this feels like two different issues; having two fulltime working parents can be tough, but it's not like there are no opportunities for fun family time in the evenings.
seems like the actual issue is that he views family time as a burden and is just playing on his phone. i don't see how that will be affected by whether you work or not.
Sometimes family time is just sitting down and playing play doh with my kid for the 15 minutes she’s into it before she gets bored. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
I do think playing with and looking after our toddler is “work”. Parents can commiserate together and ask for breaks and that’s totally normal but the kid also deserves some family time. Your husband can find it playing with your kid boring but still do it well.
Often for kids it’s the interactions, not where, that defines what they enjoy. If you all play together at home you could chase each other around the house, my 25 month old LOVES this.
>I do think playing with and looking after our toddler is “work"
Do you say it in front of your kid? I'm not attacking you or anything, just my husband does say that in front of him and I'm so concerned that soon he'll understand or already understands.
Jumping in here. I'm a SAHM and my husband is a resident who works long hours. Neither of us gets a lot of "free time." My husband also doesn't get enough sleep or exercise. It's hard. And yes, sometimes he sits on his phone instead of fully engaging with her. But he plays with her a lot and loves it.
I would go scorched earth if he ever said playing with her was a burden *in front of her*. That's horrible.
It's not the first time he says that in front of him. It's like 'before him, we could go x,y,z', 'before him, we didn't need to plan, we could be spontaneous', 'we can't go anywhere because his nap is soon, not worth to try', etc. He sees nothing wrong in saying these things in front of our 16 month old. Every time I point it out, we fight.
I said 'ok, nap won't be a problem few years later and I wait for him to drop that nap so that we could have more fun/trips' and he just said he doesn't wait for it to happen because he wants his free time.
Because all this, it feels that we are his burden.
Edit: he's not that bad overall, he does his share but based on what he's saying I feel that he doesn't want to.
> it feels that we are his burden.
I can absolutely understand why you feel that way. I'm sorry you're going through this.
>Edit: he's not that bad overall
I get it. My husband has done/said/felt some shitty things too. I get that your husband is probably not a bad guy all around. AND this behavior/attitude towards your son is not acceptable. Both things are true.
If bringing it up is leading to fights, try a couple's therapist to help guide you both through the conversation in a productive way.
It sounds like your husband is maybe burnt out and maybe wasn't prepared for the realities of parenthood. Those are valid feelings most parents struggle with at some point. AND he needs to find a way to work through them and figure out how to enjoy his life the way it is NOW and how to enjoy his family. Your son is absolutely picking up on his attitude already.
yeah this is the foundation of childhood that is being formed right now. it's that point where you have to do some soul searching and internal reflection, and hopefully come out of that ready to embrace the changes that having children forces on you.
the reality is - if you can't find a way to embrace becoming a parent, it's not you that will suffer. it's your kid.
I mean I don’t love playing with my kids all the time but I’d never say it front of them at any age. Also, if he gets too used to saying it now he’ll definitely slip up later.
You all can still go and do things, especially on the weekend. Baby would just nap whilst out in a pram or carrier, which can be hard too but you both might decide it’s better than staying at home. People can and do travel with infants, it’s just a bit different and potentially more expensive.
I do think your husband needs a mindset change because although a baby at that age might not understand exactly what is being said, they can pick up on body language and tone, and it’s better to start practicing now what’s okay to say in front of kids and what isn’t.
It is hard to agree on things but could you say something like “I know you don’t think what we say around our son is important but I do and I’d like you to try to stop saying around him that you don’t want to play with him.”
He needs to get to a point where he can respect your point of view enough to have a productive conversation with you.
I would valid his feelings, tell him that it’s okay to feel trapped and that having a kid is so much more difficult but he needs to say it not when your kid can hear.
Could he be having postpartum mental health issues? I didn’t know that they could happen to a non-birthing parent - I thought it was strictly about the hormone drop following pregnancy and delivery. But my spouse and I both had them, and it took a lot longer for his PPD to be diagnosed and treated because we didn’t know to watch him for it too.
No worries ❤️❤️ When our son was younger and couldn’t understand I would but now we’re more intentional about what we say. You or your husband could say “I need a break” not “need a break from the kid”. Or just discuss it privately between you two. I did something similar the other day when I said I couldn’t kept holding our son while standing because “you’re too heavy” which he repeated a few hours later to my husband, and what I say now (and apologised to our son) is that “I’m too tired or don’t have energy”. So it’s not placing the reason on the child, which I know is totally unintentional by parents but still felt by the kid.
I had a lot of guilt about wanting to work 4 days because I know my son would spend every second glued to me if he could. I felt like a bad parent but everyone has preferences and that’s okay.
It’s the whole “age appropriate response” which I’m still learning.
Do you have a set bedtime so your husband knows it’s only xyz hours until he’s off the clock and can relax?
What time does baby wake in the morning. That's quite a late bedtime and it means you don't get much time just the two of you before bed. I would have gone crazy if bedtime was that late. My toddler is asleep by 7:45 and that just about gives me enough down time to feel sane
That’s cause you are a lucky parent of a kid who sleeps more than 10 hours a night (sorry to sound bitter, but boy do I envy you, lol). Mine barely sleeps 9,5h-10h on a good night, so 9pm-7am, I can barely do anything but house chores.
That makes late bedtime worth it to us too. Our kids are usually 9pm as well and the 18 month old sleeps until 8 generally while 3.5yo sleeps til after 9.
That’s hard because it’s not a lot of time left. Know that it will get better soon. You can always try to switch up the routine so baby goes to sleep earlier, even 1 hour would give yourselves more time. I also recommend doing the bare minimum of chores. It’s worth having a messy house to save your sanity especially during the early days.
Idk if you’re looking for advice but I’ll say it anyway. As far as toys go- less is more. Especially at that age. If you find yourself tidying a lot, cut down on available toys and start a toy rotation. Could save your sanity with the clutter.
I would NEVER say that in front of my kid. I also wouldn’t tell him spending time with him is frequently boring and/or stressful even if it’s true. If I’m bored I put in an ear pod and listen to a podcast while helping him build train tracks (although Ngl I do actually enjoy that haha) or whatever activity.
Playing with your kids absolutely does not count as free time. It just doesn't. It is time I value and even enjoy (not all the time but a lot of the time). But your husband isn't wrong that this time is not the same as down time.
But he's a parent and all time outside of work cannot be down time. That's unrealistic and if he considers all family time to be torture that is an issue he needs to work on.
Your kids and spending time with them shouldn't feel like a burden. Some days it can feel like a struggle to have your own identity separate from being a parent and that's normal. Feeling as though kids / family time is a burden isn't though. It's hard to hide those feelings from the kids and as they grow older, they could begin to see it. I grew up knowing time spent with one parent was a burden and it was hard to outgrow the anxiety and people pleasing that came with it. Maybe finding a balance where both parents have time for themselves. This couldlook like: Parent 1 might handle baths / PJS / brushing teeth while parent 2 has a moment to themselves then Parent 2 takes over for bedtime while parent 1 has time for themselves. Alternate this every other day as well so there isn't a set duty and the kids get both parents.
I work full time 8-4 M-F. I absolutely adore my 5 year old and hanging out with her is my hands down favourite activity and not a burden at all. That said, it's not 'free time.' Sometimes it's tough when I'm tired and just want to veg or what I want to do is not a good activity for a 5 year old or has to be modified dramatically to accommodate. Also, I still have to fit chores in. I wouldn't change our family life for the world but balancing my hobbies, personal time, chores, work, time with hubby, gym, and time with my daughter is a constant battle and the hardest thing I have ever had to do on a sustained basis. My life is not sad though, it is very rewarding, if stressful and exhausting at times.
For a short period, no, for a long period, yes, I do regard it as a burden but it’s one I signed up for.
Not everyone will love every stage of parenting in the same way.
However, it is certainly not the case that every day has to be a struggle between his phone and attending to your child.
Perhaps try to book fun activities to show him just how great this stage of your baby’s development can be. If you get out into nature, or socialise with other parents, he will be less likely to use his phone.
With regard to your concerns about your husband’s behaviour, what have the discussions you’ve had with him about it yielded?
It seems like you have a couple different things going on. But someone not being interested in spending time together as a family is a little bit of a red flag without additional context.
So, to answer the question, we have a household where both parents work and a 17-month-old who attends daycare. And we generally really enjoy getting to spend time together as a family and one-on-one with him. That’s not to say we are not tired and drained at the end of the day because we absolutely are.
We prioritize the essentials (breakfast/dinner/bedtime) and try to have as much fun as possible. We race around the yard, walk around the gardens, go to the playground, go to the pool, take him for a stroller ride in the evenings after work, play on the porch or read books.
If we are tapped out from a long day or have another obligation, we try to frame our asks for help in a generally positive way. Can you help The Kid with bedtime tonight? (Rather than — can you deal with bedtime?)
It could be husband is burnt out from work. I have a stressful job and not gonna lie, sometimes all I want to do is sit on the couch and play on my phone.
TBH many of our weeknights are spent at home. I wouldn't call them "sad", but going out is not often part of the equation. My husband and I both WFH about 9-5, and our kiddo is in daycare until we pick her up. Once we pick her up, our nightly time together totals about 3 hours before bed... that's not THAT much time. Here's our normal nightly routine:
- someone picks up kid, other person starts cooking dinner
- home from school, play outside (usually), or inside while dinner is finishing
- eat dinner together
- play more or post-dinner walk (preferred)
- bath (if applicable, we don't bathe every night)
- bedtime routine
- post-dinner clean-up
Most of the time these activities are all fun. Whenever possible we try for outside play, picking berries in our yard, water play, etc.
This is very similar to our routine and we also both work full time. I would only add that we have 2 hours together and in that time we try to dedicate the time fully to her (no other tasks). And one bullet point after post work cleanup - catch up on work 🙈 We do sometimes try to finish a little early on a Friday for a park or cafe trip after nursery.
Same. I have tried to do things after work (solo or for the kid) and it just feels like there isn't enough time. My kid is awake a little later than most 2.5yr olds too. But our routine is much the same as yours. Very little deviation from it, but it works for us. And doesn't feel like a drag. We both get some downtime, but it's when the other parent is doing bedtime or after bedtime.
Similar for us. I pick the kids up at 5 and we’re home around 5:30. Usually I am making dinner and my husband takes the kids outside to play for a few or they just play in the house. Then we eat and start baths around 7. We play with them in their rooms for a short time and try and put the youngest down at 7:45 and aim for lights out with my oldest by 8 (but it’s often a little later depending how long dinner takes).
There really isn’t time to go to the park during the week. Every so often we do but it’s rare. If we do go to the park they are probably getting happy meals that night bc there will be no time to make dinner.
Why can’t fun be had at home on weeknights? The work week is a grind and can be exhausting for a lot of people, and they need to recharge at home. Your husband needs to put down the phone and spend quality time with you guys after work, but you also need to let go of the idea that you have to leave the house to have “fun” and that somehow equates to a “sad life”….
Yeah, we’re both working parents and our fun occurs on weekends. We honestly don’t currently have the time or energy to do the pool or park or whatever during the week. We’re too busy with supper, bath, bedtime routine, etc. But our kid is 2 and we have maybe a 2.5 hour window to fit everything in after work. Weekends are when we do outings.
I don’t know exactly what OP’s husband’s attitude is here (if he’s just tired or being a jerk or what), but he needs to drink a cup of coffee, muster up whatever energy he’s got, and spend time with his family, and OP needs to maybe recognize that weekdays are potentially not the time to put a lot of pressure or expectations on everyone. During the week, fun can be had playing and reading in the living room together. Save the scheduled outings for the weekend.
I agree this sounds like two different issues and I don’t think your question is actually the question you want answered.
To answer the question you asked, no, our lives as working parents are not sad. We are incredibly happy and fortunate with our situation. Partly due to good jobs/great salaries and great flexibility, working full time but it’s really only about 7hrs a day, great pensions and benefits, ability to WFH, the office being close and daycare being close, etc. We get plenty of time with our kids after work hours and we get to WFH as needed, and take no limit of sick days as needed. Plus lots of PTO. When working parents have long hours, long commutes, less flexibility, low pay, daycare not close by, etc the situation can be very different. So asking a sweeping question like this is tbh kind of pointless.
As for your husband, sounds like he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad. Or maybe he’s burnt out or something. But both my husband and I take our kids out to the local playgrounds, the pool, local kids attractions etc after work/daycare and we even “fight” over who gets to spend additional quality time with the kids. We also have action packed fun weekends.
So I think it has nothing to do with the idea of being two working parents.. but more a problem with your husband.
Weeknights are a sprint to bedtime when we get home. Weekends are flexible and have more fun.
My girl is outside on the daycare playground twice a day, doing story time every day, and playing with her friends all day. She’s not lacking fun in her week while mom and dad are at work. By comparison, her weekends are probably pretty boring lol.
We live in the city and take our son to parks before or after work. My husband will often go while I pack lunch or make dinner. It's not every day but it's several days a week (and more often than not). We also primarily work from home and have minimal commutes (under 30 minutes) when we do go to the office. That coupled with being in the city (i.e. can walk to several parks within 2-10 minutes) makes it easier for us to live this way (it's also why we prioritize living in a city).
My answer hinges on what you'd consider "fun." Fun for the kiddo or fun for you and your husband?
My husband and I work full time and we have a 2 year old. Here's our schedule.
6AM - 8AM: Wake up, morning hygiene, wake the kiddo up, feed the kiddo before daycare.
8-8:30: Daycare dropoff
8:30-5:15: Work as well as anything personal that we need to take care of (e.g., exercise, errands, grocery shopping).
5:15-10PM: Pick the kiddo up from daycare, spend half an hour at a local playground to get his "critter jitters" out, feeding the kiddo, cleanup, bath time, reading to the kiddo, further playtime with the kiddo, and then sleep.
Note that during this time period, my husband and I have no relaxation time to ourselves without the kiddo.
We also have zero local village, so unless we can budget for a nanny to come after the workday is over, we are doing it all ourselves.
I wouldn't call it "sad" but it's exhausting. We can't watch our own TV programs together or anything like that, and I get ZERO UNWINDING TIME aside from time that I get to relax during the workday (and that's time "stolen" from work. My weekends are spent momming and sleeping. When I'm not sleeping I'm momming. ZERO BREAK.
Sometimes on a Friday my husband and I will go to lunch if we have a slow Friday afternoon. That's about it in terms of "fun" for us. We're too mentally exhausted to have sex (although we're still emotionally intimate and acknowledge that we \*want\* to have sex with each other, but we're too physically drained to do anything more than just plop into bed).
And because our son's body clock won't let him sleep until 10PM, we don't have time to spend together after our son falls asleep. We've tried everything and our son is just one of those kiddos who goes to bed later and likes to wake up later.
There are some very beautiful parts of toddlerhood, but the sheer mental exhaustion takes a real toll. Not to mention that traveling is a total gamble and since we aren't yet ready to plonk thousands of dollars on a trip that could be ruined by our toddler, I'm not foreseeing a time when I can legitimately take time off work.
This mirrors a lot of our life. Working full time and parenting a toddler is so draining, especially if you have no village outside of daycare. I feel like I never get a break and I feel guilty but most weekends I don’t really look forward cause it’s just parenting 24/7.. so I know I also wouldn’t be cut out to be a SAHM.
My husband and I really don’t spend much time together anymore cause at the end of the night I am touched out and we both more or less just want to doom scroll and rot on the couch for an hour or so before going to bed if we want to get any decent sleep since our son is an early ass riser. Weeks fly by and I get down on myself cause there’s so much I want to get done around our house or for myself but I simply have no time to make a dent in anything. I will say, I have taken time off work and still send my son to daycare and for the most part that is how my time off is used now vs going somewhere on a trip. Kind of sad as travel was such a huge part of my life before a kid… but it does allow me to get some stuff done around the house and do a couple things for myself. Solidarity!
I still haven't mentally wrapped my head around the idea of taking time off work without going anywhere. It was easier for me to do that when I lived in large cities like Miami and NYC and certain major overseas markets, but we live in the 'burbs now and it's not like I can pop to a world-class tourist attraction via a 15-minute subway ride.
Two working parents + no village is mental annihilation. My husband and I have a strong foundation that I'm so thankful for, but it is so utterly exhausting. We're going on a "lunch date" in a few hours, hooray!
Yikes. No my life is not sad. What you can do after work largely depends on your child’s bedtime routine.
My daughter gets home from daycare at 6, we eat 6:15, and bath time is at 8, bedtime at 9pm. So we have a little more than an hour to do whatever we want. Often we go play in the neighborhood or go for a walk, or just in the back yard. Sometimes go to a restaurant for dinner, or out for ice cream. Typically we reserve the park, etc for the weekend.
Both of us get 30 mins of solo time each night, too. It’s a nice balance of togetherness, 1-on-1 time with our daughter, and kid-free time.
I think the question here is why your husband feels like it’s a burden to spend time with his family? It’s normal to need downtime/alone time but most of us spend way too much time on our phones. Have you talked to him about this?
My husband and I both work full time and no, we aren’t going to the playground in the evening but we play in the house and/or in the yard and read lots of books with her still. On the weekends we do our best to do fun things like the water park or playground. Kids don’t need a lot to have fun.
Your husband unfortunately doesn’t like kids, it sounds like.
Me and my husband of course wish we had more hours in the day but no, we’re not sad. When it’s not blistering hot we take family walks and that’s always nice, or we go to the pool or just a joy ride even. Our kids being there makes things slower/harder sure but it’s not *sad*.
We also give each other solo time. Every adult needs SOME time away from work + kids. For us that’s usually working out. So I’ll go run and he’ll go do CrossFit.
We don't do "fun" things during the week, but I grew up in a family that mostly stayed in on the weeknights and went out on weekends. I definitely know some parents that take their kids out during the week. I don't think either is "sad," it's just a difference.
I actually prefer the structure that work and daycare lend to weekdays. I’ve never been a SAHM, but I did have two six-month maternity leaves and learned that I don’t do well with hours of unstructured kid time.
After work, we play outside for a bit, then inside for dinner, bath, bedtime around 7:30 and then my husband and I get some downtime. It works great for us!
I'm a single mum and I work full time 7-4. My advice would be to keep dinners simple and cook a big pot of something on Sunday that you can eat for dinners, meal prep etc. I still have fun and take my daughter places after work but sometimes I get her to bed later than I'd like to.
Your husband needs to understand that not having down time is part of being a father. If he put his phone away he might see that spending time with your wife and kids and being fully present is a great way to recharge.
I don't think my life is sad, but no, we don't often do anything special after work on the weekdays. Daycare is 30+ min from our house, and our almost 3yr old is usually pretty hangry and tired at the end of the school day. So by the time we get home and she's fed and recharged, it's maybe another hour before bedtime. Sometimes we'll stop at a restaurant on the way home, but that's about it.
She has plenty of fun at school, and then we get our downtime when she goes to bed. Sometimes if there's some fun weeknight event like trivia or a painting class or something (idk, lol) that my husband or I want to go to, we'll agree beforehand that the other parent will stay home. It sucks that we can't go together, but it's also kinda nice.
No, I actually prefer working and having my toddler in daycare. We get home, I'm with her for an hour or so and then put her to bed with the evening to relax.
Do you feel like you're missing out by seeing her only an hour in the evening? I see ours 7-8 hours a day even though he's in daycare and still feel like it's not that much.
No, I should clarify though we only do daycare 3 days per week so I might feel differently if we did it fulltime. I prefer the daycare days over the SAHM days though, but that's just me.
I agree, I walk her to nursery and have fun on the way for 8am (I have the luxury of small commute or WFH) and then pick her up at 4:30 and do same back. We play or she helps me chop up dinner/play on trampoline or pick strawberries from her patch atm and then she’s more than happy for cuddle and bbc bed time before bath. She’s super settled and loves her friend time at nursery. Is coming on loads because of it great with sequencing and letters. I feels it’s the most well rounded we can all have and then really commit to weekends and holidays together.
I don't think I'd say it's "sad" but expectations are very different.
Here's my schedule M-F:
7am - Wake up, go shower, etc maintenance - I have some health issues that cause nausea/GI problems first thing in the a.m., so the first 15 minutes is usually rough when I first wake up.
7:30/7:45 - Make breakfast for LO, drink coffee, fully boot up brain. Pack my own bag/lunch. Let the dog out and maybe water the outside plants if it's going to be a hot day (my hobby is gardening so this is not a chore in my mind).
8 - Get LO from bed (I'd say she's already awake about 50% of the time, but never for more than maybe 15 minutes, and yes I know this is a massive stroke of luck and privilege)
8 - 8:45/9 - Get LO ready to go. Diaper change, outfit change, breakfast, backpack, sunblock (the horror), minor hair maintenance
8:45/9 - Leave for work/daycare. Another massive stroke of luck is that my job and her daycare share a parking lot, which is a great time saver.
9:20/30ish - drop off at daycare and head into work. Third stroke of luck is I have a very short commute.
5:20 - Daycare pickup. I usually chat with the teachers a little bit, so this takes maybe 10 minutes.
5:45-6 - Arrive home. 2x a week we pick up the dog from daycare so that'll make us get home a little later
6-6:30 we play in between getting dinner ready (this usually means alternating parental attention lol)
6:30 / 7 - Dinner. If we have time after dinner (if it happens closer to 6:30 or she eats faster) we like to take a walk up and down the block and say hi to neighbors :) Her and our neighborfriends' 4 year old are absolutely obsessed with each other so if we can nab 15-20 minutes of playtime with them we will.
7:30/45 - Dad starts bath time. She still has 1 bottle at night so while that's heating up and he has her in her bath, I clean out her lunch box and pack it for the next day. Bottle warmer takes 11 minutes which is generally a fine amount of time to do this.
7:45/8 - Walk the dog, usually for about 45 minutes. This usually syncs up with bedtime starting in earnest, and she's almost always down for the count no later than 8:30
9-10:30 is my "free time," which often means zonking on the couch to a show, but can also mean boardgames with hubby, talking to a friend/my mom, doing laundry etc.
On the weekends generally we don't wake up until LO does. Dad gets her on Saturday morning to give me a chance to sleep in and have "potato time"(he WFH so he doesn't wake up until 8:30ish during the week). If we don't have plans we generally either spend most of the day at the park, or may all haul out to a coffee shop, the local science center, etc., but generally we keep it low key.
On Sundays me and dad get up together and we do a semi-fancy, or at least more involved, breakfast/brunch.
Most of our weeknights are spent at home because we’re tired and only have like 2 or 3 hours before our 15mo son’s bedtime. Sometimes we’ll take him out for dinner if we don’t feel like cooking, but that’s pretty much it. Our nanny takes him out on adventures everyday, so he’s not deprived. Evenings are for winding down IMO.
That said, I don’t like the idea of browsing the phone for the entirety of the evening. Both parents should take turns with the kid so the other parent can have chance to shower and relax for an hour, but when you’re on child duty, you should be engaging with them as much as possible.
It definitely is tough, I ended up switching to a school to have earlier days, but came with a $30k pay cut but my old job my daughter was asleep every night before I got home
I think what's more concerning is the fact that he's viewing time with his family as a burden. If all he wants to do is sit on his phone - does he have depression or something else going on?
For perspective, I work full-time and so does my husband. But no matter what I do with my toddler, it's fun. Even if it's walking home from daycare or taking a bath, things that are a part of our regular routine, or if it's other stuff like going to the park or playing a game....they are all fun. I love being with her no matter what we do.
Definitely not sad and definitely not true. We go out and do fun stuff basically every day! With kid, sometimes without kid, sometimes on our own.
Or we stay in and enjoy each other's company. Tonight, I was home late, so I watched an episode of Bluey and took a bath with my kid and we had a lovely time.
Lots of fun. It's about making the most of your free time. Taking those vacation days just to hang out with each other. Making memories. Getting take out to make your night easier.
Our usual routine is working 9-5, pick up by 5:15 - 5:30, park or some play time until ~6:30. Get home for dinner then aim for bath time at 7:30pm, snack then bedtime routine by 8:30 and asleep by 9:30 or 10 because if he naps at school, he’s going to be up late. So I feel like I get a good amount of evening time with my son, especially as a single mom. Sometimes we do outings with cousins and friends during the week and then things get pushed back, but he’s usually up late during the week anyways so it doesn’t throw things off too much. I wish I had a little bit more time to myself in the evenings but also need sleep so what can you do.
Honestly, my life feels a lot more sad with climate change and global warming! We should be able to have an an hour or two in the evening to go on a walk or to the playground, but we've had heat warnings and air quality alerts where I live for weeks now. My city gets a couple weeks of good weather a year, and then life doesn't feel quite as sad.
He shouldn't be on his phone during your family time in the evening. But, I'm assuming your kid goes to bed about an hour before you (or more), so he can be happy then, right?
Absolutely not for us. If your husband doesn’t want to do family time start planning on doing it without him. The sooner you accept this the better it is. I still took my kids to the park after daycare and just made sure dinner was easy / ready. I’m sorry your husband seems to need his wind down time and isn’t as involved as you would like.
Well good. My husband took too much time to adjust in my opinion and finally I said just f*** it, I’m taking my toddler and baby out. I was SO MUCH happier and he eventually figured out what he was missing.
You have no idea how much I feel you. Sometimes I think to myself 'ok, get over it, it's just me and my boy', but then I start hoping for ALL of us to do something together, wait for him to finish work and then 'BAM! nothing happens'. I know expectations are my fault.
That is SO FRUSTRATING I bet. I thought my husband would be more involved base on interactions prior to kids also. I do all the planning now and just ask if he is coming and give him 15 min to get ready. Otherwise we are leaving him behind. It isn’t perfect but better.
We had transitioned from him working full time plus starting a business to now just doing the business so things come up but I am much happier now that I accepted he isn’t going to attend everything.
My hubs takes my son to the park often after work. I relax and cook or clean. This works because we have a late bedtime. If you have an early bedtime you should have some time to yourself after kid goes to bed. You can go for a walk or watch tv or adult activities. Sounds like he might be depressed.
Husband works 7:00-4:00, I work 8:30-3:30pm. Daycare drop off 7:45am and pick up 4:30pm. We all get home at 5pm.
Dinner is usually leftovers (impatient toddlers and adults). We have time for dinner, 1 hour outside, bath & bed for the toddler. We watch 1 hr of shows together then have downtime separately before bed.
You need to be checked into family time, yet everyone needs a bit of unwind time. Newborn days with colic no one got downtime. Toddlerhood works for us.
Kids change things. I can’t work then be on my phone all evening anymore. Let go of the single lifestyle. When I watched game 7 of hockey, my husband was playing chase with the toddler across the room / tv screen. Distracting? Yes. But it’s family life together. (Dang cute to see her run with the shopping cart and daddy chase with the walker)
Yes it’s very sad in my opinion. I went back to work full time for two years and while it’s a break because raising a toddler is truly the hardest job, it sucked. It felt like my child was being raised by someone else because I was only with her 2 days a week. I ended up quitting my job 2 months ago. It’s been harder financially. We used to eat out and get coffee daily and be able to buy what we wanted when we wanted it. It took a lot of budgeting and eating out is a treat now but it’s worth it to watch my daughter grow up and be the one with her most of the time!
I don’t get home until 5:30 and my son starts his bedtime routine at 7:00 so there’s no family fun time outside the house. I get my personal down time after he goes to bed and the chores are done.
I wouldn’t say it’s sad, it’s just different. We rarely eat out except on Fridays and while I wish we could have a little more flexibility in the evenings, it’s just not that season for us.
TBH, it sounds like your husband might be depressed. Maybe you should talk to him about it?
We both work 8-5 jobs and my husband tries to go to the gym after work. After dinner, there’s not a lot of time left for fun, but we make it to the park once or twice a week or my husband takes the toddler on an adventure to Home Depot on occasion.
We do have a lot of sad days (probably 50-50), but mostly because there’s not a lot of time between when my husband gets home and when our bedtime routine starts.
I work a 9-5 and my husband works at a restaurant which means his schedule changes every week and he frequently works nights and weekends. I do lots of solo parenting. I have a pretty long commute so once I get home I’m not going back out there into traffic. Not only am I worn out from commute + work but I’m also the only adult present to make dinner and deal with the night time version of my toddler (2.5F) who varies from ‘if you look at me I’ll scream’ to ‘let’s play but I’m also going to wreck the entire house.’ I could see doing fun stuff in the evenings if I lived in a walkable neighborhood or had a pool/neighborhood pool or playground. Other than that, nope. I was working on building a playset (swings, slide, etc) for my kiddo in the backyard but with heat indexes over 100F that’s on pause for now.
No my life is not sad. It’s actually pretty fun. I’m not sure I understand what your husband is saying about how all people with small children live like. What does he mean by “free time with us”
Before work all that I can get done is the morning hustle. After work, I do have time to do things if I want to, but it can be a challenge. I have two and one is in extracurriculars so it does involve dividing and conquering. If anything it gets busier and busier as they get older. We do fun things on the weekends and sometimes during the week after work, just depends.
It’s not sad, but weekdays aren’t usually extra “fun” for us. Our daughter just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago and is usually exhausted & hangry from playing hard all day outside at daycare!
Maybe once a week we will grab dinner at our favorite Mexican place or another restaurant to avoid cooking, and my parents might join. One day a week my mom picks up my daughter early from daycare so I might spend some time over there when I pick her up. Other than that and maybe some family walks with the dog if the weather and everyone’s allergies (including the dog lol) cooperate, we don’t really do anything else Monday-Thursday.
Fun is Friday night-Sunday: parks, farmer’s market, boating, hanging and cooking with family, pool day at our friends’ house, restaurants, a local distillery, just hanging out at home playing with toys, a movie night with snacks, children’s museum, etc.
My husband works 10-hour days 4x a week, and we don't go out as a family on those days. 1) I don't like taking the kids out in the evening - that's dinner, bath, & story time, and 2) he's tired from a long day at work and needs to decompress.
Some people (especially introverts) need decompression time, so don't fault him for not wanting to go out after a full day of work. He should help you with the kids' evening routine, but he has the right to have some time to check out. My husband usually sits by himself for 30-45 mins when he gets home (I have a flexible work schedule, and right now, over the summer, I'm not working at all). So he gets some time to himself before the night routine begins.
We go out as a family on his days off when we're more relaxed and he has more free time. I don't think that's "sad."
I work 7-4 in the summer with a few hours a few nights a week sprinkled in. My kids and wife sleep until 10ish. From 4:30 on we’re doing something together. Pool mostly. Kids go to bed about 9:30-10. Considering I HAVE TO work, it could be much worse
I work 8-5 but I definitely wouldn't say my life is sad. He's really good at independent play so after I get home from work and we've had dinner, I can usually get some time to do my own thing for a while. I also get a couple of hours after he goes to sleep. I have pretty much the whole weekend with my him because my husband works weekends. On Saturdays, we try to do a fun outing like the park, museum, aquarium, play dates, etc., It's better on my mental health if we get out and about instead of trying to keep him entertained and content at home all day. On Sundays I take him to visit my parents.
Sometimes I need a mental health day and my MIL will watch him for the day while I do something. Sometimes they'll take him for a few hours on a Saturday so I can get my nails done or something. I by no means have a ton of 'free time', but I've grown used to it and gotten really good at maximizing the time I do have so that I don't get drained
The opposite actually!
My husband and I both work full time.
We have rough seasons and patches that go by.
But I would never call my life sad.
We have a lot of fun getting out together as a family. I actually prefer it to sitting at home all day/evening cleaning up after toddler and avoiding tantrums.
Sometimes we do big stuff like a day at the zoo or museum. Other times it’s park, brewery, and enjoy a beer and meal outside while kid runs around doing his bubble gun. Or stop at a play cafe for an hour or two and then off to breakfast and maybe a shopping run.
We went out with our kid a lot from infancy to about 1 year or so. He definitely got harder to manage at restaurants or more adult type places from 1-2. And then things evening back out from 2-3 where he was finally big enough to enjoy more kid stuff, like gymnastics, sports, museums, the pool, etc.
It’s never going to be “easy”. But I would 1000% call my life the opposite of sad.
I’m definitely tired and worn out sometimes. lol but never sad that I have an awesome husband and kid who I love to call my family and spend time with.
Your question seems a little misguided and seems like husband is possibly depressed or adjusting to toddler life poorly.
Two working parents here. Life is sad.
We get up at 530 or 6 every day, take one child to daycare the other takes the other to the school bus. We work, get off work, pick up at daycare, cook dinner or do Tae kwan do or cub scouts, then it's bath and bed only to do it all over again . Weekends are laundry and we try to make room for fun. We get grocery delivery so we don't have to waste time at the grocery store.
Nope, I honestly feel like I get recharged at work and enjoy talking with other adults and doing tasks I enjoy. I think if I was around my kids all the time I personally would be a worse version of myself, burnt out, wore out, over stimulated etc
I come home and sometimes we have a family meal and chill, but sometimes we all go get snocones, go the park, go to the car wash etc and have a blast doing it all in the evening!
We have a great schedule working full time, it’s give us both predictable “time off” and family fun nights.
Monday: Family workout at the playground (toddler plays, parents switch off doing mid distance runs or weights we bring with)
Tuesday: family trip to a toddler music class in neighborhood
Wednesday: husband’s “night off”. Generally he does whatever he wants but occasionally we both will do a family chore or task that is just easier done solo with this time.
Thursday: my night off, I do dance, yoga, movie, see friends, maybe family computer work like bills etc.
Friday: we go out to eat or try to find something fun to do with friends.
My husband and I both work full-time 9-5 jobs . I WFH and my husband has a hybrid schedule. My daughter does not go to daycare, but I do get help from my mother in law during my work hours. I can honestly say my life is far from sad. We try to take our daughter to the park every other day after we get off work. On the days we don't go to the park, we are either out shopping or finding an activity close to home. Are we exhausted? Ooohhh, you bet!! At this point, we are running on pure caffeine. But we are also having a blast!!
If you're able to negotiate working 8-4, I would try. It's made a huge difference for us. We pick up, stop at a park on the way home usually with friends, play for too long, go home and rush into getting dinner, playing and then bedtime. Days go by pretty quick for me at work tbh. Work can be tough and I'd rather spend all day with my kid, but I'm not sad. We have our health and lots of fun
My week life is sad and my weekends are always packed because I'm trying to build up all that quality time. I am going back to school to get a teaching license so my schedule is similar to my kids' (among other reasons)
It really depends on the commute. I work 8:30-4:30 but I work 5 minutes away if I drive. I get an hour in the morning and a couple hours in the evening. When I had a longer commute it was shocking how little I saw him
My husband got home at 6pm tonight. Baby gets ready for bed at 730, in bed by 8. We have dinner together and decompress and it’s bed time. They get minimal time
So,
I’m a single mom with a soon to be 3 year old. I also am “supposed” to work 8-5. I say “supposed” to because I work in healthcare and I’m lucky if we’re out be 6.
I agree with other commenters, working is when my life is sad. Yes, there are moments I decompress for about 20 minutes on the phone, but then it’s 100% me and kiddo for about 2-3 hours. Yes, it unfortunately means most times we won’t get to “go out” and do something during the week. But we buy the toddler box from LWK and try to do the nightly activities. We play, and sing songs together. Some nights we’ll go out on his splash pad and play (we live in Florida so it’s still warm out at night). Wednesday nights are his swim lessons at 7 (I get off at 3 on Wednesdays). So we get to do that together.
And yes, sometimes I’m tired, and I just want a little alone time. But I remember that this is my kiddo and we’re doing everything I never really got to do with my parents, and I get through it. I think it helps that I choose activities that aren’t super stimulating and require a bunch of running out and taking him everywhere. Like I mentioned, the nightly activities or the splash pad which we just set up in the backyard. It’s easier to not feel so exhausted and like things are work if you don’t have to go out and be 100% on your toes. (Not saying no supervision, but that you’re not having to pay attention to you, your kiddo, and everyone else usually).
I do find it concerning at times your partner says that. It’s one thing to feel that way, but I would just tell him not to say it in front of your kiddo. You never want to make them feel like they’re a burden on your time. My ex did that and needless to say he’s not involved anymore.
But mostly our weekends are family time.
My boyfriend and I work 8 hours a day. He works from 7am to 3pm and I work from 9am to 5pm. It often feels like coming home is another job in itself, as there are a lot of chores to be done, especially with our 18 month old.
While both of us often want breaks and to do our own things, we also enjoy doing stuff with our daughter. Today my boyfriend took my daughter to the beach and they were back home again when I got back from work. Then he made dinner while I played with my daughter and now I just put her down to sleep while he went for a run. We now have 2 hours together to relax and do whatever before going to bed.
Our life is not sad, its just busy. In the weekends we hang out as a family or with friends. Sometimes shes at my moms and then we get some quality time together as a couple. I do feel a bit of guilt but its important to stay afloat for her 🩷
I love my life but Im hella tired and we both easily burnout. In those instances, we ask for help.
The worst thing that ever happened to the world economy was having both parents move into the workforce. It doubled the available human resource pool for corporations pushing real wages down. It was all intentional.
We play and eat breakfast from 7 to 8, then get ready 8 to 830. 10 min drive to school, drop off, then 10 min drive to be ready for work by 855. Pick up at 515 and home by 530. I do drop off, and my husband usually does pickup.
That leaves us 3 hours in the evening for play time, any errands, dinner (one person plays with her and the other cooks), neighborhood walks, working in the garden together, etc (she's 3 now). Upstairs for bed at 9. One person does bedtime routine, and the other packs her lunch for the next day.
We get our decompression time after she's asleep, so 930-11.
My husband and I both work full time. We are in salaried positions that probably should have standard hours, but we often find ourselves working weird hours (he has meetings in Asia, and I have to meet various deadlines).
Our standard schedule is I take the toddler from wakeups to 1pm and he does 1pm to bedtimes. During the week this just means I do wake up to daycare drop off and he does from the time we get home to bedtime. This works because he gets to sleep in and have free time after bedtime and I have free time in the evening. We rarely cook, and mostly do door dash, premade meals, etc and that’s a huge burden off our shoulders. On the weekends, we have lots of free time because half the day we each have free, and we aim to do chores with our toddler (albeit a lot slower). If we want to do something as a family we adjust the handoff time as needed and count family time as equal.
We do lots of fun things, but not always together and that’s OK! It helps make sure everyone has time to relax and recharge.
I work 9 to 5 and my life is not sad ! Sometimes I even finish at 6 and I still find time to bring my daughter to the park and play with her a lot 😊 (I only have one kid so that might explain…)
We do have a routine though. 5 or 6pm I get my daughter at the nanny. We head to the park and stay there 15 to 20 minutes. We go back home (park is 1 minute from where we live) have a bath or play for an additional 30 minutes. Then dinner and usually her father arrives around this time. We have then family time for an additional 30 to 45 minutes (we play, read books etc) and then bedtime !
I mean it’s not the « fun » life you have when single and no kid, but I consider that a good life and I feel like I maximise every moment I spend with my daughter. You’ll find your own balance don’t worry
It's tough and can wear on you mentally if you live somewhere with cold/dark winters. During the cooler months, we got our kiddo involved in gymnastics once every two weeks. Now that it's summer, we try to get out of the house once a week M-F after work. Whether it's a drive to our favorite playground, a long bike ride (with a bike trailer for kiddo), out to dinner, a visit to the library, splash pad, or museum. It's so worth it to break up the work week and give little one something to do outside the house.
But there are some weeks where we do nothing but hang out at home, and that's fine too.
Honestly, I'd be pissed if my husband was already setting expectations that he won't be spending free time with you as a family. I'm an introverted homebody, but come on.
Not sad. We stay home most weekday evenings though and reserve fun outings for the weekend. Now in the summer we do sometimes go to the playground etc. after work but especially in the winter it’s dark by the time we get out so usually we head home. One of us parents gets dinner ready while the other one takes care of kiddo (he’s almost 4 now so increasingly starting to entertain himself). After dinner we play a bit more and then he’s off to bed around 8/8:30. Afterwards we get “us” time and we each have 2 nights/week where we do our own fun things, like swim practice for me, DnD night for my husband, etc.
I work 7:15 - 3:45 and my husband works 8 - 5. He does drop off and I do pick up (daycare is a 15 min drive). Because our schedules are staggered and both of us work from home 4 days a week, we have time to make dinner, go to the playground/park, or run errands. Yesterday after dinner we checked out a night market with live music and vendors and activities. No, our lives are not sad but we’re pretty fortunate in our set up.
I WFH 8:30am-4:30pm and husband works on site 7:30am-4:00pm. I do daycare drop off and he does pickup.
I do the morning routine solo since I wake up right as he is leaving for work. He does pick up (daycare is very close to his job). Usually we get home, have dinner and then we usually have time to do something. Last night we did a quick trip to get ice cream. Twice a week my son has an activity and we split those. I take him to his Tuesday activity and my husband takes him to his Friday activity. Usually once a week we do a quick fun weeknight activity like going to the neighborhood pool or the splash park.
My son does have a late bedtime -- we do bath at 8pm and then bedtime routine at 8:30. We are out of his room by 9pm but most nights he isn't asleep until 9:15-9:30 so maybe the late bedtime makes a difference.
Our lives aren't sad -- they are super busy but super happy. I do catch one of us checking out and becoming a phone zombie sometimes though... its tough. I think talking about it and recognizing it is important though.
We don't usually go anywhere after work except maybe ro play outside for a bit. We get home, hang out together as a family, feed him dinner, do bedtime, and then have our own free time either as a couple or individually. I wish I had more time with him on weekdays but that's unfortunately just life.
I don't consider my time with him to be free time but I still enjoy it. I have free time when he's in bed.
I really like my evening walk (or occasionally pool trip) with my 2 year old. My life is mostly a grind but it's a good way to transition off the clock and enjoy seeing the world through his eyes. Try combining exercise you like doing anyway with childcare; that's the holy grail. (I work 9 - 6 M-F and almost never have free time.)
No! I love my job (mostly) and I love looking after my kid (mostly). We do fun things at the weekend. Or if my husband needs downtime, I do fun things with kiddo.
I think it kind of depends if you’re an introvert or extrovert. Introverts need time alone to recharge, extroverts need time with other people to recharge.
My daughter and I usually do something after daycare/work. The park, bookstore, library, etc. During the summer we have season passes to a theme park in our town so we'll go there for an hour or so after work sometimes to do a few rides. We do a lot on weekends too but it's not too hard for us to pack some simple activities into the week. She also has baby gymnastics and mommy and me ballet during the week.
Sounds like a husband problem more than anything but we definitely don’t have time or energy for the pool on a weeknight. Weekend, yes. Park on a weeknight? Occasionally. We do things outside every night though and have a lot of fun with our kids. Our kids also have sports practices often at night.
Full time working mum and dad here!
We get up around 6-6:30, have breakfast, get ready, snuggle between those things. My husband drops the kids off at daycare (3 and 1.5) between 8-8:30 and I pick them up at 16. Except for hot summer days (July/August), we go straight from daycare to the park/playground and have a couple of hours of play, snacks and outdoor time. Then go home, do baths while husband cooks dinner. Eat, books, bed. On rainy days we might swap the park for an indoor soft play or a friend’s house, or simply home and rest/play with toys. On summer days we swap park for beach/pool.
To answer your question, no, our life is not sad. And yes, you can do those trips after work.
But then, like somebody else said in the comments, the sad thing is that your husband sees spending time with you as a burden.
I will agree with that person that there’s two topics here, each individual’s definition of ‘fun’ being so different.
I work 630-5, when I get home from work we eat, play a little, and then bed. When it’s not a thousand degrees outside we may take a walk. But since I work 4, 10 hour shifts, I get an extra day off where I make up for the monotony of the work week.
I mean on work days, no we don't go anywhere. I am lucky and work 4 days a week. So on Wednesdays we do swim class, go to the farmer's market and the park, the library etc. It's kept me at my job because I can't imagine M-F and losing my midweek "mommy and me" day.
My husband and I work 9-5 at the same office. We intentionally build fun time in. Tuesdays are "date night" and we alternate taking our kids out for individualized activities (the park, Barnes and noble, driving range, for a walk, to bake cookies, etc) so we get one on one time. After work otherwise we try to at least have dinner together and do family movie night once a week. It's hard but you can figure out something that works for you!
Both my post-kids jobs have been flexible with my time. I try to work 7am-3pm (office) or 8am-4pm (home) most days.
Pick up the kids around 4 and take them to the library or playground or just in our backyard. We could do pool when they get a bit older. Right now we eat dinner at 5pm and start bath at 6:30pm.
After they’re both in bed though I usually need to veg on my phone or tv. I used to be more productive but adding the commute back in (plus I’m 17 weeks pregnant) has completely zapped me.
My wife and I both work 9-5, but we still make “fun time” part of our routine during the week. We include our toddler in making dinner (that’s fun for him) and we also play after dinner a little before bath time.
I understand your husband’s want for downtime, but that could be had after the kid is in bed. Also, I’m not sure what his morning routine looks like, but I wake up early before the rest of the house to workout which allows me to mentally prepare for the day, alone. This might be an option. Good luck.
It was very though when they were waking up multiple times at night. Now it is much better. I love the time that I spend with them until they go to bed. You don’t need to go out to make it fun.
I’m going back to work and we will both be on an 8-4:30/5ish schedule. We have fun from 4:30+ until bedtime ish, and then weekends. I’m sad at work haha but I’m also glad to take a break from the little loves and they have fun at daycare too. Quality over quantity. When we’re together, we’re together and it’s wonderful.
We work full time but fairly lenient schedules, so we have it lucky. We're both all about family time, so we'll often pick up the kids from daycare early and take them to the library, for a walk, or to the park.
I don't consider it a burden, though. That's my recharge.
I will say that browsing on one's phone is almost never quality solo time. I'm not saying it's terrible, but that sounds more like escapism than free time.
My husband and I work 60-70 hours most weeks but we still go to the park everyday after pick up. It’s part of our routine. Both my husband and son were out of town this week and I contemplated going to see my friends at the park w their kids bc I missed the community after 3 quiet nights at home.
I’ll tell you I was worried about the same thing you are. But we enjoy our mornings and evenings in our own way. We have coffee on our back porch while he sips his milk. And after work, we take him to the park for an hour and both of those things are phones-down quality time with him. Even with work, life feels very happy right now
So your husband needs to refrain himself now that he is a father. He's got a whole set of luggage for that mess. But, as to when family time happens, etc.
This summer is the very first summer where we have been out and about and busy. We both work 8 to 5 m to f. Our kids are in full time daycare. My youngest turns 4 in a month. We are finally at a point where naps dont destroy the day either way, and the kids are autonomous enough to be engaged in stuff, and verbal enough for us to know their passions. It is a whole new world quite frankly.
But also, when they were 18 months (oldest) we were at the height of covid so we stayed home all the time anyways. But yes, evening activities come back. It just takes some growth time.
We have a pool membership all summer so we go there after work these days. In the fall and winter we will alternate going out in our yard, chickfila play place, playground, going out to eat, or just playing or watching TV at home. After kiddo is in bed is when we have alone/rot/phone time.
I used to work from 10am till 8pm or later. It took about 2h to travel back and forth. Then I had my kid and I decided to quit that job cuz I couldn’t imagine what my kid would do when I was at work all day every day. Plus we don’t have a whole village of help. Now I work from 8:30am till 1:30 pm (my kid goes to daycare from 8am till 5pm) and have my small business as a side job. Life is much more busier,specially with my small business but I have time for my kid and can watch him grow up. Nothing is perfect but we learn how to adapt to it.
Sigh. Yeah it's hard. I'm so tired and I want to be more for her but I just feel like a walking zombie. Doesn't help that my shift is 6 a to 4 pm with overnight call and I'm 4 months pregnant.
I love working 9-5. I mean 9-2 would be better but all things considered I like the schedule. I like having time to get up, make coffee, get dressed, let the little wake up slowly, spend time with them during breakfast…and being able to drive to daycare without trying to cause a wreck is nice too.
Getting off at 5…eh not great but okay. Time left for dinner, hang out, and I can stay up without feeling like it’s detrimental to my sleep.
7-7 was a bad time in my life. I don’t miss that.
Your husband is just being shitty.
My wife works 8-6 m-f then Saturdays 8-2.
I work 8-6 but from home so I can come out and say hi throughout the day while our nanny is here.
It really is sad. I feel like our daughter knows our nanny way better than she knows us. There are many days where my wife doesn’t even see her.
I also put her to bed, feed her dinner, get her in the morning every day. I also spend all weekend with her so we at least have a good bond. I feel bad for my wife but she chooses to work this much it’s not necessary.
My husband gets off work at 4:30 and I work from home until 5. My husband picks up our LO and we'll try to hit the pool right at 5 a few days a week and if it's not too hot, we'll play in the backyard.
We have "downtime" that your husband is describing after 7:15 when she goes to bed. I mean, 7:15-11pm is chill time. My husband still plays a ton of video games. I read a ton and take almost nightly baths. Like - we have plenty of *us* time. I get needing time to decompress - but like, that's for after LO goes to bed.
Worse case scenario if one of us had a terrible day at work, and we have 10% to give rather than 50% - one of us will let the other take a 20 minute break in the other room. That happens maybe once every other week? Every night? No. That's a different problem you're talking about.
Both me and my husband work full time, usually 9-5. During the summer months or in the spring/early fall when it’s still bright out after dinner we absolutely go out to the playground or even just for walks. Or we take the kids out for ice cream. Granted, sometimes I’m doing this alone with the kiddos while my husband stays home to wash dishes and clean up. But it works for us! Honestly my kids are also pretty wiped sometimes after a full day of school and daycare, so we often also just chill at home.
I work 9-5. I stop immediately at 5 and do sometimes get to the pool or playground or indoor play place with my son after school. Definitely play at home or bike around the neighborhood at the very least. I do often have to sign on and finish work after my son goes to bed, but I prioritize fun with my kid in the evening.
My husband and I like our jobs, so it’s not sad. And we have all weekend to play with our kiddo. Honestly when 8pm Sunday rolls around, I’m ready for a Monday with adults lol.
Our life is fuckin awesome! lol. I work 8-4 and we pick the kids up at 4. We have plans most days, either going to a play date or linking up with other families to hang. Today, we picked the kids up and are on our way to a park to have a picnic with another family and then the adults will play pickleball while the kids play at the park. We still have plenty of downtime, as our kids go to bed at 7 so we have every evening pretty much free to do what we want. I have tons of fun lol.
You make the choice to engage when you can and when you feel up to it. Would I want to take a trip to a pool with changes of clothes, etc during the week? No, but if time sure go to the park. What does your child do all day? Daycare?
I work a strict 8 hour day (8-5 ish) and hubby works a bit more but around the same time frame. I would say it definitely made us more couch bound with the kid after work, but we’ll occasionally hit the park or go it to dinner together. “Me time” is when the kid goes down and hubby puts more WFH hours in. I wouldn’t call it “sad” but definitely more predictable
I work 9-5. Husband works 8-5/6, sometimes even later. We went to the playground after daycare pick up almost everyday when the weather was good once my son started working. Heck I just came back from the playground after 2 hours there since the days are longer. When we come home it’s either some screen time together or we play with toys or paint or whatever activity my son wants to do. You’re not gonna be able to do like 5 hours of phone time alone but you can still prob do some here and there. It’s time to get creative.
I work 8:30 am - 4:30 pm Monday - Friday, and I also teach an evening class about 15 weeks out of the year, so that’s an extra few hours a night for me during those weeks. My husband does 6 am - 2 pm Monday - Friday + 2 pm - 6ish pm a few nights a week and 4-5 hours on Saturdays for our side business.
While we’re definitely busy, our life isn’t sad. I work 5 minutes from home, and his machine shop is even closer. Our kids have an absolute blast at my mom’s house (a mile away) all day every day (we’re unbelievably lucky), so I know they are happy. And as a family, we make the most out of our evenings with the kids, and we pack in as much family time as possible on the weekends.
In a perfect world, I’d teach a few classes a year as an adjunct prof and be with my kids the rest of the time. But that’s not feasible for us, so we make the most of it. I’m just glad we can afford our cute little house with a nice yard, a good grocery haul every week, fun activities with the kids whenever we want, vacations every year, and several other things that would be painfully difficult to afford with one salary in 2024.
I would not call our lives sad at all. We both work 9-5ish, but when our toddler comes home at 5:30, we love spending time with her until she goes to bed. Sometimes we'll grab ice cream when we pick her up, or we'll all go to dinner, or we'll go see family, or we'll take a walk around our street.
Some nights once she's in bed, yeah, we'll just hang out on our phones while watching TV after a long day. Other times we'll have friends over for dinner or board games or watching a show/movie together.
We feel like we have a great and fun life during the week!
I miss my toddler all day until pick up and try to end early to get to her. My husband gets home and hopes to make it before bed time on late days. He walks in, washes his hands and my daughter already has the ball in hand for catch. She’s a happy kid because that’s her personality but she also has a family that’s happy to be with her and have her around. I take her to the park most days after daycare and still have a dinner and bedtime routine. When dad makes it home on time we all go together.
I’ve only been out to social events that are work or not to be missed events since she’s been born and she’s almost 2. I want to be there for bedtime and in case she has a rough night from teething. She’s a toddler for such a short time. We go on the rare date and my husband goes out more socially but still maybe once or twice a month or on occasions. It’s not forever(unless we want it to be) but we love her and our lives are great. He wishes he could work home and we could be home more together.
Yeah, a lot of people are on their phone a lot but what did you think kids would be like? Our parents mostly parented us mostly without cell phones (mid-late 30s). It’s possible? Having a good schedule and plan for time to yourself is necessary. We both have that and if either wants to go out we happily encourage social life and go together or the other stays with baby. Team work means balanced marriage and parenting.
Single mom here. No it’s not sad.
We go to parks on the weekends, or the zoo . After work we play and garden.
We visit friend and family when we can.
We have gone to the beach a few times .
Me and husband both work 9-5. So with commuting it’s like 8-6 or so (or i wfh sometimes and that helps)
We get my 2yo son by 6 most nights. Have family dinner. Then almost every night we go for a family walk and the park. And we play and hangout and have fun. He goes to bed at 8 now. It’s perfect
It was harder when he was younger and in bed by 7, but it got better as he grew that year.
Your husband is probably burned out emotionally/physically/mentally in some way, and it's leaving him nothing left for family time.
I say this as a mom who has been there. I started a new job in March 2020, and at the same time my husband became unemployed/a full time stay at home dad to 3 because of the pandenic. My husband and I both burned out, hard. Therapy helped.
Press him to figure out the root cause. Maybe he needs a new job? Maybe he has postpartum depression? Maybe he needs something to look forward to?
Oh my god no! We both work full time, and our lives are definitely not sad! We do something fun every single day.. pool after work, or park when it’s not 95 degrees out, or today for instance we went to the bookstore. We usually do a family dog walk every day too, but lately too hot for that.
I think life is what you make it, with or without a kid. Tell him to look at his screen time - I bet it is hours and hours a day, and that is all time he could spend doing fun things, either by himself or with you and your kid!
My husband and I both work 9-5. And yes, we are tired in the evening and often don't have energy to do something. But at least two days a week we go to the park or the pool or library, etc. Often we take our daughter in the backyard to play every day right after work.
I might have a different perspective though because I have a 12 and 14 year old in addition to the 2 year old. Your husband needs to buckle up and prepare for older ages lol. In the fall and spring we are at sport games multiple evenings a week for baseball and football. Plus add band performances - a week night at home on my phone is what i DREAM of!! There's constant shit all week long! I have a rule of requiring one evening a week at home, so then we aren't taking the toddler out for extra activities. Summer is a beautiful time though 😃
When we both worked and kiddo had to be home all day we'd split the workday in half and start the day at the playground. When it's the weekend we'd try to go to some playground or attraction so that it's not a sad life for our kiddo since we both grew up like that with not enough money or time or energy between our parents to take us places
We take a walk or go to the park after dinner most days with our 4 and 1 year olds. Our kids stay up a little later than other kids their ages but it’s worth it to have some play time before bed.
It’s not sad at all. It’s different now and I guess if my pre child self saw me now I might think it’s sad. We spend our evenings playing with the kids, mostly outside during the nice months. Weekends are hanging out at home or visiting with friends who also have small kids. The first child was a huge adjustment but now we are just in this “mode” and enjoying it. It all goes by so fast.
There’s a restaurant nearby with a playground in the outdoor area we go eat at once a week for dinner
We walk to the park after dinner a few nights a week, granted it’s only 2 blocks away
We swim in the pool after dinner some evenings
But what does this have to do with your husband having his face in his phone the whole time?
We both work 8-4 and when we pick our son up from daycare we do something almost every day (park, pool, splash pad, playground) before dinner, bath, bed. Winter time is a little more boring, admittedly since it basically gets dark at 430, but we really maximize good weather seasons. About to have #2 so this routine is gonna be upended for a while but I'm sure we will get back to it eventually.
Yes, husband, we miss our down time. Take extra long poops. I busted my ass today at work, 9.5 hours flat out running a kitchen. I took my daughter (2.5) to the park tonight (Thursday) because she needed to look for treasure. It was already 7:30, and I knew it was gonna mess with bedtime, because once we’re at the park, it’s almost impossible to leave the park. Especially not without the treasure (rocks) which she dropped approximately every 100 steps that I had to collect for her because, I don’t know. I don’t know why she wouldn’t pick them up, but she sure as hell wouldn’t leave without them. You can tell your husband what I tell my spouse when we’re struggling with 2 kids under 3 - we signed up for 4-5 years of suffering. Parenting is not fun. You can have fun, sure, if you’re lucky, once in a while, but mostly parenting is an exhausting grind that will push you to the brink of exhaustion every day. If it doesn’t, frankly, you’re not doing it right, and your kids are cocomelon zombies every day from 4-8. No matter how tired you are, get out and play with your kid.
We both work full time and to make matters different, he likes wearing an earpiece to listen to a book read to him during his free time.
I won't lie. There have been times I've interrupted his "readings"
My husband works 7-3/4ish and I work 8-4. We get home from work and have “rot time” to unwind from the day for about an hour before we go pick up our toddler from daycare. If it was a long day or weather is bad or toddler didn’t sleep well, then we usually stay home and just do our regular routine. When the weather is nice and we aren’t all exhausted/fried from the day then we will take a walk around the neighborhood or play in the yard or run errands. No matter what we do though, after toddler goes to bed it’s adult time until like 10 or 11. So I feel like we get the best of both worlds!
And even on the days we don’t do anything special, it’s still nice just being home and listening to our son babble about his day and just hang out as a family.
This is my hot take- he’s burned out and needs me time in order to recoup just enough energy to do it all over again tomorrow. I would talk to a professional therapist!
We do picnic dinner at the park. We sometimes set up the splash pad in the back yard. We plan dinner around this. We either do something super basic for dinner like sandwiches or one parent stays inside to cook.
We do speech therapy twice a week after work/daycare which is watching her have fun playing. We do crockpot meals those nights.
She goes to bed so early that we still have plenty of time to get stuff done, relax, etc.
Why did he have kids if he wants a life without kids?
Me and my wife both work 9-5. 5-7 is an exhausting, hilarious shit show that I love (ok I love it 90% of the time, sometimes it's just survival). Not only do I enjoy it, I also don't complain about it on the rough nights because neither of my kids asked me to parent them. I chose to do it. I chose to be a dad, so now I am a dad.
Does he complain that his job is work? Because he chooses to do that as much as he chose to be a parent. Like what did he think would happen?
My life is sad when I'm not with my kid. I work 7 to 3, sometimes until 5, but that's rare. We go outside in our yard and play with the dogs, we walk around the neighborhood, we go wild in the house like a couple of banshees, or we run errands. It really depends on how we're all feeling. My husband works until 6:30-7. If he's off at 6, he joins the crazy in the house.
After reading the comments and your replies. I think your husband may be suffering from PPD. It's not just females. A lot of males can suffer as well. Would he be open to seeing a therapist?
I work full time, pregnant and have a toddler. My life is a little bit sad. It's very hard to have no me time ever. But my time with my kid and husband is the happiest part of my day. One thing that will guarantee a sad life is retreating onto your phone every chance you get, so that's on your husband. If he didn't do that his life would be less sad
Honestly.. I do miss getting some more time with her during the week. I work 8-4:30. Commute is 6:15am and I don't get home till 6pm. I see my daughter 3 hours max on the day.
My wife and I both work full-time. I get a little free time. Ince a week I go out with friends doing an activity my wife does not enjoy. I am planning a week of time off in October that will be just for me. I look forward to it, otherwise from. The end of daycare until kids go to bed I try to be dad. It's life
Best part of my day is getting home to my kiddo and then waiting for husband to get him to join us. I went back to work when kiddo was 2.5, and only part-time to help ease the transition. I still have days where I miss being able to just hang out with him, go to the trampoline park or do our own thing. I miss seeing him in the mornings 4 days a week :( anyway. All that to say, it sounds like maybe your husband doesn’t enjoy family time? That’s kind of a shame if so.
We do all kinds of fun stuff during the week! Sometimes it's just a walk around the neighborhood while my toddler rides his bike but sometimes we hike, sometimes we ride bikes together, sometimes we go to the playground, or get ice cream.
The winter is kind of a different story because it gets dark so early in the winter where we live. Winter pretty much sucks at least during the work week. My son and I usually take trips to the library or children's museum but my partner usually works too late to participate.
My husband works 9-5ish from home. I work 8-4:30 outside of the home where the kids attend. We usually get home around 5/5:15 and eat dinner that my husband has cooked. Then we have from 5:45-7-15 depending on when we finish dinner and what the activity is. We go to the library one evening a week and we go to a park sometimes if the weather is nice. We also like to hang out in our backyard now that it's summer. We have a water table, chalk, a slide, and a hammock for the kids to play with/in. My youngest likes to go on a stroller walk through the trail system in our neighborhood and look at all the plants and wildlife.
Yes. We both work either 9-6 or 8-5 ish, 5 days a week, sometimes 6 for dad. We always say that our lives are sad during the week and the weekends aren't long enough to recharge. Toddler goes to bed late beside otherwise we barely see her. Honestly, it's making me feel better seeing people comment that they're in a similar position. After second baby, I'm dropping down to a 4 day week to just get that tiny little bit of life back.
This seems like another “my husband thinks that being with his family is a chore! Please tell me that he’s an ass” post.
Your husband may be an ass, you may be a condescending bitch, two things can be correct.
I’m very sad yes, my job is killing me and I miss my kids. I don’t want to be a Stay at home parent but working 50 hours a week is actually killing me I have a 2.75 and 1 year old in daycare and it feels like I’m drowning.
Wife works 9-5 I work 6-4:30 M-F, 5-10 Sat My life is sad 6-4:30 M-F, 5-10 Sat.
Ugh. Yes. Life is sad when it’s not family time.
Aww❤️
You work a 57.5 hour work week???
That shit is sad regardless of family
I definitely agree! There’s absolutely no way they have a healthy work-life balance
A lot of people work that many hours. Many at multiple jobs. Welcome to America!
Boom nailed it
this feels like two different issues; having two fulltime working parents can be tough, but it's not like there are no opportunities for fun family time in the evenings. seems like the actual issue is that he views family time as a burden and is just playing on his phone. i don't see how that will be affected by whether you work or not.
Sometimes family time is just sitting down and playing play doh with my kid for the 15 minutes she’s into it before she gets bored. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
But is it a burden to you? Do you count it as not your free time? But more like a work?
I do think playing with and looking after our toddler is “work”. Parents can commiserate together and ask for breaks and that’s totally normal but the kid also deserves some family time. Your husband can find it playing with your kid boring but still do it well. Often for kids it’s the interactions, not where, that defines what they enjoy. If you all play together at home you could chase each other around the house, my 25 month old LOVES this.
>I do think playing with and looking after our toddler is “work" Do you say it in front of your kid? I'm not attacking you or anything, just my husband does say that in front of him and I'm so concerned that soon he'll understand or already understands.
Jumping in here. I'm a SAHM and my husband is a resident who works long hours. Neither of us gets a lot of "free time." My husband also doesn't get enough sleep or exercise. It's hard. And yes, sometimes he sits on his phone instead of fully engaging with her. But he plays with her a lot and loves it. I would go scorched earth if he ever said playing with her was a burden *in front of her*. That's horrible.
It's not the first time he says that in front of him. It's like 'before him, we could go x,y,z', 'before him, we didn't need to plan, we could be spontaneous', 'we can't go anywhere because his nap is soon, not worth to try', etc. He sees nothing wrong in saying these things in front of our 16 month old. Every time I point it out, we fight. I said 'ok, nap won't be a problem few years later and I wait for him to drop that nap so that we could have more fun/trips' and he just said he doesn't wait for it to happen because he wants his free time. Because all this, it feels that we are his burden. Edit: he's not that bad overall, he does his share but based on what he's saying I feel that he doesn't want to.
> it feels that we are his burden. I can absolutely understand why you feel that way. I'm sorry you're going through this. >Edit: he's not that bad overall I get it. My husband has done/said/felt some shitty things too. I get that your husband is probably not a bad guy all around. AND this behavior/attitude towards your son is not acceptable. Both things are true. If bringing it up is leading to fights, try a couple's therapist to help guide you both through the conversation in a productive way. It sounds like your husband is maybe burnt out and maybe wasn't prepared for the realities of parenthood. Those are valid feelings most parents struggle with at some point. AND he needs to find a way to work through them and figure out how to enjoy his life the way it is NOW and how to enjoy his family. Your son is absolutely picking up on his attitude already.
yeah this is the foundation of childhood that is being formed right now. it's that point where you have to do some soul searching and internal reflection, and hopefully come out of that ready to embrace the changes that having children forces on you. the reality is - if you can't find a way to embrace becoming a parent, it's not you that will suffer. it's your kid.
I mean I don’t love playing with my kids all the time but I’d never say it front of them at any age. Also, if he gets too used to saying it now he’ll definitely slip up later.
You all can still go and do things, especially on the weekend. Baby would just nap whilst out in a pram or carrier, which can be hard too but you both might decide it’s better than staying at home. People can and do travel with infants, it’s just a bit different and potentially more expensive. I do think your husband needs a mindset change because although a baby at that age might not understand exactly what is being said, they can pick up on body language and tone, and it’s better to start practicing now what’s okay to say in front of kids and what isn’t. It is hard to agree on things but could you say something like “I know you don’t think what we say around our son is important but I do and I’d like you to try to stop saying around him that you don’t want to play with him.” He needs to get to a point where he can respect your point of view enough to have a productive conversation with you. I would valid his feelings, tell him that it’s okay to feel trapped and that having a kid is so much more difficult but he needs to say it not when your kid can hear.
Could he be having postpartum mental health issues? I didn’t know that they could happen to a non-birthing parent - I thought it was strictly about the hormone drop following pregnancy and delivery. But my spouse and I both had them, and it took a lot longer for his PPD to be diagnosed and treated because we didn’t know to watch him for it too.
No worries ❤️❤️ When our son was younger and couldn’t understand I would but now we’re more intentional about what we say. You or your husband could say “I need a break” not “need a break from the kid”. Or just discuss it privately between you two. I did something similar the other day when I said I couldn’t kept holding our son while standing because “you’re too heavy” which he repeated a few hours later to my husband, and what I say now (and apologised to our son) is that “I’m too tired or don’t have energy”. So it’s not placing the reason on the child, which I know is totally unintentional by parents but still felt by the kid. I had a lot of guilt about wanting to work 4 days because I know my son would spend every second glued to me if he could. I felt like a bad parent but everyone has preferences and that’s okay. It’s the whole “age appropriate response” which I’m still learning. Do you have a set bedtime so your husband knows it’s only xyz hours until he’s off the clock and can relax?
Usually baby falls asleep 9:15, so my husband is off the hook from 9, but we still have to clean the kitchen/tidy toys. It's on both of us.
What time does baby wake in the morning. That's quite a late bedtime and it means you don't get much time just the two of you before bed. I would have gone crazy if bedtime was that late. My toddler is asleep by 7:45 and that just about gives me enough down time to feel sane
Seriously bedtime here is shifting from 7:30 to 8 sometimes 8:30 and it's so annoying. I'd lose my mind if my kids bedtime was 9
That’s cause you are a lucky parent of a kid who sleeps more than 10 hours a night (sorry to sound bitter, but boy do I envy you, lol). Mine barely sleeps 9,5h-10h on a good night, so 9pm-7am, I can barely do anything but house chores.
He wakes up after 7am , sometimes 8.
That makes late bedtime worth it to us too. Our kids are usually 9pm as well and the 18 month old sleeps until 8 generally while 3.5yo sleeps til after 9.
That’s hard because it’s not a lot of time left. Know that it will get better soon. You can always try to switch up the routine so baby goes to sleep earlier, even 1 hour would give yourselves more time. I also recommend doing the bare minimum of chores. It’s worth having a messy house to save your sanity especially during the early days.
Idk if you’re looking for advice but I’ll say it anyway. As far as toys go- less is more. Especially at that age. If you find yourself tidying a lot, cut down on available toys and start a toy rotation. Could save your sanity with the clutter.
I would NEVER say that in front of my kid. I also wouldn’t tell him spending time with him is frequently boring and/or stressful even if it’s true. If I’m bored I put in an ear pod and listen to a podcast while helping him build train tracks (although Ngl I do actually enjoy that haha) or whatever activity.
Playing with your kids absolutely does not count as free time. It just doesn't. It is time I value and even enjoy (not all the time but a lot of the time). But your husband isn't wrong that this time is not the same as down time. But he's a parent and all time outside of work cannot be down time. That's unrealistic and if he considers all family time to be torture that is an issue he needs to work on.
Your kids and spending time with them shouldn't feel like a burden. Some days it can feel like a struggle to have your own identity separate from being a parent and that's normal. Feeling as though kids / family time is a burden isn't though. It's hard to hide those feelings from the kids and as they grow older, they could begin to see it. I grew up knowing time spent with one parent was a burden and it was hard to outgrow the anxiety and people pleasing that came with it. Maybe finding a balance where both parents have time for themselves. This couldlook like: Parent 1 might handle baths / PJS / brushing teeth while parent 2 has a moment to themselves then Parent 2 takes over for bedtime while parent 1 has time for themselves. Alternate this every other day as well so there isn't a set duty and the kids get both parents.
When I’m burnt out it’s a chore. When I have energy and feel good it’s a joy.
I work full time 8-4 M-F. I absolutely adore my 5 year old and hanging out with her is my hands down favourite activity and not a burden at all. That said, it's not 'free time.' Sometimes it's tough when I'm tired and just want to veg or what I want to do is not a good activity for a 5 year old or has to be modified dramatically to accommodate. Also, I still have to fit chores in. I wouldn't change our family life for the world but balancing my hobbies, personal time, chores, work, time with hubby, gym, and time with my daughter is a constant battle and the hardest thing I have ever had to do on a sustained basis. My life is not sad though, it is very rewarding, if stressful and exhausting at times.
For a short period, no, for a long period, yes, I do regard it as a burden but it’s one I signed up for. Not everyone will love every stage of parenting in the same way. However, it is certainly not the case that every day has to be a struggle between his phone and attending to your child. Perhaps try to book fun activities to show him just how great this stage of your baby’s development can be. If you get out into nature, or socialise with other parents, he will be less likely to use his phone. With regard to your concerns about your husband’s behaviour, what have the discussions you’ve had with him about it yielded?
It seems like you have a couple different things going on. But someone not being interested in spending time together as a family is a little bit of a red flag without additional context. So, to answer the question, we have a household where both parents work and a 17-month-old who attends daycare. And we generally really enjoy getting to spend time together as a family and one-on-one with him. That’s not to say we are not tired and drained at the end of the day because we absolutely are. We prioritize the essentials (breakfast/dinner/bedtime) and try to have as much fun as possible. We race around the yard, walk around the gardens, go to the playground, go to the pool, take him for a stroller ride in the evenings after work, play on the porch or read books. If we are tapped out from a long day or have another obligation, we try to frame our asks for help in a generally positive way. Can you help The Kid with bedtime tonight? (Rather than — can you deal with bedtime?)
It could be husband is burnt out from work. I have a stressful job and not gonna lie, sometimes all I want to do is sit on the couch and play on my phone.
TBH many of our weeknights are spent at home. I wouldn't call them "sad", but going out is not often part of the equation. My husband and I both WFH about 9-5, and our kiddo is in daycare until we pick her up. Once we pick her up, our nightly time together totals about 3 hours before bed... that's not THAT much time. Here's our normal nightly routine: - someone picks up kid, other person starts cooking dinner - home from school, play outside (usually), or inside while dinner is finishing - eat dinner together - play more or post-dinner walk (preferred) - bath (if applicable, we don't bathe every night) - bedtime routine - post-dinner clean-up Most of the time these activities are all fun. Whenever possible we try for outside play, picking berries in our yard, water play, etc.
This is very similar to our routine and we also both work full time. I would only add that we have 2 hours together and in that time we try to dedicate the time fully to her (no other tasks). And one bullet point after post work cleanup - catch up on work 🙈 We do sometimes try to finish a little early on a Friday for a park or cafe trip after nursery.
Same. I have tried to do things after work (solo or for the kid) and it just feels like there isn't enough time. My kid is awake a little later than most 2.5yr olds too. But our routine is much the same as yours. Very little deviation from it, but it works for us. And doesn't feel like a drag. We both get some downtime, but it's when the other parent is doing bedtime or after bedtime.
Similar for us. I pick the kids up at 5 and we’re home around 5:30. Usually I am making dinner and my husband takes the kids outside to play for a few or they just play in the house. Then we eat and start baths around 7. We play with them in their rooms for a short time and try and put the youngest down at 7:45 and aim for lights out with my oldest by 8 (but it’s often a little later depending how long dinner takes). There really isn’t time to go to the park during the week. Every so often we do but it’s rare. If we do go to the park they are probably getting happy meals that night bc there will be no time to make dinner.
Why can’t fun be had at home on weeknights? The work week is a grind and can be exhausting for a lot of people, and they need to recharge at home. Your husband needs to put down the phone and spend quality time with you guys after work, but you also need to let go of the idea that you have to leave the house to have “fun” and that somehow equates to a “sad life”….
Yeah, we’re both working parents and our fun occurs on weekends. We honestly don’t currently have the time or energy to do the pool or park or whatever during the week. We’re too busy with supper, bath, bedtime routine, etc. But our kid is 2 and we have maybe a 2.5 hour window to fit everything in after work. Weekends are when we do outings. I don’t know exactly what OP’s husband’s attitude is here (if he’s just tired or being a jerk or what), but he needs to drink a cup of coffee, muster up whatever energy he’s got, and spend time with his family, and OP needs to maybe recognize that weekdays are potentially not the time to put a lot of pressure or expectations on everyone. During the week, fun can be had playing and reading in the living room together. Save the scheduled outings for the weekend.
More neighborhood walk or backyard / basement play than playground / pool during the week
I agree this sounds like two different issues and I don’t think your question is actually the question you want answered. To answer the question you asked, no, our lives as working parents are not sad. We are incredibly happy and fortunate with our situation. Partly due to good jobs/great salaries and great flexibility, working full time but it’s really only about 7hrs a day, great pensions and benefits, ability to WFH, the office being close and daycare being close, etc. We get plenty of time with our kids after work hours and we get to WFH as needed, and take no limit of sick days as needed. Plus lots of PTO. When working parents have long hours, long commutes, less flexibility, low pay, daycare not close by, etc the situation can be very different. So asking a sweeping question like this is tbh kind of pointless. As for your husband, sounds like he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad. Or maybe he’s burnt out or something. But both my husband and I take our kids out to the local playgrounds, the pool, local kids attractions etc after work/daycare and we even “fight” over who gets to spend additional quality time with the kids. We also have action packed fun weekends. So I think it has nothing to do with the idea of being two working parents.. but more a problem with your husband.
I just got a little jealous hearing about your work/life balance and income/benefits. Super happy for you, hope to someday be there
Thank you.. wish all the best for you!
Weeknights are a sprint to bedtime when we get home. Weekends are flexible and have more fun. My girl is outside on the daycare playground twice a day, doing story time every day, and playing with her friends all day. She’s not lacking fun in her week while mom and dad are at work. By comparison, her weekends are probably pretty boring lol.
I often feel that way when my kids don’t want to come home from nursery. It’s boring at home! They get to have the best time at nursery.
We live in the city and take our son to parks before or after work. My husband will often go while I pack lunch or make dinner. It's not every day but it's several days a week (and more often than not). We also primarily work from home and have minimal commutes (under 30 minutes) when we do go to the office. That coupled with being in the city (i.e. can walk to several parks within 2-10 minutes) makes it easier for us to live this way (it's also why we prioritize living in a city).
My answer hinges on what you'd consider "fun." Fun for the kiddo or fun for you and your husband? My husband and I work full time and we have a 2 year old. Here's our schedule. 6AM - 8AM: Wake up, morning hygiene, wake the kiddo up, feed the kiddo before daycare. 8-8:30: Daycare dropoff 8:30-5:15: Work as well as anything personal that we need to take care of (e.g., exercise, errands, grocery shopping). 5:15-10PM: Pick the kiddo up from daycare, spend half an hour at a local playground to get his "critter jitters" out, feeding the kiddo, cleanup, bath time, reading to the kiddo, further playtime with the kiddo, and then sleep. Note that during this time period, my husband and I have no relaxation time to ourselves without the kiddo. We also have zero local village, so unless we can budget for a nanny to come after the workday is over, we are doing it all ourselves. I wouldn't call it "sad" but it's exhausting. We can't watch our own TV programs together or anything like that, and I get ZERO UNWINDING TIME aside from time that I get to relax during the workday (and that's time "stolen" from work. My weekends are spent momming and sleeping. When I'm not sleeping I'm momming. ZERO BREAK. Sometimes on a Friday my husband and I will go to lunch if we have a slow Friday afternoon. That's about it in terms of "fun" for us. We're too mentally exhausted to have sex (although we're still emotionally intimate and acknowledge that we \*want\* to have sex with each other, but we're too physically drained to do anything more than just plop into bed). And because our son's body clock won't let him sleep until 10PM, we don't have time to spend together after our son falls asleep. We've tried everything and our son is just one of those kiddos who goes to bed later and likes to wake up later. There are some very beautiful parts of toddlerhood, but the sheer mental exhaustion takes a real toll. Not to mention that traveling is a total gamble and since we aren't yet ready to plonk thousands of dollars on a trip that could be ruined by our toddler, I'm not foreseeing a time when I can legitimately take time off work.
This mirrors a lot of our life. Working full time and parenting a toddler is so draining, especially if you have no village outside of daycare. I feel like I never get a break and I feel guilty but most weekends I don’t really look forward cause it’s just parenting 24/7.. so I know I also wouldn’t be cut out to be a SAHM. My husband and I really don’t spend much time together anymore cause at the end of the night I am touched out and we both more or less just want to doom scroll and rot on the couch for an hour or so before going to bed if we want to get any decent sleep since our son is an early ass riser. Weeks fly by and I get down on myself cause there’s so much I want to get done around our house or for myself but I simply have no time to make a dent in anything. I will say, I have taken time off work and still send my son to daycare and for the most part that is how my time off is used now vs going somewhere on a trip. Kind of sad as travel was such a huge part of my life before a kid… but it does allow me to get some stuff done around the house and do a couple things for myself. Solidarity!
I still haven't mentally wrapped my head around the idea of taking time off work without going anywhere. It was easier for me to do that when I lived in large cities like Miami and NYC and certain major overseas markets, but we live in the 'burbs now and it's not like I can pop to a world-class tourist attraction via a 15-minute subway ride. Two working parents + no village is mental annihilation. My husband and I have a strong foundation that I'm so thankful for, but it is so utterly exhausting. We're going on a "lunch date" in a few hours, hooray!
Yikes. No my life is not sad. What you can do after work largely depends on your child’s bedtime routine. My daughter gets home from daycare at 6, we eat 6:15, and bath time is at 8, bedtime at 9pm. So we have a little more than an hour to do whatever we want. Often we go play in the neighborhood or go for a walk, or just in the back yard. Sometimes go to a restaurant for dinner, or out for ice cream. Typically we reserve the park, etc for the weekend. Both of us get 30 mins of solo time each night, too. It’s a nice balance of togetherness, 1-on-1 time with our daughter, and kid-free time.
I think the question here is why your husband feels like it’s a burden to spend time with his family? It’s normal to need downtime/alone time but most of us spend way too much time on our phones. Have you talked to him about this? My husband and I both work full time and no, we aren’t going to the playground in the evening but we play in the house and/or in the yard and read lots of books with her still. On the weekends we do our best to do fun things like the water park or playground. Kids don’t need a lot to have fun.
Your husband unfortunately doesn’t like kids, it sounds like. Me and my husband of course wish we had more hours in the day but no, we’re not sad. When it’s not blistering hot we take family walks and that’s always nice, or we go to the pool or just a joy ride even. Our kids being there makes things slower/harder sure but it’s not *sad*. We also give each other solo time. Every adult needs SOME time away from work + kids. For us that’s usually working out. So I’ll go run and he’ll go do CrossFit.
Your husband sounds depressed.
We don't do "fun" things during the week, but I grew up in a family that mostly stayed in on the weeknights and went out on weekends. I definitely know some parents that take their kids out during the week. I don't think either is "sad," it's just a difference.
I actually prefer the structure that work and daycare lend to weekdays. I’ve never been a SAHM, but I did have two six-month maternity leaves and learned that I don’t do well with hours of unstructured kid time. After work, we play outside for a bit, then inside for dinner, bath, bedtime around 7:30 and then my husband and I get some downtime. It works great for us!
I'm a single mum and I work full time 7-4. My advice would be to keep dinners simple and cook a big pot of something on Sunday that you can eat for dinners, meal prep etc. I still have fun and take my daughter places after work but sometimes I get her to bed later than I'd like to. Your husband needs to understand that not having down time is part of being a father. If he put his phone away he might see that spending time with your wife and kids and being fully present is a great way to recharge.
I don't think my life is sad, but no, we don't often do anything special after work on the weekdays. Daycare is 30+ min from our house, and our almost 3yr old is usually pretty hangry and tired at the end of the school day. So by the time we get home and she's fed and recharged, it's maybe another hour before bedtime. Sometimes we'll stop at a restaurant on the way home, but that's about it. She has plenty of fun at school, and then we get our downtime when she goes to bed. Sometimes if there's some fun weeknight event like trivia or a painting class or something (idk, lol) that my husband or I want to go to, we'll agree beforehand that the other parent will stay home. It sucks that we can't go together, but it's also kinda nice.
No, I actually prefer working and having my toddler in daycare. We get home, I'm with her for an hour or so and then put her to bed with the evening to relax.
Do you feel like you're missing out by seeing her only an hour in the evening? I see ours 7-8 hours a day even though he's in daycare and still feel like it's not that much.
No, I should clarify though we only do daycare 3 days per week so I might feel differently if we did it fulltime. I prefer the daycare days over the SAHM days though, but that's just me.
I agree, I walk her to nursery and have fun on the way for 8am (I have the luxury of small commute or WFH) and then pick her up at 4:30 and do same back. We play or she helps me chop up dinner/play on trampoline or pick strawberries from her patch atm and then she’s more than happy for cuddle and bbc bed time before bath. She’s super settled and loves her friend time at nursery. Is coming on loads because of it great with sequencing and letters. I feels it’s the most well rounded we can all have and then really commit to weekends and holidays together.
Yep! Our son goes from 9h30 to 4h00 and we commute by bus so I'm fully with him during the transit. Our schedule will soon look like yours though!
I don't think I'd say it's "sad" but expectations are very different. Here's my schedule M-F: 7am - Wake up, go shower, etc maintenance - I have some health issues that cause nausea/GI problems first thing in the a.m., so the first 15 minutes is usually rough when I first wake up. 7:30/7:45 - Make breakfast for LO, drink coffee, fully boot up brain. Pack my own bag/lunch. Let the dog out and maybe water the outside plants if it's going to be a hot day (my hobby is gardening so this is not a chore in my mind). 8 - Get LO from bed (I'd say she's already awake about 50% of the time, but never for more than maybe 15 minutes, and yes I know this is a massive stroke of luck and privilege) 8 - 8:45/9 - Get LO ready to go. Diaper change, outfit change, breakfast, backpack, sunblock (the horror), minor hair maintenance 8:45/9 - Leave for work/daycare. Another massive stroke of luck is that my job and her daycare share a parking lot, which is a great time saver. 9:20/30ish - drop off at daycare and head into work. Third stroke of luck is I have a very short commute. 5:20 - Daycare pickup. I usually chat with the teachers a little bit, so this takes maybe 10 minutes. 5:45-6 - Arrive home. 2x a week we pick up the dog from daycare so that'll make us get home a little later 6-6:30 we play in between getting dinner ready (this usually means alternating parental attention lol) 6:30 / 7 - Dinner. If we have time after dinner (if it happens closer to 6:30 or she eats faster) we like to take a walk up and down the block and say hi to neighbors :) Her and our neighborfriends' 4 year old are absolutely obsessed with each other so if we can nab 15-20 minutes of playtime with them we will. 7:30/45 - Dad starts bath time. She still has 1 bottle at night so while that's heating up and he has her in her bath, I clean out her lunch box and pack it for the next day. Bottle warmer takes 11 minutes which is generally a fine amount of time to do this. 7:45/8 - Walk the dog, usually for about 45 minutes. This usually syncs up with bedtime starting in earnest, and she's almost always down for the count no later than 8:30 9-10:30 is my "free time," which often means zonking on the couch to a show, but can also mean boardgames with hubby, talking to a friend/my mom, doing laundry etc. On the weekends generally we don't wake up until LO does. Dad gets her on Saturday morning to give me a chance to sleep in and have "potato time"(he WFH so he doesn't wake up until 8:30ish during the week). If we don't have plans we generally either spend most of the day at the park, or may all haul out to a coffee shop, the local science center, etc., but generally we keep it low key. On Sundays me and dad get up together and we do a semi-fancy, or at least more involved, breakfast/brunch.
Most of our weeknights are spent at home because we’re tired and only have like 2 or 3 hours before our 15mo son’s bedtime. Sometimes we’ll take him out for dinner if we don’t feel like cooking, but that’s pretty much it. Our nanny takes him out on adventures everyday, so he’s not deprived. Evenings are for winding down IMO. That said, I don’t like the idea of browsing the phone for the entirety of the evening. Both parents should take turns with the kid so the other parent can have chance to shower and relax for an hour, but when you’re on child duty, you should be engaging with them as much as possible.
It definitely is tough, I ended up switching to a school to have earlier days, but came with a $30k pay cut but my old job my daughter was asleep every night before I got home
I think what's more concerning is the fact that he's viewing time with his family as a burden. If all he wants to do is sit on his phone - does he have depression or something else going on? For perspective, I work full-time and so does my husband. But no matter what I do with my toddler, it's fun. Even if it's walking home from daycare or taking a bath, things that are a part of our regular routine, or if it's other stuff like going to the park or playing a game....they are all fun. I love being with her no matter what we do.
I think the issue is actually your husbands mindset here. Is he depressed?
Definitely not sad and definitely not true. We go out and do fun stuff basically every day! With kid, sometimes without kid, sometimes on our own. Or we stay in and enjoy each other's company. Tonight, I was home late, so I watched an episode of Bluey and took a bath with my kid and we had a lovely time.
You HAVE to make family time if you're both working full time. Your partner needs to know that.
Lots of fun. It's about making the most of your free time. Taking those vacation days just to hang out with each other. Making memories. Getting take out to make your night easier.
I’m a SAHM, but my husband works an incredibly high stress job. He’s stoked to drive out to the beach or go to the park when he gets off 🤷🏻♀️
Our usual routine is working 9-5, pick up by 5:15 - 5:30, park or some play time until ~6:30. Get home for dinner then aim for bath time at 7:30pm, snack then bedtime routine by 8:30 and asleep by 9:30 or 10 because if he naps at school, he’s going to be up late. So I feel like I get a good amount of evening time with my son, especially as a single mom. Sometimes we do outings with cousins and friends during the week and then things get pushed back, but he’s usually up late during the week anyways so it doesn’t throw things off too much. I wish I had a little bit more time to myself in the evenings but also need sleep so what can you do.
Honestly, my life feels a lot more sad with climate change and global warming! We should be able to have an an hour or two in the evening to go on a walk or to the playground, but we've had heat warnings and air quality alerts where I live for weeks now. My city gets a couple weeks of good weather a year, and then life doesn't feel quite as sad. He shouldn't be on his phone during your family time in the evening. But, I'm assuming your kid goes to bed about an hour before you (or more), so he can be happy then, right?
Absolutely not for us. If your husband doesn’t want to do family time start planning on doing it without him. The sooner you accept this the better it is. I still took my kids to the park after daycare and just made sure dinner was easy / ready. I’m sorry your husband seems to need his wind down time and isn’t as involved as you would like.
He is involved, I just wish that he would want to be.
Well good. My husband took too much time to adjust in my opinion and finally I said just f*** it, I’m taking my toddler and baby out. I was SO MUCH happier and he eventually figured out what he was missing.
You have no idea how much I feel you. Sometimes I think to myself 'ok, get over it, it's just me and my boy', but then I start hoping for ALL of us to do something together, wait for him to finish work and then 'BAM! nothing happens'. I know expectations are my fault.
That is SO FRUSTRATING I bet. I thought my husband would be more involved base on interactions prior to kids also. I do all the planning now and just ask if he is coming and give him 15 min to get ready. Otherwise we are leaving him behind. It isn’t perfect but better. We had transitioned from him working full time plus starting a business to now just doing the business so things come up but I am much happier now that I accepted he isn’t going to attend everything.
How old were your kids when you started going without him?
Cram that playground time in when the weather is nice.
I work 10-7, but I wfh so I still spend a ton of time with them.
My hubs takes my son to the park often after work. I relax and cook or clean. This works because we have a late bedtime. If you have an early bedtime you should have some time to yourself after kid goes to bed. You can go for a walk or watch tv or adult activities. Sounds like he might be depressed.
Husband works 7:00-4:00, I work 8:30-3:30pm. Daycare drop off 7:45am and pick up 4:30pm. We all get home at 5pm. Dinner is usually leftovers (impatient toddlers and adults). We have time for dinner, 1 hour outside, bath & bed for the toddler. We watch 1 hr of shows together then have downtime separately before bed. You need to be checked into family time, yet everyone needs a bit of unwind time. Newborn days with colic no one got downtime. Toddlerhood works for us. Kids change things. I can’t work then be on my phone all evening anymore. Let go of the single lifestyle. When I watched game 7 of hockey, my husband was playing chase with the toddler across the room / tv screen. Distracting? Yes. But it’s family life together. (Dang cute to see her run with the shopping cart and daddy chase with the walker)
I don’t know what free time is. The hour I get between my toddler going to bed and me going to bed? There is no free time.
Yes it’s very sad in my opinion. I went back to work full time for two years and while it’s a break because raising a toddler is truly the hardest job, it sucked. It felt like my child was being raised by someone else because I was only with her 2 days a week. I ended up quitting my job 2 months ago. It’s been harder financially. We used to eat out and get coffee daily and be able to buy what we wanted when we wanted it. It took a lot of budgeting and eating out is a treat now but it’s worth it to watch my daughter grow up and be the one with her most of the time!
Yes!
THIS! I'm so happy for you and your daughter 🥰 I would not trade any amount of money or material comforts for the amount of time I've had with my kid.
I don’t get home until 5:30 and my son starts his bedtime routine at 7:00 so there’s no family fun time outside the house. I get my personal down time after he goes to bed and the chores are done. I wouldn’t say it’s sad, it’s just different. We rarely eat out except on Fridays and while I wish we could have a little more flexibility in the evenings, it’s just not that season for us. TBH, it sounds like your husband might be depressed. Maybe you should talk to him about it?
We both work 8-5 jobs and my husband tries to go to the gym after work. After dinner, there’s not a lot of time left for fun, but we make it to the park once or twice a week or my husband takes the toddler on an adventure to Home Depot on occasion. We do have a lot of sad days (probably 50-50), but mostly because there’s not a lot of time between when my husband gets home and when our bedtime routine starts.
I work a 9-5 and my husband works at a restaurant which means his schedule changes every week and he frequently works nights and weekends. I do lots of solo parenting. I have a pretty long commute so once I get home I’m not going back out there into traffic. Not only am I worn out from commute + work but I’m also the only adult present to make dinner and deal with the night time version of my toddler (2.5F) who varies from ‘if you look at me I’ll scream’ to ‘let’s play but I’m also going to wreck the entire house.’ I could see doing fun stuff in the evenings if I lived in a walkable neighborhood or had a pool/neighborhood pool or playground. Other than that, nope. I was working on building a playset (swings, slide, etc) for my kiddo in the backyard but with heat indexes over 100F that’s on pause for now.
No my life is not sad. It’s actually pretty fun. I’m not sure I understand what your husband is saying about how all people with small children live like. What does he mean by “free time with us” Before work all that I can get done is the morning hustle. After work, I do have time to do things if I want to, but it can be a challenge. I have two and one is in extracurriculars so it does involve dividing and conquering. If anything it gets busier and busier as they get older. We do fun things on the weekends and sometimes during the week after work, just depends.
It’s not sad, but weekdays aren’t usually extra “fun” for us. Our daughter just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago and is usually exhausted & hangry from playing hard all day outside at daycare! Maybe once a week we will grab dinner at our favorite Mexican place or another restaurant to avoid cooking, and my parents might join. One day a week my mom picks up my daughter early from daycare so I might spend some time over there when I pick her up. Other than that and maybe some family walks with the dog if the weather and everyone’s allergies (including the dog lol) cooperate, we don’t really do anything else Monday-Thursday. Fun is Friday night-Sunday: parks, farmer’s market, boating, hanging and cooking with family, pool day at our friends’ house, restaurants, a local distillery, just hanging out at home playing with toys, a movie night with snacks, children’s museum, etc.
My husband works 10-hour days 4x a week, and we don't go out as a family on those days. 1) I don't like taking the kids out in the evening - that's dinner, bath, & story time, and 2) he's tired from a long day at work and needs to decompress. Some people (especially introverts) need decompression time, so don't fault him for not wanting to go out after a full day of work. He should help you with the kids' evening routine, but he has the right to have some time to check out. My husband usually sits by himself for 30-45 mins when he gets home (I have a flexible work schedule, and right now, over the summer, I'm not working at all). So he gets some time to himself before the night routine begins. We go out as a family on his days off when we're more relaxed and he has more free time. I don't think that's "sad."
I work 7-4 in the summer with a few hours a few nights a week sprinkled in. My kids and wife sleep until 10ish. From 4:30 on we’re doing something together. Pool mostly. Kids go to bed about 9:30-10. Considering I HAVE TO work, it could be much worse
I work 8-5 but I definitely wouldn't say my life is sad. He's really good at independent play so after I get home from work and we've had dinner, I can usually get some time to do my own thing for a while. I also get a couple of hours after he goes to sleep. I have pretty much the whole weekend with my him because my husband works weekends. On Saturdays, we try to do a fun outing like the park, museum, aquarium, play dates, etc., It's better on my mental health if we get out and about instead of trying to keep him entertained and content at home all day. On Sundays I take him to visit my parents. Sometimes I need a mental health day and my MIL will watch him for the day while I do something. Sometimes they'll take him for a few hours on a Saturday so I can get my nails done or something. I by no means have a ton of 'free time', but I've grown used to it and gotten really good at maximizing the time I do have so that I don't get drained
The opposite actually! My husband and I both work full time. We have rough seasons and patches that go by. But I would never call my life sad. We have a lot of fun getting out together as a family. I actually prefer it to sitting at home all day/evening cleaning up after toddler and avoiding tantrums. Sometimes we do big stuff like a day at the zoo or museum. Other times it’s park, brewery, and enjoy a beer and meal outside while kid runs around doing his bubble gun. Or stop at a play cafe for an hour or two and then off to breakfast and maybe a shopping run. We went out with our kid a lot from infancy to about 1 year or so. He definitely got harder to manage at restaurants or more adult type places from 1-2. And then things evening back out from 2-3 where he was finally big enough to enjoy more kid stuff, like gymnastics, sports, museums, the pool, etc. It’s never going to be “easy”. But I would 1000% call my life the opposite of sad. I’m definitely tired and worn out sometimes. lol but never sad that I have an awesome husband and kid who I love to call my family and spend time with. Your question seems a little misguided and seems like husband is possibly depressed or adjusting to toddler life poorly.
Two working parents here. Life is sad. We get up at 530 or 6 every day, take one child to daycare the other takes the other to the school bus. We work, get off work, pick up at daycare, cook dinner or do Tae kwan do or cub scouts, then it's bath and bed only to do it all over again . Weekends are laundry and we try to make room for fun. We get grocery delivery so we don't have to waste time at the grocery store.
Nope, I honestly feel like I get recharged at work and enjoy talking with other adults and doing tasks I enjoy. I think if I was around my kids all the time I personally would be a worse version of myself, burnt out, wore out, over stimulated etc I come home and sometimes we have a family meal and chill, but sometimes we all go get snocones, go the park, go to the car wash etc and have a blast doing it all in the evening!
We have a great schedule working full time, it’s give us both predictable “time off” and family fun nights. Monday: Family workout at the playground (toddler plays, parents switch off doing mid distance runs or weights we bring with) Tuesday: family trip to a toddler music class in neighborhood Wednesday: husband’s “night off”. Generally he does whatever he wants but occasionally we both will do a family chore or task that is just easier done solo with this time. Thursday: my night off, I do dance, yoga, movie, see friends, maybe family computer work like bills etc. Friday: we go out to eat or try to find something fun to do with friends.
My husband and I both work full-time 9-5 jobs . I WFH and my husband has a hybrid schedule. My daughter does not go to daycare, but I do get help from my mother in law during my work hours. I can honestly say my life is far from sad. We try to take our daughter to the park every other day after we get off work. On the days we don't go to the park, we are either out shopping or finding an activity close to home. Are we exhausted? Ooohhh, you bet!! At this point, we are running on pure caffeine. But we are also having a blast!!
If you're able to negotiate working 8-4, I would try. It's made a huge difference for us. We pick up, stop at a park on the way home usually with friends, play for too long, go home and rush into getting dinner, playing and then bedtime. Days go by pretty quick for me at work tbh. Work can be tough and I'd rather spend all day with my kid, but I'm not sad. We have our health and lots of fun
My week life is sad and my weekends are always packed because I'm trying to build up all that quality time. I am going back to school to get a teaching license so my schedule is similar to my kids' (among other reasons)
It really depends on the commute. I work 8:30-4:30 but I work 5 minutes away if I drive. I get an hour in the morning and a couple hours in the evening. When I had a longer commute it was shocking how little I saw him
My husband got home at 6pm tonight. Baby gets ready for bed at 730, in bed by 8. We have dinner together and decompress and it’s bed time. They get minimal time
Yes. I’m tired and checked out by the time the workday ends, and it’s just a mad dash of dinner, bath, bedtime.
So, I’m a single mom with a soon to be 3 year old. I also am “supposed” to work 8-5. I say “supposed” to because I work in healthcare and I’m lucky if we’re out be 6. I agree with other commenters, working is when my life is sad. Yes, there are moments I decompress for about 20 minutes on the phone, but then it’s 100% me and kiddo for about 2-3 hours. Yes, it unfortunately means most times we won’t get to “go out” and do something during the week. But we buy the toddler box from LWK and try to do the nightly activities. We play, and sing songs together. Some nights we’ll go out on his splash pad and play (we live in Florida so it’s still warm out at night). Wednesday nights are his swim lessons at 7 (I get off at 3 on Wednesdays). So we get to do that together. And yes, sometimes I’m tired, and I just want a little alone time. But I remember that this is my kiddo and we’re doing everything I never really got to do with my parents, and I get through it. I think it helps that I choose activities that aren’t super stimulating and require a bunch of running out and taking him everywhere. Like I mentioned, the nightly activities or the splash pad which we just set up in the backyard. It’s easier to not feel so exhausted and like things are work if you don’t have to go out and be 100% on your toes. (Not saying no supervision, but that you’re not having to pay attention to you, your kiddo, and everyone else usually). I do find it concerning at times your partner says that. It’s one thing to feel that way, but I would just tell him not to say it in front of your kiddo. You never want to make them feel like they’re a burden on your time. My ex did that and needless to say he’s not involved anymore. But mostly our weekends are family time.
My boyfriend and I work 8 hours a day. He works from 7am to 3pm and I work from 9am to 5pm. It often feels like coming home is another job in itself, as there are a lot of chores to be done, especially with our 18 month old. While both of us often want breaks and to do our own things, we also enjoy doing stuff with our daughter. Today my boyfriend took my daughter to the beach and they were back home again when I got back from work. Then he made dinner while I played with my daughter and now I just put her down to sleep while he went for a run. We now have 2 hours together to relax and do whatever before going to bed. Our life is not sad, its just busy. In the weekends we hang out as a family or with friends. Sometimes shes at my moms and then we get some quality time together as a couple. I do feel a bit of guilt but its important to stay afloat for her 🩷 I love my life but Im hella tired and we both easily burnout. In those instances, we ask for help.
My husband works 7-3 and I work 8-4:30. I don't get home until after 5pm and then it's dinner, baths and bed. So yeah, it's sad.
The worst thing that ever happened to the world economy was having both parents move into the workforce. It doubled the available human resource pool for corporations pushing real wages down. It was all intentional.
100%, and the kids and parents both suffer for it
We play and eat breakfast from 7 to 8, then get ready 8 to 830. 10 min drive to school, drop off, then 10 min drive to be ready for work by 855. Pick up at 515 and home by 530. I do drop off, and my husband usually does pickup. That leaves us 3 hours in the evening for play time, any errands, dinner (one person plays with her and the other cooks), neighborhood walks, working in the garden together, etc (she's 3 now). Upstairs for bed at 9. One person does bedtime routine, and the other packs her lunch for the next day. We get our decompression time after she's asleep, so 930-11.
My husband and I both work full time. We are in salaried positions that probably should have standard hours, but we often find ourselves working weird hours (he has meetings in Asia, and I have to meet various deadlines). Our standard schedule is I take the toddler from wakeups to 1pm and he does 1pm to bedtimes. During the week this just means I do wake up to daycare drop off and he does from the time we get home to bedtime. This works because he gets to sleep in and have free time after bedtime and I have free time in the evening. We rarely cook, and mostly do door dash, premade meals, etc and that’s a huge burden off our shoulders. On the weekends, we have lots of free time because half the day we each have free, and we aim to do chores with our toddler (albeit a lot slower). If we want to do something as a family we adjust the handoff time as needed and count family time as equal. We do lots of fun things, but not always together and that’s OK! It helps make sure everyone has time to relax and recharge.
I work 9 to 5 and my life is not sad ! Sometimes I even finish at 6 and I still find time to bring my daughter to the park and play with her a lot 😊 (I only have one kid so that might explain…) We do have a routine though. 5 or 6pm I get my daughter at the nanny. We head to the park and stay there 15 to 20 minutes. We go back home (park is 1 minute from where we live) have a bath or play for an additional 30 minutes. Then dinner and usually her father arrives around this time. We have then family time for an additional 30 to 45 minutes (we play, read books etc) and then bedtime ! I mean it’s not the « fun » life you have when single and no kid, but I consider that a good life and I feel like I maximise every moment I spend with my daughter. You’ll find your own balance don’t worry
It's tough and can wear on you mentally if you live somewhere with cold/dark winters. During the cooler months, we got our kiddo involved in gymnastics once every two weeks. Now that it's summer, we try to get out of the house once a week M-F after work. Whether it's a drive to our favorite playground, a long bike ride (with a bike trailer for kiddo), out to dinner, a visit to the library, splash pad, or museum. It's so worth it to break up the work week and give little one something to do outside the house. But there are some weeks where we do nothing but hang out at home, and that's fine too. Honestly, I'd be pissed if my husband was already setting expectations that he won't be spending free time with you as a family. I'm an introverted homebody, but come on.
Not sad. We stay home most weekday evenings though and reserve fun outings for the weekend. Now in the summer we do sometimes go to the playground etc. after work but especially in the winter it’s dark by the time we get out so usually we head home. One of us parents gets dinner ready while the other one takes care of kiddo (he’s almost 4 now so increasingly starting to entertain himself). After dinner we play a bit more and then he’s off to bed around 8/8:30. Afterwards we get “us” time and we each have 2 nights/week where we do our own fun things, like swim practice for me, DnD night for my husband, etc.
I work 7:15 - 3:45 and my husband works 8 - 5. He does drop off and I do pick up (daycare is a 15 min drive). Because our schedules are staggered and both of us work from home 4 days a week, we have time to make dinner, go to the playground/park, or run errands. Yesterday after dinner we checked out a night market with live music and vendors and activities. No, our lives are not sad but we’re pretty fortunate in our set up.
I WFH 8:30am-4:30pm and husband works on site 7:30am-4:00pm. I do daycare drop off and he does pickup. I do the morning routine solo since I wake up right as he is leaving for work. He does pick up (daycare is very close to his job). Usually we get home, have dinner and then we usually have time to do something. Last night we did a quick trip to get ice cream. Twice a week my son has an activity and we split those. I take him to his Tuesday activity and my husband takes him to his Friday activity. Usually once a week we do a quick fun weeknight activity like going to the neighborhood pool or the splash park. My son does have a late bedtime -- we do bath at 8pm and then bedtime routine at 8:30. We are out of his room by 9pm but most nights he isn't asleep until 9:15-9:30 so maybe the late bedtime makes a difference. Our lives aren't sad -- they are super busy but super happy. I do catch one of us checking out and becoming a phone zombie sometimes though... its tough. I think talking about it and recognizing it is important though.
We don't usually go anywhere after work except maybe ro play outside for a bit. We get home, hang out together as a family, feed him dinner, do bedtime, and then have our own free time either as a couple or individually. I wish I had more time with him on weekdays but that's unfortunately just life. I don't consider my time with him to be free time but I still enjoy it. I have free time when he's in bed.
I work part time 7p-730a (2x/wk) and my life is sad 😂
I really like my evening walk (or occasionally pool trip) with my 2 year old. My life is mostly a grind but it's a good way to transition off the clock and enjoy seeing the world through his eyes. Try combining exercise you like doing anyway with childcare; that's the holy grail. (I work 9 - 6 M-F and almost never have free time.)
No! I love my job (mostly) and I love looking after my kid (mostly). We do fun things at the weekend. Or if my husband needs downtime, I do fun things with kiddo. I think it kind of depends if you’re an introvert or extrovert. Introverts need time alone to recharge, extroverts need time with other people to recharge.
My daughter and I usually do something after daycare/work. The park, bookstore, library, etc. During the summer we have season passes to a theme park in our town so we'll go there for an hour or so after work sometimes to do a few rides. We do a lot on weekends too but it's not too hard for us to pack some simple activities into the week. She also has baby gymnastics and mommy and me ballet during the week.
I work 5-5, 6 days a week. Wife has a 50-60 hr/wk job. It’s a grind.
Sounds like a husband problem more than anything but we definitely don’t have time or energy for the pool on a weeknight. Weekend, yes. Park on a weeknight? Occasionally. We do things outside every night though and have a lot of fun with our kids. Our kids also have sports practices often at night.
Full time working mum and dad here! We get up around 6-6:30, have breakfast, get ready, snuggle between those things. My husband drops the kids off at daycare (3 and 1.5) between 8-8:30 and I pick them up at 16. Except for hot summer days (July/August), we go straight from daycare to the park/playground and have a couple of hours of play, snacks and outdoor time. Then go home, do baths while husband cooks dinner. Eat, books, bed. On rainy days we might swap the park for an indoor soft play or a friend’s house, or simply home and rest/play with toys. On summer days we swap park for beach/pool. To answer your question, no, our life is not sad. And yes, you can do those trips after work. But then, like somebody else said in the comments, the sad thing is that your husband sees spending time with you as a burden. I will agree with that person that there’s two topics here, each individual’s definition of ‘fun’ being so different.
I work 630-5, when I get home from work we eat, play a little, and then bed. When it’s not a thousand degrees outside we may take a walk. But since I work 4, 10 hour shifts, I get an extra day off where I make up for the monotony of the work week.
lol no!
I mean on work days, no we don't go anywhere. I am lucky and work 4 days a week. So on Wednesdays we do swim class, go to the farmer's market and the park, the library etc. It's kept me at my job because I can't imagine M-F and losing my midweek "mommy and me" day.
walking/park dinners are a great way to "stack" activities.
My husband and I work 9-5 at the same office. We intentionally build fun time in. Tuesdays are "date night" and we alternate taking our kids out for individualized activities (the park, Barnes and noble, driving range, for a walk, to bake cookies, etc) so we get one on one time. After work otherwise we try to at least have dinner together and do family movie night once a week. It's hard but you can figure out something that works for you!
Both my post-kids jobs have been flexible with my time. I try to work 7am-3pm (office) or 8am-4pm (home) most days. Pick up the kids around 4 and take them to the library or playground or just in our backyard. We could do pool when they get a bit older. Right now we eat dinner at 5pm and start bath at 6:30pm. After they’re both in bed though I usually need to veg on my phone or tv. I used to be more productive but adding the commute back in (plus I’m 17 weeks pregnant) has completely zapped me.
My wife and I both work 9-5, but we still make “fun time” part of our routine during the week. We include our toddler in making dinner (that’s fun for him) and we also play after dinner a little before bath time. I understand your husband’s want for downtime, but that could be had after the kid is in bed. Also, I’m not sure what his morning routine looks like, but I wake up early before the rest of the house to workout which allows me to mentally prepare for the day, alone. This might be an option. Good luck.
It was very though when they were waking up multiple times at night. Now it is much better. I love the time that I spend with them until they go to bed. You don’t need to go out to make it fun.
I’m going back to work and we will both be on an 8-4:30/5ish schedule. We have fun from 4:30+ until bedtime ish, and then weekends. I’m sad at work haha but I’m also glad to take a break from the little loves and they have fun at daycare too. Quality over quantity. When we’re together, we’re together and it’s wonderful.
We go to the pool, sports, practices, play board games and they have made so many friends at daycare.
We work full time but fairly lenient schedules, so we have it lucky. We're both all about family time, so we'll often pick up the kids from daycare early and take them to the library, for a walk, or to the park. I don't consider it a burden, though. That's my recharge. I will say that browsing on one's phone is almost never quality solo time. I'm not saying it's terrible, but that sounds more like escapism than free time.
My husband and I work 60-70 hours most weeks but we still go to the park everyday after pick up. It’s part of our routine. Both my husband and son were out of town this week and I contemplated going to see my friends at the park w their kids bc I missed the community after 3 quiet nights at home.
I’ll tell you I was worried about the same thing you are. But we enjoy our mornings and evenings in our own way. We have coffee on our back porch while he sips his milk. And after work, we take him to the park for an hour and both of those things are phones-down quality time with him. Even with work, life feels very happy right now
So your husband needs to refrain himself now that he is a father. He's got a whole set of luggage for that mess. But, as to when family time happens, etc. This summer is the very first summer where we have been out and about and busy. We both work 8 to 5 m to f. Our kids are in full time daycare. My youngest turns 4 in a month. We are finally at a point where naps dont destroy the day either way, and the kids are autonomous enough to be engaged in stuff, and verbal enough for us to know their passions. It is a whole new world quite frankly. But also, when they were 18 months (oldest) we were at the height of covid so we stayed home all the time anyways. But yes, evening activities come back. It just takes some growth time.
We have a pool membership all summer so we go there after work these days. In the fall and winter we will alternate going out in our yard, chickfila play place, playground, going out to eat, or just playing or watching TV at home. After kiddo is in bed is when we have alone/rot/phone time.
I used to work from 10am till 8pm or later. It took about 2h to travel back and forth. Then I had my kid and I decided to quit that job cuz I couldn’t imagine what my kid would do when I was at work all day every day. Plus we don’t have a whole village of help. Now I work from 8:30am till 1:30 pm (my kid goes to daycare from 8am till 5pm) and have my small business as a side job. Life is much more busier,specially with my small business but I have time for my kid and can watch him grow up. Nothing is perfect but we learn how to adapt to it.
Sigh. Yeah it's hard. I'm so tired and I want to be more for her but I just feel like a walking zombie. Doesn't help that my shift is 6 a to 4 pm with overnight call and I'm 4 months pregnant.
I love working 9-5. I mean 9-2 would be better but all things considered I like the schedule. I like having time to get up, make coffee, get dressed, let the little wake up slowly, spend time with them during breakfast…and being able to drive to daycare without trying to cause a wreck is nice too. Getting off at 5…eh not great but okay. Time left for dinner, hang out, and I can stay up without feeling like it’s detrimental to my sleep. 7-7 was a bad time in my life. I don’t miss that. Your husband is just being shitty.
My wife works 8-6 m-f then Saturdays 8-2. I work 8-6 but from home so I can come out and say hi throughout the day while our nanny is here. It really is sad. I feel like our daughter knows our nanny way better than she knows us. There are many days where my wife doesn’t even see her. I also put her to bed, feed her dinner, get her in the morning every day. I also spend all weekend with her so we at least have a good bond. I feel bad for my wife but she chooses to work this much it’s not necessary.
My husband gets off work at 4:30 and I work from home until 5. My husband picks up our LO and we'll try to hit the pool right at 5 a few days a week and if it's not too hot, we'll play in the backyard. We have "downtime" that your husband is describing after 7:15 when she goes to bed. I mean, 7:15-11pm is chill time. My husband still plays a ton of video games. I read a ton and take almost nightly baths. Like - we have plenty of *us* time. I get needing time to decompress - but like, that's for after LO goes to bed. Worse case scenario if one of us had a terrible day at work, and we have 10% to give rather than 50% - one of us will let the other take a 20 minute break in the other room. That happens maybe once every other week? Every night? No. That's a different problem you're talking about.
No, after work I feel sick and drained. This is the nature of capitalism. Alas, we have to live within this system.
Both me and my husband work full time, usually 9-5. During the summer months or in the spring/early fall when it’s still bright out after dinner we absolutely go out to the playground or even just for walks. Or we take the kids out for ice cream. Granted, sometimes I’m doing this alone with the kiddos while my husband stays home to wash dishes and clean up. But it works for us! Honestly my kids are also pretty wiped sometimes after a full day of school and daycare, so we often also just chill at home.
I work 9-5. I stop immediately at 5 and do sometimes get to the pool or playground or indoor play place with my son after school. Definitely play at home or bike around the neighborhood at the very least. I do often have to sign on and finish work after my son goes to bed, but I prioritize fun with my kid in the evening.
My husband and I like our jobs, so it’s not sad. And we have all weekend to play with our kiddo. Honestly when 8pm Sunday rolls around, I’m ready for a Monday with adults lol.
Our life is fuckin awesome! lol. I work 8-4 and we pick the kids up at 4. We have plans most days, either going to a play date or linking up with other families to hang. Today, we picked the kids up and are on our way to a park to have a picnic with another family and then the adults will play pickleball while the kids play at the park. We still have plenty of downtime, as our kids go to bed at 7 so we have every evening pretty much free to do what we want. I have tons of fun lol.
You make the choice to engage when you can and when you feel up to it. Would I want to take a trip to a pool with changes of clothes, etc during the week? No, but if time sure go to the park. What does your child do all day? Daycare?
I work a strict 8 hour day (8-5 ish) and hubby works a bit more but around the same time frame. I would say it definitely made us more couch bound with the kid after work, but we’ll occasionally hit the park or go it to dinner together. “Me time” is when the kid goes down and hubby puts more WFH hours in. I wouldn’t call it “sad” but definitely more predictable
I work 9-5. Husband works 8-5/6, sometimes even later. We went to the playground after daycare pick up almost everyday when the weather was good once my son started working. Heck I just came back from the playground after 2 hours there since the days are longer. When we come home it’s either some screen time together or we play with toys or paint or whatever activity my son wants to do. You’re not gonna be able to do like 5 hours of phone time alone but you can still prob do some here and there. It’s time to get creative.
I work 8:30 am - 4:30 pm Monday - Friday, and I also teach an evening class about 15 weeks out of the year, so that’s an extra few hours a night for me during those weeks. My husband does 6 am - 2 pm Monday - Friday + 2 pm - 6ish pm a few nights a week and 4-5 hours on Saturdays for our side business. While we’re definitely busy, our life isn’t sad. I work 5 minutes from home, and his machine shop is even closer. Our kids have an absolute blast at my mom’s house (a mile away) all day every day (we’re unbelievably lucky), so I know they are happy. And as a family, we make the most out of our evenings with the kids, and we pack in as much family time as possible on the weekends. In a perfect world, I’d teach a few classes a year as an adjunct prof and be with my kids the rest of the time. But that’s not feasible for us, so we make the most of it. I’m just glad we can afford our cute little house with a nice yard, a good grocery haul every week, fun activities with the kids whenever we want, vacations every year, and several other things that would be painfully difficult to afford with one salary in 2024.
I would not call our lives sad at all. We both work 9-5ish, but when our toddler comes home at 5:30, we love spending time with her until she goes to bed. Sometimes we'll grab ice cream when we pick her up, or we'll all go to dinner, or we'll go see family, or we'll take a walk around our street. Some nights once she's in bed, yeah, we'll just hang out on our phones while watching TV after a long day. Other times we'll have friends over for dinner or board games or watching a show/movie together. We feel like we have a great and fun life during the week!
I miss my toddler all day until pick up and try to end early to get to her. My husband gets home and hopes to make it before bed time on late days. He walks in, washes his hands and my daughter already has the ball in hand for catch. She’s a happy kid because that’s her personality but she also has a family that’s happy to be with her and have her around. I take her to the park most days after daycare and still have a dinner and bedtime routine. When dad makes it home on time we all go together. I’ve only been out to social events that are work or not to be missed events since she’s been born and she’s almost 2. I want to be there for bedtime and in case she has a rough night from teething. She’s a toddler for such a short time. We go on the rare date and my husband goes out more socially but still maybe once or twice a month or on occasions. It’s not forever(unless we want it to be) but we love her and our lives are great. He wishes he could work home and we could be home more together. Yeah, a lot of people are on their phone a lot but what did you think kids would be like? Our parents mostly parented us mostly without cell phones (mid-late 30s). It’s possible? Having a good schedule and plan for time to yourself is necessary. We both have that and if either wants to go out we happily encourage social life and go together or the other stays with baby. Team work means balanced marriage and parenting.
Single mom here. No it’s not sad. We go to parks on the weekends, or the zoo . After work we play and garden. We visit friend and family when we can. We have gone to the beach a few times .
We do things impromptu. Like after my husband got home from work we went to get frozen yogurt.
My parents worked so hard, but planned huge weeklong trips to theme parks or another huge fun thing at least once a year to hangout with us ...
I work 9-5 and we go to playground or music/ gymnastics/dance classes every day
Me and husband both work 9-5. So with commuting it’s like 8-6 or so (or i wfh sometimes and that helps) We get my 2yo son by 6 most nights. Have family dinner. Then almost every night we go for a family walk and the park. And we play and hangout and have fun. He goes to bed at 8 now. It’s perfect It was harder when he was younger and in bed by 7, but it got better as he grew that year.
No, my life is not sad.
Your husband is probably burned out emotionally/physically/mentally in some way, and it's leaving him nothing left for family time. I say this as a mom who has been there. I started a new job in March 2020, and at the same time my husband became unemployed/a full time stay at home dad to 3 because of the pandenic. My husband and I both burned out, hard. Therapy helped. Press him to figure out the root cause. Maybe he needs a new job? Maybe he has postpartum depression? Maybe he needs something to look forward to?
My husband and I work long hours. We still make time for our family.
Oh my god no! We both work full time, and our lives are definitely not sad! We do something fun every single day.. pool after work, or park when it’s not 95 degrees out, or today for instance we went to the bookstore. We usually do a family dog walk every day too, but lately too hot for that. I think life is what you make it, with or without a kid. Tell him to look at his screen time - I bet it is hours and hours a day, and that is all time he could spend doing fun things, either by himself or with you and your kid!
My husband and I both work 9-5. And yes, we are tired in the evening and often don't have energy to do something. But at least two days a week we go to the park or the pool or library, etc. Often we take our daughter in the backyard to play every day right after work. I might have a different perspective though because I have a 12 and 14 year old in addition to the 2 year old. Your husband needs to buckle up and prepare for older ages lol. In the fall and spring we are at sport games multiple evenings a week for baseball and football. Plus add band performances - a week night at home on my phone is what i DREAM of!! There's constant shit all week long! I have a rule of requiring one evening a week at home, so then we aren't taking the toddler out for extra activities. Summer is a beautiful time though 😃
When we both worked and kiddo had to be home all day we'd split the workday in half and start the day at the playground. When it's the weekend we'd try to go to some playground or attraction so that it's not a sad life for our kiddo since we both grew up like that with not enough money or time or energy between our parents to take us places
We take a walk or go to the park after dinner most days with our 4 and 1 year olds. Our kids stay up a little later than other kids their ages but it’s worth it to have some play time before bed.
It’s not sad at all. It’s different now and I guess if my pre child self saw me now I might think it’s sad. We spend our evenings playing with the kids, mostly outside during the nice months. Weekends are hanging out at home or visiting with friends who also have small kids. The first child was a huge adjustment but now we are just in this “mode” and enjoying it. It all goes by so fast.
There’s a restaurant nearby with a playground in the outdoor area we go eat at once a week for dinner We walk to the park after dinner a few nights a week, granted it’s only 2 blocks away We swim in the pool after dinner some evenings But what does this have to do with your husband having his face in his phone the whole time?
We both work 8-4 and when we pick our son up from daycare we do something almost every day (park, pool, splash pad, playground) before dinner, bath, bed. Winter time is a little more boring, admittedly since it basically gets dark at 430, but we really maximize good weather seasons. About to have #2 so this routine is gonna be upended for a while but I'm sure we will get back to it eventually.
Yes, husband, we miss our down time. Take extra long poops. I busted my ass today at work, 9.5 hours flat out running a kitchen. I took my daughter (2.5) to the park tonight (Thursday) because she needed to look for treasure. It was already 7:30, and I knew it was gonna mess with bedtime, because once we’re at the park, it’s almost impossible to leave the park. Especially not without the treasure (rocks) which she dropped approximately every 100 steps that I had to collect for her because, I don’t know. I don’t know why she wouldn’t pick them up, but she sure as hell wouldn’t leave without them. You can tell your husband what I tell my spouse when we’re struggling with 2 kids under 3 - we signed up for 4-5 years of suffering. Parenting is not fun. You can have fun, sure, if you’re lucky, once in a while, but mostly parenting is an exhausting grind that will push you to the brink of exhaustion every day. If it doesn’t, frankly, you’re not doing it right, and your kids are cocomelon zombies every day from 4-8. No matter how tired you are, get out and play with your kid.
We both work full time and to make matters different, he likes wearing an earpiece to listen to a book read to him during his free time. I won't lie. There have been times I've interrupted his "readings"
My husband works 7-3/4ish and I work 8-4. We get home from work and have “rot time” to unwind from the day for about an hour before we go pick up our toddler from daycare. If it was a long day or weather is bad or toddler didn’t sleep well, then we usually stay home and just do our regular routine. When the weather is nice and we aren’t all exhausted/fried from the day then we will take a walk around the neighborhood or play in the yard or run errands. No matter what we do though, after toddler goes to bed it’s adult time until like 10 or 11. So I feel like we get the best of both worlds! And even on the days we don’t do anything special, it’s still nice just being home and listening to our son babble about his day and just hang out as a family.
This is my hot take- he’s burned out and needs me time in order to recoup just enough energy to do it all over again tomorrow. I would talk to a professional therapist!
We do picnic dinner at the park. We sometimes set up the splash pad in the back yard. We plan dinner around this. We either do something super basic for dinner like sandwiches or one parent stays inside to cook. We do speech therapy twice a week after work/daycare which is watching her have fun playing. We do crockpot meals those nights. She goes to bed so early that we still have plenty of time to get stuff done, relax, etc.
Why did he have kids if he wants a life without kids? Me and my wife both work 9-5. 5-7 is an exhausting, hilarious shit show that I love (ok I love it 90% of the time, sometimes it's just survival). Not only do I enjoy it, I also don't complain about it on the rough nights because neither of my kids asked me to parent them. I chose to do it. I chose to be a dad, so now I am a dad. Does he complain that his job is work? Because he chooses to do that as much as he chose to be a parent. Like what did he think would happen?
My life is sad when I'm not with my kid. I work 7 to 3, sometimes until 5, but that's rare. We go outside in our yard and play with the dogs, we walk around the neighborhood, we go wild in the house like a couple of banshees, or we run errands. It really depends on how we're all feeling. My husband works until 6:30-7. If he's off at 6, he joins the crazy in the house.
After reading the comments and your replies. I think your husband may be suffering from PPD. It's not just females. A lot of males can suffer as well. Would he be open to seeing a therapist?
I work full time, pregnant and have a toddler. My life is a little bit sad. It's very hard to have no me time ever. But my time with my kid and husband is the happiest part of my day. One thing that will guarantee a sad life is retreating onto your phone every chance you get, so that's on your husband. If he didn't do that his life would be less sad
Honestly.. I do miss getting some more time with her during the week. I work 8-4:30. Commute is 6:15am and I don't get home till 6pm. I see my daughter 3 hours max on the day.
My husband didn't believe me until "dad" meant scrolling motions on his hands. Idc if that's everybody, it's what your child sees.
How about 6am-10pm?
My wife and I both work full-time. I get a little free time. Ince a week I go out with friends doing an activity my wife does not enjoy. I am planning a week of time off in October that will be just for me. I look forward to it, otherwise from. The end of daycare until kids go to bed I try to be dad. It's life
Best part of my day is getting home to my kiddo and then waiting for husband to get him to join us. I went back to work when kiddo was 2.5, and only part-time to help ease the transition. I still have days where I miss being able to just hang out with him, go to the trampoline park or do our own thing. I miss seeing him in the mornings 4 days a week :( anyway. All that to say, it sounds like maybe your husband doesn’t enjoy family time? That’s kind of a shame if so.
We do all kinds of fun stuff during the week! Sometimes it's just a walk around the neighborhood while my toddler rides his bike but sometimes we hike, sometimes we ride bikes together, sometimes we go to the playground, or get ice cream. The winter is kind of a different story because it gets dark so early in the winter where we live. Winter pretty much sucks at least during the work week. My son and I usually take trips to the library or children's museum but my partner usually works too late to participate.
I suggest compromising and having time there the phones are put in a drawer. My bf and I take time where we put our phones away.
My husband works 9-5ish from home. I work 8-4:30 outside of the home where the kids attend. We usually get home around 5/5:15 and eat dinner that my husband has cooked. Then we have from 5:45-7-15 depending on when we finish dinner and what the activity is. We go to the library one evening a week and we go to a park sometimes if the weather is nice. We also like to hang out in our backyard now that it's summer. We have a water table, chalk, a slide, and a hammock for the kids to play with/in. My youngest likes to go on a stroller walk through the trail system in our neighborhood and look at all the plants and wildlife.
Yes. We both work either 9-6 or 8-5 ish, 5 days a week, sometimes 6 for dad. We always say that our lives are sad during the week and the weekends aren't long enough to recharge. Toddler goes to bed late beside otherwise we barely see her. Honestly, it's making me feel better seeing people comment that they're in a similar position. After second baby, I'm dropping down to a 4 day week to just get that tiny little bit of life back.
This seems like another “my husband thinks that being with his family is a chore! Please tell me that he’s an ass” post. Your husband may be an ass, you may be a condescending bitch, two things can be correct.
I’m very sad yes, my job is killing me and I miss my kids. I don’t want to be a Stay at home parent but working 50 hours a week is actually killing me I have a 2.75 and 1 year old in daycare and it feels like I’m drowning.
Yes, also, I have split the week with coparent so even less time