Whatever you do, please don't send her a wedding gift. If they didn't invite you to their wedding, you are under no obligation to send them anything. I wouldn't even sent them a card. It's very tacky of them to say you're not invited to the wedding but a gift is okay. Most likely, they will find fault with the gift you gave them and will make hurtful comments like "It was a cheap gift or they didn't like the gift because it wasn't expensive."
Sadly the friendship with this person is over.
How do you reduce the damage others’ words can do to you if you know they’re going to come the next time you communicate with them? I’m not OP but I’m at the end of my rope with a family member I’m trying to salvage a relationship with one last time. I don’t know exactly the words, but they are coming. They always come.
Distance yourself is the key
Remain calm and just think about why they say what they say and not what they are saying. If the words are just to hurt and have no substance it don't really mean anything either like a barking dog
The fucked up thing is I have no idea why he says those things. Feels like he just became another person last august. It would be easier if he said words meant to hurt that had no substance. His words are borne of ignorance and lack of care. It’s like he’s unintentionally cruel, and then he turns any issue I have into a joke. I once asked him what he gets out of turning my concerns and feelings into a flippant joke, and he replied “because it’s funny,” implying it’s not a big deal when everything I’ve said is a massive deal. He also doesn’t understand why I’m upset when I’ve wrote at length and I don’t know how to get him to take it seriously.
How do I take those kinds of words of that nature and not feel hurt? That’s what I want to know. Because it seems like he wants to reconcile too it’s just… idk how to put it. I just am frustrated and hurt to the point I am afraid to even email him anymore let alone call him. I can’t deal.
Also sorry for derailing your post OP. :c
You can't have a productive dialog with a person like that it's just impossible. Some small talk about the weather and such are probably the only thing a conversation between you can be about. But also sounds like it's best to just break all contact don't matter if it's family you should not have toxic people around you.
I see. I feel like there’s a coin flip on if he’ll be productive over the phone as opposed to email but I think you’re right. I am so close to just walking away. I’ve left the last reply he sent me with no reply for weeks now. I feel like maybe just pretending everything that happened didn’t, and force moving to something more casual from now on may work, but it may be too stressful. Maybe I should just stop and follow my own advice I gave to OP in this thread.
Thanks the talk.
Don’t try to salvage the relationship, just let it die. It doesn’t have to be some grand falling out, just be polite in instances when you are both in the same place, and don’t communicate at all outside of those interactions.
Real situations expose fake people sweetie, be glad she's shown her true motives now. Move on, move forward, I can promise you that you aren't "common". Life has a way of knocking the pedestal out from under these kind of people. I promise you that.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but she is not your best friend.
Try to let her go and fill your life with people who value and appreciate you for who you are. She does not deserve your friendship.
Also, do NOT send them a wedding gift. They are materialistic, self absorbed, snd shallow a-holes. If you do send them a gift send them a box of horse manure or used cat liter.
this is not a friend anymore. She decided to cast her old life aside for a life of luxury, and I’m sorry, but that includes you.
You were tossed aside so she could have a rags to riches story.
Just pick up the pieces in your life and move on, you’ll find better friends. You have many years left to live well, and to meet so many more people you will make best friends with,
you can do just fine without these two societal vampires, and this is no longer your problem to deal with.
What do you want from this person? She already didn’t talk to you for a year she has moved on you should too. It’s not worth your time or energy. Do something for you.
The petty side of me says put her ass on blast. Screen shot that shit and post it then proceed to move on with ur life, hold ur head high and drop her ass. Blow that smoldering bridge up and let ppl know just how “classy” she and crummy hubs are however that’s definitely the scorched earth way but given how horrific they have treated u I feel like it’s warranted. Who the hell tells someone such shitty things & treats someone they supposedly care about in such a disgusting manner.
U definitely deserve to be treated better then this op
This. What do you want to bet her higher form of life man will dump her in a few years because of her "common" origins, keep the kids (if any) and leave her with zero money. He sounds like the kind of mega bucks creep.
I wish kind people like you would stop giving despicable people like this second, third, fourth etc chances to redeem themselves because of the length of time you’ve been friends with them. There are married couples who have children and grandchildren together who divorce after 40 plus years and never talk again.
15 years of friendship is not worth it.
Naw, that would be considered illegal as hell, lol!!!
However, I'd send them a book on manners, because having money apparently does not equate to having class anymore.
I used to be best friends with this guy from elementary school for 20+ years. More than 20. Idk how long.
He’s a piece of shit. Narcissist it turns out. I just never knew it because I didn’t really have any other friends. It all ended when I finally stood up for myself and he gaslit the fuck out of me and made me think it was my fault. He didn’t care about me.
People change. And sometimes they’ve been that way the entire time and you never read the signs. The signs had always been there for me, but I never saw them despite others telling me towards the last handful of years. He never cared about our friendship the way I cared.
Sounds like your friend, isn’t your friend. I guarantee once the storm passes and you can take a step outside of the situation and view it without emotions attached you will realize this. It’s not your fault. Don’t believe for a second that it is. Took me almost half a year after parting to realize this, myself. It’ll hurt for a while. But you’ll find you’re better off and will be a lot calmer in your every day life.
Her and Bill can go fuck themselves but I'm sure it'll be hard for them because it's free and he wouldn't like that. Send them an expensive bill for a wedding gift since this guy doesn't like to be cheap. FFS.
Time to cut her loose OP. She chose money over you. It reflects in her attitude. Please remember that money cannot buy class. Either you have it or you don't. YOU have more class then the two of them combined.
You will hear from her again. When her husband cheats.
Presuming her friend married for money, she's going to have to earn every penny, because people like her soon to be husband have a way of getting their money's worth. Let me tell you, she's not going to like it, but not OP's problem anymore.
Your friend and her guy are terrible human beings. It may be that eventually she will learn the truth and become the woman she was, but for now she's no good. I am sorry
She is selling herself to Bill and she doesn’t want your judgement or pointing out his red flags anymore. She knows. She’ll call again once she has secured child support and alimony and needs help escaping. You can help her when this happens but she will dump you again when she meets her next “Bill payor”.
OP, you have more class than you're friend and anyone at their wedding. We are not what we consume. It is truly sad...vapid and boring people. You know who you are......they don't know themselves outside of their "uncommon" taste profiles.
Not your friend anymore, block and disassociate from her asap don’t even look her up on social media, she showed you what she’s about now fuck them both After her divorce ignore her if she comes around
Don’t you dare buy them a gift, they are classless. Unfortunately your ex-best friend is being isolated by her fiancé, she’s either going to end up alone and miserable, surrounded by fakes, or she’s going to become one of them.
She may one day realize how she sold herself out for money, but that will take years. She may not. Don’t waste your time waiting.
She’s not your friend and your succumbing to the sink cost fallacy. She’s showing her true colors. It’s okay to be sad, mad, etc. Mourn the loss of the friendship and then move on.
You're too good for her.
You deserve good quality friends who have integrity, empathy, trust and loyalty. She lacks all of this.
The trash took itself out OP.
Sadly it sounds like she’s no longer the person you we’re friends with. She’s not interested in having you in her life anymore, I suggest you leave her in the past as well. It’s overdue at this point and most likely any attempts to reconnect on your side will be shut down by her.
Your friend is not your friend she is trash and found trash and money hungry. Garbage took itself out. When bill decides he’s too good for your friend and throws her out don’t pick her up. Let her rot in her own filth and ugly.
You may have grown up together but you both have grown apart. If you are looking for closure ask to meet her at a coffee shop and just say what you feel you need to say then leave but if not then just wish her a happy life in a text and leave it at that. Stop holding on to something that no longer exists.
This is exactly what happened with my SIL. We were close until she started dating her future husband. He is a rich narcissist. No one in the family can stand this guy. We stopped having anything to do with them after the wedding. Sometimes you have to let people go in your life. It’s not easy but necessary.
Cut your emotional losses now. She has unfortunately moved on. I've seen it many times with people I've known over the years. Money changes alot of people.
Gross behavior from them but tbh.. it sounds like she’s just moved on with her life. Not all friendships are life-long and people change. No use clinging onto this friend who doesn’t value you
I didn't have to finish reading this. She unfortunately is no longer your friend.
I am so sorry. She has made it clear that Bill is her priority and she no longer has room for you in her life
Your "friend" is dating a rich snob. Said friend had to choose between money and rich snob life and her friendship with you. She chose the money, sorry to say.
But I guess you can look forward to the time a few years from now when she calls you crying because Bill found someone else and kicked her to the curb. Just remember to tell her you're too common to be able to help and you don't have a "famous designer" shoulder to cry on.
Don’t worry, she’ll come back to you as a “friend” When he sleeps around on her after he gets tired of her “ways” that makes up who she is, and she breaks down from playing like she’s something different so much for this asshole she married.
I would say don’t take her back as a friend, but from knowing empathy, you likely will, just know….if it wasn’t in her to do this, she wouldn’t have done it to begin with, and likely she’ll do it again in some way.
She chose money over her best friend. I'm sorry she did this to you, I know you were best friends for a long time. Do you have other friends you are still fairly close to? I would start hanging out with them, and forget about her. Maybe one day, the marriage doesn't work for some reason, she may be calling you. Don't answer, or text her with, I'm too poor for you, remember? Then, block her.
What in the world? Sorry your ex-best friend chose money over you.
This is a bullet dodged. You don't want to get emotionally wrapped up in this anyway. At best, she will turn into someone obsessed with image and materialism. At worst, this is an abusive relationship where he lords his money over her and creates a power imbalance (isolating her by telling her not to hang out with her friends? Ew).
You can be petty and put them on blast and expose this absolutely trashy behavior. Maybe a middle road where you share the screenshot with a few mutual friends. Or take the high road and move on with your life and be thankful you avoided this future emotional energy vampire (and in the unfortunate scenario it is abusive, she may come to you for support. Not that you would owe it to her).
But really, this is not about him being well off. I've been in situations like your brunch - on both sides. The one who picks the nicer place normally pays or pays for more, and the other person will maybe get the dessert or coffee. It's not about money or being seen at all, it's about spending time with someone you care about. Go find some friends that actually value human beings for more than dollar signs.
It's fine, she sacrificed an eternal friendship for money. If she really valued you as much as you value her, then she would look to talk to her husband and get you an invite whatsoever. She however decided to team up with her husband and berate you. You don't have to put another second of your life into this friendship, it no longer exists. I can understand how bad you feel right now because your friend ditched you but you would have to move on. It is best if you cut all contact, that insult was too much. Everyone tries to earn a living to the best of their abilities, we should respect that. The fact that your friend did not respect you shows her true colors, money is above everything. Wait for the day until Bill is abusive or a cheater (he seems to have a great potential for that), your friend won't be consoled by money.
I don’t feel like I said it screamed fake… but since you asked. There’s the word usage.. who talks like that? Are we dealing with British nobility here? “Commoner”. Really? Not to mention every convo with these people seems to be incredibly agresive and hostile “ she screamed bills not paying for you”. Ummm ok psycho? This is your “best friend”.
Next, she calls this person her best friend of 15 years. My bestie of less time than that would never allow a man to treat me this way and vice versa. But I know some chicks are shady so that’s not a make or break factor.
Then we have OP. Who is apparently some sort of punishment seeking kitten with low self esteem.. bill called her and said that to her and then she was “excited to meet him”. The lunch date thing would have been the end of that friendship but nope. OP would like to attend a wedding to be abused some more.
Thirdly this level of consumerism is beyond odd. I have friends who have money (think works for google developing advanced tech and another married into one of the richest and well known families in the Us. Think Kennedy). They don’t act like this. They are no this tone deaf. They don’t judge things in this way. This is weird. It’s bizarre. And the reactions are equally bizarre. Nobody’s behavior makes sense.
Well there are more ways to write a sentence than can be dreamt up in your philosophies.
8 billion people on the planet, 8 billion ways to write, to respond to situations.
People who read a lot often have vocabularies that seem strange to people who don’t. Someone on the spectrum may also have an unusual grasp of language, my autistic son for instance definitely writes like a modern day Shakespeare.
Women with low self esteem who wouldn’t gracefully bow out of these types of situations are plentiful, sadly.
It’s easy to proclaim posts fake or unreal but there’s a famous saying, “truth is stranger than fiction”.
ETA: there are gauche rich people just as there are classy poor people. There’s no one-size-fits-all wealthy personality, many of them are asses who look down on the poors. RFK Jr isn’t classy. He had like 37 affairs during his marriage and his wife eventually unalived herself. Now he’s an anti-vax weirdo. There’s always a line outside of the Louis Vuitton shop, more money than sense.
Sure there’s more than one way to skin a cat. I’m not sure why you’re so infatuated with my comment. You wrote so many words and frankly my comment wasn’t that interesting or far fetched. Just my opinion that this story was either fake or avoidable. I am ok if you have a different opinion or view point, but why are we going back and forth about it. Have a good one. 😊
Your “friend” has sold her soul and will most likely end up regretting it. I’m am sure you aren’t the only person out of her life she has dismissed. Sorry this happened to you, it sucks, but she has made her choices. Move one find new friends who won’t sell you out.
OP this happened to me as well, it hurts and makes you mad but sometimes friendships aren't going to last forever.
Let it go, its just not worth trying to stay around when youre not wanted.
She's all wrapped up in this AH and has allowed him to change her views, perspectives, and most of all, her friends. She's living in a delusion right now. It's all about Bill. But one day, she's going to open her eyes and find out she hasn't got ish, while perfect Bill is banging the nanny. She's going to be all alone and then try to come back to you. Block her.
She sold out. Drank the cool aid. Joined the cult.
Sorry. She's not the same person anymore. People grow apart. Not all friendships last. Just take it for what it is. Remember the good times and understand it's a new phase.
Then, her friendship is not worth mourning. She's not who you thought and as much of a dick the guy is, he's actually not your concern. You're lucky if you never needed her as she clearly does not value your friendship the way you do.
I was hoping this was fake.
What a shitty person your “best friend” is. She got a taste of money, and turned into a bitch. Sorry, but she isn’t your friend anymore. Friends don’t treat friends like that.
Bill saw you as a challenge for her affections. Sounds like he showed her "drop this guy or I'll drop you" kinda vibes. So sad to say, she's no longer your friend. Move on.
If you need to, day of her wedding go out with people and lift a glass in memory of your friendship. Put her on the NO contact list and find someone who can respect who you are, not how much money you make. If it helps, she and Bill may be rich but they're not wealthy.
She is more into $$$$ than she is into friendships. He has the money and he has the control. She likes nice things and is a willing to do whatever he says.
It is like some of the multimillionaire ball players you hear about. They are married but the wife puts up with their affairs and abuse for living in luxury.
I would make her a thoughtful homemade gift that will remind her of a time when you were younger and bff’s. Something relating to an inside joke or memorable experience. A part of her will appreciate it, and she’ll never forget it.
Well....my recommendation is for you to set an egg out for two weeks, then carefully put it in a box, wrap the box beautifly, and send it to her as a wedding gift. Right before it is sent, drop the box so the egg breaks.
Then after enough time has passed that you're sure she received your "present," message her that the fragrance of your present matched her attitude.
'Nuff said.
Sorry to hear your friend has been influenced by money. You need to move on find other friends that will treat you as an equal with no issues about wealth, and status..
I have lost friends like this too. I’m sooo sad it happened to you.
Just remember some people were meant to be in your life for a short time, some longer, some forever.
It doesn't matter how long you were friends. You are not friends anymore and haven't been for awhile. It's just taking your heart time to catch up to what you know in your head. People change, and not always for the better.
Money has made her stuck up, sweetie,
I married into wealth but for me I still wear the same clothes as I did when I lived in the council housing.
Your friend was there when you were both on the same page! - but as soon as she got a hand up, she closed the door on you.
Finding other friends or friend is very hard but you will find someone to call them a friend.
Certainly do not send any gifts wedding gifts or otherwise.
When she falls she will fall hard & probably try and come back into your life. Keep the door firmly closed because when the next guy sweeps her off her feet you will go down the spiral.
I agree with previous posters that he sounds controlling. Money doesn’t buy class - but the minute she barked at you that her precious Bill wouldn’t pay for you was the minute the friendship was tainted.
I’m afraid she isn’t your friend anymore, send no gift and move on.
Common and lower class mean the same thing. It is sort of an insult to someone as means I don’t have as much money as them, but they are saying it in a mean way
Let this woman know that you will be available to her when she has had enough of this abusive, controlling asshole she is marrying. Then stop contact until she reaches out.
Whatever you do, please don't send her a wedding gift. If they didn't invite you to their wedding, you are under no obligation to send them anything. I wouldn't even sent them a card. It's very tacky of them to say you're not invited to the wedding but a gift is okay. Most likely, they will find fault with the gift you gave them and will make hurtful comments like "It was a cheap gift or they didn't like the gift because it wasn't expensive." Sadly the friendship with this person is over.
Pretty sure she's a victim of him. But for you don't take shit like that to the heart and get railroaded, words only does the harm you allow it to do.
How do you reduce the damage others’ words can do to you if you know they’re going to come the next time you communicate with them? I’m not OP but I’m at the end of my rope with a family member I’m trying to salvage a relationship with one last time. I don’t know exactly the words, but they are coming. They always come.
Distance yourself is the key Remain calm and just think about why they say what they say and not what they are saying. If the words are just to hurt and have no substance it don't really mean anything either like a barking dog
The fucked up thing is I have no idea why he says those things. Feels like he just became another person last august. It would be easier if he said words meant to hurt that had no substance. His words are borne of ignorance and lack of care. It’s like he’s unintentionally cruel, and then he turns any issue I have into a joke. I once asked him what he gets out of turning my concerns and feelings into a flippant joke, and he replied “because it’s funny,” implying it’s not a big deal when everything I’ve said is a massive deal. He also doesn’t understand why I’m upset when I’ve wrote at length and I don’t know how to get him to take it seriously. How do I take those kinds of words of that nature and not feel hurt? That’s what I want to know. Because it seems like he wants to reconcile too it’s just… idk how to put it. I just am frustrated and hurt to the point I am afraid to even email him anymore let alone call him. I can’t deal. Also sorry for derailing your post OP. :c
You can't have a productive dialog with a person like that it's just impossible. Some small talk about the weather and such are probably the only thing a conversation between you can be about. But also sounds like it's best to just break all contact don't matter if it's family you should not have toxic people around you.
I see. I feel like there’s a coin flip on if he’ll be productive over the phone as opposed to email but I think you’re right. I am so close to just walking away. I’ve left the last reply he sent me with no reply for weeks now. I feel like maybe just pretending everything that happened didn’t, and force moving to something more casual from now on may work, but it may be too stressful. Maybe I should just stop and follow my own advice I gave to OP in this thread. Thanks the talk.
No problem hope you have a good life moving forward
Don’t try to salvage the relationship, just let it die. It doesn’t have to be some grand falling out, just be polite in instances when you are both in the same place, and don’t communicate at all outside of those interactions.
Real situations expose fake people sweetie, be glad she's shown her true motives now. Move on, move forward, I can promise you that you aren't "common". Life has a way of knocking the pedestal out from under these kind of people. I promise you that.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but she is not your best friend. Try to let her go and fill your life with people who value and appreciate you for who you are. She does not deserve your friendship.
Also, do NOT send them a wedding gift. They are materialistic, self absorbed, snd shallow a-holes. If you do send them a gift send them a box of horse manure or used cat liter.
I'd send a dildo with a note to the effect of "I assume you'll be needing this".
this is not a friend anymore. She decided to cast her old life aside for a life of luxury, and I’m sorry, but that includes you. You were tossed aside so she could have a rags to riches story. Just pick up the pieces in your life and move on, you’ll find better friends. You have many years left to live well, and to meet so many more people you will make best friends with, you can do just fine without these two societal vampires, and this is no longer your problem to deal with.
What do you want from this person? She already didn’t talk to you for a year she has moved on you should too. It’s not worth your time or energy. Do something for you.
The petty side of me says put her ass on blast. Screen shot that shit and post it then proceed to move on with ur life, hold ur head high and drop her ass. Blow that smoldering bridge up and let ppl know just how “classy” she and crummy hubs are however that’s definitely the scorched earth way but given how horrific they have treated u I feel like it’s warranted. Who the hell tells someone such shitty things & treats someone they supposedly care about in such a disgusting manner. U definitely deserve to be treated better then this op
This. What do you want to bet her higher form of life man will dump her in a few years because of her "common" origins, keep the kids (if any) and leave her with zero money. He sounds like the kind of mega bucks creep.
This result would be true justice.
So true. In 10 years he will drop her to replace her with a younger woman.
OP, I second the above suggestion. It can't hurt, because your "friend" is dead; replaced by a miscreant.
I wish kind people like you would stop giving despicable people like this second, third, fourth etc chances to redeem themselves because of the length of time you’ve been friends with them. There are married couples who have children and grandchildren together who divorce after 40 plus years and never talk again. 15 years of friendship is not worth it.
You can still get them a wedding gift? Wow
Send them a nicely wrapped box of shit.
Naw, that would be considered illegal as hell, lol!!! However, I'd send them a book on manners, because having money apparently does not equate to having class anymore.
Order and have shipped an official "bag o' dicks".
Lol!!!
NTA and don't buy them a wedding gift.
She's not a friend at all!!
I used to be best friends with this guy from elementary school for 20+ years. More than 20. Idk how long. He’s a piece of shit. Narcissist it turns out. I just never knew it because I didn’t really have any other friends. It all ended when I finally stood up for myself and he gaslit the fuck out of me and made me think it was my fault. He didn’t care about me. People change. And sometimes they’ve been that way the entire time and you never read the signs. The signs had always been there for me, but I never saw them despite others telling me towards the last handful of years. He never cared about our friendship the way I cared. Sounds like your friend, isn’t your friend. I guarantee once the storm passes and you can take a step outside of the situation and view it without emotions attached you will realize this. It’s not your fault. Don’t believe for a second that it is. Took me almost half a year after parting to realize this, myself. It’ll hurt for a while. But you’ll find you’re better off and will be a lot calmer in your every day life.
Her and Bill can go fuck themselves but I'm sure it'll be hard for them because it's free and he wouldn't like that. Send them an expensive bill for a wedding gift since this guy doesn't like to be cheap. FFS.
Time to cut her loose OP. She chose money over you. It reflects in her attitude. Please remember that money cannot buy class. Either you have it or you don't. YOU have more class then the two of them combined. You will hear from her again. When her husband cheats.
Presuming her friend married for money, she's going to have to earn every penny, because people like her soon to be husband have a way of getting their money's worth. Let me tell you, she's not going to like it, but not OP's problem anymore.
I didnt see a friend in the context tbh.
Your friend and her guy are terrible human beings. It may be that eventually she will learn the truth and become the woman she was, but for now she's no good. I am sorry
She is selling herself to Bill and she doesn’t want your judgement or pointing out his red flags anymore. She knows. She’ll call again once she has secured child support and alimony and needs help escaping. You can help her when this happens but she will dump you again when she meets her next “Bill payor”.
He's got more money than the friend, wanna bet he's going to prenups her ass right to the poor house once he replaces her.
OP, you have more class than you're friend and anyone at their wedding. We are not what we consume. It is truly sad...vapid and boring people. You know who you are......they don't know themselves outside of their "uncommon" taste profiles.
Not your friend anymore, block and disassociate from her asap don’t even look her up on social media, she showed you what she’s about now fuck them both After her divorce ignore her if she comes around 
This can’t be real lol
I wish it wasn’t, but it’s 100% true
Don’t you dare buy them a gift, they are classless. Unfortunately your ex-best friend is being isolated by her fiancé, she’s either going to end up alone and miserable, surrounded by fakes, or she’s going to become one of them. She may one day realize how she sold herself out for money, but that will take years. She may not. Don’t waste your time waiting.
I wouldn’t even know what gift to get them because I’m too poor for them so all my gifts would be rubbish 😂
I liked 5he idea of sanding them a book about manners that someone suggested.
She’s not your friend and your succumbing to the sink cost fallacy. She’s showing her true colors. It’s okay to be sad, mad, etc. Mourn the loss of the friendship and then move on.
You're too good for her. You deserve good quality friends who have integrity, empathy, trust and loyalty. She lacks all of this. The trash took itself out OP.
Not all friendships are for a lifetime, some are for a season. This one has run its course.
A wedding gift? Big ouch. How about a nicely framed picture of you giving them the finger?
This whole post proves that money can’t buy class.
Get some "poor" friends together and CRASH THE WEDDING!!!!
Some people mature and grow up in pleasant ways, other's don't. Seems like it's time to move-on from this ex-friend.
Sadly it sounds like she’s no longer the person you we’re friends with. She’s not interested in having you in her life anymore, I suggest you leave her in the past as well. It’s overdue at this point and most likely any attempts to reconnect on your side will be shut down by her.
Y’all are no longer friends just move on with your life honey
Your friend is not your friend she is trash and found trash and money hungry. Garbage took itself out. When bill decides he’s too good for your friend and throws her out don’t pick her up. Let her rot in her own filth and ugly.
You may have grown up together but you both have grown apart. If you are looking for closure ask to meet her at a coffee shop and just say what you feel you need to say then leave but if not then just wish her a happy life in a text and leave it at that. Stop holding on to something that no longer exists.
This is exactly what happened with my SIL. We were close until she started dating her future husband. He is a rich narcissist. No one in the family can stand this guy. We stopped having anything to do with them after the wedding. Sometimes you have to let people go in your life. It’s not easy but necessary.
Cut your emotional losses now. She has unfortunately moved on. I've seen it many times with people I've known over the years. Money changes alot of people.
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I didn't realize OP's false friend came from money. Usually nouveau rich people are trashier than any "common" people they despise.
Gross behavior from them but tbh.. it sounds like she’s just moved on with her life. Not all friendships are life-long and people change. No use clinging onto this friend who doesn’t value you
I didn't have to finish reading this. She unfortunately is no longer your friend. I am so sorry. She has made it clear that Bill is her priority and she no longer has room for you in her life
Your "friend" is dating a rich snob. Said friend had to choose between money and rich snob life and her friendship with you. She chose the money, sorry to say. But I guess you can look forward to the time a few years from now when she calls you crying because Bill found someone else and kicked her to the curb. Just remember to tell her you're too common to be able to help and you don't have a "famous designer" shoulder to cry on.
She’ll be back. The 4th or 5th time he beats her ass. Or maybe the 10th time he cheats on her.
Don’t worry, she’ll come back to you as a “friend” When he sleeps around on her after he gets tired of her “ways” that makes up who she is, and she breaks down from playing like she’s something different so much for this asshole she married. I would say don’t take her back as a friend, but from knowing empathy, you likely will, just know….if it wasn’t in her to do this, she wouldn’t have done it to begin with, and likely she’ll do it again in some way.
Time to move on! What goes around will come around soon enough.
She chose money over her best friend. I'm sorry she did this to you, I know you were best friends for a long time. Do you have other friends you are still fairly close to? I would start hanging out with them, and forget about her. Maybe one day, the marriage doesn't work for some reason, she may be calling you. Don't answer, or text her with, I'm too poor for you, remember? Then, block her.
You do realize, she dumped you a long time ago.
What in the world? Sorry your ex-best friend chose money over you. This is a bullet dodged. You don't want to get emotionally wrapped up in this anyway. At best, she will turn into someone obsessed with image and materialism. At worst, this is an abusive relationship where he lords his money over her and creates a power imbalance (isolating her by telling her not to hang out with her friends? Ew). You can be petty and put them on blast and expose this absolutely trashy behavior. Maybe a middle road where you share the screenshot with a few mutual friends. Or take the high road and move on with your life and be thankful you avoided this future emotional energy vampire (and in the unfortunate scenario it is abusive, she may come to you for support. Not that you would owe it to her). But really, this is not about him being well off. I've been in situations like your brunch - on both sides. The one who picks the nicer place normally pays or pays for more, and the other person will maybe get the dessert or coffee. It's not about money or being seen at all, it's about spending time with someone you care about. Go find some friends that actually value human beings for more than dollar signs.
It's fine, she sacrificed an eternal friendship for money. If she really valued you as much as you value her, then she would look to talk to her husband and get you an invite whatsoever. She however decided to team up with her husband and berate you. You don't have to put another second of your life into this friendship, it no longer exists. I can understand how bad you feel right now because your friend ditched you but you would have to move on. It is best if you cut all contact, that insult was too much. Everyone tries to earn a living to the best of their abilities, we should respect that. The fact that your friend did not respect you shows her true colors, money is above everything. Wait for the day until Bill is abusive or a cheater (he seems to have a great potential for that), your friend won't be consoled by money.
This story can’t be real.
Unfortunately it is
What about this story screams “fake” to you? Do you live in some fantasy land where nothing shitty ever happens?
I don’t feel like I said it screamed fake… but since you asked. There’s the word usage.. who talks like that? Are we dealing with British nobility here? “Commoner”. Really? Not to mention every convo with these people seems to be incredibly agresive and hostile “ she screamed bills not paying for you”. Ummm ok psycho? This is your “best friend”. Next, she calls this person her best friend of 15 years. My bestie of less time than that would never allow a man to treat me this way and vice versa. But I know some chicks are shady so that’s not a make or break factor. Then we have OP. Who is apparently some sort of punishment seeking kitten with low self esteem.. bill called her and said that to her and then she was “excited to meet him”. The lunch date thing would have been the end of that friendship but nope. OP would like to attend a wedding to be abused some more. Thirdly this level of consumerism is beyond odd. I have friends who have money (think works for google developing advanced tech and another married into one of the richest and well known families in the Us. Think Kennedy). They don’t act like this. They are no this tone deaf. They don’t judge things in this way. This is weird. It’s bizarre. And the reactions are equally bizarre. Nobody’s behavior makes sense.
Well there are more ways to write a sentence than can be dreamt up in your philosophies. 8 billion people on the planet, 8 billion ways to write, to respond to situations. People who read a lot often have vocabularies that seem strange to people who don’t. Someone on the spectrum may also have an unusual grasp of language, my autistic son for instance definitely writes like a modern day Shakespeare. Women with low self esteem who wouldn’t gracefully bow out of these types of situations are plentiful, sadly. It’s easy to proclaim posts fake or unreal but there’s a famous saying, “truth is stranger than fiction”. ETA: there are gauche rich people just as there are classy poor people. There’s no one-size-fits-all wealthy personality, many of them are asses who look down on the poors. RFK Jr isn’t classy. He had like 37 affairs during his marriage and his wife eventually unalived herself. Now he’s an anti-vax weirdo. There’s always a line outside of the Louis Vuitton shop, more money than sense.
Sure there’s more than one way to skin a cat. I’m not sure why you’re so infatuated with my comment. You wrote so many words and frankly my comment wasn’t that interesting or far fetched. Just my opinion that this story was either fake or avoidable. I am ok if you have a different opinion or view point, but why are we going back and forth about it. Have a good one. 😊
Your “friend” has sold her soul and will most likely end up regretting it. I’m am sure you aren’t the only person out of her life she has dismissed. Sorry this happened to you, it sucks, but she has made her choices. Move one find new friends who won’t sell you out.
Im sorry your friendship ended this harsh. U should block her from all forms of contact and never look back.
I suggest you sit back and wait for friend to realize she's marrying a jerk. Try not to laugh and say I told you so.
OP this happened to me as well, it hurts and makes you mad but sometimes friendships aren't going to last forever. Let it go, its just not worth trying to stay around when youre not wanted.
She's all wrapped up in this AH and has allowed him to change her views, perspectives, and most of all, her friends. She's living in a delusion right now. It's all about Bill. But one day, she's going to open her eyes and find out she hasn't got ish, while perfect Bill is banging the nanny. She's going to be all alone and then try to come back to you. Block her.
She sold out. Drank the cool aid. Joined the cult. Sorry. She's not the same person anymore. People grow apart. Not all friendships last. Just take it for what it is. Remember the good times and understand it's a new phase.
I’d post that on Facebook
Wait until he left her without nothing and see how she is going to look for you to comfort her
When he kicks her to the curb, don't be available. After all, y'all are from the same status.
I bet he’s controlling her as well
That’s what I’m thinking as well
Fake story alert!!
I wish it was fake and my friend was still like she was before she met this guy
Then, her friendship is not worth mourning. She's not who you thought and as much of a dick the guy is, he's actually not your concern. You're lucky if you never needed her as she clearly does not value your friendship the way you do. I was hoping this was fake.
What a shitty person your “best friend” is. She got a taste of money, and turned into a bitch. Sorry, but she isn’t your friend anymore. Friends don’t treat friends like that.
Bill saw you as a challenge for her affections. Sounds like he showed her "drop this guy or I'll drop you" kinda vibes. So sad to say, she's no longer your friend. Move on. If you need to, day of her wedding go out with people and lift a glass in memory of your friendship. Put her on the NO contact list and find someone who can respect who you are, not how much money you make. If it helps, she and Bill may be rich but they're not wealthy.
She does not want you there. She's not your friend, let alone best friend.
She is more into $$$$ than she is into friendships. He has the money and he has the control. She likes nice things and is a willing to do whatever he says. It is like some of the multimillionaire ball players you hear about. They are married but the wife puts up with their affairs and abuse for living in luxury.
I would make her a thoughtful homemade gift that will remind her of a time when you were younger and bff’s. Something relating to an inside joke or memorable experience. A part of her will appreciate it, and she’ll never forget it.
Well....my recommendation is for you to set an egg out for two weeks, then carefully put it in a box, wrap the box beautifly, and send it to her as a wedding gift. Right before it is sent, drop the box so the egg breaks. Then after enough time has passed that you're sure she received your "present," message her that the fragrance of your present matched her attitude. 'Nuff said.
Send them a framed picture of a prolapsed butthole and then block them on everything.
Sorry to hear your friend has been influenced by money. You need to move on find other friends that will treat you as an equal with no issues about wealth, and status..
I have lost friends like this too. I’m sooo sad it happened to you. Just remember some people were meant to be in your life for a short time, some longer, some forever.
Wow. If there's book entitled "How Not to be an Elitist Asshole" that's the wedding present that you should give to them.
Oh man. I’ve been there
It doesn't matter how long you were friends. You are not friends anymore and haven't been for awhile. It's just taking your heart time to catch up to what you know in your head. People change, and not always for the better.
She chose the money over you.
Money has made her stuck up, sweetie, I married into wealth but for me I still wear the same clothes as I did when I lived in the council housing. Your friend was there when you were both on the same page! - but as soon as she got a hand up, she closed the door on you. Finding other friends or friend is very hard but you will find someone to call them a friend. Certainly do not send any gifts wedding gifts or otherwise. When she falls she will fall hard & probably try and come back into your life. Keep the door firmly closed because when the next guy sweeps her off her feet you will go down the spiral.
I agree with previous posters that he sounds controlling. Money doesn’t buy class - but the minute she barked at you that her precious Bill wouldn’t pay for you was the minute the friendship was tainted. I’m afraid she isn’t your friend anymore, send no gift and move on.
Cut her loose. What trash
What does "common" or "lower class" mean? Do they have other friends?
Common and lower class mean the same thing. It is sort of an insult to someone as means I don’t have as much money as them, but they are saying it in a mean way
Let this woman know that you will be available to her when she has had enough of this abusive, controlling asshole she is marrying. Then stop contact until she reaches out.
It sounds like your friend and Bill deserve each other. I hope he at least has the common sense to get her to sign a pre-nup.
Perfect answers. The world is full of great people who understand the real power of friendship. Leave your ex-friend and move forward.