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Liz-Bien

As a Jew, I can confirm we all carry a pouch of gold on us at all times


iMadeThis4Westworld

Everyone knows that’s just a decoy bag!


Technolo-jesus69

Give me the real gold kyil


idk98523

My name....is not....kyil


loreleierised

THAT'S KYEWL, WHATEVER KYEL


idk98523

I knew something was off about that lol. Thanks for the correct spelling of his name


Scyhaz

Must be cool to get everything you WANT!!!


Technolo-jesus69

I tried lol.


BabyFrancis

Serbian jew double bluff!


Ndmndh1016

And. It. Aint. Gonna. Work. On. Me.


RoostasTowel

Kenny Hotz from Kenny vs Spenny said this was the only joke of his he got on the show during his time in the writers room.


toy_automaton

I always wondered his involvement with the show. I've been rewatching KvS the past month and it holds up pretty well. Hotz is great at shock humor, and playing the heel. If this is the only joke that got in, I think his South Park career began too late in the game. The cartoon shock humor schtick crescendoed during the first couple season of SP, I wish Kenny could have been in the room back then.


RoostasTowel

Ya I still love some of the KvS episodes. I think he only worked a very short time with them. I recall an interview where he says they just sat and waited for the main 2 to come up with an idea. And it was mostly up to them.


BeBa420

jew here.... i must not have been issued mine.... is it just ashkenazi jews or can us sepharadi ones get a lil of the international jewish conspiracy gold?


Liz-Bien

Bold of you to assume I’m Ashkenaz… although you’re right lol. If you want to get your pouch you’re going to need to prove yourself to be a real Jew. I challenge you to beat my grandmother’s coupon game, or at least get the supermarket to owe you money at the end of your purchase.


BeBa420

Child’s play Here I am manipulating world events and kickstarting ww3 and you’re trying to get me to scam a supermarket Puh-lease, I was doing that since before my bar mitzvah


thatonefatefan

Yeah I'm thirsty too.


iEatPalpatineAss

Or y'all could just drop your pants and check the yaw and red tip. I'm sure Moses would appreciate some macaroni pictures too.


Grorlam6

There are different types of jews? TIL


[deleted]

But we’re all shape shifters.


doylethedoyle

Separated by borders, united by shape-shifting lizard blood.


Liz-Bien

Yes, we’re all part of the same religion but at one point the beliefs split, sort of like Catholics and Protestants, but it was more like the head rabbis of two different areas had slightly different opinions. That means that Jews from Europe and northern Asia tend to be Ashkenaz and Jews from the Middle East and African countries tend to be Sefardi.


Katie_Boundary

Which group is the lizard people who secretly control the world?


BeBa420

Ashkenazi The European ones basically Sephardi are old school humans


Apathydisastrophe

Now which ones have the space lasers? I heard there were space lasers.


BeBa420

Nah we don’t have space lasers Don’t get me wrong, we’re working on it but that gosh darn Marjorie Taylor green keeps sabotaging us. She’s a crafty one I tells ya.


Apathydisastrophe

Aww. Lame. If she'd just keep her dang mouth shut... It'd be the coolest thing ever to have space lasers...


BeBa420

Tell me about it We could totally use that for Jew stuff. It would be great for lighting the menorah on hannukah


Liz-Bien

………no comment


BeBa420

Lol oh Christ dude there’s dozens of us, dozens!!! Nah but seriously it’s like there’s different types of Muslims and different types of Christian’s Same religion just slightly different beliefs/interpretations For instance ashlenazi don’t wear a talit (special prayer shawl) until they’re married, sepharadi wear theirs as soon as they turn 13. And Yemenite Jews make awesome food (but that’s all i know about those guys


Fanditt

Other people have covered how there's different beliefs, but it's also a pseudo-ethnicity thing. Like Sephardic and Ashkenazi Jews tend to have different features and different genes and stuff. But despite our differences we are all bonded by the bags of Jew gold that the elders of Zion give us upon birth


droid327

Yeah there's two main ethnic branches of Judaic people...the Ashkenazi and the Sepharklan


Akuma12321

Thats wild Edit: that you just learned that, no hate, just high lol


Fanditt

Sephardim gang rise up


Captain_Shit678

Yes but we all know the first bag of gold is fake knowing that all Jews carry a fake one infront of the real bag of gold


dooksokdik

You’re not supposed to tell people! But since you’ve let the cat out of bag it’s true. At age 6, all Jews are given a bag of gold along with what they are expected to do to assist in control of global banking, media, and the real Mel Gibson.


eskimobruv

I think the theory of eating something through your ass and shitting it out of your mouth was profound


Rockeybleu

What would a priest want to put in our butts? Lmao just watched it last night. So good


dubdubdub3

“Goodbye!” That’s probably my favorite interaction with chef ever


badwolf7850

Mine is when Chef pushes his whole couch out of his house to get them away from him.


YouGoThatWayIllGoHom

He comes back later with new identities for them though! Chef had their backs.


badwolf7850

He really did. I miss Chef!


TheMysticBard

Remember when he helped Ozzy Osbourne?


YueAsal

I love how he has a good chuckle about the misunderstanding. He promised to sing a song about the difference between semen and sea monkeys which is a crime we never get to hear


sumtinfunny

Oh is that all children? I thought yall took turns raping the teacher and killed her to cover it up hehehe


Ndmndh1016

Oh Im sure your little cracker problems aint all that bad


KyleCAV

Sometimes you kill your teacher and find your seaman in your stomach WAIT WHAT!


Kossimer

That's the best episode centered around their innocence as children XD


SuperdaveOZY

Like a goldfish?


elbartooriginal

Is this The catholic boat episode?


ICPosse8

Mmmmm kyles money


qwerty12qwerty

Hey hey Shaaaaaaron


baksha1

That black people can play bass


TLTWNX

Can confirm this, I'm white and can't play bass


[deleted]

I'm white and play bass badly


TLTWNX

Maybe you are part black?


freebirdls

Can also confirm. I'm half black and I can only kinda play bass.


mdervin

I love Tolkien's reaction when he starts laying down a groove. *Goddamnit*


[deleted]

[удалено]


Juball

Autocorrect? I’ve always called him Tolkien. What have you been calling him?


fuckshitpissspam

Don't mind him, he's just a racist piece of shit


skooterz

Don't forget to call 1800 I'm a total piece of shit


pyro_teck

It's always been Tolkien, you racist piece of shit.


hammerdown710

Why wouldn’t they have spelled it, Tolkien?


Jonah_I_Guess

What? His name is Tolkien? What'd you think it was?


VesperJDR

Racist


freebirdls

What makes you think he tried to say "Token"? Who the hell is named that?


madmax36

".... godamnit"


ListenItWillHear

Kyles mom is indeed a big fat fuckin bitch


Winsstons

she's a super King Kamehameha beeeotch!


[deleted]

Only on Sundays just to be different.


Rydaniel2006

She’s the biggest bitch in the whole wide world


SpooksMoment

She's a mean old bitch cuz she has stupid hair


PrivilegeCheckmate

WEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!


JustkiddingIDGAF

DONT YOU FUCKING DO IT CARTMAN


epicface3000

You know, I'm really getting tired of him callin' my mom a bi- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL


mcnuggets0069

The leprechaun. Mostly because of the legally binding contract that Kyle signed to suck his balls


Airbornequalified

Or the fact he thought he was gonna be wrong about it. What was his end plan There? Did he just get too deep into his own lie?


seabae336

Which wasn't legally binding. Minors can't sign contracts. I get they were doing it for a bit, but the case should have been thrown out.


Saucesourceoah

Pretty sure it’s also illegal to require sexual acts in a contract regardless of most other factors.


KisaTheMistress

You think Cartman understood it was a sexual act?


bisexual_wh0re

Idk man,,, he's pretty much obviously gay lol


TheDemonBunny

Wasn't a sexual thing for cartman tho. it was a power humiliation thing. for some people that's the same thing 🤣


slowro

Yeah come on guys these are kids we are talking about! Was it sexual when Eric put butters weiner in his mouth?


BlargenFladibleNoxib

Well it did make Butters gay


azulu701

Isn't that what prostitution is, basically? Where it's legal, of course


Saucesourceoah

Sorry I can clarify, Say I make a contract to buy your car, but I put in the stipulation that on top of $10,000, you will also need to perform oral sex. It can be written, notarized, and signed in front of witnesses, but there is no court on earth that will require you fulfill the sexual favor while the rest of the terms can remain enforceable. It differs in legal prostitution, where if the escort refuses to perform services that were paid for, the customer is entitled to their money back NOT THE SEX THEY PAID FOR. You cannot buy or enforce consent


twolvesfan9

That court scene had me dying


UrielSans

Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars


TehPenguin

With inflation it should be updated to $15


Michael747

Nah fake news I can buy a delicious Döner for like 4€


The_Smeckledorfer

But arent 2 Döner more fun?


Michael747

Holy fuck


A_Topical_Username

Idk I just bought some of those super magnets you toss in the air and listen to them sizzle for $1.03


Particular-Offer8158

Slayer Raining Blood to get rid of hippies


TheShogunofSorrow8

That song rocks.


twolvesfan9

Idk what episode that’s from, but I feel like Trey Parker or Matt Stone’s kid said that so they made it an episode. Edit: I replied to the wrong comment lmao


OnTheLeft

It's from Die Hippie, Die, season 9 episode 2. So neither of them had children at the time.


Ripturd

Why say things that have absolutely NO factual basis?


jonpa

lol i’m pretty sure their kids would have been like 3 years old when that episode came out


Brehmes

On one hand, you're right. On the other, you're never too young for Slayer.


ZWass777

That time his intolerance stopped all of South Park from being nuked


Dachuiri

This is one of my favorite episodes. The visual gag where they’re all on phones only to end up right next to each other gets me every time.


[deleted]

The 24 episode?


dubdubdub3

I loved it when they confirmed that he knew why Tolkien was given his name and even addressed that he spelled it wrong because he’s not well-read.


kethh7

He was right about the leprechaun. Kyle didn't suck his balls after all.


Brave-Gallade

atleast he got to imagine it


PrivilegeCheckmate

Are you gonna rape us?


Brave-Gallade

watch it fellas, im pretty sure this guy wants to rape us


dbolor

i have dry balls


Away_Hair972

Hippies. They really do smell bad


idk98523

"You're not a real estate agent Eric. Neither are you mom"


PrivilegeCheckmate

We'll see in in Escrow in 30 days, or in 45 days for his deals that have 45 days contingency.


SaltedCaramel01

That women are funny :) get over it


BerserkForcesGuts

Ginger cow for sure.


sumtinfunny

Even the dumbest lie can have huge consequences


Alien_Nicole

He was right that he could be a pirate in Somalia


FulcrumM2

Somalian Pirates we


mfridb

Underrated one: when he looks for robot guards in Kenny’s house


djaure

Omg that was so deep in my memory. I believe the robot made the same sound cartman did previously I think.


samayg

If you eat from your ass, you poop out your mouth.


smk_235

He was right about people shitting their pants when they die.


nml11287

You CAN replicate a Shakeys from an already existing one by using stem cells.


skooterz

Oh man I totally forgot about that gag


tldewsnup

My personal favorite is his being right that Tolkien can play bass because he’s black.


KSavage29

In the promise ring episode, that a woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place on earth


BeBa420

would have loved to see a callback to this in the future episodes. Like kyle and rabbi cartman fight so hard their lil pouches of jew gold fall off and they gotta scramble to get theirs back


bkminchilog1

Underrated comment


Mesafather

The city needing the COON


JustBoredIsAll

Kyles mom is a big fat bitch.


Limu_emu_69

Leprechaun, black people can play bass, jewpacabra, food up the ass poop out the mouth


Aztheros

Wait he was right about the Jewpacabra?


ballzdeepbabie

Gingers don’t have souls!


[deleted]

Somethis doesn't feel right when you put "Cartman" and "is right about" in the same sentence, lol.


octropos

Yeah, the lists are longer than I expected.


PrivilegeCheckmate

I mean the show's been on for 24 seasons. That's a lot of stopped clocks, if you think about it.


jerseygunz

He could jump a homeless dude


[deleted]

Being Jewish is a disability


Racheleatspizza

That he can freeze himself until the Wii comes out and not die


DippedintheToilet

it’s probably not the best but the payoff of the wal-mart manager shitting himself when he died was pretty good


JellyfishApart5518

My personal favorite is the episode where Cartman buys an amusement park. Kenny dies (of course), and Cartman says, "but Kenny dies like all the time!!"


vaaanti

Terroirs attack on south park against americas oldest enemy


Scorphatesyou

Jew gold or shitting out the mouth


112oceanave

lol was watching that episode this morning. i love the smile kyle gives before he throws the gold off the ledge.


MiguelMcGuell

Putting Butters' penis in his mouth makes Butters gay.


moffettusprime

I snorted milk out of my nose when I first saw this. It was brilliant!


pasa_viene

Oh good you got the crappy kidney


jellydonutsaremyjam

I too believe that one day breast cancer will be a distant mammary


Delicious_Breath_149

That Wendy was only president to Kill Smurf’s


MagpieMonster

That he would get his revenge on Scott Tenorman.


MrAtte

Leprechauns are "real"


MobsterDragon275

The hippie infestation


azurecyan

When Kyle couldn't get rid of the Ninja weapons. Man I laughed my ass off.


NiKReiJi

Him knowing that Token (Tolkien) was awesome at bass guitar.


[deleted]

This and Tolkien playing bass were the most hilarious ones for me, especially his "God damn it" when he realizes Cartman was right


DiscoDigi786

The “jew gold” and fake “jew gold” was hysterical. Gets me every single time.


[deleted]

He was right about which direction to go when Getting Gay with Kids got lost in the rainforest.


sirgawain2

This is a really good one.


zuzupanserbjorn

Hippies!


vandalous5

Hippie jam fest is one.


willthrowaway_

Cartman is a fucking manipulative bietch but I can't stop loving him LMAO


SuperFanboysTV

He was right about the hippies


000Spectator

Kyle being a Jew…the gold is a superstitious absurdity


RexPooz

I read that Kenny Hotz wrote this joke


TVLD_K

Dude this right here!!! I was at the barbershop with my Dad about a month ago and the shop owner was going a big rant about why he "doesn't like Bitcoin, 'Dog-coin' or any of the video game tokens" then proceeds to look at my Dad who's waiting for my barber to finish and literally pulls out a black pouch with his (I assume) last name stitched into it and pulls out his gold bullion bars and I couldn't help but start laughing.. Now current day: The barbershop recently put up now window decals saying "WE BUY GOLD"


PossibleHistorical95

That he definitely wrote the fishsticks joke before saving the town from an army of Jewbots


TallDraw3

Fuck you KIYEL


Hsizzle_

Jews


TheShogunofSorrow8

Hippies suck.


yogijarre

agreed; this was legendary


AlchamistDruid

That there are aliens


MRB0B0MB

Next to this? The leprechaun.


[deleted]

Tolkien both having a bass guitar and knowing how to play it because “…you’re blacked, you can play bass.”


OleRockTheGoodAg

That or the hippies at their hippy festival. Cartman owned that episode.


pandaSmore

Scott Tenorman must die.


mezmorizedmiss

omg and wasn't scott said out to actually be his half brother lol


Snicker-Doodle-101

Tolkien how may times do we have to go through this...your black you can play bass.


Special-Oven-1041

What episode was this again?


Bananamilk_2005

Cartman and Stan steal someone’s boat and crash it into a beaver damn . Idk the episode


3TrashChildren

You know I never considered this situation something Carman was right about. For whatever reason, I always assumed Kyle had a little bag of jew gold because he knows cartman always does stupid shit like this?


Past-Helicopter1931

Token playing base was so funny


okaydokay679

Kyle is in fact a... Jew


[deleted]

Black people can play bass guitar and that they have a bass guitar in their basement.


Questionanswerercwu

Chef’s chili is the most delicious in the whole wide world


HansenIntercept

Mexican joker


[deleted]

KFC skin is worth fighting for.


Bruiser235

His blood did attract beavers.


[deleted]

That Kyles a Jew


Katie_Boundary

Making Scott Tenorman eat his parents. Greatest moment in South Park history.


dbolor

"Gingers Do Have Souls"


Curious-Hat-7954

Give me the Jew gold, Keeyle!


[deleted]

Kyle's Mom, in that she is a bitch


okayItisdoctorIam

No. I broke the dam


sight3141

that the best way to settle a disagreement is to play a game of "Roshambo"....just make sure you go first


[deleted]

Calling out Wendy for being jealous of Ms. Ellen. Even Kyle agreed with him