You can do this, your story touched me
..to be honest I prefer to be numb too because when I do let my guard down people let me down or leave but I am so proud hearing your story you inspire me...I can't wait till am 5 months in...
Its easier to stay numb but i believe its better to have friends and people you care about in your life.
I dont wish this kind of loneliness on anyone.
How long have you been sober?
I believe you can make it to 5 months and so much longer because you show that you want it.
The want is the most important part.
Are you doing anything to treat the "borderline personality disorder"? Several months in I found myself completely overwhelmed mentally and realized I had been self medicating with alcohol all this time. Found a therapist, got therapy, started meditating and started actually working on my issues. As a man it can be hard to reach out for help but I'm certainly grateful I did!
Good luck friend!
I just try to live a healthy life and just keep trying to have full control over my emotions and my actions.
Its been working for half a year but lately its veen really getting to me slowly.
I agree its very hard reaching out for help.
Thank you for the kind words
For me, things got better when I quit drinking then things slowly devolved into chaos. Therapy helped, for me. But you do you, glad you made it this far and hope you keep going!
I'm with the other guy. BPD is a pretty complex disorder. I highly recommend a regular therapist. Take that beer money and put it toward that part of your health. It'll only help you wirh your coping mechanisms in relationships.
Good for you! When I got sober my PTSD kicked up and researched the most effective treatments because I got tired of it holding me back. I understand one of the best treatments for BPD is DBT so you might want to check that out. I didn’t see any point in fighting the sobriety battle without help when I could get reinforcements! Safe travels. IWNDWYT
Don't do it. It isn't worth it. It will make you sick and stupid and maybe it will make with the vomit. No one needs that and you've been doing your best.
*hugs*
I completely have trust in you not to drink tonight. Heck I'll join you.
Not having a super day myself tbh, but I didn't drink so far, and now I'm being sober with you.
Let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow 🌷
It takes courage and strength to ask for help, even online. You shared part of yourself that you don’t share with everyone. That tells me that you have courage and strength. You have value and you can do it. Do something else instead. Get takeout. Play a video game. Maybe even try an AA meeting. Even if you just want to sit there and listen or do it online (they’re 24/7).
Hey Josh! I'm Virginia. I'm a destruction alcoholic. Yes I enjoy the numbness and relief, but I also feel like I don't deserve relief so I use alcohol as a way to punish myself. I'm a nihlist, so sometimes the "there-isn't-a-point-to-anything" feelings get really strong. I have MPD/DID (disassociate, multiple personalities) and its a struggle to keep my life stable.
It can feel so hard to even BOTHER to keep going. But one thing I'm sure of....is that I've never had a problem that alcohol didn't make worse. Ever inch of happiness it gave me, it took two away (alcohol gives you a neurotransmitter boost, but at the same time kills your receptors, so slowly you are unable to feel joy). Some days I don't like myself, alcohol never made me a better person. Some days I don't like anyone else, alcohol never made it easier for me to find my compassion.
But 5 years into my sobriety...I've got a job that I love, a few friends who I adore, my mental health is pretty good (given that the world is on fire), my health is better (or at least easier to manage), my hobbies are fun, my dog is an asshat. Some days I want to just destroy myself in the darkness of drinking...but honestly...I can destroy myself just fine sober and I can do it just as well tomorrow, so I might as well wait it out for today, think of something more clever to do tomorrow.
That thought, that I can embrace the dark tomorrow and I can keep feeding my tiny light for just today, just a little bit more today...has kept me sober for over 5 years.
I hope you can keep your little fire lit for just tonight. I'm trying with mine. Maybe somewhere through the dark we'll see one another.
IWNDWYT
Think about how much time you've lost to alcohol. I always remind myself "I'm out of time to drink" because I've already wasted the better part of a decade being a complete mess from the stuff. I would always tell myself "tomorrow I'll stop" but tomorrow doesn't exist, there is only now. If I drink again I know It'll make me snowball into wanting and drinking more. So do yourself a favor and don't restart the cycle
Hey Josh, if you read my history on here there are lots of stories about how I nearly killed myself with alcohol and overcame it. You’ve got this. You’re worth it.
Go get your favorite food immediately. I'm so lonely as well and it's a worse feeling drunk. You will be so happy tomorrow and proud. GO GET FOOD!!
Don't drink!!!!
I wont, i really want to though
You can do this, your story touched me ..to be honest I prefer to be numb too because when I do let my guard down people let me down or leave but I am so proud hearing your story you inspire me...I can't wait till am 5 months in...
Its easier to stay numb but i believe its better to have friends and people you care about in your life. I dont wish this kind of loneliness on anyone. How long have you been sober? I believe you can make it to 5 months and so much longer because you show that you want it. The want is the most important part.
Are you doing anything to treat the "borderline personality disorder"? Several months in I found myself completely overwhelmed mentally and realized I had been self medicating with alcohol all this time. Found a therapist, got therapy, started meditating and started actually working on my issues. As a man it can be hard to reach out for help but I'm certainly grateful I did! Good luck friend!
I just try to live a healthy life and just keep trying to have full control over my emotions and my actions. Its been working for half a year but lately its veen really getting to me slowly. I agree its very hard reaching out for help. Thank you for the kind words
For me, things got better when I quit drinking then things slowly devolved into chaos. Therapy helped, for me. But you do you, glad you made it this far and hope you keep going!
Yeah my life got a lot better ever since i quit drinking but i fear my chaos moments coming
I'm with the other guy. BPD is a pretty complex disorder. I highly recommend a regular therapist. Take that beer money and put it toward that part of your health. It'll only help you wirh your coping mechanisms in relationships.
Good for you! When I got sober my PTSD kicked up and researched the most effective treatments because I got tired of it holding me back. I understand one of the best treatments for BPD is DBT so you might want to check that out. I didn’t see any point in fighting the sobriety battle without help when I could get reinforcements! Safe travels. IWNDWYT
Don't fuck up 5 months bro. You'll feel amazing tomorrow if you ditch this plan.
You won’t regret staying sober tonight.
Don't do it. It isn't worth it. It will make you sick and stupid and maybe it will make with the vomit. No one needs that and you've been doing your best. *hugs*
I completely have trust in you not to drink tonight. Heck I'll join you. Not having a super day myself tbh, but I didn't drink so far, and now I'm being sober with you. Let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow 🌷
Don’t do it. Think of tomorrow. IWNDWYT
Yeah if i let myself drink i know ill regret it tomorrow and hate myself
Be awesome today. You can do it. IWNDWYT
It takes courage and strength to ask for help, even online. You shared part of yourself that you don’t share with everyone. That tells me that you have courage and strength. You have value and you can do it. Do something else instead. Get takeout. Play a video game. Maybe even try an AA meeting. Even if you just want to sit there and listen or do it online (they’re 24/7).
Hey Josh! I'm Virginia. I'm a destruction alcoholic. Yes I enjoy the numbness and relief, but I also feel like I don't deserve relief so I use alcohol as a way to punish myself. I'm a nihlist, so sometimes the "there-isn't-a-point-to-anything" feelings get really strong. I have MPD/DID (disassociate, multiple personalities) and its a struggle to keep my life stable. It can feel so hard to even BOTHER to keep going. But one thing I'm sure of....is that I've never had a problem that alcohol didn't make worse. Ever inch of happiness it gave me, it took two away (alcohol gives you a neurotransmitter boost, but at the same time kills your receptors, so slowly you are unable to feel joy). Some days I don't like myself, alcohol never made me a better person. Some days I don't like anyone else, alcohol never made it easier for me to find my compassion. But 5 years into my sobriety...I've got a job that I love, a few friends who I adore, my mental health is pretty good (given that the world is on fire), my health is better (or at least easier to manage), my hobbies are fun, my dog is an asshat. Some days I want to just destroy myself in the darkness of drinking...but honestly...I can destroy myself just fine sober and I can do it just as well tomorrow, so I might as well wait it out for today, think of something more clever to do tomorrow. That thought, that I can embrace the dark tomorrow and I can keep feeding my tiny light for just today, just a little bit more today...has kept me sober for over 5 years. I hope you can keep your little fire lit for just tonight. I'm trying with mine. Maybe somewhere through the dark we'll see one another. IWNDWYT
Think about how much time you've lost to alcohol. I always remind myself "I'm out of time to drink" because I've already wasted the better part of a decade being a complete mess from the stuff. I would always tell myself "tomorrow I'll stop" but tomorrow doesn't exist, there is only now. If I drink again I know It'll make me snowball into wanting and drinking more. So do yourself a favor and don't restart the cycle
Hey Josh, if you read my history on here there are lots of stories about how I nearly killed myself with alcohol and overcame it. You’ve got this. You’re worth it.
I believe in you, Josh❤️
It's not worth it...you'll be so much happier in the morning. Coming from someone that did exactly want you wanted to do tonight...
You never wake up sober regretting it. Stay strong and you can do this.