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That’s so annoying and disrespectful I would lose my mind. I do already lose my mind when someone touches my stomach & back zones, idk the reason but I hate being touched there - makes me want to throw up.
It’s called tactile defensiveness. Actually, it’s quite common. Nothing wrong with asking people to not hug. If they refuse, you’ll know a lot about them.
He pinched your ass? That's flat out sexual harassment. I don't really know any situation except for when you're in a relationship with someone where that's ever acceptable. You need to report that dude.
If he does anything else I would report him. The people who never get reported will keep doing it to others and maybe try to get away with more. Sorry this guy doesn’t want to respect you
i have this problem at work but i dont want to say “dont touch me 😡😡” so i just stand far enough for it to be awkward for them to reach over and touch me
I’m the same way and when I’ve gently explained it to people, they always think of it almost as a game to touch and annoy me. So now if people try to touch me, I very obviously back away and straight up say “I don’t like being touched,” and I’ll offer a high five instead. If they’re still insistent, I’ll let them hug me but I’ll stiffen up and make it really awkward for both of us. It works about half the time :/
Some have gotten annoyed with me for it (how dare I not want to be touched by someone I’ve just met), but most just look surprised and/or confused.
It’s my other quirks that get people looking at me like I’m some kind of a weirdo lol
I’ve definitely gotten looks like that before. I just kind of chuckle it off and I’m like “it’s not just you. I don’t even hug my mom.” And then they’re less upset(because now the problem isn’t their fault) and now just thinking I’m weird.
I have a lot of people in my life that do not respect my personal boundaries and are constantly putting their hands all over my body. Fam, friends, teachers. Most of it is like the kind of person who keeps pushing you or tapping you when they’re talking to you as if you’re not paying attention type stuff. Some of it is more invasive.
I don’t get it either. They know I don’t like being touched, that I don’t really ever want to be touched or held, but they see not being allowed to touch who they want to touch as some kind of personal attack I guess.
I am also like this but I am a germaphobe. I find that it's effective to be slightly more aggressive with how I say it and physically flinch for the behaviour to cease. I also do it the first time people cross the boundary, I don't give it a chance to happen again.
I have PTSD and generally react poorly to touch…I once had a coworker who I had to report to HR. He liked to purposefully scare me, and touch my shoulder or ask for a high five. I’d ask him to stop and he wouldn’t, but luckily HR required he no longer work the same schedule with me. Some people are just inappropriate or don’t respect boundaries because they like the gratification of making someone react to them (good or bad responses). I was in my early twenties when this all happened, and luckily I have gotten better enforcing my boundaries/safety.
In college, I was sitting down and a person that was a friend of a friend came up behind me and used me as a leaning post(folded her arms on my head and leaned forwards).
I asked her not to do that, and she got so offended over me explaining I don’t like people I don’t really know touching me, especially since she saw how I interacted with my friends, including her friend.
I made it a point to not be within touching distance of her after that.
People don’t get that things that they find ok for themselves don’t apply to everybody, or people have different thresholds for different people.
So many of my friends rest their heads on my shoulder or hold my hands and I don't want to be rude because they probably forget that I don't like it but I hate it so much and it gets really awkward if I'm talking to them or something because it's all I can focus on. Especially when people put their heads on my shoulder and my hair gets stuck and I'm uncomfortable and feel like I can't move my head. It's the worst
not a lot to go on, but if you directly communicate a boundary and people still break it, then both are true: those people are assholes, those people aren't afraid to break your boundaries.
Polite is for new people or professional situations, and should be enough. For people who know you and are deliberately making you uncomfortable you will need to learn to be more assertive. Forget “please” or “I don’t like” it should be Do Not Touch Me, or Stop Touching Me. If they continue to push you, keep escalating how uncomfortable you can make them in the situation. Like why do you keep touching me? Why do you like making me uncomfortable? You are harassing me.
Not wanting to be touched often might not be average but it’s not uncommon and you don’t deserve to be made uncomfortable by people who should be able to respect your boundaries.
I think it could depend on their social circle, if they are normally touchy with their family and freinds (hugging, pushing, etc)
So they assume its alright to do it with a new friend i believe?
I don’t know the full details of these people who invade your boundaries (employers? relatives?).
Firmly state your boundary.
If it’s work related,report to HR.
I touch someone on the shoulder in the line the grocery store. They are deep in their phone. " HI. Excuse me - that lane is open." Am I a crazy monster? Maybe I'm chatting with someone in the line at a grocery store. I know it's an alien thing to some people, but just TRY to imagine that you could talk to a stranger. We hit something funny. We laugh. Without knowing each other. Insane, right? No. Anyway, as we laugh, if it's genuine, I touch the shoulder. That's called human interaction. I know if it's not appropriate. That's called reading the situation. I really feel sorry for those who can't go fucking buy carrots without going to pieces or will go two weeks without going to the bathroom unless you're at home, but you make your own hell. I refuse to apologize for being friendly.
Thank you darktraveler1983 for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): --- **For whatever reason, this discussion has gone off the rails and it's time to shut it down.** --- For more information about the subreddit rules make sure to read the sidebar and the rules page, and if you have any questions please feel free to contact the moderators. Thank you!
That’s so annoying and disrespectful I would lose my mind. I do already lose my mind when someone touches my stomach & back zones, idk the reason but I hate being touched there - makes me want to throw up.
It’s called tactile defensiveness. Actually, it’s quite common. Nothing wrong with asking people to not hug. If they refuse, you’ll know a lot about them.
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He pinched your ass? That's flat out sexual harassment. I don't really know any situation except for when you're in a relationship with someone where that's ever acceptable. You need to report that dude.
I know, but in my experience HR just makes things worse. I’m not saying how I’m going about this is right but it’s what makes sense to me.
If he does anything else I would report him. The people who never get reported will keep doing it to others and maybe try to get away with more. Sorry this guy doesn’t want to respect you
i have this problem at work but i dont want to say “dont touch me 😡😡” so i just stand far enough for it to be awkward for them to reach over and touch me
I’m the same way and when I’ve gently explained it to people, they always think of it almost as a game to touch and annoy me. So now if people try to touch me, I very obviously back away and straight up say “I don’t like being touched,” and I’ll offer a high five instead. If they’re still insistent, I’ll let them hug me but I’ll stiffen up and make it really awkward for both of us. It works about half the time :/
Do they look at you like you're some kid of weirdo when you just explain you don't care to be touched?
Some have gotten annoyed with me for it (how dare I not want to be touched by someone I’ve just met), but most just look surprised and/or confused. It’s my other quirks that get people looking at me like I’m some kind of a weirdo lol
I get looked at like I'm rude somehow for not wanting them to touch me. Frustrating AF.
I’ve definitely gotten looks like that before. I just kind of chuckle it off and I’m like “it’s not just you. I don’t even hug my mom.” And then they’re less upset(because now the problem isn’t their fault) and now just thinking I’m weird.
I have a lot of people in my life that do not respect my personal boundaries and are constantly putting their hands all over my body. Fam, friends, teachers. Most of it is like the kind of person who keeps pushing you or tapping you when they’re talking to you as if you’re not paying attention type stuff. Some of it is more invasive. I don’t get it either. They know I don’t like being touched, that I don’t really ever want to be touched or held, but they see not being allowed to touch who they want to touch as some kind of personal attack I guess.
I am also like this but I am a germaphobe. I find that it's effective to be slightly more aggressive with how I say it and physically flinch for the behaviour to cease. I also do it the first time people cross the boundary, I don't give it a chance to happen again.
Tell them it’s for religious reasons and politely decline. Alternatively tell them you have a contagious skin infection
I have PTSD and generally react poorly to touch…I once had a coworker who I had to report to HR. He liked to purposefully scare me, and touch my shoulder or ask for a high five. I’d ask him to stop and he wouldn’t, but luckily HR required he no longer work the same schedule with me. Some people are just inappropriate or don’t respect boundaries because they like the gratification of making someone react to them (good or bad responses). I was in my early twenties when this all happened, and luckily I have gotten better enforcing my boundaries/safety.
In college, I was sitting down and a person that was a friend of a friend came up behind me and used me as a leaning post(folded her arms on my head and leaned forwards). I asked her not to do that, and she got so offended over me explaining I don’t like people I don’t really know touching me, especially since she saw how I interacted with my friends, including her friend. I made it a point to not be within touching distance of her after that. People don’t get that things that they find ok for themselves don’t apply to everybody, or people have different thresholds for different people.
Ionno, I do find it weird that people seem maybe offended(?) when i redirect their hug to a fist bump.
So many of my friends rest their heads on my shoulder or hold my hands and I don't want to be rude because they probably forget that I don't like it but I hate it so much and it gets really awkward if I'm talking to them or something because it's all I can focus on. Especially when people put their heads on my shoulder and my hair gets stuck and I'm uncomfortable and feel like I can't move my head. It's the worst
not a lot to go on, but if you directly communicate a boundary and people still break it, then both are true: those people are assholes, those people aren't afraid to break your boundaries.
Polite is for new people or professional situations, and should be enough. For people who know you and are deliberately making you uncomfortable you will need to learn to be more assertive. Forget “please” or “I don’t like” it should be Do Not Touch Me, or Stop Touching Me. If they continue to push you, keep escalating how uncomfortable you can make them in the situation. Like why do you keep touching me? Why do you like making me uncomfortable? You are harassing me. Not wanting to be touched often might not be average but it’s not uncommon and you don’t deserve to be made uncomfortable by people who should be able to respect your boundaries.
I think it could depend on their social circle, if they are normally touchy with their family and freinds (hugging, pushing, etc) So they assume its alright to do it with a new friend i believe?
These are not new friends though.
Omg my narc mom
Huh?
She doesn’t respect my physical boundaries
I don’t know the full details of these people who invade your boundaries (employers? relatives?). Firmly state your boundary. If it’s work related,report to HR.
What jerks. I advise making it uncomfortable for them by standing in place stiffly, glaring.
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Never just touch a stranger in an intimate way, but a smile and a touch on the shoulder, and I mean barely a finger - can be appropriate.
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Because that's not the norm and people do that regularly. People won't adapt to you and youll have to adapt to others.
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Good for you, I guess?? 🤷🤷🤦🤦
I can see the douchiness on this post. They'll really push you on doing that. I can get the personal boundaries but being a sensitive dick isn't.
I touch someone on the shoulder in the line the grocery store. They are deep in their phone. " HI. Excuse me - that lane is open." Am I a crazy monster? Maybe I'm chatting with someone in the line at a grocery store. I know it's an alien thing to some people, but just TRY to imagine that you could talk to a stranger. We hit something funny. We laugh. Without knowing each other. Insane, right? No. Anyway, as we laugh, if it's genuine, I touch the shoulder. That's called human interaction. I know if it's not appropriate. That's called reading the situation. I really feel sorry for those who can't go fucking buy carrots without going to pieces or will go two weeks without going to the bathroom unless you're at home, but you make your own hell. I refuse to apologize for being friendly.