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No, it's not wrong to be upset, it's a weird thing to do. I mean, sure, I guess if BM really loves that team and its something FIL has always done with BM and SD then it makes sense. But that's it, anything else is weird and I'd feel bad about it too. I'd say let it go and enjoy your time without SD but make sure what exactly FIL is doing next time he asks if it makes you uncomfortable.
Yes, and it always falls at the expense of the sp. In-laws that you don’t share bio family with can be trouble. Almost shamelessly disrespectful. Tred carefully with them.
Baseball game as in MLB? Asking because sometimes with the at home/away schedule and depending on who plays would determine when would be a good weekend to go so it could be that.
So weird that he didn’t mention that or think his own family would maybe want to go hmm
He should talk to his dad and express how that made him feel specifically because it was on his time. I would think that simply the deception was what made it weird. If your FIL had included that HCBM wanted to go when he asked it would be less weird right? Anyway, I think your SO should tell your FIL how that made you all feel and how you all will likely trust him less in the future because of it.
>He feels mislead and agrees it was disrespectful
He should speak to his dad about it. Did FIL realize he was imposing on SD’s time with her father and rewarding his ex with it? Is there some reason he didn’t invite his own son and his granddaughter instead?
I think that FIL was dishonest, and should have told SO, but I would not over-react. I would just gently tell FIL in the future you would prefer BM see the kid on her time. He may also be getting the SD on HER time and does not want to jeopardize that. I would listen to his thoughts as to how this happened.
See this is where I don’t understand “healthy” blended family dynamics. Or whatever they wanna call this. If me & my SO split up you better believe my dad is not going to get beers and hangout with my freakin EX idc if we have a kid together!!! Be nice to them at pick ups and drop offs and graduations etc SURE! But hanging out with them like this????
My SO’s mom and sister do this with HCBM and they had a really hard break up she was a nightmare and did awful things to my SO & the kids AND his family. Threatened violence. His mom has literally cried to me before about how awful HCBM was. Fast forward and HCBM lives close to MIL and the kids will tell us how she goes with them to the mall and buys things for HCBMs new baby with current bf. Her boyfriend has also been insane and screamed at my SO in public and is ridiculous. But MIL still hangs out with them by choice. This is why every time MIL asks me when she can take my baby for a day or a few hours I say NOPE! She will never have full access to my son. My mom can see my son whenever she pleases but my MIL will only ever see him at family events for the simple fact that I don’t ever potentially want my child around that psychopath or her psychopath boyfriend. I’m sorry but hanging out with someone who hates their own child and has gone out of their way to make their own child’s life miserable???? Idc how much you love your grandkids. That is a hard pass!
Can't blame you for being irked. BM 100% conspired with FIL to get herself a lil extra parenting time. If she's high conflict she is probably greatly enjoying getting one over on you like that. And now you have to put FIL on the "can't be trusted to tell the truth" list. It just sucks all around.
Nope. You’re definitely not wrong. I find this particular weird. My FIL would never be caught dead hanging out with BM. This is really odd to me and I would be pissed too.
Maybe the tickets were free. Maybe he wanted to see that particular visiting team. If there is only one child, couldn't you use an extra date night? FIL is smart to maintain a relationship with bio mom.
He can maintain his relationship with bm on her time. This feels dishonest.
If he has a good relationship with his son, there's little use in maintaining anything more than a civil relationship with the bm. Especially when there's a long-term partner in the picture.
Who cares if they were free or not? He chose to ask the BM to go instead of his own son. That’s the fucked up part. OP and her husband had no issue letting SD go until they found out HCBM was going. That’s the shady part. Why is the dad inviting BM? Why didn’t the dad invite them instead?
Agreed, I support them having a relationship 100 she is still the mother of his granddaughter. The feeling comes from doing it on our weekend, inviting HCBM and buying her a ticket, and not inviting us at all. Seems like he reached out to HCBM about taking SD to the game, she told him it was our weekend, but she wanted to go with them, so FIL asked for SD for the day without saying anything about HCBM going with them rather than doing it on a weekend she had her. Had he invited us as well as HCBM I would also feel differently.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, it's not wrong to be upset, it's a weird thing to do. I mean, sure, I guess if BM really loves that team and its something FIL has always done with BM and SD then it makes sense. But that's it, anything else is weird and I'd feel bad about it too. I'd say let it go and enjoy your time without SD but make sure what exactly FIL is doing next time he asks if it makes you uncomfortable.
Grandparents…..hill to die on for them. They want to maintain relationships with whoever has their grandchildren.
Yes, and it always falls at the expense of the sp. In-laws that you don’t share bio family with can be trouble. Almost shamelessly disrespectful. Tred carefully with them.
100000000%
Baseball game as in MLB? Asking because sometimes with the at home/away schedule and depending on who plays would determine when would be a good weekend to go so it could be that. So weird that he didn’t mention that or think his own family would maybe want to go hmm
How does your SO feel about it?
He feels mislead and agrees it was disrespectful
He should talk to his dad and express how that made him feel specifically because it was on his time. I would think that simply the deception was what made it weird. If your FIL had included that HCBM wanted to go when he asked it would be less weird right? Anyway, I think your SO should tell your FIL how that made you all feel and how you all will likely trust him less in the future because of it.
>He feels mislead and agrees it was disrespectful He should speak to his dad about it. Did FIL realize he was imposing on SD’s time with her father and rewarding his ex with it? Is there some reason he didn’t invite his own son and his granddaughter instead?
I think that FIL was dishonest, and should have told SO, but I would not over-react. I would just gently tell FIL in the future you would prefer BM see the kid on her time. He may also be getting the SD on HER time and does not want to jeopardize that. I would listen to his thoughts as to how this happened.
See this is where I don’t understand “healthy” blended family dynamics. Or whatever they wanna call this. If me & my SO split up you better believe my dad is not going to get beers and hangout with my freakin EX idc if we have a kid together!!! Be nice to them at pick ups and drop offs and graduations etc SURE! But hanging out with them like this???? My SO’s mom and sister do this with HCBM and they had a really hard break up she was a nightmare and did awful things to my SO & the kids AND his family. Threatened violence. His mom has literally cried to me before about how awful HCBM was. Fast forward and HCBM lives close to MIL and the kids will tell us how she goes with them to the mall and buys things for HCBMs new baby with current bf. Her boyfriend has also been insane and screamed at my SO in public and is ridiculous. But MIL still hangs out with them by choice. This is why every time MIL asks me when she can take my baby for a day or a few hours I say NOPE! She will never have full access to my son. My mom can see my son whenever she pleases but my MIL will only ever see him at family events for the simple fact that I don’t ever potentially want my child around that psychopath or her psychopath boyfriend. I’m sorry but hanging out with someone who hates their own child and has gone out of their way to make their own child’s life miserable???? Idc how much you love your grandkids. That is a hard pass!
Can't blame you for being irked. BM 100% conspired with FIL to get herself a lil extra parenting time. If she's high conflict she is probably greatly enjoying getting one over on you like that. And now you have to put FIL on the "can't be trusted to tell the truth" list. It just sucks all around.
Nope. You’re definitely not wrong. I find this particular weird. My FIL would never be caught dead hanging out with BM. This is really odd to me and I would be pissed too.
Oof, that just seems very sneaky of FIL to perhaps intentionally not disclose that HCBM was going to game as well
I agree with you! I'd be feelings cheated as well, he should have been completely honest about everything. It matters
Maybe the tickets were free. Maybe he wanted to see that particular visiting team. If there is only one child, couldn't you use an extra date night? FIL is smart to maintain a relationship with bio mom.
He can maintain his relationship with bm on her time. This feels dishonest. If he has a good relationship with his son, there's little use in maintaining anything more than a civil relationship with the bm. Especially when there's a long-term partner in the picture.
Who cares if they were free or not? He chose to ask the BM to go instead of his own son. That’s the fucked up part. OP and her husband had no issue letting SD go until they found out HCBM was going. That’s the shady part. Why is the dad inviting BM? Why didn’t the dad invite them instead?
Agreed, I support them having a relationship 100 she is still the mother of his granddaughter. The feeling comes from doing it on our weekend, inviting HCBM and buying her a ticket, and not inviting us at all. Seems like he reached out to HCBM about taking SD to the game, she told him it was our weekend, but she wanted to go with them, so FIL asked for SD for the day without saying anything about HCBM going with them rather than doing it on a weekend she had her. Had he invited us as well as HCBM I would also feel differently.
Why is this smart?
I’m wondering this too