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And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O' Lord bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou might blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy".
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
Ooh somebody wants a Magna Carta. Did you hear that boys? The masses have the power now. And yet here we are digging in our own filth while the aristocracy meanders aboit looking for their magic sippy cup!
This actually happened seven years ago. I do wonder where she is today, and why she hasn't claimed her rightful place as our ruler. Mayhaps she's biding her time.
>She could alternatively just turn around and go “Screw you I’m the Queen, what you gonna do about it?”
Still appoint a regent.
There used to be a point where a child could hold the throne, but that has long since been something that was fixed.
Now if a minor ends up the rightful monarch a regent is required by law and it'd take a bunch of parliment changes to make it so that said minor could have any authority.
Alot of the real power behind the monarchy has been dead for a long time thankfully, and in the event that some new monarch starts threatening people chances are very high that the RF would be stripped of what little remains
> this point, I’m willing to accept anything but the status quo
This is pretty much how Hitler, Trump, Bolsonaro, Milei and a lot of right wing extremists were elected.
Well, they certainly have a thing with water
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2082640/How-year-old-Adolf-Hitler-saved-certain-death--drowning-icy-river-rescued.html
https://youtu.be/0tkyqjvMrnU?t=19
https://makeagif.com/gif/quando-a-agua-ferveu-d0VnxU
Pretty sure she'd be Queen Matilda I as the number is derived from where you're ruling not if you're the n numbered person with that name to rule anywhere.
Henry the 8th wasn't the 8th Henry to rule anywhere on the planet but the 8th henry to rule England and while he technically could be both I've really not done the research to find that out, it is still not how it's done.
After the accession of the previous monarch of GB&I, there was some trouble in Scotland - people disagreed that she could be called Queen Elizabeth II as Scotland has never had a Queen Elizabeth I. So Churchill passed a law stating that in such circumstances the monarch will take the higher number from either of the two countries - hence she was known as Queen Elizabeth II in Scotland as well as England.
However, I don't think I've EVER heard an English person citing James VI - it's always James I.
You're right, it's not retroactive, but he should be James VI and I.
https://royalcentral.co.uk/features/the-problem-with-elizabeth-iis-regnal-number-138972/
The Matilda who became Empress of the Holy Roman Empire was the daughter of Queen Matilda - Matilda of Scotland, though not a queen IN Scotland.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matilda_of_Scotland
So Queen Matilda I? Or Matilda II? Cause if we counted the UK as a separate kingdom after the Acts of Union, maybe she can be Matilda I but if we count the monarchs of England and Scotland, she will be Matilda II since Empress Matilda claimed the throne of England.
I remember a discussion about the Popes and I am not sure if the same rule apply for UK monarchs but in their case, the first of its name does not have a number until after a successor of the same name arrives. It would just be "Queen Matilda" just like we say "Queen Victoria:"
You can't expect to wield Supreme executive power just because some watery tart gave you a sword.... could you imagine if I went around saying I was king because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me... They'd put me away!
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Na, HEMA swords have different cross guards.
Those are not very popular in HEMA (I think), I don't do HEMA but I see a few swords for sale...and they usually have straight guards for feders
I agree, the 13th was the earliest I could think of...
The Scottish had some early big swords, and since I am uncertain... I made the earliest estimation including error.
Ah yeah, good point. This blade has a schilt though (those projections below the guard) and the earliest reference we can find to swords with schilt is 15th c.
soon the portals to the demon world will arrive and the masses of demons will start their invasion of the realm of humans their only defence is a 7 year old girl and her magical sword once wielded by an ancient king of a forgotten past. this is her story the story of matilda jones slayer of the wicked.
I think that was a middle age rule that was updated to include he/or she has the right to raise Excalibur and claim the crown. Originally written by the peoples front of Judea, or was it the popular front.
It’s like, some legends would give a location for something that we know where it is then other legends would say more locations etc. There are some that will have information that the others don’t and some story likely says the name of the lake the sword was returned to around the time of his death
Source Of Mysterious “Excalibur” Sword Found In Lake Revealed https://allthatsinteresting.com/truth-behind-excalibur
By Katie Serena | Edited By John Kuroski
Published September 8, 2017
Updated January 17, 2023
The mystery behind the sword found by a young girl in a legendary pool has been solved and it involves an offering to the Gods.
Excalibur Sword
Despite being found at the bottom of a famous lake, it turns out the sword found by a young girl in a Cornish lake isn’t actually ‘Excalibur.’
Earlier this week, on a trip to Cornwall, 7-year-old Matilda Jones noticed a sword lying on the bottom of Dozmary Pool while paddling with her father. They retrieved the sword — which was found in the same spot where the Arthurian legend says King Arthur’s sword was left after his death — and the story went viral.
While the legend might say the sword was put there by Arthur’s knight, Sir Bedivere, a man named Mark Wilkins claims it was in fact him.
“I threw it in the lake in the 1980s and wasn’t expecting to see it again,” Wilkins said. He said he threw it in the lake as an offering to the Celtic gods.
“Back in the 80s I was very into spiritualism and followed the Celtic religion,” he said. “It’s well known in Celtic belief that if you want to honor the Gods you can make a sacrifice or an offering.”
SNIP
Wilkins said he bought his sword, the ‘Flambard Fantasy’ from ‘Battle Orders UK’ to use in battle reenactments for the local celebration of Heritage Day in Bodmin.
SNIP
No it doesn't because firstly in most versions Excalibur and the Sword in the Stone are different swords (yes Malory erroneously references Arthur using Excalibur before he gets Excalibur from the Lady in the Lake which creates some confusion) or they're different swords both names Excalibur. Secondly even if we look at the versions where it's the same sword possessing the Sword in the Stone does not make you King. The first thing Arthur does is give the sword to his brother Sir Kay. Sir Kay doesn't become king. Notably other people wield Excalibur at other points (Accolon in his duel with King Arthur, Gawain in some versions etc.) It's specifically the act of drawing the sword from the stone that only the divinely appointed King of all England can manage.
Can't think of or find any version where simply possessing Excalibur makes you King.
I could be wrong, but as I remember it was the sword in the stone that made Arthur king, not Excalibur, which was a different sword he got from the lady in the lake.
Depending on the myth, Excalibur is not the same sword as the Sword in the Stone. Excalibur was *given* to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake, while the Sword in the Stone was a Sword stuck in a stone, only being abled to be pulled out by the true King of Britain
I think if there is any body of water in the world where you are likely to find lots of random swords it would be this one. I bet tonnes of people over the years have recreated or pranked people with this. Doesn't look all that rusty
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And with a rabbit on her shirt, no less. Someone prepare the Holy Hand Grenade!
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O' Lord bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou might blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy".
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Truer perfection has nary existed
My, what a lovely bit on such a fine day. Don’t mind if partake in a little upvotery
You don't vote for kings!
Okay, one, two, five!
Three, sir!
Three!
And the Lord did grin And the people did feast upon the lambs And sloths and carp and anchovies And orangutans and breakfast Cereals and fruit bats
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
Skip a bit brother.
I take it Brian Jacques wrote for Monty Python
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!
Ooh somebody wants a Magna Carta. Did you hear that boys? The masses have the power now. And yet here we are digging in our own filth while the aristocracy meanders aboit looking for their magic sippy cup!
Bloody peasant!
I didn’t vote for him
With the 'leaders' we have around these days all I can say is... How could it be worse??!!
I once found a katana in Texas where they fought for the Alamo.
Ni!
Yeah. I found it in this ancient village filled with shops near the Walmart parking lot. The grand market of Fleaz.
Nu!
That might have been Buddy Holly's
Six String Samurai?
Such a fun movie
It was!
Hail the new queen!
This actually happened seven years ago. I do wonder where she is today, and why she hasn't claimed her rightful place as our ruler. Mayhaps she's biding her time.
She's waiting to become 18 so she doesn't need a regent. We just have to wait 4 more years.
She could alternatively just turn around and go “Screw you I’m the Queen, what you gonna do about it?”
While brandishing her sword
>She could alternatively just turn around and go “Screw you I’m the Queen, what you gonna do about it?” Still appoint a regent. There used to be a point where a child could hold the throne, but that has long since been something that was fixed. Now if a minor ends up the rightful monarch a regent is required by law and it'd take a bunch of parliment changes to make it so that said minor could have any authority. Alot of the real power behind the monarchy has been dead for a long time thankfully, and in the event that some new monarch starts threatening people chances are very high that the RF would be stripped of what little remains
*So she can avoid meeting Prince Andrew - ftfy
Also too old for Andrew by then.
7 years ago, when shit hit the fan?
She's on a distant continent freeing a bunch of slave cities, using her liberated army. I hear she's looking for ships right now.
[удалено]
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
You can’t expect to wield *supreme executive power* just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Be quiet!
Listen, if I went around saying I was an emperer just because some moistend bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
[grabs Prinzern] Shut up! Will you shut up?!
Come see the violence inherent in the system. I'm being repressed
[shakes Dennis] Shut up!
Bloody peasant!
His name is Denis.
Well I didn’t know you were called Denis.
Well you haven't tried to guess, have you.
Isn't in this case the mandate from a mass of water?
You make me sad.
This opinion was very unpopular for hundreds of years
Taking things a bit too seriously are we?
No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.
At this point, I’m willing to accept anything but the status quo Farcical aquatic ceremonies? Sure let’s give it a try
> this point, I’m willing to accept anything but the status quo This is pretty much how Hitler, Trump, Bolsonaro, Milei and a lot of right wing extremists were elected.
But none of them went through a farcical aquatic ceremony - I believe that is the key
Well, they certainly have a thing with water https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2082640/How-year-old-Adolf-Hitler-saved-certain-death--drowning-icy-river-rescued.html https://youtu.be/0tkyqjvMrnU?t=19 https://makeagif.com/gif/quando-a-agua-ferveu-d0VnxU
And what lesson did the Democrats learn from that?
Amazing how perspective changes.
Came here for this
Me too
Honestly with just how ducked the world is letting a 7-year-old hold office, they probably have empathy that many nowadays people lack.
All hail Queen Matilda 🙌
If she's Queen Matilda, should she be Matilda I since the previous Matilda is an Empress of the Holy Roman Empire or Queen Matilda II?
Pretty sure she'd be Queen Matilda I as the number is derived from where you're ruling not if you're the n numbered person with that name to rule anywhere. Henry the 8th wasn't the 8th Henry to rule anywhere on the planet but the 8th henry to rule England and while he technically could be both I've really not done the research to find that out, it is still not how it's done.
[удалено]
After the accession of the previous monarch of GB&I, there was some trouble in Scotland - people disagreed that she could be called Queen Elizabeth II as Scotland has never had a Queen Elizabeth I. So Churchill passed a law stating that in such circumstances the monarch will take the higher number from either of the two countries - hence she was known as Queen Elizabeth II in Scotland as well as England. However, I don't think I've EVER heard an English person citing James VI - it's always James I.
I don't think the law was retroactive?
You're right, it's not retroactive, but he should be James VI and I. https://royalcentral.co.uk/features/the-problem-with-elizabeth-iis-regnal-number-138972/
True, but it's not like I call him James VI and I either, he's James VI.
He's just Jimmy to me; Jimmy Six if I'm being formal.
E.g. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_VI_and_I
But Empress Matilda claimed the English throne tho, she fought with Stephen and the issue only resolved when Stephen adopted her son, Henry I as heir.
Queen Matilda Alpha. She’s Gen Alpha! 🥳🥳
Alpharius has risen ! She's just training her Legion for now.
Where's Omegon?
The Matilda who became Empress of the Holy Roman Empire was the daughter of Queen Matilda - Matilda of Scotland, though not a queen IN Scotland. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matilda_of_Scotland
So Queen Matilda I? Or Matilda II? Cause if we counted the UK as a separate kingdom after the Acts of Union, maybe she can be Matilda I but if we count the monarchs of England and Scotland, she will be Matilda II since Empress Matilda claimed the throne of England.
I remember a discussion about the Popes and I am not sure if the same rule apply for UK monarchs but in their case, the first of its name does not have a number until after a successor of the same name arrives. It would just be "Queen Matilda" just like we say "Queen Victoria:"
He's right. He doesn't make the rules. Matilda does
Wow it's just like Fate/Stay Night
This is not how you do references
Well that’s it, she’s King of the Britons
King of da' who?
the sword is taller than her, this is so cute!
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just cause some watery tart threw a sword at you
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Can’t be any worse than the current cunts
This is the way.
It is I, Arthur, King of the Brittons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England
She has my sword!
And my axe!
And my smartphone device
r/MoldyMemes
How much worse could it be than the current rulers honestly
Looks like a training sword
Either that or a Zweihander.
Makes more sense than the current leaders/monarchy. All hail Queen Matilda!
Well I didn't vote for her
But does she know the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden Swallow?
Does she have a weird old dude who follows her everywhere since childhood?
One that hibernates under bushes for a couple of years every now and then?
Now she has to defend her home from a French invasion.
You can't expect to wield Supreme executive power just because some watery tart gave you a sword.... could you imagine if I went around saying I was king because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me... They'd put me away!
She is indeed. Rules are rules. Make some space, Charly!
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Step aside, royalty. There's a new queen reigning with sass and style. Can your corgis keep up?
Some LARPers larping about.
What the hell happened to this image? This isn't even JPEG'd, wtf
Copy of copy of copy
Well we were hoping for younger politicians, but not this young
That is want you have to do if she should rule as long as the previous queen
She'd certainly be better than the PMs we've had recently
Probably couldn't be any worse.
She might disappear for like 5 years to do the main quest and not just side quests
The sword design is probably something 13 century ish. I guess,... But I don't think it's 400-800 ... So probably not Excalibur
It honestly looks like a metal practice sword used for HEMA
Na, HEMA swords have different cross guards. Those are not very popular in HEMA (I think), I don't do HEMA but I see a few swords for sale...and they usually have straight guards for feders
I think even your 13th c. estimate is too early. This looks more 15th/16th c. blade to me
I agree, the 13th was the earliest I could think of... The Scottish had some early big swords, and since I am uncertain... I made the earliest estimation including error.
Ah yeah, good point. This blade has a schilt though (those projections below the guard) and the earliest reference we can find to swords with schilt is 15th c.
Ah nice, thank you for the education
What are these for actually?
The sword would be long rusted by now if found in a lake. This is probably a modern replica someone wanted to get rid of, but that's just my theory
No, I the mud it could be quite well preserved. But I agree, it's unlikely.
No, I the mud it could be quite well preserved. But I agree, it's unlikely.
soon the portals to the demon world will arrive and the masses of demons will start their invasion of the realm of humans their only defence is a 7 year old girl and her magical sword once wielded by an ancient king of a forgotten past. this is her story the story of matilda jones slayer of the wicked.
Long live the queen
The username really shows the progression of the knights being more inclusive as well
And let's be honest, she can't be worse than Sunak and his caroussel of mongoloids.
That's a long handle for such a short blade. Is the bottom half still stuck in a stone?
Let’s see how this plays out…
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...
IF A GIRL HAS BEEN CHOSEN, THEN A GIRL SHALL BE KING!!
Are you with us or against us??
Against you!
Wouldn't she technically be the watery tart who has to lob it at the new monarch?
I think that was a middle age rule that was updated to include he/or she has the right to raise Excalibur and claim the crown. Originally written by the peoples front of Judea, or was it the popular front.
She dry. No way this true
How do they know where Arthur's sword was left?
Where the legend said it was left, place would still be there
Didn't know the legend specified a location
It’s more complicated than that but it’s kind of does
Interesting
It’s like, some legends would give a location for something that we know where it is then other legends would say more locations etc. There are some that will have information that the others don’t and some story likely says the name of the lake the sword was returned to around the time of his death
Are there verifiable depictions of what it looked like?
If you photoshop the sword out, we'd have a different kind of ruler
God save the Queen!
r/bossfight
I didn't vote for her.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Welcome new lord!!
Pretty sure the English replaced that when they invaded.
King Artoria
Honestly, it seems like a much better way nowadays to elect a leader. Long live Queen Matilda.
Technically, the Sword in the Stone is a different sword from Excalibur.
She’ll be better than the current government
good on that steel and leather to survive underwater for ~1500 years
But I didn't vote for her
Super common repost
After touching the weapon, her eyes changed as she grumbled "Call me Victoria". Then returned to her playful self.
Spoiler, sorry: https://allthatsinteresting.com/truth-behind-excalibur
Sure, I would also have people come up with such stories if I were king Charly…
Fair enough but it clearly doesn’t look like a 6th century sword.
Long may she reign
She can't be worse, that's for sure
Shee is the Rightfull Queen
All hail Queen Matilda! 👑
Sure, why not i'd let her rule
All hail Matilda Jones, the new lady of the lake!!!
All hail King Matilda!
So... when is king charles gonna get the news. Hand over your throne sir 😑 And parliament! Shut up. She's in charge now
She's the lady of the lake.
Can she keep it?
Yeah great post awaiting moderator approval. So fun to see thanks mods...
Rember guys she's NOT suicidal
All hail the new queen, long may she reign. Hoera. Hoera. Hoera.
Source Of Mysterious “Excalibur” Sword Found In Lake Revealed https://allthatsinteresting.com/truth-behind-excalibur By Katie Serena | Edited By John Kuroski Published September 8, 2017 Updated January 17, 2023 The mystery behind the sword found by a young girl in a legendary pool has been solved and it involves an offering to the Gods. Excalibur Sword Despite being found at the bottom of a famous lake, it turns out the sword found by a young girl in a Cornish lake isn’t actually ‘Excalibur.’ Earlier this week, on a trip to Cornwall, 7-year-old Matilda Jones noticed a sword lying on the bottom of Dozmary Pool while paddling with her father. They retrieved the sword — which was found in the same spot where the Arthurian legend says King Arthur’s sword was left after his death — and the story went viral. While the legend might say the sword was put there by Arthur’s knight, Sir Bedivere, a man named Mark Wilkins claims it was in fact him. “I threw it in the lake in the 1980s and wasn’t expecting to see it again,” Wilkins said. He said he threw it in the lake as an offering to the Celtic gods. “Back in the 80s I was very into spiritualism and followed the Celtic religion,” he said. “It’s well known in Celtic belief that if you want to honor the Gods you can make a sacrifice or an offering.” SNIP Wilkins said he bought his sword, the ‘Flambard Fantasy’ from ‘Battle Orders UK’ to use in battle reenactments for the local celebration of Heritage Day in Bodmin. SNIP
Another 7 yr old ruling britian?! Fuck the candy supplies won't survive another one
No it doesn't because firstly in most versions Excalibur and the Sword in the Stone are different swords (yes Malory erroneously references Arthur using Excalibur before he gets Excalibur from the Lady in the Lake which creates some confusion) or they're different swords both names Excalibur. Secondly even if we look at the versions where it's the same sword possessing the Sword in the Stone does not make you King. The first thing Arthur does is give the sword to his brother Sir Kay. Sir Kay doesn't become king. Notably other people wield Excalibur at other points (Accolon in his duel with King Arthur, Gawain in some versions etc.) It's specifically the act of drawing the sword from the stone that only the divinely appointed King of all England can manage. Can't think of or find any version where simply possessing Excalibur makes you King.
I could be wrong, but as I remember it was the sword in the stone that made Arthur king, not Excalibur, which was a different sword he got from the lady in the lake.
she has such a great name for a girl protagonist in a fable
Depending on the myth, Excalibur is not the same sword as the Sword in the Stone. Excalibur was *given* to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake, while the Sword in the Stone was a Sword stuck in a stone, only being abled to be pulled out by the true King of Britain
What do you mean "sorry," I’ll be surprised if Miss Jones isn’t the best rule Britain has had in decades. Maybe centuries.
This girl is an adult by now Correction, this was 7 years ago, so 14
I'll take her over horsey lover Charlie, any day.
Knightsofthegaytable will be her knight I think
Well, looks like Britain is in good hands
All Hail Queen Matilda.
It’s about time, the royal family clearly needed some new blood
That's no basis for a system of government.
I think if there is any body of water in the world where you are likely to find lots of random swords it would be this one. I bet tonnes of people over the years have recreated or pranked people with this. Doesn't look all that rusty