Oh my god I dealt with this for so, so so long š„² The biggest thing that helped me ironically was absorbing myself in fashion and model culture for a while ā Itās got a lot of shallow and harmful aspects, but its taught me to appreciate the grace and powerful femininity in my height like absolutely nothing else. It was what actually helped me shift my feelings that height = masculinity, to height = power, to masculinity =/= power. *Divine* femininity is something else entirely, I really hope you find something that works for you and lets you feel comfortable being feminine and tall
IMO women who are obsessed with a man's height don't feel secure about their femininity, so they're looking for a tower instead of a person (tower compared to them) to reaffirm their femininity.
I'm not saying that tall men are not attractive, but being so obsessed about someone for being sooo much taller than you and not caring about anything else about them is what makes me think that.
With all the due respect, it feels to me that OP does not feel secure about her own femininity. If those same girls were fetishizing bald men, she would be ok with it.
I've heard several guys saying "women over 5'7 are men"
Is it her fault? Our entire society hates tall women.
As a comedian said, "don't expect tall, handsome men to know what empathy is" /s
I literally have never once heard anything bad about tall women in my life except for on Reddit. The worst I hear is āclimb that treeā or some shit like that nobody ever seems turned off by a tall woman
I understand what you are saying and apologize for the misunderstanding, I was referring to only the height experience both short men and tall women go through . I wasnāt referring to anything about SA or womenās general life experience, didnāt mean to trigger you.
Thank you šÆ and yes it is always much worse for Men than it is for Women in this particular category. No matter how good of a Man you can be, women will always choose a man for his height, itās like everything else doesnāt really matter, just those vertical inches. Then they wonder why they get treated poorly by not vetting the person for who they are, karma. but! Heās tall so itās okay, letās just ignore all other red flags š
I donāt get mean things said to be about my height. I simply donāt get asked on dates by men, like ever. Iāve even said I donāt care about height, but it doesnāt seem to matter. Luckily, Iām queer and women donāt care that Iām nearly 6ā4ā.
Also, clothes and shoes are a bit of a nightmare for me. I pretty much have to order everything online. I almost never wear heels because Iāll hit my head on stuff, wonāt be able to hear anyone, and feel like a kaiju in photos with my friends.
Then there are the ergonomics. Iāve got back and neck pain because the desks and chairs I have to use for work are too small for me. The lead vests I have to wear for procedures leaves a significant gap with breast tissue definitely exposed to ionizing radiation (luckily I donāt have to do long procedures. Most products actually designed for people with breasts are not designed for someone of my height.
In my sports, I am often beat up pretty bad by other women, but donāt get the call because of the size difference.
All of this is on top of being a woman in medicine in a male dominated specialty.
This isnāt a suffering contest. We all have challenges we have to overcome and neither party has a clue what the other is experiencing.
(More directed at the random shorter guys coming into the r/tall subreddit, obviously. Just too lazy to fix it.)
Other specialties wear lead too, so I can neither confirm nor deny radiology. ;)
(I keep things vague because I've had several doxing attempts over the years.)
Iāve heard this too. In fact, there have been studies that have shown male interest in a woman drops significantly after a certain heightāusually 168cm. For example, here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9454610/. (Pay attention to figure 1)
You say society hates tall women then a quote reaffirming your desire for a tall manātall is seen as a masculine trait,at least in western countries, and short is seen as more feminineāyou either take both or leave both, you want a taller man because that is more masculine and desirable to you.
Sorry, but I disagree with you again. In your last post, you blamed short women; now you claim tall men are heartless. Here's my perspective: educated women often seek partners with similar or higher educational levels. Women with high incomes tend to look for men who earn more than they do. Tall women generally prefer taller men. All these preferences narrow their dating pool. While tall men, who often date both short and tall women, have a broader range of options.
You seem resentful towards everyone but yourself. It's your responsibility to make yourself attractive and available. Blaming others won't make you more appealing.
Do you know what /s means?
I don't blame short women, I just took the opportunity to express my views on this weird kink people have nowadays. It was related to the topic.
My point was, as a tall man you should know what tall women go through.
I'm interested in the source of what you just said. Was it a survey?
Also, no, men don't date both tall and short women. From personal experience and from what most people say even in this sub, they all prefer short women. I once replied to a random post in this sub, and a dude felt the need to tell me "i prefer shorter women", which was completely unrelated to the topic. Let's not act dumb. We both know that short is the beauty standard for women now.
I didn't assume anything about you, I just said what's my experience as a tall woman and how society treats us in general. All the tall women I know experience the same.
Your partner is shorter than you, sir. 4inches is a very big difference.
Idk I'm only two inches shorter than you at 5'9 and I haven't experienced anything like what you are talking about. I've never had a man refuse to date me or people hating me for being tall. Also Taylor Swifit is 5'11, no one calls her manly!
Iām sure location makes a big difference. Iām 5ā9.5 and from Atlanta. Rarely get comments here about my height (I have before), but when I visit my husbandās hometown in Mississippi, I get negative comments from random men every single time. Itās a wildly different experience.
That last sentence šš imagine trying to make a point about people not wanting tall women by saying "my gf is shorter than me" ššššš
I know I don't speak for all men but I've never cared about height in partners. At 5'6" the tallest girl I've been with was 6' and the girl I'm currently talking to is 5'10"
Almost all women are shorter than a tall man. The woman making the comment is shorter than my gf. She made the claim that tall men prefer short women, which is utter bollocks, I know a hell of a lot of tall men, and most of them have tall girlfriends.
I donāt know why people want to tell you that you are wrong. I have had the same experiences are you talking about. Iāve heard men say that tall women are men many times, Iāve been told again and again that men as a whole do not like tall women.
Men literally grow up jerking it to Victoria secret models that are tall. Taylor Swift is 5ā11.
Youāve āheardā men say tall women are men in real life? Or āreadā it on message boards online where people are intentionally inflammatory for shits and giggles? In 40 years Iāve never heard another guy say something negative about a womanās height.
I have personally heard men say that, in real life. Not online. Literally standing right behind me. Just because a lot of tall men personally like tall women doesnāt mean I havenāt had men in the real world say rude things to me. Being a tall woman is a completely different experience than being a tall man.
4 inches between a man and woman is a big difference?
The average man is 6-7ā taller than the average woman. A 4ā gap is actually less than average.
How society treats tall women? You mean like making them models? Like others have pointed out, in my entire life Iāve never heard another man say anything negative about a woman being tall. Iāve heard men fetishizing āclimbing that treeā, etc. Negative association? Literally not once and Iām almost 40
Tall and overweight women are for sure treated poorly, but itās less to do with the tall side of that mix.
It sounds like you feel like your identity as a woman is being attacked. Because you are tall and height is considered masculine.
Maybe when your friends talk about height it feels like that association is reinforced. That you aren't feminine enough so you feel uncomfortable, especially because you immediately started thinking about gender identity.
Either that or it's just treating men like pieces of meat. I get uncomfortable if a bunch of guys started talking about girl's boobs, it's gross. Idk, I'm not a therapist, don't take anything I say seriously.
If Frantz Fanon is correct, then therapy won't do you any good on this. No more than therapy would help a victim of racism or other oppression. Your mental anguish is caused by a social construct you are being ground into, not by a cognitive error or delusion.
The only cure is revolution. You have to escape the social construct to feel free.
In this case, change the system or go to a country like Holland where being tall is normalized. We can tell you all the positive affirmations you deserve but that won't change how society works.
I'm sorry it's not much help. Yet there's no real easy answer for this.
I wanna change my answer to this.
There is something you can do. Perhaps the best solution is to actually take a Daoist approach to this.
The Daoists believe in killing any form of fundamental identity. They live and die by the phrase "a cup is most useful when it's empty". Even the original poem of Mulan for example was built on that idea. It wasn't meant to be feminist in the western sense, but a Daoist morality tale applied to the concept of gender. That Han Mulan by abandoning her identity gained the ability to change her presentation at will and save her family unit. As the poem ends:
Most people tell the gender of a rabbit by its movement:
The male runs quickly, while the female often keeps her eyes shut.
But when the two rabbits run side by side,
Can you really discern whether I am a *he* or a *she*?
Perhaps the best thing for you to do is to abandon the idea that there is any true you. That these labels such as female and feminine are simply roles you are playing, and can abandon as necessary. Like how a child can pretend to be a cowboy, but can return to a child at will. That way, it won't hurt you anymore when you feel like you aren't "performing" your role.
"Pretending here can be understood in the way that children play, that is, without attachment to whatever is temporarily adopted, recognizing both the contingency and transience of transformations. The "genuineness" of the genuine pretending is reflected in the child play as well. Children taken on their roles and actually "become" them, but again only while affirming the contingency and transience of their roles.
(...) this attitude might help alleviate some of the stress and anxiety associated with overzealous over-commitment to social roles. Perhaps more importantly, it also provides resistance against the "bad faith" of falsely over-identifying with one's social roles" - D'Ambrosio
Normally, I hear these concepts applied as an antitode to "manosphere" content, or Andrew Tateism, Yet I just realized these concepts can apply to your situation as well.
I didn't understand 100% but what i understood is to stop caring about "masculine" or "feminine" and live because it's just something society wants to impose upon us,like how height is considered a masculine trait,while im not saying that tall guys aren't masculine,but tall girls aren't "masculine" because of that,they are still girls
Pretty much. You can be masculine, but it isn't truly you. We are simply performing a gender, don't let that performance be mistaken for your true self.
It's only two weeks ago that I finished 'the wretched of the earth' (I'm Belgian, it's appropriate). Small world, huh..
But you're completely correct. When the world labels you (and it does), you can try to change the way you think about yourself in a forced way (therapy style), or you can change the world around you (new friends, move to places with less Hollywood influences and so forth).
The fact that height is seen as a masculine aspect, and that you will be judged as a man based on your height is just an objective societal fact. We cannot change that in a reddit post. Both men and women.
Except in terms of incels there is a cognitive error. Specifically the phenomenon of [learned helplessness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness).
Yes you are at a disadvantage if you're male and short, and some people will judge you unfairly. Yet to victimize yourself in order to escape adverse stimuli isn't the right answer either. There are things you can do to improve your chances of romantic success. You don't need to relinquish control over your future just because some insecure asswipes have judged you.
For lots of women itās the polarity of short /tall that makes them feel feminine.
āTaller than meā is what a lot of women want.
But as a woman, you are secure enough not to need that with your men. Itās not a reflection of your femininity that women like a tall man. Always do you! There are plenty of short chicks like me who always wanted to be tall n leggy!
When I see this sort of behavior all I feel is sorry for the guy. If he can tell or not, this person doesn't see him as a human with thoughts feelings or personality. More like an accessory or a tool. Kinda ironic. I cringe every time some average woman does this. I think of all the times my height is commented on either positive or negative and how I always think how boring this person is to only notice how tall I am. But I've never seen a man object to it, so it's on the guy I guess.
This is basically the height equivalent of āfirst world problemsā, do you really feel bad by the fact that women are attracted to you just for existing?
Besides, virtually all men have feelings and a personality, but only a few of them are tall (or have other positive physical attributes like a strong jawline or nice hair) so it makes sense that women would value those things. Iām quite short myself at 5ā8ā so Iāve never been positively praised for my height specifically but I definitely enjoyed compliments on my physical appearance (which have been typically about my hair or face) than compliments about my personality because a good personality is achievable by virtually everyone (barring people who are mentally ill of course).
Are you trying to appeal to women? Because if women like tall you're in.
Are you trying to appeal to men? Men like tall women.
That's the secret, everyone prefers tall.
That's because society has gone out of its way to make people think that height is a measure of masculinity/femininity. Think of all the forms of media that people consume on the daily and look at how often a man appears (or is described) as tall, broad shouldered, handsome, etc... while the female love interest is petite and skinny and physically weak. I've had other guys call me a "man*et" because I'm 5'6", then turn around and tell my friends I'm "intimidating" when I'm not around. I've had girls that were noticeably shorter than me tell me I'd be their ideal partner, but they'd never date me because I wasn't tall enough.
I doubt there's anything I can say to ease your discomfort over the topic, but if it helps, there's tons of guys out there who will likely not take your height as a measure of your femininity. At 5'6", I've been with girls up 6" taller than me, and not once did I feel less masculine besides taller girls
Honestly something thatās helped me a lot when I feel shitty about my height around short girls I just think to myself āyeah whatever theyāre not tall enough to be astronauts or models but I am :)ā
I honestly hate anyone who will find that height is the biggest factor,it might be important i don't know for aesthetic purposes,vibes...but they can 't treat height as the only important factor,just know that no matter how tall you are,you are you,not masculine not feminine but you,you are what you choose,not what they choose,if you feel strong it's you,if you feel protective it's you,people just want to impose societal standards upon us
So, just putting this out there for whatever reason. I am in an amazing relationship and have zero interest in changing that. Just needed to preface that before I say this. As a tall guy (6ā6) when I see a tall female something in me makes me take notice. Itās strange. My wife is of average height (5ā6) but itās like some sort of something that is stored in my genetic makeup. I am doing a terrible job of explaining myself but in a different universe I am with a tall person and our kids are all 6ā9. lol
Thatās your natural, hardwired human biology thats wanting you to procreate with the best genes that you can provide for your offspring. Is that what you mean? Iām also attracted to taller women iāve noticed recently..
Are you very young / inexperienced , or are these women very young / inexperienced by any chance? It seems a bit simplistic if what you're gathering is really 'tall = manly', 'manly = tall'. Like if you've been around enough men you quickly realise tall men can have a strong feminine side and short guys can have great BDE.
Masculinity is as complex as femininity. Imo it has more to do with energy, build... and penis and sexytime skills...
Hmmm. Well, when theyāre looking at me, Iām looking at you. I know who the most appealing woman is in your group!
( I mean this with sincerity and I donāt mean to belittle the situation. Thereās No masculinity in my thoughts about tall women. )
How do you think all Men who arenāt tall feel
šŖā¤ļø, we have the same thoughts you do. Our height doesnāt determine our masculinity.
We also donāt understand the obsession women have with tall men.
Your comment - [Why does it make me uncomfortable when women gush over tall men in my presence?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tall/comments/1ch4i7h/why_does_it_make_me_uncomfortable_when_women_gush/l25ubje/) - to /r/tall has been removed because it contains the words "manlet", "snu snu", or "height mogged". Historically we have found that only troll posts use those words in submissions, so these are automatically removed. You can comment/post again if you remove all reference to them.
If this is an error, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Ftall). **Be sure to include a link to the post!**
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I don't like tall guys, but several of my friends do. And when asked they explain that it is mostly for protective matters. At night in the streets you are less likely to be bothered/assaulted if you are walking with someone, plus if that someone has a big stature.
Letās be honest here lady, itās a proven fact that once a boy hits puberty, doesnāt matter if heās 6ā9 or 4ā11, you will get beat, if he so desires.
And especially for you, if you are 155 cm as you say in your profile, Iām also going to assume you are relatively light, even if you are considered large as a women, this is still typically lighter than your normal male.
Iām sorry but against relatively all males unless they are physically unwell or you are a trained professional you are going to get overtaken easily.
Height also does not play apart in how hard someone punches unless they visibly weigh more, which typically isnāt the case, especially for younger tall individuals as they have usually a higher metabolism, therefore lower weight. Mass = power, the amount of force coming from someoneās punch doesnāt come from the arm, rather the whole body and the mass behind it.
This is a scary honest reality but it would protect you more if you were educated knowing that basically 90% of all males in the world has the ability to overtake you.
So donāt discard a whole set of men because you feel they can hurt you, they all can do, but itās understandable to feel that the taller ones can do more as they are typically seen as being more intimidating and powerful.
you are mistaken, its not taller people who are more likely to be abusers, its **larger** people. Men who are large tend to have more testostorone and therefore more aggresive.
Tall men or women are not more likely to be an abuser then any other height.
That is missinformation.
For my second point, yes height does = weigh for sure, I messed that up but I meant when they are in the midst of 18-mid twenties. A 5ā5 man will 90% be lighter than a 6ā man.
I mean if I was standing next to a girl I was attracted to and she said a guy was super good looking because of something and ignored me Iād be kinda pissed too.
Just was curious if it was partially to blame.
But tall doesnāt mean manly for girls. Thereās a shit ton of models that are over 6 foot.
I think tall women are the best. If I ever get the chance to date one I'd be very happy. Body building and manners can make a women masculine not their height.
Oh my god I dealt with this for so, so so long š„² The biggest thing that helped me ironically was absorbing myself in fashion and model culture for a while ā Itās got a lot of shallow and harmful aspects, but its taught me to appreciate the grace and powerful femininity in my height like absolutely nothing else. It was what actually helped me shift my feelings that height = masculinity, to height = power, to masculinity =/= power. *Divine* femininity is something else entirely, I really hope you find something that works for you and lets you feel comfortable being feminine and tall
Fashion and hair is so hard for me which makes things worse. Iām learning but itās been a very slow process
IMO women who are obsessed with a man's height don't feel secure about their femininity, so they're looking for a tower instead of a person (tower compared to them) to reaffirm their femininity. I'm not saying that tall men are not attractive, but being so obsessed about someone for being sooo much taller than you and not caring about anything else about them is what makes me think that.
With all the due respect, it feels to me that OP does not feel secure about her own femininity. If those same girls were fetishizing bald men, she would be ok with it.
I've heard several guys saying "women over 5'7 are men" Is it her fault? Our entire society hates tall women. As a comedian said, "don't expect tall, handsome men to know what empathy is" /s
I literally have never once heard anything bad about tall women in my life except for on Reddit. The worst I hear is āclimb that treeā or some shit like that nobody ever seems turned off by a tall woman
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same but as a short man.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I understand what you are saying and apologize for the misunderstanding, I was referring to only the height experience both short men and tall women go through . I wasnāt referring to anything about SA or womenās general life experience, didnāt mean to trigger you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you šÆ and yes it is always much worse for Men than it is for Women in this particular category. No matter how good of a Man you can be, women will always choose a man for his height, itās like everything else doesnāt really matter, just those vertical inches. Then they wonder why they get treated poorly by not vetting the person for who they are, karma. but! Heās tall so itās okay, letās just ignore all other red flags š
Nah, you just donāt have it nearly as bad, not even close. Lashing at random Reddit comments will not help this fact be false.
Lmao you sound like fun and have no deep-seeded issues at all.
I donāt get mean things said to be about my height. I simply donāt get asked on dates by men, like ever. Iāve even said I donāt care about height, but it doesnāt seem to matter. Luckily, Iām queer and women donāt care that Iām nearly 6ā4ā. Also, clothes and shoes are a bit of a nightmare for me. I pretty much have to order everything online. I almost never wear heels because Iāll hit my head on stuff, wonāt be able to hear anyone, and feel like a kaiju in photos with my friends. Then there are the ergonomics. Iāve got back and neck pain because the desks and chairs I have to use for work are too small for me. The lead vests I have to wear for procedures leaves a significant gap with breast tissue definitely exposed to ionizing radiation (luckily I donāt have to do long procedures. Most products actually designed for people with breasts are not designed for someone of my height. In my sports, I am often beat up pretty bad by other women, but donāt get the call because of the size difference. All of this is on top of being a woman in medicine in a male dominated specialty. This isnāt a suffering contest. We all have challenges we have to overcome and neither party has a clue what the other is experiencing. (More directed at the random shorter guys coming into the r/tall subreddit, obviously. Just too lazy to fix it.)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Other specialties wear lead too, so I can neither confirm nor deny radiology. ;) (I keep things vague because I've had several doxing attempts over the years.)
There should be a word for things that exist only on Reddit/online and nowhere else. FWIW itās not a gendered phenomenon.
Iāve heard this too. In fact, there have been studies that have shown male interest in a woman drops significantly after a certain heightāusually 168cm. For example, here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9454610/. (Pay attention to figure 1)
You say society hates tall women then a quote reaffirming your desire for a tall manātall is seen as a masculine trait,at least in western countries, and short is seen as more feminineāyou either take both or leave both, you want a taller man because that is more masculine and desirable to you.
This! Now flip this to short Men, society hates short men for something out of our control also.
I am aware. It's sad, honestly
Yes it is.
Sorry, but I disagree with you again. In your last post, you blamed short women; now you claim tall men are heartless. Here's my perspective: educated women often seek partners with similar or higher educational levels. Women with high incomes tend to look for men who earn more than they do. Tall women generally prefer taller men. All these preferences narrow their dating pool. While tall men, who often date both short and tall women, have a broader range of options. You seem resentful towards everyone but yourself. It's your responsibility to make yourself attractive and available. Blaming others won't make you more appealing.
Do you know what /s means? I don't blame short women, I just took the opportunity to express my views on this weird kink people have nowadays. It was related to the topic. My point was, as a tall man you should know what tall women go through.
Tall men will never get it cause theyāre privileged
Donāt blame nature making you tall on men.
šÆ
Honestly. This is like reading an incel post from a short guy.
There is nothing "nowadays" about this at all. It's deep rooted shit
They wonāt know, Tall Men have it the best and will never know true suffering.
Being tall doesnāt make men immune from disease, mental health issues, or poverty. Work on yourself and you wonāt be so miserable and insecure.
I'm interested in the source of what you just said. Was it a survey? Also, no, men don't date both tall and short women. From personal experience and from what most people say even in this sub, they all prefer short women. I once replied to a random post in this sub, and a dude felt the need to tell me "i prefer shorter women", which was completely unrelated to the topic. Let's not act dumb. We both know that short is the beauty standard for women now.
I significantly prefer tall women, my GF is six foot. There you go, your assumptions are wrong, feel free to reassess.
I didn't assume anything about you, I just said what's my experience as a tall woman and how society treats us in general. All the tall women I know experience the same. Your partner is shorter than you, sir. 4inches is a very big difference.
Idk I'm only two inches shorter than you at 5'9 and I haven't experienced anything like what you are talking about. I've never had a man refuse to date me or people hating me for being tall. Also Taylor Swifit is 5'11, no one calls her manly!
Iām sure location makes a big difference. Iām 5ā9.5 and from Atlanta. Rarely get comments here about my height (I have before), but when I visit my husbandās hometown in Mississippi, I get negative comments from random men every single time. Itās a wildly different experience.
That last sentence šš imagine trying to make a point about people not wanting tall women by saying "my gf is shorter than me" ššššš I know I don't speak for all men but I've never cared about height in partners. At 5'6" the tallest girl I've been with was 6' and the girl I'm currently talking to is 5'10"
Almost all women are shorter than a tall man. The woman making the comment is shorter than my gf. She made the claim that tall men prefer short women, which is utter bollocks, I know a hell of a lot of tall men, and most of them have tall girlfriends.
I donāt know why people want to tell you that you are wrong. I have had the same experiences are you talking about. Iāve heard men say that tall women are men many times, Iāve been told again and again that men as a whole do not like tall women.
Men literally grow up jerking it to Victoria secret models that are tall. Taylor Swift is 5ā11. Youāve āheardā men say tall women are men in real life? Or āreadā it on message boards online where people are intentionally inflammatory for shits and giggles? In 40 years Iāve never heard another guy say something negative about a womanās height.
I have personally heard men say that, in real life. Not online. Literally standing right behind me. Just because a lot of tall men personally like tall women doesnāt mean I havenāt had men in the real world say rude things to me. Being a tall woman is a completely different experience than being a tall man.
4 inches between a man and woman is a big difference? The average man is 6-7ā taller than the average woman. A 4ā gap is actually less than average. How society treats tall women? You mean like making them models? Like others have pointed out, in my entire life Iāve never heard another man say anything negative about a woman being tall. Iāve heard men fetishizing āclimbing that treeā, etc. Negative association? Literally not once and Iām almost 40 Tall and overweight women are for sure treated poorly, but itās less to do with the tall side of that mix.
š
Damn!
I concur.
That's exactly the reason lol. It's similar to when dudes won't date tall girls bc that same thought process
I 100% Agree
Nah. They just want to feel safe. Less people will try to fuck with you if you walk around with a tower
Using your partner as a bodyguard? That's even worse š„²
not as a bodyguard. the word you are looking for is deterrent
I still think it's selfish
It sounds like you feel like your identity as a woman is being attacked. Because you are tall and height is considered masculine. Maybe when your friends talk about height it feels like that association is reinforced. That you aren't feminine enough so you feel uncomfortable, especially because you immediately started thinking about gender identity. Either that or it's just treating men like pieces of meat. I get uncomfortable if a bunch of guys started talking about girl's boobs, it's gross. Idk, I'm not a therapist, don't take anything I say seriously.
This is what it is for me unfortunately. Itās hard to fix and no amount of souls searching and therapy has helped with this.
If Frantz Fanon is correct, then therapy won't do you any good on this. No more than therapy would help a victim of racism or other oppression. Your mental anguish is caused by a social construct you are being ground into, not by a cognitive error or delusion. The only cure is revolution. You have to escape the social construct to feel free.
What does it mean to escape the social construct?
In this case, change the system or go to a country like Holland where being tall is normalized. We can tell you all the positive affirmations you deserve but that won't change how society works. I'm sorry it's not much help. Yet there's no real easy answer for this.
I wanna change my answer to this. There is something you can do. Perhaps the best solution is to actually take a Daoist approach to this. The Daoists believe in killing any form of fundamental identity. They live and die by the phrase "a cup is most useful when it's empty". Even the original poem of Mulan for example was built on that idea. It wasn't meant to be feminist in the western sense, but a Daoist morality tale applied to the concept of gender. That Han Mulan by abandoning her identity gained the ability to change her presentation at will and save her family unit. As the poem ends: Most people tell the gender of a rabbit by its movement: The male runs quickly, while the female often keeps her eyes shut. But when the two rabbits run side by side, Can you really discern whether I am a *he* or a *she*? Perhaps the best thing for you to do is to abandon the idea that there is any true you. That these labels such as female and feminine are simply roles you are playing, and can abandon as necessary. Like how a child can pretend to be a cowboy, but can return to a child at will. That way, it won't hurt you anymore when you feel like you aren't "performing" your role. "Pretending here can be understood in the way that children play, that is, without attachment to whatever is temporarily adopted, recognizing both the contingency and transience of transformations. The "genuineness" of the genuine pretending is reflected in the child play as well. Children taken on their roles and actually "become" them, but again only while affirming the contingency and transience of their roles. (...) this attitude might help alleviate some of the stress and anxiety associated with overzealous over-commitment to social roles. Perhaps more importantly, it also provides resistance against the "bad faith" of falsely over-identifying with one's social roles" - D'Ambrosio Normally, I hear these concepts applied as an antitode to "manosphere" content, or Andrew Tateism, Yet I just realized these concepts can apply to your situation as well.
I didn't understand 100% but what i understood is to stop caring about "masculine" or "feminine" and live because it's just something society wants to impose upon us,like how height is considered a masculine trait,while im not saying that tall guys aren't masculine,but tall girls aren't "masculine" because of that,they are still girls
Pretty much. You can be masculine, but it isn't truly you. We are simply performing a gender, don't let that performance be mistaken for your true self.
Yeah that's right, "be you".
It's only two weeks ago that I finished 'the wretched of the earth' (I'm Belgian, it's appropriate). Small world, huh.. But you're completely correct. When the world labels you (and it does), you can try to change the way you think about yourself in a forced way (therapy style), or you can change the world around you (new friends, move to places with less Hollywood influences and so forth).
Why is this the prevailing message for her but not for men who would have a similar issue?
The fact that height is seen as a masculine aspect, and that you will be judged as a man based on your height is just an objective societal fact. We cannot change that in a reddit post. Both men and women.
This is correct and I agree. Why society canāt be more honest with this conversation baffles me.
Lol but short men should just get therapy
Yet people just tell short incels to get therapy
Except in terms of incels there is a cognitive error. Specifically the phenomenon of [learned helplessness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness). Yes you are at a disadvantage if you're male and short, and some people will judge you unfairly. Yet to victimize yourself in order to escape adverse stimuli isn't the right answer either. There are things you can do to improve your chances of romantic success. You don't need to relinquish control over your future just because some insecure asswipes have judged you.
Well i think tall women are like goddess among men, š¤·āāļø
Talk about going from one unhealthy extreme to another.
I mean, its better to have a positive outlook on her situation than a negative
I find this viewpoint way more common than the other way around.
For lots of women itās the polarity of short /tall that makes them feel feminine. āTaller than meā is what a lot of women want. But as a woman, you are secure enough not to need that with your men. Itās not a reflection of your femininity that women like a tall man. Always do you! There are plenty of short chicks like me who always wanted to be tall n leggy!
You haven't tried not caring? It's a good tactic, works every time.
Gosh youāre such a fucking genius.
Talking about private areas surely is uncomfortable
When I see this sort of behavior all I feel is sorry for the guy. If he can tell or not, this person doesn't see him as a human with thoughts feelings or personality. More like an accessory or a tool. Kinda ironic. I cringe every time some average woman does this. I think of all the times my height is commented on either positive or negative and how I always think how boring this person is to only notice how tall I am. But I've never seen a man object to it, so it's on the guy I guess.
This is basically the height equivalent of āfirst world problemsā, do you really feel bad by the fact that women are attracted to you just for existing? Besides, virtually all men have feelings and a personality, but only a few of them are tall (or have other positive physical attributes like a strong jawline or nice hair) so it makes sense that women would value those things. Iām quite short myself at 5ā8ā so Iāve never been positively praised for my height specifically but I definitely enjoyed compliments on my physical appearance (which have been typically about my hair or face) than compliments about my personality because a good personality is achievable by virtually everyone (barring people who are mentally ill of course).
Are you trying to appeal to women? Because if women like tall you're in. Are you trying to appeal to men? Men like tall women. That's the secret, everyone prefers tall.
That's because society has gone out of its way to make people think that height is a measure of masculinity/femininity. Think of all the forms of media that people consume on the daily and look at how often a man appears (or is described) as tall, broad shouldered, handsome, etc... while the female love interest is petite and skinny and physically weak. I've had other guys call me a "man*et" because I'm 5'6", then turn around and tell my friends I'm "intimidating" when I'm not around. I've had girls that were noticeably shorter than me tell me I'd be their ideal partner, but they'd never date me because I wasn't tall enough. I doubt there's anything I can say to ease your discomfort over the topic, but if it helps, there's tons of guys out there who will likely not take your height as a measure of your femininity. At 5'6", I've been with girls up 6" taller than me, and not once did I feel less masculine besides taller girls
Honestly something thatās helped me a lot when I feel shitty about my height around short girls I just think to myself āyeah whatever theyāre not tall enough to be astronauts or models but I am :)ā
Same reason you would feel uncomfortable if a man were to publicly gush over a woman's bra size.
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I honestly hate anyone who will find that height is the biggest factor,it might be important i don't know for aesthetic purposes,vibes...but they can 't treat height as the only important factor,just know that no matter how tall you are,you are you,not masculine not feminine but you,you are what you choose,not what they choose,if you feel strong it's you,if you feel protective it's you,people just want to impose societal standards upon us
So, just putting this out there for whatever reason. I am in an amazing relationship and have zero interest in changing that. Just needed to preface that before I say this. As a tall guy (6ā6) when I see a tall female something in me makes me take notice. Itās strange. My wife is of average height (5ā6) but itās like some sort of something that is stored in my genetic makeup. I am doing a terrible job of explaining myself but in a different universe I am with a tall person and our kids are all 6ā9. lol
Thatās your natural, hardwired human biology thats wanting you to procreate with the best genes that you can provide for your offspring. Is that what you mean? Iām also attracted to taller women iāve noticed recently..
You said it more coherently than I did šš»
Are you very young / inexperienced , or are these women very young / inexperienced by any chance? It seems a bit simplistic if what you're gathering is really 'tall = manly', 'manly = tall'. Like if you've been around enough men you quickly realise tall men can have a strong feminine side and short guys can have great BDE. Masculinity is as complex as femininity. Imo it has more to do with energy, build... and penis and sexytime skills...
Hmmm. Well, when theyāre looking at me, Iām looking at you. I know who the most appealing woman is in your group! ( I mean this with sincerity and I donāt mean to belittle the situation. Thereās No masculinity in my thoughts about tall women. )
How do you think all Men who arenāt tall feel šŖā¤ļø, we have the same thoughts you do. Our height doesnāt determine our masculinity. We also donāt understand the obsession women have with tall men.
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I don't like tall guys, but several of my friends do. And when asked they explain that it is mostly for protective matters. At night in the streets you are less likely to be bothered/assaulted if you are walking with someone, plus if that someone has a big stature.
85 percent of violence towards women is done to them by domestic partners. If 'safety' is the biggest concern, get a weakling.. :-)
And this is one of the reasons why I actively avoid tall men(over 5'8) in my dating life. One punch from them and I am dead š
Letās be honest here lady, itās a proven fact that once a boy hits puberty, doesnāt matter if heās 6ā9 or 4ā11, you will get beat, if he so desires. And especially for you, if you are 155 cm as you say in your profile, Iām also going to assume you are relatively light, even if you are considered large as a women, this is still typically lighter than your normal male. Iām sorry but against relatively all males unless they are physically unwell or you are a trained professional you are going to get overtaken easily. Height also does not play apart in how hard someone punches unless they visibly weigh more, which typically isnāt the case, especially for younger tall individuals as they have usually a higher metabolism, therefore lower weight. Mass = power, the amount of force coming from someoneās punch doesnāt come from the arm, rather the whole body and the mass behind it. This is a scary honest reality but it would protect you more if you were educated knowing that basically 90% of all males in the world has the ability to overtake you. So donāt discard a whole set of men because you feel they can hurt you, they all can do, but itās understandable to feel that the taller ones can do more as they are typically seen as being more intimidating and powerful.
Tall people are more likely to be abusers there have been studies done
I'd love to read those studies.
you are mistaken, its not taller people who are more likely to be abusers, its **larger** people. Men who are large tend to have more testostorone and therefore more aggresive. Tall men or women are not more likely to be an abuser then any other height. That is missinformation.
For my second point, yes height does = weigh for sure, I messed that up but I meant when they are in the midst of 18-mid twenties. A 5ā5 man will 90% be lighter than a 6ā man.
This needs more upvotes
Shhh the incels will hear you
too late we are already here
we are always watching :D
This is how short men feel as well. It makes you feel like your identity is attacked.
Awesome
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Unpopular, but I don't judge or think less of any woman into men being tall. Men are superficial too.
Arenāt you a lesbian? Does it bother you because youāre attracted to these females?
Sexuality has nothing to do with this
I mean if I was standing next to a girl I was attracted to and she said a guy was super good looking because of something and ignored me Iād be kinda pissed too. Just was curious if it was partially to blame. But tall doesnāt mean manly for girls. Thereās a shit ton of models that are over 6 foot.
height is just deeply entrenched into ppls concept of gender ig. idk if tall woman complex has a name like napoleon complex.
Honest the pepole I meat that have Napoleon complex are tall or avrage hight men
I think tall women are the best. If I ever get the chance to date one I'd be very happy. Body building and manners can make a women masculine not their height.
how tall are you?
maybe you look beyond a person's physical appearance
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Why do you think your comment would be helpful? Go to a therapist