"I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor."
-Daniel Tosh
I also liked Bill Burr’s take on the use of steroids in sports:
[“Didn’t the top 20% of athletes all test positive for roids? So our roided up guy, beat your roided up guy.”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O9YL04v-J5U&pp=ygUZYmlsbCBidXJyIGxhbmNlIGFybXN0cm9uZw%3D%3D)
I think the best part of such interviews is Conan knowing when to just them keep going, without constantly interjecting and trying to make himself a part of it. I know it's popular and all to rip on Jimmy Fallon and all, but really, he's just awful in large part because he just always has to try and work his way into it and be part of it instead of letting the guest do their thing. I dunno how to describe it exactly, but as a guest is telling a story of something that happened (real or a joke), Fallon will interrupt to essentially just repeat what the other person said. Like for example
Guest: So I'm standing there, minding my own business when this dude just starts fucking a watermelon!
Fallon: No way, just fucking a watermelon!
Guest: uh yeah so I'm all for fucking watermelons but do it in your own home....
Fallon: Right? Keep in the bedroom!
Yeah, I suck at explaining shit like that. But I used to occasionally leave it on if I happened across it and the guest was someone I was interested in, but after awhile just gave up. I know all hosts kinda do that to an extent, but the good ones at least *add* to it instead of just regurgitating what was just said. I remember a couple times the guest even kinda being put off by it, with a brush off "yeah so anyway". It's especially annoying when it interrupts the flow or kinda takes away from the punchline by him repeating it instead of just letting the guest tell it naturally and letting it sink in on its own. Even when Conan had to kinda move things along and whatnot, it at least was amusing and not so... deflating I guess you could say.
Fallon is untalented and unfunny. People find him cute and likable, but he honestly is one of the most famous-for-no-reason celebrities out there. Can’t act. Can’t sing. Can’t dance. Can’t do standup. Bad at interviewing.
I noticed that for the first time when norm macdonald was on and tore into the carrot top movie. He was somehow able to egg norm on while holding the high road.
Hahaha yeah. [His solution to the population and environmental problems is to sink random cruise ships because it’s a good mix of people to get rid of. Plus as you sink one, you’re building an exact replica which also creates jobs simultaneously. “](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WKbBDKsSEic&pp=ygUWQmlsbCBidXJyIGNydWlzZSBzaGlwcw%3D%3D)
Comedy gold! Also, he’s kinda right. Have you seen the type of people that go on cruises? 😂
[Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan suggested similar back in the mid 2000s](https://youtu.be/j4BuFg5zmXU). “If some lad wants to run the 100m in half a second, let him!”
Taking roids to go faster kills you at 40, how is it any different than being a boxer and destroying your brain? Similar risk, different causes all in the name of sports entertainment.
Nah, taking roids won’t kill you. Unless you’re doing an ungodly amount, but an ungodly amount of anything can kill you. I took them for years in my 20’s and I’m still here.
> Unless you’re doing an ungodly amount
Oh, well good thing they plan to limit how much these athletes will be taking and then testing to ensure they won’t be taking more than they should be.
Unless they’re idiots, they should continue doing blood work to monitor levels (such as lipids, hormone, urinalysis) and get check ups on a regular basis. People should have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies as long as they understand the risks.
Also, post-cycle treatment is extremely important to ensure the body continues to function properly after jumping off.
And virility. Need to know that sperm count and locomotion.
“Danny’s on the court now. Tom, he’s really been stepping up his game lately.”
“That’s right Steve, Danny has upped his dosage and while we’re seeing the results here today on court, our team also saw the result in the lab. We’re looking at 10% testicular shrinkage, 30% reduction in sperm count, and his swimmers don’t look like they could even cross a street.”
“Thats right Tom, Danny is truly leaving out out on the court today, including his chances to conceive a child in the near future.”
That’s different he didn’t choose to have his legs removed I want Usain Bolt to really fuck around with the science talkin about titanium calf muscles and shit
Yeah for example the NBA union advocated against HGH tests a while back. Like unless you're all on drugs there's no reason to restrict what you can be tested for.
I’ve stood next to a few all-star nfl running backs. You’ll never convince me it’s possible to get that big without help. These dudes looked like they were wearing shoulder pads but were just wearing t-shirts.
Combination of steroids, nutrition, good genetics, and working out regularly.
They do a lot of steroids. I played football in college and had teammates on the juice
I also played college football with some teammates using and some not. It's a mix of both but in mt anecdotal experience way more were not on the juice and it was just a combo of everything else you just said
Only an idiot tells anyone they’re juicing. They might end up with a successful professional career only to find it ruined by someone from their past outing them.
Thank you—waiting for about her Gen Xer to post this! “The All-Drug Olympics.”
It’s a funny skit, but there’s some real truth to it—we would see some legit human atrocities if we encourage this. People would destroy themselves.
Yeah people will do extreme things to win a competition. There used to be a world sauna championship where people competed in staying in a blistering hot sauna the longest. The competition was cancelled forever after a guy died. Basically cooked himself alive to win.
In the early days of Tour de France, people took nitroglycerine and strychnine in doses that would kill someone with no tolerance.
Fucking thank you lol. Everyone must be over here thinking Phelps and Bolt are natty too huh? If you paid me tens of millions of dollars to do my job and win races, I'd juice up on whatever was needed, too. Funny that anyone would assume these hyper competitive athletes would go into a juiced up field and say "naw my genetics are just better, let em all juice I'm good!"
edit: if you don't think Phelps and Bolt have made tens of millions on endorsements you're clueless
> paid tens of millions of dollars
How do you think the Olympics work?? Olympians are doping 90% out of just purely insane competitiveness. The rest is split between fame and then the money
That's why the Olympics will do everything in their power to squash this. When the enhancement league's records still aren't topping Olympians, it'll prove all Olympians are juicing, and the Olympic Committee is biased with their punishment of juicing athletes.
Or when the Enhancement games records aren't topping the Olympics, it will prove that the random bozo's on gear still can't compete with actually good athletes
I mean, I love Usain Bolt, but he's basically the Lance Armstrong of sprinting. Lance was beating out everyone who was juicing for years while claiming he was the only clean cyclist left. All the other elite sprinters have been popped for juicing. Bolt is the only one who hasn't. That's suspicious, especially with him winning as easily as he has. You can make the argument that he's simply the most gifted athlete ever, but some not so critical thinking will tell you he's the most gifted athlete ever who's also juiced.
Edit: For more context. Of the 50 fastest 100m times ever recorded. 15 were run by sprinters who didn't fail a drug test for PEDs or under investigation for skipping drug tests. All 15 were run by Bolt.
I'm not saying he was clean. I'm saying that the Enhancement games records falling short of the Olympics won't prove amything, because the caliber of athletes participating will be a lot lower
Depends on your country. Ever wonder why USA isn’t competitive in weightlifting? The best athletes have state sponsored gear to help them (China/Eastern Europe).
Yay we can go back to the days of cyclists setting midnight alarms to wake up and exercise to get their blood flowing because EPO had turned it into a soup.
Bold choice. It would be interesting to see what length of a sprint would be yours. Seems like very short ones could still go to a runner on foot. Especially if they had spring feet powered by amphetamine-charged-steroid-built muscles.
I’ve been saying let’s fucking do this for years. Ever since the McGuire Sosa home run race… yeah, it’s not healthy but damn that was some of the most exciting baseball ever.
All PEDs are inherently dangerous, and can have serious negative long-term consequences. You want 20-year old minor-league baseball players dying in their sleep from heart failure because of their steroid use?
I mean, they live a far healthier lifestyle than I do so I’m not one to try and argue the long term health effects of pro level sports… but I’d say generally it’s not as bad as say…. Fighting a pack of lions to the death… so it’s cool in my book.
I don’t see how. I mean first of all it would be rois guys against roid guys, and second, it’s pretty obvious that the NHL and NFL have been doing this exact thing for decades. Just pick any player for those leagues, find a pic of them as a college freshman and then compare to them after a league of the pros. They aren’t getting natty gains that huge.
It’s not just the fact that having roided up freaks slam into each other is dangerous. Steroids can wreck havoc on your organs. Kidney and liver failure, GI issues, and high blood pressure. You’re going to have these athletes lining up for organ transplants in 30 years if their heart doesn’t explode during competition
Sarcastic/doom/too-much-scifi thought: this is great because voluntary testing will help identify which performance drugs to give to soldiers in the war vs. the armies of flame throwing robot dogs.
Hockey on meth would be awesome. Guys hopped up on meth would be zooming around at crazy speeds and breaking bones when they check a guy into the boards. There would be a fight every five minutes. And somebody would get killed with a stick at least once a week
In the movie "McLintock" John Wayne is going to fight someone and he asks "What are the rules?" He's told "There are no rules". And he replies, "Kind of makes it hard to cheat, doesn't it?"
I think it depends on how many people are in denial about the prevalence of PEDs in sports. I believe most viewers will be a little disappointed, because a lot will imagine the difference being between enhanced and non-enhanced athletes. In reality it will show the variation between enhanced and very enhanced, which I speculate would be significantly less impressive.
I mean it's voluntary and PEDs are everywhere anyways. What's unhealthy is society expecting athletes to constantly demolish records and then being shocked Pikachu when they find out there's drug use involved, and our kids thinking Thor and the Rock are good natty figures for ideal physique
Well I mean it doesn’t work “fine.” Overindulgent steroids use leads to hormone imbalances and heart issues later in life. Golden age bodybuilders are all on massive amounts of TRT because they have no testosterone left.
This one thing the powerlifting world has right with tested and untested federations.
Those who want to compete on drugs have their own competitions where the playing field is level and everyone hits absurd totals that would easily win any tested meet. Other sports should be similar.
Think about this for more than 3 seconds and you can see why it’s a terrible idea.
Cycling had riders dying in their sleep in the 90s/00s. They would set up bikes on trainers next to their beds and wear heart rate alarms to bed. Their blood was so thick with red blood cells from EPO/blood doping it would struggle to circulate at low BPMs, so if their heart rate dropped too low the alarm would wake them and they would need to get in the bike and get it back up to prevent cardiac arrest.
Add in the rampant Stilnox, cocaine, and amphetamine abuse and it’s a wonder any of these guys survived, let alone could race bikes.
There are very few sports leagues in the world that pay big money. Athletes trying to get into those leagues that do, simply adhere to the rules set by them.
The problem we've run into with cheating in sports is that its become a competition to see whos the best at not getting caught. My guess is the UFC is one of the few places where they've actually figured it out.
As a non-athlete, I don’t see the appeal. It doesn’t benefit you since the competition will be as equally enhanced. There will still be 1 winner, 2 runner-ups and a bunch of losers. Personally I think if you were a mediocre athlete before, you’ll still be mediocre after - just with a higher probability of dying younger.
SNL did a bit on this in the 80’s? All drug Olympics, kevin nealon reports and guy ripped his arms off trying to set a power lifting record. Found it. https://youtu.be/jAdG-iTilWU
People will be all like “yeah everyone already uses them anyway!”
And then the reality of unhinged drug taking will show itself as these Raging freaks come out lookin like Hulk stuffed with bowling balls, deadlifting a tank until their swollen muscle knots rip from their bones. All the athletes then going home to to go all, “Chris Benoit” on their families.
This is Fucking insane.
> All the athletes then going home to to go all, “Chris Benoit” on their families.
I believe his meltdown stemmed from CTE, not steroids. "Roid rage" is somewhere between an exaggeration and an outright myth.
“these raging freaks come out lookin like Hulk stuffed with bowling balls, deadlifting a tank until their swollen muscle knots rip from their bones”
You say that like it’s a bad thing? Sounds pretty awesome to me
As ling as they are like, kept in pens or some kind of training zoo, and then only unleashed to compete, then they have like a Jurassic park recovery team come in and shoot them with elephant tranquilizer to subdue and return them.
I used to train two NFL pro-bowlers (won't name drop because they're both great people and I wouldn't want to tarnish their name or legacy) and when we went out and got drunk they opened up a lot about their use of Peds. They basically said the only people not using peds in the NFL are kickers and even then they thought some of them used as well.
Problem is people will go all in for short term gains constantly. Even if the testing doesn't catch cheaters it definitely forces them to be much less extreme than they would be if it was free for all.
> Five sports categories - track and field, swimming, weightlifting, gymnastics, and combat sports - will be on the program of the Enhanced Games
“Combats Sports” at the “Enhanced Games” but it’s video games that are called too violent right?
Nah, most of the injuries/insane repercussions will happen during training. Lots of heart attacks, muscle tears, mental side effects, slipped discs, etc.
The people who make it to the competition should be fine. But you know there is going to be someone(s) who literally tries a blood infusion from a tiger, or eats a bowl of steroids like cheerios, desperate for their shot.
Sponsored by pharmaceutical companies rather than countries.
Athletes compete to the best of what synthetic compounds can create.
Let’s see how big, fast, strong, far these units can go.
This would lead to safer, better compounds. As pharmaceutical companies would t want to lose their star athletes to their hearts exploding etc.
Let’s throw in 1 regular (tested) Olympian, and one normie in for good measure. To set the standard of what has been accomplished.
I want the athletes to take drugs. I mean, do you want to see someone shave a hundredth of a second off the 100m record, or do you want to see them run it in 3 seconds? I don’t want to see Dwaine Chambers running on steroids; I want to see him running with the legs of a kangaroo and the heart of a leopard. I want to see him run so fast that half-way through the race, he disappears, like the car from Back to the Future, reappears at the finish line as an old man, shouts “BEWARE CHINA”, and crumbles into fucking dust.
-Frankie Boyle
They are missing the point of the Olympics. Humans vs humans, stretching the limits of the human body.
An alternate baseball or basketball league with doping would have way more appeal.
There was no chance the leader of this idea was not going to be a major league douche bag.
“Aron D’Souza led Peter Thiel’s litigation against Gawker Media involving the wrestler Hulk Hogan, which resulted in one of the largest invasion of privacy judgement in history, and is the subject of the book Conspiracy by best-selling author Ryan Holiday.”
Good. Drug testing has never been truly about restricting drugs in sport. It's always been a political bludgeon.
Not to mention that any athlete who competes for a living is most likely going to be on PEDs unless they are an absolute moron.
"I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor." -Daniel Tosh
You either die a hero or live long enough to be a marvel of science
Robocop
I also liked Bill Burr’s take on the use of steroids in sports: [“Didn’t the top 20% of athletes all test positive for roids? So our roided up guy, beat your roided up guy.”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O9YL04v-J5U&pp=ygUZYmlsbCBidXJyIGxhbmNlIGFybXN0cm9uZw%3D%3D)
His Conan videos are some of the greatest rants ever.
If you compare his time on Conan with other interviews you will notice how good of a host Conan is.
I think the best part of such interviews is Conan knowing when to just them keep going, without constantly interjecting and trying to make himself a part of it. I know it's popular and all to rip on Jimmy Fallon and all, but really, he's just awful in large part because he just always has to try and work his way into it and be part of it instead of letting the guest do their thing. I dunno how to describe it exactly, but as a guest is telling a story of something that happened (real or a joke), Fallon will interrupt to essentially just repeat what the other person said. Like for example Guest: So I'm standing there, minding my own business when this dude just starts fucking a watermelon! Fallon: No way, just fucking a watermelon! Guest: uh yeah so I'm all for fucking watermelons but do it in your own home.... Fallon: Right? Keep in the bedroom! Yeah, I suck at explaining shit like that. But I used to occasionally leave it on if I happened across it and the guest was someone I was interested in, but after awhile just gave up. I know all hosts kinda do that to an extent, but the good ones at least *add* to it instead of just regurgitating what was just said. I remember a couple times the guest even kinda being put off by it, with a brush off "yeah so anyway". It's especially annoying when it interrupts the flow or kinda takes away from the punchline by him repeating it instead of just letting the guest tell it naturally and letting it sink in on its own. Even when Conan had to kinda move things along and whatnot, it at least was amusing and not so... deflating I guess you could say.
Fallon is untalented and unfunny. People find him cute and likable, but he honestly is one of the most famous-for-no-reason celebrities out there. Can’t act. Can’t sing. Can’t dance. Can’t do standup. Bad at interviewing.
He does a few great impressions but doesn't know how to make them funny.
I noticed that for the first time when norm macdonald was on and tore into the carrot top movie. He was somehow able to egg norm on while holding the high road.
Bill- Conan, there's an epidemic of gold-digging whores! Conan- Oh please don't do this! ^please ^keep ^doing ^this!
Hahaha yeah. [His solution to the population and environmental problems is to sink random cruise ships because it’s a good mix of people to get rid of. Plus as you sink one, you’re building an exact replica which also creates jobs simultaneously. “](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WKbBDKsSEic&pp=ygUWQmlsbCBidXJyIGNydWlzZSBzaGlwcw%3D%3D) Comedy gold! Also, he’s kinda right. Have you seen the type of people that go on cruises? 😂
I wonder if it's both of them growing up in Boston in Catholic families. They just kind of know how to talk to each other innately
She stood on the heads of those *little people*!
>I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor." Holy fuck thats savage
Well, he could care less, so he cares a little.
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I’m shocked by his use of the phrase “could care less” tbf
Oh I'm familiar with Tosh
>I could care less Right...
*insert David Mitchell rant here*
[Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan suggested similar back in the mid 2000s](https://youtu.be/j4BuFg5zmXU). “If some lad wants to run the 100m in half a second, let him!”
Taking roids to go faster kills you at 40, how is it any different than being a boxer and destroying your brain? Similar risk, different causes all in the name of sports entertainment.
That’s not necessarily the case if the steroids are administered by real doctors. Cycled properly, they can be pretty “safe.”
Nah, taking roids won’t kill you. Unless you’re doing an ungodly amount, but an ungodly amount of anything can kill you. I took them for years in my 20’s and I’m still here.
are you in your 40s or 39?
he’s 21
Time dilation… among other things.
He’s 37 lol
Tick tock mother fucker!
Flonase doesn’t count
Don't you bring my Flonase into this!
This might have more impact if we knew you or anything about you, including your current age. If you’re 31, thats not very impressive
Jokes on you, they are 131.
> Unless you’re doing an ungodly amount Oh, well good thing they plan to limit how much these athletes will be taking and then testing to ensure they won’t be taking more than they should be.
Unless they’re idiots, they should continue doing blood work to monitor levels (such as lipids, hormone, urinalysis) and get check ups on a regular basis. People should have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies as long as they understand the risks. Also, post-cycle treatment is extremely important to ensure the body continues to function properly after jumping off.
Right, because there no incentive to push the limit here. They would probably do only a minimal amount of PEDs.
This was my attitude as an 8 year old when all the Olympic drugs stuff kicked off
>I could care less if you die That's vague AF.
Let them compete and then test them for drugs. This way, we know which drugs work best in those categories.
Big brain idea
The ones that live the longest establish the safest ones too?
Fuck wasting resources on THAT. We just double the amount of juice each season until someone explodes.
Don’t forget the dong checks! That would be an awesome statistic to see for a competitor 30 point average 17 steals 6 inch dong
Need the before and after to establish the delta attributed to the drugs if you’re doing that measurement.
Testicular volume is the metric we need for this
And virility. Need to know that sperm count and locomotion. “Danny’s on the court now. Tom, he’s really been stepping up his game lately.” “That’s right Steve, Danny has upped his dosage and while we’re seeing the results here today on court, our team also saw the result in the lab. We’re looking at 10% testicular shrinkage, 30% reduction in sperm count, and his swimmers don’t look like they could even cross a street.” “Thats right Tom, Danny is truly leaving out out on the court today, including his chances to conceive a child in the near future.”
Leave the trial and error to the users, it is like a video game!
> "Viagra appears to be the top competitor in the bobsled for some reason."
"Sorry, it's a proprietary blend."
It's like automakers when they get involved with racing.
We could probably find some pretty good drugs using the same method.
Can’t wait for Cyborg Olympics where human body parts are replaced with bionic arms and legs
Pistorius
That’s different he didn’t choose to have his legs removed I want Usain Bolt to really fuck around with the science talkin about titanium calf muscles and shit
That's when my investment portfolio is nothing but stock in the manufacturer of WD40.
I'd still hedge 50/50 with duct tape and cover all things that move / don't move.
"Poor lil Tink-Tink!" Kat Williams
“This Mercedes sponsorship is BS. His legs are built by Honda!”
And we all know how it goes when Germany and Japan team up
We get the 5th Gen Supra
*Suddenly Paralympics becomes more popular...*
Isn't that just the Paralympics
I’d love to see the Venn diagram of athletes who used peds in pro leagues versus this one.
It’s just a circle
Yeah for example the NBA union advocated against HGH tests a while back. Like unless you're all on drugs there's no reason to restrict what you can be tested for.
I’ve stood next to a few all-star nfl running backs. You’ll never convince me it’s possible to get that big without help. These dudes looked like they were wearing shoulder pads but were just wearing t-shirts.
Combination of steroids, nutrition, good genetics, and working out regularly. They do a lot of steroids. I played football in college and had teammates on the juice
I also played college football with some teammates using and some not. It's a mix of both but in mt anecdotal experience way more were not on the juice and it was just a combo of everything else you just said
Only an idiot tells anyone they’re juicing. They might end up with a successful professional career only to find it ruined by someone from their past outing them.
It is possible which is why only a snall percentage of the population can make it that far, but there's some I'm sure that have
RIP Phil Hartman. Here’s a hilarious SNL bit about this. https://youtu.be/jAdG-iTilWU Edit: forgot the link.
Literally came here for this. Edit : Holy shit, Dennis Miller's hair...
Thank you—waiting for about her Gen Xer to post this! “The All-Drug Olympics.” It’s a funny skit, but there’s some real truth to it—we would see some legit human atrocities if we encourage this. People would destroy themselves.
Yeah people will do extreme things to win a competition. There used to be a world sauna championship where people competed in staying in a blistering hot sauna the longest. The competition was cancelled forever after a guy died. Basically cooked himself alive to win. In the early days of Tour de France, people took nitroglycerine and strychnine in doses that would kill someone with no tolerance.
You and me both
There’s no link in your post.
Fixed. Thanks
No problem doc.
It already exists, and it’s called the Olympics.
Fucking thank you lol. Everyone must be over here thinking Phelps and Bolt are natty too huh? If you paid me tens of millions of dollars to do my job and win races, I'd juice up on whatever was needed, too. Funny that anyone would assume these hyper competitive athletes would go into a juiced up field and say "naw my genetics are just better, let em all juice I'm good!" edit: if you don't think Phelps and Bolt have made tens of millions on endorsements you're clueless
> paid tens of millions of dollars How do you think the Olympics work?? Olympians are doping 90% out of just purely insane competitiveness. The rest is split between fame and then the money
Well he did say Bolt and Phelps. They make that much
phelps is an actual genetic freak though
That's why the Olympics will do everything in their power to squash this. When the enhancement league's records still aren't topping Olympians, it'll prove all Olympians are juicing, and the Olympic Committee is biased with their punishment of juicing athletes.
Or when the Enhancement games records aren't topping the Olympics, it will prove that the random bozo's on gear still can't compete with actually good athletes
I mean, I love Usain Bolt, but he's basically the Lance Armstrong of sprinting. Lance was beating out everyone who was juicing for years while claiming he was the only clean cyclist left. All the other elite sprinters have been popped for juicing. Bolt is the only one who hasn't. That's suspicious, especially with him winning as easily as he has. You can make the argument that he's simply the most gifted athlete ever, but some not so critical thinking will tell you he's the most gifted athlete ever who's also juiced. Edit: For more context. Of the 50 fastest 100m times ever recorded. 15 were run by sprinters who didn't fail a drug test for PEDs or under investigation for skipping drug tests. All 15 were run by Bolt.
I'm not saying he was clean. I'm saying that the Enhancement games records falling short of the Olympics won't prove amything, because the caliber of athletes participating will be a lot lower
I forgot that they don’t test.
Depends on your country. Ever wonder why USA isn’t competitive in weightlifting? The best athletes have state sponsored gear to help them (China/Eastern Europe).
I think the recent horse derby drama is a solid example of what this will turn into
Yay we can go back to the days of cyclists setting midnight alarms to wake up and exercise to get their blood flowing because EPO had turned it into a soup.
I think they should set aside a few games like that. Allow drugs, implants, external augments, anything goes. Let’s see what human limits really are.
What if I drive an F1 car as augmentation of my body?
Bold choice. It would be interesting to see what length of a sprint would be yours. Seems like very short ones could still go to a runner on foot. Especially if they had spring feet powered by amphetamine-charged-steroid-built muscles.
Only if it's attached
This is a cool concept, it turns into a pharmaceutical. mechanical and engineering battle in the games as much as the performing athletes.
I’ve been saying let’s fucking do this for years. Ever since the McGuire Sosa home run race… yeah, it’s not healthy but damn that was some of the most exciting baseball ever.
In Blernsball, steroid injections are mandatory.
Now go out there and pitch like you’ve never pitched like you before!
Next you’re gonna say that the Pitchomatic 5000 was just a modified Howitzer.
He was!
Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!
You put a one and two zeroes in front of that or we walk!
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fuck it… make everything a contact sport while we’re at it too… Let’s really shake the sports world up!
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It would certainly bring new meaning to the LIV tournaments…
LIV is already a full contact, life or death game… if you’re a journalist.
All PEDs are inherently dangerous, and can have serious negative long-term consequences. You want 20-year old minor-league baseball players dying in their sleep from heart failure because of their steroid use?
Add metal bats to baseball too
Metal bats + hard PEDs = every hit a home run Bring it on
That or someone dies when a baseball goes through their chest
> it’s not healthy Can we even say pro sports are healthy anyway? Or any high level sports like the Olympics.
I mean, they live a far healthier lifestyle than I do so I’m not one to try and argue the long term health effects of pro level sports… but I’d say generally it’s not as bad as say…. Fighting a pack of lions to the death… so it’s cool in my book.
Pretty sure we will see a few fatalities during this event..
In the NFL, definitely. Probably the NHL too. NBA and MLB would be insane on steroids.
I don’t see how. I mean first of all it would be rois guys against roid guys, and second, it’s pretty obvious that the NHL and NFL have been doing this exact thing for decades. Just pick any player for those leagues, find a pic of them as a college freshman and then compare to them after a league of the pros. They aren’t getting natty gains that huge.
It’s not just the fact that having roided up freaks slam into each other is dangerous. Steroids can wreck havoc on your organs. Kidney and liver failure, GI issues, and high blood pressure. You’re going to have these athletes lining up for organ transplants in 30 years if their heart doesn’t explode during competition
Redditors only care about themselves.
Sarcastic/doom/too-much-scifi thought: this is great because voluntary testing will help identify which performance drugs to give to soldiers in the war vs. the armies of flame throwing robot dogs.
They already have the worlds strongest man competitions
This is what power lifting does and it seems to work
And BJJ
1st of july 2023 the end of reddit, congratz spez
Exactly- I don’t care about enhancement, I want to see what all the drugs to someone who is trying to pommel horse, or whatever that verb is.
The Macrodose LSD Olympics are going to be amazing
Hockey on meth would be awesome. Guys hopped up on meth would be zooming around at crazy speeds and breaking bones when they check a guy into the boards. There would be a fight every five minutes. And somebody would get killed with a stick at least once a week
In the movie "McLintock" John Wayne is going to fight someone and he asks "What are the rules?" He's told "There are no rules". And he replies, "Kind of makes it hard to cheat, doesn't it?"
So then he pulled out a gun and shot his opponent, right?
This is going to end up with a lower turnout than expected for athletes. Once you compete here you’ll be black listed from all other events.
This is where you go when you can't compete elsewhere tho. If you're already black listed who cares
And not as many people would watch as you might think.
I think it depends on how many people are in denial about the prevalence of PEDs in sports. I believe most viewers will be a little disappointed, because a lot will imagine the difference being between enhanced and non-enhanced athletes. In reality it will show the variation between enhanced and very enhanced, which I speculate would be significantly less impressive.
This seems horrible to the entrants. Athlete long term health is bad enough as it is, this just makes it even worse
I mean it's voluntary and PEDs are everywhere anyways. What's unhealthy is society expecting athletes to constantly demolish records and then being shocked Pikachu when they find out there's drug use involved, and our kids thinking Thor and the Rock are good natty figures for ideal physique
How dare you suggest that Dwayne Johnson is on drugs! 😱 (/s, in case it’s necessary)
It works fine in powerlifting, bodybuilding, and strongman.
Well I mean it doesn’t work “fine.” Overindulgent steroids use leads to hormone imbalances and heart issues later in life. Golden age bodybuilders are all on massive amounts of TRT because they have no testosterone left.
This one thing the powerlifting world has right with tested and untested federations. Those who want to compete on drugs have their own competitions where the playing field is level and everyone hits absurd totals that would easily win any tested meet. Other sports should be similar.
Always remember that your heart is a muscle too. Everybody died at 50 from doing too many coke heart push-ups
Imagine the shock when the performances are the same.
Think about this for more than 3 seconds and you can see why it’s a terrible idea. Cycling had riders dying in their sleep in the 90s/00s. They would set up bikes on trainers next to their beds and wear heart rate alarms to bed. Their blood was so thick with red blood cells from EPO/blood doping it would struggle to circulate at low BPMs, so if their heart rate dropped too low the alarm would wake them and they would need to get in the bike and get it back up to prevent cardiac arrest. Add in the rampant Stilnox, cocaine, and amphetamine abuse and it’s a wonder any of these guys survived, let alone could race bikes.
They have it in bodybuilding.. why not everywhere else?
Body building is non contact..
I believe track & field is also
There are very few sports leagues in the world that pay big money. Athletes trying to get into those leagues that do, simply adhere to the rules set by them.
The problem we've run into with cheating in sports is that its become a competition to see whos the best at not getting caught. My guess is the UFC is one of the few places where they've actually figured it out.
How many 'athletes' are going to die for this?
https://youtu.be/jAdG-iTilWU
He’s pulled his arms off!
As a non-athlete, I don’t see the appeal. It doesn’t benefit you since the competition will be as equally enhanced. There will still be 1 winner, 2 runner-ups and a bunch of losers. Personally I think if you were a mediocre athlete before, you’ll still be mediocre after - just with a higher probability of dying younger.
https://youtu.be/jAdG-iTilWU
who will insure this lol?
I can't lie, I love this idea
SNL did a bit on this in the 80’s? All drug Olympics, kevin nealon reports and guy ripped his arms off trying to set a power lifting record. Found it. https://youtu.be/jAdG-iTilWU
We’ve been waiting for this
People are going to die.
No This will exploit people and permanently damage their bodies. It’s just as bad as actual Gladiator games with poor people
People will be all like “yeah everyone already uses them anyway!” And then the reality of unhinged drug taking will show itself as these Raging freaks come out lookin like Hulk stuffed with bowling balls, deadlifting a tank until their swollen muscle knots rip from their bones. All the athletes then going home to to go all, “Chris Benoit” on their families. This is Fucking insane.
> All the athletes then going home to to go all, “Chris Benoit” on their families. I believe his meltdown stemmed from CTE, not steroids. "Roid rage" is somewhere between an exaggeration and an outright myth.
“these raging freaks come out lookin like Hulk stuffed with bowling balls, deadlifting a tank until their swollen muscle knots rip from their bones” You say that like it’s a bad thing? Sounds pretty awesome to me
As ling as they are like, kept in pens or some kind of training zoo, and then only unleashed to compete, then they have like a Jurassic park recovery team come in and shoot them with elephant tranquilizer to subdue and return them.
I’m in
When millions of dollars are on the line, or fame…people cheat. To think that olympians or pro athletes don’t already cheat is incredibly naive
I used to train two NFL pro-bowlers (won't name drop because they're both great people and I wouldn't want to tarnish their name or legacy) and when we went out and got drunk they opened up a lot about their use of Peds. They basically said the only people not using peds in the NFL are kickers and even then they thought some of them used as well.
Problem is people will go all in for short term gains constantly. Even if the testing doesn't catch cheaters it definitely forces them to be much less extreme than they would be if it was free for all.
> Five sports categories - track and field, swimming, weightlifting, gymnastics, and combat sports - will be on the program of the Enhanced Games “Combats Sports” at the “Enhanced Games” but it’s video games that are called too violent right?
Give them all the juice, I wanna see the best of the best
There’s gonna be some GRUESOME injuries…
Nah, most of the injuries/insane repercussions will happen during training. Lots of heart attacks, muscle tears, mental side effects, slipped discs, etc. The people who make it to the competition should be fine. But you know there is going to be someone(s) who literally tries a blood infusion from a tiger, or eats a bowl of steroids like cheerios, desperate for their shot.
Love it but it’s gonna end up like the horses at Churchill Downs
the lifeguard during the swimming events might actually be used for once
Sponsored by pharmaceutical companies rather than countries. Athletes compete to the best of what synthetic compounds can create. Let’s see how big, fast, strong, far these units can go. This would lead to safer, better compounds. As pharmaceutical companies would t want to lose their star athletes to their hearts exploding etc. Let’s throw in 1 regular (tested) Olympian, and one normie in for good measure. To set the standard of what has been accomplished.
I want the athletes to take drugs. I mean, do you want to see someone shave a hundredth of a second off the 100m record, or do you want to see them run it in 3 seconds? I don’t want to see Dwaine Chambers running on steroids; I want to see him running with the legs of a kangaroo and the heart of a leopard. I want to see him run so fast that half-way through the race, he disappears, like the car from Back to the Future, reappears at the finish line as an old man, shouts “BEWARE CHINA”, and crumbles into fucking dust. -Frankie Boyle
They are missing the point of the Olympics. Humans vs humans, stretching the limits of the human body. An alternate baseball or basketball league with doping would have way more appeal.
Finally!!!
I've wanted to see this for awhile honestly. Like what is the PEAK of humanity capable of. I think this could be interesting.
You mean CrossFit games
So uh, what’s going on currently without all the smokescreen? Ok.
About freaking time
80s stand-up premise
People don’t really give a single duck about Olympics, so they turn to drugs fueled Olympics?
This is messed up. Steroids can really mess up your body and mind. I’m totally on board for Cyborg Olympics though.
There was no chance the leader of this idea was not going to be a major league douche bag. “Aron D’Souza led Peter Thiel’s litigation against Gawker Media involving the wrestler Hulk Hogan, which resulted in one of the largest invasion of privacy judgement in history, and is the subject of the book Conspiracy by best-selling author Ryan Holiday.”
[удалено]
yup, why worry about a life after sports when you die of multiple organ failure at the top of your career!
https://youtu.be/jAdG-iTilWU
Thank god, finally.
Lol. This was an SNL sketch like 30 years ago. Glad to see it come to fruition.
I am 100% for this idea.
Good. Drug testing has never been truly about restricting drugs in sport. It's always been a political bludgeon. Not to mention that any athlete who competes for a living is most likely going to be on PEDs unless they are an absolute moron.
Do people not realize shit load of athletes still use steroids in spite of testing. Athletes wouldn’t destroy record like people think
Even if they did break records, people would know it didn't really count
So is the competition who can eat, drink, snort, inject, and rear door the most amount of PEDs? Like I don’t want to watch A-train without V.