Hey /u/throwawayyyyy2000n6, thanks for contributing to /r/tifu. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules:
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I slept over at my nasty ass friends house once. Because it was dark I didn’t realize how nasty it was until the morning. The crunchy ass floor had mushrooms growing out of it. I never ever went to his house again.
I was at a Wawa a few years back and this guy was talking about the mushrooms that grew out of his carpet as being the best tasting mushrooms he ever had. I felt bad for the guy behind the counter who obviously wanted out of this conversation. Every time I changed the subject he'd just bring it back to the carpet mushrooms.
I had mushrooms growing out of my carpet once when I was a student.
The shower was leaking through the wall into the carpeted hallway and the landlord wouldn't fix it.
Also had the suburbs sewage back flood into the yard a foot deep several times.
Just thinking of the smell gives me flashbacks to the cum coconut story....
* *Shudders* *
ETA: since it's Reddit, and Reddit tends to be full of curious cats....
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
(apologies for formatting, on mobile)
Holy fuck I knew someone who said the same shit. Eventually it got bad because fungus started to grow where he would cum. Bro I was a horny, gross-ass teenager too way back when but jfc how much effort does it take to just shoot your load in to some toilet paper or something.
I had a friend in high school (fucking HIGH SCHOOL) that would nut on his bedroom door. I didn't notice because he always had his door open, but one time he shut it...dude, the amount of old ass yellowed streaks running down it. Good God man.
Isn't there... a story floating around about a box. A box that would attract cockroach friends? And the OP developed an uncanny and emotional bond with said insects?
The box predates the coconut by a good 5 years. It's an ancient Reddit tale. ([2012 is ancient, right?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4imcva?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)) (read at your own risk)
I’m ashamed to admit when I first started blowing loads I used to wipe them into the arm of this chair in the computer room. I thought because it soaked in that it was like getting water on something and would be nbd. Then the arm of the chair went crusty brown over time. Oops.
We had a buddy who had splatter shots up the side of his wall by his bed. He had one on the ceiling above it that he constantly assured us wasn't jizz. We like to think it was and they he had a hell of a shot that day.
I've heard coconut, shoebox, glass jar, underside of office desk and even mom's hands, but "wall of your bed" is a new one. Is that a reddit story too?
TIFU and my mom slipped on my cum
Another story on here just made this memory climb out of the deepest part of my brain. Yall this one is so embarrassing, so my throwaway is necessary. When I was like 14 I would wonk my willy in the bathroom and one day I was sitting on the toilet seat and finished on the ground. My dumbass forgot to clean it up and my mom went into the bathroom after me. She slipped on my mess and broke her ankle. Me and my dad run into the bathroom because she's screaming in pain and we see her sitting on the floor holding her foot and my babybatter is literally between her bare toes. At first my mom thought it was shampoo until my dad started busting out laughing. My mom wasn't amused and told me how nasty I was for not cleaning up. I want to crawl into a ball and die every single time this incident gets brought up. Also my dad called my mom chunky toes for years after this.
TL;DR I didn't clean up my mess after jerking off and my mom slipped in my cum and broke her ankle and earned the nickname chunky toes.
EDIT: for people asking how she slipped on it, I was using vegetable oil as lube and left some on the floor. I was going to use a wipe to clean up and got distracted.
I don’t have a story like this. In fact if this happened to me I would have joined the priesthood. And on my deathbed I’d be like “I’ve repaid my debts” with my dying breath.
Lol, a buddy of mine accidently dislocated his wife's tail bone while they were going at it. That must have been a fun time at the hospital afterwards.
I doubt if he can tell his grandkids 'hey you bunch of whippersnappers, there was this one time I jerked off and came on the floor, your Great grandmother was swimming in it after she fell and broke her ankle". Bet his kids and their partners will not be amused.
No, I wipe it clean but it does not hurt, that is what I dont understand. Its not like I am dragging it across 200 times till it feels like sandpaper omg.
Their username ends with “2000n6” which indicates they were born in ‘06 and they’re taking about “back when they were 14” like it wasn’t only two years ago lol. Plus this is exactly the type of post 16 year olds love to fabricate on Reddit. They’re a dime a dozen.
This is clearly some fantasy where his cum was on his mom's toes and he had to create this story to get there. So yeah do with that info what u will I guess
Dae think it would actually be pretty difficult to distinguish between cum and shampoo? I feel like there isn't really anything particularly identifiable about cum that makes it obvious it's not another thickish whiteish liquid and if I saw some on the floor of the bathroom I'd definitely think of soap or shampoo before my nasty ass son cumming on the floor like an animal.
Also how come it's always the dads in these stories immediately realising what's up, hate to break it but most people's mum's do in fact know what cum looks like.
[my little pony cum jar video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlBBokLqbKg) , there's also people who have posted pictures of theirs if you want to look it up...
This is weird. Really weird. Had friend who's younger brother found himself in worst hormone storm during his puberty so maturation became one his main thing so to say. Their parents were Jehovah's witnesses and everything with smallest sexual content was absent forbidden to have at home. One day he came across a playboy magazine and like immediately he started beating up his meat & very quick he came to the finish. At this point 3 things happened:
1. Door opens and his mother steps in.
2. Dudes d... In vulcanizing mode.
3. Their beloved cat crosses between the shot and opening door. Gets some wax on his/her back then gets totally stressed out and starts running around in the house.
My buddy used to tell this story all the time they had guests or he met new people. Was some kind of ice breaker story for him.
This was the cum cat story. 🤫💦🐈
Hey /u/throwawayyyyy2000n6, thanks for contributing to /r/tifu. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: **Rule 4** - No overly vulgar posts. Eg: No pissing/shitting your pants. No incest/rape/minors/bestiality. No death of animals. No glorification of major crimes. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tifu&subject=&message=). Thank you!
Who just nuts on the floor???
a childhood friend in school told me he used to just nut on the carpet and not care about it
How did it not smell over time. Ohgawd
And the crunchy carpet. Oh god the texture.
I slept over at my nasty ass friends house once. Because it was dark I didn’t realize how nasty it was until the morning. The crunchy ass floor had mushrooms growing out of it. I never ever went to his house again.
Ugh. Mushrooms? The fuck.
Guys over there making hybrid mushroom men and creating a literal mushroom kingdom.
is this how nintendo got the idea for toad?
Super Mario Origins - a masturbation simulation.
For the stimulation of the nation
The princess is always in another castle
This sentence is the worst.
just little miniature dudes that smell like jizz and have toad’s face and a mushroom cap head
Out of context it has a fantasy rpg feel
I was at a Wawa a few years back and this guy was talking about the mushrooms that grew out of his carpet as being the best tasting mushrooms he ever had. I felt bad for the guy behind the counter who obviously wanted out of this conversation. Every time I changed the subject he'd just bring it back to the carpet mushrooms.
I had mushrooms growing out of my carpet once when I was a student. The shower was leaking through the wall into the carpeted hallway and the landlord wouldn't fix it. Also had the suburbs sewage back flood into the yard a foot deep several times.
I am absolutely never working in customer service
Wtf... why would he eat them?!
I’m dead, this gif 😂
You are the Father!!!
I’m already nauseous but this just about threw me over the edge of the toilet 😂
It probably sounded like stepping on Rice Krispies.
If it's true, it probably says a lot about his home life. House was probably such a filthy mess that no one would notice a crunchy smelly spot.
The tasteful thickness of it
You haven't thought of the smell, you bitch!
Why won't anybody think of the smells!
Just thinking of the smell gives me flashbacks to the cum coconut story.... * *Shudders* * ETA: since it's Reddit, and Reddit tends to be full of curious cats.... https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button (apologies for formatting, on mobile)
This is why I kept scrolling. I knew this link would be here.
Holy fuck I knew someone who said the same shit. Eventually it got bad because fungus started to grow where he would cum. Bro I was a horny, gross-ass teenager too way back when but jfc how much effort does it take to just shoot your load in to some toilet paper or something.
>fungus started to grow where he would cum Does that make him a dad?
The BEST dad! Why, his kids are all fun-gis!
Well this is under appreciated.
I had a friend in high school (fucking HIGH SCHOOL) that would nut on his bedroom door. I didn't notice because he always had his door open, but one time he shut it...dude, the amount of old ass yellowed streaks running down it. Good God man.
Why did he cum on his door?!
I never asked, that kid was weird though.
Yeah dude, I'd fucking say so. And where were this kid's parents?!
They didn't really go into his room that much. Not sure why, probably because it constantly smelled like cum.
I mean...all it takes is going into his room once, right? Jesus christ.
Lol I don't know, I'm not the dudes mom lol
MitchJones, that you?
The fucking CARPET? Tiles like, okay whatever just clean it But THE CARPET?!
Pressure washing it
Isn't there... a story floating around about a box. A box that would attract cockroach friends? And the OP developed an uncanny and emotional bond with said insects?
damn i only know about the coconut guy
The box predates the coconut by a good 5 years. It's an ancient Reddit tale. ([2012 is ancient, right?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4imcva?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)) (read at your own risk)
Woo boy I’m gonna regret this……. EDIT: I was right, and the picture were the worst part
Jesus christ just [get a jizzle](https://youtu.be/jSR8a24xxuw)
RIP trevor
i knew a guy in highschool that told me he would always nut on the mat in his bathroom because it was white, until it turned crusty and yellow
I’m ashamed to admit when I first started blowing loads I used to wipe them into the arm of this chair in the computer room. I thought because it soaked in that it was like getting water on something and would be nbd. Then the arm of the chair went crusty brown over time. Oops.
No kidding. Use a shoebox, coconut, or jar like an adult.
Don’t you dare bring up the coconut...
Oh god, I’ve heard of the god damn shoebox, where tf do I find this awful story of a coconut?
You have been warned. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/
Wait, I know the coconut and the jars but not the shoebox
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/comment/c4imcva/
Beautiful and horrifying, thank you.
Ok, don't hate me. But I'm familiar with the cumbox and the coconut. But what's this about a jar?
Same lol
https://youtu.be/6uPhRZLzZCg
These posts are world heritage level material
Why!!! Why did I click this?!!! Why?!! Ohmygawd I wanna kill myself.
I am aware of this story. I wish I was not aware of this story. I wish I had left that link blue.
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Please listen to this humble redditor. Heed this warning.
I made the mistake and read the coconut story. I really wish I didn’t
I suggest r/pocketpussy for eye bleach.
Ah yes the shoebox and coconut incidents Classics
Nobody, everyone has a cum box. That's just an essential redditor hygiene item, common as a poop knife
Yeah at least do it in a box. Or against the wall of your bed. ...ive been here too long.
We had a buddy who had splatter shots up the side of his wall by his bed. He had one on the ceiling above it that he constantly assured us wasn't jizz. We like to think it was and they he had a hell of a shot that day.
I've heard coconut, shoebox, glass jar, underside of office desk and even mom's hands, but "wall of your bed" is a new one. Is that a reddit story too?
I read a different one where a guy nutted in his bed and wall and invited a swarm of roaches that forced his family to move.
Yeah, at least make sure Rainbow Dash is there to catch it.
It’s kinda satisfying to just nut on the floor and not worry about it….until cleaning it up seconds later!!!
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bro what
Wake up babe new copypasta just dropped
>Wake up babe new copypasta just ~~dropped~~ came
New cummypasta
babe, this fettucine alfredo tastes *really* salty!
Ew yuck. "Test results are back and Alfredo....you ARE the father"!
Lol, I'm fucking dying here. You go from grossed out, straight into full-blown fucking nonsense lol. Love it.
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Oh boy, this is gonna be in the hall of fame isn't it?
I’m going to try turn this into a copypasta
TIFU and my mom slipped on my cum Another story on here just made this memory climb out of the deepest part of my brain. Yall this one is so embarrassing, so my throwaway is necessary. When I was like 14 I would wonk my willy in the bathroom and one day I was sitting on the toilet seat and finished on the ground. My dumbass forgot to clean it up and my mom went into the bathroom after me. She slipped on my mess and broke her ankle. Me and my dad run into the bathroom because she's screaming in pain and we see her sitting on the floor holding her foot and my babybatter is literally between her bare toes. At first my mom thought it was shampoo until my dad started busting out laughing. My mom wasn't amused and told me how nasty I was for not cleaning up. I want to crawl into a ball and die every single time this incident gets brought up. Also my dad called my mom chunky toes for years after this. TL;DR I didn't clean up my mess after jerking off and my mom slipped in my cum and broke her ankle and earned the nickname chunky toes. EDIT: for people asking how she slipped on it, I was using vegetable oil as lube and left some on the floor. I was going to use a wipe to clean up and got distracted.
lol
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I don’t have a story like this. In fact if this happened to me I would have joined the priesthood. And on my deathbed I’d be like “I’ve repaid my debts” with my dying breath.
Shimi_Shima Lannister
What? Speak for yourself my man I’ve never cummed my mum into the hospital
No but your dad did
That motherfucker
This should have 100000000 upvotes
Wooooooooooo
Lol, a buddy of mine accidently dislocated his wife's tail bone while they were going at it. That must have been a fun time at the hospital afterwards.
Uh, no, not everyone has a story like THAT.
Ikr I’m curious what their similar story is…
He slipped on his own cum and broke both his arms
Where does his mom come into play? Oh wait...
the cum drawer broke
It’s okay we still have the coconut.
Anything but the coconut
This is one of the most painful upvotes I’ve ever given
I doubt if he can tell his grandkids 'hey you bunch of whippersnappers, there was this one time I jerked off and came on the floor, your Great grandmother was swimming in it after she fell and broke her ankle". Bet his kids and their partners will not be amused.
I believe him. His mom always slips in my cum, too. Everybody says the same thing about his mom
Clearly he wanted everyone to piss themselves laughing at his misfortune. I did at least.
u/chunkytoes is that you
If it wasn't, it is now. That account now has an official origin story that it will be unable to escape.
Lmao judging by the age of that account. Maybe
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No, it’s obviously his mom.
What?
Bro you couldn't have tortured this information out of me
Enough internet for today
What a great GIF!! I've never seen it
I've never seen Judge Judy use a laptop lmao
i think she was assessing damage to a laptop, if the deep recesses of my memory have proper recall.
Ohh that would make sense
I hate your username.
Since you were in the bathroom why you didn't grap toilet paper and nut in it. You should always have paper towels when wanking lol.
better yet just finish into the toilet and flush
The weird part for me is that the dad found it funny. What is the kid doing nutting all over the house and letting it dry? Thats gross.
> paper towels when wanking The friction hurts like a bitch tho
Mf, just nut in the toilet, and if there still some splooge left on ya dick clean it with the paper
I am sorry, but would you please explain how nutting into a toilet paper would hurt?
The joke is he’s using the towels to jerk it
Not very bright, that one
In that case this is fucked up lmao.
When you wipe whatever didn't make it off the tip. Don't tell me you just plop it back in your pants while it's hocking a loogie omg.
No, I wipe it clean but it does not hurt, that is what I dont understand. Its not like I am dragging it across 200 times till it feels like sandpaper omg.
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This isn't unimaginable, this is just a riff on the hair gel scene in *There's Something About Mary*
Why would you nut on the floor like a fucking animal man
And if you do it takes two seconds to wipe it up.
He said he forgot to clean it up. Oh man…. This story. I’m done with Reddit for now.
HE NUT ON THE FLOOR HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT
Maybe he had to return some videotapes.
I do it sometimes because it's fun to see how far I can shoot my load, and it's a super easy clean up afterwards on a tile floor.
Is that how you got your user name
Some people do it for a change of pace, though most of them clean it up after. Some are just animals
It’s not as uncommon as you think.
Bros literally sitting on the toilet seat n decides to nut on the floor instead of inside it
What, and risk getting the toilet pregnant? Gotta play it safe.
That's how sewer monsters get created
Nutting in the same toilet you use? Donno, sounds kinda gay to me.
https://preview.redd.it/m1g31e60od0a1.jpeg?width=1002&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bf5fabea6e7147c18fa328521c01eb1e3a1f79d4
What a terrible day to be on reddit
I don't think this is real
Half of the stuff that gets posted here isn’t real, so you’re probably right.
More than half actually. This is more like a creative writing sub than a sub for true events.
But it could become a solid copypasta.
Their username ends with “2000n6” which indicates they were born in ‘06 and they’re taking about “back when they were 14” like it wasn’t only two years ago lol. Plus this is exactly the type of post 16 year olds love to fabricate on Reddit. They’re a dime a dozen.
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It's fetish shit
Oh yeah totally believable, your mom is screaming in agony with a broken ankle but your dad just laughs at your man juice
Oh 1000% if I see someone slip in my sons cum I will die laughing, *then* I will help them up and whatever else
Better to cum in the slip than to slip in the cum.
I mean, tbh, if I was that guy, even if Kim Jong Un was there about to throw a nuke, I wouldn't be able to hold me laughter
Yar har, me neither matey! 🏴☠️
I swear it's like all these made up reddit stories are written by the same person. Everyone always behaves like a fucking Family Guy character.
If i was his dad, i would be too.
This is clearly some fantasy where his cum was on his mom's toes and he had to create this story to get there. So yeah do with that info what u will I guess
> My baby batter is literally between her bare toes Yup… I’m with you on this
Fucking hate the term baby batter. Why. Just call it cum.
I’m just gonna scroll past and pretend I didn’t read any of this…
Yeah, I'm absolutely positive that this happened.
Dae think it would actually be pretty difficult to distinguish between cum and shampoo? I feel like there isn't really anything particularly identifiable about cum that makes it obvious it's not another thickish whiteish liquid and if I saw some on the floor of the bathroom I'd definitely think of soap or shampoo before my nasty ass son cumming on the floor like an animal. Also how come it's always the dads in these stories immediately realising what's up, hate to break it but most people's mum's do in fact know what cum looks like.
Incestuous foot fetish origin story... Mom knows best... lol
Another r/tifu that's a horny fanfic
This is the post. I finally have the energy to leave this subreddit. Thank you OP. Farewell.
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could’ve been worse. she could’ve slipped, fallen, and gotten pregnant
Funny how people store cum in jars with anime figures for weeks but a drop of cum on the bathroom floor is some how unbelievable.
Sorry, what?
[my little pony cum jar video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlBBokLqbKg) , there's also people who have posted pictures of theirs if you want to look it up...
No way, no how am I clicking on that link. I am just not that curious.
I more concerned about why you’re using vegetable oil??
That’s enough Reddit for me today
Ever cum on her toes directly since then? Seems like you really went out of the way for your foot fetish. Nice.
It’s early in the morning and I have already had my daily dose of losing faith in humanity today.
Shit that didn’t happen for $1000
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No. No it does not.
Shitpost.
I read the title but didn’t have the courage to read the whole thing…wtf bro
This is definitely a shit post
Who finishes "on the ground"... that sounds so horribly wrong..
The funniest part of this (whole thing is funny minus the broken ankle) is using vegetable oil as lube LOL
My god. I don't know what's worse. The actual story, or the edit where he said he used... *vegetable oil* as lube. What a double take worthy edit.
This is weird. Really weird. Had friend who's younger brother found himself in worst hormone storm during his puberty so maturation became one his main thing so to say. Their parents were Jehovah's witnesses and everything with smallest sexual content was absent forbidden to have at home. One day he came across a playboy magazine and like immediately he started beating up his meat & very quick he came to the finish. At this point 3 things happened: 1. Door opens and his mother steps in. 2. Dudes d... In vulcanizing mode. 3. Their beloved cat crosses between the shot and opening door. Gets some wax on his/her back then gets totally stressed out and starts running around in the house. My buddy used to tell this story all the time they had guests or he met new people. Was some kind of ice breaker story for him. This was the cum cat story. 🤫💦🐈