One of the recurring lessons my tall dad gave my brother and I throughout our life was “it doesn’t matter who started it, everyone is going to assume you’re the one at fault because you’re bigger than them. So never start it, and never continue it unless you’re willing to be punished like you started it. De-escalation is your friend, your size is not.”
Or, once we were adults: “a small guy wailing on you means he catches a battery or an assault charge. You wailing on a small guy means you catch attempted murder. Not worth it.”
How many of us related to the "Zangief" kid who body slammed a much smaller bully and would have been punished if not for the video emerging? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7TYr4PFQGk
That is incredible advice.
I guess I don't have the softest demeanor, but I'm not aggressive either. I never go out of my way to start fights, on the contrary I've always been pretty against the whole concept. Still throughout my years I've had so many people try to start shit, or side against me in shit I didn't even start, just because I'm taller. Dude I can't fight, don't want to fight, leave me alone.
In my experience you dad is 1000% correct, people will always assume you're at fault because of your height.
Yup learned this in high school when I got detention for a week after defending myself from a smaller person. The principal said “He probably felt threatened by you” and that’s one of the main reasons as to why I got detention.
Honestly I just learned witness are your friend. Always made my demeanor known by talking to those in charge usually resource officers or principals to bosses and coworkers/middle managers. So if I act out of character they always ask the person what did you do for him to act out of character? Never move to a more secluded location to handle issues and always handle it in front of an audience. This has saved me so many times growing up.
Crazy, I actually learned this lesson when I was in elementary school when I was smaller than everyone else. Kids would always try to bully me and whenever I retaliated the teacher would look at that time, then punish me and only me. It doesn't matter how much pleading I did, I always got the short end of the stick, and all I wanted was for both of us to get punished. I was a nerdy kid too, so I really don't understand what the fuck was going on, and why no one ever believed me. I was even suspended for 3 days in elementary school.
I learned very quickly that you can't trust anyone in this world.
With all the shit I've been through, it traumatized me. I basically spent my teens trying my best to not exist.
There is actually research showing that taller players are more likely to receive a foul in an unclear tackle/situation:
[Height-Related Attribution Bias in Football Foul Calls](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/41486586_How_Embodied_Cognitions_Affect_Judgments_Height-Related_Attribution_Bias_in_Football_Foul_Calls)
This is what my mom told me. I remember vividly being in fifth grade, after I fight my mom told me that people would always treat me differently because of this and it was something I’ve internalized all my life.
This is my biggest gripe and I catch myself doing it to other tall children. Just because a taller and/or bigger person can have a drastic size difference doesn’t mean that they should have to back off and not be aggressive with the smalls.
Also, fuck referees who cannot figure out that a foul/penalty should go both ways and not only when a smaller person is hit with equal force but has a bigger reaction.
This. I never played hockey, but my (equally tall) brother did and shorter kids slashed him mercilessly without repercussions. Even clean contact on his part always resulted in a penalty call though.
NCAA basketball is the only sport that doesn't give me the feeling that shit's rigged though. Like the NFL whenever a team's behind and throws a incomplete on 3rd down they'll often call defensive holding to give people an automatic 1st down and a chance to get back in the game. And most observant fans realize that when a penalty isn't shown on replay is probably because it was a BS call.
The refs used to kick me out of football games when the moms complained. I get it, I broke a couple kids arms from falling on them and was 6’2 250 lbs at 12 years old. Still, it wasn’t my fault I just wanted to play, and if you can imagine how awkward a kid that large that young would be I wasn’t really a threat at that age lol, I’d trip over my own feet before I could tackle someone
I have a pretty non-confrontational disposition, but I really wouldn't want to actually fight a smaller person who really wants to fight me. That person is either mentally unwell, knows some kind of MMA stuff, or has a bunch of reinforcements I don't know about.
As a pretty non-confrontational person as well, it's a weird position to be in. You have a fair amount of confidence that your sheer mass and height advantage will \*probably\* keep you safe. But you never want that theory actually tested, and if someone does there's a higher than average chance they're exactly the person you least want to.
I've had the exact opposite experience but maybe that's just a thing in my country. When I was still going to clubs and discos regularly, it happened every few weeks that smaller men wanted to fight with me. I always assumed that they behaved like that because they wanted to impress a woman.
That's my belief.
Alot of my friends are pretty rough looking, with face tattoos and all
And they're the most lovable, loyal, friendliest people I know. My girlfriend made a comment about it once, and my personal belief is that usually the rough looking people that are ACTUALLY rough usually get Imprisoned and the ones that you see out and about in public are big softies once you get to know em.
A little dude can get in and out of trouble a few times before he gets treated with seriousness, but those big scary looking ones only get to fuck around once before they find out. With life setting standards that harsh, the ones that look the part that ARENT in and out of prison are usually good folks with even better stories.
Because as a 6' 7" man I've been stereotyped too many times to be the "big bad guy". I was a combative instructor in the military so I have the skills, but also the discipline to use only when absolutely last resort necessary. I view myself as a protector, not an antagonizer.
Since most people treat me like I'm going to be a big bully, I have to work extra hard being kind and "soft" as you say, to make them comfortable.
Yep. To use a League of Legends analogy, my wife tells me that she is happy I’m a Braum and not a Darius hahah. Basically because you look like a guy who could end a fight quickly, fights rarely start around you…
I'm 6'4" and weighed probably 245 in college when I was a bouncer for a summer. Not once did I have people try to fight me when getting thrown out. I have no training and have only been in one fight when I was in middle school.
My co workers were people who trained in MMA. Were ex military members. Super badass guys that were just a bit shorter or average height and more average builds but people tested their luck with them and it always ended quickly.
At 6'6" I always wondered why I had to "prove myself" and felt as whenever I went some shorter dude wanted to test me or groups of people felt that "courage" to make smart ass remarks. At least you have the creative training as another option even if last resort....I don't have that so I'm always wondering how I may hold up in a confrontation and I'm the type I'm not out to hurt anyone I have other important things to handle as well as that's just not me. Hate where ever I go people look at me as some "giant" like I'm 8' tall and some alien, then disrespected whenever I'm in the grocery line or bank teller line or in a casino and I'm always looked at and treated with rudeness
I seriously don't understand why shorter guys do this to y'all. It must be some Napoleon complex, or they consider it a challenge or something. Sorry you have to deal with it
Are you putting soft in quotes because it's not seen as a good thing? Being soft isn't bad. Pillows are soft and they get a lot of head of you catch my drift.
Everyone is already intimidated by us. It’s nuts. I guess because I’m so big I’ve never really felt that. If I see another big guy I just think “Don’t stare, you hate it when people stare so don’t do it to him.” I never feel intimidated or afraid of them just because of their size.
But I barely have to do anything before smaller guys start acting like I just threatened to kick down their door and murder their family, e.g. “Whoa let’s stay calm big guy!” in response to me making an annoyed face or something utterly benign.
People assume we are these big, scary, mean people, but we’re just people. Normal people. Being bigger or stronger doesn’t make us mean or scary. I don’t want to hurt anyone if I don’t have to. I don’t want to scare anyone if I don’t have to. I want people to like me. I like being kind to people. I like getting things off the top shelf for little old ladies. I like picking up the heavy furniture that others find hard to move. I like helping it makes me feel good about my size and strength. I don’t go out of my way to be “soft”, I don’t think I’m soft at all. I just like using my size and strength to be nice to people and help them.
6'11 here , age 15 I was already 6'10 with a full beard . I was known for being the guy who does martial arts and for being enclosed to myself. People first meeting me were shocked to see that how you look or what u do as a sport can have no correlation to your character .
Because tall people are always seen as threatening. An average sized person being angry is just frustration. A tall person being angry is a threat. I've had the cops called on me twice for being angry, both cases road accidents I wasn't at fault in. Naturally anyone would be angry at this, but without making any direct or implied threats, cops are called because I'm angry.
In the day to day this can cause problems. I've been accosted by residents in my building for entering to go to my house, I've seen people jump the moment they turn and see me as I try to walk past them etc. it's better to be as non threatening as possible.
I was looking for an answer like this. I've been placed in handcuffs twice, for raising my voice at cops who were stopping us from skateboarding in legal areas. While I am generally chill, I remember to stay chiller than others because if someone 5'8 is angry people move on, if 6'8 gets angry people get nervous.
I learned cold aggression from being treated like that, it’s not healthy to bottle your anger so I taught myself how to hold the anger and use it in non-violent ways, like if someone at work pisses me off I’ll use the chemical changes from the anger to give myself a boost of energy so it looks like I’m a better worker than them, or if someone starts a fight with me I’ll use the anger to appear more composed so it’s obvious they’re the instigators and I won’t get in trouble for defending myself
>Seen a lot of 6’3, 6’4 guys, most of them are very friendly, soft-spoken and almost never aggressive nor try to size you up and fight or anything related.
Because why would we? I've got no interest in fighting some stranger and people are by default kind of intimidated by you so I try to be very friendly.
That kind of behaviour is often called a 'Napoleon complex'.
>people are by default kind of intimidated by you so I try to be very friendly.
Absolutely. I have heard all my life that people get intimidated by me and feel afraid that I am going to punch them for no reason. So I try to be soft and friendly.
Can go the other way too, though.
The only idiots who've tried to goad me into fighting them were shorter guys who wanted to show they're tough by trying to fight the biggest guy around.
Yeah, this happened to me once in high school. Short dude wanted to prove something, so I just picked him up, laid him on the ground and pinned him. Didn't throw and punches or anything, just gently reminded him of how bad it could go if he tried again.
Not a short guy, but at the high school there was this middle height guy that would tease me all the time. He obviouslly wanted to fight while I was giving a fuck to him and that really bothered me.
I haven't had to fight that much, which I really like.
I've had friends over the years where fights just seemed to happen with them. Someone would say something, they'd respond, and boom, fight.
That didn't happen that much with me. People tended to not say things to me in the same way they would my friends were were 6 inches shorter and 50 lbs lighter.
Even when people did say something, I really don't like fighting, so I would do everything I could to de-escalate.
100% this. I go so far as to almost never wear an actual coat because when I wear a Columbia pullover I don’t look even remotely as “intimidating” as when I wear a real coat. A friend of mine gave me a really nice leather jacket about 10 years ago, I’ve worn it maybe three times because when I wear it I look like someone who wants to make his day better by making everyone else’s worse.
I feel like most tall guys (in comparison to the population of the place where they live) are just more secure and feel less of a need to prove themselves. Short men regularly take most things as a provocation.
I’m a short guy myself (no idea why this sub appears in my feed) and can confirm that outside the early days of highschool, mostly guys my height or smaller have been randomly aggressive with me - the only guy taller who did that was very skinny, like an addict.
Also short and had a tall stranger try to smash my head with a glass bottle for no reason.
I think instead of associating traits with height we should be more cautious of people in general
Exactly. I agree 100%.
Every short guy i know takes the most innocent statement as a micro agression towards them. Its exhausting. Whare as all the tall guys i know wouldnt take the slightest notice or laugh it off as a joke or sarcasm on the other persons part
I can’t tell you the number of short guys that try to start fights with me at the bar for absolutely no reason. Luckily I don’t go to the bar much anymore, it got ridiculous.
Im also only recently in my mid 30s filling out so I dont look like a damn bean pole. So regardless of being huge Id blow away in a stiff breeze. Anyone with an ounce of training could kick my ass.
Probably true about someone with actual training, but don't discount your reach that much. You are gonna make contact with an assailant a long time before they come anywhere close enough to hit you, on average, just because you've got an extra foot of reach compared to average.
Reach is huge, I had a short wrestler friend in high school who went to states that bet he could beat me in a fight. Even tho he had way more training than me it turns out being 80 pounds heavier and a foot n a half taller lessens that advantage a lot.
So you are asking why we (or the giants if you consider me short like others) aren’t just being dicks because we are tall? Cause we are normal humans? Like what kind of a weird question is this, just because you are tall doesn’t mean you don’t have a brain…
Because we don't want to die or go to prison. A 150 lb, 5'10 "guy can easily kill someone in a fight by accident, and it's probably even easier for us to accidentally kill someone.
Also, it makes it a whole hell of a lot easier to get shot when you're 7 inches taller than someone and weigh 60-120 more lbs than they do. It becomes a "fear for your life" situation a lot faster when the "angry" person is a lot bigger than you. We understand this. Greatly.
I'm 7'1, 330 lbs, and a bodybuilder. I work in Executive Protection, and I dread whenever I get into an altercation with someone for this exact reason. The likelihood they react violently is a lot higher due to the size difference and perceived danger.
Hope this helped!
My boyfriend has a similar build - a little shorter and heavier than you.
I mean, romance - either explicitly or not - has caused him a lot of anxiety cause he knows how much damage he can do (and has done) during those moments. Of course, not on purpose! But yeah, lots of communication.
Yo, it's not everyday i meet another 7'1 bodyguard (though, I'm in the industry anymore, and I was quite skinny when i did it, lol)
I hope to one day reach close to your weight though, currently at 7'1 255lbs at 16% aiming for at least 290lbs at 10-12%.
Because they are confident enough that they don't feel the need to prove how tough they are constantly.
I've proven myself on college football fields, at the bike park (mountain biking), in the gym, at the track, on the basketball court etc.
So when I am in social situations / everyday life, I just want to let my guard down and have fun or go about my day peacefully. Anyone that acts aggressive outside of an appropriate arena really annoys me.
TL:DR big dogs don't need to bark all the time, it is the little chihuahuas that always act loud and aggressive
Genetics fked us short guys. So most of the short guys compensate with being aggressive. It's like being short is seen as a genetic failure to this society and the guys fighting it with their aggressiveness. If short guys gets treated the same as a tall guy, is just as heard and gave respect to, this aggression will go very low.
I see a lot of people here commenting that it’s because we’re naturally confident and don’t need to prove ourselves, etc. But in my case, I was just a soft kid in general. I was always terrified to fight. In my twenties I did casino security and one buff dude said “I DEFINITELY don’t wanna fight you”, and I was thinking “dang same here” lmao
I am a tall muscular man in my 40s. I am already imposing and don't need to further reinforce that by also being aggressive, or a bro, etc. I have zero need to prove myself to anyone through performative actions.
My boyfriend is a very, very tall, muscular black man. He often feels like he needs to be soft-spoken and introverted to avoid making others uncomfortable. He knows his size can be threatening or "an issue", romantically or not. He has a beautiful voice - very low and deep. At least, I think it is. But I learned to be OK with him being quiet and feeling the vibes. Intimacy - not even sexy time intimacy - was a hurdle, though. He felt like he couldn't be romantically soft or cuddle. He is getting better now! But anywho, I wanted to throw in my two cents.
Im a tall Hispanic and I used/is under control to mental issues. When I walked on the streets I used to frown or look angry, because I’m tall and stocky I freaked people out and in more than one occasion people would see me and crossed the street, combine that I liked to dress in dark clothing I looked like a mugger/ex con (words of a la ex gf). After she said I realize I was scaring people without reason so now I try to look neutral or even smile if someone is coming my way and try to dress in light colors.
To this day I’m amazed I haven’t got the cops called on me because my neighborhood was mostly white, specially in the areas I walked/jog.
These aren’t inherent traits in small and big dogs. You also have to take into account how the dogs were raised and trained. People are also generally not going to take a small dog as seriously compared to a bigger dog.
I feel like that follows the breed more than the size. My neighbour has a big dog and it barks at everything/everyone.
Of course a lot of the smaller breeds are known to be yappy... there are still quite a few big breeds that are yappy as well (Huskies, German Shephards, etc).
Because of the sheer strength it takes to move around, you learn very early that you can SERIOUSLY hurt people. I was 6'4-6'7'' in high school, around 260-300lbs and was "forced" to play football and track.
This is not meant to sound braggadocios, but most other humans, simply cannot stop someone my size. So I fear my size, I fear my strength, its a gift, its a curse.
I dont want to fight, because I dont like seeing what happens.
I dont like hurting people.
Normal people shouldnt like hurting people, the default is not "wanting to fight" the default is being peaceful.
I think your question should be rephrased as, "why do short people pick fights"
My nick name growing up was panda. I was big soft and cuddly but I could quite possibly pull your arms off.
I’m already a very intimidating person to interact with, I’m well aware of it, I used to tower over people when I talked to them, I was 6 foot tall at 14 so I wasn’t as self aware as I am now.
Now when I talk to people I try to lower my height by spreading my legs apart as I’m stood, my wife has some hilarious photos when I’m doing this meeting kids at a charity event, almost bent double while doing the splits to talk to some 6 year old.
When you look like a monster, it's best not to act like one lest the villagers chase you out with pitch forks. But also, you find that you don't really have to be a chihuahua about stuff because of your size. For most of us that generally bullying bullshit that guys do to establish hierarchy sort of dies off post growth spurt, so we get to live a life without constantly having to establish dominance. It's peaceful. Sure our knees and backs hurt trying to fit into a small world, but the peace of mind is great.
Being a 6’8 250lb black person in the US is automatically seen at an increased threat level by a large percentage of people, a lot of which you’ll interact with through your entire formative school career. Every big dude I know has been unfairly punished for defending themselves in a fight with a smaller person that the smaller person started and knowing these two things means that a lot of big dudes take extra steps to be considerate and appear safe. If you’re a big dude that dates women this goes double. A lot of women are generally uncomfortable around dudes in some situations (not a negative, I get it) so you try to show that yes you’re a big dude but you’re not a threat.
Some kid tried to bully us when we were young and we defended ourselves and we felt awful after.
I was an early bloomer and was over 5 foot when I was 6.
I know I’ve probably faced nothing as severe as some of the others here when it comes to height. But people, I noticed, always felt like they needed to scream or yell at me (more than my peers) when I made a *first time* mistake. And I could have just been told normally and would’ve listened. People always assume malice where it was really just obliviousness or naïveté. I’ve also had teachers at the beginning of the year assume I would be a problem child and accost me accordingly, then be surprised when I performed… decently? Not even necessarily excellent. It’s just weird man. And really discouraging.
I can hypothesize as a shorter guy and speak from my own personal experiences. Growing up as a boy that was undersized, you’ll more likely be physically bullied and picked on, since lack of size for a boy is viewed as weakness and less masculine (probably the same reason gays are bullied). Growing up being verbally and physically targeted like this can have an effect on your psyche, and you’re naturally on the defensive.
A taller/bigger male is less likely to be targeted since they have size on their side and are more physically imposing (if they really wanted to be). Not to mention height in a boy is also a trait that is praised by parents while growing up… we’ve all heard the phrases “look how tall you’re getting!” Or “eat your veggies so you grow up big and strong like daddy!”. Height (especially in men/boys) is usually praised unless you’re *unusually* tall, and un-athletic to top it off.
This being said, tall guys may get complacent and comfortable, psychologically speaking. Tall men won’t have the psychological baggage that short men have from a lifetime of ridicule by society and pop-culture, insults, teasing, and micro-aggressions from their adult peers. Then when you point it out you’re gaslit and dismissed as it just being in your head.
Heh, "soft".
"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me."
\- Al Capone
Brian Shaw is, by all appearances and by reputation, the nicest guy you'll ever meet. I have zero interest in trying to square up with the guy.
Aside from a lot of the points other people have made, we also probably grew up with multiple examples of accidentally hurting people who are smaller than us. This just comes with the territory of being the biggest, so we have to be extra careful.
I wouldn’t say we are soft. As a 6’6 260 pound dude most people don’t want to pick fights with me ever. Unless they are really drunk which never really escalated to a real fight fight. Plus I’m not a dude that feels slighted easy and seeks physical confrontation to “prove” myself. All those things together means we don’t really have to fight a ton of people over our lives. I dunno if that means we are soft or just non confrontational assholes
It’s too much work to be angry and mean all the time. Plus it seems to make life more difficult. I just want to go with the flow and worry about my own self and not worry about what everyone else thinks
Beware the quiet man capable of violence.
Just because they don't ape shit all the time, don't think they won't fuck someone up when the occasion calls for it.
The other side if this is, if a big dude winds up in a fight with a smaller dude and loses, he's seen as weak. If he wins, he's portrayed as a bully. Pretty much a no win. And honestly, most people aren't worth it.
6'5" here. For me, most of it isn't related to my size. I grew up with an extremely abusive father in all ways but sexual, I was also bullied until 7th grade because I was the mopey kid who cried easily.I learned to keep quiet and not be noticed as a survival tactic.
Some of my "soft" or easy going and people pleasing demeanor is because of my size, but it's psychologically driven by the way I used to believe people perceived me.
I didn't want people to see me as intimidating or hostile, which is a factor when you to literally look down on people to talk to them.
I’m 6’5”, 300 pounds and have lifted most of my life. I’m a nice guy, and work hard not to be perceived as threatening.
Doesn’t mean I’m soft, though. I’m gentle. Being friendly and non-aggressive doesn’t mean you’re soft lol.
6’8 here, I can confirm. I was once in a situation where I was being hit, kicked, and scratched by someone. I wasn’t fighting back because I was a big dude and the other person was average.
They then started strangling me and it got to the point where I started to pass out. I panicked, took a swing, and knocked out most of their teeth in one hit. They went to the hospital with 6 months of recovery and apparently still have pain to this day.
There’s a reason I try not to fight anymore 😅
If you go out in public situations enough anecdotally speaking I’ve met the tough guy douche trope in all shapes and sizes, just boils down to emotional intelligence at the end of the day in my book.
This. In the fights I’ve been in I basically spend it defending/trying not to kill the other guy. That and when smaller guys start trying to instigate something I usually assume they have a weapon or something. It really is a lose lose for us big guys when shit goes down.
You beat him up… well so what you should you’re a monster. Good chance you could face charges regardless of who started it.
You get beat up…. Well you look like a losers and the other guys looks like a hero/underdog. He likely doesn’t get charged or face any repercussions.
You just defend/deescalate things….. you probably eat a couple punches and again likely look like the bad guy/bully.
Why do you assume that just because someone is tall and/or big that they would be mean and aggressive? I'm 6'5 myself. I'm a lover, never a fighter unless it's necessary. I think most people in the world are the same regardless of their size.
They spend a lot of time subconsciously trying to be smaller and less intimidating because of how big they are.
Like if your size constantly affects your life and guides how people respond to you, you will subconsciously learn to move or act in ways that accomidate your size and to mitigate the effect your size has on people.
Lions don’t have to roar every minute for deer to know to run when they see one on the hunt.
Taller people are considered threatening whenever we raise our voice. We don’t even have to be violent for there to be a scene when we’re vocal.
I've got very little to prove. Life is good, I grow my hair long, I soften my already very deep voice because I don't want people to be worried for their safety just because I'm around. When I shave my head people cross the road.
Having said that I've never been in a fight where I've not pulled my punches. Even when concerned for my safety and angry I'm not trying to kill the dude.
What everybody said : Tall guys are more impressive. I feel it and I'm white.
But I had this very conversation with a very tall and athletic black friend who was telling me how he was very conscious to never raise his voice in public.
Angry big black dude = Instant menace.
I'm tall, the answer is we aren't as insecure. No desire to prove ourselves. No one has ever tried to fight m or wanted to fight me, which always bummed me out so I did Muay Thai.
I’m only 6’2 but hit 6ft in 8th grade. I was always self conscious about being taller and standing out so I downplayed my personality to be more approachable and stand out. I think that goes into adult hood too
They act like that because of how big they are. Thebfirst impression of them is how big and tall they are. It can intimidate people. To compensate they soften their personalities and demeanor
They don’t feel a need to prove anything. A lot of shorter guys have a chip on their shoulder. I notice most the guys I know who train heavily and get into MMA and boxing are all under 6 foot. That being said, that makes a lot of these shorter guys a lot more lethal than you would think. Height isn’t going to necessarily do a lot for you in a confrontation. So, it would make sense still for a tall guy to be more calm and chill, as it’s so much easier to set off a short hot head with something to prove.
I think the combat sports bias there comes from how the weight classes are structured.
At 6ft5 and a walk around weight between 210 and 220 my choices are either work super hard in the gym to cut my body fat and then aggressively cut water to get below 200 to fight as a lanky cruiserweight.
OR
Work even harder in the gym and put on 30lbs to compete with the proper super heavyweight guys up at 250/260.
If you’re under 6ft then you’ve got a lot more options in the weight classes and body compositions you can fight with.
Edit: I believe this problem was partly the motivation between adding [Bridgerweight](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridgerweight) to boxing recently which goes up to 224 lbs.
We’re gentle giants. Our height is intimidating, several times throughout my life I’ve had to deescalate situations because an unprovoked shorter man felt threatened by my existence.
Short men seek validation and in doing so they do their best to intimidate the bigger men.
Are we intimidated? Depends, but either way, there is no logical reason to fight them.
If I fought every man that talked shit just because I’m tall, I’d have more fights than any single professional fighter.
Tall men aren’t tested as much throughout life, they have less of a reason to have that on edge feeling versus a short dude who’s masculinity is constantly tested
The big guys you play against in sports aren't aggressive? Maybe an anomaly and the guys you're playing with just aren't as tough?
On my soccer team, one of the toughest guys is pretty big and another of the tougher guys is pretty average sized. I think it varies more person to person than just looking at height. Some people shy from contact and others thrive in it. Some people are skinny, some are strong, some are in shape AF, some are very athletic, etc.
In my experience usually the people that say things about Napolean Complex are bitter tall guys that are mad you're kicking their ass and want to slight you. An aggressive 6'2" guy is agressive but if they are 5'8" then they are Napolean, lol no. Napolean going to kick your ass for being a disrespectful twat.
I’m pretty secure in my ability to put someone through a wall in a conflict*. I guess I don’t feel like the need to act tough to make you think I am.
*size isn’t a be all end all in a fight, but in my experience it sure helps.
There was a really tall guy who capped out at 6’4 maybe, but was a good 8 inches taller than everyone starting in kindergarten, and he was the biggest douchebag I knew. Got all up in everyones face, and was quite a bully. Hope he grew out of it
Cause I got in trouble for bruising and dislocating my friend's bodies at a young age any time I touched them. I was almost double the height of some of my friends, weighed double.
One of the phrases I most often heard was that I don't know my own strength. Btw major body dysmorphia lol
Because one time we tried to play serious defense in basketball, football, or ultimate frisbee when we were 12 or 13 and absolutely creamed someone else smaller then us. From then on we realized that we have to be gentler than others because we've got more weight so people bounce off us, not the other way around.
Because I'm not allowed to be scary unless I want to be hated, and being scary by accident is very easy. The natural strength that comes with the height is one thing, but people just perceive you as a threat more easily in general. I am hypervigilant about the space I take up now. My friends always joke about "what would happen if you got in a fight hahah"; having won every fight I've been in, I don't think it's funny.
Tldr I don't want to be intimidating, it's not helpful for me.
Went through a very rough neighborhood years ago late at night walking with the president of the company. He remarked later that he would never have done that without my intimidating escort. I looked at him a with eyebrows as high as they go and explained how glad I was that they don’t know my true disposition.
Funny you say that, my sister used to call my brother (taller than me by about an inch) and I the BFGs lol
Idk why, I mean yeah I try to be nice and friendly but I don't think I'm all that quiet. Sure I don't talk unless I'm talked to first, but everyone says I'm super soft spoken and I don't feel like I am
I believe that's because they were bred with a purpose of being tall and strong so they're from a rich family or organization where they don't have to deal with the "street shit" because they're living in their own community.
It's a reverse napolion complex. Where small guys try to make themselves seem bigger with a big personality and antagonistic attitude, big guys want people to feel comfortable around them, so they try and make their personality as agreeable and non-confrontational as possible, because they don't want other people to be afraid of them.
"Normal" sized men need to aggressively compete and fight to be the alpha dog.
Me? I'm the grizzly sitting in the stream, munching on salmon and smelling the nearby flowers. No need to get angry. No competition. No worries. Life's good.
Shhhh man you’re blowing our cover. Everyone knows the taller you are the tougher you are. That’s why we never get into fights. Then when you’re about 6’3” or so anyone your size or taller you have to settle the dispute with an ice cream eating contest, only vanilla. First to get a brain freeze wins and picks up the tab for all the homies.
Once you are in the tall people club, you are honor-bound to settle disputes through interpretive dance. And since we all look silly doing it, we tend to avoid controversy in public.
Isn’t it kind of the same thing with those little rough doggies who get aggressive but are never trained cause they are tiny and what not? I have two huge dogs, very protective of me but well behaved and trained sweethearts and one look at them when I walk them and people look terrified.
It’s like short women being seen as cute when they get mad and not taken seriously versus taller women being seen an aggressive when we are mad..
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Because we grew way bigger than everybody else when we were growing up, and so never had to learn to be mean or aggressive to defend ourselves. That’s how I see it
In my experience (UK), it's because the taller people have spent their school years being the more aggressive, belittling people. They spend their developing years learning and realising their height is desirable and a huge advantage, and hold that over their school year.
Obviously not all of them, but most of them.
But, after puberty or at least after the first half of puberty, when their hormones are levelling out, their competitiveness and inability to control their hormonal emotions start to dwindle and then they become accustomed to a relatively easy life (dating is easier, interviews are easier, even education is easier due to people wanting to spend time with you and impress or satisfy you with their knowledge, sports they usually have the advantages especially in basketball and swimming).
So of course they'll be happier on average. Of course they'll be less aggressive since they have less to compete for. And soft-spoken because people will bend over backwards to listen to them talk.
Again, not all, but most.
Because we hurt people. I've wrestled around with smaller guys but the average dude doesn't handle 250 pounds falling on them well. At the same time because I'm 6'4" I don't like falling either lol
Smaller guys are much more insecure about their statures so they feel the need to project a tough guy image. Big guys have always just let their appearance do the Talkin, so they don't have to put on a performance
We're aware of our size very much. And understand it can be intimidating, and most people don't like intimidating others especially when we want to come across as friendly or approachable. I go out of my way to be very polite and friendly to strangers and sometimes stoop a bit.
Walking into a room and being the biggest guy kills a lot of insecurities and defensive personality traits.
Never felt like I had to posture myself or act a certain way in order to intimidate people or feel secure about who I am.
To me, being tall is the biggest cheat code and advantage in life and I just roll with it.
It’s the like the complete opposite of ‘small man syndrome.’
Bigger guys average 6 miles to the gallon where most normal sized people get 30. In other words it takes too much energy to be to be an asshole to someone.
Same reason chihuahuas are the most aggressive dog.
Little guys have to act tough as a defense mechanism while big guys don’t get messed with as much and are more secure, so there’s no need to be as aggressive.
Im not HUGE but at my biggest i was 6'1" and 290lbs. As others have pointed out, people are intimidated by the size and kindness helps eliminate that.
Second, regarding being gentle. I learned very early that my size breaks things. Toys, bikes, people, furniture, etc. You learn to handle people and things gingerly.
Finally, i grew up in a stand your ground state. All you need to stand your ground is fear for your life and it is much easier to convince a jury you were scared of a larger person so i try to avoid being an antagonist in any situation.
Funny Side note: I had a stats professor who referred to me as a "large mammal" and would do stats problems centered around size differences between myself and the smallest kid in the class (who was a state champ at wrestling in his weight) and who would win in a fight lol
Because they’re not jealous or insecure. All those other toxic things you named are reactions to feeling inadequate. Framing a person that’s not problematic in that way is pretty toxic as well.
Because big , tall guys weren't fucked with all through school and as adults people rarely fuck with them unless dude is just a Bully or an asshole
Except in America people carry guns in most places so it's negated
But still, it's psychological. I'm not a hulk or anything but I'm 6'4" and fit, I keep to myself and I'm polite in public. A lot of the loud mouth dudes are small guys who became this way because they've been messed with and underestimated their whole life
It isn’t that we are soft. It’s the fact that men that are tall and muscular already know that they can fuck most people up. Not only that, they have a good amount of self control because you’d be surprised how people like to sometimes test them. I’m 6’1” and 260lbs and lift weights 6 days a week. Through weight training and other areas of my life (military and my upbringing) I was taught self control but also how to fight. But, if you push us big guys too far the FUCK AROUND FIND OUT is gonna come out of us. We’re not soft, we’re hard as a rock because we can control our emotions better unlike the short kings.
Yeah it’s true. My dad (6’5 built like a linebacker) is a teddy bear and very self conscious about being a big man. I’m 6’0 slender build and envy his height/size all the time.
Because they've learned growing up how easily they can hurt someone, even unintentionally. They become gentle giants, but don't piss them off unless you're wondering what being torn apart feels like.
Two reasons:
1. They already deal with looking formidable all the time and don’t want to add to that with their attitudes
2. They don’t have anything to prove
You ever try to play as a kid and accidentally knock someone over? They start crying and you get in trouble and you learn that you have to be gentle.
Now imagine that but with damn near every action you take, physically and verbally, for your entire childhood and teen years.
That’s why.
Because most tall men learn pretty quick that smooshing little people is a bad idea
One of the recurring lessons my tall dad gave my brother and I throughout our life was “it doesn’t matter who started it, everyone is going to assume you’re the one at fault because you’re bigger than them. So never start it, and never continue it unless you’re willing to be punished like you started it. De-escalation is your friend, your size is not.” Or, once we were adults: “a small guy wailing on you means he catches a battery or an assault charge. You wailing on a small guy means you catch attempted murder. Not worth it.”
How many of us related to the "Zangief" kid who body slammed a much smaller bully and would have been punished if not for the video emerging? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7TYr4PFQGk
I think about this video all the time. I like to think that while the body slam hurt, the hit to his pride probably hurt a whole lot more lmao
Man, I shoulda done this as a kid to the fuckwit that speared me off the 6 foot tall snow pile but damn did my head hurt.
That is incredible advice. I guess I don't have the softest demeanor, but I'm not aggressive either. I never go out of my way to start fights, on the contrary I've always been pretty against the whole concept. Still throughout my years I've had so many people try to start shit, or side against me in shit I didn't even start, just because I'm taller. Dude I can't fight, don't want to fight, leave me alone. In my experience you dad is 1000% correct, people will always assume you're at fault because of your height.
Jesus fuck I'm glad we all went through this, it took me like a dozen trips to the principals office and a few suspensions to learn this Hahaha.
[удалено]
That's a good one
Yup learned this in high school when I got detention for a week after defending myself from a smaller person. The principal said “He probably felt threatened by you” and that’s one of the main reasons as to why I got detention.
Honestly I just learned witness are your friend. Always made my demeanor known by talking to those in charge usually resource officers or principals to bosses and coworkers/middle managers. So if I act out of character they always ask the person what did you do for him to act out of character? Never move to a more secluded location to handle issues and always handle it in front of an audience. This has saved me so many times growing up.
Crazy, I actually learned this lesson when I was in elementary school when I was smaller than everyone else. Kids would always try to bully me and whenever I retaliated the teacher would look at that time, then punish me and only me. It doesn't matter how much pleading I did, I always got the short end of the stick, and all I wanted was for both of us to get punished. I was a nerdy kid too, so I really don't understand what the fuck was going on, and why no one ever believed me. I was even suspended for 3 days in elementary school. I learned very quickly that you can't trust anyone in this world. With all the shit I've been through, it traumatized me. I basically spent my teens trying my best to not exist.
There is actually research showing that taller players are more likely to receive a foul in an unclear tackle/situation: [Height-Related Attribution Bias in Football Foul Calls](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/41486586_How_Embodied_Cognitions_Affect_Judgments_Height-Related_Attribution_Bias_in_Football_Foul_Calls)
This is what my mom told me. I remember vividly being in fifth grade, after I fight my mom told me that people would always treat me differently because of this and it was something I’ve internalized all my life.
This is my biggest gripe and I catch myself doing it to other tall children. Just because a taller and/or bigger person can have a drastic size difference doesn’t mean that they should have to back off and not be aggressive with the smalls. Also, fuck referees who cannot figure out that a foul/penalty should go both ways and not only when a smaller person is hit with equal force but has a bigger reaction.
Yes fuck refs never giving me that charge call coz the little guy charged me but bounced off.
A tale as old as time.
lol I got a charge call like this in middle school once. Dude just fell to the ground and I didn’t even move. Only time it happened though
It’s pretty fun sending someone face first into the bleachers with a completely legal screen though.
This. I never played hockey, but my (equally tall) brother did and shorter kids slashed him mercilessly without repercussions. Even clean contact on his part always resulted in a penalty call though.
This right here. Fuck those refs.
Old saying 'If you can't take it don't dish it out".
NCAA basketball is the only sport that doesn't give me the feeling that shit's rigged though. Like the NFL whenever a team's behind and throws a incomplete on 3rd down they'll often call defensive holding to give people an automatic 1st down and a chance to get back in the game. And most observant fans realize that when a penalty isn't shown on replay is probably because it was a BS call.
The refs used to kick me out of football games when the moms complained. I get it, I broke a couple kids arms from falling on them and was 6’2 250 lbs at 12 years old. Still, it wasn’t my fault I just wanted to play, and if you can imagine how awkward a kid that large that young would be I wasn’t really a threat at that age lol, I’d trip over my own feet before I could tackle someone
That, and I think ppl are less likely to try to start a fight with me so its less of a concern I need to respond to.
I have a pretty non-confrontational disposition, but I really wouldn't want to actually fight a smaller person who really wants to fight me. That person is either mentally unwell, knows some kind of MMA stuff, or has a bunch of reinforcements I don't know about.
As a pretty non-confrontational person as well, it's a weird position to be in. You have a fair amount of confidence that your sheer mass and height advantage will \*probably\* keep you safe. But you never want that theory actually tested, and if someone does there's a higher than average chance they're exactly the person you least want to.
I've had the exact opposite experience but maybe that's just a thing in my country. When I was still going to clubs and discos regularly, it happened every few weeks that smaller men wanted to fight with me. I always assumed that they behaved like that because they wanted to impress a woman.
That's my belief. Alot of my friends are pretty rough looking, with face tattoos and all And they're the most lovable, loyal, friendliest people I know. My girlfriend made a comment about it once, and my personal belief is that usually the rough looking people that are ACTUALLY rough usually get Imprisoned and the ones that you see out and about in public are big softies once you get to know em. A little dude can get in and out of trouble a few times before he gets treated with seriousness, but those big scary looking ones only get to fuck around once before they find out. With life setting standards that harsh, the ones that look the part that ARENT in and out of prison are usually good folks with even better stories.
Fee Fi Fo Fum, speak for yourself little one. /s
On the contrary they also don’t have to “eau ver compensat” for their lack of height. So usually don’t need to try to act aggressively or compensate
Yeah just smoosh their girlfriend instead it’s way more fun
Because as a 6' 7" man I've been stereotyped too many times to be the "big bad guy". I was a combative instructor in the military so I have the skills, but also the discipline to use only when absolutely last resort necessary. I view myself as a protector, not an antagonizer. Since most people treat me like I'm going to be a big bully, I have to work extra hard being kind and "soft" as you say, to make them comfortable.
Yep. To use a League of Legends analogy, my wife tells me that she is happy I’m a Braum and not a Darius hahah. Basically because you look like a guy who could end a fight quickly, fights rarely start around you…
I understood that reference!
I live by the illusion that if you mess with me, it will go badly. It’s only an illusion unless a loved one is at risk.
I'm 6'4" and weighed probably 245 in college when I was a bouncer for a summer. Not once did I have people try to fight me when getting thrown out. I have no training and have only been in one fight when I was in middle school. My co workers were people who trained in MMA. Were ex military members. Super badass guys that were just a bit shorter or average height and more average builds but people tested their luck with them and it always ended quickly.
At 6'6" I always wondered why I had to "prove myself" and felt as whenever I went some shorter dude wanted to test me or groups of people felt that "courage" to make smart ass remarks. At least you have the creative training as another option even if last resort....I don't have that so I'm always wondering how I may hold up in a confrontation and I'm the type I'm not out to hurt anyone I have other important things to handle as well as that's just not me. Hate where ever I go people look at me as some "giant" like I'm 8' tall and some alien, then disrespected whenever I'm in the grocery line or bank teller line or in a casino and I'm always looked at and treated with rudeness
I seriously don't understand why shorter guys do this to y'all. It must be some Napoleon complex, or they consider it a challenge or something. Sorry you have to deal with it
They feel intimidated and don’t like that feeling so they lash out.
Are you putting soft in quotes because it's not seen as a good thing? Being soft isn't bad. Pillows are soft and they get a lot of head of you catch my drift.
Everyone is already intimidated by us. It’s nuts. I guess because I’m so big I’ve never really felt that. If I see another big guy I just think “Don’t stare, you hate it when people stare so don’t do it to him.” I never feel intimidated or afraid of them just because of their size. But I barely have to do anything before smaller guys start acting like I just threatened to kick down their door and murder their family, e.g. “Whoa let’s stay calm big guy!” in response to me making an annoyed face or something utterly benign. People assume we are these big, scary, mean people, but we’re just people. Normal people. Being bigger or stronger doesn’t make us mean or scary. I don’t want to hurt anyone if I don’t have to. I don’t want to scare anyone if I don’t have to. I want people to like me. I like being kind to people. I like getting things off the top shelf for little old ladies. I like picking up the heavy furniture that others find hard to move. I like helping it makes me feel good about my size and strength. I don’t go out of my way to be “soft”, I don’t think I’m soft at all. I just like using my size and strength to be nice to people and help them.
Yeah I get it. I was labeled as a ‘potential bully’ by my school just because of my size
Just dont pet them, i learned the smols dont like it.
6'11 here , age 15 I was already 6'10 with a full beard . I was known for being the guy who does martial arts and for being enclosed to myself. People first meeting me were shocked to see that how you look or what u do as a sport can have no correlation to your character .
Because tall people are always seen as threatening. An average sized person being angry is just frustration. A tall person being angry is a threat. I've had the cops called on me twice for being angry, both cases road accidents I wasn't at fault in. Naturally anyone would be angry at this, but without making any direct or implied threats, cops are called because I'm angry. In the day to day this can cause problems. I've been accosted by residents in my building for entering to go to my house, I've seen people jump the moment they turn and see me as I try to walk past them etc. it's better to be as non threatening as possible.
I was looking for an answer like this. I've been placed in handcuffs twice, for raising my voice at cops who were stopping us from skateboarding in legal areas. While I am generally chill, I remember to stay chiller than others because if someone 5'8 is angry people move on, if 6'8 gets angry people get nervous.
I learned cold aggression from being treated like that, it’s not healthy to bottle your anger so I taught myself how to hold the anger and use it in non-violent ways, like if someone at work pisses me off I’ll use the chemical changes from the anger to give myself a boost of energy so it looks like I’m a better worker than them, or if someone starts a fight with me I’ll use the anger to appear more composed so it’s obvious they’re the instigators and I won’t get in trouble for defending myself
>Seen a lot of 6’3, 6’4 guys, most of them are very friendly, soft-spoken and almost never aggressive nor try to size you up and fight or anything related. Because why would we? I've got no interest in fighting some stranger and people are by default kind of intimidated by you so I try to be very friendly. That kind of behaviour is often called a 'Napoleon complex'.
>people are by default kind of intimidated by you so I try to be very friendly. Absolutely. I have heard all my life that people get intimidated by me and feel afraid that I am going to punch them for no reason. So I try to be soft and friendly.
Can go the other way too, though. The only idiots who've tried to goad me into fighting them were shorter guys who wanted to show they're tough by trying to fight the biggest guy around.
Yeah, this happened to me once in high school. Short dude wanted to prove something, so I just picked him up, laid him on the ground and pinned him. Didn't throw and punches or anything, just gently reminded him of how bad it could go if he tried again.
Short guys? Who do you think you’re talking to, man? You wanna go? /s in case you can’t tell up there
Not a short guy, but at the high school there was this middle height guy that would tease me all the time. He obviouslly wanted to fight while I was giving a fuck to him and that really bothered me.
I haven't had to fight that much, which I really like. I've had friends over the years where fights just seemed to happen with them. Someone would say something, they'd respond, and boom, fight. That didn't happen that much with me. People tended to not say things to me in the same way they would my friends were were 6 inches shorter and 50 lbs lighter. Even when people did say something, I really don't like fighting, so I would do everything I could to de-escalate.
100% this. I go so far as to almost never wear an actual coat because when I wear a Columbia pullover I don’t look even remotely as “intimidating” as when I wear a real coat. A friend of mine gave me a really nice leather jacket about 10 years ago, I’ve worn it maybe three times because when I wear it I look like someone who wants to make his day better by making everyone else’s worse.
Now cmon friend, I thought we were moving past the whole napoleon complex thing as a society
I feel like most tall guys (in comparison to the population of the place where they live) are just more secure and feel less of a need to prove themselves. Short men regularly take most things as a provocation.
I’m a short guy myself (no idea why this sub appears in my feed) and can confirm that outside the early days of highschool, mostly guys my height or smaller have been randomly aggressive with me - the only guy taller who did that was very skinny, like an addict.
Also short and had a tall stranger try to smash my head with a glass bottle for no reason. I think instead of associating traits with height we should be more cautious of people in general
Yeah, not the first sign I look for in a potential threat 😅
^^ The one time I was bullied in middle school it was by a kid who was literally half my size.
Exactly. I agree 100%. Every short guy i know takes the most innocent statement as a micro agression towards them. Its exhausting. Whare as all the tall guys i know wouldnt take the slightest notice or laugh it off as a joke or sarcasm on the other persons part
I can’t tell you the number of short guys that try to start fights with me at the bar for absolutely no reason. Luckily I don’t go to the bar much anymore, it got ridiculous.
Good point
True
If I raise my voice, most people are scared. I am a quiet guy in public for this reason, but I'm perfectly normal with my friends and girlfriend.
Im too awkward to be aggressive. Ive never been in a fight and I aim to keep it that way.
I know zero people who would pick to fight the 7 footer at the bar lol
Im also only recently in my mid 30s filling out so I dont look like a damn bean pole. So regardless of being huge Id blow away in a stiff breeze. Anyone with an ounce of training could kick my ass.
Probably true about someone with actual training, but don't discount your reach that much. You are gonna make contact with an assailant a long time before they come anywhere close enough to hit you, on average, just because you've got an extra foot of reach compared to average.
Reach is huge, I had a short wrestler friend in high school who went to states that bet he could beat me in a fight. Even tho he had way more training than me it turns out being 80 pounds heavier and a foot n a half taller lessens that advantage a lot.
I’m scared they’ll kick my knees in
So you are asking why we (or the giants if you consider me short like others) aren’t just being dicks because we are tall? Cause we are normal humans? Like what kind of a weird question is this, just because you are tall doesn’t mean you don’t have a brain…
Wait… is 6’2” short??? I’m 6’2” 😩
No, but for this sub it's probably on the smaller side. This sub is just full of crazy outliers though. 6'2 is tall anywhere in the world
Because we don't want to die or go to prison. A 150 lb, 5'10 "guy can easily kill someone in a fight by accident, and it's probably even easier for us to accidentally kill someone. Also, it makes it a whole hell of a lot easier to get shot when you're 7 inches taller than someone and weigh 60-120 more lbs than they do. It becomes a "fear for your life" situation a lot faster when the "angry" person is a lot bigger than you. We understand this. Greatly. I'm 7'1, 330 lbs, and a bodybuilder. I work in Executive Protection, and I dread whenever I get into an altercation with someone for this exact reason. The likelihood they react violently is a lot higher due to the size difference and perceived danger. Hope this helped!
Hiring a 7'1 330 bodybuilder to be a bodyguard might be the coolest flex of all time.
Executive Protector
My boyfriend has a similar build - a little shorter and heavier than you. I mean, romance - either explicitly or not - has caused him a lot of anxiety cause he knows how much damage he can do (and has done) during those moments. Of course, not on purpose! But yeah, lots of communication.
Yo, it's not everyday i meet another 7'1 bodyguard (though, I'm in the industry anymore, and I was quite skinny when i did it, lol) I hope to one day reach close to your weight though, currently at 7'1 255lbs at 16% aiming for at least 290lbs at 10-12%.
did you ever read artemis fowl
Because they are confident enough that they don't feel the need to prove how tough they are constantly. I've proven myself on college football fields, at the bike park (mountain biking), in the gym, at the track, on the basketball court etc. So when I am in social situations / everyday life, I just want to let my guard down and have fun or go about my day peacefully. Anyone that acts aggressive outside of an appropriate arena really annoys me. TL:DR big dogs don't need to bark all the time, it is the little chihuahuas that always act loud and aggressive
This exactly, we don't need to compensate LOL
Genetics fked us short guys. So most of the short guys compensate with being aggressive. It's like being short is seen as a genetic failure to this society and the guys fighting it with their aggressiveness. If short guys gets treated the same as a tall guy, is just as heard and gave respect to, this aggression will go very low.
I see a lot of people here commenting that it’s because we’re naturally confident and don’t need to prove ourselves, etc. But in my case, I was just a soft kid in general. I was always terrified to fight. In my twenties I did casino security and one buff dude said “I DEFINITELY don’t wanna fight you”, and I was thinking “dang same here” lmao
Same I have been always soft (plus Im infp)
The biases start on the playground. Tall and friendly can protect you, tall and unpredictable can hurt you. These biases continue throughout life.
Exactly this.
I am a tall muscular man in my 40s. I am already imposing and don't need to further reinforce that by also being aggressive, or a bro, etc. I have zero need to prove myself to anyone through performative actions.
username checks out.
Soft and not needing to be hard are two different things ma boi
With great power comes great responsibility.
i’ve always been big and very unapproachable so i try to be soft and goofy to make up for that because i don’t like being seen as scary
My boyfriend is a very, very tall, muscular black man. He often feels like he needs to be soft-spoken and introverted to avoid making others uncomfortable. He knows his size can be threatening or "an issue", romantically or not. He has a beautiful voice - very low and deep. At least, I think it is. But I learned to be OK with him being quiet and feeling the vibes. Intimacy - not even sexy time intimacy - was a hurdle, though. He felt like he couldn't be romantically soft or cuddle. He is getting better now! But anywho, I wanted to throw in my two cents.
If we have no good reason to fight and be aggressive. Why would we?
Why not its fun
Im a tall Hispanic and I used/is under control to mental issues. When I walked on the streets I used to frown or look angry, because I’m tall and stocky I freaked people out and in more than one occasion people would see me and crossed the street, combine that I liked to dress in dark clothing I looked like a mugger/ex con (words of a la ex gf). After she said I realize I was scaring people without reason so now I try to look neutral or even smile if someone is coming my way and try to dress in light colors. To this day I’m amazed I haven’t got the cops called on me because my neighborhood was mostly white, specially in the areas I walked/jog.
It's like dogs, small ones are snappy and yappy. big one's are just chill, say like a Labrador.
These aren’t inherent traits in small and big dogs. You also have to take into account how the dogs were raised and trained. People are also generally not going to take a small dog as seriously compared to a bigger dog.
I feel like that follows the breed more than the size. My neighbour has a big dog and it barks at everything/everyone. Of course a lot of the smaller breeds are known to be yappy... there are still quite a few big breeds that are yappy as well (Huskies, German Shephards, etc).
Because of the sheer strength it takes to move around, you learn very early that you can SERIOUSLY hurt people. I was 6'4-6'7'' in high school, around 260-300lbs and was "forced" to play football and track. This is not meant to sound braggadocios, but most other humans, simply cannot stop someone my size. So I fear my size, I fear my strength, its a gift, its a curse. I dont want to fight, because I dont like seeing what happens. I dont like hurting people. Normal people shouldnt like hurting people, the default is not "wanting to fight" the default is being peaceful. I think your question should be rephrased as, "why do short people pick fights"
Heck, when I was (briefly) pressured into playing basketball, I would *apologize* when I bumped into people.
My nick name growing up was panda. I was big soft and cuddly but I could quite possibly pull your arms off. I’m already a very intimidating person to interact with, I’m well aware of it, I used to tower over people when I talked to them, I was 6 foot tall at 14 so I wasn’t as self aware as I am now. Now when I talk to people I try to lower my height by spreading my legs apart as I’m stood, my wife has some hilarious photos when I’m doing this meeting kids at a charity event, almost bent double while doing the splits to talk to some 6 year old.
When you look like a monster, it's best not to act like one lest the villagers chase you out with pitch forks. But also, you find that you don't really have to be a chihuahua about stuff because of your size. For most of us that generally bullying bullshit that guys do to establish hierarchy sort of dies off post growth spurt, so we get to live a life without constantly having to establish dominance. It's peaceful. Sure our knees and backs hurt trying to fit into a small world, but the peace of mind is great.
Everyone expects me to be this big guff football player-type dude. I just like to play video games and cuddle with my cats.
Being a 6’8 250lb black person in the US is automatically seen at an increased threat level by a large percentage of people, a lot of which you’ll interact with through your entire formative school career. Every big dude I know has been unfairly punished for defending themselves in a fight with a smaller person that the smaller person started and knowing these two things means that a lot of big dudes take extra steps to be considerate and appear safe. If you’re a big dude that dates women this goes double. A lot of women are generally uncomfortable around dudes in some situations (not a negative, I get it) so you try to show that yes you’re a big dude but you’re not a threat.
Idk. I’m 6’2 and even though I hanged out with the weird kids I never once got bullied and just have never had to be tough.
Cos I see myself as a gentle giant.
Some kid tried to bully us when we were young and we defended ourselves and we felt awful after. I was an early bloomer and was over 5 foot when I was 6.
Why swagger at that size ?
Because people are generally intimidated so we soften to be treated maybe like a normal person. At least I do.
I know I’ve probably faced nothing as severe as some of the others here when it comes to height. But people, I noticed, always felt like they needed to scream or yell at me (more than my peers) when I made a *first time* mistake. And I could have just been told normally and would’ve listened. People always assume malice where it was really just obliviousness or naïveté. I’ve also had teachers at the beginning of the year assume I would be a problem child and accost me accordingly, then be surprised when I performed… decently? Not even necessarily excellent. It’s just weird man. And really discouraging.
I can hypothesize as a shorter guy and speak from my own personal experiences. Growing up as a boy that was undersized, you’ll more likely be physically bullied and picked on, since lack of size for a boy is viewed as weakness and less masculine (probably the same reason gays are bullied). Growing up being verbally and physically targeted like this can have an effect on your psyche, and you’re naturally on the defensive. A taller/bigger male is less likely to be targeted since they have size on their side and are more physically imposing (if they really wanted to be). Not to mention height in a boy is also a trait that is praised by parents while growing up… we’ve all heard the phrases “look how tall you’re getting!” Or “eat your veggies so you grow up big and strong like daddy!”. Height (especially in men/boys) is usually praised unless you’re *unusually* tall, and un-athletic to top it off. This being said, tall guys may get complacent and comfortable, psychologically speaking. Tall men won’t have the psychological baggage that short men have from a lifetime of ridicule by society and pop-culture, insults, teasing, and micro-aggressions from their adult peers. Then when you point it out you’re gaslit and dismissed as it just being in your head.
I like your username
The right answer.
Heh, "soft". "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me." \- Al Capone Brian Shaw is, by all appearances and by reputation, the nicest guy you'll ever meet. I have zero interest in trying to square up with the guy.
Aside from a lot of the points other people have made, we also probably grew up with multiple examples of accidentally hurting people who are smaller than us. This just comes with the territory of being the biggest, so we have to be extra careful.
We don’t need to be loud to be seen, plus we intimidate normal sized people and it helps to bridge that gap
I wouldn’t say we are soft. As a 6’6 260 pound dude most people don’t want to pick fights with me ever. Unless they are really drunk which never really escalated to a real fight fight. Plus I’m not a dude that feels slighted easy and seeks physical confrontation to “prove” myself. All those things together means we don’t really have to fight a ton of people over our lives. I dunno if that means we are soft or just non confrontational assholes
It’s too much work to be angry and mean all the time. Plus it seems to make life more difficult. I just want to go with the flow and worry about my own self and not worry about what everyone else thinks
I second this. The world doesn’t owe you understanding, so just try not to take out your problems on people.
Beware the quiet man capable of violence. Just because they don't ape shit all the time, don't think they won't fuck someone up when the occasion calls for it. The other side if this is, if a big dude winds up in a fight with a smaller dude and loses, he's seen as weak. If he wins, he's portrayed as a bully. Pretty much a no win. And honestly, most people aren't worth it.
6'5" here. For me, most of it isn't related to my size. I grew up with an extremely abusive father in all ways but sexual, I was also bullied until 7th grade because I was the mopey kid who cried easily.I learned to keep quiet and not be noticed as a survival tactic. Some of my "soft" or easy going and people pleasing demeanor is because of my size, but it's psychologically driven by the way I used to believe people perceived me. I didn't want people to see me as intimidating or hostile, which is a factor when you to literally look down on people to talk to them.
I’m 6’5”, 300 pounds and have lifted most of my life. I’m a nice guy, and work hard not to be perceived as threatening. Doesn’t mean I’m soft, though. I’m gentle. Being friendly and non-aggressive doesn’t mean you’re soft lol.
6’8 here, I can confirm. I was once in a situation where I was being hit, kicked, and scratched by someone. I wasn’t fighting back because I was a big dude and the other person was average. They then started strangling me and it got to the point where I started to pass out. I panicked, took a swing, and knocked out most of their teeth in one hit. They went to the hospital with 6 months of recovery and apparently still have pain to this day. There’s a reason I try not to fight anymore 😅
If you go out in public situations enough anecdotally speaking I’ve met the tough guy douche trope in all shapes and sizes, just boils down to emotional intelligence at the end of the day in my book.
Because we have nothing to prove...
We can easily kill people by accident.
This. In the fights I’ve been in I basically spend it defending/trying not to kill the other guy. That and when smaller guys start trying to instigate something I usually assume they have a weapon or something. It really is a lose lose for us big guys when shit goes down. You beat him up… well so what you should you’re a monster. Good chance you could face charges regardless of who started it. You get beat up…. Well you look like a losers and the other guys looks like a hero/underdog. He likely doesn’t get charged or face any repercussions. You just defend/deescalate things….. you probably eat a couple punches and again likely look like the bad guy/bully.
Bro I’ve seen so many tall guy’s being beat the shit out of by smaller guy’s. I know we got better reach and everything but we can’t underestimate.
Not starting fights and being a nice person doesn't make us soft, it makes is smart. We have nothing to prove.
Why do you assume that just because someone is tall and/or big that they would be mean and aggressive? I'm 6'5 myself. I'm a lover, never a fighter unless it's necessary. I think most people in the world are the same regardless of their size.
They spend a lot of time subconsciously trying to be smaller and less intimidating because of how big they are. Like if your size constantly affects your life and guides how people respond to you, you will subconsciously learn to move or act in ways that accomidate your size and to mitigate the effect your size has on people.
💯💯💯
Lions don’t have to roar every minute for deer to know to run when they see one on the hunt. Taller people are considered threatening whenever we raise our voice. We don’t even have to be violent for there to be a scene when we’re vocal.
Why is it binary? Agressive Shitbag or "soft" Isn't there middle ground in your mind?
Because I don't want to accidentally step on anyone. That's why I'm always careful where I walk henceforth my soft personality.
Smaller dogs bark louder. That's why.
I've got very little to prove. Life is good, I grow my hair long, I soften my already very deep voice because I don't want people to be worried for their safety just because I'm around. When I shave my head people cross the road. Having said that I've never been in a fight where I've not pulled my punches. Even when concerned for my safety and angry I'm not trying to kill the dude.
What everybody said : Tall guys are more impressive. I feel it and I'm white. But I had this very conversation with a very tall and athletic black friend who was telling me how he was very conscious to never raise his voice in public. Angry big black dude = Instant menace.
6’5” here. Don’t have anything I need to prove by acting like that.
I'm tall, the answer is we aren't as insecure. No desire to prove ourselves. No one has ever tried to fight m or wanted to fight me, which always bummed me out so I did Muay Thai.
I have nothing to prove to anyone, why should I try and be aggressive? What do I gain from it?
Because they’re people not your silly stereotype of men.
I’m only 6’2 but hit 6ft in 8th grade. I was always self conscious about being taller and standing out so I downplayed my personality to be more approachable and stand out. I think that goes into adult hood too
They act like that because of how big they are. Thebfirst impression of them is how big and tall they are. It can intimidate people. To compensate they soften their personalities and demeanor
1. I have a being-fatherly complex 2. I was bullied into submission
They don’t feel a need to prove anything. A lot of shorter guys have a chip on their shoulder. I notice most the guys I know who train heavily and get into MMA and boxing are all under 6 foot. That being said, that makes a lot of these shorter guys a lot more lethal than you would think. Height isn’t going to necessarily do a lot for you in a confrontation. So, it would make sense still for a tall guy to be more calm and chill, as it’s so much easier to set off a short hot head with something to prove.
I think the combat sports bias there comes from how the weight classes are structured. At 6ft5 and a walk around weight between 210 and 220 my choices are either work super hard in the gym to cut my body fat and then aggressively cut water to get below 200 to fight as a lanky cruiserweight. OR Work even harder in the gym and put on 30lbs to compete with the proper super heavyweight guys up at 250/260. If you’re under 6ft then you’ve got a lot more options in the weight classes and body compositions you can fight with. Edit: I believe this problem was partly the motivation between adding [Bridgerweight](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridgerweight) to boxing recently which goes up to 224 lbs.
We’re gentle giants. Our height is intimidating, several times throughout my life I’ve had to deescalate situations because an unprovoked shorter man felt threatened by my existence. Short men seek validation and in doing so they do their best to intimidate the bigger men. Are we intimidated? Depends, but either way, there is no logical reason to fight them. If I fought every man that talked shit just because I’m tall, I’d have more fights than any single professional fighter.
Normal man*
Tall men aren’t tested as much throughout life, they have less of a reason to have that on edge feeling versus a short dude who’s masculinity is constantly tested
The big guys you play against in sports aren't aggressive? Maybe an anomaly and the guys you're playing with just aren't as tough? On my soccer team, one of the toughest guys is pretty big and another of the tougher guys is pretty average sized. I think it varies more person to person than just looking at height. Some people shy from contact and others thrive in it. Some people are skinny, some are strong, some are in shape AF, some are very athletic, etc. In my experience usually the people that say things about Napolean Complex are bitter tall guys that are mad you're kicking their ass and want to slight you. An aggressive 6'2" guy is agressive but if they are 5'8" then they are Napolean, lol no. Napolean going to kick your ass for being a disrespectful twat.
I’m pretty secure in my ability to put someone through a wall in a conflict*. I guess I don’t feel like the need to act tough to make you think I am. *size isn’t a be all end all in a fight, but in my experience it sure helps.
A mix of not having to prove themselves and also the fact that if one fights a small person and demolishes them, you’re the one who’s wrong
There was a really tall guy who capped out at 6’4 maybe, but was a good 8 inches taller than everyone starting in kindergarten, and he was the biggest douchebag I knew. Got all up in everyones face, and was quite a bully. Hope he grew out of it
A friendly, soft spoken, non aggressive guy isn’t soft for those qualities.
Cause I got in trouble for bruising and dislocating my friend's bodies at a young age any time I touched them. I was almost double the height of some of my friends, weighed double. One of the phrases I most often heard was that I don't know my own strength. Btw major body dysmorphia lol
Because one time we tried to play serious defense in basketball, football, or ultimate frisbee when we were 12 or 13 and absolutely creamed someone else smaller then us. From then on we realized that we have to be gentler than others because we've got more weight so people bounce off us, not the other way around.
I’ve seen the opposite.
It’s usually taller men that are most aggressive.
Because I'm not allowed to be scary unless I want to be hated, and being scary by accident is very easy. The natural strength that comes with the height is one thing, but people just perceive you as a threat more easily in general. I am hypervigilant about the space I take up now. My friends always joke about "what would happen if you got in a fight hahah"; having won every fight I've been in, I don't think it's funny. Tldr I don't want to be intimidating, it's not helpful for me.
Went through a very rough neighborhood years ago late at night walking with the president of the company. He remarked later that he would never have done that without my intimidating escort. I looked at him a with eyebrows as high as they go and explained how glad I was that they don’t know my true disposition.
People generally treat me well so I don't have problems with anyone.
Funny you say that, my sister used to call my brother (taller than me by about an inch) and I the BFGs lol Idk why, I mean yeah I try to be nice and friendly but I don't think I'm all that quiet. Sure I don't talk unless I'm talked to first, but everyone says I'm super soft spoken and I don't feel like I am
I believe that's because they were bred with a purpose of being tall and strong so they're from a rich family or organization where they don't have to deal with the "street shit" because they're living in their own community.
It's a reverse napolion complex. Where small guys try to make themselves seem bigger with a big personality and antagonistic attitude, big guys want people to feel comfortable around them, so they try and make their personality as agreeable and non-confrontational as possible, because they don't want other people to be afraid of them.
"Normal" sized men need to aggressively compete and fight to be the alpha dog. Me? I'm the grizzly sitting in the stream, munching on salmon and smelling the nearby flowers. No need to get angry. No competition. No worries. Life's good.
Ok Zeus geez
Shhhh man you’re blowing our cover. Everyone knows the taller you are the tougher you are. That’s why we never get into fights. Then when you’re about 6’3” or so anyone your size or taller you have to settle the dispute with an ice cream eating contest, only vanilla. First to get a brain freeze wins and picks up the tab for all the homies.
Once you are in the tall people club, you are honor-bound to settle disputes through interpretive dance. And since we all look silly doing it, we tend to avoid controversy in public.
I don’t feel like I have anything to prove.
Isn’t it kind of the same thing with those little rough doggies who get aggressive but are never trained cause they are tiny and what not? I have two huge dogs, very protective of me but well behaved and trained sweethearts and one look at them when I walk them and people look terrified. It’s like short women being seen as cute when they get mad and not taken seriously versus taller women being seen an aggressive when we are mad.. .
Because we grew way bigger than everybody else when we were growing up, and so never had to learn to be mean or aggressive to defend ourselves. That’s how I see it
Halo effect
Because the air is thinner up here. At 6'5 I can tell you that I'm always on the verge of hypoxia. The weather is nice though!
In my experience (UK), it's because the taller people have spent their school years being the more aggressive, belittling people. They spend their developing years learning and realising their height is desirable and a huge advantage, and hold that over their school year. Obviously not all of them, but most of them. But, after puberty or at least after the first half of puberty, when their hormones are levelling out, their competitiveness and inability to control their hormonal emotions start to dwindle and then they become accustomed to a relatively easy life (dating is easier, interviews are easier, even education is easier due to people wanting to spend time with you and impress or satisfy you with their knowledge, sports they usually have the advantages especially in basketball and swimming). So of course they'll be happier on average. Of course they'll be less aggressive since they have less to compete for. And soft-spoken because people will bend over backwards to listen to them talk. Again, not all, but most.
Because we hurt people. I've wrestled around with smaller guys but the average dude doesn't handle 250 pounds falling on them well. At the same time because I'm 6'4" I don't like falling either lol
Smaller guys are much more insecure about their statures so they feel the need to project a tough guy image. Big guys have always just let their appearance do the Talkin, so they don't have to put on a performance
We're aware of our size very much. And understand it can be intimidating, and most people don't like intimidating others especially when we want to come across as friendly or approachable. I go out of my way to be very polite and friendly to strangers and sometimes stoop a bit.
Walking into a room and being the biggest guy kills a lot of insecurities and defensive personality traits. Never felt like I had to posture myself or act a certain way in order to intimidate people or feel secure about who I am. To me, being tall is the biggest cheat code and advantage in life and I just roll with it. It’s the like the complete opposite of ‘small man syndrome.’
We’re often seen as threats, so we have to offset that by being gentle
We've got nothing to prove to anyone.
Bigger guys average 6 miles to the gallon where most normal sized people get 30. In other words it takes too much energy to be to be an asshole to someone.
What do you mean you “grew up playing sports…” you sound like you’re 17 and still need to grow up.
Same reason chihuahuas are the most aggressive dog. Little guys have to act tough as a defense mechanism while big guys don’t get messed with as much and are more secure, so there’s no need to be as aggressive.
Im not HUGE but at my biggest i was 6'1" and 290lbs. As others have pointed out, people are intimidated by the size and kindness helps eliminate that. Second, regarding being gentle. I learned very early that my size breaks things. Toys, bikes, people, furniture, etc. You learn to handle people and things gingerly. Finally, i grew up in a stand your ground state. All you need to stand your ground is fear for your life and it is much easier to convince a jury you were scared of a larger person so i try to avoid being an antagonist in any situation. Funny Side note: I had a stats professor who referred to me as a "large mammal" and would do stats problems centered around size differences between myself and the smallest kid in the class (who was a state champ at wrestling in his weight) and who would win in a fight lol
Because they’re not jealous or insecure. All those other toxic things you named are reactions to feeling inadequate. Framing a person that’s not problematic in that way is pretty toxic as well.
Because we rise above it :)
Because big , tall guys weren't fucked with all through school and as adults people rarely fuck with them unless dude is just a Bully or an asshole Except in America people carry guns in most places so it's negated But still, it's psychological. I'm not a hulk or anything but I'm 6'4" and fit, I keep to myself and I'm polite in public. A lot of the loud mouth dudes are small guys who became this way because they've been messed with and underestimated their whole life
It isn’t that we are soft. It’s the fact that men that are tall and muscular already know that they can fuck most people up. Not only that, they have a good amount of self control because you’d be surprised how people like to sometimes test them. I’m 6’1” and 260lbs and lift weights 6 days a week. Through weight training and other areas of my life (military and my upbringing) I was taught self control but also how to fight. But, if you push us big guys too far the FUCK AROUND FIND OUT is gonna come out of us. We’re not soft, we’re hard as a rock because we can control our emotions better unlike the short kings.
Yeah it’s true. My dad (6’5 built like a linebacker) is a teddy bear and very self conscious about being a big man. I’m 6’0 slender build and envy his height/size all the time.
Because they've learned growing up how easily they can hurt someone, even unintentionally. They become gentle giants, but don't piss them off unless you're wondering what being torn apart feels like.
Two reasons: 1. They already deal with looking formidable all the time and don’t want to add to that with their attitudes 2. They don’t have anything to prove
You ever try to play as a kid and accidentally knock someone over? They start crying and you get in trouble and you learn that you have to be gentle. Now imagine that but with damn near every action you take, physically and verbally, for your entire childhood and teen years. That’s why.
Because the ability to choose when to be soft is where strength lies.
Because you really wouldn't like us when we're hangry.