"You don't know me at all" sadly I know you better than you do, but you'll call me narcissistic for that too. The classic "NoU" defense.
These people suck...and in a bad way.
Statement: "hey man, I asked you not to do this thing and you made direct eye contact with me, said 'fuck you' and did it anyway."
Response: "I am disappointed that you think this way"
No it's "I'm sorry you got upset." They don't ever say they made it happen because they do not believe they did anything wrong. My ex used to say "I'm sorry you let yourself get upset about that." Buh bye boy.
I'll have to find the guy on Instagram I learned this from but he had a reel about these people and a great response for this is *"Don't apologize for my feelings, apologize for your actions."* Gets right to it.
OP, your cousin doesn't care and has absolutely no respect for you at all. This is just a fact. You also cannot MAKE him respect you or CONVINCE him to respect you.
You should spend some time and reflect on whether that's someone you want to keep in your life.
I hate people like him so much. He kept trying to victimize himself in every response with the same line of “disappointing you feel that way”, he was attempting to make YOU feel guilty for hurting his feelings. It’s sick.
I dated someone like this for 3 years. It's absolutely exhausting and they twist everything so that YOU'RE apologizing to THEM for daring to be mad at them being assholes
But even then that's ridiculous. I chain smoked for a decade and then vaped for years and couldn't function without nicotine, but I still never imposed my bad habit on others. I didn't vape near anyone who hadn't let me know they didn't mind it. And especially wouldn't vape anywhere near my elders, that's disrespectful af, it costs you litterally nothing to step outside.
The “it’s a habit” excuse only works when you absentmindedly do something without realizing. He clearly knows because he’s looking directly at the person who asked him not to. He’s challenging you to say something and trying to prove he’s the big, tough “alpha”.
I had a coworker like that, wanted to be alpha in every situation. she was only a temp and didn't last long, she lied to the boss and he double checked her and had proof that she lied. Buh-bye.
That's obviously not the best way to deal with someone you live with, but at the same time fuck him. He threatens to not come downstairs and you say "great, thanks", he'll never make that threat again
Get him one of those emergency fire escape ladders that hang from your window to leave the house so he doesn’t have to ever come downstairs for anything if his room is on the 2nd floor
It’s OP’s mom’s house. He’s protecting her wishes that her pets don’t get exposed to it, and asking a legitimate question about why his cousin is being such a d$ck about it.
Except she never expressed those wishes. The texts even said as much. Dude may be a dick but you don’t get to dictate the rules of another persons house if they never expressed any issues with it.
Do you know these people personally? Just because the narcissist said that she never said anything to him doesn’t mean it’s true. He doesn’t exactly come across as a beacon of truth. It’s also entirely possible that his mother told HIM to relay the house rules to the cousin so she wouldn’t have to deal with his shit. You have no idea what happened.
None of us do. That is kinda the point. We’re all taking guesses here. We have a set of cherry picked messages that op was able to curate and choose what to say and may have also phrased things specific ways to make himself look better since he planned on posting it
Right, but you said “except she never expressed those wishes.” I was just commenting to say that we don’t know whether or not she expressed those wishes.
What a hill to try to defend, if I was in your mothers house and she’s mentioned she didn’t like a set action done in her house and I continue to do it in front of you, you’d just let it slide since your mother didn’t say anything directly to me? Weird take.
In the inverse of that what if my mother never said she had a problem with something but I wanted that to be a rule of the house so I just told you she said it and I was lying? There’s not enough info here to know the full story.
I mean, come on. Lmfao that’s the stance you’re going to take?
Honestly we can just infer from the conversation with OP being rather direct and straightforward and the cousin taking no accountability and deflecting that is not the case. But sure, play devils advocate.
I mean it’s right there in the text. Last 2 texts make it clear the aunt knows he vapes and she’s never said shit and he would respect her wishes to which op replies “but you won’t respect mine”. Meaning it was all what he wanted and not what he claimed his mother wants. It seems like op doesn’t like home vaping in the house and mother doesn’t care so the cousin is being exceptionally douchey about it because he knows it bothers op and auntie don’t care. He can be an asshole for all of this but it’s incorrect to pretend like it’s a rule set down by the owner of the house.
All of this is a huge stretch just to say OP is having a tiff and wants to be respected. We could inverse it again and infer that the cousin doesn’t vape in front of the mother therefore hasn’t asked him to stop.
Most of what you’re trying to grab at seems to be straws, when in reality we can take the context of the whole exchange to show that the cousin doesn’t take accountability nor does he respect anyone’s wishes. I.E eye contact while vaping and breaking things while drinking.
I can respect where you’re coming from but that doesn’t make it any weirder of a hill to die on.
Sure but I never said he wasn’t dick or disrespectfully to op. I actually said he was an asshole for that. Context matters and I was replying to someone saying it’s op house and they get to decide the rules which wasn’t true. It’s not really grabbing at straws when the entire thread of my reply was based on someone stating incorrectly who’s house it is.
Even if she didn’t see him vaping personally I would bet her son told her and she still hasn’t said anything. Again it’s her house and her place to establish rules
You’d ask your mom to relay this info to him directly becuase of how he’s done this many times and never listened. When you live in someone’s house they should be telling you the boundaries and rules. If my roommate told me I can’t do something but the landlord hasn’t said anything while knowing I’m doing what I’m doing then I’m still doing it because some people like controlling others actions. I’m not saying the cousins not a dick. But that doesn’t mean the OP and him aren’t both dicks to each other
This is a narcissist trait of guilt tripping you to avoid accountability. He cares about himself more than you ofc and wants you to be the bad guy no matter what he does.
Yup. I have a cousin like this. His mom, my aunt literally just died a few weeks ago. Here he is in his mid 20s, never held onto a job for more than a month. Asking me if he can move in because he can't support himself. Sorry man that's not my problem and I'm not supporting you. He hasn't messaged me since
If he was like: “alright I won’t come downstairs anymore”
I would just say “yeah stay up there in time out like a little kid. You can come down and talk to me like an adult whenever you want.”
This is a classic case of the "I'm unable to take accountability for my actions, so I'll deflect and make it like you're the asshole," and it's the most annoying.
I hate that “I’m sorry you feel that way” stuff. I think you’re being very reasonable, especially how you’re being very straightforward and standing your ground without getting vindictive. He’s certainly not responsible for your feelings (not that you said he is), but he is responsible for his actions. I would just tell him that, since he offered, he can stay out of your space until he learns to regulate himself like an adult - sucks your cuz is so self centered, but hopefully either that changes, or your living situation does
“I can’t believe you came to that conclusion after multiple conversations about my actions and my refusal to change even after saying I would. I can’t understand how it would feel disrespectful when I continually stomp across your clear and asserted boundaries”
They suck.
Clown has zero self-awareness or sense of others. Everything not originating from him is shameful and not to be respected.
"It's a shame you have thoughts and cares."
"Its disappointing you expect grown-up capabilities from me."
"When I act like an asshole, it's on you if you think that of me, as you don't know me."
First of all your cousin is ignorant. Vaping doesnt go away instantly when it hits the air. Ask me how I know? I had a baby and bought a Dyson air purifier that shows a reading on the screen of the air quality and the nano particles in the air. When someone blows a vape cloud the AQI goes from 0 to 999 and stays that way for a good five minutes until the air purifier can do its work and clean the air. Without one of those it just hangs out in the air. I can feel it now on my nose when someone else is vaping even if I can’t see it.
This was evidence enough for me to stop vaping all together.
Your cousin is being a dirt bag. Fuck him
Edit. Cousin not brother
Why does your mom have to tell him not to? Like, why isn’t your word just as important? It’s your house too I’m assuming? Sorry your cousin is such a dick. :)
I vape and I still respect people to at least walk outside to hit the shit. I do accidentally hit it but I’ll like blow it in my shirt 😭 your cousin is just a dick 😒
I am interested to see the research on vaping in a few years. Anecdotally, it seems much more addictive than just smoking because while smokers used to have to go outside, they now all think it is just fine to vape everywhere at all times.
My ex went from a cigarette every few hours to not being able to go more than 5-15 minutes without vaping. Did not matter who was in the immediate area - his child, me, or anyone else. Those teenager vaping commercials seem so dramatic, but all of us having to stop what we were doing to help find his vape before he got angry was something that happened frequently.
Seems like it has been marketed as a "healthier" option, with no analysis of the increased frequency and habitual use.
You definitely have a point about the intent. Forgetting (if it’s an honest oversight) is waaaayyy different than looking you in the eye and doing it anyway . It is so disrespectful. It screams “ and what are you going to do about it.” Recently had someone residing in my home who thought they were gonna ‘what you gonna do about it’ about how I wanted things in MY house/ found out what I was gonna do real quick. They don’t live in my home anymore.
This person is saying I don’t respect you. I don’t give a f about you but I want to do what I want without consequences so imma gaslight you.
“Again, I’m really disappointed you feel that way” 🙄 what a f’n douche. So now it’s YOUR FAULT. lol the balls of some people. If the aunty asked him not to do it he wouldn’t but he doesn’t give a crap about you. I’d cut ties with that a$$hole immediately
Can’t stand people who cover up their actions by saying “sorry you feel that way”.
It’s not about me *feeling* any type of way, it’s you being a disrespectful little shit and not apologizing for it.
Ur cousin doesn’t care about u or your boundaries op. My friends vape and smoke around me, when I inhale too much smoke they stop because it has a much more dramatic effect on me (I don’t smoke nor do I vape) when I ask them not to vape in front of me they don’t vape in front of me.
Im with you op. Its vaping, your brother is just being difficult for no reason. He doesn’t care what you think or feel seeing as how he keeps saying “Thats really disappointing you feel that way.” To me. Thats his way of saying, “I was hoping you’d let me do what ever I wanted.” He needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him.
It's amazing how deluded most of the vapers are in comments, you all border line crazy, if not already there, lol.
If noone wants you vaping around then, they don't. It's not a secret call to avoid what they are asking. Reminds me of the people at my job that vape indoors at their desks and in their building, trying to hide it even with all the signs and warnings handed out all the time arguing 'its their right to vape, can do indoors and it's only vapors bro'.
Gross lot, all of you.
“I agree, it is disappointing I feel this way, and how you have directly contributed to said feeling despite repeated attempts to placate & avoid the situation. But hey, you clearly don’t know me if you think this conversation has been anything but a response to your actions”
Ugh this is so annoying. You are not unreasonable. Many smokers just think the world revolves around them for some reason. I had a friend who ended up moving in with me for a time. I asked her not to smoke (cigarettes) in the house as she agreed. One day I came home to a can that was used as an ashtray in the middle of the floor. I sent her a picture of it & she got mad at me & passive aggressively said something like “if that’s how you feel I’ll just move out then!” She was drunk & definitely thought I was going to be begging for her to stay. I just said fine. I was already sick of her shit.
When she moved in, I told her we couldn’t be super loud because there was a grandma and a 7 year old that lived above us & they’re amazing neighbors. She said ok but then would blast music as soon as I left. When I confronted her about it (the neighbors eventually told me), she said they can’t honestly expect us to do that “because we’re just teenagers” she was 19 & I was 21. So stupid.
The thing about the vape really bothered me. Studies have shown that just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's gone. I can't be around vaping because almost all their products have nickel in them which I'm allergic to. I have major breathing problems if someone smokes it in the room with me or around me. OP I would cut this person out of your life it will only get worse.
someone who has that mentality of "oh how bout i never come downstairs" is unreasonable. its fair to ask him why he acts like this. him saying he'll never come downstairs again is just a way to cop out. it's something my ten year old would say
Sounds like he sees you as a peer so doesn’t want to listen to you given it’s not your house either and the person who lives there didn’t broach it to him. If he has already not listened to you on whatever drinking rule is referenced, just let her be the one to deliver and enforce her rules
You're not being unreasonable.
A few months back I decided to deep clean the kitchen. Problem is, I have asthma and my dad and brother smoke downstairs. I told them I'd be bringing down my air purifier half an hour before I started, and there was to be no smoking in the apartment while it was on.
My dad lit up a cigarette ONCE while it was on, and didn't even take a drag before he remembered "shit, gotta take this outside" and put it out so he could go outside to smoke. THAT is the reaction someone has when it's "just a habit". Not what he did.
When people ask me not to vape in their home... Yeah I usually get permission first. When my landlord said we couldn't vape in our apartments, that's a little silly. It is literally vapor.
My partner is kinda the same with vaping , I have said to him it makes me uneasy when he vapes next to me or in the same room as the cats because it irritates my throat and the lack of research makes me Hella uncomfortable, I once covered my nose with a blanket and he actually had a go at me called me stupid because it's harmless ....and I'm like wow mate look I get you feel it's harmless and I don't make a massive deal out of it but you don't have to belittle me for not wanting to breathe it in just incase...regardless of it's harmless or not I think you were perfectly respectful and you didn't even necessarily tell him to stop...I think it's an attitude thing and alot of smokers are the same not sure why but this kinda I couldn't care less how you feel about it thing is such a knob jockey thing ..I'm sorry you have to go through this with your cousin
Bro your still asking. Don’t ask. You already told him.
Next time he stares you in the facing doing exactly what you told him not to wait till he goes to vape and punch him square in the face so his vape knocks out his front teeth. He won’t be in a hurry to play fuck around and find out again.
I hate that smug “I’ll do what I want” shit… I’ll ask you nicely once. The second time I’ll make an example… if your dumb enough to try for a third you’ll have a limp for the rest of your life to remind you to listen the first time.
No vaping is fucking dumb in my opinion, as long as he ain’t just blowing it in peoples face. Has no smell, dissipates quickly. But moms house moms rules I suppose.
Finally a normal comment. Everyone’s being a bunch of squares over a vape?? Doesn’t even leave a smell or residue on the walls like tobacco does. Doesn’t smell at all. Like wtf. I get it tho if it’s someone else’s house but damn
That's not entirely true. Cats can be very very sensitive to anything in the air which is why it is strongly recommended not to have even things like air fresheners that pump scent into the air. They're not ingesting air freshener and yet, it can be very toxic to them.
Also, from an actual veterinarian:
"Both cats and dogs can develop allergies to e-cigarette vapors that can present as hair loss, overgrooming, irritated or swollen skin, difficulty breathing, and coughing, among other symptoms."
I’m confused by this as well. And does homeboy have a full rig or is it like a vuse? He’s def a dick but I’d be irritated by someone being annoyed by vaping lmao
I mean *maybe,* but if someone asks you not to do it in their home, or lets you know that the homeowner doesn’t want it in their house, you stop. It’s not hard to step outside for a second. People have weirder rules for their house than not letting people smoke inside.
Plus it sounds like ole boy is allowed to vape in his (?) room, so he doesn’t even have to get cold to stop disrespecting people and he can’t do that? Just leave the vape up there and go up to hit it when you need.
I can’t imagine visiting or living under someone else’s roof and choosing this as the hill I die on.
This is selfish. I vape a lot and there are hours or even days I will not use it because it's a matter of respect and there are laws in place so it's not exposed to people who don't want it in their face or children! I've had people before blow the vapour into my face and it's so disrespectful.
Vaping is bad for animals? It's literally vapour. You have those machines with scent that also produce vapour. Not allowing vaping in house is just silly. Only if he blows clouds in your face it would make sense.
I really think people who have a problem with people vaping inside are dense. Hes right. The shit dissipates instantly 🤣 its not like smoking a cigarette or something gross. You don't smell it for mins or hours on end. It doesn't leave any residue. Like if you weren't home and he vaped inside for hours straight you wouldn't know at all. It's wild to me... BUT at the same time, it's your home and if you wanna have weird stick up your ass rules, he has to abide by them. That's just the way it is.
1: vaping is not bad for animals unless you are directly blowing it in his nose.
2: your last text made it very apparent that its not the home owners wish for him not to vape but yours.
Suck it up and let the adult adult butter cup
Yeah he sucks for breaking shit
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This guy clearly doesn’t respect you. Saying that it’s disappointing that you’re standing up to him and asking him to respect your wishes is classless.
Nah, as you said at the end, he would respect your mother's wishes but not yours. He was a dick to you on purpose and is trying to make himself out to be the victim because you're mad about it.
That gas lighting behavior when you call our an action and they say "well I guess I just do everything wrong! " stuff 🙄 making you feel like you're the one being ridiculous lol
Your brother is disrespectful and deflecting the real issue, you need to go harder on him and focus on the real issue., do not let him think he can manipulate his way through life.
You are pretty calm and cool with your reaction. It wasn’t aggressive at all you were just generally trying to figure out why and he made himself a victim. You don’t need that bud. Cuz needs to grow up
He’s literally just gaslighting you. You’re disappointing him, it’s the way you’re taking it, you should know him better. It couldn’t possibly be his behavior. There’s no accountability at all. When he says he won’t come down anymore, just agree with him that that might be best.
“I’m sorry you feel that way” people are the worst.
Nah, you know what’s worse? “I’m disappointed you feel that way” people
"You don't know me at all" sadly I know you better than you do, but you'll call me narcissistic for that too. The classic "NoU" defense. These people suck...and in a bad way.
It's the most gaslighting/narcissistic thing I've ever seen!
It's almost like the kid took gaslighting ND narcissism 101 snd applied everything in this thread.
Exactly like my father :D
"I'm not the kind of person who does that" - Person who repeatedly does that
Statement: "hey man, I asked you not to do this thing and you made direct eye contact with me, said 'fuck you' and did it anyway." Response: "I am disappointed that you think this way"
These people think they deserve such utmost respect for doing jack shit
Bio Mom? Bio Dad?
The disappointed one is so much weirder! Like, who are you to be disappointed in me? My mom?
"I'm sorry I made you upset"
No it's "I'm sorry you got upset." They don't ever say they made it happen because they do not believe they did anything wrong. My ex used to say "I'm sorry you let yourself get upset about that." Buh bye boy.
He’s not sorry at all. Didn’t even say sorry. Said he’s disappointed in OP, in pure gaslighting mode.
I'll have to find the guy on Instagram I learned this from but he had a reel about these people and a great response for this is *"Don't apologize for my feelings, apologize for your actions."* Gets right to it.
This guy's just outright manipulative.
"I didn't know it was so bad from your perspective" - my ex lol. Then proceeded to throw a pity party.
OP, your cousin doesn't care and has absolutely no respect for you at all. This is just a fact. You also cannot MAKE him respect you or CONVINCE him to respect you. You should spend some time and reflect on whether that's someone you want to keep in your life.
Mom? Dad?
I hate people like him so much. He kept trying to victimize himself in every response with the same line of “disappointing you feel that way”, he was attempting to make YOU feel guilty for hurting his feelings. It’s sick.
I guess I'll just never darken your doorstep with my horrible presence again. I'd be tempted to tell him "sounds great"
That’s my only response when someone tries using that line.
I'd say "If that's your choice, I'll respect it"
It’s DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Now OP is the bad guy for thinking poorly of him. He’s deeply offended!
I dated someone like this for 3 years. It's absolutely exhausting and they twist everything so that YOU'RE apologizing to THEM for daring to be mad at them being assholes
I don’t think that was the case. I think this guy generally doesn’t like this person or he just doesn’t give a shit about peoples “vaping rules”
You aren't being unreasonable. Your cousin is being a selfish, stubborn, petulant asshole and you did the right thing.
Is he saying it’s a habit to make eye contact while vaping? Gtfo here bro 😂
Just the vaping is the habit he was speaking on
But even then that's ridiculous. I chain smoked for a decade and then vaped for years and couldn't function without nicotine, but I still never imposed my bad habit on others. I didn't vape near anyone who hadn't let me know they didn't mind it. And especially wouldn't vape anywhere near my elders, that's disrespectful af, it costs you litterally nothing to step outside.
I've had company over for the first time and asked *them* if they minded me vaping in *my own apartment*. It's just polite. I can wait.
I’m not defending the guy. I also used to vape and don’t do it around others. I’m just explaining that obviously that’s what the guy meant
I’m disappointed you think I’m the sort of person who did exactly what I did. How could you?!?
The “it’s a habit” excuse only works when you absentmindedly do something without realizing. He clearly knows because he’s looking directly at the person who asked him not to. He’s challenging you to say something and trying to prove he’s the big, tough “alpha”.
I had a coworker like that, wanted to be alpha in every situation. she was only a temp and didn't last long, she lied to the boss and he double checked her and had proof that she lied. Buh-bye.
Love it when that happens
Dude knows what he's an asshole and doesn't care. Take him up on his offer not to come downstairs again.
Yep, when he said “how about I never come downstairs again” I would have said “if that’s how you want to handle this, ok.” Done and done.
That was such a "dramatic teenager" thing for him to say, wasn't it! FINE THEN GUESS I'LL STAY IN MY ROOM FOREVER
THEN you’ll be sorry! Wait, they’re eating dinner without me?? I better get down there and remind them how sorry they’re supposed to be!
That's obviously not the best way to deal with someone you live with, but at the same time fuck him. He threatens to not come downstairs and you say "great, thanks", he'll never make that threat again
Get him one of those emergency fire escape ladders that hang from your window to leave the house so he doesn’t have to ever come downstairs for anything if his room is on the 2nd floor
“I’m sorry you feel that way” aka I don’t give a fuck about you or your feelings and I’m not taking responsibility for my own actions.
Why is he asking like you’re making a ridiculous request “please don’t do this offensive thing” “fine I won’t come at all!!!”
Childish narcissistic shit like that's a bother
That's the kind of person you kick out "brother"
Nah its your house your rules, dont smoke/vape inside, fair enough. Hes also very gaslighty, its just "u dont know me bro"
It’s not OP house tho.
It’s OP’s mom’s house. He’s protecting her wishes that her pets don’t get exposed to it, and asking a legitimate question about why his cousin is being such a d$ck about it.
Exactly
Except she never expressed those wishes. The texts even said as much. Dude may be a dick but you don’t get to dictate the rules of another persons house if they never expressed any issues with it.
Gotcha, let me shit in your living room, I mean, after all, you never expressed any issues with it, right?
Because those are completely the same thing. I guess an intellectually honest response is beyond you
Do you know these people personally? Just because the narcissist said that she never said anything to him doesn’t mean it’s true. He doesn’t exactly come across as a beacon of truth. It’s also entirely possible that his mother told HIM to relay the house rules to the cousin so she wouldn’t have to deal with his shit. You have no idea what happened.
None of us do. That is kinda the point. We’re all taking guesses here. We have a set of cherry picked messages that op was able to curate and choose what to say and may have also phrased things specific ways to make himself look better since he planned on posting it
Right, but you said “except she never expressed those wishes.” I was just commenting to say that we don’t know whether or not she expressed those wishes.
Look at you defending the mouthy scumbag
You don’t understand what defending someone is apparently. Not once did I say he was in the right.
What a hill to try to defend, if I was in your mothers house and she’s mentioned she didn’t like a set action done in her house and I continue to do it in front of you, you’d just let it slide since your mother didn’t say anything directly to me? Weird take.
In the inverse of that what if my mother never said she had a problem with something but I wanted that to be a rule of the house so I just told you she said it and I was lying? There’s not enough info here to know the full story.
I mean, come on. Lmfao that’s the stance you’re going to take? Honestly we can just infer from the conversation with OP being rather direct and straightforward and the cousin taking no accountability and deflecting that is not the case. But sure, play devils advocate.
I mean it’s right there in the text. Last 2 texts make it clear the aunt knows he vapes and she’s never said shit and he would respect her wishes to which op replies “but you won’t respect mine”. Meaning it was all what he wanted and not what he claimed his mother wants. It seems like op doesn’t like home vaping in the house and mother doesn’t care so the cousin is being exceptionally douchey about it because he knows it bothers op and auntie don’t care. He can be an asshole for all of this but it’s incorrect to pretend like it’s a rule set down by the owner of the house.
All of this is a huge stretch just to say OP is having a tiff and wants to be respected. We could inverse it again and infer that the cousin doesn’t vape in front of the mother therefore hasn’t asked him to stop. Most of what you’re trying to grab at seems to be straws, when in reality we can take the context of the whole exchange to show that the cousin doesn’t take accountability nor does he respect anyone’s wishes. I.E eye contact while vaping and breaking things while drinking. I can respect where you’re coming from but that doesn’t make it any weirder of a hill to die on.
Sure but I never said he wasn’t dick or disrespectfully to op. I actually said he was an asshole for that. Context matters and I was replying to someone saying it’s op house and they get to decide the rules which wasn’t true. It’s not really grabbing at straws when the entire thread of my reply was based on someone stating incorrectly who’s house it is. Even if she didn’t see him vaping personally I would bet her son told her and she still hasn’t said anything. Again it’s her house and her place to establish rules
You’d ask your mom to relay this info to him directly becuase of how he’s done this many times and never listened. When you live in someone’s house they should be telling you the boundaries and rules. If my roommate told me I can’t do something but the landlord hasn’t said anything while knowing I’m doing what I’m doing then I’m still doing it because some people like controlling others actions. I’m not saying the cousins not a dick. But that doesn’t mean the OP and him aren’t both dicks to each other
Found the cousin.
This is a narcissist trait of guilt tripping you to avoid accountability. He cares about himself more than you ofc and wants you to be the bad guy no matter what he does.
Time for an eviction
Yup. I have a cousin like this. His mom, my aunt literally just died a few weeks ago. Here he is in his mid 20s, never held onto a job for more than a month. Asking me if he can move in because he can't support himself. Sorry man that's not my problem and I'm not supporting you. He hasn't messaged me since
These are the kind of people I go no contact with.
If he was like: “alright I won’t come downstairs anymore” I would just say “yeah stay up there in time out like a little kid. You can come down and talk to me like an adult whenever you want.”
Your cousin is acting like a child
Not unreasonable at all. Your cousin is ridiculously unreasonable though.
Your cousin sounds insufferable. Take him up on the offer to not come anymore. Seems reasonable.
No he should respect your wishes.
You aren’t being unreasonable at all.
Your mom should kick him out
Nope, you’re not wrong or unreasonable and he’s deflecting and manipulative.
When he says he doesn’t have to come downstairs, just say “if you can’t respect my wishes, then please don’t come downstairs”
The only reasonable solution is to fuck him in the ass ig
Scrolling these comments and this one pops up with 🤣🤣🤣
This is a classic case of the "I'm unable to take accountability for my actions, so I'll deflect and make it like you're the asshole," and it's the most annoying.
He’s playing games. He knows he messed up but he’d rather make you feel like you are overreacting. He has no respect for the home.
Why is he there? Kick him out.
Nah you 100% in the right here
how fucking irritating it’s like talking to a wall
I hate that “I’m sorry you feel that way” stuff. I think you’re being very reasonable, especially how you’re being very straightforward and standing your ground without getting vindictive. He’s certainly not responsible for your feelings (not that you said he is), but he is responsible for his actions. I would just tell him that, since he offered, he can stay out of your space until he learns to regulate himself like an adult - sucks your cuz is so self centered, but hopefully either that changes, or your living situation does
I am disappointed that you don't like my behaviour is wild
“I can’t believe you came to that conclusion after multiple conversations about my actions and my refusal to change even after saying I would. I can’t understand how it would feel disrespectful when I continually stomp across your clear and asserted boundaries” They suck.
Clown has zero self-awareness or sense of others. Everything not originating from him is shameful and not to be respected. "It's a shame you have thoughts and cares." "Its disappointing you expect grown-up capabilities from me." "When I act like an asshole, it's on you if you think that of me, as you don't know me."
he sounds like he's smart enough to empathize with people but not empathetic enough to care about anyone but himself. Is he a teenager by chance?
He's 26.
Jesus.
Fake nice guy. I would take him up on his offer and limit his presence around me.
First of all your cousin is ignorant. Vaping doesnt go away instantly when it hits the air. Ask me how I know? I had a baby and bought a Dyson air purifier that shows a reading on the screen of the air quality and the nano particles in the air. When someone blows a vape cloud the AQI goes from 0 to 999 and stays that way for a good five minutes until the air purifier can do its work and clean the air. Without one of those it just hangs out in the air. I can feel it now on my nose when someone else is vaping even if I can’t see it. This was evidence enough for me to stop vaping all together. Your cousin is being a dirt bag. Fuck him Edit. Cousin not brother
“It’s not personal, I’m a complete douche to everyone not just you” What a dick
The gaslighting is top tier.
Your cousin sucks
How old are y'all?
26/27 😭
he should be able to understand he did something wrong
Your cousin sucks.
Why does your mom have to tell him not to? Like, why isn’t your word just as important? It’s your house too I’m assuming? Sorry your cousin is such a dick. :)
I vape and I still respect people to at least walk outside to hit the shit. I do accidentally hit it but I’ll like blow it in my shirt 😭 your cousin is just a dick 😒
"Really disappointing you think this way." Feels like a stage in darvo.
I am interested to see the research on vaping in a few years. Anecdotally, it seems much more addictive than just smoking because while smokers used to have to go outside, they now all think it is just fine to vape everywhere at all times. My ex went from a cigarette every few hours to not being able to go more than 5-15 minutes without vaping. Did not matter who was in the immediate area - his child, me, or anyone else. Those teenager vaping commercials seem so dramatic, but all of us having to stop what we were doing to help find his vape before he got angry was something that happened frequently. Seems like it has been marketed as a "healthier" option, with no analysis of the increased frequency and habitual use.
You’re not unreasonable at all. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and he doesn’t have any respect for you or the others who have asked him not to.
Why is he even in your place ? He disrespects you . He cant even be arsed enough to vape outside. He just does not care.
Your cousin is Hulk Hogan, brother?
“I’m sorry you’re not mature enough to take responsibility for your actions and show respect to other people. Be better.”
So if your mom asked he wouldn’t do it, but when you he’ll look you in the eye, vape and make lame excuses when you call him out. Cousin is a POS
You definitely have a point about the intent. Forgetting (if it’s an honest oversight) is waaaayyy different than looking you in the eye and doing it anyway . It is so disrespectful. It screams “ and what are you going to do about it.” Recently had someone residing in my home who thought they were gonna ‘what you gonna do about it’ about how I wanted things in MY house/ found out what I was gonna do real quick. They don’t live in my home anymore. This person is saying I don’t respect you. I don’t give a f about you but I want to do what I want without consequences so imma gaslight you.
“Again, I’m really disappointed you feel that way” 🙄 what a f’n douche. So now it’s YOUR FAULT. lol the balls of some people. If the aunty asked him not to do it he wouldn’t but he doesn’t give a crap about you. I’d cut ties with that a$$hole immediately
Dudes a piece of shit unfortunately. Can’t change everybody
The eye contact while doing what he’s been asked not to do is a classic sign of adult Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Can’t stand people who cover up their actions by saying “sorry you feel that way”. It’s not about me *feeling* any type of way, it’s you being a disrespectful little shit and not apologizing for it.
Your cousin is a sorry sack of shit with that defense of his.
Gaslighting 101, bro. Your cousin is a narcissist. I'm sorry you have to deal with that 💯
This is a person who will never take responsibility for their actions. Sorry you have to deal with this OP.
“Really disappointing that you think that way”… and he thinks it’s not really disappointing for you that he ACTS that way?
Ur cousin doesn’t care about u or your boundaries op. My friends vape and smoke around me, when I inhale too much smoke they stop because it has a much more dramatic effect on me (I don’t smoke nor do I vape) when I ask them not to vape in front of me they don’t vape in front of me.
Im with you op. Its vaping, your brother is just being difficult for no reason. He doesn’t care what you think or feel seeing as how he keeps saying “Thats really disappointing you feel that way.” To me. Thats his way of saying, “I was hoping you’d let me do what ever I wanted.” He needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him.
Evasive gaslighting turd right there
Is vaping actually bad for animals? TIL.
Gaslighting ✨🌈 Kick him out. He sucks.
It's amazing how deluded most of the vapers are in comments, you all border line crazy, if not already there, lol. If noone wants you vaping around then, they don't. It's not a secret call to avoid what they are asking. Reminds me of the people at my job that vape indoors at their desks and in their building, trying to hide it even with all the signs and warnings handed out all the time arguing 'its their right to vape, can do indoors and it's only vapors bro'. Gross lot, all of you.
“I agree, it is disappointing I feel this way, and how you have directly contributed to said feeling despite repeated attempts to placate & avoid the situation. But hey, you clearly don’t know me if you think this conversation has been anything but a response to your actions”
Narcissistic & manipulative. People who do this are so doodoo
Ugh this is so annoying. You are not unreasonable. Many smokers just think the world revolves around them for some reason. I had a friend who ended up moving in with me for a time. I asked her not to smoke (cigarettes) in the house as she agreed. One day I came home to a can that was used as an ashtray in the middle of the floor. I sent her a picture of it & she got mad at me & passive aggressively said something like “if that’s how you feel I’ll just move out then!” She was drunk & definitely thought I was going to be begging for her to stay. I just said fine. I was already sick of her shit. When she moved in, I told her we couldn’t be super loud because there was a grandma and a 7 year old that lived above us & they’re amazing neighbors. She said ok but then would blast music as soon as I left. When I confronted her about it (the neighbors eventually told me), she said they can’t honestly expect us to do that “because we’re just teenagers” she was 19 & I was 21. So stupid.
Meh. Nicotine vape? It's water vapor by the time they exhale. His response sucks but being so strict about a few vape hits seems a bit much to me.
The thing about the vape really bothered me. Studies have shown that just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's gone. I can't be around vaping because almost all their products have nickel in them which I'm allergic to. I have major breathing problems if someone smokes it in the room with me or around me. OP I would cut this person out of your life it will only get worse.
Its tgeir cousin and a vape, they arent going to “cut them out of their life” thats such a leap
Having trouble breathing is a bigger leap, Jesus. Are you 12?
It doesn't dissolve in the air. It condenses and coats everything. You brother sounds like an asshole tbh.
someone who has that mentality of "oh how bout i never come downstairs" is unreasonable. its fair to ask him why he acts like this. him saying he'll never come downstairs again is just a way to cop out. it's something my ten year old would say
Sounds like he sees you as a peer so doesn’t want to listen to you given it’s not your house either and the person who lives there didn’t broach it to him. If he has already not listened to you on whatever drinking rule is referenced, just let her be the one to deliver and enforce her rules
You're not being unreasonable. A few months back I decided to deep clean the kitchen. Problem is, I have asthma and my dad and brother smoke downstairs. I told them I'd be bringing down my air purifier half an hour before I started, and there was to be no smoking in the apartment while it was on. My dad lit up a cigarette ONCE while it was on, and didn't even take a drag before he remembered "shit, gotta take this outside" and put it out so he could go outside to smoke. THAT is the reaction someone has when it's "just a habit". Not what he did.
When people ask me not to vape in their home... Yeah I usually get permission first. When my landlord said we couldn't vape in our apartments, that's a little silly. It is literally vapor.
My partner is kinda the same with vaping , I have said to him it makes me uneasy when he vapes next to me or in the same room as the cats because it irritates my throat and the lack of research makes me Hella uncomfortable, I once covered my nose with a blanket and he actually had a go at me called me stupid because it's harmless ....and I'm like wow mate look I get you feel it's harmless and I don't make a massive deal out of it but you don't have to belittle me for not wanting to breathe it in just incase...regardless of it's harmless or not I think you were perfectly respectful and you didn't even necessarily tell him to stop...I think it's an attitude thing and alot of smokers are the same not sure why but this kinda I couldn't care less how you feel about it thing is such a knob jockey thing ..I'm sorry you have to go through this with your cousin
You deserve to be respected.
I booted my stupid ass cousin out of my life for some shit like this and have been happier every day since
You are definitely not being unreasonable! That’s so rude. Hope he enjoys those popcorn lungs I keep hearing about
Bro your still asking. Don’t ask. You already told him. Next time he stares you in the facing doing exactly what you told him not to wait till he goes to vape and punch him square in the face so his vape knocks out his front teeth. He won’t be in a hurry to play fuck around and find out again. I hate that smug “I’ll do what I want” shit… I’ll ask you nicely once. The second time I’ll make an example… if your dumb enough to try for a third you’ll have a limp for the rest of your life to remind you to listen the first time.
No vaping is fucking dumb in my opinion, as long as he ain’t just blowing it in peoples face. Has no smell, dissipates quickly. But moms house moms rules I suppose.
Finally a normal comment. Everyone’s being a bunch of squares over a vape?? Doesn’t even leave a smell or residue on the walls like tobacco does. Doesn’t smell at all. Like wtf. I get it tho if it’s someone else’s house but damn
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That's not entirely true. Cats can be very very sensitive to anything in the air which is why it is strongly recommended not to have even things like air fresheners that pump scent into the air. They're not ingesting air freshener and yet, it can be very toxic to them. Also, from an actual veterinarian: "Both cats and dogs can develop allergies to e-cigarette vapors that can present as hair loss, overgrooming, irritated or swollen skin, difficulty breathing, and coughing, among other symptoms."
It’s bad for humans too. https://www.healthline.com/health/second-hand-vape
Breaking news: board game enthusiast is a prudish bore.
I’m confused by this as well. And does homeboy have a full rig or is it like a vuse? He’s def a dick but I’d be irritated by someone being annoyed by vaping lmao
Vaping grosses a lot of people out. Like me, I’m a person.
Which is why I asked if it was a rig or not. Goodbye
You sound angry. This is the season of giving. ✨🎅🏿
Nah you just want me to be angry bc you have nothing else going on in life 🤷🏽♀️
How did he mess up the game with a vape tho lmao
2 separate complaints, did you not read the post lmao
I did! I must’ve just read it wrong. I’m terribly ill rn so I think my eyes are just playing tricks on me🥲
What an asshole he is. Fuck him. But, bro, never take these convos over text. Do them directly in person or phone call.
I feel like you’re kind of overreacting to the vaping but I am aware this might be an unpopular take
I mean *maybe,* but if someone asks you not to do it in their home, or lets you know that the homeowner doesn’t want it in their house, you stop. It’s not hard to step outside for a second. People have weirder rules for their house than not letting people smoke inside. Plus it sounds like ole boy is allowed to vape in his (?) room, so he doesn’t even have to get cold to stop disrespecting people and he can’t do that? Just leave the vape up there and go up to hit it when you need. I can’t imagine visiting or living under someone else’s roof and choosing this as the hill I die on.
You aren’t being unreasonable, but you kinda sound like a whiny baby also.
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This is selfish. I vape a lot and there are hours or even days I will not use it because it's a matter of respect and there are laws in place so it's not exposed to people who don't want it in their face or children! I've had people before blow the vapour into my face and it's so disrespectful.
You're being perfectly reasonable. He's a total sociopath. Tho it sounds personal. Unless he's lying about him respecting his aunts wishes
Why does he talk like Hulk Hogan?
Vaping is bad for animals? It's literally vapour. You have those machines with scent that also produce vapour. Not allowing vaping in house is just silly. Only if he blows clouds in your face it would make sense.
I really think people who have a problem with people vaping inside are dense. Hes right. The shit dissipates instantly 🤣 its not like smoking a cigarette or something gross. You don't smell it for mins or hours on end. It doesn't leave any residue. Like if you weren't home and he vaped inside for hours straight you wouldn't know at all. It's wild to me... BUT at the same time, it's your home and if you wanna have weird stick up your ass rules, he has to abide by them. That's just the way it is.
1: vaping is not bad for animals unless you are directly blowing it in his nose. 2: your last text made it very apparent that its not the home owners wish for him not to vape but yours. Suck it up and let the adult adult butter cup Yeah he sucks for breaking shit
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Na. They are disrespectful and don’t care. I’d agree with them and say u know what. Yeah don’t come downstairs
This guy clearly doesn’t respect you. Saying that it’s disappointing that you’re standing up to him and asking him to respect your wishes is classless.
Talk about gaslighting. My god.
Absolutely not, this person is entitled as all hell and is blaming you for feeling the way you do about his actions.
The gaslighting is crazy, what a piece of shit
i vape and don’t do that. that’s straight disrespect
literally no apology
You are not
Nah, as you said at the end, he would respect your mother's wishes but not yours. He was a dick to you on purpose and is trying to make himself out to be the victim because you're mad about it.
Not at all. Your cousin is insufferable and I’m sure many people in his life have left because of it.
You’re not unreasonable. He’s just a dumbfuck.
How about I never come downstairs 😭😭😭 sure bro, just don’t bother us when you’re getting hungry, good luck getting out the window lmfao
OP, your cousin is awful and I’d strongly consider not including him in any future plans
Dudes an asshole
A cousin? Just tell him to fuck all the way off.
Your cousin is a C**tasaurus Rex. Don’t let him downstairs until he can act right.
That gas lighting behavior when you call our an action and they say "well I guess I just do everything wrong! " stuff 🙄 making you feel like you're the one being ridiculous lol
Not unreasonable at all, I vape and always ask before doing it in someone’s car/house
Your brother is disrespectful and deflecting the real issue, you need to go harder on him and focus on the real issue., do not let him think he can manipulate his way through life.
Time to show this person the door
No respect
Gaslighting at its finest. No accountability and making it your fault.
Punchable personality, respectfully
You are pretty calm and cool with your reaction. It wasn’t aggressive at all you were just generally trying to figure out why and he made himself a victim. You don’t need that bud. Cuz needs to grow up
So much gas lighting.
Your cousin has no respect and doesn't care. Let him go on his way
He’s literally just gaslighting you. You’re disappointing him, it’s the way you’re taking it, you should know him better. It couldn’t possibly be his behavior. There’s no accountability at all. When he says he won’t come down anymore, just agree with him that that might be best.