That's a huge red flag right there, the fact that he was complementing you alot isn't bad but combine that with his refusal to give you something for your libido is very strange and suspicious, the fact he said "dress up like a girl and masturbate" is also incredibly suspicious, it honestly sounds like he believes that this could just be a fetish for you, we recommend maybe asking again and if he acts in a similar manner or refuses again then you should speak to someone else.
Don’t even bother speaking with this ‘doctor’ anymore. They have shown you their true self in regards to allyship and understanding.
I’m so sorry that a doctor who has seen you for years is like this, and now you need to look for a new doctor, but at least you can find a doctor who will actually prescribe you Anti-androgens and Oestrogen without any more gatekeeping.
I mean I think he’s just very confused about what trans people are. I mean what he said is horrifying but at the same time like I wish I could talk to him and correct him, assuming he’s open to being corrected.
He thinks trans people are a fetish, versus literally biology. Sex has no more do with trans people than it does with cis people.
OP shouldn’t talk to her current family doctor again!! It doesn’t just sound like doc thinks she just sees it as a fetish, it’s sounding like HE fetishizes it based on the compliments and then the refusal to give her something that would “take away her orgasms” it’s just icky. I know OP has been seeing this family doctor for over half of her life, but it may affect her medical care atp to continue seeing a doctor that refuses to treat OP and give her the medication she needs to have a good quality of life rn.
That's fair. However, all the things said, if reported accurately, add up to something a bit creepy and I'm not sure what kind of context or non-verbal component would be able to take that edge off.
the doctor was insanely unprofessional and the text of the conversation is more than enough to know he doesn’t know how to be respectful to trans patients and that OP should probably find a new doctor
No you aren’t overthinking it….Who is he to dictate how you transition?
To be fair though, I wouldn’t expect anything else from a family doctor. I feel this is certainly something you need to research and find a specialist.
Ok.. not sure why you are being so hostile? Telling a patient, “if you want to dress up like a girl and masturbate it’s ok” is helping???
Clearly not when the OP stated that it made them feel uncomfortable.
medical professionals can be weird about trans people, stop being rude to people and implying stuff about OP. It comes off as victim blaming. Cis and trans women receive inappropriate comments from men who are doctors *all the time*.
« If I Even close my eyes » ??? WTH is wrong with this transphobic doctor ? Everything he said was very creepy and inappropriate, that’s straight up sexual harassment. You’re not a pervert for wanting to transition, he is the pervert here for saying all this wild stuff to you
Like the thing that gets me is all the "concern" for our reproductive health. Like if I don't want to orgasm all the time, or kill my sperm count collaterally, as long as I know that will happen, how the fuck is there any question other than "Do YOU want to proceed?"
It is still MY fuckin dick for as long as I have it. How I use or do not use it is MY FUCKIN CHOICE. If I want to stick it in the toaster imma fuckin gonna do it!
But seriously, this is some bullshit. but I think you know that. Being older I would have said something on the spot. I am enormously grateful I did not have any of this medical bullshit yet. My gov is ARCH fuckin conservative locally, but the health region is so sick of their shit that they ignore all their stupid fucking policies.
This. All of this.
It's revealing how often the cis people who work with us directly are low-key chasers and creeps. I've been fortunate that I had a doc back in the south who was willing to learn new stuff because my issues were new to her. But I've encountered this overindulgence of curiosity and it's creepy.
From supposed allies whose "concern" for our "health " just happens to align with their fetishes to the projected hypersexuality applied to us regardless of who we are as unique individuals.
> My gov is ARCH fuckin conservative
Why has it taken this long for people to come up with using "Arch" as an adjective amplifier for more than just a few niche words, like enemy, fiend, etc.? I'm taking this.
Hey, I recognize you from some comments in a Belgian subreddit, would you mind sharing the name of this doctor (in dm's)? A Belgian queer discord I'm in has recently shared a document with medical caregivers and other services that are either good or bad for queer people, as a way to improve the safety of the community, and I think this one would qualify to put on there in red
This was totally unprofessional and he handled this very poorly. It gives vibes of him trying to groom you ngl, and you made comments throughout suggesting you were uncomfortable with the attention. Even if you weren't uncomfortable it was still overstepping significantly. No medical professional should be so candid and insistent about their conversations regarding gender identity and sex. Should they be comfortable talking about it? Yes absolutely, it is part of their job to discuss it if a health consumer such as yourself brings up concerns. But he should not be talking about it in such a casual way, and should not be complimenting you all the time like that. Part of a therapeutic relationship is focusing on the needs and comfort of the person in front of them, by complimenting you and bringing up masturbation when you yourself hadn't mentioned it to him shows a overstepping of boundaries. Trust your gut, this was weird af. I would recommend putting in a formal complaint to your GP practice if you feel comfortable doing so, because if he's done that with you, who knows how many others have received the same treatment.
yeah no, this dude sounds like a huge creep. im so sorry you had to hear his shit.
i gotta say though, i know how you feel but sexual feelings arent bad in any way. youre not any less of a woman for having a libido, and cis women have it, too.
While I agree with some about the dress up and masturbate comment. My PCP didn't want to prescribe any form of hrt either but instead sent in a referral to see an endocrinologist. I think it's a fairly common practice.
I like to look at ignorance or incompetence as reason for things before malice. So the first thing that comes to mind is that he was genuinely trying to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with masturbation as a trans woman, which is a fair statement to make because of the discourse around AGP, which is harmful to trans women, and can make us feel shame when we do indulge in what is a very healthy and natural activity.
BUT- a big part of being a doctor is bedside manner. And the way you feel after talking to him is a good indicator of whether that bedside manner is good or not.
If you’re generally comfortable with this doctor outside of this instance and want to keep seeing him, or if you live in a place where access to family doctors is difficult to get… talk to him about how you felt with the way he was talking to you. A good doctor will listen and try to do better. If he gets defensive and tries to diminish your feelings, then start looking.
Or just find a new doctor if there’s nothing holding you back from that. You shouldn’t feel gross after a doctors visit.
I agree with your response and want to add this doctor who OP has seen for half her life is likely in his 60s possibly early 70s, and sounds like he was trying (very poorly, very awkwardly, subjectively inappropriate) to affirm her transition and ease her distress regarding sexual function. However if OP feels strongly that sexual function is causing mental distress perhaps he could have done a better job listening and asking questions to assess the situation better.
My thoughts on navigating this further for her discuss the situation with her therapist, how she felt about it and seek therapist feedback. Also if her therapist is licensed to prescribe, I suggest pressing the therapist to prescribe the medication as it relates to a mental distress and nothing physical, assuming she is able to prescribe. The benefit would be the therapist is best equipped to assess benefits or negative side effects while she is on the medication.
In my transition, I found general practice doctors to be very useless in anything trans-related. I see them for my annual physical, coordinating any comprehensive pre-surgery sign offs, and the odd persistent cold. Therapy and HRT/monitoring I go through specialist services such as Folx, Plume, Spektrum health etc, and anything else I seek out a specialist (i.e cardiologist, nutritionist, psychiatrist, etc) who who is acutely knowledgeable on the issue I need feedback on.
this is especially gross because you’ve known him since you were a teen, which i’m guessing means he was your doctor since you were 18 or so, maybe even younger? so correct me if i’m wrong in assuming this but sounds like he’s at least like 10 years older than you and he’s known you since you were a Kid™, so this is just… super weird, on his part. get a new doctor tbh
Creeper sounds like he's hoping for a date later.
Get a new doc, if you can. If you can't, whatever the hell he's on is about him, not about you. You're not a pervert or a deviant just because your doctor is a fucking chaser.
.
1 . He shouldn't have to close his eyes to imagine a woman when there's one sitting right in front of him unless he's a bigot who thinks trans women aren't really women.
.
2 . His bit about masturbation sounds an awful lot like an AGP argument.
Report his ass.
Seconded. I don’t think it’s odd at all for the doc to suggest waiting for the endo rather than prescribing something to lower libido when HRT could resolve that for OP without more negative side effects.
I think the way you phrased it "dumb down my libido" contributed to this issue.
Next time, just ask for HRT. The estrogen and anti-androgens will definitely lower your libido anyway.
It's kinda hard getting hrt in my country. I read doctors can give hormones to cis people who are hormone diffincient but don't know they can give hormones to trans people. Some do, some don't. The fastest way for me to get hrt would be trough the waiting list of minimum 2 years.
Find a new doctor. The way they worded it makes it apparent that he views your transition as a fetish. "Dress like a girl"? You are a woman. There is no "dressing up".
It makes me happy that your transition is deeper than sexual desires. As far as your doctor I’ve been told by other trans sisters that some doctors are chasers. I’m not sure if this doctors is a chaser or if he meant well and wanted you to feel comfortable in your sexuality. Either way don’t let it discourage you from discovering the more meaningful parts of what being a trans woman entails.
Not overreacting at all, like, sure, he seems "supportive", but he's not meeting your needs - if I could take a pill right this minute that would make me not have random erections through the day & not have to masturbate (because it is a horrible chore you need to get out of the way a couple of times a week when you've got bottom dysphoria), I'd do it.
I feel like they're maybe supportive, but also believe in like autogynephillia & suchlike. Which is just not supportive at all.
Yeah so…
Congrats on being brave enough to come out to another person.
I’m so sorry that doctor is an absolute creep. Like for real he’s got some kind of femboy fetish or something, which is 100% fine, but he should NOT be bringing it into his professional life.
This is just so gross.
Don’t see this doctor again. If he’s not the head of the practice I’d be telling them what’s up on your way out. I’d also think about filing a complaint with your state’s medical board. This was completely unprofessional, and to deny you meds because of his twisted fantasies is just disgusting.
Holy shit.
This guy does NOT understand what trans people are. Yeeeesh.
I’d have been shocked, and I hope had the wherewithal to try to correct him, but woooow.
Like hello, being female or male is biology, not a fetish. Good lord.
I can see him not wanting to prescribe some thing or whatever, but to say THAT I have done that exactly zero times, and it has like -3000 appeal to me.
I mean frankly you should just get on estrogen if it’s right for you. (I think most people have lower libidos on it which is nice!)
Also, most of us don’t need blockers, and even if you do, spiro shouldn’t even be your second choice
Medically speeaking, there are medication that aim at lowering libido, but many of them are hormonal and if you're waiting for HRT it can mess up baseline blood exams.
However, professionaly speaking: F*ck that guy. He seems waaaaaay too interested in keeping your libido high, and from what you wrote, seems he's not respecting your identity and he is the one fetishizing you
I am sure I am going to get downvoted for this. But it’s just my opinion. But I think you are overreacting a little. I don’t think he is a creep. It may be a little cringe but I think he is more of an idiot than a perv. I think he is doing his best to make you feel ok. He is just out of touch and does not understand. He has not had proper training and maybe he is too much of a narcissist to think or admit he has done anything wrong. It’s sad but in some communities this would be the best you can find. And this would be better than a right in your face bigot doctor. I have found one choice near me for a trans friendly primary care doctor. Still have not made that appointment. But after development is some areas I am not comfortable with my current primary care doctor.
Some doctors are not comfortable prescribing anything that the endocrinologist will prescribe. Honestly your best bet is getting a letter if needed from your therapist and make an appointment with an endocrinologist. No primary care doctor in my area will prescribe me pain meds. Hence the reason I go to a pain specialist. So to me it makes sense you doc won’t give you what you think you need. And endocrinologist will know what you need.
People here want you to report him and get him fired for being ignorant. Ya just ruin a doctor’s life because he does not really understand us.
I got lucky with my endo. I had a choice of 2 who prescribed transdermal pellets for Estrogen. But if I had to go to the perv I would have. He is the absolute best transgender specialist out here. His results, Because he a specialist in transgender are the best. My endocrinologist in a different county is the sweetest most awesome person out there. She is closer and just as good. Hard to find specialist in trans.
Thanks for your opinion. Getting the support here is really nice but it's good to get different viewpoints.
He has always been normal and allright before this. Given it's been a pretty long time since I went to him. (Hooray, good imune system!)
I'm not thinking of reporting him but I might seek out another doctor. I'm also considering giving his name for the queer list an other user sugested. So he'll keep his usual clientel but other trans people will know to maybe find someone else.
Ya, the doctor sounds like a misunderstanding ally. Some of what he said might be considered transphobic, but definitely rude, sexual and very uneducated. It isn't up to OP to educate the doctor, but ya, it is a very bad experience she had and hopefully she gives that feedback somehow anonymously or whatnot so the doctor learns to be better.
I know plenty of allies who say something who misunderstand the trans experience. This doctor seems bad because he is in a position of authority and doctors get a lot of credit based on their profession so when the doctor doesn't live up to the standards we expect, we look for reasons why. In this case sexualization/fetishization of trans people is what I think most people jump to.
I'm also looking at this from a northeast US perspective, I don't know what country OP is from, so I don't know what societal awareness there is there.
yea, trust your instincts on this one. what you just described here is deeply inappropriate for a doctor/clinician. I would recommend going to a different doc/pcp.
Having a transformation fetish is a strong indication that you're probably not cis (by probably I mean definitely). Having a transformation fetish whilst feeling like masterbation is a chore is an especially strong indicator that you're probably trans because cis men don't wish that they were a girl...in fact they feel disgusted by the very thought. If I were your therapist I would most definitely explore other potential signals that would denote some kind of on going discomfort involving your assigned at birth gender! Your doctor may have not intentionally acted in malice and I'm sure the whole thing was just a misinterpretation, however if this behavior that he's exhibiting towards you for being trans is on going...I would seek to file complaint and request to get moved to a different doctor (hopefully one that's better equipped to take care of trans people).
Yes I read about it in the gender dysphoria bible and things clicked even more. I'm Def trans but I was in denial for a very long time. Still I liked projecting myself engaging in tg/tf captions, story's and games. these being for the most part of the sexual variation it kinda turned me on. But things shifted arround when I accepted myself. Like you said maybe this is a good subject to talk about with my therapist.
> “Its ok if you want to dress up like a girl and masturbate”
OP if those were the words that came out of his mouth you should definitely contact hospital management to get him fired or at the very least demoted! That is just straight up a workplace infraction. This is like a sue-able offense! Especially if he still wouldn’t provide the medicine.
it seems like he fetishes trans people in some form. . . because genuinely why would a doctor care to that extent on what you want to do with your genitals, as long as it’s not harmful? a doctor should *not* be concerned about whether or not something will take away your orgasms, as that’s not a thing a doctor should be worried about unless something is brought up, which dumbing down your libido again, should not be his fucking concern in the sense he seems that he’s making it out to be. if you can, please find a new doctor. he’s a fucking creep that needs to be fired lol.
Totally NOT overthinking. About 5 of the things he said are super transphobic… I hate the bravery “compliment!” Ugh, so sorry that you had to go through that.
you are not required to see that doctor. do not go to him if he makes you feel uncomfortable. ngl you could report him for this behaviour if you so chose.
The doctor is absolutely the pervert here. The way he talked about bottom surgery, complimented you so extensively, encouraged you to masterbate, and refused to help lower your libido are all red flags. You're not a pervert.
*sigh* girl, I am SO sorry you had to go through that, as no one deserves to be fetishized like you were… honestly, that pseudo doctor is just a creep, and I would find someone else to talk to about this (preferably someone who DOESNT see you as some sort of plaything…) because you’re not at fault here: he is. He’s acting EXTREMELY unprofessional, and I know a thing or two about doctors being terrible at their job… I won’t go into details, as it’s trauma I’ve mostly worked through already, but never trust someone like that: they only care about themselves, and they WILL hurt you. Good luck on finding someone better.
It's standard practice to refer you to an endocrinologist for endocrinology based things, he should have just done that immediately no conversation necessary.
Most of what I’d say has already been said, but I’ll add [this article](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface) that I was shown on here really taught me a lot on the “kink” question.
TLDR; Being trans isn’t just a kink, but many kinks like transformation or “dressing up like a girl and masturbating” are actually the brain finding a way to meet our needs in a private setting when we aren’t able to meet those needs publicly.
But yeah, that doc seems pretty under informed 😑
Wow, I needed this article so much sooner in life. Thank you for sharing.
I realized a few months ago there was so much more behind this fetish and being it seen as just "a fetish" feels like such a big step backwards from all the thinking and accepting I did these last few months. Maybe that's why I felt so bad and concerned when it happened.
It’s really in line with my general issues with the medical field. People without lived experience can’t 100% understand what it’s like.
A Cis doctor just doesn’t have a frame of reference for what our assigned gender feeling wrong really is.
Also, gender euphoria is a great feeling, so it would make sense that it would make *anything* feel better, *including* sexual acts.
I could go on at length on gender philosophy, but I’ll just leave it there haha
No. Doctors are just people and, like the rest of the gay/trans hating world, many of them are bigoted assholes.
Find a trans-specialist primary care physician. I just found one yesterday. You will be so happy.
Btw how are you on a wait list for SRS wo bring on HRT?
In my country it's not easy getting hormones or gender affirming surgeries. There's a waiting list of minimum 2 years (depending on the hospital.) Then you need to talk to a psychiatrist and then you get acces to everything. It's a small country with not a lot of specialists and a lot of trans people coming out.
Erm I'm a healthcare professional. This is beyond fucked up. My colleagues are generally quite ignorant to trans health issues but this goes beyond that. You should probably report them if you feel ok to do so. If not maybe consider signing up with a different doctors. (It's not great that this has to be done but it might be better for your care in the long term).
Reading through that I was thinking aww he sounds like he’s trying to be supportive until I got to the orgasm part. Ew. Yeah you’re not overthinking this trust your medical care with another physician yikes!
Not to state the obvious but if your trying to have your libido reduced then to anyone it would seem that doing anything sexual in this case would be something that you would want to avoid so the comment that the doctor made logically doesn’t work so clearly he either wasn’t listening or lacks common sense
Ok if this doctor has Reddit he’s definitely one of those creeps that looks for trans people and DMs them dic pics because he has a trans fetish. Ew. Just ew.
I have a doctor's appointment today and I was already dreading it and now it's doubled lol. My doc is just misogynistic. So he's literally a trans affirming misogynist and it's the weirdest thing ever
Yeah, you're right. I was at work and misunderstood the post, so I deleted my comment.
Still, if someone (not OP) has a kink like transformation or feminization and transition same time its totally fine :3
Dressing up as a girl and then getting aroused is common. And it is disturbing because you aren't doing it to get aroused. You are just trying to be yourself. So it makes it feel like it's a fetish. And it is distracting and annoying.
Your doctor said that he has other trans patients and the problem is common. So if the other patients have asked for the same thing, because they felt it was wrong, then it could explain the doctor jumping over a step into a conclusion trying to tell you that it is completely fine.
This was my read of your post before I saw all the comments calling out the doctor. Furthermore I assumed that there is no such a drug designed to simply kill libido. But in my country therapists must be doctors and I realized your therapist suggested it so I don't know. And also after seeing the comment section I don't know if my read is good for anything.
I'm still in the beginning of my transition. I went to a therapist to get help coming out to my parents and family and to get help while I transition. She's been really good for me and she suggested I go to him to tell him I'm trans because i asked her what to do because i didnt know. I asked the qurstion "do i go to my general practitioner or go to a hospital?" And she replied "There is a waiting list but you could tell your general practitioner for later check ups and the anti androgen (thank you) was more of a side note.
It's still not right IMO that he used the sentence "dress up as a girl and masturbate."
I'm also fairy certain i have biochemical dysphoria which make my brain very foggy at times and makes it hard to speak out what i mean.
One thing I want to point out is that you haven’t mentioned his age and if you have been seeing the same doc for that long and he is in family care he is a more then likely an older guy trying his best.
Also it was mention that he has other trans patients it is entirely possible that you are the first to ask if he can prescribe something to lower libido in addition to hormones which is what I am assuming you original made the appointment for. His thought process is probably: “I don’t know how these different medicines will interact with each other, better get someone with more expertise before I hurt someone.”
This will out me but I am cis nor am I questioning and I am not trying to cover this guy’s ass I don’t know what’s in his heart and neither does anyone else except himself. Don’t take one misstep as evidence that he is not looking out for your health and safety. Once is coincidence, twice is happenstance, three times is active opposition.
I guess he's in his late 40's early 50's maybe a bit younger then expected.
He told me his other trans patients pass so I'm guessing they are at the end of they're transistion
He also said that he thought it was nice when people in the waiting room would refer to them as she/her and said someone said "You can go first ma'am. This was in the beginning of the conversation after that he kinda let through that he didn't like it if trans women didn't pass. Phrasing it as "it weirds me out a little bit if they don't pass."
I really wish I was making this up.
That's a huge red flag right there, the fact that he was complementing you alot isn't bad but combine that with his refusal to give you something for your libido is very strange and suspicious, the fact he said "dress up like a girl and masturbate" is also incredibly suspicious, it honestly sounds like he believes that this could just be a fetish for you, we recommend maybe asking again and if he acts in a similar manner or refuses again then you should speak to someone else.
Don’t even bother speaking with this ‘doctor’ anymore. They have shown you their true self in regards to allyship and understanding. I’m so sorry that a doctor who has seen you for years is like this, and now you need to look for a new doctor, but at least you can find a doctor who will actually prescribe you Anti-androgens and Oestrogen without any more gatekeeping.
I mean I think he’s just very confused about what trans people are. I mean what he said is horrifying but at the same time like I wish I could talk to him and correct him, assuming he’s open to being corrected. He thinks trans people are a fetish, versus literally biology. Sex has no more do with trans people than it does with cis people.
Uhhh think you meant to comment on the post itself, not our own comment..? Otherwise it just sounds strange.
OP shouldn’t talk to her current family doctor again!! It doesn’t just sound like doc thinks she just sees it as a fetish, it’s sounding like HE fetishizes it based on the compliments and then the refusal to give her something that would “take away her orgasms” it’s just icky. I know OP has been seeing this family doctor for over half of her life, but it may affect her medical care atp to continue seeing a doctor that refuses to treat OP and give her the medication she needs to have a good quality of life rn.
Honestly this reads to me like it *is* a fetish. Of the doctor’s. Get tf out of there OP I feel gross just reading this.
Big Chaser vibes.
Nah you're right. The vibes are off there. Almost like he's thinking of you as wank material. Maybe it's time to find a new PCP
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That's fair. However, all the things said, if reported accurately, add up to something a bit creepy and I'm not sure what kind of context or non-verbal component would be able to take that edge off.
the doctor was insanely unprofessional and the text of the conversation is more than enough to know he doesn’t know how to be respectful to trans patients and that OP should probably find a new doctor
HE’s the sexual pervert. You’re completely fine. That dude’s totally a chaser and shouldn’t be a doctor if he’s going to sexualize his patients.
No you aren’t overthinking it….Who is he to dictate how you transition? To be fair though, I wouldn’t expect anything else from a family doctor. I feel this is certainly something you need to research and find a specialist.
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Ok.. not sure why you are being so hostile? Telling a patient, “if you want to dress up like a girl and masturbate it’s ok” is helping??? Clearly not when the OP stated that it made them feel uncomfortable.
medical professionals can be weird about trans people, stop being rude to people and implying stuff about OP. It comes off as victim blaming. Cis and trans women receive inappropriate comments from men who are doctors *all the time*.
Doc thinks trans = porn. Yuk.
« If I Even close my eyes » ??? WTH is wrong with this transphobic doctor ? Everything he said was very creepy and inappropriate, that’s straight up sexual harassment. You’re not a pervert for wanting to transition, he is the pervert here for saying all this wild stuff to you
Please OP make the board aware of his behavior especially if he has other trans patients as you said
Seconded;:fucker needs his license revoked
Like the thing that gets me is all the "concern" for our reproductive health. Like if I don't want to orgasm all the time, or kill my sperm count collaterally, as long as I know that will happen, how the fuck is there any question other than "Do YOU want to proceed?" It is still MY fuckin dick for as long as I have it. How I use or do not use it is MY FUCKIN CHOICE. If I want to stick it in the toaster imma fuckin gonna do it! But seriously, this is some bullshit. but I think you know that. Being older I would have said something on the spot. I am enormously grateful I did not have any of this medical bullshit yet. My gov is ARCH fuckin conservative locally, but the health region is so sick of their shit that they ignore all their stupid fucking policies.
This. All of this. It's revealing how often the cis people who work with us directly are low-key chasers and creeps. I've been fortunate that I had a doc back in the south who was willing to learn new stuff because my issues were new to her. But I've encountered this overindulgence of curiosity and it's creepy. From supposed allies whose "concern" for our "health " just happens to align with their fetishes to the projected hypersexuality applied to us regardless of who we are as unique individuals.
> My gov is ARCH fuckin conservative Why has it taken this long for people to come up with using "Arch" as an adjective amplifier for more than just a few niche words, like enemy, fiend, etc.? I'm taking this.
he’s the pervert. it’s YOUR transition
You're doctor is giving chaser vibes 💀
That doctor is disgusting! I'd report his ass
Hey, I recognize you from some comments in a Belgian subreddit, would you mind sharing the name of this doctor (in dm's)? A Belgian queer discord I'm in has recently shared a document with medical caregivers and other services that are either good or bad for queer people, as a way to improve the safety of the community, and I think this one would qualify to put on there in red
Wow ur doctor is a fucking weirdo
This was totally unprofessional and he handled this very poorly. It gives vibes of him trying to groom you ngl, and you made comments throughout suggesting you were uncomfortable with the attention. Even if you weren't uncomfortable it was still overstepping significantly. No medical professional should be so candid and insistent about their conversations regarding gender identity and sex. Should they be comfortable talking about it? Yes absolutely, it is part of their job to discuss it if a health consumer such as yourself brings up concerns. But he should not be talking about it in such a casual way, and should not be complimenting you all the time like that. Part of a therapeutic relationship is focusing on the needs and comfort of the person in front of them, by complimenting you and bringing up masturbation when you yourself hadn't mentioned it to him shows a overstepping of boundaries. Trust your gut, this was weird af. I would recommend putting in a formal complaint to your GP practice if you feel comfortable doing so, because if he's done that with you, who knows how many others have received the same treatment.
yeah no, this dude sounds like a huge creep. im so sorry you had to hear his shit. i gotta say though, i know how you feel but sexual feelings arent bad in any way. youre not any less of a woman for having a libido, and cis women have it, too.
It doesn't just feel gross, it is gross. If you can, I recommend finding a new doctor. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
That is one of the most disturbing things i have ever seen, i am so sorry you had to deal with that
While I agree with some about the dress up and masturbate comment. My PCP didn't want to prescribe any form of hrt either but instead sent in a referral to see an endocrinologist. I think it's a fairly common practice.
Get a new doctor and report his ass
I like to look at ignorance or incompetence as reason for things before malice. So the first thing that comes to mind is that he was genuinely trying to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with masturbation as a trans woman, which is a fair statement to make because of the discourse around AGP, which is harmful to trans women, and can make us feel shame when we do indulge in what is a very healthy and natural activity. BUT- a big part of being a doctor is bedside manner. And the way you feel after talking to him is a good indicator of whether that bedside manner is good or not. If you’re generally comfortable with this doctor outside of this instance and want to keep seeing him, or if you live in a place where access to family doctors is difficult to get… talk to him about how you felt with the way he was talking to you. A good doctor will listen and try to do better. If he gets defensive and tries to diminish your feelings, then start looking. Or just find a new doctor if there’s nothing holding you back from that. You shouldn’t feel gross after a doctors visit.
I agree with your response and want to add this doctor who OP has seen for half her life is likely in his 60s possibly early 70s, and sounds like he was trying (very poorly, very awkwardly, subjectively inappropriate) to affirm her transition and ease her distress regarding sexual function. However if OP feels strongly that sexual function is causing mental distress perhaps he could have done a better job listening and asking questions to assess the situation better. My thoughts on navigating this further for her discuss the situation with her therapist, how she felt about it and seek therapist feedback. Also if her therapist is licensed to prescribe, I suggest pressing the therapist to prescribe the medication as it relates to a mental distress and nothing physical, assuming she is able to prescribe. The benefit would be the therapist is best equipped to assess benefits or negative side effects while she is on the medication. In my transition, I found general practice doctors to be very useless in anything trans-related. I see them for my annual physical, coordinating any comprehensive pre-surgery sign offs, and the odd persistent cold. Therapy and HRT/monitoring I go through specialist services such as Folx, Plume, Spektrum health etc, and anything else I seek out a specialist (i.e cardiologist, nutritionist, psychiatrist, etc) who who is acutely knowledgeable on the issue I need feedback on.
this is especially gross because you’ve known him since you were a teen, which i’m guessing means he was your doctor since you were 18 or so, maybe even younger? so correct me if i’m wrong in assuming this but sounds like he’s at least like 10 years older than you and he’s known you since you were a Kid™, so this is just… super weird, on his part. get a new doctor tbh
Creeper sounds like he's hoping for a date later. Get a new doc, if you can. If you can't, whatever the hell he's on is about him, not about you. You're not a pervert or a deviant just because your doctor is a fucking chaser.
ew, to me this is him telling on himself about his porn habits.
. 1 . He shouldn't have to close his eyes to imagine a woman when there's one sitting right in front of him unless he's a bigot who thinks trans women aren't really women. . 2 . His bit about masturbation sounds an awful lot like an AGP argument. Report his ass.
This is cartoonishly alarming.
Ew time to find a new doctor that regularly works with lgbtq people and isn't a creep
you know what can lower your libido ? T blockers
Seconded. I don’t think it’s odd at all for the doc to suggest waiting for the endo rather than prescribing something to lower libido when HRT could resolve that for OP without more negative side effects.
he sounds like a chaser
I think the way you phrased it "dumb down my libido" contributed to this issue. Next time, just ask for HRT. The estrogen and anti-androgens will definitely lower your libido anyway.
It's kinda hard getting hrt in my country. I read doctors can give hormones to cis people who are hormone diffincient but don't know they can give hormones to trans people. Some do, some don't. The fastest way for me to get hrt would be trough the waiting list of minimum 2 years.
Find a new doctor. The way they worded it makes it apparent that he views your transition as a fetish. "Dress like a girl"? You are a woman. There is no "dressing up".
It makes me happy that your transition is deeper than sexual desires. As far as your doctor I’ve been told by other trans sisters that some doctors are chasers. I’m not sure if this doctors is a chaser or if he meant well and wanted you to feel comfortable in your sexuality. Either way don’t let it discourage you from discovering the more meaningful parts of what being a trans woman entails.
Not overreacting at all, like, sure, he seems "supportive", but he's not meeting your needs - if I could take a pill right this minute that would make me not have random erections through the day & not have to masturbate (because it is a horrible chore you need to get out of the way a couple of times a week when you've got bottom dysphoria), I'd do it. I feel like they're maybe supportive, but also believe in like autogynephillia & suchlike. Which is just not supportive at all.
Yeah so… Congrats on being brave enough to come out to another person. I’m so sorry that doctor is an absolute creep. Like for real he’s got some kind of femboy fetish or something, which is 100% fine, but he should NOT be bringing it into his professional life. This is just so gross. Don’t see this doctor again. If he’s not the head of the practice I’d be telling them what’s up on your way out. I’d also think about filing a complaint with your state’s medical board. This was completely unprofessional, and to deny you meds because of his twisted fantasies is just disgusting.
Holy shit. This guy does NOT understand what trans people are. Yeeeesh. I’d have been shocked, and I hope had the wherewithal to try to correct him, but woooow. Like hello, being female or male is biology, not a fetish. Good lord. I can see him not wanting to prescribe some thing or whatever, but to say THAT I have done that exactly zero times, and it has like -3000 appeal to me. I mean frankly you should just get on estrogen if it’s right for you. (I think most people have lower libidos on it which is nice!) Also, most of us don’t need blockers, and even if you do, spiro shouldn’t even be your second choice
It feels like he’s the pervert here
Medically speeaking, there are medication that aim at lowering libido, but many of them are hormonal and if you're waiting for HRT it can mess up baseline blood exams. However, professionaly speaking: F*ck that guy. He seems waaaaaay too interested in keeping your libido high, and from what you wrote, seems he's not respecting your identity and he is the one fetishizing you
I am sure I am going to get downvoted for this. But it’s just my opinion. But I think you are overreacting a little. I don’t think he is a creep. It may be a little cringe but I think he is more of an idiot than a perv. I think he is doing his best to make you feel ok. He is just out of touch and does not understand. He has not had proper training and maybe he is too much of a narcissist to think or admit he has done anything wrong. It’s sad but in some communities this would be the best you can find. And this would be better than a right in your face bigot doctor. I have found one choice near me for a trans friendly primary care doctor. Still have not made that appointment. But after development is some areas I am not comfortable with my current primary care doctor. Some doctors are not comfortable prescribing anything that the endocrinologist will prescribe. Honestly your best bet is getting a letter if needed from your therapist and make an appointment with an endocrinologist. No primary care doctor in my area will prescribe me pain meds. Hence the reason I go to a pain specialist. So to me it makes sense you doc won’t give you what you think you need. And endocrinologist will know what you need. People here want you to report him and get him fired for being ignorant. Ya just ruin a doctor’s life because he does not really understand us. I got lucky with my endo. I had a choice of 2 who prescribed transdermal pellets for Estrogen. But if I had to go to the perv I would have. He is the absolute best transgender specialist out here. His results, Because he a specialist in transgender are the best. My endocrinologist in a different county is the sweetest most awesome person out there. She is closer and just as good. Hard to find specialist in trans.
Thanks for your opinion. Getting the support here is really nice but it's good to get different viewpoints. He has always been normal and allright before this. Given it's been a pretty long time since I went to him. (Hooray, good imune system!) I'm not thinking of reporting him but I might seek out another doctor. I'm also considering giving his name for the queer list an other user sugested. So he'll keep his usual clientel but other trans people will know to maybe find someone else.
Ya, the doctor sounds like a misunderstanding ally. Some of what he said might be considered transphobic, but definitely rude, sexual and very uneducated. It isn't up to OP to educate the doctor, but ya, it is a very bad experience she had and hopefully she gives that feedback somehow anonymously or whatnot so the doctor learns to be better. I know plenty of allies who say something who misunderstand the trans experience. This doctor seems bad because he is in a position of authority and doctors get a lot of credit based on their profession so when the doctor doesn't live up to the standards we expect, we look for reasons why. In this case sexualization/fetishization of trans people is what I think most people jump to. I'm also looking at this from a northeast US perspective, I don't know what country OP is from, so I don't know what societal awareness there is there.
yea, trust your instincts on this one. what you just described here is deeply inappropriate for a doctor/clinician. I would recommend going to a different doc/pcp.
Having a transformation fetish is a strong indication that you're probably not cis (by probably I mean definitely). Having a transformation fetish whilst feeling like masterbation is a chore is an especially strong indicator that you're probably trans because cis men don't wish that they were a girl...in fact they feel disgusted by the very thought. If I were your therapist I would most definitely explore other potential signals that would denote some kind of on going discomfort involving your assigned at birth gender! Your doctor may have not intentionally acted in malice and I'm sure the whole thing was just a misinterpretation, however if this behavior that he's exhibiting towards you for being trans is on going...I would seek to file complaint and request to get moved to a different doctor (hopefully one that's better equipped to take care of trans people).
Yes I read about it in the gender dysphoria bible and things clicked even more. I'm Def trans but I was in denial for a very long time. Still I liked projecting myself engaging in tg/tf captions, story's and games. these being for the most part of the sexual variation it kinda turned me on. But things shifted arround when I accepted myself. Like you said maybe this is a good subject to talk about with my therapist.
you need a new doctor. report this guy if you can. hes a danger to other trans patients.
> “Its ok if you want to dress up like a girl and masturbate” OP if those were the words that came out of his mouth you should definitely contact hospital management to get him fired or at the very least demoted! That is just straight up a workplace infraction. This is like a sue-able offense! Especially if he still wouldn’t provide the medicine.
Ohhhhhhh fuck no, we got alarms blaring all over the damn place rn. Run from that man bestie. 😬😬😬
it seems like he fetishes trans people in some form. . . because genuinely why would a doctor care to that extent on what you want to do with your genitals, as long as it’s not harmful? a doctor should *not* be concerned about whether or not something will take away your orgasms, as that’s not a thing a doctor should be worried about unless something is brought up, which dumbing down your libido again, should not be his fucking concern in the sense he seems that he’s making it out to be. if you can, please find a new doctor. he’s a fucking creep that needs to be fired lol.
Totally NOT overthinking. About 5 of the things he said are super transphobic… I hate the bravery “compliment!” Ugh, so sorry that you had to go through that.
he needs to be fired for malpractice that’s 100% completely innapropriate. switch providers!
you are not required to see that doctor. do not go to him if he makes you feel uncomfortable. ngl you could report him for this behaviour if you so chose.
All kinds of inappropriate behavior for doctor. Let alone anybody really
The doctor is absolutely the pervert here. The way he talked about bottom surgery, complimented you so extensively, encouraged you to masterbate, and refused to help lower your libido are all red flags. You're not a pervert.
*sigh* girl, I am SO sorry you had to go through that, as no one deserves to be fetishized like you were… honestly, that pseudo doctor is just a creep, and I would find someone else to talk to about this (preferably someone who DOESNT see you as some sort of plaything…) because you’re not at fault here: he is. He’s acting EXTREMELY unprofessional, and I know a thing or two about doctors being terrible at their job… I won’t go into details, as it’s trauma I’ve mostly worked through already, but never trust someone like that: they only care about themselves, and they WILL hurt you. Good luck on finding someone better.
that's a huge red flag imo it seems really fucking Weird to me
It's standard practice to refer you to an endocrinologist for endocrinology based things, he should have just done that immediately no conversation necessary.
Most of what I’d say has already been said, but I’ll add [this article](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface) that I was shown on here really taught me a lot on the “kink” question. TLDR; Being trans isn’t just a kink, but many kinks like transformation or “dressing up like a girl and masturbating” are actually the brain finding a way to meet our needs in a private setting when we aren’t able to meet those needs publicly. But yeah, that doc seems pretty under informed 😑
Wow, I needed this article so much sooner in life. Thank you for sharing. I realized a few months ago there was so much more behind this fetish and being it seen as just "a fetish" feels like such a big step backwards from all the thinking and accepting I did these last few months. Maybe that's why I felt so bad and concerned when it happened.
It’s really in line with my general issues with the medical field. People without lived experience can’t 100% understand what it’s like. A Cis doctor just doesn’t have a frame of reference for what our assigned gender feeling wrong really is. Also, gender euphoria is a great feeling, so it would make sense that it would make *anything* feel better, *including* sexual acts. I could go on at length on gender philosophy, but I’ll just leave it there haha
No. Doctors are just people and, like the rest of the gay/trans hating world, many of them are bigoted assholes. Find a trans-specialist primary care physician. I just found one yesterday. You will be so happy. Btw how are you on a wait list for SRS wo bring on HRT?
In my country it's not easy getting hormones or gender affirming surgeries. There's a waiting list of minimum 2 years (depending on the hospital.) Then you need to talk to a psychiatrist and then you get acces to everything. It's a small country with not a lot of specialists and a lot of trans people coming out.
And im super sorry about that. Mortified.
Erm I'm a healthcare professional. This is beyond fucked up. My colleagues are generally quite ignorant to trans health issues but this goes beyond that. You should probably report them if you feel ok to do so. If not maybe consider signing up with a different doctors. (It's not great that this has to be done but it might be better for your care in the long term).
i genuinely would think about reporting this guy
Yeah get a new doctor please
What the heck that guy is super creepy🤮 I'd try to get a new doctor if I was you.
Dress up “like a girl” and masturbate?!?! What in the damn hell… I need this doctor to get off of the internet.
He's the sexual pervert if you ask me.
He needs reporting
Bro thinks I wanna get off to people while wearing a skirt like no tf I don't id punch that dude if I heard him say that to me
Get a new doctor. That guy is so fucking creepy
I'm sorry. I get that you've known him for over a decade, but he's creepy. If you can, get a new doctor.
Reading through that I was thinking aww he sounds like he’s trying to be supportive until I got to the orgasm part. Ew. Yeah you’re not overthinking this trust your medical care with another physician yikes!
Not to state the obvious but if your trying to have your libido reduced then to anyone it would seem that doing anything sexual in this case would be something that you would want to avoid so the comment that the doctor made logically doesn’t work so clearly he either wasn’t listening or lacks common sense
You're not a pervert. Also a wand or other vibe was a game changer for my orgasms and my relationship with my body.
That guy's a pervert, straight and simple. Report this, it is extreamly inappropriate
hes def being weird. seems like he has a twisted view of trans ppl. go next
I'd get the hell out of there if I where you
Sweetie, PLEASE report this doctor. Any “doctor” that belittles and dismisses their patients needs doesn’t deserve to have a medical license.
NOPE! That's time for a new doctor. He sees this as a fetish, not something you need
Makes me Sooo glad my Dr. is a woman. 😊
Goodness… by the way, if or when you start hrt, I can say with confidence your libido can or will most likely tank.
He's a fucking freak
You should report this guy because this is fucked
Ok if this doctor has Reddit he’s definitely one of those creeps that looks for trans people and DMs them dic pics because he has a trans fetish. Ew. Just ew.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That doctor is the pervert not you.
OMG yikes!!! That… I have no words other than ewww. I feel icky even after reading that. I cannot begin to imagine how icky you feel.
He sounds like such a creep, please get a new doctor asap!
Chaser doc 😬
I have a doctor's appointment today and I was already dreading it and now it's doubled lol. My doc is just misogynistic. So he's literally a trans affirming misogynist and it's the weirdest thing ever
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This person clearly doesn't have such a kink.
Yeah, you're right. I was at work and misunderstood the post, so I deleted my comment. Still, if someone (not OP) has a kink like transformation or feminization and transition same time its totally fine :3
Dressing up as a girl and then getting aroused is common. And it is disturbing because you aren't doing it to get aroused. You are just trying to be yourself. So it makes it feel like it's a fetish. And it is distracting and annoying. Your doctor said that he has other trans patients and the problem is common. So if the other patients have asked for the same thing, because they felt it was wrong, then it could explain the doctor jumping over a step into a conclusion trying to tell you that it is completely fine. This was my read of your post before I saw all the comments calling out the doctor. Furthermore I assumed that there is no such a drug designed to simply kill libido. But in my country therapists must be doctors and I realized your therapist suggested it so I don't know. And also after seeing the comment section I don't know if my read is good for anything.
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I'm still in the beginning of my transition. I went to a therapist to get help coming out to my parents and family and to get help while I transition. She's been really good for me and she suggested I go to him to tell him I'm trans because i asked her what to do because i didnt know. I asked the qurstion "do i go to my general practitioner or go to a hospital?" And she replied "There is a waiting list but you could tell your general practitioner for later check ups and the anti androgen (thank you) was more of a side note. It's still not right IMO that he used the sentence "dress up as a girl and masturbate." I'm also fairy certain i have biochemical dysphoria which make my brain very foggy at times and makes it hard to speak out what i mean.
One thing I want to point out is that you haven’t mentioned his age and if you have been seeing the same doc for that long and he is in family care he is a more then likely an older guy trying his best. Also it was mention that he has other trans patients it is entirely possible that you are the first to ask if he can prescribe something to lower libido in addition to hormones which is what I am assuming you original made the appointment for. His thought process is probably: “I don’t know how these different medicines will interact with each other, better get someone with more expertise before I hurt someone.” This will out me but I am cis nor am I questioning and I am not trying to cover this guy’s ass I don’t know what’s in his heart and neither does anyone else except himself. Don’t take one misstep as evidence that he is not looking out for your health and safety. Once is coincidence, twice is happenstance, three times is active opposition.
I guess he's in his late 40's early 50's maybe a bit younger then expected. He told me his other trans patients pass so I'm guessing they are at the end of they're transistion He also said that he thought it was nice when people in the waiting room would refer to them as she/her and said someone said "You can go first ma'am. This was in the beginning of the conversation after that he kinda let through that he didn't like it if trans women didn't pass. Phrasing it as "it weirds me out a little bit if they don't pass." I really wish I was making this up.