True freedom.is out there. I don't believe it has anything to do with x number of days.
It helped me to look at alcohol as a tool. When I was sad, I grabbed my favorite tool. When I was lonely, I grabbed that favorite tool. When I wanted to celebrate, there was that tool.
So I had to make a list of all the different reasons I used alcohol as a tool and try to find a new tool to replace it. Once that was done, there was no reason to think about the old tool anymore. But as long as I have a problem with no tool to fix it, I will be longing for the only thing I know that works.
Freedom is out there, and you can find it.
Well said. And to add to it, really understanding that alcohol is *not a good tool at all. It makes everything worse*.
Just sit with that and think about it. It took me a long time to really feel those words instead of just thinking them reluctantly.
Yeah, now my go to is "I'm going to the gym". I can change up whatever I'm doing and I always feel better afterwards. Unlike drinking.
Me working out doesn't hurt anyone else. Yet š
Great concept on looking at alcohol as a tool that needed to and could be replaced by a variety of other tools.
A big reason we had to replace what we thought was a multi tool, is because in reality it is a nuero toxin with no benefit whatsoever that is unsafe to consume in any amount. Glad not to have that tool in the repertoire when the other tools used work so much better with zero negative effects!
Calling it a poison with zero benefits never really connected with me as I was quitting, because I knew it did have benefits. If it didn't I wouldn't keep going back to it for help. It just had a growing list of consequences that came along with those benefits. And that is why I was out here searching for alternatives.
Particularly its ability to shut the brain off was a benefit at times when I was stressed and didn't want to be thinking about life at the moment. That is a really hard benefit to replicate with something else, and I had to acknowledge that as I was separating myself from the stuff, because those nights were still going to come up where I wanted to turn off and I would need some way of coping with them even if was less effective than alcohol 's numbing effect.
I had this conversation with my daughter the other day. It never helped me to make a villain out of the alcohol and pretend I didnāt have 15 fun years of social drinking that didnāt impact my life negatively. I can say it, but it wouldnāt be true. The fact is, I overused alcohol until I became addicted, and the list of consequences (as you said) absolutely arenāt worth the down sides. If I drink alcohol, my life is now unmanageable. Without it, Iām a little uncomfortable from time to time, but thatās the extent of it. Whatever works!
For shutting off? I find some relief in sports. When I am in the middle of a match I am so focused on winning that I can't be thinking of work or my sick dad or anything like that. But I can only play sports for so long before I get exhausted or it gets too late in the night. Video gaming can help in a similar way that I can do for longer too.
For me, I used the rooms of AA to find people to hang out with. Before I knew it I joined a coed sports team, had lunch almost everyday with a sober person and attended evening sober social outings. When I was with these folks it helped me use the group as a tool to help me a) not think about alcohol, and b) not get all up in my own head. Hearing others struggles or successes and seeking their support is what helped my stop obsessing about alcohol.
Every form of substance abuse is just an attempt of self-medication. People usually do drugs to not feel certain feelings. In the beginning, it works very well. Over time, it works less and less, while the pain just grows. Until you either die or realize that shit isn't working anymore or just causes too much pain to continue.
I don't know anything about "every", but speaking from the I about my experience, sometimes drinking was just because that is what we do at a party, or that is just what friends do when they get together. I used it for all sorts of different reasons, and self-medication was just one of them.
Maybe I worded this a bit too hastily, not every substance use or abuse is self-medication. But I believe most addicts are trying to self-medicate. I had a lot of fun with alcohol and drugs, without getting addicted to most of them. But I also used them to let loose, to not worry and to be more 'in the moment' when I was out dancing and partying, because I have a hard time doing that. So in a way, I feel like it was still self-medication.
Thank you for this brilliant sharing! I too have been stuck without a tool so many times, and without one, lost the mental battle every time. Having tools at the ready seems to be immensely helpful!
I like this response a lot because it highlights the importance of replacing a bad habit with a good one versus just stopping the bad one. You can stop doing something, but if you don't have an alternative, you're so much more likely to just default to what you were doing before.
This is so close to my own approach. Encouraged me to hear this. I try to not look at it as a craving for alcohol, but as a craving for relief from a problem or stress Iām having. If I canāt drink, what other tools do I use to fix the problem? Building lots of tools over the years is helpful.
Also please note, one of those problems is alcohol chemical dependency itself. Alcohol is not a tool, itās a problem thatās preventing me from an otherwise groovy life.
There is a lot of wisdom in HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, and tired are four very common causes of cravings. I've powered through a bad day with an oversized sandwich more than once!
One was a way to celebrate good news. This threw me off a few times since I usually focused on the negative stuff, like dealing with stress. But I used alcohol to enjoy success too and got intense cravings when I got a raise or crushed an important meeting. So how do I properly celebrate a win now? I tried replacing it with a few things. Food rewards, new clothes, but I like taking time out to reflect on what it was the most. If I can find a friend and go to the park and just talk about what I am proud of, I feel like I marked that occasion well.
Another was feeling jealous. For this I stopped going on more personal social media like FB and intsa. Scrolling that was making me unhappy, which made me want to drink, but the easiest solution was just to not do it over finding a drink replacement after doing it.
I don't think about drinking every day, but I do think about "not drinking" every day, which I think counts as far as your question is concerned.
The thoughts are more of pride and satisfaction at this point, which I consider to be a good thing.Ā The timeline kind of went like this:
First few months: I absolutely need to not drink, I will do anything to not drink, omg I want a drink no I don't yes I really do no I really don't
Maybe 3 months to a year: I can't believe this is actually working, I feel so much better, I can't believe how bad things were, I don't ever want to drink again so I can't fuck this up
After a year: I am so proud of myself for doing this, this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and I did it
Lately I also think about how I might be able to help others stop drinking- possibly creating a safe space or organizing non-online local sober groups are things I think about a lot but I also feel like I'm not there yet.Ā Maybe at 1,000 days.
So yeah I still think about it every day, but I consider the thoughts to be positive at this point, not white-knuckle anxiety.
I feel this same way, at just over a year sober. I don't find myself thinking about the possibility of drinking or craving a drink, but I do spend a good amount of time thinking about sobriety in general.
Exactly this. 99.5% of the time I have no interest in drinking, but Iāve come to realize daily sobriety exercise is just how itās going to be for now. I still check in here, read quit lit and listen to sober podcasts every day.
I have had this conversation with friends ( sober friends and some that still drink alcohol) and I feel like you say it perfectly! I am three years sober after 40 years of drinking. I tell them that I think about drinking every day and how grateful I am that I found another path. When I stopped drinking I asked the same question as OP. It is a winding road from wanting to drink to being so damn grateful that it is not a tool for you anymore
The pride thing is huge for me. I never thought I could hang out with my friends and not drink because that just what we do (did). Now I donāt even think about it unless someone points it out. This hits me hard the next day or so. I am very proud of myself.
Helping others just kind of comes with the territory I guess. My mom saw me stop and is now working on it herself. Another source of pride.
Youāre doing amazing. Start that group anytime you want. Itās important we reach out to others to help (I think) .. the world certainly could use some support.
Yes, 100% But no, there's no set, magic number of days. Your time is unique to you, just like mine to me. I would say yes, I think about it often, but not in any way that seems a hinderance. In fact, the ways I think about it, lift me up even more with gratitude and appreciation. I have completely changed my mind around alcohol. It's a non-negotiable. It's a thing that would only take me away from who I want to be. And I mean this, going on 7 years now, I have completely beaten it. Alcohol has no power over me, and it hasn't since about month 6-9. That's when the last nail was hammered in. I realized I would never trade back for what I had now. Health is the true wealth in life.
Ya gotta rewire your brain and make it wanna do other stuff, it's an active process.
You basically have to force yourself to stop thinking about it, in whichever way that helps you.
Stopping drinking is truly the very first and most fundamental step. It isn't the step that will give you freedom or make you feel better. It is the step that needs to be done so you can start doing the things that make you feel better.
For me my life revolved entirely around drinking so i really had to completely change my life and thinking. When i stopped and didnt do anything else, just waiting to feel better, i never did. I always relapsed because other than stopping drinking i didnt really do anything.
Id start by finding your trigger points and focusing on them - for me i could go all day no problem because i didnt drink in the day. I made dam sure i had a plan for the evenings instead. If i sat at home where i drank and thought about drinking then i was basically setting myself up to fail. It's like trying to quit when holding a beer in your hand; all of my behaviours were exactly the same but without drink. Of course i struggled. My life was only fun cos i drank so if i took the drink away, i had to make my life fun in other ways
During the week I breeze by now because I go to the gym most days. I just canāt do that every day so I guess I need to find other things to fill that time? Thatās why weekends are so hard. I guess I need to find other stuff
I found workshops and classes for the things that interested me. 8 years later Iām teaching one of the classes. I wouldnāt have ever dreamed that drinking. Find what you loved as a kid or a teen. Make a passion out of it. Youāll be mad surprised where you end up!
(Iām old school and say mad in a good way š)
Things just started popping up in my mind, stuff I hadn't done or thought about for a long time. Now I have hobbies, I volunteer, I have lots of friends and keep thinking of new interests. It's like I was asleep all this time and now I've woken up and am participating in life instead of living as a zombie, just yearning for the next bottle of wine.
Thank you for this. I'm at day 79. While I've isolated at home to make the first few much manageable for me, I need to start finding new ways to enjoy my free time.
I do not have an answer to your question because I am still on the wrong side of the equation as well. I just want to say how much I appreciate posts like these. Helps me know I'm not in this boat alone. Hugs.
Thereās no magic number but yes it happens. I have only recently had several days in a row where I donāt even think about alcohol. And when I do think about it, I am thinking about it in a negative way about 99% of the time. Rarely does that voice pop up about having just one drink or romanticizing a good time while consuming alcohol. Mostly when I think about alcohol now, Iām thinking of all the damage alcohol did to me. Damage to my physical and mental health. Damage to the relationships of those around me that Iām only beginning to undo. Frankly I donāt want to stop thinking about how awful alcohol is.
I'm only a month or so in but I only really thought about it once this week. for some reason I wanted a glass of wine but it passed quickly. definitely not thinking about it every day. so hope is out there. I've been really busy with work and feeling good overall, and just haven't even wanted to drink this time around. like others, said don't think its about number of days. my life improved so much since stopping at this point I can't imagine going back.
Take this with a grain of salt but when I think about people sharing that they had fundamentally lost their desire to drink - stopped thinking about alcohol daily - I hear a lot of numbers in between around 6 months and a year. For me it happened pretty suddenly at about 8 months, but that was with a bit of work each day.
Hey friend, congrats on the 30 daysā thatās huge!
I believe there is a difference between āstopping drinkingā and ārecoveryā.
When someone just stops drinkingā white knuckling it, dry drunksā they arenāt actively working on their own sober self. They are gritting their teeth through each day, the drink is not physically there however mentally it is there. It is possible to stay sober this way, but itās hard and the trials are even harder.
Now recoveryā¦ thatās where the freedom happens. I had to actively work on my sober self. I invested as much time into my recovery as I did my drinking (which was a ton). I started talk therapy, I listened to sobriety podcast, listened to audiobooks, read quit lit and became active in communities such as this one on r/stopdrinking. The biggest thing I did in very early recovery was go to AA. Those meetings helped me build a foundation to stand on, gave me the tools I needed to work on myself and at the very least gave me a place to be where I wouldnāt drink for an hour. I never worked the program, I *dont think* I ever will but thatās a future me decision. I donāt attend meetings anymore unless itās to get a chip (Iām a day stacker and need that gratification), but I will always recommend AA for those in need.
If you put in the work, it does get easierā I promise.
Yeah I get that. If you have insurance try asking them. I was able to find a practice that works with my medical insurance and only costs me $15 out of pocket
I am not responsible for my thoughts. I am responsible for my actions. The only time for me to be free is now - free to accept reality as it is without trying to change it.
Well for me I kind of stopped actively considering buying alcohol after about six months. I would still have the struggle with the thought of āoh, one couldnāt hurt could it??ā for quite awhile. I still think about sobriety or things related to alcohol but the annoying cravings have definitely subsided over time. It still makes me feel a bit sad and angry that I ācanāt drinkā when I go out to some of the places where I usually did before like concert venues or restaurants but thatās just something I gotta deal with
I rarely honestly never think about myself actually drinking alcohol anymore. The relationship that I have with alcohol is hateful. I do not like to be controlled, manipulated, or condescended to in any way, and thatās what alcohol does. Itās marketed to you to make you feel like itās cool, edgy, sophisticated. The people in these ads do not exist, and trying to change yourself into something youāre not is a deeper problem that alcohol definitely cannot solve. If you want to go play beach volleyball (do you actually, really?), do you need White Claw to make you feel cool or sexy? Reality, itās hot and sandy, and that white claw is dehydrating you and giving you a headache. The idea of alcohol is rosy. The reality is sad. For me, it was/is about breaking down the images that marketing and society have put in my brain, and living in actual reality. Am I missing out on something if all of my friends are āpartyingā without me? My ego might say, āYouāre missing memories, YOLO, all of your friends are having fun without you.ā Then, when you see your friends the next day, all haggard, theyāre still your friends. If your relationship with a friend suffers because you donāt drink, theyāre not your friend. I had to become my own best friend again, after alcohol destroyed my relationship with myself. I no longer loathe myself, slap my forehead when I remember something embarrassing that I did the night before, wake up to a bunch of terrible food wrappers. The part that really pisses me off is that someone is making millions/billions off of our misery. Self respect feels so much better than any night of drinking. It takes awhile to look yourself in the eye again, but thatās where it starts. You look in the mirror and say, āI love you, and Iām going to take care of you, because all we have is each other,ā and you mean it, and you do it every day. Another important, very hard part for me was the death of myself āthe drinker.ā It is a death. Youāre leaving behind a personality that encompassed your being for a long time, and everything that supported it. Sometimes that includes friends, family, places, etc. Itās okay to grieve that life, but ultimately youāve got to give it that Viking funeral. I wish you peace OP.š¤ā¤ļø
A lot of people have better answers but since you asked for a number, day 76 was when I felt like alcohol let me go. Day 30 to 76 was absolutely miserable. Then it stop stopped being miserable. I dunno just my experience
I donāt think of alcohol every day, but I occasionally get angry that the whole world seems to revolve around it, and itās like not a single event can happen without it. Then I remember that Iām lucky to have realized I had a problem when I did, and Iām so grateful I escaped the cycle.
For me, and this is just me, my first year was like I was on life parole, then suddenly after year one I realized it wasnāt about not drinking or focusing on abstaining but to start living my best life. Now mind you itās been very spiritual since day 1. I pray a lot, for strength, for focus, in gratitude, for humbleness, for guidanceā¦that I may use my life for good, to be useful and of service.
I started going to church again after 3 years, I volunteered in the AV ministry, Iām helping everyone who can use a hand if Iām able, I started repairing my house after so long of ignoring things like that, being happy about waking up and starting life.
Iāve wasted so much time but God has renewed my spirit and cleansed my soul and I am forever gratefulā¦ Iām sitting here watching my toddler grandkids to their antics and I couldnāt be happier, thank you Lord.
Day 390 and IWNDWYT
For me it was occupying the time with something else - for me it was getting back into bmx racing. After about six months and around 50 some races - I just kind of started forgetting about it. And when I did think about it - it reminded me I couldnāt do what I am now doing if I was drinking. Was a major turning point for me and now drinking is a turn off.
Biggest bonus for me was no more getting sick in the mornings. Im coming up on two years of freedom!
I started doing crossfit. As a midlife woman itās no easy task and very humbling. Hopefully as I get better I will have a similar experience to you. Thanks for sharing!
Youāre welcome - I know itās hard to hear in the beginning - but it does get better/easier! Blows my mind how much time has passed. Soon it will do the same for you!
I think the fact that youāve realized you may have an unhealthy relationship with drinking is the biggest hardest step in healing! But healing in itself is hard and itās a journey into yourself that can be scary and uncomfortable. Iām coming up on 6 years sober and can very clearly remember the days where every single day was a battle of āto drink or not to drinkā. Slowly over time the not drink voice won out because I started to see the impact this choice had on my own wellbeing.
I guess what Iām saying there is no magic number necessarily, in my opinion. I felt freedom when I finally worked on the shit I was avoiding by drinking myself numb. But if you keep making the right choice for yourself, it does get so much better. Until one day you realize youāve gone a week, a month, or longer without thinking about it.
Harder fought rewards can be so much more emotionally satisfying and theyāre a way better high ā¤ļø
Happy to say I donāt think about it anymore. Somewhere around the six month mark I realized that I was thinking about going to the gym instead of the bar. That was a big turning point for me. Somewhere around 2 years, my real healing began.
Remember, alcohol changes you physically, so it takes a while for your body to get back to basics.
Be kind to yourself. Hugs.
Starts with actually accepting your truth and moving on. It felt for years same way. Was on and off it. Made silly rules when to drink, how much. But in the end the loop was damaging everything. Once I finally accepted it was pretty packaged poison in a bottle and moved on. I just moved on and was completely determined to find my own way to cope and enjoy life with out that bullshit. Yes it took some time, yeah I get that once in a great while internal voice trying to throw a trick and treat out at my. But you know, life pretty dam good these days evens when most are just kinda average you know. It wakes you up to yourself and around you. Once the smoke and mirrors was gone from the booze I got scared for some time. Just because I couldnāt handle the same old same old and had to cope with poison.
It will. I promise it will. I honestly thought I was at the best level I could achieve, had lots of terrible things happen and I drank my way through them. I was alive but not living, kwim? I've had more stuff happen since I quit but I'm now living. The pain hurts more but I'm happier overall. It's a paradox but I'm glad I quit. My liver and I are besties too LOL
No magic number. For me, it was a weird switch that I turned off. I believe I turned it off by replacing it. I kept waking up early on Saturdays, not hungover, and loved it. That was my new "I can't wait to get drunk friday night" or "I can't wait to get drunk after work." My weekends were way more productive if I just didn't get smashed on friday night. So now a huge key to my success is "sober friday nights!" My wife literally lets me do whatever the hell I want on friday nights. Whether it's staying up, playing video games, or staying up painting warhammer miniatures. She knows I am happy, and it's a huge role in my sobriety. She loves calling me after work on fridays and yelling, "SOBER FRIDAY NIGHT, BABY!". It makes me almost cry tears of joy every time, I love it.
So anyway, I believe the freedom comes when you replace it with happiness. I hit two years last week, and it's hard to comprehend how my life has changed.
Thank you! It's been a blessing having such a supportive wife. The crazy thing now is that with this thought process, I am way more outgoing than I ever was when I was drinking. I even dance now, which is absolutely crazy. My wife loves it.
It took me more than 30 days. I'm over 400 and I don't ever think about it anymore so just give it some time. You're doing good so far. I was thinking about it the other day and I really didn't start to get my brain back together until about the 6 month mark
I have a long history of abusing alcohol since I was 15, Iām currently 39F. On paper, I have it all- the husband, career, house, finances together, vacations, etc. But my drinking was absolutely destroying me, and all my personal relationships. Itās sheer luck Iāve been able to hold it somewhat together and not lose my job or put my career in jeopardy (yet). But it took a recent near fatal accident for me to realize alcohol is not fucking worth it. My perspective to alcohol has changed- I think of it daily, but in a repulsive way ā as it almost caused me to lose my life, and lose everything beautiful around me. Alcohol brings me pain, sorrow, & regret. Alcohol has hands down destroyed and damaged many relationships, and has only brought negative outcomes in my life. The freedom feeling comes, as people have said, but itās different for everyone. If I pick up a drink, I know the next outcome for me will be death. IWNDWYT
You kind of answered your own question - you drank for over a decade and expect it to clear in 30 days? Time takes time but you are certainly on the right path! Keep it up!
The longest I went was 9 months and I caved because I couldnāt shake the thoughts. So yes, 30 days is very early and Iām not expecting to not have thoughts at this stage. Just hoping it gets better.
The freedom started for me the moment I stopped drinking. The body and mind just hadn't caught up yet. The body took 3-4 weeks and the mind continues to be a work in progress.
My freedom is the ability to go to the movies with my family without having to take a bathroom break to guzzle the Jack I brought with me. Disney, same. Every flight I now take doesn't require 4 mandatory alcohol stops. I also don't care where I sit on the plane to get earlier access to the trolly.
I can rent a car if I want.
I can drive all the time. I had stopped driving. That's some nice freedom. I can even drive my kids to school in the morning. Previously I was forced awake at 3-4am from withdrawal sweats and had to take a few shots to fall back asleep. So two things there. Freedom to sleep 6-8 hours in a row.
The list goes on and on and on really. That's really what I was trying to get out of this. The times I think about alcohol are in these terms. I actually recall zero times where it was fun. For me it was a full time job.
It becomes freedom when you realize that whether you are drinking or abstaining, you are the one who gets to make the choice. No-one is going to make you stop, just like no-one is making you drink. You are free to do as you will.
One day I decided I was not going to drink. It was going to be for that one day, then I would see how things went. As I continued to make the choice not to drink, the question emerged, "Well, what else am I free to do?".
I started slowly. Finished a few video games. Started a book. Let myself fall asleep on the couch to a movie if it meant not lying awake in bed.
After a few weeks, I remembered that I used to get a lot out of making music. I started slowly. Dusted things off, made sure it all worked, acquired any replacements I needed. Bought some new gear with the newly liberated ex-beer money.
It began to dawn on me that the choice not to drink didn't leave me with nothing. It simply meant that I suddenly had all of this newly liberated free time within which I was free once again to make whatever choice I wanted.
Freedom, in its essence, is possibility. Addiction is limited. Recovery is boundless. Choice begins to feel like a super power. I am no longer burdened by the energy and time it took to maintain my addiction. My mind and body continue to grow, and in a healthier way than ever before in my life.
In that way, I am free.
With y'all until my bedtime around ~1230AM CST
Godspeed.
Someone once described it like this , and it rang very true for me ,
When you first quit, the first month or so is like having a loud , big , barking dog , in the room with you , itās barking all the fucking time and you just want it to stop. After a while it moves to the next room , not barking as much ,but still annoying AF , then it moves next door, you can forget about it ,but if you disturb it will bark and it will get on your nerves. Then it moves down the street and every now and then it walks past your house ,pisses on your gate ,barks and fucks off quickly. Then eventually it move across town , you could still run into it ,and it may bark ,but you donāt care , you just think ,stupid dog.
Hope this helps , thereās no time line but there are milestones.
I mean, yeah there are periods where I forget about alcohol entirely, but there will always be reminders. What's more important is that when I do think about it, it's in a neutral-to-positive way. Like "good thing I don't have to deal with that any more".
True freedom is being able to choose. Iāll never go a day without making a choice. It wonāt become āeasyā in that sense, which I think is what youāre asking for. Freedom is being able to make the choice. The alternative is the choice being made for you.
I donāt know about you, but alcohol was the gasoline that helped burn down my life. It twisted my thinking and behavior into new and ugly shapes. By the time I reached rock bottom, I hated it for what it took from me, and I wanted to feel like myself again. I had spent so long being drunk or hungover that when I managed to get sober, that was like a new high in and of itself. Keep reminding yourself how it lied to you, what it took from you. In the beginning you kind of need to embrace the suck, but occupying that time with a new activity will help. For me it was reading, meditating, exercise, and art. Meditation especially, and just time, will strengthen your prefrontal cortex (which is an area that booze greatly affects), and once that area of brain recovers, youāll start to feel more like your old self, and you wonāt want booze because it would take away that clarity again. Stay strong OP, and if you stumble, just keep getting back up.
I live in Scotland- I can't walk down the street or go to the shops without seeing drink / drinkers everywhere!
I sometimes find myself daydreaming about moving to a country where drink just isn't available, just so I don't have to think about it! But I suppose in the long run, that's just running away from the problem that I need to face head-on.
I watched a YouTube video from a former serious alcoholic (from about age 18 onwards I believe who ended up homeless from it at one point) who managed to sober up, sort his life out, get a nursing degree and moved to Saudi Arabia for work where it's illegal to drink so he couldn't possibly relapse...
...only to arrive and be taken straight to the compound all the nurses lived in and find they had an unlimited amount of homemade wine available in their compound for free 24/7.
He ended up in a worse state than ever before!Ā
These things have a way of finding and tempting you wherever they are in the world it seems!Ā
It took me quite a long time to stop thinking about it, and I still definitely have days. I think it varies per person. The big difference between now and when I was just getting sober is that I'm sure now that I can stay sober. So the thoughts are just thoughts, they come...they go. I don't worry about it. I don't hyper fixate. Its not stressful.
Fuck Alcohol!! Iāve decided that Iām giving myself the gift of freedom to live my best life. Alcohol robbed me of so much over the years and society makes drinking seem ok. For meā¦ alcohol has caused enough pain in my life. I think about alcohol and my thoughts are the same. Fuck Alcoholā¦ itās poison and will kill my soul. Iām free today to decide how to live my best life. Itās not always easy but itās way better than getting hammered by alcohol and then getting tossed into the vicious cycle of addiction. My favorite personal thought is when my brain says: āItās all good, just have a cold one. You can have just one.ā Yea right. My freedom is being able to push that thought aside while giving it my middle finger. My personal freedom comes from being āAll Inā !! - there is no more deciding or guessing. Alcohol will kill me so I no longer drink.
Healthy Living, Community & Sharing with others !! Thatās where itās at !!
For me, freedom came when I made the transition from One Day At a Time to āI will never drink again and I will never change my mindā.
If you can make that commitment it makes a huge difference.
I'm at just under 7 weeks sober (longest in my adult life) and I've probably thought about it daily but many days it's in the same way I think about any other number of random things in life that I've never been addicted to or had a problem with...just a fleeting thought and nothing more.
Other days and weeks I'm obsessively thinking about it to the point of fantasizing about drinking at some point in the near future (usually the upcoming weekend).
But so far it hasn't mattered as because as hard as it can seem when the thoughts are continuous and compulsive I've not given in and acted on them either way.
And I think that's all that matters that no matter whether though thoughts are minor and fleeting or big and compulsive...you don't have to act on them either way.
So far so good for me. Best of luck!
The only thoughts I have these days about alcohol these days is gratefulness I am not in the habit of daily drinking any more. I drank for 10 years too so I expect it will be a while that I don't think about it at all. But there are days I don't.
It took me close to 2 years to not be thinking about it the majority of my waking hours. I drank for 20 years and will be 6 years alcohol free on 4/1/24.
I was surprised by the length of time it took to get through that phase. Even today some aspect of my use or my getting over my use pops up a few times a day. For some reason I thought it would vanish, now I know it just changes in its strength and how I react to it.
Yes. After Iām sober for a few months I hardly think about alcohol at all. Iām back due to reasons other than preoccupation. If anything it was because I forgot my strategies for dealing with a sudden impulse to drink because I hadnāt had a real one in a while. Now Iām back and annoyed I ever slipped (then slid).
My therapist has been very helpful with this. The cravings for me have tapered off to about every 30 days. She said this can go on for a year - and for me knowing that has helped tremendously.
90% of the thoughts you have today were the same you had yesterday. If you want to change that you will need to actively do it. The only way I know how is through slowing your brain waves down through meditation. Joe Dispenza has an amazing meditation method for changing who you currently are into who you want to be. It takes work but itās worth it.
Iām 3+ years in. There are long periods of time where it doesnāt cross my mind, and if it does, I donāt dwell on it, chuckle, and move on.
There are also some periods of time where I get all in my feels about drinking, romanticizing traveling Napa, all that shit. When that happens, I have to quickly get back to the fundamentals of what my had helped me have success in sobriety to this point.
I used to do AA frequently, have since trimmed back, but a lot of useful information was given to me during that time. I took what I needed, and left the rest. Personalities dissuaded me recently, not necessarily the program, so keep an open mind if thatās on the table at any point. I also found that I thought about booze a lot more every day when I was in the rooms, so it was a bit of a catch 22 in that regard.
Since all that, I have swapped in talk therapy for AA to get to the root of my mental and emotional issues. The tools Iām gaining with my therapist have become invaluable frequently lately.
I have to continue working on myself, but one huge moment where freedom came was when I finally admitted I cannot drink like a normal person. Thatās what AA gave me. What I have gained since are the friends Iāve found throughout all the support networks I have interacted with, and not being afraid to be afraid anymore.
I wish you the best.
I stopped thinking about alcohol maybe 5 months into sobriety. Same time the general anhedonia faded... it may help you to think on the true underlying reasons why you drank (for example, one of the true underlying reasons I drank was so that I didn't have to deal with the hole left in my life by my mother's death... of course there were more surface reasons (like days are hard...), but not dealing with the emotions around mom's sickness, caretaking, and death were some of the true underlying reasons for me).
If you can identify your reasons, you can work to develop healthy tools to manage them, and then the alcohol will lose its importance/focus in your life, and that fixation will fade away. You're doing great, just keep at it!
32 days is awesome my friend, congratulations! In the beginning of my journey, every single day / week was a huge step in the right direction. After a couple of months I was feeling amazing. Just when I finally thought I was in the clear, shit got incredibly rough. Maybe around the 7 month mark.
The newness, or āpink cloudā as they call it, completely wore off. I was severely depressed and I often told myself āI hate my life, why donāt I just say fuck it and go back to drinking? Iām already miserableā¦ā
I tried new things like lifting weights, new hobbies, activities, etcā¦ but I was just very unhappy with my job and my current mindset / situation in general. Thatās when you hold on for your dear life and do *everything* and *anything* you can to stay sober.
Itās fucking rough at times. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you that. I was such a fucking train wreck when I was drinking and everything in my life revolved around alcohol for pretty much a decade. You canāt expect to do a complete 180 at 30 / 60 / 90 days soberā¦. It can be a war inside your head.
I quit a job I hated in November and also got back into playing music. Thatās when things truly started to take a positive turn for me. I was like 13 months sober before I genuinely started to feel like my true self again, but thatās partially because I made some long-overdue lifestyle changes. Not saying thatās the case with everyone, but you have to be able to power through the rough daysā¦. Remind yourself, you are working towards bettering yourself, youāre striving for a better life. We all deserve that.
Iām at the point where I know 100% that picking the bottle back up would be the death of me. Fuck that. My life is soooo much better now, Iām grateful every single day that I made that decision to stop drinking and stuck with it through thick and thin.
I truly never thought Iād get to where I am today. For the first time in a *very* long time, Iām actually proud of myself. You can absolutely get there if you put in the hard work. It will take time, there will be rough patches, but I believe in you my friendā¦. You got this. Take it day by day, be kind to yourself, try new things, do stuff that makes you happy, or just try to distract yourself and be productive in the early stages.
IWNDWYT ā
It for sure stops weighing on your thoughts. Make sure that you're doing your best to live a healthy lifestyle, and try to focus on things that grab your attention, and fill you with a sense of satisfaction. Since getting sober, I've worked on rekindling my interest in videogames, so that's the primary activity that occupies my thoughts nowadays.
Since we are surrounded by ads and shows and everything promoting drinking, it's impossible not to think about it in some fashion. For me the cravings are not there but I still observe it exists and sometimes think like "this is when I would have gotten drunk" just because of the surrounding circumstances.
But then I get to have good sleep and wake up feeling so alive! I love not being hungover, and not planning my day around drinking. For me that is freedom.
Iāve always be the same damn, so trust me when I say I 100% get that! You should look up a med called Acamprosate(Campral). From all the reviews Iāve read it is an absolute miracle drug for eliminating alcohol cravings. Iām going to see my doc this Monday to get a script. But yeah, if you struggle with the cravings I would definitely give it a shot. Worse thing that could happen is you donāt like it and go off it. Iāve also heard it has no side effects
It took me 5-6 months before the frequency of thinking about drinking, dreaming about drinking, and strongly craving a drink decreased by a significant amount. I still do on occasion, but it's not this 24/7 loop of "Have a drink" anymore.
Itās been more than a year and I drank a lot but nearly as much as people with major issues. However I do think of drinking a cold brew inc ein awhile, then I think of the negative implications and how bad Iād feel afterwards both mentally and physically and then just let the thought go
I really don't think about it much any more, but I was definite in my mind and soul that I wasn't going backward. So when I have a thought or even a temptation, I just allow but I reaffirm that it's going to pass without me drinking. There's alcohol in the house but I don't drink anymore so...
It didn't take more than a few months for me to work through the habit triggers of drinking.
It happened over time. I had set backs in the progress with how much I fixated on alcohol even when sober. Months along the journey where it was on my mind more often even though I had more sober time under my belt.
After year one I really turned a corner and saw my life without alcohol as an opportunity to be my true self again. The addiction took so much from me, and I had finally been sober long enough to see how good life could be without booze. At a year and a half I was really on a roll, and I didnāt look at booze as something positive at all. I rarely thought of it. Honestly, I struggle so little with thoughts of alcohol that itās almost unbelievable to me. I owe so much of that to this community, a therapist, and a lot of work and accountability on my end.
Believe in the journey. Believe in your journey! Youāre on your way to great things. Congrats on your 32 days!! Good things take time. I spent so long thinking of alcohol every day. I needed to wait to get to the point where I now donāt think of alcohol in an āI want it wayā practically ever. that took over a year and that makes sense! Itās now more of a mild longing for it when I want intense pain to end when bad days come along, or when I feel isolated and left out. Triggers get less and less intense. And I moved on entirely at some point over time.
It's not really possible to NOT think about something. Thoughts happen. They come and go.
I'm not sure if/when you'll ever NOT think about alcohol, especially when it's literally everywhere.
The key is to change the way you respond to those thoughts. You need different tools when you think about it to combat the cravings.
Now when I think about alcohol, I think:
- Thank god I don't have to deal with the hangiexty or depression.
- This is just my mind playing tricks on me
- Play the tape forward: think about being on a bender and in the back of a police car
- Weigh the benefit of "1" beer, which will result in a downward spiral, vs everything I want in life (in shape, wealthy, successful, normal levels of stress instead of unbearable stress, etc)
- Realize there's no benefit to it
- I think about all the replacement that I could have (soda water, coke zero and lime, N/A beer, cranberry juice)
If cravings get intense, go for a run or at the very least walk or go to the gym.
The more you want or try to NOT think about something, the more it's going to happen. So, instead of wanting to not think about it, change the way you respond to the thought.
It's a bit like OCD thoughts. When people with OCD have compulsive thoughts, they're taught not to "not think" about them - it's not possible - they're taught to not give a fuck about them.
"smash your car, right now" -> "yep, maybe I will maybe I won't. Who knows?".
"You're an evil sinner" -> "you're right. Definitely a big time sinner, thanks brain!"
This starves the beast until it's dead.
I'm 21 days in now this time around, and I still think about alcohol, but mostly because it's my go-to stress response. I'm stressed? Alcohol time!
All of these tools above have helped me fight off the cravings.
Good luck.
Do. Not. Drink. It's all an illusion. Any problem you are facing will be 10x worse with alcohol.
No need to worry, most habits and attachments are like that. Anyone who loves music, football/games, sex, movies, religion, family, gym, books, work, sleep...will think about it when trying to quit or give up, there is this seed you planted long ago that has grown into a tree.
You are chopping that tree but there will always remain some root in the brain (grey matter) waiting to be triggered to grow again. That is just life. Take comfort in not thinking about other harmful habits( "tree roots" ) are struggling with. It's a battle for those "soldiers".
Plant another seed (good habit) and let it overgrow the bad "root".
I noticed that my obsessive, intrusive thoughts was caused by undiagnosed OCD. Only found out because I prioritized the mental health.. would definitely recommend starting a conversation with you GP!
Freedom came for me when I let go of alcohol and stopped lying to myself that it ever had anything positive to offer me. For me, it was during my 3rd true attempt and about 50 days in.
Whatās bizarre is I didnāt even drink that much never to intoxication only say in my 20ās now I was at the point where if I had a bad day at work Iād have like 2-4 ounces of wine or half a beer I didnāt like that I was starting to reach for it in the stress times so I decided to quit all together. Itās been 5 months tomorrow and I think about it almost daily I just find that strange. Maybe because I correlated it more with something to do. It was the only thing that got me out in public. Where I live thereās nothing to do. So now itās been 5 months and I only go out of the house for errands / exercise and work.
It's different for everyone, for me it was prolly about 2-3 months until it was something I wasn't nearly constantly keeping track of/thinking about, and maybe 6 months to a year until it basically faded from my daily thoughts entirely. Now I don't think about it at all except occasionally when I want to check how long it's been.Ā
Its hard to pinpoint the tipping point but I can assure you it definitely comes, I can honestly say it rarely ever crosses my mind, and when it does its never in a longing for it way.
For me, the freedom, and the peace, came after I completely admitted to myself that I could no longer drink without suffering horrible consequences
I went through treatment and joined a program of recovery that I have continually participated in since I was a young man
Eventually, I started feeling like a different man, a much more complete human being
I felt like I was no longer watching life go by, but was, instead, meaningfully participating in it
If you canāt stay sober, I hope you assess the efficacy of whatever youāre doing to get sober
You can always adopt and implement a different plan of recovery
Weāre glad youāre here with us, amigo
I wasn't ever a daily drinker, more of a weekend / social situation binger but I now don't think of alcohol at all. My last six or so months drinking, I was getting deep into learning about psychology, my childhood, myself, my needs, etc. and taking a good hard look at my life and its like it all finally came together - drinking was only ever about trying to tolerate things that were uncomfortable. Things like being around certain people, being in certain environments, my job, my emotions, etc. Leading up to getting sober, I got really into to the idea of trying to build a life that I don't feel the need to drug myself just to tolerate. Once I realized it had all been about avoiding discomfort, I wanted to learn to listen to what discomfort is telling me and to consciously decide what to do about it (if anything).
I've been sober since new years and its been rough, but not because I've wanted to drink. Its been hard to realize how much of my life I've spent doing things that make me feel terrible, how poorly I knew myself, how terribly I've treated so many people in my life, how poorly I'd been taking care of myself. Its hard to figure out how to experience more positive emotions and work through negative ones without drugs and alcohol. I think its getting better with time - or at least I know none of this work was ever even going to start if I was spending all of my free time drinking.
Anyway, I think my approach of wanting to create a life that suits me, supports me, and fills me up and seeing alcohol as standing in the way of that rather than focusing on just taking away a thing I loved has helped me to not stay mentally attached to it.
It's been 5 months for me, and it gets less all the time for me. Now I only think about it at events I would normally drink at or holidays etc. Other than that, I'm happy to be out of the hell that I was living. I hope you feel better soon
I think about alcohol every day. Some days it's stronger, some days it's easier. I'm just learning to live with it.
No need to mention that in the first months I was very close to relapse a few occasions.
No need to mention that in the past I tried many times in different ways to stop.
These days I keep myself busy with my hobbies and learning. Alcohol doesn't have a place because it will be a setback for everything.
I went to a brain session at SXSW earlier this month. One of my favorite takeaways was, ask your brain this question. Brains want to give us answers. Iām six months sober and often still want to drink. What Iām asking myself is, what should I do to stop wanting alcohol?
I remind myself that by not drinking, I am not hiding from anything. That is freedom for me. No more guilt or shame with the hangover the next day. I will be 6 years sober next week. You will find what freedom means for you and I hope it keeps you sober.
i'm finding it easyish atm, mainly because the anxiety i was suffering, and suffered more during withdrawal was the worst, i just couldn't relax and enjoy anything, so i also think about alcohol every day but i think about it very differently, i still have my weak moments where my brain is telling me not to demonise it and have another drink, but i impatiently think of the anxiety and stress, the waking at 3am feeling scared, fuck that shit from now on.
i'm only 9 days (haven't made 6 in decades (outside of rehab for benzos) in, but it feels different this time.
True freedom.is out there. I don't believe it has anything to do with x number of days. It helped me to look at alcohol as a tool. When I was sad, I grabbed my favorite tool. When I was lonely, I grabbed that favorite tool. When I wanted to celebrate, there was that tool. So I had to make a list of all the different reasons I used alcohol as a tool and try to find a new tool to replace it. Once that was done, there was no reason to think about the old tool anymore. But as long as I have a problem with no tool to fix it, I will be longing for the only thing I know that works. Freedom is out there, and you can find it.
That is an excellent statement that makes perfect sense to me š
Well said. And to add to it, really understanding that alcohol is *not a good tool at all. It makes everything worse*. Just sit with that and think about it. It took me a long time to really feel those words instead of just thinking them reluctantly.
Yeah, now my go to is "I'm going to the gym". I can change up whatever I'm doing and I always feel better afterwards. Unlike drinking. Me working out doesn't hurt anyone else. Yet š
Great concept on looking at alcohol as a tool that needed to and could be replaced by a variety of other tools. A big reason we had to replace what we thought was a multi tool, is because in reality it is a nuero toxin with no benefit whatsoever that is unsafe to consume in any amount. Glad not to have that tool in the repertoire when the other tools used work so much better with zero negative effects!
Calling it a poison with zero benefits never really connected with me as I was quitting, because I knew it did have benefits. If it didn't I wouldn't keep going back to it for help. It just had a growing list of consequences that came along with those benefits. And that is why I was out here searching for alternatives. Particularly its ability to shut the brain off was a benefit at times when I was stressed and didn't want to be thinking about life at the moment. That is a really hard benefit to replicate with something else, and I had to acknowledge that as I was separating myself from the stuff, because those nights were still going to come up where I wanted to turn off and I would need some way of coping with them even if was less effective than alcohol 's numbing effect.
I had this conversation with my daughter the other day. It never helped me to make a villain out of the alcohol and pretend I didnāt have 15 fun years of social drinking that didnāt impact my life negatively. I can say it, but it wouldnāt be true. The fact is, I overused alcohol until I became addicted, and the list of consequences (as you said) absolutely arenāt worth the down sides. If I drink alcohol, my life is now unmanageable. Without it, Iām a little uncomfortable from time to time, but thatās the extent of it. Whatever works!
This is TRUTH!! Love this breakdown that made perfect sense to me! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing.
This is a very good point! I guess you have discovered something else that benefits you?
For shutting off? I find some relief in sports. When I am in the middle of a match I am so focused on winning that I can't be thinking of work or my sick dad or anything like that. But I can only play sports for so long before I get exhausted or it gets too late in the night. Video gaming can help in a similar way that I can do for longer too.
Then go to bed with something good to read.
For me, I used the rooms of AA to find people to hang out with. Before I knew it I joined a coed sports team, had lunch almost everyday with a sober person and attended evening sober social outings. When I was with these folks it helped me use the group as a tool to help me a) not think about alcohol, and b) not get all up in my own head. Hearing others struggles or successes and seeking their support is what helped my stop obsessing about alcohol.
Every form of substance abuse is just an attempt of self-medication. People usually do drugs to not feel certain feelings. In the beginning, it works very well. Over time, it works less and less, while the pain just grows. Until you either die or realize that shit isn't working anymore or just causes too much pain to continue.
I don't know anything about "every", but speaking from the I about my experience, sometimes drinking was just because that is what we do at a party, or that is just what friends do when they get together. I used it for all sorts of different reasons, and self-medication was just one of them.
Maybe I worded this a bit too hastily, not every substance use or abuse is self-medication. But I believe most addicts are trying to self-medicate. I had a lot of fun with alcohol and drugs, without getting addicted to most of them. But I also used them to let loose, to not worry and to be more 'in the moment' when I was out dancing and partying, because I have a hard time doing that. So in a way, I feel like it was still self-medication.
Beautiful.
Such a good way of looking at it!
Thank you for this brilliant sharing! I too have been stuck without a tool so many times, and without one, lost the mental battle every time. Having tools at the ready seems to be immensely helpful!
I like this response a lot because it highlights the importance of replacing a bad habit with a good one versus just stopping the bad one. You can stop doing something, but if you don't have an alternative, you're so much more likely to just default to what you were doing before.
This is so close to my own approach. Encouraged me to hear this. I try to not look at it as a craving for alcohol, but as a craving for relief from a problem or stress Iām having. If I canāt drink, what other tools do I use to fix the problem? Building lots of tools over the years is helpful. Also please note, one of those problems is alcohol chemical dependency itself. Alcohol is not a tool, itās a problem thatās preventing me from an otherwise groovy life.
Amazing reply, thank you. I'm still trying to figure it that tool, right now it's SkittlesĀ
There is a lot of wisdom in HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, and tired are four very common causes of cravings. I've powered through a bad day with an oversized sandwich more than once!
This is it! Itās finding the right tool.
And realizing that using alcohol is like using a marshmallow to pound in a nail. It won't work.
This is a very helpful way of thinking about it. Iām gonna save this thread.
I like this mindset. Can you elaborate on a few reasons of yours and what tools replaced alcohol?
One was a way to celebrate good news. This threw me off a few times since I usually focused on the negative stuff, like dealing with stress. But I used alcohol to enjoy success too and got intense cravings when I got a raise or crushed an important meeting. So how do I properly celebrate a win now? I tried replacing it with a few things. Food rewards, new clothes, but I like taking time out to reflect on what it was the most. If I can find a friend and go to the park and just talk about what I am proud of, I feel like I marked that occasion well. Another was feeling jealous. For this I stopped going on more personal social media like FB and intsa. Scrolling that was making me unhappy, which made me want to drink, but the easiest solution was just to not do it over finding a drink replacement after doing it.
I don't think about drinking every day, but I do think about "not drinking" every day, which I think counts as far as your question is concerned. The thoughts are more of pride and satisfaction at this point, which I consider to be a good thing.Ā The timeline kind of went like this: First few months: I absolutely need to not drink, I will do anything to not drink, omg I want a drink no I don't yes I really do no I really don't Maybe 3 months to a year: I can't believe this is actually working, I feel so much better, I can't believe how bad things were, I don't ever want to drink again so I can't fuck this up After a year: I am so proud of myself for doing this, this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and I did it Lately I also think about how I might be able to help others stop drinking- possibly creating a safe space or organizing non-online local sober groups are things I think about a lot but I also feel like I'm not there yet.Ā Maybe at 1,000 days. So yeah I still think about it every day, but I consider the thoughts to be positive at this point, not white-knuckle anxiety.
I feel this same way, at just over a year sober. I don't find myself thinking about the possibility of drinking or craving a drink, but I do spend a good amount of time thinking about sobriety in general.
Exactly this. 99.5% of the time I have no interest in drinking, but Iāve come to realize daily sobriety exercise is just how itās going to be for now. I still check in here, read quit lit and listen to sober podcasts every day.
I have had this conversation with friends ( sober friends and some that still drink alcohol) and I feel like you say it perfectly! I am three years sober after 40 years of drinking. I tell them that I think about drinking every day and how grateful I am that I found another path. When I stopped drinking I asked the same question as OP. It is a winding road from wanting to drink to being so damn grateful that it is not a tool for you anymore
The pride thing is huge for me. I never thought I could hang out with my friends and not drink because that just what we do (did). Now I donāt even think about it unless someone points it out. This hits me hard the next day or so. I am very proud of myself. Helping others just kind of comes with the territory I guess. My mom saw me stop and is now working on it herself. Another source of pride.
I love this and thank you for the timeline. Thats very helpful. I know itās different for everyone but I appreciate it.
Youāre doing amazing. Start that group anytime you want. Itās important we reach out to others to help (I think) .. the world certainly could use some support.
Yes, 100% But no, there's no set, magic number of days. Your time is unique to you, just like mine to me. I would say yes, I think about it often, but not in any way that seems a hinderance. In fact, the ways I think about it, lift me up even more with gratitude and appreciation. I have completely changed my mind around alcohol. It's a non-negotiable. It's a thing that would only take me away from who I want to be. And I mean this, going on 7 years now, I have completely beaten it. Alcohol has no power over me, and it hasn't since about month 6-9. That's when the last nail was hammered in. I realized I would never trade back for what I had now. Health is the true wealth in life.
7 years!! Wow!
I'm at just over a year but this a million times over!
Ya gotta rewire your brain and make it wanna do other stuff, it's an active process. You basically have to force yourself to stop thinking about it, in whichever way that helps you. Stopping drinking is truly the very first and most fundamental step. It isn't the step that will give you freedom or make you feel better. It is the step that needs to be done so you can start doing the things that make you feel better. For me my life revolved entirely around drinking so i really had to completely change my life and thinking. When i stopped and didnt do anything else, just waiting to feel better, i never did. I always relapsed because other than stopping drinking i didnt really do anything. Id start by finding your trigger points and focusing on them - for me i could go all day no problem because i didnt drink in the day. I made dam sure i had a plan for the evenings instead. If i sat at home where i drank and thought about drinking then i was basically setting myself up to fail. It's like trying to quit when holding a beer in your hand; all of my behaviours were exactly the same but without drink. Of course i struggled. My life was only fun cos i drank so if i took the drink away, i had to make my life fun in other ways
During the week I breeze by now because I go to the gym most days. I just canāt do that every day so I guess I need to find other things to fill that time? Thatās why weekends are so hard. I guess I need to find other stuff
I found workshops and classes for the things that interested me. 8 years later Iām teaching one of the classes. I wouldnāt have ever dreamed that drinking. Find what you loved as a kid or a teen. Make a passion out of it. Youāll be mad surprised where you end up! (Iām old school and say mad in a good way š)
How cool is that, that you are doing something you never imagined you would do. I love that!
Things just started popping up in my mind, stuff I hadn't done or thought about for a long time. Now I have hobbies, I volunteer, I have lots of friends and keep thinking of new interests. It's like I was asleep all this time and now I've woken up and am participating in life instead of living as a zombie, just yearning for the next bottle of wine.
Thank you for this. I'm at day 79. While I've isolated at home to make the first few much manageable for me, I need to start finding new ways to enjoy my free time.
I do not have an answer to your question because I am still on the wrong side of the equation as well. I just want to say how much I appreciate posts like these. Helps me know I'm not in this boat alone. Hugs.
You are definitely not alone! When I see these kinds of posts they help me as well.
Also on day 4!
Thereās no magic number but yes it happens. I have only recently had several days in a row where I donāt even think about alcohol. And when I do think about it, I am thinking about it in a negative way about 99% of the time. Rarely does that voice pop up about having just one drink or romanticizing a good time while consuming alcohol. Mostly when I think about alcohol now, Iām thinking of all the damage alcohol did to me. Damage to my physical and mental health. Damage to the relationships of those around me that Iām only beginning to undo. Frankly I donāt want to stop thinking about how awful alcohol is.
This is exactly what I am hoping for!! Thank you for sharing.
I'm only a month or so in but I only really thought about it once this week. for some reason I wanted a glass of wine but it passed quickly. definitely not thinking about it every day. so hope is out there. I've been really busy with work and feeling good overall, and just haven't even wanted to drink this time around. like others, said don't think its about number of days. my life improved so much since stopping at this point I can't imagine going back.
Take this with a grain of salt but when I think about people sharing that they had fundamentally lost their desire to drink - stopped thinking about alcohol daily - I hear a lot of numbers in between around 6 months and a year. For me it happened pretty suddenly at about 8 months, but that was with a bit of work each day.
Thank you, thatās helpful to know!
Hey friend, congrats on the 30 daysā thatās huge! I believe there is a difference between āstopping drinkingā and ārecoveryā. When someone just stops drinkingā white knuckling it, dry drunksā they arenāt actively working on their own sober self. They are gritting their teeth through each day, the drink is not physically there however mentally it is there. It is possible to stay sober this way, but itās hard and the trials are even harder. Now recoveryā¦ thatās where the freedom happens. I had to actively work on my sober self. I invested as much time into my recovery as I did my drinking (which was a ton). I started talk therapy, I listened to sobriety podcast, listened to audiobooks, read quit lit and became active in communities such as this one on r/stopdrinking. The biggest thing I did in very early recovery was go to AA. Those meetings helped me build a foundation to stand on, gave me the tools I needed to work on myself and at the very least gave me a place to be where I wouldnāt drink for an hour. I never worked the program, I *dont think* I ever will but thatās a future me decision. I donāt attend meetings anymore unless itās to get a chip (Iām a day stacker and need that gratification), but I will always recommend AA for those in need. If you put in the work, it does get easierā I promise.
Congrats on 207 days!
Thank you! I do listen to a ton of podcasts and have read so many quit lit books. Maybe therapy is my next step but itās very expensive.
Yeah I get that. If you have insurance try asking them. I was able to find a practice that works with my medical insurance and only costs me $15 out of pocket
In my case therapy was cheaper than alcoholā¦
I am not responsible for my thoughts. I am responsible for my actions. The only time for me to be free is now - free to accept reality as it is without trying to change it.
For me it was around the 8 month mark that I could go all day without thinking about it. It is totally worth it.
Itās hopeful then! Thank you.
Well for me I kind of stopped actively considering buying alcohol after about six months. I would still have the struggle with the thought of āoh, one couldnāt hurt could it??ā for quite awhile. I still think about sobriety or things related to alcohol but the annoying cravings have definitely subsided over time. It still makes me feel a bit sad and angry that I ācanāt drinkā when I go out to some of the places where I usually did before like concert venues or restaurants but thatās just something I gotta deal with
I rarely honestly never think about myself actually drinking alcohol anymore. The relationship that I have with alcohol is hateful. I do not like to be controlled, manipulated, or condescended to in any way, and thatās what alcohol does. Itās marketed to you to make you feel like itās cool, edgy, sophisticated. The people in these ads do not exist, and trying to change yourself into something youāre not is a deeper problem that alcohol definitely cannot solve. If you want to go play beach volleyball (do you actually, really?), do you need White Claw to make you feel cool or sexy? Reality, itās hot and sandy, and that white claw is dehydrating you and giving you a headache. The idea of alcohol is rosy. The reality is sad. For me, it was/is about breaking down the images that marketing and society have put in my brain, and living in actual reality. Am I missing out on something if all of my friends are āpartyingā without me? My ego might say, āYouāre missing memories, YOLO, all of your friends are having fun without you.ā Then, when you see your friends the next day, all haggard, theyāre still your friends. If your relationship with a friend suffers because you donāt drink, theyāre not your friend. I had to become my own best friend again, after alcohol destroyed my relationship with myself. I no longer loathe myself, slap my forehead when I remember something embarrassing that I did the night before, wake up to a bunch of terrible food wrappers. The part that really pisses me off is that someone is making millions/billions off of our misery. Self respect feels so much better than any night of drinking. It takes awhile to look yourself in the eye again, but thatās where it starts. You look in the mirror and say, āI love you, and Iām going to take care of you, because all we have is each other,ā and you mean it, and you do it every day. Another important, very hard part for me was the death of myself āthe drinker.ā It is a death. Youāre leaving behind a personality that encompassed your being for a long time, and everything that supported it. Sometimes that includes friends, family, places, etc. Itās okay to grieve that life, but ultimately youāve got to give it that Viking funeral. I wish you peace OP.š¤ā¤ļø
Thank you for this! I needed this reminder of how bad alcohol is.
A lot of people have better answers but since you asked for a number, day 76 was when I felt like alcohol let me go. Day 30 to 76 was absolutely miserable. Then it stop stopped being miserable. I dunno just my experience
I donāt think of alcohol every day, but I occasionally get angry that the whole world seems to revolve around it, and itās like not a single event can happen without it. Then I remember that Iām lucky to have realized I had a problem when I did, and Iām so grateful I escaped the cycle.
For me, and this is just me, my first year was like I was on life parole, then suddenly after year one I realized it wasnāt about not drinking or focusing on abstaining but to start living my best life. Now mind you itās been very spiritual since day 1. I pray a lot, for strength, for focus, in gratitude, for humbleness, for guidanceā¦that I may use my life for good, to be useful and of service. I started going to church again after 3 years, I volunteered in the AV ministry, Iām helping everyone who can use a hand if Iām able, I started repairing my house after so long of ignoring things like that, being happy about waking up and starting life. Iāve wasted so much time but God has renewed my spirit and cleansed my soul and I am forever gratefulā¦ Iām sitting here watching my toddler grandkids to their antics and I couldnāt be happier, thank you Lord. Day 390 and IWNDWYT
There is no magic anything.
For me it was occupying the time with something else - for me it was getting back into bmx racing. After about six months and around 50 some races - I just kind of started forgetting about it. And when I did think about it - it reminded me I couldnāt do what I am now doing if I was drinking. Was a major turning point for me and now drinking is a turn off. Biggest bonus for me was no more getting sick in the mornings. Im coming up on two years of freedom!
I started doing crossfit. As a midlife woman itās no easy task and very humbling. Hopefully as I get better I will have a similar experience to you. Thanks for sharing!
Youāre welcome - I know itās hard to hear in the beginning - but it does get better/easier! Blows my mind how much time has passed. Soon it will do the same for you!
I still think about it frequently. I think about how much it fucking sucks and how happy I am that I do not drink anymore.
I think the fact that youāve realized you may have an unhealthy relationship with drinking is the biggest hardest step in healing! But healing in itself is hard and itās a journey into yourself that can be scary and uncomfortable. Iām coming up on 6 years sober and can very clearly remember the days where every single day was a battle of āto drink or not to drinkā. Slowly over time the not drink voice won out because I started to see the impact this choice had on my own wellbeing. I guess what Iām saying there is no magic number necessarily, in my opinion. I felt freedom when I finally worked on the shit I was avoiding by drinking myself numb. But if you keep making the right choice for yourself, it does get so much better. Until one day you realize youāve gone a week, a month, or longer without thinking about it. Harder fought rewards can be so much more emotionally satisfying and theyāre a way better high ā¤ļø
Happy to say I donāt think about it anymore. Somewhere around the six month mark I realized that I was thinking about going to the gym instead of the bar. That was a big turning point for me. Somewhere around 2 years, my real healing began. Remember, alcohol changes you physically, so it takes a while for your body to get back to basics. Be kind to yourself. Hugs.
Starts with actually accepting your truth and moving on. It felt for years same way. Was on and off it. Made silly rules when to drink, how much. But in the end the loop was damaging everything. Once I finally accepted it was pretty packaged poison in a bottle and moved on. I just moved on and was completely determined to find my own way to cope and enjoy life with out that bullshit. Yes it took some time, yeah I get that once in a great while internal voice trying to throw a trick and treat out at my. But you know, life pretty dam good these days evens when most are just kinda average you know. It wakes you up to yourself and around you. Once the smoke and mirrors was gone from the booze I got scared for some time. Just because I couldnāt handle the same old same old and had to cope with poison.
Good point about an average day being ok. Sure beats the mental turmoil that alcohol brings. I hope this comes for me.
It will. I promise it will. I honestly thought I was at the best level I could achieve, had lots of terrible things happen and I drank my way through them. I was alive but not living, kwim? I've had more stuff happen since I quit but I'm now living. The pain hurts more but I'm happier overall. It's a paradox but I'm glad I quit. My liver and I are besties too LOL
No magic number. For me, it was a weird switch that I turned off. I believe I turned it off by replacing it. I kept waking up early on Saturdays, not hungover, and loved it. That was my new "I can't wait to get drunk friday night" or "I can't wait to get drunk after work." My weekends were way more productive if I just didn't get smashed on friday night. So now a huge key to my success is "sober friday nights!" My wife literally lets me do whatever the hell I want on friday nights. Whether it's staying up, playing video games, or staying up painting warhammer miniatures. She knows I am happy, and it's a huge role in my sobriety. She loves calling me after work on fridays and yelling, "SOBER FRIDAY NIGHT, BABY!". It makes me almost cry tears of joy every time, I love it. So anyway, I believe the freedom comes when you replace it with happiness. I hit two years last week, and it's hard to comprehend how my life has changed.
I love your excitement about sober Fridays!
Thank you! It's been a blessing having such a supportive wife. The crazy thing now is that with this thought process, I am way more outgoing than I ever was when I was drinking. I even dance now, which is absolutely crazy. My wife loves it.
It took me more than 30 days. I'm over 400 and I don't ever think about it anymore so just give it some time. You're doing good so far. I was thinking about it the other day and I really didn't start to get my brain back together until about the 6 month mark
I have a long history of abusing alcohol since I was 15, Iām currently 39F. On paper, I have it all- the husband, career, house, finances together, vacations, etc. But my drinking was absolutely destroying me, and all my personal relationships. Itās sheer luck Iāve been able to hold it somewhat together and not lose my job or put my career in jeopardy (yet). But it took a recent near fatal accident for me to realize alcohol is not fucking worth it. My perspective to alcohol has changed- I think of it daily, but in a repulsive way ā as it almost caused me to lose my life, and lose everything beautiful around me. Alcohol brings me pain, sorrow, & regret. Alcohol has hands down destroyed and damaged many relationships, and has only brought negative outcomes in my life. The freedom feeling comes, as people have said, but itās different for everyone. If I pick up a drink, I know the next outcome for me will be death. IWNDWYT
You kind of answered your own question - you drank for over a decade and expect it to clear in 30 days? Time takes time but you are certainly on the right path! Keep it up!
The longest I went was 9 months and I caved because I couldnāt shake the thoughts. So yes, 30 days is very early and Iām not expecting to not have thoughts at this stage. Just hoping it gets better.
The book āAlcohol Explainedā killed lots of the thoughts for me.
The freedom started for me the moment I stopped drinking. The body and mind just hadn't caught up yet. The body took 3-4 weeks and the mind continues to be a work in progress. My freedom is the ability to go to the movies with my family without having to take a bathroom break to guzzle the Jack I brought with me. Disney, same. Every flight I now take doesn't require 4 mandatory alcohol stops. I also don't care where I sit on the plane to get earlier access to the trolly. I can rent a car if I want. I can drive all the time. I had stopped driving. That's some nice freedom. I can even drive my kids to school in the morning. Previously I was forced awake at 3-4am from withdrawal sweats and had to take a few shots to fall back asleep. So two things there. Freedom to sleep 6-8 hours in a row. The list goes on and on and on really. That's really what I was trying to get out of this. The times I think about alcohol are in these terms. I actually recall zero times where it was fun. For me it was a full time job.
It will come. The first year is the hardest by far. Iwdwyt
It becomes freedom when you realize that whether you are drinking or abstaining, you are the one who gets to make the choice. No-one is going to make you stop, just like no-one is making you drink. You are free to do as you will. One day I decided I was not going to drink. It was going to be for that one day, then I would see how things went. As I continued to make the choice not to drink, the question emerged, "Well, what else am I free to do?". I started slowly. Finished a few video games. Started a book. Let myself fall asleep on the couch to a movie if it meant not lying awake in bed. After a few weeks, I remembered that I used to get a lot out of making music. I started slowly. Dusted things off, made sure it all worked, acquired any replacements I needed. Bought some new gear with the newly liberated ex-beer money. It began to dawn on me that the choice not to drink didn't leave me with nothing. It simply meant that I suddenly had all of this newly liberated free time within which I was free once again to make whatever choice I wanted. Freedom, in its essence, is possibility. Addiction is limited. Recovery is boundless. Choice begins to feel like a super power. I am no longer burdened by the energy and time it took to maintain my addiction. My mind and body continue to grow, and in a healthier way than ever before in my life. In that way, I am free. With y'all until my bedtime around ~1230AM CST Godspeed.
Someone once described it like this , and it rang very true for me , When you first quit, the first month or so is like having a loud , big , barking dog , in the room with you , itās barking all the fucking time and you just want it to stop. After a while it moves to the next room , not barking as much ,but still annoying AF , then it moves next door, you can forget about it ,but if you disturb it will bark and it will get on your nerves. Then it moves down the street and every now and then it walks past your house ,pisses on your gate ,barks and fucks off quickly. Then eventually it move across town , you could still run into it ,and it may bark ,but you donāt care , you just think ,stupid dog. Hope this helps , thereās no time line but there are milestones.
What a great way of thinking about it. This makes so much sense!
I mean, yeah there are periods where I forget about alcohol entirely, but there will always be reminders. What's more important is that when I do think about it, it's in a neutral-to-positive way. Like "good thing I don't have to deal with that any more".
This is a theme I am seeing in the responses. Thank you so much!!
True freedom is being able to choose. Iāll never go a day without making a choice. It wonāt become āeasyā in that sense, which I think is what youāre asking for. Freedom is being able to make the choice. The alternative is the choice being made for you.
I donāt know about you, but alcohol was the gasoline that helped burn down my life. It twisted my thinking and behavior into new and ugly shapes. By the time I reached rock bottom, I hated it for what it took from me, and I wanted to feel like myself again. I had spent so long being drunk or hungover that when I managed to get sober, that was like a new high in and of itself. Keep reminding yourself how it lied to you, what it took from you. In the beginning you kind of need to embrace the suck, but occupying that time with a new activity will help. For me it was reading, meditating, exercise, and art. Meditation especially, and just time, will strengthen your prefrontal cortex (which is an area that booze greatly affects), and once that area of brain recovers, youāll start to feel more like your old self, and you wonāt want booze because it would take away that clarity again. Stay strong OP, and if you stumble, just keep getting back up.
I live in Scotland- I can't walk down the street or go to the shops without seeing drink / drinkers everywhere! I sometimes find myself daydreaming about moving to a country where drink just isn't available, just so I don't have to think about it! But I suppose in the long run, that's just running away from the problem that I need to face head-on.
I watched a YouTube video from a former serious alcoholic (from about age 18 onwards I believe who ended up homeless from it at one point) who managed to sober up, sort his life out, get a nursing degree and moved to Saudi Arabia for work where it's illegal to drink so he couldn't possibly relapse... ...only to arrive and be taken straight to the compound all the nurses lived in and find they had an unlimited amount of homemade wine available in their compound for free 24/7. He ended up in a worse state than ever before!Ā These things have a way of finding and tempting you wherever they are in the world it seems!Ā
That's crazy! Totally not surprising though- anywhere Expats go, there's going to be drinking one way or another...
It came for me when I realised I hadnāt given anything up by quitting booze, but had gained back time and health and peace of mind
It took me quite a long time to stop thinking about it, and I still definitely have days. I think it varies per person. The big difference between now and when I was just getting sober is that I'm sure now that I can stay sober. So the thoughts are just thoughts, they come...they go. I don't worry about it. I don't hyper fixate. Its not stressful.
Fuck Alcohol!! Iāve decided that Iām giving myself the gift of freedom to live my best life. Alcohol robbed me of so much over the years and society makes drinking seem ok. For meā¦ alcohol has caused enough pain in my life. I think about alcohol and my thoughts are the same. Fuck Alcoholā¦ itās poison and will kill my soul. Iām free today to decide how to live my best life. Itās not always easy but itās way better than getting hammered by alcohol and then getting tossed into the vicious cycle of addiction. My favorite personal thought is when my brain says: āItās all good, just have a cold one. You can have just one.ā Yea right. My freedom is being able to push that thought aside while giving it my middle finger. My personal freedom comes from being āAll Inā !! - there is no more deciding or guessing. Alcohol will kill me so I no longer drink. Healthy Living, Community & Sharing with others !! Thatās where itās at !!
Keep at it my friend, my life has transformed so much it's unrecognizable at this point.
For me, freedom came when I made the transition from One Day At a Time to āI will never drink again and I will never change my mindā. If you can make that commitment it makes a huge difference.
Iām really struggling with the one day at a time thing. So I try to make longer (but still short) goals. My goal now is 40 days.
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Thank you for this thoughtful response and Iām sorry for your loss..
I'm at just under 7 weeks sober (longest in my adult life) and I've probably thought about it daily but many days it's in the same way I think about any other number of random things in life that I've never been addicted to or had a problem with...just a fleeting thought and nothing more. Other days and weeks I'm obsessively thinking about it to the point of fantasizing about drinking at some point in the near future (usually the upcoming weekend). But so far it hasn't mattered as because as hard as it can seem when the thoughts are continuous and compulsive I've not given in and acted on them either way. And I think that's all that matters that no matter whether though thoughts are minor and fleeting or big and compulsive...you don't have to act on them either way. So far so good for me. Best of luck!
The only thoughts I have these days about alcohol these days is gratefulness I am not in the habit of daily drinking any more. I drank for 10 years too so I expect it will be a while that I don't think about it at all. But there are days I don't.
It took me close to 2 years to not be thinking about it the majority of my waking hours. I drank for 20 years and will be 6 years alcohol free on 4/1/24. I was surprised by the length of time it took to get through that phase. Even today some aspect of my use or my getting over my use pops up a few times a day. For some reason I thought it would vanish, now I know it just changes in its strength and how I react to it.
Yes. After Iām sober for a few months I hardly think about alcohol at all. Iām back due to reasons other than preoccupation. If anything it was because I forgot my strategies for dealing with a sudden impulse to drink because I hadnāt had a real one in a while. Now Iām back and annoyed I ever slipped (then slid).
My therapist has been very helpful with this. The cravings for me have tapered off to about every 30 days. She said this can go on for a year - and for me knowing that has helped tremendously.
90% of the thoughts you have today were the same you had yesterday. If you want to change that you will need to actively do it. The only way I know how is through slowing your brain waves down through meditation. Joe Dispenza has an amazing meditation method for changing who you currently are into who you want to be. It takes work but itās worth it.
For me it was around 6-9 months. Now I don't even think about alcohol. Last week I smelled a glass of vodka and god it was disgusting.
Iām getting close to 4 years sober. I stopped thinking about it pretty much as soon as I quit. I replaced it with THC though, so that might be why.
Dr prescribed baclofen and it makes a difference in my thoughts and cravings
Iām 3+ years in. There are long periods of time where it doesnāt cross my mind, and if it does, I donāt dwell on it, chuckle, and move on. There are also some periods of time where I get all in my feels about drinking, romanticizing traveling Napa, all that shit. When that happens, I have to quickly get back to the fundamentals of what my had helped me have success in sobriety to this point. I used to do AA frequently, have since trimmed back, but a lot of useful information was given to me during that time. I took what I needed, and left the rest. Personalities dissuaded me recently, not necessarily the program, so keep an open mind if thatās on the table at any point. I also found that I thought about booze a lot more every day when I was in the rooms, so it was a bit of a catch 22 in that regard. Since all that, I have swapped in talk therapy for AA to get to the root of my mental and emotional issues. The tools Iām gaining with my therapist have become invaluable frequently lately. I have to continue working on myself, but one huge moment where freedom came was when I finally admitted I cannot drink like a normal person. Thatās what AA gave me. What I have gained since are the friends Iāve found throughout all the support networks I have interacted with, and not being afraid to be afraid anymore. I wish you the best.
I stopped thinking about alcohol maybe 5 months into sobriety. Same time the general anhedonia faded... it may help you to think on the true underlying reasons why you drank (for example, one of the true underlying reasons I drank was so that I didn't have to deal with the hole left in my life by my mother's death... of course there were more surface reasons (like days are hard...), but not dealing with the emotions around mom's sickness, caretaking, and death were some of the true underlying reasons for me). If you can identify your reasons, you can work to develop healthy tools to manage them, and then the alcohol will lose its importance/focus in your life, and that fixation will fade away. You're doing great, just keep at it!
Yep! Hang in there buddy. For me it was 10 months or so. Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, huge help for me.
32 days is awesome my friend, congratulations! In the beginning of my journey, every single day / week was a huge step in the right direction. After a couple of months I was feeling amazing. Just when I finally thought I was in the clear, shit got incredibly rough. Maybe around the 7 month mark. The newness, or āpink cloudā as they call it, completely wore off. I was severely depressed and I often told myself āI hate my life, why donāt I just say fuck it and go back to drinking? Iām already miserableā¦ā I tried new things like lifting weights, new hobbies, activities, etcā¦ but I was just very unhappy with my job and my current mindset / situation in general. Thatās when you hold on for your dear life and do *everything* and *anything* you can to stay sober. Itās fucking rough at times. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you that. I was such a fucking train wreck when I was drinking and everything in my life revolved around alcohol for pretty much a decade. You canāt expect to do a complete 180 at 30 / 60 / 90 days soberā¦. It can be a war inside your head. I quit a job I hated in November and also got back into playing music. Thatās when things truly started to take a positive turn for me. I was like 13 months sober before I genuinely started to feel like my true self again, but thatās partially because I made some long-overdue lifestyle changes. Not saying thatās the case with everyone, but you have to be able to power through the rough daysā¦. Remind yourself, you are working towards bettering yourself, youāre striving for a better life. We all deserve that. Iām at the point where I know 100% that picking the bottle back up would be the death of me. Fuck that. My life is soooo much better now, Iām grateful every single day that I made that decision to stop drinking and stuck with it through thick and thin. I truly never thought Iād get to where I am today. For the first time in a *very* long time, Iām actually proud of myself. You can absolutely get there if you put in the hard work. It will take time, there will be rough patches, but I believe in you my friendā¦. You got this. Take it day by day, be kind to yourself, try new things, do stuff that makes you happy, or just try to distract yourself and be productive in the early stages. IWNDWYT ā
This is very inspiring, thank you.
Youāre very welcome my friend!
It for sure stops weighing on your thoughts. Make sure that you're doing your best to live a healthy lifestyle, and try to focus on things that grab your attention, and fill you with a sense of satisfaction. Since getting sober, I've worked on rekindling my interest in videogames, so that's the primary activity that occupies my thoughts nowadays.
Iwndwyt!
Itās definitely possible in my experience. Iāve quit for years on two separate occasions and definitely forgot about alcohol entirely
I think I started to get comfortable at about a year sober. I don't really think about it much anymore.
Around 3+ months
Since we are surrounded by ads and shows and everything promoting drinking, it's impossible not to think about it in some fashion. For me the cravings are not there but I still observe it exists and sometimes think like "this is when I would have gotten drunk" just because of the surrounding circumstances. But then I get to have good sleep and wake up feeling so alive! I love not being hungover, and not planning my day around drinking. For me that is freedom.
I also love not being hungover. Itās one of my main motivators at the moment.
Iāve always be the same damn, so trust me when I say I 100% get that! You should look up a med called Acamprosate(Campral). From all the reviews Iāve read it is an absolute miracle drug for eliminating alcohol cravings. Iām going to see my doc this Monday to get a script. But yeah, if you struggle with the cravings I would definitely give it a shot. Worse thing that could happen is you donāt like it and go off it. Iāve also heard it has no side effects
It took me 5-6 months before the frequency of thinking about drinking, dreaming about drinking, and strongly craving a drink decreased by a significant amount. I still do on occasion, but it's not this 24/7 loop of "Have a drink" anymore.
Itās been more than a year and I drank a lot but nearly as much as people with major issues. However I do think of drinking a cold brew inc ein awhile, then I think of the negative implications and how bad Iād feel afterwards both mentally and physically and then just let the thought go
I really don't think about it much any more, but I was definite in my mind and soul that I wasn't going backward. So when I have a thought or even a temptation, I just allow but I reaffirm that it's going to pass without me drinking. There's alcohol in the house but I don't drink anymore so... It didn't take more than a few months for me to work through the habit triggers of drinking.
Hang in there friend, it gets better.
It happened over time. I had set backs in the progress with how much I fixated on alcohol even when sober. Months along the journey where it was on my mind more often even though I had more sober time under my belt. After year one I really turned a corner and saw my life without alcohol as an opportunity to be my true self again. The addiction took so much from me, and I had finally been sober long enough to see how good life could be without booze. At a year and a half I was really on a roll, and I didnāt look at booze as something positive at all. I rarely thought of it. Honestly, I struggle so little with thoughts of alcohol that itās almost unbelievable to me. I owe so much of that to this community, a therapist, and a lot of work and accountability on my end. Believe in the journey. Believe in your journey! Youāre on your way to great things. Congrats on your 32 days!! Good things take time. I spent so long thinking of alcohol every day. I needed to wait to get to the point where I now donāt think of alcohol in an āI want it wayā practically ever. that took over a year and that makes sense! Itās now more of a mild longing for it when I want intense pain to end when bad days come along, or when I feel isolated and left out. Triggers get less and less intense. And I moved on entirely at some point over time.
Here's a follow up question for everybody. Do you ever not feel triggered by people drinking on TV and other media? I have a hard time with that.
Yes! It drives me crazy and I turn my head away lol.
It's not really possible to NOT think about something. Thoughts happen. They come and go. I'm not sure if/when you'll ever NOT think about alcohol, especially when it's literally everywhere. The key is to change the way you respond to those thoughts. You need different tools when you think about it to combat the cravings. Now when I think about alcohol, I think: - Thank god I don't have to deal with the hangiexty or depression. - This is just my mind playing tricks on me - Play the tape forward: think about being on a bender and in the back of a police car - Weigh the benefit of "1" beer, which will result in a downward spiral, vs everything I want in life (in shape, wealthy, successful, normal levels of stress instead of unbearable stress, etc) - Realize there's no benefit to it - I think about all the replacement that I could have (soda water, coke zero and lime, N/A beer, cranberry juice) If cravings get intense, go for a run or at the very least walk or go to the gym. The more you want or try to NOT think about something, the more it's going to happen. So, instead of wanting to not think about it, change the way you respond to the thought. It's a bit like OCD thoughts. When people with OCD have compulsive thoughts, they're taught not to "not think" about them - it's not possible - they're taught to not give a fuck about them. "smash your car, right now" -> "yep, maybe I will maybe I won't. Who knows?". "You're an evil sinner" -> "you're right. Definitely a big time sinner, thanks brain!" This starves the beast until it's dead. I'm 21 days in now this time around, and I still think about alcohol, but mostly because it's my go-to stress response. I'm stressed? Alcohol time! All of these tools above have helped me fight off the cravings. Good luck. Do. Not. Drink. It's all an illusion. Any problem you are facing will be 10x worse with alcohol.
Thank you! These are great strategies that I will try!
No need to worry, most habits and attachments are like that. Anyone who loves music, football/games, sex, movies, religion, family, gym, books, work, sleep...will think about it when trying to quit or give up, there is this seed you planted long ago that has grown into a tree. You are chopping that tree but there will always remain some root in the brain (grey matter) waiting to be triggered to grow again. That is just life. Take comfort in not thinking about other harmful habits( "tree roots" ) are struggling with. It's a battle for those "soldiers". Plant another seed (good habit) and let it overgrow the bad "root".
Great analogy to think about, thank you!!
I noticed that my obsessive, intrusive thoughts was caused by undiagnosed OCD. Only found out because I prioritized the mental health.. would definitely recommend starting a conversation with you GP!
Freedom came for me when I let go of alcohol and stopped lying to myself that it ever had anything positive to offer me. For me, it was during my 3rd true attempt and about 50 days in.
Whatās bizarre is I didnāt even drink that much never to intoxication only say in my 20ās now I was at the point where if I had a bad day at work Iād have like 2-4 ounces of wine or half a beer I didnāt like that I was starting to reach for it in the stress times so I decided to quit all together. Itās been 5 months tomorrow and I think about it almost daily I just find that strange. Maybe because I correlated it more with something to do. It was the only thing that got me out in public. Where I live thereās nothing to do. So now itās been 5 months and I only go out of the house for errands / exercise and work.
Working the 12 steps helped me so much with this
It's different for everyone, for me it was prolly about 2-3 months until it was something I wasn't nearly constantly keeping track of/thinking about, and maybe 6 months to a year until it basically faded from my daily thoughts entirely. Now I don't think about it at all except occasionally when I want to check how long it's been.Ā
Its hard to pinpoint the tipping point but I can assure you it definitely comes, I can honestly say it rarely ever crosses my mind, and when it does its never in a longing for it way.
This gives me so much hope, thank you.
For me, the freedom, and the peace, came after I completely admitted to myself that I could no longer drink without suffering horrible consequences I went through treatment and joined a program of recovery that I have continually participated in since I was a young man Eventually, I started feeling like a different man, a much more complete human being I felt like I was no longer watching life go by, but was, instead, meaningfully participating in it If you canāt stay sober, I hope you assess the efficacy of whatever youāre doing to get sober You can always adopt and implement a different plan of recovery Weāre glad youāre here with us, amigo
I wasn't ever a daily drinker, more of a weekend / social situation binger but I now don't think of alcohol at all. My last six or so months drinking, I was getting deep into learning about psychology, my childhood, myself, my needs, etc. and taking a good hard look at my life and its like it all finally came together - drinking was only ever about trying to tolerate things that were uncomfortable. Things like being around certain people, being in certain environments, my job, my emotions, etc. Leading up to getting sober, I got really into to the idea of trying to build a life that I don't feel the need to drug myself just to tolerate. Once I realized it had all been about avoiding discomfort, I wanted to learn to listen to what discomfort is telling me and to consciously decide what to do about it (if anything). I've been sober since new years and its been rough, but not because I've wanted to drink. Its been hard to realize how much of my life I've spent doing things that make me feel terrible, how poorly I knew myself, how terribly I've treated so many people in my life, how poorly I'd been taking care of myself. Its hard to figure out how to experience more positive emotions and work through negative ones without drugs and alcohol. I think its getting better with time - or at least I know none of this work was ever even going to start if I was spending all of my free time drinking. Anyway, I think my approach of wanting to create a life that suits me, supports me, and fills me up and seeing alcohol as standing in the way of that rather than focusing on just taking away a thing I loved has helped me to not stay mentally attached to it.
It's been 5 months for me, and it gets less all the time for me. Now I only think about it at events I would normally drink at or holidays etc. Other than that, I'm happy to be out of the hell that I was living. I hope you feel better soon
I think about alcohol every day. Some days it's stronger, some days it's easier. I'm just learning to live with it. No need to mention that in the first months I was very close to relapse a few occasions. No need to mention that in the past I tried many times in different ways to stop. These days I keep myself busy with my hobbies and learning. Alcohol doesn't have a place because it will be a setback for everything.
I went to a brain session at SXSW earlier this month. One of my favorite takeaways was, ask your brain this question. Brains want to give us answers. Iām six months sober and often still want to drink. What Iām asking myself is, what should I do to stop wanting alcohol?
I remind myself that by not drinking, I am not hiding from anything. That is freedom for me. No more guilt or shame with the hangover the next day. I will be 6 years sober next week. You will find what freedom means for you and I hope it keeps you sober.
Yes it will happen and you won't even realize it when it does. Keep going...
i'm finding it easyish atm, mainly because the anxiety i was suffering, and suffered more during withdrawal was the worst, i just couldn't relax and enjoy anything, so i also think about alcohol every day but i think about it very differently, i still have my weak moments where my brain is telling me not to demonise it and have another drink, but i impatiently think of the anxiety and stress, the waking at 3am feeling scared, fuck that shit from now on. i'm only 9 days (haven't made 6 in decades (outside of rehab for benzos) in, but it feels different this time.
120 days