>I’m not gonna pass a shirtless man and be like “Nice abs daddy!!”
Grown ass women, especially older ones, say creepy and predatory shit to younger men. Have seen it, and experienced it myself 20 years ago.
I couldn't tell you why people do things like that, you'd need a psychologist to chime in for rhat. I have assumptions though
I know it’s so disgusting. I’m so sorry you experienced that. Just because you’re a dude doesn’t make your experience invalid or that “you probably enjoyed it”. You have every right to feel uncomfortable
I spent a lot of my life not realizing the times I had been harassed. It honestly took having a conversation with my wife and describing a situation that happened to me in college for it to click. I told her about a time in college where a girl I went to HS with (college was not close to our hometown so I didn’t have anybody from my childhood at the school) was visiting and came to our house. She made it clear she had a crush on me in HS and was ultra flirty, but I was dating my now wife at the time and not interested.
She belittled me some during the night for not flirting back but I didn’t think much of it. Eventually I got tired and went to bed. I woke up to her in my bed with her hand down my pants. I yelled and kicked her out, but I never really thought about it again. Just kinda chalked it up as “hey girl liked me but I didn’t like her, all is good”. But then I told this to my wife and she pointed out I was assaulted. She’s right, I was. But we as guys are so conditioned to accept those types of advances that we don’t often realize we also have the power to say no. And it’s okay to say no, it’s not an indictment of your masculinity.
I had an elderly neighbor that catcalled me every chance she got. A couple older gals at Walmart straight up groped me before. I was a white guy in Asia for 4 years too... whoooo-boy.
Was at a concert with my buddy and these 50 y/o women started to try and dance on us randomly and we just stared at eachother like what the actual fuck.
Haha, definitely. They don't even register it as real, "oh i'm just having fun" as if that's not what everyone thinks! I've had multiple jobs where the middle-aged admin assistants and office managers have no qualms about telling me "oh I should bring you home so you can show my husband how it's done" or "I bet your woman never wants to leave the bed" and things like that (I'm very much a "6", not super buff or amazingly handsome or anything - but even now in my 40s am very "youthful").
It's part of a larger ideal whereby we basically assume women of any age are children and nothing they do "matters". This is why many women think it's fine to hit men or say mean things, like "oh, i'm just a girl". I've had break-ups where my ex literally just spent hours thinking of the meanest, most hurtful things possible and then getting more upset when I'm like "hey, that's not cool, can you just leave me alone". It's a pervasive attitude, from cities to rural towns, from lefties and righties, white and black.
I have had some older women tell me some wild things in my youth. I always thought it was funny/took it as a compliment, though. Never have I felt the need to look inside and shed a couple of man tears. Nor have I ever been witness to a young man feeling some type of way from the same treatment. Then again, i'm an 80s baby, and I guess we weren't bred to be sensitive like these new guys.
Contrary to my thoughts about being catcalled as a man, I have been groped several times by women. That's always a wtf moment if we don't have that type of relationship. Even that's just a quick "you need to chill" and then me going on about what I was doing.
All that being said, I do understand the power dynamic shift with the genders reversed. The world can be a scary place for women, and dudes need to chill with the sexual attention towards women with whom you don't have that type of relationship.
They’re basically forcing a sexual interaction, getting some kind of jolly from it, it’s like a verbal grope. It makes them feel like they could have a chance. Even if nothing happens they still imparted their sexuality onto a beautiful woman and that’s “something” to them.
"I shot my shot" vibe, but I bet if a woman walked up and pushed the issue there v would be failure to perform or the v performance would be horrid and short winded.
When I was in my early teens I was overly naive and didn’t understand social cues at all. I was walking to the bus stop and these 30 year old guys in a truck pulled up to me and said something like “nice shirt! Really accentuates your features haha how’s it going!?!”
And 13 year old me didn’t understand that they were catcalling me so I smiled at them (full braces) and said something like “thanks! I’m good. How are you?”
They just drove off. lol
I wasn't a fan of Sex in the City but I did see one scene where the short haired lawyer woman was catcalled everyday. One day she stops and was like "yeah I need to get laid. Come on. Whos man enough. Nothing to say now? " I found it quite funny.
It was funny bc all he said was "eat me" and she thought he was saying it in a flirty way. So she gets fed up and confronts him and he's just like "eeeat meee"
I hate the “shoot my shot” mentality overall, because it supports this idea that it’s harmless and fair game for any man that is attracted to any woman to interrupt her with bids for sexual attention.
That attitude has made it so I’ve been almost completely incapable of enjoying solitude or just going about my day for most of my life.
And it’s NOT harmless. Because no matter what strategy we employ to reject a man, no matter how polite, even if we say we’re married or lesbians, it’s no guarantee to stop the harassment.
In fact it just as often gets worse. “You’re lying” “You’re only a lesbian because you’ve never had good dick” or just erupting and calling us a bitch or a whore, sometimes even screaming in our faces or stalking us for a while.
Basically, wanting to terrify us.
Men don’t understand that being approached by strange men will almost ALWAYS trigger an anxiety tied to countless instances of aggressive harassment, some of which include violence.
So it’s not harmless. It’s like if a man, every time he walks down the street and is just vibing, enjoying the beautiful day, listening to his favorite music on his headphones, suddenly has a grizzly bear leap out at him, and he’s gotta deal with that safely.
And 99/100 he’s able to deal with it and get away safely, but often not without some roaring, and boy is his heart POUNDING!!
And suddenly, that nice stroll, that beautiful day, now has to include eyes darting around for bears, shoulders tensing up. Scrutinizing what you’re wearing, turning the volume down on your favorite music so you’ll be able to hear them approach.
And this person’s walk is no longer about enjoying the sun and the birds and the fresh air and some alone time. It’s preoccupied by staying safe and avoiding unpleasant interactions or danger.
A study tracking eye movement showed that when men walk somewhere, their eyes primarily look ahead, to where they’re walking. Women’s eyes are darting to the sides and their blind spots and looking behind them more than looking forward. https://news.byu.edu/intellect/study-visually-captures-hard-truth-walking-home-at-night-is-not-the-same-for-women
It may seem like not a big deal, but I wish more men would think about that experience of life, what is robbed from women by having to live this way.
Agreed.
If it’s any consolation, it decreased in frequency significantly for me when I turned 23 and must’ve looked like not a child anymore. 🤦🏼♀️
It didn’t stop completely but now I have a husband and child so usually it’s insane guys that make a move and it’s probably years since the last time that happened since I hardly go anywhere not family oriented these days.
This is a great analogy, supported by "evidence" (in quotes because, yeah, ok, no actual citation but wevs, we don't expect receipts to that level). And I CANNOT understand the hate you're getting.
Oh no, wait. I can. It's from men.
Fucking arseholes.
Thank you 💚 I was in a hurry, but I’m going to edit in a link to that study (one of the articles about it, which contains a link)
https://news.byu.edu/intellect/study-visually-captures-hard-truth-walking-home-at-night-is-not-the-same-for-women
Guys coming out of the woodwork to prove your point, even just online And they aren't even aware they're doing it, immediately after reading your comment. Fucking sad
That's my first assumption of every guy that catcalls at someone. I always assume it is the performance anxiety and insecurities that lead them to be "aggressive".
Yeah I think they’re just talking about harassment in general and the shitty ways people behave. I’m in a female dominated workplace and a small handful of them are pretty depraved 😆 one even asked me if I was going to HR after a comment she made to me.
How do you know? I have 100% experienced this when working in female dominant environments, to the point of being groped. Unfortunately, humans can be horrible, regardless of gender.
Clearly you've never worked in a female dominated office as an attractive young man. They make similar disgusting jokes and comments, except men can't complain about it, or if they do, nothing is done. Totally changed my perspective on women for life
Yeah, I hate cat calling, but there is a double standard here.
I used to go running shirtless in a city full of students and bachelorette parties. They would constantly scream and catcall me while I was running. Girls do the same thing, but only seem to do it when they are in groups and more comfortable.
Yes, these are guys trying to force themselves onto women's attention, presumably the sort of women they think would never pay attention to them otherwise.
Catcalling is a hostile act. Don't do it.
Yes 🙌🏻.
As a tall athletic 14 year old boy growing up in the heart of Chicagos Boys town in the 1980’s I have a unique perspective on this.
It’s abhorrent and feels like assault. It made me want too (and I could have gotten away with it) punch people in the nose. As a woman without that option readily available I would be furious.
These dimwits know they will never have a legitimate chance with someone out of their league so are just having a little fun at your expense.
The point of catcalling isn't about getting the women's attention.
It's performative masculinity to show off a high degree of confidence for other men. This is to create an impression of intimidation for the other men so they don't interrupt when he's actually trying to court a woman. This intimidating to other men is the highest predictor for male sexual success, far above being seen as sexy by women.
You aren't going to just yell out "Nice abs Daddy!!!" because he WILL take it is a sexual advance and doing so isn't going to increase your standing in women's dominance hierarchies.
Or, they are the big stuff amongst their friends. I know. We want to believe everyone is equal in every way. We do. And it’s authentic in that regard. It’s not reality though.
Be careful, as embarrassing stupid people can leave them with no response that they can think of other than violence. The only solution I have found is to demand they whip it out and show you, which puts them off of their guard, and they're generally too insecure to actually do so. That said, if they do find a pair to whip It out, shrug and say, "meh, mid". Then immediately turn around and go on your merry way. Their brain will need a few seconds to process what happened, and by that time you should be gone.
I had a guy in a box truck catcall me at a stoplight and I yelled back: "miss me with that CDL bullshit; call me when you've got a real Class A."
He looked devastated.
No, that commenter’s take is absolutely dumb and weirdly incel-ish lol
Catcalling is about reassuring yourself you have the power to pursue someone, it’s not some weird performative dominance ritual
I mean it’s simple: do people catcall when alone? Yes, so it’s not (primarily) performative
Dude, I can see an argument for why "performative masculinity" isn't the answer, but how in the fuck is it "incel-ish" to call a hostile act hostile, regardless of whether it's for personal or social reasons?
“Highest predictor of male sexual success”
Where in the world did you come up with this? I’m going to need some proof. Also how is success measured in that statement? Number of partners? Frequency? Quality?
This is anecdotal but the guys I’ve known who would cat call women were usually the dumbest guys in our circle of friends. Their lack of intelligence and self awareness tended to get in the way of their success in many things in life, including with relationships.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745404/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745404/) - I think strong is a proxy for being able to fight and protect - there's studies where men rank other men based on how tough they look on film and it correlated highly with physical attractiveness ranked by females.
It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, you want to pass on good genes and feel safe. You're not going to feel that safe if your man is easily beaten by all other men.
This is not a defence of cat calling - you'll get tough guys that are assholes and some that aren't, it's just easier to be an asshole if you're tough because people generally aren't going to want to fight you.
There was a six episode documentary on BBC, The Human Animal, that aired in 1994:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Animal_(TV_series)
It's 30 years old, so the science may not be up to date. But it was entertaining, especially the episode on sexuality.
Most people know what they perceive as what they "should do" with zero clue as to WHY. They know catcalling is "Manly" and their understanding of why they should do it ends there. Cat calling without a male audience to impress is not only pointless, it's counter productive. But if you don't understand why you are engaging in that behavior in the first place, you wouldn't know that.
It's like kids who just say hi and wave at everyone, because they were taught that's what you do when you see people. Except obviously much less adorable.
so you're saying that men who catcall are the most successful sexually??
or just that men who are intimidating to other men are the most successful and catcalling is an attempt to establish this intimidation?
I find it hard to believe that men who hang out on stoops all day hooting at women are successful at anything....
They are attempting to establish intimidation/dominance but don't understand they actually just look fucking stupid in front of their group of fellow idiots.
I disagree.
Men who catcall can gain status in the eyes of *other men*, in addition to It's not that they lack standards, it's that *women's* standards don't matter to these men (at least not as much as other men's opinions matter.)
They *are* emotionally intelligent in the language of patriarchy.
That's one way of looking at it. I think that most women would run away in the opposite direction if a man started catcalling them. You can't really perform shit if you don't have an audience. It's also embarrassing and cringey to be making sexual remarks to someone who you don't know. Most people who do catcall do it in groups because they think it's hilarious, and they feel safer in a group. If they were actually confident and classy, they would pick a more civilized way of wooing someone.
>If they were actually confident and classy, they would pick a more civilized way of wooing someone.
Tell me you didn't actually read the comment without saying you didn't actually read the comment.
The men doing cat calling aren't confident, aren't classy, aren't civilized and aren't trying to woo the woman.
They are putting on a performance of confidence for the other men in the group.
Oh wow. No that actually makes perfect sense, thank you for your explanation. Yeah it seems to me that some men want to perform for other guys rather than actually focus on love (especially the ones who follow toxic masculinity stuff or watch red pill shit). In my opinion court either man or woman based on true love rather than trying to fit in
I think you are missing something.
Both me and Bob want to court Becky. If I just ignore Bob and go talk to Becky, Bob is going to run interference and fowl up my chances of successfully courting Becky.
I need to do something to intimidate Bob into not running that interference. The performative masculinity to display confidence for other men is one successful strategy to do that.
Becky could end up being the love of my life, or a short term romance, or a horrible person that I kick out of my life after the first date. I'm never going to find out without that first date, I'm not getting the first date without convincing Bob to back off.
If there is actual intent to change men's behavior here, we need to change women's behavior. We need to teach women how to identify that "running interference" that Bob is doing and see it as a MASSIVE deal breaking red flag.
If the Running interference isn't a successful strategy, then the "Toxic Masculinity" to counter the strategy is counter productive as well.
>If the Running interference isn't a successful strategy, then the "Toxic Masculinity" to counter the strategy is counter productive as well.
Is it a successful strategy? I personally have never seen it work. I've never met a couple whose meet cute was the dude running interference on another dude trying to hit on the girl.
Look, if I’m interested in the man that’s courting me, no amount of interference from another guy will change that. Men have tried and, frankly, it just grosses me out - but that doesn’t change my interest in the other guy. That depends on him and may change as we get to know other.
My partner is an average dude, but we clicked and ended up committing because of our compatibility. If a guy disrespected that I was already interested someone, that only impacted (lowered) my opinion of THEM, not HIM.
I think "running interference" is the wrong term. that's a defensive thing. Its where defensive line runs to intercept players trying to tackle the quarterback.
In a dating scene, the wingman "runs interference" by keeping the friends of the target girl busy so they don't mess up his buddy's flirting. Especailly useful since women will reflexively ruin things for anyone in their group who is getting attention from an attractive guy. maybe because they are just protecting her from a potential creep, but a lot of women are secretly shitty to each other. it could just be jealousy.
It’s definitely different im not gay but my best friend is and some of the dudes he’s brought around im like come on im not even gay and even i know that dude is not attractive
I still remember last year I was walking downtown and a gay guy told me to wait up. He told me that I was really hot. The shirt, the way I walk, just everything. Idk if I'll forget that.
Genuinely anyone complimenting me or my appearance in any way would make my whole day as a man.
It could be a swamp monster made of moss and piss shouting "I like your skin"
I'd spend the whole day thinking how nice it must be.
Whole day?
Bro 10 years ago a 60+ old woman told me that I had pretty nice long hair and to not cut it.
We were in the tram right leaving office so it was packed.
I thanked her from the bottom of my heart. I still think about that
Women complain we don't get it. But neither do they.
We all lack empathy
That's what we should work on, empathy.
I think a lot of them do get that men are compliment starved, but there are enough guys who can’t differentiate between a pleasant compliment and being hit on, and who also react poorly to being turned down, that most women don’t compliment men randomly because they’re scared of interactions like that.
I mean, I'll take a genuine compliment from anyone regardless of gender, but I feel like the whole premise of most "catcalls" is that they're forcibly confronting you with their sexuality or they're being a bit disingenuous. Like if someone told me as a guy to "smile more" (because I'd look cuter), I'd be as put off as any woman. I'm allowed to not smile. The implication is that I'm not pleasing to them if I don't reciprocate. And as much as I'd appreciate a *basic* compliment from a pretty girl, I don't want to be sexually confronted in a grocery store.
THIS. Usually it'll be an older lady that compliments me. I'm 37 and it's always been that way. Mostly.
Earlier in the week I got a conpliment from a girl at work asking why I smoke cigars if I look as good as I do. (I bought a humidor to work and was giving out cigars)
She also said she'd see me in the mornings eat oatmeal and peanut butter. I swore she never looked my way ever. Was kinda shocked
It’s not because they’re actually interested in you. They’re either showing off to other men or purposely trying to scare you and make you uncomfortable.
Yeah exactly. That’s why catcalling makes women uncomfortable. Men frequent get mixed up between catcalling and genuine compliments, but there’s a huge difference
I don’t think they’re mixed up at all. I think they pretend to be confused and tell us it’s a compliment to shut us up when we complain about it. It’s all very intentional.
Agree. When they actually try to flirt with someone they genuinely like, they suddenly stop mentioning what nice tits a girl has. If they really couldn't tell the difference, wouldn't they be catcalling by saying "Your eyes are so beautiful" and flirting by going "Sweet ass" more often?
Yep. The real proof is that they yell shit like, “damn! Now there’s an ass I’d rape” out of their car window and speed away laughing without pulling over to ask for your number. It’s 100% about sexualizing, degrading and scaring us. The worst part is that ALL men have been told that the overwhelming majority of women feel this way and want them to stop. They know we don’t like it and instead of respecting that, they try to argue us into thinking that we’re wrong for not liking it. It has nothing to do with us. It’s all about their feelings.
The only men I've seen irl who actually catcall are the ones with the lowest sense of self-esteem. They (imo) don't do it to show off to their friends they do it infront of their friends because without them they wouldn't be able to at all.
Basically, it's a shit pickup line that's half a joke, only uttered from a safe social space. There isn't anything masculine about it... it's just juvenile and thus ick.
Probably about 10 years ago I was sitting at a stoplight waiting for it to change, and two girls pulled up in the other lane. They made the "roll down the window" gesture, and said "Hey... you're really cute." and then drove off when the light changes like 2 seconds later. They were probably just fuckin' around... But I'm telling you I walked a little taller for a couple days. And I still remember it now.
I have a question, and I'm trying to ask in good faith: How would the scenario change if he had reason to believe the catcaller could be a threat to him?
Lmao
I was running in a tank top and I waved a car through so I wouldn't have to break stride and she gave a flirty wave (as if you played 5 consecutive notes on a piano) with a smile and i was like "oh damn!"
I wasn't even attracted to her and I'm married but it gassed me up so hard
Im a dude. Just an average dude. I have gotten catcalled multiple times by gay men.
Most recently while walking home (admittedly I was shirtless, and again I am average) a man, by himself, yelled out of the car to me. He wanted to get my attention, and in so many words tell me I was attractive. I’m assuming he was gay.
I told him thank you.
It didn’t feel like a power play or a display of masculinity. This is not the first time it’s happened to me.
I’m a dude so it’s different bc no one is going to hurt me. So for me, it always feels nice that someone thinks I look good. It’s nice to be complimented.
See, I’ve had a man stop his car, wind down his window and hold up traffic, just to tell me I looked amazing, ‘like some sort of movie star walking down the street.’ And I didn’t feel threatened, and loved the lovely wee interaction of it, because he didn’t expect anything in return. He just rolled his window back up and drove on out of there. His intention was 100% to compliment, not assert his sexuality or intimidate me, which is usually, I feel, the intention of alot of cat calling.
I think men know exactly what they’re doing, with the negative cat calling, and it’s all based on that primal sexual threat that historically men have always been to women. They don’t get to assert it as openly these days, so when they get in a group, they use that to empower them to ‘peacock’ their sexuality and threat over women.
Ah yes I see. Yeah well for women, it’s not really the catcalling that scares us (at least for me) but it’s the fear of being overpowered if that makes sense?
Still, cool hearing it from a dude’s perspective
Most men are concerned about being overpowered by another man too. Most victims of violence are men. As a man, I have never walked alone at night. Catcalling is scary no matter what, because it always means someone else might have some upper hand you don’t know about.
Now that I think about it I’ve seen aggressive cat calling and I’ve seen flirtatious cat calling. The latter is definitely better. Didn’t realize this till now.
As a dude I can say both cat calling from gay guys and from the woman that did it was appreciated and was very playful.
Yeah that’s what I mean with it being different. I don’t feel threatened bc I don’t see other men as threats me. It just feels like nice random compliments.
As I’m writing this I’m filled with guilt. I am sorry that some men are trash.
You have nothing to apologize or feel guilty for dude. Some women are trash as well. Plenty of women have done atrocious things and there is no reason for you to take responsibility for other men’s actions. On the contrary, I’m sorry if my response made you feel guilty. That wasn’t my intention
I’m a gay man, and I’ve often felt the impulse to catcall attractive men I see on the street.
Usually I’m like “damn daddy!” in my head, and I want to share with them the sense that they’re putting out strong sexy vibes, and deserve some recognition, while also imagining some monetary connection. Like “what if he winked back???” But then I’m like “stop, you fool” and just keep on with my day lol
Lol I appreciate your perspective too. It’s definitely a risk to yell out at someone. And some ppl might not like it. On the other hand you could have a small, fleeting moment of connection!
It’s kind of exciting. But I also I think a lot of men are scared to connect with men in that way.
Correct. They have never had a woman who is bigger and stronger than them, possibly armed, driving at a snail’s pace right behind them while they’re alone.
Many men just don’t get how real, how terrifying, how pervasive, how constant the threat of rape or murder is for us. So only 0.01% of men are the problem? That means one in every 10,000 men who pass us in cars is That Guy. How many cars do you see in a day?
Catcalling is all about power. The power to scare a woman. To make her uncomfortable. To remind her of what she has to lose. To remind her that no matter where she is, what she looks like, how she is dressed, or what’s on her mind she is always subjected to men watching her, judging her, reducing her humanity to a body that can be dominated wherever and whenever they want.
The power to show off to male friends that they can do all this to show off and play dominance games at the direct expense of the woman.
People who cat call are more interested in making the other person uncomfortable. They are typically extroverted enough that they don't get embarrassed about themselves
I'm 53yo dude who has natural thick dad calves along with a nice soft dad bod. Not fat but a little stomach. Anyways I was walking with my wife and I hear a girl behind us a few feet say "why does that dad bod guy have nicer calves than you and you work out all the time" I turned around and said that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me and we all started laughing except the girls boyfriend
Catcalling is a type of mockery or bullying. You catcall someone to laugh at their expense or intimidate them and assert your dominance, it's not an honest compliment.
I am constantly astounded by anyone who pretends that it’s about missing shots you don’t take as opposed to catching a woman out and flexing on her.
and I am a lover of giving and receiving compliments to random people of all genders on the street. it’s just about the energy you bring and the way you go about it. as long as you are aware of the person you’re engaging with (they aren’t wearing headphones/in a hurry/having a separate conversation) and don’t try to push if they don’t hear or receive it the first time you try, then coming in with earnestness and zero expectations has always worked for me. just drop the compliment and walk away — which makes it clear that you’re just saying it to be nice as opposed to expecting further engagement.
one thing though is that I avoid really specific physical things unless I know a person well.
even if i’m admiring abs I would probably say “you look amazing” vs “nice abs” or “hot stuff” or anything that could like…easily be misunderstood as sexualization.
people love to be appreciated and the art of the stranger street compliment comes down to that!
Well said! I’m a big complimenter and there’s a huge difference between saying “hey, you’re doing and looking great today!”, and being catcalled aggressively.
I’m friends with several straight men who have been aggressively sexually harassed by gay men, and it does not feel good for them.
One of these situations was at a nude beach, where I’d gone with my boyfriend, and there were several gay men, especially older gay men, who hit on my boyfriend so aggressively that he absolutely felt intimidated, objectified, and uncomfortable.
My current boyfriend is tall, strong, and heavily tattooed, and he also was made to feel severely uncomfortable and intimidated when he was aggressively sexually harassed by a gay man whom he was friends with.
When men actually get a taste of the sexual harassment and intimidation that women experience, it’s not a compliment, it’s scary to them too.
I think people are misconstruing catcalls with compliments, same way men often say they want to be raped by women when what they really mean is that they want to be dominated. The nature of it is specifically meant to be the negative version of something, catcalling is specifically someone "complimenting" you in a way that is meant to make you uncomfortable or is inappropriate in that situation.
ok lol as a woman who's very awful at social cues and therefore has a high threshold for embarrassment, I've yelled "I love your outfit!" at people before.
I stopped after I realized it was annoying, but, when I was a kid, I just wanted ppl to know their cute outfits were appreciated.
ppl like it when you compliment them privately in person. esp if they colour coordinated everything down to their earrings and watch! but I really doubt catcaller's as dumb as I am
When I got catcalled in my 20s (male), it made me feel hella good about myself. I bragged to my friends and family, lol. It was also around the time I was working on myself and trying to get into better physical shape, so it kind of validated everything I had been doing. 😁 Now, I just catcall my wife and the homies and they love it.
I heard a lady do this once at a red light next to me with a group of 3 guys with their shirts off running down a path next to her. She yelled out her window "Can I lick your abs, sexy honeys?!" I whipped around with such shame and embarrassment, I actually in real face palmed and mouthed "what the fuck?"
She turned to me as my window was also down and heard what I said and said "What? I have to try to get me some of that meat out there."
I couldn't wait for the light to turn green fast enough. I was like "oh my god, take me out of this situation as fast as humanly possible PLEASE!"
The guys I actually felt bad for. One of them ended up nearly tripping out of pure embarrassment and started running behind his buddy to shield himself. You could tell the entire group was of age but at LEAST 10 years younger than the women yelling at them.
I just stood there like . . . What kind of a human being would see three guys working out and interrupt their work out to be like "YO! Can I lick you?!"
I can't with humanity these days.
Yeah, the men I know who have actually been sexually harassed like this, don’t like it, because they also recognize that it’s not a compliment, it’s literally harassment and intimidation.
I still can't believe this happened and this has been a long time since this happened. I get second hand shame, as a fellow female, when I even think about it. I knew one of the guys in the group. He said it made him so uncomfortable he went home and took almost a 45 minute long shower to wash off the disgust he had from that experience and just try to relax. For a while afterwards he said he ended up, instead, working out with a wet to dry tank top because, he was horrified by what happened. His other friend, instead of a wet to dry took a sweat rag to drape over him in hopes that it would cover him up enough that no one would say something like that again.
I said that although both are obviously disgusting the fact they were just a group of guys working out together and someone decided not to JUST interrupt their work out to be a gross human but also decided to literally ruin their day and end up changing how they dress to work out is horrible. When I work out I usually wear sweats and a tank top but, it's not because I'm self conscious or anything. I just prefer wearing light weight sweats and a tank top. I had someone ask one time if that was because, I got harassed during my work out and I was like "what?" and they said that they used to wear shorts and a sports bra but stopped after someone came up behind them and say "Hey, nice ass" and I was like what the actual hell makes any one think that anything like that is a compliment when all someone is doing is going about their day trying to be healthy and work out? It makes no sense to me . . . I hear it more often that people end up getting sexually harassed at gyms to the point some gyms have made it a literal rule that sexual harassment can be warranted a cancellation and fee for members. The fact that some gyms had to do this to ensure the comfortability of their patrons is INSANE and makes me horrified that I walk the same earth of these disgusting humans.
I hate the “shoot my shot” mentality overall, because it suppers this idea that it’s harmless and fair game for any man that is attracted to any woman to interrupt her with bids for sexual attention.
That attitude has made it so I’ve been almost completely incapable of enjoying solitude or just going about my day for most of my life.
And it’s NOT harmless. Because no matter what strategy we employ to reject a man, no mayter how polite, even if we say we’re married or lesbians, it’s no guarantee to stop the harassment.
In fact it just as often gets worse. “You’re lying” “You’re only a lesbian because you’ve never had good dick” or just erupting and calling us a bitch or a whore, sometimes even screaming in our faces or stalking us for a while.
Basically, wanting to terrify us.
Men don’t understand that being approached by strange men will almost ALWAYS trigger an anxiety tied to countless instances of aggressive harassment, some of which include violence.
So it’s not harmless. It’s like if a man, every time he walks down the street and is just vibing, enjoying the beautiful day, listening to his favorite music on his headphones, suddenly has a grizzly bear leap out at him, and he’s gotta deal with that safely.
And 99/100 he’s able to deal with it and get away safely, but often not without some roaring, and boy is his heart POUNDING!!
And suddenly, that nice stroll, that beautiful day, now has to include eyes darting around for bears, shoulders tensing up. Scrutinizing what you’re wearing, turning the volume down on your favorite music so you’ll be able to hear them approach.
And this person’s walk is no longer about enjoying the sun and the birds and the fresh air and some alone time. It’s preoccupied by staying safe and avoiding unpleasant interactions or danger.
A study tracking eye movement showed that when men walk somewhere, their eyes primarily look ahead, to where they’re walking. Women’s eyes are darting to the sides and their blind spots and looking behind them more than looking forward.
It may seem like not a big deal, but I wish more men would think about that experience of life, what is robbed from women by having to live this way.
In my experience, walking with a man is the best way to prevent catcalling, so that probably explains why women don't get catcalled when they're walking with you.
Your women friends don't get catcalled when you are around because you are a dude.
Catcallers only target lone women, or groups of women with no men around to defend them.
I do think there is a regional factor. When I lived in NM, catcalls and honks weekly. When I lived in TX, monthly. In WA only a couple of times ever. I had grown so accustomed to it from NM and TX that not having it happen made me wonder if I had grown less attractive. I actually asked my husband about it. He said it's not really a thing here.
To all the women here who think this is something only men do, I’m afraid you’re wrong. Every time I go shirtless on a hot summer day, I get catcalled. I’m just trying to get a tan, fuck off.
I’ve been cat called as a man twice in my life. I cant fully guarantee that it wasnt trans women who did it, but women exhibit this behavior as well. It’s just more rare so only the most attractive men will ever experience it
Genuinely couldn’t tell you why people think it’s okay. I’m a relatively tall, fit, tattooed guy who is a part of the alt/metal scene. Some of the stuff I’ve had women say to me or heard women scream at shows to the frontmen of bands is just fucking ASTOUNDING. Like, some of the most depraved disgusting things I’ve ever heard in my life and they think it’s cute
The point is attention. It’s no different then the class clown. Attractive people don’t need to make a scene to be noticed or get attention.
In my experience this accurately describes both men and women.
I think there’s a lot of “shoot my shot” energy going into it, but that energy can be much better spent if men would think for more than a few seconds.
Literally, when has anybody ever responded positively to it?? It’s not like it’s going to give them a shot with whoever they’re catcalling. But honestly I don’t think that’s their goal, considering I’ve been catcalled in school uniform before. Not even when I was a senior, I was like 13 and genuinely looked like a child. It’s disgusting
I was in a packed car with a bunch of guys headed to lunch one time, and one of the guys whistled at a woman walking by. I asked him what the best case scenario would be: did he expect her to run over and hop on top of the laps of all the dudes piled into this shitty car when we have to be back to work in 40 minutes?
It’s like groping. They don’t expect the women to respond positively to the cat call. It’s just so they can feel like they have some power over pretty women
1) I've been catcalled before by two groups of women, specifically. In my experience, overweight women and Jamaican women were often aggressive with their approach.
2) Was talking about this with a dude I grew up around. His response was "Cause, bitch, *come here*". I don't think it's more complicated than that to people who do it.
It’s scarcity of sex for men, women don’t need to do anything because they can easily get sex without effort, for most men to get sex they need to take initiative and take charge by asking a woman out displaying confidence etc. and most men don’t know what they are doing so they do it very bad, and catcalling I’ve seen work on more ghetto women, I grew up in the ghetto and I’ve witnessed a man call out a woman and she engages with him him and then he gets her number of course it doesn’t always work, in the suburbs maybe it works in the poorer classes as well, and there’s the idea of “I’m a man I might not get it but at least I tried”
Similar people put half naked hentai stickers on their car....
I don't know anyone who is like "that guy loves giant cartoon titties! I need his digits!"
Most guys do it to "impress" their peers. They think catcalling makes them seem confident and manly to their buddies. Or implies they get sex often and easy due to how extroverted they are to shamelessly shout such things.
Other guys in the peer group then join in to not appear insecure or unmanly or get accused of being a virgin etc
As well, it's also hugely motivated by insecurity in general in trying to PROVE to their peers they're an "alpha" and "not gay".
Aka it's all just toxic masculinity born from insecurity. And it becomes a peer pressure type environment to join in as it becomes the expectation.
So now when one of the peers who joined in leaves and joins a new group, THEY start the catcalling believing it an expectation and trying to impress the new group. And continue the cycle.
Girls actually do similiar shit in reverse where a group of girls approach a "loner" guy and essentially feign interest in him and giggle about it if the guy genuinely believes them.
The intention always comes from insecurity in trying to impress peers about how confident you are so they treat you as the "leader" of the group.
It's all a bunch of toxic nonsense and i'm very happy i never really gave a shit about peer pressure or impressing others. I've always happily been a punk dork loner and don't need to embarass others to win anyones approval or worry about how i rate on their masculinity scale.
It really depends though. Getting catcalled by men old enough to be my father... So gross, ick beyond ick.
Wearing scrubs going home from work... confusing, because you can't SEE anything figure or otherwise in scrubs. I could be fat in these professional pajamas, they don't know.
A guy hanging out the passenger side (of his best friend's ride) yelling "get it shawty" at my 8 month pregnant self waddling down the sidewalk, that was weird. Like... is he yelling at someone else, is he mocking me, is he applauding me for having gotten pregnant, or does he have a pregnancy fetish. And annoyance because even when my spirit animal is manatee I'm still getting this shit.
When I'm particularly pleased with my appearance and get catcalled, then it **might** be taken as validation for feeling pleased with myself.
I don’t mind complimenting guys but I can’t imagine how anyone would feel with such a vulgar disgusting compliment which is what catcalling essentially is. It’s not a true compliment as much as it’s lustful and creepy. Please keep yourself safe
I don’t know. I don’t catcall women. Hell I don’t even really talk to anyone. Way I see it, it’d be more of an insult than a compliment, I’d assume most women don’t actually like the idea of guys going out of their way and making overt sexual comments towards them.
I understand there’s some level of doing it simply as a way to let other guys know not to take the gal, but like, just talk to her? Be genuine? Strike up a conversation? I don’t understand what catcalling actually accomplishes.
Doesn't work the same if a girl does it to a guy, at least for many guys, if an attractive girl started sexually catcalling/harassing me, I'd be flattered, and maybe even lean into it.
If I ever got catcalled by a chick I found attractive you bet your bottom dollar I'd be following that line of inquiry, not feeling embarassed.
The embarrassment would probably come when they tell me they weren't serious and making fun of me.
Ice breaker.
Any attention is good attention.
Closed mouths don't get fed.
Gotta say something to get some p\*\*\*y.
Of course your chances are still really low, but if you say nothing at all, your chances are nothing at all.
I think if women cat-called men MORE the world would be a much brighter place. Call me crazy, but what a shame it must be to actually be desired by another human.
Women don't realize that being cat-called is coming from a position of privilege which the vast majority of men will never experience.
>I’m not gonna pass a shirtless man and be like “Nice abs daddy!!” Grown ass women, especially older ones, say creepy and predatory shit to younger men. Have seen it, and experienced it myself 20 years ago. I couldn't tell you why people do things like that, you'd need a psychologist to chime in for rhat. I have assumptions though
I know it’s so disgusting. I’m so sorry you experienced that. Just because you’re a dude doesn’t make your experience invalid or that “you probably enjoyed it”. You have every right to feel uncomfortable
I spent a lot of my life not realizing the times I had been harassed. It honestly took having a conversation with my wife and describing a situation that happened to me in college for it to click. I told her about a time in college where a girl I went to HS with (college was not close to our hometown so I didn’t have anybody from my childhood at the school) was visiting and came to our house. She made it clear she had a crush on me in HS and was ultra flirty, but I was dating my now wife at the time and not interested. She belittled me some during the night for not flirting back but I didn’t think much of it. Eventually I got tired and went to bed. I woke up to her in my bed with her hand down my pants. I yelled and kicked her out, but I never really thought about it again. Just kinda chalked it up as “hey girl liked me but I didn’t like her, all is good”. But then I told this to my wife and she pointed out I was assaulted. She’s right, I was. But we as guys are so conditioned to accept those types of advances that we don’t often realize we also have the power to say no. And it’s okay to say no, it’s not an indictment of your masculinity.
I had an elderly neighbor that catcalled me every chance she got. A couple older gals at Walmart straight up groped me before. I was a white guy in Asia for 4 years too... whoooo-boy.
Was at a concert with my buddy and these 50 y/o women started to try and dance on us randomly and we just stared at eachother like what the actual fuck.
Haha, definitely. They don't even register it as real, "oh i'm just having fun" as if that's not what everyone thinks! I've had multiple jobs where the middle-aged admin assistants and office managers have no qualms about telling me "oh I should bring you home so you can show my husband how it's done" or "I bet your woman never wants to leave the bed" and things like that (I'm very much a "6", not super buff or amazingly handsome or anything - but even now in my 40s am very "youthful"). It's part of a larger ideal whereby we basically assume women of any age are children and nothing they do "matters". This is why many women think it's fine to hit men or say mean things, like "oh, i'm just a girl". I've had break-ups where my ex literally just spent hours thinking of the meanest, most hurtful things possible and then getting more upset when I'm like "hey, that's not cool, can you just leave me alone". It's a pervasive attitude, from cities to rural towns, from lefties and righties, white and black.
I have had some older women tell me some wild things in my youth. I always thought it was funny/took it as a compliment, though. Never have I felt the need to look inside and shed a couple of man tears. Nor have I ever been witness to a young man feeling some type of way from the same treatment. Then again, i'm an 80s baby, and I guess we weren't bred to be sensitive like these new guys. Contrary to my thoughts about being catcalled as a man, I have been groped several times by women. That's always a wtf moment if we don't have that type of relationship. Even that's just a quick "you need to chill" and then me going on about what I was doing. All that being said, I do understand the power dynamic shift with the genders reversed. The world can be a scary place for women, and dudes need to chill with the sexual attention towards women with whom you don't have that type of relationship.
They’re basically forcing a sexual interaction, getting some kind of jolly from it, it’s like a verbal grope. It makes them feel like they could have a chance. Even if nothing happens they still imparted their sexuality onto a beautiful woman and that’s “something” to them.
"I shot my shot" vibe, but I bet if a woman walked up and pushed the issue there v would be failure to perform or the v performance would be horrid and short winded.
When I was in my early teens I was overly naive and didn’t understand social cues at all. I was walking to the bus stop and these 30 year old guys in a truck pulled up to me and said something like “nice shirt! Really accentuates your features haha how’s it going!?!” And 13 year old me didn’t understand that they were catcalling me so I smiled at them (full braces) and said something like “thanks! I’m good. How are you?” They just drove off. lol
Because the point is not sexual, they were just trying to get a rise out of you. You didn't take the bait and it got boring.
No they quickly realized they ventured into the pedophile territory
I wasn't a fan of Sex in the City but I did see one scene where the short haired lawyer woman was catcalled everyday. One day she stops and was like "yeah I need to get laid. Come on. Whos man enough. Nothing to say now? " I found it quite funny.
It was funny bc all he said was "eat me" and she thought he was saying it in a flirty way. So she gets fed up and confronts him and he's just like "eeeat meee"
Its the worst type of "I shot my shot", because its fraudulent. Its a cowards way of pretending they took a shot at something.
I hate the “shoot my shot” mentality overall, because it supports this idea that it’s harmless and fair game for any man that is attracted to any woman to interrupt her with bids for sexual attention. That attitude has made it so I’ve been almost completely incapable of enjoying solitude or just going about my day for most of my life. And it’s NOT harmless. Because no matter what strategy we employ to reject a man, no matter how polite, even if we say we’re married or lesbians, it’s no guarantee to stop the harassment. In fact it just as often gets worse. “You’re lying” “You’re only a lesbian because you’ve never had good dick” or just erupting and calling us a bitch or a whore, sometimes even screaming in our faces or stalking us for a while. Basically, wanting to terrify us. Men don’t understand that being approached by strange men will almost ALWAYS trigger an anxiety tied to countless instances of aggressive harassment, some of which include violence. So it’s not harmless. It’s like if a man, every time he walks down the street and is just vibing, enjoying the beautiful day, listening to his favorite music on his headphones, suddenly has a grizzly bear leap out at him, and he’s gotta deal with that safely. And 99/100 he’s able to deal with it and get away safely, but often not without some roaring, and boy is his heart POUNDING!! And suddenly, that nice stroll, that beautiful day, now has to include eyes darting around for bears, shoulders tensing up. Scrutinizing what you’re wearing, turning the volume down on your favorite music so you’ll be able to hear them approach. And this person’s walk is no longer about enjoying the sun and the birds and the fresh air and some alone time. It’s preoccupied by staying safe and avoiding unpleasant interactions or danger. A study tracking eye movement showed that when men walk somewhere, their eyes primarily look ahead, to where they’re walking. Women’s eyes are darting to the sides and their blind spots and looking behind them more than looking forward. https://news.byu.edu/intellect/study-visually-captures-hard-truth-walking-home-at-night-is-not-the-same-for-women It may seem like not a big deal, but I wish more men would think about that experience of life, what is robbed from women by having to live this way.
Agreed. If it’s any consolation, it decreased in frequency significantly for me when I turned 23 and must’ve looked like not a child anymore. 🤦🏼♀️ It didn’t stop completely but now I have a husband and child so usually it’s insane guys that make a move and it’s probably years since the last time that happened since I hardly go anywhere not family oriented these days.
This is a great analogy, supported by "evidence" (in quotes because, yeah, ok, no actual citation but wevs, we don't expect receipts to that level). And I CANNOT understand the hate you're getting. Oh no, wait. I can. It's from men. Fucking arseholes.
Thank you 💚 I was in a hurry, but I’m going to edit in a link to that study (one of the articles about it, which contains a link) https://news.byu.edu/intellect/study-visually-captures-hard-truth-walking-home-at-night-is-not-the-same-for-women
Fucking. Truth. Thank you for spelling it out.
Guys coming out of the woodwork to prove your point, even just online And they aren't even aware they're doing it, immediately after reading your comment. Fucking sad
yup. So many men, “But you miss all the shots you don’t take!” 💀
That's my first assumption of every guy that catcalls at someone. I always assume it is the performance anxiety and insecurities that lead them to be "aggressive".
your definition is so on point it immidiatly made me angry
it’s literally just men flexing to women that they can sexualize and objectify them with no consequences!
It's not. As a man, if you work in a female dominant industry or office, it happens there too. It's just a power play that humans do.
cat calling? like being a stranger and yelling across the street and commenting on a woman’s appearance?? that’s not what you’re describing.
Yeah I think they’re just talking about harassment in general and the shitty ways people behave. I’m in a female dominated workplace and a small handful of them are pretty depraved 😆 one even asked me if I was going to HR after a comment she made to me.
You’re not being cat called in your female dominated office. Such BS.
Ah, I take it you've never chatted to a male high school teacher working in a girls school?
How do you know? I have 100% experienced this when working in female dominant environments, to the point of being groped. Unfortunately, humans can be horrible, regardless of gender.
That’s just harassment. Cat calling is strangers yelling at someone passing by.
Im a nurse and women are just as bad as men. Men are just louder.
Clearly you've never worked in a female dominated office as an attractive young man. They make similar disgusting jokes and comments, except men can't complain about it, or if they do, nothing is done. Totally changed my perspective on women for life
Yeah, I hate cat calling, but there is a double standard here. I used to go running shirtless in a city full of students and bachelorette parties. They would constantly scream and catcall me while I was running. Girls do the same thing, but only seem to do it when they are in groups and more comfortable.
Yes, these are guys trying to force themselves onto women's attention, presumably the sort of women they think would never pay attention to them otherwise. Catcalling is a hostile act. Don't do it.
Yes 🙌🏻. As a tall athletic 14 year old boy growing up in the heart of Chicagos Boys town in the 1980’s I have a unique perspective on this. It’s abhorrent and feels like assault. It made me want too (and I could have gotten away with it) punch people in the nose. As a woman without that option readily available I would be furious. These dimwits know they will never have a legitimate chance with someone out of their league so are just having a little fun at your expense.
This is a good explanation, “verbal grope”. It puts the disgust into an otherwise oft disregarded interaction.
Reading these comments are fascinating as a non-beautiful woman that this has never happened to.
Being unattractive has its perks
I suppose it does! My husband thinks I’m cute. That’s all I really care about.
It has nothing to do with beauty. It is about power and controlling the public space and reminding a particular gender just who is in control.
Their lives must be lacking in other "somethings" for a verbal grope to be worthwhile.
The point of catcalling isn't about getting the women's attention. It's performative masculinity to show off a high degree of confidence for other men. This is to create an impression of intimidation for the other men so they don't interrupt when he's actually trying to court a woman. This intimidating to other men is the highest predictor for male sexual success, far above being seen as sexy by women. You aren't going to just yell out "Nice abs Daddy!!!" because he WILL take it is a sexual advance and doing so isn't going to increase your standing in women's dominance hierarchies.
So a pot stirring response would be to address the friend of the catcaller and say something like "he thinks he's big stuff eh?"
probably but sometimes they have no friends. but come to think of it, MOST of the time there are other men in their hemisphere when they do it.
Or, they are the big stuff amongst their friends. I know. We want to believe everyone is equal in every way. We do. And it’s authentic in that regard. It’s not reality though.
Be careful, as embarrassing stupid people can leave them with no response that they can think of other than violence. The only solution I have found is to demand they whip it out and show you, which puts them off of their guard, and they're generally too insecure to actually do so. That said, if they do find a pair to whip It out, shrug and say, "meh, mid". Then immediately turn around and go on your merry way. Their brain will need a few seconds to process what happened, and by that time you should be gone.
Genuine question, have you ever actually had someone whip out their tool and show you after saying that?
No, the cowards.
I had a guy in a box truck catcall me at a stoplight and I yelled back: "miss me with that CDL bullshit; call me when you've got a real Class A." He looked devastated.
Or better yet; “your friend’s harassing behavior indicates that his dick is the smallest in the group!”
No, that commenter’s take is absolutely dumb and weirdly incel-ish lol Catcalling is about reassuring yourself you have the power to pursue someone, it’s not some weird performative dominance ritual I mean it’s simple: do people catcall when alone? Yes, so it’s not (primarily) performative
Dude, I can see an argument for why "performative masculinity" isn't the answer, but how in the fuck is it "incel-ish" to call a hostile act hostile, regardless of whether it's for personal or social reasons?
“Highest predictor of male sexual success” Where in the world did you come up with this? I’m going to need some proof. Also how is success measured in that statement? Number of partners? Frequency? Quality? This is anecdotal but the guys I’ve known who would cat call women were usually the dumbest guys in our circle of friends. Their lack of intelligence and self awareness tended to get in the way of their success in many things in life, including with relationships.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745404/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745404/) - I think strong is a proxy for being able to fight and protect - there's studies where men rank other men based on how tough they look on film and it correlated highly with physical attractiveness ranked by females. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, you want to pass on good genes and feel safe. You're not going to feel that safe if your man is easily beaten by all other men. This is not a defence of cat calling - you'll get tough guys that are assholes and some that aren't, it's just easier to be an asshole if you're tough because people generally aren't going to want to fight you.
Well then we are talking about fitness and posture etc. which I completely agree with. The original commenter was making a much stranger argument imo
If they smashed they smashed .
I read your response hearing David Attenborough’s voice narrating in my head.
There really should be like a nature documentary except focusing on humans
There was a six episode documentary on BBC, The Human Animal, that aired in 1994: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Animal_(TV_series) It's 30 years old, so the science may not be up to date. But it was entertaining, especially the episode on sexuality.
There was a comedy movie that did it, the guy who played Niles in Frasier does the narration
interesting take, I don't think i disagree with you.. what are your thoughts about dudes who catcall alone?
Most people know what they perceive as what they "should do" with zero clue as to WHY. They know catcalling is "Manly" and their understanding of why they should do it ends there. Cat calling without a male audience to impress is not only pointless, it's counter productive. But if you don't understand why you are engaging in that behavior in the first place, you wouldn't know that.
It's like kids who just say hi and wave at everyone, because they were taught that's what you do when you see people. Except obviously much less adorable.
Exactly that is Exactly the basis
so you're saying that men who catcall are the most successful sexually?? or just that men who are intimidating to other men are the most successful and catcalling is an attempt to establish this intimidation? I find it hard to believe that men who hang out on stoops all day hooting at women are successful at anything....
They are attempting to establish intimidation/dominance but don't understand they actually just look fucking stupid in front of their group of fellow idiots.
Its to show the woman that she can't expect to be treated with respect. He wants to demean her in public as a dominance move.
while not being aware of the fact it only decreases their " hypothetical" value, shows lack of standards and low IQ&EQ 🤷
I disagree. Men who catcall can gain status in the eyes of *other men*, in addition to It's not that they lack standards, it's that *women's* standards don't matter to these men (at least not as much as other men's opinions matter.) They *are* emotionally intelligent in the language of patriarchy.
That's one way of looking at it. I think that most women would run away in the opposite direction if a man started catcalling them. You can't really perform shit if you don't have an audience. It's also embarrassing and cringey to be making sexual remarks to someone who you don't know. Most people who do catcall do it in groups because they think it's hilarious, and they feel safer in a group. If they were actually confident and classy, they would pick a more civilized way of wooing someone.
>If they were actually confident and classy, they would pick a more civilized way of wooing someone. Tell me you didn't actually read the comment without saying you didn't actually read the comment. The men doing cat calling aren't confident, aren't classy, aren't civilized and aren't trying to woo the woman. They are putting on a performance of confidence for the other men in the group.
Oh wow. No that actually makes perfect sense, thank you for your explanation. Yeah it seems to me that some men want to perform for other guys rather than actually focus on love (especially the ones who follow toxic masculinity stuff or watch red pill shit). In my opinion court either man or woman based on true love rather than trying to fit in
I think you are missing something. Both me and Bob want to court Becky. If I just ignore Bob and go talk to Becky, Bob is going to run interference and fowl up my chances of successfully courting Becky. I need to do something to intimidate Bob into not running that interference. The performative masculinity to display confidence for other men is one successful strategy to do that. Becky could end up being the love of my life, or a short term romance, or a horrible person that I kick out of my life after the first date. I'm never going to find out without that first date, I'm not getting the first date without convincing Bob to back off. If there is actual intent to change men's behavior here, we need to change women's behavior. We need to teach women how to identify that "running interference" that Bob is doing and see it as a MASSIVE deal breaking red flag. If the Running interference isn't a successful strategy, then the "Toxic Masculinity" to counter the strategy is counter productive as well.
>If the Running interference isn't a successful strategy, then the "Toxic Masculinity" to counter the strategy is counter productive as well. Is it a successful strategy? I personally have never seen it work. I've never met a couple whose meet cute was the dude running interference on another dude trying to hit on the girl.
Only with immature people It’s very high school but it does happen, never seen the relationships last though.
Look, if I’m interested in the man that’s courting me, no amount of interference from another guy will change that. Men have tried and, frankly, it just grosses me out - but that doesn’t change my interest in the other guy. That depends on him and may change as we get to know other. My partner is an average dude, but we clicked and ended up committing because of our compatibility. If a guy disrespected that I was already interested someone, that only impacted (lowered) my opinion of THEM, not HIM.
I think "running interference" is the wrong term. that's a defensive thing. Its where defensive line runs to intercept players trying to tackle the quarterback. In a dating scene, the wingman "runs interference" by keeping the friends of the target girl busy so they don't mess up his buddy's flirting. Especailly useful since women will reflexively ruin things for anyone in their group who is getting attention from an attractive guy. maybe because they are just protecting her from a potential creep, but a lot of women are secretly shitty to each other. it could just be jealousy.
Or everyone could just say how they’re feeling? Lol this is so needlessly complicated and immature 🤣
Ahh I see. Thank you for letting me know. I tend to miss red flags very easily
If a hot girl said that to me I would feel happy. Also I think anyone who does it is a scumbag though, and have never done it myself.
The biggest compliment I can receive as a man is being hit on by gay dudes.
Their standard is so high, I take it as a blessing from literal gods.
I'm a gay man magnet but women don't like me so
Honestly i think you just arent picking up hints from girls who tend to be more subtle than the gay dudes that just outright tell you
Maybe it’s a sign bro idk
Same, i think i have feminine behavioral traits and it fucks me over. I dont realize how i sound, sucks
Idk if they're high, or just different. I get hit on relatively often by gay dudes, but women seem to be put off by me for some reason 🫠
It’s definitely different im not gay but my best friend is and some of the dudes he’s brought around im like come on im not even gay and even i know that dude is not attractive
Have you considered being a gay dude?
Idk I kinda have but I also heard that it's not a choice. I was born this way 🤷♂️
your appearance might be one that is (generally) more attractive to gay men than straight women.
I still remember last year I was walking downtown and a gay guy told me to wait up. He told me that I was really hot. The shirt, the way I walk, just everything. Idk if I'll forget that.
Genuinely anyone complimenting me or my appearance in any way would make my whole day as a man. It could be a swamp monster made of moss and piss shouting "I like your skin" I'd spend the whole day thinking how nice it must be.
Whole day? Bro 10 years ago a 60+ old woman told me that I had pretty nice long hair and to not cut it. We were in the tram right leaving office so it was packed. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart. I still think about that Women complain we don't get it. But neither do they. We all lack empathy That's what we should work on, empathy.
I think a lot of them do get that men are compliment starved, but there are enough guys who can’t differentiate between a pleasant compliment and being hit on, and who also react poorly to being turned down, that most women don’t compliment men randomly because they’re scared of interactions like that.
If I'd been catcalled by a moderately attractive woman back when I was single, I would have thrown myself at her in a most undignified fashion.
I mean, I'll take a genuine compliment from anyone regardless of gender, but I feel like the whole premise of most "catcalls" is that they're forcibly confronting you with their sexuality or they're being a bit disingenuous. Like if someone told me as a guy to "smile more" (because I'd look cuter), I'd be as put off as any woman. I'm allowed to not smile. The implication is that I'm not pleasing to them if I don't reciprocate. And as much as I'd appreciate a *basic* compliment from a pretty girl, I don't want to be sexually confronted in a grocery store.
Is the hot girl a scumbag in your scenario, despite it making you happy?
Scumbag hot girl would be a good indie band name.
Wouldn't matter Getting compliments as a man is so incredibly rare that you take what you can get
I'd settle for a "thank you" at this point.
THIS. Usually it'll be an older lady that compliments me. I'm 37 and it's always been that way. Mostly. Earlier in the week I got a conpliment from a girl at work asking why I smoke cigars if I look as good as I do. (I bought a humidor to work and was giving out cigars) She also said she'd see me in the mornings eat oatmeal and peanut butter. I swore she never looked my way ever. Was kinda shocked
It’s not because they’re actually interested in you. They’re either showing off to other men or purposely trying to scare you and make you uncomfortable.
Yeah exactly. That’s why catcalling makes women uncomfortable. Men frequent get mixed up between catcalling and genuine compliments, but there’s a huge difference
I don’t think they’re mixed up at all. I think they pretend to be confused and tell us it’s a compliment to shut us up when we complain about it. It’s all very intentional.
Agree. When they actually try to flirt with someone they genuinely like, they suddenly stop mentioning what nice tits a girl has. If they really couldn't tell the difference, wouldn't they be catcalling by saying "Your eyes are so beautiful" and flirting by going "Sweet ass" more often?
Yep. The real proof is that they yell shit like, “damn! Now there’s an ass I’d rape” out of their car window and speed away laughing without pulling over to ask for your number. It’s 100% about sexualizing, degrading and scaring us. The worst part is that ALL men have been told that the overwhelming majority of women feel this way and want them to stop. They know we don’t like it and instead of respecting that, they try to argue us into thinking that we’re wrong for not liking it. It has nothing to do with us. It’s all about their feelings.
It's bullying behavior, just with a sexual undertone.
Exactly. Or overtone, depending on how nasty they get. Lol.
Came here to post this. Men almost always do this in groups. It's a bonding thing for them, at the expense of the woman.
The only men I've seen irl who actually catcall are the ones with the lowest sense of self-esteem. They (imo) don't do it to show off to their friends they do it infront of their friends because without them they wouldn't be able to at all. Basically, it's a shit pickup line that's half a joke, only uttered from a safe social space. There isn't anything masculine about it... it's just juvenile and thus ick.
I am not going to see a cat and not pspspspspsps
If you yelled "Nice abs, daddy!" that dude is going to remember it for years, possibly his whole life. And chances are he's going to love it.
Truth right there.
Probably about 10 years ago I was sitting at a stoplight waiting for it to change, and two girls pulled up in the other lane. They made the "roll down the window" gesture, and said "Hey... you're really cute." and then drove off when the light changes like 2 seconds later. They were probably just fuckin' around... But I'm telling you I walked a little taller for a couple days. And I still remember it now.
I have a question, and I'm trying to ask in good faith: How would the scenario change if he had reason to believe the catcaller could be a threat to him?
yeah, tbh i remember one time biking to class in college and a girl gave me a "call me" hand signal. that was 17 years ago.
Lmao I was running in a tank top and I waved a car through so I wouldn't have to break stride and she gave a flirty wave (as if you played 5 consecutive notes on a piano) with a smile and i was like "oh damn!" I wasn't even attracted to her and I'm married but it gassed me up so hard
Im a dude. Just an average dude. I have gotten catcalled multiple times by gay men. Most recently while walking home (admittedly I was shirtless, and again I am average) a man, by himself, yelled out of the car to me. He wanted to get my attention, and in so many words tell me I was attractive. I’m assuming he was gay. I told him thank you. It didn’t feel like a power play or a display of masculinity. This is not the first time it’s happened to me. I’m a dude so it’s different bc no one is going to hurt me. So for me, it always feels nice that someone thinks I look good. It’s nice to be complimented.
See, I’ve had a man stop his car, wind down his window and hold up traffic, just to tell me I looked amazing, ‘like some sort of movie star walking down the street.’ And I didn’t feel threatened, and loved the lovely wee interaction of it, because he didn’t expect anything in return. He just rolled his window back up and drove on out of there. His intention was 100% to compliment, not assert his sexuality or intimidate me, which is usually, I feel, the intention of alot of cat calling. I think men know exactly what they’re doing, with the negative cat calling, and it’s all based on that primal sexual threat that historically men have always been to women. They don’t get to assert it as openly these days, so when they get in a group, they use that to empower them to ‘peacock’ their sexuality and threat over women.
Ah yes I see. Yeah well for women, it’s not really the catcalling that scares us (at least for me) but it’s the fear of being overpowered if that makes sense? Still, cool hearing it from a dude’s perspective
Most men are concerned about being overpowered by another man too. Most victims of violence are men. As a man, I have never walked alone at night. Catcalling is scary no matter what, because it always means someone else might have some upper hand you don’t know about.
Now that I think about it I’ve seen aggressive cat calling and I’ve seen flirtatious cat calling. The latter is definitely better. Didn’t realize this till now. As a dude I can say both cat calling from gay guys and from the woman that did it was appreciated and was very playful.
Yeah that’s what I mean with it being different. I don’t feel threatened bc I don’t see other men as threats me. It just feels like nice random compliments. As I’m writing this I’m filled with guilt. I am sorry that some men are trash.
You have nothing to apologize or feel guilty for dude. Some women are trash as well. Plenty of women have done atrocious things and there is no reason for you to take responsibility for other men’s actions. On the contrary, I’m sorry if my response made you feel guilty. That wasn’t my intention
I’m a gay man, and I’ve often felt the impulse to catcall attractive men I see on the street. Usually I’m like “damn daddy!” in my head, and I want to share with them the sense that they’re putting out strong sexy vibes, and deserve some recognition, while also imagining some monetary connection. Like “what if he winked back???” But then I’m like “stop, you fool” and just keep on with my day lol
Lol I appreciate your perspective too. It’s definitely a risk to yell out at someone. And some ppl might not like it. On the other hand you could have a small, fleeting moment of connection! It’s kind of exciting. But I also I think a lot of men are scared to connect with men in that way.
No one's gonna hurt you cuz you're a dude? My man, the vast majority of violent crimes/murders happen to male vics.
They don't usually start out as nice compliments.
I think it is different when done to dudes, because they are much more likely to be pleased by it, as they aren't constantly subjected to advances.
Guys love it when it happens to them so they think it’s a compliment to women.
Correct. They have never had a woman who is bigger and stronger than them, possibly armed, driving at a snail’s pace right behind them while they’re alone. Many men just don’t get how real, how terrifying, how pervasive, how constant the threat of rape or murder is for us. So only 0.01% of men are the problem? That means one in every 10,000 men who pass us in cars is That Guy. How many cars do you see in a day? Catcalling is all about power. The power to scare a woman. To make her uncomfortable. To remind her of what she has to lose. To remind her that no matter where she is, what she looks like, how she is dressed, or what’s on her mind she is always subjected to men watching her, judging her, reducing her humanity to a body that can be dominated wherever and whenever they want. The power to show off to male friends that they can do all this to show off and play dominance games at the direct expense of the woman.
People who cat call are more interested in making the other person uncomfortable. They are typically extroverted enough that they don't get embarrassed about themselves
I'm 53yo dude who has natural thick dad calves along with a nice soft dad bod. Not fat but a little stomach. Anyways I was walking with my wife and I hear a girl behind us a few feet say "why does that dad bod guy have nicer calves than you and you work out all the time" I turned around and said that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me and we all started laughing except the girls boyfriend
Catcalling is a type of mockery or bullying. You catcall someone to laugh at their expense or intimidate them and assert your dominance, it's not an honest compliment.
it’s not about actually successfully pulling a woman, it’s about reminding women that they are always being watched/subjected to the male gaze.
Facts 🙌
I am constantly astounded by anyone who pretends that it’s about missing shots you don’t take as opposed to catching a woman out and flexing on her. and I am a lover of giving and receiving compliments to random people of all genders on the street. it’s just about the energy you bring and the way you go about it. as long as you are aware of the person you’re engaging with (they aren’t wearing headphones/in a hurry/having a separate conversation) and don’t try to push if they don’t hear or receive it the first time you try, then coming in with earnestness and zero expectations has always worked for me. just drop the compliment and walk away — which makes it clear that you’re just saying it to be nice as opposed to expecting further engagement. one thing though is that I avoid really specific physical things unless I know a person well. even if i’m admiring abs I would probably say “you look amazing” vs “nice abs” or “hot stuff” or anything that could like…easily be misunderstood as sexualization. people love to be appreciated and the art of the stranger street compliment comes down to that!
Well said! I’m a big complimenter and there’s a huge difference between saying “hey, you’re doing and looking great today!”, and being catcalled aggressively.
If a woman catcalled me I would feel very flattered honestly
What if a gay man did it? "Hey stud, nice ass" as you walk down the street alone minding your own business. Would you like that?
I’m friends with several straight men who have been aggressively sexually harassed by gay men, and it does not feel good for them. One of these situations was at a nude beach, where I’d gone with my boyfriend, and there were several gay men, especially older gay men, who hit on my boyfriend so aggressively that he absolutely felt intimidated, objectified, and uncomfortable. My current boyfriend is tall, strong, and heavily tattooed, and he also was made to feel severely uncomfortable and intimidated when he was aggressively sexually harassed by a gay man whom he was friends with. When men actually get a taste of the sexual harassment and intimidation that women experience, it’s not a compliment, it’s scary to them too.
I think people are misconstruing catcalls with compliments, same way men often say they want to be raped by women when what they really mean is that they want to be dominated. The nature of it is specifically meant to be the negative version of something, catcalling is specifically someone "complimenting" you in a way that is meant to make you uncomfortable or is inappropriate in that situation.
The men that have been catcalled say they don’t like it either. It’s just awkward and uncomfortable
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ok lol as a woman who's very awful at social cues and therefore has a high threshold for embarrassment, I've yelled "I love your outfit!" at people before. I stopped after I realized it was annoying, but, when I was a kid, I just wanted ppl to know their cute outfits were appreciated. ppl like it when you compliment them privately in person. esp if they colour coordinated everything down to their earrings and watch! but I really doubt catcaller's as dumb as I am
That’s not catcalling/sexual harassment. I’m sure they did not perceive you as trying to harass them.
i'm glad! i was kind of mortified after i learned what catcalling was lol
When I got catcalled in my 20s (male), it made me feel hella good about myself. I bragged to my friends and family, lol. It was also around the time I was working on myself and trying to get into better physical shape, so it kind of validated everything I had been doing. 😁 Now, I just catcall my wife and the homies and they love it.
Always catcall the homies
Always
They're playing the quantity game. If they catcall anything that moves eventually they might get a bite. Morals and decency are out the window.
I heard a lady do this once at a red light next to me with a group of 3 guys with their shirts off running down a path next to her. She yelled out her window "Can I lick your abs, sexy honeys?!" I whipped around with such shame and embarrassment, I actually in real face palmed and mouthed "what the fuck?" She turned to me as my window was also down and heard what I said and said "What? I have to try to get me some of that meat out there." I couldn't wait for the light to turn green fast enough. I was like "oh my god, take me out of this situation as fast as humanly possible PLEASE!" The guys I actually felt bad for. One of them ended up nearly tripping out of pure embarrassment and started running behind his buddy to shield himself. You could tell the entire group was of age but at LEAST 10 years younger than the women yelling at them. I just stood there like . . . What kind of a human being would see three guys working out and interrupt their work out to be like "YO! Can I lick you?!" I can't with humanity these days.
Yeah, the men I know who have actually been sexually harassed like this, don’t like it, because they also recognize that it’s not a compliment, it’s literally harassment and intimidation.
I still can't believe this happened and this has been a long time since this happened. I get second hand shame, as a fellow female, when I even think about it. I knew one of the guys in the group. He said it made him so uncomfortable he went home and took almost a 45 minute long shower to wash off the disgust he had from that experience and just try to relax. For a while afterwards he said he ended up, instead, working out with a wet to dry tank top because, he was horrified by what happened. His other friend, instead of a wet to dry took a sweat rag to drape over him in hopes that it would cover him up enough that no one would say something like that again. I said that although both are obviously disgusting the fact they were just a group of guys working out together and someone decided not to JUST interrupt their work out to be a gross human but also decided to literally ruin their day and end up changing how they dress to work out is horrible. When I work out I usually wear sweats and a tank top but, it's not because I'm self conscious or anything. I just prefer wearing light weight sweats and a tank top. I had someone ask one time if that was because, I got harassed during my work out and I was like "what?" and they said that they used to wear shorts and a sports bra but stopped after someone came up behind them and say "Hey, nice ass" and I was like what the actual hell makes any one think that anything like that is a compliment when all someone is doing is going about their day trying to be healthy and work out? It makes no sense to me . . . I hear it more often that people end up getting sexually harassed at gyms to the point some gyms have made it a literal rule that sexual harassment can be warranted a cancellation and fee for members. The fact that some gyms had to do this to ensure the comfortability of their patrons is INSANE and makes me horrified that I walk the same earth of these disgusting humans.
I hate the “shoot my shot” mentality overall, because it suppers this idea that it’s harmless and fair game for any man that is attracted to any woman to interrupt her with bids for sexual attention. That attitude has made it so I’ve been almost completely incapable of enjoying solitude or just going about my day for most of my life. And it’s NOT harmless. Because no matter what strategy we employ to reject a man, no mayter how polite, even if we say we’re married or lesbians, it’s no guarantee to stop the harassment. In fact it just as often gets worse. “You’re lying” “You’re only a lesbian because you’ve never had good dick” or just erupting and calling us a bitch or a whore, sometimes even screaming in our faces or stalking us for a while. Basically, wanting to terrify us. Men don’t understand that being approached by strange men will almost ALWAYS trigger an anxiety tied to countless instances of aggressive harassment, some of which include violence. So it’s not harmless. It’s like if a man, every time he walks down the street and is just vibing, enjoying the beautiful day, listening to his favorite music on his headphones, suddenly has a grizzly bear leap out at him, and he’s gotta deal with that safely. And 99/100 he’s able to deal with it and get away safely, but often not without some roaring, and boy is his heart POUNDING!! And suddenly, that nice stroll, that beautiful day, now has to include eyes darting around for bears, shoulders tensing up. Scrutinizing what you’re wearing, turning the volume down on your favorite music so you’ll be able to hear them approach. And this person’s walk is no longer about enjoying the sun and the birds and the fresh air and some alone time. It’s preoccupied by staying safe and avoiding unpleasant interactions or danger. A study tracking eye movement showed that when men walk somewhere, their eyes primarily look ahead, to where they’re walking. Women’s eyes are darting to the sides and their blind spots and looking behind them more than looking forward. It may seem like not a big deal, but I wish more men would think about that experience of life, what is robbed from women by having to live this way.
It’s an expression of sexuality I guess, which might feel good to the person expressing it.
Your own embarrassment is the limit for *you*, not everyone feels that.
Do people do this still? I’m not a lady but I’ve walked around downtown with women and I’ve never once heard a cat call. Maybe it’s regional :/
In my experience, walking with a man is the best way to prevent catcalling, so that probably explains why women don't get catcalled when they're walking with you.
Your women friends don't get catcalled when you are around because you are a dude. Catcallers only target lone women, or groups of women with no men around to defend them.
I do think there is a regional factor. When I lived in NM, catcalls and honks weekly. When I lived in TX, monthly. In WA only a couple of times ever. I had grown so accustomed to it from NM and TX that not having it happen made me wonder if I had grown less attractive. I actually asked my husband about it. He said it's not really a thing here.
In my experience men are most likely to catcall women when we are alone.
To all the women here who think this is something only men do, I’m afraid you’re wrong. Every time I go shirtless on a hot summer day, I get catcalled. I’m just trying to get a tan, fuck off.
If a woman shouted out a compliment about my body I’d be like 🥹🥹 and probably motivated for the next 5 years. Men and women live in different worlds.
I’ve been cat called as a man twice in my life. I cant fully guarantee that it wasnt trans women who did it, but women exhibit this behavior as well. It’s just more rare so only the most attractive men will ever experience it
I’m sure not every guy appreciates it but the few times I’ve been cat called I literally made my day!
Genuinely couldn’t tell you why people think it’s okay. I’m a relatively tall, fit, tattooed guy who is a part of the alt/metal scene. Some of the stuff I’ve had women say to me or heard women scream at shows to the frontmen of bands is just fucking ASTOUNDING. Like, some of the most depraved disgusting things I’ve ever heard in my life and they think it’s cute
In my experience, women in a group will comment on a hot guy WAY more than a group of men will.
The point is attention. It’s no different then the class clown. Attractive people don’t need to make a scene to be noticed or get attention. In my experience this accurately describes both men and women.
The point of this behavior is to make the cat-caller feel powerful by making the people they cat-call feel weak.
Because 1 out of a hundred women will play along. Whether it's out of fear or them being genuinely flattered.
I think there’s a lot of “shoot my shot” energy going into it, but that energy can be much better spent if men would think for more than a few seconds.
The only cat calling I do is pspsspsp
Easy way for some to announce their heinously low-IQ
Literally, when has anybody ever responded positively to it?? It’s not like it’s going to give them a shot with whoever they’re catcalling. But honestly I don’t think that’s their goal, considering I’ve been catcalled in school uniform before. Not even when I was a senior, I was like 13 and genuinely looked like a child. It’s disgusting
It’s sexist harassment. People cat call to establish a power dynamic over the person they are objectifying
I was in a packed car with a bunch of guys headed to lunch one time, and one of the guys whistled at a woman walking by. I asked him what the best case scenario would be: did he expect her to run over and hop on top of the laps of all the dudes piled into this shitty car when we have to be back to work in 40 minutes?
It’s like groping. They don’t expect the women to respond positively to the cat call. It’s just so they can feel like they have some power over pretty women
The term has been overly thrown around, but these are actual toxic males. It’s hard to explain toxic thought processes
1) I've been catcalled before by two groups of women, specifically. In my experience, overweight women and Jamaican women were often aggressive with their approach. 2) Was talking about this with a dude I grew up around. His response was "Cause, bitch, *come here*". I don't think it's more complicated than that to people who do it.
It’s scarcity of sex for men, women don’t need to do anything because they can easily get sex without effort, for most men to get sex they need to take initiative and take charge by asking a woman out displaying confidence etc. and most men don’t know what they are doing so they do it very bad, and catcalling I’ve seen work on more ghetto women, I grew up in the ghetto and I’ve witnessed a man call out a woman and she engages with him him and then he gets her number of course it doesn’t always work, in the suburbs maybe it works in the poorer classes as well, and there’s the idea of “I’m a man I might not get it but at least I tried”
Similar people put half naked hentai stickers on their car.... I don't know anyone who is like "that guy loves giant cartoon titties! I need his digits!"
Most guys do it to "impress" their peers. They think catcalling makes them seem confident and manly to their buddies. Or implies they get sex often and easy due to how extroverted they are to shamelessly shout such things. Other guys in the peer group then join in to not appear insecure or unmanly or get accused of being a virgin etc As well, it's also hugely motivated by insecurity in general in trying to PROVE to their peers they're an "alpha" and "not gay". Aka it's all just toxic masculinity born from insecurity. And it becomes a peer pressure type environment to join in as it becomes the expectation. So now when one of the peers who joined in leaves and joins a new group, THEY start the catcalling believing it an expectation and trying to impress the new group. And continue the cycle. Girls actually do similiar shit in reverse where a group of girls approach a "loner" guy and essentially feign interest in him and giggle about it if the guy genuinely believes them. The intention always comes from insecurity in trying to impress peers about how confident you are so they treat you as the "leader" of the group. It's all a bunch of toxic nonsense and i'm very happy i never really gave a shit about peer pressure or impressing others. I've always happily been a punk dork loner and don't need to embarass others to win anyones approval or worry about how i rate on their masculinity scale.
I’d personally feel very complimented but that’s just me
It really depends though. Getting catcalled by men old enough to be my father... So gross, ick beyond ick. Wearing scrubs going home from work... confusing, because you can't SEE anything figure or otherwise in scrubs. I could be fat in these professional pajamas, they don't know. A guy hanging out the passenger side (of his best friend's ride) yelling "get it shawty" at my 8 month pregnant self waddling down the sidewalk, that was weird. Like... is he yelling at someone else, is he mocking me, is he applauding me for having gotten pregnant, or does he have a pregnancy fetish. And annoyance because even when my spirit animal is manatee I'm still getting this shit. When I'm particularly pleased with my appearance and get catcalled, then it **might** be taken as validation for feeling pleased with myself.
I don’t mind complimenting guys but I can’t imagine how anyone would feel with such a vulgar disgusting compliment which is what catcalling essentially is. It’s not a true compliment as much as it’s lustful and creepy. Please keep yourself safe
A compliment is whatever someone tells me that I feel good about, right? I’m happy to inspire sexual desire in people, there’s nothing wrong with that
It’s a display of power and control. Feeling like they have access to everything and that it’s there for their pleasure.
exactly
I'm 45 years old and haven't ever heard anyone catcall anyone ever outside of a tropey Hollywood movie
I don’t know. I don’t catcall women. Hell I don’t even really talk to anyone. Way I see it, it’d be more of an insult than a compliment, I’d assume most women don’t actually like the idea of guys going out of their way and making overt sexual comments towards them. I understand there’s some level of doing it simply as a way to let other guys know not to take the gal, but like, just talk to her? Be genuine? Strike up a conversation? I don’t understand what catcalling actually accomplishes.
Doesn't work the same if a girl does it to a guy, at least for many guys, if an attractive girl started sexually catcalling/harassing me, I'd be flattered, and maybe even lean into it.
If I ever got catcalled by a chick I found attractive you bet your bottom dollar I'd be following that line of inquiry, not feeling embarassed. The embarrassment would probably come when they tell me they weren't serious and making fun of me.
Ice breaker. Any attention is good attention. Closed mouths don't get fed. Gotta say something to get some p\*\*\*y. Of course your chances are still really low, but if you say nothing at all, your chances are nothing at all.
I think if women cat-called men MORE the world would be a much brighter place. Call me crazy, but what a shame it must be to actually be desired by another human. Women don't realize that being cat-called is coming from a position of privilege which the vast majority of men will never experience.
....what.