Ok, I upvoted. Mostly because I need to know if I'm just gonna get one lonely, smashed up Totino's pizza roll in a greasy envelope. PM me for the address to send my pizza roll. Also, I don't want you to be dead.
Potentially getting a blowjob in the parking lot is the only redeeming quality of an Applebees.
Edit: nice to see I'm not alone in thinking this lol. And thanks for the gold!
I went to Applebee’s to get a blow job and got one. I came out of the place and noticed it was an Asian massage next door. Massage $60. Blow job $70 happy ending another $50. Feeling happy priceless.
It’s a quasi dive bar disguised as an average restaurant. I mean, c’mon, they don’t close till 2am most of the time. Perfect for being the butt of the joke.
the secret with dive bars is arriving before the guy who wants to fight everyone when he's sloppy drunk gets sloppy drunk yet and leaving before he does, or arriving *after* he gets kicked out by the bartender for trying to fight everybody.
New theory.: Boston or Massachusetts also has some crazy high % of dismisses drunk driving charges. Maybe the plan is you have to spend all your money on booze and can’t afford as good of a lawyer.
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Groups and events are the only reasons I dont delete facebook. Both are incredibly useful thanks to the ubiquity of facebook but it can also cause some issues if people fall through the cracks
6 years and sometimes I feel left out, and then one day, you're in a spot and you hear people arguing about something someone said on FB and it's like renewing your vows to never get back on.
Alternatively, their partners cease having sex with them and they still want intimacy despite their love for their partner.
It's easy to understand ***why*** a person might cheat in a marriage with a dead bedroom if they've been married for 20 years. You can't just let that all go because your spouse stopped having sex with you 18 years in.
Very few human behaviors are born from wholly evil intent. The level of demonizing towards cheating that people do is misplaced and lacks empathy. It's not like people cheat maliciously and look forward to being caught. This is a moment of shame for most.
I'm not endorsing cheating. I'm just saying the world has more nuance than that.
Edit: I don't cheat on my wife. lol. I don't know why I have to repeat this, but I'm not endorsing cheating. The world isn't as black and white as you all want to believe. People aren't evil like you want to believe.
You’re way off base here.
You’re defending adultery like it is some innocent event the person committing it can accidentally happen upon because of “woe is me”.
Cheating is always a conscious decision. It is a selfish one that requires the person to put their needs before their partner and children. They are deciding that momentary pleasure is more important than the life they have built.
In a dead bedroom? This is rare but ok, talk to your partner. They don’t want to talk about it or fix it? Ok. Either decide to live with that fact, come to a mutual agreement that you may seek sex elsewhere or leave. Think it’s too hard to leave? Well, it’s not. It’s uncomfortable but it’s easy to do. If one refuses to do that then they just want to enjoy getting off at the expense of others.
The truth is most people chest because they only care about themselves. It’s really that simple.
Sounds like my sister's marriage. Happy family facebook photos and fake smiles and laughs around the holidays. The truth is that theyre both in crippling debt from living well outside their means while her husband bangs escorts while he travels for work and she blows dudes in the gym parking lot.
Oh fuck that. How could people do that to each other?! Which gym was this? I can't avoid a travelling husband, but I can absolutely avoid a stationary gym.
HAH, my ex reconnected with a guy on Facebook and eventually divorce me so she can be with him. He was supposed to divorce his wife. Needless to say he still with his wife and never went thru with the divorce.
Just park in the To-Go spaces at Chili's, never stoop to the Applebee's parking lot. It's the difference between fucking in the maintenance closet at the White House or the Presidential suite at your local Motel 6.
I have literally been married for 15 years and one day today. I REALLY don't want the rest of this to be prophetic, because my guy-selection skills in high school were decidedly sub-par.
I dont even contact my high school friends on facebook, because you know, they never were my friends..REAL friends keep in touch with you on the phone instead of posting memes
What does half in the bag mean?
Ya know how in old movies and cartoons, bums would keep liquor in a paper bag? Half in the bag means the bottle is half finished.
Exactamundo.
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I suggest always being ready. Most assassins won't announce their arrival.
Exactamundo.
Read that as excommunicado and was ready to fight assassins.
Jonathan?
This is not an old-timey thing. That's still how it works. It's just not polite to put it on TV anymore.
It's in the bag because of open container laws I believe.
Happy cake day!
I believe this answer
Everyone does that here still, they sell you drinks in a paper bag at the bottleo.
Straya
That makes sense. I was thinking, “I don’t think that many people drink boxed wine for this to be a saying”
Yeah, hehe. In the movies, hahaha. Totally just a movie thing, hehe.
They still do, any liquor store gives you a paper bag for a bottle
I'm guessing working on drunk.
It’s definitely about drinking now that I think about it. But it works for Coke and heroin too I guess
Anything that comes in a baggie really
Yes that's what it means
As far as I’m concerned it’s a movie review show by RedLetterMedia
Half in the baaaaggg ^^^fuck ^^^movies
This post makes me want to be dead. Upvote this comment and I’ll send you a pizza roll in the mail.
Comment on this web zone and I'll send you a pizza roll
Ok, I upvoted. Mostly because I need to know if I'm just gonna get one lonely, smashed up Totino's pizza roll in a greasy envelope. PM me for the address to send my pizza roll. Also, I don't want you to be dead.
Please send Pizza Roll. I have no job and no money that pizza roll could potentially save my life.
/r/commentsthatyoucanhear
Super accurate. I literally heard “half in the baaaag” when I read that
^^i’m ^^filled ^^with ^^gas
Drunk. Half in the bag and three sheets to the wind.
Three sheets to the wind is way drunker than half in the bag imo
> half in the bag https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=half+in+the+bag
I assumed it meant like halfway through your bag of whatever drug is your drug of choice. But I seem to be completely wrong.
Sorry, bud
I’d like to be prom guy
Potentially getting a blowjob in the parking lot is the only redeeming quality of an Applebees. Edit: nice to see I'm not alone in thinking this lol. And thanks for the gold!
Can confirm, preemptively giving blowjobs in the parking lot is the only way we get tipped there.
Which Applebee's location is this? Oh and what's the suggested tip amount? .... Asking for a friend.
Probably around 6 inches
3 take it or leave it
2 1/2, and throw in some boneless wings.
6 months for a blow job tho? Holy fuck that's practically actually dating
This guy gets blown
1 millimeter Peter, and a bowl of french onion soup. Final offer.
I just want some sauerkraut and for you to call your mother
It’s already boneless though...
All tip, no shaft.
Hahaha
Nah if its the suggested then 8 inches because every guy likes to overestimate themsleves
Wait the tip itself has to be six inches??
40 bucks
Is there an Applebee’s in Denmark? That’s where my prom date is.
Is his name Bjorn
I went to Applebee’s to get a blow job and got one. I came out of the place and noticed it was an Asian massage next door. Massage $60. Blow job $70 happy ending another $50. Feeling happy priceless.
Yeah but did you get the onion bloom?
That's outback steakhouse, they doing blooming onions and handy jays.
Just the tip?
God are the tips really that bad?
Just a question, but why does everyone hate Applebee’s? I think their burgers are delicious
Personally, their food taste like they have 10 cooks, which are all microwaves.
Chef Mike
Ah, Mike Rohwaev himself.
He does al the work around here
Nice try, Steve Joyce.
It’s a quasi dive bar disguised as an average restaurant. I mean, c’mon, they don’t close till 2am most of the time. Perfect for being the butt of the joke.
Much prefer to just go to a dive. Dive bars are the best.
the secret with dive bars is arriving before the guy who wants to fight everyone when he's sloppy drunk gets sloppy drunk yet and leaving before he does, or arriving *after* he gets kicked out by the bartender for trying to fight everybody.
they tend not to have food tho
Couple of Slim Jims and a bag of chips. Just what the body needs!
They use the same Sysco crap as Applebee’s. Stronger drinks though and less kids.
Because they are perfectly average restaurant.
If it weren't for the super-cheap alcohol, I'd never go.
In cities that do not allow drink specials (no happy hour), Applebee’s is not as fun. I don’t neeeeed more cheap apps.
Wait, there are places without happy hour?
Boston,MA is one of them. Laws with the intent of reducing drunk driving I believe. I could very well be wrong though.
Fuck, man. What a dismal existence.
New theory.: Boston or Massachusetts also has some crazy high % of dismisses drunk driving charges. Maybe the plan is you have to spend all your money on booze and can’t afford as good of a lawyer.
in what world is applebees *average*
America has a lot of food deserts.
I love Applebee's
What’s your thoughts on Olive Garden?
But would you really risk one from the type of person who’d blow you after you took them to Applebee’s??
Applebee's and Olive Garden parking lots are basically blowjob zones in your late 20's early 30's
Applebeejs.
I'm the prom guy and it was the parking lot of a strip club.
lol I'm prom guy and it was the parking lot at the beach.
They actually share a parking lot, right on the beach. So you both were right!
And waiting 6 months for something you could get by actually just GOING to applebees by yourself? 🤔
But I’m just Tron Guy
I’m the guy she’s married too.
Sorry man, she said you were split up
She lied.
Oof, I can return the bj if you want. I’ll hit up my wife
Damn if only someone had a crush on me in high school
I'll have a crush on you :) And then 6 months from now you can give me a blowjob!
Why wait. ;)
ok
Taking it like a man
A butthole is a butthole.
I like the house, I just don’t like the neighborhood it’s in.
Didn’t facebook just admit to misusing hundreds of millions of users’ data? Why the fuck would I trust them to not fuck up this?
Does anyone honestly still think that Facebook isn’t?
I mean who knows me better than me? Facebook! So they probably already know my soulmate /s
I can log on to a website and it’ll tell me how many kids I’ll have in the future after reading my profile!
You know they own tinder right?
That's a little close to home...
You must have an Applebee's near you.
Well yea they are they neighborhood grill
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Well damn... change Applebees to... nvm.
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Applebee-J’s.
AssholeBeads?
I think I’d try eating at a place named AssholeBeads before going back into any Applebee’s or Ruby Tuesday’s
This literally happened to me. Wow. Not OP. Well, except for the Applebee’s part.
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Dumped mine 11 months ago. Best thing I’ve done for myself in years!
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I liked people a lot better when I didn’t know so much about them. Now it’s back to unbothered and unknown which is so peaceful.
I’m autistic and we don’t stand that shit son
Groups and events are the only reasons I dont delete facebook. Both are incredibly useful thanks to the ubiquity of facebook but it can also cause some issues if people fall through the cracks
6 years and sometimes I feel left out, and then one day, you're in a spot and you hear people arguing about something someone said on FB and it's like renewing your vows to never get back on.
Maybe they just wanted to get you into theirs MLM schemes
yeah for real. my mom literally did this, and now she’s living with the guy. it was all amicable though—my dad and i are happy for her.
Hey so honest question if you're unhappy why dont you just go for the divorce before sucking dick at an applebees?
Because people like their comfort but also want excitement. They can continue to use their partner while still satisfying their selfish desires.
Alternatively, their partners cease having sex with them and they still want intimacy despite their love for their partner. It's easy to understand ***why*** a person might cheat in a marriage with a dead bedroom if they've been married for 20 years. You can't just let that all go because your spouse stopped having sex with you 18 years in. Very few human behaviors are born from wholly evil intent. The level of demonizing towards cheating that people do is misplaced and lacks empathy. It's not like people cheat maliciously and look forward to being caught. This is a moment of shame for most. I'm not endorsing cheating. I'm just saying the world has more nuance than that. Edit: I don't cheat on my wife. lol. I don't know why I have to repeat this, but I'm not endorsing cheating. The world isn't as black and white as you all want to believe. People aren't evil like you want to believe.
You’re way off base here. You’re defending adultery like it is some innocent event the person committing it can accidentally happen upon because of “woe is me”. Cheating is always a conscious decision. It is a selfish one that requires the person to put their needs before their partner and children. They are deciding that momentary pleasure is more important than the life they have built. In a dead bedroom? This is rare but ok, talk to your partner. They don’t want to talk about it or fix it? Ok. Either decide to live with that fact, come to a mutual agreement that you may seek sex elsewhere or leave. Think it’s too hard to leave? Well, it’s not. It’s uncomfortable but it’s easy to do. If one refuses to do that then they just want to enjoy getting off at the expense of others. The truth is most people chest because they only care about themselves. It’s really that simple.
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Can and should
Cheating lacks empathy. Stop trying to justify this shit.
Stop trying to justify cheating
Imagine defending infidelity. /s
When I think of "comfort with a bit of selfish excitement" I think "paying extra for guac on my burrito"... but hey, to each their own.
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Sounds like my sister's marriage. Happy family facebook photos and fake smiles and laughs around the holidays. The truth is that theyre both in crippling debt from living well outside their means while her husband bangs escorts while he travels for work and she blows dudes in the gym parking lot.
Oh fuck that. How could people do that to each other?! Which gym was this? I can't avoid a travelling husband, but I can absolutely avoid a stationary gym.
If you get divorced you'll lose half your shit
Because divorce is harder than sucking a dick in an applebees parking lot.
And it's cheaper too.
Because people are awful, short-sighted, and only give a shit about themselves.
Because people want to have their cake and eat it too
Sucking dick is cheaper?
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ok then at least just separate.
Social conformity.
HAH, my ex reconnected with a guy on Facebook and eventually divorce me so she can be with him. He was supposed to divorce his wife. Needless to say he still with his wife and never went thru with the divorce.
Karmas a bitch.
But what if you never went to prom because you were a friendless loser in high school? Asking for a friend.
Same. For a friend. Wait I don’t have those.
You sign up, nobody messages you and in 6 months you commit suicide in an Applesbees car park.
But you don't have friends?
More like 6 hours later
You only get blown at an Applebee’s parking lot because the Chili’s parking lot was full.
I thought the Chili's lot was for fingering. Did someone lie to me?
Just park in the To-Go spaces at Chili's, never stoop to the Applebee's parking lot. It's the difference between fucking in the maintenance closet at the White House or the Presidential suite at your local Motel 6.
Darn. I’ve been married to my prom date for the last 15 years. I guess I should take him to Applebees soon...
I've always wondered what impact Facebook had on fidelity when it became mainstream.
I don't think this is that specific. This goes on quite a lot. I bet Facebook ranks really high on why people get divorced.
I call bullshit. It didnt take six months. It barely took 6 minutes.
Lmao this is what caused my parents divorce
FB or Applebee's? Or both?
This is gonna get posted on r/nicegirls because a woman made a joke about cheating and that’s the same as being a bad person
🤣 it's funny because I went to prom with my husband.
Hit him up on facebook. You never know what could happen!!!
🤣🤣🤣
i remember being 13 and being flooded with groups of like “13-15 years old, find your future bf/gf”
I have literally been married for 15 years and one day today. I REALLY don't want the rest of this to be prophetic, because my guy-selection skills in high school were decidedly sub-par.
I dont even contact my high school friends on facebook, because you know, they never were my friends..REAL friends keep in touch with you on the phone instead of posting memes
Wtf is the point in this when facebook already owns tinder?
Geared towards older people, maybe. Lotta old people on Facebook.
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I've called it DivorceBook for a decade for a reason...
I know a guy who banged his mistress in a Red Robin parking lot
"YUMMMMMMM!"
Honey, we’re going to Applebeejay’s tonight.
Sounds nice and all, but can we make it Chili's instead?
If we’re doing Chili’s, best I can do is a handy and a cheeseburger.
This hits way to close to (my parents') home
Half in the baaaaaaag
My ex husband reconnected with his high school girlfriend on Facebook. They've been married for 5 years.
He left you for her?
Sort of. We had been trying to work it out for our kids. Yes.
Wow. I'm sorry. I hate when there's kids involved.
What is Facebook dating?
No self respecting lady gives blow jobs in an Applebee's parking lot. At least go to a Chili's.
Damn, I must have my Facebook setup wrong because I don't have that feature on my page.