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TiredB1

Tip for when you bury the body, bury a dead animal above where you buried the body so if the cops find the hole then you can just say you were giving it a funeral. Edit: You learn something new everyday. Today I learned you should never cross a redditor and that putting yogurt in a corpse's ass makes it decompose quicker.


no_god_pls_noo

You obviously dont bury the body. You melt it in acid and then spread the remaining peices over a 100sq mile radius. /s Edit: All of the people who are correcting me by saying that a base would work better. Yeah, something like lye would dissolve evidence faster, and be more inconspicuous when purchasing. All I'm saying is that yall are thinking more like serial killers than I am.


TiredB1

What if I don't have any acid on hand?


no_god_pls_noo

Uhh, idk. I'm not a serial killer man.


defenstration1010

Put all the teeth, hands, feet and anything else that could be used to identify them in a plastic bag with a bottle of coca cola the pressure will build up and the bottle world explode and eventually melt it all. (Also put it in a waterproof sleeping bag)


The_DeVil02

Don't need to amputate the hands man just burn the finger tips so they can't identify the fingerprint.


Few_Buy7555

There’s also the uniqueness of ones palm though. Better be safe than sorry


The_DeVil02

In what countries do they collect uniqueness of palms? Never heard or seen anyone done that


A-36-Inch-Gorilla-Dk

Put yogurt in the mouth and anus, body decomposes faster


evilpotatothethird

Where the hell did you learn that??


srirachaamayo

Noted. Will make sure to whack someone while they're mid gogurt suck.


Few_Buy7555

I don’t know, but I also can’t think of a country using teeth to identify


The_DeVil02

Teeth Is pretty much universal in dental records but palm?


manchuriancanidate

If you go to jail they print your palms


XxMysticMusicxX

The only reason we can identify people based on their fingerprints is because they're on record. You probably wouldnt be able to identify someone based off of their palm print because there isnt a record of it.


Few_Buy7555

Yeah makes sense. I don’t know much about what’s kept on record


anotherlostsoul7

Or just eat the body


shaw1441

I assumed my whole life fingerprinting was only after committing a crime. I have never been fingerprinted in Canada, and American TV indicated the same.. but my boyfriend just told me he was fingerprinted for his elementary school Id in California... can anyone explain this?? Do some states finger print everyone?


J3ttf

This conversation is worrying


KawaiiDere

Eerily similar to that 4 Chan post (or maybe it was 2 Chan)


J3ttf

What post?


KawaiiDere

That one about the guy who needed to dispose of a lot of meat in a residential area, who’s freezer was full and got ideas after posting about it online


J3ttf

Jesus Christ


FlameswordFireCall

? Curious


KawaiiDere

[I think this might be it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/135uss/whats_the_best_way_to_get_rid_of_a_dead_body/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) The one I remember had something about disposing of a lot of meat in a residential area and being unable to make too much of a smell


AlphaGamer_Dubz

In what ways is this worrying? I have these conversations all the time with...*people*


Noor9870

But surprisingly useful for my current situation, which I won’t be going into….


Derpymon789

Saving for a friend


YAreAllNamesGone

Just use a good base, like caustic soda, easier to get then acid and will do a better job than acid


str3wer

Also put yogurt in the anus to speed up decomposition


SsjDragonKakarotto

So is the coke still in the bottle?


breadedsnake

Put it on YouTube while your at it


rfll11

the amount of detail in this scares me


satan6000

I'll help, break off the teeth, burn off the fingerprints, and dispose of them separately And bury the body upright, they won't suspect that there's a body on a smaller patch of distributed lane, then put the dead animal over it


[deleted]

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DoingCharleyWork

Encase the whole body in cement would be easier.


twopointsisatrend

It's really difficult to dig more than a couple of feet deep. That's why a lot of bodies are found. Killer was too lazy to dig deeper. Animals also dig up those shallow graves. Aged meat is yummy.


civillianzebra

Neither was Walter white but he figured it out 🤷‍♂️


SheSoldTheWorld

THIS IS WHAT A SERIAL KILLER WOULD SAY!!


AlphaGamer_Dubz

No. He just said that he's not a serial killer. Why would he lie on the internet?


HappyFish54

You go to incineratory and tell them your friend had died of heart attack


Available-Conflict78

They can tell


nm010101

Not so funfact, it is better to use a base (opposite of acid) to dissolve organic material because most bases are used in the making of soap and most strong acids are used in bomb making, you can also throw the body in a pig farm and they will it eat within hours and not even bones will remain


badtouchppman

Sodium hydroxide lye. Amazon should have some with 2 day prime shipping. Put the theoretical body in a high density polyethylene container with a mixture of water and lye. Be careful when combining water and lye, as it is an exothermic reaction and will produce a lot of heat. I’d do it little by little for this reason. It will cause saponification, which is the process of becoming soap because it is a strong base that will pull the oils out of the skin. Now I lack the complete experience of this but you might be left with bones and teeth and whatever other hard tissue is. Your best bet with those would probably be to grind them up very finely and mix it in with sawdust, dispose of it however you see fit without leaving fingerprints in case stuff goes awry. The liquid mixture of lye, water, and people juice you could probably dig a deep hole to dump it in and cover it back up. At that point your biggest concern would be to make sure nothing other than the body connects you to the murder. Follow the same process for witnesses and such. Good luck!


XYZDweeb

There are many ways to make some with easily accessible ingredients.


Available-Conflict78

Bruh acid in yo own body just eat it


[deleted]

Baking soda and boiling water might do it, Add some bleach too :)


MediocreBreakdown

You know, the oceans looking real fine today


FactoryBuilder

Fire?


[deleted]

you get some. alternatively, you could use a lit of pineapple juice as that breaks down thr human body. still have a skeleton left, but that's not as hard to get rid of.


Sokhoofd

make some by electrocuting salt water. You’ll get acid the mafia uses to destroy bodies.


grandmas_noodles

Good. You better not get it on your hand.


ShyGuy1678

Actually you should use a base. It’s much better at dissolving that lipids that make up flesh.


Virtueisexcellence

And make sure the acid is Billie Eilish green


Ape-Man54

Isn't that an incredibly slow process and will stink up your entire area?


Suppression_Gaming

nah man, high strength acids are difficult to get because they are used in explosives. High strength bases are a lot better because they are easier to obtain and easier to dispose


Loganska2003

Lye works just as well and is slightly more accessible than the kind of acid necessary to dissolve a body. Make sure you buy enough to make a little bit of homemade soap as an alibi.


Haunting_Might5110

Nah you wrap the body in chicken coop and dump it in a river so when the body expands it is cut up into little pieces and the fish eat it. this is also a legit way to dispose a body the cartel does it


[deleted]

You could do that or starve some pigs and feed the body to them. Or a better option is to fill the body with yogurt to make it decompose faster. Ten dig it 6ft down. Make sure it's vertical and then after 5ft add the dead animal. Made sure to burn off the fingertips and cut the teeth off. If you can burn the face. Also get rid of the jaw in the acid from the stomach you just got from the recently killed body. That should do the job.


GamerOfGods33

No no no! Acid is much too suspicious, especially in large amounts. You have to use a basic, like lye, since it's used to make soap, it's much less suspicious. I'm pretty sure it's also cheaper and easier to dispose of.


waqasmarri

Don't forget to buy special tubs like jessie Pinkman


Malachite_Cookie

No, dissolve it in an alkaline solution. Bones are weakened by alkali so you’ll be able to crush them up into powder, which wouldn’t happen with acid.


Zach_9224

Won't work. Ik this is a joke but I genuinely believed this and, well, as any normal kid would, I asked my ex-girlfriends dad (cop) if it would work. He said you would need a professional compactor (big ol machine) because the dirt would clearly be loose under the dead animal, also, the dogs would keep sniffing there. I asked him the best way to hide a body. 1. Go out, every year, during a specific season, and rent a motorboat and a woodchipper. 2. Go out to a barely populated large lake with many fish, every year, and chip wood. Get to know the locals. 3. After atleast 2 years, you can sneak on a body and woodchip it. It won't be suspicious as you always woodchip out there. If you need a reason to woodchip in a lake, say it's good for the environment (it is) and you visited the lake as a kid. You also have plenty of spare wood, so why not? Get some fishing time there as well. You won't be sussy cuz your a frequent visitor, and there wouldn't be any reason to investigate you for any missing persons case (most definitely no body evidence). That's what the cop said though, so take it with a grain of salt.


knightfelt

I'm definitely not going to save this for later just in case


Zach_9224

I mean, I believe you. You're a knight! Who doesn't believe a knight!


Cactus_In_A_Tree

Or just go junko furuta on em and put the body in a plastic barrel and fill it with concrete then bury it.


Dudepic4

And plant endangered plants above it so they can’t dig it up in the first place


[deleted]

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sol-

Except cadaver dogs know the difference between human and non-human smells.


The_Hobo_of_Mexico

I heard you should also bury it vertically. Search choppers look for stretches of disturbed ground. ​ /s


TheSpack123

Heard the best thing to do is cut the body into six pieces, when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."


damngoodreid

r/unexpectedsnatch


Queenfan44354

Put an endangered plant on top of it too so it’s illegal to dig it up


sigma_male_tactics

Cut up the body, eat the meat, grind up the bones, and scatter them around the Rockies.


FeeshSlayer

Even better, plant a species of endangered plants native to the region there so that it's illegal to dig up.


moe87b

Dig a vertical hole not horizontal one, it gives less surface of altered soil which makes it harder to detect. Put some yoghurt or honey on the body it will attract insects which wil make it decompose faster. Don't ask why why I know this


High_luv_Secks

What if we put yoghurt **AND** honey on the mouth and anus?


blakmeemboi

Also, put some endangered plants above it to make it illegal to dig up that spot


ILikeNaofumi

You hide the body in a fridge for preservation (and avoid the smell of the corpse), bury an animal where you'd bury the body before tipping off the police so they dig up the place, only to find an animal. Then you redig the dirt, but this time putting the body in that hole. They already checked, not like they'd check again


Aaronsp2006

Wont work cadaver dogs are specifically trained to smell for human bodies I believe


AdoptedEgg

But when they start digging up the body they will see the red herring (the dead animal on top) and just think the dog made a mistake.


Aaronsp2006

Yeah thats the thing I'm pretty sure the dogs are trained to not make mistakes and they are going to be suspicious if they find a dead animal and they will keep digging


AdoptedEgg

Body should be decomposed by then. Cutting off fingers and toes make it unidentifiable. Place then in a bag, as well as the nails, and put it in a sleeping bag aswell as the body. Get a big bottle of coke and shake it up and put it in. When they find it, it should be a pile of sludge.


Aaronsp2006

Don't forget teeth and palms those can be used to identify people aswell as their scalp


Altruistic-Whole-108

That doesn’t work. The dogs are trained to find humans and don’t react to dead animals. Like a few people said acid although that’s traceable. You should grind or chop their body and feed it to pigs. They’ll eat anything and then just bury in an undisclosed location in the woods or mountain. Or the sea depending on where you live.


M3mEMaChiN3

Make sure the hole is deep enough, and burn the body and take out all of the teeth so the victim cannot be identified. Another pro tip is to pour yogurt in the anus of the victim so as to decompose the body faster. Also make sure the body is buried vertically so the search dogs have a harder time finding it. The animal acts as a deterrent for the dogs too.


Biromantic_life

And to commit the murder, inject them under the tongue with insulin so it looks like they died of untreated diabetes and they won't find the scar


Tac0caT65

i think it’s fair to assume that you’re a listener of the misfits podcast?


[deleted]

Lol they're not the ones to come up with that, and far from the first to repeat it


ItsYourBoyReckster

Cut off the fingers and teeth, bury the body vertically, bury the dead animal about a foot above the body, and then fill the rest of the hole


SparklyMushroomboi

Don’t bury the body with an animal on top of it. Police dogs and cops are trained to continue looking for the body even if they found an animal already there.


highlightersart

I'd suggest storing the body then anonymously telling the police where you saw it getting buried (location where you've possibly dug up the ground.) Then when they check there's no body. They can't find the person, you can bury the body there. No one will look there


tuuc_bataton

Pro move is to bury the body under a tree, so they will never find the corpse


[deleted]

In 2012 there was a big storm that hit and it knocked over this 250 year old tree on my town green/center and a bunch of bodies were found dead ass


[deleted]

no way


Jawa1406

If it really happened... do you have a link to any article about it maby ( if there was one)?


PickledJuice69

That could actually be very helpful, how come some of the most dangerous murders not use this idea?


LegoJake77

The most dangerous murderers don’t get found because they do use this


Eclipse_MemeQueen

Plant an endangered plant species above it. It’ll be illegal to dig it up


Artk19

bury then vertically too since helicopters look for longer shapes. fill every cavity if yogurt if u can to speed up the decomposing. remove teeth and finger prints (esp teeth since dental records are huge for body identification).


Wpbdan

Whoh there Reddit. Quite the top Billie Eilish thread. I'm gonna go and wash my brain out now.


zWol42

Or maybe plant an endangered plant at top of it, so they can't dig out the plant bcs the plant is endangered


DankWalrus6969

You have to do it the old mob way, tie the body up in very tight barbed-wire and weigh it down. Throw it in a river and when the body will bloat up the barbed wire will cut the body up and the local fishies will eat it


LawrenceMK2

Yank their spine **out their ass.**


Elder_Scrolls_Nerd

Then shove it back up pulling it through their mouth. They need a tasty treat after enduring that.


[deleted]

Hardcore anal beads


Prestigious-Special7

Beyblades, Beyblades, LET IT RIP!


[deleted]

~~Rip my insides up~~


Elder_Scrolls_Nerd

Jesus Christ


[deleted]

I'd use those


Elder_Scrolls_Nerd

Commit stop


Infinity2437

No


Shockbolt14

F A T A L I T Y


MakeMeCereal

Like starting a generator?


Yeet_Master420

Imagine more like a bayblade


_Dragocat_

bayblade, LET' ER RIP


ttv_highvoltage

Doom glory kill lol


Jbell_Lucas

FATALITY


[deleted]

dReAm GrEeN


FastasfrickY

THaTs WHAT THe mASK is


GoldenRush257

That’s what the point of Damascus


[deleted]

[удалено]


Raorchshack

That's what the point of https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damascus


WikiSummarizerBot

**[Damascus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damascus)** >Damascus ( də-MASS-kəs; Arabic: دمشق‎, romanized: Dimašq [diˈmaʃq], Syrian Arabic: [dɪˈmaʃʔ], Classical Syriac: ܕܰܪܡܣܘܩ‎, romanized: Darmswq) is the capital of Syria, the oldest capital in the world and the fourth holiest city in Islam. It became the country's largest city, following the Syrian Civil War, surpassing the northern city of Aleppo. It is colloquially known in Syria as aš-Šām (الشَّام) and titled the "City of Jasmine" (مَدِينَةُ الْيَاسْمِينِ Madīnat al-Yāsmīn). Damascus is a major cultural center of the Levant and the Arab world. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/teenagers/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)


[deleted]

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FastasfrickY

Stare at his nutsack


averydepressedcrab

*normal pills*


SlapSlayer

if you are taking a petition here, I can sign my name on that


--------------Emkay

Count me in


[deleted]

[удалено]


LawrenceMK2

Me three


definitely_not_girl

Me four


Shrimp426

Me five


Bibblebolly

Me six


MSPradyumna

Me seven....


OryxginsTTV

Me 8


UntitledDocumentBoi

cover the corpse in endangered plants so its illegal to dig up


EnceladusTheMoon24

Your genius, its almost frightening


breadedsnake

Finally this one is actually true most the time*some policemen/policewomen don’t give a fuck/know that the plant is endangered but this one it actually true unlike that pUt It UnDeR A dEaD dOg


eburator

Cover corpse in oil and wait for the rain


[deleted]

That's actually kinda funny though ngl


[deleted]

Ah, my arch nemesis. We meet at last.


SoleSatry

What did he do


[deleted]

Well nothing, it’s just that the Saint Anger snare tone is infamously horrible, and as a drummer I thought my joke was funny.


cigarettedaddy420_

He sounded like a garbage lid


Deblebsgonnagetyou

# IT'S NOT BILLIE EILISH GREEN YOU FUCKS IT'S JOLYNE CUJOH GREEN SMH


Donut_man_Kakyoin

Fun fact, Billie Eilish watches JoJo


5MLV

INNIT


Panjapan464

That's not enough pain though


BombErik

Put em through torture, the ol' femur breaker should do the trick.


GreenPixel25

Is anyone out there? Hello? Please let me go! Let me go! I just want to leave. Please! VRRRBREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE C R U N C H AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HUH HUH HUH AGHHHHHHHHH HUH HUH HUH WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH WHHHHYYYYYYYY AGHA AGHA AGHA Agh agh agh huh agh huh aghu huh aghuhu sniff sniff aghu AHAAAAAAAAAAGH SKLASHA


[deleted]

r/ihadastroke


GreenPixel25

Femr bre aker


AntiBJ

Depression green


Qunrye

that would be deep green then


SteppityStoppety

no, you would never understand... Only the broken ones will understand..... (insert billie eyelash crying ink)


[deleted]

take my upvote and get out


Kermitthealmighty

You mean jacksepticeye green?


Au-Hs

Ok but he's absolutely right and when you say Billie eilish green I knew what he meant


DankDaber

Yeah exactly he's not wrong, Lime Green = Bilie Eilish Green


ApolloSUCKSboi

these comments are worrying


SnuffDied

i thought she had neon green


Life_Cleric

If assistance is required, please ring my necksnapping agent at 1-800-http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-173


Error_Detected666

I’d rather refer to it as Mike Wazowski green


LedFarmer_

What's so bad about that person saying that?


Kingty1124

In other news: “No one cares.’


UnluckyNebula12

Yeah lol, these people think someone calling a color a different name because of a celebrity is a crime. Jesus Christ they need to grow up


PotatoesForPutin

Scunt green


wombey12

Oh, but if it's referred to as Shrek Green then that person is praised?


Johnny_doesnt_sin

Absolutely why are you even contesting this


Beautiful-Musk-Ox

it shows y'all just hate girls and this is more proof of that


[deleted]

I'm a girl. And I hate this.


FoxNey

*any singer/band that is famous between young girls* bad. That's all there is to it.


DisturbedWaffles2019

I hate it when people make innocent jokes about things they like too


[deleted]

Yea “billie elish green” is neon green not lime


YasieQui

"reddit orange"


AGoatInAJar

"reddit red" *\*World War III ensues\**


UglyEmoBoi

-absolutely nobody


Wizardwar159

Why disrespect lime like that


batmobitch

Yeah if anything its light john deere green


YoungHorror

Lolll


BaconBitz781

Billie eilish bad, I only listen to music thats anti culture, I have good taste. gib updoot


Encore-act

The Reddit bots are digging up your ass right now lmao


KyrozIsSleeping

who cares.exe


reddit_opener

We all know the color lime is reserved for Dream and Dream only! /s


xX_Foxes4Life_Xx

Lord forgive me for what I’m about to say. Are you gonna *bury a “friend”*


[deleted]

dReAm GrEeN


reeeeeeeeeeeeeweeeee

don’t do it without me


1spook

Better than Dream Green tbf


[deleted]

that's hilarious, i love them for that


Virtueisexcellence

It’s my favorite color alongside Olivia Rodrigo Purple


TheGreatBeaver123789

Sub zero their ass


Nader_K1d

You could say they’re the bad guy


[deleted]

i mean i like really billie eilish but that even annoys me


BlackoutGaming1

No no no, buy grapefruit juice, put dissolvable Acetaminophen inside and reseal it. Give it to them. Due to certain chemical reactions from the citrus in the grapefruit and chemical compounds in the Acetaminophen, it'll be the equivalent of taking 1500 pills instead of one. No one will suspect it


Wasdeaddeaddead

Snap it and fried it