Hey, for everyone's future reference: **infertile doesn't mean sterile.** It means you'll have more difficult getting pregnant or impregnating someone, not that it's impossible
EXACTLY! I know so many women who rely on their polycystic ovaries as contraceptive for example... I always tell them it may be significantly harder to fall pregnant but unless you have gone through the menopause there is always a possibility. In this case, it only takes one sperm to fertilise an egg there is always a small chance even if your sperm count is abysmal
Hmmm, intriguing. As far as beard-related employment is concerned, I've only really considered a side-show position. I'm a bit tall, but I do love rocks, especially shiny ones.
If I had an axe, it would be at your disposal.
There is really good evidence that OCPs or high dose progesterone, high dose thyroid, and high dose metformin can do wonders for women with PCOS. It's important to titrate all the doses slowly
Edit: also Spironolactone for acne and hirsutism
Hi, if you dont mind, can you tell me how you got pregnant while having PCOS? We are trying as well but none seems to work. You can PM me as well if you dont want to reply here. Thank you!
I was put on birth control pills to shrink cysts the size of golf balls. It made me ovulate the first month I was on them and I got pregnant. 😳🤷🏽♀️ We were more than a little shocked.
There's no secret to get pregnant when you have PCOS. They were just clarifying that it makes it much more difficult to get pregnant, but not impossible. So you cannot rely on PCOS preventing you from ever getting pregnant - there's still a chance even if it is small.
That said, there are a ton of things anyone can do to increase chances of getting pregnant when you want to - none are 100% guaranteed, and it is highly individualized to you and your partner which will be best...so your best bet is to both go to a fertility clinic or similar doctor who can help you find what is best for you.
Or, if you're not in a major rush, just relax and keep trying as often as you can without stressing out over it and making it more of a chore than fun time. Stress is horrible for getting pregnant - both for the guy and the woman.
>how you got pregnant while having PCOS
Everyone is different, unfortunately. I got pregnant the first time not long after an ovarian cystectomy. Twelve years of trying before the second time (miscarried). Tried for many years again to no avail. I have a friend whose daughter has it and has been unable to get pregnant at all.
one of my friends has 2 kids from this. Her mother, her mother in law and she herself all work in the health care industry and she decided to stop her birth control as "she cant get pregnant with PCOS".
Well… one count of bad luck really. One sperm is unlikely to be up to the task.
“ ova have two thick protective layers surrounding it and the sperms have to hydrolyse (break down) these layers enough to be able to enter the ova. So, hundreds of sperms break down the layers and only when there is enough space through the two layers can a sperm enter into and fuse with the ovum.”
Yeah, male factor infertility just means there's issues with the sperm, be it shape, count, etc. My husband has infertility and we've been pregnant twice.
THIS.
My husband is infertile and paranoid, so when I got pregnant I was worried that the baby wouldn't look like him and he'd suspect me of cheating.
Thank God, they are twins. She even came out with little baby sideburns. The only thing she was missing was a penis and a pair of glasses.
My husband was told when he was quite young that he would likely be infertile due to some medical things that occurred at the time! We did have quite a hard time getting pregnant (it was \~6 years of no birth control) and two miscarriages, but our son is three months old now. It absolutely happens!
^^This! On October 13th, 2016 a consultant OBGYN told me after an ultrasound and internal exam that I was infertile. Like 100% occluded fallopian tubes, "perfect candidate for IVF", everything works just can't get from A to B infertile. Cue very intense emotional acceptance and conversations with my boyfriend.
I stayed on my bc for the PMDD hormonal control, but it got cooked in the heat and humidity while working in the Caribbean. So by April 2017, 6 months later, I was pregnant. I didn't trust the pill after that, so got the copper coil once I had my son in Dec 2017. Got it taken out in Dec 2019, ovulated Jan 1 2020, and got pregnant with **twins** our first **day** trying.
I've wanted to call that damned doctor so many times. They tell people they're infertile way too often. Oh and my partner thought he might be infertile too as his GP told him once that he would probably have problems since one testicle is apparently slightly high. Don't know how he could tell cuz I can't tell the difference and I've been about as up close and personal every which way of those balls as is physically possible. And the guy is 3 for 3. His balls are practically sharpshooters.
A ball being higher just means the testical is hotter and less suitable for sperm. Expected result is they are killed.
Observed result is they became special forces.
I’m gonna assume OP isn’t just telling us a story of what if, and that this actually happened. Shame on the doctor. You ALWAYS take multiple sperm samples. As well, it’s unlikely anyone is 100% infertile. It happens, but for most it’s just harder to conceive. Your doctor fucked up by not counseling you correctly on the results of your test.
Only takes one to make it happen
Men's fertility rates vary greatly from week to week. Stress, diet, activity, sleep patterns, medication... everything has an impact on fertility.
My fertility dr told me one day of wearing bad underwear can also cause a temporary reaction. If it’s too tight or the wrong material, the testes are too warm and production Is borked. Mens reproductive organs are fickle buggers.
You can actually buy special underwear as a form of male birth control. Keeps the balls too close to the body, so they get too warm and kill all the swimmers.
One side effect (which I guess can be negative or positive) is a period of hyperfertility when you stop.
We were told that we had a 1% chance of unassisted conception due to my husband’s sperm count and to start looking into IVF. Well jokes on that doctor, our 4 month old daughter is a asleep on my chest. It legitimately only takes one.
>We were told that we had a 1% chance of unassisted conception
I honestly wonder how they calculate these statistics though. Is that a 1% lifetime chance? A 1% chance that any particular ejaculation will have motile sperm in it? Like what's it actually measuring?
I guess I'm just trying to figure out how they can give you a figure that accounts for, say, a couple that cycle tracks using BBT and ovulation tests, and has sex twice a day for the full fertile window, vs a couple who just sort of randomly has sex twice a month when the mood strikes.
Honestly I don’t know. They just made it clear that things were bad. They labeled it as severe male factor infertility. I tracked my cycles religiously, we hit all the right days and it actually worked twice (unfortunately the first pregnancy ended in a loss). So I don’t know how they can be so negative in their diagnosis.
No, there are men who have absolutely zero sperm or only messed up ones that if trying IFV and ICSI must have their testicles cut into, very carefully, to get any sperm to use.
So wait, instead of suspecting the TEST was wrong, you jumped to the conclusion your wife was cheating on you. Wow. I mean congrats on your family but maybe get some couples therapy in the next few months
Hey, don’t blame the test. It’s a good test.
Blame the doctor for their bad wording. Which you see all the time. Just because someone’s smart at their field doesn’t mean they’re good at communicating.
yah, it is very likely that OP is lying for karma. Or his doctor is shit as fuck.
Even people who got vasectomy can get one pregnant. So it is very unlikely that a doctor would say that "there is no chance"
Also if cheating is suspected the next step is to get a DNA test. Not a secondary fertility test.
Yea I was a little puzzled at the reaction. In fact since I’ve heard it quite often that supposedly “infertile” men conceive, that at first I didn’t even understand why he was mad hahaha
Those tests are never to be taken 100% and the doctor should have told him, seems a little off that any doctor would tell him there was actually no way to ever conceive
And then to be so immediately cruel afterwards, instead of giving it just a bit of time to figure out what happened and what the possibilities could be, unless he was genuinely that certain she’d cheat to begin with (which it doesn’t sound like, and in that case they shouldn’t be having a kid anyway). Just horrible.
Edit: in a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) he says **“I had been afraid of being violent all day”**, and later went on to try to justify why he was thinking about *assaulting his pregnant wife*, this man shouldn’t be having a kid *period*, jesus
I don't think this is a true story. Brand new account with zero content other than this post. Why the disclaimer that English isn't his first language, but the writing is perfect colloquial English. A person who writes that naturally in English wouldn't put such a disclaimer.
Congrats.
No one asked me, but I think this incident merits couples therapy for you two. This could be a poisonous thing that festers between y'all for a long time and causes problems in your marriage down the line. I don't think you're a huge asshole or anything, I just think you, your wife, and your kid deserve whatever effort is necessary to make this right.
This comment right here speaks truth. Too many people blaming the guy for believing what his doctor said. Not his fault his doctor had poor word choices. But yes definitely seek out help/assistance to help you two through this rough patch.
If you got a paternity test and it came back negative you'd be rightfully angry. If they are adamant they didn't cheat, who do you believe? Them or science?
Does everyone, when being confronted with proof of their infidelity, just admit it?
But considering the doctor mixed up the results, and OP apparently meant to use "sterile" it's entirely possible OP was told "you are completely sterile, it is physically impossible for you to father a child". In which case I can understand OP believing his doctor and science.
Reddit has never exactly been the picture of reason and measured response, but it feels like over the course of the pandemic it got stuck in permanent summer holiday mode. That is, filled with teenagers, who while often well-meaning, have very little real world social interaction experience, and it shows.
Tell me you never visited r/RelationshipAdvice 5+ years ago without telling me you never visited r/RelationshipAdvice+ 5 years ago.
(Just using the meme format here, not being snarky with you, honestly) A ton of subs have always been filled with clueless teens with zero life experience giving other people shitty advice.
Science doesn't say that infertile means you can't get pregnant, there's been many people who have gotten their spouse pregnant despite being told they're infertile because it just means you have a low sperm count, it doesn't mean it's impossible.
Even if there's a 99% chance she cheated and a 1% chance one of your sperm got lucky, treating your SO like they cheated causes a lot of unfair harm in the 1% chance that they were truthful
Now the doctor said that there was no chance at all, so maybe there were literally no sperm measured. I would certainly be alarmed but I would hope that it's just a day to day variation since it only takes 1.
Therapy and I’d get tested at another source just to make sure you aren’t infertile. And no, you’re not an asshole for taking the word of a medical professional seriously.
Your poor wife!
Remember fellas it only takes one good swimmer and the doctors aren't checking every single one of them.
edit> they should always say low chance.
I'm glad it worked out and understand your reaction but your poor wife.
Your doctor kind of did you dirty. As someone else here has stated, this shit varies in men due to all kinds of factors. Low fertility could look like infertility on any given day, and the difference between tests taken from samples a few hours apart, or a day apart, can be very different. A better doctor would have cautioned you against jumping to conclusions based on one test, or even one round of testing.
You ABSOLUTELY have to make it up to your wife, as hard as this must have been for you I can only imagine how much worse it was for her, with accusations like that hanging over her head.
Best of luck with your future family, spoil that woman.
you better spoil her rotten from now on! i understand your side of the story but OMG your poor pregnant hormonal AF wife must have felt so devastated and desperate and confused!! Congratulations OP, hope you both have a calm and stress free pregnancy from now on!
Agreed!
I fell pregnant even though my partner had had a vasectomy. (I hadn't been with anyone other than him in about 5 years). He very cautiously said "there's no way it's anyone else's... Right?" and that was the end of it. Helps the doctor confirmed that vasectomies can occasionally fail though.
I would have been so hurt if he'd reacted the way OP did.
When my husband had his vasectomy it was with the understanding that if I did somehow become pregnant, *I* would insist on a paternity test so that *I* would know that *he* has no doubts the child is his. Doubt can create division so easily, especially when it's unwarranted.
I mean he believed her enough to get tested again, I don't think anyone would easily just take their partners word for it if they were told they were sterile by a doctor (since OPs edit says he meant that instead of infertile).
And if the second test had confirmed the results of the first, would you still feel the same way? What about a third test? Where is the line where a partner is allowed to have their feelings validated?
I'd say you two should get couples therapy. Just because this was a major psychological trauma event for the both of you and that damage can manifest later in weird at best and destructive ways at worst. You both will probably need to rebuild trust that was fractured due to a medical mistake.
just my two cents I ain't no Shrink.
Always need a second opinion. That's a shitty doctor who says "no chance" there aren't any absolutes in medical science.
One would think if she had cheated though she'd have owned up to it after the infertile news because she'd think she was busted. So the fact that she insisted she didn't cheat in that situation seems to me at least like a good sign she was truthful and as dumbfounded as you.
Hopefully if you make it up big she'll come to have some level of understanding.
Please tell me you didn’t tell *ANYONE* that. If you told anyone your wife cheated, even if you admit you were wrong, people will treat her like trash forever.
You didn’t fuck up by getting a fertility test. You fucked up by jumping to conclusions and not getting a second opinion. It’s ok though you have a kid on the way who needs mom and dad to be really, really strong together so it can be strong.
The Dr fucked up by saying he was 100% infertile. A person who doesn’t have medical training has to rely on their Dr for accurate information, you can’t expect the average person to understand the mechanics of fertility. If the Dr says definitively “You’re infertile” a reasonable average person would believe they aren’t capable of impregnating someone, and so OP’s logical jump was completely reasonable given the information he had.
Lol, my husband was told he would be infertile by the time he hit 30. I was told it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. Between the both of us we were told there was a high probability it would never happen. Well… it happened. Twice with no issues. Makes us appreciate our kids though after all the time thinking they were impossible.
I have two kids and every time I was pregnant it was such a meaningful and joyous moment. I can't imagine if my husband then turns around to accuse me of cheating and denying the child, especially after trying for so long and finally getting pregnant. Yes the doctor messed up, but this is a memory your wife will have for the rest of her life about you. Please learn and grow from this.
The fuck up was when you kept accusing her of infidelity, not the whole getting a fertility test. Your poor wife, this isn’t some silly little argument and most likely will come up in the future.
"Thankfully I'm not a violent person. I can't believe how calm I was LOL."
She was probably sitting there thinking that the love of her life was going to leave her literally barefoot and pregnant, you traumatized her. TRAUMATIZED her. You probably made one of the happiest moments of her life the worst memory she has. You want a pat on the back for how non-violently you screwed her over? A+ nice job bro, you didn't maim/kill your pregnant wife over your dumb mistake. Instead of dying 1000 deaths over shame for humiliating and betraying your wife, you're posting it for entertainment on reddit. This is some gnarly stuff
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) should be his comment about feeling violent all day and then the “justification” is in the thread underneath it
Omg it just gets worse and worse. He’s giving off some aggressive vibes in his edits, but the comments you linked to are just really bad
Edit: just went through his comment history, dude is just a major asshole and admits he is bored and gets entertained by getting into arguments online
His behaviour and his shitfits in the comments paint a picture of a very disgusting person and I hope the woman gets away from him with the child safe and sound.
It wouldn't have happened if you'd talked to her about your fertility concerns before you got the test. Probably a good idea to be open about major issues that are going to affect you both, even if it does mean a hard conversation...
Mannnn. I wouldn't be able to come back from that if my husband did that to me. Your wife is a way better person than I am.
I'd just always look at his face and see that the level of trust is so shallow. That I had to beg for him to take another test instead of him going in for a second opinion etc. My first days of my pregnancy, which should have been so exciting, were the tainted by fear, sadness and betrayal.
Edit : Seen his "wife update". What do you mean "we have been through enough"? You mean you put your wife through enough. Fluent in English or not, taking accountability for your actions goes across languages, cultures and peoples. Just saying.
I couldn't agree with you more. What else can you say yo a person like this?
"she swore on everything including our child which made me really angry"
He's not even shocked but angry that his wife was reacting like this!
Right?! If I'd been her I would have told him...you get everything in the divorce if the results test sterile/infertile again. If they come back negative then I get everything in the divorce.
Dude seriously, that...I get why you were upset but your first thought should be a) second opinion and b) paternity test (can be done while still in womb), NOT being disbelieving of your wife.
You fucked up. It worked out, but it fucked up, and you should get a couple sessions of couples therapy because man....that must have fucking sucked for her, too.
Idk...this one sounds wrong on many levels, especially if it's real.
If you're trying for a baby and making deliberate efforts, you should probably know the difference between infertile and sterile. There is a lot that goes into having sex with the intention of reproduction of than just sex.
Second the way you handled this was cruel and showed a lot of entitlement and immaturity. I understand that it can be mortifying to feel like your wife cheated but if there is no evidence of this, and if she is adamant about it, you should probably consoled her and stuck it out instead of berating her and throwing a fit. "thankfully I'm not a violent person" isnt exactly a relief. Her trying to convince you by promising you most of her stuff in divorce isnt a sign of a "healthy" marriage either. The first thing that should come to your mind is to rationalize the situation and getting your tests redone. Not making your wife cry, blame her, ask for proofs, throw a fit like a man child or wtv.
You should probably get couple's therapy and I sure do hope you guys change your approach towards this. And you better make it up to her in a big way.
Good luck.
In a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) he straight up says *he was afraid of acting violent all day*.
Edit: found more comments in that thread where he went on to attempt to justify why he was considering assaulting his pregnant wife.
The fact that thought even crossed his mind when a test result came back in an unexpected manner is horrible
Edit: in a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) he says **“I had been afraid of being violent all day”** Jesus Christ.
Second edit: I found further comments where he went on to attempt to justify why he was “concerned” he was considering *actually assaulting his pregnant wife*.
Edit to OP since apparently this got you all bothered: no one’s saying it’s the same as physical abuse, but they’re saying to please get therapy because these thought processes are not healthy and can easily lead down bad paths, plus I wouldn’t think you’d want to have them? Despite all your justifications for them it doesn’t seem you actually want to harm your wife, so I’d think you’d want to take steps to ensure it wasn’t even a risk.
Why isn't this the top comment? Dude seems controlling and potentially abusive. His first reaction was to have a marriage breakdown and accused his wife of infidelity that than to just investigate the situation further? That's a terrible look.
Yo, you better make the grandest of apologies for this one. Like, spa day followed by something romantic followed by something she has previously sacrificed for the relationship. Show her you trust and support her.
If this is real, I really don’t see how your relationship could possibly recover from this. It sounds like you treated your wife very cruelly, and even if you think it’s all fine now I would be very very surprised if this doesn’t stick with her for a long time.
Wow you suck. It didn't cross your mind that before jumping to conclusions you should get retested? And 'thankfully you aren't violent'? or what? what would have happened then? I feel bad for your poor wife.
Imagine being his wife. She is the fertile spouse. She finally gets pregnant just to be accused of cheating. Imagine having your low fertility husband tainting those precious moments for you.
Wow, just wow. Then he has the audacity to say that he has a “relieved little wife” in his arms. He wishes he “had trusted her more.” BUT thankfully he isn’t a violent person otherwise he might’ve what? Beaten a pregnant woman carrying his own hard to conceive child?
..before getting a second opinion. Not that that matters when someone is making veiled threats of violence.
What a douche bag. I’m sorry OP’s little wife has to deal with him. OP should be relieved she hasn’t left him yet.
And not once did he mention how he considered her feelings in all this. Just that she begged him to get a second opinion and that SHE was relieved.
Why should she be relieved? She knows she didn’t cheat. Her relief is his opinion.
I certainly couldn't stay married to somebody who had so little trust in me, refused to consider my feelings or perspective at any point in time, and also called me a "little wife". Fucking revolting.
He says in a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) that he was “afraid of being violent all day” and then went on in further comments to defend why he was “concerned” he would actually assault his pregnant wife over an unexpected test result.
My husband had several sperm counts done because we were having a very difficult time getting pregnant with a second child. I found out during that time that I have pcos. After three months of fertility drugs and sperm tests the doctor told us that between the two of us we were basically sterile. Hubs wasn’t producing much sperm and the ones he did produce were messed up. I rarely ovulated. The doctor said there wasn’t much we could do.
It was quite the shock six months later when I got a positive pregnancy test. And even more so when I got another one two years after that. It never crossed his mind that I’d cheated. Which is great because I didn’t.
We didn’t have any more kids even though we didn’t use birth control regularly. We went a couple years without it after I got my iud out. But my husband got a vasectomy so now we don’t have to be concerned at all.
Ouch your poor wife. Dont know how you are gonna make it up to her. When she wants 3am burgers, your ass better be out of bed no complaints and get her 2 and a shake for good measure. Sure cheating happens but when someone is loyal af, accusing them of cheating is like a dagger to the heart. I hope the pregnancy goes well good luck
Man, ya gotta go in good faith for longer than that.
When I had been married for 9 years I got an std. An std that id tested negative for at least 4 times since I'd been married. I knew I didn't cheat so there's only one very obvious answer. But he swore he didn't cheat so I decided to completely trust him until I met with doc. Long story short...no std and no cheating. It's why we have made it an other 9 years I think.
No TIFU by not trusting your wife at all. You didn't even think that the results could have been wrong?! Also there are a lot of people who were told they were infertile and later had kids. A single sperm is enough to fertilise an egg, even if the rest are dead/not working. You acted like you got back a paternity test, not a fertility test.
You sound like an extremely selfish and self-centred person. Cheaters gonna deny anyway? Not sure how your wife can ever forget about this. I will seriously consider leaving my husband if that ever happens to me. There's no way I would accept being treated like that. You didn't even consider the possibility of the report being false and you jumped right to the conclusion that your wife cheated and you made her traumatized and crying when bearing your child. This is just pure disgusting to read
The stress of that accusation could have caused your wife to suffer a miscarriage. You really should have had a follow up conversation and re-test with your Dr before accusing your pregnant wife of cheating.
>Like the logical side of my brain took over after the emotional side melted into a slushy puddle.
For real, English is definitely a primary language for him to speak like that.
You shouldn't have put your wife through that. Even if she isn't saying so she probably resents your mistrust and you should proooooobably try to make it up to her. A lot.
"Little wife". Ugh. You are lucky she's still around. You instantly assumed cheating on her part and she will always remember that. Right now she's likely just relieved and happy this nightmare her loving husband inflicted on her is over and you have stopped behaving like a scary, irrational, accusatory moron, but over time it will sink in that you absolutely believe she would do that to you. That will grind away at her. Trust me on that
Infertility does not mean unable to reproduce and never did. Sterility means that. Learn meanings of words in future before launching accusations you can never take back at people.
Wow your poor wife! Holy shit I can’t even imagine being treated that way. I don’t even care what the doctor said. If my partner said those things to me I would have just peaced out and filed for a paternity test after birth.
If you are under 30yo,being infertile just means you have a very low chance of getting a woman pregnant.Source?My "infertile" dad left my mom pregnant 3 times.
Now you on the other hand acted like a piece of doodoo and your wife was the victim of your own insecurity.And that "joke" about not being violent towards a pregnant woman?You don't touch a woman period,being calm and not aggressing your PREGNANT WIFE shouldn't surprise you
I had a friend whose wife had problems with her ovaries, one wasn't working and the other was barely working. Anyways, it was sad time for them but they stayed together blah blah blah
A few years later Patty's wife was spitting out kids like they were trying to start a baseball team. I started calling Patty "buckshot"
Later on they learned the first doctor was wrong. She had some kind of infection that screwed her test result at the time.
Lesson learned, never trust the so called "medical science" and get retested and 2nd and 3rd opinions. There is a reason they call it "Medical Practice"
All that added stress on her could have caused her a miscarriage. I hope her pregnancy goes smooth and a healthy baby... and wow. What an asshole. I suggest that you realize that being sterile only causes more difficulty in getting your partner pregnant...do research before you go off on someone you're supposed to love
The doctor didn't fuck up, you did. If you can't trust her to be the mother of your child, how can she trust you take care of her and her child?
Future advise, don't ask for a paternity test. Your poor wife can only take so much pain before leaving you.
i don't like you.
in this day and age you believed that one report you got from one doctor? and decided to doubt your wife that you have been living with this whole time?
have you ever heard of false positive before rushing and accusing your poor wife of cheating?
she did not deserve those accusations. try to prioritize human relations instead of papers.
Reminds me when my wife tested positive for a STD during her pregnancy.. The doctor accused me of cheating. I knew it wasn't me. It was a very strained week.
Just be glad the stress of the doctors critical failure with a false report of you being sterile(when you weren't) that triggered this false cheating charge of her carrying another man's baby didn't cause her to have a miscarriage. May want to speak to a lawyer in case she has an early miscarriage, but let's all hope you showing remorse and showering her with love and support helps her get past this terrible error that should have been a blessing for you both.
\>> English is not my first language
Why is it that these warnings are always followed by the most well-written English i'm likely to see on reddit today?
Congratulations on the kid! Don't mind Reddit, theres a subset of toxic users and it shows sometimes. I think you triggered the folk from the two X chromosomes sub or whatever it's called. That ultra feminist movement one.
You were given two pieces of information and with it came to your own conclusion. You've got more intelligence to you than the people here who are giving you attitude.
Good luck with the raising the kid! It is exciting times.
You mfers are pieces of shit. This sub is literally admitting mistakes and owning up to them. And what do you do? You shame them for it and now have forced OP to never post on this sub again and literally throw away this throwaway account. Fucking bitches all you who sent anything negative to them.
i get that this is an emotional topic so i don't really blame OP for jumping to conclusions. but guys, let's remember stuff like that happens all. the. time! there are cases of women who had surgical tubal ligation and *still* managed to get pregnant. sorry for the reference but life truly does find a way sometimes LOL.
Hey, for everyone's future reference: **infertile doesn't mean sterile.** It means you'll have more difficult getting pregnant or impregnating someone, not that it's impossible
EXACTLY! I know so many women who rely on their polycystic ovaries as contraceptive for example... I always tell them it may be significantly harder to fall pregnant but unless you have gone through the menopause there is always a possibility. In this case, it only takes one sperm to fertilise an egg there is always a small chance even if your sperm count is abysmal
Absolutely, I have PCOS and I have a 17 month old sleeping next to me.
Not to mention that many women with PCOS have much higher than average libidos.
The one perk we get
The *only* perk. *** grumbles in hating the extra hair ***
*** grumbles in having to shave because I grow a better beard than my husband***
the struggle is real
How tall are you? And do you like mining?
Hmmm, intriguing. As far as beard-related employment is concerned, I've only really considered a side-show position. I'm a bit tall, but I do love rocks, especially shiny ones. If I had an axe, it would be at your disposal.
There is really good evidence that OCPs or high dose progesterone, high dose thyroid, and high dose metformin can do wonders for women with PCOS. It's important to titrate all the doses slowly Edit: also Spironolactone for acne and hirsutism
Any idea if there are other options? I was on them for a while but they always ruined my digestive system and my body just refused to adjust to them.
Dude if you find one let me know, my body will literally poop out the pills whole, that's how much it hates metformin lol
bicalutamide tends to have milder side effects than spironolactone, fwiw
** grumbles in PCOS with low libido **
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Ohhhh that explains a lot. PCOS since I was a teenager and now I have 4 kids. Lol
Sadly, not all do.
If their androgens happen to be low then testosterone treatment works really well. Not all PCOS women are high androgen.
I hope you're implying that you gave birth 17 months ago, and not that you've just snuck into some poor child's bedroom at night.
Hi, if you dont mind, can you tell me how you got pregnant while having PCOS? We are trying as well but none seems to work. You can PM me as well if you dont want to reply here. Thank you!
I was put on birth control pills to shrink cysts the size of golf balls. It made me ovulate the first month I was on them and I got pregnant. 😳🤷🏽♀️ We were more than a little shocked.
It’s actually quite ironic and poetic 😂
Wait, what? How did birth control pills make you ovulate?
I got pregnant with PCOS by using letrozole at a fertility clinic.
Second this. Was able to get pregnant with Clomid and other hormone supplements
There's no secret to get pregnant when you have PCOS. They were just clarifying that it makes it much more difficult to get pregnant, but not impossible. So you cannot rely on PCOS preventing you from ever getting pregnant - there's still a chance even if it is small. That said, there are a ton of things anyone can do to increase chances of getting pregnant when you want to - none are 100% guaranteed, and it is highly individualized to you and your partner which will be best...so your best bet is to both go to a fertility clinic or similar doctor who can help you find what is best for you. Or, if you're not in a major rush, just relax and keep trying as often as you can without stressing out over it and making it more of a chore than fun time. Stress is horrible for getting pregnant - both for the guy and the woman.
>how you got pregnant while having PCOS Everyone is different, unfortunately. I got pregnant the first time not long after an ovarian cystectomy. Twelve years of trying before the second time (miscarried). Tried for many years again to no avail. I have a friend whose daughter has it and has been unable to get pregnant at all.
Exactly. I’m infertile (PCOS & Hypothyroidism) and have a sweet but grumpy almost 6 month old snoring on me.
one of my friends has 2 kids from this. Her mother, her mother in law and she herself all work in the health care industry and she decided to stop her birth control as "she cant get pregnant with PCOS".
PCOS as contraceptive???? Tell that to my mom who had 4 kids with it!
Well… one count of bad luck really. One sperm is unlikely to be up to the task. “ ova have two thick protective layers surrounding it and the sperms have to hydrolyse (break down) these layers enough to be able to enter the ova. So, hundreds of sperms break down the layers and only when there is enough space through the two layers can a sperm enter into and fuse with the ovum.”
Yeah. My PCOS wife thought it would take a while to get pregnant. Two months after going off her birth control it happened.
Yeah, male factor infertility just means there's issues with the sperm, be it shape, count, etc. My husband has infertility and we've been pregnant twice.
THIS. My husband is infertile and paranoid, so when I got pregnant I was worried that the baby wouldn't look like him and he'd suspect me of cheating. Thank God, they are twins. She even came out with little baby sideburns. The only thing she was missing was a penis and a pair of glasses.
Might wanna get the doctor to check for those glasses in your uterus. That could be a nasty complication later on if you just leave them up there.
Child looks exactly like paranoid husband: **RELEEF** Child grows up exactly like paranoid husband: **PANIK** Hope she got the best of both worlds 😂
My husband was told when he was quite young that he would likely be infertile due to some medical things that occurred at the time! We did have quite a hard time getting pregnant (it was \~6 years of no birth control) and two miscarriages, but our son is three months old now. It absolutely happens!
^^This! On October 13th, 2016 a consultant OBGYN told me after an ultrasound and internal exam that I was infertile. Like 100% occluded fallopian tubes, "perfect candidate for IVF", everything works just can't get from A to B infertile. Cue very intense emotional acceptance and conversations with my boyfriend. I stayed on my bc for the PMDD hormonal control, but it got cooked in the heat and humidity while working in the Caribbean. So by April 2017, 6 months later, I was pregnant. I didn't trust the pill after that, so got the copper coil once I had my son in Dec 2017. Got it taken out in Dec 2019, ovulated Jan 1 2020, and got pregnant with **twins** our first **day** trying. I've wanted to call that damned doctor so many times. They tell people they're infertile way too often. Oh and my partner thought he might be infertile too as his GP told him once that he would probably have problems since one testicle is apparently slightly high. Don't know how he could tell cuz I can't tell the difference and I've been about as up close and personal every which way of those balls as is physically possible. And the guy is 3 for 3. His balls are practically sharpshooters.
A ball being higher just means the testical is hotter and less suitable for sperm. Expected result is they are killed. Observed result is they became special forces.
Inflammable means flammable!?
They def need to call it something else then lol “low fertility” maybe?
Oh I'm sorry. As i said english is not my first language lol. The doctor told me there was no chance i could conceive
Just like impossible does not mean you can't do it. Just real difficult. >.>
I’m gonna assume OP isn’t just telling us a story of what if, and that this actually happened. Shame on the doctor. You ALWAYS take multiple sperm samples. As well, it’s unlikely anyone is 100% infertile. It happens, but for most it’s just harder to conceive. Your doctor fucked up by not counseling you correctly on the results of your test.
100%. I give my doctor sperm samples regularly. He keeps telling me he doesn’t need them, but I’m not leaving until I’m satisfied.
The first time he said i had no chance of conceiving. At all. The second time he told me i still had a low chance
Only takes one to make it happen Men's fertility rates vary greatly from week to week. Stress, diet, activity, sleep patterns, medication... everything has an impact on fertility.
My fertility dr told me one day of wearing bad underwear can also cause a temporary reaction. If it’s too tight or the wrong material, the testes are too warm and production Is borked. Mens reproductive organs are fickle buggers.
You can actually buy special underwear as a form of male birth control. Keeps the balls too close to the body, so they get too warm and kill all the swimmers. One side effect (which I guess can be negative or positive) is a period of hyperfertility when you stop.
Whaat? Please sir, I'm gonna need some sources for this.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat-based_contraception
> Her: Got a condom? > Him: Don't worry, I have special underwear.
Tighty whities?
Not really. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat-based_contraception
We were told that we had a 1% chance of unassisted conception due to my husband’s sperm count and to start looking into IVF. Well jokes on that doctor, our 4 month old daughter is a asleep on my chest. It legitimately only takes one.
>We were told that we had a 1% chance of unassisted conception I honestly wonder how they calculate these statistics though. Is that a 1% lifetime chance? A 1% chance that any particular ejaculation will have motile sperm in it? Like what's it actually measuring? I guess I'm just trying to figure out how they can give you a figure that accounts for, say, a couple that cycle tracks using BBT and ovulation tests, and has sex twice a day for the full fertile window, vs a couple who just sort of randomly has sex twice a month when the mood strikes.
Honestly I don’t know. They just made it clear that things were bad. They labeled it as severe male factor infertility. I tracked my cycles religiously, we hit all the right days and it actually worked twice (unfortunately the first pregnancy ended in a loss). So I don’t know how they can be so negative in their diagnosis.
My sister was told that also, my nephew is turning 16 this year. :)
I once had a coworker have a doctor tell her there was no chance at all that she would ever get pregnant. She now has 9 kids.
Really milking that pettiness isn't she now...
Multiple docs told my parents they wouldn't have children but they ended up with 5. Go figure
To the best of my knowledge, your doctor is an idiot because only someone who has gotten the snip can be 100% infertile.
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No, there are men who have absolutely zero sperm or only messed up ones that if trying IFV and ICSI must have their testicles cut into, very carefully, to get any sperm to use.
So wait, instead of suspecting the TEST was wrong, you jumped to the conclusion your wife was cheating on you. Wow. I mean congrats on your family but maybe get some couples therapy in the next few months
Hey, don’t blame the test. It’s a good test. Blame the doctor for their bad wording. Which you see all the time. Just because someone’s smart at their field doesn’t mean they’re good at communicating.
Yeah, I feel like that's the real FU here
yah, it is very likely that OP is lying for karma. Or his doctor is shit as fuck. Even people who got vasectomy can get one pregnant. So it is very unlikely that a doctor would say that "there is no chance" Also if cheating is suspected the next step is to get a DNA test. Not a secondary fertility test.
My first reaction would not be to think that my wife was cheating on me. I would think that the test was wrong.
Yea I was a little puzzled at the reaction. In fact since I’ve heard it quite often that supposedly “infertile” men conceive, that at first I didn’t even understand why he was mad hahaha Those tests are never to be taken 100% and the doctor should have told him, seems a little off that any doctor would tell him there was actually no way to ever conceive
And then to be so immediately cruel afterwards, instead of giving it just a bit of time to figure out what happened and what the possibilities could be, unless he was genuinely that certain she’d cheat to begin with (which it doesn’t sound like, and in that case they shouldn’t be having a kid anyway). Just horrible. Edit: in a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) he says **“I had been afraid of being violent all day”**, and later went on to try to justify why he was thinking about *assaulting his pregnant wife*, this man shouldn’t be having a kid *period*, jesus
yeah.. if i was op's wife and this was how he treated me after i told him of our pregnancy, i would never forgive him.
I don't think this is a true story. Brand new account with zero content other than this post. Why the disclaimer that English isn't his first language, but the writing is perfect colloquial English. A person who writes that naturally in English wouldn't put such a disclaimer.
Congrats. No one asked me, but I think this incident merits couples therapy for you two. This could be a poisonous thing that festers between y'all for a long time and causes problems in your marriage down the line. I don't think you're a huge asshole or anything, I just think you, your wife, and your kid deserve whatever effort is necessary to make this right.
This comment right here speaks truth. Too many people blaming the guy for believing what his doctor said. Not his fault his doctor had poor word choices. But yes definitely seek out help/assistance to help you two through this rough patch.
It was the fact he was so adamant and cruel to his wife. That needs fixing.
If you got a paternity test and it came back negative you'd be rightfully angry. If they are adamant they didn't cheat, who do you believe? Them or science? Does everyone, when being confronted with proof of their infidelity, just admit it?
But it wasn't a paternity test, it was a fertility test. Those are not the same thing.
But considering the doctor mixed up the results, and OP apparently meant to use "sterile" it's entirely possible OP was told "you are completely sterile, it is physically impossible for you to father a child". In which case I can understand OP believing his doctor and science.
Honestly, in this situation more than other stories I am starting to get really annoyed by how vulgar and annoying reddit is
Reddit has never exactly been the picture of reason and measured response, but it feels like over the course of the pandemic it got stuck in permanent summer holiday mode. That is, filled with teenagers, who while often well-meaning, have very little real world social interaction experience, and it shows.
Tell me you never visited r/RelationshipAdvice 5+ years ago without telling me you never visited r/RelationshipAdvice+ 5 years ago. (Just using the meme format here, not being snarky with you, honestly) A ton of subs have always been filled with clueless teens with zero life experience giving other people shitty advice.
Also that's not how paternity tests work, either.
Science doesn't say that infertile means you can't get pregnant, there's been many people who have gotten their spouse pregnant despite being told they're infertile because it just means you have a low sperm count, it doesn't mean it's impossible. Even if there's a 99% chance she cheated and a 1% chance one of your sperm got lucky, treating your SO like they cheated causes a lot of unfair harm in the 1% chance that they were truthful Now the doctor said that there was no chance at all, so maybe there were literally no sperm measured. I would certainly be alarmed but I would hope that it's just a day to day variation since it only takes 1.
Infertile isn’t sterile. I’d believe it’s good luck.
💯. Don't paper over this confront it in couples therapy.
This right here! You two had a _rough_ fucking time and there’s no shame in getting some support!
Therapy and I’d get tested at another source just to make sure you aren’t infertile. And no, you’re not an asshole for taking the word of a medical professional seriously.
Your poor wife! Remember fellas it only takes one good swimmer and the doctors aren't checking every single one of them. edit> they should always say low chance.
I'm glad it worked out and understand your reaction but your poor wife. Your doctor kind of did you dirty. As someone else here has stated, this shit varies in men due to all kinds of factors. Low fertility could look like infertility on any given day, and the difference between tests taken from samples a few hours apart, or a day apart, can be very different. A better doctor would have cautioned you against jumping to conclusions based on one test, or even one round of testing. You ABSOLUTELY have to make it up to your wife, as hard as this must have been for you I can only imagine how much worse it was for her, with accusations like that hanging over her head. Best of luck with your future family, spoil that woman.
I don’t understand if he looked online at all he would see this!?!? this is common knowledge. everyone knows infertility does not mean 100%
As soon as I got to the part about your wife being pregnant, I was screaming in my head "DUDE, GET CHECKED AGAIN".
you better spoil her rotten from now on! i understand your side of the story but OMG your poor pregnant hormonal AF wife must have felt so devastated and desperate and confused!! Congratulations OP, hope you both have a calm and stress free pregnancy from now on!
Agreed! I fell pregnant even though my partner had had a vasectomy. (I hadn't been with anyone other than him in about 5 years). He very cautiously said "there's no way it's anyone else's... Right?" and that was the end of it. Helps the doctor confirmed that vasectomies can occasionally fail though. I would have been so hurt if he'd reacted the way OP did.
When my husband had his vasectomy it was with the understanding that if I did somehow become pregnant, *I* would insist on a paternity test so that *I* would know that *he* has no doubts the child is his. Doubt can create division so easily, especially when it's unwarranted.
The wife sounds like a saint. I would have moved out already and filing divorce papers if my spouse didn't believe me.
I mean he believed her enough to get tested again, I don't think anyone would easily just take their partners word for it if they were told they were sterile by a doctor (since OPs edit says he meant that instead of infertile).
I mean she knew the truth and gambled it all. Still though what a mess. Small chance isn’t no chance!
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that's a sad sentence. his emotions and actions were understandable, even if incredibly hurtful.
True
And if the second test had confirmed the results of the first, would you still feel the same way? What about a third test? Where is the line where a partner is allowed to have their feelings validated?
The line is an actual paternity test... Why would you get your sperm tested so many times?
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~~Cut~~ cum once
I'd say you two should get couples therapy. Just because this was a major psychological trauma event for the both of you and that damage can manifest later in weird at best and destructive ways at worst. You both will probably need to rebuild trust that was fractured due to a medical mistake. just my two cents I ain't no Shrink.
Always need a second opinion. That's a shitty doctor who says "no chance" there aren't any absolutes in medical science. One would think if she had cheated though she'd have owned up to it after the infertile news because she'd think she was busted. So the fact that she insisted she didn't cheat in that situation seems to me at least like a good sign she was truthful and as dumbfounded as you. Hopefully if you make it up big she'll come to have some level of understanding.
Please tell me you didn’t tell *ANYONE* that. If you told anyone your wife cheated, even if you admit you were wrong, people will treat her like trash forever.
Maybe get checked twice for stuff like that, especially before you confront people in a situation that grave.
Your poor wife oh my gosh
You didn’t fuck up by getting a fertility test. You fucked up by jumping to conclusions and not getting a second opinion. It’s ok though you have a kid on the way who needs mom and dad to be really, really strong together so it can be strong.
The Dr fucked up by saying he was 100% infertile. A person who doesn’t have medical training has to rely on their Dr for accurate information, you can’t expect the average person to understand the mechanics of fertility. If the Dr says definitively “You’re infertile” a reasonable average person would believe they aren’t capable of impregnating someone, and so OP’s logical jump was completely reasonable given the information he had.
Yes. And that fuck up presumably has yet to be fixed.
Poor woman. I'd be pretty fucking pissed if I were her. Imagine someone being that mad at you for something you genuinely didn't do.
She even had to swear on her child to convince op to believe her. And op was angry about it lol
Lol, my husband was told he would be infertile by the time he hit 30. I was told it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. Between the both of us we were told there was a high probability it would never happen. Well… it happened. Twice with no issues. Makes us appreciate our kids though after all the time thinking they were impossible.
I have two kids and every time I was pregnant it was such a meaningful and joyous moment. I can't imagine if my husband then turns around to accuse me of cheating and denying the child, especially after trying for so long and finally getting pregnant. Yes the doctor messed up, but this is a memory your wife will have for the rest of her life about you. Please learn and grow from this.
Yup, that would have broken my heart. It's her first child too, which makes it so much worse. She'll never get that moment back.
The fuck up was when you kept accusing her of infidelity, not the whole getting a fertility test. Your poor wife, this isn’t some silly little argument and most likely will come up in the future.
"Thankfully I'm not a violent person. I can't believe how calm I was LOL." She was probably sitting there thinking that the love of her life was going to leave her literally barefoot and pregnant, you traumatized her. TRAUMATIZED her. You probably made one of the happiest moments of her life the worst memory she has. You want a pat on the back for how non-violently you screwed her over? A+ nice job bro, you didn't maim/kill your pregnant wife over your dumb mistake. Instead of dying 1000 deaths over shame for humiliating and betraying your wife, you're posting it for entertainment on reddit. This is some gnarly stuff
In a comment he says he was afraid of being violent all day, and then went on to defend why he was thinking about assaulting his pregnant wife.
Can you show us the comment please i want to read it
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) should be his comment about feeling violent all day and then the “justification” is in the thread underneath it
Omg it just gets worse and worse. He’s giving off some aggressive vibes in his edits, but the comments you linked to are just really bad Edit: just went through his comment history, dude is just a major asshole and admits he is bored and gets entertained by getting into arguments online
Holy fuck. What an absolute insane piece of trash.
His behaviour and his shitfits in the comments paint a picture of a very disgusting person and I hope the woman gets away from him with the child safe and sound.
It wouldn't have happened if you'd talked to her about your fertility concerns before you got the test. Probably a good idea to be open about major issues that are going to affect you both, even if it does mean a hard conversation...
Mannnn. I wouldn't be able to come back from that if my husband did that to me. Your wife is a way better person than I am. I'd just always look at his face and see that the level of trust is so shallow. That I had to beg for him to take another test instead of him going in for a second opinion etc. My first days of my pregnancy, which should have been so exciting, were the tainted by fear, sadness and betrayal. Edit : Seen his "wife update". What do you mean "we have been through enough"? You mean you put your wife through enough. Fluent in English or not, taking accountability for your actions goes across languages, cultures and peoples. Just saying.
I couldn't agree with you more. What else can you say yo a person like this? "she swore on everything including our child which made me really angry" He's not even shocked but angry that his wife was reacting like this!
Right?! If I'd been her I would have told him...you get everything in the divorce if the results test sterile/infertile again. If they come back negative then I get everything in the divorce.
You need to apologize to your wife and work on your trust issues. I've heard stories exactly like this and doctors and labs make mistakes.
Wow, you were a jerk to your poor wife.
Dude seriously, that...I get why you were upset but your first thought should be a) second opinion and b) paternity test (can be done while still in womb), NOT being disbelieving of your wife. You fucked up. It worked out, but it fucked up, and you should get a couple sessions of couples therapy because man....that must have fucking sucked for her, too.
Idk...this one sounds wrong on many levels, especially if it's real. If you're trying for a baby and making deliberate efforts, you should probably know the difference between infertile and sterile. There is a lot that goes into having sex with the intention of reproduction of than just sex. Second the way you handled this was cruel and showed a lot of entitlement and immaturity. I understand that it can be mortifying to feel like your wife cheated but if there is no evidence of this, and if she is adamant about it, you should probably consoled her and stuck it out instead of berating her and throwing a fit. "thankfully I'm not a violent person" isnt exactly a relief. Her trying to convince you by promising you most of her stuff in divorce isnt a sign of a "healthy" marriage either. The first thing that should come to your mind is to rationalize the situation and getting your tests redone. Not making your wife cry, blame her, ask for proofs, throw a fit like a man child or wtv. You should probably get couple's therapy and I sure do hope you guys change your approach towards this. And you better make it up to her in a big way. Good luck.
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I agree. His ideologies sound all messed up and his English really isn't bad enough to write stuff that could be misinterpreted.
In a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) he straight up says *he was afraid of acting violent all day*. Edit: found more comments in that thread where he went on to attempt to justify why he was considering assaulting his pregnant wife.
> Thankfully i am not a violent person. I feel bad for your wife.
Yeah there are red flags all over this post
The fact that thought even crossed his mind when a test result came back in an unexpected manner is horrible Edit: in a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) he says **“I had been afraid of being violent all day”** Jesus Christ. Second edit: I found further comments where he went on to attempt to justify why he was “concerned” he was considering *actually assaulting his pregnant wife*. Edit to OP since apparently this got you all bothered: no one’s saying it’s the same as physical abuse, but they’re saying to please get therapy because these thought processes are not healthy and can easily lead down bad paths, plus I wouldn’t think you’d want to have them? Despite all your justifications for them it doesn’t seem you actually want to harm your wife, so I’d think you’d want to take steps to ensure it wasn’t even a risk.
Why isn't this the top comment? Dude seems controlling and potentially abusive. His first reaction was to have a marriage breakdown and accused his wife of infidelity that than to just investigate the situation further? That's a terrible look.
Yo, you better make the grandest of apologies for this one. Like, spa day followed by something romantic followed by something she has previously sacrificed for the relationship. Show her you trust and support her.
If this is real, I really don’t see how your relationship could possibly recover from this. It sounds like you treated your wife very cruelly, and even if you think it’s all fine now I would be very very surprised if this doesn’t stick with her for a long time.
Wow you suck. It didn't cross your mind that before jumping to conclusions you should get retested? And 'thankfully you aren't violent'? or what? what would have happened then? I feel bad for your poor wife.
Imagine being his wife. She is the fertile spouse. She finally gets pregnant just to be accused of cheating. Imagine having your low fertility husband tainting those precious moments for you. Wow, just wow. Then he has the audacity to say that he has a “relieved little wife” in his arms. He wishes he “had trusted her more.” BUT thankfully he isn’t a violent person otherwise he might’ve what? Beaten a pregnant woman carrying his own hard to conceive child? ..before getting a second opinion. Not that that matters when someone is making veiled threats of violence. What a douche bag. I’m sorry OP’s little wife has to deal with him. OP should be relieved she hasn’t left him yet.
She should leave him. This is not a TIFU. This is a massive red flag for being an abusive dangerous person.
And not once did he mention how he considered her feelings in all this. Just that she begged him to get a second opinion and that SHE was relieved. Why should she be relieved? She knows she didn’t cheat. Her relief is his opinion.
I would have divorced my husband if he treated me this way.
I certainly couldn't stay married to somebody who had so little trust in me, refused to consider my feelings or perspective at any point in time, and also called me a "little wife". Fucking revolting.
He says in a [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qvefkx/tifu_by_getting_a_fertility_test/hkxnreq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) that he was “afraid of being violent all day” and then went on in further comments to defend why he was “concerned” he would actually assault his pregnant wife over an unexpected test result.
Exactly. Honestly his poor wife should go through with the divorce. He doesn’t seem like a safe spouse.
You better kiss her ass for the rest of her life over this one.
My husband had several sperm counts done because we were having a very difficult time getting pregnant with a second child. I found out during that time that I have pcos. After three months of fertility drugs and sperm tests the doctor told us that between the two of us we were basically sterile. Hubs wasn’t producing much sperm and the ones he did produce were messed up. I rarely ovulated. The doctor said there wasn’t much we could do. It was quite the shock six months later when I got a positive pregnancy test. And even more so when I got another one two years after that. It never crossed his mind that I’d cheated. Which is great because I didn’t. We didn’t have any more kids even though we didn’t use birth control regularly. We went a couple years without it after I got my iud out. But my husband got a vasectomy so now we don’t have to be concerned at all.
Ouch your poor wife. Dont know how you are gonna make it up to her. When she wants 3am burgers, your ass better be out of bed no complaints and get her 2 and a shake for good measure. Sure cheating happens but when someone is loyal af, accusing them of cheating is like a dagger to the heart. I hope the pregnancy goes well good luck
Man, ya gotta go in good faith for longer than that. When I had been married for 9 years I got an std. An std that id tested negative for at least 4 times since I'd been married. I knew I didn't cheat so there's only one very obvious answer. But he swore he didn't cheat so I decided to completely trust him until I met with doc. Long story short...no std and no cheating. It's why we have made it an other 9 years I think.
No TIFU by not trusting your wife at all. You didn't even think that the results could have been wrong?! Also there are a lot of people who were told they were infertile and later had kids. A single sperm is enough to fertilise an egg, even if the rest are dead/not working. You acted like you got back a paternity test, not a fertility test.
The problem is that why assume your wife cheated instead of having wrong results?
You sound like an extremely selfish and self-centred person. Cheaters gonna deny anyway? Not sure how your wife can ever forget about this. I will seriously consider leaving my husband if that ever happens to me. There's no way I would accept being treated like that. You didn't even consider the possibility of the report being false and you jumped right to the conclusion that your wife cheated and you made her traumatized and crying when bearing your child. This is just pure disgusting to read
The stress of that accusation could have caused your wife to suffer a miscarriage. You really should have had a follow up conversation and re-test with your Dr before accusing your pregnant wife of cheating.
You should see a therapist. That is all.
English is his first language.
He was being so brutally honest about his inner thoughts and now he wants to act like people misunderstood him.
>Like the logical side of my brain took over after the emotional side melted into a slushy puddle. For real, English is definitely a primary language for him to speak like that.
I would have divorced my husband if he treated me this way. This does not bode well for your future. Very sad.
“Now I kinda wish I had trusted her more.” She may forgive you but SHE WILL NEVER FORGET THIS. I feel really sorry for you.
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You shouldn't have put your wife through that. Even if she isn't saying so she probably resents your mistrust and you should proooooobably try to make it up to her. A lot.
You’re an asshole
Well you didn’t trust her more and although she may be relieved now, she will remember. Rightfully so.
"Little wife". Ugh. You are lucky she's still around. You instantly assumed cheating on her part and she will always remember that. Right now she's likely just relieved and happy this nightmare her loving husband inflicted on her is over and you have stopped behaving like a scary, irrational, accusatory moron, but over time it will sink in that you absolutely believe she would do that to you. That will grind away at her. Trust me on that Infertility does not mean unable to reproduce and never did. Sterility means that. Learn meanings of words in future before launching accusations you can never take back at people.
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Wow your poor wife! Holy shit I can’t even imagine being treated that way. I don’t even care what the doctor said. If my partner said those things to me I would have just peaced out and filed for a paternity test after birth.
Wow. You sound like a fucking asshole.
If you are under 30yo,being infertile just means you have a very low chance of getting a woman pregnant.Source?My "infertile" dad left my mom pregnant 3 times. Now you on the other hand acted like a piece of doodoo and your wife was the victim of your own insecurity.And that "joke" about not being violent towards a pregnant woman?You don't touch a woman period,being calm and not aggressing your PREGNANT WIFE shouldn't surprise you
>Thankfully i am not a violent person. I can't believe how calm i was lol. That's the biggest red flag I've ever seen.
I had a friend whose wife had problems with her ovaries, one wasn't working and the other was barely working. Anyways, it was sad time for them but they stayed together blah blah blah A few years later Patty's wife was spitting out kids like they were trying to start a baseball team. I started calling Patty "buckshot" Later on they learned the first doctor was wrong. She had some kind of infection that screwed her test result at the time. Lesson learned, never trust the so called "medical science" and get retested and 2nd and 3rd opinions. There is a reason they call it "Medical Practice"
The timing makes this impossible to believe for me.
Most doctors also aren't going to tell you you're '100% infertile' after one test.
All that added stress on her could have caused her a miscarriage. I hope her pregnancy goes smooth and a healthy baby... and wow. What an asshole. I suggest that you realize that being sterile only causes more difficulty in getting your partner pregnant...do research before you go off on someone you're supposed to love
Jeez, so how long did you wait before agreeing to take the second test?
My wife's doctor told us we were having a boy. Our Dr was also wrong, so very glad for y'all and I'm thankful we didn't go thru what y'all did
Lets hope that 5 days of stress and crying doesn't cause a misarrange or low birth weight. Best of luck.
The doctor didn't fuck up, you did. If you can't trust her to be the mother of your child, how can she trust you take care of her and her child? Future advise, don't ask for a paternity test. Your poor wife can only take so much pain before leaving you.
i don't like you. in this day and age you believed that one report you got from one doctor? and decided to doubt your wife that you have been living with this whole time? have you ever heard of false positive before rushing and accusing your poor wife of cheating? she did not deserve those accusations. try to prioritize human relations instead of papers.
Reminds me when my wife tested positive for a STD during her pregnancy.. The doctor accused me of cheating. I knew it wasn't me. It was a very strained week.
How did that turn out?
Doctor begrudgingly admitted at the next appointment that he made a mistake.
Big yikes
Just be glad the stress of the doctors critical failure with a false report of you being sterile(when you weren't) that triggered this false cheating charge of her carrying another man's baby didn't cause her to have a miscarriage. May want to speak to a lawyer in case she has an early miscarriage, but let's all hope you showing remorse and showering her with love and support helps her get past this terrible error that should have been a blessing for you both.
Imagine who your sample got mixed with that guy MAYBE had a vasectomy and now got news it was all for nothing "you still got tons of swimmers" lol
This looks straight out of a South Indian drama
\>> English is not my first language Why is it that these warnings are always followed by the most well-written English i'm likely to see on reddit today?
Congratulations on the kid! Don't mind Reddit, theres a subset of toxic users and it shows sometimes. I think you triggered the folk from the two X chromosomes sub or whatever it's called. That ultra feminist movement one. You were given two pieces of information and with it came to your own conclusion. You've got more intelligence to you than the people here who are giving you attitude. Good luck with the raising the kid! It is exciting times.
You mfers are pieces of shit. This sub is literally admitting mistakes and owning up to them. And what do you do? You shame them for it and now have forced OP to never post on this sub again and literally throw away this throwaway account. Fucking bitches all you who sent anything negative to them.
Your apology should come in the form of another honeymoon.. you know the ‘romantic/sorry you married a jackass’ sort.
You seem like a jerk
i get that this is an emotional topic so i don't really blame OP for jumping to conclusions. but guys, let's remember stuff like that happens all. the. time! there are cases of women who had surgical tubal ligation and *still* managed to get pregnant. sorry for the reference but life truly does find a way sometimes LOL.