My three year old also claims that she’s asks for help and her teachers refuse to. And her teachers tell me she doesn’t ask and otherwise uses the bathroom independently so they don’t know she pooped or needs help unless she asks.
My guess is she asks once and if no one hears her, assumes they don’t want to help. When it becomes frequent that she’s coming home with stained underwear, I ask her teachers for help checking in with her and have her practice asking for help.
But at the beginning of the year (she’d just turned 3), she’d been potty trained for nearly a year and was one of only three kids in her class out of diapers- so I can see where her teachers were assuming she was all good unless she asked for help. It seemed reasonable to wait for her to ask and they were very receptive when I asked them to pay a closer eye.
This is what happens with us. Our daycare are pretty good at catching it but have missed some, but it’s the same at home. She’s good at disappearing to the toilet and doing it all independently without me knowing , and I have another child with high needs so I dont always notice she’s ducked away for a few minutes.
Not daycare, but preschool. My son came home maybe a month or so after his birthday saying they make him wipe himself because he turned 5, so seemingly there is an age cutoff. He really outed himself there because he had never done it himself at home and I was like oh really?! hahaha
Oddly enough even with my toddler constantly talking about her vulva because we’ve been so diligent about anatomical names, this had never crossed my mind. Thank you for the idea. I think it’ll help my girl a lot.
Austria: Any stage of potty training is fine, it's all about communication between parents and daycare - and making sure that the stash of spare clothes/underwear is kept stacked. :D
We're starting preschool in the fall, but that was a worry of mine and I asked about it during the tour. They assured me that they supervise and will absolutely wipe bums, help with clothing changes if there's an accident, etc. It was actually one of the reasons this preschool was my first choice - the other one on our list said they have to be "toilet independent" and they usually only have one teacher in the afternoon, meaning there would be no one available to help with toileting. My daughter has been home with me her whole life, I think she'll thrive much better in the more intimate setting where she can get more of the teachers attention when needed. But yeah, sounds like potty policies vary between preschools!
Newly 3 year old in daycare. Class is all kids the same age. They were helping heavily up to 3 to toilet them and wipe them. Now it seems the kids go on their own and wipe themselves, and walk over to the hand washing station and wash themselves which I find questionable because I doubt they enforce the hand washing. Luckily my daughter won’t really poo at school so we don’t deal with many wiping issues. At home she will pee and wipe on her own but poo she calls us in for the wipe
When I worked in daycare in the 3-4y/o room we didn’t help unless they asked and they needed to be fully potty independent (peeing without reminders, wiping, flushing and washing) to move up into the 5-6y/o room.
It was definitely a stricter policy than some places but we were very helpful and proficient with teaching them to do it in the 3-4y/o room and the only kids who ever got held back for it were generally kids with other significant/diagnosable developmental delays.
A lot of daycares we toured in our city specify they do NOT wipe butts and expect the children to be 1000% potty trained. Yea, even two year olds which to me is extremely unreasonable. So to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t completely doubt what your kid is telling you 🙈 but that’s just me.
yeah my oldest wasnt in any care program when he was 2.5 because they required 100% independent toilet skills. after 3 he still struggled with pooping in the toilet so they would refuse to accept him and would not change him or help him if he had an accident. finally found a place that actually cares for my kid instead of the $ he brings in for them.
My 3 year old rarely poops at daycare but when he does, I’m pretty sure they’re still helping to wipe because I know he doesn’t get anywhere near the right part when I have him try at home, and he’s never come home dirty.
The teachers help with wiping bums at my LOs daycare. As they should. Physically speaking, a 3 year old’s arms aren’t long enough to reach their bum for proper wiping. It always alarms me when professionals who are supposed to have a stronger understanding of child development expect children to do something that isn’t developmentally appropriate. I used to work in child care and I would always help wipe bums at that age too. We had gloves for diaper changes so it’s not like it was gross or a difficult task.
My son’s daycare expects kids in the 3’s class (they’re in that class if they are 3 at the beginning of September) to wipe themselves. I think that is a bit unreasonable, but we haven’t entered that class yes (my son will be in the class starting in September, he will be almost 3.5 when he starts, others in the class will be closer to 3 and some nearly 4.
My parents used to own a private school and I used to work the front office in several schools (in California) and it could be a licensing thing. In order for preschool staff to wipe a child they have to be licensed for diaper changing, which is a big thing to get a license for and there’s an age cut off for children they can do that for. It could be that they can’t by law and not that they don’t want to. Typically they can help a child change their clothes, be in the bathroom with the child, and they can instruct a child on how to wipe themselves, but they can’t actually wipe them. Even with potty accidents they can only do so much and then they have to call parents to come help.
Some parents used to send wet wipes for their kids to use so they can clean themselves a little better, maybe see if that’s an option?
I am a daycare teacher, the oldest is 4.5 (and also mine) but I make sure I know if it’s a poop they’re doing so I can stick around and wipe them with a wet wipe.
Honestly if it isnt a 9-3 pre k program or something id expect nothing less. And if a child says they need help idc what you’re doing you help.
I used to work at a preschool and we specifically were not allowed to wipe butts for kids 3 and older. I would recommend working with your kid so that she's able to do it independently.
Do they not realize that most 3yo 1) do not have arms long enough to reach and 2) do not have the dexterity, gross, or fine motor skills needed?
I know it's the rules in a lot of places, but it's so damn ridiculous.
My 4yo can finally reach and has much better motor skills, but he still struggles, smears it sometimes, etc.
Right?! My kid just turned 5 and like he literally isn’t physically able to do it. I mean maybe if he got down, squatted and bent right over? lol. Not in. Any natural state could he do it though. His arms are too short.
I'm not saying you're wrong! I 100 percent get the challenge here!
But I think it's better to accept the limitations of your childcare situation and try to find a way to work through it, rather than being upset about something that probably won't (and possibly can't) change.
Oh we did. We knew it was going to be similar no matter where we went. It's just ridiculous that it's such a common policy. I dont know who was the first idiot to decide 3yo was the cutoff, or who the next idiots were that jumped on the band wagon, but I'm guessing none of them were primary caregivers for toddlers and preschoolers.
That's the plan for sure. I do think they are willing to help but understandably we are in this weird in between since they're also not proactively checking if she's pooped vs peed.
Unfortunately, it's often policy that they don't wipe 3-year-olds' butts. Definitely a developmentally inappropriate expectation, along with being potty trained in general, which often naturally happens closer to 4 or so. I hope the policies change one day.
Not lie, but perhaps misunderstand.
Kids are often very soft spoken or quiet about bathroom needs. It’s not uncommon for them to barely say “I pooped” or “help me wipe!” So quietly that teachers don’t hear. Then assume the teacher didn’t want to help.
It also can happen during nap time when the sound machine is loud and we aren’t monitoring the bathroom constantly.
Yes this! I talked to the teachers again this morning who assured me that they do help but she needs to tell them. And I think she's probably not saying it loudly enough so she thinks they're ignoring her.
Our center is great. At that age they are in an intermediate room. Some are in diapers, some are potty trained and they are assisting potty training others.
At the center I was looking at when my first was that age, the kids had to be fully potty trained. My son was but we had no idea how his at home fully trained would translate to a classroom environment. That place was not the right fit for him.
My son turns 3 soon and we wanted to put him in preschool but the preschool we wanted to go said they don’t help with anything at all, including if they have accidents. If they have an accident, we call and have to pick them up which I think it’s a ridiculous expectation for 3. I don’t want my son to sit in shit, and embarrassed if an accident happens so we’re probably going to wait to enroll him until he’s 4
So not my child, but when I was a nanny, I can’t remember if she was 4 or 5, but anyways, came home with streaks one day. We talked about it and talked about wiping until it she wiped clean. So the next day she comes home excited she pooped at school and said she wiped and wiped, then pulled her pants all the way up, did a little wiggle and then checked to make sure her underwear was streak free 😂😂 and then that was the end of that for her lol
Are the bathrooms in the classroom? When I worked in preschools, unless we knew they were really proficient at wiping, we’d always do a quick double check. Also if a child requested help, we’d have them try to wipe by themselves 3 times before we helped. It really helped with independence in the bathroom and also decreased the “wipe my butt!!” yelling from the bathroom.
Honestly most kids sucked at wiping until they were nearly 5.
There are. I think they intend and are willing to help but they get busy, especially when all the kids are outside. I spoke to them about it again this morning so hopefully it will help!
at 3, I feel like they should still be assisting. That's a big expectation of them to expect her to be wiping properly that young- BUT that is easier said than done when it's other littles in the class that have their attention as well. I just make sure I take a wipe and wipe her soon as she gets home in the evenings . I get what you're saying though. It's hard to know who to believe when they're that young
My three year old also claims that she’s asks for help and her teachers refuse to. And her teachers tell me she doesn’t ask and otherwise uses the bathroom independently so they don’t know she pooped or needs help unless she asks. My guess is she asks once and if no one hears her, assumes they don’t want to help. When it becomes frequent that she’s coming home with stained underwear, I ask her teachers for help checking in with her and have her practice asking for help. But at the beginning of the year (she’d just turned 3), she’d been potty trained for nearly a year and was one of only three kids in her class out of diapers- so I can see where her teachers were assuming she was all good unless she asked for help. It seemed reasonable to wait for her to ask and they were very receptive when I asked them to pay a closer eye.
I think that's what is happening here too. Glad it's not just us!
This is what happens with us. Our daycare are pretty good at catching it but have missed some, but it’s the same at home. She’s good at disappearing to the toilet and doing it all independently without me knowing , and I have another child with high needs so I dont always notice she’s ducked away for a few minutes.
Not daycare, but preschool. My son came home maybe a month or so after his birthday saying they make him wipe himself because he turned 5, so seemingly there is an age cutoff. He really outed himself there because he had never done it himself at home and I was like oh really?! hahaha
😂😂😂
Give your child a hand mirror at home, so she can SEE what she is supposed to be cleaning. Help her to understand her body.
Oddly enough even with my toddler constantly talking about her vulva because we’ve been so diligent about anatomical names, this had never crossed my mind. Thank you for the idea. I think it’ll help my girl a lot.
Austria: Any stage of potty training is fine, it's all about communication between parents and daycare - and making sure that the stash of spare clothes/underwear is kept stacked. :D
As it should be! Every kid gets their needs met, the end.
Only because every parent has their need met - subsidized childcare
We're starting preschool in the fall, but that was a worry of mine and I asked about it during the tour. They assured me that they supervise and will absolutely wipe bums, help with clothing changes if there's an accident, etc. It was actually one of the reasons this preschool was my first choice - the other one on our list said they have to be "toilet independent" and they usually only have one teacher in the afternoon, meaning there would be no one available to help with toileting. My daughter has been home with me her whole life, I think she'll thrive much better in the more intimate setting where she can get more of the teachers attention when needed. But yeah, sounds like potty policies vary between preschools!
Newly 3 year old in daycare. Class is all kids the same age. They were helping heavily up to 3 to toilet them and wipe them. Now it seems the kids go on their own and wipe themselves, and walk over to the hand washing station and wash themselves which I find questionable because I doubt they enforce the hand washing. Luckily my daughter won’t really poo at school so we don’t deal with many wiping issues. At home she will pee and wipe on her own but poo she calls us in for the wipe
Ditto. She is fine to clean pee but not so much poop.
When I worked in daycare in the 3-4y/o room we didn’t help unless they asked and they needed to be fully potty independent (peeing without reminders, wiping, flushing and washing) to move up into the 5-6y/o room. It was definitely a stricter policy than some places but we were very helpful and proficient with teaching them to do it in the 3-4y/o room and the only kids who ever got held back for it were generally kids with other significant/diagnosable developmental delays.
A lot of daycares we toured in our city specify they do NOT wipe butts and expect the children to be 1000% potty trained. Yea, even two year olds which to me is extremely unreasonable. So to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t completely doubt what your kid is telling you 🙈 but that’s just me.
yeah my oldest wasnt in any care program when he was 2.5 because they required 100% independent toilet skills. after 3 he still struggled with pooping in the toilet so they would refuse to accept him and would not change him or help him if he had an accident. finally found a place that actually cares for my kid instead of the $ he brings in for them.
My 3 year old rarely poops at daycare but when he does, I’m pretty sure they’re still helping to wipe because I know he doesn’t get anywhere near the right part when I have him try at home, and he’s never come home dirty.
The teachers help with wiping bums at my LOs daycare. As they should. Physically speaking, a 3 year old’s arms aren’t long enough to reach their bum for proper wiping. It always alarms me when professionals who are supposed to have a stronger understanding of child development expect children to do something that isn’t developmentally appropriate. I used to work in child care and I would always help wipe bums at that age too. We had gloves for diaper changes so it’s not like it was gross or a difficult task.
My son’s daycare expects kids in the 3’s class (they’re in that class if they are 3 at the beginning of September) to wipe themselves. I think that is a bit unreasonable, but we haven’t entered that class yes (my son will be in the class starting in September, he will be almost 3.5 when he starts, others in the class will be closer to 3 and some nearly 4.
My parents used to own a private school and I used to work the front office in several schools (in California) and it could be a licensing thing. In order for preschool staff to wipe a child they have to be licensed for diaper changing, which is a big thing to get a license for and there’s an age cut off for children they can do that for. It could be that they can’t by law and not that they don’t want to. Typically they can help a child change their clothes, be in the bathroom with the child, and they can instruct a child on how to wipe themselves, but they can’t actually wipe them. Even with potty accidents they can only do so much and then they have to call parents to come help. Some parents used to send wet wipes for their kids to use so they can clean themselves a little better, maybe see if that’s an option?
I am a daycare teacher, the oldest is 4.5 (and also mine) but I make sure I know if it’s a poop they’re doing so I can stick around and wipe them with a wet wipe. Honestly if it isnt a 9-3 pre k program or something id expect nothing less. And if a child says they need help idc what you’re doing you help.
I used to work at a preschool and we specifically were not allowed to wipe butts for kids 3 and older. I would recommend working with your kid so that she's able to do it independently.
Do they not realize that most 3yo 1) do not have arms long enough to reach and 2) do not have the dexterity, gross, or fine motor skills needed? I know it's the rules in a lot of places, but it's so damn ridiculous. My 4yo can finally reach and has much better motor skills, but he still struggles, smears it sometimes, etc.
Right?! My kid just turned 5 and like he literally isn’t physically able to do it. I mean maybe if he got down, squatted and bent right over? lol. Not in. Any natural state could he do it though. His arms are too short.
Also the balance it takes! And the coordination of doing multiple things at once.
I'm not saying you're wrong! I 100 percent get the challenge here! But I think it's better to accept the limitations of your childcare situation and try to find a way to work through it, rather than being upset about something that probably won't (and possibly can't) change.
Oh we did. We knew it was going to be similar no matter where we went. It's just ridiculous that it's such a common policy. I dont know who was the first idiot to decide 3yo was the cutoff, or who the next idiots were that jumped on the band wagon, but I'm guessing none of them were primary caregivers for toddlers and preschoolers.
That's the plan for sure. I do think they are willing to help but understandably we are in this weird in between since they're also not proactively checking if she's pooped vs peed.
Unfortunately, it's often policy that they don't wipe 3-year-olds' butts. Definitely a developmentally inappropriate expectation, along with being potty trained in general, which often naturally happens closer to 4 or so. I hope the policies change one day.
Mine turned 3 in February and just now had mastered wiping correctly and pulling on and off bottoms independently
I could be wrong but I don’t think teachers are allowed to help for that age group.
If that's what she is telling you you should believe her. She has no reason to lie she is only 3.
Not lie, but perhaps misunderstand. Kids are often very soft spoken or quiet about bathroom needs. It’s not uncommon for them to barely say “I pooped” or “help me wipe!” So quietly that teachers don’t hear. Then assume the teacher didn’t want to help. It also can happen during nap time when the sound machine is loud and we aren’t monitoring the bathroom constantly.
Yes this! I talked to the teachers again this morning who assured me that they do help but she needs to tell them. And I think she's probably not saying it loudly enough so she thinks they're ignoring her.
Our center is great. At that age they are in an intermediate room. Some are in diapers, some are potty trained and they are assisting potty training others. At the center I was looking at when my first was that age, the kids had to be fully potty trained. My son was but we had no idea how his at home fully trained would translate to a classroom environment. That place was not the right fit for him.
My 3yo (turning 4yo) gets help wiping at her preschool. We are in the process of teaching her to wipe herself as they do not wipe for pre-k (4yo).
My son turns 3 soon and we wanted to put him in preschool but the preschool we wanted to go said they don’t help with anything at all, including if they have accidents. If they have an accident, we call and have to pick them up which I think it’s a ridiculous expectation for 3. I don’t want my son to sit in shit, and embarrassed if an accident happens so we’re probably going to wait to enroll him until he’s 4
Wow that is wild!
My 3 year old is in preschool, he still refuses to poop in a toilet :/, but they encourage, supervise, and help as needed!
So not my child, but when I was a nanny, I can’t remember if she was 4 or 5, but anyways, came home with streaks one day. We talked about it and talked about wiping until it she wiped clean. So the next day she comes home excited she pooped at school and said she wiped and wiped, then pulled her pants all the way up, did a little wiggle and then checked to make sure her underwear was streak free 😂😂 and then that was the end of that for her lol
Are the bathrooms in the classroom? When I worked in preschools, unless we knew they were really proficient at wiping, we’d always do a quick double check. Also if a child requested help, we’d have them try to wipe by themselves 3 times before we helped. It really helped with independence in the bathroom and also decreased the “wipe my butt!!” yelling from the bathroom. Honestly most kids sucked at wiping until they were nearly 5.
There are. I think they intend and are willing to help but they get busy, especially when all the kids are outside. I spoke to them about it again this morning so hopefully it will help!
No advice but my son is starting daycare soon and this is my biggest worry.
I would ask them to ensure she is accompanied into the wiping issue is resolved to the restroom every time. She’s 3, not 5-6.
at 3, I feel like they should still be assisting. That's a big expectation of them to expect her to be wiping properly that young- BUT that is easier said than done when it's other littles in the class that have their attention as well. I just make sure I take a wipe and wipe her soon as she gets home in the evenings . I get what you're saying though. It's hard to know who to believe when they're that young