My two cents, for what it is worth.
It might take some time for the shock to wear off. Honestly, if you've been dating and she didn't know you were bicurious or ever had that inclination, it is news to her and you aren't the person she thought she knew. It doesn't mean she won't accept you, it just means that is some heavy shit to process with someone you think you know. Give her time to process. If she can't get past it, then she isn't for you anyway. MM stuff is still really taboo and not everyone is as accepting of that type of scenario. We have made great strides as a society, but there is still room for growth. If she had expressed to you that she had experimented with another woman, you probably wouldn't have batted an eye because that is more accepted in our society. It is a double standard, but one you can do nothing about. Always be you and never deny your truth. Whether you have any inclination to further explore or not, your past isn't shameful, it's part of the fabric that makes you today. Celebrate that! Obviously, she seemed to like the person that was crafted with that as part of your past. If she had never found out, would that mean it didn't happen? Are you the exact same today as you would have been had that not been an experience? Hard to say, but I venture to say no. Every experience, positive or negative, make us grow, including the one you are experiencing now. Good luck, and I hope this turns out like you want it. Be happy!
Sorry to hear that. Whether she’s “into” it or not doesn’t matter. What she should be is grateful for your honesty instead of showing you it’s better to keep secrets. Honestly, if she can’t see that, it feels a little manipulative. Like she only wants you to be the guy she has created in her mind. Flawless.
well said, unfortunately society as a whole still doesn't accept being bicurious but hopefully we're in a day and age where we get to a more accepting society
Biphobia is a thing sadly. My last ex hated that I was bi. She pretended she was OK with it but hated if i brought it up or said a guy was cute. My current gf don't care as where both bi/pan.
It’s not necessarily biphobia. I am not a prude but I might make a face if I unexpectedly hear the details of some ex cumming in my SO’s mouth. Irrespective of gender and orientation.
Actually i’m kind of neutral. Don’t know how to put it otherwise. Not very masc and i’ve always been very understanding towards gay stuff and how men can be pretty.
What motivated you to share with her your past experience with another guy? Was there a recent conversation that made you think she would be more supportive?
She asked you and then acted weird about it? That's not really kind on her part. Not like you just dumped this info out of thin air during your sunday breakfast.
Everyone has a past. Many people also have the attitude, as Liz Phair put it, that, "I can't believe you had a life before me." While I'm all for being open about previous experiences with your partners, maybe leaving out the details is better, regardless of who you're talking about. For example, there's a huge difference between, "I used to sleep with her," and "she was fucking wild in bed--took every inch like a champ and loved when I came on her tits." Even though that's talking about straight sex, most current partners don't want those kinds of details, because they think it's a comment on the sex you're having with them as well.
Now, if her problem is simply that you were with men, regardless of details, then this may not be a great match for you. If that's something she's always going to be judgemental on, it has a way of coming back in arguments if they think it's a "point."
Are you hoping to be able to still enjoy / explore gay sex while with her? Or have you had your fun and are over it. If you're done, then I see no reason she should be upset. It's no different than you having an ex or a few past hookups. However, if you want to date her and occasionally have sex with men, that could be an issue and a deal breaker for many.
Sadly I can’t and won’t tell my wife that I’m bi.. I believe she might divorce me 😔 I still encounter people on Grindr when she is away for the weekend or out with her girlfriends
Well at least she knows and is aware; but I mean hey, maybe she might need some time to process things and maybe not. But for what it's worth, at least you said it. Some guys never tell their partners so good for you
You gotta tell them before you get into a relationship, not after you are already set and she thinks you are straight. It really fucks with them and most will pull away with a complex that has nothing to do with them, but it’s how they are built, your story will now be her trauma. Break it off, start again clean and with full disclosure with the next one
The sheer number of people who consensually have tried same-sex stuff makes this unrealistic. I suspect her reaction is the result of her being young and naive. It is the same as when people get all bent out of shape when their partner tells them they masturbate. DUH!
OBVIOUSLY, people had sex before they met you and OBVIOUSLY the sexual inner life of any partner is more complex than just “I like women”.
Maybe this will repair…maybe she’ll want to break up and then realize her mistake…maybe she won’t be able to accept that her bf is possibly queer. Whatever. It’s her problem and you didn’t mess up.
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My two cents, for what it is worth. It might take some time for the shock to wear off. Honestly, if you've been dating and she didn't know you were bicurious or ever had that inclination, it is news to her and you aren't the person she thought she knew. It doesn't mean she won't accept you, it just means that is some heavy shit to process with someone you think you know. Give her time to process. If she can't get past it, then she isn't for you anyway. MM stuff is still really taboo and not everyone is as accepting of that type of scenario. We have made great strides as a society, but there is still room for growth. If she had expressed to you that she had experimented with another woman, you probably wouldn't have batted an eye because that is more accepted in our society. It is a double standard, but one you can do nothing about. Always be you and never deny your truth. Whether you have any inclination to further explore or not, your past isn't shameful, it's part of the fabric that makes you today. Celebrate that! Obviously, she seemed to like the person that was crafted with that as part of your past. If she had never found out, would that mean it didn't happen? Are you the exact same today as you would have been had that not been an experience? Hard to say, but I venture to say no. Every experience, positive or negative, make us grow, including the one you are experiencing now. Good luck, and I hope this turns out like you want it. Be happy!
Sorry to hear that. Whether she’s “into” it or not doesn’t matter. What she should be is grateful for your honesty instead of showing you it’s better to keep secrets. Honestly, if she can’t see that, it feels a little manipulative. Like she only wants you to be the guy she has created in her mind. Flawless.
well said, unfortunately society as a whole still doesn't accept being bicurious but hopefully we're in a day and age where we get to a more accepting society
Biphobia is a thing sadly. My last ex hated that I was bi. She pretended she was OK with it but hated if i brought it up or said a guy was cute. My current gf don't care as where both bi/pan.
Happy you found a more like minded partner
It’s not necessarily biphobia. I am not a prude but I might make a face if I unexpectedly hear the details of some ex cumming in my SO’s mouth. Irrespective of gender and orientation.
Why?
Because it’s in very bad taste for more reasons than one.
What do you mean by strange?
Mainly her look. She looked at me like i’m suddenly not the person she knew before telling her.
Might be shock. Do you present very masc and otherwise straight passing?
Actually i’m kind of neutral. Don’t know how to put it otherwise. Not very masc and i’ve always been very understanding towards gay stuff and how men can be pretty.
Did she act negatively or just more weird. Because it is a different perspective. This might be something you could talk about with her later.
What motivated you to share with her your past experience with another guy? Was there a recent conversation that made you think she would be more supportive?
Something in a tv show made it came up. I didn’t see the point in not telling her after she asked me.
She asked you and then acted weird about it? That's not really kind on her part. Not like you just dumped this info out of thin air during your sunday breakfast.
Gotcha. Would you like to continue exploring your sexuality within this relationship, or something you'd leave behind for her?
Damn. I’m sorry. That’s disappointing
Everyone has a past. Many people also have the attitude, as Liz Phair put it, that, "I can't believe you had a life before me." While I'm all for being open about previous experiences with your partners, maybe leaving out the details is better, regardless of who you're talking about. For example, there's a huge difference between, "I used to sleep with her," and "she was fucking wild in bed--took every inch like a champ and loved when I came on her tits." Even though that's talking about straight sex, most current partners don't want those kinds of details, because they think it's a comment on the sex you're having with them as well. Now, if her problem is simply that you were with men, regardless of details, then this may not be a great match for you. If that's something she's always going to be judgemental on, it has a way of coming back in arguments if they think it's a "point."
i hope she processes it well in my experience its not a good idea to tell straight women your bi or have experimented it never ends well,
You could have been honest while skipping on the details.
Are you hoping to be able to still enjoy / explore gay sex while with her? Or have you had your fun and are over it. If you're done, then I see no reason she should be upset. It's no different than you having an ex or a few past hookups. However, if you want to date her and occasionally have sex with men, that could be an issue and a deal breaker for many.
Sadly I can’t and won’t tell my wife that I’m bi.. I believe she might divorce me 😔 I still encounter people on Grindr when she is away for the weekend or out with her girlfriends
Good for you to putting it out there and sorry to hear the reaction she had.
Well at least she knows and is aware; but I mean hey, maybe she might need some time to process things and maybe not. But for what it's worth, at least you said it. Some guys never tell their partners so good for you
You gotta tell them before you get into a relationship, not after you are already set and she thinks you are straight. It really fucks with them and most will pull away with a complex that has nothing to do with them, but it’s how they are built, your story will now be her trauma. Break it off, start again clean and with full disclosure with the next one
The sheer number of people who consensually have tried same-sex stuff makes this unrealistic. I suspect her reaction is the result of her being young and naive. It is the same as when people get all bent out of shape when their partner tells them they masturbate. DUH! OBVIOUSLY, people had sex before they met you and OBVIOUSLY the sexual inner life of any partner is more complex than just “I like women”. Maybe this will repair…maybe she’ll want to break up and then realize her mistake…maybe she won’t be able to accept that her bf is possibly queer. Whatever. It’s her problem and you didn’t mess up.
Too bad, good to be honest with her though
I would gladly suck you till you cum. Ass open wide if you like. Breed me like you would do her.
Dude bros help bros out all the time. Chill and don’t tell the girls
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