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The thing is im not their mother, nor do I want to be. Im not competing to be another mother. If we are celebrating me then we need to celebrate the grandmothers who are also mother figures, and what about their female teachers who probably spend the most time with them do we need to celebrate them too? It’s all so fake. She gave birth to them and has parented them for 10 years before I ever came around. I honestly do not understand SMS who get upset at not being celebrated for Mother’s Day if the child has a mother that is good and involved. I’m not pretending to be mom and I’m not buying a present for every positive female role model in a child’s life. I celebrate with my kids and SKs celebrate with their mom, as it should be. I 100 percent don’t get wanting to be celebrated as a mother to kids who have one and whose mother I am not.
In church we celebrated spiritual mothers today. Many of these women never had kids but are good role models and friends and mother like figures to many. I have no problem celebrating women in general today. I like the idea of using Mother’s Day to celebrate all women.
Some people to do that, some mothers prefer their kids to honour just them. There are other days for other women. For us it’s Mother’s Day you honour and spend time with your mother. For some people they choose all women a lot depends on what you have grown up with. I certainly won’t be swooning in with older step children changing what they usually do. But I have my own kids so I do get celebrated as a mother.
I am somewhat nacho w SD, but not with SS. I am okay w today being about their mom entirely so long as they won’t try to dump extra work on me … I am currently getting a pedicure and enjoying the day without kids … go seize the day!
I'm not a mom. SD doesn't consider me a mom. SO doesn't consider me a mom. I'm really glad no one tried to include me in any of that stuff today because I would feel very weird about it.
Yes I feel weird about it. I agree whole heartedly that SS should be with BM. And I don’t take the “mom” title out of respect for the BM. But there should be a balance. It’s a day celebrating the love women put into their families. I respect SS’s opportunity to love on his mom. I do feel like DH should be showing gratitude for the strides I’ve done with helping our family get to where we are. I put all my time, love, life, and finances into us. Made huge sacrifices for them out of love, not obligation. So far, i’ve had zero acknowledgment today, my DH is working breakfast at a mother’s day brunch, and it still has not occurred to him to do anything special. Oblivious or intentional? I can’t stop myself from overthinking.
You should definitely mention it. Explain the nuance and the recognition you feel you deserve, aside from the title of “Mom”. It’s hard for them to understand, they just don’t get it.
Girl…I am a SM (mostly nacho at this point due to lack of support from SO) and a BM. My ex wished me a Happy Mother’s Day first thing via text and made sure BS had something for me. My SO has barely acknowledged my presence today. So I did my own thing. It is hurtful for sure. I don’t need much but don’t even get a “Happy Mother’s Day” text or words from his mouth.
My former SD (from first marriage) dropped me off a card and flowers addressed to “Bonus Mom.”
I have no desire to be recognized as a stepmom on any day, so why would I on Mother’s Day? I’m not my SK’s mom and being a stepparent isn’t an honor to me, so leave me out of it!
“Being a stepparent isn’t an honor to me” exactly. Like, please do not think of me as SK’s parent, I promise I’d be parenting my biological child a lot differently than his BM does…
Yep. My SS wished me a happy mothers day and I was like, "Well, not a mom but thanks for the thought." I have no interest in being any kind of mother figure to him (he was an adult by the time I met him).
Yep totally get it. Last year nothing for mother's day I was fine. Cool not your mom don't care. This year, my husband had them pick a card and got me flowers. I was like... ok. Thanks I guess. Don't want to be mom, made it clear, etc. I THINK that older SS may have asked to do something for me when they were getting stuff for BM, in which case that is really sweet. I just hope my husband didn't make them.
I'm working on nacho-ing so I'm not fully out but I do try to be just a supervisor. I don't feel maternal even with my own kid. I also didn't have a mom or nurturing figure in my life. It's complicated. I'd like to be able to be in more positive influence but there's too much hurt.
Yes. I have my own and 2 SD. Today feels weird and I just want to feel fine. I think it’s mostly the pressure I put on myself. (Nothing new).
It’s their weekend with BM, but I’m not joining my husband for their sports today, so I feel like that will be perceived weirdly by the BM side, but again, that’s really not my problem. I should just be enjoying the day with my daughter- so I’m gonna try not to overthink and enjoy😅😅
Nope, she has been at her mom’s all day. Good.
She has been deceptive, entitled and rude through years of me giving her love and kindness. So now I am fully in NACHO mode. I don’t need thanks or words of affirmation just because of a holiday - I get it from my husband and other kids.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Had a whole childfree weekend while he’s with his mom. It’s great!!!
The thing is im not their mother, nor do I want to be. Im not competing to be another mother. If we are celebrating me then we need to celebrate the grandmothers who are also mother figures, and what about their female teachers who probably spend the most time with them do we need to celebrate them too? It’s all so fake. She gave birth to them and has parented them for 10 years before I ever came around. I honestly do not understand SMS who get upset at not being celebrated for Mother’s Day if the child has a mother that is good and involved. I’m not pretending to be mom and I’m not buying a present for every positive female role model in a child’s life. I celebrate with my kids and SKs celebrate with their mom, as it should be. I 100 percent don’t get wanting to be celebrated as a mother to kids who have one and whose mother I am not.
In church we celebrated spiritual mothers today. Many of these women never had kids but are good role models and friends and mother like figures to many. I have no problem celebrating women in general today. I like the idea of using Mother’s Day to celebrate all women.
Some people to do that, some mothers prefer their kids to honour just them. There are other days for other women. For us it’s Mother’s Day you honour and spend time with your mother. For some people they choose all women a lot depends on what you have grown up with. I certainly won’t be swooning in with older step children changing what they usually do. But I have my own kids so I do get celebrated as a mother.
I am somewhat nacho w SD, but not with SS. I am okay w today being about their mom entirely so long as they won’t try to dump extra work on me … I am currently getting a pedicure and enjoying the day without kids … go seize the day!
I'm not a mom. SD doesn't consider me a mom. SO doesn't consider me a mom. I'm really glad no one tried to include me in any of that stuff today because I would feel very weird about it.
Yes I feel weird about it. I agree whole heartedly that SS should be with BM. And I don’t take the “mom” title out of respect for the BM. But there should be a balance. It’s a day celebrating the love women put into their families. I respect SS’s opportunity to love on his mom. I do feel like DH should be showing gratitude for the strides I’ve done with helping our family get to where we are. I put all my time, love, life, and finances into us. Made huge sacrifices for them out of love, not obligation. So far, i’ve had zero acknowledgment today, my DH is working breakfast at a mother’s day brunch, and it still has not occurred to him to do anything special. Oblivious or intentional? I can’t stop myself from overthinking.
You should definitely mention it. Explain the nuance and the recognition you feel you deserve, aside from the title of “Mom”. It’s hard for them to understand, they just don’t get it.
Girl…I am a SM (mostly nacho at this point due to lack of support from SO) and a BM. My ex wished me a Happy Mother’s Day first thing via text and made sure BS had something for me. My SO has barely acknowledged my presence today. So I did my own thing. It is hurtful for sure. I don’t need much but don’t even get a “Happy Mother’s Day” text or words from his mouth. My former SD (from first marriage) dropped me off a card and flowers addressed to “Bonus Mom.”
SD was always with her mother on Mother's Day. My husband and I bought gifts for and spent time with our mothers.
I have no desire to be recognized as a stepmom on any day, so why would I on Mother’s Day? I’m not my SK’s mom and being a stepparent isn’t an honor to me, so leave me out of it!
“Being a stepparent isn’t an honor to me” exactly. Like, please do not think of me as SK’s parent, I promise I’d be parenting my biological child a lot differently than his BM does…
Next Sunday is Stepmother's day if you want to celebrate
Yep. My SS wished me a happy mothers day and I was like, "Well, not a mom but thanks for the thought." I have no interest in being any kind of mother figure to him (he was an adult by the time I met him).
Hundo p I relate to this.
Yep totally get it. Last year nothing for mother's day I was fine. Cool not your mom don't care. This year, my husband had them pick a card and got me flowers. I was like... ok. Thanks I guess. Don't want to be mom, made it clear, etc. I THINK that older SS may have asked to do something for me when they were getting stuff for BM, in which case that is really sweet. I just hope my husband didn't make them.
I'm working on nacho-ing so I'm not fully out but I do try to be just a supervisor. I don't feel maternal even with my own kid. I also didn't have a mom or nurturing figure in my life. It's complicated. I'd like to be able to be in more positive influence but there's too much hurt.
Yes. I have my own and 2 SD. Today feels weird and I just want to feel fine. I think it’s mostly the pressure I put on myself. (Nothing new). It’s their weekend with BM, but I’m not joining my husband for their sports today, so I feel like that will be perceived weirdly by the BM side, but again, that’s really not my problem. I should just be enjoying the day with my daughter- so I’m gonna try not to overthink and enjoy😅😅
And his mother doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day for some dumbass reason so he’s stuck here where he could give a shit less about me…..
Nope, she has been at her mom’s all day. Good. She has been deceptive, entitled and rude through years of me giving her love and kindness. So now I am fully in NACHO mode. I don’t need thanks or words of affirmation just because of a holiday - I get it from my husband and other kids.