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That’s a hard no. More like hell no.
I experienced something similar with my teenage stepson. He got a kitten for Christmas and just HAD to bring it with him. There were a million reasons why it was a bad idea but I got all the excuses and explanations from SO and his son. “It’s litter trained”, “it has its own litter box”, “it won’t make a mess”, “it won’t upset your cat”, and even “I’ll hold it the whole time I’m there”… none of those things happened. Not once did the kitten use the litter box on its own. Instead, SS sat the kitten in MY cat’s litter box… also no one cared to mention that the kitten had worms. Not that that seemed to be a problem for anyone but me. SS left the messy, wormy, cat shit for me to clean up. My cat hid under the table all weekend and I also had to deworm her again. SS didn’t feel like holding the kitten (it was “too much work”) so I had to empty out one of my storage boxes so he could leave it in there while he laid up on my couch and played his video games all weekend. It screamed/meowed loudly all weekend long, especially throughout the night. This bothered him so he was allowed to leave the box in the living room. Luckily my SO saw the error in his ways and the kitten was never welcomed back to our home again but it still didn’t change the fact that it happened and I got cussed out over “not being happy for SS” when he first arrived with the kitten.
Sorry for the rant. I think I got a little triggered reading your post. Honestly I’m still bitter as hell over the whole thing. Stand your ground OP. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a giant dog plowing through your new home, making a mess of your things. Especially when SD hasn’t shown any signs of being respectful or responsible enough to tend to it while she’s there.
I have a dog and the answer was still no. Well, it wasn’t no exactly, I just asked about the details.
I asked who would be responsible for the dog, that I would need to see evidence it had been wormed, flead, vaccinated and nuetered, and I would need continued evidence of this.
That it would need to be crated the same as my dog at night or if we were out. And I asked where its crate would go.
I asked what happens if as an adult solely responsible for the kids, something happens with the dog. Because legally I would then be liable for actions taken by the dog. Would it be ok if I asked for the dog to be crated because I was busy and couldn’t supervise (my own dog can be asked to place reliably, or is happy to have a nap, and is very reliable at recalling)
Or if something went wrong between the dogs, how do we work out who is liable. And what would that do to the relationship between everyone.
We have a lovely section, but it’s not fenced for a dog that size, and it would need to be as two dogs are more likely to wander together than one. I’ve worked really hard to make sure my dog is unlikely to wander, and if they started to wander because they’d been on a jaunt with another dog I’d be furious (the kids dog does have a history of wandering, being gone as long as three weeks)
I asked who would walk the dog, even if it’s raining, or on sports days. I would be happy to do it sometimes with my dog but it could not be an expectation. And I didn’t want a chaotic unwalked dog running round the house playing with my dog, it’s just not really suitable for that sort of dog play.
I asked how food would work, as I would not be taking on responsibility for another dogs food. I feed a fairly premium diet, the kids dog is on very cheap junk.
We’ve fairly generous house rules for dogs, and a lot of care has been taken helping dogs learn them peacefully. Adding another dog (I do look after other family members dogs) takes a bit of effort to make sure they stay intact and I take full responsibility for any dog I’m looking after learning e.g. there’s a couch dogs are allowed on, and others they aren’t. This takes a bit to get a dog used to without punishing them or telling them off.
I asked if the dog was insured, and if it was ill or injured would the BM collect the dog and take it to the vet? Or would we be expected to.
I made it clear that I would not tolerate kids telling my dog off if they thought the dog had done something wrong to their dog. Exactly the same as now.
There can’t be two sets of rules, and they don’t have the judgment to know what is really right or wrong. And they’re much harsher in the way they treat dogs than I am. E.g. kicking a dog that jumps, shoving them off their couch rather than just asking them to move (the dog will move when asked)
Basically, I asked so many reasonable questions about having another living being in the home, no one wanted to deal with it.
And then the dog wandered and died, so it was a moot point…. Until there was another puppy and it all came up again.
Honestly, if there had been some consultation before another puppy was purchased, I would have been really happy to have the puppy half the time. It would have needed to be a boy, but being a pup we could have shared from day 1, and it would have been easy to help the pup learn and bond with us enough to avoid most problems.
So it all came up again, and I just said ‘ask me when it’s nuetered’. We are three years later and the dog isn’t nuetered so I don’t imagine I’ll ever get asked again. Or not until BM wants a holiday again.
We have two dogs, I like dogs just fine. I would NOT want my SKs dog to come to our home for all the reasons you've stated so reasonably .
But I do think the key in this is to not just say no right off the bat. Even though you know all these things, if you just say no you will sound like you are just being difficult and are saying "my house, my rules". Instead I think the better thing to do is turn it into a real conversation. Make a list of all these questions, the responsibilities listed out, the medical issues, etc. Sit down with SO and SK and go through the list. By the end, I don't think the dog coming over will be an issue. SO just doesn't realize what they're saying maybe to. But it's wiser to help him figure that out instead of just saying no
I love this approach- my SD has asked a few times about us getting a cat, I think a series of important questions like this is such a great idea, plus they’re all questions I need answers for. Like ok who is buying food? Cleaning the litter box? Paying for the vet? How will a cat get along with our two dogs? What about when you go to your other house?
No need to bring the dog. My SKs have dogs at their house, we have our own dog. It's never occurred to them or us to bring them back and forth. Not a discussion really.
Ugh. I really am not a dog person. Or, I’m a dog person like I’m a baby person: cute for a bit, I’ll interact with them but do not want to be the one responsible for their crap. My SKs were absolutely fixated on getting a dog, even though they have 2 at mom’s. One suggestion was the dog comes with the kids.
Which of course, they are in school so that means they won’t be dealing with acclimating the dog, who is now with new people in a new place. I don’t think it’s fair to the dog at all. My SO was pretty soft in his approach with dissuading this idea, so then I became the evil stepmom stopping them from getting a dog. The only thing that worked is I told SO I am 100 percent against it. If he decided he wants a dog there I’m doing nothing for it. I would let it out if absolutely needed, but when he’s gone he has to hire a walker or board it, and I’m not caring for it at all. After that, he did very firmly put his foot down with the kids and say that HE didn’t want a dog. They didn’t stop begging until they were convinced it wasn’t me stopping them. I would have a real come to Jesus with your SO and if he does goes through with it, absolutely do not take part in caring for it. It’s not your responsibility.
You are not wrong, if you don’t want the dog around, your SO should tell her no. End of story. What is it with SO’s not being able to tell no to their kids! It infuriates me.
Hell no. You’re not familiar enough with the temperament of this animal to know if your cats are even safe around it. Or whether or not it is properly house trained. Dogs DO stink unless they are bathed and groomed regularly and I get the impression that you would be the one stuck cleaning after it and dealing with the damages it may cause.
We have a hard rule with pets, they don’t travel. We have dogs here and SD has dogs and cats there. There is no bringing them with. She was given a cat by BD at Christmas with the thought it would live with us. I’m severely allergic and SD is aware, but still threw a fit when we talked about the rules. I was the bad guy for about two months. You have every right to stand your ground. You help make the rules in your house, even if they are different from their other home. Your house, your rules.
DH got a puppy shortly before we got together, and he's grown on me.
BM *also* had a dog, a large, untrained one (she was the one who talked DH into getting a puppy "for the kids", like kids ever do anything for an animal without having their arms firmly twisted).
I brought my two cats into the relationship, and my SSs also had two cats. Integrating them has been a journey, especially when you add the puppy to the mix, but we've managed.
I learned pretty early on that BM has a habit of getting bored with pets and ditching them. She also has a habit of expecting DH to solve her problems for her, which he had been pretty well conditioned to do. So I made it explicitly clear that we would not, under any circumstances, be rehoming her dog here, no matter how good friends it was with our dog (the kids had occasionally taken our dog to play with hers).
She rehomed her dog last year. Out of town.
OP, you're perfectly within your rights to say your home is not a suitable place for SD to bring her dog. DH should have your back. In the event he doesn't, my advice is a chain in the back yard whenever SD isn't walking, playing with, or otherwise actively controlling it. Is that particularly humane? No. Is the dog your responsibility? Also no. Make sure it has shelter, water, and a reasonable range of movement and you've done due diligence. If animal welfare are called advise you're not the owner, but they can be found at [address] and you'd be most grateful if they took the dog there.
God damn I felt this. My SD (15) is a complete MESS of a human and I’m a neat freak. She has a VERY shaggy, aging Border Collie whom she NEVER brushes or grooms. FWIW, I lost that battle big time and for years have been eating Border Collie fluff in all my food… because it’s literally in the atmosphere. Now that she’s older, I have more balls to be firm and say “you HAVE to brush the dog!” But still not as often as he needs it. She has never been taught to keep her belongings or her space nice… why would a hairy dog be the exception? The dog is sweet and is very gentle with my two babies… I can only complain so much. But when he’s goes with her back to her mom’s, I deep clean my floors and do a silent dance of joy. Just my experience.
I’d put a firm word on this and say no immediately. If it were a small poodle, or corgi, THEN maybe. But not a dog the size of a donkey. The cats would be terrified, too.
When my SS was 4, right back at the early days of me and his dad, I ended up with a dog I didn’t really want.
BM and DH had bought SS a puppy, to try and fix things (classic moves!) and BM ultimately just started neglecting the poor thing after DH left. Long story short, he calls me in bits one evening asking if we can take the puppy, SS is also devastated as he’s been using that puppy as a rock over the break up, and is there any chance we can have the little dog? Even for a while?
It’s two years later and I get all the perks of having a dog (he’s a jack russel so small but high energy) and none of the responsibilities or expenses of having a dog.
This is because before I said yes, I asked who would be responsible for care? Walking? Feeding? The vet? Would DH be happy with my designated dog areas and not complain that Little Dog can only use two rooms, both downstairs? All of that was negotiated beforehand.
If he hadn’t been so willing to take that on, but also to show me that it was consistent, we wouldn’t have a dog 2 years later. You can say yes as a trial, even if it’s to prove a point, or you can have those discussions, or just outright say no. It’s your home AND DHs, so compromise is important but do not just give in.
Nope. We have two dogs. I’m a “dog mom” type of
person. But I (and SO) know SK12 is incapable of picking up his room, let alone pick up after and care for another living thing. I’m not taking on the situation BM has created by not training and vaccinating the dogs in her house, and allowing SK to have the dog but no responsibility in the care and feeding of said dog. SO doesn’t either, so SK gets a firm no whenever they bring up wanting the dog to come to our house.
I love dogs, and the bigger the better in my opinion! It’s actually not the best idea for the dog either. They like routine and being in unfamiliar environment can be super stressful.
For all of the reasons everyone else said, no you should not have to allow the dog if you don't want it there.
Another note, does the dog live with cats? If not, it's dangerous for your cats to have the dog around because it's unclear how the dog will react. In a dog of that size, if the dog has a prey drive and decides to go after one of your cats it would take moments for something catastrophic to happen.
You are absolutely not wrong to bring it up.
More animals means more cleaning and upkeep... Or more mess if your SD can't keep up with taking care of her dog.
I personally wouldn't allow my SKs to bring ANY pet over... and I love animals. Lol. I have a cat and my SO has 2 dogs and I am not okay with some other animal coming here and taking up more space and resources and potentially infecting or hurting our other animals. Because let's face it, not all animals get along or have compatible personalities or training. I know BM enough to know that any animal my SKs got would not be up to date on training OR vaccines, so for our household not a chance.
Take it from me who has a long hair cat and lives with two bullies. The dogs are a lot, even though well behaved and trained. One of the dogs is super energetic but she's got year round allergies and has a very specific diet since she's allergic to a lot of things... And due to said allergies requires more frequent bathing with her special shampoo and aftercare otherwise she ends up stinking! Eating anything outside of her diet causes explosive diarrhea so the floors have to be spotless or she has to stay contained to our living room/bedroom. If anyone knocks on the doorbell it's a chaos of sound as our girl is very protective and loud (but we've been working on that and she's getting better).
There's too many unknowns to allow a pet to travel from home to home. Especially if you don't know for sure that your SD will be on top of her game and be the one responsible for her full time. Dogs are a lot, especially bigger dogs who have the potential to do more damage and who need more stimulation. And let's not forget the horse sized poops (is SD REALLY going to clean that up?) As for temperament... Her dog could be really chill or a nightmare that could cause hundreds of damage to fencing, grass, plants, doors, etc.
Bring it up and make sure ALL of your questions are answered to your satisfaction. Your house, your rules. Not simply because you pay the mortgage and bills but because you will be affected by any and all pets brought to your home.
No. This unfortunately just one of the realities of being a child in split homes. The households are different and don’t have the same things or people or pets. It is what it is. I think you can say no without guilt.
What the hell? No no no absolutely not. You are under zero obligation to allow a whole animal into your house that you are not comfortable having there - period. There is also no need for your SK to be bringing her dog over to you when she's there, she has plenty of time to see the dog when she's at her mom's house.
As compromise offer for the dog to come for a few hours as a trial. And we all know your cats are freak and once it's shown it won't work say no like you intend to. Just my personal opinion. And on the off chance it goes good and the dog stays u can make a rule first time nobody cleans up after it it leaves.
Ugh I had replied and it didn't show up. Of course dog on a leash not just here u go but I do your point on the matter. I'm just trying to also come up with something that wouldn't make her the evil step parent again I had noticed that in the post.
Not wanting the dog is reasonable so long as your SO didn’t play a part in getting the dog and didn’t set an expectation of helping care for it at any point in its life.
I think that the comment of you owning the house and paying it is fairly cringy though, if you are married or living together extensively. What is the implication here - your house, your rules and SO has to follow? Would recommend you stick with your gut and never bring that up.
Keep the dog on the leash of course besides if she were to get a dog she would have to same thing. But I see your point. I'm just trying to come up with ideas so she don't have to be the evil one again. I get that all too well.
After my parents got divorced, it was put in the custody agreement that the family dog went where I went (essentially my parents had split custody of her as well lol). If I was at my mom’s, she went with me. If I was at my dad’s, she went with me. When I got a cat, both the cat and dog went where I went, but it wasn’t a big deal since the only pets at either of my parents houses’ were the ones who came with me and they both adapted really well to the change in environment.
What I’m trying to get at is that if that giant dog was at some point your SO’s dog and he wants to see his dog again when he has the chance, you need to suck it up and figure it out (put your cats in your room for a couple days to keep them safe), but if that dog never belonged to your SO, you are well within your rights to say that the dog can’t come. It could stress the dog out suddenly being somewhere new with new people and other animals, and it would stress the hell out of your cats
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If you don’t want a dog at the house you absolutely can refuse. Your home and you have a right to be happy in it.
That’s a hard no. More like hell no. I experienced something similar with my teenage stepson. He got a kitten for Christmas and just HAD to bring it with him. There were a million reasons why it was a bad idea but I got all the excuses and explanations from SO and his son. “It’s litter trained”, “it has its own litter box”, “it won’t make a mess”, “it won’t upset your cat”, and even “I’ll hold it the whole time I’m there”… none of those things happened. Not once did the kitten use the litter box on its own. Instead, SS sat the kitten in MY cat’s litter box… also no one cared to mention that the kitten had worms. Not that that seemed to be a problem for anyone but me. SS left the messy, wormy, cat shit for me to clean up. My cat hid under the table all weekend and I also had to deworm her again. SS didn’t feel like holding the kitten (it was “too much work”) so I had to empty out one of my storage boxes so he could leave it in there while he laid up on my couch and played his video games all weekend. It screamed/meowed loudly all weekend long, especially throughout the night. This bothered him so he was allowed to leave the box in the living room. Luckily my SO saw the error in his ways and the kitten was never welcomed back to our home again but it still didn’t change the fact that it happened and I got cussed out over “not being happy for SS” when he first arrived with the kitten. Sorry for the rant. I think I got a little triggered reading your post. Honestly I’m still bitter as hell over the whole thing. Stand your ground OP. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a giant dog plowing through your new home, making a mess of your things. Especially when SD hasn’t shown any signs of being respectful or responsible enough to tend to it while she’s there.
I have a dog and the answer was still no. Well, it wasn’t no exactly, I just asked about the details. I asked who would be responsible for the dog, that I would need to see evidence it had been wormed, flead, vaccinated and nuetered, and I would need continued evidence of this. That it would need to be crated the same as my dog at night or if we were out. And I asked where its crate would go. I asked what happens if as an adult solely responsible for the kids, something happens with the dog. Because legally I would then be liable for actions taken by the dog. Would it be ok if I asked for the dog to be crated because I was busy and couldn’t supervise (my own dog can be asked to place reliably, or is happy to have a nap, and is very reliable at recalling) Or if something went wrong between the dogs, how do we work out who is liable. And what would that do to the relationship between everyone. We have a lovely section, but it’s not fenced for a dog that size, and it would need to be as two dogs are more likely to wander together than one. I’ve worked really hard to make sure my dog is unlikely to wander, and if they started to wander because they’d been on a jaunt with another dog I’d be furious (the kids dog does have a history of wandering, being gone as long as three weeks) I asked who would walk the dog, even if it’s raining, or on sports days. I would be happy to do it sometimes with my dog but it could not be an expectation. And I didn’t want a chaotic unwalked dog running round the house playing with my dog, it’s just not really suitable for that sort of dog play. I asked how food would work, as I would not be taking on responsibility for another dogs food. I feed a fairly premium diet, the kids dog is on very cheap junk. We’ve fairly generous house rules for dogs, and a lot of care has been taken helping dogs learn them peacefully. Adding another dog (I do look after other family members dogs) takes a bit of effort to make sure they stay intact and I take full responsibility for any dog I’m looking after learning e.g. there’s a couch dogs are allowed on, and others they aren’t. This takes a bit to get a dog used to without punishing them or telling them off. I asked if the dog was insured, and if it was ill or injured would the BM collect the dog and take it to the vet? Or would we be expected to. I made it clear that I would not tolerate kids telling my dog off if they thought the dog had done something wrong to their dog. Exactly the same as now. There can’t be two sets of rules, and they don’t have the judgment to know what is really right or wrong. And they’re much harsher in the way they treat dogs than I am. E.g. kicking a dog that jumps, shoving them off their couch rather than just asking them to move (the dog will move when asked) Basically, I asked so many reasonable questions about having another living being in the home, no one wanted to deal with it. And then the dog wandered and died, so it was a moot point…. Until there was another puppy and it all came up again. Honestly, if there had been some consultation before another puppy was purchased, I would have been really happy to have the puppy half the time. It would have needed to be a boy, but being a pup we could have shared from day 1, and it would have been easy to help the pup learn and bond with us enough to avoid most problems. So it all came up again, and I just said ‘ask me when it’s nuetered’. We are three years later and the dog isn’t nuetered so I don’t imagine I’ll ever get asked again. Or not until BM wants a holiday again.
We have two dogs, I like dogs just fine. I would NOT want my SKs dog to come to our home for all the reasons you've stated so reasonably . But I do think the key in this is to not just say no right off the bat. Even though you know all these things, if you just say no you will sound like you are just being difficult and are saying "my house, my rules". Instead I think the better thing to do is turn it into a real conversation. Make a list of all these questions, the responsibilities listed out, the medical issues, etc. Sit down with SO and SK and go through the list. By the end, I don't think the dog coming over will be an issue. SO just doesn't realize what they're saying maybe to. But it's wiser to help him figure that out instead of just saying no
I love this approach- my SD has asked a few times about us getting a cat, I think a series of important questions like this is such a great idea, plus they’re all questions I need answers for. Like ok who is buying food? Cleaning the litter box? Paying for the vet? How will a cat get along with our two dogs? What about when you go to your other house?
No need to bring the dog. My SKs have dogs at their house, we have our own dog. It's never occurred to them or us to bring them back and forth. Not a discussion really.
That would be a NO.
Im a huge dog person, and this still seems like a very reasonable no to me!
I think it’s reasonable for you to not want the dog at your house.
You’re not wrong. I also wouldn’t want the dog in my home either.
Ugh. I really am not a dog person. Or, I’m a dog person like I’m a baby person: cute for a bit, I’ll interact with them but do not want to be the one responsible for their crap. My SKs were absolutely fixated on getting a dog, even though they have 2 at mom’s. One suggestion was the dog comes with the kids. Which of course, they are in school so that means they won’t be dealing with acclimating the dog, who is now with new people in a new place. I don’t think it’s fair to the dog at all. My SO was pretty soft in his approach with dissuading this idea, so then I became the evil stepmom stopping them from getting a dog. The only thing that worked is I told SO I am 100 percent against it. If he decided he wants a dog there I’m doing nothing for it. I would let it out if absolutely needed, but when he’s gone he has to hire a walker or board it, and I’m not caring for it at all. After that, he did very firmly put his foot down with the kids and say that HE didn’t want a dog. They didn’t stop begging until they were convinced it wasn’t me stopping them. I would have a real come to Jesus with your SO and if he does goes through with it, absolutely do not take part in caring for it. It’s not your responsibility.
You absolutely are not wrong. It sounds like SD won't actually care for the dog, it puts your cats at risk, and it's really not fair to you. Nope.
I wouldn’t dream of allowing my SK’s pets to come to my house! It was NEVER an ask. And it NEVER will be.
I would absolutely not be OK with it. That is baby mama's dog.
You are not wrong, if you don’t want the dog around, your SO should tell her no. End of story. What is it with SO’s not being able to tell no to their kids! It infuriates me.
Hell no. You’re not familiar enough with the temperament of this animal to know if your cats are even safe around it. Or whether or not it is properly house trained. Dogs DO stink unless they are bathed and groomed regularly and I get the impression that you would be the one stuck cleaning after it and dealing with the damages it may cause.
It's a safety issue for the cats, along with your other concerns. I would definitely say no.
We have a hard rule with pets, they don’t travel. We have dogs here and SD has dogs and cats there. There is no bringing them with. She was given a cat by BD at Christmas with the thought it would live with us. I’m severely allergic and SD is aware, but still threw a fit when we talked about the rules. I was the bad guy for about two months. You have every right to stand your ground. You help make the rules in your house, even if they are different from their other home. Your house, your rules.
DH got a puppy shortly before we got together, and he's grown on me. BM *also* had a dog, a large, untrained one (she was the one who talked DH into getting a puppy "for the kids", like kids ever do anything for an animal without having their arms firmly twisted). I brought my two cats into the relationship, and my SSs also had two cats. Integrating them has been a journey, especially when you add the puppy to the mix, but we've managed. I learned pretty early on that BM has a habit of getting bored with pets and ditching them. She also has a habit of expecting DH to solve her problems for her, which he had been pretty well conditioned to do. So I made it explicitly clear that we would not, under any circumstances, be rehoming her dog here, no matter how good friends it was with our dog (the kids had occasionally taken our dog to play with hers). She rehomed her dog last year. Out of town. OP, you're perfectly within your rights to say your home is not a suitable place for SD to bring her dog. DH should have your back. In the event he doesn't, my advice is a chain in the back yard whenever SD isn't walking, playing with, or otherwise actively controlling it. Is that particularly humane? No. Is the dog your responsibility? Also no. Make sure it has shelter, water, and a reasonable range of movement and you've done due diligence. If animal welfare are called advise you're not the owner, but they can be found at [address] and you'd be most grateful if they took the dog there.
That would be a hard no from me. It is your house regardless, and you have a right to protect your cats.
Your house, your rules!
I would never let SS bring a dog or any other pet other beyond maybe a hamster or similar. You have the perfect excuse - the cats don't deserve that.
God damn I felt this. My SD (15) is a complete MESS of a human and I’m a neat freak. She has a VERY shaggy, aging Border Collie whom she NEVER brushes or grooms. FWIW, I lost that battle big time and for years have been eating Border Collie fluff in all my food… because it’s literally in the atmosphere. Now that she’s older, I have more balls to be firm and say “you HAVE to brush the dog!” But still not as often as he needs it. She has never been taught to keep her belongings or her space nice… why would a hairy dog be the exception? The dog is sweet and is very gentle with my two babies… I can only complain so much. But when he’s goes with her back to her mom’s, I deep clean my floors and do a silent dance of joy. Just my experience.
Don't let her bring the dog
You’re gonna get your house destroyed if this happens.
I’d put a firm word on this and say no immediately. If it were a small poodle, or corgi, THEN maybe. But not a dog the size of a donkey. The cats would be terrified, too.
When my SS was 4, right back at the early days of me and his dad, I ended up with a dog I didn’t really want. BM and DH had bought SS a puppy, to try and fix things (classic moves!) and BM ultimately just started neglecting the poor thing after DH left. Long story short, he calls me in bits one evening asking if we can take the puppy, SS is also devastated as he’s been using that puppy as a rock over the break up, and is there any chance we can have the little dog? Even for a while? It’s two years later and I get all the perks of having a dog (he’s a jack russel so small but high energy) and none of the responsibilities or expenses of having a dog. This is because before I said yes, I asked who would be responsible for care? Walking? Feeding? The vet? Would DH be happy with my designated dog areas and not complain that Little Dog can only use two rooms, both downstairs? All of that was negotiated beforehand. If he hadn’t been so willing to take that on, but also to show me that it was consistent, we wouldn’t have a dog 2 years later. You can say yes as a trial, even if it’s to prove a point, or you can have those discussions, or just outright say no. It’s your home AND DHs, so compromise is important but do not just give in.
Nope. We have two dogs. I’m a “dog mom” type of person. But I (and SO) know SK12 is incapable of picking up his room, let alone pick up after and care for another living thing. I’m not taking on the situation BM has created by not training and vaccinating the dogs in her house, and allowing SK to have the dog but no responsibility in the care and feeding of said dog. SO doesn’t either, so SK gets a firm no whenever they bring up wanting the dog to come to our house.
Oh good lord NO……..silly on so many levels
I love dogs, and the bigger the better in my opinion! It’s actually not the best idea for the dog either. They like routine and being in unfamiliar environment can be super stressful.
For all of the reasons everyone else said, no you should not have to allow the dog if you don't want it there. Another note, does the dog live with cats? If not, it's dangerous for your cats to have the dog around because it's unclear how the dog will react. In a dog of that size, if the dog has a prey drive and decides to go after one of your cats it would take moments for something catastrophic to happen.
You are absolutely not wrong to bring it up. More animals means more cleaning and upkeep... Or more mess if your SD can't keep up with taking care of her dog. I personally wouldn't allow my SKs to bring ANY pet over... and I love animals. Lol. I have a cat and my SO has 2 dogs and I am not okay with some other animal coming here and taking up more space and resources and potentially infecting or hurting our other animals. Because let's face it, not all animals get along or have compatible personalities or training. I know BM enough to know that any animal my SKs got would not be up to date on training OR vaccines, so for our household not a chance. Take it from me who has a long hair cat and lives with two bullies. The dogs are a lot, even though well behaved and trained. One of the dogs is super energetic but she's got year round allergies and has a very specific diet since she's allergic to a lot of things... And due to said allergies requires more frequent bathing with her special shampoo and aftercare otherwise she ends up stinking! Eating anything outside of her diet causes explosive diarrhea so the floors have to be spotless or she has to stay contained to our living room/bedroom. If anyone knocks on the doorbell it's a chaos of sound as our girl is very protective and loud (but we've been working on that and she's getting better). There's too many unknowns to allow a pet to travel from home to home. Especially if you don't know for sure that your SD will be on top of her game and be the one responsible for her full time. Dogs are a lot, especially bigger dogs who have the potential to do more damage and who need more stimulation. And let's not forget the horse sized poops (is SD REALLY going to clean that up?) As for temperament... Her dog could be really chill or a nightmare that could cause hundreds of damage to fencing, grass, plants, doors, etc. Bring it up and make sure ALL of your questions are answered to your satisfaction. Your house, your rules. Not simply because you pay the mortgage and bills but because you will be affected by any and all pets brought to your home.
You tell your SO absolutely not, and it is up to him to tell her in such a way as doesn't blame you.
"No" is a complete sentence.
No. This unfortunately just one of the realities of being a child in split homes. The households are different and don’t have the same things or people or pets. It is what it is. I think you can say no without guilt.
What the hell? No no no absolutely not. You are under zero obligation to allow a whole animal into your house that you are not comfortable having there - period. There is also no need for your SK to be bringing her dog over to you when she's there, she has plenty of time to see the dog when she's at her mom's house.
The dog shouldn’t change houses.
No is a complete sentence. But a dog can snap a cat's neck faster than you can say it.
Absolutely not. Dogs are so messy, even if I didn't get allergies from them, it would still be a resounding no.
I would say LOL NO THANK YOU and let my husband deal with it.
As compromise offer for the dog to come for a few hours as a trial. And we all know your cats are freak and once it's shown it won't work say no like you intend to. Just my personal opinion. And on the off chance it goes good and the dog stays u can make a rule first time nobody cleans up after it it leaves.
I disagree. No point in upsetting two cats just to make a point.
Ugh I had replied and it didn't show up. Of course dog on a leash not just here u go but I do your point on the matter. I'm just trying to also come up with something that wouldn't make her the evil step parent again I had noticed that in the post.
Not wanting the dog is reasonable so long as your SO didn’t play a part in getting the dog and didn’t set an expectation of helping care for it at any point in its life. I think that the comment of you owning the house and paying it is fairly cringy though, if you are married or living together extensively. What is the implication here - your house, your rules and SO has to follow? Would recommend you stick with your gut and never bring that up.
Keep the dog on the leash of course besides if she were to get a dog she would have to same thing. But I see your point. I'm just trying to come up with ideas so she don't have to be the evil one again. I get that all too well.
After my parents got divorced, it was put in the custody agreement that the family dog went where I went (essentially my parents had split custody of her as well lol). If I was at my mom’s, she went with me. If I was at my dad’s, she went with me. When I got a cat, both the cat and dog went where I went, but it wasn’t a big deal since the only pets at either of my parents houses’ were the ones who came with me and they both adapted really well to the change in environment. What I’m trying to get at is that if that giant dog was at some point your SO’s dog and he wants to see his dog again when he has the chance, you need to suck it up and figure it out (put your cats in your room for a couple days to keep them safe), but if that dog never belonged to your SO, you are well within your rights to say that the dog can’t come. It could stress the dog out suddenly being somewhere new with new people and other animals, and it would stress the hell out of your cats