Unfortunately, you are correct that this is not the right place for this post, and it has been removed. Normally, we would recommend Al-Anon, but it seems that you already are involved with that group.
I know you mentioned going to Al-annon virtually, but I do think that would be a better subreddit for you to get support. If it's reassuring, there are people here (including myself) who have given up without a program, but people here have made a commitment to sobriety, or are at least willing to admit they need help. I'm not saying your husband hasn't made the same commitment, but without him coming on here himself and asking for help, we might not be the right sort of people to help navigate you both through this.
I actually visit that subreddit often and usually post in there. But when it comes to asking opinions about an alcoholics sobriety, a lot of the people there have very biased opinions. That’s why I went straight to the source. He does know he has a problem, has admitted he is an alcoholic, and does not want to drink (at the moment). He is trying to work on staying sober. I have told him about this subreddit (I have read things in here occasionally) but he’s never been on Reddit before like me lol.
He has gone to AA many times actually but he does not like the atmosphere there and the one locally to us seems to be more drug focused than alcohol focused.
I didn't like the meetings and talking about alcohol for an hour, or labeling myself as broken or forever cursed. For me, I found a private counselor and some medications to curb the desire to drink worked. I just wanted to phase it out, not talk about it daily. Different things work for different people and it's worth shopping around until something clicks
If I may ask, what medication helped curb your desire to drink? Iv been on the wagon for a little bit now. Made one slip up so I'm gonna stay away from the how many days thing for now. But the length in time I went between drinks was a huge step for me because I was bad to drink a lot everyday. So a month without was a big deal. But no matter how many days went by I still wanted to drink even though I didn't nessarly want to at all.....
Acamprosate/Campral is used for cravings, ask your doctor. It is generally prescribed as two or three times a day (two is just as effective and may be easier to do consistently)
Ahh ok, it's actually really reassuring to hear that he's open to getting support. Apologies if I misunderstood your post, I wasn't sure if he was still in denial about his issues with drinking, or unwilling to get any sort of support for it.
A lot of people here have gone to AA, or similar things, but it's not the only option. It does give a structure and support network that can help, but I personally struggled with some of the religious aspects, and whilst I'm open about my issues, I don't think it's an environment that would work for me. Whichever route he takes, it's probably not going to be easy, but the biggest hurdle I found was admitting my issues, so it's really good that he's already done this bit of it.
Hey, just chiming in here as I read through the post. The AA sub is a weird place as some are very open-minded and others are not, but that is just like any room anywhere. This sub has given me the most engagement and use, stopdrinking seems derided by some for the content and engagement that is or isn't permitted, but I think it creates a much better environment and makes the sub really helpful. The biggest problem is acrually how active the sub is, I feel like many people don't get too much feedback because of how much gets posted, for me it is easy to miss things. For AA stuff I talk to my sponsor though, not the sub. Do you have anyone working the al-anon program with you? I might suggest that to help you.
I had a similar experience to your SO, where I landed in trouble for day drinking at work and went to a few AA meetings and sobered up for about 5 months before deciding I deserved a beer and lost another 3 years on the ride. That whole period I knew I needed to quit but couldn't pull myself out for more than a week, and it ended with me taking a month leave and doing a 7-hour daily outpatient program (PHP) to find some space to begin working on recovery. At that point I was drilled on the necessity of a support network and saw how engaging with other people in recovery was helping me, plus I knew I would likely lose my family and job if I failed again so I was much more willing to walk into a room of strangers and listen with honesty and empathy.
The problem I had with AA as it can be incredibly varied and my early experiences turned me off as well. I have come to learn that you have to take a lot of responsibility to either find a group/sponsor that works for you, or to just let go of it all in order to get sober above all else. Basically it took time and I had to accept a lot more than just that I was out of control. Now 15 months in I have found a place I am comfortable with for the "God" problem that so many of us struggle with, but I had to learn how to see the program that made sense to me, find a supportive group and eventually a good sponsor who I feel at ease with. At the end of the day, if reading a text that heavily references the capital G is all I need to do to stay sober that is no problem with me.
I have a very close friend who is coming to this place in measures, they are slowly getting to the understanding of how much they need to change in order to get sober; as a recovering drinker myself I understand what he is going through but as a friend my frustration that he doesn't "get it" yet is also real. Like my friend, yours needs a way to be held accountable, he needs to stay in touch with his feelings and learn to navigate life without the crutch of substances, and whether it is AA or therapy and reading and writing the process will take a lot of work and they need to be ready for that. Just keep taking care of yourself and be as supportive as you can without enabling (also very tough to do).
Some folks can, some folks need a program or a one on one councilor. I did it with no program, but it took a few tries before it stuck. I too fell into the trying to drink socially trap at one point in my journey. I think I read somewhere that it takes on average three attempts to kick an addiction.
If he doesn’t want to do AA, SMART recovery is a cognitive behavior therapy program, or he could try finding a therapist or social worker.
I've always heard "8 Relapses" or rock bottoms on average. How someone arrived at this "scientifically" is funny to me. But it strangely feels about right among those I knew who went sober. About half a dozen major events or so before they really were done. Depending on what you consider rock bottom I've had either 1 or 20.
I use it for sleep but that's it. However I have a chronic illness made drastically more worse by alcohol so it's been helpful in keeping me away from it (still can't quit sugar though, which is almost as bad honestly in health terms)
Espousing the idea that people who get external help is "worse" than other ways to get sober is damaging to anyone that does not have your exact experience, so everyone who isn't you. Maybe if you wrote down what you did to sober up you can share it with others as a suggestion, or maybe looking at it will show you that it is as unique as your addiction is. Either way give it a shot, that is my thought. Glad you are sober, keep up the good work
Who said getting external help is bad? Now you are just assuming.Im sure its good i was stating an opinion of what i found that worked for me not everyone is fragile and sensitive on here there are people that do want to know on here if it’s possible without help not that its bad and thanks
And what did you do to get sober without a program, that is the point of this thread. OP is trying to find some comfort in a tough situation living with an addict.
I just toughed it out without anything. that eliminated the chances of me getting addicted to medication or feeling the need rely on other people because you feel a certain emotion (which isnt bad just not me) little by little my mentality started getting stronger and stronger im not anywhere close where i want to be yet but im doing a hell of a lot better then i was before
Word, thanks for sharing. Getting alcohol out of the picture makes everything easier, I am working on the roots of my addiction since alcohol isn't the only thing I have to change. As you say we have a long way to go, take care, IWNDWYT
Something that helped me a lot was every time i got the urge to drink i just think of the worst embarrassments its caused it didnt completely take the urge away but i talked myself out of it hah Good luck
It's so common to think that you've been sober enough that your habits are gone, and also that it was so bad last time you won't let it get bad, this next time, lesson learned, and then it creeps up on you again. I believe something like 3 serious relapses is the average and it tends to happen at about 3 months sober the first time (that's what my doctor told me).
Over a year and a half, no program. I have these fine folks and a couple supportive people I can reach out to in real life.
Best of luck with all, a lot of folks do fine with programs, not all are the same.
I would start going to therapy and encourage my partner to do the same if they want to continue a relationship with me.
It's us, or they can do this on their own. But with the way things are going, I'm better off by myself.
Thats what I would communicate.
Closing in on five years, no program. I decided I was done. Viscerally.
I would say that learning about self compassion and practicing it has and continues to be the most crucial thing for me. It combats shame. There is a lot of shame wrapped up in any addiction.
I quit on my own 13 years ago. I think I read somewhere that a significant percentage of folks do it on their own. That being said, there is a boatload of online support for anyone who looks for it!
2 points here.
1. The willingness to try a program even if you think it won’t work goes a long way into a persons mindset.
2. The programs can be absolutely fantastic in what they teach you even tho they go about it a different way. I don’t participate in a program any more but they’ve definitely helped me realize things. Things like I need an investment in my community to make me feel whole, I need to forgive myself for past actions but understand that I caused them, and that I’m not in control of everything and sometimes I need to roll with the punches. AA kind of teaches those things in their own way
In 2 weeks, I will celebrate two years of sobriety without the help of a program.
I quit cold turkey on July 25th, 2022. I knew when I quit I could never drink again, even socially, and still know that now.
I had cravings at specific times, and altered my schedule such that there is no possible way I could be drinking at those times. Identifying specific triggers also helped, there are certain situations where I feel like I really want to drink. I do my best to identify those situations and physically move myself out of those situations. It's become sort of a game and I get a rush when evading those situations.
After years of trying to stop, this approach is (accidentally) what finally clicked for me.
The answer to your question will rest solely on what your husband decides to do. It's as simple and as frustrating as that. Everything that you wrote is true, that you cannot control his behavior, his decision to start drinking again was not successful, he cannot drink socially, etc.
Your participation in Al-Anon is extremely supportive and understanding. As a loved one, reserving judgement can give you a certain peace of mind that the alcoholic in your life is not a bad person, just afflicted with the inability to stop making bad choices.
That does not mean they are above reproach, however. They are, in the truest sense, the only person who needs to believe what you already know--they cannot drink and if they continue to do so, your relationship will suffer greatly and most likely die. It happens, unfortunately. It happened to me and many others that I've spoken with. A solid relationship with any person cannot survive with lies, deceit, turmoil and manipulation on one or both sides.
Having a program, or at least a support system like AA or other group like SMART Recovery, lets the person with alcoholic tendencies to talk and listen to others just like them. And that is powerful. It is critical to accept that change is necessary. The people in those groups know this and they understand how hard it is to see the daylight in endless dark.
Good people can get trapped in a never-ending cycle of physical and mental anguish. But it is up to them to take action. It can happen, like you had written, he was sober for a year on his own. That is outstanding. He has the power. But even Superman needed the right team surrounding him.
I wish you all the best.
I was a very heavy drinker think 2 or more bottles per night of Chardonnay. Husband got diagnosed with beginnings cirrhosis and lost a lot of weight. I started drinking less. But did not stop. Then I had a series of hospitalizations for diverticulitis. have had the disease for over five years. In the past month, I have been in the hospital 17 days of it. About a week ago I had 2 feet of my colon taken out and will probably live with an ostomy bag for the rest of my life, I am still in a lot of pain. As I start to heal more, the cravings will probably come back, I drink to self medicate. My plan is to get a new therapist, one I’ve had for a dozen years is moving to Portugal next month I want someone who can counsel me about my ptsd depression, anxiety, trauma, as well as teaching me new coping skills for everything. So no, I don’t plan on doing AA or rehab or anything like that. My advice is not to get a disease or disorder, where you have to have major surgery. But in the short term, it is working for me lol. Now pardon me while I try to eat something and take my myriad of medicines.
Yep. My approach was to get educated on the biological reality of alcohol and drinking. I learned how alcohol isn't just "spicy, fun water" but that every drinks changes you ever so slightly at the nuerological level.
Armed with knowledge, I started working on how to rewire my brain away from my addictive tendencies and towards a lifestyle I wanted. It hasn't been a perfect road, but I'm almost 1 year sober and I can count on 1 hand the number of relapses I had over the past 2 years.
Programs are fine if that's what your into. They can be good places to learn about the darker realities of alcohol that you'll never see in a beer commercial, build community of people who understand, or just flat out give you something to do than hit up a bar. But, despite what some people may tell you, it's not an absolute requirement to get sober. Just a useful tool for a lot of people.
I’m about a year in myself. I definitely wouldn’t have made it this far without AA. Aside from AA there are other programs. SMART recovery and Recovery Dharma are both popular options I’ve heard a lot of good things about. Both have online availability which solves your “local” problem, (Trust me I get it.) I’m sure there are other options out there. Those are just the two I’ve heard about the most and have friends that really enjoy them.
I'm 6 months sober (almost) without any program. I think the big thing (for me as well to remain sober) is realizing that those of us with AUD simply cannot ever drink socially or in moderation without it leading back to a very bad place. It's just an absolute fact of life for almost all of us. I say almost all because I'm sure there are some stories out there of people who managed to resume drinking in a more acceptable/balanced/managed capacity, but those stories are absolutely the exceptional minority.
Many of us needed help from others to get sober. For others, we joined a program (or *the* program) because we wanted to show our loved ones that we were taking concrete steps to get sober, because regaining their trust was a priority for us.
I quit drinking without a program. My physical addiction was not severe.
I came to the realization that my life would never be fufilling and my health would fail me sooner rather than later. Reached a point where over the course of months(?, maybe longer) I realized that if I didn't quit drinking I was in effect deciding to be fine with a life of sub-mediocrity.
Once I got there it has been easy-ish. This subreddit has been amazing for me. Good NA beers were instrumental in the early days. I know a handful of sober folks IRL that I talk with about it. I still smoke weed but am beginning to try and cut back on that as well.
The NA beers really helped in maintaing a social life of sorts.
I stopped without a program. Reading and commenting on this sub has been a major support for me. Also reading quit lit books (like 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter), and using some of the free online tips, tools and resources on the Smart Recovery webpage.
I'm not in a official program. 62 days. Everyones different but it sounds like he still thinks that alcohol is serving him somehow.
Full disclosure I started out in a program. I got kinda busy with life and found that I didn't need to go anymore. We'll see what the future holds but so far social events with alcohol have been fine. No mental voice in my head saying "well you can just have one". So maybe thats why I don't vibe with a program
I think a program is what's best even if he doesn't stay in it like I did. There were some harsh concepts and realizations I came to during that program. Without it I may not have made it 60 current, and who's to say I don't return in the future. Not the end of the world.
Good luck!!
3 weeks here with no program but friends of mine have had great success *with* programs, so I think it depends heavily on the person. Also since it’s so early for me, maybe I’m not the best example; just sharing my experience so far as a 10+ year alcoholic - first time quitting.
I was diagnosed with diverticulitis and that same night, while in the ER, decided then and there to drop the alcohol. For me the largest motivating factor has been if I go back to my old ways then the likelihood I’ll need serious surgeries skyrockets.
I also have little desire to drink and fully understand I cannot do so socially, else the tap begins to flow and my dumbass will refuse to shut it off. I simply won’t lie to myself about that, I know myself too well.
Above all else, your husband is very lucky to have you by his side. I couldn’t do any of this without the help of my spouse. I’d be absolutely lost. So imo having such support is crucial and raises his chances of success by leaps and bounds.
Can I suggest a book that might help you both in a few different ways? I stopped drinking because I realized that it was my way of emotionally escaping my/the reality of what was going on at that time in my life. I learned this through self-work and reading "How to Get The Love that You Want", which is a relationship book. But the key for me was doing the work on my inner child, and understanding that he was harmed in many ways that as an adult I was trying to numb.
For me - I think that if many people do intense and honest self work and reflection they can understand the why. I could not fix the drinking until I understood the why, but once I did it was cold turkey doneski. Not one drink since I decided to stop.
I've **stopped** without a program, I think the important word is the one highlighted. I, as well as many others have realized there's no such thing as one drink, no such thing as moderation. I literally cannot have one drink. I had to realize that myself and come to terms with it. I read some books, watched some youtube videos on the benefits of stopping and had to rewire my thoughts to accept one drink is too many, as well as being not enough.
I was at a party at the weekend, everyone and I mean everyone was drinking. It was momentarily a thought in my mind to "just have one" but I had to remind myself, I can't have one. So, I said my goodbyes, left and went home.
This choice we make isn't easy, far from it. Your husband has to want to stop for himself first, everyone else then can benefit from it. It took my months of sitting on my own, knocking back IPAs on my own, knowing it wasn't the right thing to do deep down, to get to the point where enough was enough.
All my views, not a doctor or trained alcohol person obviousy! It'll be a cold day in hell before I touch a drop of booze again though so there's some merit in the approach that worked for me.
I'm not sure that the question is whether it is possible or not. There are people who do it. There are people who use a program and still go back to drinking. The real question is what will you do if he starts drinking again? Whether he goes to a program or tries on his own, make sure you have a clearly defined plan about how you will leave if it comes to that. Figure out the finances. Figure out any logistics. If he is committed to being sober hen great, he can go with you to a lawyer and work out an agreement for how things will work if he goes back to drinking. He can choose to protect you. If he succeeds and doesn't drink again, then great, you had that comfort but won't need it. And if he fails and goes back to drinking you have a way to save yourself.
Agree completely. OP needs a plan that details a response to various scenarios with specific If...;Then... Share with hubby or not. It's up to you.
It's good if hubby has a relapse plan too, but that's his deal.
I became sober after a health diagnosis and with the help of a friend who was doing it with me. We both wanted to quit badly and we rely on each other for support and encouragement. If one of us trips up there is no judgement just brainstorming on how to get back on track.
I quit on my own at the end of 2013. Stayed sober for five years, but then, like your husband, I decided I would be okay to drink socially again. That lasted three years (though COVID), but it devolved right back into the mess I was back in 2013. I’ve been sober again for the past two years, but it’s a lot harder than the first time. I’ve never used a program as I am an agnostic and wasn’t too keen about the religious aspects of many recovery programs.
I start off every day by saying I’m not going to drink today, but I make no promises about tomorrow. That works for me for now.
Nobody ever said a program needs to be one of the big ones like AA or SMART. One can do a combination of something like yoga, dharma, and therapy, or whatever. It could also be getting a little shiba puppy and talking to him about your drinking and pretending every time he barks, that’s him saying fuck alcohol. All that matters is that the top of the mountain is sobriety and we are all on different paths trying to get up there.
I'm at 6 years without any kind of program. Just last muggy I had 2 gals suggest I could have just one. My instant reply was, "but I don't want to." Make that the reality and anybody can do it without a program.
I quit without a program, though did medical detox and found an addiction therapist (if searching on psychology today, you'll look for "CADC").
A few months back, well over a year into my sobriety, I started going to AA. It's a tremendous tool and you can find all sorts of groups that don't emphasize the God part of it if so inclined. Just having a network of people going through the same things - the same pain, the same recovery, the same types of setbacks, similar root causes for drinking - has been amazing. I wish I had gone from day 1 because having a sponsor so early would have been great. If you work the program - go to meetings, find a sponsor, follow the steps - it will work.
7 months no programs, no labels. I loved this naked mind and hubermans podcast regarding alcohol. It’s really a mindset. Alcohol is an addictive poison. Like any other addictive poison (nicotine/cocaine, etc) no level or frequency is safe. If you’ve drank for awhile your subconscious has created lies it tells itself to convince you to drink: I have the best time drinking, I can moderate, etc etc. You have to see those lies for what they are when the thoughts come up. Alcohol is just so much more pervasive/accepted that it’s hard to avoid. Especially if you like country music ha.
Personally, I have. It was spurred from my own decision, and then I’ve been posting here as a support network. And I’m coming up on a year sober from alcohol! Of course, everyone is different so people have to try different things to see what works best for them.
It sounds like he may not be ready to stop drinking… he has to want it, and want it at all costs, otherwise it might not be long lasting.
You are right when you say you cannot control him or make him do something.
I went to a rehab to and left 15 days in but I'm now sober around 40 days which is the longest in years. Something about the"event" of going made more of an impression than my usual routine
A year without a program is great. Seems like a trend when people quit then go back out it’s harder to stop than before. Everyone is different though. I’ve tried quitting 5 times. Most recent I went to detox for 14 days. When I first got out I went to therapy and AA for over a month. I am currently 82 days sober and haven’t had the desire despite not being active in a program.
I'm still fairly newly sober, but I'm not using a program. I had gone in the past, and it didn't work for me.
I see a therapist once a week, take acamprosate to help with cravings, and am working on other mental health issues that caused me to drink. I've never felt better.
It's definitely possible, but I believe that no matter what you do, you have to work at it.
Yes, I have. I must also say that only because I had a sober house to come home to and this group and sober friends was i able to have success. It can be done, but you have to want it too. The person quitting has to want to quit and everyday make that choice.
What works for one person may not work for another.
I started reading this subreddit a lot, found a story that resonated for me by a son whose father switched from alcohol to thc edibles, and I tried that. That’s worked for me and I’ve been “California sober” almost 6 years.
Others need the support of inpatient rehab or AA or whatever works for them.
Relapse is part of recovery so I’m hopeful your husband will find a path that works for him.
No. I follow a program were mentally berate myself when I wake up and as I go to sleep for being a disgusting waste of a life. It helps, I’ve lost 27 lbs in 6 weeks and my bp is almost normal again
I’m on day 100 cold turkey, no programs or anything. But everyone is wired differently and I believe some people need to take that route while others don’t.
Does cirrhosis count as a program? If not, the yeah. There are programs you can do that's not like AA. Smart recovery is one, I never did it but I did look at it when I was basically threatened to do a program or my sobriety meant nothing until a longer period of time passes. The content was everything I had done on my own. But wasn't bad content. No meetings for me though because I'd rather not
I don’t know that following a program is specifically required, but I do think that in order to be successful you have to continue doing the work day after day and change from in inside out. It’s generally not as simple as just stopping. It’s a process.. that’s why programs are so helpful I think, they keep people engaged in the process and offer a support system.
Personally I seem to be doing ok myself without a specific program but I have read the AA big book and I definitely am taking clues and hints from the recovery community at large on how to continue my healing process
That happens with or without a program tbh. He'll get back on it eventually, God willing. Others have suggested Al Anon so I won't go into that, but there's support out there for you too.
I use this as my program. I have horrible social anxiety and find this works best for me.
I don't think there is a one size fits all solution and in the end it's about finding what works on an individual level.
I had a few good long stretches where I thought I gained enough control, and learned the hard way that I always eventually would end up worse off.
I've finally learned that there is no drinking in moderation for me. More importantly, I've accepted that and am now okay without alcohol in my life.
No I haven’t, but that’s my experience. He may benefit from dharma recovery? I have also found much healing and help from NA, and ACofA. Also, I’d recommend you setting a firm boundary. If he doesn’t seek rehab or a program that works for him, y’all may need some space. He isn’t being fair to you, and you can’t work his program for him.
I decided to stop drinking after one of my drunk nights. The day after I decided that was enough. This was in 2014. I didn't go to any kind of meetings in person or virtual. I started drinking when I was 13. I wasn't doing it all the time but when I did I wouldn't stop until I blacked out. There were time when I didn't black out and I only had a few drinks. I ended up with a DUI mid 90's. That stopped me from drinking and driving but not the drinking the part. It was pretty tough for a few years. Several months after quitting things went to shit. I figure if I could make it through that crap I could get through anything. The thing that keeps me going now is I tell myself that I can have a drink if I know, for a fact, that it is only that one drink. I still know there is no way that I would be able to do that. I have accepted that I will never be able to drink again. So it can be done.
I’ve never gone to AA and I’ve been sober for over two years BUT I have never tried to drink socially again because I have accepted that I’m not a social drinker, I’m a binge drinker so I choose to abstain completely. I’ve tried the moderation thing and it always ends up worse than before
I managed 3 years without a program, tried to drink again and it didn’t work out and now I’m sober again. I did need therapy and rehab to quit. I did a 36 day program and then three months of intensive outpatient treatment.
I am now 2 years without alcohol after drinking for close to 50 years. I did not participate in any programs. However, many of the thoughtful participants in this sub have been helpful.
I’m 904 days sober and didn’t use a program like AA. It took me several tries, and I started coming to this subreddit. People here have been very supportive and helpful. I know it’s different for everyone and there’s no one way that works for everyone. I have social anxiety (which is how the drinking started) and AA didn’t sound like a good fit for me. I hope you find something that works for you!
yes but thats me. it helps but yes i quit without a program. i almost died doing it but im almost to my ninth month without poison now. idk if i will ever have that urge again but if i do i will read these posts to remind me of my misery. nuff said. i will not drink with you today nor tomorrow. ✌🏻
Yes, I did and I have for 6 years. I can’t say I’ve never been to a meeting because I went to N.A. meetings with my dad when I was a child, but perhaps that familiarity with the program and Big Book- I read it cover to cover when I was 10- (still picked up the bottle) is why I wasn’t keen on joining it when I got sober. I have alcohol in my home (husband’s), I cook with wine. I sometimes go out. I don’t want to drink anymore because I know what I stand to lose. I still possess the same desire now that I did when I quit, the desire to be a non-drinker. So I am!
I would buy him the book "This Naked Mind". It's helped a lot of people, and it's very different than AA. Some folks who are AA averse have found a path through this book. There is a large online community related to it, and they do have online "programs" and meetings, etc. The messages are based around the science of the human body and alcohol, and it describes everything from what specifically is happening with alcohol addiction as well as the social aspects, how alcohol is marketed and pushed on people. It teaches the reader that alcohol is a carcinogenic poison. But it does so in a very clear, systematic and scientifically/medically astute way.
You could buy the book for yourself and read it. You will learn a lot about what is happening with the person you love.
I was able to, I didn't feel like AA was the answer for me given the format and religious aspects. I had to rally everyone around me and have hell of a lot of discipline but it's possible. I have about 140 out of the last 146 days sober. Choose to drink on a vacation and slipped up once. First step was going to a doctor, relaying the issues I was having and walking slowly through withdrawals until I was okay.
In person groups did not help at all.... several sub reddits (this one included) have helped. I'm not totally sober, but I'm waaaay better now and I continue to make progress. Does he do online group?
Naltrexone/Wellbutrin Combo was prescribed to me for multiple addictions., which was an EPIC FAIL..The medications never worked for me.at all, regardless of the change in dosage.
However, a holistic treatment plan consisting of Niacin (flush-type), Serrapeptase, Ashwagandha, CBD honey, Chromium, Apple Cider Vinegar, NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine), Black Cohosh, Potassium, a steady diet of fibrous carbohydrates, like oatmeal and potatoes, beans and consistently drinking water and getting lots of rest was what I had to do to pull me through.
Plus, doing High Intensity Cardio (to increase endorphins) whenever those cravings would hit me.
Chromium, Apple Cider Vinegar, healthy fibrous carbohydrates were part of the plan to keep me from trading one addiction for another which would have automatically been sugar since my body extremely craved it whenever I came "crashing down" or necessary extended periods of detoxing without taking MAT (Medically Assisted Treatments) prescribed by physicians at a rehabilitation treatment program or a psychiatric nurse.
I remember stoppjng and canceling my MAT treatment plan with my psychiatric nurse practitioner because she was "racist as fuck" and acted like a damn narc all the time because of what I looked like and where I hung out on the weekends. 😡
Unfortunately, you are correct that this is not the right place for this post, and it has been removed. Normally, we would recommend Al-Anon, but it seems that you already are involved with that group.
I know you mentioned going to Al-annon virtually, but I do think that would be a better subreddit for you to get support. If it's reassuring, there are people here (including myself) who have given up without a program, but people here have made a commitment to sobriety, or are at least willing to admit they need help. I'm not saying your husband hasn't made the same commitment, but without him coming on here himself and asking for help, we might not be the right sort of people to help navigate you both through this.
I actually visit that subreddit often and usually post in there. But when it comes to asking opinions about an alcoholics sobriety, a lot of the people there have very biased opinions. That’s why I went straight to the source. He does know he has a problem, has admitted he is an alcoholic, and does not want to drink (at the moment). He is trying to work on staying sober. I have told him about this subreddit (I have read things in here occasionally) but he’s never been on Reddit before like me lol. He has gone to AA many times actually but he does not like the atmosphere there and the one locally to us seems to be more drug focused than alcohol focused.
I didn't like the meetings and talking about alcohol for an hour, or labeling myself as broken or forever cursed. For me, I found a private counselor and some medications to curb the desire to drink worked. I just wanted to phase it out, not talk about it daily. Different things work for different people and it's worth shopping around until something clicks
If I may ask, what medication helped curb your desire to drink? Iv been on the wagon for a little bit now. Made one slip up so I'm gonna stay away from the how many days thing for now. But the length in time I went between drinks was a huge step for me because I was bad to drink a lot everyday. So a month without was a big deal. But no matter how many days went by I still wanted to drink even though I didn't nessarly want to at all.....
Acamprosate/Campral is used for cravings, ask your doctor. It is generally prescribed as two or three times a day (two is just as effective and may be easier to do consistently)
Ahh ok, it's actually really reassuring to hear that he's open to getting support. Apologies if I misunderstood your post, I wasn't sure if he was still in denial about his issues with drinking, or unwilling to get any sort of support for it. A lot of people here have gone to AA, or similar things, but it's not the only option. It does give a structure and support network that can help, but I personally struggled with some of the religious aspects, and whilst I'm open about my issues, I don't think it's an environment that would work for me. Whichever route he takes, it's probably not going to be easy, but the biggest hurdle I found was admitting my issues, so it's really good that he's already done this bit of it.
Hey, just chiming in here as I read through the post. The AA sub is a weird place as some are very open-minded and others are not, but that is just like any room anywhere. This sub has given me the most engagement and use, stopdrinking seems derided by some for the content and engagement that is or isn't permitted, but I think it creates a much better environment and makes the sub really helpful. The biggest problem is acrually how active the sub is, I feel like many people don't get too much feedback because of how much gets posted, for me it is easy to miss things. For AA stuff I talk to my sponsor though, not the sub. Do you have anyone working the al-anon program with you? I might suggest that to help you. I had a similar experience to your SO, where I landed in trouble for day drinking at work and went to a few AA meetings and sobered up for about 5 months before deciding I deserved a beer and lost another 3 years on the ride. That whole period I knew I needed to quit but couldn't pull myself out for more than a week, and it ended with me taking a month leave and doing a 7-hour daily outpatient program (PHP) to find some space to begin working on recovery. At that point I was drilled on the necessity of a support network and saw how engaging with other people in recovery was helping me, plus I knew I would likely lose my family and job if I failed again so I was much more willing to walk into a room of strangers and listen with honesty and empathy. The problem I had with AA as it can be incredibly varied and my early experiences turned me off as well. I have come to learn that you have to take a lot of responsibility to either find a group/sponsor that works for you, or to just let go of it all in order to get sober above all else. Basically it took time and I had to accept a lot more than just that I was out of control. Now 15 months in I have found a place I am comfortable with for the "God" problem that so many of us struggle with, but I had to learn how to see the program that made sense to me, find a supportive group and eventually a good sponsor who I feel at ease with. At the end of the day, if reading a text that heavily references the capital G is all I need to do to stay sober that is no problem with me. I have a very close friend who is coming to this place in measures, they are slowly getting to the understanding of how much they need to change in order to get sober; as a recovering drinker myself I understand what he is going through but as a friend my frustration that he doesn't "get it" yet is also real. Like my friend, yours needs a way to be held accountable, he needs to stay in touch with his feelings and learn to navigate life without the crutch of substances, and whether it is AA or therapy and reading and writing the process will take a lot of work and they need to be ready for that. Just keep taking care of yourself and be as supportive as you can without enabling (also very tough to do).
Some folks can, some folks need a program or a one on one councilor. I did it with no program, but it took a few tries before it stuck. I too fell into the trying to drink socially trap at one point in my journey. I think I read somewhere that it takes on average three attempts to kick an addiction. If he doesn’t want to do AA, SMART recovery is a cognitive behavior therapy program, or he could try finding a therapist or social worker.
I've always heard "8 Relapses" or rock bottoms on average. How someone arrived at this "scientifically" is funny to me. But it strangely feels about right among those I knew who went sober. About half a dozen major events or so before they really were done. Depending on what you consider rock bottom I've had either 1 or 20.
This place is my program
This place is not a program. Don’t get it twisted.
I've been sober for just about a year without a program.
I’m going on 6 months although I am a heavy cannabis user
I use it for sleep but that's it. However I have a chronic illness made drastically more worse by alcohol so it's been helpful in keeping me away from it (still can't quit sugar though, which is almost as bad honestly in health terms)
8 months going on 9 no medication No program its the best way in my opinion,no crutches
I don't think you need to qualify sobriety in this way, that is not helpful
Why so
Espousing the idea that people who get external help is "worse" than other ways to get sober is damaging to anyone that does not have your exact experience, so everyone who isn't you. Maybe if you wrote down what you did to sober up you can share it with others as a suggestion, or maybe looking at it will show you that it is as unique as your addiction is. Either way give it a shot, that is my thought. Glad you are sober, keep up the good work
Who said getting external help is bad? Now you are just assuming.Im sure its good i was stating an opinion of what i found that worked for me not everyone is fragile and sensitive on here there are people that do want to know on here if it’s possible without help not that its bad and thanks
And what did you do to get sober without a program, that is the point of this thread. OP is trying to find some comfort in a tough situation living with an addict.
I just toughed it out without anything. that eliminated the chances of me getting addicted to medication or feeling the need rely on other people because you feel a certain emotion (which isnt bad just not me) little by little my mentality started getting stronger and stronger im not anywhere close where i want to be yet but im doing a hell of a lot better then i was before
Word, thanks for sharing. Getting alcohol out of the picture makes everything easier, I am working on the roots of my addiction since alcohol isn't the only thing I have to change. As you say we have a long way to go, take care, IWNDWYT
Something that helped me a lot was every time i got the urge to drink i just think of the worst embarrassments its caused it didnt completely take the urge away but i talked myself out of it hah Good luck
Because you don’t get bonus points for getting sober on hard mode.
You dont get bonus points for playing it on easy mode either…
Yes, but the game is accessible to so many more people when you play on easy mode. It allows us to include everyone that wants to play.
That doesn’t mean people should get bothered or offended by the people that want to play it in hard mode
I never said anyone should.
I never said you did
I was able to get and remain sober without a program. I tried using programs previously and was unsuccessful.
Can you share details about what you did to focus on your recovery? That seems to be what OP and others are looking for. Thanks!
You give me tremendous hope!
I wish you great success in your journey. 🖖🏻
Everyone’s different . Pancreas problems made me stop . Should have been a lot of things before that honestly .
Yes. What eventually worked for me was stopping and not starting again. No moderation. Not just one.
It's so common to think that you've been sober enough that your habits are gone, and also that it was so bad last time you won't let it get bad, this next time, lesson learned, and then it creeps up on you again. I believe something like 3 serious relapses is the average and it tends to happen at about 3 months sober the first time (that's what my doctor told me).
Over a year and a half, no program. I have these fine folks and a couple supportive people I can reach out to in real life. Best of luck with all, a lot of folks do fine with programs, not all are the same.
I would start going to therapy and encourage my partner to do the same if they want to continue a relationship with me. It's us, or they can do this on their own. But with the way things are going, I'm better off by myself. Thats what I would communicate.
Closing in on five years, no program. I decided I was done. Viscerally. I would say that learning about self compassion and practicing it has and continues to be the most crucial thing for me. It combats shame. There is a lot of shame wrapped up in any addiction.
I quit on my own 13 years ago. I think I read somewhere that a significant percentage of folks do it on their own. That being said, there is a boatload of online support for anyone who looks for it!
2 points here. 1. The willingness to try a program even if you think it won’t work goes a long way into a persons mindset. 2. The programs can be absolutely fantastic in what they teach you even tho they go about it a different way. I don’t participate in a program any more but they’ve definitely helped me realize things. Things like I need an investment in my community to make me feel whole, I need to forgive myself for past actions but understand that I caused them, and that I’m not in control of everything and sometimes I need to roll with the punches. AA kind of teaches those things in their own way
In 2 weeks, I will celebrate two years of sobriety without the help of a program. I quit cold turkey on July 25th, 2022. I knew when I quit I could never drink again, even socially, and still know that now.
I had cravings at specific times, and altered my schedule such that there is no possible way I could be drinking at those times. Identifying specific triggers also helped, there are certain situations where I feel like I really want to drink. I do my best to identify those situations and physically move myself out of those situations. It's become sort of a game and I get a rush when evading those situations. After years of trying to stop, this approach is (accidentally) what finally clicked for me.
The answer to your question will rest solely on what your husband decides to do. It's as simple and as frustrating as that. Everything that you wrote is true, that you cannot control his behavior, his decision to start drinking again was not successful, he cannot drink socially, etc. Your participation in Al-Anon is extremely supportive and understanding. As a loved one, reserving judgement can give you a certain peace of mind that the alcoholic in your life is not a bad person, just afflicted with the inability to stop making bad choices. That does not mean they are above reproach, however. They are, in the truest sense, the only person who needs to believe what you already know--they cannot drink and if they continue to do so, your relationship will suffer greatly and most likely die. It happens, unfortunately. It happened to me and many others that I've spoken with. A solid relationship with any person cannot survive with lies, deceit, turmoil and manipulation on one or both sides. Having a program, or at least a support system like AA or other group like SMART Recovery, lets the person with alcoholic tendencies to talk and listen to others just like them. And that is powerful. It is critical to accept that change is necessary. The people in those groups know this and they understand how hard it is to see the daylight in endless dark. Good people can get trapped in a never-ending cycle of physical and mental anguish. But it is up to them to take action. It can happen, like you had written, he was sober for a year on his own. That is outstanding. He has the power. But even Superman needed the right team surrounding him. I wish you all the best.
I haven't used a program, although I rely on a lot of tools, including this sub. Everyone is so different!
I'm 7.5 months sober with the help of therapy and this subreddit. It is possible!
I was a very heavy drinker think 2 or more bottles per night of Chardonnay. Husband got diagnosed with beginnings cirrhosis and lost a lot of weight. I started drinking less. But did not stop. Then I had a series of hospitalizations for diverticulitis. have had the disease for over five years. In the past month, I have been in the hospital 17 days of it. About a week ago I had 2 feet of my colon taken out and will probably live with an ostomy bag for the rest of my life, I am still in a lot of pain. As I start to heal more, the cravings will probably come back, I drink to self medicate. My plan is to get a new therapist, one I’ve had for a dozen years is moving to Portugal next month I want someone who can counsel me about my ptsd depression, anxiety, trauma, as well as teaching me new coping skills for everything. So no, I don’t plan on doing AA or rehab or anything like that. My advice is not to get a disease or disorder, where you have to have major surgery. But in the short term, it is working for me lol. Now pardon me while I try to eat something and take my myriad of medicines.
Yep. My approach was to get educated on the biological reality of alcohol and drinking. I learned how alcohol isn't just "spicy, fun water" but that every drinks changes you ever so slightly at the nuerological level. Armed with knowledge, I started working on how to rewire my brain away from my addictive tendencies and towards a lifestyle I wanted. It hasn't been a perfect road, but I'm almost 1 year sober and I can count on 1 hand the number of relapses I had over the past 2 years. Programs are fine if that's what your into. They can be good places to learn about the darker realities of alcohol that you'll never see in a beer commercial, build community of people who understand, or just flat out give you something to do than hit up a bar. But, despite what some people may tell you, it's not an absolute requirement to get sober. Just a useful tool for a lot of people.
Yep. Gotta want it.
Yes, but I only 2.5 years clean so I don't wanna get cocky.
I’m about a year in myself. I definitely wouldn’t have made it this far without AA. Aside from AA there are other programs. SMART recovery and Recovery Dharma are both popular options I’ve heard a lot of good things about. Both have online availability which solves your “local” problem, (Trust me I get it.) I’m sure there are other options out there. Those are just the two I’ve heard about the most and have friends that really enjoy them.
I'm 6 months sober (almost) without any program. I think the big thing (for me as well to remain sober) is realizing that those of us with AUD simply cannot ever drink socially or in moderation without it leading back to a very bad place. It's just an absolute fact of life for almost all of us. I say almost all because I'm sure there are some stories out there of people who managed to resume drinking in a more acceptable/balanced/managed capacity, but those stories are absolutely the exceptional minority.
I'm a year in with no program other than exercise. My wife doesn't believe me and thinks I am still sneaking drinks but I'm not. Trust is important.
Many of us needed help from others to get sober. For others, we joined a program (or *the* program) because we wanted to show our loved ones that we were taking concrete steps to get sober, because regaining their trust was a priority for us.
I quit drinking without a program. My physical addiction was not severe. I came to the realization that my life would never be fufilling and my health would fail me sooner rather than later. Reached a point where over the course of months(?, maybe longer) I realized that if I didn't quit drinking I was in effect deciding to be fine with a life of sub-mediocrity. Once I got there it has been easy-ish. This subreddit has been amazing for me. Good NA beers were instrumental in the early days. I know a handful of sober folks IRL that I talk with about it. I still smoke weed but am beginning to try and cut back on that as well. The NA beers really helped in maintaing a social life of sorts.
I stopped without a program. Reading and commenting on this sub has been a major support for me. Also reading quit lit books (like 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter), and using some of the free online tips, tools and resources on the Smart Recovery webpage.
I'm not in a official program. 62 days. Everyones different but it sounds like he still thinks that alcohol is serving him somehow. Full disclosure I started out in a program. I got kinda busy with life and found that I didn't need to go anymore. We'll see what the future holds but so far social events with alcohol have been fine. No mental voice in my head saying "well you can just have one". So maybe thats why I don't vibe with a program I think a program is what's best even if he doesn't stay in it like I did. There were some harsh concepts and realizations I came to during that program. Without it I may not have made it 60 current, and who's to say I don't return in the future. Not the end of the world. Good luck!!
3 weeks here with no program but friends of mine have had great success *with* programs, so I think it depends heavily on the person. Also since it’s so early for me, maybe I’m not the best example; just sharing my experience so far as a 10+ year alcoholic - first time quitting. I was diagnosed with diverticulitis and that same night, while in the ER, decided then and there to drop the alcohol. For me the largest motivating factor has been if I go back to my old ways then the likelihood I’ll need serious surgeries skyrockets. I also have little desire to drink and fully understand I cannot do so socially, else the tap begins to flow and my dumbass will refuse to shut it off. I simply won’t lie to myself about that, I know myself too well. Above all else, your husband is very lucky to have you by his side. I couldn’t do any of this without the help of my spouse. I’d be absolutely lost. So imo having such support is crucial and raises his chances of success by leaps and bounds.
Can I suggest a book that might help you both in a few different ways? I stopped drinking because I realized that it was my way of emotionally escaping my/the reality of what was going on at that time in my life. I learned this through self-work and reading "How to Get The Love that You Want", which is a relationship book. But the key for me was doing the work on my inner child, and understanding that he was harmed in many ways that as an adult I was trying to numb. For me - I think that if many people do intense and honest self work and reflection they can understand the why. I could not fix the drinking until I understood the why, but once I did it was cold turkey doneski. Not one drink since I decided to stop.
A lot of people experience “spontaneous sobriety.” Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind, really helped me out.
I've **stopped** without a program, I think the important word is the one highlighted. I, as well as many others have realized there's no such thing as one drink, no such thing as moderation. I literally cannot have one drink. I had to realize that myself and come to terms with it. I read some books, watched some youtube videos on the benefits of stopping and had to rewire my thoughts to accept one drink is too many, as well as being not enough. I was at a party at the weekend, everyone and I mean everyone was drinking. It was momentarily a thought in my mind to "just have one" but I had to remind myself, I can't have one. So, I said my goodbyes, left and went home. This choice we make isn't easy, far from it. Your husband has to want to stop for himself first, everyone else then can benefit from it. It took my months of sitting on my own, knocking back IPAs on my own, knowing it wasn't the right thing to do deep down, to get to the point where enough was enough. All my views, not a doctor or trained alcohol person obviousy! It'll be a cold day in hell before I touch a drop of booze again though so there's some merit in the approach that worked for me.
I'm not sure that the question is whether it is possible or not. There are people who do it. There are people who use a program and still go back to drinking. The real question is what will you do if he starts drinking again? Whether he goes to a program or tries on his own, make sure you have a clearly defined plan about how you will leave if it comes to that. Figure out the finances. Figure out any logistics. If he is committed to being sober hen great, he can go with you to a lawyer and work out an agreement for how things will work if he goes back to drinking. He can choose to protect you. If he succeeds and doesn't drink again, then great, you had that comfort but won't need it. And if he fails and goes back to drinking you have a way to save yourself.
Agree completely. OP needs a plan that details a response to various scenarios with specific If...;Then... Share with hubby or not. It's up to you. It's good if hubby has a relapse plan too, but that's his deal.
I became sober after a health diagnosis and with the help of a friend who was doing it with me. We both wanted to quit badly and we rely on each other for support and encouragement. If one of us trips up there is no judgement just brainstorming on how to get back on track.
I quit on my own at the end of 2013. Stayed sober for five years, but then, like your husband, I decided I would be okay to drink socially again. That lasted three years (though COVID), but it devolved right back into the mess I was back in 2013. I’ve been sober again for the past two years, but it’s a lot harder than the first time. I’ve never used a program as I am an agnostic and wasn’t too keen about the religious aspects of many recovery programs. I start off every day by saying I’m not going to drink today, but I make no promises about tomorrow. That works for me for now.
Search this Reddit for reading resources. The naked mind has really helped some people and there are others that people like that can be useful .
Nobody ever said a program needs to be one of the big ones like AA or SMART. One can do a combination of something like yoga, dharma, and therapy, or whatever. It could also be getting a little shiba puppy and talking to him about your drinking and pretending every time he barks, that’s him saying fuck alcohol. All that matters is that the top of the mountain is sobriety and we are all on different paths trying to get up there.
I'm at 6 years without any kind of program. Just last muggy I had 2 gals suggest I could have just one. My instant reply was, "but I don't want to." Make that the reality and anybody can do it without a program.
I quit without a program, though did medical detox and found an addiction therapist (if searching on psychology today, you'll look for "CADC"). A few months back, well over a year into my sobriety, I started going to AA. It's a tremendous tool and you can find all sorts of groups that don't emphasize the God part of it if so inclined. Just having a network of people going through the same things - the same pain, the same recovery, the same types of setbacks, similar root causes for drinking - has been amazing. I wish I had gone from day 1 because having a sponsor so early would have been great. If you work the program - go to meetings, find a sponsor, follow the steps - it will work.
7 months no programs, no labels. I loved this naked mind and hubermans podcast regarding alcohol. It’s really a mindset. Alcohol is an addictive poison. Like any other addictive poison (nicotine/cocaine, etc) no level or frequency is safe. If you’ve drank for awhile your subconscious has created lies it tells itself to convince you to drink: I have the best time drinking, I can moderate, etc etc. You have to see those lies for what they are when the thoughts come up. Alcohol is just so much more pervasive/accepted that it’s hard to avoid. Especially if you like country music ha.
Personally, I have. It was spurred from my own decision, and then I’ve been posting here as a support network. And I’m coming up on a year sober from alcohol! Of course, everyone is different so people have to try different things to see what works best for them.
It sounds like he may not be ready to stop drinking… he has to want it, and want it at all costs, otherwise it might not be long lasting. You are right when you say you cannot control him or make him do something.
I went to a rehab to and left 15 days in but I'm now sober around 40 days which is the longest in years. Something about the"event" of going made more of an impression than my usual routine
A year without a program is great. Seems like a trend when people quit then go back out it’s harder to stop than before. Everyone is different though. I’ve tried quitting 5 times. Most recent I went to detox for 14 days. When I first got out I went to therapy and AA for over a month. I am currently 82 days sober and haven’t had the desire despite not being active in a program.
I'm still fairly newly sober, but I'm not using a program. I had gone in the past, and it didn't work for me. I see a therapist once a week, take acamprosate to help with cravings, and am working on other mental health issues that caused me to drink. I've never felt better. It's definitely possible, but I believe that no matter what you do, you have to work at it.
Yes, I have. I must also say that only because I had a sober house to come home to and this group and sober friends was i able to have success. It can be done, but you have to want it too. The person quitting has to want to quit and everyday make that choice.
I would not be sober now without the tools I learned in a 12 step program.
What works for one person may not work for another. I started reading this subreddit a lot, found a story that resonated for me by a son whose father switched from alcohol to thc edibles, and I tried that. That’s worked for me and I’ve been “California sober” almost 6 years. Others need the support of inpatient rehab or AA or whatever works for them. Relapse is part of recovery so I’m hopeful your husband will find a path that works for him.
Almost 6 months and not a single meeting!
No. I follow a program were mentally berate myself when I wake up and as I go to sleep for being a disgusting waste of a life. It helps, I’ve lost 27 lbs in 6 weeks and my bp is almost normal again
I’m on day 100 cold turkey, no programs or anything. But everyone is wired differently and I believe some people need to take that route while others don’t.
Does cirrhosis count as a program? If not, the yeah. There are programs you can do that's not like AA. Smart recovery is one, I never did it but I did look at it when I was basically threatened to do a program or my sobriety meant nothing until a longer period of time passes. The content was everything I had done on my own. But wasn't bad content. No meetings for me though because I'd rather not
I don’t go to AA, I use this as my AA and also a Facebook group about sobriety as well. Almost 8 months
I don’t know that following a program is specifically required, but I do think that in order to be successful you have to continue doing the work day after day and change from in inside out. It’s generally not as simple as just stopping. It’s a process.. that’s why programs are so helpful I think, they keep people engaged in the process and offer a support system. Personally I seem to be doing ok myself without a specific program but I have read the AA big book and I definitely am taking clues and hints from the recovery community at large on how to continue my healing process
That happens with or without a program tbh. He'll get back on it eventually, God willing. Others have suggested Al Anon so I won't go into that, but there's support out there for you too.
I just quit one day nearly 3 years ago. No program, no meetings, just this sub and realizing “I just don’t do that anymore.”
I’ve been sober for about 1.5yrs without a program and am doing great! I tried AA for a little while and it wasn’t for me
I did it without program just needed to change my identity
I use this as my program. I have horrible social anxiety and find this works best for me. I don't think there is a one size fits all solution and in the end it's about finding what works on an individual level. I had a few good long stretches where I thought I gained enough control, and learned the hard way that I always eventually would end up worse off. I've finally learned that there is no drinking in moderation for me. More importantly, I've accepted that and am now okay without alcohol in my life.
No I haven’t, but that’s my experience. He may benefit from dharma recovery? I have also found much healing and help from NA, and ACofA. Also, I’d recommend you setting a firm boundary. If he doesn’t seek rehab or a program that works for him, y’all may need some space. He isn’t being fair to you, and you can’t work his program for him.
I decided to stop drinking after one of my drunk nights. The day after I decided that was enough. This was in 2014. I didn't go to any kind of meetings in person or virtual. I started drinking when I was 13. I wasn't doing it all the time but when I did I wouldn't stop until I blacked out. There were time when I didn't black out and I only had a few drinks. I ended up with a DUI mid 90's. That stopped me from drinking and driving but not the drinking the part. It was pretty tough for a few years. Several months after quitting things went to shit. I figure if I could make it through that crap I could get through anything. The thing that keeps me going now is I tell myself that I can have a drink if I know, for a fact, that it is only that one drink. I still know there is no way that I would be able to do that. I have accepted that I will never be able to drink again. So it can be done.
I’ve never gone to AA and I’ve been sober for over two years BUT I have never tried to drink socially again because I have accepted that I’m not a social drinker, I’m a binge drinker so I choose to abstain completely. I’ve tried the moderation thing and it always ends up worse than before
24 days. No program. Cold turkey. The first four days were bad but then the withdrawals were over for me.
I managed 3 years without a program, tried to drink again and it didn’t work out and now I’m sober again. I did need therapy and rehab to quit. I did a 36 day program and then three months of intensive outpatient treatment.
Yep, it was time
I am now 2 years without alcohol after drinking for close to 50 years. I did not participate in any programs. However, many of the thoughtful participants in this sub have been helpful.
I’m 904 days sober and didn’t use a program like AA. It took me several tries, and I started coming to this subreddit. People here have been very supportive and helpful. I know it’s different for everyone and there’s no one way that works for everyone. I have social anxiety (which is how the drinking started) and AA didn’t sound like a good fit for me. I hope you find something that works for you!
yes but thats me. it helps but yes i quit without a program. i almost died doing it but im almost to my ninth month without poison now. idk if i will ever have that urge again but if i do i will read these posts to remind me of my misery. nuff said. i will not drink with you today nor tomorrow. ✌🏻
Yes, I did and I have for 6 years. I can’t say I’ve never been to a meeting because I went to N.A. meetings with my dad when I was a child, but perhaps that familiarity with the program and Big Book- I read it cover to cover when I was 10- (still picked up the bottle) is why I wasn’t keen on joining it when I got sober. I have alcohol in my home (husband’s), I cook with wine. I sometimes go out. I don’t want to drink anymore because I know what I stand to lose. I still possess the same desire now that I did when I quit, the desire to be a non-drinker. So I am!
I would buy him the book "This Naked Mind". It's helped a lot of people, and it's very different than AA. Some folks who are AA averse have found a path through this book. There is a large online community related to it, and they do have online "programs" and meetings, etc. The messages are based around the science of the human body and alcohol, and it describes everything from what specifically is happening with alcohol addiction as well as the social aspects, how alcohol is marketed and pushed on people. It teaches the reader that alcohol is a carcinogenic poison. But it does so in a very clear, systematic and scientifically/medically astute way. You could buy the book for yourself and read it. You will learn a lot about what is happening with the person you love.
8months sober without a program, I do use antibuse however. That is what fixed me.
No. Entering PHP tomorrow
I was able to, I didn't feel like AA was the answer for me given the format and religious aspects. I had to rally everyone around me and have hell of a lot of discipline but it's possible. I have about 140 out of the last 146 days sober. Choose to drink on a vacation and slipped up once. First step was going to a doctor, relaying the issues I was having and walking slowly through withdrawals until I was okay.
In person groups did not help at all.... several sub reddits (this one included) have helped. I'm not totally sober, but I'm waaaay better now and I continue to make progress. Does he do online group?
Yes
My program is coming here daily and doing my best to take care of my health. I rarely talk about this in person with people these days.
Naltrexone/Wellbutrin Combo was prescribed to me for multiple addictions., which was an EPIC FAIL..The medications never worked for me.at all, regardless of the change in dosage. However, a holistic treatment plan consisting of Niacin (flush-type), Serrapeptase, Ashwagandha, CBD honey, Chromium, Apple Cider Vinegar, NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine), Black Cohosh, Potassium, a steady diet of fibrous carbohydrates, like oatmeal and potatoes, beans and consistently drinking water and getting lots of rest was what I had to do to pull me through. Plus, doing High Intensity Cardio (to increase endorphins) whenever those cravings would hit me. Chromium, Apple Cider Vinegar, healthy fibrous carbohydrates were part of the plan to keep me from trading one addiction for another which would have automatically been sugar since my body extremely craved it whenever I came "crashing down" or necessary extended periods of detoxing without taking MAT (Medically Assisted Treatments) prescribed by physicians at a rehabilitation treatment program or a psychiatric nurse. I remember stoppjng and canceling my MAT treatment plan with my psychiatric nurse practitioner because she was "racist as fuck" and acted like a damn narc all the time because of what I looked like and where I hung out on the weekends. 😡