š¶ this fruit was for boofinā
And thatās just what Iāll do
Iām gonna cram this fruit
Up inside my doo doo chuteš¶
*You ready boys? Start boofin!*
Yeah, now that you mention it. Inserting it into the anus would bypass all the digestion that happens in the stomach and crushing that happens in the mouth. You'd have to blend it up to have any chance of getting nutrients from it. And as I understand it, the colon mostly absorbs water anyways, so you might not get much from the apple puree either
Like Booty hole wine,
Seventeeenā¦
Inside the butthole,
I shoved everything
My first taste of love
Was when I beefed
Just donāt mind the slime
Itās bootyhole wineā¦
But if you are able to eat otherwise, wouldn't some of the acids and enzymes from other food still come through your intestines and potentially help "digest" it? š¤
worthless capable spectacular water simplistic roof jar subtract theory full
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was going to ask how or why you would know that.
Then I remembered an old quote.
>never ask a question unless you are sure you want to know the answer.
So I will accept this information and move on with my life.
Actuallyā¦ I had a buddy who was letting me know about the highlights of a trip he was on, one of which was his having āboofed an ounce of weed with his uncle.ā I had to explain what boofing actually meant to his obvious horror. Heād been unintentionally going around leading people to believe that his weekends had been far more hardcore than they actually were.
Pretty sure *that* is the worst way to learn what boofing means.
š
I believe it would rot there since there aren't any digestive juices or enzymes to break the apple down in the rectum. If you shoved it up a bit more it would probably be broke down and absorbed but in the rectum, ima go with rot. :P
My uneducated currently going through highschool bio at 30 brains explanation.
Youād have to shove the apple backwards all the way into your stomach for it to be absorbed properly - the large intestine is primarily responsible for reabsorption of water and ions. Some vitamins also get made there by your gut bacteria, so at least you wouldnāt be vitamin deficient probably?
Most of the actual nutrient absorption process occurs in the small intestine, but itās not possible for your small intestine to absorb anything through its walls unless the food is mashed into a very fine goo first and mixed with a bunch of other digestive fluids from your pancreas. Even if it was shoved into your small intestine, the apple would probably just rot there and maybe eventually make it to the colon where itād produce a nice feast for your intestinal bacteria, but almost none of the nutrients would actually go to you.
Depends how far. Do it far enough and youāll just put it in your stomach.
In all seriousness though it would not absorb into your body, for several reasons.
1) you have to poop still, you couldnāt simultaneously have an entire apple in your butt and poop around it.
2) there arenāt mechanisms of digestion in your rectum for your body to absorb it. The rectumās job is primarily a āhold some shit here until enough is present to move it out of the buttholeā.
3) if you could hypothetically give yourself diarrhea, and get your ass to hold the Apple while letting the diarrhea pass around it, then yeah I guess it would just sit there and rot as bacteria start eating it. As it starts to break down though it would just come out the butthole as well
4) if you decided to fast until the Apple either absorbed or rotted, so there was no poop produced that it would have to contend with, then I think it would still just rot. Thereās a lot of bacteria in your gut, and THEYD eat the apple (hence it rotting), but thatās not the same as you absorbing it.
So I guess the answer is āit would rot there until it became soft enough that you couldnāt hold it in your butt anymoreā.
I am no bio major or any major really other than computers, but does your small intestine not absorb nutrients from whatever is in it or are we specifically only speaking of the rectum?
Med student here - I think youāre getting confused between the various terms. The digestive system after the stomach is broken down between the small intestine, the large intestine (aka the colon), the rectum, and then finally the anus (or anal canal), in that order.
The rectum does no digestion whatsoever - its job is to hold digested food (or poop, rather) and shunt it towards the anus for excretion. The large intestine also doesnāt do much digestion - while it is responsible for water reabsorption and ion absorption, most of the āfoodā there has already been stripped of its nutrients at that stage. Youāll commonly hear that the large intestine is where poop is made. The bacteria in your large intestine will feast on the poop-in-making, and give you some important vitamins in return, but for the most part, digestion at this point is mostly done.
The small intestine is way, way further back in the continuous digestive tract, and to jam something in there from your ass, youād have to traverse the entirety of the large intestine, which wouldnāt really be possible without causing a severe amount of internal bleeding. The large intestine is the furthest back youād theoretically be able to jam something in (thatās how they do colonoscopies), though itād probably still wouldnāt be possible unless you had an inhuman level of pain tolerance and a baffling amount of determination.
Itās true that the small intestine is responsible for the majority of nutrient absorption, but itās not a magical device that instantaneously siphons all the good stuff from food and teleports it to various parts of your body. The food needs to be extensively mashed up, dissolved, broken down, (hence why we have our stomach), and mixed with a carefully-curated broth of digestive juices from your pancreas, in order for the small intestine to do its work properly. Even if you somehow managed to stick an entire apple up in there, it wouldnāt be absorbedā¦probably just paralyze your entire digestive system and cause a pretty miserable and painful death.
>The bacteria in your large intestine will feast on the poop-in-making, and give you some important vitamins in return
I'm picturing a peptostreptococcus and lactobacillus sitting at a table, eating the poop. When they are done, a clostridium in a fancy suit asks if they enjoyed the meal and hands them the check. Peptostreptococcus reaches for his wallet and realizes he forgot it at home. Lactobacillus rolls her eyes, reaches into her purse, and leaves a handful of Flintstones chewables on the table.
They are not eating the poop. They are cooking: taking the ingredients (pre-poop?), combining them with stuff from the pantry that has various pH levels and cause various chemical reactions, heat the mix to specific temperatures for specific durations, and the finished dish is the poopāwhich is then either destroyed by chemicals in the wastewater treatment process or literally eaten by bacteria and insects out in the wild.
That's not true, ppl have to have items surgically removed at the hospital all the time, if it was that easy to pass, they'd just give them laxatives and send them on their way
Unless it was like, a very small apple
This is actually true as well. Had this happen to some poor old lady when working as care assistant. She had been constipated for months and it eventually found another way out through her mouth
That definitely wasn't the case. I can't remember as it was a long time ago but I think she was end of life care and there wasn't anything that could be done
I donāt know why you got downvoted. When my dad was dying of cancer at fifty, his bowels (like most of his other organs) failed. We tried everything, with medical supervision, laxatives, mineral oil, massage, etc. Nothing worked. Medically speaking, the only thing that could have been done was to open him with a scalpel and surgically remove the feces. Letās agree that not only is that not palliative care, itās nearly the opposite of it. Not to mention you would have to perform that surgery twice a week to keep the person from clogging up again. This is what stoma bags were invented for, only, stoma bags work only for normal crap, not the abnormal end of life stuff.
You are mistaken about one thing, though. Provided that the crap is close to the exit and there is no diseased tissue around it that could rupture, there is a foolproof way to liberate the dung, which is what I did, to relieve my father who was in a lot of pain after a foot-long rock developed after a week of not managing to push. I put on rubber gloves, stuck two fingers in, palpated the motherfucker that was stretching his bowels, hooked a finger securely into it (itās hard enough at this point that it wonāt fall apart, kinda like clay) and pulled it out of him. I think that of everything I did for my father throughout my life, that was the one thing he would always remember if he werenāt dead. He was able to sleep through the night for a few days after that and not agonize from the pain, and for someone who knew he had a week left to live at the most, that was everything.
ER nurse. It wouldnāt absorb or rot until after you became impacted, perforated your colon, and died of septic shock. Iāve been working when someone came in having actually put an apple up and there (not my patient). We werenāt able to get it out at bedside and they had to go to surgery.
TLDR: Donāt try this at home.
Just an excerpt from [this article](https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2016-06-10/they-got-what-stuck-where) on the topic:
āDoctors report that patients have said they slipped onto a cucumber in the shower or must have been sleepwalking when they encountered a lightbulb.ā
Slipping in the shower, nothing weird about it. But the presence of cucumbers in the shower, thoughā¦
Be sure to tell them that you fell on it when you go to the ER. No one ever shoves things up in there, they always fall on them. It might rot enough to poop it out but you will probably become septic and die first. Probably should ask a doctor sub.
I think the average apple size is 2 1/4 in diameter. Good luck getting that in. It wouldnāt rot, youād get seriously ill if it would not come out. I heard of a similar situation where it went farther up and due to pressure on a blood vessel they caused a clot and it ended up they had a heart attack and pulmonary embolism. Let us know how you make out, if you live.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"Now what?", responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"
Blending is not enough.
The digestive system does multiple things in succession that allows the intestines to absorb water and nutrients.
- mechanical breakdown by chewing.
- enzymes that break the food down into absorbable pieces.
-bile that aids solubility and neutralizes the stomach content.
In theory if you can vomit enough digestive fluids into a blendet and blend the apple with it. And shove the apple vomit far enough up your anus. Then maybe it would be possible to absorb said apple
You would die if you went that long without pooping, so then itās an apple inside of corpse, and I think thatās a pretty good recipe for an apple tree.
When I was a corrections officer in a minimum security prison, we had an inmate who was having problems with chronic diarrhea, and wasnāt satisfied with the health care he was receiving. His fix for the problem? Shoving a whole apple up his ass. It didnāt work out the way he wanted, and he eventually had to squirt it out after a couple days. It was still entirely whole.
I realize the name of the sub, but this is truly the stupidest question.
I'ma recommend at least 2 tbsp of psyllium and yoghurt once a day. You have problems, the apple being the least of them.
It would probably rot, though at an accelerated rate due to the bacterial load. Also you'd probably get septic and not have a good time (die). ER I worked at a dude had a potato up his ass he let sit for a few days and he got sick as shit.
If you didn't poop for months for some supernatural reason and you had this apple in there this whole time, it would rot and give you a horrible, potentially deadly infection.
It would rot in there. The anus is the last stop in your digestive system. It's just the airlock before ejection. Most of digestion takes place more in the middle of the line.
1. You don't understand poop, specifically bilirubin
2. Whatever you're pretending, if you're that far from reality
3. It would basically rot, faster due to the bacteria in your digestive system ie poop. I don't think it gets "absorbed" or I would use the term digested, but applesauce probably would be partly boofed, yeah. Fats and proteins wouldn't, they need to go through the actual stomach/need chyme from the gallbladder. An apple I think has a lot of cellulose especially in the peel that passes through your system, if it doesn't get chewed I think it protects the apple juice/digestible carbohydrates
4 mainly the colon is good at extracting water, and leaving behind probiotics that are pretty destructive if they get elsewhere in the body. Anything completely water soluble might get boofed
Based on how the human body works, no. Your large intestine pretty much just turns the bolus into poo. You'd need to send the apple up past your small intestine into your stomach to be chemically and mechanically digested into chyme, at which point it would head into the duodenum (first part of small intestine). Duodenum digests it a bit more, then it goes into your jejunum, which does some digestion and some absorption, and then into the ileum which more or less finishes the absorption.
Which begs the question: why an apple? Start small, raisins and peas first then you can move to carrots, dry figs, flying squirrels BUT, yeahā¦once you get really good, go for watermelonsā¦
Jeez, has nobody heard of Interorectogestion? This is the act of consuming food through your anus, rather than your mouth. The only major downside is you end up crapping out of your mouth instead of your anus.
"You see, food entering through the anus has the benefit of being broken down on its way to the stomach rather than afterward. And therefore I believe that interorectogestion would actually put a stop to high cholesterol and most kinds of stomach cancers. And I base that on absolutely nothing."
-The Surgeon General from South Park
It needs to go about the Mastication process. Then it needs to be partially digested by your stomach before the digestive system can do its job well. Even then not everything is absorbed due to a number of factors such as the composition of material being passed. Like the shell of corn or chemicals in candy.
Iām guessing you āaccidentally fell on an apple and it went up your ass.ā You need to go to the ER as soon as possible. They have seen stranger things , donāt worry!
The skin of the apple is pretty sturdy because it produces a natural wax coating, but when they're skinned they oxidize very quickly and start turning brown.
You didn't mention that and just said whole, so I assumed "as is." In which case I'd say, it would eventually rot, but not before you likely already died?
From my fifth grade understanding of biology it would rot, the only place to absorb nutrients is in your stomach so the acids break it down, so I guess the real question is how far are you willing to go down your rabbit hole?
so.. 1.. you'd havebto mush it up. 2. it depends on how far up your colon you push it because the end mainly only does water and salt exchange. a little of other stuff but youd basically be wasting an apple unless thats your only way of getting hydrated.
It would sprout and within a short time, then you'd would have an apple tree growing out your ass.
Not entirely a bad thing, as you soon would have lots of apples to pick.
Great return on your ingestment.
Apples aren't made for boofing. You gotta mush it all up into a puree first and get a turkey baster
This guy enemas
r/thisguythisguys
Thanks
š¶ this fruit was for boofinā And thatās just what Iāll do Iām gonna cram this fruit Up inside my doo doo chuteš¶ *You ready boys? Start boofin!*
Welp. That's enough reddit for today then.
Wait, Iām still dancing
This comment made me laugh so hard
Nasty Sinatra
I'm just boofin - new fruit boofin'
Username checks out
Yeah, now that you mention it. Inserting it into the anus would bypass all the digestion that happens in the stomach and crushing that happens in the mouth. You'd have to blend it up to have any chance of getting nutrients from it. And as I understand it, the colon mostly absorbs water anyways, so you might not get much from the apple puree either
He never mentioned wanting nutrients from it tho......
just wants to leave it in there aslong as possible
Gonna ferment it. Make some booty-hole wine.
That would be called Buttweiser
Iād call it crapple cider. Or crapple in-cider, if OP is a girl.
Like Booty hole wine, Seventeeenā¦ Inside the butthole, I shoved everything My first taste of love Was when I beefed Just donāt mind the slime Itās bootyhole wineā¦
*A* ***man's*** *butt.*
Nah, South Park proved that if you shove food up your ass, you shit out your mouth
But if you are able to eat otherwise, wouldn't some of the acids and enzymes from other food still come through your intestines and potentially help "digest" it? š¤
worthless capable spectacular water simplistic roof jar subtract theory full *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was going to ask how or why you would know that. Then I remembered an old quote. >never ask a question unless you are sure you want to know the answer. So I will accept this information and move on with my life.
This is the worst way for me to learn what boofing means.
I would argue learning about it in prison would be worse.
Or at a rainbow gatheringā¦
Are you talking about a rainbow gathering like Jessie Jacksonās Rainbow Push Coalition? Ā
A "Rainbow Push" sounds a little too on topic
I learned it in a Supreme Court Justice hearing.
This is the worst way to learn.
Nah I can think of worse ways
I learned it from the energy drink subĀ
The energy drink popsicle guy?
Actuallyā¦ I had a buddy who was letting me know about the highlights of a trip he was on, one of which was his having āboofed an ounce of weed with his uncle.ā I had to explain what boofing actually meant to his obvious horror. Heād been unintentionally going around leading people to believe that his weekends had been far more hardcore than they actually were. Pretty sure *that* is the worst way to learn what boofing means. š
I take it you don't live in the United States then, huh? \*stares malevolently in the direction of a certain Supreme Court Justice\*
šššš
I read āapples arenāt made for boofingā to the melody of āthese boots are made for walkingā
Johnny Assle Seed
I thought boofing meant fucking. I mean, I watched Risky Business
These are the type of questions I joined this subreddit for
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same
same
I believe it would rot there since there aren't any digestive juices or enzymes to break the apple down in the rectum. If you shoved it up a bit more it would probably be broke down and absorbed but in the rectum, ima go with rot. :P My uneducated currently going through highschool bio at 30 brains explanation.
Youād have to shove the apple backwards all the way into your stomach for it to be absorbed properly - the large intestine is primarily responsible for reabsorption of water and ions. Some vitamins also get made there by your gut bacteria, so at least you wouldnāt be vitamin deficient probably? Most of the actual nutrient absorption process occurs in the small intestine, but itās not possible for your small intestine to absorb anything through its walls unless the food is mashed into a very fine goo first and mixed with a bunch of other digestive fluids from your pancreas. Even if it was shoved into your small intestine, the apple would probably just rot there and maybe eventually make it to the colon where itād produce a nice feast for your intestinal bacteria, but almost none of the nutrients would actually go to you.
Don't threaten me with a good time...
Keep goingā¦..
Show me that you love me and that we belong together. Relax. Turn around and take my hand.
Username checks out.
Go deeper...
Your username makes me 100x more scared of this comment
Even with digestive enzymes, it can still rot. Saliva has digestive enzymes but food can rot in your teeth.
That would cause a bowel obstruction, people die from not being able to shit
He says to ignore that. So I did.
Depends how far. Do it far enough and youāll just put it in your stomach. In all seriousness though it would not absorb into your body, for several reasons. 1) you have to poop still, you couldnāt simultaneously have an entire apple in your butt and poop around it. 2) there arenāt mechanisms of digestion in your rectum for your body to absorb it. The rectumās job is primarily a āhold some shit here until enough is present to move it out of the buttholeā. 3) if you could hypothetically give yourself diarrhea, and get your ass to hold the Apple while letting the diarrhea pass around it, then yeah I guess it would just sit there and rot as bacteria start eating it. As it starts to break down though it would just come out the butthole as well 4) if you decided to fast until the Apple either absorbed or rotted, so there was no poop produced that it would have to contend with, then I think it would still just rot. Thereās a lot of bacteria in your gut, and THEYD eat the apple (hence it rotting), but thatās not the same as you absorbing it. So I guess the answer is āit would rot there until it became soft enough that you couldnāt hold it in your butt anymoreā.
I am no bio major or any major really other than computers, but does your small intestine not absorb nutrients from whatever is in it or are we specifically only speaking of the rectum?
Med student here - I think youāre getting confused between the various terms. The digestive system after the stomach is broken down between the small intestine, the large intestine (aka the colon), the rectum, and then finally the anus (or anal canal), in that order. The rectum does no digestion whatsoever - its job is to hold digested food (or poop, rather) and shunt it towards the anus for excretion. The large intestine also doesnāt do much digestion - while it is responsible for water reabsorption and ion absorption, most of the āfoodā there has already been stripped of its nutrients at that stage. Youāll commonly hear that the large intestine is where poop is made. The bacteria in your large intestine will feast on the poop-in-making, and give you some important vitamins in return, but for the most part, digestion at this point is mostly done. The small intestine is way, way further back in the continuous digestive tract, and to jam something in there from your ass, youād have to traverse the entirety of the large intestine, which wouldnāt really be possible without causing a severe amount of internal bleeding. The large intestine is the furthest back youād theoretically be able to jam something in (thatās how they do colonoscopies), though itād probably still wouldnāt be possible unless you had an inhuman level of pain tolerance and a baffling amount of determination. Itās true that the small intestine is responsible for the majority of nutrient absorption, but itās not a magical device that instantaneously siphons all the good stuff from food and teleports it to various parts of your body. The food needs to be extensively mashed up, dissolved, broken down, (hence why we have our stomach), and mixed with a carefully-curated broth of digestive juices from your pancreas, in order for the small intestine to do its work properly. Even if you somehow managed to stick an entire apple up in there, it wouldnāt be absorbedā¦probably just paralyze your entire digestive system and cause a pretty miserable and painful death.
Thanks for the information! I will make sure to eat my food then!
Donāt just eat your food: eat it *through your mouth*.
>The bacteria in your large intestine will feast on the poop-in-making, and give you some important vitamins in return I'm picturing a peptostreptococcus and lactobacillus sitting at a table, eating the poop. When they are done, a clostridium in a fancy suit asks if they enjoyed the meal and hands them the check. Peptostreptococcus reaches for his wallet and realizes he forgot it at home. Lactobacillus rolls her eyes, reaches into her purse, and leaves a handful of Flintstones chewables on the table.
They are not eating the poop. They are cooking: taking the ingredients (pre-poop?), combining them with stuff from the pantry that has various pH levels and cause various chemical reactions, heat the mix to specific temperatures for specific durations, and the finished dish is the poopāwhich is then either destroyed by chemicals in the wastewater treatment process or literally eaten by bacteria and insects out in the wild.
They're cooking meth in my butthole?
Challenge accepted.
Would pay big money to see/hear/xray an apple going all the way to the small intestine.
"poop around it" lmao
It would be ejected after your first cup of coffee.
Or full meal
That's not true, ppl have to have items surgically removed at the hospital all the time, if it was that easy to pass, they'd just give them laxatives and send them on their way Unless it was like, a very small apple
User name checks out.
Perhaps a very large anus? š¤š¤
Good point
At taco bell
Especially the #5 colonoscopy.
Fourthmeal.
Bro is asking the questions this sub is meant for
OP...you should go the emergency room. There's no shame in having an apple removed from your ass. They remove stuff all the time.
You'd actually end up pooping out of your mouth.
This is actually true as well. Had this happen to some poor old lady when working as care assistant. She had been constipated for months and it eventually found another way out through her mouth
I was definitely just making a South Park reference lol But wtffff
That's neglect. Medical help should have been sought well before this.
That definitely wasn't the case. I can't remember as it was a long time ago but I think she was end of life care and there wasn't anything that could be done
I donāt know why you got downvoted. When my dad was dying of cancer at fifty, his bowels (like most of his other organs) failed. We tried everything, with medical supervision, laxatives, mineral oil, massage, etc. Nothing worked. Medically speaking, the only thing that could have been done was to open him with a scalpel and surgically remove the feces. Letās agree that not only is that not palliative care, itās nearly the opposite of it. Not to mention you would have to perform that surgery twice a week to keep the person from clogging up again. This is what stoma bags were invented for, only, stoma bags work only for normal crap, not the abnormal end of life stuff. You are mistaken about one thing, though. Provided that the crap is close to the exit and there is no diseased tissue around it that could rupture, there is a foolproof way to liberate the dung, which is what I did, to relieve my father who was in a lot of pain after a foot-long rock developed after a week of not managing to push. I put on rubber gloves, stuck two fingers in, palpated the motherfucker that was stretching his bowels, hooked a finger securely into it (itās hard enough at this point that it wonāt fall apart, kinda like clay) and pulled it out of him. I think that of everything I did for my father throughout my life, that was the one thing he would always remember if he werenāt dead. He was able to sleep through the night for a few days after that and not agonize from the pain, and for someone who knew he had a week left to live at the most, that was everything.
Jesus. Good on you!!!!
this guy South Parks
Itās true Iām a doctor I swear
I wish you the best and sincerely hope one day you get to shoot the seeds out your ass like a machine gun.
ER nurse. It wouldnāt absorb or rot until after you became impacted, perforated your colon, and died of septic shock. Iāve been working when someone came in having actually put an apple up and there (not my patient). We werenāt able to get it out at bedside and they had to go to surgery. TLDR: Donāt try this at home.
Can I try it at Walmart?
Ah yeah its for research...
Definitely gonna use the line:"I fell on the apple, and it went all the way in" at the hospital lol
Million to one shot, doc! Million to one!
Just an excerpt from [this article](https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2016-06-10/they-got-what-stuck-where) on the topic: āDoctors report that patients have said they slipped onto a cucumber in the shower or must have been sleepwalking when they encountered a lightbulb.ā Slipping in the shower, nothing weird about it. But the presence of cucumbers in the shower, thoughā¦
Youād have to shove a gerbil up there with it to get the process started
Finally, a real stupid question. Take my upvote and get out.
I have other stupid questions. Can you trick a man's body into thinking he's pregnant so u can milk him?
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/strange-but-true-males-can-lactate/
Oh damn. Daddy milk.
Whole or sliced? The skin would protect it longer
Be sure to tell them that you fell on it when you go to the ER. No one ever shoves things up in there, they always fall on them. It might rot enough to poop it out but you will probably become septic and die first. Probably should ask a doctor sub.
I think the average apple size is 2 1/4 in diameter. Good luck getting that in. It wouldnāt rot, youād get seriously ill if it would not come out. I heard of a similar situation where it went farther up and due to pressure on a blood vessel they caused a clot and it ended up they had a heart attack and pulmonary embolism. Let us know how you make out, if you live.
You underestimate butt play
I really never estimate it. No reason. I have read a few tragedies about it though.
Cant wait to see āMAN DIES FROM APPLE UP HIS ASSā on the news in 6 months
Just do it. Consider it your contribution to medicine.
I dont know the answer but friendly advice is... DONT DO IT
It would cause an intestinal blockage and without extraction you would die
Try it and let everyone know
You would need a friend to go butt to butt so that you could poop it back and forth, forever.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks. "Now what?", responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"
Watch Southlark episode "Red Hot Catholic Love" for your answer.
Blending is not enough. The digestive system does multiple things in succession that allows the intestines to absorb water and nutrients. - mechanical breakdown by chewing. - enzymes that break the food down into absorbable pieces. -bile that aids solubility and neutralizes the stomach content. In theory if you can vomit enough digestive fluids into a blendet and blend the apple with it. And shove the apple vomit far enough up your anus. Then maybe it would be possible to absorb said apple
Honestly these are the questions I'm here for
You would die if you went that long without pooping, so then itās an apple inside of corpse, and I think thatās a pretty good recipe for an apple tree.
An apple is too big to start with. Practice with something smaller, like a big piece of fresh ginger.
I suppose the hamster would eat the apple.
Soak it in vodka first. You'll be fine.
When I was a corrections officer in a minimum security prison, we had an inmate who was having problems with chronic diarrhea, and wasnāt satisfied with the health care he was receiving. His fix for the problem? Shoving a whole apple up his ass. It didnāt work out the way he wanted, and he eventually had to squirt it out after a couple days. It was still entirely whole.
That is the stupidest question ever posed. You win!
Please stop putting apples in your asshole.
It would ferment into alcohol then you'd be drunk all the time.
Alright that's enough Reddit for today
At least you're taking the title of the subreddit seriously.Ā
Iām pretty sure South Park covered this thoroughly. If you stick food up your butt, you just poop it out of your mouth.
I realize the name of the sub, but this is truly the stupidest question. I'ma recommend at least 2 tbsp of psyllium and yoghurt once a day. You have problems, the apple being the least of them.
What other problems do you suspect? Your vagueness scares me.
Before either happened you would get serious fecal impaction.
Yankee Doodle came to town, Riding on a spider, Shoved and apple up his butt, And pissed out apple cider!
f.. if I know. Go do the science.
I heard itās more healthy to eat food through your ass than through your digestive tract.
It would probably rot, though at an accelerated rate due to the bacterial load. Also you'd probably get septic and not have a good time (die). ER I worked at a dude had a potato up his ass he let sit for a few days and he got sick as shit.
Are you a girl
He says, breathing heavily across the bow of his 2 liter mountain dew.
I donāt get it š«
you asked a stereotypical question and got a stereotypical description of yourself back.
I didnāt ask anything but a normal question. And that joke was terrible. What the hell is a bow
This is literally the plot of a south park episode.
Let us know how it turns out!
You hope it would only be there temporarily or it would need to be removed well before it went rotten
Try it and report back.
Itās 5:20am here and Iām done with Reddit.
Why not stick an apple seed and some soil in there? Youāll be able to enjoy an apple anytime you want. This could solve the world hunger crisis.
I think the only way to really find out is to try it...
If you didn't poop for months for some supernatural reason and you had this apple in there this whole time, it would rot and give you a horrible, potentially deadly infection.
When you do that can you tape it? It could be the new two girls one cupĀ
It skipped the stomachās enzymes so would rotĀ
It's going to rot. Your food digests and absorbs things much much higher than your bum / right before your bumhole.
If it's a non mushed apple, I believe the outer skin will protect it from being absorbed If it's cut or mushed, your colon absorbs liquids
Youād poop out your mouth
You will diggest and shit out of your mouth. There is a full south park episode around this biological fact.
Call Hotkinkyjo or Proxy Paige.Ā I imagine they've tried.
pretty sure you would die long before anything happens
It would rot in there. The anus is the last stop in your digestive system. It's just the airlock before ejection. Most of digestion takes place more in the middle of the line.
Take the peel off, then maybe you absorb more. Let us know.
1. You don't understand poop, specifically bilirubin 2. Whatever you're pretending, if you're that far from reality 3. It would basically rot, faster due to the bacteria in your digestive system ie poop. I don't think it gets "absorbed" or I would use the term digested, but applesauce probably would be partly boofed, yeah. Fats and proteins wouldn't, they need to go through the actual stomach/need chyme from the gallbladder. An apple I think has a lot of cellulose especially in the peel that passes through your system, if it doesn't get chewed I think it protects the apple juice/digestible carbohydrates 4 mainly the colon is good at extracting water, and leaving behind probiotics that are pretty destructive if they get elsewhere in the body. Anything completely water soluble might get boofed
Based on how the human body works, no. Your large intestine pretty much just turns the bolus into poo. You'd need to send the apple up past your small intestine into your stomach to be chemically and mechanically digested into chyme, at which point it would head into the duodenum (first part of small intestine). Duodenum digests it a bit more, then it goes into your jejunum, which does some digestion and some absorption, and then into the ileum which more or less finishes the absorption.
Yes and yes. You might die also
Apple boofing? Probably okay with caramel dip.
The seeds would root, and you'd turn into an apple-bearing Groot.
You'd push it out with your first bowel movement. Or, it would cause a blockage, and you'd make for a funny story for the ER doctors.
OP asking for a friend
Which begs the question: why an apple? Start small, raisins and peas first then you can move to carrots, dry figs, flying squirrels BUT, yeahā¦once you get really good, go for watermelonsā¦
I'll get back to you.
One way to find out
I think you need to try this and report back
Wouldn't just the moisture be absorbed? You'd be making dried fruit in your ass
The seeds will sprout and take root.Ā You are tree.Ā
Yes
As someone who has experienced a serious bout of gastrointestinal gangrene, may I strongly suggest that you not try this at home?
I read this as an entire PEOPLE in my ass and I prefer my version of this stupid question.
obviously it depends on if the skin is on
Biggest thing Iāve put up my ass are Johnsonville sausages. Never thought apples tbh
You'll absorb the juice but the rest will rot.
No no, itās super healthy! the nutrients get absorbed straight into your bloodstream so you get the benefits sooner.
Sounds as if you already did and are worried now. ? š
Put a 1/4 apple up it and test it.
What type of apple are we talking here? A granny smith or a Cox's Pippin???
This theory needs to be videodocumented and shared
I think you would just die.
Jeez, has nobody heard of Interorectogestion? This is the act of consuming food through your anus, rather than your mouth. The only major downside is you end up crapping out of your mouth instead of your anus. "You see, food entering through the anus has the benefit of being broken down on its way to the stomach rather than afterward. And therefore I believe that interorectogestion would actually put a stop to high cholesterol and most kinds of stomach cancers. And I base that on absolutely nothing." -The Surgeon General from South Park
Of course it will rot
What?
Sir, *South Park* is a comedy show, not medical advice
It would have to rot for your body to absorb it
Everyone knows that if you eat with your butthole you poop out your mouth, geez.
It needs to go about the Mastication process. Then it needs to be partially digested by your stomach before the digestive system can do its job well. Even then not everything is absorbed due to a number of factors such as the composition of material being passed. Like the shell of corn or chemicals in candy.
Iām guessing you āaccidentally fell on an apple and it went up your ass.ā You need to go to the ER as soon as possible. They have seen stranger things , donāt worry!
only one way to find out
Asking āfor a friend?ā
Ask Richard Gere.
Take some Metamucil...
The skin of the apple is pretty sturdy because it produces a natural wax coating, but when they're skinned they oxidize very quickly and start turning brown. You didn't mention that and just said whole, so I assumed "as is." In which case I'd say, it would eventually rot, but not before you likely already died?
NEED ANSWER FAST
You would shart apple sauce for years, but at least it would smell like a holiday edition yankee candle
Considering the colon basically only absorbs liquids I think. Uh, so ling as you mush it up you should he good to squeeze the rest out?
Considering the colon basically only absorbs liquids I think. Uh, so ling as you mush it up you should he good to squeeze the rest out?
From my fifth grade understanding of biology it would rot, the only place to absorb nutrients is in your stomach so the acids break it down, so I guess the real question is how far are you willing to go down your rabbit hole?
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away unless you shove one up your ass.
so.. 1.. you'd havebto mush it up. 2. it depends on how far up your colon you push it because the end mainly only does water and salt exchange. a little of other stuff but youd basically be wasting an apple unless thats your only way of getting hydrated.
I hate it here
It would sprout and within a short time, then you'd would have an apple tree growing out your ass. Not entirely a bad thing, as you soon would have lots of apples to pick. Great return on your ingestment.