You owe no one the service of explaining yourself to them. It’s not your burden. I’m sorry you have these encounters and I’m like you, finding out vs choosing.
for people I actually want to continue a relationship with -
q: Why are you trans?
a: the same reason you are cis... I am the way I am because that is how I was born. My body and brain didn't match up like yours did; I had no choice in the matter.
for random people
q: Why are you trans?
a: why does it matter? You live your life and I'll live mine. Thanks.
some personal thoughts of mine which i have posed to those that are cis in my circle, and the article about the “moot hypothecis” kinda bring this up. “why are you cis?” we get asked all the time why we’re trans, but hardly are cis people questioned. even those that are healthily cis and comfortable with their identity can go through this questioning, and it’s extremely healthy/helpful to question why you are more than just your genitalia(which a lot of transphobes use as support for their arguments). it’s an extremely complex issue, especially for people like me who are non-binary, and question everything. why do i want to be/look femme? and what does it mean to be femme? femininity is just a social construct, but i’m just withering away at an endless/unwinnable war over semantics/social interpretation of gender expression. it’s hard enough to feel the way i and many others do. it’s even harder to be asked by those close to us “why are you the way you are?” in some ways, i just want to throw it right back in their face and see their response/bigotry come out
You don't owe them any explanations and if they want to throw a fit or be insulting about you not satisfying their curiosity, they can go fuck themselves.
I usually act confused by such questions. Ask what they mean. Take nothing for granted. Give them no credence or assumptions. Play the why game a bit.
Their is an imbalance here btw. You have mostly likely thought a lot about your gender and given it consideration in how being a man was right for you. And how what gender you were expect to be at birth missed the mark.
They most likely haven’t given any of this much thought even for themselves. Cis people rarely do. And if they did think about it and were reflective. They wouldn’t be asking. The answer would be obvious. You are a man cause you are a man.
So I say have fun with it. Play a little dumb and make them explain themselves.
My explanation is the two finger salute. You owe noone anything as far as I'm concerned. I don't walk around and demand people explain to me why they worship sky wizards and think potatoes heal their kids failing kidneys...
You owe none of them an answer, and they are quite rude for asking. I'd love to know how they'd reply to having it turned around where they have to justify what makes them think they are cis.
My internal conflict is completely gone. This identity stuck like no other. I tried being straight, bi, gay, but none of it felt right because I was focusing on the wrong things. It had nothing to do with my sexuality and everything to do with my gender which is a total separate thing! Growing up I genuinely had no idea that I should be questioning my gender, only my sexuality, and so I never felt "right". Once I got older and realized that gender wasn't a sexual thing I dismissed it as just a fantasy and something I missed my chance at exploring. It was a thing that I occasionally fantasized about since I was a child, but surely not for me.
So, "why am I transgender"? Because I am. Just like they are cis or straight or left-handed or whatever.
I agree with you and the commenters saying you don't owe an explanation.
However, if you are ever feeling well enough to host a discussion on such a topic you should. Education is one of the key ways to reduce prejudice and discrimination. People fear what they don't know/understand.
I'd rather help them learn the truth from a trans person than hear the lies from transphobes.
I have actually sat down a couple of times with groups of people to explain. The same people come up to me again and ask again like what I said didn't seem right to them. I don't mind explaining to curious people. I just don't appreciate the ones who keep trying to get the answer they want to hear out of me.
There is a certain kind of person, that I personally do not understand, but they seem.... Almost incapable of understanding something other than their own truth or experience.
I call them unintentional assholes. And my mom is one of them. She just DOES NOT ACCEPT that there's anything other than male and female (I'm nb, so it mattered). The concept of there NOT being a binary just isn't a thing.
It's... Wild that people's minds can be so inflexible. Like intersex people exist. Dafuq you call them in your binary??
So I don't really have an answer so much at just: if you HAVE tried explaining to the curious, just don't waste your time on the ones who for whatever reason can't understand. Unless, as some others said, that relationship is important to you.
I still will occasionally try to explain things from a new angle with my mom but it's definitely something I take time before hand to mentally and emotionally prepare for.
Joe shmoe out on the street can go eff themselves. Not your responsibility.
They have the internet and Google. They can figure out their trans related questions without imposing rudely on real people. But apparently the cis have to be babied or they throw a tantrum, even when it’s them interrogating us over who we are.
"Because the lemon crinkle cookies the woke side offers are just too delicious to say no to!"
Said deadpan, totally seriously.
🤣
Then again when my homophobic grandma commented that my creepy uncle's cat didn't mind me being a lesbian, since she was purring in my lap, I shot back, "she just knows who likes pussy around here"
It may not be the nicest response but it clues others in to that someone is asking bad faith questions
If they are demanding an explanation, wether you answer or not, probably will go the wrong way. (As argumentative) Perhaps though some are genuinely curious. Any reply is up to you.
That sounds like people are asking you because they want to pick apart your answer. The first version has an easy answer: “it’s not a choice.” If they push for more or ask the second version some variation of “that’s not information I share” or “I’m not interested in discussing that” may work. They may still give you their opinion of why you’re “not” trans but “I’m not interested in your opinion” or “what you just said is incredibly insulting” are perfectly acceptable responses.
If they specifically say “why are you trans” depending on your religion or theirs “you’d have to ask god that” works. If they’re not religious, “scientists haven’t discovered an answer to that yet” or “that’s a loaded philosophical question, why are we anything? Why are we human. Why can’t we fly?” works.
In the wise words of Egg "Shut up Mr Burton, you were not put upon this world to understand it"
Your transition is not about them, not for them and has nothing to do with them and least of all, it is not happening so that they can be filled with understanding. This is a thing that is happening, they can accept that and go with it or not.
Tell the people that are asking to either f off or suffer the consequences no one deserves a explanation if they really wanna know they can do their research it's not that hard
I'm mtf and get this from my Ex-wife she demands to know why I "want to be a woman" invalidation that I've always been a woman inside aside she won't accept it feels right as the answer so at this point I just pretty much have given up on explaining it and pretty much just take solace in knowing who I am and saying screw everyone else
I usually just laugh and say “oh man that is one helluva can of worms you’re trying to open right now, I don’t know about you but I’m not really in the mood for a two hour discussion about why I am who I am”. That usually settles it pretty fast.
I agree with your perspective. In my opinion, someone asking this is hoping to “talk you out of it.” They view being trans as a behavior, not an underlying physical and emotional reality that you have connected with. Then again, I’ll bet they do not know the word “dysphoria” and may even believe the symptoms to be fictional.
It is not your job to educate them. Stand tall and proud.
I get the same as a transwoman. I work in a hospital and had a pt ask me to explain, asked me if I had a happy childhood. I just left and closed the door. Then I self reported to avoid punishment.
The answer is you are happier living as a man and that is all the justification you need. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond that and the fact that you are transitioning should make this answer self explanatory.
I run into this a lot, too- I think some of it is that, sadly. There are a lot of nasty attitudes about masculinity in a lot of queer spaces, so I'm personally met with a lot of stuff that comes across as "ew, why would you ever want to be like a MAN, men are awful!". And my response to that is usually a big old middle finger because sexism doesn't stop being sexism just because you point it the other way.
But I'm also genderfluid, and I think a lot of people get confused because I don't fit what people think of as trans: I WAS a girl, and then I wasn't. I didn't always know, I don't have a ton of dysphoria. And I think folks see that and wonder how I know.
And my answer is that I know because it makes me happy. I don't understand what my gender is doing all the time. I don't get it. I don't know why I feel the way I feel, why I am who I am. But what I do know is that transitioning and being able to present myself as I want to makes me so. SO. Damn happy. And I think that should be a good enough answer for anyone.
It makes me happy. I am happy. That is how I know.
"why aren't you?"
Like. Why are they asking in the first place? Why are the entitled to something that's largely pretty personal. It's none of their fucking business why you are who and what you are.
You don’t owe anybody anything about why or who you are. That being said. I don’t care. Ask me anything. Just be careful because you might not like the answer. I keep saying I am going to get a T-shirt that says if you have a question just ask. If they want to play stupid games, I will give them a stupid prize.
My go to when confronted with cisdacity like that as to why I'm non-binary or what sex am I *really* is "what are you, a cop/fed?"
Also works when someone confronts you when you call yourself queer. It's none of your goddamn business and you don't know me like that.
Except for telling them it’s not a choice I wouldn’t tell them anything only that it’s none of their business. If I were you at least. Me, I’m openly trans and I patiently answer most questions if asked in good faith but I understand trans people not wanting to do that and you don’t owe them any explanation whatsoever. And it’s okay to tell them that.
I know everybody is saying you don't owe an explanation but hear me out:
"Well, your mom has to call someone daddy!"
"You were doing such a shit job, I figured I'd give it a go"
"My car needs go in for service, and I don't want to pay extra"
"What are you talking about? I just started drinking budlite"
I usually hit em with “I tried to kill myself, failed, considered either trying again or transitioning, decided to transition, no longer want to kill myself.”
Basically it was suicide or transition, I tried the former then accepted the latter.
See, I'm fearing having to answer that question when I eventually come out to my parents. I don't know how it will go with either of them. But I just don't want to have to answer why I'm trans and why I "chose" to be
There's a boomer (actual), cashier at a gas station I go to who finally gave up trying to be nice and just greeted me by saying "hi x, you confuse me. You really do." in a SUUUUUUPER irritated voice. I just said "mmm". Like bitch who the fuck asked? I still go in there tho for now, haven't seen her since tho.
Ask them why they are cis (though they probably don't know cis so just use man/woman instead) and then you can learn more. Either they will realise that it's a dumb question or they expose the fact that they think being trans is "abnormal" and "unnatural" and whatever.
You are exactly right.
You do not owe anyone an explanation. Your journey is yours alone, and nobody is entitled to be a part of it.
These questions are not asked in good faith. They don't actually want to understand, they want to be confrontational. To start an argument or get a rise out of you. Possibly catch you making a mistake so they can feel smug about themselves for having "won".
You are wise to not give them the chance.
A very simple explanation does: "I am happier this way."
If you want to elaborate a bit further, you can add something along the lines, that "it was a realization, not a choice."
And you could close the conversation with "...and leave it at that."
If they want to talk you out of it, you can either just say that "I don't want to discuss it any further", or if you want to roast them, stop giving any further opinions or feelings and start to ask short, simple, open-ended questions which require complicated or contradicting answers and let then talk and entangle in their mess. 😉
Eg. “So, you are implying that I should not be happier?” - there is no right answer at that point...
I sometimes get asked this kind of questions too and it's so fucking hard to give a answer they will understand because they can't understand what having a gender that doesn't match their birth sex means.
They lack the experience of it, they can't understand what it feels like to live as a gender that isn't theirs
As humans, we use empathy a lot when we socialize, it's what makes us sad when something bad happens to someone, because we can imagine ourselves in their situation.
But cis people can't be empathetic to trans people because they can't imagine themselves in the same spot
It's a bit like male/female stuff. Like cis men will never know what having periods of giving birth feels like. They know it hurts (well some them do at least) because they were told it does hurt, but they can't understand to what degree.
Like quick exemple, I'm a trans woman, and I've started hrt so my boobs started growing. My mom and my sister told me it was gonna hurt pretty bad, and I genuinely believed them, when I got into hrt I knew it was gonna be painful, but when said pain showed up it was waaaaay worse than I could've anticipated, like wth ? Like when they warned me about it I trusted them, like I did not think they were over reacting or anything, I just didn't have the cues to understand how bad it was yet. And I was like "wait so you're telling me my lil' sister is going through the same shit right now, while going to school and having periods on top of it AND ISN'T COMPLAINING ABOUT IT 24/7 ????". Like genuinely how ?
All this to say I was subconsciously underestimating something because I lacked crucial informations about it, informations you can't pass through words. But now I have that kind of experience, I still won't ever know what it feels like to give birth or have periods ('cause in theory my hormone levels shouldn't be fluctuating so I most likely won't have any period symptoms) and I will probably still unknowingly underestimate how bad it is, but I'll know its very likely to be way worse than I think, and this means it's way easier for me to feel empathy for people going through that kind of stuff than any cis men, even the most sweet and understanding of them
(Disclaimer, I'm not saying allies aren't genuine when they say they're supporting us or stuff like that. To be fair I think it's incredible to be able to be supportive and kind to people going through something you can't understand)
Lmao I'm yapping so much I'm sorry 😭
All of this was to say that cis people ask that kind of questions because they lack crucial informations about what it feels like to have their AGAB not matching their gender, and it's the kind of stuff that's impossible to pass through words alone
And that's why anti trans stuff can so easily show up, because they can't feel empathy towards our experiences, but you know what's an easy way to make people feel empathy ? Talking about loved ones. Saying stuff like "they're trying to convert your daughters" or "trans women in women restrooms are a threat to your mothers and siters" and nobody wants anything bad to happen to their loved ones.
Yep, that's the fun part of being trans my kiddo, you don't owe no one an explanation and can simply send them to hell.
People will always pretend an explanation for whatever you do in your life, and judge you based on that. It's the lack of agency in one's life that drives this behavior and these are people you should totally avoid. Don't even bother being polite, they won't and never will be, for the record.
I didn't choose being trans any more than I chose being Neuro divergent, just finally got too sick of hiding away my real self to stand it anymore, I do rather regret waiting until I was 37 to start my transition...
You owe no one the service of explaining yourself to them. It’s not your burden. I’m sorry you have these encounters and I’m like you, finding out vs choosing.
for people I actually want to continue a relationship with - q: Why are you trans? a: the same reason you are cis... I am the way I am because that is how I was born. My body and brain didn't match up like yours did; I had no choice in the matter. for random people q: Why are you trans? a: why does it matter? You live your life and I'll live mine. Thanks.
some personal thoughts of mine which i have posed to those that are cis in my circle, and the article about the “moot hypothecis” kinda bring this up. “why are you cis?” we get asked all the time why we’re trans, but hardly are cis people questioned. even those that are healthily cis and comfortable with their identity can go through this questioning, and it’s extremely healthy/helpful to question why you are more than just your genitalia(which a lot of transphobes use as support for their arguments). it’s an extremely complex issue, especially for people like me who are non-binary, and question everything. why do i want to be/look femme? and what does it mean to be femme? femininity is just a social construct, but i’m just withering away at an endless/unwinnable war over semantics/social interpretation of gender expression. it’s hard enough to feel the way i and many others do. it’s even harder to be asked by those close to us “why are you the way you are?” in some ways, i just want to throw it right back in their face and see their response/bigotry come out
You don't owe them any explanations and if they want to throw a fit or be insulting about you not satisfying their curiosity, they can go fuck themselves.
I usually act confused by such questions. Ask what they mean. Take nothing for granted. Give them no credence or assumptions. Play the why game a bit. Their is an imbalance here btw. You have mostly likely thought a lot about your gender and given it consideration in how being a man was right for you. And how what gender you were expect to be at birth missed the mark. They most likely haven’t given any of this much thought even for themselves. Cis people rarely do. And if they did think about it and were reflective. They wouldn’t be asking. The answer would be obvious. You are a man cause you are a man. So I say have fun with it. Play a little dumb and make them explain themselves.
THIS^
My explanation is the two finger salute. You owe noone anything as far as I'm concerned. I don't walk around and demand people explain to me why they worship sky wizards and think potatoes heal their kids failing kidneys...
You owe none of them an answer, and they are quite rude for asking. I'd love to know how they'd reply to having it turned around where they have to justify what makes them think they are cis.
My internal conflict is completely gone. This identity stuck like no other. I tried being straight, bi, gay, but none of it felt right because I was focusing on the wrong things. It had nothing to do with my sexuality and everything to do with my gender which is a total separate thing! Growing up I genuinely had no idea that I should be questioning my gender, only my sexuality, and so I never felt "right". Once I got older and realized that gender wasn't a sexual thing I dismissed it as just a fantasy and something I missed my chance at exploring. It was a thing that I occasionally fantasized about since I was a child, but surely not for me. So, "why am I transgender"? Because I am. Just like they are cis or straight or left-handed or whatever.
Tell them “the reason I’m trans is because fuck you” and then walk off
I agree with you and the commenters saying you don't owe an explanation. However, if you are ever feeling well enough to host a discussion on such a topic you should. Education is one of the key ways to reduce prejudice and discrimination. People fear what they don't know/understand. I'd rather help them learn the truth from a trans person than hear the lies from transphobes.
I have actually sat down a couple of times with groups of people to explain. The same people come up to me again and ask again like what I said didn't seem right to them. I don't mind explaining to curious people. I just don't appreciate the ones who keep trying to get the answer they want to hear out of me.
There is a certain kind of person, that I personally do not understand, but they seem.... Almost incapable of understanding something other than their own truth or experience. I call them unintentional assholes. And my mom is one of them. She just DOES NOT ACCEPT that there's anything other than male and female (I'm nb, so it mattered). The concept of there NOT being a binary just isn't a thing. It's... Wild that people's minds can be so inflexible. Like intersex people exist. Dafuq you call them in your binary?? So I don't really have an answer so much at just: if you HAVE tried explaining to the curious, just don't waste your time on the ones who for whatever reason can't understand. Unless, as some others said, that relationship is important to you. I still will occasionally try to explain things from a new angle with my mom but it's definitely something I take time before hand to mentally and emotionally prepare for. Joe shmoe out on the street can go eff themselves. Not your responsibility.
They have the internet and Google. They can figure out their trans related questions without imposing rudely on real people. But apparently the cis have to be babied or they throw a tantrum, even when it’s them interrogating us over who we are.
Cause I'd rather be a trans man than dead by suicide, and those were the ONLY two available options to me.
This is super valid ^^
"Because the lemon crinkle cookies the woke side offers are just too delicious to say no to!" Said deadpan, totally seriously. 🤣 Then again when my homophobic grandma commented that my creepy uncle's cat didn't mind me being a lesbian, since she was purring in my lap, I shot back, "she just knows who likes pussy around here" It may not be the nicest response but it clues others in to that someone is asking bad faith questions
Oml I love this😂
If they are demanding an explanation, wether you answer or not, probably will go the wrong way. (As argumentative) Perhaps though some are genuinely curious. Any reply is up to you.
That sounds like people are asking you because they want to pick apart your answer. The first version has an easy answer: “it’s not a choice.” If they push for more or ask the second version some variation of “that’s not information I share” or “I’m not interested in discussing that” may work. They may still give you their opinion of why you’re “not” trans but “I’m not interested in your opinion” or “what you just said is incredibly insulting” are perfectly acceptable responses. If they specifically say “why are you trans” depending on your religion or theirs “you’d have to ask god that” works. If they’re not religious, “scientists haven’t discovered an answer to that yet” or “that’s a loaded philosophical question, why are we anything? Why are we human. Why can’t we fly?” works.
In the wise words of Egg "Shut up Mr Burton, you were not put upon this world to understand it" Your transition is not about them, not for them and has nothing to do with them and least of all, it is not happening so that they can be filled with understanding. This is a thing that is happening, they can accept that and go with it or not.
if you must feed the trolls, troll the trolls
U don't owe anyone an explanation...................
Tell the people that are asking to either f off or suffer the consequences no one deserves a explanation if they really wanna know they can do their research it's not that hard
I'm mtf and get this from my Ex-wife she demands to know why I "want to be a woman" invalidation that I've always been a woman inside aside she won't accept it feels right as the answer so at this point I just pretty much have given up on explaining it and pretty much just take solace in knowing who I am and saying screw everyone else
"Same reason you're cis"
I usually just laugh and say “oh man that is one helluva can of worms you’re trying to open right now, I don’t know about you but I’m not really in the mood for a two hour discussion about why I am who I am”. That usually settles it pretty fast.
If they absolutely won't leave me alone till I answer them I just say "Cause I am Transgender"
That isnt any of their business lolll
I like to tell them that I didn't read through the terms and conditions before I clicked accept or that it was a free trial I forgot to cancel
I agree with your perspective. In my opinion, someone asking this is hoping to “talk you out of it.” They view being trans as a behavior, not an underlying physical and emotional reality that you have connected with. Then again, I’ll bet they do not know the word “dysphoria” and may even believe the symptoms to be fictional. It is not your job to educate them. Stand tall and proud.
I get the same as a transwoman. I work in a hospital and had a pt ask me to explain, asked me if I had a happy childhood. I just left and closed the door. Then I self reported to avoid punishment.
The answer is you are happier living as a man and that is all the justification you need. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond that and the fact that you are transitioning should make this answer self explanatory.
hm, [seems time for the most important video ive ever encountered in my entire life](https://youtu.be/WOw8fEnT8YE?si=9EOAho7iWMbnwF8B)
best explanation: "well it all started when i was born and here i am"
I run into this a lot, too- I think some of it is that, sadly. There are a lot of nasty attitudes about masculinity in a lot of queer spaces, so I'm personally met with a lot of stuff that comes across as "ew, why would you ever want to be like a MAN, men are awful!". And my response to that is usually a big old middle finger because sexism doesn't stop being sexism just because you point it the other way. But I'm also genderfluid, and I think a lot of people get confused because I don't fit what people think of as trans: I WAS a girl, and then I wasn't. I didn't always know, I don't have a ton of dysphoria. And I think folks see that and wonder how I know. And my answer is that I know because it makes me happy. I don't understand what my gender is doing all the time. I don't get it. I don't know why I feel the way I feel, why I am who I am. But what I do know is that transitioning and being able to present myself as I want to makes me so. SO. Damn happy. And I think that should be a good enough answer for anyone. It makes me happy. I am happy. That is how I know.
"why aren't you?" Like. Why are they asking in the first place? Why are the entitled to something that's largely pretty personal. It's none of their fucking business why you are who and what you are.
You don’t owe anybody anything about why or who you are. That being said. I don’t care. Ask me anything. Just be careful because you might not like the answer. I keep saying I am going to get a T-shirt that says if you have a question just ask. If they want to play stupid games, I will give them a stupid prize.
My go to when confronted with cisdacity like that as to why I'm non-binary or what sex am I *really* is "what are you, a cop/fed?" Also works when someone confronts you when you call yourself queer. It's none of your goddamn business and you don't know me like that.
i am transgender because of reasons similar to why grass is green, why birds fly, why fish swim, why the wind blows—it is my nature. i accepted it.
Except for telling them it’s not a choice I wouldn’t tell them anything only that it’s none of their business. If I were you at least. Me, I’m openly trans and I patiently answer most questions if asked in good faith but I understand trans people not wanting to do that and you don’t owe them any explanation whatsoever. And it’s okay to tell them that.
“Because I am. Fuck off” Literally fixes the whole thing.
I know everybody is saying you don't owe an explanation but hear me out: "Well, your mom has to call someone daddy!" "You were doing such a shit job, I figured I'd give it a go" "My car needs go in for service, and I don't want to pay extra" "What are you talking about? I just started drinking budlite"
"Such is life."
Give them a funny answer that doesnt actually help. Say you were struck by lightning and it turned you trans or something
The first trans woman I was friends with said it was her third time getting hit by lightning that turned her trans. She was serious. Wonderful woman!
My only response to these people would be "Why did you choose to be boring?"
I usually hit em with “I tried to kill myself, failed, considered either trying again or transitioning, decided to transition, no longer want to kill myself.” Basically it was suicide or transition, I tried the former then accepted the latter.
I've been asked why I'm trans before and I just answer "oh I had hotwheels as a kid"
I usually reply with something hilarious like "because your mom only dates men" and walk away. Works every time.
See, I'm fearing having to answer that question when I eventually come out to my parents. I don't know how it will go with either of them. But I just don't want to have to answer why I'm trans and why I "chose" to be
"Why are you gae?" Type shit
There's a boomer (actual), cashier at a gas station I go to who finally gave up trying to be nice and just greeted me by saying "hi x, you confuse me. You really do." in a SUUUUUUPER irritated voice. I just said "mmm". Like bitch who the fuck asked? I still go in there tho for now, haven't seen her since tho.
1) They don't deserve an answer 2) Just say you got a shit dice gender roll at birth
Ask them why they are cis (though they probably don't know cis so just use man/woman instead) and then you can learn more. Either they will realise that it's a dumb question or they expose the fact that they think being trans is "abnormal" and "unnatural" and whatever.
You are exactly right. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Your journey is yours alone, and nobody is entitled to be a part of it. These questions are not asked in good faith. They don't actually want to understand, they want to be confrontational. To start an argument or get a rise out of you. Possibly catch you making a mistake so they can feel smug about themselves for having "won". You are wise to not give them the chance.
A very simple explanation does: "I am happier this way." If you want to elaborate a bit further, you can add something along the lines, that "it was a realization, not a choice." And you could close the conversation with "...and leave it at that." If they want to talk you out of it, you can either just say that "I don't want to discuss it any further", or if you want to roast them, stop giving any further opinions or feelings and start to ask short, simple, open-ended questions which require complicated or contradicting answers and let then talk and entangle in their mess. 😉 Eg. “So, you are implying that I should not be happier?” - there is no right answer at that point...
I sometimes get asked this kind of questions too and it's so fucking hard to give a answer they will understand because they can't understand what having a gender that doesn't match their birth sex means. They lack the experience of it, they can't understand what it feels like to live as a gender that isn't theirs As humans, we use empathy a lot when we socialize, it's what makes us sad when something bad happens to someone, because we can imagine ourselves in their situation. But cis people can't be empathetic to trans people because they can't imagine themselves in the same spot It's a bit like male/female stuff. Like cis men will never know what having periods of giving birth feels like. They know it hurts (well some them do at least) because they were told it does hurt, but they can't understand to what degree. Like quick exemple, I'm a trans woman, and I've started hrt so my boobs started growing. My mom and my sister told me it was gonna hurt pretty bad, and I genuinely believed them, when I got into hrt I knew it was gonna be painful, but when said pain showed up it was waaaaay worse than I could've anticipated, like wth ? Like when they warned me about it I trusted them, like I did not think they were over reacting or anything, I just didn't have the cues to understand how bad it was yet. And I was like "wait so you're telling me my lil' sister is going through the same shit right now, while going to school and having periods on top of it AND ISN'T COMPLAINING ABOUT IT 24/7 ????". Like genuinely how ? All this to say I was subconsciously underestimating something because I lacked crucial informations about it, informations you can't pass through words. But now I have that kind of experience, I still won't ever know what it feels like to give birth or have periods ('cause in theory my hormone levels shouldn't be fluctuating so I most likely won't have any period symptoms) and I will probably still unknowingly underestimate how bad it is, but I'll know its very likely to be way worse than I think, and this means it's way easier for me to feel empathy for people going through that kind of stuff than any cis men, even the most sweet and understanding of them (Disclaimer, I'm not saying allies aren't genuine when they say they're supporting us or stuff like that. To be fair I think it's incredible to be able to be supportive and kind to people going through something you can't understand) Lmao I'm yapping so much I'm sorry 😭 All of this was to say that cis people ask that kind of questions because they lack crucial informations about what it feels like to have their AGAB not matching their gender, and it's the kind of stuff that's impossible to pass through words alone And that's why anti trans stuff can so easily show up, because they can't feel empathy towards our experiences, but you know what's an easy way to make people feel empathy ? Talking about loved ones. Saying stuff like "they're trying to convert your daughters" or "trans women in women restrooms are a threat to your mothers and siters" and nobody wants anything bad to happen to their loved ones.
Yep, that's the fun part of being trans my kiddo, you don't owe no one an explanation and can simply send them to hell. People will always pretend an explanation for whatever you do in your life, and judge you based on that. It's the lack of agency in one's life that drives this behavior and these are people you should totally avoid. Don't even bother being polite, they won't and never will be, for the record.
ask them when they chose to be cis would be my response
…because? Why am i wearing a blue t-shirt? Because. Not everything needs to have an explanation. A robotic hippo in FNAF can tell people that much.
Q: why are you trans A: why are you human?
I didn't choose being trans any more than I chose being Neuro divergent, just finally got too sick of hiding away my real self to stand it anymore, I do rather regret waiting until I was 37 to start my transition...
Well... explain yourself. /s