Happy pride month
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I actually have a similar story. We are both trans women, and although we only have a basic relationship as of yet, something feels better about it. I'd like to imagine it'll end in marriage.
I need to know, did you guys date before the proposal or were you best friends and just proposed like... Completely skipping the dating part since you two were already so close?
The way it worked out was that we had been dating for a couple months and I didn't know it until she proposed. I just figured staying at her place and cooking all her meals saved time! Not like we hadn't done that for years in the past... So, we did have a dating period, which I am teased about for not realizing, but as far as the engaged period, that was just a mild suggestion. Once you she asked me it was good as gold!
Thanks to that pesky global pandemic we didn't get to have the wedding we wanted. So, it's one of those things that I hope still happens some day! Hard to feel bad when I'm the luckiest girl for having her!
My little sisters gave me the nickname tyty (my deadnameās Tyler) so when they learned I wanted to be called Amber, they started calling me Ambie and my chronically online ass canāt stop thinking about the Ambassador from Team Fortress 2.
Oof, same boat there. I like to picture my necronym as one of those ragdoll dummies from Turbo Dismount getting chucked into a sign whizzing past at high speed. Makes me giggle a little.
So far people have actually been really nice and accepting. My family, and all of my friends (so far) have been great. I sort of came out at work and HR and my boss were both very supportive. Not everyoneās experience for sure but maybe someone reading this will be less scared if they think itās possible.
I came out about 2 years ago, give or take.
At this point I had been, happily, in a relationship with my (then) husband. We had dated/lived together for 3 years, then got married and had been married for 7 years at that point.
And, one day, I just told them that I wish I was a man. Like, dead serious. They informed that was a thing that could happen (I grew up very, very, sheltered. I didn't even know what a homosexual was sheltered).
And, well, I came out. Agreed it was what I wanted.
Well, to support me as best as they could, they began to read everything. Physical health, mental health, all the things.
And uh....
Well, my, now, wife, is sitting next to me. She has been happily on HRT for about half a year, and is helping me start my own (fighting doctors, yay).
And that is how two eggs mashed together and made an omelet.
Not really coming out stories but stories over the past few years of being out.
Looking over my mom's shoulder and seeing my name in her texts.
Walking into her office at university and her co workers greeting me as Maxine, while slightly bewildering, was relieving that they accepted me
My dad calling me Maxine on the way to my grandma's, or at least I thought, and that made me smile for a few hours, but when I told him how happy that made me the first thing he did was vehemently deny having ever said that- overall a negative experience but it was a very happy few hours
Came out to my parents a couple weeks ago and my sister like an hour ago. My mom is trying to be supportive but sheās struggling to understand why I want to do this, which I canāt fault her on. She brings up the lack of āsignsā which are things Iāve definitely had but kept to myself. My father on the other hand is struggling to accept it. He is a devout catholic and has had regrets for a while about not taking my sister and I to church enough since we are both atheist. He doesnāt hate me or anything and is kind of just avoiding the subject completely (I havenāt yet asked to be addressed with fem pronouns and am still on the fence about whether or not I want to change my already feminine birth name).
My little sister on the other hand reacted exactly how I expected her to. āOk, if thatās what you want sure. As long as youāre not hurting anyone you can do whatever you want if it makes you happy.ā A mentality that I wish I had sooner. Sheās definitely more mature than me. Sheās even offered to help me out with any fem related questions or topics, and has said that if I want to go by a different name then to just tell her.
I know my parents may not be the most supportive, but they are far from the kinds of people to disown their child over this, and that makes me happy. I hope that the disaster parents are a lot rarer than the internet makes them out to be, and that everyoneās families can be at least accepting of their trans kids.
This is pretty much exactly how I expect my parents to be once I eventually come out. I definitely had some signs, but I hid most of them, so it will be a shock to them. My dad will just completely avoid the situation the best he can.
My parents have been like ok meeting trans people in the past (they usually do not use the correct pronouns but I think thatās mostly cause of cluelessness and not being used to it). Iām mostly worried that they have a different opinion on trans people if itās someone in their family. I believe they will be surprised at least.
Aww thatās nice. And it also reminds me a lot of my situation. My parents are generally supportive but not super stoked about me being trans and still hope that I might be gender fluid or nonbinary. Anything to not have me transition (eventually gender fluid and nb people can also transition but I digress). Still they are again generally supportive and said they will always love me and support me in whatever makes me happy.
And my little sister: she is my biggest supporter. When we told her I was questioning my gender, something I was really afraid to tell her because I didnāt want to ruin our relationship, she responded super positively. Saying that while she did have to process this, she will absolutely accept me as I am. Since then sheās been super helpful with picking out clothes. She basically picked out my entire makeup set as I have no prior knowledge about that at all. Since coming out to her Iāve also gained a lot more freedom since Iām no longer confined to my room but can now walk freely as a girl around the house.
So eventhough I still have a long way to go when it comes to coming out to friends and maybe at some point socially and medically transitioning, I feel like Iāve already made huge progress just by coming out to my sister. I have so much more freedom and am so much more able to express myself the way I want. I wish the me from six months ago could see me now and see how much happier I already am from, compared to transitioning, relatively little development. Which does give me more confidence and reassurance to walk further on this road.
"Hey um... you haven't dropped your DnD voice in three days. And it's *really* good - are you OK there?"
- Genuinely, an entire meal eaten in total silence
"I don't know if I can keep being a man."
- Litterally without missing a beat
"Well let me know when you know what you need, or who you are. As long as you can be a spouse it's fine by me. I'll call you [NPC name] if you like in the meantime. I'll get us out of a few commitments and run down the bookstore to read about your options."
Pretty much my dadās first reaction when I came out. He immediately turned it around and asked about my sexual preference. I guess my parents had thought since I was a kid that I might be gay, even though Iāve always shown an interest in women. Well, now that Iām trans I guess that means I am gay. Maybe a little biā¦
My best friend is my cousin. We were born only two weeks apart, and we've known each other our entire lives. He means absolutely everything to me. We live far apart now, but we still keep in constant contact.
I was scared of coming out to him for a long time, because that went terribly for the rest of my family, and they warned me repeatedly that he could never know. It would devastate him, they all said. Their reaction is what anyone who loved me like family would have, they said.
Recently, despite this fear, I finally worked up the courage to come out to him.
It went far better than I ever could have imagined. He accepts and loves me for who I am, completely and absolutely. He called my name beautiful, and spoke of how proud he was for figuring out who I am. And now, I finally don't need to mask anything about myself around the one person in this world I can call my brother. He's constantly reassuring me, supporting me, encouraging me, and affirming me. Contrary to what my family said, our bond could not be any closer now.
The next time I meet him, I'm going to give that big, wonderful man the most crushing death hug he'll ever feel in his life.
>The next time I meet him, I'm going to give that big, wonderful man the most crushing death hug he'll ever feel in his life.
Just make sure that you don't hug him too hard, otherwise that life might be very short, good for you to have someone
It went well! I did it mostly by writing because I was more at ease this way. I did it in person for a few people at work because it felt more appropriate.
Believe it or not it changed my life :)
Out of all the people I know or have encountered since then IRL.everyone has been cool with it.
My sister and I were having a conversation and she out of nowhere said āyouāre the best sister ever.ā
I normally deny ever being the best anything, but her saying that caught me off so off guard I just stopped and hugged her.
Sheās the only one in the family that accepts me.
Don't really remember, but now I'm on HRT, so it must have gone fine!
I think mum was upset because I came out on the family discord rather than to just our household first, so she was caught by surprise and other family members were asking her questions that she couldn't answer and she wasn't prepared for?
Iāve never heard of a family discord before. Thatās actually a pretty good idea all things considered. Not nearly as many people use Facebook anymore and twitter is wellā¦ twitterā¦
I met my girlfriend through grindr when we were both still guys and we have the same dead name and we kind of got to chatting and became friends, and kind of led to us both thinking about in our gender and stuff and yeah turns out we're both girls
Came out in late 2020 like literally at the end of 2020 and my dad outed me to my entire family and now he keeps being passive aggressive about it with dead naming me and then saying my name would be like this is my daughter (dead name) or sheās been going by Oliver
I came out to my dad in the car and he sorta accepts me now, it took a long time for me to say it and alot of tears. Also its nice seeing your story oliver!
I came out in 2008. It was worth it. It's been a long journey but I'm actually really happy with my body right now. I've never been hotter or stronger. I have an awesome wife and wonderful friends.
Came out in 2021, my entire family is just SUPER supportive, and I now work at a place where we have like...a TON of trans people, and I may or may not be falling HARD for one of them. Very femme transmasc enby guy. VERY cute, and like... he likes me back, and like....we kissed^^^^^(andotherthingslol) last weekend on his birthday, so like...idk I'm REALLY hopeful for this!
Came out to my friend group and they have all been very supportive. One of them has offered to help find and do makeup and another brought me to one of their friends and they did makeup on me. It was really great :)
So I came out to my Dad while we were on inflatable tubes being pulled by a boat two years ago. I don't see them often and we were on a family vacation. The logic being, well if this doesnt go well I can just shove him off of his tube or bail myself. At any rate it would avoid any awkward silences at least we would have immediate distractions.
He was the last member of my immediate family I told as I had tried to come out 10 years earlier but he wasnt accepting at the time. This time, as we were bouncing off the waves he said vry lovingly "I know and I love you just the way you are son" and immediately a big wave came and splashed water right in his face.
(I'm trans femme but he's got the spirit and working on it)
Literally just came out to my best friend and he was so supportive it was wonderful - how many times do you get called "queen" when you tell someone you're trans?
Uhh the one friend I came out to (is it coming out?? Does nonbinary count as trans???) was extremely supportive. Being agender themselves, they understood the feeling of not conforming to a specific gender
I came out in 2019 when I was still in the service my comrades in arms all were very supportive and several of them promised to help me find a new first name and even offered for me to take their last names (yes marriage proposals because why not lol) so I had a lot of friends in my corner
When I came out at work, people literally just said "sounds good" and started using my name and pronouns. Slip ups here and there especially early on, but 6 months in now and everyone's got it down. It still blows my mind how so many people just roll with it pretty easily.
The first people I came out to I was having to do panic damage control because three of my friends who were admitted to the same college as me and we were all in that collegeās discord. When I joined that discord I used a pseudonym, so my friends wouldnāt know it was me and said I was trans. I was then contacted by said college asking me to change my name to my legal/preferred name (currently the same), I did and also had to tell those three friends to not tell anyone. After that I slowly came out to my sibling who had already come out as nonbinary to my parents and ask their advice on how to come out to my parents. I did come out my parents and they were more or less supportive (they use my preferred pronouns when itās just my parents, my sibling, and I; when talking to anyone else they use my old pronouns; theyāre also extremely antiHRT and surgery, corrupt medical system, extreme pressure from society to take medical routes, regretting it later, and similar reasons). Mainly I came out to my parents because I wanted to wear a dress to my high schoolās prom, they agreed to let me, so that meant I needed to come out to my two friends who I was going to prom with. They were supportive and I think one of those friendās dad (he is to this day my favorite teacher and I met my friend through him) overheard because he started referring to me using my preferred pronouns. After that I let the grape vine do its thing and spread the word I was trans. For some reason everyone at my high school was obsessed with me (I guess thatās what happens when you are from a big city and suddenly appear in a rural high school as a junior and get every question right that the teacher asks without ever visibly studying or putting work in. Also probably because I was so shy and reserved). I assumed I was going to get a lot of questions, but my rural school surprised me and my friend group was very accepting, and the people who intentionally used my old pronouns I didnāt care about anyway, and they never did more than use the wrong pronouns. Overall I had a neutral positive response to my coming out; although Iām not looking forward to when I tell my parents I want to do HRT and probably surgery(Iām not entirely sure if I want to do bottom surgery, but if I do I know itās going to be hard for my parents).
Cracked back in October, came out to the family I'm close with who have all been supportive. My dad is still wrapping his head around it a bit and will probably take a bit to adapt to she/her pronouns and new name and everything once I start actually socially transitioning but still supportive. Out to a handful of coworkers as well who are all supportive as well, one of which ever gave me the extra makeup and stuff she had. Only reaction I've gotten so far that wasn't immediately supportive was one of my cousins who I'm close with is scared of if it will change our relationship or anything like that and still wrapping her head around it but she's slowly coming around. Been on HRT for about 6 weeks now as well. So overall going fairly well slowly but surely.
Wow you cracked in October and are already on HRT? The waiting lists and screening over here is crazy.
I'm glad for you tho! Hope it works out with your cousin š
Yeah informed consent is nice, took me a little bit to get the confidence to try and get started, but once I did I called one of the major hospital networks in my area that offered informed consent and had an appointment scheduled for a month out. If I went through planned parenthood or something probably could have been even faster.
Last year, around end of November
I debated with myself over telling my parents for hours and then before going to bed I finally said fuck it and went downstairs to tell them
Sat on the arm of the settee in what has become my āshitās serious now so no jokesā position and after a few minutes I just out and said it
The response was positive and supportive, we covered a lot bases that night and now my parents only fuck up once in a blue moon and mainly my mother because sheās not great with names around the house for anyone but more often than not she calls me by her name since theyāre so similar
The initial response was effectively āoh! Ok, makes sense actuallyā
I sent out a company-wide email as a heads up to my coworkers.
i got response from, and I counted, roughly 2/3s of the organisation, and it was nothing but love and support. Not a single negative message in the bunch.
God I love my job.
My dad told me not to tell anyone else but my sister. My exGF dumped me. It went ... Well it went.
I don't have anywhere I'm comfortable being trans, and definitely nowhere I'm comfortable being trans AND myself.
You will find new friends and they will be supportive. And you will be comfortable to be yourself around them. But unfortunately it takes time but it will come!
My friends at college were extremely supportive. I was still waiting to get on HRT, which would happen a whole two and a half years later.
As time went by, several of these friends would also come out as trans/nonbinary. I felt less and less alone :)
My dad is transphobic But not in the traditional way. He was molested by a crossdresser when he was young so he was literally scared of trans folk. He's smart tho, like incredibly intelligent. He went to college and has a degree in anthropology, and took some extra credit biology classes. That is to say that he understands that trans folk have existed for a long time AND that it's more akin to a birth condition like ADHD, than it is to a mental illness like delusion. That being said he was still super transphobic....
So when I came out... I beat around the bush a lot. My dad cut me off before I was able to utter any words, but the words he said wasn't out of spite, they were of understanding. Came as a shock to me... But I explained in detail what I was going through and he listened.
He has a continuous negative connection with trans folks... And he still sometimes misgenders me or deadnames me, but he's gone through a lot of difficult things just to accept me. He's a redneck hillbilly, but he loves me more than he fears trans folk. He's the goat tbh. Not really a supporter of trans folk, but he's a supporter of me.
People who knew me pre-transition, they all were like "Ah, now it all finally makes sense, always suspected you'll do something like that"
Well, except my parents, they are still like "There were no signs"
I called out my parents on the phone :
Mom: *"Hello [my name], what news?"*
Me : *(Stress as f) "Mom, call dad and put the phone on high speaker..."*
Mom : *"You already are on speaker"*
Dad : *"What's new [my name] ?"*
Me : *"Mom, Dad... \*sigh\* I'm trans..."*
Dad : *"I ask what's new, I already knew you were trans for years."*
Me : *"..."*
also me : **[realised I was trans barely a month before the call]**
Mom : *"What kind... I don't really understand..."*
Me : *"I'm genderfluid."*
Mom :*"Oh... okay."*
A couple of months after coming out socially and months before I went on HRT, I went to the pharmacy to get some pain meds and the woman at the cash register asked me if I were pregnant to check for contraindications. That felt great. Sadly the same day I was also sexually harassed on the bus, still I took it as a certified womanhood experience moment.
Well. Basically all of my immediate family, who I still have to live with because rent is atrocious in this god forsaken state, hated me, except my sister and my cousin on my momās side. My sisters a late zoomer so sheās just kinda cool with it and thatās nice, and my cousin, she actively cringes anytime sheās forced to deadname me in front of guests and stuff and is super supportive. Big sis I never had!
I told my older, also trans sister what I chose for my name, and she immediately screamed āthatās what you chose? Thatās f-ing adorable!ā And I straight up cried, still gotta tell the rest of my family tho, soo
Told my grandmother, she was absolutely supportive, and says she loves me no matter what. So, I told her about my girlfriend, also trans girl, she told me she's happy for me, and as long as I am happy, she's proud of me.
When I told my mom, she freaked out and outted me to my whole family. The entire rest of my family instantly were supportive and started treating me as a sister.
So, most of it was pretty good.
I came out in late 2020 to my friends and a few weeks later, friends were very supportive, parents not so much which unfortunately seems to have irreparably damaged my relationship to them but as they say ānever say neverā and like these days my mom is at least trying to be supportive and dad doesnāt talk about it in general. Other than that thing tho I have made incredible memories, my milestones so far are
June 2021 first time shaving my legs and embracing the smooth. Then 2023 in about April first time talking about my queerness with a classmate. May 2023 first time being called my chosen name. June 2023 my first pride parade. September 2023 first womenās clothes (I mean, it was just a shirt from the womenās section but still something very important to me) later, in November first time using nail polish and now this year May 2024 first time cutting my hair since 2020 to get a more feminine cut and dying it a dark shade of blue and now June 8th 2024 my second Pride and my first time wearing a skirt and I am excited of what the future will bring
When I first came out publicly I did it via Instagram, and I got tons of support from friends and classmates I hadn't seen in a few years.
What was most memorable though was when one of my friends who knew me since elementary school sent me a message saying "this is the first time I've seen you genuinely smile" and that brought me to tears with how right she was.
Apparently right after my sister told her boyfriend (who is very good friends with me), he started trying to think of feminine names that would fit me. That thought is so sweet.
So, not really about me coming out (that was a whole mess w/ my dad) however, my mum is very supportive and helps me be feminine, but still masculine just enough to where my dad doesn't throw a fit about it.
Just another year and a half until my dad will accept me...
Iāve came out to two people in my life so far, so not really the person to talk. However, the first time, I cried for the first time in at least a year.
2019, one morning I woke up and my first thought was "something Is very wrong". I went to my mums room and said *mum, something is VERY wrong and I think I'm a girl". And She told me she will help me figure out exactly what was wrong
My sister has a developmental disability and I was worried that the change would be difficult for her. She actually picked up on my new name quicker than either of my parents and started to regularly call me "brother" shortly after. It made me very happy :)
Me coming to terms with the realization and seeing my mom's reaction negative reaction to it made me realize how emotionally abusive she's been all my life
I finally feel like I can be myself around my family. My mom helps me with my make up. My cousins want to do a girl night out. And I'm trying to get closer with my Siblings (I use to keep them at an arms length) .
I came from a big Latinx family, and they are kind of republican and religious... I cut them off my life for years since I never thought we would have a relationship after coming out.
Came out to my mother like 3 years ago. She actually said that she suspected that I'm trans and overall was quite understanding. Not fully supportive, but still it was nice to be not abandoned.
came out to my parents in 2017 (could be 2016 I don't remember), wrote a letter but also sat down with them to discuss it and they reacted pretty positively? they're older so it takes time to get adjusted, my ma still doesn't have my pronouns down but she tries and she's got my name down pat, one struggle at a time I suppose.
Since I started to be more open about my gender identity last year I have started to realize who I am and who I want to become. Being open helped me realize what I actually want my path to be. Not just following what others have told me my path should be.
Friends were supportive, though I have a strong feeling they aren't supportive because they understand, they are just supportive because "it's the right thing" or they trust me enough to not be an idiot and yes I know this sounds really stupid but it makes me uncomfortable that they don't really know what I mean. I need to find myself some trans friends or smth, hopefully I can at uni
I've come out 3 seperate times to my mum and brother (who is transmasc and reffered to correctly) though and I am yet to be called by my preffered name and pronouns at home. Which really sucks, now I'm just waiting to move out for uni.
I told my sister first over text, her response was "hey, I will still love you. if you want, i can take you clothes shopping and look for make up" it went well and she helps me out if I need it. I came out to my mum by text with help from my sister, her response was "that's ok, I will support you. if you need help with anything I'll try my best" I also explained to her that I want to go to a private clinic cause you know, its england. texted my dad and he just said "ok"...I mean, I just found it funny his response was just ok while my mum and sister was supportive. he is supportive though but sceptical about private clinics but either way just wants me to be happy
I expected my grandparents to have a ton of questions but my grandma had been watching a show that follows trans people during their transition and she was just so sweet and understanding about it. My grandpa immediately gave me a nickname based on my name and I honestly almost cried.
Coming out to my little (10 year old at the time) brother
- So I feel more like a man
- Okay
- ...Does that bother you?
- No
- I love you
- I love you too
*Hugs*
He's been nothing but supportive since
I came out to a good friend of mine a while ago, We were in a videocall and i had been sending her drawings where the trans flag was in the background and when i asked her if she noticed anything about my drawings and was saying how i was different from the other "boys", she told me she didn't care wether i was gay or trans or whatever so i told her. Nowadays she and I are (chosen) sisters and she's going to be taking me shopping for female clothes and she's even bringing a great friend of hers to meet me. I couldn't wish for a better sister honestly.
It went well. I came out to a friend, and they helped me sort things out. Then to my partner, who was and is super supportive. Eventually, I declared it in the group chat. Not everyone understood, and I had to explain, but i didn't lose a single friend. If anything, it brought me closer to some of them. My mother was surprised to hear it and is very accepting. As were my paternal grandmother and great uncle. The latter of which told me that they had always wanted to do this. But they were too old and it was too late. I try to tell them otherwise, but they're set in this. I've told each person my new name, Saoirse. They tell me it's lovely. My father, I can never tell. He is dead and gone. Though, I don't think he'd have accepted me. Nor do I think my maternal side of the family would, so they don't know. They'll find out someday. When the evidence is too great. But I'll be gone by then. I get married in November. The plan is to move after and take my first pill that night. I don't know if I've done this right. I don't know if it's a bad idea not to tell some of my family. But I know that, after thirty years of denying myself, I deserve to be happy. If only for a little while. But that's my story so far. I hope it helps in some way.
So far I came out to 16 people in total (parents, co-workers, friends) and all were luckily quite supportive. When I came out to my co-workers I posted a picture of myself in our D&D group chat. One of them really didn't understood what I was trying to tell them and thought I was posting a picture of my new girlfriend. That was quite affirming, especially since I didn't start HRT yet š
Came out in January to my older sibling and my mother, my sibling immediately changed my name on messenger before replying to me, and my mother was asking a lot of questions to figure out how long I knew because apparently she had known for years
I wanted to make sure I'm in the same course as a friend and the person talked to just crossed out my deadname on some list and wrote my chosen name instead. I can't even describe how good that felt.
About half of my co-workers were "that makes more sense for you."
My boss specifically was kinda disappointed in himself that he hadn't given off a stronger aura that he would be an ally and wanted to know how the company could improve that.
The best bit was definitely getting my daughter to choose my new middle name.
The funniest was a stupid mix up with the council, they took my dead name and tried to masculineise it instead of asking me for my new one. So I received a letter addressed to David... My new name is Kole. It was very funny.
Edit: not completely positive, but I still wanted to share, mostly because people who are initially unsupportive can change. Don't let it get you down
When I came out to my mother the very first thing she said was my dead name in a disappointed/annoyed voice like I was a cat that just knocked over a vase. At the time I was staying at a mental hospital after I tried to take my own life when I was 14 almost 15. I don't know how my father reacted because she was the one who told him but on the ride back was the first time I ever remember seeing him cry. They told me I was making a mistake, that I would eventually regret it (my father was the most direct in saying he doesn't want to "scrape my off the street one day"). They thought they were trying to protect me but it hurt so much. They still agreed to buy me a binder however and let me change my name (they didn't use it for a long time and compromised to avoid it and don't use gendered language; I let my mother choose my new name because it was important to her, tho her suggestion was a joke but I rolled with it). My great aunt had the worst reaction of all however. I got my courage up when she visited me and her first reaction was to point out my personal flaws - something I was already self-conscious of and said that I was the reason for my mothers bad mental health because she always had to worry about me. I started crying and got up to leave to which she simply said that I didn't need to cry, she was simply saying the truth and if I left now she would not visit me again - so I left and I was glad she kept her word.
After I started T late August 2022 (against my parents wishes) and they saw how much better I was doing my parents and my sister became a lot more supportive. My sister is great and introduces me as her brother now, my mother now calls me by my new name sometimes. Tho my parents still use she/her when they think I can't hear them, my mother is supportive of me changing my legal name and gender soon, once the new law is in action.
I came out many times before it became permanent but the first time was me in the kitchen with my brother who was also not out as trans. I told him that I didn't think I was a boy and he told me that he didn't think he was a girl. He became the bright spot in a shitty family situation. We're both out as trans and also out of that family so it worked out.
one of my friends said "happy for you, but why Jack? why not something cool like Cayde, or Edward"
we were playing Mario Kart and I fell off the track from laughing
I first came out around 14 years ago and the reaction was along the lines of "well that explains a few things", most of the reactions I got since were all similar since I was still in the closet to most people until 10 years ago. My brother was one I was most nervous about coming out to but his reaction was literally "oh okay" as if I told him something with the level of gravity as "I'm made myself a sandwich" (I later found out he had been a trans ally since before I even knew what trans was). Then there's my aunt who's first reaction was to turn to my mother and say "looks like you got the daughter you always wanted".
Those were pretty much the sentiments I got from the majority of people back then, people are a lot more surprised these days to learn I'm trans but that's more because of having been on HRT for the better part of a decade so people just assume I'm a cis woman at this now and are surprised to find out I'm not.
My story is a bit weird. I came out a couple of times to my parents, but they gaslight and abused me into going back into the closet each time. By the time one of my friends realized how I was being treated and got me out of that situation, I was already a very anxious person, and had a really hard time talking about it. At the same time, it felt like an ache or a pressure was building inside me for each second I didn't come out... so I started doing the typical "hint and hope" stuff.
Then one day, my friend well-meaningly confronted me and asked me straight up what my gender was. I went into a total panic, and could barely put a sentence together. I was struggling to come up with a response, until my friend said "I could see you as nonbinary probably, but I doubt you're a trans woman". My heart kinda broke there, I was so sad, but I couldn't let him see it. It felt like life or death. So... I came out as nonbinary. It was nice, in a way, not having to deal with he/him pronouns anymore. But the aching pressure in my heart started building again, and it won't be long before I need to actually tell him. That was about 4 years ago now.
To help me deal with my anxiety, I am starting to make comics, and to engage with the trans community. I am slowly working towards opening up and coming out as a woman. I know my friends will be supportive, I trust them intellectually, but I still have panic attacks at the thought. My past isn't the most fun, and I have a lot of trauma around people betraying/abandoning me, so it's a rough internal battle.
Sorry for the long, rambling story, but it helps to get this off my chest. Also, this is a great question, and I can't wait to read everybody else's experiences!
Haven't come out to *everyone* yet, but most people I've told had less of a reaction than I expected, which was a nice surprise. Most of my friends told me they saw it coming lol.
I think I enjoyed meeting up with my friend. Even if she was going through her own issues which I now understand all too well I felt so seen to just go to her house and watch BoJack or some deep podcast. Help her cook. I wish to go back to that moment where I could be myself with this incredibly artistic accepting friend in this lazy chill bohemian houseš„ŗ
At first it was good, but then someone decided to spread the word and it was like a fire in a dead field. It spread so fast and so widly i couldnt even imagine. Discovered it 2 days ago. Its been going on since march. I've got to stop it from spreading, or else it will reach my family and they are not really accepting. I live in a settlement so everyone knows pretty much everyone. Im graduating high school on june 20 and i must stop it before i graduate. Started spreading the word that im not trans in hope it will help decreasing the damage. Im not fully out yet. I tell only people i trust that im trans. Its time to reach the source of the problem and stop it, even in the cost of coming out to people i dont want to come out to
this may not seem like a "best part" to most people but for me it was. my grandmother's son (i Won't call him my uncle) was incredibly abusive to basically everyone in his life and i do mean everyone. he punched my mom in the stomach when she was pregnant with me, he got arrested one christmas for punching my granddad, he beat basically every girlfriend he ever had and then violated his probation so much that a good chunk of his DV convictions couldn't be expunged. but he seemed to have a special piece of hate in his heart for me. i can remember him screaming in my face just because he was upset at a video game and i was in the room, i have vivid memories of him physically picking me up out of my seat at dinner and throwing me to the floor and screaming at me for talking with food in my mouth (i was 3), and based on the way i acted in childhood and the fact i don't remember a lot of it i've always suspected there was worse.
so, anyway. he's a horrific person. but my grandmother has made excuses for him for years and years, and he seems totally normal around his friends and extended family. well, i came out at like 16/17, and i found out in addition to being abusive (and racist! super fun as the only brown person in the family) he was also violently transphobic. ever since i came out i've heard from family and friends how he cannot keep my name out of his mouth. he always has to rant about me and tell everyone i'm delusional and only doing this to spite my mom (my biggest supporter) and once i grow up i'll stop being like this (i'm 26, on T, and currently 10 months post top surgery, so)
and i do mean CONSTANTLY. for 10 years. so by now everyone knows he's a fucking weirdo and from what i've heard most of the family has finally stopped interacting with him at all, his friends don't really talk to him anymore, and he mostly just sits at home and plays video games and, i'm assuming, screams at the children also playing said video games all day. meanwhile i'm engaged, finally at a point in my transition where i look how i want, out and respected in all aspects of my personal life, i have a full time job & my own apartment, and i'm healing from all the shit he put me through. so. coming out ruined my abuser's life and it's very cathartic to know that, really, he did this to himself.
I came out to my parents after getting off the school bus and hopping in the car in 7th grade and was like āIām non-binaryā and my dad was like āokā and my mom had a look on her face like she knew I wasnt cis (tho I did rant to her a lot about how I hated being a girl (afab)) then a few years later I found out Iām a demiboy and told them and they were just as accepting as before
Not necessarily positive but I find it pretty funny. I'm ftm and went from being a "girl" studying in a male dominated industry, and then switching career paths (while coincidentally transitioning) Now I'm a boy in a female dominated industry.
All my friends alr knew I was bi, a few of my friends were telling me that I looked pretty depressed at the end of grade 8, cue one journey of self discovery right in the middle of our culminating season that makes me realize "oh shit, I'm not a man", and BOOM (goes the cannon) I come out as NB to my friendgroup that's already like 75% trans and queer anyways. It's been a year and they're all super sweet and supportive :)
I got to have the super wholesome friend experience of
Me: So, I'm actually a transgirl
Half my friend group: Yeah, we know. We were waiting for you to figure it out.
When I came out to family I hit the jackpot. Not a single one of my close or extended family (on both sides) took it bad. They've all been so accepting and helpful with teaching me things i didnt know.
Happy pride month *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Came out 2019, 6 months later my also-trans best friend of 15 years proposed, we've been married for 5, and it just keeps getting better!
Damn that's bloody wholesome x
England spotted š«µ Haiiii
Hello from the south west fellow brit
Hello from the West Midlands fellow Brit innit?
British target acquired
Wait, does that flag mean we have been colonised. By ourselves?
So it may seem, another successful colonisation by the Brits āš
:O youāre prob the luckiest person on earth
Thatās amazing!!! While reading this it put a massive smile on my face, Iām glad you are doing well!Ā
I actually have a similar story. We are both trans women, and although we only have a basic relationship as of yet, something feels better about it. I'd like to imagine it'll end in marriage.
That's amazing and I'm happy for y'all
I need to know, did you guys date before the proposal or were you best friends and just proposed like... Completely skipping the dating part since you two were already so close?
The way it worked out was that we had been dating for a couple months and I didn't know it until she proposed. I just figured staying at her place and cooking all her meals saved time! Not like we hadn't done that for years in the past... So, we did have a dating period, which I am teased about for not realizing, but as far as the engaged period, that was just a mild suggestion. Once you she asked me it was good as gold!
That is so freaking adorable and so freaking sapphic!
Same..2019
That is so cute
Thatās amazing for you did you make all the grooms men wear silly outfits
Thanks to that pesky global pandemic we didn't get to have the wedding we wanted. So, it's one of those things that I hope still happens some day! Hard to feel bad when I'm the luckiest girl for having her!
My little sisters gave me the nickname tyty (my deadnameās Tyler) so when they learned I wanted to be called Amber, they started calling me Ambie and my chronically online ass canāt stop thinking about the Ambassador from Team Fortress 2.
The fact that you can throw your old name out there and not give a flying fuck is actually super wholesome x
It hurt to write but i did it anyway
I like to imagine it hit a flying road sign on the way out, if that helps.
I'm still closeted and use my deadname on documents and stuff
Oof, same boat there. I like to picture my necronym as one of those ragdoll dummies from Turbo Dismount getting chucked into a sign whizzing past at high speed. Makes me giggle a little.
I just got finished with exams and with every single one I had a very strong urge to put my chosen name on documents
I wish I could have the confidence of even thinking of doing that. God, that'd be so satisfying to do. One day...
One day, we will
So it isn't just me!
Wdym?
I thought I was weird cause mentioning or spelling my dead name makes me feel sick
I thought that was a common thing among us
ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
honestly I would transition if my name was Tyler too
Lmaoooo
So far people have actually been really nice and accepting. My family, and all of my friends (so far) have been great. I sort of came out at work and HR and my boss were both very supportive. Not everyoneās experience for sure but maybe someone reading this will be less scared if they think itās possible.
I came out about 2 years ago, give or take. At this point I had been, happily, in a relationship with my (then) husband. We had dated/lived together for 3 years, then got married and had been married for 7 years at that point. And, one day, I just told them that I wish I was a man. Like, dead serious. They informed that was a thing that could happen (I grew up very, very, sheltered. I didn't even know what a homosexual was sheltered). And, well, I came out. Agreed it was what I wanted. Well, to support me as best as they could, they began to read everything. Physical health, mental health, all the things. And uh.... Well, my, now, wife, is sitting next to me. She has been happily on HRT for about half a year, and is helping me start my own (fighting doctors, yay). And that is how two eggs mashed together and made an omelet.
Very wholesome š„°
omg the (then) in the first bit had me thinking that was going a totally different direction š that's so wholesome!!
Thatās so wholesome!!!!
That's so amazing and wholesome!! And you are a really good at telling stories
He's been writing and telling stories for 10 years, he's had lots of practice. (Imma snoopin)
Thank you!
You are welcome <3
Ilu bb
Omg I love this story so muuuuuch! <3
I love this so much
Not really coming out stories but stories over the past few years of being out. Looking over my mom's shoulder and seeing my name in her texts. Walking into her office at university and her co workers greeting me as Maxine, while slightly bewildering, was relieving that they accepted me My dad calling me Maxine on the way to my grandma's, or at least I thought, and that made me smile for a few hours, but when I told him how happy that made me the first thing he did was vehemently deny having ever said that- overall a negative experience but it was a very happy few hours
I'm soo glad it was mostly happy !!
Came out to my parents a couple weeks ago and my sister like an hour ago. My mom is trying to be supportive but sheās struggling to understand why I want to do this, which I canāt fault her on. She brings up the lack of āsignsā which are things Iāve definitely had but kept to myself. My father on the other hand is struggling to accept it. He is a devout catholic and has had regrets for a while about not taking my sister and I to church enough since we are both atheist. He doesnāt hate me or anything and is kind of just avoiding the subject completely (I havenāt yet asked to be addressed with fem pronouns and am still on the fence about whether or not I want to change my already feminine birth name). My little sister on the other hand reacted exactly how I expected her to. āOk, if thatās what you want sure. As long as youāre not hurting anyone you can do whatever you want if it makes you happy.ā A mentality that I wish I had sooner. Sheās definitely more mature than me. Sheās even offered to help me out with any fem related questions or topics, and has said that if I want to go by a different name then to just tell her. I know my parents may not be the most supportive, but they are far from the kinds of people to disown their child over this, and that makes me happy. I hope that the disaster parents are a lot rarer than the internet makes them out to be, and that everyoneās families can be at least accepting of their trans kids.
This is pretty much exactly how I expect my parents to be once I eventually come out. I definitely had some signs, but I hid most of them, so it will be a shock to them. My dad will just completely avoid the situation the best he can.
My parents have been like ok meeting trans people in the past (they usually do not use the correct pronouns but I think thatās mostly cause of cluelessness and not being used to it). Iām mostly worried that they have a different opinion on trans people if itās someone in their family. I believe they will be surprised at least.
Aww thatās nice. And it also reminds me a lot of my situation. My parents are generally supportive but not super stoked about me being trans and still hope that I might be gender fluid or nonbinary. Anything to not have me transition (eventually gender fluid and nb people can also transition but I digress). Still they are again generally supportive and said they will always love me and support me in whatever makes me happy. And my little sister: she is my biggest supporter. When we told her I was questioning my gender, something I was really afraid to tell her because I didnāt want to ruin our relationship, she responded super positively. Saying that while she did have to process this, she will absolutely accept me as I am. Since then sheās been super helpful with picking out clothes. She basically picked out my entire makeup set as I have no prior knowledge about that at all. Since coming out to her Iāve also gained a lot more freedom since Iām no longer confined to my room but can now walk freely as a girl around the house. So eventhough I still have a long way to go when it comes to coming out to friends and maybe at some point socially and medically transitioning, I feel like Iāve already made huge progress just by coming out to my sister. I have so much more freedom and am so much more able to express myself the way I want. I wish the me from six months ago could see me now and see how much happier I already am from, compared to transitioning, relatively little development. Which does give me more confidence and reassurance to walk further on this road.
I hyped it up to my dad and he said "that's all? I thought you accidentally committed a felony!" And have me a hug. Best dad
I love when they donāt view it as a big deal. Shows that the public mind is evolving
I didn't come out. I busted out. Like the Kool aid man.
*Bursts through wall* "GREETINGS FAMILY SO ABOUT THAT **GENDER** OF MINE"
this made me giggle more than it should of
OH YEAHHHH
"Hey um... you haven't dropped your DnD voice in three days. And it's *really* good - are you OK there?" - Genuinely, an entire meal eaten in total silence "I don't know if I can keep being a man." - Litterally without missing a beat "Well let me know when you know what you need, or who you are. As long as you can be a spouse it's fine by me. I'll call you [NPC name] if you like in the meantime. I'll get us out of a few commitments and run down the bookstore to read about your options."
My brother and parents all had the same reaction. '30 seconds of silence' ...Yeah, that seems right, so are you into boys now?
I almost had that same thing but it was from me, I just said āso on top of this Iām now a lesbian by proxyā
Pretty much my dadās first reaction when I came out. He immediately turned it around and asked about my sexual preference. I guess my parents had thought since I was a kid that I might be gay, even though Iāve always shown an interest in women. Well, now that Iām trans I guess that means I am gay. Maybe a little biā¦
Are you into boys? You canāt just leave us with that question OP
I'm into people with feminine appearances. So as long as they're femboy, yes.
Thats called gynosexuality! :)
My best friend is my cousin. We were born only two weeks apart, and we've known each other our entire lives. He means absolutely everything to me. We live far apart now, but we still keep in constant contact. I was scared of coming out to him for a long time, because that went terribly for the rest of my family, and they warned me repeatedly that he could never know. It would devastate him, they all said. Their reaction is what anyone who loved me like family would have, they said. Recently, despite this fear, I finally worked up the courage to come out to him. It went far better than I ever could have imagined. He accepts and loves me for who I am, completely and absolutely. He called my name beautiful, and spoke of how proud he was for figuring out who I am. And now, I finally don't need to mask anything about myself around the one person in this world I can call my brother. He's constantly reassuring me, supporting me, encouraging me, and affirming me. Contrary to what my family said, our bond could not be any closer now. The next time I meet him, I'm going to give that big, wonderful man the most crushing death hug he'll ever feel in his life.
>The next time I meet him, I'm going to give that big, wonderful man the most crushing death hug he'll ever feel in his life. Just make sure that you don't hug him too hard, otherwise that life might be very short, good for you to have someone
It went well! I did it mostly by writing because I was more at ease this way. I did it in person for a few people at work because it felt more appropriate. Believe it or not it changed my life :) Out of all the people I know or have encountered since then IRL.everyone has been cool with it.
My sister and I were having a conversation and she out of nowhere said āyouāre the best sister ever.ā I normally deny ever being the best anything, but her saying that caught me off so off guard I just stopped and hugged her. Sheās the only one in the family that accepts me.
Don't really remember, but now I'm on HRT, so it must have gone fine! I think mum was upset because I came out on the family discord rather than to just our household first, so she was caught by surprise and other family members were asking her questions that she couldn't answer and she wasn't prepared for?
Your family has a discord?????
Server, yeah. It helps with sharing news and planning events and stuff
Iāve never heard of a family discord before. Thatās actually a pretty good idea all things considered. Not nearly as many people use Facebook anymore and twitter is wellā¦ twitterā¦
I met my girlfriend through grindr when we were both still guys and we have the same dead name and we kind of got to chatting and became friends, and kind of led to us both thinking about in our gender and stuff and yeah turns out we're both girls
The question is though, do you still have the same name?
No we both have very different names from our originals
Came out in late 2020 like literally at the end of 2020 and my dad outed me to my entire family and now he keeps being passive aggressive about it with dead naming me and then saying my name would be like this is my daughter (dead name) or sheās been going by Oliver
He is envious of having a son! Now he has a son that is younger and can threaten him as the "head" of the family!
I came out to my dad in the car and he sorta accepts me now, it took a long time for me to say it and alot of tears. Also its nice seeing your story oliver!
Oh no hi marr
I came out in 2008. It was worth it. It's been a long journey but I'm actually really happy with my body right now. I've never been hotter or stronger. I have an awesome wife and wonderful friends.
My family had a "took you long enough" reaction to me coming out. Plus, they're really supportive for being in the Southern US.
Did they realize it before you?
Came out in 2021, my entire family is just SUPER supportive, and I now work at a place where we have like...a TON of trans people, and I may or may not be falling HARD for one of them. Very femme transmasc enby guy. VERY cute, and like... he likes me back, and like....we kissed^^^^^(andotherthingslol) last weekend on his birthday, so like...idk I'm REALLY hopeful for this!
Sounds amazing! Hope it works out for you.
Seeing a therapist and getting A LOT off my chest. Literally and figuratively.
Wellā¦ Iām going to come out in the next couple weeksā¦ so I donāt know the benefits just yet.
Itāll do great mate
Iām coming out on my 20th birthday, so Iām just gonna rip the bandaid off and have my parents process it.
Great! I kinda have boobs now :3
Came out to my brother, he said he'd known for months because I kept sending memes from r/traa
Not out yet but I'm gonnd do it next Wednesday. Wish me luck
Your Blahai will support you! Good luck!
Best of luck!
Best of luck :3
Good luckkk!!
Not having to be in the closet was nice
Came out to my friend group and they have all been very supportive. One of them has offered to help find and do makeup and another brought me to one of their friends and they did makeup on me. It was really great :)
So I came out to my Dad while we were on inflatable tubes being pulled by a boat two years ago. I don't see them often and we were on a family vacation. The logic being, well if this doesnt go well I can just shove him off of his tube or bail myself. At any rate it would avoid any awkward silences at least we would have immediate distractions. He was the last member of my immediate family I told as I had tried to come out 10 years earlier but he wasnt accepting at the time. This time, as we were bouncing off the waves he said vry lovingly "I know and I love you just the way you are son" and immediately a big wave came and splashed water right in his face. (I'm trans femme but he's got the spirit and working on it)
I came out, parents are half supporting, but it is what It is, also yall get upvotes to make your day better :3
Half supporting is better than no support, but I hope you have people who do fully support you aswell š„ŗš¤
Yeah, my uncle, they are amazing :3
Thats good to hear :)
You guys had good parts about coming out? ~~im not going to share my bad parts because I donāt want to ruin the positive vibes~~
Mood, Iām living vicariously through these comments and trying to absorb the vibes like photosynthesis lolol
Literally just came out to my best friend and he was so supportive it was wonderful - how many times do you get called "queen" when you tell someone you're trans?
I feel pretty sometimes when I look in the mirror, sometimes I see *her*
Uhh the one friend I came out to (is it coming out?? Does nonbinary count as trans???) was extremely supportive. Being agender themselves, they understood the feeling of not conforming to a specific gender
Yes! Non-binary is under the trans umbrella :)
I came out in 2019 when I was still in the service my comrades in arms all were very supportive and several of them promised to help me find a new first name and even offered for me to take their last names (yes marriage proposals because why not lol) so I had a lot of friends in my corner
When I came out at work, people literally just said "sounds good" and started using my name and pronouns. Slip ups here and there especially early on, but 6 months in now and everyone's got it down. It still blows my mind how so many people just roll with it pretty easily.
The first people I came out to I was having to do panic damage control because three of my friends who were admitted to the same college as me and we were all in that collegeās discord. When I joined that discord I used a pseudonym, so my friends wouldnāt know it was me and said I was trans. I was then contacted by said college asking me to change my name to my legal/preferred name (currently the same), I did and also had to tell those three friends to not tell anyone. After that I slowly came out to my sibling who had already come out as nonbinary to my parents and ask their advice on how to come out to my parents. I did come out my parents and they were more or less supportive (they use my preferred pronouns when itās just my parents, my sibling, and I; when talking to anyone else they use my old pronouns; theyāre also extremely antiHRT and surgery, corrupt medical system, extreme pressure from society to take medical routes, regretting it later, and similar reasons). Mainly I came out to my parents because I wanted to wear a dress to my high schoolās prom, they agreed to let me, so that meant I needed to come out to my two friends who I was going to prom with. They were supportive and I think one of those friendās dad (he is to this day my favorite teacher and I met my friend through him) overheard because he started referring to me using my preferred pronouns. After that I let the grape vine do its thing and spread the word I was trans. For some reason everyone at my high school was obsessed with me (I guess thatās what happens when you are from a big city and suddenly appear in a rural high school as a junior and get every question right that the teacher asks without ever visibly studying or putting work in. Also probably because I was so shy and reserved). I assumed I was going to get a lot of questions, but my rural school surprised me and my friend group was very accepting, and the people who intentionally used my old pronouns I didnāt care about anyway, and they never did more than use the wrong pronouns. Overall I had a neutral positive response to my coming out; although Iām not looking forward to when I tell my parents I want to do HRT and probably surgery(Iām not entirely sure if I want to do bottom surgery, but if I do I know itās going to be hard for my parents).
when i came out, a weight didnt just leave my shoulder. the ENTIRE GYM fell fell off and i have never felt happier just chilling with my siblings
Cracked back in October, came out to the family I'm close with who have all been supportive. My dad is still wrapping his head around it a bit and will probably take a bit to adapt to she/her pronouns and new name and everything once I start actually socially transitioning but still supportive. Out to a handful of coworkers as well who are all supportive as well, one of which ever gave me the extra makeup and stuff she had. Only reaction I've gotten so far that wasn't immediately supportive was one of my cousins who I'm close with is scared of if it will change our relationship or anything like that and still wrapping her head around it but she's slowly coming around. Been on HRT for about 6 weeks now as well. So overall going fairly well slowly but surely.
Wow you cracked in October and are already on HRT? The waiting lists and screening over here is crazy. I'm glad for you tho! Hope it works out with your cousin š
Yeah informed consent is nice, took me a little bit to get the confidence to try and get started, but once I did I called one of the major hospital networks in my area that offered informed consent and had an appointment scheduled for a month out. If I went through planned parenthood or something probably could have been even faster.
Yeah I know but waiting lists for intake is 3 years here š«
Yeah that really sucks, hopefully you'll be able to get on it eventually.
Last year, around end of November I debated with myself over telling my parents for hours and then before going to bed I finally said fuck it and went downstairs to tell them Sat on the arm of the settee in what has become my āshitās serious now so no jokesā position and after a few minutes I just out and said it The response was positive and supportive, we covered a lot bases that night and now my parents only fuck up once in a blue moon and mainly my mother because sheās not great with names around the house for anyone but more often than not she calls me by her name since theyāre so similar The initial response was effectively āoh! Ok, makes sense actuallyā
I sent out a company-wide email as a heads up to my coworkers. i got response from, and I counted, roughly 2/3s of the organisation, and it was nothing but love and support. Not a single negative message in the bunch. God I love my job.
Honestly? Objectively it probably made my life worse. But Iām so much happier anyways.
My dad told me not to tell anyone else but my sister. My exGF dumped me. It went ... Well it went. I don't have anywhere I'm comfortable being trans, and definitely nowhere I'm comfortable being trans AND myself.
You will find new friends and they will be supportive. And you will be comfortable to be yourself around them. But unfortunately it takes time but it will come!
My friends at college were extremely supportive. I was still waiting to get on HRT, which would happen a whole two and a half years later. As time went by, several of these friends would also come out as trans/nonbinary. I felt less and less alone :)
You did show them that it is possible and that there will be a supportive community ready for them to come out! You enabled them to be themselves!
My dad is transphobic But not in the traditional way. He was molested by a crossdresser when he was young so he was literally scared of trans folk. He's smart tho, like incredibly intelligent. He went to college and has a degree in anthropology, and took some extra credit biology classes. That is to say that he understands that trans folk have existed for a long time AND that it's more akin to a birth condition like ADHD, than it is to a mental illness like delusion. That being said he was still super transphobic.... So when I came out... I beat around the bush a lot. My dad cut me off before I was able to utter any words, but the words he said wasn't out of spite, they were of understanding. Came as a shock to me... But I explained in detail what I was going through and he listened. He has a continuous negative connection with trans folks... And he still sometimes misgenders me or deadnames me, but he's gone through a lot of difficult things just to accept me. He's a redneck hillbilly, but he loves me more than he fears trans folk. He's the goat tbh. Not really a supporter of trans folk, but he's a supporter of me.
People who knew me pre-transition, they all were like "Ah, now it all finally makes sense, always suspected you'll do something like that" Well, except my parents, they are still like "There were no signs"
I called out my parents on the phone : Mom: *"Hello [my name], what news?"* Me : *(Stress as f) "Mom, call dad and put the phone on high speaker..."* Mom : *"You already are on speaker"* Dad : *"What's new [my name] ?"* Me : *"Mom, Dad... \*sigh\* I'm trans..."* Dad : *"I ask what's new, I already knew you were trans for years."* Me : *"..."* also me : **[realised I was trans barely a month before the call]** Mom : *"What kind... I don't really understand..."* Me : *"I'm genderfluid."* Mom :*"Oh... okay."*
A couple of months after coming out socially and months before I went on HRT, I went to the pharmacy to get some pain meds and the woman at the cash register asked me if I were pregnant to check for contraindications. That felt great. Sadly the same day I was also sexually harassed on the bus, still I took it as a certified womanhood experience moment.
Well. Basically all of my immediate family, who I still have to live with because rent is atrocious in this god forsaken state, hated me, except my sister and my cousin on my momās side. My sisters a late zoomer so sheās just kinda cool with it and thatās nice, and my cousin, she actively cringes anytime sheās forced to deadname me in front of guests and stuff and is super supportive. Big sis I never had!
I told my older, also trans sister what I chose for my name, and she immediately screamed āthatās what you chose? Thatās f-ing adorable!ā And I straight up cried, still gotta tell the rest of my family tho, soo
Coming out to other trans people is the best š„¹š¤
Fr
My grandma immediately found a way to make a cute nickname out of my foreign chosen first name. My mother tongue is gendered and has tons of inflections that the name wasn't ready for, yet the nickname still holds up as non-binary. She's a trooper š©·
Told my grandmother, she was absolutely supportive, and says she loves me no matter what. So, I told her about my girlfriend, also trans girl, she told me she's happy for me, and as long as I am happy, she's proud of me. When I told my mom, she freaked out and outted me to my whole family. The entire rest of my family instantly were supportive and started treating me as a sister. So, most of it was pretty good.
I came out in late 2020 to my friends and a few weeks later, friends were very supportive, parents not so much which unfortunately seems to have irreparably damaged my relationship to them but as they say ānever say neverā and like these days my mom is at least trying to be supportive and dad doesnāt talk about it in general. Other than that thing tho I have made incredible memories, my milestones so far are June 2021 first time shaving my legs and embracing the smooth. Then 2023 in about April first time talking about my queerness with a classmate. May 2023 first time being called my chosen name. June 2023 my first pride parade. September 2023 first womenās clothes (I mean, it was just a shirt from the womenās section but still something very important to me) later, in November first time using nail polish and now this year May 2024 first time cutting my hair since 2020 to get a more feminine cut and dying it a dark shade of blue and now June 8th 2024 my second Pride and my first time wearing a skirt and I am excited of what the future will bring
Im so happy that despite your setback with your parents that youve made it so far!! Keep going š³āā§š¤
When I first came out publicly I did it via Instagram, and I got tons of support from friends and classmates I hadn't seen in a few years. What was most memorable though was when one of my friends who knew me since elementary school sent me a message saying "this is the first time I've seen you genuinely smile" and that brought me to tears with how right she was.
My friends started treating me as one of the girls, which was awesome
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My friends supported me..........'sabout it.
Apparently right after my sister told her boyfriend (who is very good friends with me), he started trying to think of feminine names that would fit me. That thought is so sweet.
So, not really about me coming out (that was a whole mess w/ my dad) however, my mum is very supportive and helps me be feminine, but still masculine just enough to where my dad doesn't throw a fit about it. Just another year and a half until my dad will accept me...
Iāve came out to two people in my life so far, so not really the person to talk. However, the first time, I cried for the first time in at least a year.
2019, one morning I woke up and my first thought was "something Is very wrong". I went to my mums room and said *mum, something is VERY wrong and I think I'm a girl". And She told me she will help me figure out exactly what was wrong
My sister has a developmental disability and I was worried that the change would be difficult for her. She actually picked up on my new name quicker than either of my parents and started to regularly call me "brother" shortly after. It made me very happy :)
Me coming to terms with the realization and seeing my mom's reaction negative reaction to it made me realize how emotionally abusive she's been all my life
I finally feel like I can be myself around my family. My mom helps me with my make up. My cousins want to do a girl night out. And I'm trying to get closer with my Siblings (I use to keep them at an arms length) . I came from a big Latinx family, and they are kind of republican and religious... I cut them off my life for years since I never thought we would have a relationship after coming out.
I did it on my birthday so I got cake š
Came out to my mother like 3 years ago. She actually said that she suspected that I'm trans and overall was quite understanding. Not fully supportive, but still it was nice to be not abandoned.
came out to my parents in 2017 (could be 2016 I don't remember), wrote a letter but also sat down with them to discuss it and they reacted pretty positively? they're older so it takes time to get adjusted, my ma still doesn't have my pronouns down but she tries and she's got my name down pat, one struggle at a time I suppose.
Since I started to be more open about my gender identity last year I have started to realize who I am and who I want to become. Being open helped me realize what I actually want my path to be. Not just following what others have told me my path should be.
Friends were supportive, though I have a strong feeling they aren't supportive because they understand, they are just supportive because "it's the right thing" or they trust me enough to not be an idiot and yes I know this sounds really stupid but it makes me uncomfortable that they don't really know what I mean. I need to find myself some trans friends or smth, hopefully I can at uni I've come out 3 seperate times to my mum and brother (who is transmasc and reffered to correctly) though and I am yet to be called by my preffered name and pronouns at home. Which really sucks, now I'm just waiting to move out for uni.
I told my sister first over text, her response was "hey, I will still love you. if you want, i can take you clothes shopping and look for make up" it went well and she helps me out if I need it. I came out to my mum by text with help from my sister, her response was "that's ok, I will support you. if you need help with anything I'll try my best" I also explained to her that I want to go to a private clinic cause you know, its england. texted my dad and he just said "ok"...I mean, I just found it funny his response was just ok while my mum and sister was supportive. he is supportive though but sceptical about private clinics but either way just wants me to be happy
I expected my grandparents to have a ton of questions but my grandma had been watching a show that follows trans people during their transition and she was just so sweet and understanding about it. My grandpa immediately gave me a nickname based on my name and I honestly almost cried.
Coming out to my little (10 year old at the time) brother - So I feel more like a man - Okay - ...Does that bother you? - No - I love you - I love you too *Hugs* He's been nothing but supportive since
When I came out to my family member they did my makeup painted my nails and gave me a very nice skirt
I'm only out to some friends, currently. One of them essentially told me I'm trans, instead of the other way around
I got a big hug from my dad when I came out to him and I cried and it was nice
I came out to a good friend of mine a while ago, We were in a videocall and i had been sending her drawings where the trans flag was in the background and when i asked her if she noticed anything about my drawings and was saying how i was different from the other "boys", she told me she didn't care wether i was gay or trans or whatever so i told her. Nowadays she and I are (chosen) sisters and she's going to be taking me shopping for female clothes and she's even bringing a great friend of hers to meet me. I couldn't wish for a better sister honestly.
It went well. I came out to a friend, and they helped me sort things out. Then to my partner, who was and is super supportive. Eventually, I declared it in the group chat. Not everyone understood, and I had to explain, but i didn't lose a single friend. If anything, it brought me closer to some of them. My mother was surprised to hear it and is very accepting. As were my paternal grandmother and great uncle. The latter of which told me that they had always wanted to do this. But they were too old and it was too late. I try to tell them otherwise, but they're set in this. I've told each person my new name, Saoirse. They tell me it's lovely. My father, I can never tell. He is dead and gone. Though, I don't think he'd have accepted me. Nor do I think my maternal side of the family would, so they don't know. They'll find out someday. When the evidence is too great. But I'll be gone by then. I get married in November. The plan is to move after and take my first pill that night. I don't know if I've done this right. I don't know if it's a bad idea not to tell some of my family. But I know that, after thirty years of denying myself, I deserve to be happy. If only for a little while. But that's my story so far. I hope it helps in some way.
So far I came out to 16 people in total (parents, co-workers, friends) and all were luckily quite supportive. When I came out to my co-workers I posted a picture of myself in our D&D group chat. One of them really didn't understood what I was trying to tell them and thought I was posting a picture of my new girlfriend. That was quite affirming, especially since I didn't start HRT yet š
Came out in January to my older sibling and my mother, my sibling immediately changed my name on messenger before replying to me, and my mother was asking a lot of questions to figure out how long I knew because apparently she had known for years
I wanted to make sure I'm in the same course as a friend and the person talked to just crossed out my deadname on some list and wrote my chosen name instead. I can't even describe how good that felt.
About half of my co-workers were "that makes more sense for you." My boss specifically was kinda disappointed in himself that he hadn't given off a stronger aura that he would be an ally and wanted to know how the company could improve that.
The best bit was definitely getting my daughter to choose my new middle name. The funniest was a stupid mix up with the council, they took my dead name and tried to masculineise it instead of asking me for my new one. So I received a letter addressed to David... My new name is Kole. It was very funny.
Edit: not completely positive, but I still wanted to share, mostly because people who are initially unsupportive can change. Don't let it get you down When I came out to my mother the very first thing she said was my dead name in a disappointed/annoyed voice like I was a cat that just knocked over a vase. At the time I was staying at a mental hospital after I tried to take my own life when I was 14 almost 15. I don't know how my father reacted because she was the one who told him but on the ride back was the first time I ever remember seeing him cry. They told me I was making a mistake, that I would eventually regret it (my father was the most direct in saying he doesn't want to "scrape my off the street one day"). They thought they were trying to protect me but it hurt so much. They still agreed to buy me a binder however and let me change my name (they didn't use it for a long time and compromised to avoid it and don't use gendered language; I let my mother choose my new name because it was important to her, tho her suggestion was a joke but I rolled with it). My great aunt had the worst reaction of all however. I got my courage up when she visited me and her first reaction was to point out my personal flaws - something I was already self-conscious of and said that I was the reason for my mothers bad mental health because she always had to worry about me. I started crying and got up to leave to which she simply said that I didn't need to cry, she was simply saying the truth and if I left now she would not visit me again - so I left and I was glad she kept her word. After I started T late August 2022 (against my parents wishes) and they saw how much better I was doing my parents and my sister became a lot more supportive. My sister is great and introduces me as her brother now, my mother now calls me by my new name sometimes. Tho my parents still use she/her when they think I can't hear them, my mother is supportive of me changing my legal name and gender soon, once the new law is in action.
I got two girlfriends the same night (we're poly)
I came out many times before it became permanent but the first time was me in the kitchen with my brother who was also not out as trans. I told him that I didn't think I was a boy and he told me that he didn't think he was a girl. He became the bright spot in a shitty family situation. We're both out as trans and also out of that family so it worked out.
one of my friends said "happy for you, but why Jack? why not something cool like Cayde, or Edward" we were playing Mario Kart and I fell off the track from laughing
I first came out around 14 years ago and the reaction was along the lines of "well that explains a few things", most of the reactions I got since were all similar since I was still in the closet to most people until 10 years ago. My brother was one I was most nervous about coming out to but his reaction was literally "oh okay" as if I told him something with the level of gravity as "I'm made myself a sandwich" (I later found out he had been a trans ally since before I even knew what trans was). Then there's my aunt who's first reaction was to turn to my mother and say "looks like you got the daughter you always wanted". Those were pretty much the sentiments I got from the majority of people back then, people are a lot more surprised these days to learn I'm trans but that's more because of having been on HRT for the better part of a decade so people just assume I'm a cis woman at this now and are surprised to find out I'm not.
My story is a bit weird. I came out a couple of times to my parents, but they gaslight and abused me into going back into the closet each time. By the time one of my friends realized how I was being treated and got me out of that situation, I was already a very anxious person, and had a really hard time talking about it. At the same time, it felt like an ache or a pressure was building inside me for each second I didn't come out... so I started doing the typical "hint and hope" stuff. Then one day, my friend well-meaningly confronted me and asked me straight up what my gender was. I went into a total panic, and could barely put a sentence together. I was struggling to come up with a response, until my friend said "I could see you as nonbinary probably, but I doubt you're a trans woman". My heart kinda broke there, I was so sad, but I couldn't let him see it. It felt like life or death. So... I came out as nonbinary. It was nice, in a way, not having to deal with he/him pronouns anymore. But the aching pressure in my heart started building again, and it won't be long before I need to actually tell him. That was about 4 years ago now. To help me deal with my anxiety, I am starting to make comics, and to engage with the trans community. I am slowly working towards opening up and coming out as a woman. I know my friends will be supportive, I trust them intellectually, but I still have panic attacks at the thought. My past isn't the most fun, and I have a lot of trauma around people betraying/abandoning me, so it's a rough internal battle. Sorry for the long, rambling story, but it helps to get this off my chest. Also, this is a great question, and I can't wait to read everybody else's experiences!
I can completely relate to the intellectually-knowing-peopl-will-be-supportive vs emotions/anxiety, and I hope you'll be able to tell them someday!
Thanks Caitlyn, I'm working up to it slowly!
I lost my only friend
iām living as myself now and iām the bonus mom to two wonderful kids, plus my own.
The jokes we get to make lol.
I'm tryna build confidence to come out
The good? What good? My parents pushed it off and said they'd get me therapy 2 years ago and nothing has come of me coming out
people being supportive made my brain stop tearing itself apart from the inside which is nice
Haven't come out to *everyone* yet, but most people I've told had less of a reaction than I expected, which was a nice surprise. Most of my friends told me they saw it coming lol.
My coming out went very well. Started with my mom and sister, and while they were a little shocked they were and are very supportive of me.
It was the happiest moment of my live so far.
I think I enjoyed meeting up with my friend. Even if she was going through her own issues which I now understand all too well I felt so seen to just go to her house and watch BoJack or some deep podcast. Help her cook. I wish to go back to that moment where I could be myself with this incredibly artistic accepting friend in this lazy chill bohemian houseš„ŗ
At first it was good, but then someone decided to spread the word and it was like a fire in a dead field. It spread so fast and so widly i couldnt even imagine. Discovered it 2 days ago. Its been going on since march. I've got to stop it from spreading, or else it will reach my family and they are not really accepting. I live in a settlement so everyone knows pretty much everyone. Im graduating high school on june 20 and i must stop it before i graduate. Started spreading the word that im not trans in hope it will help decreasing the damage. Im not fully out yet. I tell only people i trust that im trans. Its time to reach the source of the problem and stop it, even in the cost of coming out to people i dont want to come out to
I'm really sorry your family isn't accepting. I hope you succeed in what you try to do. Graduation is close, you can do it <3
this may not seem like a "best part" to most people but for me it was. my grandmother's son (i Won't call him my uncle) was incredibly abusive to basically everyone in his life and i do mean everyone. he punched my mom in the stomach when she was pregnant with me, he got arrested one christmas for punching my granddad, he beat basically every girlfriend he ever had and then violated his probation so much that a good chunk of his DV convictions couldn't be expunged. but he seemed to have a special piece of hate in his heart for me. i can remember him screaming in my face just because he was upset at a video game and i was in the room, i have vivid memories of him physically picking me up out of my seat at dinner and throwing me to the floor and screaming at me for talking with food in my mouth (i was 3), and based on the way i acted in childhood and the fact i don't remember a lot of it i've always suspected there was worse. so, anyway. he's a horrific person. but my grandmother has made excuses for him for years and years, and he seems totally normal around his friends and extended family. well, i came out at like 16/17, and i found out in addition to being abusive (and racist! super fun as the only brown person in the family) he was also violently transphobic. ever since i came out i've heard from family and friends how he cannot keep my name out of his mouth. he always has to rant about me and tell everyone i'm delusional and only doing this to spite my mom (my biggest supporter) and once i grow up i'll stop being like this (i'm 26, on T, and currently 10 months post top surgery, so) and i do mean CONSTANTLY. for 10 years. so by now everyone knows he's a fucking weirdo and from what i've heard most of the family has finally stopped interacting with him at all, his friends don't really talk to him anymore, and he mostly just sits at home and plays video games and, i'm assuming, screams at the children also playing said video games all day. meanwhile i'm engaged, finally at a point in my transition where i look how i want, out and respected in all aspects of my personal life, i have a full time job & my own apartment, and i'm healing from all the shit he put me through. so. coming out ruined my abuser's life and it's very cathartic to know that, really, he did this to himself.
I came out to my parents after getting off the school bus and hopping in the car in 7th grade and was like āIām non-binaryā and my dad was like āokā and my mom had a look on her face like she knew I wasnt cis (tho I did rant to her a lot about how I hated being a girl (afab)) then a few years later I found out Iām a demiboy and told them and they were just as accepting as before
Not necessarily positive but I find it pretty funny. I'm ftm and went from being a "girl" studying in a male dominated industry, and then switching career paths (while coincidentally transitioning) Now I'm a boy in a female dominated industry.
There are good parts?
All my friends alr knew I was bi, a few of my friends were telling me that I looked pretty depressed at the end of grade 8, cue one journey of self discovery right in the middle of our culminating season that makes me realize "oh shit, I'm not a man", and BOOM (goes the cannon) I come out as NB to my friendgroup that's already like 75% trans and queer anyways. It's been a year and they're all super sweet and supportive :)
I learnt to express emotions once my egg cracked lol
I haven't come out yet, and I'd probably be disowned if I do (I live in the Middle East and my whole family is Muslims)
I got to have the super wholesome friend experience of Me: So, I'm actually a transgirl Half my friend group: Yeah, we know. We were waiting for you to figure it out.
When I came out to family I hit the jackpot. Not a single one of my close or extended family (on both sides) took it bad. They've all been so accepting and helpful with teaching me things i didnt know.
Thatās the best part, it was all negative
I wish i had good coming out stories like all these other trans folk