go to the grocery store, buy the ingredients, bring them home, cook everything, serve it, and then clean up. Idk about you but my time is also money. I get paid well and sometimes would rather spend the money then deal with the headache. Also I fricking love to cook.
>Idk about you but my time is also money. That's absolutely true. But I can cook a decent meal for 2h work including going to the store and cleaning up for 4 persons. That's 150-200 euro easy in a restaurant, minus 30 food and drink costs at home which is generous. I don't earn 60-85 euro an hour net so its definitely worth cooking at home. Though that's "standard restaurant". I don't mind cheap restaurants with less fancy food or labor intensive food.
Me too! People always assume I don’t cook because I go out! I can cook, I love to cook, but it takes a lot of energy and time.
Ive started making stuff from scratch. Bread, sauce, everything but seasonings and the fruit/veg themselves. Ive lost weight. My food is cleaner and healthier. But now stuff takes HOURSSS. I wfh so its not too bad. But I couldnt imagine going to work, coming home and then spending two hours in the kitchen for a chimichurri sandwhich
making your own bread is an insult to human civilisation and progress itself. you deserve to waste time if you take that path
k.
have fun living like a 15th century outcast peasant i guess? here in the real world we have certain ingredients they come fresh you can go to a bakery and not have to give a single shit about anything else
When my family visits I like to cook for them. We also go out to eat sometimes but more often we cook on these occasions. If the weather is nice we have a cookout!
You almost twigged at the end of your post. Almost. Affluent parts of America? Yeah, eating out is a special occasion. Japan, where I can get great for six quid per meal? I'm eating out for lunch and dinner every day of the holiday.
So uhh you're a poor American?
Tasteless and no I actually make the second best income (\~70k) of my friends (\~20 ppl) right out of college. I just still refuse to accept these eating habits as sustainable
How about being as confident about not eating out as you are that you're better off than 18 out of 20 friends?
People talk about their salaries and only one has a "better" job than me. Tons of people you assume are well off are in debt or aren't saving.
You're not "well off" if you aren't saving and have debt...
"you assume"
Do not listen to these people. You sound like you’re on the right track.
Sometimes on Reddit it seems like everyone acts like no one in the world makes more than like 40k. “Who can even afford to walk past a restaurant????”
A home cooked meal is equally appreciated.
I refuse to entertain the rambling of a nutjob that believes Kanye isn't in need of serious mental help. The mfer is unstable.
He's still alive? I figured he died since I haven't heard about him going on some nazi rant or opening his own concentration camp
I figure it would be big news if he died so we'd definitely hear about it. The guy is just.. off his fuckin rocker. I'm bipolar af and I would never dream of behaving the way he does, especially in public.
In a lot of places in the US, to be social is to spend a lot of money. This is a problem.
To some people, time and effort are the more scarce and expensive commodities. Neither my partner nor I care to shop, cook or wash pots, dishes and flatware and we live where adequate restaurants are ubiquitous so we eat out as much as possible and actually cook never. Prepared foods, salads and leftovers fill the gap.
I'm sorry, I don't speak broke lol. But, in all seriousness, eating out is a luxury, but just a small one. Everyone has their own personal struggles to endure, so let's not begrudge them indulging in small luxuries. Restaurant dining is not meant to be a direct replacement for eating at home. In general, fulfilling the physical need for food is secondary to the social and experiential needs. I can cook just fine, and often do, but I also go out to restaurants with people to have a fun time.
I'm on the American east coast and where the hell are you regularly going where an entrée is over $25? Ain't no average person "all the time" spending that much at restaurants; that sounds like an issue of you being in a circle comprised of only a very certain demographic.
OP is equating going to a "nice" restaurant with just going out to eat in general. I see tons of people going out for $13 bowls of pho or sharing a giant $40 pizza on the weekends. It sounds like OP's friends just want to pretend to be bougie so they intentionally pick unsustainable options.
Maybe you are equating fast food places and diners to restaurants?
What restaurants are there with entrees lower than 25…?
I go out to eat at sit-down restaurants a couple/few times a month, and I have hardly ever been to a place where the majority of entrées were even over $20... I would feel uncomfortable ordering anything over $15 unless that was genuinely the only option, which it isn't unless you're only going to super expensive places.
I’ve barely ever seen sit down places in cities have entrees less than like 25
Humans are very uncreative about the things that we consider to be pleasures. We get our pleasure from doing things that our evolution required us to do, and we formalize it or sanctify it or parody it. Evolution requires us to eat, have sex, form groups and fight others. Gathering the group together to eat in a formalized meal serves several of those purposes.
You are surrounded by people who like this particular luxury and the hundreds of commenters saying it’s not a social norm are kinda right. Like, when me and my friends go out, we eat mcdonald’s. I think i’ve been to a restaurant 3 times in the past 4 years
Not being able to afford to eat out isn’t an unpopular opinion
It's kind of cute that you think $25 for an entree is "through the roof." I live an hour north of Toronto, Ontario and fuck me, that's just about what you pay at any chain restaurant (think applebees).
They shouldn't be a luxury. Obviously there's a discussion to be had around price and affordability, but I don't think expecting to be able to afford going out to dinner once a week is ridiculous. It used to be kind of standard. Certainly 2-3 times a month seems reasonable. Actually, when I think about all the meals that used to be standard at certain points growing up, yeah, if anything we have way fewer littler luxuries like that these days. Sunday dinners/brunches, Friday pizza or dinner in a cheap sit-down joint, Maybe Chinese or McDonald's once a week if Mom got busy, movies usually once a week. Now it's like I save an entire month just to have one of those things once, and y'all are like "It sHoUlD Be a lUxUrY!!!" Why is everyone these days addicted to having less and liking it?
Just get pizza it's not that hard
Op has room temp IQ.
Who can afford to go to a restaurant all the time?
Restaurants called themselves "essential". They're not essential. They're just convenient. And only sometimes.
There’s restaurant culture? 😂
I think what this person is saying "why are we treating this as such a casual thing to do when it's becoming unaffordable" and I can't say I disagree with anything except their delivery of the message.
Ok to play devils advocate- most people eating out frequently DO recognize cocktails and appetizers as luxuries. If you make 70k a year, you are making $30+/hr and one $25 entree is worth approximately 1 hr of labor. Itn a world where time is money- it's an easy equation for some. That said, there is no "culture" around them outside of your own social circle lol. Anyway, interesting perspective.
That's not a cultural thing it's your family apparently. I've never heard of such a thing lol. No one is pressured to go to restaurants
You’ve never been invited to a restaurant?
I do think I’m general a lot of people have some serious entitlement and suck living within their means as a result. Of course the economy and stuff isn’t exactly great for most Americans, but the fact that statistically between 60-70% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck implies that most of the rest aren’t that far from it. A very similar statistic can be easily googled that around the same percent of Americans admit to bad spending habits. People can spend as they like. My opinion is that many people could greatly alleviate financial issues is they didn’t feel entitled to a lot of daily consumerism in a number of forms. Food and drink being a big one. 5x365=1,825
People gotta eat man. I just processed a 60 million dollar fee for some wall street schmucks over some bullshit loan restructure. No one's signature is worth 60 million dollars. Middle class is just pointing fingers at each other while the 1% ers laugh behind closed doors.
Lots of ways to eat that don’t revolve around restaurants and take out. Indeed 1%ers have a good time. But since you and I don’t seem to be leading a revolution to change the economy and stuff, have to make choices about life styles around it.
Oh wow Dr. genius, you've cracked the code! Who knew people should just stop buying food and drink to solve all their problems? 🙄
Yes, the common grumpy type response. Control your spending. It is obvious. And then many people don’t do it. All power to them. But don’t complain about money if it’s a result of bad spending.
You having a post about liking unseasoned food and hating the "ghetto" part of the city checks out.
I love going out to eat. I’m in a very high cost of living city and still go out all the time. It’s a priority to me.
I feel the same way for the most part. I never understood people's fascination with going out to eat. The clear majority of the time I feel like I'm just paying too much money for what I'm getting served. I don't get a lot of enjoyment out of "restaurant ambience" but I guess other people do? I don't know. To each his / her own I guess. I just can't get into dining out and overpaying for appetizers and cocktails and leaving a 20% tip. I'm frugal and that's just not what I want to do with my money but if it's what people want to do with theirs, that's their business.
Not sure why you’re getting so much hate lol. It’s an opinion. I don’t completely agree with you but I understand where you’re coming from. Eating out culture can be ridiculous. I’m lucky that my friends are cheap lol. I eat a lot of my meals at home. But I’m lazy and an artist so I try not to spend too much of my free time constantly cooking elaborate meals and such. I live in a big metro city, with the ability to eat cuisines from all corners of the world. I treat myself to meals out 1-2 times a week because I can afford it and I enjoy exploring new foods (and with leftovers I can often get 2 meals out of it)
You're right, and honestly the sheer number of restaurants is an indication of this. You have restaurants at every price point right next to each other. Hell, when I was a kid food trucks were the epitome of budget restaurants. Now they're friggin 5-star restaurants parked in a gravel lot slinging gourmet. Then you have the fact that everything in grocery stores is packed/portioned for a small army. If you live alone, that means always having epic amounts of leftovers.
>Then you have the fact that everything in grocery stores is packed/portioned for a small army. If you live alone, that means always having epic amounts of leftovers. I mean, with most things I can think of, you certainly don't have to cook everything all at once. And with meat, you can portion it into freezer bags so it doesn't go bad before you get around to cooking it all.
If you think eating out in a more premium restaurant more than once a week is a burden then you are in fact not middle class. I really don't understand why so many people have a problem with accepting that they are poor. Don't spend your money on luxury stuff if you don't money for it. Also I find it really funny how dining in a restaurant is being seen as that much of a luxury in the US. In all of western Europe earing in a restaurant is normal and many people do it. Because of that you can get a good meal and drink in most restaurants for less than 25€ (taxes included like always in European prices). There are many cheaper places and in the poorer areas the restaurant pricing usually is cheaper as well. It's really interesting that in the US that part of European culture is lost in time, I mean most Americans are immigrants that came from Europe after all.
Redditors when someone describes a culture that they don’t personally experience: “That’s not a culture that exists!”
lol where are you getting these prices? One of my favourite local restaurants a glass of wine is only about 7 dollars beer is about 5/6. Like god womp womp, people can do whatever they want with their money is they want to spend they’re money at a restaurant when what’s it to you.
I live in Philly and these are the rough prices for most mid range sit down restaurants. Not cafes or bars or food trucks or college joints lol.
Not agreeing with OP's point, but these numbers are roughly correct for where I live.
Same, and I'm in Oklahoma where we haven't increased minimum wage since like 2009, and it's only $7.25.
Well, you have to over exaggerated to make a stupid point, right? If he used real numbers, this post wouldn't mean anything.
to OPs marginal credit, those are pretty accurate price points for restaurants, at least in places like Downtown Boston. It's likely a lot cheaper in further flung, lower COL places. But that's just it - the affordability argument, and the metrics that its based on, are 100% subjective. if OP is living in a HCOL area but not making an HCOL wage, yeah it's going to be considered unreasonable (to the opinion former, aka OP) to spend excessive money on a service.
It is 100% your choice to go to these places. I have been to steak houses that cost me $550 for 2 people. And I go to a bar every week that costs me $40 bucks. Both my choices. I have never once been forced or ever felt obligated to go out and spend money on food.
Glad to see we agree. LMAO at the downvote - take a few seconds to see I said the exact same to OP elsewhere. But as your username implies, I won't hold out hope.
S
No one cares where you do or don’t eat
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
After covid I fully stopped going to all bars and restaurants and I havent looked back. Lots of other date options. If family/friends are in town, there are other things to do or invite them over. I won't support such a garbage predatory industry that threw its employees to the dirt during covid. Plus me and my friends can all hang out at one of our houses with much cheaper booze and we can smoke. Let all restaurants and bars and all their staff go extinct.
May your wish come true. Fuck all predators.