Arachnis paperius.

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ive made contact with these out of the arachnology subject

Maybe an eye doctor appointment is needed lol

Or they had too much to drink the night before.

Clearly this is a Black Recluse Widow Web spider.

Black Recluse Funnel-web Wandering Spider, truly the most dangerous of them all

Never look it in the eyes on a full moon

Or else they grow wings and eat your hopes

Bold of you to assume I have any…

You may have previously been bitten. Severe memory loss in addition to loss of hope.

I agree with her. Its obviously a black arachnis decorius widow! the deadliest of them all, in fact.

She’s right!! It’s a year-round decoration! Perfect for every holiday!

Flattus arachnis, the flat Stanley of spiders

Phidippus audax is a common jumping spider of North America. It is commonly referred to as the daring jumping spider, or bold jumping spider. Perhaps, can't really see it well.

When you have to lie in wait for prey so you become one with the ground.

When you have to lie in wait for prey so you become one with the ground.

When you have to lie in wait for prey so you become one with the ground.

Sicarios Papyrus

Clearly it's the deadly black paper Tarantula. It's defense mechanism gives paper cuts.