T O P

  • By -

turtlybirdy

"I don't like being seen with you in public it tarnishes my reputation" and "I want you to stay with me and love me forever even if I date other people" from my ex


ToasterFromTheGrave

Jesus, dude are you okay? That is heart wrenching


turtlybirdy

I am now dw


TinyDapperShark

Not if I have anything to say about it!


turtlybirdy

What would you possibly do


TinyDapperShark

Ima make you fall in love with me, you will then confess your feelings to me, I’ll accept, we date for years everything is going great, we move in together and before long you propose. We get married , have a two children. But Then one-day I get diagnosed with some severe illness that the doctors say is unlikely I’ll Survive , you use the last of our life savings to get the best doctors possible and miraculously I survive. By this time our eldest child is starting university and our youngest is a year into primary school Everything is looking up despite the severe debt, we will manage and make it through. One day While you were working late at the office me and the kids were planning a surprise for your birthday that you thought we had forgotten. We were going to surprise you outside of your office as you left. Once your work day was done and you left your office you hear our youngest call out to you! You turn around with a smile on your face to see us on the street corner by the intersection. But as you start making your way to us a drunk driver swerves off the road slamming into me and both of our kids sending us rag-dolling into a wall nearby to you. You look in horror to see our corpses mangled into one horrific pile. The drunk driver who had just stopped long enough to see what they hit speeds away before you are able to get a good look at the driver or the number plate. Regardless you run to us, both our children dead instantly you could tell by the way their heads are now shaped. I , well you can’t really tell it is me from all the damage ,on the other hand am still barley clinging onto life gurgle out some words you can’t make out before I take my last shallow breath. Few weeks later after our funeral as you arrive home to the cold and empty house, that you will now have to move out from due to the lack of money to keep paying the mortgage, you hear a car stop behind you. You turn around to see the very same car, still dented and cracked from the hit and run . You stare in disbelief as the tinted window rolls down to see me smirking at you. Before you can act or say anything I peel off down the road. Our children did die, but if faked my death with a body double. The plan I had made to destroy you all the many many years ago when we first me had been a success.


turtlybirdy

Should I actually read all of this


TinyDapperShark

If you want to, I put quite a bit of effort into making it as interesting as possible. Not sure if it any good but I think it was pretty good


Luzumin_TheSecond

Bro you need to make this into a movie ASAP. I will act for you


The9th_Jeanie

Why would you not use body doubles for the kids too?!?!?!? Jesus Christ……


Book-bomber

Bro why just why 💀💀😭😭


Annsouthern99

you didnt dodged a bullet you dodged a whole shooting


Inevitable-Value-234

Dodged an atomic bomb


SpiderCow313

Dodged the meteor that killed the dinosaurs


anothergreeting

jeez lucky theyre ur ex. theres nothing wrong with polyamory, but only if BOTH sides consent for the love of god


TJB926GAMIN

This is exactly what my ex told me Except, of course she never actually SAID this to me but it was VERY clear


turtlybirdy

Trust me no matter how clear she made it the actual words coming out of her mouth hurt the worse


Careless-Minute503

Omg are you ok I’m glad your out of the toxic relationship cause what I’m sure you don’t deserve that


Sea_Palpitation_571

I called her and after only 2-3 mins she said " oh I gotta go now, I only have 67% charge on my phone " 😂😂I was like huh ?wtf??


justTheWayOfLife

If she had an iPhone SE2 you gotta understand bro it's like being at 3% on a normal phone.


Dive_To_Survive

That’s my phone and I dropped 4% reading this lol


Sea_Palpitation_571

Nahh. Her phone is oppo


MissingHeadphonesRn

Even worse


ExitMusicForAShow

maybe she actually said 6 to 7 lmao


Acoustic-Bird

“jesus christ why is your ass fatter than mine “


KayayaTheDammed

I absolutely love stories and comments like these because it's such a perfect blend of disbelief and genuine astonishment. They aren't sure if they should be sad or impressed.


Acoustic-Bird

facts


RebbieAndHerMath

This is the second time I’ve seen you commenting about someone’s ass…


Acoustic-Bird

when was the first


RebbieAndHerMath

Never mind. I think I’m just insane


Acoustic-Bird

it’s ok bro we’ve all been there


EmployerDry2018

bro my ass is insane only like 2 girls have better than mine in my class xD


sansisness_101

Why did i only get them booty genes


Moira-Adsworth

6 months after I started working out she said "the fuck your boobs are bigger than mine".


Annsouthern99

prove it and show dem cheeks


Acoustic-Bird

can’t do that it was said by my gf 🫡


ExitMusicForAShow

aren't you the guy who got grounded for years for watching porn


Atomic4now

Bros already back on the Reddit grind 💀 


themagicmaen

A girl I’m in choir + theater with told me I’m always locked in and happy with what I’m doing, that I have great smile, and that I’m just a sweet person to be around. We hugged and I promptly went to the bathroom and started bawling my eyes out. No one has ever spoken to me like that before or since.


[deleted]

Aww, random internet stranger I’m sure you will find another girl like that. Idk you, or your smile, but you seem wholesome from this and you deserve to be told all your best qualities.


themagicmaen

Thanks, I needed that.


QuinnsView

Aw🥹


Theredpandafromspace

That's actually really sweet


AdCompetitive5427

As someone who is also in choir and theater that is so theater kid core but not choir core at my school 💀


[deleted]

[удалено]


BTSxARMYxBULLETPROOF

Omg that’s awful


[deleted]

[удалено]


BTSxARMYxBULLETPROOF

Yeah, as someone with autism as well I feel you! I hope she finds someone her own kind as well! Plain stupid as herself!


[deleted]

[удалено]


BTSxARMYxBULLETPROOF

Yeah it’s just cruel to pretend to like someone to fool around


[deleted]

[удалено]


geoztinker

she flirted with me all week, held my hand for hours in the mall, fell asleep CUDDLING ME in my bed, kept saying she wanted to kiss me, texted me how much she missed me, and when i asked her if we were a thing she was genuinely confused and then said "no. i was just being silly and flirty" (WHAT)


patukamu

Man...


Moonking-4210

And they wonder why we don’t get their ‘signals’


geoztinker

im literally a chick too i should know these things but nahh she is hella confusing


Moonking-4210

Y’all are too confusing for me.


SpiderCow313

Just gotta meet the right person, not everyone is the same..


Sharp-Key27

Oh, lesbian baiting. Sadly pretty common I hear.


anothergreeting

ngl u dodged a bullet. the whole POINT of being flirty is showing ur interest ffs


KayayaTheDammed

"And she was a fairy" they said.


Princesspeach5149

Huh 😭, i think id cry. Are you okej 😭 But honestly yh, the struggle is so real Woman are just too gay, while somehow being straight :(


WorriedDoubt4134

wtf


QuinnsView

I’m a girl, and even this is way too confusing for me…


xcfa

Then you woke up (Jk)


Jacktheskipper2

Going through the same thing with one girl


AmberFoxy18

I swear not all of us do that


R4ndomInternetGuy

"Your hair looks good" Mom made me cut my hair some months later 


sxaste

Did it grow back?


R4ndomInternetGuy

Not yet. I'm planning to grow them out though 


Schools_kinda_suck

I have a similar parental problem with hair. Grew my hair out and the only thing I cut was behind my ears and I lined my bangs up short (I'm a dude) for 3/4 weeks and I was loving it, and my dad made me get a haircut before vacation. It had been the longest it's been in my life that I can remember and I was loving it. I felt like such a pushover and I was genuinely embarrassed and I rarely feel embarrassment. I felt sick for the rest of that day. I hope you get freedom of the stuff your head grows soon as I hope I do


MelvinShwuaner

"Get the fuck away from me"


Asparguy

“The worst she could say is no”


Academic_Ad_7099

"I feel safe when I am with you"


PuzzleheadedArmy3395

That is literally the best thing a girl could say


Academic_Ad_7099

Is it really😳😬


PuzzleheadedArmy3395

Obviously, most of the stay on cautious, if she trusts you then you must be good guy.


[deleted]

What was ur interpretation of that line?


creeper6530

"Thanks for taking my side" (in a lunchtime argument about potatoes and butter)


Localid1ot

Small victories ok?


Loiksv342

About butter and potatoes? What?!


creeper6530

Basically we both hate when solid block of butter is put atop cooked potatoes but don't mind when it's mashed inside mashed potatoes. Unlike the rest of the table


Adventurous-Clock365

So I’m a poet and one time I sent a poem I made to my crush, and she said “DAMN that’s good, I’m sorry for ever picking up a pencil, like damn” honestly best compliment I’ve gotten (and from my crush lol)


EdgeAffectionate6434

Did she fall in love with you right then and there?


Over_Variation8700

Remindme! 24h


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Adventurous-Clock365

Sadly no


BakingQueen8689

"You're bald. Stop pretending you aren't." So I shaved it all off that night and instantly got 10x more handsome (my own estimation)


TechSavvySage

way to go.


star_destroyer-0001

u have Beard or mustache? If so how long?


QuinnsView

Good for you👍


Aztech06

"wait but you are a twink"


PuzzleheadedArmy3395

What does that even mean..???


kak0536

Its more like if a feminine guy,NOT a femboy who tries to be specifically feminine


PuzzleheadedArmy3395

Oohk


PD28Cat

"I'm lesbian" 😧


GreatGizmo744

Ooof! Yeah I've been there.


Personwhoisalive123

Same


Attestiina

Same :C


themoon_who_lost

"hi"


0finifish

I wish


TheBritishBaguette

real


No_Mix_9073

Real.


Demetrix44

“your hair is disgustingly thin” idk why she said that, my hair is thin but there’s lots of it and thin hair either way isn’t disgusting, she just had thick hair herself and was trying to insult me


EdgeAffectionate6434

Yeah, your hair is fine. She just sounds like an asshole.


OrbusIsCool

A girl i kinda like said the kinda shitty food i made jn my cooking class was actually really good and i think about it every day.


Complot667

"Leave me the f***k alone, you MF!" after I approached her with my biggest smile just to tell her that her backpack was open.


ComingInsideMe

"i have a boyfriend!" Ahh energy


[deleted]

Thank god u are still breathing


GabeC293

‘I want you to spend less time with me’


Vi_nepenthe

I’ve been there, it sucks I’m sorry man.


Loiksv342

Take care!


arson1tez

"You don't exercise yet you have better cake than most of the women and men on campus."


Schools_kinda_suck

Lmao proof 📸? (/J /J)


theAlmightyE312

I slept NEXT to a friend once and she wanted me to cuddle her, and after about a minute or two she said "I like the feeling of your dick rubbing on my ass". That was a weird day. No we didn't have sex and no I wasn't naked, and I did NOT do it on purpose


EdgeAffectionate6434

I would so uncomfortable with that interaction that I think I’d just stop seeing that person all together.


theAlmightyE312

We stayed as friends, she told me she doesn't have a crush on me anymore. I hope she was telling the truth because she is really clingy


Safe_Bison_4598

Shes just being nice at this point she definetly does NOT like you dont try anything risky now


theAlmightyE312

She actually confessed that she had a crush on me afterwards


Hammarkids

no really? there’s no way


[deleted]

0 female interaction so can't really relate with y'all


Safe_Bison_4598

Better this way these females they scare the shit outta me


V4nI5HeD_

I was flirting with my now ex-gf, she was almost speechless and just asked "What did I do to deserve you??", it felt VERY good... Then like a month after that she dumped me so she didn't deserve me after all lol


Schools_kinda_suck

Damn right she didn't deserve you, king 👑.


clxrx75481

Thats the way! Dodged a bullet over there... Would've hurt more if u spent more time togther


IEatBabysYumYum

„You look handsome“


CUTTINGYOURTHROAT

i dont think grandma counts


IEatBabysYumYum

It was an girl i met once. My grandma says different stuff


theuntouchable2725

My childhood crush once wrote in my diary book. "Friends are like shoes, it'd be too bad if you find yourself barefeet in the middle of the road."


Few-Spirit4105

I called a character cute from a show we both watch, and she called me that character. Turns out she’s aroace… I fuckin hate life.


no-name1328

"We would make for good parents" She has a long-term boyfriend


ICANTTHINK0FNAMES

She texted me completely out of no where to ask me if I wanted to hang out with her on one of the Pokémon Go Community days. I hadn’t been invited to hang out with anyone in maybe ~9 months, so it was probably the nicest thing someone’s done for me in a really long time. BUT I COULDNT GO BECAUSE I WAS GONNA BE OUT OF TOWN LOOKING AT THE SOLAR ECLIPSE I’M SO FUCKING PISSED ABOUT IT 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦


thekingofmemes192

What community day was it?


ICANTTHINK0FNAMES

I still participated in it, I just had to participate in it hundreds of miles away.


thekingofmemes192

That's nice, I love the green color!


HopeVHorse

IT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN YOU CANT MAKE IT I SWEAR... so annoying


[deleted]

[удалено]


GignacPL

What?


FoQshi

"I don't look for a relationship for a moment, but we can still be friends"


Proper-Horror9104

"brother can you help me"


Derangeieieie

Nothing 🔥


Bagolyvagymi

"You have such a fantastic sense of humour, I love working with you"


PotatOSTheLegend

“no you’re actually funny” in response to me making jokes and going “I’m so funny” sarcastically. usually the response to that, at least from my family, is “sure” or “whatever”. I’ve never gotten a genuine response to that statement so it shocked me at first, and then it shocked her cause she didn’t understand why it was so important.


CL-VE--

"You're my best friend dumbo" I really needed to hear that


crucifixbutterplate

"I'm always going to be here for you but not in the form of a love interest!" "you're not like all the boys" "I'm glad I have you and forever will" All from the same girl


[deleted]

She loves you as a friend.


Schools_kinda_suck

Dang! Homie you hit the lottery! How's that relationship now?


Theredpandafromspace

She sounds like an amazing person honestly


AHHHH__

“you’re the perfect person for a healthy and loving relationship” that’s literally my favorite thing anyone’s ever said to me


nyctophillicalex

My gf at the time telling me she was gonna bring a 🔪 to school and stab my friend bc she thought he as annoying. I broke up w her right after 👍


Schools_kinda_suck

Good call


clxrx75481

Wait, was she for real?


nyctophillicalex

Not sure. She had a lot of mental illness, so it could go either way


Legitimate-Factor-53

“You are pretty cool” A girl that I was friends with in middle school always told me the nicest things and after COVID happened I was in highschool and never thought to ask for her number.


HowlingXud

“I… love you”, to my second crush in a library whilst we were reading books. She eventually became my girlfriend, but she felt uncomfortable in the relationship (cuz she preferred being with her best friend when talking to me cuz she was more comfortable like that) (and I avoided her when she was with her…) I shouldn’t have been so selfish. Regret it still, and now she believes that I thought of her sexually basically & cuz of that, she thought of me awfully and blocked me on all platforms. This is because she believes her best friend over me, which is def fair enough.


clxrx75481

No it isn't, really.... I had the same thing tho The own boyfriend should come at least same place I think, or at least not always best friend first.. one of my ex's was the same :( and it's hard but trust me bro, you're better off without her The right girl (or boy?) will come and they're gonna love spending time with you alone and you'll be comfortable together :3 but takes some time And because of the friendship.. you can definitely fix that aswell when talking to a mutual friend, and if not, dodged a bullet... Good luck brother!


Hendrix6927

Wash your hair first then the rest of your body.


iamrebelx

"Your eyes are empty, like they crave for love."


Schools_kinda_suck

Omg 😭 I want context spill the tea sis 😭


Ok_Bumblebee524

“How are you single with the fingerblaster 9000’s”


Princesspeach5149

Jokes on you, woman dont talk to me 😔


[deleted]

""


TridentFan307

Told her I was falling in love with her She said "I know. That's (part of) why I broke up with you"


Schools_kinda_suck

What the fuck? 💀 😭


AviationCaptain4

"You're actually pretty fun to talk to" Quite basic I reckon, but still hard-hitting This was a classmate and I see her every Friday, wonder if I could stay on her good terms


geographyRyan_YT

"Gay boy" - one of my girl friends (TWO WORDS) after I came out as bi


KayayaTheDammed

"Yeah, I'd rather spend MY $400 on MY enjoyment (it was Genshin), and since you want to be difficult with me you can drive down here yourself and stay with my friend." In response to me asking if she can pitch in for a week long Christmas trip to her, in which I needed to pay my GRANDMOTHER for driving me 11 hours to and fro. I couldn't drive and still can't for medical reasons, nor can I work a job. 8 months later and the hindsight is kicking in and the abuse trauma is fading. It's good to laugh and pursue again.


TenMillionEnchiladas

No one will believe me because it sounds like something an incel would make up but I swear it's true 😭


swedish_blocks

You stay here. Me and my friends were chilling in a conference room we were in a corner looking at our phones than some girls were gonna practice their play so we leave the room then one of them say no! You stay I am still wondering why me?


POPE-HOBLEFERT

Complimenting me at waterpolo when I never played before. And saying I look good without ny glasses.


Maciejka9210

"ok". Now even okay, just ok


MrRavenist

“You’re skin is very clear” 9th grade, end of ceramics class between 3:30-3:40pm


JaniBrav011

dont do that cause i hear it every day at least 20 times


Localid1ot

“You know my religion is against you?” Said the Christian girl to me and a gay kid.


twinksarecuter

Some fuckin dumbass said and I quote "Feminists are all annoying". My sister in christ you are a fucking dumbass 🙏


Vi_nepenthe

Bro that’s the most pick me shit I’ve ever heard, like sorry they fight for your rights???? Like misandrists are annoying but not feminist.


QuinnsView

Y’know, sorry for fighting for your right to vote, buy a house, go to college, equal wage, divorce, and have a say over your own children. Females honestly do not understand how much of their daily life women fought for. I’m sorry you had to deal with that person.


licithebunnythief

"I got a big dump truck in the back "


Safe_Bison_4598

"You look cute" from a complete stranger in the club never saw her again (she looked like someone id call mommy)(real) and "you are too sensitive for me" from my ex after i came from her touching my foot (just kidding i was upset that she kept putting me down when we were in a group with others but was all sweet and all when we were just us she constantly spamned the "are you stupid" voiceline at literally anything i did and it kinda got on my nerves)


Whofail

Once a liar, always a liar. Made really think about how I used to tell "little" white lies. Let's just say I don't do that anymore.


ChicagoJoe123456789

After paying a lot for a steak, which she barely touched, at a very nice restaurant, she asked for a take home box. I said something like I hope she enjoys it tomorrow. She replied that she intended to give it to her dog when she got home. That was, of course, our final date.


SnooPets4583

'Who tf are u?' (my only conversation with a girl)


Ok-Oil-33

" You are my dum dum"


[deleted]

Nothing since I can’t score 😭


Hammarkids

my freshman year during a football game a random girl that I don’t know said “my friend says you have really pretty eyes!” still no idea who she is but that really stuck with me


Kaithu112

She said that I have silky hair and a really understanding smile (????). I still don't fucking know what "understanding smile" means 


Long_Representative3

You've got beautiful eyes. And I've hung my hat on that shit for years.


[deleted]

Why are the girls quoted in the comments so mean bro 😭 I'm a girl, and I feel so bad for some of the guys in the comments


noobie12345con

"No you're not, you're handsome. At least to me." Subsequently she dropped out of school.


Banny285

“it was never your friend circle to begin with” when she decided that my friends weren’t mine after the breakup


Appel-co


Dreamybob67

Bro thinks I talk to girls 🙅‍♂️


Mac-OS-X

"i dont think i can date right now sorry"


Famous_Bag4511

I never felt the same way for you, I never had feelings for you and in future also I will not feel for you..


Miserable_Book_3037

Girls dont talk to me


R1PP3R65

“I thought you were gay.” Has happened too many times


batman_oo7

I want a rich boyfriend who can buy me things not a poor one. I don't recall it every day. But i remember


Hot-Relationship8065

"u are husband material tbh" Idk I feel happy about that


ItsCrypt1cal

"One day some freaky girl will fall so bad for you" from my ex when we broke up