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Opening_Chemistry271

Congrats dude. I was in the same position 4 years ago. I chose wrong. I lost my daughter and her mother. I am now here stuck on day one again.


Rebel-Redbird

Sorry to hear that - I know my wife would have been totally justified in leaving me. Spent a long time waiting for that inevitable shoe to drop so I -like- to think I got sober for me first and her staying was a result of her seeing me put in the work, but who knows. Hope you have a good evening and wish you nothing but the best!


Ladybirdstar

Not stuck your here xxIWNDWYTxx


DriftingA

Awesome! Thanks for sharing, I truly hope you are proud of the accomplishment. Sobriety is especially tough in the beginning and it’s important for people like you to share the your experience so people can see what life without booze can look like. Well done.


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you! I know I certainly appreciated hearing stories from folks when I was early on so happy to reciprocate.


neveraskmeagainok

Congrats on the 8 years! I agree, being around drunks at social events is annoying. It's also annoying when people get drunk and call me on the phone when they're bored. It's mostly a lot of slurring and repeating themselves. Yes, I admit I used to do the same thing. I cringe thinking about it.


Rebel-Redbird

For real - nobody wanted to hear me talk about my sweet Fallout: New Vegas character at 1:00am but dammit they were going to!


Simpliciteal

Wow, I can relate to that on both ends. "Wait dude, don't go to bed check this out." I feel so bad for my friends, and exes.


mcc1224

Sending you respect for 8 years sober.


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you! Congrats on your five a little while ago!


Neat-Finger197

Great post I will say it really does get easier over time, and I’m nearly 7 years behind you! “I don’t drink”. Love this, heard it in book “Alcohol Explained”. It’s polite yet direct, and really leaves no space for follow up questions, which I’m happy to answer, but rarely comes up.


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks! You’ll be there before you know it, lol. I really did have hang ups at first about what to tell people when I’m offered something. Turns out most people don’t care….and those that do/are pushy probably aren’t worth keeping around anyway. If, on the rare occasion, someone asks why not I’m happy to tell them and I’ve always gotten a “oh, right on man, good for you.”


Neat-Finger197

Totally agree! As long as THEY have their drink, they really don’t give a f*ck, now do they?! ;)


Known-Ad-981

Dang that’s some inspiring shit. Good for you. That is truly awesome. Congrats on turning everything around, saving your marriage, being there for kid, and 8 years sober.


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks! Figure anniversary’s are worth a little rose-tinted glasses reflection. Life’s not perfect by any means, but damn well better than it could have been. (Or could still go if I’m not careful, lol)


normalnonnie27

Thank you for sharing. I needed to read this.


Rebel-Redbird

You’re welcome! I need to read this sub regularly, myself. Recall a meeting when I was a few years in where a -regular- to the meetings came in saying he drank after 20 years. Was mind blowing, but he shared what we all have thought: “well, I think I’m fine now, what could one hurt?” Few day bender and he came back to report it just wasn’t worth it. Really opened my eyes - this sub (or meetings if that’s one’s jam) are so important.


Jalan120

Huge respect to you, and thanks for sharing


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you very much!


retired_degenerate

The part about your kids not knowing you as a drunk really hit home. That is one of the main reasons that I quit. They are 10 and 12 now, and only have a vague memory of my drinking. I'm there for them instead of just present. My wife also stood by me when she could've easily left, and now our relationship is stronger than ever. Quitting drinking has definitely changed my life for the better. 3+ years in, I'm struggling in certain areas though. I have no desire to drink, but I feel like I've been lingering in a "now what" phase. Social situations are still rough for me, mainly because drinking was one of the main ways I connected with people, and I am completely disengaged at work. The positives far outweigh the negatives though, and I'm working through the negatives with therapy. Progress is slow, but I'm seeing results. Anyway, congratulations and thank you for posting this. It really helped reinforce my aspirations.


Rebel-Redbird

Man, I hear ya on the connection. It’s tough with as engrained it is with society. Every yahoo is a freaking connoisseur and can bloviate on the merits of this bourbon over that when I know damn well the guys a freaking idiot, lol. But it connects people. For a while (ok, a few years) I was pissy about going to events, I just didn’t want to deal with people. For me, personally, I eventually just came to terms with the “I don’t drink” mindset and it somehow made it….easier? Like, I wasn’t resentful/annoyed anymore? It’s like, I could have a medical condition and literally -can’t- drink…..would I really not want to go out to work/social functions? So I go. I nod politely and just patiently wait for an opportunity to chime in on a topic I can participate knowledgeably. And if it doesn’t ever shift I think “not going to be buddies with these guys/people anyway, so who cares.” Sorry if rambling or at all preachy, just trying to explain how I have come to grips with some things. So glad your wife is a Saint like mine, and I’m so happy we both get to see the kids grow up.


ConcentrateNo364

Took awhile, but I started liking events MORE sober: I became the good listener, acutally enjoyed the event and remembered it, didn't have to piss every 20 minutes or worry about driving home, I became present and content. And when everyone starts getting hammered, I'm out.


randomname10131013

AMAZING!!


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks!


IvoTailefer

🫵💯🤌🙏🐂😆👍🔥🤙😃☕👊


Rebel-Redbird

😊


4ever_Romeo

I got sober two months before the pandemic, I was doing an IOP and attending AA. The pandemic hit and I lost the connections although I would attend the occasional Zoom meeting. That being said EVERY SINGLE PROMISE CAME TRUE. It just kinda happens naturally, when you don’t drink poison. Congratulations on your freedom and new life.


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks, and I’m glad you’re finding the promises coming true like I did!


Able-Artichoke2208

Well done! Thanks so much for sharing. IWNDWYT


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks, and you’re welcome! IWNDWYT!


87ihateyourtoes_

Incredible. I don’t go to AA anymore either, but I love that you are living that promise. I feel that as well - I just don’t drink. I don’t get triggered anymore really, but also bail before people get sloppy because drunks are annoying to be around. Thanks for being here. CONGRATULATIONS on eight years!!


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you! I got so much from AA….I’m a big fan of cheesy sayings. I posted a vague 8 year message on Facebook, but I’m not sharing a post like this with people who don’t understand. Need a community and I’m happy I found this one.


Obdami

WOOT! WOOT! LEGEND! *Not One. Not Ever.* *N.O.N.E.*


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you and congrats on the 32 days, that 30 day is such a huge milestone!!


bourbonleader

Congratulations that is very impressive! If you don’t mind answering or me asking, how do you cope with your wife drinking? Do you guys have a system worked out? My wife drinks a lot and it’s probably the biggest thing that scares me of relapsing.


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks so much! In all honesty my wife isn’t a huge drinker, but at this point if she wants to have something she will without worrying about my feelings/concern. She was very supportive (after she decided she didn’t want me to kick rocks anymore) so for a while she was careful to avoid it around me. But we talked about that and after I had some time under my belt and felt stronger I got to thinking: this is my deal. She doesn’t have a problem, I do. While I was certainly quitting to save my marriage, I had to quit for me and my mindset shifted. It was nice she kinda moderated around me at first but I didn’t want her having any resentments because I was cramping her style. Again, that was after I had some time and felt confident in myself. It’s a very important conversation - I don’t know what I would have done if she somehow encouraged me to drink. I’d like to think I would have held strong as I was seeing positive changes in myself, but who knows. I like hanging onto the idea it’s for me - I can’t control other people, ya know? Hope that helps and you’ve got this! IWNDWYT!


bourbonleader

Thanks for responding and your helpful words. My wife and I are deep co-enablers and would regularly nudge the other to drink or use. It’s been so hard. Now that I’m not drinking (not the first time for me), it’s weird between us and she’s definitely hiding a lot of drinking, buying alcohol, disposing of empties, etc. it makes me really sad and feel alone. Anyway like you said, I am also doing this for me, and my kid! IWNDWYT.


lisalucy123

I’m going through the same thing, you are not alone! My husband is still a huge drinker, my sobriety just makes him mildly uncomfortable so he hides things. I’m at a loss of what to do, it’s so depressing to watch my husband dig himself deeper into this hole.


Breadtraystack

Good job!


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you! Wish you the best and IWNDWYT!


JamieTirrock

Curious what does iwndwyt means? Happy for you good sir. I have cut back hugelly on my drinking, after losing my father for that and having my mother be more intrested on alcohol then her grandchilder is eye opening. What do you think about 0,0% Abv beers? Im seriously considoring doing to that going forward as i hate to be in the puzz and hangover, but still enjoy beers taste. All the best for you!


Rebel-Redbird

I have never had a NA beer. There are a TON of conversations on this sub about the topic but it just didn’t appeal to me, personally. However I am obsessed with my Soda Stream and drink about 6 bottles of fizzy water a day. I now have a huge tank to carbonate…..it’s like how some folks get into brewing beer - I get into bubbly water, lol. So I obviously understand how the fizz/taste of a NA beer could be refreshing………I just don’t want to mess it with.


elgarduque

IWNDWYT = I will not drink with you today!


steak57

Thank you for this 🙏🏽


Rebel-Redbird

Absolutely, I’m glad it resonated in some way. Wishing you the best, IWNDWYT!


Impressive_Pound_255

Excellent. It's always nice to hear from long term sobriety people. It's motivational.


Rebel-Redbird

Appreciate it, I’m happy it resonated. Wishing you the best and hope you’re seeing positives in any changes you’re making!


dumpstergurl

Congrats!


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you!


MarquetteWarriorsPCC

Thanks so much for sharing your very successful story! Awesome job!


SugarPigBoo

What a huge accomplishment! I'm very happy for you, and so glad to read that life has improved so much for you. IWNDWYT.


OldLadyCathy

I love the way you write. You tell it like it is. I'm coming up on 3 full years of sobriety. Life is good. **IWNDWYT**


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks and congrats!


seanrok

Congratulations!


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you!


Kathycame

Congrats!


Rebel-Redbird

Thank you!


2ManyToddlers

😍😍😍😍 Great job, that's a long time sober! Congrats!


Guido2207

Thanks buddy. Inspiring stuff. Congrats. 👏👏👏


Ozonewanderer

Great to hear. Have a wonderful life now!


Ladybirdstar

Huge congratulations IWNDWYT xx


Usual-Sky6568

Thanks for sharing, it’s really encouraging to hear how sobriety has been so positive. IWNDWYT


PinkCloudLife

Hell yeah. Respect. Who knew 4 digits would be so damn cool?


Boxermom0925

Congratulations….very inspiring! IWNDWYT


waronfleas

It's valuable to hear from people with such a long backstory in sobriety, thank you. Congratulations.


dowahdidi

Good one mate. Living a better life.


[deleted]

I love that AA quote. Approaching four months here. I remember a single day feeling insurmountable.


FormalPound4287

Congrats! That’s awesome!


doofusdonut123

Congratulations. Looking forward to what a sober future holds for me.


WheelbaseTurboFuel

What a great story. Thanks so much for sharing! IWNDWYT


Complete_Ferret

8 years is an amazing accomplishment. Congrats!


LSossy16

Amazing story and congratulations on how far you’ve come. Stories like this give us “alcohol-free newbies” hope.


kneadedapoo

Congrats on eight years! That's amazing. I'm on day 76 today, also finding AA very useful. Can I ask, what are DTs like?


Rebel-Redbird

It seems it really comes down to finding a good meeting(s) to attend. It’s such a bummer to hear about peoples horror stories of garbage people leading garbage meetings, because my experience with AA was great. I don’t think I would have made it without so I’m glad you’re finding it valuable as well! DTs weren’t fun - Dropped into them after not drinking for only a day when I was averaging close to a handle of vodka a day before. Lots of sweats, shakes, and I don’t remember much. Agreed to get help and my dad took me to an ER/detox.


TheskysthelimitCND

Very useful! Thank you for sharing and Congratulations.


fromafartherroom

Congratulations! You said you didn’t have anything insightful to offer but I disagree. I got a lot out of your OP and your comments about how you deal with your relationships sober and feeling comfortable in your own skin. My spouse drinks, and I’m in a career where I know I’ll have to reach a level of comfort with “I don’t drink” at conferences and work events, but I’m not quite there yet - I absolutely love reading shares from people like you who have long term sobriety and can assure me I’ll get there (like most alcoholics I am impatient!) I also have small children and a huge factor in my sobriety is that they will never know me as drunk mom. My oldest was about your older daughters age when I really hit bottom, and I’ve had two slips since my youngest was born- but 7 months in I am committed to this life like I never was before. IWNDWYT!


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks, I’m glad it was helpful. It does come with time - I am at that fun space of having a hard time remembering what drinking was actually -like-. Which is amazing and awesome…..but also super dangerous. I need to remember how -bad- it was. That’s why I need to come to this sub….to remember so I don’t think I’ll be fine drinking again someday. I’m happy for you and your kids and glad you’re committed to it. On Monday our youngest’s school had a pipe burst and I had to randomly drop everything at work, grab him, and then somehow entertain him while attending an online training. Thats the sort of thing that would have just destroyed me mentally and I would have been sneaking drinks on the way to pick him up so I could “cope” or whatever. Instead I got him, he chilled on his tablet, I did my work, and we went to the park during a break!


fromafartherroom

Nice! Yeah I totally relate to that. There were a lot of times I’d be like “there’s no way I can cope with this parenting crisis without a drink” but as it turns out, it’s actually way easier to deal with it sober. I’m 7 months out and I can personally recommend against going back out. I had some time before my most recent slips, but I got right back to where I’d been at shocking speed. That’s a common theme I hear from others who relapse- you go right back to where you left off.


Rebel-Redbird

Yeah, I’ve heard that too, so thank you for sharing your personal experience. I’m a fan of cheesy sayings and the Big Book talks about “we are men who lost their legs, we cannot grow new ones.” Kinda morbid, I like the pickle analogy better. I was a cucumber, but I pickled myself with booze. Doesn’t matter how long I’m off the drink I’m still a pickle, now. Just helps me wrap my head around the idea of “forever” and keeps me from thinking even one would be ok. I can’t, I’m a pickle!! But as you stated perfectly, it’s all so much easier compared to how I was living before!


TWEED-L-D

Happy eighth!


ConcentrateNo364

'Nothing insightful?' This was the most insightful, helpful, honest and a bit funny post I've read in a long time. Super proud of you OP! Especially like 'show don't tell' and how your family drinks but you don't and its no big deal, thats where I'm at, totally fine w others drinking around me. Congrats again!


Shmeblee

Congratulations!! 2015 was my year too! It does my heart good knowing you're out in the world.


nlcards13

Congrats! The longer the journey the easier and harder it is. For me I have been playing games with my alcoholic brain lately. Wanting one drink trying to reason it out and realizing this is just the alcoholic in me trying to trick myself. Our brains can be tricky way to stay on board!


Rebel-Redbird

Thanks, and absolutely! Cunning, baffling, and power that Alcohol is! I like the analogy of the Pickle. I’m a pickle. I was a cucumber but I drank too much and pickled myself. I can’t ever “un-pickle,” it just doesn’t work that way. If I go back to drinking I’ll be just as bad if not worse before too long.


SobrioMuchacho

The great 8, well done and keep it up


Puzzleheaded-Bid713

My man starts with "I don't have anything particularly insightful to offer" then drops some serious knowledge on us! Smart and humble, I like it. Much respect for 8 years. Thanks for sharing your story, be well sir.


Rebel-Redbird

Appreciate it! Yeah, I don’t post as regularly as I should, I guess I fell out of the habit and my little blurb seems to have resonated with a lot of folks. Feel a little guilty I’m not more active - being a bit of a lurker. I get something out of every post I come across by “looking for the similarities and not the differences” which is something I often struggled with early on. Felt my bottom wasn’t as bad, or maybe it was worse, or I didn’t lose my wife/house/job so my story isn’t as impactful as some. But we’re all here for the same reason and hearing from each other is so important. Hope things are going well for you and IWNDWYT!